Post by EmbodimentOfFear on Sept 20, 2019 23:00:20 GMT -5
Everybody knew Roxanne Ringer’s Confectionary Sweetmeats and Culinary Delights. The factory was at the edge of town, though not a soul had been seen entering or leaving for years. Yet there was nary a soul that didn’t enjoy Miss Roxanne’s various products of sweets and candies. When it was announced that six children would be allowed to visit the factory, the mad rush to stores to tear open Ringer Rocks and Roxy Rippers searching for the winning tickets was remarkable. One at a time, the fashionable discs were uncovered, granting the children that held them the right to enter Miss Roxanne’s factory along with a parent or guardian.
I had no money or resources of my own to acquire the opportunity. We had very little, and the other kids often called me a loser, one that would never achieve anything regardless of my efforts. Instead, I had to sit back and watch while others got the opportunities that I wanted for myself.
The first was Sarah Hamstrings, the daughter of a washed up former television star and a prominant YouTube star herself. Though a popular celebrity in his own time, Mr. Hamstrings was currently mooching off of the success of his daughter and her various friends that often appeared in her broadcasts.
The next two disc holders to be revealed with Travis Aidees and Hide Hitmaker. Hide was a selective mute whose father was more than happy to talk on his behalf, whereas Travis had the opposite problem, seemingly struggling to ever close his mouth voluntarily. It was little wonder that his father was constantly shouting over him, desperate to be heard.
Konrad Steele seemed very eager and excited for his opportunity to visit the factory. During his press interviews his mother also seemed interested in speaking and garnering some attention for herself, yet blatantly and repeatedly missed the opportunities to do so.
Gabby Rollacert appeared to be a vapid young girl whose future would be on a pole one day, yet her parents, Allen and Trevor, were too busy creating sculptures of themselves to ensure that wouldn’t happen. During her press interview, they could be seen bickering in the background over which of them would have to accompany her.
The final child to find a disc was Sebastian Taylor, who during his interviews appeared more interested in his own appearance than much anything else. He commented when asked that he had never found a candy that could hold his interest. Several tabloids were pushing rumors that Mrs. Taylor had been a street walker in her youth.
In a shocking twist mere days before the visit to the factory was to occur, it was revealed that Konrad had misunderstood some mundane rule at the core of the contest, and had been disqualified from participating. A replacement needed to be found and it was as such that my grandfather thrust a Roxy Ripper into my hands, eager for me to tear the wrapper off and reveal the contents, as he didn’t “have all fucking day.”
I peeled the wrapper away, and gasped as the disc was revealed. As my parents were away visiting Uncle Scott, my father’s brother whom they claim I met when I was young, although I barely recall it, it fell to Grampy Bob to accompany me to the factory. Ol’ Grampy squeed with such excitement and delight that he appeared to frighten his pet bat.
We were the last to arrive at the factory that day, the other children and their accompanying parents already waiting. As it appeared neither of her parents won the aforementioned argument about accompanying her, Gabby Rollacert was there with both her fathers, who were still squabbling about it.
“Right stupid bunch of tits they look like,” grumbled Grampy Bob, “you can see where the girl gets it from.”
Then the gates opened, and Roxanne Ringer appeared and welcomed the children and our chaperones to her factory. Sebastian appear mostly disinterested while Sarah was live-streaming the event, but Miss Roxanne sweetly told her she would be unable to do so inside the factory.
“Why not?” demanded Sarah.
“Indeed,” said Mr. Hamstrings, “my daughter and I must be seen by all our adoring fans everywhere!”
“My adoring fans,” corrected Sarah, “and they’ll simply wilt and suffer without me.”
“A touch of moderation might do them wonders,” said Miss Roxanne. “And besides, my secrets within are only for the six of you, it simply wouldn’t do to let just anyone see it.”
“You’re just worried I”ll upstage you in front of the whole world!” exclaimed Sarah.
“I’m sorry,” said Miss Roxanne, “but I can’t hear you if you’re going to mumble like that. Come now, time is wasting away, let’s begin the tour.”
