Sentinel 18/01/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome to Sentinel!

Hanson: Whatever...

Vinegar: What’s wrong?

Hanson: I forgot we had to do this damn intro, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to talk about tonight, I mean, who cares what happens, Jack Severino is in the Main Event, ya can tell this shows gonna suck...

Vinegar: Don’t listen to Daniel’s jealousy ladies and gentlemen...

Hanson: What have I got to be jealous of him for?

Vinegar: Well maybe the fact he’s managed to get into Gabby’s underwear on more occasions than you’ve given vocal felatio to Declan Prescott....

Hanson: What makes you so sure the Gabby ain’t riding the Hanson Train each and every day, hell how do you know she doesn’t have a goddamn season ticket!

Vinegar: Folks know you can’t see the look I’m giving Daniel right now, but I’m sure you can make a great estimate...I think we should just proceed to the first match...

“American Badass” by Kid Rock hits the PA system, as we see BeeB run out and stops at the top of the ramp, flailing his arms up and forming the Version 1.0 sign with his hands. He makes his way down the ramp, high-fiving kids as he does.

Dennis: Introducing first, making his way to the ring, weighing in at 220 pounds, from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEB THE GREEAAAAAAAAAAT!

Vinegar: Ladies and gentlemen, this is BeeB the Great-

Hanson: I doubt he’s great…

Vinegar: -making his debut tonight.

Hanson: His name makes me laugh.

Vinegar: Your face makes me laugh.

Hanson: O.O

Vinegar: Anyway, BeeB the great is in the ring, waiting for his opponent.

“Evolution” by Korn begins to play.

I'm diggin' with my fingertips
I'm gripping at the ground I stand upon
I'm searching for fragile bones
Evolution

I'm never gonna be refined
Keep trying but I won't assimilate
Should we have come far in time
Watch the ground break

And I'm sorry that I don't believe
By the evidence that I see
That there's any hope left for me
It's evolution
Just evolution

A slow stream of fireworks emits from the stage as Andrew Clash walks from the middle with a arrogant smirk.

Dennis: Introducing next, from Huntington Beach California,

Hanson: So he’s gay!?
Dennis: Weighing in tonight at 240 pounds, he is THE LEGEND KILLERRRRRRR, ANDREEEEEWWWWWWW CLAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!

Hanson: There’s already a Legend Killer. Can this guy get anymore plagiaristic? I CALL SHENANIGANS! GRAHHHHHHH!

Vinegar: Down boy.

Hanson: Don’t be a Jew.

Vinegar: I’m happily Christian.

Hanson: Don’t let Cyanide hear that…

Vinegar: The referee has rung the bell!

Hanson: Captain Plagiarist just grabbed the referee.

Vinegar: His name is Andrew Clash.

Hanson: I. Don’t. Care.

Vinegar: Whatever. BeeB the great grabbed the ref and tore him away from Clash, who looks bewildered!

Hanson: HA! BeeB just decked Clash in the face! Take that, Captain Plagiarist!

Vinegar: A well placed knee to the stomach, as well. Clash doubles over as BeeB cradles his head in a DDT position.

Hanson: LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW!

Vinegar: There wasn’t a low blow…

Hanson: I know, I’m just trying to get him disqualified.

Vinegar: Nice. Anyway, Clash reverses the hold. Clash has BeeB in a hammerlock.

Hanson: You know who’d make this match at least watchable? Boss P. He rules.

Vinegar: BeeB is using the back of his head as a weapon! Headbutting Clash right in the nose!

Hanson: What a wimp. Clash is already bleeding.

Vinegar: BUSTED OPEN FROM THE NOSE! Clash is going crazy! He just delivered an elbow to BeeB’s head!

Hanson: Is Clash trying to buttrape BeeB?

Vinegar: GERMAN SUPLEX! Clash stands up and throws his hands up to the crowd who heavily boos the Californian.

Hanson: Everyone boos California. THEY LEGALIZED GAY MARRIAGE! WHAT THE FUCK!?

Vinegar: BeeB stands up, and runs towards Clash and delivers a hard clothesline, knocking Clash to the ground. Clash gets up and runs off the ropes, bounces off and ducks under BeeB’s arm. Another German Suplex by the Legend Kil-

Hanson: HE’S NOT THE REAL LEGEND KILLER! THE REAL LEGEND KILLER LOOKS LIKE DECLAN! Only not as buff or handsome.

Vinegar: O.O

Hanson: No homo.

Vinegar: That last German suplex knocked his head around, he’s stumbling around. Clash has a smile on his face, as he licks the blood that is freely flowing from his nose. Clash approaches the staggering BeeB, he jumps up for the Career Killer…BeeB sidesteps, and grabs Clash’s arm and spins him around… he places Clash’s head between your legs…

Hanson: LIKE YO MOMMA PLACES HER HEAD BETWEEN MY LEGS!

Vinegar: Yo momma jokes got lame after the Cyanide match last week. Way too many. Whoever wrote that in our script-

Hanson: Fourth wall breaker.

Vinegar: TIGER BOMB! TIGER BOMB! TIGER BOMB! BeeB for the pin!

Referee: 1! 2! 3!!!

Vinegar: BeeB has triumphed over Andrew Clash in his first match here in GIW. Congratulations!

Hanson: I still don’t like Clash.

Vinegar: You don’t like anyone.

Hanson: It’s how I roll.

The camera opens up backstage outside of a locker room door. The door slowly opens to the sounds of an anguished female voice as BoolZ steps out in full wrestling gear.

Female: Oh don’t go, donkey dong.

BoolZ; I’ll be right back. I just have to take care of something.

BoolZ calmly shuts the door, lights his cigarette, opens his Red Bull, and takes off down the hallway. He spots Mickey Dragon in the distance. More importantly, Mickey Dragon spots his tag partner for tonight.

Mickey: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mr. I killed My Best Friend Because I’m A Waste of an Addict So I Have to Win the Worlds Title For Him.

It takes the time for BoolZ to traverse the hallway for Dragon to finish with RBI’s new nickname. BoolZ stops in front of his partner.

Mickey: So what’s up good guy? You going to live out your buddies fantasy tonight, and not get in my way of making Pax live my nightmare?

BoolZ: Why not? I’ll play along, seem to know this game pretty well. Almost like I’ve heard it before. See I could point out the flaws in your assumption by posing the question of am I really doing what I’m doing for Ashton, or am I doing it because I hate him?

I could suggest that since joining the GIW I’ve only had two solid nights of rest. Battlegrounds and Horizons Hell in a Cell. Not because the nightmares weren’t there, but the ability to get out of bed wasn’t there. I could let you in on a secret, that maybe just maybe, every step I take my dear dead friend is one ahead of me walking backwards laughing his ass off at my failures. If that were true I could say it. Matter of fact even if it’s not, I could still say it. I could, but hell, I don’t want to.

Mickey: Oh, well very… yeah I don’t really care what you do or don’t want. But hey, if you don’t then don’t. But maybe instead of your motives for at least portraying the ‘good guy’ maybe you can let me in on the secret of why you choose good. Think you’ll buy your way into Heaven? Think it’ll make up for your sins?

BoolZ: Why? Why, good? Hell what’s good without bad? What’s darkness but the absence of light? Why not? Why ask me? Why not ask Raenius, since I get the feeling he’s your thinker anyway?

But hey, I got somewhere to be, so maybe we’ll continue this little hen session another time.

(BoolZ walks away. He doesn’t say good-bye, or shake hands, or convey any sense of pleasantry. He just walks away and down the hall.)

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“Endless Song," by the Blue Hearts plays as Aito Chen makes his way to the ring.

Hanson: Another match I fear…

Vinegar: You should have more company pride, Hanson.

Hanson: I can only have so much pride for what I get paid, Nick.

"Ready to Die" by Andrew W.K. plays as Doom is led out by Sean Immies.

