Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Oct 4, 2009 19:22:48 GMT -5
Hanson: Niglets and Hoe’s we be Sentinel!
Vinegar: And I’m Nicholas Vinegar, beside me is arguably the most offensive man on prime time TV, Daniel Hanson.
Hanson: I ain’t offensive, yo momma’s putrid vagina flaps are offensive.
Vinegar: Point proven. Anyway we have a hell of a lot going down tonight, but because of thieving junkies in Northamptonshire, we just don’t have time to hype the show...
Hanson: Junkies...
Vinegar: We’re ready now for our opening contest, and championship gold will be on the line!
Lamb of God's "Redneck" explodes into existence over the p.a. and then destroys life as a macabre, dark purple light fills the arena with a sinister and misty disdain as our Resident Evil, Raenius, walks out slowly. He stalks bestially down the aisle emanating hatred before he jumps up onto the apron, knee-first, and pulls himself upright using the ropes. He stands, looking out at the crowd for a few seconds before entering the ring.
Mitchell: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the GIW.com Championship! Introducing first, from Northern Ireland, weighing in at 252 lbs, the Resident Evil, RAENNNNNNIUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Hanson: This guy has no right to be getting any sort of title shot!
Vinegar: How do you figure?
Hanson: Last week we were going to see the glorious crowning of Blessed Immortality as they took their rightful place as the Tag Team Champions, until Raenius stuck his nose where it didn’t belong!
Vinegar: After Owen Peterson handed them the victory?
Hanson: He was the assigned referee! Do you know what should happen to Raenius now?
Vinegar: I’m sure he should be suspended for the rest of time, and then tarred and feathered until he squirts some tears?
Hanson: Hey, that’s not bad. You said that, I didn’t.
The arena goes deadly silent as the titantron goes to a blank screen. Then out of nowhere "Storm Front" hits the P.A system as the lights flicker to green and gold. JK walks through the curtain and out onto the entrance way. JK looks up at the fans as he holds up the GIW.com Title, queuing fireworks to go off in set locations around the arena. JK continues down to the ring, high fiving the fans on the way. JK slides into the ring before climbing the turnbuckle and holding the up title.
Mitchell: And his opponent, from Townsville North Queensland, Australia, weighing in at 229 lbs, he is the reigning and defending GIW.com Champion, the Cyclone, JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY KAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Vinegar: This will be JK’s first title defense. He’s had a long and winding road on his path to gold here in GIW, will he be able to hold it?
Hanson: Well he actually has a chance, considering it’s not that corrupt official Glenn Burke that is officiating the match.
Vinegar: I haven’t seen Burke do anything remotely corrupt.
Hanson: Oh, you wouldn’t! It’s clear after last week that Raenius has him in his pocket.
Vinegar: I’m not sure that his outfit has any pockets.
Hanson: Well, now you’re just being ridiculous.
Vinegar: Like deserves like.
Hanson: I’m just relieved that Hazel is here, she can keep the Resident Evil in line.
Vinegar: And she has signaled for the bell, and this match is underway! JK goes right after the challenger with right hands, fighting him back into the ropes, and he whips him across the ring, Raenius coming back with a clothesline, but JK ducks under it, and he dropkicks Raenius through the ropes and out of the ring!
Hanson: Because he has no business being in a GIW ring after that shameful display last week!
Vinegar: JK likely has the edge in terms of pure athletic ability in this match, he’ll have to use that to his advantage, because if the Resident Evil is able to ground him and unleash some of his power, we could have a new champion!
Hanson: Not going to happen, Nick! Remember, there’s no Glenn Burke out here to cheat for him!
Vinegar: Glenn Burke is one of the finest officials I’ve ever seen in my career, in the meantime Raenius is back in the ring, and JK springboards into a crossbody tackle, but Raenius catches him and hits a fallaway slam! Raenius lays the boots to JK, and pulls him off the mat into a snap suplex!
Hanson: What a sadistic freak Raenius is! Look at the way he is licking his lips, he’s pure evil!
Vinegar: He’s wearing a mask.
Hanson: It’s all about body posture, Nick. If that isn’t lip licking body language, I don’t know what is.
Vinegar: Raenius pulls JK up and whips him off the ropes, going for the Full Frontal…
Hanson: But JK leap frogs over it! Beautiful, what an amazing athletic display!
