Post by cooltubesource on Oct 23, 2018 22:26:03 GMT -5
~~December, 2023~~
~~ALTERNATE TIMELINE~~
“HMMMmmmmmmmMMMMMM NOSES!”
A delighted cackle of a baby follows the Londoner accent.
“HMMMmmmmmmmMMMMMM NOSES!”
Another burst of delighted laughter.
“HMMMmmmmmmmMMMMMM NOSES!”
This laughter is even greater than before.
Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan stares into the face of her child with a joy which can only be described as rapture. The albino’s face is tired, though that can be expected considering her condition, but that joy in her red eyes is unmistakable. She does not wear any makeup, thus allowing her naturally pale skin to blaze against the color of her eyes in a painful way, with the only color outside of the eyes being from the ugly scar running down her cheek, still a thing of reds and purples despite being well over a year old.
“HMMMmmmmmmmMMMMMM…”
She lays on a dark brown wrap-around couch full of fluffy pillows, her back up against the center, her knees pulled up to allow a place for her child to rest. The child, three or four months old at best, has caramel skin and a head full of wavy brown hair, and a set of blue eyes as striking and piercing as her mother’s red. A look of wonder and awe crosses the face of the girl with freckles, as her mother goes in for yet another “noses.” But as Sarah moves in, she leans her head forward again and instead presses their foreheads together.
“Oh noes! Headbutt! Bet you never saw THAT swerve coming!”
Regardless of how many times this game has happened, the toddler indeed did NOT see the swerve coming, and cackled in mad glee at her mother’s trickery. The game ALWAYS turned into “Headbutt Noses!” but she just could never seem to outhink her dastardly mother.
“To infinity…”
The baby’s mouth opened wide, as she knew what was about to happen, and she couldn’t WAIT!
“...and beyond!”
Sarah takes her child in both hands around the onesie that has a UGWC World Championship title on it and picks her up, holding her high into the air in a Superman pose. The baby cackles in awe and delight at the position, extremely proud of herself for how well she was holding her head up.
“Who’s my tubba-wubba?!”
The baby cackles in response. She is quite aware of who her mom’s tubba-wubba is.
“You are! That’s right! That’s right!”
Sarah hears the doorknob start to turn but is so enamored with her baby that she doesn’t bother to move, instead holding her up into the sky and smiling so much that her face hurts. She can feel her scar whenever she smiles, and memories of that vicious battle with her arch nemesis flash in her mind, but she pushes it away. She and Maggie Lockheart had never liked one another, despite how many things they actually agreed on and how well they worked together as a team, but they both regretted that night. A miscommunication which had cost them their UGWC Cooperation Championships had led to an argument that ended in that Vahalla Burial match that neither one of them would ever forget.
“Hey, babe!”
Sarah pushes away the ugly memories of that war with Maggie and turns her head to look at her wife as she walks through the door. Her vision blurred for a moment, as it always did when she turned her head while wearing her contacts, but such was her lot in life, in that regard. Things had gotten so bad with her eyes that she couldn’t see ANYTHING without her glasses. Her heart warmed as she watched Kenzi close the door. She missed the braids, and she might well always, but she had to admit that her wife looked KILLER in the pixie cut she was rocking for her latest movie.
Kenzi made her way over to her family, dropping off all her work bags at the door, and Sarah noted how her smile tightened. Kenzi STILL had trouble with the whole “baby” thing, even IF her eyes bugged wide open at the size of Sarah’s chest because of the feedings. It was really quite silly how Kenzi looked at her boobs the same way the baby did, but there it was. It had been hard the last year, knowing that Kenzi probably would always have reservations and worries, but at least that meant it was important, right?
“How is your mom?”
Kenzi groans as she sits down, clearly tired from having to deal with Mother Grey all day like she did. They had officially been done with Kenzi’s “contract” with Sid for two full years, but their wiley mother had somehow used that time to further entwine herself in their lives even further.
“Don’t ask. How’s the baby?”
“Perfect! As always!”
She gave the baby a playful shake which made her cackle.
“You TOTES didn’t spit up on Mommy three times today, did you? No you didn’t! No you didn’t! And you NABS destroyed a diaper or anything, huh? Now way!”
The babble cackled even more at her mother’s silliness. After all, she had, in fact, done those things. Sarah sits up and lays against the couch’s back, turning the baby and plopping her on her lap. She absently strokes her fingers in the brown curls, still in shock of how much hair she had already. The nurses in the hospital had all oooh’d and ahhhh’d over how her baby had come out “with her hair did.”
“Hey, Ken?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“I’m so happy, I could die.”
~~Present Day~~
“What was her name going to be?”
Sarah snaps out of her daze with a shake of her head, eyes glazing over behind her glasses. It takes her a moment, but the form of her psychiatrist sitting across from her comes into focus. Dr. Reznik was an old man, and so thin that he seemed to have every ounce of fat burned from his face, with cheekbones even more severe than hers. With his grey hair was thinning on top, he often looked like some villain out of a cartoon, and the incessant scratching of his pen as he wrote notes was his maddening weapon of choice. Sarah looks away from the doctor, more to give herself time than anything, and took in her surroundings. Dr. Reznik had an impressive display of diplomas and awards on his wall, the largest being his medical degree from Tufts. His furniture was modern, which she knew was something which came from the tastes of one of his major clients from years ago, and the two sat in matching chairs which faced one another.
