Sentinel 11/01/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The words ‘Previously Recorded’ slowly fade into a black screen before a series of still images and the sounds of ‘Bummer’ by Monster Magnet overtake the void. The images show a bustling night club full of celebrities and beautiful people and their security and entourages abound. Monster Magnet playing their heart out. What is clearly the showering of joy, adulation, and worship from the superstars for one of their own. Then Travis Roberts as cleaned up as anyone could be after the Hell In A Cell match at Horizons entering with the TWiSTeD Fight Club, GIW Hardcore, and Global Titles in hand.

The frame of an ecstatic ‘Blessed One’ beaming from behind his aviator glasses freezes as it fades to black and white. ‘Bummer’ is quickly taken over by the guitars of ‘Wonder What’s Next’ by Chevelle. The picture, in a flash, shifts to video as the drums kick in and out of nowhere a still bloodied Randy Boolzian attacks the first Unified Champion from behind.

The sounds of the party goers screams fill the gap of Monster Magnet stopping their song. Travis is on the floor getting back up as a few of his guests are trying to get between RBI and The Headliner. BoolZ struggles to continue his assault pushing and shoving any and everyone in his way. The club quickly begins to empty as Roberts now on his feet tackles the Red Bull Icon, and both men fall closer to the stage.

And quick tussle on the floor and Roberts is back to his feet stomping on BoolZ as Monster Magnet is seen rooting on their favorite wrestler. Out of desperation BoolZ reaches up with a hard right hand into The Blessed Ones jewels, scrambles to his feet, and confronts the lead guitarist who is now in his face. BoolZ snatches the guitar from him, and breaks Ed Mundell’s ax over the Headliners skull.

The rest of Monster Magnet now jump down from the stage and join the battle. BoolZ struggles free, turns to retreat, and is leveled by a vicious my Marek Daisuke. War joined by, his tag team partner and other half of the Tag Team Champions, Ezekiel Pax drag BoolZ out of the now empty club as he fights to get free while holding on to the neck of the guitar.

Roberts stands back up as Monster Magnet stand between him and the assailant. Chevelle’s music stops long enough to have recorded audio join the pre-recorded scene.

BoolZ: This aint over Roberts! This’ll never be over, but until we can officially start round two, enjoy your party!

War and Peace shove Randy from the building before looking back at the once packed house to see only Travis Roberts, Ed Mundell, Jim Baglino, Bob Pantella, and Dave Wyndorf. The video ends holding on to the still framed TWiSTeD Icon clutching his reopened head wound surrounded by the silenced Monster Magnet. Then ‘Bummer’ slowly creeks back into ear shot.

The only one I see causing major pain
Is just you
It's just you

If you wanna spank your demons and make 'em pay
Then baby I'm your man of the hour

Some people go to bed with Lucifer
Then they cry...crry...cry... when they don't greet the day with God

I know life's a bummer baby
But that's got precious little to do with meee!!!

The Global Impact Wrestling logo sizzles onto the screen as ‘Faith of the Heart’ by Russell Watson plays until the logo flashes to the shots of War and Peace drop kicking American Muscle at Horizons, Marek running up a ladder to deliver a Shinning Wizard to Dredd, and then War and Peace holding up the brand new GIW Tag Team Championship title belts.

The Music continues to play as we see Raenius bouncing off the ropes into a Full Frontal on Xavier Bryan, then Raenius crumbling in the corner after a missed Full Frontal before Xavier standing in the ring with his hand raised.

The next shot is of Boss P standing on the stage with McZygmunt Cubed behind him, the Rise of Brutality from DJS to Sean Cyanide on the ring post, Solomon crying in the kitchen, then DJS Standing in front of a conceding Boss P.

Donovan Hastings dragging the cardboard ‘Declara’ to the ring, the cage being lowered locking in Owen Peterson, and then Calypso pulling out Owen from the cage to the floor.

Gabby stands on the entrance ramp with the Women’s Title held high in the air. Chassie Fear hitting a spear. Chassie Fear missing the ‘Fearless’. The 34DD DDT, and then holds on Gabrielle with the title.

Declan Prescott entering the arena as golden sparks shower from the entrance ramp. Brandon Brown showing a taco eating Big B Brown to the ring. Nic Cage screams at Cara Prescott. Will Smith hitting Cage in the junk. Travis Roberts kicking Boss P. Declan with a ‘White Out’ on Brandon. Brown with a Brainbuster to Prescott. Superkick to Cage from Brown. ‘Significant Impact’ to Brown. Prescott holding his hands in the air.

Then the images of BoolZ marching to the ring. Roberts being lowered to the cell. Kiseragi entering with a dragon. BoolZ pummeling Roberts with a crowbar. Kiseragi drop kicking a ladder into BoolZ. Roberts hitting BoolZ with a sledgehammer in the face. Roberts taking a ‘Dragon Tail’ from Alex. All three men on top of the cell. BoolZ Discumboolzalating Kiseragi on the top. Yari Kick from Kis-Kis sending BoolZ off the cell and crashing to the entrance ramp. Kiseragi kicking through the ceiling of the cell, and plummeting to the ladder in the ring.

And finally as the song ends the last image is of a welling up Travis Roberts holding the Hardcore, TFC, and GHC titles in the ring.

The cameras cut into a live view of a jam packed GIW Arena. The fans are going ballistic as the break is finally over and the music and fireworks reawaken the blood thirst in their hearts.

Hanson: Damn right bitches! We’re back!

Vinegar: You know, I hate to say it, but I think I kind of missed you Daniel.

Hanson: Yeah well, I think I missed yo momma’s good eye so that bitch got at least another week of looking forward to mah visits! ‘Sides enough of this lame ass recap bullshit! These fans want action! Let’s send it to Dennis.

Vinegar: Wait, I’m getting word of something going on in the back. Folks hold on.

The camera cuts from ringside to a shot of an overcrowded dressing room. The naked rear end of a very tanned female guest stands out as she runs into the bathroom in stark contrast to the flood of security guards and Professor Bling keeping a near naked BoolZ and Travis Roberts apart. Both men bleeding from the face, and shouting across the sea of hired hands at each other.

Roberts: You yourself said this wasn’t over, what a foolish mistake you have made Randy. You didn’t step up to the plate when it mattered, and now you’re throwing a tantrum...well you have ‘The Headliners’ full attention...

BoolZ: Yeah, yeah! Do what you will Roberts, but you had better watch your back!

The camera cuts out as Bling puts his hand over the lens and barks orders to his crew.

Vinegar: Well, I guess the break really is over.

Hanson: And not a minute too soon. I was running out of excuses to ditch yo momma with.

Vinegar: Folks welcome back to GIW!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: It’s time for the first match of 2009, Vinegar! I’ve been waiting a month for this company to return simply because I had nothing to do all winter.

Vinegar: Definitely, Hanson, as I could only enjoy a month with my family. More time would not have been a bad thing. Enough about that though, folks. It’s time for the first match of the year and I’m sure it will be a good sign of what is to come for the whole year.

“Great Muta Concerto” blares over as Aito Chen makes his way down to the ring.

Hanson: This guy is weird, Vinegar. Very weird.

“Ready To Roll by Jet Black Stare” Starts to play to almost no reaction by the GIW crowd.

Hanson: I’m guessing they want him to earn his cheers, Vinegar. Good because I hate those stars that debut and have all the fans all over them.

Vinegar: Sometimes it inspires them to do better than they would have.

Hanson: They should try hard from the very beginning, whether or not, they are inspired.

“Franz Ferdinand “Dark of the Matinee” plays as The Auteur makes his way out with a camera in hand as well as a microphone.

