Post by cooltubesource on Feb 6, 2019 22:07:16 GMT -5
~~Prologue - Bundle of Rage~~
The screech of the banshee fills the room and every body freezes for a moment, but a few do not find themselves the victim of the keen. Kenzi Grey-Lacklan, her caramel skin popping against the bright white of her nun habit, sighs and groans. She cranes her head to look up into the eyes of the woman standing in front of her, the far taller Katie Anderson, and narrows her eyes at the clear humor on her friend’s face.
“...third time…”
“...she can’t help it, Katie. She-”
“I SAID CUT, MOTHERFUCKER!”
Katie openly laughs now as Kenzi turns her head away from her friend and takes in the scene before her. The crew of her new show, Top Nun, was scrambling as the little ball of red and black rage that was her wife was leaping out of her chair and getting in the face of the actual director. The poor man was already cowering from the much smaller woman, but she didn’t blame the guy; her wife’s rage had become legend. The tiny albino’s long bright braid was swinging with such agitation that she didn’t need to hear a single word that was being uttered. Kenzi looks back up to her friend and gives her a shrug, then back to the crew.
“Let’s break for lunch, everyone!”
Kenzi sighs as she sees Sarah storming out of the studio, her ridiculous Firestarter black and red dress flowing wildly behind her. She jumps as the door slams behind Sarah with an angry crash.
* * * * * * * * * *
“God DAMN it!”
Sarah lunges forward and slams her fist into the wall, the white gloves covering her fingers and riding up to her forearms coming back with tiny brown stains.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!”
The curses play accompaniment to her punching of the wall, and Ashley gasps as Sarah turns away from it, the fist-sized hole in the wall obvious. She bites her lip a bit in thought and gives a small nod of her head.
“Trouble, boss?”
Sarah wheels on the brunette, her infamous red eyes full of fury.
“NO! Everything is PERFECTLY FINE and I am not pissed AT FUCKING ALL about the GODDAMN KISSING SCENE! Everything is just FUCKING PEACHY, AX!”
The poor P.A. shrinks back from the looming albino. Her old cheerleading buddy could easily go from giggling over cute butts to Elsa causing an eternal winter, and this seemed to be one of those moments.
“Sar, I-”
“It just HAD to be fucking KATIE GODDAMN ANDERSON, didn’t it! It just HAD TO BE!”
Sarah spins, her skirts flying in a flourish, and her heeled foot kicks Ashley’s water bottle off the table, sending it flying. She snarls as she comes back to rest, and her eyes pop wide.
“Jesus CHRIST, Ax! What are you FEEDING those things?!”
Ashley looks confused for a moment, then notices the level of Sarah’s eyes. She looks down and can’t help but notice her own chest. It had been a good couple of years since high school, and much to everyone’s surprise, including her own, she had grown from her pleasant C to her occasionally obscene Ds. While she knew la Reine Mère disapproved of such things, she had found herself wearing low-cut shirts to accentuate her chest, and today was no exception.
“No WONDER Kenzi is always distracted when you are around?!”
“..wut…”
Sarah waves her off with agitated movements.
“NOTHING!”
Sarah wheels back around and reaches into her dress to pull out her phone. Oversized and clunky, her “SWEET” Windows phone was a constant embarrassment due to its lack of functionality, but she and her staff were becoming masters at the outdated equipment. Fingers tipped in lacquered red and black flames fly across the keyboard as she types a note to herself to revisit the employee dress code. As she does so, the sound of a loud belch emits from her phone and the name ICHABOD comes upon the screen. Sarah raises one of her perfectly-maintained eyebrows.
“Wonder what he’s calling for?”
She presses a few buttons and brings the phone to her ear, and a look of confusion immediately falls over her fair face to replace the flushed anger from before.
“What? Slow down.”
She blinks several times.
“Ichy? Are you drunk?”
She pulls the phone away from her ear with a look of pain on her face and we hear a belch through the phone, exactly the same as the personalized ring tone moments before. She growls as she brings it back to her ear.