It was Travis Aidees that pushed his way to the front of the pack as the tour began, struggling to keep up with Miss Roxanne and needling her with questions about every little detail.
“This is where you make all your candy?”
“Obviously.”
“And do you send it from here all around the globe?”
“Of course not. That would be impossible, silly child.”
“Why?”
“Because the earth is flat, bb.”
As we walked down the hallways of the factory, we passed a group of small yet intimidating muscle laden women, all identical.
“Who are they?” asked Travis.
“The Maxxy Waxxys.”
“The who?”
“No, not a band, although they do enjoy singing. I rescued them from-”
“From Waxxyland?”
“Malibu, actually. Let’s not interrupt, hm?”
Two large doors swung open to reveal a large room with grass and trees and what appeared to be a chocolate river running through it. On top of a hill overlooking the river was a large falcon.
“Wow!” exclaimed Travis Aidees. “That’s amazing! I want to ride it!”
“Oh,” said Miss Roxanne, “I wouldn’t recommend that. They can be quite feral.”
“GO ON SON!” shouted Mr. Aidees. “GO AND RIDE THE FALCON! YEEAHHH!!!”
And so Travis ran away from the group and up the hill, all as Miss Roxanne calmly advised against it.
“No,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “please, don’t.”
Travis leapt onto the large bird, which promptly bucked him off high into the air, hurtling towards the chocolate river, which he missed by a foot and landed on the ground beside it, his neck loudly snapping and his body crumpling in a horrific manner.
“SWEET BABY JESUS!! YOUR BEAST JUST KILLED MY SON!! YEEAAHHHHH!!!!”
“So it did,” noted Miss Roxanne. “But not to worry, we can get that cleaned up.”
She blew a whistle, and several of the Maxxy Waxxys appeared out of nowhere.
“It would seem we’ve lost one already,” Miss Roxanne told them, “please take care of it.”
The Maxxy Waxxys went about attending to the carcass, beginning to sing as they worked.
And so they pushed the body into the river.
“Why in the world do you have giant falcons in here anyway?” asked Sarah Hamstrings.
“Sweetie, you’ll need to stop mumbling if you want anybody to hear you. Let’s move on.”
We boarded a boat and went sailing down the river, leaving Mr. Aidees to continue to yell at the falcon. The bulk of the ride was spent with Mr. and Mr. Rollacert continuing to argue over whose fault it was that they just had to watch a horrifying event that really hadn’t fazed their host or anybody else that was present, to the convenience of the story.
Upon disembarking the boat we entered into a large room where a scurry of squirrels appeared to be knocking on nuts. Some off the nuts would be placed on a conveyor, while others were dropped down a hole. Miss Roxanne explained that the squirrels were checking for quality nuts to be put in her chocolate balls, as nuts and balls go well together but only the best was good enough for her.
As we looked down upon the squirrels from the platform we had entered the room onto, it was Gabby Rollacert that surprisingly spoke up.
“I want one.”
“You want a squirrel?” asked Mr. Rollacert.
“We’ll get you one,” said the other Mr. Rollacert.
“No,” she said with a grin. “I want the nuts, all of the nuts.”
“Fine. We’ll take them, Ringer!” declared a Mr. Rollacert.
“No,” said Miss Roxanne.
“What do you mean? We can pay you!” demanded the other Mr. Rollacert.
“They’re not for sale, and nobody should have a nut without the ball that it goes with.”
“I don’t care!” shouted Gabby, “I want your nuts and I want them now!”
She shoved her way past the others and hopped the handrail, grabbing the pole supporting the platform and sliding down it. She walked towards the nuts, grabbing them vivaciously, when suddenly the scurry collectively pounced on her and tore her to shreds, with some of the squirrels nibbling on the remains.
“Jesus Christ on a pogo stick!” exclaimed Trevor Rollacert.
“She was a bad nut, I suppose.” Miss Roxanne sighed, and whistled for the Maxxy Waxxys again, directing them to deal with the remaining limbs. They sang as they nudged the body parts down the chute.