Moss: Hello there, GIW universe. Allow me to introduce you to this little camera of mine. It could make one of you very famous one day if you just so happen to be sitting in the front row as I perform said stunt. No stunt performer to take the hits for me no pre-determined lines of amazing, and finally no second takes. Improv the whole way through and I’m sure some of you can appreciate that.

Hanson: This guy is just cocky enough that it almost seems like he has charisma.

Vinegar: He seems sure that he’ll be making an impact here in GIW, Hanson. Sliding into the ring right now as Chen and Redden keep staring back to each other. I kind of wonder what these superstars have in their minds as two of them make their debut.

Hanson: I think Moss should have settled down on the introductory speaking because Chen and Redden don’t seem to happy with him.

Vinegar: The bell rings and right away Moss drop kicks off of Redden into a flying forearm to the face of Chen!

Hanson: Right away impressing the fans with some really unnecessary spots I can tell.

Vinegar: The fans voices are starting to be heard because I think Moss just did a great job of letting them know what’s in store for 2009!

Hanson: I guess not because his little clothesline attempt on Redden was cut short by a running tornado DDT from Chen out of no where. Chen and Redden trading punches as Moss recovers in the corner near the ramp.

Vinegar: This is what I love about triple threat matches, Hanson. So much can happen out of nowhere and you still find it entertaining and not so cultivated.

Hanson: I like that there is two losers instead of one.

Vinegar: Chen pushing Redden into the far corner and nailing some strong forearms to the face of Redden who cannot find a way out of the corner. MOSS RUNS UP FROM BEHIND AND DELIVERS A SORT OF SINGLE LEG REVERSE CODE BREAKER TO THE BACK OF CHEN’S HEAD! I THINK THAT COULD CAUSE NECK DAMAGE!

Hanson: I almost feel bad for Chen right there, Vinegar. I think that was botched or something.

Vinegar: Chen rolls out of the ring as Moss runs to the other side of the ring and puts up a box like symbol with his hand.

Hanson: Not a symbol, Vinegar. He’s finding the best angle to defeat Redden with. This guy is a director and they always eyeball the best solutions to a shot and decide what would be best for the overall product.

Vinegar: You know this how?

Hanson: I read his bio.

Vinegar: Moss charges as Redden with a knee ready to strike his face when Redden dodges out of the way. A swing but Moss dunks and rolls behind Redden, and in one swift motion, connects with a leaping reverse neckbreaker.

Hanson: This has got to be kind of dangerous. Don’t these guys have a set list of moves their allowed to use or something? I mean, he is probably going to injure every star we have in GIW with his erratic style.

Vinegar: I guess our stars better adapt then.

Hanson: To what? A wheelchair?

Vinegar: I don’t know but Moss going to the top rope and starts to measure Redden, who is on the ground, yet again.

Hanson: He is wasting too much time with that little motion of his. It gives his opponent time to get a hold of just what is going on and that will work against him sooner rather than later.

Vinegar: He’s in the air for what looks lie a shooting star press!

Hanson: Redden moved!

Vinegar: MOSS LANDS ON HIS FEET! He just maneuvered in air, or something, and landed on his feet. Redden, in shock, rolls to his feet and immediately charges.

Hanson: DAMN! Moss hooks the clothesline arm and turns it into a jumping implant DDT. Things are not looking to good for Redden.

Vinegar: I’m worried about just how well Chen is doing right now. His neck look like it took a nasty bump from the shin of Moss.

Hanson: Look at this Moss, fellow, doing that director motion again on Redden. Every time he does that motion the opponent counters his move.

Vinegar: He counters the counter though so it’s all square. He looks like he may be finishing things up here, Hanson. Chen from behind with a reverse DDT!

Hanson: I guess he isn’t that injured…or he was faking it! I think he is smarter than we give him credit for.

Vinegar: Triple threat matches don’t really have rules so he was allowed to stay in the outside of the ring for as long as he felt right.

Hanson: Chen rolls out of the ring and finds a Kendo Stick. I think he may be about to cheat and I’m gaining respect for the guy every step of the way!

Vinegar: He swings at Moss, who dodges, and hits Redden in the face with the stick! Redden falling to the ground in intense pain.

Hanson: Moss grabs Chen by the tights, I think they are, and chen goes tumbling over the top rope. A wedgy for sure.

Vinegar: Redden on his feet, holding his face, and he turns into a springboard cutter like maneuver.

Hanson: He calls that the “Cutting Room”, Vinegar. Read that on his bio as well. He covers.

Referee: 1!

Referee: 2!

Referee: 3!

Hanson: It’s over as Moss wins his debut match. Which means Redden loses his debut match and Chen might not be so happy about the ending.

Vinegar: They’ll have lots of time to talk it over here in GIW.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen the following is a triple threat match! Introducing first from…

Hanson: Who the hell is that doof?

Vinegar: I’ve never seen him before. Folks some man in a business suit just walked down the ramp as the GlobalTron began showing what looks like some kind of third world country in ruins.

Hanson: Yeah, and he’s stolen the mic.

Nameless Man: Cyclones are a natural part of the world. Although they occur just like your or I do. They pose a threat. GIW, this… IS A CYCLONE WARNING!!!

The annoyingly deafeningly sirens squeal over the PA system as the words ‘Category Five’ hit the big screen. After a few seconds the noise dies down and the screen goes black.

Hanson: Oh thank god.

Vinegar: WHAT???

‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ by the Scorpions blares over the speakers as the house lights begin to flicker with green and gold strobes.

Hanson: Oh god, bring back the sirens!

Vinegar: WHAT???

JK walks through the curtains as he looks out over the sea of GIW fans. He holds up his right hand extending all five fingers as fireworks go off around the arena. The fans give a mostly hesitant reaction at first then nearly everyone jump in startled nervousness caused by the explosions. JK jogs down the aisle way high fiving the fans on the way, slides under the bottom rope, and leaps up to one of the turnbuckles to pose for the fans as the music dies down.

Hanson: Is it over? Is it finally over?

Vinegar: What are you doing under the desk Daniel? Get up here. Folks looks like that’s JK the ‘Cyclone’ one of the new faces signed to the GIW during the break.

Hanson: Jesus look at him. I think that music, if you can call it that, was older than he is.

Vinegar: 15 years old folks. JK comes out of Townsville North Queensland, Australia with a lot of hype. Folks down under seem to think he’s got what it takes, and he’s here to prove it.

Hanson: Down where?

Vinegar: No.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen this is JK, and weighting in at 223 pounds standing 6 foot 2 inches this is Sean Cyanide!

A huge pyro erupts on the entrance stage and ‘Vengeance is Mine’ by Alice Cooper hits. The Mad Hatter of Violence slowly makes his way to the entrance stage adorned in his bloody trench coat and holding the Book of Cyanide. He enters the ring and immediately begins shouting verses at JK.

Vinegar: JK I don’t think is to receptive.

Hanson: Receptive? What like yo momma and Kelly the donkey?

Dennis: And their opponent standing six foot weighting in at 244 pounds this is Andy Savana!

‘Bullet With Butterfly Wings’ by the Smashing Pumpkins hit the speakers as Andy walks out from the curtain. The fans provide their mixed reaction as Savana turns his head almost all the way around before snapping it back to place and methodically strolling to the ring.


Vinegar: Well all the players are announced, Hazel East is the referee, lets ring the bell, and get it on!

Hanson: Funny, that sounds like something I heard the last time I was at yo mommas!

Vinegar: Wait Cyanide is demanding that JK lay on the mat, and he’s motioning for Savana to step out of the ring.

Hanson: Yeah, he’s a crazy little bastard. Hey I heard that too at yo mommas!