“Damnit, Ichy! We have TALKED about you drunk dialing me! I am DONE with-”
She cuts off and blinks in confusion.
“Ichy...I…”
She shakes her head.
“No, Ichy. I don’t-”
She shakes again, this time with a snap.
“I can’t do that, Ichabod. I can’t be in the Global Challenge. Listen, I appreciate this, but you need to find someone else to replace Mags. Just because she’s hurt doesn’t mean-”
She cuts off again as a muted yelling comes through the receiver and her face grows dark.
“Because I don’t deserve it, fuckwad! I don’t-”
Her eyes go wide again as Ashley slides in front of her, a piece of paper with heavy fold creases in her hand. Sarah stares at the paper and sees words, her own words written by her own distinct hand, staring back at her:
Con my way into the Global Challenge. Get another shot at the World Title
Sarah stares at the paper and then looks up at her personal assistant. Ashley gives her a small nod, and after a moment, Sarah returns it.
“I’ll do it. SHIT UP ALREADY I SAID I’LL DO IT. But don’t you DARE expect me to be on Chill the next week! I’m a special attraction, damnit!”
Sarah hangs up her phone and stares at her assistant, her neck craning up some to look into her dark eyes, and adjusts her thick glasses with an extended forefinger.
“You’re a punk.”
Ashley smiles down at her.
“Love you too, Boss!”
“Yo, I’m not dead!”
Sarah looks down at her phone after the notification and her eyes go wide.
“Shit! I’m late for my driving lesson with Roxy.”
She runs over to a table and grabs her purse and parasol, both black and red to match today’s dress. The snowy white ears of Lil’ Hasenpfeffer poke out of the purse for a moment as Sarah slings it over her shoulder and skips out of the room.
“Tell my Beloved about me joining her in the tournament! And try not to piss her off today!”
Ashley rolls her eyes as her boss leaves the room. There was ZERO chance that she would be able to go through a whole day without pissing off Kenzi!
~~Presenting the PrincessTwilightSexyFang Podcast, as viewed on the BEST streaming app available for ALL of your digital needs, CoolTube~~
This is your reason for being, the flavor of froyo that gets you ALL wound up when its at your local Yogurtland, Sarah Lacklan here, and I KNOW that is has been AN AGE since my last vlog, but I have been SOOOOOoooooOOOOO BUSY!
((a canned cry of “HOW BUSY ARE YOU?” is heard because holy SHIT she has some NEW sound effects on her SWEET Windows phone!))
I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even been able to keep up with Twitter! Like, are people still posting nudes of themselves for no reason? Is Tolson still pissing on the carpet? Are we still pretending that that Bethany chick isn’t Kem? I HAVE NO IDEA!
But you know what idea I DO have?
That the Coalition has once again tapped into their resident-
((ascending piano notes as Sarah tosses back her braid and puts on a pouty smirk))
MARKETING GENIUS in order to get the REAL work done around here. And I know, I know, BUT SARAH U IZ TEH SUCKS CAUSE YOU LOST TO MAGZ HAHA YOU CANCER-RIDDEN LOCUST and all that, but the REALITY is that when it comes to getting the word out...when it comes to getting the show sold...when it comes to SELLING FREAKIN’ TICKETS...the BEST thing to do is get dis #SquatBooty on the job! And woooo BOY what I job I had!
Now, everyone knows that I ended up in the Global Challenge for Infinity (and no, Ichy, it was “not” me who leaked your drunken message on CoolTube! I have “no” idea how that happened!), and in order to REALLY push the card and make sure the world was ready to watch some of the BEST in this industry (and Cynric) wrestle three rounds to glory was to get ME, the
((ascending piano notes as Sarah tosses back her braid and puts on a pouty smirk))
MARKETING GENIUS to do a bunch of local work. And hoooooooooo NELLY have I been busy doing that local work! Just check out how many places in and around Charleston I have been this week:
The Boeing plant (yes, I have my Mile High Card and NO you can’t see it, SAM!)
