Post by Travis Pierce on Dec 5, 2020 22:30:09 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing a grinning Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! It is finally that time of year. Let us look to the Horizons...where we see some top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A woman’s horrifying tale about discovering “squiggly white” worms in her anus has gone viral on TikTok. Mercedes Edwards recounted in graphic detail how she came down with a pinworm infection as a child in a video, which has racked up more than 1.7 million views on the platform. In the video, she explains awkwardness of the situation succinctly for the viewer by comparing it to the experience of watching an Alex Kiseragi promo.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Canadians, officials have an important message for you: "Do not let moose lick your car." Yes, you heard that right. Officials in Jasper, an alpine town in Canada's Alberta province, have put up signs asking motorists to avoid allowing moose to lick their vehicles, following publication of a scientific study in Germany revealing that a similar set of circumstances years ago led to the birth of Konrad Raab.
Travis switches to Camera B
Pierce: In what officials are described as a fowl move, a man in Milwaukee stole a car tire and replaced it with a frozen turkey. When asked why he thought he’d be able to get away with such an obvious switch, the suspect pointed out that the owner of the vehicle is an Eden Morgan fan that actually believed she was dead, so he didn’t think he would notice.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A man that was meeting his biological father for the first time in his life at a Boston airport dressed up for the event as Buddy the Elf and broke into song for the occasion. Of course, this is a time of year for festive outfits, and to that end-
Captain 80s: AHOY-HO HO, TRAVIS!! YEEAAHHHH!!!!
Captain 80s rushes out onto the set, dressed as Santa Claus and breathing heavily.
Pierce: Well, that’s a missed cue.
Captain 80s: CAPTAIN CLAUS IS HERE TO BRING THE XMAS CHEER!!! YEEAAHHHHH!!!!
Pierce: Cap, you were supposed to be dressed as-
Captain 80s: THE CAPTAIN KNOWS YOU WANTED HIM TO DRESS UP LIKE KRAMPUS THE CHRISTMAS GOAT-DEMON, BUT THE CAPTAIN ALSO KNOWS THAT THERE ARE TWENTY THOUSAND PIERCITES OUT THERE WATCHING AT HOME, AND ARE RIDING THE FALCOR ALL THE WAY TO A MERRY HOLIDAY SEASON, THEY’VE INSPIRED THE SPIRIT OF THE CAPTAIN TO PROVIDE A HOLIDAY HAUNTING THAT WOULD GIVE COMFORT TO EVEN THE BLESSED ONE HIMSELF!!!
Pierce: I don’t even know how to begin to respond to that, other than to point out that you were supposed to be dressed up as Montague dressed as Krampus for this segment.
Captain 80s: AND HOW WOULD I HAVE DONE THAT ANYWAY???
Pierce: I don’t know. Juggle something and have it get caught on the goat horns.
Captain 80s: I’LL BE RIGHT BACK TRAVIS!!! YEEAAHHHHH!!!!
Captain 80s pumps his arms and runs off the set. Travis muffles his microphone with his hand and looks off-camera.
Pierce: Rob, lock the set door and don’t let him back in here.
Cartwright: Got it.
Travis collects himself and looks back at the camera.
Pierce: Because Montague Cervantes truly is the Krampus of this year of UGWC, is he not? I mean, what an amazing year it has been. A celebration of ten years of history. Iconic returns of names like Prescott and Boolzian, and even Kiseragi if that’s your thing. Another Cross-Hemisphere Championship reign for the icon of the division, Phrixus Deimos, which we’ll remind you was ended by yours truly. A fitting farewell to a legend in Jet Somers, and an iconic final match for the Piercing Weapons. In a year rich with historic moments, we head into Horizons and the Chaos Champion is a guy that nobody had ever heard of six months ago and is little more than a wannabe showman that wishes he had the exposure on the level of the Piercing Media Network.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Now, we go into Horizons, a very special Horizons as it closes this first decade of UGWC, and it’s kind of like how you go into December and look to end your year with Christmas and Santa Claus. You want to come out of Horizons with feel good moments, it’s like opening presents on Christmas morning, and when you imagine your champions at the end of the year, you want those brand names. You want things that you know you like. The presents that have been on your list since the Christmas before. You want a Chaos Champion that you know you like, that you’ve enjoyed in the past and want more of, someone like the record holding four-time Chaos Champion, Travis Pierce.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Can you think of a better way to end this historic year? Heck, we might end up with another Deimos Cross-Hemisphere reign to end the year. We need the iconic Chaos Champion alongside that to complete the set, and that’s Travis Pierce. Travis Pierce is the feel-good comforting Chaos Champion, the snug Chaos Champion like your Christmas pajamas, the security of a visit from Old Saint Nick. Standing in the way of that, punishing us in our time of joy? Here comes Montauge Cervantes. He’s Krampusing it up.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Some of you out there, you’ve misbehaved this year. You might have switched off the Piercing Media Network a time or two. Maybe you accidentally watching Circle Television for a few minutes. Maybe all the options you had at your disposal during WrestleStock distracted you a bit. You know what you get what you do those things? When you’re on the naughty list? When you don’t believe of the proper power of piercing media? Krampus comes to punish you. You get Montague Cervantes as your Chaos Champion, or worse...he’s all you’re left with for your entertainment.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: But never fear. We are the Piercing Media Network are still here for you. We will continue to entertain, continue to put out the best that we can for your personal enjoyment, and Travis Pierce is coming to Horizons to save the Chaos Title, because it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
A loud bang is heard followed by a thud, the sound of a massive body attempting and failing to charge through a locked door, causing Travis to momentarily wince before winking to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing a grinning Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! It is finally that time of year. Let us look to the Horizons...where we see some top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A woman’s horrifying tale about discovering “squiggly white” worms in her anus has gone viral on TikTok. Mercedes Edwards recounted in graphic detail how she came down with a pinworm infection as a child in a video, which has racked up more than 1.7 million views on the platform. In the video, she explains awkwardness of the situation succinctly for the viewer by comparing it to the experience of watching an Alex Kiseragi promo.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Canadians, officials have an important message for you: "Do not let moose lick your car." Yes, you heard that right. Officials in Jasper, an alpine town in Canada's Alberta province, have put up signs asking motorists to avoid allowing moose to lick their vehicles, following publication of a scientific study in Germany revealing that a similar set of circumstances years ago led to the birth of Konrad Raab.