Hanson: This must be one of those promotional events for the special kids in the audience?

Vinegar: This guy is employed by GIW…

Hanson: Awkward. The guy is on a leash, Nick. Not only that but he’s tangled up in the post. Well he’s out now but why the hell would we sign this guy?

Vinegar: We judge on skill, not on looks.

Hanson: What’s Savana’s excuse? Burn! The match is getting set to begin.

Bell Rings!

Vinegar: ADD seems to be displaying some symptoms of said acronym because he’s pretty much looking out to the crowd. Chen walks up behind him I guess to get the physical side of the match started.

Immies: BEHIND YOU!

Hanson: HA! He just accidentally bumped his head into the face of Chen! I wish I could lol.

Vinegar: Might be a serious injury because Chen is bleeding from the nose now.

Hanson: This would be an embarrassing way to lose a first blood match. Chen looks angry and just clobbers Adolphus in the face! We are so going to be censored next time this dude has a match.

Vinegar: Chen with some really heavy punches to the face of ADD. ADD into a corner for reasons not known to me and Chen continuing with the punches.

Hanson: East ruins the fun by pulling Chen off. I hate referee’s that ruin all the fun. Specially when the match isn’t that hot to begin with. WO! Massive headbut to the sternum of Chen that sends our token asian wrestler down to the ground in massive pain.

Vinegar: I think Doom realized he had to fight back to actually win the match.

Hanson: Chen’s the one cowering to the corner now, holding on to his chest, and wiping the blood off his upper lip.

Vinegar: Doom to follow up with some stomps but Chen moves out of the way and Doom’s leg is caught in the middle rope.

Hanson: Pull it out?

Vinegar: Kind of hard when you have massive forearms being jammed into the back of your head relentlessly. An elbow to the face of Chen gives Doom the opportunity to get detached from the middle rope.

Hanson: He goes for a running lariat. Miss! Rebound! Chen with a toe kick to the gut of Doom that causes him to curl up. Does Chen even wear wrestling boots?

Vinegar: Doom accidentally uses his head again to knock Chen right in the jaw! Chen doesn’t let that hold him back though because he connects with a massive knee right to the face of Doom.

Hanson: Irish whip. Elbow to the face and Chen goes against the ropes. I wonder how the hell our rings hold all this weight. We don’t have the smallest people in the world in these rings.

Vinegar: Doom just raised his boot to near seven feet in the air and nailed Chen in the face! Chen’s still on his feet though and Doom thinks he would be better suited on the ground because he’s going to the top rope.

Hanson: He was you mean. I think he saw something shiny in the crowd because he’s looking pretty dazed at the moment. What the hell is in the crowd?

Vinegar: I think he just gets distracted pretty easy at times.

Hanson: He better get from that second turnbuckle, Nick, or else he’ll be falling a long way down and his little object wont be able to help.

Vinegar: Chen with a knock to the head! Doom flips over the top rope into the ring and is probably seeing stars as I speak.

Hanson: Chen climbing the turnbuckle because I can feel the Banzi-sault! I hate this move for a number of reasons. This guys’s fat…

Vinegar: Muscular.

Hanson: Fat…and I don’t think its good for kids to think that’s cool. Also I hate seeing the face of the star he lands on.

Vinegar: Immies is beating on the second rope trying to get him to respond. I think he may be comfortable lying on the ground. Though he won’t be for very long.

Hanson: Chen just tripped on the second turnbuckle!

Vinegar: Immies umbrella must have caused him to trip. He caught himself though so no foul.

Hanson: The ADD kid is up! He just Rock Bottomed Chen from the second turnbuckle.

Vinegar: That was a spine buster, Hanson! One of Doom’s signature moves!

Immies: Cover him!

East: 1!

East: 2!

East: 3!

Hanson: He just won!

Vinegar: Wow! One moment of being focused and he picks up the win over Chen.

Hanson: But now he's lost his focus and is bouncing around the ring like a demented rabbit.

Vinegar: And he hasn't noticed Aito get back on his feet.

Hanson: Ohh man, that is one angry Japanese guy...

Vinegar: Oh no, Doom has zero idea that Komosube is about to...NO! NO! AITO WITH A CLOTHESLINE, AND DOOM FLIPPING INSIDE OUT!

Hanson: It's Komosube, Nick! And he is back! Oooh, look at those stomps, even with that brace I'm sure this is no picnic for that poor dummy!

Vinegar: Oh no, look at this, ADD trying to get to his feet, only to receive a Headbutt to the nose for his troubles! Look at that nose, it is just gushing blood...this is sick! AND ADD IS HURLED INTO THE RINPOST! HE IS OUT, EVEN AS KOMOSUBE PULLS HIM AWAY FROM THE TURNBUCKLES...

Hanson: Ha, and Doombass just flops like a dead fish...uh oh, Komosube's headed this way!

*hanson hides under the table*

Vinegar: Don't bother, Hanson..he's just looking for a weap-...what is this?? He's pulling out an American Flag, by itself...what is THAT doing down there?

*Hanson comes back out, slicks back his hair*

Hanson: Hey, maybe he's over his Freedom bashing phase...

Vinegar: I doubt that, partner...Komosube rolls into the ring, and look at this, he is dragging that flag, sans a pole, across the ring tarp...that is just insulting!

Hanson: Hey, freedom of speech, right?

Vinegar: Daniel, right now-Ohhh, god, that is disgusting, Aito is just wrapping that flag around the face and chest of Doom, and he can't even fight back! The kid his helpless...Oh god, Komosube PICKING HIM UP!

Hanson: Jesus, that is a ton of power, he is just holding Doom's shoulders, on HIS shoulders, like he was nothing...I think we know what's next, right Nick!

Vinegar: God help us I think I do...Komosube CLIMBING THOSE TURNBUCKLES! NO! NO!

Hanson: KAMIKAZE SMASHER! hehehe, If THAT won't put down Doom, nothing will! Hey, check it, Komo is calling for a mic...Maybe he learned English?

Vinegar: I doubt that, that translator is making his way down...Although I doubt I really wanna hear any of this...

Komosube(through translator): I'm going to say this once, and only once, you blotchy skinned fools got that?!

Go ahead. Put the mighty Komosube in fool's contests, in beginner's matches. Make me prove myself again. Let me crush all who stand before me, again. I don't fucking care one way or another, because eventually, when I am standing on my mountain of dead and dying, the world will again cry out:

ALL HAIL HIROSHIMA!

Hanson: Ha ha...look at that, he dropped the mic on Doom...

Vinegar: He dropped the mic on our flag, and now he just spat all over it! Look at him, rolling out of here, he is smiling...good God, I don't think he's going to stop here, either!

Hanson: Commercial break! Buy everything you see, viewers, or Danny'll go broke!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Incredible match folks, and you’ll only see action like that in the GIW.

Hanson: You know what just hit me! Gabby’s not on tonight’s card! Bullshit!

Vinegar: …

The sounds of Chevelle’s ‘Wonder What’s Next’ erupts over the speaks silencing the announcers. The crowd does their best to drown out the music, and almost succeed. BoolZ marches out from behind the entrance curtain with a new cigarette and a fresh Red Bull. He pauses on the ramp to survey the crowd before strolling to the ring.

Hanson: Why, why me. No Gabby, and now I gotta see this jackass twice in a night.

Vinegar: Well I think you might be the only one upset right now.

Hanson: NO I’m not. Think of the poor doctors who know he’s minutes away from spreading some new STD.

The crowd dies down as BoolZ brings the microphone to his lips.

BoolZ: You know it’s no secret that I’m not really that big of a fan of the microphone. I’m one of those guys that’d rather let my actions do my talking, but hey, some things just need to be said. All week people have been asking, the news media has been asking, hell the sisters of obsessed fans have been begging to know the answer. The question you might ask is who have I decided will carry Travis Roberts through another months pay-ver-view.