The MUSC Children's Hospital (they were SOOOoooOOOOO CUTE! I WANTS ONE OR TWELVE)
The SCORE Mentors (I consulted THEM on how to consult businesses!)
Calvary Chapel of Charleston (Had to say hi to the Big G!)
And TONS more! But ya know what was weird about my media trip? It seemed like the ENTIRE time I was there, no matter WHERE I was, all people could do was bitch about the Super Bowl! I mean, like, OMG, ya know?! Here is a gif of me listening to their shitty takes on sports:
Jesus FUCK that is a cute hat!!!!
N-E-Ways, people bitching about the Super Bowl was UBES dumb for THREE reasons. Lets count ‘em down:
1) THE BEST FUCKING FOOTBALL TEAM OF ALL GODDAMN TIME WON SO SHIT UP AND SUCK IT KENZI
2) Just about EVERYONE bitches when the Super Bowl is a squash match, right? And instead of serving up a giant pile of Zucchini like Maria Salvatore (can’t believe Bossman booked that shit!), we had a super-duper CLOSE GAME. But since it was a DEFENSIVE game, all these lame-oh dee dums clutched their pearls and got their g’s stuck up their ass. Don’t bitch about the score if the ONLY thing you want is a close shootout!
3) While I am SUPER into New England football, and proudly wore my old cheerleading uniform from high school (GOOOOoooooooooOOOOOO TITANS!) while my Beloved sulked because her shitty Steelers tripped and fell on their faces three quarters of the way through the season like the only person in UGWC history to win both the Massive Melee and Battleground in the same year (heehee!), the fact that they are spending SOOOOOO much time bitching about this game is just flat out craxy! Because there is a FAR more important thing coming to THEIR town!
Infinity, bitch!
Now, I know that SOME PEOPLE would be all FOOTBALL IS DA BEST WRESTLING IS FAKE but all of you wonderful Fang Gangers know WAY better! Wrestling is THE BEST form of athletics and entertainment EVA and a BADASS ONE NIGHT TOURNAMENT trumps ANYTHING the boys in pads can offer. Here, check this out:
Sure, the Super Bowl is pretty cool...but does it start with 8 FUCKING TEAMS in the BIGGEST CLUSTERFUCK IN THE WORLD battling it out until their number is cut in half?
NABS!
Does the teams in the Super Bowl then have to go out and wrestle AGAIN THAT NIGHT in the semi finals?
NABS!
And THEEEEEEN! Do the two teams in the Super Bowl have to wrestle A THIRD FUCKING TIME that night in ordre to only get A SHOT at the World Champion?
NABS!
Nope! Nada! The boys on the field have to have ONE fight in order to become the champion, but the Global Challenge at Infinity means THREE MATCHES in order to have a 50/50 shot at being the champ!
That is SO craxy! We just about KILL ourselves doing these tournaments and some losers out there don’t appreciate how badass we are. Now, as you can imagine, Mama Tournaments wasn’t about to stand for that, no sir! So, while I was doing my media rounds for the Nameless/Faceless/Still Unknown After Eight Years Consortium, I decided that I needed to get in front of a LARGE audience to spread the gospel of kickassociity that was not only UGWC as a whole, but Infinity in particular. And know how BEST to do that?
Pull a Robin Sparkles and go to the mall!
Oh! And check out how freakin’ SEXAY I was! Got that whole “Blood Princess” look on POINT, let me tell you! Had the hair back, the glasses replaced by my contacts (though them fuckers HURT), the girls on display, the whole routine. Now, WHY was I at the Citadel Mall? Because its
1) Only 15 minutes away from the North Charleston Coliseum where are kickin’ Infinity Party is at (text me for deets on the after party at the International Lounge down the road!) and
2) The GameStop there was having this special party for the recent release of the newest Kingdom Hearts game (starring fuckin’ RAPUNZEL SO MUCH YES) and had some weird crossover with their unsold Rams NFL Champions merch.