“A matter of debate.”
Sarah chewed on her lips as she looked back at the doctor, and adjusted her glasses with an extended forefinger. Like most of her possessions, her glasses were unnecessarily expense, today's offering a pair of Oliver People’s which was set with tiny rubies that matched her eyes. She hated having to wear them, but after the embarrassing “rubbing up on the houseplant because she thought it was Kenzi” incident, she never left them out of hand’s reach.
“If we had a girl, I wanted Lorelai Violet, to honor family members, and a boy would have been Jean...though I admittedly haven’t thought of a middle name. Kenzi was angered by my suggestion that we talk about future names, since we literally had years before the baby would be born. In fact, she was angered and frustrated with ALL of my antics during that time, since I was already studying to become the best mommy ever. She avoided any talk of names, and would just wave her hand dismissively and say ‘It’s fine’ whenever I suggested a new one. But I know my wife, and I know that ‘It’s fine’ is NOT fine.”
She smirked, lips painted ruby red curling into a thin smile of mischief.
“I went into Ninja Mode and stalked her. Know what I found? Little notes where she had obviously been toying with names. I found the name Braylynn written with a bunch of hearts around it. Seems a little...meh...to me, since ‘Braylynn’ and ‘Lacklan’ sound similar, but I’d give my right foot to have gotten to know her. But the boy name…”
Sarah rolls her eyes.
“...I saw another piece of paper with ‘Thomas Cruise Grey-Lacklan’ written on it and I wanted to heave.”
She makes an exaggerated look of disgust but then giggles. The giggles fall away, though, as the doctor continues to write in his notepad, eyes never leaving his work.
“And how are you feeling lately about your condition?”
Sarah finds herself chewing on her lips again.
“Better,” she says after a while. She hadn’t noticed that her hands had begun to shake, nor that she was absently running her finger over her wedding ring. Whereas Sarah had bought Kenzi a massive black diamond that forced everyone in the room to recognize that the woman was VERY much taken, Kenzi had gone the other way with subtlety: A very pretty diamond with tiny red rubies, a thing that sparkled in the light as much as her wife.
“Ya know...I have wanted kids every moment of every day since it ‘clicked’ in my head at that charity event Kenzi threw at the beginning of the year. My NEED to have a child, to both grow our family and produce an heir for my name...it has consumed me, and been a massive factor in my recovery and return to the ring. I had promised herself that I would push the idea of a Grey-Lacklan baby if I was able to stand, and then walk, and then run, and then fight alongside my wife, and that is what I had done. With Kenzi by my side, both physically and emotionally, I had stood out of the chair. I had walked and then ran. I had fought. Hell, we had even won titles together.”
She pauses for a moment, a sad smile coming to her face.
“And then the promise of a child in five years. I tell you the truth, Dr. Reznik, my heart had been ready to burst in affection and appreciation for Kenzi’s sacrifice. And then…”
She pauses, her face falling. Her hands shake more and the chewing of her lips increases. The scratching of the pen stops suddenly, and his old voice fills the void.
“Barren.”
She nods. That was the word she had been using. Her cysts, both in her right that moment and with the clear potential of ALWAYS being there, had left her barren.
“I couldn’t even breathe for a full day after Dr. Andrews gave us the news. I remember shaking so hard while Kenzi held me, telling me soft words of encouragement, trying to make me feel better, that I felt like throwing up. The next day wasn’t any better, even with Kenzi there. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I just cried a lot. Monday was better, though. Our eyes were on Outlast, and even though my deal with Donovan meant I had a role to play, the thrill of competing against Lucy gave me some focus. And then Tuesday let to unrestrained anger as I let my despair be felt.”
She pauses again and sighs.
“It was with utmost affection that I think about how supportive Kenzi had been during the week. She was always there to offer a hug, always there to remind me how much I was loved and wanted, always there to remind me that, yes, I was still perfect in her eyes. I have spent all month thinking about affection and what I feel for Kenzi. Our relationship had started with unbridled lust and clingy desperation, and then later a love so pure that I am sure songs will someday be written about it. With all of the pain and suffering I have gone through in the last two years, from my father’s death, to my accident with Jacob, and now to this, I would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere if it were not for her. I thank God every day for bringing her into my life.”
She smiles as the pen scratches again, taking down notes of the Grey-Lacklan dynamic.
“Wonderful to hear how much you two have healed since I saw you in December and January. Now, about your unfortunate news: How have you been coping lately?”
Her smile grows wider.
“The way you have suggested in the past. By throwing myself into my work. I went on my world tour after Daddy died, and I got into web design and pigeon wrangling when I was in the chair. This time around, I have been training harder than possibly ever before. I make sure that I exercise everyday, that I am always at shows to support my friends. I am taking more matches, too. I am tagging with Angie in XWA, and I even just won their hardcore championship, and I have been around more for UGWC. I even have a shot at the world champion in a few days. It...um...it helps keep my mind off everything.”
The scratching of the pen never ceases.
“How are your relationships with your friends? Have they been a source of comfort?”
Sarah’s eyes light up.