I mean most assumed I would be taking the shot, but seriously I already took Roberts wife, I took his belongings, I took his celebration party, I took him to the limit at Horizons, and then took the win last week. Then I got to thinking. I got to thinking about how he became champion in the first place. How he quote unquote beat Komosube for his first like 28 day reign.

Now for those of us who slept through most of it, I’ll tell you what Mary-Jo told me. Basically it boiled down to the Revolution scheming to put the title on Komo, and then cheating him out of the belt, so Travis would look like the only Roberts. You know the Travis before the coma.

Hanson: Yeah, that’s right admit to your scandalous deeds, pervert. Is nothing pure these days?

Vinegar: Excuse me?

BoolZ: Anyway that’s how he got the win and belt, he lost it when Declan failed to interfere enough for him at Distant Whispers. So it got me thinking, how did he win it this time. Simply put, his little peach fuzz manager, or ex-manager if you believe anything from that camp, begged to be in the main event at Horizons. You know I’m a nice guy, so why not. I let him into the match. Well fast forward and Kiseragi kicks me off the cage, then he kicks his way through the cage, Roberts throws out his hip, falls onto of the Kis-Kis, and that starts his second one month title reign.

Hanson: Lies, all lies.

Vinegar: Are we hearing the same thing?

BoolZ: Now thinking about it, and how important it is to apparently win the title from someone worth, and seeing how our current champ did it, I had to ask myself do I really want to win my first title from him?

The answer is no, I don’t. So then who should I pick as his winner. Who should I decide he faces again. Now I think the obvious choice would be Alex Kiseragi, but hell it’s his fault Travis won, so maybe he’s out. Then there’s Komosube. The man got cheated out of his belt, and then never let challenge for it. You know, though, he never really fought for it either. So I just don’t know. I could go with the Revolution. I mean Prescott’s really already Roberts’ owner and master, and the only other man been around this long and not been pinned or gave up… kinda. He did let Brandon Brown put him out of action for like two months. Oh Brandon Brown, now there’s an option. Yeah, not bad…

*BANG BANG BANG*

Hanson: Finally, Boss P is here to stop the lies!

Vinegar: INCOMING!

Boss P: YO HYPER MAN WHORE NIGGA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

BoolZ: I’m trying to book your main event. Hey does the Batman know they let you out?

Boss P: MOTHAFUCKA DON’T FORGET WHO DA BOSS IS. I SAID YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHO GETS THE NEXT SHOT BETWEEN YOU AND THE KICKY NIGGA. NOW WHO?

BoolZ: Wait just me or Kiseragi? What about the whole list I thought up?

Boss P: YOU DAMN WELL NONE OF THEM IS ELIGIBLE. WHO YOU OR THA FAT MODEL NIGGA?

Vinegar: I don’t think BoolZ knows what to say. He’s looking out over the sea of fans for advice.

Hanson: Is kill yourself an option?

BoolZ: Well damn can I have a few minutes to think? Hey you, the blonde in the glasses. You wanna help me work out a solution to this dilemma?

Hanson: And now he’s spreading his virus to the fans!

Vinegar: Stop it, and she looks up for it!

Boss P: NO MOTHAFUCKA! RIGHT NOW, YOU OR FATTY NIGGA! WHO GETS THE SHOT!

BoolZ: Well damn, you know I’m not gonna give it to Kiseragi, so you’re forcing me to face Travis?

Boss P: SO IT’S YOU? WE GOTS POSTAS TO MAKE, AND WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT NIGGA TO PUT ON IT.

BoolZ; “Yeah, yeah, fine I’ll take it. But I want you to know you’re subjecting the GIW fans to listening to more of his speeches. His same tired blah blah TWiSTeD Moniker, blah blah window licker, blah blah I’m better than every one speeches. Seriously how much of that crap does he smoke before opening his mouth because at his age I’m surprised he can say any of it with a straight face.

Boss P: I DON’T CARE NIGGA. GET FUCK OUTTA MY RING. THIS IS A WRESTLING SHOW NOT THE VIEW.

BoolZ: Yeah, just as well I guess. Hey blondie, lets got figure out how to make it through a few more weeks listening to Declan’s lap dog relieve his forties.

Hanson: He wishes. Wait so it’s BoolZ and the TWiSTeD Revolutionary at Infinity!

Vinegar: I think BoolZ is more concerned with him and the blonde from the third row tonight!

BoolZ drops the mic, helps the curvy blonde in glasses over the guard rail, and the two head up the ramp and out of sight.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome back and it’s time for the Tournament qualifying Battle Royale.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for four falls, by pinfall or submission. When a pinfall or submission is scored, the wrestler making the fall will qualify for the tournament at Infinity. The wrestler pinned or who submits will be eliminated from the match.

Hanson: Hey look, all the competitors are in the ring already.

Vinegar: That’s terribly convenient.

Hanson: And how! All those entrances could have gotten incredibly tedious.

Vinegar: Damn straight. Looks like we’re ready to go straight into the action though.

Ding Ding!

Vinegar: No surprise that any semblance of order is out of the window before it even gets started. This one’s going to get chaotic but we’ll do our best to cover all of the action.

Hanson: Does that mean I have to do your job?

Vinegar: Little bit, if you don’t mind.

Hanson: *sighs* Fine.

Vinegar: Cyanide has made a beeline for Killswitch and forced him back into the corner. Following up with some heavy shoulder thrusts.

Hanson: Savana looks like he wants a piece of that child JK. Seems he’s still sore over that loss last week. He just body checked him to the mat and started opening up with those right hands.

Vinegar: I don’t think he’s the only one carrying a grudge, Donovan Hastings dropped out of the ring as the bell went and ran round to Raenius. He just pulled him out of the ring and threw him into the crowd barriers.

Hanson: Chassie Fear looks like she wants to get out to help him but The Auteur seems to have different ideas. A hard forearm shot to the back of her head.

Vinegar: There’s brawling all over. Cyanide looks like he wanted to hit a Superplex on Killswitch, but The Un-American fights it off and sends Cyanide to the mat.

Hanson: Savana just whipped JK against the ropes though and Killswitch lost his balance, crotching himself over the turnbuckle. JK gets hit with a back body drop on the rebound.

Vinegar: Moss Edwards goes to slam Chass’s head into the turnbuckle but it’s blocked by the Dark Rose and countered with a smash of her own. She’s not following up though. Slingshot body press to the outside cremes Hastings.

Hanson: Think Moss is a little lost being ditched like that. He’s taking a few moments to get his breath back.

Vinegar: Raenius is back up and the Covenant are stopping Donovan Hastings down against the barriers.

Hanson: Killswitch is getting himself back up, but it seems the Auteur has recomposed himself too. He just slammed a big knee into the big French poofter, straight into a face buster.

Vinegar: He calls that the Fade Out. Cyanide up too though and going for a back suplex. Countered by the Auteur who lands on his feet and nails the self proclaimed God of GIW with a dropkick as he turns, sending him out to the floor.

Hanson: Back on the outside here in front of us. Chassie Fear and Raenius just hit a double suplex on Hastings at ringside.

Vinegar: Savana’s still wailing on JK who’s yet to get any kind of offense going.

Hanson: Maybe he should have worried about hitting puberty first.

Vinegar: I don’t say it often but I think you’re right. Toe kick from Savana, followed up with a swinging neck breaker. First cover of the match.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, kick out by JK and Savana has locked in a grounded headlock.

Hanson: Cyanide’s getting up on the outside and Edwards has set off running. Suicide Dive from the Auteur slams Cyanide back first over the railings.

Vinegar: Out of the 8 competitors in this match, only 3 now in the ring. JK’s fighting up out of Savana’s headlock. He’s gets to the ropes and shoves Savana off, setting him running. Tilt-a-Whirl backbreaker by the Cyclone and he’s heading up to the top rope.

