Sentinel 01/02/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome to Sentinel, let’s get straight to the first match....

Dennis: Introducing first, Sean Cyanide!

Hanson: What, not weighing in at, or hailing from anywhere...bit slapdash huh?

Vinegar: Well due to events beyond our control this match is gonna be recapped...

Hanson: Ahhhh...well where is Jensen...I mean Cyanide...surely he should have whizzed to the ring by now for a recap...

Vinegar: Ah yeah, our bad again, after deciding to inexplicably weeping over Killswitches dead corpse, he couldn’t show his face this week...and we didn’t remove him from the card...

Hanson: We really do suck don’t we...

Vinegar: yep, big sweaty donkey balls.

Dennis: Introducing next, Adolphus Davian Doom...

Hanson: Now where is this guy...

Vinegar: Ahhhh...he couldn’t make it either, but luckily we have a segment to explain where he is, which should pad out this ‘recap’....good somebody[/i] is remembering to cut to the footage huh?

Hanson: Don’t feel too proud.

Footage cuts to one of the loading docks in the backstage area. In the background, several laborers can be seen carrying in various ducting and pipes no doubt for the re-construction of Boss P’s new boiler room. More prominent however is a familiar portrait of Killswitch, mounted on a flimsy easel, beside which stands Sean Immies, umbrella unfurled and anxiously staring a hole into the face of the pocket watch in his hand. A distant whirring noise resounds, growing gradually louder with each passing second. Shortly thereafter, a zamboni with Adolphus Davian Doom in the driver’s seat rounds the corner into full view. Perhaps more alarming than the fact that someone has seen it a wise choice to let Doom pilot a one and a half ton machine is the fact that strapped to the front of said machine is what appears to be a coffin, draped with a Canadian national flag.

Vinegar: What the…?

Hanson: You’d think you would have learned by now to not be surprised by anything this idiot does.

The zamboni comes to a screeching stop, narrowly missing hitting Immies, the portrait of Killswitch, and the brand spanking new boiler for Boss P. Doom dismounts, looking utterly beside himself with grief. Even more so depressing is his attire: A denim jacket, blue jeans, and a button-down plaid shirt. Immies takes one look at him and rolls his eyes in exasperation.

Immies: Nice Canadian tuxedo, Denim Dan.

The compliment brings a wide, albeit brief, smile to Doom’s face.

Doom: Aww. Thanks, Mr. Immis.

Doom pauses, remembering something important.

Doom: But I’m Adolphus, not Dan.

Immies: Just consider yourself privileged that I’m putting up with these shenanigans so close to showtime. We’ve got a match tonight.

Doom looks down at the coffin, still fastened to the front of the zamboni, then places a hand on Killswitch’s posterized cheek. His forlorn countenance returns as his hand traces down the portrait to come to rest on the coffin.

Doom: Don’t worry, Mr. Immis. I just need to say goodbye to him in my own way.

Immies: You never even met him.

Doom looks up at Immies in utter shock, his eyes wide with disbelief. Immies frowns back.

Immies: Him walking in on you while you were on the can doesn’t count!

The comment doesn’t seem to sit well with Doom, however… being who he is… his mind soon takes a side-track, which somehow leads him conveniently back to the beginning.

Doom: We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead. And yet it should be noted that in the midst of our sorrow, this death takes place in the shadow of new life, the sunrise of a new world - a world that our beloved comrade gave his life to protect, to nourish. He did not feel this sacrifice a vain or empty one, and we will not debate his profound wisdom… and it was certainly profound… at these proceedings. Of my friend, I can only say this: Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most... inhuman.

The eulogy is a blatant rip-off, though Doom certainly manages to capture the very Shatner-esque essence of it. Immies, ever the perfectionist, seems utterly perturbed by the mistakes made in the process.

Immies: You mean human… not inhuman.

Doom pauses... confused.

Doom: What do you mean inhuman?

Immies starts to correct his employ, but he hardly has three words out before Doom is off like a bullet from the gun of random absurd tangents.

Immies: I mean that…

Doom: When you say inhuman, do you mean like zombies? Like Killswitch could rise from the grave and come back as an undead minion of Hell and feast on the brains of others?

Immies mutters smugly under his breath.

Immies: It certainly wouldn’t be the first time he’d have caused the destruction of brain cells.

Doom: I hate zombies. They scare me. We’ve got to put a stop to this. We’ve got to make sure he never gets out of this coffin to walk the earth and eat my brain.

Immies: What brain?

Doom is unfazed. He plucks a rather conveniently placed metal canister, removes the cap, and begins to pour its thick liquid contents over the coffin.

Immies: What in the hell are you doing?

Doom: Encasing the casket in maple syrup. It’s like superglue to us Canadians.

Immies chuckles at the capacity of the dunderhead to actually develop humor, even though it is at the expense of Doom himself. Something caught out of the corner of his eye does not sit well with Immies though. He cocks his head to get a better view of the canister, straining, though not getting a full view until Doom has set it down. Just as he realizes that the canister in fact reads ‘Kerosine’, Immies hears the ominous sound of a flame igniting into a high-pressure stream of gas. He looks up to see Doom wielding an acetylene torch.

Immies: Blockhead! That’s not maple syrup, that’s kerosene.

Doom: Kero-what?

Immies: It’s flammable.

Doom: What’s that mean?

Immies: It’s sensitive to fire. It burns easily. Doom? Doom?!

Doom has however become utterly entranced staring at the blaze that he has unwittingly set on the coffin. The Canadian flag quickly disintegrates into a pile of glowing ember and ash. Doom giggles with enthralled glee as the pyre grows further, beginning to climb up the zamboni. Immies, in what seems to be an everyday occurrence, fastens the baby harness onto Doom and begins to tug at the leash to lead him away. Doom protests, struggling to stay by the fire. In doing so he topples the easel, launching the portrait of Killswitch into the blaze.

Doom: But… but… but…

Immies pulls his pocket-watch from his pocket and holds it so that the light from the fire reflects off it with a gleam. This instantly catches Doom’s attention, lulling him into a blissful stupor.

Doom: Oooh! Shiny!

Immies leads the subdued Doom back into the arena, the heavy metal security doors shutting behind them with a loud thunk. The thunk is almost instantly outclamoured by a thunderous explosion from the other side, back in the loading dock, as no doubt the flame had reached the gas tank of the zamboni.

Immies: Well, at least it was a Viking funeral.

Doom: But Canadians weren’t Vikings, Mr. Immies.

Hanson: That was certainly better than a Sean Cyanide match...

Vinegar: And in that time Dredd and JK are in the ring...but who is that?

Hanson: it’s Andrew Clash...

Vinegar: i thought we jobbed him out last week?

Hanson: I guess we felt it would be fun to do here too...

[We know lose Vinegar and Hansons commentary for the sake of this recap, and Dredd and JK exchange a smile as they look towards the posturing Andrew Clash, who seems to be sporting bandages around his janglie area, to protect them from more harm after last week’s attack. Instantly JK hits a hurricanrana but releases in mid ari, sending Clash hurtling upside down towards Dredd who catches him likes a ragdoll and hoists him onto his shoulders, as JK jumps onto the top rope...Dredd then executes a brutal powerbomb...and JK leaps off the top rope and hits a moonsault.

Dredd brings out a sledgehammer from under the ring, and the referee has no concern for Andrew Clash and steps back, and allows Dredd to bring the full force of the weapon down onto Clash’s shins]

Hanson: OOOOOOOH! I’m sorry but thats sickening, the bone is shattered and sticking out of his skin....nasty...

[And it’s not over as Dredd lifts Clash to his feet for JK who hits THE CYCLONE Dredd then pats the young superstar on the back, and offers up the prone body of Andrew Clash to JK, who springs to the top rope...CANE TOAD SPLASH And he makes the cover...1...2...3!!!]

Vinegar: JK gets his first win under his belt here in GIW, as Dredd applauds him from the ramp and turns backstage with a determined look on his face...seems we have some backstage footage folks, to pad this opener out even more...