“Yeah! For the most part. Kenzi is the light of my life, of course, but Angie has been a huge boon, too. We Digital Pigeon all the time, work out a few times a week, do Bible study together. Roxy is...eh...Roxy; it can be tough to be close with someone who says inflammatory things just to say them, ya know? But I haven’t heard from Mil in months, only once or twice since she left the group. But that’s probably a good thing.”
She looks away from the doctor again, her eyes finding the window that leads to the grey Maine day.
“Daddy charged me with finding friends outside of the compound. He thought it would be good to find people who DIDN’T see me as the Blood Princess. I failed..big time...at first. I found people that liked me initially, like some demon chick, and a photographer, and even a Kessler, but none of them wanted much to do with me after getting to know me. The girls are different. They are shoulders I can lean on when I need them most. Empathy where I might night deserve it.”
A soft tone plays throughout the room, signalling the end of their time. She turns back towards the old psychiatrist and offers him a half-smile.
“Well, that certainly moved quickly. Same time next week?”
The old man continues to make notes in his book.
“If you feel you need it, Mrs. Grey-Lacklan.”
Sarah nods to herself.
“Yes. You were a wonderful help when Daddy passed, and again after my accident. Its comforting to be able to talk to you. Well, then-”
She snatches her purse and stands, grimacing slightly as her knees pop.
“-until next time.”
She gives a small nod and makes her way from the room. Dr. Reznik continues to allow his pen to scratch away with notes about Sarah, her life, and her fortune.
~~Presenting the PrincessTwilightSexyFang podcast, as viewed on the CoolTube app~~
Okay, I know that’s a REALLY weird question to ask you right out the gate, but bear with me, okay? Because, like with EVERYTHING I do or say, there is a reason for this. So, let me ask again:
Do you ever think about birds, Alan? Like, what kind of bird would you be? What would it be like to fly? What would it be like to BE them, ya know?
I think about them quite a bit, though not exactly for the reason everyone might think. Now, I DO have that whole “ZOMG I IZ PRINCESS” thing going on, so it would be cake for someone to assume that I think myself akin to the bird in the gilded cage. You know that story, right? The concept of a bird living in a cage of gold, simultaneously free yet trapped? Or perhaps that beautiful song written way back in 1900 about a woman stuck in an affluent yet loveless marriage? I would not be shocked at all if people thought I saw myself as the bird in the gilded cage. After all, I lived in a mansion with a father who had a...lets go with “strong”...personality, right? But those people who would think that are the Lockhearts or Dynamos of the world, those who either have difficulty with comprehension or only look at the surface. I had a wonderful childhood, had a father who, while perhaps quite the bigot, loved me for who I was, and I was afforded a shocking amount of freedom. And as for the other, while my marriage IS supes affluent, it is filled with more love and affection than the next six or seven combined! So, no, I am no bird in a gilded cage.
If not that...then perhaps a pigeon? That would make sense, given my talent at working with them. Now, I KNOW that the whole albino carrier pigeon thing is weird. Trust me, I know. ALL of my friends make fun of me for it, and that includes a group of friends who are obsessed with writing erotica which feature giant cats, believe the Earth is flat, and regularly cosplay in live-action ecchi films. But I needed SOMETHING at the time, ya know? I was sitting in my KILLER chair, and BORED out of my freakin’ MIND. And since I have the whole princess thing going on, and thus can legit whistle and sing to animals and have them answer my call, I figured something like this would be fun and fulfilling. I legit didn’t anticipate pigeon wrangling to become a major THING for me, but there it is. So, since my pigeons are all completely white and find their targets without fail, it would be easy for people to associate me with them. Unfortunately, my baby birds lack ANY kind of angry or murderous streak in them, outside of seeking out Roxy to go poo on whenever they can, and so they just CAN’T be my spirit bird, ya know? Because that whole “vicious, vindictive, murderous streak” thing is kinda a big part of me, ya know?
So, no to the bird in the gilded cage. No to the pigeons. Then...what is the yes? What bird do I most associate with?
I doubt anyone who knows you even has to ASK what bird YOU resemble. It is, of course…
...everyone say it with me now…
THE PEACOCK!
Yes, the peacock, that of the beautiful plumage. Now, most know that the peacock has this habit of showing all of that colorful plumage when peahens are around (though five global dollars says no one knew what to call a “female peacock” until I just said it!), mostly in an attempt to get laid. Additionally, they are known to show those magnificent colors in order to ward off rival suitors, again in hopes of getting all the peahen sexytimes. Unfortunately for you, that is about the extent of the skills of the peacock. Beautiful and artistic, able to show off better than any other, but otherwise completely harmless. In fact, many people in Europe keep peacocks as pets. Truth be told, I wouldn’t be shocked AT ALL to find out that Eden kept you around just like someone keeps around a peacock: A completely docile pet to look and smile at, and perhaps occasionally find intimacy with.
So...what of me?
