Post by Travis Pierce on Jul 17, 2021 22:23:49 GMT -5
The screen is dark, and a voiceover by Rob Cartwright is heard.
Cartwright: This is the true story of a group of Entertainment Professionals chosen for superiority who have had their lives taped to find out what happens when life gets…pierced…The Piercing Life.
A flashy logo is shown.
Cartwright: Previously, at WrestleStock.
A montage is shown of the past WrestleStock Open Tournament winners, beginning with Jesse Williams and running through Kem Dynamo, Sarah Lacklan, Kenzi Grey, and Sloane Taylor, ending with last year’s victory by Lucy Wylde.
Cut to Travis in the confessional.
Pierce: It’s become an annual tradition, a tent-pole event. The tournament for the WrestleStock Cup, and as most people are aware, it’s the tournament that yours truly created when I was serving as the Creative Director of UGWC. Now, I’m very proud of all that, very proud of what the festival has become, and all of the credit for that very deservedly goes to...me. It’s grown by leaps and bounds, and you might find it hard to make it to all of the nooks and crannies of the grounds in the time that you spend here, or perhaps you’re just watching from home. Join me, won’t you, for a speed tour!
Cut to footage of Travis standing on the grounds, looking at the camera.
Pierce: I’m on the festival grounds here in Wrestlestockopolis, In Which Cynric Has a District. Plenty to do here, got this whole Renaissance faire thing going on, but what I’d like to draw your attention to are these.
Travis steps aside, revealing a statue of Rhodium Vain.
Pierce: Vain is on hand to show you the way, which is a great time to remind you of A Vision of Vanity, the upcoming biopic of Alan Wallace being produced and brought to you by the Piercing Media Network. It’s certainly been a troubled production, with delays that couldn’t be helped and some casting decisions that are sure to surprise you. There has been no shortage of drama on set, but that only means the behind the scenes documentary will be just as exciting and thrilling as the biopic itself. We even jumped on set to ask the Vain One what his prediction was for the WrestleStock Cup winner.
Cut to what appears to be Zoom footage of Vain with an irritated expression, with it appearing to be the middle of a sentence.
Alan: Travis-
Cut back to the confessional.
Pierce: Vain predicting Travis Pierce to win the Open Tournament, and he should know how talented I am, given I’ve beaten him before. Now, elsewhere on the grounds, you’ll want to stop by the Palaver Way-Station, where you’re welcome to stay, but the cost is you’ll need to tell a story, and I certainly had a good one.
Cut to Travis sitting by a fire.
Pierce: So there I was in the finals, and as if it wasn’t going to be difficult enough, now there’s three people with masks in there too, like they’ve come for some kind of snuff porno. They’re doing random moves, trying to confuse us, and I’ve got five or six opponents, it may as well be a thousand, but damned if I didn’t overcome it all and become the World Champion.
The camera pans to show Rogan MacLean sitting on the other side of the fire, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
Rogan: That was me.
Pierce: You were in the Court too? Did you wear an Eden mask?
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: Plenty to do around the grounds. You’re obviously going to want to stop by the Piercing Media District, where you can see live versions of a lot of your favorite PMN shows, quite the lineup of stars of today and tomorrow, and of course there will be live editions of The Piercing Truth, and I’ll be interviewing some surprise guests along the way. But that won’t be the only way to get your piercing fix. I’ll even be serving as a guest judge for WrestleStock’s Got Talent!
Cut to Ichabod in the confessional.
Ichabod: Nobody invited that choad to be a judge.
Cut back to Travis.
