Post by swagnificent on Nov 2, 2019 20:07:45 GMT -5
Jeneane Sarcofoquitz felt the sweat drip down her face. She shook her head in order to fling it away before it dripped into her dark eyes, before it could blind her with its saltiness. The offending sweat, brought on by the stress that only clerical would could create, flew off her forehead and to the floor below with a sickening SPLAT!. She breathed in deep before lowering her head back down to her work, her duty, the thing that kept every member of her secret organization from killing themselves with their mind-numbing realities…
“C for the Blood Princess...L for Cotton...MC for Hide...L for Wallace, L for Roberts, L for…”
Jeneane goes through the list of bodies from UGWC’s Battleground, taking notice of wins and losses. All around her, workers in their cubicles did whatever it is that they do...she could hear Jonathon playing Spider Solitaire, again...in this boring job they all shared. It was just her front, of course, a thing to keep up appearances. In reality, she was something wholly different. She was Jeneane here, but where it really mattered? Where her heart lied? She was Intern #74 of Dark Goddess Productions, currently assigned to the Cool Rankings division. She wasn’t a “numbers nerd,” like most were...and as it actually said in the job description...but it was a temporary assignment while she worked her way up. What she REALLY wanted to do was be on the liaison team that worked with Circle Television! She was baby crazy...which, she was pretty sure, is what got her the job after her interview with the Blood Princess in the first place...and she was DYING to get one of those Raheem Babies. Every time he sent Roxy a gif of him licking his lips, her fingers twitched! And other things! But for now, she had wins and losses to input, and numbers to tally.
As she goes over the list, she does a double take. Was her first entry wrong? She MUST have made a mistake. Surely! There was hardly EVER a “W” next to Gabby’s name! And on PPV?! But she looks again and again and sees that, yes, she was right in the first place. Gabby someone DID get a “W” next to her name. That’s number four for the year! She still has the least amount of wins than any other regular roster member...and that includes Travis Roberts, as sad as that might be...but she was doing better! She-
“HOLY SHIT HE’S HERE!”
Jeneane sits up with a start and immediately closes the Cool Rankings window. She stands and looks around, looking for the disturbance, and sees Bradley running down the hall.
“THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE! HE’S HERE!”
Heads pop up out of cubicles like a sea of muskrats, each face full of fear and trepidation. Jeneane had not been at The Generic Poultry and Poultry Accessories Company long, only a few weeks, but she had never seen such a clamor. The normal stuff shirts began to scramble in the excitement, causing papers to fly to and pens to fall to the floor. Voices full of hushed excitement escape lips, adding to the chaos, and Jeneane’s confusion continues. She reaches out and grabs Bradley the arm as he runs by.
“Bradley! What’s going on? I don’t-”
The look of terror, stark and clear, in his eyes cuts her off. She tries to give voice to her question again, but the trepidation in those eyes make her entire soul wish to whither and die.
“He’s here, Jeneane.”
He lunges forward and clutches her in an embrace.
“May God find mercy for your soul.”
He pushes her away and then she is suddenly caught up in a torrent of bodies. The entire office staff rushes like a wave through the halls and down the stairs, down into the belly of the manufacturing plant on the ground floor of Generic’s. Before long, she has found herself down into the bowels of the plant, standing in a line with the rest of the office workers. Voices cry all around them, the panic within too strong to be drowned out by the sound of machinery.
“EVERYONE LINE UP!”
“THIS IS NOT A DRILL!”
“OH GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE MY SINS!”
Standing in a common area of the plant, she sees the four large rooms leading to different parts of the plan, rooms she took a small tour in when she started. The Wing Room processed wings...shockingly. Whole Birds took care of the birds to be rotisseried and baked for super markets. The Chop Room was designed for tenders and other cuts. And the Pulverizer was, as gross as it sounded, used for making “nuggets.” Ew.
“RUN! RUN!”
Jeneane starts as terror erupts from the four rooms at once, and them and women in hairnets, beardnets, and blue smocks scamper out of their respective workplaces. She physically sees the panic that the office felt in the way the manufacturing workers moved, zigging and zagging, until they, too, joined them in the line.