Her blue eyes are filled with a complete confidence, a determination after having just entered Boss P’s office and being led by a salivating McZygmunt Cubed to P’s desk. Where a bar stool was the flightless birds seat of choice as he chewed upon a cigar stub, his beady little eyes lighting up as much as they could for a penguin as Gabrielle SLAMMED HER Womens Championship down on his desk somewhat glaring at the enforcer of GIW.

Boss P: MAH WOMENZ CHAMP, WAT CAN DA BOSS DO FO YO?

Gabrielle: Who does he think he is?

The cigar in P’s mouth stop moving about as he shrugs his feat5hers at Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: Jack……..he thinks I need this? He needs me to take this for him.

Boss P: DA WOMENS TITLE?

Gabrielle: No, his spot in the tournament to find GIW’s Most Valuable Asset.

Boss P: MY BABY; THE SEARCH FOR THE CHIEF NAIGGA!

Gabrielle stares at Boss P at his mention of his name given to the tournament, forcing a rare moment; Boss P backing down or at least silencing his beak!

Gabrielle: He gave me his spot because he’s too pathetic to take the challenge himself.

Boss P: GAVE YOU HIS SPOT; THIS SORT OF SHIT DOESN’T TAKE PLACE WITHOUT MA AUTHORITYZ!

Gabrielle: Well it’s to late for that now; it’s MY spot!

Boss P: I CANT HAVE MA WOMENZ CHAMP IN THIS; YOU’VE GOTZ DAT TITLE TO REPRESENT.

Gabrielle takes the Championship belt in her hand, staring down at it, before breathing a deep sigh.

Boss P: IF MA TOP NIGGETE REALLY WANTS IN; SHEZ GOTZ TO DROP DAT TITLE.

Gabrielle: That’s exactly why I’m here; This Championships holding me back and everybody knows that; the stigma that I’m just another female athlete is there. I’ve done all I can do P, I’ve beaten everyone there is to beat: Misery, Chinatsu, Calypso, Chassie.

Boss P: DAT DIAMOND NIGGA CANT JUST GIVE WAT EVA HE WANTZ AWAY.

Gabrielle: You’re not hearing me P; I demand you recognize me in this tournament!

Boss P: YO NAME LOOKS GOOD ON DAT TITLE NIGGETTE; YO REALLY GONNA DROP IT?

Gabrielle: If it gets me the respect I deserve. I’m sick and tired of being pigeon holed as lesser than some of the scum that exist in this company just because I have a fantastic rack!

Gabrielle looks down at the Womens Championship one last time before tossing it over towards Boss P as it slides across his tabletop. She then rests her hands on the table as well, leaning forward and possibly using her feminine wiles as her 34DD breast practically spill out of her dress before Boss P’s eyes.

Gabrielle: That titles no longer mine so I demand you put me in contention for the top Championship in this company and recognize my spot in this tournament! You don’t want to scorn a woman like me Boss P.

Boss P: WHEN A NIGGETE SPILLS HER HEART OUT FOW ME LIKE DAT, HOW CAN I REFUSE?

P’s eyes focus in on Gabrielle’s bosom as he raises one of his non existent eyebrow! A smile then crosses the succulent pouty lips of Gabrielle as she stands back up straight, slightly adjusting her hair.

Boss P: IF YO WAS 3 FEET SHOWTER AND COVERED IN FEATHERS; ID HAVE A RUN ATZ YO!

Gabrielle giggles to herself more so than anyone else.

Gabrielle: You made the right choice.

Boss P: BUT AS FINE AS YO ASS IS, YO BEST GET IT WIGGLING DOWN THE CORRIDOR TO TELL THAT EX OF YOURS HE GOT A MATCH....LIKE NOW...YO WANT HIS SPOT, YO GOTTA SWAP MATCHES TONIGHT!

She then turns and leaves the office of Boss P, but not before throwing one last lingering look at the Women’s Championship that she had just given up!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Alright, we got all those jobbers out of the way, now the GIW crowd will be blessed by the presence of the caramel-skinned sexpot, I can't wait! We haven't seen her in action since Horizons, Nick! The GIW Women's Champion! The Diamond Princess! The...why are you looking at me like that, Nick?

Vinegar: The, um, the match got changed Dan.

Hanson: What? Then who's coming down to ringside?

Vinegar: Did you not pay attention to the announcement? It was very official.

Hanson: I take segments off, Nick. That's what they are there for.

Vinegar: So what did you do while this important, company-altering decision was made in front of the entire arena?

Hanson: Downloading an awesome new background for my phone. Wanna see?

Vinegar: Folks, let's all just let Daniel figure things out on his own. It'll be fun.
Mitchell: Ladies and gentleman, the following is a mixed-tag match. And no, it is not scheduled for one fall. This is a table match!

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, I know that already, but who's in it?

"Warrior's Code" by the Dropkick Murphys. Bagpipes fill the air, then out comes Chen and the Ghost, waving at their fans.

Mitchell: At a combined weight of 347 pounds, she is CHINATSU CHEN and he is The CRIMSOOOOOOON GHOST!

He runs ahead of her, interacting with the front row. She charges straight into the ring.

Vinegar: Here comes The Crimson Ghost, Dan. He's been spending quite a bit of time with our former women's champion.

Hanson: Who do you mean, former women's champion Nick? Chen? Do you mean Chen? McSkinny? Who do you mean!

Vinegar: And a high-five from the Crimson Ghost! Don't leave him hanging, Dan.

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, come on, Nick, don't leave ME hanging, what have you heard?

Kid Rock, "American Badass" comes over the loudspeakers.

Hanson: Oh jesus, didn't we go over this last week?

Mitchell: And their opponents. Now coming to the ring, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, BEEB the GREAT!

Beeb runs down the ramp, trying to pump up the crowd.

Vinegar: Whatever you may think of his choice in music, Dan, you have to admit this young man has shown some promise in the past few weeks.

Hanson: I don't have to admit nothing!

Beeb charges into the ring and leaps onto the rope, throwing a fist in the air.

Mitchell: And his partner...

Hanson: Who, Dennis? Who's his partner?

Mitchell: Shut up, Hanson, I'm getting to it. His partner, now residing in Nelson, New Zealand...

Hanson: That's where Gabby occasionally now resides, I knew it!

Mitchell: DIAMOND!

Hanson: No.

Mitchell: JACK!

Hanson: No!

Mitchell: SEEEEVERIIIIIINOOO!

Hanson: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

"Airbourne" plays over the speakers as the house lights turn gold. Severino spins in his usual poses to a pop. He struts to the ring.

Hanson: All I wanted is to see Gabrielle, who is a highly respectable and not-at-all objectifiable female role model, in action tonight, and now I get this guy again?

Vinegar:If you were paying attention, you'd know that we'll be seeing her later tonight. But let's focus on the action in the ring for now, because all four competitors are ready to go!

Hanson: Nick, see this face? This is my not caring face.

Vinegar: There's the bell! And Severino wastes no time in locking up with the Crimson Ghost! While Beeb looks like he's trying a little bit of charm on Chinatsu.

Hanson: Looks like she's not that into him, Nick, she tosses him with an arm drag!

Vinegar: Jack has muscled the Ghost into the corner, and he is unloading on him with some stiff chops!

Hanson: Meanwhile, Chen has put Beeb back to the mat with a spinning wheel kick.

Vinegar: I think he may be reluctant to hit her, Dan.

Hanson: He just needs to smack her like I smack your mom, Nick. She likes it rough.

Vinegar: I was wondering when we'd get in a mom joke this match.

Hanson: I get in your mom EVERY match, Nick.

Vinegar: Over in the corner, Hazel East is telling Jack to back off for a moment, but those hard chops have left the Ghost gasping in the corner, The Diamond in the Rough is going to grab him again.

Hanson: But Ghost was just playing, Nick! He gives Jack an eye poke, and follows it up with a noogie!