Travis switches to Camera B
Pierce: In what officials are described as a fowl move, a man in Milwaukee stole a car tire and replaced it with a frozen turkey. When asked why he thought he’d be able to get away with such an obvious switch, the suspect pointed out that the owner of the vehicle is an Eden Morgan fan that actually believed she was dead, so he didn’t think he would notice.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A man that was meeting his biological father for the first time in his life at a Boston airport dressed up for the event as Buddy the Elf and broke into song for the occasion. Of course, this is a time of year for festive outfits, and to that end-
Captain 80s: AHOY-HO HO, TRAVIS!! YEEAAHHHH!!!!
Captain 80s rushes out onto the set, dressed as Santa Claus and breathing heavily.
Pierce: Well, that’s a missed cue.
Captain 80s: CAPTAIN CLAUS IS HERE TO BRING THE XMAS CHEER!!! YEEAAHHHHH!!!!
Pierce: Cap, you were supposed to be dressed as-
Captain 80s: THE CAPTAIN KNOWS YOU WANTED HIM TO DRESS UP LIKE KRAMPUS THE CHRISTMAS GOAT-DEMON, BUT THE CAPTAIN ALSO KNOWS THAT THERE ARE TWENTY THOUSAND PIERCITES OUT THERE WATCHING AT HOME, AND ARE RIDING THE FALCOR ALL THE WAY TO A MERRY HOLIDAY SEASON, THEY’VE INSPIRED THE SPIRIT OF THE CAPTAIN TO PROVIDE A HOLIDAY HAUNTING THAT WOULD GIVE COMFORT TO EVEN THE BLESSED ONE HIMSELF!!!
Pierce: I don’t even know how to begin to respond to that, other than to point out that you were supposed to be dressed up as Montague dressed as Krampus for this segment.
Captain 80s: AND HOW WOULD I HAVE DONE THAT ANYWAY???
Pierce: I don’t know. Juggle something and have it get caught on the goat horns.
Captain 80s: I’LL BE RIGHT BACK TRAVIS!!! YEEAAHHHHH!!!!
Captain 80s pumps his arms and runs off the set. Travis muffles his microphone with his hand and looks off-camera.
Pierce: Rob, lock the set door and don’t let him back in here.
Cartwright: Got it.
Travis collects himself and looks back at the camera.
Pierce: Because Montague Cervantes truly is the Krampus of this year of UGWC, is he not? I mean, what an amazing year it has been. A celebration of ten years of history. Iconic returns of names like Prescott and Boolzian, and even Kiseragi if that’s your thing. Another Cross-Hemisphere Championship reign for the icon of the division, Phrixus Deimos, which we’ll remind you was ended by yours truly. A fitting farewell to a legend in Jet Somers, and an iconic final match for the Piercing Weapons. In a year rich with historic moments, we head into Horizons and the Chaos Champion is a guy that nobody had ever heard of six months ago and is little more than a wannabe showman that wishes he had the exposure on the level of the Piercing Media Network.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Now, we go into Horizons, a very special Horizons as it closes this first decade of UGWC, and it’s kind of like how you go into December and look to end your year with Christmas and Santa Claus. You want to come out of Horizons with feel good moments, it’s like opening presents on Christmas morning, and when you imagine your champions at the end of the year, you want those brand names. You want things that you know you like. The presents that have been on your list since the Christmas before. You want a Chaos Champion that you know you like, that you’ve enjoyed in the past and want more of, someone like the record holding four-time Chaos Champion, Travis Pierce.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Can you think of a better way to end this historic year? Heck, we might end up with another Deimos Cross-Hemisphere reign to end the year. We need the iconic Chaos Champion alongside that to complete the set, and that’s Travis Pierce. Travis Pierce is the feel-good comforting Chaos Champion, the snug Chaos Champion like your Christmas pajamas, the security of a visit from Old Saint Nick. Standing in the way of that, punishing us in our time of joy? Here comes Montauge Cervantes. He’s Krampusing it up.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Some of you out there, you’ve misbehaved this year. You might have switched off the Piercing Media Network a time or two. Maybe you accidentally watching Circle Television for a few minutes. Maybe all the options you had at your disposal during WrestleStock distracted you a bit. You know what you get what you do those things? When you’re on the naughty list? When you don’t believe of the proper power of piercing media? Krampus comes to punish you. You get Montague Cervantes as your Chaos Champion, or worse...he’s all you’re left with for your entertainment.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: But never fear. We are the Piercing Media Network are still here for you. We will continue to entertain, continue to put out the best that we can for your personal enjoyment, and Travis Pierce is coming to Horizons to save the Chaos Title, because it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
A loud bang is heard followed by a thud, the sound of a massive body attempting and failing to charge through a locked door, causing Travis to momentarily wince before winking to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