Vinegar: Cyanide now getting in Savana’s face and ordering him out of the ring!

Hanson: Right in the face? Like at…

Vinegar: Savana just leveled Sean Cyanide with a thunderous right hand! Cyanide up and this time it’s JK sending Cyanide to the canvas with a knife edge chop.

Hanson: Not a good start for the ‘God of the GIW’. Too bad he aint at yo mommas though, cause then he could count on that happy ending.

Vinegar: Cyanide back up, and Savana sends him down! Cyanide scrambling to get back to his feet, JK winds up, NO SAVANA laces JKs hand in mid flight, turns the youngster, and hits a beautiful spinning neck breaker!

Hanson: First lesson learned in the GIW. Don’t trust Andy Savana!

Vinegar: Cyanide taking the moment to compose himself, and hits a hard knee into Savana’s gut. Powerbomb coming up.

Hanson: Savana punching his way out though and Cyanide drops Savana down back into the set up for the powerbomb.

Vinegar: Huge back body drop by Andy! JK on his feet and is now unloading with rights to Savana’s head.

Hanson: Second lesson learned in the GIW. Savana doesn’t use his head so there’s no point in trying to hurt it.

Vinegar: Savana and ties up JK’s arm, twists into an arm wringer, he steps over with one leg, hooks JK’s face with the other leg, ARMBAR!

Hanson: Savana trying to end this one quick just like yo momma tried to finish off eve…

Vinegar: Tremendous standing shooting star press by Cyanide breaks the hold, and maybe JK’s arm! JK rolling to the outside as Sean picks up Savana.

Hanson: Powerbomb take two? You know your momma told me to take…

Vinegar: Savana rolls through, lands behind Cyanide, armdrag by the Mad Hatter of Violence! Savana to his feet, a second armdrag by Sean! Savana up, hiptoss, Savana lands on his feet, and turns around into a massive STO by Sean Cyanide!

Hanson: Yo momma called it massive.

Vinegar: Here’s the cover! Hazel counts…

East: ONE!

Hanson: Are you crazy like Savana? No one in the GIW is gonna lose this early unless they’re Marlo and it’s tired from running from yo momma all night!

Vinegar: The kick out at two! Cyanide pulling up Savana again, arm wringer, and he pulls him in for a clothesline.

Hanson: Speaking of pulled in, did yo momma decide to try for a successful son cause last night…

Vinegar: Savana ducks, SIT DOWN NECKBREAKER! Cyanide is in a world of hurt, and I’m just going to ignore Daniel.

Hanson: Hey yo momma will give me the attention I crave.

Vinegar: Savana now pulling up Cyanide and down with a hard DDT!

Hanson: Yo momma goes down hard.

Vinegar: Here’s the cover.

East: ONE!

Hanson: Yo momma says three is the magical number of co…

Vinegar: Sean kicks out with authority! Both men to their feet, snap mare by Savana, and turns it into a neck breaker on the way down!

Hanson: Speaking of on the way down, does yo momma even know a dentist?

Vinegar: Triangle Choke by Savana, and this could be it! Cyanide struggling to get to the ropes.

Hanson: Funny cause yo momma struggles to get out of her ropes.

Vinegar: Cyanide manages to break the plane with his foot, and East calling for the break.

East: One, two,,

Hanson: I think yo momma broke my foot that one night with the phone. You remember you kept calling, leaving tearful messages, and begging her to let you watch.

East: Three, Four,,

Vinegar: And Savana breaks on the five count, and East is right in his face with that warning. She’s a fiery one Hazel is.

Hanson: Yo momma uses fire to kill her thousands of uninvited six legged customers.

Vinegar: Cyanide to his feet, OH MY GOD WHERE’D JK COME FROM! HUGE MISSLE DROP KICK SENDS SEAN TO THE FLOOR!

Hanson: Yo momma says I’m huge.

Vinegar: JK back to his feet in time to catch a vicious running clothesline from Savana, and now Andy laying in the boots to the Cyclone.

Hanson: I ran around inside yo momma one time, and the wind started kicking up…

Vinegar: Savana now looks like he’s targeting that arm of JK with those stomps!

Hanson: I tried stomping on yo momma, and the crazy bitched loved it!

Vinegar: Savana pulling up the young man from Australia now, hammer lock, and Savana adding pain with some hard knees to the elbow!

Hanson: Yo momma adds the pain!

Vinegar: Irish whip sends JK to the ropes, he slides under Savana’s legs, Andy turns right into a drop kick, and is down!

Hanson: I’ve been between yo mommas legs.

Vinegar: JK up, to the ropes, rebound drop kick sends Savana back to the mat.

Hanson: Matt? Yo momma told me not to worry about Matt!

Vinegar: Savana up, and ducks a jumping calf kick. JK down, Savana to the ropes…

Hanson: Up, down, get the ropes, it sound like yo momma!

Vinegar: Cyanide with that Book of Cyanide just crumpled Savana! East didn’t see it!

Hanson: Crumpled like the jimmy wrapper I left on yo mommas floor!

Vinegar: Cyanide rolls into the ring, swings that book at JK, JK ducks, Cyanide turns, PELE! NO CYANIDE hits the dirt, and JK gets nothing!

Hanson: YO MOMMA been hit by dirt and Pele!

Vinegar: Cyanide first to his feet, JK with a clothesline, Cyanide counters, SHOT OF CYANIDE! Here’s the cover!

Hanson: Someone should give that bitch ass momma of yours some cyanide!

East: ONE!

Vinegar: Alright, I’ve had just about enough of you, you little primped son of a bitch!

East: TWO!!

Hanson: I knew you couldn’t ignore me for a whole match!

East: THREE!!!

Vinegar: What? Well at least this horrible match is over with, and maybe now my mother can have some peace.

Hanson: Hell she gives away enough pieces she probably should get something back.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen here is your winner, Sean Cyanide!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“Why Can’t We Be Friends?” smashes into play and the arena fills with (very surprisingly) cheers. Brandon McSkinny, after a rather involving tussle, makes his way through the curtains, seemingly out of breath from the altercation. At seeing the sold out arena, he gains his second wind and begins sprinting down the ramp… before tripping on his shoelaces.

Vinegar: Oh dear…

Hanson: Why does he even have laces? He’s wearing sandals!

Vinegar: Why is anything involving Skinny the way that it is? But I’m more curious as to why this young man is out here. He – thankfully – isn’t scheduled to compete here tonight.

Hanson: Didn’t you see the dark match? He kicked the stupid out of El Lobo!

Vinegar: And the less said about that the better…

By now Skinny has reached the ring, seemingly exhausted from the trying journey. He calls for a mic, which promptly knocks him ass first to the mat, upon catching it. Rather than standing, he takes a few deep breaths and then begins speaking from his sitting position.

Skinny: WEEL, WEEL, WEEL, MA NEGROS! WAT’S DA HAPS YO, YO PLAYAS?!

Crowd: …

Vinegar: …

Hanson: …

BoolZ’ Momma: …

Skinny: WEEL DA ONE TIME MAN CHAMP CAN TELL Y’ALL ARE EXCITEED!! AND AWWWEE DAN BEEG B’S TITTIES!!!

He climbs to his feet, trips up yet again, climbs back up, dusts himself off and then begins shouting into the mic once more.