Vinegar: Not quite textbook, Dan, but it's definitely shifted the momentum. On the more technical side, Chen is applying a very painful looking armbar to Beeb.

Hanson: Crimson Ghost ducks a Severino punch, and takes him down hard from behind! I do that too.

Vinegar: A falling sleeper hold, Dan. And it was definitely effective.

Hanson: Come on, Ghost, stomp him! Pound him into paste! Follow up!

Vinegar: The Ghost is asking Chen if she wants to trade for a bit, she releases Beeb.

Hanson: Chen gets over in time to snapmare DJS back down to the mat, then spins her foot around into his face! That's more like it!

Vinegar: You're still sore over Severino busting your ass, huh?

Hanson: Oh, he's fine, Nick. He's so loaded up on Vicodin he's not feeling any of this. Hit him some more!

Vinegar: Beeb is fighting back against the Ghost, some hard right hands as he gets to his feet! And he tosses Ghost over the rope!

Hanson: Ghost catches himself and swings back onto the apron, though. And now he's waving at Beeb as he turns around. This isn't the time to make friends!

Vinegar: Beeb charges at the Ghost, but he leaps off and guillotines Beeb against the top rope! Now waving to the crowd, and they're eating it up.

Hanson: Chen's scaled up the turnbuckle, and now she is leaping off to smash the Perfection Retardation with a hurricanrana!

Vinegar: But Jack drops her in a power bomb! Nice reversal!

Hanson: Chen's not out yet, Nick, drop toe hold! Now an armbar applied. Crank dat shit!

Vinegar: Ghost has pushed in the table, Dan, remember that there are no pins or submission, somebody is going through that thing tonight!

Hanson: Beeb is trying to make sure that's not going to be him, though, Nick, because he is on top of The Ghost as soon as he slides under the rope! Some vicious stomps!

Vinegar: He needs to keep an eye on his other opponent, though. Chen is no stranger to the table match. She had a brutal one at Battlegrounds.

Hanson: Where our Diamond Princess earned her GIW Title, and no one's going to take that away from her.

Vinegar: Don't be too sure, Dan, that's all I'm saying. Diamond Jack has powered out of the armbar, and spears Chen!

Hanson: Beeb picks up Ghost and whips him onto the closed table with a gutwrench suplex! Now follows it up with an elbow drop, what did you mean don't be too sure?

Vinegar: Severino waiting for Chen to get back up, and he clotheslines her to the floor!

Hanson: Ghost is up but he's groggy against the ropes, and he is cornered! Beeb and DoucheJS are closing in, why are you avoiding the question?

Vinegar: Ghost is stopping them in their tracks, looks like he's asking them a question? No! A quick rap to Beeb's stomach, a twist of Severino's nose, the Diamond goes to slap him, Ghost ducks, DJS just smacked his own partner in the face!

Hanson: Thanks for that excrutiating detail, Nick, now the Ghost with a shot to the gut and a DDT on The Reflection!

Vinegar: Now he's asking Beeb to pound his fist.

Hanson: I know this trick, Nick, he'll just bring it around and bop the man on the head.

Vinegar: Beeb knows it too, he's refusing. But the Ghost is insisting.

Hanson: Beeb has his one fist ready to go, he's warned the Ghost. Now he hits the fist, it's coming around the top...

Vinegar: Knee to the gut! Beeb is doubled over, Ghost is bouncing off the ropes to deliver the Seeing Red!

Hanson: A boot to the head?

Vinegar: A BOOT TO THE HEAD! And Ghost follows him to the mat to do some breakdancing for the fans!

Hanson: Severino stomps him in the middle of his dance, that man does not support the arts!

Vinegar: Now grabbing the legs, a Jack Lock applied!

Hanson: Chen climbs back into the ring, cartwheels behind Jack and lets loose a stiff kick to the back of his head! The hold is broken!

Vinegar: Now Beeb charges at Chen with a shoulder block, puts her to the mat hard! She's standing up, he grabs her for the Double A Spinebuster!

Hanson: See, Beeb, it's easy to beat up women!

Vinegar: GIW Incorporated does condone violence towards women. Except, I suppose, in the ring.

Hanson: And inside our ring right now all four participants are laid out on the mat! Beeb and The Diamond in the Poop have both taken stiff shots to the heads, Chinatsu was just spiked down hard, and the Ghost is feeling the effects of that Jack Lock.

Vinegar: They're all stirring, but Crimson Ghost is the first to his feet, and he is setting up that table!

Hanson: He's shooting glances towards DJS, I think that he's decided who's going through that hunk of wood.

Vinegar: Ghost climbs the turnbuckles as Severino is still struggling to his feet, looks like the Ghost is going to go for the Spin-Cycle!

Hanson: Beeb hits the rope, and Ghost's janglies hit the post!

Vinegar: Beeb climbs up there with him, he's signaling for the BeebDT through the table!

Hanson: Well, if it's not going to be Diamond Jack-Off, might as well be Crimson Ghost. I hear they both have the Hep. I'm just saying, in case anyone watching may be thinking of sleeping with them again.

Vinegar: You're not very graceful in defeat, Daniel. Oh! Chen's flipped the table over! Beeb and the Ghost land on the mat! And a leg lariat knocks Beeb the Great to the floor!

Hanson: Chen has got herself, she's taking a breather on the apron, think she'll wave too?

Vinegar: She won't get the chance, Dan, because DJS is up and he's grabbed her by the throat..RISE OF BRUTALITY BACK INTO THE RING!

Hanson: Syphylerino is placing the table in the corner, now we may FINALLY be coming to the end of this match.

Vinegar: Picks up the Crimson Ghost, and now the Irish Whip into the corner, Ghost reverses! Diamond Jack is helpless against the table!

Hanson: Break him! BREAK HIM!

Vinegar: Crimson Ghost charges towards the corner now, DJS barrels out back at him! POWERSLAM THROUGH THE TABLE! Chalk up the win for Beeb and Diamond Jack Severino!

Hanson: Now Beeb, the gentleman that he is, is checking on Chen. She waves him off, looks like she's fine.

Vinegar: I think she's better than fine, Dan, because she knows that she may be on the short road to the vacant women's title!

Hanson: Vacant? What did I miss?

Vinegar: *It's for the college fund, Nick. It's for the college fund.*

Vinegar: OH GOD!!

Hanson: NO!

Vinegar: Did you see that!! Dredd just wiped Chinatsu out with a running big boot as she made her way through the curtains. Look at him, he's picked her up by her hair, she was knocked out cold by that boot, she has no idea where she is... OH MY GOODNESS!!! FACE FIRST DOWN ON TO THE STEEL RAMP WAY.

Hanson: Ubb.. Umm. Ub. Ub.

Vinegar: Oh No.! Dredd's got a bottle of something, he approaches her, she is trying to get to her feet, SMASHES THE BOTTLE AGAINST HER SKULL, AND SHE IS SPRAWLED TO THE GROUND! This is sick...

Hanson: Err... Err..

Vinegar: HOLY MOTHER OF MERCY!! Dredd just tossed the body of Chen off the rampway down onto the concrete below. That's a fifteen foot drop!!! Now, he has a microphone in his hand.

Dredd: KOMOSUBE!! I told you I want to fight you and yet you refuse. You are a coward, and now look what has become of your poor neice because of it. So, listen here you sad sack of gai-jin shit. Until, you summon up the courage to face me in the ring, I will continue to routinely destroy precious little Chinatsu Chen until either you fight me or she is dead. I will break her every bone, I will rip her every tendon. I will grape her soul of all it's dignity.

I will run my rapier through everyone close to you until you fight me.

Adios, ikujinashi

Vinegar: Dredd wants Komosube, and in the ultimate sign of disrespect he just spat on the prone frame of Chinatsu Chen. Hanson, I-

Hanson gets up, runs toward her along with EMTs, Vinegar just looking shocked.

Vinegar: Dear God, I pray that young woman right there hasn't been ruined...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: The following contest is a Hardcore match, scheduled for one fall!