“Two naughty, nasty little children gone.” Miss Roxanne smiled as the Maxxy Waxxys also grabbed Allen and Trevor Rollacert and threw them down the hole. “Three good, sweet little children left.”
“What’s down that hole anyway, Ringer?” asked Mr. Hitmaker.
“The Disintigrators. Come along, try to keep up.”
We walked down a long hallway, taking lefts and rights and rights and lefts again, until we came to another door that Miss Roxanne opened. This room was nearly empty, save a pillar on the far side, upon which sat what appeared to be a single piece of candy.
“There it is,” said Miss Roxanne, “a crown jewel. That particular piece of candy will never go bad, never lose its flavor, and always, always, keep you from being hungry.”
For the first time, Sebastian Taylor snapped to attention. Until this point, he had spent the entire tour checking his hair in a small hand mirror, with not even a hint of a reaction to the horrors that had unfolded. This came as little surprise to the others, as during his press interviews as well as while they were waiting outside the factory, Sebastian had insulted Ringer products, having no interest in candies or sweets.
“There,” he said, “that is the candy that will satisfy me at last.”
“It isn’t ready yet,” said Miss Roxanne, “still a few kinks to work out.”
“Nonsense,” declared Sebastian. “It’s perfect just the way it is.”
He began to sprint across the room, but he barely halfway before he got run over by a bus that came out of nowhere.
“Well,” noted Miss Roxanne, “that escalated quickly.”
“My boy!” cried Mrs. Taylor. “How could that happen!?”
“Well it’s simple, really. It turns out he wasn’t that important.”
“He’s important to me!”
“Yes, that says it all, doesn’t it? Let’s get that scraped up.”
Miss Roxanne blew her whistle and directed the Maxxy Waxxies to clean up what was left of Sebastian Taylor. They began to sing again as they used a shovel to load his carcass into a wheelbarrow.
Mrs. Taylor was permitted to wheel out the body as the tour continued, with only myself, Sarah Hamstrings, and the silent Hide Hitmaker remaining. The next room featured giant chains made out of licorice, several of which hung from the ceiling. Hide Hitmaker was instantly seemingly enamored with them, running his hand across several of them, stopping as he came to one of the ones that was dangling. Miss Roxanne paused her explanation to caution him.
“Sweetie, I wouldn’t pull on those.”
“Nonsense!” declared Mr. Hitmaker. “Son, let’s give it a good tug together!”
They yanked on the candy chain, and it pulled down immediately, with a large shadow appearing over their heads. Hide looked up at it.
“くそ”
And so a giant anvil smashed them both. Miss Roxanne was nonplussed, and summoned the Maxxy Waxxys to dispose of bodies once as once again they began to sing.
Miss Roxanne loudly cleared her throat, and the Maxxy Waxxies glanced at each other before finishing their song.
“Well,” said Miss Roxanne, “that was off-topic. Let’s move on.”
The next room appeared to be a trophy room of sorts, as Miss Roxanne explained that this was her best of the best, a tribute of her various award-winning Confectionary Sweetmeats and Culinary Delights. The excitement in her voice was palatable, building to a crescendo just as-
“I’ve got a signal!” exclaimed Sarah.
She raised her phone and tapped the screen.
“I’m showing everyone!”
“Now sweetie,” said Miss Roxanne, “no one must see what goes on here.”
“Forget you! My followers need to see me here with all this!”
She shifted and started to move around, looking for a better backdrop.
“No,” said Miss Roxanne as she rolled her eyes, “please, stay over here.”
As Sarah ignored Miss Roxanne and crossed the room, pivoting so that it could be seen behind her, she began to talk into her phone to her followers. She barely got out a few words before a giant axe swung out from the wall and decapitated her. Miss Roxanne sucked her teeth as a few splatters of blood appeared to get on one of her trophies.
“Well that’s disappointing,” she muttered, before taking out her whistle, and putting the singing Maxxy Waxxys back to work.
“Actually,” said Mr. Hamstrings, “I have a cardboard cutout of her in the basement, if I put at the dinner table next to the wall her mother will never know the difference. Chao!”
