Post by Raenius on Mar 25, 2010 13:34:12 GMT -5
About three seconds after the Resident Evil hit the “play” button for Monster Magnet’s “Space Lord” did his whiskey, a beer and a shot land on the bar for him, paid for by the overweight man that had begun talking to him two hours or so beforehand.
‘Go on, then,’ he said through barbed wire, rotting teeth. ‘Tell me your story.’
‘My story?’ laughs Raenius.
‘Yeah, man. Everyone’s got their story. How they got here and shit. What’s yours?’
‘Well,’ states our hero after firing the shot and the whiskey back in quick succession, then returning to his beer. ‘My home life, back in Ireland, sucked balls. It was everything that a clichéd, bullshit story about Irish life would have you believe. Alcoholic father, junkie whore mother, and four equally abused siblings. Landing in America, I had my fair share of shit jobs until, one day, as a bouncer in a club, one particular man got a bit rowdy. I kicked him the fuck out and, the next day, the same guy came knocking at my door to recruit me for his wrestling promotion.’
‘Lucky!’
‘Is that what you call it?’ replied Raenius. ‘Anyway, turns out the drunken piece of shit I gave a kicking to ran a promotion called the RWC. After some training, he gave me my start in the business.’
‘And?’
‘…And fucking what?’
‘How’d you do!?’
‘Shit, what does that matter, hmm? Ric Flair can rant about how he’s won the world title more times than he’s rubbed ointment on his haemorrhoids till the fucking cows come home, but no one gives a shit cause he’s incapable of doing it again. I won my fair share of shit, let’s say. The next promotion I was in, TWWO, I met my first ever manager Kiri. My best friend.’
‘She’s the dead one, right?’
Raenius shoots the ignorant, tubby fuck the look of death.
‘Yeah. She’s dead now. And a couple of years and a couple of promotions later, I find myself at Universal Championship Wrestling. That’s where I meet Dirge, Chassie Fear, Mickey Dragon, The Joker, The Boogeyman, Bryan Bryn Bryson, and many, many more. It’s where I created the Covenant. It’s where I was a grand-slam champion. But more importantly, it’s where I met a girl called Kathryn Edict. The most perfect specimen of a woman that I’ve ever encountered. And through my entire tenure there, she was my priority. To get to know her. To get to have her…’
‘I like a man with goals.’
‘Indeed. So after a while I manage to get Edict to be in the Covenant. We have massive success together until the day came that she had to say goodbye to the business.’
‘Bummer.’
‘Aye. It was unexpected for me. Horrid. Shortly after she left, I started hearing voices in my head. Nasty voices. Voices that-’
‘Hold up,’ says the fat man. ‘You mean to tell me that you went mental because a chick – that you hadn’t even boned – left?’
‘That chick was the most perfect thing I’d ever laid eyes on. So fuck you. But after that, I still went from strength to strength, fucking people up, hearing more and more voices until, one lovely day, she came back to action.’
‘Hurray!’ exclaims fatty, clinking glasses with the Devil’s Advocate.
‘Almost instantly I was cured of whatever plagued my brains and we went to work, the Covenant stronger than ever. Win after win, title after title, and then, not even a year later… she buggered off again.’
‘Nasty.’
‘Quite. This time there was no warning, and not even a goodbye in person. So, as you’d expect, I went monster-mad. Starting seeing things, hearing things and eventually that shaped itself in a separate version of me that dubbed itself “Dhar” that only I could see and hear. He was everything in me that had been suppressed trying to get out. Every urge, every desire and every delicious, malicious and vicious cunt of a thought I ever had.’
‘Haven’t done a very good job of suppressing those since then, have you?’
‘Go fuck yourself.’
They clink glasses again and Raenius continues.
‘After uCw folded, I went to HSW. Some other fine athletes there such as Devon Jacobs, Ichabod and… uh… well… okay, so it was a shithole. But I did manage, before I left, to win the world title belt and then take a shit on it.’
‘…You did what?’
‘I shat on the world title.’
‘You crazy sun’bitch!’
‘That’s when it happened. Kiri’s… uh, well. She was raped. And stabbed to death. That’s when I met Nyx, her best friend.’
‘Shit man, you’re one unlucky piece of shit.’
‘I hear that. Nyx became my manager through PPW. Wonderful place. I enjoyed my time there, and had some great success. After Pure Pain, it was to GIW. Tag titles, Nyx killed herself, an old friend from uCw by the name of Lilith came in to replace her and the Order of Chaos, an organisation I became a part of around my uCw days, gave me Syn, too. So I have two people to run my life for me now.’
‘Still not enough if you ask me.’
‘I didn’t.’ Raenius drinks. ‘So then, of course, the Covenant decided to run GIW into a shitty hole in the ground because, hey, we’re bad guys. It’s what we do. And here we are.’
‘Shit, man,’ replies the tubby drunk. ‘You know how to condense a decade of stuff into, like… five minutes.’
‘Who wants to fucking hear it anyway? Apart from your borin’ arse.’
‘Well why the fuck did you bother tellin’ me?’
