The Little Centurions

[Centurion]

(UGWC's Infinity pay per view is right around the corner, and for Centurion, the biggest match of his UGWC career looms large.

Not only is it the first defense of his Cross-Hemisphere Title, but it is also the main event of the show, and the finals of the Global Challenge. Against all odds, Centurion won three straight matches to win his block and get one win away from UGWC immortality.

The only thing that stands in his way...is a former World Champion, and one of the best wrestlers in the world.

We open up at Soldier Field in Chicago, Illinois. No, not THAT Soldier Field, but Soldier Greg McFearson Field outside of Turnbull Elementary School. There, on the fields, sits a line of familiar folks, all in mismatched and out of date football equipment. First on the line is Ruby, wearing her old Toronto Frost jersey and a Chicago Bears helmet. Next to her is Nellie Cortinovis, who is wearing football pads over a t-shirt and a baseball cap. Next to her is Allison Cortinovis, in full uniform - pads, helmet, etc. from the local high school. Next to her is XWF legend and overall heartthrob James Raven, who is wearing a Buffalo Bills jersey and has a helmet in his hands. Next to him sits his girlfriend Betsy Granger in a Greek National Team soccer kit. Finally on the line is Walter Crowe, who has an older leather helmet on and is wearing a Steelers jersey that is clearly from the 50's. Standing in front of them all is their coach, in a red hoodie, blue t-shirt, jeans, glasses, and an old ball cap - Centy O'Shea.

Centurion: Alright folks. The greatest match of our lives is just ahead for us. We worked real hard to get to this point, but our biggest challenge stands in our way. But I know we will never give up. We will fight to the end. What is it that the SEB Empire has that we don't have!

Ruby: Experience?

Raven: Skill?

Nellie: The fact that Sebastian is OPPRESSIVELY handsome?

Centurion: No! ...wait, you think SEB is better looking than I am?

(Nellie quite violently nods her head, which causes Allison to slightly nod her head, as well. James and Betsy both sort of shrug their shoulders and get a slightly affirmative nod, and even Walter mouths a light "yeah". Centurion looks over at Ruby, who sits defiantly.)

Ruby: I don't think so! I think you're the most handsome man in the world!

Nellie: Yeah, well, you'd be wrong.

Centurion: Alright, enough! No, I'm not talking about SEB's experience or his skill or his incredibly beautiful face. I'm talking about his bracket! Think about it - how many people of true quality did the SEB Empire beat in order to get to this match? I'll tell you - nobody! Sure, that block included Angie Vaughn, who is really young and has all the talent in the world. And it had JC, a tough, ferocious warrior who is scary as shit. But JC is coming off a career threatening injury, and Angie said herself that she is struggling lately, and the other two in that bracket aren't worth a penny a pound. Now, look at our bracket! The World Champion. The former Chaos Champion. A UGWC legend. And...well, Dave Rydell, but he can be tough sometimes, too!

Walter: Yes, we're all proud of you, but this is a completely different animal.

James: And just to be clear, all this "team" talk is just metaphorical, right? Like, none of us ACTUALLY have to fight, do we?

Centurion: What? No, you don't have to fight, but I consider you all part of my team. We're just a bit mismatched, is all. Kind of misfits. A bit outgunned…

Betsy: Well that's rude.

Allison: Seriously, what makes you think we're misfits? Where awesome! If anything, it's SEB's team that should be considered mismatches and outgunned.

Centurion: Wait, you all just listed this whole long list of reasons as to why SEB is better than me!

James: Yeah, better than YOU. Don't bring us down in this pity party you're throwing. I'm awesome.

Centurion: If you all will just shut up and let me continue with this Little Giants analogy, I'll give you each an extra hundred dollars!

(All of the folks on the line look at each other and collectively nod.)

Centurion: AS I WAS SAYING! The SEB Empire did not have their backs to the wall like we did. They didn't have it all on the line like we did every night. He has already proven his worth to the company. Everyone already knows he's great! All he had to do was sleepwalk through some inferior opponents in order to make it to Infinity. But us? We had to fight and scratch and claw for every run that we scored.

Ruby: (whispers to Nellie) Run?

Nellie: (whispers to Ruby) He's mixing up his sports analogies.