“INSPECTION! PREPARE FOR-”
The foreman cuts off as the side double doors leading to the outside burst open, causing them all to be blinded by daylight. Jeneane hisses as her eyes adjust, and she can see that some of the men and women around her are beginning to tremble. Tremble! What is this? Who is ‘he?’ What-
Movement.
Movement in the light.
Out steps
Jeneane squints.
An Asian girl? Pretty. Curvy. More movement.
Another Asian girl?
They walk into the room with a sway in their hips that makes Jeneane’s face turn scarlet. That was the way street walkers walked! More movement...and two more pretty Asian girls. And THESE wore so little clothing that-
Jeneane’s ears perk as she hears the sound of a trumpet playing over the intercom speakers.
A higher note this time.
Still a higher note. More women walk out of the light and into the plant.
Jeneane’s eyes go wide as the saucers in a Kenzi description as the timpani plays and a man (??) walks through the double doors. Well, waddles through them, anyway. Shirtless, with a hairy belly of jello that glistened with smelled like scented baby oil, the man wearing a red and blue mask wheezed heavily as he walked through the doors, the trip from the parking lot seeming to be difficult for him.
The trumpet begins again as half a dozen more pretty Asian girls walk behind him to complete the entourage, the sway in their hips telling of their likely profession.
The music builds in intensity and Jeneane can feel the terror grow around her in this odd scene.
The music EXPLODES with the addition of winds and trombones, and the Asian women in front fall to their knees and crawl into a line.
The fat man lays down on top of the woman, and the knees and elbows of the women begin to shake from the strain of his bulk. Two of the standing women to to either end of the line of their comrades and fall to their knees with their butts facing the man, and the four remaining stand behind them, acting as a back. And as “Thus Spake Zarathustra,” the epic of epic themes from Space Odyssey: 2001 comes to its brilliant finale-
-we see that the fat man is resting comfortably on a “couch” made of skanky hooker flesh.
“Ya know what really boils my potatoes?”
Jeneane looks around in confusion at the rest of her peers, but each and every office and plant worker has averted their eyes from the man, casting them to the floor.
“When a woman, a fine, sexy woman, gives up the thing she was meant for! Why, back in MY day, women KNEW what they were good for! They would come down to the ring with us and shake their money-makers for all they were worth! The nice girls would be dressed in wedding dresses, and the mean girls would have stupid hair or paint their faces, or what have you. And they would slap the mat, or be in peril, or perhaps take off a shoe for you to gouge out an eye with. Good, wholesome work! But now?! Look at this!”
He waves a pudgy hand to the line of workers.
“Sure, we got women doing the office work, typing, taking dictation-”
He winks at no one in particular while whispering “A-thankyou!”
“-but NOW we also have women handling my meat! NONE of you women should be handling my meat, ya know what I’m saying? I mean, sure, you pieces of hotness might be great at the breast work-”
He winks again at no one in particular.
“-but messing with my WINGS?! It just hurts my old-fashioned sensibilities! Hurts so much that I could use a pillow..”
The man claps his hands together and the random Asian chick on her knees to his left juts out her hip at a painful angle. He kinda slithers over a few inches and rests his head on her ass.
“Ah, much better. Now, raise your hands if you work in the wing department?”
Jeneane looks around and sees several people raise their hands, and she notes that there are a few women in the group. The Hutt-like man sighs and groans and harrumphs.
“Ugh. No wonder why its gone all downhill around here! Do you have any idea how long it took me to build The Generic Poulty and Poutlry Accessories Company up to its great height? Days! Days, I tell you! Every since I had that dream of having my very own Generic Buffalo Sauce, this has been my PASSION! And now I have WOMEN thinking that they can enjoy things like equal pay and NO sexual harassment in a historically male-dominated business? Ha! You guys are making this as bad as wrestling!”
He claps his hands and the woman on his right mirrors the other woman’s painfully bent posture, and he crosses his feet at the ankles as he uses her posterior as a foot rest.
“Back in MY day, the women were just there to help get a guy over before they helped out the boss in the back! But NOW, it seems like half the wrestlers in the business ARE the women! What a terrible trend! Spending all their time on InstaTHOT and accidentally tweeting me with their male porn account instead of the right one. Its terrible for the business, you hear me! And I bet I can lay blame to that on the old women like that Gabby. 30 years old...gross. In Women Years, that makes her about 73! And NO ONE wants to see that! Certainly not when standing next to the specimen of physical sexuality incarnate like you see before you!