Soulfly's "Warmageddon" sneaks into existence over the p.a. and then explodes to life as a macabre, dark purple light fills the arena with a sinister and misty disdain as our Resident Evil, Raenius, walks out slowly.

Dennis: Introducing first, from Northern Island, weighing in at 252lbs. The Resident Evil, Raeniuuuus!!!

He stalks bestially down the isle emanating hatred before he jumps up onto the apron, knee-first, and pulls himself upright using the ropes. He stands, looking out at the crowd for a few seconds before entering the ring.

The lights go dim, the sound of a Red Bull popping open, then a Zippo being struck is heard, then Wonder What’s Next by Chevelle blasts over the P.A. system. The words ‘Red’ ‘Bull’ ‘Icon” flash over the big screen giving off enough light for BoolZ to make his way to the ring with a cigarette in his lips a can of ice cold Red Bull in his hand.

Dennis: And the opponent. From Oceanside California, weighing in at 220lbs. The Red Bull Icon, Randy Boolziaaaaaaaan!!!

BoolZ climbs the steps, and enters the ring between the second and third rope before smiling and waving to the crowd.

Vinegar: Something seemed very generic about the entrance of these superstars.

Hanson: Yeah, something strange but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Vinegar: Oh, never mind, probably just imagining it. Boolz seems eager to get this one started as he just launched himself at Raenius, unloading with those right hands, driving him back into the corner.

Hanson: I think I actually fancy Raenius for this match. I think he’s got the stronger background in this hardcore environment.

Vinegar: More then the undefeated Hardcore champion? Is that so?

Hanson: Yup.

Vinegar: Guess we’ll see. Raenius turns it around in the corner, unloading with the rights of his own now. Irish whip attempt, countered by Boolz, sends Raenius crashing back into the opposite turnbuckle.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Boolz with the No Fly Zone in the corner. Tumbles over the top rope but manages to catch himself on the apron. Slingshot, bulldog. Smooth combination from the Red Bull Icon and he’s taken early control of this one.

Boolz stalks around the ring doing a fairly accurate impression of Raenius during his entrance, drawing some laughs from the crowd.

Hanson: It wasn’t that good.

Vinegar: I think he got it pretty much nailed. It’s given Raenius time to get to his feet though. Goes for the clothesline, countered by Boolz though, floats over and drops the DDT. Going for the cover.

1!

Hanson: Easy kick out by the Resident Evil.

Vinegar: Looks like Randy Boolzian is getting bored. He’s slipped out of the ring and just grabbed a chair from ringside. Climbing back in, Raenius is getting to his feet. Whoa, Boolz went to swing that chair and Raenius just punched it into his face.

Hanson: Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about.

Vinegar: Boolz goes down though Raenius is clutching that hand. Powerful elbow drop and Raenius follows up with the shots to the forehead.

Hanson: That could have opened him up.

Vinegar: I shouldn’t think so, Boolz has one of the hardest heads in the business. Raenius hefting Boolz back to his feet and hit’s a snap suplex. Raenius’s turn this time to drop out of the ring looking for a weapon.

Hanson: Oh what’s he gonna use? What’s he gonna use!? I bet it’s gonna be awesome.

Vinegar: The Red Bull Icon pushing back to his feet in the ring as Raenius just took the ring bell from Old Man Hermit and is headed back to the ring.

Hanson: Ring bell. Yes! I knew it’d be great.

Vinegar: Watch out, Boolz has got that chair. Running off the ropes, Vaulting chair shot to the outside! The Red Bull Icon just launched himself over the ropes and cracked that chair over Raenius’s head on the way down!

Hanson: What are the fans all shouting about? They never seen that before?

Vinegar: Have you?

Hanson: Well no but-

Vinegar: Shut up then. Oh now what, Boolz just pulled a pack of smokes out of his trunks and lit one up, he’s taking a seat on the ramp. Guess this is how he catches his breath.

Hanson: Got to wonder if that idiot even cares anymore. I hope this costs him. Raenius is coming around, I don’t think he’ll be happy about the walking STD not considering it worth his while to finish him off.

Vinegar: Raenius indeed back to his feet but RBI sees him and get’s himself back up. Oh, Boolz just blew smoke in Raenius’s face and stubbed out that cigarette on his bad hand. Finally nailed with a short arm clothesline.

Hanson: That is no karma in the world.

Vinegar: No, or you’d have been ass raped by a diseased rent boy by now. Boolz dragging Raenius back up by the head and just sent him into the ring apron. Randy leaping up onto it himself as Raenius staggers back. Boolz with the Tumble Weed off the apron, he just rocketed Raenius back into the guard rail.

Hanson: What’s that supposed to mean?

Vinegar: That Raenius’s back hit the guard rail.

Hanson: No I mean-

Vinegar: I know what you meant, I just don’t care. Boolz grabbing Raenius by the head, goes to slam him against the ring post. No, Raenius got his hands up to block it and counters with a shot of his own. Boolz stunned and Raenius just threw him out into the crowd.

Hanson: Don’t touch him people! You haven’t been immunised!

Vinegar: Raenius following the Red Bull Icon over the barrier as he tries to recover. The crowds parting as these two brawl through them. The Resident Evil landing those heavy clubbing blows to the back of Randy Boolzian. Throws him hard into the wall there and lining himself up, might be trying to end this right here.

Hanson: Finish him!

Vinegar: Good impression.

Hanson: Thanks, I’ve been practicing.

Vinegar: Because god forbid you do anything useful with your spare time.

Hanson: Aside from pleasuring Gabrielle, oooh yeeeah.”

Vinegar: Don’t even try, I know she kicked your ass and DJS left you upturned in a trash can.

Hanson: Damn…who else knows?

Vinegar: Everyone.

Hanson: Shit.

Vinegar: Raenius charging in, Full Frontal! No, Boolz had enough wit about him to get out the way and Raenius went shoulder first into the wall. Boolz with a crucifix pin attempt, might have it!

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, Raenius gets a shoulder up in the nick of time. Both men exhausted now and struggling to get to their feet.

Hanson: Bet ya ten bucks Raenius gets up first.

Vinegar: Boolz first to his feet.

Hanson: Bugger.

Vinegar: Raenius soon after, Boolz hitting him with an unsteady right hand. Raenius returns one of his own. These two exchanging solid blows one for one as they try to stay standing.

Hanson: I don’t have to pay that by the way, we didn’t shake on it.

Vinegar: It’s ok, I know you probably don’t have ten bucks anyway.

Hanson: I lost my wallet.

Vinegar: Maybe it went to look for your dignity.
Hanson: Mayb- hey!

Vinegar: Raenius getting the upper hand, driving Randy Boolzian back. Superkick! Powerful blow just sent RBI sprawling across the ground. Boolz trying to get away and regroup.

Hanson: You mean crawl away and hide.

Vinegar: Whatever you want to call it, Raenius seems to be relishing it, not taking the time to follow up, or maybe trying to recompose himself. Wait, I think someone in the crowd just passed something to Randy Boolzian. Is that Ezekiel Pax?

Hanson: I don’t know, bedraggled ne’er do well’s all look the same to me.

Vinegar: I couldn’t get a clear look but someone just passed something to The Red Bull Icon. Boolz leaps to his feet, it’s a red bull!

Hanson: Oh, the surprise of it all.

Vinegar: Boolz lets it fly and it connects with Raenius, right between the eyes. Staggering back, Boolz charges in, springboards off the hand rail on the steps and hit’s a dropkick, knocking Raenius off hit feet.

Hanson: And now taking the opportunity to make his cowardly escape.

Vinegar: No, I think he’s looking to end this. He’s climbing up the steps to the top of that wall, climbing out onto the ledge as Raenius recovers. Stargazer! That was brutal. Pin, this has got to be elementary now.

1!

2!

3!

Vinegar: No way anyone would have kicked out of that, this ones over.

Dennis: Here is your winner, Randy Booooolziaaaaaaan!!!

Hanson: Can you be bothered to talk about anything before we go to break?