Centurion: Every game was a fight! Every match was a brutal battle! And now, here we sit, just days before The Big Game, with the Cowboys staring us down, and my older brother ready to humiliate me again!

Walter: Uhhh…

Centurion: But we won't let that happen! Because look at the talent we have before us!

(Centurion points at Ruby.)

Centurion: Ice box!

Ruby: Alright, I'm starting to worry that you might no longer think you're referencing a movie.

Centurion: (points to Raven) Junior!

James: Ha! Suck it, nerds!

Centurion: (points to Allison) Spike!

Allison: Spike wasn't even on the Giants!

Centurion: You all have a role to play in this. Because I can't do this alone. I have worked so damn hard to get to this point, but now, I need all the help I can get to put me over the top. I have no doubt in my mind that Sebastian Everett Bryson DeChaubeau Wordsworth Chesterfield Kennedy The Fourth is the favorite to win this match. Hell, I'm sure the UGWC front office is currently in the process of adding his name to the record books and filling out their next several shows knowing that he is going to be the key holder. But here is what I will tell you all - he is not going to work harder for this than I am. He is not going to have as much heart and as much passion for this as I am. And he is not going to have the support system around him that I have. Sebastian is a tough bastard. He is the present and the future of professional wrestling. He will win his fair share of main events. But not this main event. Not on this day. Because on this day, we ban together and we pull off one of the greatest upsets in history. On this day, we shock the world by taking down the immovable object that is the SEB Empire. All it takes is one time! And that time is now! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

(Centurion raises his fist high into the sky before looking down at the line. The line seems less than impressed. Walter has fallen asleep. Nellie is on her phone. Allison just roles her eyes, and James and Betsy have begun to make out.

Ruby, however, is incredibly inspired. She stands to her feet and starts to give Centurion a standing ovation.)

Ruby: FLIP YEAH! Let's do this! It's time for the Annexation of Puerto Rico! Hut HUT!

(Ruby runs forward and grabs Centurion around the waist, lifting him over his shoulder and running down the field with him. The rest of the crew seems completely unphased by it, as Allison stands to her feet.)

Allison: Damn speech was from Independence Day. That's not even Rick Moranis - that's Bill Pullman.

[Sebastian Everett-Bryce]

This stip was a bitch, not going to lie. I agonised over it for hours. And worse? I overthought it. My concern was us picking the same movie and rather than judge the RP, people would just judge who used the stip better.

You did an amazing job with yours. I haven't watched Little Giants all that much, but you nailed the feeling and flow of it. Honestly, cosplaying as Rick Moranis isn't easy - because he dresses like a normal guy mostly - sure, a nerdy guy, but a normal guy nonetheless. Save for the Key Master (low hanging fruit) and Dark Helmet which I went with.

The name thing always makes me laugh with Seb - and while I appreciate the respect Cent showed, you did a great job of getting the match over as a whole. The Main Event of Infinity was summed up in less than 4k, and personally, I think we both did a pretty good job.

I'm glad you stuck around last year - I said that at the time. But you're a huge asset to our roster.

Thanks for the challenge man - and good luck.

[UGWC Staff]

This is a collection of feedback from the mod team. Note that multiple views are reflected here.

- There are two obvious routes to go with the Rick Moranis stip, and this was a choice not to take either of them. Kudos for going outside the box with the Little Giants. I was actually worried that we were going off the rails and using a Bill Pullman speech was a mistake, so I was relieved when this was directly acknowledged.

- Choosing something of Moranis that wasn't "Spaceballs", "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" or "Ghostbusters" was a risky one, but one that definitely worked. Watching Cent give a pep talk and get punked by his own team was pretty funny and following it up with his somewhat... scattered pep-talk had me laughing. This was good. It got to the stip quickly, acknowledged the opponent effectively and stayed within the limitation it was dealt.

- It's hard to believe you've only been with us since Wrestlestock. You slotted into the UGWC bubble like you've always been here, and it can be devastating when you really take your opponent to task. Nice job with the stip. I guess Little Shop of Horrors wasn't obscure enough?

- You say a lot in a small amount of time, and it's impactful. I'd like to see a touch more story beyond just flirting with Ruby.

[Centurion]

"I'd like to see a touch more story beyond just flirting with Ruby."

Ah crap, I was hoping to ride that wave for the next 10 years of my career.