Skinny: YEEAAH, YEEAAH, SKEENNY GOT SOMETHEENG TA SAY!!! NOW DA SKINMAN BEEN HEARING ABOUT DAT YOUNG PUNK ASS ROOKIE WHO’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD WALKING AROUND AND CALLING HIMSELF CHAMP!!!! LAST SKEENNY HEARD DIS WHITE BREAD CRACKA WAS A CORPSE IN MARLO’S DUNGEON!!! AND WHEN SKEENY SAYS DUNGEON, HE MEANS DAT TING’S 167 POUND ASS!!!! AAWWWW YEEEEEAAAAHHH!!!! BUT DAMN, NOW KEELSWEETCH THEENKS HE’S DA CANDANIAN CHAMPION?! WEEL EEF YA WANNA BE CHAMP – JUST LIKE DA MAN CHAMP – YA GOTTA FIGHT FOR YA BELT!!!! SO SKEENNY’S LAYING DOWN DA CHALLENGE TO KEELSWEETCH FO’ DAT BELT O’ HEES!!!! SO WHAT DO YA SAY, BOY?!?!?! YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TA TANGO WEED DA MAN CHAMP?!?!?!?!

Skinny tosses the mic in the air, causing him to lose his balance and fall face first to the mat. He then crawls out of the ring and begins skipping back up the ramp.

Vinegar: MY GOD!!! SKINNY HAS LAID DOWN THE CHALLENGE TO KILLSWITCH FOR THE CANDAIAN HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!! BUT WILL KILLSWITCH ACCEPT THIS RIDICULOUS CHALLE… nah, fuck it, I can’t even pretend to sound excited about this.

Hanson: You did your best, Nick. That’s all anyone can ask....Aighte niggas, it’s go time.

Dennis: Lets go niggas! The following contest is a tag team match, scheduled for one fall!

With the arena lights turning to colour’s of purple and gold Gabrielle walks out to the top of the entranceway, showing off whatever elegant dress she has on with a quick twirl before removing the championship belt from around her waist and making her way down to the ring whilst holding the title above her head, climbing up onto the ring apron she motions the referee/ring announcer over and hands them the championship, also getting them to assist her into the ring where she takes center stage allowing the referee/ring announcer to clasp the championship belt back around her waist, although she’s extremely willing to scold him if he lingers too long trying to smell her hair or touch her body.

Dennis: Introducing first, from Auckland, New Zealand, the Diamond Princess, the GIW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONATOR… GABRIELLE MADDISON MONTGOMERY!!!

Hanson: Something seemed a little off about that entrance, Nick…

Vinegar: Copy and past FTW.

Hanson: o.O

“Haunted” then hits, being accompanied by boos throughout the GIW arena. But there is no Calypso Desmona…

23.7 seconds later…

Hanson: Man, that was a good semenation session. Gabby being out here makes it so easy.

Vinegar: Does anyone wanna trade seats?

Soulfly's "Warmageddon" sneaks into existence over the p.a. and then explodes to life as a macabre, dark purple light fills the arena with a sinister and misty disdain as our Resident Evil, Raenius, walks out slowly, proudly wearing his uCw Kings of Hardcore t-shirt, clearly showing it's print saying 'We Bleed For You' for the world to see. He stalks bestially down the isle emanating hatred before he jumps up onto the apron, knee-first, and pulls himself upright using the ropes. He stands, looking out at the crowd for a few seconds before entering the ring.

Dennis: Urgh… well, and now the opponents, first, from Northern, Ireland… RAENIUS!!!

Hanson: That’s not Cal…

Vinegar: Well I guess Raenius got tired of waiting. Gabby might be in a bit of trouble here…

Hanson: Only I’m allowed to call her that, nigga! And this isn’t fair! Where is that voodoo doll raping white bread hooker at anyway?!

Vinegar: Boss P has been a bad influence on you, huh?

The lights cut to black and red and white strobe lights alternate in beat with the rapid music as “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” Starts to play. Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, looking at the people for a moment, then as the lyrics hit she descends the ramp, breaking into a run about halfway down. When she reaches the ring she jumps, grabbing the top rope and springing herself up, flipping in the air and landing on her feet. She runs to a random turnbuckle and plants her feet on the corners of the middle turnbuckle, throwing up the horns and head banging briefly. Then she calmly jumps down and begins to stretch.

Dennis: And the partner, I have no idea where she’s from, because it’s not in her profile… CHASSIE FEAR!!!

Vinegar: Well the bell is ringing and this match is underway, even though Desmona is nowhere to be seen. Gabrielle looks both irritated and cautious, as she locks up with Fear. Gab whips The Dark Rose to the ropes and connects with a stiff elbow to the jaw on the rebound. The last match these two women had was against each other. Gabrielle came out on top during that encounter, but this is basically a handicap match here. I don’t think the Epitome Of Beauty can overcome those odds.

Hanson: This is all Boss P’s fault! That crazy nigga should know where his roster is at all times!!

Vinegar: I doubt Boss Penguin is the type of fellow to care about such things. Though I expect Cal will be in line for a bullet to the kidney should she be unfortunate enough to cross Boss P’s path. But honestly, the majority of the roster is too retarded to even know where they are themselves most of the time.

Hanson: Yeah, can’t argue there…

Vinegar: Now Gab has tossed Chass into the corner and is shoving her against the turnbuckle, while squeezing relentlessly at Fear’s throat. Literally choking the air out of her. Things are getting vicious here and it’s pretty obvious that Gabrielle is in a foul mood.

Hanson: Gah! Chass just smashed a knee into my Gabby’s stomach!!

Vinegar: That’s knocked the wind out of Montgomery, allowing Chass to tag in Raenius. And he’s quick into the ring, connecting with a neck breaker. Pulling Gabrielle back up now, but The Diamond Princess with a stiff forearm, knocking him in the temple. Raenius is stunned, BEFORE GAB PLANTS HIM WITH THE GABUSTER!!!

Hanson: HA! She’s not wasting anytime, Nick!!

Vinegar: And she won’t want to with two opponents… what the hell? Hastings is here!!!

Hanson: He is too! He’s on the entrance ramp and waving around an ‘ALL HAIL CAL!’ sign! Does he even realise she’s not here?!?!

Vinegar: With that man, who really knows? And who wants to know? But I’m more concerned about the match, as Gabrielle is now kicking the stuffing out of Raenius’ head! The Resident Evil able to battle through it and get to his feet. He blocks a dropkick from Gab and then absolutely hammers her with a superkick, as she tries to get back up! She’s down after that one! Maybe out too!

Hanson: It’s… it’s just not fair… *sheds tear*

Vinegar: You’re unbelievable sometimes. But now Raenius has tagged in Chass. Gab groggily getting back up, but The Dark Rose plants her with that incredible one-legged backstabber! Looks for the cover, but only gets two. Probably just trying to send a message there, rather than actually trying to win the bout.

Hanson: But Gab’s getting back up, Nick! She’s not about to give up just yet!

Vinegar: I don’t think Gabrielle knows how to give up, she’s so tenacious! BUT CHASS IS GONNA PLANT HER WITH THE TWILIGHT!!! NO!!!! GAB BREAKS FREE AND PULLS THE DARK ROSE INTO AN ENVIABLE SUBMISSION!!! THE WOMEN’S CHAMPION TEARING AWAY AT HER OPPONENT!!!!

Hanson: YEAH! SHE’S GONNA DO IT – BULLSHIT!!!!!

Vinegar: Raenius in the ring and Gabrielle leaps to her feet to meet him! BANG!!!! THE DIAMOND PRINCESS JUST TOOK THE FULL FRONTAL AT FULL FORCE!!!! GABRIELLE IS OUT!!!!

Hanson: AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS MAKE IDIOTIC ALLITERATIONS!!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS IS WRONG WITH YO – what’s this?

Vinegar: Raenius is staring at Hastings, who is now at ringside and waving that ridiculous sign around. Raenius seems to be taking exception here…

Hanson: He’s leaving the ring and approaching Lord Hastings. I’m not sure what to think of this. On one hand he should have better manors while in the presence of royalty, but at the sometime, his attention has been drawn away from Gabby.

