Massive Melee 2019

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Welcome to the Massive Melee!

Covert Jay: HUTTAH!

Vinegar: We are here at La Monumental in Barcelona, Spain, for the thirteenth ever Massive Melee event!

Lieberjosch: The seventh held here in UGWC, and the stakes couldn't be higher, with the Massive Melee winner going on to challenge the World Heavyweight Champion next month at the WrestleStock festival.

Vinegar: We'll also see a big grudge match between the now former Sports Entertainment Executive, Donovan Hastings, and "The Iceman" Konrad Raab, as well as the Cross-Hemisphere Title on the line as Roxy Cotton defends against the World Champion, Angelica Vaughn.

Lieberjosch: That's the Cross-Semicircle Title, Nicholas, get it right!

Covert Jay: Before we get to the action, let's check in quickly on the #CoolKids!

---

“AND ANOTHER THING!”

Sarah Lacklan was really going off about something. She sat at one side of a small square table, across from her wife Kenzi. On the perpendicular sides of the table sat the two combatants in the night’s lone championship match, Roxy Cotton and Angelica Vaughn, both having made sure to sit their respective title belts on the table next to their small plastic trays of food. Yes, plastic, don’t judge, Spanish environmental laws are clearly not up to standard yet. Then again, that’s the case literally nowhere.

Roxy glares at Angie over the rim of her water glass, feeling particularly parched ever since she sat down at the “friends” lunch. It was fitting, in theory, that the #CoolKids found themselves sitting around a cafeteria table not unlike the kind you’d find in any high school across America, as they often declared that they Ruled the School and that others weren’t allowed to “Sit With Us.”

As the ‘liquid’ slowly disappeared into Roxy’s mouth, she couldn’t help but notice how smug everything Angie did seemed. The way she sat all prim and proper, a napkin tucked into her collar as if she was eating a lobster dinner or a rack of barbecue ribs rather than the dry salad and bread that sat in front of her. Her curt nods at all the right times when Sarah would FINALLY pause to take a breath. The nerve she had, bringing the UGWC Championship with her to lunch just to overshadow Roxy’s own Cross-Semicircle title belt. Everything Angie did lately seemed so calculated. So intentional. Or MAYBE she was just the only one with actual table manners, but that thought didn’t even cross Roxy’s mind.

Roxy’s glass clunked onto the table as she sat it down heavily, causing Sarah to stumble over her words momentarily and shoot Rox an icy look. Roxy ignored her, of course, she had long since tuned out the filibuster coming from the Blood Princess.

“So THEN, the waiter was like MA’AM and I was all Ma’am? MA’AM?? Do I look OLD enough to be a MA’AM… I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT..." etc. You know the drill.

Across the table from Roxy, Angelica very slowly and vary carefully jams her fork into the center of her bread. She is mathematical with her precision as she slices the carb-loaded confection into four equally-sized units. At no point does she take her eyes off of Roxy’s, which looks like a serrated, dare I say nearly discombobulated mess in comparison. Not that there are judgments at this table. Not from ONE particular side, at least.

Nevertheless, Angelica feels discomforted. The tension at the table could be cut with a knife, even if the Team Kickass portion of the #CoolKids didn’t seem to notice. Angie wanted to break the ice, let Roxy know that there were no hard feelings on her part. That, for what it was worth, she regretted her decision but that she had taken such a big leap there was no going back. But of course…

“So then I TOTES told her like OW EM GEE do you even know how much this dress is worth?? You WILL be hearing from…” etc. etc. Sarah was on a roll, alright.

But then she took a sip from her glass of wine. She wasn’t competing tonight so could afford herself the luxury. With the sip came a hint of a silence, one that could be used to break that ice. To cut this tension. To put these minds at ease. Angie’s lips parted slightly, a nervous whisper crackling forth from her mouth.

“Roxy, I---”

“N-E-WAYS” Sarah shouted as she SLAMMED her empty glass back down. “Did I TELL you guys about how many minutes that Boston Crybaby McLoserpants kept CRYING over how everybody totes loves me MORE than they will ever love him?? Because...”

Everybody was too polite, or jaded, to tell Sarah that ‘Yes, you’ve told us about five times’, but the moment was gone, so she told the whole story in full detail again. Angelica crawled back into her shell and swallowed her words with her.

[Lord Hastings]

Cold as Ice by M.O.P plays over the sound system as Konrad comes out through the curtain just wearing his blue and white mask with white hair along with his wrestling trousers with his nickname The Iceman on the front of them with Pit Bull Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands with a side cross necklace on his neck with the blue and black yin-yang tattoo on his right shoulder and Iceman from X-Men tattoo on his back.

Mitchell Dennis: “From Cologne, Germany, he is The Iceman, Konrad Raab!”

He then high fives the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and does a holdup on each turnbuckle and everyone cheers him as he gets down from the turnbuckle and does a few boxing punches to the cameras before he looks at his opponent waiting for the match to start.



Vinegar: I’ve never seen Raab this focused.

Lieberjosch: He’s never looked this angry. “The Lord of Pain” has really gotten under his skin.

Vinegar: Raab sees it as a point of honor. He thinks that all of the honor is gone from professional wrestling and Hastings embodies that lack of honor to him.

Lieberjosch: He’s an idiot. He’s a goody two shoes, stuck in a different time period, brainless idiot. Hastings has always been brilliant a mindgames. Thankfully in this case he started with a fifty lap head-start.

Vinegar: Konrad Raab is a man of principle and the fans love him.

Lieberjosch: The fans are as stupid as he is.

Covert Jay: If Hastings started with a fifty-lap head start, shouldn’t he be pretty tired by now?

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: If he’s already run fifty laps by the time that Raab started his first, shouldn’t be exhausted by now? He might come out to the ring and collapse and Raab can just lay on him for the easy win.

Lieberjosch: I’m not sure how it’s still possible, but you somehow find new ways to manage to astound me with the cosmic levels of idiocy that you achieve.

Covert Jay: Thanks!

Lieberjosch: It wasn’t a compliment.

Vinegar: It never is.

Lierbejosch: Rarely, because he rarely deserves them.

Vinegar: Can we get back to the match?

Lieberjosch: Ideally.

Vinegar: Good, because Hastings is about to enter.

Lieberjosch: Hallelujah.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent...



Hastings walks out with his dark cloak swirling dramatically behind him. He pauses on the stage and opens his arms to the adoring peasantry. He soaks the moment in and then proceeds to the ring. He enters it, not acknowledging Raab in the slightest and circles in the ring with his arms stretched out as boos rain down on him. He hands his cape off after he’s finished and goes to his corner.

Mitchell: Weighing in at six feet, two-inches tall, weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds and hailing from Hartford, Connecticut he is the “Lord of Pain”. I give you DONOVAN HAAAAAASTINNNNNGS!!!!

Lieberjosch: The “Lord of Pain” looks ready to take this peasant to school.

Covert Jay: Maybe it’ll be good for him.

Lieberjosch: What will be good for who?

Covert: School will be good for Raab. You keep saying that he’s an idiot.

Lieberjosch: I’m not sure what to say to that.

Vinegar: That’s because he’s got you.

Lieberjosch: Hardly.

Vinegar: Then why don’t you have anything to say?

Lieberjosch: Because once again Jay takes something metaphorical too literally.

Covert Jay: So you don’t think Raab is an idiot?

Lieberjosch: I think he’s an idiot, but that’s not what I meant.

Covert Jay: I’m confused.

Lieberjosch: What else is new?

Covert Jay: I ordered a new mask from ninjamasks.com.

Lieberjosch: I can’t begin to convey how much I hate you.

Vinegar: Hazel East just called for the bell and “Massive Melee 2019” is officially underway.

Lieberjosch: Raab just charged out of his corner like an emotional moron and Hastings has already made him look foolish.

Vinegar: I don’t think a drop-toe hold makes him look foolish.

Lieberjosch: Running out of his corner like that made him look foolish. Hastings drop toe hold just made him look sillier than usual.

Vinegar: Raab is an emotional man and right now his emotions are running high.

Lieberjosch: Hastings has played him like a fiddle. A badly tuned, cheap fiddle, but a fiddle nonetheless.

Vinegar: He ignored him.

Lieberjosch: He super kicked him.

Vinegar: He poked him in the eye.

Lieberjosch: That’s what I said.

Covert Jay: You said that he super kicked Raab. Those aren’t the same.

Vinegar: He has you there. Speaking of which, Raab leaps to his feet and advances on Hastings, a little more cautiously this time. Hastings watches him with seeming indifference, but doesn’t move.

Lieberjosch: He’s strategizing.

Covert Jay: He looks bored to me.

Vinegar: Raab lunges at Hastings looking for a collar and elbow tie up, but Hastings sidesteps him and slaps him in the back of the head. Raab spins and throws a wild hay-maker that Hastings easily avoids with another...theatrical sidestep.

Lieberjosch: I thought that was rather graceful.

Vinegar: Hastings could trip while avoiding Raab and you’d consider it to be graceful.

Lieberjosch: Only in comparison to the...opposition.

Covert Jay: At least you think he’s opposition.

Lieberjosch: Only for the momentarily lack of a more appropriate adjective to use.

Vinegar: Hastings continues to dance around the ring as Raab continues to try and engage with
him.

Lieberjosch: I told you that he’s playing games with Raab. Hastings is clearly trying to make Raab so angry that he can think even less clearly than usual.

Vinegar: It doesn’t help that every time he sidesteps Raab, that he does it with mocking flourish and occasionally smacks or slaps him to add insult to injury.

Lieberjosch: He’s just reminding the emotional fool that he has his reputation for a reason.

Vinegar: Raab lunges again. Hastings kicks him in the stomach and locks him in a side headlock.

Covert Jay: Is he giving Raab a noogie?

Lieberjosch: It’s a motivational tactic.

Vinegar: How do you figure? He’s trying to embarass him.

Lieberjosch: He doesn’t need to do that. Raab has always been the most efficient at embarrassing Raab.

Vinegar: You just can’t help yourself, can you?

Lieberjosch: I can’t help it that the truth makes you uncomfortable.

Vinegar: Your propensity to devolve into insulting the man irritates me. I know that you think he’s an idiot, but you constantly underestimate him and it’s unjustified. Konrad Raab loves wrestling and wants to make it as incredible as he thinks it can be. I don’t see why you have such a problem with that.

Lieberjosch: I live in the real world, Nick. I don’t have time for that Hallmark/Disney nonsense that he believes in. In my world, wrestling is brutal, cruel and vicious and I wouldn’t have it any other way. In his delusional world, we should all be nicer to each other, everyone should play by the rules and no one should ever do anything and everything that it takes to win. He’s boring.

Vinegar: He’s an honorable man in a dishonorable world.

Lieberjosch: He’s an old man in a young man’s world.

Covert Jay: I kinda like him and the fans love him.

Lieberjosch: That tells me everything that I need to know.

Vinegar: Hastings uses the headlock to take Raab down to the mat. He uses his weight to press Raab’s shoulders to the mat, but Raab kicks out after a “one” count. Hastings drops an elbow into the back of Raab’s neck, then wraps him in another side headlock.