Now, I think its kinda craxy to think that there would be much in the way of crossover between Disney/Final Fantasy nerds and loser Rams fans, but I guess you gotta get rid of unsold merch for losers somehow, right? Ya know, kinda like that “Buy 1 #CoolKids T-shirt, get 3 Mizore Shirts FREEEEEE!” deal the UGWC Shop ran last year. N-E-Ways, I figured that, with this captive audience, I could show people just how freakin’ BADASS Infinity is by showing them the NEW and EXCLUSIVE line of UGWC “Global Challenge Series” dolls!
What? You haven’t heard about these dolls! Welp, strap in, baby!
Due to the unstoppable effects of a certain-
((ascending piano notes as Sarah tosses back her braid and puts on a pouty smirk))
MARKETING GENIUS, the Coalition, in association with Whoopass Wrestling Action Figures Inc, has commissioned a NEW set of wrestling dolls just in time for this year’s Global Challenge! Each member of the brackets is represented in all our Entertainment Professional glory, including accessories, personalized actions, at least three sayings each, and, perhaps most impressive, some #GlobalChallengeFacts! Here, check ‘em out:
-Phrixus Deimos-
And on a piece of paper with the UGWC Official stamp on it are some of Fear’s #GlobalChallengeFacts. Of course, since EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY OPPONENTS ABSOLUTELY DID THEIR DUE DILIGENCE AND RESEARCH, there isn’t a SINGLE #GlobalChallengeFact that is unknown to them, right?
Right?!
Did you know?
This is Deimos’ FOURTH Global Challenge, having previously competed in 2012, 2014, and 2015
Deimos has won the Challenge TWICE, tying him with Zane Scott as the only two-time winners
And along with these two facts is a random fact:
Before UGWC was founded, the Infinity field once let a porn star win the tournament! Talk about a gang bang!
See, as I have stated in the past, this business is about the youth who travel the world to fight the world, and Deimos PROBS would have been KILLER if he had been born a few years later and had been able to be a part of this modern revolution, but the truth is that he hasn’t. Sure, he was able to best a field of people that included the cutie Harley and losers like freakin’ Russo and Stone, but THIS field includes some of the mainstays of the new generation (more on that later!), and he just isn’t going to be able to keep up. Now, I wouldn’t be completely shocked if he got passed the clusterfuck qualifying round, as he did twice before, but there is no way on God’s beautiful green Earth that he is getting to that final, much less winning the whole thing. This tournament does NOT feature a glassy-eyed Zane or the chance to ride a few wins on the tail of the Chaos Champion, so I don’t see his single, solitary win in January magically translate into a third trophy here.
Oh! Speaking of old relics!
-Holden Orson-
Did you know?
*Too hip to be included in your facts, hashtag or not.
Jeez, what a fuddy-duddy. Whatevs. Listen, I know that this is Holden’s first Global Challenge, and I know that matches under the glitz and glamor of the pay-per-view lights are what he lives for, but there is something standing in the way of his success:
Himself
OMG SARAH HE WON TWO MATCHES IN A ROW; HALF THE ROSTER COULDN’T DO THAT IN 2018
Yeah, yeah. He beat the flippy shit dude in his Coalition debut (more on him in a bit!) and then dragged Rydell to another Co Op win, but he fell on his face when having to face REAL competition in the form of my Beloved. I guess Vain was there too, or something, but this wasn’t the last week of the cycle, so he probs didn’t care. N-E-Way, the point is that, sure, Holden got some momentum when he started this year but then he faltered in the third match. And lets assume, just for a second, that he’s the only non #CoolKid coming out of the qualifying match (more on that later!), and lets say he SOMEHOW gets passed Roxy because she only pulled a strong seven, there is NO WAY he is getting all the way to completion. Nope! Either me or Kenzi will bust those balls right before the end, just like what happened to him a couple of weeks ago.
Oh, and his dumbass let Sir Dipshit himself, Joe Cool, beat him on Chill.