Mr. Hamstrings left as Miss Roxanne brought Grampy Bob and myself into her private office, taking a seat at her desk as we stood in front of her.
“Congratulations bb, you won!”
“The fuck did he win? He didn’t get murdered?” Grampy Bob was beside himself.
“Oh, who cares about the others? Miserable brats, the whole group. Not a single one had any merit to them, the children or their parents. But you, you’re the diamond in the rough, you’re the one that deserves to carry on and continue what I’ve done, to take the title of EEEEEK!!!”
Miss Roxanne shrieked as I released Grampy Bob’s pet bat from beneath my bucket hat, and it descended immediately on her face, gouging out her eyes. Grampy Bob jumped over the table, tearing Miss Roxanne from her seat and driving her body through the table with a murderous rage, as I calmly observed as I had done all night, watching the flawed fornicates and gluttonous fools suffer the doomed fates that awaited them.
When it was over I took the factory as my own, taking control of my new empire, ready to release my own new horrors upon the globe.
I am a winner after all.
I had no money or resources of my own to acquire the opportunity. We had very little, and the other kids often called me a loser, one that would never achieve anything regardless of my efforts. Instead, I had to sit back and watch while others got the opportunities that I wanted for myself.
The first was Sarah Hamstrings, the daughter of a washed up former television star and a prominant YouTube star herself. Though a popular celebrity in his own time, Mr. Hamstrings was currently mooching off of the success of his daughter and her various friends that often appeared in her broadcasts.
The next two disc holders to be revealed with Travis Aidees and Hide Hitmaker. Hide was a selective mute whose father was more than happy to talk on his behalf, whereas Travis had the opposite problem, seemingly struggling to ever close his mouth voluntarily. It was little wonder that his father was constantly shouting over him, desperate to be heard.
Konrad Steele seemed very eager and excited for his opportunity to visit the factory. During his press interviews his mother also seemed interested in speaking and garnering some attention for herself, yet blatantly and repeatedly missed the opportunities to do so.
Gabby Rollacert appeared to be a vapid young girl whose future would be on a pole one day, yet her parents, Allen and Trevor, were too busy creating sculptures of themselves to ensure that wouldn’t happen. During her press interview, they could be seen bickering in the background over which of them would have to accompany her.
The final child to find a disc was Sebastian Taylor, who during his interviews appeared more interested in his own appearance than much anything else. He commented when asked that he had never found a candy that could hold his interest. Several tabloids were pushing rumors that Mrs. Taylor had been a street walker in her youth.
In a shocking twist mere days before the visit to the factory was to occur, it was revealed that Konrad had misunderstood some mundane rule at the core of the contest, and had been disqualified from participating. A replacement needed to be found and it was as such that my grandfather thrust a Roxy Ripper into my hands, eager for me to tear the wrapper off and reveal the contents, as he didn’t “have all fucking day.”
I peeled the wrapper away, and gasped as the disc was revealed. As my parents were away visiting Uncle Scott, my father’s brother whom they claim I met when I was young, although I barely recall it, it fell to Grampy Bob to accompany me to the factory. Ol’ Grampy squeed with such excitement and delight that he appeared to frighten his pet bat.
We were the last to arrive at the factory that day, the other children and their accompanying parents already waiting. As it appeared neither of her parents won the aforementioned argument about accompanying her, Gabby Rollacert was there with both her fathers, who were still squabbling about it.
“Right stupid bunch of tits they look like,” grumbled Grampy Bob, “you can see where the girl gets it from.”
Then the gates opened, and Roxanne Ringer appeared and welcomed the children and our chaperones to her factory. Sebastian appear mostly disinterested while Sarah was live-streaming the event, but Miss Roxanne sweetly told her she would be unable to do so inside the factory.
“Why not?” demanded Sarah.
“Indeed,” said Mr. Hamstrings, “my daughter and I must be seen by all our adoring fans everywhere!”
“My adoring fans,” corrected Sarah, “and they’ll simply wilt and suffer without me.”