Pierce: So let’s talk about the tournament. Stacked field this year, but then again it usually is. What strikes me about it is just how many former members of UGWC have come out of the woodwork, from Maggie Lockheart to Duncan Ryder to even Crystal Zdunich. Of course, my attention is firmly on Sah’ta Thor, who you may remember as someone who made it to the finals last year, and then hung out for about a month or so before he went and fucked off. Now he’s back and the Dark Messiah is looking to make the second time the charm. Now, I hate to break it to you, but this year is looking worse for you than last year. For starters, you’ve got a real opponent in the first round this year. It isn’t some also-ran that nobody will remember the next week. It’s Travis Pierce, baby! You’ll be signing off sooner than you think. And even if you do make it past me, and spoiler alert, you won’t, but look at the rest of this field? That guy you beat in the second round last year? Duncan Ryder? Well he’s back to remind us that WrestleStock is his favorite event on the citadel, and on top of that he’s extra angry this year. He’s got this chip on his shoulder, you have a good share of blame there, so I wouldn’t expect you’ll have the same luck this year. Then you’ve got Maggie Lockheart, literally the Level Up Champion. You’re down, she’s up. I don’t see lightning striking twice for you. Let’s take a look at what else the festival’s got.
Cut to Travis standing outside a bouncy house.
Pierce: You see this behind me? This is in the “Young” at Heart Acrobatic Center. Place is basically a joke, which is appropriate, given that Shawn Young is basically a joke. So, try to absorb this, if you can. Konrad Raab is hot garbage, right? I’m sorry, iced garbage. Couldn’t punch his way out of a paper bag. Only participates every other week because he spends the other weeks being all roid ragey or something, I dunno. So Konrad can’t win himself any opportunities by himself, and now WrestleStock comes along, biggest thing in the industry in the summer, representatives from all over the wrestling world, and you’ve got two big events here that are open entry and can earn you championship matches. Where is Konrad Raab? Oh, he “conveniently” has to compete somewhere else, some backwater place I’m sure. But don’t worry, he’s got a young protege, who must have brain damage because his idol is KONRAD RAAB, and this kid supposedly intends to win the WrestleStock Cup and then just hand it over to Konrad, which I’m not even sure is allowed in the rules, I guess maybe they could go for the Cooperative Titles. Now, keep in mind, we haven’t heard any of this from Shawn Young, we just know because Konrad has told us because he’s noble or something? Dude, indentured servants stopped being a thing a long time ago. I thought you were from Germany, not Colonial India. But I’d better be careful, because Fuji Sato is going to tweet angry things about me, while Konrad is off letting somebody fuck his wife for him too, but in the end he gets to have the orgasm himself.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: And now we bring you a very special treat, WrestleStock predictions from the Drunken Buzzsaw, Chaos!
Cut to what appears to be a bathroom in the Devil’s District. Chaos walks into the bathroom, approaching the camera and standing directly in front of him. He appears to be reaching down out of view of the camera, which is focused on his face.
Pierce: Hey buddy!
Chaos: JESUS FUCK!!!!
Chaos is startled and looks around, irritated.
Pierce: We’re right here in front of you! Sorry I didn’t make it up there, been busy.
Chaos continues to glance around, but spots the camera and leans in to examine it.
Chaos: You’re fuckin’ kidding me.
Pierce: So let’s talk tournament, old friend. You know I can’t enter this thing without us having our annual chat.
Chaos appears to be grasping at the camera, and the image becomes difficult to see as he appears to have taken it off the wall.
Pierce: Now hold on there, let’s not do anything hasty.
When the image stops moving, it is now looking up at Chaos, and appears to be inside the urinal. Chaos begins to unzip his pants, and we cut back to the confessional.
Pierce: We had some technical problems, but Chaos sent his regards and wants everyone to know he is Team Pierce all the way. In fact, if you’re in the Devil’s District and you come across the Drunken Buzzsaw, be sure to tell him that Travis sends his love and he’ll be sure to have something special for you.
An image flashes of the WrestleStock Cup.
Pierce: This is the year, Piercing Truthites. You’ve been patient, but it’s time for all of us to finally get what we deserve, and that means that Travis Pierce is winning the WrestleStock Open and taking his rightful place in history. I made this tournament, and I can take the rest of you out of it, that’s simply what is going to happen, so just remember that it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
Fade out…
Cartwright: This is the true story of a group of Entertainment Professionals chosen for superiority who have had their lives taped to find out what happens when life gets…pierced…The Piercing Life.