Un-goddamn-forgivable.
Oh! Hey! Speaking of losers!
-Wrestley McWrestleface-
Did you know?
This is El Flippy Loco’s first Global Challenge!
Rumor has it that he had to “pull an Andy King” in order to get a spot!
Literally NOTHING else about him is remarkable!
Wow. Um. Okay. Wonder if there are any bonus factoids on the back that show my...I mean...um... Whoopass Wrestling Action Figures Inc’s attention to detail and dedication to research…
Across 8 Years, there have been 41 Competitors and 6 Winners!
See, whereas he has had to scratch and claw through dirty pubs and brothels full of previously used needles for enough spare change to buy some toast and coffee, I was born and breed to fight in the largest arenas in the world, to sparkle like a diamond under the bright lights of domes, to be the very FACE of not just a company as prestigious as the Coalition, but the entire industry itself! And that level of excellence, that level of sheer baddassary, is something so foreign to someone like McFlippystein that he may as well be scrubbing floors or cleaning toilets as pretend to be a wrestler of MY calibre! But you know what the BIGGEST reason why winning will continue to be elusive for him when Dave freakin’ Rydell is not involved? Here, check THIS out, thanks to the team over at ugwc.com:
Check that out! I’m basically BUILT to counter all of his dumb flippy shit! He’s literally going to jump in the air, spin six times for no reason, and then land face-first on my foot. Oh! Hey! Speaking of people who do stuff for no reason!
-Travis Pierce-
Did you know?
This is Travis’ FOURTH Global Tournament, having competed previously in 2011, 2013, and 2017!
Travis made it to the Semi Finals in 2013 and 2017!
Not Gonna Lie Numéro deux: That’s pretty impressive! Only a handful of other people have been able to do that, and those names include people like Deimos and Zane (two time winners!), plus Eden and Donovan, so that’s pretty good company. Oh, dude! Another random #GlobalChallengeFact:
While both Phrixus Deimos and Zane Scott become World Champion by being awarded the vacated belt as the prize for winning the tournament, only Mil Vidas has won both the tournament AND the title shot when it was the prize, when he defeated Travis Roberts in 2017.
Of course, we ARE talking about the person that joined TWO tournaments AND cashed in Global Dollars to help pad out #TeamAngell’s record in the same cycle. Shame they couldn’t figure out how to turn “filling a roster spot because someone has to” into another accessory.
Hey! Speaking of people filling out a roster spot!
-Cynric the Crusader-
Okay
Okay
THIS DOLL IS FUCKING AMAZING
It has thirteen swords! THIRTEEN! As you can imagine, this was THE MOST popular toy at the shop, because he’s so suped up that he’s basically got all the optional uber weapons and is ready to take on the End Game boss. I mean, I wouldn’t want this anywhere near a toddler or anything, but HOLY SHIT this thing is almost on the level of my Princess Twilight Sparkle collection! Its so badass, and has so many of his sayings, that they didn’t even bother including any #GlobalChallengeFacts! Dude, the armor is made from tin, you can remove the helmet, and it EVEN HAS A FREAKIN’ SCROLL WITH A QUEST FROM THE QUEST GIVER
I CANNOT
Now, this is the part where everyone expects me to talk shit about the REAL Cynric, right? The part where I belittle his accomplishments and accentuate his faults, right?
I’m not going to.
I have nothing but good things to say about Cynric.
BUT SAR YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE AND ARE A CANCEROUS BULLY THAT KILLS FEDS
Eh. I LIKE to talk smack and all, but only when its DUE, if that makes sense. Cynric? He beat Baal, back when that mattered, and was the first visible seam in the EmoStein’s seemingly impenetrable armor. He took me to my limit on Chill before I put him away, which, as we all know, is a tough thing to do. He stepped into the Battleground when a hero was needed, and nearly won the whole damned thing, even with a ton a ring rust. And he took the quest of competing in the Global Challenge, which has the “reward” of facing either one of the most dominant World Champions in history in Vain, or the surging and nearly unstoppable Angie, depending on how the main event goes.