Vinegar: Hastings reassuring Raenius he’s only here to watch, but The Resident Evil doesn’t seem to believe him. Raenius rolling Hastings into the ring, climbs in himself AND PLANTS HIM WITH THE RIPPERSNAPPER!!!!

Hanson: This is out of control! AND THAT DAMN PETERSON IS JUST LETTING IT HAPPEN!!! FUCK!!!!

Vinegar: Now Raenius pulls The Immortal up. Hastings with a kick to the doodle and stuns Raenius!!! AND NOW HASTINGS PLANTS RAENIUS WITH THE DESTINY’S CALL!!! MY GOD, ALL FOUR OF THESE ATHLETES ARE DOWN AND ONE OF THEM ISN’T EVEN IN THE MATCH!!!! PETERSON’S HAD ENOUGH AND IS CALLING FOR THE BELL!!!!

Hanson: So as soon as Lord Hastings gets in some offence, Peterson calls for the –

Vinegar: SILENCE FOOL! THAT FEUD IS OVER!!!

Hanson: Yeah well, some things never change… but what the heck is the result here, anyway?

Dennis: This match has been ruled a NO CONTEST!!!

Vinegar: Well Gab can’t be disqualified, because Raenius brought Hastings into the ring. But at the same time, Donovan isn’t allowed to compete in the match. I think that was the only way to go.

Hanson: I think it’s ass!!

Vinegar: As long as it’s not Marlo’s, I’m fine.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The lights in the arena focus on the main stage, after a few moments we hear a familiar voice bellow through the arena.

Boss P : ‘YO NIGGA’S BETTER HOLD DAT NEXT MATCH, DA BOSS HAS SOMETHINGS TO ADDRESS, AND I NEED TO DO IT BEFORE THAT MILLIONAIRE HO GUARDIAN GETS HIS ASS KICKED FROM PILLAR TO POST BY BOSS P’S OWN ‘DIAMOND’ NIGGA!

Hanson: Looks like Donovan isn’t taking much interest in what Boss P has to say, he seems to be remonstrating with some unknown person on the outside of the ring...

Boss P : SO ALL YOU TICKET BUYING BITCHES CAN JUST BE PATIENT FOR YO NEXT MATCH, AND LISTEN TO WHAT GIW’S BIGGEST GANGSTA HAS TO SAY. CAUSE TRUST ME THE SHIT I AM ABOUT TO SPIT IS PHAT!

Vinegar: It looks like he’s got something important on his mind. But it doesn’t look like the Lord wants to stick around for it, he seems to be heading backstage, despite his match being next, and he seems to be in a heated conversation...with himself?!?!?

Hanson: Can’t say I blame him, if I could get away from this bloated ducks ramblings I would...

Vinegar: You better watch what you say Daniel, you know Boss P has a hell of a temper, and he probably watches the recordings back again...

Hanson: How? It’s doubtful he can control a remote with his flippers...

Boss P: YO, NIGGA’S WHO TALK OVER DA MATCHES!

Hanson: is he talking to us?

Boss P: I CN SEE YO JAWS FLAPPIN’ IN THA WIND, WHICH MEANS NO-ONE OUTSIDE OF THIS ARENA WILL HEAR BOSS P’S BIG NEWS, SO UNLESS YOU WANT MCZYGMUNT CUBED SAT NEXT TO YOU OVER THE NEXT FEW SHOWS, I SUGGEST YOU LET ME FINISH!

Hanson: Who the he...

Vinegar: SHUT UP!

Boss P: YEAH, THAT CHUNKY NIGGA HAS THE RIGHT IDEA. AS YOU ALL KNOW, I WAS MADE ENFORCER OF DIS PLACE A FEW MONTHS AGO NOW, BUT INFINITY WILL BE THE FIRST SHOW THAT BOSS P HAS HAD SOLE CREATIVE CONTROL OVER...

Vinegar: That’s a good point, a lot of Horizons was arranged whilst Declan was in charge...

Boss P:WITH THAT IN MIND, I HAVE MADE THE DECISION THAT INFINITY CAN BE NOTHING SHORT OF NIGGERIFFIC! SO ON FEBRUARY 15TH 2009, THE GLOBAL CHALLENGE 2009, WILL TAKE PLACE. EIGHT OF GIW’S FINEST ATHLETES WILL COMPETE IN GIW’S VERY FIRST ONE NIGHT TOURNAMENT! THIS IS THE SEARCH TO FIND GIW’S FIRST CHIEF NIGGA...OR AS THE SPONSORS WOULD PREFER GIW’S MOST VALUABLE ASSET, OR BEST WRESTLER OR SOME SHIT LIKE ‘DAT. BUT AS FAR AS BOSS P IS CONCERNED THIS IS TO FIND DA CHIEF NIGGA YA HEAR?

Vinegar: Name aside, this sounds like it could be quite some event...

Boss P : NOW I KNOW YOU ARE ALL WONDERING JUST WHO IS GONNA MAKE THEIR WAY INTO THIS GRUELLING TOURNAMENT, BUTY I AIN’T GIVING YOU NIGGA’S SHIT FO’ FREE, YO GONNA HAVE TO TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO SEE THE FIRST OF THE QUALIFIERS, NOW GET THAT DELUDED FREAK HASTINGS BACK HERE FOR HIS[/B]...AND SOMEBODY GET THE MAN IN THE WHITE COAT ON THE DAMN PHONE!!!

Vinegar: And with that, our unique Enforcer makes his way back backstage, and we’re ready for this next match...

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.

Immortal hit’s the speakers and Donovan Hastings walks out to the top of the ramp.

Hanson: A second dose of The Lord in one night, we are very lucky.

Dennis: Making his way to the ring, from Hartford Connecticut. Weighing in at 230lbs, the Lord of Pain, Donovaaaan Hastiiiings!

Hastings makes his way down to the ring, turning his head to speak to the empty space by his left shoulder.

Hanson: Uh…seems he’s still acting strangely...

Vinegar: Is he…?

Hanson: Yeah I think so….

Vinegar: Weird.

Hastings climbs up the steps and takes off his cloak, very deliberately passing it, no-one and it falls in a heap on the floor. He says a few more words to the area he dropped the garment in before turning back and running across the ring a couple of times.

Slither takes over on the speakers to a modest pop from the crowd.

Dennis: And the opponent, accompanied to the ring by Brandon Brown, from Harlem New York, weighing at 500 pounds! He is the Wrecking Machine, Big B Broooooown!!!

Hanson: How much of that crowd cheer do you think was actually aimed at Big B?

Vinegar: I dunno, 2 or 3.

Hanson: Percent?

Vinegar: People.

Hanson: Ah yeah, I was gonna say.

Brandon Brown hops up onto the apron as Big B takes the steps. Brandon pushing the middle and top ropes apart so his cousin can fit through. The two of them strut around the ring for a few moments before the music cuts out and Brandon drops back out to the floor.
Ding Ding!

Vinegar: Here we go, and this one has the making of another great match in this first Sentinel of 2009. Hastings going for the lock up but Big B shoves him away to the ropes. Second attempt and another shove puts him on his ass in the corner.

Hanson: He’s taking the moment to confer with…um, Casper?

Vinegar: Can you really not figure it out?

Hanson: No what?

Vinegar: I’ll reveal it slowly as the match goes on.

Hanson: Why? That seems stupid.

Vinegar: Yeah, but otherwise you’ll have nothing to say for the rest of the match.

Hanson: Good point.