A flashy logo is shown.
Cartwright: Previously, at WrestleStock.
A montage is shown of the past WrestleStock Open Tournament winners, beginning with Jesse Williams and running through Kem Dynamo, Sarah Lacklan, Kenzi Grey, and Sloane Taylor, ending with last year’s victory by Lucy Wylde.
Cut to Travis in the confessional.
Pierce: It’s become an annual tradition, a tent-pole event. The tournament for the WrestleStock Cup, and as most people are aware, it’s the tournament that yours truly created when I was serving as the Creative Director of UGWC. Now, I’m very proud of all that, very proud of what the festival has become, and all of the credit for that very deservedly goes to...me. It’s grown by leaps and bounds, and you might find it hard to make it to all of the nooks and crannies of the grounds in the time that you spend here, or perhaps you’re just watching from home. Join me, won’t you, for a speed tour!
Cut to footage of Travis standing on the grounds, looking at the camera.
Pierce: I’m on the festival grounds here in Wrestlestockopolis, In Which Cynric Has a District. Plenty to do here, got this whole Renaissance faire thing going on, but what I’d like to draw your attention to are these.
Travis steps aside, revealing a statue of Rhodium Vain.
Pierce: Vain is on hand to show you the way, which is a great time to remind you of A Vision of Vanity, the upcoming biopic of Alan Wallace being produced and brought to you by the Piercing Media Network. It’s certainly been a troubled production, with delays that couldn’t be helped and some casting decisions that are sure to surprise you. There has been no shortage of drama on set, but that only means the behind the scenes documentary will be just as exciting and thrilling as the biopic itself. We even jumped on set to ask the Vain One what his prediction was for the WrestleStock Cup winner.
Cut to what appears to be Zoom footage of Vain with an irritated expression, with it appearing to be the middle of a sentence.
Alan: Travis-
Cut back to the confessional.
Pierce: Vain predicting Travis Pierce to win the Open Tournament, and he should know how talented I am, given I’ve beaten him before. Now, elsewhere on the grounds, you’ll want to stop by the Palaver Way-Station, where you’re welcome to stay, but the cost is you’ll need to tell a story, and I certainly had a good one.
Cut to Travis sitting by a fire.
Pierce: So there I was in the finals, and as if it wasn’t going to be difficult enough, now there’s three people with masks in there too, like they’ve come for some kind of snuff porno. They’re doing random moves, trying to confuse us, and I’ve got five or six opponents, it may as well be a thousand, but damned if I didn’t overcome it all and become the World Champion.
The camera pans to show Rogan MacLean sitting on the other side of the fire, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
Rogan: That was me.
Pierce: You were in the Court too? Did you wear an Eden mask?
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: Plenty to do around the grounds. You’re obviously going to want to stop by the Piercing Media District, where you can see live versions of a lot of your favorite PMN shows, quite the lineup of stars of today and tomorrow, and of course there will be live editions of The Piercing Truth, and I’ll be interviewing some surprise guests along the way. But that won’t be the only way to get your piercing fix. I’ll even be serving as a guest judge for WrestleStock’s Got Talent!
Cut to Ichabod in the confessional.
Ichabod: Nobody invited that choad to be a judge.
Cut back to Travis.