Vinegar: Not really.

Hanson: Me neither.

The scene changes and we see Chinatsu lying in the medical bed, eyes closed, but clearly conscious. Her hand is being held by Crimson Ghost, who is, strangely enough, not humorous right now. Dr. Professor is checking Chinatsu's neck.

Ghost: Hey, look, I shoulda been there...But I wasn't able to catch it in time, but I promise, next week, I'm gonna show Mr. Dreddylocks there a thing or two about grievous bodily harm, believe you me! IN FACT, NEXT WEEK, HE'LL BE SEE-

Chinatsu: No. No, this wasn't your fault, and this isn't your crusade. Dredd is my obstacle, not yours.

Ghost: Sure, brave talk, hussy! But can you stand? And if you stand, can you fight after that?

Chinatsu grits her teeth, and with help from Ghost's hand, she pulls herself up, much to Professor's protesting...she looks like she could cry, but she makes it to her feet. Ghost nods.

Ghost: Ok, I believe you can stand. Are you ready, though? Dredd's very big.

Chinatsu grins, winces at the pain of the grin, and turns toward the camera. The fire in her eyes is apparant.

Chen: We'll just have to see next week, won't we, Dredd-San?

Chinatsu bows to the camera, never taking her eyes off of it. Just then, Dredd walks into the medical room, Ghost is almost ready for fight instantly. Chen is just glaring daggers, leaning against Ghost. Dredd smiles, callously. He's holding something in his hand.

Dredd: Whoa, easy tiger. I'm not here for a fight... not right now.

Ghost: Oh? Were you looking for the vending machine? From the looks of you, I'd have thought you'd have it down to memory by now.

Dredd: Very good you intrepid little louse. Chinatsu, next week, I don't think you'll really fit into my schedule, but I'll tell you what. If you really want to walk headlong into the volcano, than by all means I don't mind hurting you just for hell of it. How about this, Chen, at Infinity you and me. Straight up?

Chen: Straight up, cocksucker.

She spits to the side and glares up at Dredd, madly, who just laughs and swigs from his flask.

Dredd: I like that idea.

Dredd turns and walks out of the room, just as he reaches the door, he turns back to Chen and the Crimson Ghost.

Dredd: Oh, Slimer, I thought you must like this.

Dredd tosses the object he held in his hand to the Crimson Ghost. It's a DVD, with a picture of Gabrielle Madison Montgomery on the front. The title of the DVD is "One Night in Montgomery" by Diamon Jack Severino.

Dredd: I think it's about a night Jack Severino spent in Montgomery, Alabama with Gabby.

Ghost rolls his eyes after Dredd leaves and tosses it in the trash.

Ghost: Pshhh, whatever. I already own, like, five.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: And the action con…

Hanson: NICKY, Nicky, you know Travis Roberts is scheduled in the next match, the fans know it, so why don’t you shut up, and let us enjoy the anticipation?

Vinegar: So he’s your new Gabrielle?

Hanson: Shut up! Send it to Mitchell Dennis for the introductions.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the following is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Ishikawa, Japan standing five foot nine inches, weighing in at 159 pounds this is Marek ‘The Human Kamikaze’ Diasuke!

The lights dim and a red spotlight hits the ramp. It begins to break apart and turn into the 'Rising Sun' symbol from the Japanese War Flag. 'Honor' by Atreyu begins to play on the speakers as a hole opens up inside the symbol and Marek Daisuke springs up from under the stage and executes a perfect front-flip landing on one knee, one fist on the ramp, the other arm aimed somewhat behind him, head down. Marek gets to his feet and walks down the ramp briskly ignoring the adulation from the packed house. He slides into the ring and mounts the turnbuckle and does the same pose he did on the stage. One fist on the top turnbuckle, the other arm aimed somewhat behind, head down, and left leg on the top rope. Marek jumps down and stands quietly in the corner.

Vinegar: Folks a rare look at Marek in singles competition here tonight, and honestly he looks maybe just a little bit lost without Xavier Bryan with him.

Hanson: Xavier Bryan, Shavier Fly’an, he’s lost because he knows he’s about to face the stark reality of losing to the ‘Blessed One’!

Dennis: And his opponent standing six feet six inches, weighing in a 220 pounds, he is the Unified Global Champion, this is Travis Roberts!

‘Bummer’ by Monster Magnet starts up, plays for about 30 seconds and when drums hit in Travis appears through the curtain. His good arm spread out expecting a hero’s welcome as he keeps his injured right arm close to his tall frame. The fans shower the ‘Headliner’ with a chorus of boos, but unshaken he simply shrugs his shoulders and struts to the ring patronizing the crowd. Travis enters the ring looking Marek over and smiling to himself.

Vinegar: How long do you think it’ll take BoolZ to make his presence known in this match?

Hanson: I try my damnedest not to think about that hopped up caffeine addict, but if I had to guess I’d suggest it doesn’t take much to demonstrate the uselessness of that junky.

Vinegar: Well Referee Owen Peterson calls for the bell, and what is that a stopwatch?

Hanson: Come on, we all know it’ll happen. I just want to see how long this circus monkey can last.

Vinegar: Collar and elbow, what is Travis doing?

Hanson: HA, he’s giving Marek a free shot!

Vinegar: I don’t think this is the smartest thing to do, and Marek looks put off a little by it.

Hanson: Of course he is, and of course you don’t . Never question the Revolution though. If TRob wants to give this string bean a free shot, then there’s a…

Vinegar: VISCOUS MISSILE KNEE!

Hanson: It’s a plan, it’s a plan!

Vinegar: Roberts has been floored by the knee, Marek hits the ropes, WHOA LOOK OUT OWEN, rebounds, and slides into a beautiful sliding dropkick!

Hanson: I figured as much. What kind of man kicks another man while they’re down? See Roberts is just exposing to the world that Marek is a dirty fighter! And Peterson sucks as a ref, how did he draw this match. He can’t even stay out of the way.

Vinegar: Well Travis back to feet, and now on the receiving end of Mareks well educated kicks.

Hanson: Not the arm!

Vinegar: It looks like Marek is already focusing on Roberts injured arm. Travis still wearing that ca…

Hanson: Guard, it’s a wrist guard!

Vinegar: Roberts trying to find a safe angle to mount a comeback, but Marek is just picking his shots with hard, HARD, kicks to that right elbow!

Hanson: NO, Roberts is picking the BEST angle to squash this little bug.

Vinegar: It looks like the best angle might be outside than, because Travis just hit the ground, and retreated to safety.

Hanson: Mind games, it’s just mind games. Besides how can you call it retreated? Don’t you know Travis Roberts is a hero? Who else would proudly put themselves on display week after week after suffering that pathetic attack from BoolZ. Travis Roberts is simply heroic!

Vinegar: Regardless, I don’t think Marek is going to allow too much of a break, he motions for Peterson to clear the way, hits the near ropes, builds a head of steam, and launches himself over the top rope!

Hanson: I told you just biding his time! Travis avoided contact easily!

Vinegar: Marek landing on his feet though, he turns, and right into a huge big boot from the champ!

Hanson: HA, and you doubted the ‘TWiSTeD Icon’!

Vinegar: Travis now rolling Daisuke into the ring, he follows as Marek reaches his feet, and he ducks that brutal looking roundhouse kick…

Hanson: FULL NELSON SLAM!!! Even one handed Travis is better than everyone else!

Vinegar: Prescott?

Hanson: Declan cannot be put into groups, so there’s no point in comparing the two.

Vinegar: Alright if you say so. Travis now pushing Marek into the corner and simply stomping the stuffing out of the ‘Human Missile’. Owen forcing his way in, and reprimanding the champ.

Hanson: For crying out loud, can’t Peterson just stay out of the action?

Vinegar: Well that was all the distraction Marek needed, and is now again unloading with those kicks and strikes.

Hanson: Closed fist, closed fist!

Vinegar: Roberts back peddling all the way across the ring, and into the far corner.