Hanson: Raenius just sent Lord Hastings head first into the corner post from the outside. Those two really taking it to the Lord of Pain.

Vinegar: Savana’s getting back to his feet as JK reaches the top rope. Diving cross body, hits it. No, Savana rolled through. Hooks the leg.
1!

2!

3!

Vinegar: He got the pin!

Dennis: JK has been eliminated! Savana qualifies!

Vinegar: JK doesn’t look happy about that but there’s nothing he can do now.

Hanson: Notice Savana’s made a quick escape though and has headed straight back up the ramp.

Vinegar: For the first time since this match began Hastings is in the ring, Chass and Raenius rolling him in. Raenius following him in as Chass heads up the ropes.

Hanson: Back on the outside, Cyanide fighting back Moss Edwards, the two exchanging haymakers against the apron.

Vinegar: Raenius has got Hastings up and held in a rear waist lock. Chass with a big missile dropkick. No, Hastings managed to duck down and Fear nailed Raenius.

Hanson: The Immortal tries to capitalise, magisterial cradle on Chassie.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, kick out by the Dark Rose. Raenius doesn’t look happy, I think he’s having a couple of words with his partner but I’m sure he knows full well this isn’t the time to have a falling out.

Hanson: The two of them are looming over Hastings again who’s retreated to the corner. No, Killswitch has finally recovered and just started wailing on Raenius from behind.

Vinegar: I’m not sure he really noticed though. He just turned and pie faced the self proclaimed Canadian Champion. I think he’s told Chassie to deal with him while he takes care of Hastings.

Hanson: Raenius pulling Hastings out of the corner and hitting him with a big sidewalk slam.

Vinegar: Chassie just threw Killswitch out through the ropes and turns her attention back to Raenius and Hastings. Raenius setting up The Immortal for a power bomb. Double Power Bomb by the Covenant. Raenius with the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, last split second kick out by Donovan Hastings. Raenius directing traffic in the ring. He’s headed over to the far corner, and instructed Chass to do something.

Hanson: On the outside, Cyanide just snake eyed The Auteur over the railing. Killswitch seems to have given up on the action in the ring and has headed round after Cyanide. Cyanide hits him with a clothesline though.

Vinegar: Fear just whips Hastings into the corner and follows up with a big running knee. She quickly gets out of the way as Raenius comes charging in. Full Frontal!

Hanson: No, Hastings sidestepped in and that masked freak just ploughed his head into the corner post. I don’t think Chassie can believe it. She runs at Lord Hastings too but he drops and pulls down the top rope, sending her over to the outside.

Vinegar: Cyanide just rolled Killswitch into the ring too. The Un-American just recovering from that clothesline and trying to get to his feet.

Hanson: The Immortal Lord Hastings looks like he’s ready to end this though. He’s got Raenius in the centre of the ring. Destiny’s Call!!!

Vinegar: He just dropped him clean on his head. Pin attempt.

1!

2!

Hanson: What the? Hastings had it won and he just pulled Raenius’s shoulder up off the mat himself.

Vinegar: It looked like a light bulb just went off in Hastings head as Glenn Burke’s hand was coming down for the three. He’s back to his feet and cleaning house. Huge right hand knocks Killswitch back down. Another for Cyanide as he gets into the ring, and another for Chassie Fear on the apron.

Hanson: Is he protecting Raenius now?

Vinegar: I think he may want to save his beating of him for Infinity, and he can’t do that if he eliminates him now.
Hastings stops and closes his eyes, looking up and opening his arms out.

Vinegar: That may not have been a good idea. The Auteur’s back and up on the top rope. Diving hurracanrana! Throws Hastings down to the mat. This is a great opportunity for Moss Edwards. He’s picking a semi conscious Raenius up.

Hanson: Oh stop posing him and worrying about angles!

Vinegar: A few final touches for the shot and The Auteur springboards off the ropes. Cutting Room!!! Cover!

1!

2!

3!

Dennis: Raenius has been eliminated! Moss ’The Auteur’ Edwards, qualifies!

Hanson: I don’t think Hastings of Chassie can believe it, the looks on their faces are classic. I wish I had my camera.

Vinegar: This is all being filmed remember.

Hanson: Oh yeah…awesome.

Vinegar: We’re down to four competitors as Moss Edwards beats a hasty retreat and Owen Peterson and Glen Burke roll Raenius out of the ring.

Hanson: That was dignified.

Vinegar: I’m sure he’ll worry about it when he’s more conscious. Now though Chassie Fear has got back into the ring as the others push back to their feet. Each of them a little slow getting going again, this match is really taking it’s toll.

Hanson: Yeah, Chass is looking pretty damn raggedy. Really brings out the crows feet.

Vinegar: Yeah, she looks pretty rough to me too. Anyways, Killswitch is the first of the men to his feet and Chass springs into action, takes him over with an arm drag, followed up with a dropkick as Killswitch gets up again.

Hanson: She gets taken out with a STO by Cyanide though. Killswitch is fighting off the effects of that stiff dropkick and getting back to his feet but Lord Hastings is on him.

Vinegar: Hastings with a strong side belly to belly suplex. Cyanide following up on Chassie Fear. He’s got her back up on his shoulders. Death valley driver!

Hanson: Not going for the cover though, he’s headed to the top rope. Going to go high risk and try to finish this it seems.

Vinegar: Hastings is trying to lock in an armbar on Killswitch, by the Un-American is fighting it off and trying to get back to his feet. Brought back down again with a fireman’s carry. Now trying to put in the rear chin lock, but Killswitch counters into a hammerlock.

Hanson: Cyanide off the top rope. Frog Splash ’08...or is that ’09 now? Who cares? It missed anyway, Chassie rolled under it and Cyanide gets a face full of mat.

Vinegar: Hastings reverses the hammerlock and spins behind Killswitch, drops him down again with a double leg takedown. Going for an Indian Death Lock this time, but again Killswitch desperately scrambles out of it.

Hanson: Chass stalking Cyanide as he recovers and hits him with a Codebreaker.

Vinegar: Hastings sends Killswitch running, nailed with a spine buster on the return. Quick float over and Hastings has locked in the Hands of Fate. There’s o scrambling out of this one. The submission hold is in and just listen to Killswitch scream.

Hanson: Surrender Frenchy, it’s all you’re good at.

Vinegar: Killswitch taps!

Dennis: Killswitch has been eliminated! Donovan Hastings qualifies!

Vinegar: Killswitch left clutching at his wrists and neck as Hastings strides proudly away from ringside, his place in the tournament secure. Now we’re down to two. It’s Sean Cyanide versus Chassie Fear.

Hanson: Chassie back in control after that Codebreaker. Cyanide’s still down from it. Springboard moonsault. Cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, Cyanide kicked out. Chassie can’t quite believe it but she’s back up and stomping away on Cyanide, trying to wear him down.

Hanson: I think these two are probably worn down as much as they’re going to be. This match is going to be decided by one big move.

Vinegar: I think she agrees with you. She’s going up to the top rope. Cyanide’s getting to his feet though. Chass looking back over her shoulder as Cyanide straightens out. Launches herself off backward. Phoenix Dragonrana!

Hanson: No Cyanide reverses it into a sit down power bomb. Holds it for the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, desperation kick out by Chassie. That one was pure instinct. Frustration on the face of Cyanide. He’s dragging fear up by the hair. He’s got her head hooked under his arm.

Hanson: Looks like a Shot of Cyanide in the works. He’s got her up.

Vinegar: No, Chass digs her feet in as she comes down and breaks out of Cyanides grip. Cyanide hit’s the mat and the Dark Rose stays standing. Chass off running. Cyanide scrambles up enough to throw himself at her feet.