“A touch of moderation might do them wonders,” said Miss Roxanne. “And besides, my secrets within are only for the six of you, it simply wouldn’t do to let just anyone see it.”
“You’re just worried I”ll upstage you in front of the whole world!” exclaimed Sarah.
“I’m sorry,” said Miss Roxanne, “but I can’t hear you if you’re going to mumble like that. Come now, time is wasting away, let’s begin the tour.”
It was Travis Aidees that pushed his way to the front of the pack as the tour began, struggling to keep up with Miss Roxanne and needling her with questions about every little detail.
“This is where you make all your candy?”
“Obviously.”
“And do you send it from here all around the globe?”
“Of course not. That would be impossible, silly child.”
“Why?”
“Because the earth is flat, bb.”
As we walked down the hallways of the factory, we passed a group of small yet intimidating muscle laden women, all identical.
“Who are they?” asked Travis.
“The Maxxy Waxxys.”
“The who?”
“No, not a band, although they do enjoy singing. I rescued them from-”
“From Waxxyland?”
“Malibu, actually. Let’s not interrupt, hm?”
Two large doors swung open to reveal a large room with grass and trees and what appeared to be a chocolate river running through it. On top of a hill overlooking the river was a large falcon.
“Wow!” exclaimed Travis Aidees. “That’s amazing! I want to ride it!”
“Oh,” said Miss Roxanne, “I wouldn’t recommend that. They can be quite feral.”
“GO ON SON!” shouted Mr. Aidees. “GO AND RIDE THE FALCON! YEEAHHH!!!”
And so Travis ran away from the group and up the hill, all as Miss Roxanne calmly advised against it.
“No,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “please, don’t.”
Travis leapt onto the large bird, which promptly bucked him off high into the air, hurtling towards the chocolate river, which he missed by a foot and landed on the ground beside it, his neck loudly snapping and his body crumpling in a horrific manner.
“SWEET BABY JESUS!! YOUR BEAST JUST KILLED MY SON!! YEEAAHHHHH!!!!”
“So it did,” noted Miss Roxanne. “But not to worry, we can get that cleaned up.”
She blew a whistle, and several of the Maxxy Waxxys appeared out of nowhere.
“It would seem we’ve lost one already,” Miss Roxanne told them, “please take care of it.”
The Maxxy Waxxys went about attending to the carcass, beginning to sing as they worked.
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Boo
I’ve got a special lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Riding a falcor can sound like such fun
Not so exciting when you land on your bum
Prancing around like the king of the world
Your foolishness has just been unfurled
Breaking your neck would be such a shame
But we all know that you’re just a big pain
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
Being more cautious you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
I’ve got a special lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Riding a falcor can sound like such fun
Not so exciting when you land on your bum
Prancing around like the king of the world
Your foolishness has just been unfurled
Breaking your neck would be such a shame
But we all know that you’re just a big pain
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
Being more cautious you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
And so they pushed the body into the river.
“Why in the world do you have giant falcons in here anyway?” asked Sarah Hamstrings.
“Sweetie, you’ll need to stop mumbling if you want anybody to hear you. Let’s move on.”
We boarded a boat and went sailing down the river, leaving Mr. Aidees to continue to yell at the falcon. The bulk of the ride was spent with Mr. and Mr. Rollacert continuing to argue over whose fault it was that they just had to watch a horrifying event that really hadn’t fazed their host or anybody else that was present, to the convenience of the story.
Upon disembarking the boat we entered into a large room where a scurry of squirrels appeared to be knocking on nuts. Some off the nuts would be placed on a conveyor, while others were dropped down a hole. Miss Roxanne explained that the squirrels were checking for quality nuts to be put in her chocolate balls, as nuts and balls go well together but only the best was good enough for her.
As we looked down upon the squirrels from the platform we had entered the room onto, it was Gabby Rollacert that surprisingly spoke up.
“I want one.”
“You want a squirrel?” asked Mr. Rollacert.
“We’ll get you one,” said the other Mr. Rollacert.