Lieberjosch: He’s escalated from rubbing his knuckles into driving him in.

Covert Jay: It looks like he’s punching him.

Lieberjosch: That’s what I said.

Covert Jay: No it’s not. You said that he’s driving his knuckles into Raab’s head.

Lieberjosch: Correct. Is that not what he’s doing?

Covert Jay: He’s punching him.

Lieberjosch: That’s what I said.

Covert Jay: I’m so confused.

Lieberjosch: That’s because you’re an imbecile.

Vinegar: Would you two stop?

Lieberjosch: Get me a smarter third man at the table and the problem will solve itself.

Vinegar: I’ll take it up with Ooley.

Lieberjosch: Make sure he’s in a good mood first.

Vinegar: When was the last time that Ooley was in a good mood?

Lieberjosch: November of nineteen eighty six?

Vinegar: If then.

Lieberjosch: Touche.

Vinegar: Raab powers out of the headlock and leaps to the mat. Hastings leaps up and goes for a wrist lock, but Raab beats him to it and lifts him into a side suplex. Hastings hits the mat and quickly rolls from the ring. Raab leaps to his feet again and whirls around as he looks for Hastings.

Lieberjosch: Hastings shows his brilliant ring generalship once again.

Covert Jay: He rolled out of the ring.

Lieberjosch: Very good, Jay.

Vinegar: Raab notices Hastings getting to his feet on the floor. He darts across the ring and off of the ropes, shoots back across the ring and takes to the air…

Covert Jay: Lufthansa!

Vinegar: Lufthansa?

Covert Jay: Yeah. It’s the German national airline. He’s German and he flew, so “Lufthansa”.

Lieberjosch: That was almost clever.

Vinegar: Raab crashes into Hastings with a moonsault over the top rope to the floor. He leaps to his feet, grabs Hastings around the neck and throws him back into the ring. He leaps up from the apron to the turnbuckle and leaps…

Covert Jay: Moonsault!

Vinegar: Raab has really kicked his offense into high-gear over the last couple of minutes. He has Hastings reeling!

Lieberjosch: At least he got out of neutral. It’s dumb luck, but it looks good.

Vinegar: Hastings slowly struggles to his feet as Raab lines him up in the corner…

Covert Jay: Hastings doesn’t look like he knows where he is.

Lieberjosch: He reminds me of you.

Vinegar: Hastings stumbles towards Raab. Raab leaps from the corner...supkerkick!

Covert Jay: Did you hear the impact on that?!

Lieberjosch: He has to have a loaded boot!

Vinegar: Will you come off of it!

Lieberjosch: Raab hasn’t kicked anyone that hard in his life! He’s cheating!

Vinegar: He’s not cheating! He caught Hastings flush on the chin!

Lieberjosch: I see it differently.

Vinegar: Raab picks Hastings up and wraps his arms around the waist of the “Lord of Pain”. He hoists him up…”Frozen Pin”!

Covert Jay: Hazel drops to the mat!

Lieberjosch: One!!

Covert Jay: Two!

Vinegar: Thr..NO!!

Lieberjosch: “The Lord of Pain” grabs the bottom rope! He’s such a ring savant!

Vinegar: Hazel informs Raab and he immediately breaks the hold. Hastings immediately rolls back out of the ring again and drops to the floor.

Lieberjosch: Once again he shows his profound ring-awareness.

Covert Jay: Raab looks a little frustrated by his Ninja skills.

Lieberjosch: If he was smart...and I can’t believe that I just used that word in association with him, he wouldn’t let Hastings get into his head.

Vinegar: Speaking of Hastings, where did he go?

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: Where’s Hastings?

Lieberjosch: I...he’s on the floor at ringside.

Vinegar: Is he?

Lieberjosch: He has to be. He’s not in the ring.

Vinegar: Do you see him?

Lieberjosch: Now that you mention it, no.

Covert Jay: NINJA!

Lieberjosch: Shut up.

Covert Jay: Don’t you mean “shit up”?

Lieberjosch: No. That’s idiotic.

Covert Jay: The Cool Kids disagree. Get with the cool people, Hans.

Lieberjosch: I’d rather be hung from a randomly constructed yardarm than ever say that nonsensical phrase.

Covert Jay: What’s a yardarm?

Lieberjosch: Nevermind.

Vinegar: Raab looks utterly befuddled by the sudden disappearance of the Lord of Pain.

Lieberjosch: So does Hazel. She clearly has no idea where he is.

Vinegar: Raab has started to look around the ring.

Lieberjosch: Don’t look at me, Hazel! I have no idea where he is!

Covert Jay: Yeah, Hazel! I have no idea!

Lieberjosch: Truer words were never spoken.

Vinegar: Hazel is walking from side to side across the ring while Raab flips up the ring apron to search for him.

Covert Jay: He’s gone!

Lieberjosch: He’s not “gone”, he’s just…

Covert Jay: Gone.

Lieberjosch: Shut up.

Covert Jay: You mean “shit up”.

Lieberjosch: I hate you so much.

Vinegar: Hazel walks towards the ramp and looks to see if The Lord of Pain has hightailed it towards the back.

Lieberjosch: The fans at rampside are enthusiastically telling her that she’s looking in the wrong place.

Covert Jay: Mitchell doesn’t know where Hastings is either.

Lieberjosch: How do you know?

Covert Jay: I asked him.

Vinegar: Raab has flipped up two of the ring covers and found nothing, meanwhile Hazel looks utterly befuddled.

Covert Jay: I found him!

Lieberjosch: Unfortunately for Raab, so did he!

Covert Jay: Superkick!!

Vinegar: That was...cartoonish.

Lieberjosch: That was brilliant!

Vinegar: Hastings just poked Raab in the eye!

Lieberjosch: He gave him the Superkick!

Vinegar: That sneaky, underhanded bastard! He was having trouble beating Raab so he hid under the ring and then poked him in the eyes when he looked!

Lieberjosch: It worked, he has the advantage.

Vinegar: Hastings pops out from under the ring and grabs Raab…

Lieberjosch: DDT onto the floor!

Vinegar: He pulls Raab up and rolls him back into the ring and Hazel is none the wiser to his perfidy.

Lieberjosch: Good word usage, Nicky.

Vinegar: Thank you. I think.

Lieberjosch: The Lord has taken control!

Vinegar: Yeah, by cheating.

Lieberjosch: It’s strategy, Nick.

Vinegar: He poked Raab in the eyes!

Lieberjosch: Whatever. Stop being such a prude.

Vinegar: Prude?

Covert Jay: He means that you’re being a sissy.

Lieberjosch: Don’t contribute.

Covert Jay: I was helping.

Lieberjosch: No, you weren’t.

Vinegar: Hastings slides in after Raab, who’s still clutching at his eyes and drives a quick boot into his ribs. He yanks Raab up and locks in a stiff looking Full Nelson, then grinds his face into the mat while adding extra pressure with a knee to Raab’s spine.

Lieberjosch: That’s a good tactic. He keeps Raab grounded and weakens his back so the idiot can’t do his springboard move.

Vinegar: You just can’t help but insult Raab, can you?

Lieberjosch: I enjoy it. Don’t take away my fun.

Vinegar: He’s become an major fan favorite here.

Lieberjosch: The mob be fickle and easily mollified

Vinegar: Thanks, Cicero.

Lieberjosch: Careful, Icarus.

Vinegar: You’re mixing your classics.

Lieberjosch: I’m versatile.

Vinegar: Right. Anyway, Hastings yanks Raab off of the mat, then promptly slams him down face and chest first into the mat with an inverted Full-Nelson slam. He lifts him back up and transitions it into a suplex pin. Hazel drops to the mat.

Lieberjosch: The Lord Chief is schooling the peasant!

Covert Jay: Two!

Vinegar: Raab kicks out!

Lieberjosch: He should know when he’s beaten.

Vinegar: Would you if you were in his place?

Lieberjosch: I wouldn’t have found myself on the wrong side of The Lord Chief.

Vinegar: Hastings started this.

Lieberjosch: And Raab should have known better.

Vinegar: He’s a man of principle.

Lieberjosch: He’s an anachronism.

Covert Jay: He doesn’t look like a spider.

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: You called him an anacra...something.

Lieberjosch: Anachronism.

Covert Jay: Yeah, that. He doesn’t look like a spider to me.

Lieberjosch: That’s because he isn’t a spider!

Covert Jay: But you…

Vinegar: He called Raab a throwback, Jay. “Anachronism” means “throwback”.

Covert Jay: Oh. Good. That’s better, because spiders creep me out.

Lieberjosch: You are astoundingly stupid.

Covert Jay: It’s not nice to call Nick stupid.

Lieberjosch: I wasn’t calling Nick stupid…

Vinegar: Moving on. In the ring, where the important part of the moment is happening. Hastings still has Raab firmly in his control.

Lieberjosch: As he rightfully should.

Vinegar: You’re biased. Even if Raab was in control, you’d minimize it.

Lieberjosch: I believe there’s an appropriate saying about the sunshine and a dog’s rear end.

Vinegar: I’m familiar with it and you get my point.

Lieberjosch: Of course I do.

Vinegar: Then stop being obtuse.

Lieberjosch: I don’t like Raab. He’s a stuffy, irritating bore who loses all of the time. He’s old and past his prime. We shouldn’t be wasting valuable time on him when we have so much young talent to showcase.

Vinegar: He’s grabbed the fans adoration, Hans. He’s an honest, hard working, kind-hearted and honorable family man who always tries to do the right thing. You may see him as a sucker from a bygone era, but our fans adore him as a hero. The world needs more heroes, Hans.

Lieberjosch: That was very touching, Nicholas.

Vinegar: Your sarcasm is unbecoming.

Lieberjosch: I wasn’t being sarcastic. Regardless, none of that is helping him now.

Vinegar: No, but it might. His “never say die attitude” has helped him a lot.

Lieberjosch: If he’s lucky, it’ll help him out of the “Hands of Fate”.

Vinegar: It might.

Covert Jay: Especially if he’s a spider. They have a lot of legs.

Lieberjosch: Not this again…

Vinegar: Hastings has the “Hands of Fate” locked in, but Raab is fighting it. He kicks the mat in
defiance as he tried to push himself towards the nearest bottom rope.

Covert Jay: The fans are cheering him.

Lieberjosch: The lions cheered for the Christians before they ate them.

Covert Jay: Ew.

Lieberjosch: “Ew”? “Ew” what?

Covert Jay: Why would the Detroit Lions eat people?

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: You said that…

Vinegar: Gentlemen, if you don’t mind.

Lieberjosch: Quite right.

Vinegar: Raab digs his heels into the mat and pushes himself towards the ropes as Hastings wrenches back on his neck and shoulder. Listen to how loudly the fans are cheering for him!

Lieberjosch: They are being unpleasantly loud. How uncouth.

Vinegar: We want them to be loud, Hans. It means that they’re invested.

Lieberjosch: I’m invested in a lot of things. I’m never loud about it.

Vinegar: You’re always loud about everything, Hans.

Covert Jay: Believe it or not, it looks like the fans encouragement is working because Raab is almost to the bottom rope!