So, no cross words for Cynric. No belittling. His honor is strong, his skills remarkable, and he is my pick for the final spot in who is going to make it out of the qualifying clusterfuck craziness. Unfortunately for him, while he, like his doll, is ready to face the End Game boss, he is in for more than he bargained for. Because there isn’t ONE End Game boss.
There are THREE of them
-The #CoolKids-
No #GlobalChallengeFacts on this one, either. Know why? Because the history of the Global Tournament? The history of this entire company? Its being rewritten. By us. Because WE are mainstays of this generation. WE are the standard bearers of modern wrestling. WE are the world travelers who dominate those who came before us and inspire the future, and ALL of posterity will look back at what we have done and fall down in GODDAMN AWE of what we accomplished. And this tournament? This Challenge? It is exactly what we do.
People within this company LAUGHED when I showed up in 2017...but they stopped when I became the WrestleStock Cup winner.
People LAUGHED when the #CoolKids arrived en masse to be in the inaugural Trios Tournament….but they stopped when our team got to the finals and pushed the Court to their limits.
People LAUGHED when I decried that last year’s WrestleStock would be an All #CoolKids finale...but they laughed when all three spots were ours.
People don’t laugh anymore. Instead, they cry about having to keep up with OUR standards of success. Instead, they weep and gnash their teeth at having to be accountable for their records and inconsistency. They do whatever they can to distance themselves with greatness. And unfortunately for them, our light is far too bright for them to find shade.
Know how I got all the Superbowl-hating video game nerds to switch over to our side? Know how I got them to leave behind their flawed view of sports importance and realize that the Global Challenge is the best thing going? I didn’t just TELL them what was going to happen at Infinity. I SHOWED them.
In the middle of that GameStop, I busted out the Deimos toy, and unfortunately for our current Cross-Hemisphere champion (keep it warm for me!), he was surrounded by the #CoolKids. The Kenzi toy lead the crowd of nerds in a wave as the Roxy toy and the Sarah toy beat him up, drove him down to the mat with our double brainbuster, and he got eliminated.
Next was Holden. His toy tried to appeal to my toy with his sense of homosexuality, tried to convince me that we are on the same side, but the Kenzi toy got all KINDS of jelly-belly and BLAM! Blockbuster DDT out of nowhere and he was gone.
The Pierce toy tried to utilize his “That’s My Pierce!” fighting action, but Roxy was ready this time, just like she was ready in the Round Robin Tournament. He went for his dreaded “Same Shit, Different Day” finisher but, in true UGWC action, Roxy countered it into the Double D DDT and he was gone.
The Wrestley toy tried to flip into the ring, but I was able to snag one of those old Captain Picard toys in the clearance rack, because Star Track is FUCKING LAME, and he did that whole “Shut up, Wesley!” thing that has gotten over so well in meme form and I figured, hey, close enough to Wrestley, and BOOM! Gone.
That left only Cynric. And while Cynric dual-weilded with Ragnarock in one hand, the Master Sword in the other, and had Masamune strapped on his back, he wasn’t prepared for all three of us. Because that’s what we’re going to do, guys. We’re going to DOMINATE this tournament as a team, just as we do in ALL aspects of life. Unlike the Engine, who destroyed themselves...unlike the Court, who ate themselves...the #CoolKids live and breath together in a way which baffles both peer and enemy alike. And because of that, the Cynric toy stood in the center of the ring, brilliant in his gleaming armor, and fell victim to something otherwise unheard of:
The Condor Punch
A triple supergirl punch.
The applause from the people in that GameStop as the Cynric toy crumpled to the mat and the three #CoolKids toys stood tall, united, was deafening. They not only bought up every single bit of UGWC merch we had on hand, they left chanting the same thing over and over, a group fully and wholly united in a single sentiment:
GLO-BAL-CHA-LLENGE
CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP
GLO-BAL-CHA-LLENGE
CLAP CLAP CLAP-CLAP-CLAP
What happened in the mall on Wednesday is what’s going to happen on Monday in the arena, Fang Gangers. The history of the Global Challenge will be rewritten and a new #GlobalChallengeFact will be created:
Did you know?