‘Cause I wanted to fit in, man.’
‘Fit in with who?’
Raenius looks around.
‘Uh. Shut up.’
‘Go on, then,’ he said through barbed wire, rotting teeth. ‘Tell me your story.’
‘My story?’ laughs Raenius.
‘Yeah, man. Everyone’s got their story. How they got here and shit. What’s yours?’
‘Well,’ states our hero after firing the shot and the whiskey back in quick succession, then returning to his beer. ‘My home life, back in Ireland, sucked balls. It was everything that a clichéd, bullshit story about Irish life would have you believe. Alcoholic father, junkie whore mother, and four equally abused siblings. Landing in America, I had my fair share of shit jobs until, one day, as a bouncer in a club, one particular man got a bit rowdy. I kicked him the fuck out and, the next day, the same guy came knocking at my door to recruit me for his wrestling promotion.’
‘Lucky!’
‘Is that what you call it?’ replied Raenius. ‘Anyway, turns out the drunken piece of shit I gave a kicking to ran a promotion called the RWC. After some training, he gave me my start in the business.’
‘And?’
‘…And fucking what?’
‘How’d you do!?’
‘Shit, what does that matter, hmm? Ric Flair can rant about how he’s won the world title more times than he’s rubbed ointment on his haemorrhoids till the fucking cows come home, but no one gives a shit cause he’s incapable of doing it again. I won my fair share of shit, let’s say. The next promotion I was in, TWWO, I met my first ever manager Kiri. My best friend.’
‘She’s the dead one, right?’
Raenius shoots the ignorant, tubby fuck the look of death.
‘Yeah. She’s dead now. And a couple of years and a couple of promotions later, I find myself at Universal Championship Wrestling. That’s where I meet Dirge, Chassie Fear, Mickey Dragon, The Joker, The Boogeyman, Bryan Bryn Bryson, and many, many more. It’s where I created the Covenant. It’s where I was a grand-slam champion. But more importantly, it’s where I met a girl called Kathryn Edict. The most perfect specimen of a woman that I’ve ever encountered. And through my entire tenure there, she was my priority. To get to know her. To get to have her…’
‘I like a man with goals.’
‘Indeed. So after a while I manage to get Edict to be in the Covenant. We have massive success together until the day came that she had to say goodbye to the business.’
‘Bummer.’
‘Aye. It was unexpected for me. Horrid. Shortly after she left, I started hearing voices in my head. Nasty voices. Voices that-’
‘Hold up,’ says the fat man. ‘You mean to tell me that you went mental because a chick – that you hadn’t even boned – left?’
‘That chick was the most perfect thing I’d ever laid eyes on. So fuck you. But after that, I still went from strength to strength, fucking people up, hearing more and more voices until, one lovely day, she came back to action.’
‘Hurray!’ exclaims fatty, clinking glasses with the Devil’s Advocate.
‘Almost instantly I was cured of whatever plagued my brains and we went to work, the Covenant stronger than ever. Win after win, title after title, and then, not even a year later… she buggered off again.’
‘Nasty.’
‘Quite. This time there was no warning, and not even a goodbye in person. So, as you’d expect, I went monster-mad. Starting seeing things, hearing things and eventually that shaped itself in a separate version of me that dubbed itself “Dhar” that only I could see and hear. He was everything in me that had been suppressed trying to get out. Every urge, every desire and every delicious, malicious and vicious cunt of a thought I ever had.’
‘Haven’t done a very good job of suppressing those since then, have you?’
‘Go fuck yourself.’
They clink glasses again and Raenius continues.
‘After uCw folded, I went to HSW. Some other fine athletes there such as Devon Jacobs, Ichabod and… uh… well… okay, so it was a shithole. But I did manage, before I left, to win the world title belt and then take a shit on it.’
‘…You did what?’
‘I shat on the world title.’
‘You crazy sun’bitch!’
‘That’s when it happened. Kiri’s… uh, well. She was raped. And stabbed to death. That’s when I met Nyx, her best friend.’
‘Shit man, you’re one unlucky piece of shit.’
‘I hear that. Nyx became my manager through PPW. Wonderful place. I enjoyed my time there, and had some great success. After Pure Pain, it was to GIW. Tag titles, Nyx killed herself, an old friend from uCw by the name of Lilith came in to replace her and the Order of Chaos, an organisation I became a part of around my uCw days, gave me Syn, too. So I have two people to run my life for me now.’
‘Still not enough if you ask me.’
‘I didn’t.’ Raenius drinks. ‘So then, of course, the Covenant decided to run GIW into a shitty hole in the ground because, hey, we’re bad guys. It’s what we do. And here we are.’
‘Shit, man,’ replies the tubby drunk. ‘You know how to condense a decade of stuff into, like… five minutes.’
‘Who wants to fucking hear it anyway? Apart from your borin’ arse.’
‘Well why the fuck did you bother tellin’ me?’
‘Cause I wanted to fit in, man.’
‘Fit in with who?’
Raenius looks around.
‘Uh. Shut up.’