Vinegar: Listen to the fans, they’re one thousand percent behind Raab! They’re going absolutely wild for him!

Lieberjosch: I can hear them. They can probably hear them in Prague.

Vinegar: And yet you think we shouldn’t get behind Raab?

Lieberjosch: I

Vinegar: He’s almost there!

Covert Jay: I can’t believe that he’s about to do it!

Vinegar: In spite of Hastings best efforts to keep Raab away from the ropes, he’s almost heroically pushed himself to them.

Lieberjosch: I don’t believe this! He should just tap out and accept his fate!

Vinegar: He’s a hero to the fans! He’s not going to give up!

Covert Jay: This is unbelievable!

Vinegar: Raab pushes he and Hasting into the ropes with one final mighty lunge!

Lieberjosch: And right through them…

Covert Jay: That didn’t look good.

Lieberjosch: I’d wager that it didn’t feel good either.

Vinegar: Raab and Hastings tumble from the ring and hit the floor hard. Neither man is moving as Hazel checks on both of them.

Lieberjosch: With any luck, Raab knocked himself even goofier than usual and Hastings can pin him soon.

Vinegar: I can tell you on reviewing their tumble from the ring that Raab hit the floor hard and somehow they twisted around so that Hastings landed on him.

Covert Jay: Worse for Raab, his ninja skills failed and he hit the back of his head on the floor.

Lieberjosch: It’s an apartment with a rental sign on the door. I’m sure he’s fine.

Covert Jay: I don’t see a rental sign...or an apartment.

Lieberjosch: You’re such a dunce.

Vinegar: Regardless of what you two think of each other, Jay made a great observation. Raab hit his head on the floor when he landed and then Hastings landed on him. Hazel is checking on both men and Raab does look a little glassy eyed.

Covert Jay: Hastings is already on his feet!

Lieberjosch: Damn it Hazel...get out of his way!

Vinegar: She’s making sure that Raab is ok.

Lieberjosch: She needs to let Hastings put this idiot away.

Vinegar: She needs to make sure that Raab isn’t injured.

Lieberjosch: This is wrestling, not tennis.

Vinegar: Hazel is obviously concerned that Raab has a concussion.

Lieberjosch: If he does, them’s the breaks. I won’t be happy about it if he does because, as much as I think he’s a putz, he’s weirdly popular and he’s good for our numbers.

Vinegar: Your compassion is overwhelming.

Lieberjosch: I’m not paid to be compassionate.

Vinegar: Raab is insisting that he’s ok as he pulls himself up by the ringside railing. Hastings immediately grabs him and bounces his head off of the railing before he rolls him back into the ring roughly and slides in after him. Raab stumbles to his feet and staggers across the ring. Hastings stalks after him, but is caught by surprise by a left from Raab. Raab follows it up with a right and another left. He has Hastings reeling as he continues with a barrage of boxing strikes that back him into the corner.

Covert Jay: Raab just swayed a bit!

Lieberjosch: He’s concussed! He’s concussed!

Vinegar: For god’s sake, Hans. Don’t be a ghoul!

Lieberjosch: I apologize. That came out wrong.

Vinegar: I should think so!

Lieberjosch: What I meant to say was

Vinegar: Don’t. The hole is deep enough.

Lieberjosch: Righto.

Vinegar: Thank you.

Covert Jay: Can I say it?

Lieberjosch: Say what?

Covert Jay: Whatever you were going to say.

Vinegar: Skip it, Jay. Back in the ring, Raab sways a little more on his feet as Hastings explodes out of the corner and leaps up for what appears to be a leaping facebreaker of some kind. Raab manages to shove him away, then flattens him with a clothesline before he drops to his hands and knees next to Hastings.

Covert Jay: It looks like that bump to the gord scrambled him a bit.

Lieberjosch: I doubt that clothesline did Hastings any favors.

Vinegar: He hasn’t moved since Raab hit him with it.

Covert Jay: Raab is back to his feet...somehow.

Vinegar: Perseverance.

Lieberjosch: Stupidity.

Vinegar: Knock it off, Hans.

Covert Jay: Raab is climbing the turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: I told you that he’s an idiot. He might have a concussion and he’s going to fly?

Covert Jay: He might crash.

Lieberjosch: I think there’s a good chance of that. Gravity always wins.

Vinegar: Raab is perched on the top rope and receives a thunderous cheer when he points at Hastings.

Lieberjosch: This is a stupid risk. He has Hastings reeling. He shouldn’t be going to the top rope. He could hit Hastings with a couple of power moves, that chokeslam move he does and one of his finishers and he’d have the biggest win of his career. Instead he’s taking a stupid risk.

Vinegar: It’s a big moment and he’s taking a big risk.

Lieberjosch: It’s foolish.

Vinegar: Raab glares down at Hastings, who is just now starting to stagger to his feet.

Lieberjosch: Is that idiot going for a spear?

Covert Jay: It looks like it.

Lieberjosch: Fool.

Vinegar: Hastings staggers to his feet and turns towards Raab. Raab launches himself at Hastings…

Covert Jay: Facebreaker DDT from Hastings!!!

Lieberjosch: He was playing opossum! I knew it!

Vinegar: Hastings leaps to his feet and drags Raab over to the corner. He backs himself up the corner and pulls Raab up after him.

Lieberjosch: We haven’t see him put anyone away with “Inevitability” in a long time! He’s making a statement!

Vinegar: Hastings has Raab up…

Covert Jay: Inevitablility!!

Vinegar: Hastings drops on top of Raab and hooks his leg. Hazel drops to the mat.

Lieberjosch: ONE!!

Fans: TWO!!!

Vinegar: THREE!!! “The Lord of Pain” pins “The Iceman” Konrad Raab to win the opening match of the two-thousand and nineteen “Massive Melee”!!


Donovan Hastings - 6.98

Konrad Raab - 6.42

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: We continue here at the Massive Melee, with the Cross-Hemisphere Championship on the line!

Lieberjosch: Cross-SEMICIRCLE, Nicholas! You are absolutely the WORST sometimes.

Vinegar: Regardless, this will be an "I Quit" Match, meaning to win you have to get your opponent to say those two words, making this something of a shocking environment for two very close friends.

Dennis: The following contest is an "I Quit" Match for the Cross...whatever it's called now. Introducing first, the challenger, she is the World Champion, ANGELICA VAUGGHHHNNNNN!!!

Vinegar: Remember that the World Title is NOT on the line tonight, Roxy Cotton had earned that opportunity by winning the Global Challenge back at Infinity, but repeatedly stalled and declined the title shot until Creative Director Ichabod gave her an ultimatum, and she declined that as well. Angelica Vaughn, a competitor in every sense of the word, cashed-in her purse winning to instead challenge Roxy for her title, and here we are.

Lieberjosch: I don't fault Roxy at all for having enough respect for her best friend not to want to take her title from her, and this mess has Ichabod's fingerprints all over it. Even this "I Quit" stipulation is little more than a blatant attempt to force division between Roxy and Angie!

As "Paparazzi" by Lady GaGa plays, purple strobe lighting pulsates through the arena. Roxy makes the crowd wait a few eager moments before emerging from behind the entrance curtain wit her statuesque bodyguard Maxine just behind her, looming.

Taking a second to stand at the top of the entrance ramp, Roxy pulls her Gucci sunglasses down her nose enough to look over them and around at the rowdy crowd. She leans over at the waist with her hand on her hip, exaggeratedly looking from left to right and then back again before standing up straight and strutting toward the ring, blowing kisses to everyone around her along the way.

As she walks toward the ring and the purple strobe lights continue to swirl through the air, fans reach over the barricade attempting to touch her, but she deftly avoids any contact from them and shoots dirty looks at the ones who get closest. Once in the ring, she makes a slow, deliberate show of removing her various jewelry and sunglasses, handing them off the the referee as if she were tossing her keys to a valet driver. Roxy makes her way to her corner,tossing her hair back over her shoulders and soaking in all the flash bulbs popping around her.

Dennis: And her opponent, she is the reigning AND defending champion, ROXXXY COTTTTONNNNNNN!!!!

Vinegar: The moment appears to have set in for Cotton as she now looks across the ring at Vaughn, a hint of hesitation in her eyes.

Lieberjosch: That's just a twinkle, don't get it twisted. Roxy's been put in an unfair and horrific position, but she isn't going to let it tear her down!

DING DING!

Vinegar: "Brian Chartreuse has called for the bell, and Claude de Rhombus has made it official. This match is officially underway!"

Covert Jay: "I cannot wait to see what these two do to each other here tonight. I've been looking forward to it ever since it was announced."

Lieberjosch: "Why do I get the feeling that is for reasons completely unrelated to wrestling."

Covert Jay: "Scoff."

Vinegar: "Doing your best Orson impersonation, Jay?"

Covert Jay: "Someone has to."

Vinegar: "These two women know each other likely better than any other two people in this industry, guys. They are the best of friends, but the fact that Roxy's Cross-Hemisphere Championship-"

Lieberjosch: "Semicircle."

Vinegar: "I… what?"

Lieberjosch: "She has christened it the UGWC Cross-Semicircle Championship, Nicholas. If you are going to reference it, at least reference it properly."

Vinegar: "Was that made official by the members of 'The Consortium'?"

Covert Jay: "About as official as the Chaos Championship being renamed to the Bedlam Championship when Killian held it."

Vinegar: "Fine. These two are the best of friends, but the fact that Roxy's Cross-Semicircle Championship is on the line here tonight has to throw a wrench into things somewhat, right?"

Lieberjosch: "I imagine it would if Miss Vaughn manages to come out of tonight as both the UGWC World and UGWC Cross-Semicircle Champion, Nicholas."

Covert Jay: "I'm sure Roxy doesn't want that to happen, but I'm sure she doesn't really want this 'I Quit' match to happen, either. I have a feeling that Angie will do what is necessary in an attempt to win this match, but will Roxy?"

Vinegar: "The answer to that, as of this moment anyway, appears to be an emphatic 'no'."

Lieberjosch: "Roxy has hopped out to the floor and is completely ignoring Brian Chartreuse's calls for her to get back in the ring."

Vinegar: "Angie is now asking her what she's doing, and she's simply shaking her head back and forth."

Lieberjosch: "The crowd is urging her on now, but she looks extremely conflicted as she alternates between looking out at the crowd, and looking into the ring at Angelica Vaughn."

Covert Jay: "She loves putting on a show, I've seen that first-hand, but this isn't a show she ever thought would happen. At least not in this manner…"

Lieberjosch: "You're a disgusting individual, Jay."

Covert Jay: "I try."

Vinegar: "It looks like the fans here in Barcelona are going to win out though, as Roxy is walking up the ring steps and stepping back into the ring."

Lieberjosch: "The two members of the #CoolKids having a word with each other, but unfortunately our cameras do not appear to have picked up what they were saying."

Vinegar: "Angie extends her hand and Roxy shakes, and now the two of them are circling one another. Collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Angelica Vaughn immediately transitions to a side headlock."

Covert Jay: "Roxy backing Angie up against the ropes now, and shoots her off across the ring. Angie hits the opposite ropes and returns, running through Roxy with a shoulder block that sends 'The Bubblegum Bombshell' down to the mat."