The answer SHOULD be obvious. The answer SHOULD be glaring. But I wonder…
Do you know me, Alan? I mean, like, REALLY know me? Have you studied me? Have you watched my matches? Seen my work? I AM curious. Because I’m not completely sure you have. Now, I’m NOT saying that you are ONLY going to take a quick look at my online bio like some anime reject named Mizore would do; oh, and you are welcome for the match and promo compendium, bee tee dub! And I am NOT saying that you are going to COMPLETELY misunderstand everything I say or do, like a Lockheart would do. And I am NOT saying that you will just do the whole “IMMA MAKE SHIT UP” routine that a Dynamo would employee. And I am NOT saying that you will simply DISMISS anything that isn’t in this fed and thus a part of your horrendously stupid soap opera of a life like Baal would do. But I AM worried that you will come to a vastly INFERIOR opinion about me.
That I’m an untested rookie.
People have lodged this at me before, ya know. Lucy. Eden. Killian. And each time, their cries were drowned out by a chorus of laughter, for the truth is far from that. An “untested rookie” who travelled the world, worked on multiple continents, and embraced a variety of styles. When I said “Fight the world across the world,” I meant it. And you know what happened from all of that? You know what I attained? It is hard to quantify...hard to track down...because of the nature of our business and the way companies can start up overnight and then fall to the ashes of obscurity...but the answer?
50.
Here is something which Kem Dynamo cannot wrap her head around. That number up there? I didn’t specify it when I systematically destroyed her going into Chill, when I broke down the hows and whys of our “world tours” being different, but that IS the number. Again, it is hard to be precise because of the schedule I maintained, and it could actually be a few more, but for certain, my victory over Cynric on Chill a few weeks ago was AT LEAST my 50th.
I will allow you a moment to let that sink in.
....................................
....................................
....................................
Let us discount the time I was out of action, okay? Let us just go with my debut in January of 2017 until my accident, and then count again when we get to the night of the Melee this year, okay? That’s...what...fifteen months? At most? That is nearly a win EVERY WEEK! Do you have ANY idea how badass that is?! And do you have ANY idea how long it has taken YOU to gain as many wins as you have toiled in the Coalition?
I do.
Over three years.
Have you figured out what bird I am, yet, Vain?
It has taken the Personification of Perfection to do what I can in about twice the time. If you want to break it down a little more, if you want to think about JUST your last sixteen months of active wrestling, in order to compare apples and apples, you have a grand total of nineteen wins. Well, maybe twenty, depending on how you look at things. Or in other words:
Less than half of what I have done.
I want you to think about that, Al. I can call you Al, right? That coolio? Eh, gonna do it, anyway. So think about that. Think about everything you have done. Think about all of the battles you have had in that time. Think about every run-in with the Court, every match you had in some random grouping you called a “stable” during that time, every clusterfuck or insanely stupid match where you tried (and succeeded!) to set people on fire. Think about ALL of them. Combine them. Put them together. Layer them like blocks in a Jenga puzzle. And realize this:
Your Jenga puzzle is less than HALF the size of mine.
THAT is what you face at Battleground, Al. You face someone who racks up wins at a higher rate than just about anyone else in this business, and that is NOT a hyperbolic statement. And I KNOW that you are not one of those try-hard edgelords like a Wylde or Morgan who would cry out to the world, “WINS DON’T MATTER IN WRESTLING!” because YOU have your hands raised more than most, always with more than ten a year. But, and I REALLY need you to understand this, the VAST amount of wins of yours are a PITTANCE next to mine.
Have you figured out WHAT BIRD I AM YET, AL?!
See, I am NOT saying you are crap. I am NOT doing the “yo, you ain’t shit!” dialogue I would offer to a Raab or Mathis. YOU are awesome. YOU are great. YOU are worthy of your accolades. YOU, no matter WHAT Jet has had to say, are a worthy champion in this fed.
But I am just that much better.
I have traveled the world to weave together the tapestry of what it is I do. I am a truly unstoppable machine who dominates EVERY aspect of this business, and have done so in my career in a way that someone of your generation will NEVER understand. I train and fight harder than your generation did. I know more moves, counters, and transitions than your generation did. I navigate the politics of this business better than your generation did. I balance my work and life schedule better than your generation did. I DO EVERYTHING BETTER THAN YOUR GENERATION DID.
HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT WHAT BIRD I AM YET, AL?!
Listen, unlike some of those other fuckwads in this company, I am NOT going to give you shit about being some kind of crappy champion who pisses on the title. I GET that Jet said that. I GET that Maggie said that. I GET that Lucy said that...and then backpedaled when I brought it up on twitter...but then doubled down on it in her next promotional video...because FUCK consistency, I guess? And I GET that A LOT OF PEOPLE have give you shit about the whole proxy thing, but I WILL NOT. I think its BRILLIANT! Hell, you’re talking to the chick who employs an entire LEGION of people to do shit for her, right?! Legit, check this out:
- #23: Handles IT. Also likes shitty music like Nickelback, My Chemical Romance, and Coheed and Cambria
- #37: Does all the CoolTube polls. For instance -- Question: Who is the GREATEST Cross-Hemisphere Champion OF ALL TIME? Answer: Sarah Lacklan!
- #42: Transcribes all of my haiku into digital form
- #75: Old cheerleading buddy who is spearheading "Project: Get Angie a Cute Boy" for me
- #172: Stays up on all the gif trends for me
- #227: Entertains me when I'm bored with some AWESOME boob jiggledge
- #666: Helped me hide Maggie's body
I have so many! But! Oh holy hell...BUT! I NEVER thought about having one of them wrestle for me in my stead! And having it in your contract that you could replace them AT ANY TIME?!