Vinegar: Hastings is back up and the pair are circling, single leg take down attempt by the smaller man but Big B is rooted down like a tree. Big B dragging him back up by his hair and huge club to the back of the head.

Hanson: What about now?

Vinegar: Nope, gotta string it out a bit more still. Big B hefting Hastings back to his feet and whipping him into the corner. Oh, lighting up his chest with those open hand chops.

Crowd: Whoo! Whoo!

Vinegar: Whip across the ring again. Running…

Hanson: If you can really call it that.

Vinegar: Accelerated Plodding Avalanche in the corner, but Donovan Hastings sidesteps it and comes back with the hard right hands. Taking him by the arm, bounces off the ropes, smooth arm drag.

Hanson: Whether intentionally or just, doing what a ball does, Big B rolls through and back to his feet.

Vinegar: Hastings charges him but, oh! Huge power slam counter by Big B. First cover of the match.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out at the last moment but that move puts Big B in firm control. He pulls The Immortal back to his feet and locks in a bear hug. Squeezing the life out of him.

Hanson: Oh actions getting slow. So uh, yeah, what’s with Casper?

Vinegar: Oh yeah, well, clearly Hastings isn’t taking his whole break up thing too well ya know? Or, at all.

Hanson: Oh…I don’t get it.

Vinegar: Too bad, Donovan Hastings just fought his way out of that hold and charges off the ropes, only to run into a brick wall of a shoulder block from Big B Brown. Big B off the ropes now. Standing body splash. Lateral press.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Another desperate kick out by The Lord of Pain. He’s struggling with the power behind the 500 pound wrecking machine. Big B dragging him back up again.

Hanson: Ya know, really, all Hastings has to do to win is keep going until Big B inevitably has a heart attack and dies. Run around the ring Lord Hastings!

Vinegar: Hard elbow to the back of Hastings head but he stays on his feet. Another clubbing fist, dodged by Donovan Hastings and countered with a low dropkick, dropping Big B to a knee.

Hastings: Hmm, guess that’d work too. My way would be easier though.

Vinegar: Hastings locks in the side headlock. Looks like he’s trying to slow things up and grind the big man down. It might be working to, Big B is waning. Hastings has him down on the mat, that headlock still locked in.

Hanson: Oh trust Big B to be the first person defeated with a headlock.

Vinegar: I doubt that. Seems Donovan does to. Quick float over and he’s locked in the triangle choke. Brandon’s hammering on the edge of the apron, trying to get his cousin pumped up to break the hold.

Hanson: And Hastings is signalling to that empty corner of the ring again. Something about going after Brandon. I still don’t get it.

Vinegar: Oh let me finally put you out of your misery. Hastings is in abject denial about being dumped. Hopefully he’s just pretending Calypso is still cheering him on, otherwise he’s probably actually hallucinating her.

Hanson: Oh, glad that finally got out.

Vinegar: Yeah, it was probably a bit of an anti climax but never mind. Big B’s fighting back though, he’s pushed himself back up onto his knees.

Hanson: Hastings is still on his shoulders though, he’s trying to tighten that grip and shut him down.

Vinegar: I don’t think it’s working though. Big B back to his feet and swatting at Hastings like a fly. Those huge hammer fists falling and Hastings loses his grip. Big B spins him round. Big B Brown Bomb!!!

1!

2!

3!

Ding Ding!

Vinegar: What a brutal impact and this ones over.

Dennis: Here is your winner, Big B Broooooooooown!!!

Big B rolls Hastings away from him and sits catching his breath in the middle of the ring for a little while, Brandon sliding in to join him and raises his arm. The two roll out and head for the back as the show cuts to commercial.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Well now it’s time for, well I’d go so far as to say the first of a double main event wouldn’t you?

Hanson: Only if Gabrielle was going to accompany Diamond Jack out, but then it’d be the second of a double main event after her match earlier.

Vinegar: She’ll never love you you know.

Hanson: I know…I’m so lonely.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, but you probably knew that already.

Diamond in the Rough starts to play and the lights drop. Jack Severino walks out under a solitary spotlight and poses, his arms spread wide. He drops his arms as the lights come up, revealing Boss P sat upon the shoulders of McZygmunt Cubed just behind him.

Dennis: Making his way to the ring accompanied by Boss Penguin and that big Polish guy who’s name I can’t pronounce. Fighting out of Christchurch, New Zealand and weighing in at 280lbs. The Diamond in the Rough, Jack Severinooooooooooo!!!

Jack swaggers down to the ring, flexing and trash talking, McZygmunt swaggering behind him while Boss P mouths off too. Jack climbs up the steps and walks along the apron before climbing into the ring and up a turnbuckle to pose again as his music cuts out.

The Air That I Breathe hit’s the speakers and Declan Prescott walks out to the top of the stage, hand in hand with his wife. The crowd boos loudly though Prescott is unaffected.

Dennis: Introducing the opponent. Accompanied to the ring by Cara Costello, from Sydney Australia, weighing in at 227lbs. The Heart and Soul of GIW, Declaaaaan Prescoooooooott!!!

Declan steps away from Cara and raises his arms, as if absorbing the hatred directed towards him. Cara steps back up behind him and he slips an arm around her waist. The two of them make their way down to the ring, exchanging insults with rowdy front row crowd members.

The two of them climb up the steps and into the ring. Declan stares down Jack who’s still stood in the far corner and turns to climb the turnbuckle and taunt the crowd to Cara’s enthusiastic applause. He climbs down as Cara exit’s the ring and Hazel East takes her place between the two of them.

Ding Ding!

Vinegar: This ones on the way and promises to be an exhibition in dirty tactics and interference.

Hanson: You mean and exhibition in opportunism and doing whatever it takes to win.

Vinegar: Tomato tomato.

Hanson: Why did you just say tomato twice?

Vinegar: I pronounced it in two different ways.

Hanson: Ah, good that you clarified that or it would have seemed really weird.

Vinegar: Yeah, it probably would. Anyway, these two lock up, collar and elbow, quickly turned into a rear waist lock by Declan Prescott. Diamond Jack drops a leg and twists his body, countered into a fireman’s carry.

Hanson: You forgot it’d be a great display of technical wrestling skill too.

Vinegar: Maybe for a few minutes. Prescott rolls over Severino’s shoulders and lands on his feet. Turning back to hit a stiff dropkick to the side of Jack’s head. Quickly back on him with the grounded headlock.

Hanson: Yay, headlocks!

Vinegar: Diamond Jack pushing himself back to his feet but brought down with a headlock takedown. Counter by Jack, wrapping those tree trunk legs into a leg lock choke hold. Prescott fights it off though and kips back up to his feet.

Hanson: This ones looking tough to call.

Vinegar: Certainly at this early stage but there’s a long way to go yet. These two circling each other like animals and it’s DJS that moves first catching Prescott with a quick double leg takedown, looking to lock in a knee bar but Declan scrambles to the rope.

Hanson: Scrambles? Scrambles!? Declan Prescott does not scramble. He heroically dives for the ropes.

Vinegar: Yeah sure he does. Both back to their feet and Severino offers up for a test of strength. The Significant Player takes the hand, swift kick to the gut though and quickly twists up the arm.

Hanson: See that’s why Declan Prescott is the best. He’s smarter than anyone in this whole arena.

Vinegar: He’s certainly smarter than half the people at this table.

Hanson: Good of you to admit partner. There may be hope for you yet.

Vinegar: Ugh. Counter by Diamond Jack into an arm wrench of his own. Forward roll out by Prescott, quick leg sweep and pin. Instant kick out by Severino. Pin again, second immediate kick out.

Hanson: Now look. Declan Prescott is allowing Jack to stand up again. He’s so sporting.