“Yeah, she won titles once upon a time, but I’m a 49-time world champion! Undefeated, too! Do you know how hard it is to win 49 world championship and beat up 49 rosters so bad that they all just quit and close because they can’t handle you? I do! Its exhausting! Not quite as exhausting as taking 49 shots to the nostril like Gabby did that one time in The Generic Porn Movie, of course. Man, that was a great flick.”
He settles back with his hands behind his head, getting comfortable in the badunk below him.
“What a great flick. I think Gabby’s acting was better in The Generic Porn Movie, Part V: Boobies, mind you. And we can never forget her death scene via triple impaling in The Generic Porn Movie, Part LI: The Hoover’s Revenge! My God, the best she’s ever been! Certainly better than when she’s in a ring! Well, except for The Generic Porn Movie, Part XL: The Wrestler….but, like, naked? And sexy?. She was pretty hot in that. You know, I wonder if she remembers when we were in the same movie? This was a long time ago, mind you, back before she got old and ugly and gravity ruined her boobs. The Generic Porn Movie, Part III: BrokeGabby Mountain. I broke her in that.
“Kinda like how I’m going to break her in this wing contest, ya know? I’ve never lost a wrestling match, I’ve never lost a wing contest, and my skills are superb. Here, watch this.”
He points at the crowd of employees.
“You there! Bring me your lunch!”
Jeneane watches as the man runs to the break room as fast as he can, and then returns with a brown bag.
“Quick! I’m starving! Just throw it!”
The man launches the bag into the air, sending it spinning end over end. The Generic Heel opens his mouth wide, her jaw seeming to unhinge like that of a snake, and he takes in the entire bag. A sickening gulp later, and the bag was GONE. The masked man lets out a burp that rattles the windows of the plant.
“And THAT is what I am going to do with ALL of the chicken put in front of me on Monday! Gabby may try to distract me with her feminine wiles, but NOPE! The Generic Train has left the station on THAT account! I had her back in the day, back before she decided that losing every day of her life was a good thing, and I certainly am not getting all hot and bothered for THIS version of her! Not when there are wings to get hot and bothered over! Oh, I can taste them now! Spicy! Indian! Honey BBQ! All into my belly and all for the greater good of ME being THE most prestigious champion in the UGWC! How important can those titles be, anyway? Three of them are held by women! My buddy Shane would KILL himself at the thought of THAT! And that Seb guy probably IS a woman online, anyway, so that makes four for four! But that’s where Papa GH comes into play. The REAL champion of the UGWC, and the only reason to watch the show on Monday!
“Alright girls, time to pack it up. I’m hungry!”
“C for the Blood Princess...L for Cotton...MC for Hide...L for Wallace, L for Roberts, L for…”
Jeneane goes through the list of bodies from UGWC’s Battleground, taking notice of wins and losses. All around her, workers in their cubicles did whatever it is that they do...she could hear Jonathon playing Spider Solitaire, again...in this boring job they all shared. It was just her front, of course, a thing to keep up appearances. In reality, she was something wholly different. She was Jeneane here, but where it really mattered? Where her heart lied? She was Intern #74 of Dark Goddess Productions, currently assigned to the Cool Rankings division. She wasn’t a “numbers nerd,” like most were...and as it actually said in the job description...but it was a temporary assignment while she worked her way up. What she REALLY wanted to do was be on the liaison team that worked with Circle Television! She was baby crazy...which, she was pretty sure, is what got her the job after her interview with the Blood Princess in the first place...and she was DYING to get one of those Raheem Babies. Every time he sent Roxy a gif of him licking his lips, her fingers twitched! And other things! But for now, she had wins and losses to input, and numbers to tally.
As she goes over the list, she does a double take. Was her first entry wrong? She MUST have made a mistake. Surely! There was hardly EVER a “W” next to Gabby’s name! And on PPV?! But she looks again and again and sees that, yes, she was right in the first place. Gabby someone DID get a “W” next to her name. That’s number four for the year! She still has the least amount of wins than any other regular roster member...and that includes Travis Roberts, as sad as that might be...but she was doing better! She-
“HOLY SHIT HE’S HERE!”