Hanson: Fear steps over and comes back again. Running head scissor take over.

Vinegar: Chass hefting him up again. Looking for a high angle back drop. No, Cyanide lands on his feet.

Hanson: PELE!

Vinegar: What about him?

Hanson: Who?

Vinegar: Pele.

Hanson: Who?

Vinegar: The old Brazilian soccer player.

Hanson: No, pay-lay.

Vinegar: Oh, that makes more sense.

Hanson: Geez.

Vinegar: That knocked Cyanide down and Chass is back on the top rope. Fearless!! Hits it!

Hanson: Cover!

1!

2!

3!

Ding Ding!

Dennis: Sean Cyanide has been eliminated! Chassie Fear qualifies!

Vinegar: This ones over folks. What did you think partner?

Hanson: Kinda sucked.

Vinegar: Yeah little bit. Think all that shouting helped?

Hanson: Nah.

Vinegar: Me neither.

Hanson: How was my play by play commentary?

Vinegar: Terrible, let us never speak of it again.

Hanson: Oh…

Vinegar: Just kidding.

Hanson: Really?

Vinegar: No.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Folks it’s time for what is sure to be a brutal tag match.

Hanson: Damn right, bitches. Travis Roberts, the Headliner, and BoolZ hate each other. There’s no denying it, and Travis is absolutely right for feeling it! BoolZ the lucky inbred bastard that he is managed to score Mary-Jo Roberts, steal the Blessed One’s sink, and ruin his celebration party after Horizons. He deserves the ass kicking Travis is going to give him!

Vinegar: Some might argue the neglect of her husband, the fact that Travis thought for nearly a month that it was Boss P who stole his sink, and BoolZ was simply overcome with emotions on the night of Horizons. Those same people are eagerly waiting for Infinity when BoolZ gets his first one on one chance at the title!

And then there’re their partners. Ezekiel Pax and Mickey Dragon! Mickey has spent the last few weeks torturing Ezekiel’s friend, mentor, step brother Xavier Bryan! A scheme it seems all cooked up in order to force War and Peace to defend the Tag Team Titles against Dragon and Raenius at Infinity!

Hanson: Yeah and yo momma might argue that she doesn’t like the condom, but I still aint touching the bitch without one! And damn right it’s going to be brutal, and I honestly don’t know who I want to win! On one hand I really want BoolZ to just go away. He spreads disease! On the other you have to admire the lengths Mickey Dragon is willing to go to in order to force those chumps into defending the titles that I thought were supposed to be defended every week. They haven’t by the way!

Vinegar: Folks it’s going to be a huge match, with huge Infinity implications! As always let’s send it to Mitchell Dennis for the introductions!

Hanson: Do we have to?

Vinegar: Yes, and thank you for going three hundred and sixteen words with only one momma joke.

Hanson: Yo momma goes…

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the following is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Las Vegas Nevada, standing six foot two inches, weighing in at 220 pounds! This is ‘The Head Trip’ Mickey Dragon!!!

The arena drops to complete darkness for a few seconds as the crowd prepares themselves for Mickey Dragon's entrance. The very mellow dirge of ‘Critical Acclaim’ by Avenge Sevenfold begins over the speakers. The organ doesn’t play for long as the house lights erupt back to full, and Mickey Dragon stumbles from behind the curtains. Ezekiel Pax is close behind taking every opening to deliver a hard kick where ever it lands to Dragons body.

Vinegar: It looks like we aimlessly chatted to long this match, Daniel.

Hanson: Fuck it we’re better than multicolored cut and paste intros any day of the week!

Vinegar: Well Pax has followed Dragon down the ramp, and the two are continuing to brawl at ringside. Dennis wisely decides that’s to close to action, and has high tailed it out of the ring.

Hanson: Pussy, even Hazel East is still sticking it out. Hell even instructing ‘Zeke to get in the ring.

Vinegar: And that’s all the distraction Mickey needs! He grabs a hold of Peace’s waist line, and pulls him right into the ring post!

Hanson: Just like a bitch, always getting’ in the way of business!

Vinegar: Dragon on his feet now, and again slams Pax’s head into the ring post, then again, and The Red Eyed Wonder goes face first into the steel for a fourth time!

Hanson: Mickey now pulling the wobbly legged Peace away from the post, turns him around, and slams the back of Pax’s head into the apron!

Vinegar: Dragon targeting that neck, standing on the other side of the corner, he’s pulling back on ‘Zeke’s forehead with that turnbuckle support digging into his neck. It’s like a standing crossface, if that makes any sense at all.

Hanson: And just like a bitch, never knowing when to stop, Hazel is now demanding Dragon bring the action into the ring!

Vinegar: Dragon paying her no attention though, and here’s a count! She can’t count anyone out until the match starts, right?

East: 1,2,,3,,,

Hanson: She’s got the pussy, she makes the food!

East: 4,5,,6,,,

Vinegar: I think you got that wrong?

East: 7,8,,9,,,

Hanson: Either way, the match can’t end because the Headliner isn’t out here! We’re missing people!

Vinegar: Dragon breaks the hold, and rolls into the ring in the nick of time. Hazel admonishing Mickey now. Mickey just gave East the bird, and rolled to the outside after Pax!

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, he fingered East good for him. Seriously if these people don’t get their ‘TWiSTeD Revolutionary’ fix they’re likely to riot!

Vinegar: OH WHAT A VICIOUS CHAIR SHOT FROM PAX!!! Dragon’s busted open after that, and Ezekiel is continuing this assault with that weapon!

Hanson: What! This aint right! Hippy’s just can’t be all scoffing at the law ‘round here! Disqualify that skinny bastard!

Vinegar: East is allowing it!

Hanson: Damnit where’s the rest of this match?

Vinegar: Hold on, I’m getting word from the back… what again?!?!

~The simulated picture in picture of GIW technology takes to the camera in the back to see Travis Roberts and BoolZ fighting in what looks like Travis’ locker room.~

Hanson: What the hell is that little walking STD doing!?!

Vinegar: That looks like BoolZ on top of Roberts on that couch repeatedly sending right hands crashing into the Blessed One’s skull!

Hanson: Does that stupid little window licker even know we have a ring for this kind of stuff anymore?

Vinegar: Travis looks like he’s extending his legs, pushing the couch backwards until it flips over, and both men roll off the back.

Hanson: Incredible! That’s why he’s the first Unified Champion, Nicolas! Always knows where he is and how to use that to his advantage!

Vinegar: Both men scrambling to their feet, Travis has that title belt right into the face of our official number one contender!

Hanson: See how benevolent, T-Rob knows BoolZ is just dieing to see that title up close and personal!

Vinegar: Roberts now pulling BoolZ to his feet.

Travis Roberts: Will you never learn, young Randy? You are not, and never will be greater than Travis Roberts!

Hanson: And what a giving man! Travis just wanted to show FoolZ how good that 1080 flat screen looked.

Vinegar: Roberts just send BoolZ face first into the plasma, and is now raking his face across the spider webbed screen!

Hanson: WHITEOUT!

Vinegar:OH WHAT THE FUCK!

~The splintering sounds of an announce table exploding under the pressure of two bodies startles the Hanson and Vinegar~

Hanson: Mickey Dragon just planted Pax right through our table! Now how am I supposed to hide my… nevermind.

Vinegar: That was the Damn Nasty and it was damn nasty! Pax in trouble folks, and it appears Hazel East has thrown the rule book out of the window!

Hanson: At least she’s done something right! Let these guys fight!

Vinegar: Dragon now entering the ring, climbing the turnbuckle, OH MY 450 to the outside!

Hanson: HA! Always funny to watch someone eat shit! Pax rolls clear, and Dragon gets nothing but splinters in his belly! That’s what he gets! I had plans for a Polish prostitute to spend some time under my desk the next time that stupid BoolZ felt the need to open his mouth!