Vinegar: And Raenius turns around right into the pele kick! JK has the cover!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
Vinegar: Raenius kicks out!
Hanson: Looked like a bit of a slow count there, but I suppose we can’t all be Owen Peterson.
Vinegar: Raenius is stirring, and JK has him measured!
Hanson: Here it comes! Flying Debris!!
Vinegar: But Raneius dodges out of the way and JK sprawls on the mat! Raenius is on his feet and he grabs the champion, AND HE HITS THE RIPPERSNAPPER!!!!!
Hanson: No! Kick out!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
Vinegar: Hazel East just got pulled out of the ring!
Hanson: It’s Owen Peterson! Here he comes to save the day!
Vinegar: He’s not Mighty Mouse! And Hazel East had nothing to do with how that match ended last week!
Hanson: But justice will prevail!
Vinegar: Peterson is yelling at Hazel, who doesn’t deserve this at all, meaning HASTINGS IS IN THE RING!!!!
Hanson: Hail to the Lord-Chief!
Vinegar: Not sure where he came from, Raenius hasn’t seen him yet, AND HASTINGS CRACKS RANEIUS WITH A STEEL PIPE!
Hanson: And he lifts him up and into Destiny’s Call! This is what Raenius deserves, every second of this!
Vinegar: Hastings out of the ring now, JK to his feet, he might not even realize what has happened, he sees Raenius down and goes to the corner, AND HE HITS THE CANE TOAD SPLASH!!!! The champion has the cover!
Hanson: Peterson is in the ring!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
3!!!!!
Mitchell: Here is your winner, and still the GIW.com Champion, the Cyclone, JAYYY KAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Vinegar: JK escapes with the GIW.com Title, it looked as though Raenius might have won the match, but Donovan Hastings and Owen Peterson saw to it that he didn’t!
Hanson: What goes around comes around, Nick, and justice was finally done here tonight, and you know what the best part is?
Vinegar: What’s that?
Hanson: It’s Old Bag approved!!!!
Vinegar: You gotta believe that Lady Levene wouldn’t really approve of this, but as it stands right now, whether you approve of it or not, JK gets the win over the Resident Evil here tonight, on Sentinel!
Vinegar: And I’m Nicholas Vinegar, beside me is arguably the most offensive man on prime time TV, Daniel Hanson.
Hanson: I ain’t offensive, yo momma’s putrid vagina flaps are offensive.
Vinegar: Point proven. Anyway we have a hell of a lot going down tonight, but because of thieving junkies in Northamptonshire, we just don’t have time to hype the show...
Hanson: Junkies...
Vinegar: We’re ready now for our opening contest, and championship gold will be on the line!
Lamb of God's "Redneck" explodes into existence over the p.a. and then destroys life as a macabre, dark purple light fills the arena with a sinister and misty disdain as our Resident Evil, Raenius, walks out slowly. He stalks bestially down the aisle emanating hatred before he jumps up onto the apron, knee-first, and pulls himself upright using the ropes. He stands, looking out at the crowd for a few seconds before entering the ring.
Mitchell: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the GIW.com Championship! Introducing first, from Northern Ireland, weighing in at 252 lbs, the Resident Evil, RAENNNNNNIUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Hanson: This guy has no right to be getting any sort of title shot!
Vinegar: How do you figure?
Hanson: Last week we were going to see the glorious crowning of Blessed Immortality as they took their rightful place as the Tag Team Champions, until Raenius stuck his nose where it didn’t belong!
Vinegar: After Owen Peterson handed them the victory?
Hanson: He was the assigned referee! Do you know what should happen to Raenius now?
Vinegar: I’m sure he should be suspended for the rest of time, and then tarred and feathered until he squirts some tears?
Hanson: Hey, that’s not bad. You said that, I didn’t.
The arena goes deadly silent as the titantron goes to a blank screen. Then out of nowhere "Storm Front" hits the P.A system as the lights flicker to green and gold. JK walks through the curtain and out onto the entrance way. JK looks up at the fans as he holds up the GIW.com Title, queuing fireworks to go off in set locations around the arena. JK continues down to the ring, high fiving the fans on the way. JK slides into the ring before climbing the turnbuckle and holding the up title.