Oh, and another thing!
Only one of us can earn the title shot.
Only one of us can join the Triple Threat World Title match at Trios.
And if it’s me?
I don’t care if its Vain…
...or if its my BFF Angie…
...I don’t care if the Round Robin winner is Zane…
...or even my own goddamn step-mumsie…
I will NOT fail again.
~~Epilogue - Cousin~~
Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan hummed to herself as she walked through the mall. One of her biggest goals for the year was to “do more things myself,” something which had always been foreign to her. Someone (Melissa Reeves?) had once given her crap for being born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and she had retorted that it was a platinum spoon covered in diamonds, thank you very much, but it was far less boast than most would assume. She had grown up as a WASP trust fund baby, had had servants from a young age, and it was not until going out on her own and meeting people like Kenzi that she realized how outside the norm her upbringing had been.
Her pale cheeks flush as she thinks of Kenzi. A quick look down at her bags made her blush even more. Along with an extremely cute pair of shoes, as well as a new kitty bandanna for Angie and a bedazzled phone case for Roxy, a downright scandalous new lingerie set sat at the bottom of her bags, courtesy of that Torrid store. She would have to have it brought in...a lot...but she had a feeling it would get her wife so heated that her caramel skin would turn purple!
Sarah was proud of herself. She was working with Kenzi behind the scenes of Top Nun and other Dark Goddess Productions works, learning the art of television blocking, so as to build towards what she felt her true calling was, producing wrestling events. She was working with Roxy and learning how to drive, though she was pretty sure that Roxy’s “It’s not actually the law, bb” stance on seatbelts and speed limits wasn’t wholly correct. She was working with Angie on their debut album, Pianos and Vuvuzelas: Born From the Tears of Heaven. She was working with her assistant Ashley on things like finance, trying to get better at math. She was even doing SOME shopping for herself. This was shaping up to be her best year e-
“Oh!”
Sarah falls to the ground on her plump behind and her eyes cross behind her glasses. She rubs her forehead and looks up, surprised to see a girl her age sitting in the same way, on the ground and rubbing the head which had no doubt bonked into hers as they both rounded a corner.
“Oh! Are you alright?”
Sarah scrambles to her feet, doing her best to ignore the deep groan her legs make, and reaches out a hand to the girl still on the floor.
“I didn’t even see you!”
The girl reaches out and takes Sarah’s hand, and the albino pulls her up. Standing at her full height, the girl stood over her a few inches, but the vast majority of people did.
“Here, let me hel-”
“...cousin?”
The girl’s question, asked with a Cajun accent thick enough to shorten the -in on the end, makes Sarah’s breath catch. She had no idea who this brunette was. She had no idea what she was talking about. She had-
And then she gasps.
“Janice?!”
The brunette smiles widely. Sarah could not mistake it anymore. Years had changed them both, but that demure pursing of her lips...something Sarah had tried to learn from her when they were twelve...and her pronounced dimples answered any question she might have.
“OH EM GEE!”
Sarah lunges forward and throws her arms out wide, grabbing the girl in a bearhug, a display of affection which is immediately returned. The two laugh, Sarah’s high-pitched voice and the girl’s lower alto playing accompaniment.
“What are you doing here?!”
“Working!”
“How long has it been?!"
“Years!”
“I cannot-”
“-even!”
The two speak over one another, and any passerby would be confused as their “conversation” devolves into unintelligible chatter. Eventually, this ends as Sarah holds the brunette by her shoulders, staring up into her light eyes, and her mouth drops open.
“I’m married! You have GOT to meet my wife!”
Gathering up their bags, Sarah rattles off all of her current contact information.
Unnoticed by her, the brunette smiles a smile thick with malevolence.
~~la fin~~
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