Vinegar: Pax now rolling back into the ring, if, wait has he been in the ring yet?

Hanson: Who cares, Dragons down, and Peace is failing to keep on the attack! Maybe, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but maybe Ezekiel is Travis Light. You’d never see the TWiSTeD Icon giving his opponent a breather.

Vinegar: Well I can’t believe I’m about to say you might be right. Dragon slowly, but still counts, climbing to his feet. Wait a minute, Pax hits the ropes, builds a head of steam, and dives through the first and second ropes, HIGH BEAM! Pax just speared Dragon from the ring through the first and second ropes!

Hanson: Alright, he might be closer to the hippy awesomeness of the Champ after that one, but don’t screw it up! He’s giving the ‘peace’ side to these fools in the crowd! He hasn’t won yet!

Vinegar: Truer words! Pax turns around and unbelievably Dragon’s on his feet, fireman’s carry, no neck breaker! HE DROPPED ‘ZEKE right on his neck!

~In the back we can’t hear what Travis is saying only inches from the bloody face of BoolZ, but when he’s done we see him set up for a Russian Leg Sweep into the cinder block wall only for BoolZ to roll forward tripping up Travis who lands on his stomach, BoolZ on Roberts left takes his left arm, floats over around Travis, and pulls him up for the Discomboolzalator.~

Hanson: What the hell!

Vinegar: Discomboolzalator! Out of nowhere, here it comes!

Hanson: HA, no way, Travis is to good to fall for the same move twice, look at him counter!

Vinegar: I don’t think he countered, BoolZ let him go, and is now hurrying out of the door!

BoolZ; Just like last week The Headstone. Just that easy! And this aint over…

Hanson: He countered I saw it, bitch!

Vinegar: Well regardless Travis watching as BoolZ simply walks out of the dressing room? That’s it?

Hanson: Of course not! Travis is gonna stand up and kick that stupid walking trailer trash herpy’s ass!

Vinegar: Well Roberts on his feet and he’s heading to the door!

The camera watches as Travis reaches for the handle, twists, and then the camera watches as the blue and black kick pad of BoolZ forces the door open jamming up the hand and wrist of the Blessed One.

Hanson: That’s a bitch move right there!

Vinegar: BoolZ might have just broke the champions hand!

Hanson: Oh no, what if that’s his lighter hand?

BoolZ: Oh don’t tell me you thought it was over.

Vinegar: Roberts trying to kick at BoolZ, but RBI takes a hold of Roberts’ fingers, forces his hand into the door jam, and slams that heavy steel door shut!

Hanson: See, he knows he can’t win a match with Roberts so he’s going to take away the mans great love. Bitch move!

Vinegar: Roberts is writhing in pain clutching at that hand, BoolZ now on the outside again places Travis’ hand in the doorway, pulls the door shut, and is simply pulling back now with Travis’ hand caught! He’s trying to break that arm!

Hanson: Bitch move! Look at the little bitch, now using his feet to pull away from the wall.

Vinegar: The pressure must be incredible, this can’t be good! Oh my god the handle just broke off the door!

Hanson: Good! Little bastard got what he deserved! Did you see him snack his head into the wall on the other side of the hallway? Even the GIW Arena doesn’t like the parasite!

Vinegar: Is that it. BoolZ now up and walking away as Travis clutches at his wrist.

BoolZ: Now it’s over. For tonight. Heal up Travis, you have a big match at Infinity!

Hanson: Yeah that’s right, run away you little bitch! Bitch move!

~Back in the ring, yeah the ring, both men in the ring.~

Vinegar: Folks I don’t know what is going on anymore, I don’t know what the official match is, I don’t know if Travis is alright, or how much trouble BoolZ will be in when Prescott finds out what he did, but I do know Mickey Dragon has been eating Pax alive with those chair shots!

Hanson: Damn right! How do you have a name like Peace, and expect not to be beat up! This is maybe the only part of the last 1900 words I’ve enjoyed! Dragon picking his shots now, as Pax stumbles into the corner!

Vinegar: I can’t believe this match hasn’t been called yet, but this is the GIW, and this is GIW ACTION! Dragon measuring up Pax in the corner, he lets that chair fly, and Pax falls to his butt, Dragon misses, and Pax is still alive!

Hanson: For now… what the hell is the little circus freak doing out here?

Vinegar: I don’t know but Mickey sees Marek, Ezekiel’s partner, he swings that chair, Daisuke avoids, snatches the chair from Mickey, and he just BLASTED THE HEAD TRIP!

Hanson: That had to hurt! The ass of that seat’s all bent up, and Mickey’s wearing that chair like a necklace!

Vinegar: Wait, Pax with a chop block, Marek with a drop kick, and Mickey goes head over heels, and lands hard on his neck and chair!

Hanson: WHAT THE HELL, NOW THAT BITCH IS FOLLOWING THE RULES! WHEN PEZ COVERS DRAGON?

East: 1!

Vinegar: I guess maybe she’s always been following her own rules.

East: 2!!

Hanson: Refs can’t do that!

Vinegar: Why not? Everyone else does.

East: 3!!!

Hanson: Son of a bitch, wait, no that’s great!

Vinegar: Huh? Where are you going? Folks my partner just stole Dennis’ mic.

Hanson to the crowd: Ladies and Gentlemen here are your winners The Unified Champion, TWiSTeD ICON, THE HEADLINER, TRAVIS ROBERTS! And his partner Ezekiel Pax.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for One Fall, is a fatal four way match and is tonight’s MAAAAAIN EVEEEEEENT!

Just as Mitchell finishes his first sentence, he gets distracted by the sight of McZygmunt Cubed, who comes bolting down the entrance way, for a change without Boss P anywhere to be seen, he rushes down the ramp at a speed usually associated with Savage’s pursuit of Jack Ryans, and slides into the ring. He springs to his feet and hands Mitchell Dennis a piece of Paper.

Vinegar: Looks like McZygmunt Cubed has something Dennis needs to announce, but Dennis seems unsure about reading the note...

Hanson: Doesn’t look like McZiggy is gonna give him much choice in the matter, he’s placed both those oak like arms on Mitchell’s shoulders, and seems to have a few choice words...and now Dennis is nodding his head...

Dennis raises the mike to his lips, looks down at the paper, with a look of uncertainty rather like when Killswitch is asked about his sexual orientation, and finally starts to speak...

Dennis: Yo ma nigga’s...

McZygmunt slaps Dennis hard in the chest as he’s obviously displeased with Dennis’ initial performance...

Dennis:...look I’m not particularly comfortable reading most of this as it is, I shouldn’t be forced to shout these kind of obscenities, it’s a breach of my human rights, what if someone who’s never seen the show tunes in, and think this is my[/b] thoughts, and general demeanour, shit I won’t be safe unless I stand next to Sarah Palin at public appearances...

Hanson: Was that a satirical comment?

Vinegar: It seemed that way Daniel...

Hanson: Political Satire? On a GIW Show?...That’s it Nick, I am sure[/b] the Apocalypse is just around the corner, no no-shows, Cyanide actually won a match last week...time to make sure your fallout shelter is well stocked...

McZygmunt cocks his head to the side for a moment, putting us in mind of a confused puppy, and after a few seconds slaps Dennis hard around the back of his skull, luckily Mithcell is able to catch his glasses as they go flying off his head. He adjusts them, looks around at the audience with a vaguely apologetic expression, and once again raises the mic to his lips.

Dennis: YO MA NIGGA’S...Is that better...?