Mitchell: And his opponent, from Townsville North Queensland, Australia, weighing in at 229 lbs, he is the reigning and defending GIW.com Champion, the Cyclone, JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY KAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Vinegar: This will be JK’s first title defense. He’s had a long and winding road on his path to gold here in GIW, will he be able to hold it?
Hanson: Well he actually has a chance, considering it’s not that corrupt official Glenn Burke that is officiating the match.
Vinegar: I haven’t seen Burke do anything remotely corrupt.
Hanson: Oh, you wouldn’t! It’s clear after last week that Raenius has him in his pocket.
Vinegar: I’m not sure that his outfit has any pockets.
Hanson: Well, now you’re just being ridiculous.
Vinegar: Like deserves like.
Hanson: I’m just relieved that Hazel is here, she can keep the Resident Evil in line.
Vinegar: And she has signaled for the bell, and this match is underway! JK goes right after the challenger with right hands, fighting him back into the ropes, and he whips him across the ring, Raenius coming back with a clothesline, but JK ducks under it, and he dropkicks Raenius through the ropes and out of the ring!
Hanson: Because he has no business being in a GIW ring after that shameful display last week!
Vinegar: JK likely has the edge in terms of pure athletic ability in this match, he’ll have to use that to his advantage, because if the Resident Evil is able to ground him and unleash some of his power, we could have a new champion!
Hanson: Not going to happen, Nick! Remember, there’s no Glenn Burke out here to cheat for him!
Vinegar: Glenn Burke is one of the finest officials I’ve ever seen in my career, in the meantime Raenius is back in the ring, and JK springboards into a crossbody tackle, but Raenius catches him and hits a fallaway slam! Raenius lays the boots to JK, and pulls him off the mat into a snap suplex!
Hanson: What a sadistic freak Raenius is! Look at the way he is licking his lips, he’s pure evil!
Vinegar: He’s wearing a mask.
Hanson: It’s all about body posture, Nick. If that isn’t lip licking body language, I don’t know what is.
Vinegar: Raenius pulls JK up and whips him off the ropes, going for the Full Frontal…
Hanson: But JK leap frogs over it! Beautiful, what an amazing athletic display!
Vinegar: And Raenius turns around right into the pele kick! JK has the cover!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
Vinegar: Raenius kicks out!
Hanson: Looked like a bit of a slow count there, but I suppose we can’t all be Owen Peterson.
Vinegar: Raenius is stirring, and JK has him measured!
Hanson: Here it comes! Flying Debris!!
Vinegar: But Raneius dodges out of the way and JK sprawls on the mat! Raenius is on his feet and he grabs the champion, AND HE HITS THE RIPPERSNAPPER!!!!!
Hanson: No! Kick out!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
Vinegar: Hazel East just got pulled out of the ring!
Hanson: It’s Owen Peterson! Here he comes to save the day!
Vinegar: He’s not Mighty Mouse! And Hazel East had nothing to do with how that match ended last week!
Hanson: But justice will prevail!
Vinegar: Peterson is yelling at Hazel, who doesn’t deserve this at all, meaning HASTINGS IS IN THE RING!!!!
Hanson: Hail to the Lord-Chief!
Vinegar: Not sure where he came from, Raenius hasn’t seen him yet, AND HASTINGS CRACKS RANEIUS WITH A STEEL PIPE!
Hanson: And he lifts him up and into Destiny’s Call! This is what Raenius deserves, every second of this!
Vinegar: Hastings out of the ring now, JK to his feet, he might not even realize what has happened, he sees Raenius down and goes to the corner, AND HE HITS THE CANE TOAD SPLASH!!!! The champion has the cover!
Hanson: Peterson is in the ring!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!
3!!!!!
Mitchell: Here is your winner, and still the GIW.com Champion, the Cyclone, JAYYY KAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Vinegar: JK escapes with the GIW.com Title, it looked as though Raenius might have won the match, but Donovan Hastings and Owen Peterson saw to it that he didn’t!
Hanson: What goes around comes around, Nick, and justice was finally done here tonight, and you know what the best part is?
Vinegar: What’s that?
Hanson: It’s Old Bag approved!!!!
Vinegar: You gotta believe that Lady Levene wouldn’t really approve of this, but as it stands right now, whether you approve of it or not, JK gets the win over the Resident Evil here tonight, on Sentinel!