Hanson: No, this is the famed Travis Roberts Lulling…

Vinegar: Not again. Peterson now insisting Marek ease up, and allow for a clean break. He does so…

Hanson: HA the Travis Roberts Lulling an Undersized…

Vinegar: Cheap shot by Roberts with a rake of the eyes, and then a low blow. Peterson didn’t see a thing!

Hanson: The TRLUSREIFSS always works, and is immune to petty referees.

Vinegar: Well Marek turns in pain, and takes a hard to belly to back suplex.

Hanson: Who does he think he’s in the ring with? This is Travis Roberts, and you simply do not take your eyes off the ‘Headliner’. If it’s possible.

Vinegar: I don’t know how smart this is, Travis pulling Marek to his feet, and positioning him on the top rope. Could be a superplex coming up.

Hanson: Could be and will be I bet you anything. That’s Travis Roberts! And that’s Travis Roberts climbing to the top with ‘TRob Lights’ circus monkey.

Vinegar: And that’s Marek Daisuke tripping up Travis. Roberts falls straddling the turnbuckle as Daisuke dropped down to the floor!

Hanson: That cheating coward! Look at him running away from a fight!

Vinegar: Marek now on the apron, springboard, no a tremendous sling blade type maneuver! The Ishikawa Execution! Oh folks that wasn’t pretty!

Hanson: Yeah, yeah, as about as impressive as Owen Peterson in the way again. He’s dangerous!

Vinegar: Folks Referee Owen Peterson was to close or something and got caught up with one of Mareks legs. The added leverage on the fall can’t be good for Roberts, and landing on his head, I know wasn’t good for Daisuke!

Hanson: Let’s get one thing straight. There is never ‘not good’ for Travis. He’s got a plan!

Vinegar: Well he looks like his plan is a nap, but Marek crawling over holding his neck, and here’s the cover!

Hanson: HA, where’s the cover? Stupid face Owen Peterson definitely took the worse of that Ishygoo Express or whatever.

Vinegar: Oh come on!

Hanson: That’s what YO MOMMA says!

Vinegar: Marek now giving up on the cover, and attempting to wake up Peterson.

Hanson: And taking his eyes off the ‘TWiSTeD Revolutionary’ again! Doesn’t he learn?

Vinegar: Travis from behind just shoved Marek face first into the corner, and Daisuke’s head bounces off the steel ring post! I think he’s out cold!

Hanson: Always has a plan!

Vinegar: Travis now slumping down to the mat. I think he might have been taking Marek a little light.

Hanson: Hey, considering he’s the only one in that ring still conscious I don’t see how you could defile his great, MOTHERFUCKER!

Vinegar: BoolZ out of nowhere, AGAIN, with a steel chair is laying out Roberts!

Hanson: This son of a bitch needs to be fired! This is like the third, forth, hell damn near every week since Horizons he’s attacked the ‘Blessed One’ from behind! Boss P needs to find a way to keep these two seperated, or Travis is going to have to make sure BoolZ doesn't make it to Infinity. Oh god, could you imagine Roberts, Kiseragi, again! It makes me shudder!

Vinegar: And he seems to be using that chair to continue the assault on Roberts’ right arm! He turns Travis to his back, and standing on that right wrist is shouting at the Unified Champion!

Hanson: Hold ya breath champ! Who knows what’s now airborne thanks to BoolZ’s mutant genes!

Vinegar: He’s saying something about ‘What does it take’, ‘He’s going to make Travis stand up and fight him’, ‘He’s going to make Travis hate him’!

Hanson: Oh finally some help, listen to these great people cheer on Ezekiel Pax as he rushes to the rescue like the good little sidekick he is.

Vinegar: Well BoolZ listened to them, and is high tailing it out of dodge from Pax, leaving that chair behind.

Hanson: Yeah, get him! Pax has that chair, and finally someone is running off that product of a defective condom.

Vinegar: Folks back in the ring, Marek is coming to, and looks in shock as he Pax running up the ramp. I don’t think he saw BoolZ.

Hanson: It doesn’t matter. Not even those magical feet, a sneak attack by FoolZ, or Kryptonite can beat Travis.

Vinegar: Peterson finally awake, and surveying the scene. He sees Travis, he sees Marek looking on in shock, he sees Pax chasing BoolZ with that chair, but I guarantee if Marek didn’t see BoolZ, neither does Peterson!

Hanson: What are you getting at, Nick?

Vinegar: Peterson talking with Dennis, and there’s the bell!

Hanson: What!?!

Dennis: Ah, ladies and gentlemen the referee, Referee Owen Peterson, has just informed me that here is your winner, via disqualification, TRAVIS ROBERTS!!!

Hanson: HA, STILL COUNTS! BoolZ fails, BoolZ fails!

Vinegar: Marek is in shock! He looks like he doesn’t know what just happened, but he knows, he just got screwed!

Hanson: Oh no, didn’t this guy flip out a few weeks back. Uhm, I gotta go to the bathroom. Bye.

Vinegar: Right behind you buddy!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Now it’s time for our main event, it’s gonna be one hell of a preview for those of you that have purchased Infinity are in store for. All Eight entrants to the Global Challenge are gonna face off in a four way elimination tag match...

Hanson: Oh Christ, does that mean we have to sit through all their entrances, this really is becoming the definition of tedium...

Vinegar: Well, everyone expects it, how else would we know where the competitors are from, and what entrance music they have...without Dennis’ introductions and the accompanying music, how could anyone imagine what the scene would look like?

Hanson: Surely...surely that’s what the profile board is for?

Vinegar: Regardless, we’re gonna go over to Mitchell Dennis to introduce the first competitors....

Dennis: ...

Hanson: GodDamnIt Nick! We can damn well tell the audience who’s coming down to the ring, and they guiys in attendance can use their damn eyes, do we really need to keep relying on the same, tired olf formula...Dennis announces the wrestler, I may an astute observation, you try to defend the superstar, then it finishes with me making you look silly. As much as I have enjoyed it over the past year, couldn’t we try something different?

Vinegar: Like What?...Oh, Andy Savana is already halfway down the entrance ramp, acting as strangely as ever...

Hanson: Like that! That’s perfect....although you have failed to mention that Moss is behind him, with a handheld camera....is that one of those old ones with the handle you have to wind....

Vinegar: it looks like it is...

Hanson: And you call Savana strange!

Vinegar: As have you on more than one occasion Dan, as for Moss Edwards, what a rise this guy has had in GIW, merely 4 weeks in and he’s main eventing...you gotta believe he’s probably feeling some pressure....

Hanson: I’m not too sure I care, as now The Diamond princess, Gabrielle Montgomery is making her way to the ring....let’s just enjoy this sight in silence...

Vinegar: Ha...

Hanson: Shhhh!

Vinegar: N...

Hanson: SERIOUSLY BE QUIET!

Vinegar: ...

Hanson: ...mmmmmm...

Vinegar: Why the hell am I pandering to you, damn not even Gabby does that, I thought she made her feelings perfectly clear earlier in the week...

Hanson: You would think that Nick, because you know nothing about the ways of women. Gabrielle is just playing hard to get. And do you blame her? She wasted years of her life with that useless lump Jack, a man who couldn’t even summon up the effort to fight for her love, instead he moved in with a mentally disabled janitor. That kinda experience is sure to get the guard up of a lady like Gabby. She’s not gonna rush head first into another mistake...

Vinegar: At least you admit that’s what it would be...

Hanson: No I didn’t mean that....what I meant is she needs to be hard with me, so she can be sure I can deliver...I will wait for her Nick.

Vinegar: So what about Chinatsu...she used to be your number 1 gal...

Hanson: That was until she left me and went back to Japan....you know she didn’t call once Nick...

Vinegar: Is that why you were so cold to her during her match...well up until the moment she was attacked, then you showed some heart...

Hanson: Yeah, I was hurt...but ultimately when she was attacked I just couldn’t pretend I don’t have some feelings for her....they don’t just go away...