McZygmunt slowly nods,

Dennis: YO MA NIGGA’S! DIS BE BOSS P! NO...DIS[/b] FOUR EYED NIGGARETTE IS NOT BOSS P...BUT HE WILL ACT AS MA MOUTHPIECE FOR WHAT I GOT TO SAY! HAVING ALREADY BEEN FORCED OUT HERE BY ‘DAT JUNKIE STI RIDDENMOTHERFUCKA, THIS ENFORCER AIN’T ABOUT TO WADDLE HIS RESTING ASS OUT THERE AGAIN! I KNOW THIS NIGLET WITH COMPROMISED VISION AIN’T MUCH TO LOOK AT...BUT HE CAN READ FLUENTLY...WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR HALF THIS DAMN ROSTER...

SHIT NIGGA’S, PUT A PEN IN MY HAND, AND I JUST DON’T STOP RATTLING OUT THA’ TRUTH, BUT I AIN’T HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE GLARING DEFIENCY OF THE GIW LOCKER ROOM, BOSS P IS OUT HERE TO TALK ABOUT THA’ GLOBAL CHALLENGE 2009: SEARCH FOR DA CHIEF NIGGA!

NOW LISTEN UP, IT SHOULDN’T BE TOO MUCH OF A SURPRISE FOR THOSE WITH A BRAIN CELL COUNT IN DOUBLE FIGURES, SHIT THIS WOULDN’T EVEN BE A SURPRISE TO A FUCKING AMOEBA, BUT AS PREVIOUSLY HIGHLIGHTED, I HAVE TO COVER ALL DA’ BASES DOWN IN ‘DIS HOUSE.

SO, THE FOUR NIGGA’S WHO WILL BE ROLLING ABOUT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT NEXT, ARE ALSO THE FOUR AUTOMATIC QUALIFIERS[/b] FOR THE CHIEF NIGGA TOURNAMENT! SHIT IT’S SO OBVIOUS I HEAR THAT FATTY MODEL’S PAPA GUESSED IT, DESPITE BEING IN A WAKING COMA...

SO NIGGA’S DIS IS YOU’RE OFFICIAL NOTICE, THE SEVEN NIGGA’S, AND ONE NIGGERELLA, COMPETING TO BE THE FIRST EVER GIW CHIEF NIGGA ARE, DAT FILM MAKER NIGGAMOSS, THE FRUIT LOOP NIGGANDY, DA NIGGARINA DAT HANGS AROUND WID’ DOSE EMO NIGGAS, AND LORD NIGGADON, AS WELL AS DA FOUR NIGLET’S YOU ‘BOUT TO WATCH!

OVER TO YOU SPECCY NIGGA!...

McZygmunt takes this as his cue, snatches the paper away from Dennis, and then eats it, showing the whole arena that he has indeed swallowed the notes. Mitchell just looks on, with a face of abject misery after being humiliated on live TV, as;

‘Diamond In The Rough’ blasts across the PA, and ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino appears underneath the Globatron, the fans almost universly don’t know whether to boo or cheer for him, so instead they kind of wave their arms and scream to show general excitement...’Diamond’ jack makes it halfway down the ramp, before stopping dead in his tracks, and placing his hands on his hips.

Hanson: What’s that sheep breeding, waste of oxygen doing...JUST GET IN THE RING JACK, THE SOONER DECLAN KILLS YOU THE BETTER FOR ALL OF US...

Vinegar: Would you sit down, and stop shouting. You are making a complete fool out of yourself, more than usual...

Hanson: It’s not my fault that immigrant doesn’t know how to treat women...or how to GET IN THE FUCKING RING!

Vinegar: Will you just shut the hell up Daniel. I think Jack is just waiting for his entrance, looks like Dennis is in his own, worried, world...but he seems to have noticed ‘Diamond’ Jack awaiting an introduction...

Dennis: Oh...yeah...Introducing first, from...from...christ knows!? The guy has more homes than Jensen has restraining orders....currently residing in Bones’ ass from what I hear....he is ‘Diamond’ Ja...

Mitchell stop’s mid sentence, as ‘Diamond’ Jack rushes the ring and slaps Mitchell round the face, we assume for the comments regarding Bones. Mitchell looks directly at him, his eyes bulging fromt heir sockets...

Dennis: You know what...fuck this! Hanson has snatched this mic off me, I’ve been forced to speak like a racist, had a polish retard lay his fingers on me twice...and now this...I’m taking the rest of the night off...screw you guys!

Vinegar: Well it seems Mitchell Dennis is taking a temporary leave of absence from Sentinel tonight, and I cannot say I blame him...

Hanson: If I were him I’d sue that moron standing there in the ring for that...I can’t believe his podgy, disgusting hands ever touched the Princess that is Gabby...

Vinegar: You do realise your whole ‘relationship’ with Gabrielle is just embarrassing, your a joke in the locker room...oh it seems like Mitchell has one last thing to say...

Dennis: What the hell are the rest of you waiting for, a damn Invite, I ain’t calling your names out...

A few moments come by, before Alex Kiseragi appears on the stage, as Mitchell makes his way off, ‘The Dragon’ takes an opportunity to give Mitchell a few encouraging words and a pat on the back before, waving to the fans and running down to the ring.

Vinegar: here comes the Dragon, the former Global Heavyweight Champion is eager to get into the ring...but ‘Diamond’ jack is eager to get this match started, as he stamps on Kiseragi as he slides into the ring, despite all the participants not being in the ring, or even out of the backstage area...

Hanson; And here comes Brandon, jesus, Declan better get here pretty soon, otherwise this match is just a case of who sucks slightly less than ‘Diamond’ Jack...the fact that out of those three, the man I’m rooting for is Brandon Brown, is truly a depressing fact...hell, it’s another damn sign of the oncoming Armageddon....

Vinegar: Whilst Daniel uses our airtime as a resource for venting his suppressed feelings, ‘Diamond’ jack seems to be taking out his bottled up anger on ‘The Dragon’, the former Global Champion hasn’t been able to get to his feet since he entered the ring...but a red mist seem’s to have descended around DJS, looks like he doesn’t care who he hurts, as long as he hurts someone.

Hanson: He’s a violent, ill-tempered lunatic...and Brandon Brown has rightfully put him down with a double Axe Handle from the top rope, to the back of DJS’ head...

Vinegar: But it brings about no respite for ‘The Dragon’ as the former Two Time Global Heavyweight Champion turns his attention to Alex and lifts him to his feet, before stepping back and hitting a short range shoulder barge into the midsection, sending Alex into the ropes, as he comes back however ‘The Dragon’ is quick enough to slide underneath ‘The Most Resillient man in GIW’, comes up behind him...DRAGON SLEEPER...Into a Reverse DDT!

Hanson: But up gets the man who knows nothing about how to please a woman, and he lays his New Zealander hands on ‘The Dragon’ as he locks up with the former champion, both men struggling to get the advantage, but of course that slippery ‘Diamond in Bones’ Rough’ manages to egt the upper hand by hitting a hard knee strike to Alex’s midsection, he then takes the advantage and hits a Firemans Carry...

Vinegar: And Brandon is back on his feet, and he charges towards DJS as the ‘Diamond in the Rough’ gets to his feet, and swings a clothesline at Jack, who ducks, spins and as Brandon comes back off the ropes he scoops him up into a powerful body slam...

Hanson: WOOOO!

The lights dim, and then ‘The Air That I breathe’ starts to play over the PA.

Hanson: Finally, some proper athleticism and class is about to be entered into proceedings. Hang on a minute...that’s not Declan....

Vinegar: It’s Aesc...with a Microphone...

Aesc: Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the final participant of tonight’s main event. He is the first ever GIW Global Champion, he is still[/b] the sole owner of Global Impact Wrestling, he has never been pinned or forced to submit in a GIW ring, he is, in my opinion, the strongest half of the most Important Group in the Industry today; ‘The Revolution’, he is your idol, he is my master...please all show he proper welcome for the magnificent, and infinitely greater than me...DEEEEEEECLAAAAAAN PRESSSCOOOOTT!!!

Vinegar: Of course, Declan wouldn’t make his way out ehre without some kind of fan fare...