Vinegar: Yeah never mind his affinity for crowbar use, that one act surely absolves it all. Big knife edge chop across the chest from the Significant Player. Now he’s challenging Jack to strike back. These two exchanging brutal chops one for one.

Hanson: Prescott grows tired of giving away free shots though and ducks a chop before opening up with the right hands, driving Jack back to the ropes.

Vinegar: Irish whip, Diamond Jack back on the rebound. Inverted Atomic drop by DP. Pulls him down by the arm, looking to lock in that crossface submission hold but Severino with a…heroic dive for the ropes.

Hanson: Heroic dive? Looked like he was scrambling to me.

Vinegar: Either way, his ex-girlfriend still won’t screw you.

Hanson: Harsh.

Vinegar: True. Boss P shouting for Jack to get back into it. I don’t think the Blue Eyed Devil is too happy about being given orders but he’s back up. Prescott offering up for the test of strength this time. Jack takes it and goes straight into a short arm clothesline.

Hanson: What a cheap shot. He should take the test like a man.

Vinegar: Like Prescott did?

Hanson: I saw nothing.

Vinegar: Stomps from Jack Severino drive the Significant Player out to the arena floor. Severino in pursuit. Grabs Prescott by the back of the head, slamming his face on the apron and back into the crowd barriers.

Diamond jack takes a moment to flex to mixed responses from the crowd.

Vinegar: Whip, sends Prescott straight into those ring steps. Picking him back up and rolling Declan back into the ring. Declan getting back up but being taken back down with a scoop slam.

Hanson: See, Declan would have let him get up and fight. Severino’s such a coward.

Vinegar: You know she’s probably not even watching.

Hanson: Course she is, and I’ll show her what a chump he is.

Vinegar: Good luck with that. Bounce on the second rope, off the top, BSE!

Hanson: No Prescott rolls under it and DJS hits nothing but mat. Maybe I won’t have to show her, he’s doing a good job of it himself.

Vinegar: Declan catching his breath in the corner as Severino gets back to his feet, avalanche attempt. Countered by a very low looking kick from the Significant Player. Hooks Jack into a DDT position and backs up the ropes. Tornado DDT from the second rope. Cover attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Solid kick out by DJS. Prescott’s got him back up to his feet though, Snap overhead suplex, followed up with a spinning leg drop. Into a surfboard stretch. Prescott yanking back on those arms and sticking that knee right in the middle of Severino’s back.

Hanson: Not a hold you see very often, but another part of out great leaders technical repertoire.

Vinegar: Not bad but Jack’s fighting back, he’s onto his feet, trying to turn himself around. He manages to get an arm free and puts the elbow to Prescott’s gut. He’s free from the hold and runs off the ropes. Prescott darts back the other way, ducks Severino’s bicycle kick and hit’s the enziguri. Diamond Jack goes down hard.

Hanson: Yeah that’s it. Hey, do you reckon it’d be possible to kick the squareness out of Jack’s head? Nah, can’t be or that would have done it.

Vinegar: Prescott off the second rope, Lionsault, into the cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Just kicked out but Declan Prescott still in firm control of this one. Irish whip into the corner and big follow up clothesline against the turnbuckle. Quick side belly to belly suplex puts DJS back on the mat.

Hanson: Well we don’t see this often but it looks like the Heart and Soul of GIW is looking to finish this one off. He’s headed to the top rope.

Vinegar: That’s right. Prescott trying to steady himself on the top rope as Severino slowly gets back to his feet. Diving cross body, no, Diamond Jack caught him.

Hanson: Declan let him catch him. It’s all part of his master plan.

Vinegar: Severino flips Prescott up onto his shoulders, Glass Jaw! That big TKO onto the knee. Guess that was part of the plan too huh?

Hanson: Yeah, Prescott probably just broke that oafs knee.

Vinegar: Cover by DJS.

1!

2!

Hanson: Easy kick out by Declan Prescott.

Vinegar: Don’t know how easy that was, Hazel East’s hand was coming down for the three but this one goes on. Jack’s got Declan back up, whip off the ropes, big spine buster.

Hanson: It wasn’t that big.

Vinegar: You almost fell off your chair.

Hanson: No I didn’t.

Vinegar: I saw you grab the table.

Hanson: Uh, I was um…

Vinegar: Scared?

Hanson: What’s worse?

Vinegar: Neither are good.

Hanson: Hey look Jack’s headed to the corner.

Vinegar: DJS now providing an appropriate change of subject as he heads to the second rope. Diving elbow drop connects. This could be it.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, kick out by Declan Prescott. Diamond Jack bringing Declan back up and runs off the ropes.

Hanson: No, Cara grabbed his foot. Jack’s not happy, he’s shouting at her. How dare he!?

Vinegar: I think that gave DP the opening he needed. German suplex drops Severino on his head. Prescott running now. Haha, Boss P repays the favour, his henchman grabbing Prescott’s foot this time.

Hanson: That’s despicable. Send that overgrown greyscale parrot to the back ref.

Vinegar: Prescott’s got himself free though and sets off running, straight past the prone DJS though, what’s he do-…

Hanson: Baseball slide! Oh that was beautiful. The true ruler of GIW just baseball slide dropkicked McZygmunt Cubed in the face and sent him to the ground sending Boss P flying as he does.

Vinegar: Oh I don’t want to be around Boss P after that shot. I think Declan Prescott needs to keep his focus on Diamond Jack though who’s back on his feet and stalking the Significant Player. Prescott turns and gets a hand right round the throat. This could be it, Rise of Brutality.

Hanson: Not a chance, Prescott strikes at the elbow and Jack breaks his grip.

Vinegar: Clothesline attempt by DJS with his other arm, ducked by DP though-….

Hanson: Significant Impact! Out of nowhere! Cover!

1!

2!

3!

Ding Ding!

Hanson: I knew it!

Dennis: Here is your winner, Declaaaaan Prescoooooott!!!

Hanson: It could have never been in doubt. The Heart and Soul of GIW has never been pinned and it’ll take a better man than Jack Severino to change that.

Vinegar: You mean like you?

Hanson: No of course no-…hey actually you may be onto something. Gabby would love that wouldn’t she.

Vinegar: I don’t know. I don’t care.

Hanson: Maybe not but I bet Kiseragi is more your type huh?

Vinegar: Oh grow up and try to stay on planet Earth, at least for the next match. It’s a rematch of the Horizons main event as the Unified Global Champion Travis Roberts takes on Randy Boolzian and Alex Kiseragi, you don’t wanna miss it.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: It’s that time of the night now Nic-o-larse; Main Event time.

Vinegar: Somewhat reserved from my broadcast collea………

Hanson: Nick just shut I’m trying to entertain my dawgs and doggie styled hos.

Vinegar: Dan that’s Teahouse playing; let’s turn the subject to the match seeing as how Kiseragi has just walked out atop the entranceway.

Dennis: From San Francisco, tonight weighing in at 198 pounds he is: ALEXXXXXXXXXXXX KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSERRRRRRRRRRRRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIII!!

Alex then throws a roundhouse kick with each leg, setting off a small pyrotechnic display before performing a split legged back flip which sets off a bigger pyro display.

Hanson: I had three resolutions this new year; 1) Change my number so that horny manatee you call a mother would stop bothering me………………

Kiseragi then makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands with a few fans as he does so before jumping into the ring between the bottom and middle rope rolling through and springing to his feet and climbing a turnbuckle to a loud ovation from the GIW audience before back flipping back off.