“No,” she said with a grin. “I want the nuts, all of the nuts.”
“Fine. We’ll take them, Ringer!” declared a Mr. Rollacert.
“No,” said Miss Roxanne.
“What do you mean? We can pay you!” demanded the other Mr. Rollacert.
“They’re not for sale, and nobody should have a nut without the ball that it goes with.”
“I don’t care!” shouted Gabby, “I want your nuts and I want them now!”
She shoved her way past the others and hopped the handrail, grabbing the pole supporting the platform and sliding down it. She walked towards the nuts, grabbing them vivaciously, when suddenly the scurry collectively pounced on her and tore her to shreds, with some of the squirrels nibbling on the remains.
“Jesus Christ on a pogo stick!” exclaimed Trevor Rollacert.
“She was a bad nut, I suppose.” Miss Roxanne sighed, and whistled for the Maxxy Waxxys again, directing them to deal with the remaining limbs. They sang as they nudged the body parts down the chute.
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Boo
I’ve got another lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Life’s so carefree when you’re up on the pole
Probably even better if you’re smoking a bowl
Who do you thank when your kid’s on the street?
Doing all her work while she’s off of her feet?
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who’s to blame!
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re more chaste then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
I’ve got another lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Life’s so carefree when you’re up on the pole
Probably even better if you’re smoking a bowl
Who do you thank when your kid’s on the street?
Doing all her work while she’s off of her feet?
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who’s to blame!
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re more chaste then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
“Two naughty, nasty little children gone.” Miss Roxanne smiled as the Maxxy Waxxys also grabbed Allen and Trevor Rollacert and threw them down the hole. “Three good, sweet little children left.”
“What’s down that hole anyway, Ringer?” asked Mr. Hitmaker.
“The Disintigrators. Come along, try to keep up.”
We walked down a long hallway, taking lefts and rights and rights and lefts again, until we came to another door that Miss Roxanne opened. This room was nearly empty, save a pillar on the far side, upon which sat what appeared to be a single piece of candy.
“There it is,” said Miss Roxanne, “a crown jewel. That particular piece of candy will never go bad, never lose its flavor, and always, always, keep you from being hungry.”
For the first time, Sebastian Taylor snapped to attention. Until this point, he had spent the entire tour checking his hair in a small hand mirror, with not even a hint of a reaction to the horrors that had unfolded. This came as little surprise to the others, as during his press interviews as well as while they were waiting outside the factory, Sebastian had insulted Ringer products, having no interest in candies or sweets.
“There,” he said, “that is the candy that will satisfy me at last.”
“It isn’t ready yet,” said Miss Roxanne, “still a few kinks to work out.”
“Nonsense,” declared Sebastian. “It’s perfect just the way it is.”
He began to sprint across the room, but he barely halfway before he got run over by a bus that came out of nowhere.
“Well,” noted Miss Roxanne, “that escalated quickly.”
“My boy!” cried Mrs. Taylor. “How could that happen!?”
“Well it’s simple, really. It turns out he wasn’t that important.”
“He’s important to me!”
“Yes, that says it all, doesn’t it? Let’s get that scraped up.”
Miss Roxanne blew her whistle and directed the Maxxy Waxxies to clean up what was left of Sebastian Taylor. They began to sing again as they used a shovel to load his carcass into a wheelbarrow.
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Boo
I’ve got another lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Lots of us think that it’s all about us
They’re so surprised when they’re hit by a bus.
Watching surroundings can help you a lot
Life will go on whether you care or not
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re attentive you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do!
I’ve got another lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Lots of us think that it’s all about us
They’re so surprised when they’re hit by a bus.
Watching surroundings can help you a lot
Life will go on whether you care or not
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re attentive you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do!
Mrs. Taylor was permitted to wheel out the body as the tour continued, with only myself, Sarah Hamstrings, and the silent Hide Hitmaker remaining. The next room featured giant chains made out of licorice, several of which hung from the ceiling. Hide Hitmaker was instantly seemingly enamored with them, running his hand across several of them, stopping as he came to one of the ones that was dangling. Miss Roxanne paused her explanation to caution him.