Vinegar: I suppose that makes sense...but I’m guessing it’s more likely two separate people wrote the match and the attack, and the guy writing the match was not made aware of your crush on Chinatsu and focused your energy on Gabby, but the guy writing the attack knew about it so had you react so emotionally...

Hanson: Are you suggesting I am just a puppet privy to the whims of others? Are you implying that my emotions are merely a fictitious tool used to drive along storylines! I categorically deny that...and besides if that were the case, surely T-Rob would have edited it...

Vinegar: I hear he is notoriously lazy...

Hanson: Really, that’s news to me...Christ dude, Chassie Fear is almost in the ring...we’ve had very little time to cover whats going on in her life...

Vinegar: Don’t worry I’m sure Mickey Dragon and Raenius will dwell on it at some point...

Hanson: Do I note a hint of sarcasm...

Vinegar: Not at all, I’m pretty sure those guys have a better idea of what’s going on than you or I. What I do know is this should certainly be an interesting team, these guys are more used to being enemies...but I feel there is a healthy respect deep down...

Hanson: Man, even without going back to Dennis this is taking forever...

Vinegar: I think that’s because we’re rambling...

Hanson: If we continue on your earlier theories, it’s probably because T-Rob prefers writing conversation to action...

Vinegar: How could you possibly know that...

Hanson: Well let’s put it this way, I can pretty much guarantee we’ll see a huricanrana, a fair few clotheslines, numerous people will ‘launch’ themselves at others, I’m pretty sure he’ll crack out a shining wizard, due to the amount of people involved he’ll probably dig deep and we’ll see some hip-tosses, drop toe holds and ddt’s. I’m not sure the guy actually knows what an STO, or an RKO looks like...

Vinegar: Which would be pretty awkward for a large amount of our roster...

Hanson: Oh look it’s Lord NiggaDon...

Vinegar: Oh yeah, he’s making his way to the ring, ignoring the fans...probably in his own world as usual...

Hanson: But what a world!

Vinegar: And now here comes his partner, the former GIW Global heavyweight Champion, Alex Kiseragi...

Hanson: If he loses tonight he’ll probably blame it on his injury, but he can’t say Lord NiggaDon didn’t warn him...

Vinegar: What injury?

Hanson: The paper cut...

Vinegar: Right...and here comes Brandon Brown...former Two Time Global Heavyweight Champion...

Hanson: I’d be far more impressed if he’d have bought Chuck Norris along with him...I can’t believe the legendary Chuck Norris would go anywhere near Brandon Brown...

Vinegar: And now here comes our estranged owner, the first ever Global Heavyweight Champion, Declan Prescott, and for yet another week he comes out alone....and to me he looks a little uncomfortable without Cara by his side...no matter how confident he acts, I’m sure her absence has left a huge gaping hole in his confidence out here...

Hanson: Pffft! I think he’d be more worried about his fragile princess getting damaged by some buffoon like Brandon Brown...can you just imagine if that fool got anywhere near Cara? As Declan and Brandon are tagging, he would possible have had to leave her in Brown’s vicinity...he’d never keep focus...

Vinegar: All the guys are in the ring...

Hanson: Does that mean?

Vinegar: Yes...

Hanson: OK so we’re about to start the main event that has no hope of bettering what came before it last week....man four teams of two...that’s guaranteed to be a clusterfuck...

Vinegar: Well it’s our jobs to help the guys at home keep up and follow the action...

Hanson: YO DADDA CAN KEEP UP AND FOLLOW DA ACTION!

Vinegar: True, he’s a very good marathon runner...

Hanson: Shouldn’t this match have started by now?

Vinegar: I think they’re waiting for us, Dan.

Hanson: What makes you say that?

Vinegar: Well apart from eight pairs of eyes drilling into us, they cannot start until we are ready...

Hanson: Well OK then, who’s starting this one off Nicky-boy?

Vinegar: Looks Like it’s gonna be Lord NiggaD...uh...Donovan Hastings, Chassie Fear, Moss Edwards and Brandon Brown...

Hanson: Yep, it sure is, good thing we covered that, and Moss starts the action by rushing Donovan Hastings, and sliding through his legs, Hastings for a moment looks unsure as to where Moss has gone, until ‘The Auteur’ spinds him round and delivers a swift spinebuster...

Vinegar: Chassie Fear has taken the fight straight to Brandon brown and has surprised him with a series of rights and lefts...showing like all of the females here in GIW...they can mix with the best of the guys...

Hanson: And she sure is taking it to him, she hits a quick snap suplex, and then roll’s over going straight for the pin...1...

Vinegar: But before a second hand slap, Declan Prescott is in there and he saves Brandon Brown, pulls Chassie Fear off and throws her from the ring...

Hanson: And now he’s pulled Brandon to his feet and his berating him, Brandon just shakes his head and turns his back on Declan....Oh no, you don’t turn your back on ‘The Significant Player’...brandon brown won’t know what hit him...he goes to pull Brandon back round...

Vinegar: But thinks better of it...and climbs back onto the ring apron!? He shakes himself down on the outside, and refocuses on the goings on in the ring...

Hanson: I thought Prescott was gonna snap there...

Vinegar: You were not the only one, I think half the arena are bemused...looks like he wants to be Chief Ni..GIW’S Most valuable Asset...

Hanson: Donovan has got back into his stride, and now has Moss against the ropes flying with rights and lefts rapidly to ‘The Auteur’s , usually smug face...

Vinegar: I don’t think he looks smug....

Hanson: You have positive things to say about Randy Boolzian, your opinion doesn’t count...Hasting spins Moss Round and plants him to the canvas with a Full Nelson Slam...

Vinegar: Brandon brown has been observing throughtout, and now takes his opportunity to strike, and grabs Hastings from behind and hits him with a German Suplex...

Hanson: But the big goof, didn’t realise he wasn’t the only one stalking and Chassie Fear has climbed to the top rope from the outside and she flys at Brandon hitting him with a missile dropkick from the top...

Vinegar: Moss takes the moment to tag in Andy Savana who charges down Chassie Fear, and takes her down, now he straddles her stomach and pounds lefts and rights into her skull...

Hanson: Until Lord NiggaDon, slaps a sleeper hold on him from behind, and drags him to his feet, and applies more pressure to the manoeuvre , as Chassie rolls away, only to roll straight into the feet of a now standing Brandon Brown....who looks down at her, smiles, and then turns and tags in Declan Prescott...who climbs into the ring and grabs Chassie Fear by the hair, drags her to her feet...but gets a punch to the janglies for the effort...Chassie then rebounds against the ropes and then slams Declans head into the canvas with a Bulldog...and she rolls him over for the cover...1...

Vinegar: And this time it’s Brandon who comes to Declan’s Aid...he picks up Chassie Fear, and levels her with a short-arm clothesline, he then starts mockingly berating Declan, who just turns his back on Brandon...as Brown just laughs it off and climbs out of the ring...

Hanson: Chassie, now takes the sensible action of tagging in Gabby, and Declan is now smiling from ear to ear and looking directly at the ‘Diamond Princess’...

Vinegar: And she returns the look right back, she’s not intimidated by ‘The Significant Player’, you heard what she said to Boss P...oh wait, no you didn’t did you...

Hanson: No, but man, just LOOK at the wallpaper...

Vinegar: i’d rather not, because whilst we’ve been rambling people have been wonder whether Andy Savana escaped from Hastings’ sleeper...

Hanson: of course he did, we saw it happen, we just didn’t mention it...remember he managed to kick between Donovan’s Legs, but managed to still get clocked by an obligatory DDT...that all went on whilst Declan and Brandon were having their...diagreement...and Chassie made her tag...and now Hastings has managed to tag in his partner Alex Ksieragi, who has levelled Andy Savana with ninja style kick...

Vinegar: [’Ninja?

Hanson: I’m no expert...

Vinegar: Your kinda meant to be...