Vinegar: "Cotton is immediately back to her feet, but Angie is there, grabbing her by the arm and applying an arm-wringer, that she then parlays into a hammerlock."

Lieberjosch: "Roxy is able to reach out and grab the ropes though, and is yelling at Chartreuse to force Angie to release the hold."

Covert Jay: "Not sure rope breaks are typically employed in an 'I Quit' match, but Angie has released the hold, and Roxy has now dropped to the mat and rolled back out to the floor."

Vinegar: "And Vaughn doesn't look extremely pleased by it."

Lieberjosch: "Can you blame her. Angelica Vaughn has fought extremely hard to reach the status as our World Champion, and though her championship isn't on the line here tonight, she is professional enough to treat this match like it is, because her fans deserve it. The fact that Ms. Cotton appears less than pleased to have to face her best friend here tonight is obviously going to irritate Miss Vaughn."

Covert Jay: "Maybe, but she likes Roxy just as much as Roxy likes her. I'm sure it isn't easy for either of them."

Lieberjosch: "Be that as it may, they both have a job to do here tonight. Their collective fans deserve to see the best match possible. Roxy continually exiting the ring is taking away from that."

Covert Jay: "You just don't understand, Doc. If you had friends, maybe you'd get it."

Lieberjosch: "I have friends, thank you very much."

Covert Jay: "You bookie doesn't count, Doc."

Vinegar: "Cotton is slowly climbing back into the ring now, as Vaughn is telling her to come on have the match. Another lock-up, but Vaughn slings Cotton to the mat with an arm-drag."

Lieberjosch: "Roxy back to her feet, but is sent back down to the mat with a hip toss. And the back of Roxy's right knee hit the middle rope, and she immediately reached for it."

Vinegar: "Roxy using the ropes to pull herself to her feet now, shaking out her leg, as Angelica Vaughn looks on in concern."

Covert Jay: "Angie over to Roxy now and asking if she is ok, but Roxy just rolled her up in a small package."

Vinegar: "Angie kicks out, as Chartreuse reiterates to Roxy that pinfalls mean nothing in this match."

Lieberjosch: "And Ms. Cotton looks none too pleased."

Covert Jay: "Even when she's pissed, she's still the best looking person on our roster."

Vinegar: "Even better looking than the man whose Fan Club you run?"

Covert Jay: "Ok, maybe the second best looking person on our roster."

Lieberjosch: "You're an idiot."

Vinegar: "Roxy now asking Angie why she won't just give up, so that the two of them can celebrate here in Barcelona as UGWC's top two champions, but Vaughn responds with a standing dropkick that sends Roxy back down to the mat."

Covert Jay: "Beautiful dropkick right there by our World Champ."

Vinegar: "Roxy back to her feet, but a roundhouse kick sends her back down to the mat again. Roxy quickly back to her feet, but Vaughn cuts her off with a kick to the stomach that doubles her over."

Lieberjosch: "Scissor kick from Vaughn to the back of Ms. Cotton's neck, and the Cross-Semicircle Champion rolls back out of the ring in an attempt to regain her bearings."

Vinegar: "Vaughn bouncing off the far ropes now, and is running full-speed across the ring…"

Covert Jay: "Angie jumps onto the top rope and springs off with a moonsault, colliding with Roxy and sending her crashing to the floor."

Vinegar: "Vaughn pulling Roxy back to her feet and shoving her into the ring, and now she has grabbed a microphone from the announce table and slid back into the ring."

Lieberjosch: "Miss Vaughn is handing the microphone to Brian Chartreuse and telling him to ask Ms. Cotton if she wants to quit, but Ms. Cotton answers that question by getting to her feet and connecting with a chop to the chest of Angelica Vaughn."

Vinegar: "Hair mare executed by Roxy, and she follows it up with a stiff kick to the middle of Angie's back. And now she is once again telling Angie that the two of them should just go celebrate being the two best that UGWC has to offer."

Covert Jay: "Angie back to her feet now, and connects with a backhand slap to her bff."

Vinegar: "A look of realization seems to have spread across the face of Roxy Cotton. I think she finally realizes that Angie isn't going to allow her an easy way out of this match."

Covert Jay: "I've seen friendships end over less. This isn't good, guys."

Lieberjosch: "Seriously, Jay?"

Covert Jay: "Sure. Look at Vain and Killian."

Lieberjosch: "You mean when Killian attempted to end Vain's career, and then Vain succeeded in doing the same to him?"

Covert Jay: "Was all just a big misunderstanding."

Lieberjosch: "….."

Vinegar: "Forearm shiver finds its mark on the jaw of Angelica Vaughn, and Roxy follows it up with a knife-edged chop. She Irish whips Angie across the ring."

Lieberjosch: "Angie ducks under a clothesline attempt, and bounces off the opposite ropes, but Cotton is ready for her and takes her to the mat with a spinning heel kick."

Vinegar: "Angie back to her feet now, but Roxy jumps into the air and sends her back to the mat with a perfectly executed frankensteiner."

Covert Jay: "Angie grabbing at the back of her head as she makes her way back to her feet, but she's send back to the mat with a leg lariat. Roxy back to her feet now, as Angie is up to her hands and knees…"

Vinegar: "Shining wizard connects, and Angie never saw it coming."

Covert Jay: "You can see the emotion on the face of Roxy as she gets up to her knees and looks down at Angie."

Lieberjosch: "Chartreuse checking on Vaughn now, and Ms. Cotton is yelling at Angie to just give up, and the two of them can go out to celebrate."

Vinegar: "Yeah, but Angie just emphatically told Brian no. This match continues."

Covert Jay: "Roxy hanging her head for a moment, before slowly making her way to her feet. She's standing over Angie now, asking her why winning this match is so important to her."

Vinegar: "Roxy pulling Angie to her feet now, but the World Champion suddenly lurched upwards and applied EW!. And Roxy is flailing about now, as Vaughn stands fully up, and uses her height advantage to apply more leverage."

Lieberjosch: "Miss Vaughn has Ms. Cotton trapped in the center of the ring, and Chartreuse is right there checking on things."

Covert Jay: "How's he gonna understand Roxy quitting if Angie's hand is in her mouth though?"

Lieberjosch: "That is, actually, a valid question."

Vinegar: "One that doesn't have to be answered at this point in time, because Roxy Cotton just connected with a straight kick to the knee of Angelica Vaughn, and Angie immediately released the submission hold, and reaches down and grabs at her knee."

Lieberjosch: "The knee of Miss Vaughn possibly hyperextended due to that kick. It's something we may have to keep an eye on as this match continues."

Vinegar: "Roxy is recovering from that mandible claw submission hold that Angie had applied, as she spits out excess saliva onto the mat."

Covert Jay: "It's a sad day. Roxy Cotton is a confirmed spitter."

Vinegar: "JAY!"

Lieberjosch: "Vaughn attempting a kick, but Cotton caught her foot, and sends Angelica down to the mat with a dragonscrew leg whip, possibly doing even more damage to that knee of Angelica Vaughn."

Vinegar: "Angie dragging herself into the corner now, and Roxy recognizes an opening. She backpedals to the adjacent corner, calling for the Kitty Buster. She takes off running…"

Covert Jay: "But Angie moved at the last second, and that bottom turnbuckle was just taken for the ride of its life."

Vinegar: "Roxy pulling herself from the corner, as Angie is getting back to her feet… and Angie just executed a Russian legsweep that caused the back of Roxy's head to crash against the middle turnbuckle."

Lieberjosch: "Vaughn up to her feet and begins peppering the chest and stomach of Roxy Cotton with YES! Kicks, each one resulting in the crowd chanting."

Vinegar: "Vaughn takes off towards the opposite corner, turning and making her way back and connects with a cannonball!"

Lieberjosch: "Vaughn grabbing the leg of Ms. Cotton and dragging her from the corner, and she takes the mount, and transitions into a triangle choke."

Vinegar: "Chartreuse is right there checking as Roxy screams out in pain, but when pressed if she wants to continue, she leaves no doubt that she does."

Covert Jay: "And Chartreuse looks shocked at what Roxy just called him during that exchange."

Vinegar: "Roxy is fighting like hell to get to the ropes, and she finally does, pulling herself through the ropes and leaving Angie no choice but to release the hold. And Roxy crashes out to the floor."

Lieberjosch: "Angelica Vaughn with a pained expression on her face at what she is having to do, but I give her credit for doing what is need in order to give the fans the type of match they have come to expect from her."

Vinegar: "Roxy is using the steel guardrail to pull herself to her feet, and Vaughn has climbed to the top rope. She comes flying off with a double axehandle, but Roxy moves and Vaughn crashes chest first into the guardrail."

Covert Jay: "Roxy connects with a kick to that same knee of Angie, before grabbing her leg. She lifts her up and drops her shin and knee first on top of the guardrail."

Vinegar: "Roxy still in some serious pain as she attempts to work through that triangle choke that Angie had her locked in. She pulls Angie back to her feet and sends her careening into the ring steps, Angelica Vaughn's knee taking the brunt of it, before she tumbles over and lands hard on her back on the floor."

Covert Jay: "Roxy over here in front of us now, and she looks on the verge of tears. And… wait, did she just say she can't do this anymore? What does that mean?!"

Vinegar: "Roxy rolling back into the ring now, and is conversing with Brian Chartreuse. Brian is asking her if she is sure, as Angelica Vaughn is using the apron to pull herself to her feet, in order to roll herself back into the ring."

Lieberjosch: "Chartreuse asking Roxy once more what she wants to do, and I think she's going to bow out of this match, Nicholas. I don't believe she wants to subject her best friend to any more punishment than she already has."

Vinegar: "But Vaughn is back in the ring now and is screaming at Roxy to fight her. What's going to happen?"

Covert Jay: "Roxy saying something to Brian, but she is spun around by Vaughn, and Angie lays into her with a vicious backhand slap. And she's yelling at her, telling her to fight!"

Vinegar: "A shove from Angie, and Roxy retaliates with a European Uppercut that stuns the World Champion."

Covert Jay: "And she just connected with a chop block to Angie's injured knee!"

Lieberjosch: "Ms. Cotton yelling at Chartreuse to ask Angie if she has had enough, before yelling at Angelica Vaughn herself to just quit."

Vinegar: "Angie yelling out 'No' each time Brian asks, and Roxy has applied a figure-four leglock. Angie is hollering in pain, but still refusing to give up!"

Lieberjosch: "Roxy releasing the hold now, pulling at her hair in frustration, as Angelica grabs at her knee."

Covert Jay: "Roxy isn't done, Doc. She's just applied the DTF!"

Vinegar: "Roxy Cotton is leaning back with everything she has, putting as much pressure on Angie as possible. Chartreuse has the microphone in Angie's face, asking over and over again if she quits…"

Lieberjosch: "I suppose we just got our answer."

Vinegar: "Angelica Vaughn just yelled out 'No', and then slapped the microphone out of Brian's hand, and it landed with a thud out on the floor."

Covert Jay: "Roxy releases the hold and is back to her feet, and begins repeatedly stomping that injured knee of Angelica Vaughn. Grabbing the foot of Angie, Roxy drags her over to the corner."