“Sweetie, I wouldn’t pull on those.”
“Nonsense!” declared Mr. Hitmaker. “Son, let’s give it a good tug together!”
They yanked on the candy chain, and it pulled down immediately, with a large shadow appearing over their heads. Hide looked up at it.
“くそ”
And so a giant anvil smashed them both. Miss Roxanne was nonplussed, and summoned the Maxxy Waxxys to dispose of bodies once as once again they began to sing.
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Boo
We are all slaves in need of rescue
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bee
Our legs are weird cause she broke our knees!
Miss Roxanne showed up and she fed us some sweets
Then we woke up here in this factory
We can’t talk back without getting a smack
How do you think we can go back?
We are all slaves in need of rescue
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bee
Our legs are weird cause she broke our knees!
Miss Roxanne showed up and she fed us some sweets
Then we woke up here in this factory
We can’t talk back without getting a smack
How do you think we can go back?
Miss Roxanne loudly cleared her throat, and the Maxxy Waxxies glanced at each other before finishing their song.
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
If you’re not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
“Well,” said Miss Roxanne, “that was off-topic. Let’s move on.”
The next room appeared to be a trophy room of sorts, as Miss Roxanne explained that this was her best of the best, a tribute of her various award-winning Confectionary Sweetmeats and Culinary Delights. The excitement in her voice was palatable, building to a crescendo just as-
“I’ve got a signal!” exclaimed Sarah.
She raised her phone and tapped the screen.
“I’m showing everyone!”
“Now sweetie,” said Miss Roxanne, “no one must see what goes on here.”
“Forget you! My followers need to see me here with all this!”
She shifted and started to move around, looking for a better backdrop.
“No,” said Miss Roxanne as she rolled her eyes, “please, stay over here.”
As Sarah ignored Miss Roxanne and crossed the room, pivoting so that it could be seen behind her, she began to talk into her phone to her followers. She barely got out a few words before a giant axe swung out from the wall and decapitated her. Miss Roxanne sucked her teeth as a few splatters of blood appeared to get on one of her trophies.
“Well that’s disappointing,” she muttered, before taking out her whistle, and putting the singing Maxxy Waxxys back to work.
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Boo
I’ve got another lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
What do you get when you live stream a ton?
A pain in the neck and an IQ of one
Making false moments to share with your “fans”
Missing real ones that just slip through your hands
Life is what happens what you’re not around
Take phone and put it on the ground
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
I’ve got another lesson for you
Maxxy Waxxy, Bippity Bee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
What do you get when you live stream a ton?
A pain in the neck and an IQ of one
Making false moments to share with your “fans”
Missing real ones that just slip through your hands
Life is what happens what you’re not around
Take phone and put it on the ground
Maxxy, Waxxy, Bippity Bah
If you’re not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Maxxy Waxxy Doopity Do
“Actually,” said Mr. Hamstrings, “I have a cardboard cutout of her in the basement, if I put at the dinner table next to the wall her mother will never know the difference. Chao!”
Mr. Hamstrings left as Miss Roxanne brought Grampy Bob and myself into her private office, taking a seat at her desk as we stood in front of her.
“Congratulations bb, you won!”
“The fuck did he win? He didn’t get murdered?” Grampy Bob was beside himself.
“Oh, who cares about the others? Miserable brats, the whole group. Not a single one had any merit to them, the children or their parents. But you, you’re the diamond in the rough, you’re the one that deserves to carry on and continue what I’ve done, to take the title of EEEEEK!!!”
Miss Roxanne shrieked as I released Grampy Bob’s pet bat from beneath my bucket hat, and it descended immediately on her face, gouging out her eyes. Grampy Bob jumped over the table, tearing Miss Roxanne from her seat and driving her body through the table with a murderous rage, as I calmly observed as I had done all night, watching the flawed fornicates and gluttonous fools suffer the doomed fates that awaited them.
When it was over I took the factory as my own, taking control of my new empire, ready to release my own new horrors upon the globe.
I am a winner after all.
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