Hanson:……………2) Make sure you know this booth ‘right here’ is my damn booth…………

‘Wonder What’s Next’ by Chevelle then begins playing as all the lights dim down followed by the appearance of BoolZ who makes his way down to the ring with only the dim light from the screen guiding his way.

Dennis: And his opponent from Oceanside California weighing 220 pounds: RANDYYYYYYYYYYYY BOOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

BoolZ enters the ring where he quickly downs his Red Bull and takes that final drag of his cigarette before tossing both used items in Kiseragi’s direction.

Hanson:………and 3) gradually move being Gabrielle’s laundry boy to her ‘boy’ if you know what I mean!

As referee Glenn Burke tries to maintain the calm between Kiseragi and BoolZ Travis Roberts impending arrival is announced by the opening chords of Monster Magnets ‘Bummer’.

Vinegar: So you are actually her laundry boy then Dan! Id heard rumors about that……………you’re just a big softy aren’t you.

Roberts soon walks out along the entranceway, grinning from ear to ear as only he can, proudly displaying the richest prize in GIW draped over his shoulder.

Hanson: Shut up our Unified Global Champions on his way to the ring.

Dennis: And the third man in this match he is our Unified Global Champion from Phoenix Arizona: TRAVISSSSSSSSSSSSSS ROBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBERTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTS!!

Roberts looks set to slide into the ring only to stop himself as Burke looks down at him questionably.

Roberts: Travis Roberts has no problem with BoolZ and Kiseragi fighting over those used recreational scraps at Kiseragi’s feet. In fact Travis Roberts goes as far as to demand of the two of them to entertain ‘The Blessed One’ before the Headliner decides to enter the ring.

Burke continues pleading with Roberts to enter the ring meanwhile Kiseragi’s picked up Boolzian’s Red Bull can and hurled it back at him before spring boarding off the ropes into a hurricanrana taking BoolZ down.

Hanson: That just proves how great our Unified Global Champ is, he demands it and it be so.

Vinegar: Rather than giving that egomaniac all the attention lets focus on the in ring action Dan.

Hanson: Why it’s only Kiseragi applying an armbar, ‘The Headliners’ sitting back on the outside.

Vinegar: You’re wrong of both counts Dan; BoolZ fought out of that armbar attempt while Roberts is lazing his ass about on the outside.

Hanson: That’s our Unified Champ; he could have 3 belts decorating his body right now if he so wished.

Vinegar: In the ring meanwhile; both men have got to their feet and have locked up with BoolZ going for a takedown, Kiseragi avoids it though and tries to throw a knee into Boolzian’s jaw, its blocked though and BoolZ hits a quick jawbreaker before taking Alex down with a snapmare completed with a rapid succession of kicks.

Hanson: And here comes Roberts, he’s heading for………………no, no he decided against it remaining on the outside.

Vinegar: BoolZ picking Kiseragi back up to his feet and bouncing off the ropes with a lariat attempt, its ducked though and countered with a neckbreaker before Kiseragi then snaps off a standing moonsault.

Burke: 1……2……

Vinegar: Kick out by BoolZ. Kiseragi now locking in a Triangle Hold.

Hanson: And here comes Roberts yanking BoolZ to the ropes and forcing the break of that submission hold.

Vinegar: Kiseragi not to happy about that.

Hanson: You can’t say Roberts isn’t involved in the match Nick.

Vinegar: He’s not as involved as BoolZ or Kiseragi who’s shouting at Travis to get in the ring.

Hanson: Mistake that was as BoolZ just hit the Tumbleweed on Alex as he turned back around.

Vinegar: Randy following that up with a series of boots, elbows and knees before climbing the turnbuckle; could it be the Stargazer already? Kiseragi to his feet though and BoolZ now attempting a crossbody……BIG COUNTER FROM ALEX hitting that dropkick to a mid air Boolzian and following up with a jackknife cover.

Burke: 1………2…………

Vinegar: Roberts in to break the count and now stomping the hell out of Kiseragi before snapping off a quick suplex. His attention now on BoolZ who hits that Fluidity out of nowhere sending Roberts down and rolling out of the ring.

Hanson: That isn’t right!

Vinegar: BoolZ now going for a suicide plancha, Roberts though sidesteps, BoolZ though stops himself on the apron as OUT OF NOWHERE KISERAGI PLANCHAS OVER THE TOIP ROPE TAKING BOOLZIAN WITH HIM AS THEY BOTH CRASH INTO ROBERTS.

Hanson: That isn’t right either!

Vinegar: Kiseragi to his feet now as the fans cheer him on, rolling Roberts into the ring before following him in………

Hanson: That was a thing of beauty as Kiseragi was following Travis in he was caught and planted with a big time DDT spiking him on the top of his head.

Vinegar: I’ll the devil his due, Roberts lured Alex in there as now BoolZ slides into the ring as well where he’s taken down with an arm drag before Roberts slides him into the TWiSTeD Tourniquet; that vicious crucifix armbar.

Hanson: See this is why Roberts is Champ; great strategy, he picked his spot………

Vinegar: As has Kiseragi coming off the top rope with a Shooting Star Press right on Travis Roberts side.

Hanson: Damn and BoolZ was so close to tapping out.

Vinegar: Kiseragi now taking his spot in the corner setting up for that Yari Kick as Travis gets to his feet, here comes Kiseragi………

Hanson: Roberts though throws himself to the ground and it’s Boolzian who gets hit with that Yari Kick!

Vinegar: Alex though right on it as he turns to execute that Dragon Kick.

Hanson: Roberts avoids it though and floors Kiseragi with a vicious German Suplex. That kid is done.

Vinegar: Kiseragi’s a fighter though Dan don’t count him out.

Hanson: Count him out!! He just got dropped on his head and now he’s about to get dropped on it again courtesy of Roberts ‘White Out’ .

Vinegar: Though BoolZ just kipped up to his feet and grabbed Travis Roberts and ‘bam’ plants him with the DiscomBoolZalator.

Burke: 1

Hanson: NO!!

Burke: 2

Hanson: NOOOOOOO!!!!

Burke: 3

Hanson: Where was Kiseragi?!?!

Vinegar: Like you said Kiseragi was out of it after that suplex, not to mention Roberts still had a hold of him when BoolZ effectively took them both down.

Dennis: Here is your winner and the man who gets to name Travis Roberts' number 1 contender: RAAAAAAAAAAANDYYYYYYYYYY BOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLZIAAAAAAAAAN!!!

BoolZ gets to his feet in celebration demanding another Red Bull as Kiseragi sits up shaking his head as he looks up at the victor of their hard fought match.

Vinegar: This was the first show of GIW in 2009 and Im Nicholas Vinegar unfortunately alongside my broadcast partner…………

Hanson: Roberts was robbed, he had the strategy……………

Vinegar………Daniel Hanson hoping you enjoyed the show!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 11/01/09 Credits

Previously Recorded Footage and Recap of Horizons
Randy Boolzian

Moss vs Aito vs No Show
Andy Savana

Cyanide vs Savana vs JK
BoolZ

Skinny Challenges Killswitch
Declan Prescott

Tag Match
Declan Prescott

Boss P Announces Global Challenge 2009
T-Rob

Big B vs Hastings
A-Kis

Declan vs DJS
A-Kis

Main Event
DJS

Editor
T- Rob

OK a big thanks to all those that wrote matches, it really is a big help. And a huge shout out to A-Kis who, when yours truly’s computer decided to die on Friday night, was willing to get the show up, and also wrote my match for me, and truly rescued the day. I now have a new comp, so all should be well, but he deserves a big thanks for making himself available to ensure things kept running smoothly.

And obviously sorry if there are inconsistencies, typo’s or any errors, but only had chance to briefly proof read. But things can only get better now my computer is brand new!