Vinegar: "Roxy is pleading with Angie, literally begging her, to just give up. Roxy Cotton does not want to continue this onslaught, that much is certain."

Lieberjosch: "Angelica Vaughn fairly defiant in her response to Roxy Cotton, and Roxy just wrapped that injured leg around the steel ring post."

Vinegar: "Again and again, Roxy is ramming that injured leg against the ring post. And after each time, she is pleading with Vaughn to give up."

Covert Jay: "Roxy wrapping the leg around the post and now grabbing the other, possibly going for a figure-four leg lock around the ring post. And she just yelled at Angie that she is the World Champion, and asked why she can't let Roxy have the Cross-Semicircle Title…"

Vinegar: "Wow…"

Lieberjosch: "Looks to be a tear running down the cheek of Roxy Cotton, and Angelica Vaughn has lifted her head off the mat and is looking out at her bff…"

Vinegar: "Angie saying something to Brian Chartreuse now, and he's calling for the bell!"

Covert Jay: "Did Angelica Vaughn just give up???"

Lieberjosch: "It appears that way, though it seemed to be just as much for Roxy Cotton's sake, as it was her own."

Vinegar: "Let's go to Dennis Mitchell for the official announcement."

Mitchell Dennis: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match… and STILL the UGWC Cross-Semicircle Champion… ROXXXYYYYYYYYY COTTTTTTTTTTTOONNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!"

Vinegar: "Chartreuse hands Cotton her championship, as she silently looks in at her friend."

Covert Jay: "Roxy Cotton just beat the World Champ, guys!"

Lieberjosch: "That she did, Jay. What will this mean for the #CoolKids moving forward?"

Covert Jay: "What will it mean for Angie coming off this loss, when her next opponent is going to be crowned in our main even Massive Melee match coming up next?"




Roxy Cotton - 7.09

Angelica Vaughn - 7.01

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: What a fantastic night it has already been here in Cleveland, and the biggest event of the evening is about to begin! It is time for the Massive Melee!

Lieberjosch: Twenty Entertainment Professionals are about to compete for the opportunity to face the World Heavyweight Champion for the title next month at the WrestleStock festival!

Vinegar: Jay, can you review for our fans the rules.

Covert Jay: All of the participants have drawn a random entrance position and in just a few moments the individuals that drew numbers one and two will come to the ring and the match will begin. Every two minutes, the next entrant will join the match, until all twenty participants have entered. Elimination comes when a participant goes over the top rope with both feet touching the floor.

Lieberjosch: That’s BOTH feet.

Covert Jay: Don’t forget the steel cage that ominously hangs above the ring, twice during the match that cage will lower around the ring for several minutes, obviously influencing and impacting the action within it.

Vingear: And the time has come to find out who will be our first two entrants to get us underway.

Dennis: It is time for the MASSIVE MELEE MATCH! Entering the match in the first entrance position is…

Vinegar: Who is it?

Monster by Paramore begins to blare all across the sound system and as it does Kate Steele along with her husband Teddy Warren-Steele begins to emerge from the back curtain. Kate has a huge smile on her face as she stares at the roaring crowd who are all cheering her on. She begins to sprint down the aisle as she claps the hands of outstretched fans.

Kate finally makes it to the ring and she quickly runs up the ring steps as she grabs the turnbuckle as hard as she can. She immediately leap frogs over the ropes and bounces about before she points at the crowd cheering her on. She closes her eyes placing a single finger over her lips offering the Shhhh sound which all the fans follow in. She takes her place in the corner afterwards waiting for the match to begin.

Dennis: Entering the Massive Melee at number one, the Siren, KATE STEEELEEEE!!!

Vinegar: And now, the individual that drew number two...

As the music hits and strobe lights flash freneticall, The Captain arrives on the stage wearing a pink vinyl jacket that has been airbrushed with “80” in periwinkle and bedazzled, tassels hanging from the entire length of his arms. The jacket has remarkable shoulder pads which are covered by purple epaulets, and giant gold buttons line the front though he wears it opened. His facepaint takes on the shape of a comically large, brightly colored eyepatch over his right eye. He wears a headband under his severely teased blond hair, featuring a blue anchor over a red rising sun. On his right hand is a disco-ball-esque glove. His Zubaz tear-away pants feature blue stripes before they disappear into his white, calf-high, heeled boots. Halfway down the ramp, he produces a ludicrously long, telescoping, brass spyglass, and looks over the crowd. He affects a surprised look, then points into the stands, and invites a “First Mate” (what he calls his fans) down to help him remove his extra attire. The fan (always a female) helps him remove his jacket, headband, and pants to reveal his bright yellow trunks, yellow tassels around his biceps, and yellow wrist tape.

Dennis: And entering the Massive Melee at number two….CAPTAIN EIGHTIES!!!

DING DING!!!

Covert Jay: The 2019 Massive Melee is underway!

Vinegar: Captain ‘80s unconcerned for the moment, attempting to rally the crowd behind him and pump them up.

LIeberjosch: He’s gassed from his entrance. This is stalling.

Vinegar: Steele gets impatient and has had enough, unleashing a string of martial arts kicks, but Captain ‘80s is for the most part unfazed by them.

Covert Jay: Now he’s pointing at her and inviting her to ride the falcor.

Vinegar: She knocks his hand away, and knocks him on his back with a spinning heel kick!

Lieberjosch: The Siren springboards into a crossbody, but he catches her in mid-air!

Vinegar: Scoop slam by the Captain!

Lieberjosch: He’s about to give her the Captain’s Log!

Vinegar: Steele springs to her feet, plants the Captain with a float over DDT!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: The third entrant is ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace!

Lieberjosch: Vain coming down the ramp handing an elaborate robe to the timekeeper and entering the ring, Steele charging right at him!

Covert Jay: CURTAIN CALL!!

Vinegar: Wallace springs up and grabs Steele tossing her over the top rope to the outside.

Eliminated: Kate Steele

Covert Jay: Captain 80’s charges at Mr Ego…

Lieberjosch: Back body drop over the top rope and the Captain is eliminated too.

Eliminated: Captain 80’s

Vinegar: Wallace making short work of clearing the ring, and now he has time to sit back and wait for the next entrant.

Lieberjosch: People have been questioning where ‘The Money Maker’ has been since Seven Deadly Sins, they have called into doubt his passion and drive. But it’s clear ‘The Personification of Perfection’ has been preparing for this bout, look at him, he’s in prime physical condition!

Vinegar: He will need to be after drawing such a low number.

Lieberjosch: More doubts! He’s just disposed of one tenth of the field in seconds!

Vinegar: That may be so but Wallace will be well aware far greater challenges lay ahead of him if he wants to add Massive Melee winner to his impressive list of accolades.

Covert Jay: Speaking of….BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: The fourth entrant is The Natural Born Killer!

Liberjosch: Vain smiles and leans out of the ring beckoning to the time keeper to pass him his robe and he begins rummaging inside it asd NBK climbs into the ring.

Vinegar: Not a wise move to turn your back on NBK.

Lieberjosch: Alan is more than aware and he turns quickly brandishing…

Covert Jay: An open bar of Hershey’s Chocolate!

Vinegar: The Killer stops in his tracks and stares at Wallace as he approaches, offering The Killer the candy bar in his hand.

Covert Jay: NBK is conflicted, he begins clawing at his mask…

Lieberjosch: He’s recently been diagnosed as a Type 2 Diabetic and Victoria Jensen has had him on a strict diet, but The Killer isn’t best known for his self control and that is on display here…

Vinegar: Vain takes another step forward and it’s too much for The Killer who turns and leaps over the top rope and runs towards the back screaming, eliminating himself.

Eliminated: The Natural Born Killer

Lieberjosch: Wallace smiles and leaps up to lie across the ropes in the corner and takes a bite from the bar as he taps the side of his head. He hasn’t even broken a sweat yet.

Vinegar: He certainly had NBK well scouted, but as I said earlier he will face sterner tests as the match progresses.

Lieberjosch: Or he has a plan for everyone in the match and this is going to be one of the least competitive Melee’s ever! This might be what we spend the majority of the rest of the night doing; watching a man chill out in front of thousands of people under the Spanish night sky.

Vinegar: We shall see.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!

[/center]

Vinegar: Phrixus Deimos is the fifth entrant, and now Wallace has some real competition.

Covert Jay: Fear is a two time Melee winner, winning once in the LWF Era and more impressively winning from the number 2 spot here in UGWC four years ago. Even if Vain manages to go all the way tonight he still won’t have achieved quite what Deimos did in 2015.

Lieberjosch: I’m sure he has a plan.

Vinegar: And you don’t think Deimos does?

Lieberjosch: Well of course, but I am sure Alan’s is better.

Covert Jay: Well both plans seem to start the same way, and that is with both men violently throwing fists at one another.

Vinegar: And the Cage is descending. These two are going to be locked inside together until it rises up, and Deimos instantly takes advantage of the steel structure, slamming Wallace’s face into the unforgiving wall of the cage.

Lieberjosch: Vain strikes out kicking backwards and hitting Fear with a low blow, and then turns and delivers an uppercut to his doubled over foe, causing him to stagger backwards.

Vinegar: Wallace charges with a knee strike but Deimos steps out of the way, Wallace turns into a kick to the gut from his opponent who then hits a snap DDT. The Massive Melee is finally underway!

Lieberjosch: Vain rolls out of the way of a standing elbow drop from Fear and scrambles to his feet, when Phrixus approaches again he dodges and hits a drop toe hold, sending Fear into the ropes, his neck landing on the middle rope…

Vinegar: Wallace wastes no time and leaps, bringing both knees down on Deimos back, driving his throat down onto the middle rope.

Lieberjosch: Fear rolls onto his back clutching at his throat as The Vain One looms over him and bends over to drag his opponent to his feet.

Vinegar: Eye poke from Deimos followed by a kip up and then a belly-to-belly suplex that slams Wallace into the cage. Deimos drops to a knee and massages his neck as Wallace grasps for the ropes to try and haul himself to his feet.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: ‘The Virus of Life’ Dave Rydell is entrant number six.

Covert Jay: Where is he?

Vinegar: Wallace and Deimos get to their feet and lock up, and there is still no sign of Dave Rydell as both men struggle to get the upper hand.

Lieberjosch: Vain gets behind the Ever Present Observer only to be struck by a wild elbow.

Vinegar: Deimos now drags the three time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion into the corner and starts to slam his head into the turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: But Mr Ego blocks on the fourth attempt by sticking out his leg, and now he hits his opponent with a elbow of his own, springboards onto the second rope and takes down Deimos with a moonsault.

Vinegar: Still no sign of Dave Rydell.

Covert Jay: I am getting word through Ninja Bluetooth that he can’t be found backstage and no-one has seen him all evening.

Lieberjosch: It hasn’t even registered to the two men in the ring that Rydell has not arrived, Vain whipping Fear into the corner and charging in after him…

Vinegar: But Deimos moves at the last minute and Vain hits the corner shoulder first with impact.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!!!