Hanson: And quite rightly so, seriously, who cares about anyone else, haven’t you heard, Declan Prescott is like our god?

Vinegar: Well the guys in the ring have not given him the reverence he deserves in that case, as they have continued to fight amongst themselves, ‘Diamond’ Jack has Kiseragi in the corner, and Brandon has joined him as they both stomp away on the former champion, before DJS, turns and strikes Brandon across the face...

Hanson: And all the while Declan is leisurely making his way to the ring, great tactics, no need to rush, let these guys beat the hell out of one another first...and I thought Declan was the marked man in this match...

Vinegar: If he ever makes his way to the ring, he may still end up that way...and besides, this match has yet to start, Glenn Burke in his wisdom seems to be waiting the final competitor...and seems to be letting these guys fight amongst themselves before hand...

Hanson: It’s no skin of his nose, Nick. Would you get between these guys...I mean both DJS AND[/b] Kiseragi are in that ring...he doesn’t want them invading his[/b] ring! It doesn’t matter anymore anyway, ‘The Significant Player’ has arrived, and is climbing into the ring as I speak...

Vinegar: And as Glenn burke motions for the bell Brandon brown, and ‘Diamond’ jack, who have been exchanging blows, both stop and turn their attention to Declan Prescott...who just smiles...

Hanson: Because ‘The Dragon’ has got to his feet behind DJS and Brown, and he leaps hitting them with a Double Bulldog, driving both their faces into the ground...

Vinegar: Seems like A-Kis is determined not to get distracted or focus on just one man, he’s looking to win this match...

Hanson: That could have been a smart tactic, but he has left himself, at least momentarily, at the mercy of Declan, who as Alex rises hits a powerful standing dropkick to the skull, and ‘The Dragon’ joins Brown and ‘The Diamond One’ on the canvas...

Vinegar: I don’t call Brandon brown the ‘Most Resillient man in GIW’ for no reason, and he shows that now by refusing to stay down and climbing to greet a right hand from Prescott, but he refuses to go back down, and takes another...and anoth...NO! Brandon blocks the third strike, and catches Declan by the arm, then hip tosses our powerless owner to the floor...and then drives and elbow into ‘The Significant Players’ skull, but up gets DJS...

Hanson: Which is a surprise, as I hear from Gabby he often has trouble...’getting up’ if you know what I mean...

Vinegar: I think I know what you are getting at, but I think jack does to, who just overheard yoru comment, and is looking directly at you now...

Hanson: I know...

Vinegar: What are you doing? Are you trying to hide? You do realise we no-longer have a table, it was broken in the previous match (good thing some proof reading was done huh?)

Hanson: Yeah...I know that....I wasn’t hiding, my contact lense fell out...

Vinegar: You don’t even wear contacts...

Hanson: how dare you, I’ll have you know...

Vinegar: Neither I, or the many people watching this match want to know, they are far more interested in the fact that DJS has dragged Brandon off of Declan...and if I don’t tell them it’s happened, they don’t know!

Hanson; True...and they wouldn’t know that at the same time A-Kis got to his feet, unless one of us told them.

Vinegar: Exactly! So let’s concentrate on our jobs. And DJS has lifted Declan to his feet, only for ‘The Significant Player’ to kick ‘The Diamond In the Rough’ in the gut, and grab him by the head...

Hanson: At the exact same moment, Alex Kiseragi has also stunned Brandon Brown with a spinning kick, and now has a hold of his head...

Vinegar: Prescott hoists Severino up...

Hanson: As Kiseragi, climbs onto the apron, with lightening speed, and slingshots to the adjacent top rope, then springboards towards Brandon...

Vinegar: PLAYERS PEAK!

Hanson: SERPANSAULT!

Vinegar: Now both A-Kis and DP spring to their feet, and face one another, and A-Kis is first to react, and hit’s DP with a HURICANRANA...HE HOLDS THE LEGS...ONE...TWO...NO!

Hanson: I never thought I’d see the day Brandon Brown would save Declan Prescott from a pinfall, but that is just what happened...but DJS is right behind him and grabs Brown and hits him with a German Suplex....

Vinegar: Prescott takes the opportunity to grab Alex’s leg and pulls him down...SMALL PACKAGE...ONE...TWO......

Hanson: That sneak Brandon breaks the pin....

Vinegar: You weren’t complaining a minute ago...

Hanson: And I’m not complaining now, as Declan uses his legs to sweep Brandon off his feet, to join him on the canvas...

Vinegar: Now all four men are down, but all four men are rising to their knee’s...but ‘The Dragon’ is on his feet quickest, and he takes the opportunity to fly at Brandon Brown...SHINING WIZARD...

Hanson: A-Kis lands on his feet, and spins round, and greets the rising Declan Prescott with a dropkick to the face...

Vinegar: The Dragon is on fire, he turns to DJS ...kicks him in the gut...DRAGON TAIL!!!

Hanson: Before he can cover though, Brandon Brown gets back to his feet, and spins Alex around...SUPERKICK!...PIN...ONE...TWO...NO!

Vinegar: Kiseragi gets his shoulder up, but only just, Brandon Brown smells victory...

Hanson: But doesn’t sense Declan Prescott approaching from behind, who whips him into the ropes...he ducks expecting Brandon to vault...but Brandon stops, grabs ‘The Significant Players’ head...BRAIN BUSTER...

Vinegar: ‘The Dragon’ though has got to his feet and is crouched in the far corner...as Brandon turns, he is greeted by the awesome power of the YARI KICK.

Hanson: Oh god no, now Alex hasn’t seen ‘Diamond’ Jack has got to his feet...and he just turns round...

Vinegar: INTO THE RISE OF BRUTALITY!

Hanson: NO...NO...ALL THREE MEN ARE DOWN, NO THAT DAMN SHEEP MOLESTING, UNAAPRECIATIVE FAGGOT CANNOT WIN THIS! HE’S A GODDAMN LOSER, AND GABBY’S GONNA RIDE THE HANSON TRAIN ON HIS GRAVE!

‘Diamond’ Jacks head snaps in the direction of the commentary duo (where the announce table used to be), to see Daniel Hanson on his feet screaming to the gods...

Vinegar: Ummm...Daniel...you might want to keep your voice down...I think Jack can hear yo...HOLY MOTHER OF JOSEPH!!!!

‘Diamond’ Jack, without warning launches himself towards Hanson side of the ring, and throws himself through the top two ropes, and crashes into Daniel Hanson with a crushing tackle, driving his own head into the guard rail behind and knocking himself unconscious...

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen...I think Jack Severino...may....have just killed Daniel Hanson!?! In doing so though, he seems to have knocked himself out...now Brandon brown gets to his feet at the same time as Declan Prescott, I don’t think either man is completely aware of what just happened...Declan is holding his head after that Brainbuster...and it looks like there is more pain to come...SUPERKI...NO!, Declan ducks under, bounces against the ropes...PERFECT PLAY....ONE....TWO....THREE!!!

...

Vinegar: In the absence of Mitchell Dennis it seems it is my responsibility to inform you all, that my broadcast partners death may not have been in vain...the winner of this match, via pinfall, Declan Prescott!

Hanson: *muffled woo*

Vinegar: That’s all we have time for tonight, and I for one am glad the carnage can cease for at least another week, I’ve been Nicholas Vinegar, the crushed skeleton of a man to my side was Daniel Hanson, and apparently we’ll both be back next week. Goodnight!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 18/01/09 Credits

BeeB vs Clash
Sean Cyanide

ADD vs Aito Chen
Andy Savana

BoolZ’s Pick
Randy Boolzian

Qualifier Battle Royale
Alex Kiseragi

Travis & Zeke vs BoolZ & Mickey D
Randy Boolzian

Main Event
Travis Roberts

Editor
Travis Roberts