Pierce: So let’s talk about the tournament. Stacked field this year, but then again it usually is. What strikes me about it is just how many former members of UGWC have come out of the woodwork, from Maggie Lockheart to Duncan Ryder to even Crystal Zdunich. Of course, my attention is firmly on Sah’ta Thor, who you may remember as someone who made it to the finals last year, and then hung out for about a month or so before he went and fucked off. Now he’s back and the Dark Messiah is looking to make the second time the charm. Now, I hate to break it to you, but this year is looking worse for you than last year. For starters, you’ve got a real opponent in the first round this year. It isn’t some also-ran that nobody will remember the next week. It’s Travis Pierce, baby! You’ll be signing off sooner than you think. And even if you do make it past me, and spoiler alert, you won’t, but look at the rest of this field? That guy you beat in the second round last year? Duncan Ryder? Well he’s back to remind us that WrestleStock is his favorite event on the citadel, and on top of that he’s extra angry this year. He’s got this chip on his shoulder, you have a good share of blame there, so I wouldn’t expect you’ll have the same luck this year. Then you’ve got Maggie Lockheart, literally the Level Up Champion. You’re down, she’s up. I don’t see lightning striking twice for you. Let’s take a look at what else the festival’s got.
Cut to Travis standing outside a bouncy house.
Pierce: You see this behind me? This is in the “Young” at Heart Acrobatic Center. Place is basically a joke, which is appropriate, given that Shawn Young is basically a joke. So, try to absorb this, if you can. Konrad Raab is hot garbage, right? I’m sorry, iced garbage. Couldn’t punch his way out of a paper bag. Only participates every other week because he spends the other weeks being all roid ragey or something, I dunno. So Konrad can’t win himself any opportunities by himself, and now WrestleStock comes along, biggest thing in the industry in the summer, representatives from all over the wrestling world, and you’ve got two big events here that are open entry and can earn you championship matches. Where is Konrad Raab? Oh, he “conveniently” has to compete somewhere else, some backwater place I’m sure. But don’t worry, he’s got a young protege, who must have brain damage because his idol is KONRAD RAAB, and this kid supposedly intends to win the WrestleStock Cup and then just hand it over to Konrad, which I’m not even sure is allowed in the rules, I guess maybe they could go for the Cooperative Titles. Now, keep in mind, we haven’t heard any of this from Shawn Young, we just know because Konrad has told us because he’s noble or something? Dude, indentured servants stopped being a thing a long time ago. I thought you were from Germany, not Colonial India. But I’d better be careful, because Fuji Sato is going to tweet angry things about me, while Konrad is off letting somebody fuck his wife for him too, but in the end he gets to have the orgasm himself.
Cut to the confessional.
Pierce: And now we bring you a very special treat, WrestleStock predictions from the Drunken Buzzsaw, Chaos!
Cut to what appears to be a bathroom in the Devil’s District. Chaos walks into the bathroom, approaching the camera and standing directly in front of him. He appears to be reaching down out of view of the camera, which is focused on his face.
Pierce: Hey buddy!
Chaos: JESUS FUCK!!!!
Chaos is startled and looks around, irritated.
Pierce: We’re right here in front of you! Sorry I didn’t make it up there, been busy.
Chaos continues to glance around, but spots the camera and leans in to examine it.
Chaos: You’re fuckin’ kidding me.
Pierce: So let’s talk tournament, old friend. You know I can’t enter this thing without us having our annual chat.
Chaos appears to be grasping at the camera, and the image becomes difficult to see as he appears to have taken it off the wall.
Pierce: Now hold on there, let’s not do anything hasty.
When the image stops moving, it is now looking up at Chaos, and appears to be inside the urinal. Chaos begins to unzip his pants, and we cut back to the confessional.
Pierce: We had some technical problems, but Chaos sent his regards and wants everyone to know he is Team Pierce all the way. In fact, if you’re in the Devil’s District and you come across the Drunken Buzzsaw, be sure to tell him that Travis sends his love and he’ll be sure to have something special for you.
An image flashes of the WrestleStock Cup.
Pierce: This is the year, Piercing Truthites. You’ve been patient, but it’s time for all of us to finally get what we deserve, and that means that Travis Pierce is winning the WrestleStock Open and taking his rightful place in history. I made this tournament, and I can take the rest of you out of it, that’s simply what is going to happen, so just remember that it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts.
Fade out…