[/div][/video]

Wrestley McWrestleface appears on the stage dressed as a matador, sequined jacket and red cape attached to the shoulder, and a new mask coloured to match the red, yellow, red of the spanish flag. The crowd greet him with a loud cheer.

Vinegar: McWrestleface is entrant number seven and the spanish crowd giving him a hometown welcome.

Lieberjosch: He’s from New Jersey!

Covert Jay: This is his spiritual home, this place used to host bull fighting, what better better metaphor for Wrestley’s struggles in UGWC than the fight between man and a great beast?

Lieberjosch: The only comparison I see thats worth making is both should be banned for reasons of cruelty.

Vinegar: McWrestleface is disappointed to see the cage blocking his entry from the ring, and after looking theatrically at his wrist as if to check the time he leaps onto the side and begins to scale the wall. He reaches the top and leaps off…

Covert Jay: BOY, YOU TURN ME!

Vinegar: Ouch!

Lieberjosch: Unfortunately for Wrestleface in his eagerness to enter the ring and hit his flippy shit he didn’t notice that both Fear and Vain had stopped focusing on one another and had his Shooting Star Press well scouted, both stepping to the side as he raced towards them, causing him to land flat on his face.

Covert Jay: To add insult to injury now the cage starts to rise.

Lieberjosch: Vain and Fear momentarily join forces and they grab the masked embarrassment and toss him over the top rope…

Covert Jay: But Wrestley grabs hold of the top rope and dangles, saving himself from elimination. I’d like to point out that he is the NJ Floor is Lava 2017 Champion, so good luck making him hit the ground.

Lieberjosch: I’d say that was the dumbest thing you’ll say all night, but I’m sure I’d be proven wrong.

Vinegar: Wallace and Deimos both instantly turned back to one another so haven’t noticed that Wrestley has managed to roll back into the ring and they are now trading punches, near the ropes, both men trying to force the other one up and over, but neither man able to gain leverage on the other.

Covert Jay: Wrestley crawls into the corner and clutches at his head, he is still feeling the effects of that missed Shooting Star Press.

Vinegar: Wallace and Fear still struggling with one another.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Number Eight is Zane Scott, Wallace and Fear stop trading blows and look to the ramp to see a man who is almost built to win this competition.

Covert Jay: A three time UGWC World Heavyweight Champion like Alan Wallace, he is also yet to taste victory in the Melee.

Vinegar: With both men’s attention on Scott’s entrance McWrestleface takes the opportunity to sneak up behind them and flips Wallace over the top rope…

Lieberjosch: But Vain manages to land on the canvas, and Deimos being aware of Wrestley now turns and kicks him in the face before he gets a chance to try with him.

Vinegar: But he doesn’t notice that Zane Scott is now in the ring, and before he gets an opportunity to capitalise on McWrestleface’s prone state he is clubbed from behind by Scott, sending him tumbling over the luchadore.

Lieberjosch: Vain gets behind him though and welcomes him to the match with a swinging neckbreaker.

Vinegar: Deimos back on his feet hits Wallace with a Spear…

Covert Jay: Wrestley then hits Deimos with a hurricanrana…

Vinegar: And then receives a huge boot to the face from Scott.

Lieberjosch: Vain back on his feet runs at Zane…

Vinegar: But Scott is ready for him with a thunderous sidewalk slam…

Lieberjosch: Deimos now comes at The Personification of Pain…

Vinegar: Crushing Spinebuster from Scott…

Covert Jay: Wrestley comes cartwheeling towards Zane…

Vinegar: And runs into the outstretched, oak like, arm of Scott and does a full 720 degree rotation before hitting the canvas.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!

Vinegar: Supreme Jersey Wrestling member X-Bro 420 is entrant Number 9!

Lieberjosch: Are we really that short of real competition, this is scraping the barrel.

Covert Jay: I believe SJW’s involvement tonight is the back offices attempts to make right the unfortunate events that marred their debut show at Chill #8 when Hide Yamazaki took out the majority of their roster.

Lieberjosch: You mean we’ll see more of them tonight.

Covert Jay: That’s what my sources tell me.

Vinegar: McWrestleface is thrilled to see X-Bro 420, clearly seeing a potential ally and as he climbs into the ring the Luchadore offers him a high five…

Covert Jay: X-Bro scoops Wrestley up above his head and military presses him a few times before tossing him towards the arena floor…

Vinegar: But once more McWrestleface manages to grab onto the top rope with both his hands.

Lieberjosch: The overweight amateur turns round into a Big Boot from Zane Scott that sends him tumbling over the top rope to the arena floor just beside where WMcW is dangling.

Eliminated: X-Bro 420

Covert Jay: Wrestley manages to roll onto the canvas and mocks crying towards X-Bro.

Vinegar: Deimos and Wallace take the opportunity to double team Scott and they send him into the corner and both take turns stomping him..

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Number ten Travis Pierce, he marks the halfway point in terms of entrants.

Lieberjosch: In the ring Wrestley jumps Vain from behind and they begin to brawl giving Zane the opportunity to break out from the corner, grabbing Deimos by the throat and hurling him to the side and heading directly towards The Icon of Entertainment.

Vinegar: Pierce ducking under a swing from Scott and he manages to kick him in the back of the leg and bring him down to one knee, he then repeatedly drives his knee into his opponents skull.

Lieberjosch: The Vain One has Wrestley up on the top rope but once again the slippery amateur manages to wriggle out of the compromising position.

Covert Jay: The cage is coming down.

Vinegar: Wallace blindsides Pierce, interrupting his knee strikes on Scott by hitting him with a snap suplex, before turning to the groggy Scott lifting him up and running him towards the ropes, launching him over, but misses his window and the cage thwarts the elimination attempt.

Covert Jay: Half the competitors that have entered so far are now sealed in the cage with one another.

Vinegar: Deimos, Pierce, Scott, Wallace and McWrestleface all get to their feet.

Covert Jay: McWrestleface looks as all four eyes swing onto him and he quickly leaps onto the wall of the cage and starts climbing.

Lieberjosch: Coward.

Vinegar: The remaining four men turn their attention back to each other and collide in the middle of the ring in a chaotic tornado of strikes, each man alternating strikes between opponents.

Covert Jay: None of them paying attention to McWrestleface who has got to the top of the cage and stands upright...BOY, YOU TURN ME!

Vinegar: This time he makes no mistake and he slams down into all four of his opponents and everyone collapses in a heap on the canvas.

Covert Jay: Still think he’s a coward.

Lieberjosch: No, but I do still think he is an idiot.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Entrant Number Eleven is Bobbi London, Kenzi Grey-Lacklan’s Life Model Decoy. She is being accompanied to the ring by Kenzi, both slapping the hands of fans who stretch out to them. Bobbi blowing kisses to the excited fans.

Covert Jay: I understand due to injuries suffered in her Chaos Title match on last week’s Synergy, Bobbi London will be representing her here tonight.

Lieberjosch: They look at the cage and are quite content to wait outside unlike that ridiculous excuse for a wrestler McFeckface.

Vinegar: inside the ring the human pile of destruction begins to shift as the competitors start climbing back to their feet. Wallace takes McWrestleface down quickly with a spinning heel kick.

Lieberjosch: Pierce ducks under another swing from Zane and manages to then catch Fear with a swinging DDT.

Vinegar: Scott looks to follow after Pierce but is grabbed by Alan Wallace who attempts to hurl him face first into the cage, but Scott braces with his arms and blocks the move.

Covert Jay: But a missile dropkick from the top rope to the back of Zane’s skull from Wrestley breaks his resistance and drives his forehead into the side.

Vinegar: Scott is bleeding, and McWrestleface quickly rolls away, as Scott turns and directs his anger towards Wallace by scooping him him up over his shoulder and then driving him at speed into the corner.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!

[/video]

Lieberjosch: Dear god.

Vinegar: Boss Penguin is entrant number twelve and he waddles down to ringside and looks up at London as he joins her by the side of the cage.

Covert Jay: Kenzi and Bobbi exchange incredulous looks before Kenzi just shrugs and motions for her employee to deal with the issue.

Vinegar: London looks down, grabs the Penguin, licks her finger to test the air speed and punts him high into the air.

Covert Jay: The competitors in the ring stop what they’re doing and watch as Boss Penguin reaches an incredible height before descending even more rapidly towards the ring.

Vinegar: Boss Penguin slams down in the middle of the ring with such force that he bounces straight off the canvas and back over the cage wall and into the crowd.

Eliminated: Boss Penguin.

Covert Jay: Kenzi and Bobbi laugh and high five.

Vinegar: In the ring after the brief respite chaos breaks out once more as the five men clash.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZ!

Vinegar: Fittingly the Chaos Champion is entrant number thirteen, now asking to be referred to as just Lacklan.

Lieberjosch: It’s LACKLAN, for god’s sake, show some respect.

Vinegar: I am not going to scream her name like a lunatic everytime I say it.

Covert Jay: Why not? She does.

Vinegar: She’s also taken to wearing a mask, should I do that too?

Lieberjosch: We thought it would be rude to suggest it.

Vinegar: Lacklan walks past both London and Grey and instantly starts climbing the cage.

Lieberjosch: No hesitation from Chaos’ Queen, she’s made it clear she is ready to give the entire world the Heavyweight Champion it deserves, and she’s clearly not going to let engineering get in the way of her destiny!

Covert Jay: When Wrestley did the same thing you called him an idiot.

Lieberjosch: No matter what he does that statement will always be correct. But look, Bor...LACKLAN has not face planted into the middle of the ring from great height she has carefully navigated her way down the side of the cage…

Vinegar: And she has positioned herself so that she can strike at Travis Pierce who si preoccupied with Deimos in the corner, and she slams her forehead into the back of his skull, tosses him aside and helps Deimos to his feet.

Lieberjosch: Together they takes down Zane Scott with a double dropkick, they then turn to Wrestley, a right hand from LACKLAN ends him down, Deimos grabs his feet and then slingshots him up into a clothesline from LACKLAN.

Vinegar: Wallace rushes but Lacklan ducks and he meets a knee to the midsection from Deimos who then throws him into Lacklan’s clutches once more and she grabs his hair and drives his head into the canvas.

Covert Jay: While the teaming of Chaotic Fear blossoms in the ring, the cage has started to go up and Bobbi London has climbed into the ring…

Vinegar: Lacklan and Deimos are a split second late in noticing this and as they turn London grabs them both by the throat and chokeslams them into the canvas.

Covert Jay: From out of nowhere Wrestley leaps onto her back, but Bobbi just punches him, lifts him up and tosses him high over the top rope…

Vinegar: But once again, to the delight of this crowd, McWrestleface finds a lifeline and he reaches up and clings onto the rising cage, dangling precariously above the ring, stretching his legs up to wrap them around the metal frame and avoids elimination for now.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: Our fourteenth entrant is Hide Yamazaki!

JBC stops Yamazaki a few feet beyond the Gorilla position. Johnny is toting his own microphone.

"All right, cut that music, CUT THAT MUSIC, goddamn you!!"


Moments later, the music stops.

"Now, I know you people were hoping to get to see 'Deathwish' Hide Yamazaki compete in this so-called 'Massive Melee', but you know what, I got to thinking. These past few weeks, be it in cooperative competition or singles matches..."