Jeneane sits up with a start and immediately closes the Cool Rankings window. She stands and looks around, looking for the disturbance, and sees Bradley running down the hall.
“THIS IS NOT A DRILL, PEOPLE! HE’S HERE!”
Heads pop up out of cubicles like a sea of muskrats, each face full of fear and trepidation. Jeneane had not been at The Generic Poultry and Poultry Accessories Company long, only a few weeks, but she had never seen such a clamor. The normal stuff shirts began to scramble in the excitement, causing papers to fly to and pens to fall to the floor. Voices full of hushed excitement escape lips, adding to the chaos, and Jeneane’s confusion continues. She reaches out and grabs Bradley the arm as he runs by.
“Bradley! What’s going on? I don’t-”
The look of terror, stark and clear, in his eyes cuts her off. She tries to give voice to her question again, but the trepidation in those eyes make her entire soul wish to whither and die.
“He’s here, Jeneane.”
He lunges forward and clutches her in an embrace.
“May God find mercy for your soul.”
He pushes her away and then she is suddenly caught up in a torrent of bodies. The entire office staff rushes like a wave through the halls and down the stairs, down into the belly of the manufacturing plant on the ground floor of Generic’s. Before long, she has found herself down into the bowels of the plant, standing in a line with the rest of the office workers. Voices cry all around them, the panic within too strong to be drowned out by the sound of machinery.
“EVERYONE LINE UP!”
“THIS IS NOT A DRILL!”
“OH GOD, PLEASE FORGIVE MY SINS!”
Standing in a common area of the plant, she sees the four large rooms leading to different parts of the plan, rooms she took a small tour in when she started. The Wing Room processed wings...shockingly. Whole Birds took care of the birds to be rotisseried and baked for super markets. The Chop Room was designed for tenders and other cuts. And the Pulverizer was, as gross as it sounded, used for making “nuggets.” Ew.
“RUN! RUN!”
Jeneane starts as terror erupts from the four rooms at once, and them and women in hairnets, beardnets, and blue smocks scamper out of their respective workplaces. She physically sees the panic that the office felt in the way the manufacturing workers moved, zigging and zagging, until they, too, joined them in the line.
“INSPECTION! PREPARE FOR-”
The foreman cuts off as the side double doors leading to the outside burst open, causing them all to be blinded by daylight. Jeneane hisses as her eyes adjust, and she can see that some of the men and women around her are beginning to tremble. Tremble! What is this? Who is ‘he?’ What-
Movement.
Movement in the light.
Out steps
Jeneane squints.
An Asian girl? Pretty. Curvy. More movement.
Another Asian girl?
They walk into the room with a sway in their hips that makes Jeneane’s face turn scarlet. That was the way street walkers walked! More movement...and two more pretty Asian girls. And THESE wore so little clothing that-
Baaaaaaaaaaaaa
Baaaaaaaaaaaaa
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Baaaaaaaaaaaa
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The music builds in intensity and Jeneane can feel the terror grow around her in this odd scene.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The music EXPLODES with the addition of winds and trombones, and the Asian women in front fall to their knees and crawl into a line.
BA-DA-DAH!
BA-Daaaa-daaaaa
BAAAAAAA
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
BUUUU-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
“Ya know what really boils my potatoes?”
Jeneane looks around in confusion at the rest of her peers, but each and every office and plant worker has averted their eyes from the man, casting them to the floor.
“When a woman, a fine, sexy woman, gives up the thing she was meant for! Why, back in MY day, women KNEW what they were good for! They would come down to the ring with us and shake their money-makers for all they were worth! The nice girls would be dressed in wedding dresses, and the mean girls would have stupid hair or paint their faces, or what have you. And they would slap the mat, or be in peril, or perhaps take off a shoe for you to gouge out an eye with. Good, wholesome work! But now?! Look at this!”
He waves a pudgy hand to the line of workers.
“Sure, we got women doing the office work, typing, taking dictation-”
He winks at no one in particular while whispering “A-thankyou!”
“-but NOW we also have women handling my meat! NONE of you women should be handling my meat, ya know what I’m saying? I mean, sure, you pieces of hotness might be great at the breast work-”
He winks again at no one in particular.