BRILLIANT!
Seriously, I applaud you. Allow me this moment to applaud this brilliance of yours.
Good Lord, I’m hot!
N-E-Ways, legit, I applaud you for that. But you know what I DON’T applaud you for? Know WHY I am determined to be the NEW face of the Coalition? The one everyone DESERVES to have?
Here’s why:
Your shitty take on Synergy.
Now, I being annoyed by people having shitty takes has become legend. For instance:
- Dynamo has a shitty take on wrestling (and telling the truth!)
- Maggie has a shitty take on personal hygiene
- Lucy has a shitty take on not turning into a crack whore
- Eden has a shitty take on friendship
- Travis has a shitty take on relevancy
- Roxy has a shitty take on being a decent human being
- Kenzi has a shitty take on quality television shows
I could go on, obvs. But YOURS! Good Lord...YOURS! YOUR take is THE WORST POSSIBLE! And that take?
That Synergy doesn’t matter.
Bullshit, Al.
FUCKING BULLSHIT.
HAVE YOU REALIZED WHAT BIRD I AM YET?!
From the MOMENT I signed full-time with the Coalition after In Your Hands last year, I EPITOMIZED what it meant to be an Entertainment Professional. I did not miss a damned SHOW from that moment and to my accident, and not only was I THERE every week, I was there ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. And in that time, I took down Baal, Killian, Eden, that Price THOT, Deimos, and Lucy. I was the FACE of this company, despite all of the nonsense with the Court swirling around, and there was A PARADE IN MY HONOR when I got hurt and had to step away. And when I came back at the Melee? A collective “Oh, shit…” from both the roster and audience.
EVERYONE knows what I represent. EVERYONE knows that having me around, full time and healthy, means a whole damn new measuring stick. EVERYONE knows that “Big Match Vain” turns into “Big Match Lacklan,” and that means instead of only needing to tune in for the PPVs to see Vain when he gives a fuck, they get to tune in EVERY WEEK to see ME at MY BEST. And ME at MY BEST is better than ANYTHING you can put up.
THAT is what is going to happen after Monday, Vain. Because me? I’m healed. I’m one hundred percent. I AM AT MY BEST. And while I do owe Ichabod two more Chills this year, the entire Coalition and our fans knows that, after Battleground, there will be a world’s champion on every single goddamn show that they can BE PROUD OF. Because I WILL BE THERE.
Your SHITTY FUCKING TAKE that the Coalition ONLY MATTERS at the big shows, that our fans ONLY MATTER when they are traveling across the country, that we ONLY NEED a champion when the title is on the line is going to be taken in my hand, crumbled up, thrown on the floor, and set on fire. And every single one of your proxies, every single one of your standins, will find themselves aflame, too. Because while your plumage may be pretty, and you may have a thousand gifs of yourself smiling or showing your abs to match my own, your lazy-ass show bird will NEVER stand up to mine.
Because my bird?
Who I am?
I’m the firebird, Al. I’m the bird who rises from the ashes and sets the world aflame. I fell...and fell hard...but my own ashes were only a warning to the world. I rose at the Melee. I spread out my wings at WrestleStock. I took flight at Outlast. And now I am here to burn you to the ground as I give the Coalition a champion it can be proud of every single week, no matter the stakes. Because THAT is your biggest failing, Vain. You ONLY care when it “matters,” which is a GLARING example of pure and utter bullshit from your generation, and I KNOW how EVERY DAMN MATCH MATTERS.
And at the end of this? At the end of Battleground on Monday? Just as I said the other week on Synergy, on a show where YOU LOST...AS CHAMPION...AGAIN...you are going to take the title from the ref...walk to me, with your eyes full of awe...fall to your knees...and HAND ME THE CHAMPIONSHIP.
And then?
Oh...and then…
When my name is announced as the NEW World Champion…
You are going to turn to the audience…
Make sure the camera has your good side…
And tell the entire Coalition and its fan base how you feel about me becoming their new champion:
“You’re welcome.”
~~Saturday, October 27th~~
Sarah mumbles to herself as she pulls her yoga pants tight. Words like "melodramatic" and "emotatastic" can be heard. She cranes her neck over her shoulder to look at her backside in the mirror.
"I think my glutes and hams are looking better. What do you think? Do you think my rear is filling out again?"
Kenzi grumbles to herself and keeps her arms folded over her chest as she sits on the couch and looks at Sarah. She was still upset over Sarah going behind her back and making this supposed “deal” with Aveline, a deal where, apparently, they were going to be spending holidays at the “Lacklanland” compound.
“Ask Lenore...”
She can’t help but mumble the words with petulance. Along with having to fly here that morning, Sarah made her watch that STUPID FUCKING SHOW VEXX on the flight. She was SO DONE with Sarah’s OBVIOUS crush on the demon witch character who was both ugly AND couldn’t act. In the mirror, Sarah narrows her eyes at her wife.
"I don't give you crap when you fangirl over that Sarha chick in your vampire romance novels."
This was a lie, of course. Sarah gave her TONS of crap about the leading character in those novels. Still, she looks down at her butt again.
"I'm serious!"