Johnny points at Yamazaki.

[font color="#e619
21"]"You haven't been pulling your weight!"
[/font][/b]
The crowd boos; it's not that they like Yamazaki, they don't, but they especially hate the abusive prick of a Canadian talking right now. Yamazaki looks mildly confused.

"So since it seems that the countless hours of torture and other reasonable punishments you've incurred in the past don't seem to be doing the trick, it's time for some public humiliation!"


More booing.

"'What's that going to entail?', you dicks might be asking yourselves dickishly? Why, first of all, Yamazaki, you're officially out of the Massive Melee!"


Even more booing. Yamazaki's eyes widen as he clutches at his bleached hair.
"And second of all, not only are you out of this little shindig, but, get a load of your replacement!"


Murmurs of confusion among the commentators, fans and wrestlers occurs. Johnny motions back toward the Gorilla position, and Yamazaki looks on intently.

"Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X begins to play, shortly followed by this guy:

"Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, your NEXT #1 Contender to the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship: Lance 'Tumbleweed' Kidd!"


The fans boo as Lance does some fancy footwork in the form of a one-man line-dance. He shakes Johnny's hand as he passes by, quickly ducking out of Yamazaki's way.

Lance throws his hat into the ring, literally.

Vinegar: London and Zane both descend on this unexpected replacement, their boots and fists tearing him apart, before they both grab him and unceremoniously tosses him out of the ring much to the delight of the fans.

Meanwhile, Johnny doesn't seem all too bothered by his so-called pinch-hitter getting boot-fucked into oblivion.

Johnny thinks for a few seconds, then gets Yamazaki's attention.

"Actually, forget it, that was a joke. Yamazaki, go show those jabronis not named Kenzi and Aveline why you have a... death-wish!"


Lieberjosch: Excited at the prospect of maiming people in front of all of Spain, Hide makes a beeline for the ring, rolls in, rushes at Travis Pierce near the corner turnbuckle, who dodges out of the way, then leaps at an unoccupied turnbuckle and tosses Hide the rest of the way out of the ring, resulting in a roar from the crowd.

Johnny just shakes his head and walks away in disgust.

Eliminated: Hide Yamazaki

Lieberjosch: Well that was certainly something that happened during this match.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Donovan Hastings is Number 15. He recently announced he has technically relinquished his place as a part of the Consortium and he will be hoping to make an impact here tonight.

Lieberjosch: The Lord in no hurry to enter the ring, Pierce and Vain are unsuccessfully trying to leverage Zane Scott over the ropes in one corner, while Deimos and LACKLAN take it in turns to chop Bobbi London in the opposite corner.

Covert Jay: Kenzi, scrambles up onto the canvas and grabs fear by the head and drops down, guillotining his throat on the top rope, he flails backwards and his hand strikes LACKLAN, who instinctively launches herself at him, clawing at his face before hitting a spinning elbow, that connects beneath the chin and sends Deimos clattering to the outside.

Eliminated: Phrixus Deimos

Vinegar: It won’t be a third Melee win for Deimos, not this year.

Lieberjosch: Donovan steps over Deimos, before carefully making his way to the other side of the ring where he patiently observes the struggle between Zane and Pierce.

Vinegar: London on the other side of the ring has got the upper hand on Lacklan and is driving her head into the turnbuckle repeatedly, but she loses her grip and her opponents drops to the floor rolls out of the ring and then takes her legs out from under her and slams them into the ring post, before rolling back in before Grey can get her hands on her.

Lieberjosch: The Lord of Pain picks his opening and rolls into the ring and attacks his Cooperative Partners fallen proxy in unison with LACKLAN, both dragging her into the middle of the ring and dropping elbows onto her legs.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: Entrant number 16 is Holden Orson.

Lieberjosch: He made it then.

Vinegar: Scott has broken free of Pierce and Wallace and made a beeline for Hastings.

Covert Jay: he has avoided interactions with Donovan as much as possible since last year, but as they are in the ring together I guess he can’t help but focus on the man who did all he could to ruin his life last year.

Lieberjosch: Winning World Titles and being a featured guy at every show ‘ruined’ his life? Ungrateful peon.

Vinegar: Scott brushes aside Lacklan and grabs Hastings, but before he can do anything else, Lacklan leaps onto him from behind, wrapping her head around his skull and forcing her thumbs into his eye sockets.

Covert Jay: Holden slides into the ring, keeping his distance from LACKLAN’S violent attack, but he finds himself whipped into the corner by Bobbi London, she then slowly walks across and grabs the Hipster and raises him above her head , before bringing his stomach down across her knee and letting him roll to the ground. She then climbs on top of him and starts to mount punches on him…

Vinegar: SWEET AUNTIE ELSIE’S HOMEMADE PIE!!!

Covert Jay: Wrestley McWrestleface comes to his partners aid by dropping from the his position dangling above the ring, and driving an elbow into the back of Bobbi London, before bouncing and rolling off and under the bottom rope outside to the arena floor.

Vinegar: Orson gets to his feet and charges towards London, but she steps to the side and uses his own momentum to fling him over the top rope and he collides with McWrestleface as he hits the floor.

Eliminated: Holden Orson

Lieberjosch: Hastings and LACKLAN have managed to outnumber Zane.

Vinegar: it’s not the first time he has had to battle out from the corner, and he successfuly does so once again, pushing both away from him, swiping LACKLAN down with a forearm and then towering over Hastings.

Lieberjosch: SUPERKI..

Vinegar: No, Scott anticipates the creatively named eye poke and blocks it with his hand, before grabbing him by the throat with one and and then using the other to launch him in the air…

Covert Jay: MURDEROUS INTENT!

Vinegar: Scott quite literally uppercutting Hastings over the top rope.

Eliminated: Donovan Hastings

Covert Jay: Zane turns dispassionately back to the ring, only to find himself bear hugged by LACKLAN who unloads a succession of screaming headbutts, the pitch of her screams as well as the impact of the strikes sends hims stumbling backwards into the corner under her onslaught.

Vinegar: Meanwhile Pierce has got behind Wallace and goes for the Breakdown…

Lieberjosch: Vain escapes…

Covert Jay: THE MONEY MAKER!

Vinegar: Pierce is outta here!

Eliminated: Travis Pierce

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!!!!

Covert Jay: NINJA OPIE!

Vinegar: The seventeenth entrant is Jet Somers, coming a fraction too late to give aid to his cooperative partner.

Lieberjosch: Yes, because their success since reforming this year certainly suggests it would have made a great deal of difference to how things have panned out.

Vinegar: London has joined Lacklan in the corner trying to lift a resistant Scott over the top rope, while Wallace is becoming frustrated trying to get hold of McWrestleface, who is rolling, flipping, or shimmying out of his grasp.

Covert Jay: Somers rolls into the ring and breaks down the double team on Zane…

Lieberjosch: Of course he does, because that’s the smart move in an over the top rope battle royale.

Vinegar: Lacklan does not take kindly to his interruption and jumps on him meting out her own version of a ground and pound…

Covert Jay: The Catch and Scratch?

Vinegar: Lacklan’s sharp nails rip into the flesh of Somers’ face and he is only saved from disfigurement when Scott bursts out of the corner, pushing London aside and slamming his foot into the side of Lacklan’s face.

Covert Jay: She falls to the floor where Wrestley does a one handed cartwheel over her as Wallace continues to pursue him.

Vinegar: Scott is struck from behind by a double axe handle from London, who repeats the move doubling him over, before driving her knee up into his face.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: Number Eighteen, Paul ‘Crusher’ Harris from SJW…

Lieberjosch: Dear me…

Covert Jay: Like Wrestley McWrestleface Paul harris is a fifteen year veteran of the independent scene, you can;’t argue he deserves this moment too.

Lieberjosch: I am not arguing that he and McWrestleface have as much business being in this match as one another. I AM arguing there are many, MANY better options out there...Little People Wrestling is still a thing, right?

Vinegar: What he may lack in reputation Harris is showing no signs of lacking fight, he has walked straight up to London and poked her in the chest and started jawing at her.

Lieberjosch: She looks over at Kenzi who just rolls her eyes, Bobbi looks back at Harris and blows him a kiss before slapping him around the face so hard he flips over the top rope and to the ground below.

Eliminated: Paul Harris

Vinegar: Somers seizing the opportunity as London is distracted and he leaps onto the second rope…

Covert Jay: JETSTREAM…

Lieberjosch: NO! London plucks him out of the air like he is nothing at all, and then tosses him over the top rope to join the nobody on the floor.

Eliminated: JET SOMERS

Vinegar: Wallace has finally got his hands on McWrestleface and he flings him into the corner but before he can follow up Lacklan launches herself at McWrestleface, driving wild knee’s into his midsection and striking him with elbows to the skull.

Lieberjosch: Mr Ego looks around to see Bobbi slowly turning towards him, and then finds himself grabbed by Zane Scott who whips him towards Kenzi’s stand-in, who takes him down with a massive hip thrust.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: The penultimate entrant is Cynric...no I’m sorry...Chauncey the Bard.

Lieberjosch: I shouldn’t be surprised should I? Who the hell is left?

Vinegar: Chauncey doesn’t look too eager to make his way to the ring.

Lieberjosch: Jesus, I’ve just figured it out...Konrad Raab is going to be number twenty isn’t he? Talk about an underwhelming set of surprises this year.

Vinegar: Lacklan is attempting to get McWrestleface out in the corner, while London and Scott have locked up in the middle of the ring as Chauncey rolls into the ring…

Lieberjosch: Vain gets to his feet, tells Chauncey to turn around, kicks him in the rear, and then The Bard jumps out over the top rope.

Eliminated: Chauncey The Bard

Vinegar: On further thought that was not the best use of that spot.

Lieberjosch: What are you talking about? Vain has another elimination to his name, and has all the momentum going into the final stretch.

Vinegar: Momentum that is immediately stalled as Lacklan abandons her attempts to remove McWrestleface from the ring, and hits a flailing flying forearm on Wallace as she launches herself across the ring.

Lieberjosch: Zane Scott wins the lock up with Bobbi London and whips her into the corner that McWrestleface has just managed to get to his feet.

Vinegar: his bad luck does not end there, as Scott follows London in with a powerful shoudlerthrust, crushing McWrestleface further.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!!!!!

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: The final entrant in the 2019 Massive Melee, who is it!?

The Coliseums lights simultaneously shut down and only glimpses of the stars and moon offer any illumination on this overcast night.

Vinegar: This is highly irregular.

Individual white LED lights on the entrance ramp start flashing a path from the ring to the entrance stage. Three words appear on the GlobaTron:

THE GUIDING LIGHT

The words flash on the screen as a spotlight appears and focuses on a individual in flowing white robes standing on top of the entranceway.

Vinegar: This must be the source of the mysterious messages that have appeared on UGWC.com over the past couple of weeks.

The figure on the stage raises their head slowly, as the words on the screen flash faster and faster before once again the entire Coliseum is plunged into near darkness.

And then the mother of all pyrotechnics shows erupts around the rim of the Coliseum and the music changes, as do the words on the screen.

TRAVIS ROBERTS

The fans in attendance erupt.