“-but messing with my WINGS?! It just hurts my old-fashioned sensibilities! Hurts so much that I could use a pillow..”
The man claps his hands together and the random Asian chick on her knees to his left juts out her hip at a painful angle. He kinda slithers over a few inches and rests his head on her ass.
“Ah, much better. Now, raise your hands if you work in the wing department?”
Jeneane looks around and sees several people raise their hands, and she notes that there are a few women in the group. The Hutt-like man sighs and groans and harrumphs.
“Ugh. No wonder why its gone all downhill around here! Do you have any idea how long it took me to build The Generic Poulty and Poutlry Accessories Company up to its great height? Days! Days, I tell you! Every since I had that dream of having my very own Generic Buffalo Sauce, this has been my PASSION! And now I have WOMEN thinking that they can enjoy things like equal pay and NO sexual harassment in a historically male-dominated business? Ha! You guys are making this as bad as wrestling!”
He claps his hands and the woman on his right mirrors the other woman’s painfully bent posture, and he crosses his feet at the ankles as he uses her posterior as a foot rest.
“Back in MY day, the women were just there to help get a guy over before they helped out the boss in the back! But NOW, it seems like half the wrestlers in the business ARE the women! What a terrible trend! Spending all their time on InstaTHOT and accidentally tweeting me with their male porn account instead of the right one. Its terrible for the business, you hear me! And I bet I can lay blame to that on the old women like that Gabby. 30 years old...gross. In Women Years, that makes her about 73! And NO ONE wants to see that! Certainly not when standing next to the specimen of physical sexuality incarnate like you see before you!
“Yeah, she won titles once upon a time, but I’m a 49-time world champion! Undefeated, too! Do you know how hard it is to win 49 world championship and beat up 49 rosters so bad that they all just quit and close because they can’t handle you? I do! Its exhausting! Not quite as exhausting as taking 49 shots to the nostril like Gabby did that one time in The Generic Porn Movie, of course. Man, that was a great flick.”
He settles back with his hands behind his head, getting comfortable in the badunk below him.
“What a great flick. I think Gabby’s acting was better in The Generic Porn Movie, Part V: Boobies, mind you. And we can never forget her death scene via triple impaling in The Generic Porn Movie, Part LI: The Hoover’s Revenge! My God, the best she’s ever been! Certainly better than when she’s in a ring! Well, except for The Generic Porn Movie, Part XL: The Wrestler….but, like, naked? And sexy?. She was pretty hot in that. You know, I wonder if she remembers when we were in the same movie? This was a long time ago, mind you, back before she got old and ugly and gravity ruined her boobs. The Generic Porn Movie, Part III: BrokeGabby Mountain. I broke her in that.
“Kinda like how I’m going to break her in this wing contest, ya know? I’ve never lost a wrestling match, I’ve never lost a wing contest, and my skills are superb. Here, watch this.”
He points at the crowd of employees.
“You there! Bring me your lunch!”
Jeneane watches as the man runs to the break room as fast as he can, and then returns with a brown bag.
“Quick! I’m starving! Just throw it!”
The man launches the bag into the air, sending it spinning end over end. The Generic Heel opens his mouth wide, her jaw seeming to unhinge like that of a snake, and he takes in the entire bag. A sickening gulp later, and the bag was GONE. The masked man lets out a burp that rattles the windows of the plant.
“And THAT is what I am going to do with ALL of the chicken put in front of me on Monday! Gabby may try to distract me with her feminine wiles, but NOPE! The Generic Train has left the station on THAT account! I had her back in the day, back before she decided that losing every day of her life was a good thing, and I certainly am not getting all hot and bothered for THIS version of her! Not when there are wings to get hot and bothered over! Oh, I can taste them now! Spicy! Indian! Honey BBQ! All into my belly and all for the greater good of ME being THE most prestigious champion in the UGWC! How important can those titles be, anyway? Three of them are held by women! My buddy Shane would KILL himself at the thought of THAT! And that Seb guy probably IS a woman online, anyway, so that makes four for four! But that’s where Papa GH comes into play. The REAL champion of the UGWC, and the only reason to watch the show on Monday!
“Alright girls, time to pack it up. I’m hungry!”