She bends over at the waist and shakes her hips.
"Do you think it's filling out, again? Been doing a TON of kicks in the gym over summer."
“Yeah...it is.”
Kenzi stayed petulant, but had to admit that Sarah’s gains were showing. She herself had worked hard to get back her visible ab muscles, a feature she had earned during her time doing the Body by Benton program but lost during her short-lived retirement, and Sarah had done much of the same. They had trained hard over the summer, which attributed to their general exhaustion.
“I think I’m going to hit the gym a bit before we get dressed for the party. Just something mindless, you know?
Sarah looks at Kenzi upside down from between her legs, her pale face turning red from the pressure.
“Oh totes. Angie and I are working on taggie stuff later, too. We need to work out a proper finisher if we are going to win taggie gold in XWA.”
She rights herself, taking a moment to regain her equilibrium, and gives Kenzi a wide smile.
“Dinner, then? During the party? Whatever you like! It’s on me!”
She smirks and gives her a wink.
“Literally, if you’re up for it!”
“Yeah...that’s fine.”
She checked her watch...one of the three insanely expensive Cartier watches that Sarah had bought for them with the prize money from her first MMA fight...the trio which included a Sweet 16 gift for the daughter that never would be...and shook her head. Things were NOT fine. Not really. This thing with her mother-in-law...
“Going to the gym. I’ll see you at the party.”
Kenzi gets up from the couch as Sarah continues to appraise her behind, but then stops at the door.
"Um...babe? I think you have a delivery."
Sarah gives her a raised eyebrow and walks over.
"Huh? I didn't hear anyth-"
She stops dead cold and stares down, her pale face a mask of incredulity.
"NOW WAY!"
Just inside the door to their apartments in the manor was a folded piece of paper being carried by...
You guessed it...
A snail.
"How long has this taken to get to me?!"
Sarah bends down, picks up the paper, and unfolds it to read, in a hand as artistic as hers:
u a bitch
"OMG WHY WOULD MAGGIE DO THIS GOD I HATE HER SO MUCH I CANNOT EVEN SHE IS SUCH A STUPID FUCKING CU-"
Kenzi's laughter fills the room as she runs out the door, unable to contain herself.
* * * * * * * * * *
While most of the people who attended the inaugural (or first annual, for you Plebeians) Grey-Lacklan Halloween Spectacular had been to the Lacklan Manor at some point before, whether it be for the Grey-Lacklan wedding the year before, Outlast training, or that REALLY WEIRD hentai convention Mil threw while Ken and Sar were off actually working, no one was quite prepared for the costumed festivities. The manor already had that “creepy Goth mansion at the top of the hill” vibe as it was, but Sarah’s vision of a truly KICKASS Halloween meant that spiders from the forest had been captured and trained to weave truly magnificent webs, the equestrian team rode around to pantomime the Headless Hunt from the Harry Potter series, and there was so much candy around that, should someone wish to, they could dive in and swim in it like the richest duck in the world.
“Trick or Treat!”
All throughout the party, children were around in costumes and visiting candy stations. The call had gone up from Sarah herself to the children of both the compound and to the large city of Bangor 20 miles away, and they had all come running at the promise of coma-inducing levels of sugary treats. The Blood Princess had even gone so far as to outlaw any “shitty as FUCK!” treats which some of the parents wished to give out, things like apples or toothbrushes or other things which Sarah would have had someone flogged over if she received as a child, and so it was with nothing but rapture that the children found their bags stuffed to the brim.
There was, of course, plenty to do for the adults, as well. Quarantined off from the children, the party Sarah had thrown for her family and friends included every game imaginable, from bobbing for apples (won by Jet, of all people), to Pin the Tail on Captain 80’s (won by Trixie, because Roxy was “busy for the day”), and the Mummy Wrap Race, which was won by the odd pairing of Sherry Somers and Cartier of the Cincy Hitgirls, the later of which spent the whole time complaining about “cracka-ass crackers” and how they put raisins in their potato salad.
The main attraction was, of course, the costume contest. The party was filled with the usual assortment of “sexy” this, and “sassy” that, and a handful of truly offensive costumes you would normally see at a college party, including terrorists, social justice warriors, and a few men wearing nothing but glow-in-the-dark bikini briefs. But who won the contest? Who took home the big prize? Let’s get right to it!
Kem Dynamo and Stacy DeVille - ? ? ? ? ? ?
Percentage of Possible Applause: 0%
Now, it IS possible that the duo of Kem, a high impact UGWC star, and her girlfriend Stacy, the owner of Rose City Wrestling, could well have won the whole thing, but no one ever saw their costumes, as they never showed up. People asked around, knowing that the two RSVP’d DAYS ago, but whenever anyone asked Sarah, she gave them a wide-eyed look of innocence. It was not until the following day that Kem tweeted all day (shocker, I know) about how she and Ms. DeVille somehow got caught up at the gate going into the compound and, for some reason, couldn’t get passed security. They were SURE that Kenzi put their names on the list, but for SOME REASON which CANNOT be explained, the guards just couldn’t seem to find their names. Weird!