Vinegar: JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK! THE HEADLINER HAS RETURNED!!!

Covert Jay: HE'S BACK!!!

Lieberjosch: IS THIS REAL?

The remaining competitors in the ring have had no choice but to turn and look at the spectacle as 'The Blessed One' appears to glide down the ramp, his robes flowing and billowing behind him, smiling and acknowledging the thunderous reaction from the crowd.

Vinegar: By all accounts this looks like a very different Travis Roberts to the one we last saw nearly two and a half years ago.

Covert Jay: The messages left on UGWC.com suggest he has found tranquillity and devotion in his absence from the public eye.

Vinegar: His attire may be unfamiliar, but the reaction he is receiving from this crowd is anything but. They know they are witnessing a moment we will be talking about for years! June 3rd 2019 the day 'The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment this Millennia' returned home to UGWC!'

Lieberjosch: Disregard any predictions I made before, Travis Roberts is my pick now, nobody else stands a chance against this clear tsunami of destiny! Look at Wallace's face, he looks like he has seen a ghost, even he knows what this means!

Vinegar: it's hard to be against a competitor of his calibre, especially after being handed the best possible entrance number.

Lieberjosch: Like I said, a tsunami of destiny.

Travis disrobes to reveal a pair of white linen pants and bare feet. He smiles and acknowledges the crowd reaction once more by holding his hands together and bowing to each side of the arena.

LACKLAN looks on with derision as he climbs the steps and enters into the ring.

Vinegar: As soon as Roberts second foot enters the ring LACKLAN launches herself screaming at him with a lariat…

Lieberjosch: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Vinegar: Well that was anticlimactic.

Eliminated: Travis Roberts

Vinegar: Roberts sits up on the arena floor clearly shocked by events and crawls over to a chair and pulls himself into it, his eyes wide open, his expression one if disbelief. LACKLAN looks down and shakes her head in disappointment before turning her attentions back to the stunned onlookers her opponents have become.

Covert Jay: Wrestley takes advantage of the general bewilderment and hits Zane with a springboard DDT…

Vinegar: Wallace seems to be trying to hold in laughter, but in doing so he doesn’t see London approach from behind, and when he does it’s too late and she hoists him over the top rope to the floor below.

Eliminated: Alan Wallace.

Vinegar: Scott gets to his feet, Wrestley slumps in a corner, Lacklan throws her head back shrieking to the heavens and Bobbi London stands tall. Ladies and gentlemen, one of these four competitors will be heading to WrestleStock to face the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion.

Covert Jay: Listen to the fans in the arena, they have come unglued.

Lieberjosch: This means there is a one in four chance Wrestley McWrestleface could win? God help us all.

Covert Jay: I think thats what has got a lot of these fans worked up, and as he and Zane stand opposite LACKLAN and London, all four sets of eyes not staying still for minute, the crowd in the Coliseum reach a volume that would have blown the roof of had it ever had one.

Vinegar: McWrestleface is the first to move, hitting London with an Enziguri, Lacklan follows suit with the same move striking Scott, but neither succeeds in felling their foe, merely causing them to stumble.

Lieberjosch: LACKLAN follows up with an attempted headbutt, however Zane manages to dodge and he brings his knee up into her midsection and then tosses her into the corner.

Covert Jay: McWrestleface launches himself at Bobbi London again, but she is ready for him and scoops him up onto her shoulders….BYE BYE BARBIE!!!

Vinegar: She scopps the prone body of McWrestleface off the canvas and tosses him over the top rope…

Covert Jay: He lands on the canvas again…

Vinegar: Scott runs at him and hits him full force sending him flying backwards….

Covert Jay: AND HE LANDS ON THE GUARDRAIL AND STANDS UP!!!

Vinegar: The Crowd have erupted…

Covert Jay: WREST-UH-LEE!!! WREST-UH-LEEE!!!

Vinegar: As he tightrope walks along the barricade, this entire arena and one of my broadcast colleagues screaming his name his opponents have got to be having doubts now that they will ever be able to eliminate El Flippy Loco, he seems to be sticking to the ring tonight in a manner I have never seen before. Can it actually be done, he has landed on his face, fallen from great heights and been tossed around all night,what will it take to finally eliminate this man. Fifteen years of toil and heartache have led to this moment, he may even be wiping a tear from his eye as he makes his way around the ring on the rail, can anything…WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AND GOOD!!!

Covert Jay: Travis Roberts just laid out Wrestley.

Lieberjosch: I forgot he was still ringside.

Vinegar: But why would he do that?

Eliminated: Wrestley McWrestleface

Vinegar: Roberts isn’t satisfied with costing McWrestleface the victory, he hoists him up and hits a White Out onto the arena floor....

Covert Jay: He’s still not done, he’s just torn the guard rail down and has laid it on the floor….ANOTHER WHITE OUT ONTO THE GUARDRAIL

Vinegar: Roberts’ face is red with rage, and he is screaming into McWrestleface’s unconscious face, spit flying from his lips, he then starts to tear the mask off…

Covert Jay: He holds it up in the air and displays it to the crowd as if it is a scalp, and then tosses it aside, before dragging Wrestling up yet again, dragging him over the the ring steps, and hitting yet another White Out onto the edge of the unforgiving steel.

Vineger: Wrestley’s body is limp, blood now spewing from his head, but Roberts still isn’t done and this causes Zane Scott to roll out of the ring and tear him off. Roberts spins and looks fiercely at Scott, before shrugging and backing away.

Covert Jay: He then taunts the crowd pointing at his handiwork to a chorus of boos, he mimics the chants that were echoing around this arena just moments ago, as he backs off up the entrance ramp.

Vinegar: Scott back in the ring leaning over the top rope, screaming at Roberts, and doesn’t notice London come behind him and locks his arms behind his back…

Lieberjosch: Kenzi Grey jumps onto the canvas with a chair in hand and she swings at Zane…

Vinegar: But he breaks out at the last moment and the steel crashes into London’s face instead and with a great show of strength Scott scoops her over his shoulders and dumps her over the top rope, taking Grey down at the same time.

Eliminated: Bobbi London

Lieberjosch: It’s between LACKLAN and Zane.

Vinegar: These two have been battling throughout much of the first half of this year, facing off again here in the Massive Melee! Who will make it to WrestleStock to challenge for the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship?

Covert Jay: They both circle each other slowly, no room for anymore distractions.

Vinegar: Lacklan pounces first, but Scott sidesteps her advances and flings her into the ropes..

Covert Jay: She leapfrogs him and holds onto the ropes…

Vinegar: Scott sees an opening and he charges at her with a clothesline…

Lieberjosch: LACKLAN side steps, and uses his momentum to thrust Zane over the top rope…

Vinegar: But there is not enough power or momentum and Scott easily remains within the ring, and grabs Lacklan and hurls her into the furthest corner…

Covert Jay: He follows her in, but she manages to pull herself out of the way…

Vinegar: Scott avoids colliding with the turnbuckle and stops at the very last moment

Lieberjosch: But as he turns around he sees LACKLAN leaping of the ground aiming a flying shoulder at him.

Vinegar: Showing remarkable agility once more Scott manages to dodge by pulling himself above her and perching himself on the top rope.

Lieberjosch: LACKLAN crashes into the steel post and staggers backwards, as she does she lashes out with both hands and catches Zane in the eye…

Covert Jay: She’s torn his eyelid in half!

Vinegar: Lacklan steadies herself as Scott clutches at his face, she runs at the corner, up the ropes and wraps her arms around him….and pushes forward!

Covert Jay: Both tumble through the air to the outside…

Lieberjosch: Zane Scott slams face first into the arena floor, with LACKLAN kneeling on his back…

Eliminated: Zane Scott.

Vinegar: Lacklan rolls off his back and crumples on the floor as the bell rings.

Lieberjosch: Well that brings a whole new meaning to LACKLANLANDS, doesn’t it?

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the WINNERE of the 2019 Massive Melee…..LLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!

Vinegar: She said told the world she was ready to move on from defining the Chaos Division to defining the entirety of UGWC and tonight she proved that she may well be more than capable of doing just that..

Lieberjosch: ALL HAIL LACKLAN!

Vinegar: It’s been one hell of a night and there will surely be huge ramifications after the events here in Barcelona, Spain, so make sure you join us when Synergy returns on July 17th, to see how this will all unfold.

Covert Jay: Don't forget to Chill!

[Lord Hastings]

Credits

Hastings vs Raab
Ad

"I Quit" Match
Chad

The Massive Melee
Rob

---

Congrats to the winners and thanks to the writers, and an extra special THANK YOU to Rob, who stepped in huge today and picked up the Massive Melee. It had been my intention to do it myself, but have been bogged down a bit lately with some personal matters, for which I apologize to everyone for my recent lesser contributions.

[Zane]

Congratulations to winners. Once again I come up short against the hottest hand in the Fed. Congrats to Aveline. (Sorry, I can't call her "Lacklan" in all caps. Lol) and Roxy.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

I really enjoyed the posts this month and feel that we have a supremely talented variety of writers on the roster.

Ad and Chad I think you both did great, but special mention to Chad as I think writing an I Quit match between two BFF's can be one of the more challenging tasks in the game.

Thank you to Steve for trusting me to deliver one of the years Marquee matches, I think I'd be right in saying I'm only the second person to have written a Melee so i appreciate the faith in me.

The Melee was the first match of any significance that I have written in quite some time, and I gained a whole new appreciation for what Steve has gone through for god knows how many years now writing it. There is a lot to keep track of, and it's very easy to forget whats going on.

I hope people enjoyed it, but even if you didn't I would really appreciate any and all feedback you have whether it be public or in private. It wasn't a small undertaking and I have no issue in begging you all and trying to guilt trip you a little bit into helping me improve your enjoyment of any future matches.

It wasn't long ago we were getting consistent feedz to shows and RPs and that has dropped off significantly over the past few months. I can't believe I am the only person that misses that level of engagement and interaction with one another and would like to think the week off after a PPV (for those that aren't part of Chill at least) is a good opportunity to let each other know our thoughts.

[DrunkenBuzzsaw]

I hope that everyone enjoyed the show. Having read through it twice now, I think Ad and Rob did a great job with their matches, and I hope all of the writers involved in those two matches appreciate the effort that was put into them. Everyone here is talented as hell, and while we try to always give you guys a great effort with the matches in order to reflect how appreciative we are of your efforts, we sometimes fall flat on that. That is not the case for their matches this time around, in my estimation, and it is my hope that you guys and gals agree. With that said...

I'm not exactly happy with the 'I Quit' match, because I had much more going on in my head that I wanted to put in... but I also didn't want to overstep my bounds in regards to the toons involved (i.e. I did not want to do something to misrepresent how the handlers viewed their characters and their actions of that match). I hope that did not occur, but realize it is a possibility. And if that is the case, my apologies on not giving you two the match you envisioned and deserved.

It's no secret that we lost quite a few talented characters over the last six months or so, but I want to thank each and every one of you for continuing to put out quality content each and every week. Keep up the great work, and we will try to continue giving you the best shows that we can.

And now... ON TO WRESTLESTOCK!