Hanson: Whatever! Gabby and Declan have locked up with one another , and Declan is repeatedly raising his knee to her midsection, but Gabby refuses to let go...cause she’s a tenacious kinda gal ya know...

Vinegar: She is, but Declan has had enough, and breaks the hold...and hits what was once known as the ‘Rock bottom’ out of nowhere on Gabrielle...and turns to be greeted by a right hand from Alex Kiseragi, and then he leaps and hits Prescott with a Huricanra....NO!

Hanson: Reversed, Prescott, caught Kiseragi on his shoulders and delivers the standard power bomb response...then turns to greet Andy Savana, as the mentally unstable superstar climbs to his feet, and goes for the DDT...

Vinegar: But Savana manages to counter, by hooking his leg around Declan’s, he then throws his weight backwards, hitting Declan with a suplex, and rolls over for the pin...1...

Hanson: No Declan gets his leg onto the rope, and Savana climbs off, but Gabby is back on her feet and approaches him from behind, and hits him with a reverse DDT, as Alex Kiseragi sizes Declan Prescott...and charges for the Shining Wizard...BLOCKED! Declan anticipates T-Robs writing to perfection and manages to twist his body, grab hold of A-Kis and send him into the ropes, guillotining his throat on the top rope, sending ‘The Dragon’ to the canvas clutching his throat...

Vinegar: But Gabby pounces quickly...DOUBLE D DDT!!! PRESCOTT IS DOWN...1...2...

Hanson: Not a chance, he throws Gabby off him like a rag doll...I’ll give The Princess credit...she gave it her best shot, but she may need to lower her sights a little...there isn’t anyone on Declan’s level...

Vinegar: Despite my misgivings about the man, he is one hell of an athlete...

Hanson: Damn right he is, and he avoids a swing from Gabby, and sweeps her from her feet with a low leg sweep....

Vinegar: Only for A-Kis, to charge and actually hit’s the SHING WIZARD....

Hanson: But Savana has made the tag, and Moss Edwards comes charging in...CUTTING ROOM!!!

Vinegar: But Gabby has tagged in Chassie Fear...who takes out Moss Edwards with a spear...

Hanson: It’s almost as though these guys have forgotten it’s an elimination match...

Vinegar: I have a feeling they will remember now...

Hanson: And Declan rises to his feet...see’s Chassie Fear...PERFECT PLAY...COVER...1...2...3!!!

Vinegar: Gabby can’t believe it, her jaw drops to the ground, she tagged Chassie in and the coast was pretty clear for her...but now they’ve been eliminated...as Declan just gives them the briefest of waves, before turning to face the rising Alex Kieragi, he goes to tie up with ‘The Dragon’ but A-Kis sidesteps and whips him into the turnbuckle that A-Kis shares with Hastings...

Hanson: Donovan, though, knows better to get involved illegally and lets Alex continue his assault...ass...ha ha...

Vinegar: ‘The Dragon’ runs in, kicks Declan in the chest, and then back flips off of ‘The Significant Player’...Prescott staggers forward...Enziguri!! But then Moss grabs Alex, slings him around to face him, picks up the disorientated A-Kis, cradles him against his back then whips ‘The Dragon’ around and drives A-Kis towards the mat towards the mat...MINATURE DEATH VALLEY!...

Hanson: Declan makes the tag to Brandon Brown, and Moss turns to face him, but is caught almost immediately by a SUPERKICK...

Vinegar: And Brown goes for the pin...1...2...

Hanson: Savana breaks the pin...with a falling elbow...

Vinegar: But A-Kis has tagged out to Donovan Hastings....who turns Savana inside out with a clothesline for his efforts, and Savana quickly rolls out of the ring and retreats to his corner...

Hanson: Only to be tagged right back in by Moss, but Savana gets right back into the action going for Lord Niggadon...who kicks him in the gut...DESTINY’S CALL...COVER...1...2...3!!!

Vinegar: Moss and Savana are out...we’re down to two teams, A-Kis and Hastings...

Hanson: And Brown And Prescott, and brown has just tagged ‘The Significant Player’ back in, and he charges at the Lord, who steps to the side, and takes Declan down with a drop toe hold...but he throws him into Glenn Burke, who topples out of the ring...and Now all hell has broken loose, Hazel East who was at ringside to escort the eliminated out tries to climb in the ring, but now both Brandon and A-Kis have climbed into the ring, and are slugging it out with one another, Prescott is back on his feet, and kicks Donovan in the gut...PLAYER’S PEAK!

Vinegar: hazel East has no hope of controlling this....and look who’s coming down to ringside...it’s Boss P....

Hanson: I doubt he’s got good intentions...what the hell...he’s got his damn tommy gun...

Vinegar: In the ring however, Brandon goes for the SUPERKIC...

Hanson: But A-Kis manages to sidestep and dodge, he then kicks Brandon in the ghut....

Vinegar: DRAGON TAIL!!!

Hanson: What is Boss P doin’ he pointing the gun at Hazel and telling her to count...

Vinegar: And despite Brown AND Kiseragi being the illegal man she is dropping to her knee’s...

East: ...1!

Hanson: Declan dodges a kick from Hastings....SIGNIFICANT IMPACT

East:...2!

Hanson: He’s making the cover...THE LEGAL MAN IS MAKING THE COVER!

East:...3!!!

Hanson: What the hell! You can’t do that! You can’t shaft Declan, this is outrageous, this is beyond recognition...

Boss P: SHUT YO YAPPING FLAPPY JAWED NIGGA!

Hanson: Who gave him a microphone?

Boss P: I GOT MY OWN DAMN MIC BITCH! NOW LISTEN UP, HERE ARE YO WINNERS, AND THE LAST TWO ENTRANTS IN THE FIRST ROUND OF DA SEARCH FOR MA CHIEF NIGGA, FLIPPY NINJA NIGGA AND LOOOOORD NIGGAAAAAADOOOOOOON!

Vinegar: Declan Prescott is not happy he calls for a microphone...

Declan: You think you can screw with me you oily fowl? You think it matters that I’m gonna enter in the third wave with Brandon...

Boss P: WHO DA FUCK TOLD YA DAT?

Declan: Well, Brandon and I obviously came second....

Brandon: Yeah!

Boss P: I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE YOU TWO NIGGA’S AGREEIN’ WITH SHIT, BUT I NEVER ELABORATED ON EXACTLY HOW DIS MATCH WOULD DETERMINE YOU’RE ENTRY NUMBERS...

Declan: You slippery little motherfu...

Boss P: YA SEE I CAN’T VERY WELL HAVE DA NIGGARETTES START FIRST, ‘DAT SHIT WOULD JUST NOT BE GENTLEMANLY, AND ‘DAT MOSS EDWARDS IS NEW TO GIW, IT’S ONLY HOSPITIBAL TO GIVE HIM A BREAK...SO MA POWERLESS NIGGA, YOU AND BRANDON WILL BE THE FIRST NIGLETS IN DA RING, FOLLOWED BY DA NIGGARETTES, THEN DAT FILMAKING NIGGA AND DA CRAZY NIGGA, AND FINALLY DA WINNERS OF TONIGHTS MATCH!

Declan: You think that’s gonna stop me?

Boss P: SHIT NIGGA, YA THINK I CARE? SCREWING WITH YOU IS JUST TOO MUCH FUN...

Vinegar: And with that Boss P makes his way to the back, Brandon Brown, Alex Kiseragi and Donovan Hastings all look dumbstruck , whilst Declan Prescott looks enraged...it’s not nice when the shoes on the other foot huh?

Hanson: Shut up Nick!

Vinegar: Gladly....G’Night!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

Introduction
T-Rob

Killswitches Canadian Funeral
Sean Immies

JK/Dredd/Clash Recap
T-Rob

Gabby and Boss P
DJS

Table Tag Match
‘The Auteur’

Attack on Chen
Hiro & Dredd

Raenius vs BoolZ
A-Kis

Chen Backstage
Hiro & Dredd

Travis vs Marek
BoolZ

Main Event
T-Rob

’Editor’
T-Rob