Kenzi and Sarah Grey-Lacklan - Lenore the Demon Witch and Sarha the Vampire Queen
Percentage of Possible Applause: 5%
Ya know, you would figure that the hosts of the party, who last year had been such a perfect Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn duo that DC Comics called them to thank them for raising the bar for costumes forevermore, would have done better than this, but that was not the case. Instead of working together, the two had found themselves in a petulant pissing contest and chosen costumes designed in order to trigger the other. Kenzi was “that stupid shitty actress!” from Sarah’s favorite show, Vexx, and Sarah was Sarha, “that dumb whore” from Kenzi’s favorite series of vampire “romance” novels that had FAR more smut than romance. Absolutely NO ONE had ANY IDEA what they were talking about, outside of Angie, who hooted and hollered for Kenzi dressing up as a character from “the tobvs bestest show ever.” Everyone else just figured that the two hadn’t worn costumes at all and came as themselves, much to the confusion of Team Kickass.
Angie Vaughn - Bethlania, the Cat Clan Queen
Percentage of Possible Applause: 10%
Percentage of Possible Applause: 10%
Much like her two best friends, Angie’s choice of the Cat Queen from Vexx found itself falling upon uneducated eyes and ears. Perhaps if Angie had shown some skin and curves, which had been the suggestion from Roxy earlier in the week, “Just go as a sexy cat, baby,” she might have gotten more applause.
Ashley Marie Chase - Sexy French Maid
Percentage of Possible Applause: 15%
At any other time, in any other place, AMC wearing a short-as-FUCK frilly skirt and NOTHING underneath would have garnered the prize, but in a manor house literally FULL of ACTUAL servants and maids, she seemed nothing special.
Captain 80’s - Captain Vampire
Percentage of Possible Applause: 23%
AHOY MATIES THE CAPTAIN MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN A BETTER RECEPTION IF HE HAD NOT WORN SOME CHEAP OUTFIT THAT WAS CLEARLY BOUGHT LAST MINUTE AT WALMART BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE NOW HE IS GOING TO HAVE HIS CREW OF NAKED HOT CHICKS MAKE OUT FOR NO REASON IN A PROMOTIONAL VIDEO NO ONE UNDERSTANDS BUT ITS OKAY BECAUSE ROXY IS GOING TO SQUIRT OVER IT ANYWAY AND ANOTHER THING ISN’T IT AWESOME HOW
Jet Somers - Winter Soldier
Percentage of Possible Applause: 35%
Nothing wrong with Jet’s Winter Soldier! Not bad at all, actually. UNFORTUNATELY! Sarah paid for Sebastian Stan to actually be there in costume, WITH the legit vibranium arm from the movie, so Jet’s chances were FUUUUUUUUCKED
Shelly Somers - Nebula
Amira Kassouri - Devil
Trixie - Deadshot...with boobs
Percentage of Possible Applause: 75%
The appraisal of hot chicks in costumes got a much larger round of applause than any other across the evening. Shelly’s form-fitting Nebula, Amira’s PLUNGING neckline in her red suit, and Trixie’s ridiculous curves all brought down the house with hoots and hollers coming from men and women alike. Unfortunately for them…
Honey Smith - “Tea with a Spot of Honey”
Percentage of Possible Applause: 94%
Honey KILLED. And Sarah was PISSED. Honey wore a teapot around her body and regularly broke out into performances of “I’m a Little Teapot!” to the delight of the crowd. The mixture of her killer costume, witty AS FLAME name, infectious smile and personality, and the fact that Sarah hated her WITH UNBRIDLED PASSION, Honey walked away with the award of a giant trophy and received a standing ovation. Until…
Aveline Lacklan - Merovingian the Righteous
Percentage of Possible Applause: 100%
Sigh
Hi Bordy
The Queen of Red made a surprise appearance at the end of the night, slowly making her way down the banister leading from her private rooms. The recluse was wearing full plate mail armor, designed and fitted for her particular curves, and carrying her “holy avenger,” a spiked great maul. Now, as you can imagine, regardless of what anyone ACTUALLY thought, the crowd of friends and family of Sarah were drowned out by the cheers of the manor staff, who no doubt where cheering wildly on threat of pain and possible dismemberment. This led to Bordy winning the trophy. A trophy which was gladly handed over by Honey with a smile on her face, because Honey.
Hi Bordy
The Queen of Red made a surprise appearance at the end of the night, slowly making her way down the banister leading from her private rooms. The recluse was wearing full plate mail armor, designed and fitted for her particular curves, and carrying her “holy avenger,” a spiked great maul. Now, as you can imagine, regardless of what anyone ACTUALLY thought, the crowd of friends and family of Sarah were drowned out by the cheers of the manor staff, who no doubt where cheering wildly on threat of pain and possible dismemberment. This led to Bordy winning the trophy. A trophy which was gladly handed over by Honey with a smile on her face, because Honey.
~~Monday, October 29th~~
“Hello, Al.”
Sarah Lacklan is dressed and ready for battle. Green gear covering most of her body with yellow lace, all of which sparkles like diamonds, her hair pulled back in a tight braid, the black eyeliner wings on her face bringing attention to her odd red eyes.
“I don’t care if no one else but you watches this. I don’t care if people have zoned out. I don’t care if they have skimmed, or fast forwarded until they see their name, or any of that. Because this...this is just for you.”
She raises her hand and points at the large curtain in front of her with nails lacquered black and painted with red flames.
“We are moments away, pal. Moments away from all of this coming to an end. By the time anyone sees this, we have already learned if Mags or Jet are crossing the hemisphere. We have already learned if Rydell was able to pull two miracles out of his ass. We have already slept through Baal and Necron, and been woken up by Eden and Lucy. And now we are here. And I owe you an explanation.”
She lowers herself down into a crouching position, making sure to keep the camera close, her eyes taking in her heavy leg braces.
“I told Zane the HOW of how I ended up her. But why? Why did I do what I did? Why did I smash him in the head with the cinderblock? Why did I set in motion the events that would leave me in a no-win situation of having to face Lucy and Kem by myself? Why would I allow myself to suffer both the physical pain of dealing with the beatdown and the embarrassment of letting Kem get a pin on me? Why would I do it?”
She pushes herself backward until she lands on her rump, and places her arms on her knees as she pulls them up and hugs them to her body.
“Because I knew then what would happen tonight. That’s why I told every single Outlast Captain that I would be the UGWC World Champion. I told them over and over. Because I knew that, if given an opportunity to face the champion, regardless of who it was, in a singles match, that I was unstoppable. And this time...oh fuck me...this time...I would not get screwed over.
“You see, this isn’t my first shot at a ‘world’ championship. Taking away from things like tournament finals, I have had two world title matches. One against Tyson Gregory, the other against Erik Holland. And you know what happened in BOTH of those situations? I was fucked over by the establishment. Oh, the record books will never say so, and Twitter Badasses will run away if you ask them directly, but in BOTH cases, I was fucked over because someone was slipping someone else some D on the side, and getting one over the great Sarah Lacklan would get everyone off. But this time? No way. Because THIS time, I made use that the man in charge had no reason to fuck me over. First with Ichabod to put me in position, and then with Hastings to pull the trigger.
“Do you know what it’s like having Donovan as your boss? Crazy, right? Because you NEVER know what he’s thinking or going to do, huh? Except I do. Because, as I said before, I maneuver the wave of politics in this business better not only than anyone you have ever met, but anyone this business has ever seen. Some people have accused me of being ‘handed’ things, of being ‘gifted’ opportunities, but those people simply don’t see the bigger picture. Management didn’t bat an eye when Kenzi chose to cash in her WrestleStock win to tag with me because they themselves saw how well this recently-injured wrestler did in both the Melee and the ‘Stock Cup. Management wasn’t shocked when I made sure Team Kickass became two-time tag team champions. Management jumped at the chance to make sure that I was on their team to do what needed to be done to and for Zane. And management gleefully leaped at the opportunity to not only have me in the title match tonight, but to be the face that UGWC deserves.
“This is MY moment, Al. A year ago, I marched into Battleground and dethroned Lucy Wylde...before it became popular. Because THAT is what I do, Al. You hear me, Al? DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU SEE ME?!”
Sarah pushes herself up to her knees so that her face takes up the entire camera.
“This is MY moment, Al! This is the moment where I rise above backroom deals. This is the moment where I take the establishment and the generations who have come before me, set them on fire, and show the world what wrestling IS and WILL BE forevermore. GONE are the times when someone can say ‘FUCK YOU!’ to the crowd week after week. GONE are the days when you can just DROP THE CROSS-HEMISPHERE TITLE LIKE A PUSSY BITCH! GONE are the days where you can be embarrassed week after week AFTER FUCKING WEEK until you look good ONCE EVERY FUCKING MONTH AND A HALF!”
Sarah’s eyes are wide and glistening, the red irises seeming like two twin windows into a furnace, fueled with a fire we may have not seen since a year before.
“I am going to be the FACE of the Coalition, Al! The face that WE DESERVE! Because while you were dropping tired cliches at Maggie about missing the forest for the trees, you FAILED to see that I AM THE GODDAMN FOREST! And I will NOT STOP until I AM LEGEND!”
A loud knock is heard off camera, rapping on a wall. Sarah slowly lets her face fall, slowly lets her breathing return to normal.
“I want you to do something for me, Al…”
She gently gets to her feet, her body balanced, her motions smooth.
“...your whole world is about to change….the entire landscape of the Coalition...and I need you to do something for me.”
She walks forward until she comes face-to-face with the curtain in the doorway.
“See, I’m going to beat you right now. Whether I drive you into the Abyss, or make you tap out before I rip out your arm in the Pigeonwing, I am going to beat you. And after? After the ovation from the thankful crowd dies down, after I am long gone and into a celebration, I want you to walk to the back. I want you to find Donovan. I want you to take him by the shoulders, give him a big shake to make sure he’s giving you his undivided attention, and then tell him…”
She gives herself a nod as she licks the lips she has painted to match her eyes.
“...tell him that you understand. Tell him that you have seen the Light. Tell him that you GET the WHY of what I did. Tell him that you understand, to the very depths of your soul, that the Championship Roll Call on the next Synergy proclaiming ‘World Champion: Sarah Lacklan’ was…”
She smiles wide, her famously bright and straight teeth shining in the dark.
“...inevitable.”
Another knock from behind the curtain.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me...it’s time to change the world.”
She pulls out her cellphone and-
~~FIN~~
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