Thread Rules: This thread is for the purpose of open participation from anyone who cares to jump in to the festivities early. Post as in character, interact with other characters or visit other districts. Use this space to flesh out your district, including matches from your promotion, games, special events, contests, cameos from your roster or NPCs, whatever your imagination can come up with! The thread will lock at the end of the night and tomorrow a new thread will open to continue the festivities.
A few notes:
-Thursday - Sunday will be fully written results, so segments and matches must be submitted business as usual to the UGWC Staff account via direct message. We'll do our best to include anything submitted, we only ask that you give us time to make a space for your submission!
-Please use common courtesy/sense when featuring another handler's characters.
-For the sake of continuity, it's probably best not to start tearing up districts right away lol. District info can be found here.
-Events that take place in the Early Access threads are for character/storyline development only, and will have no effect on the voted results.
Post by Travis Pierce on Jul 20, 2021 9:50:19 GMT -5
At a tent set up directly outside the "Young" at Heart Adventure District, Travis Pierce stands atop a table with a megaphone in his hand.
Pierce: Good morning WrestleStock!
Fans are being drawn in by the commotion, several of whom were about to enter the district but have now been distracted.
Pierce: The Piercing Media Network Foundation is excited to bring you this important opportunity to help underprivileged children around the globe. We are selling friendship bracelets made from authentic Captain 80's chest hair, ring pops, and these fine replica shirts produced by providing critical employment opportunities to young people in China and Vietnam.
Travis gestures to booth volunteer Mike Scapadopolous, who holds up a t-shirt that reads "Jet Somres is shiate."
Pierce: Your donations will help struggling children everywhere, from starving children in Africa, to homeless children in Chicago, and countless children that don't read good and want to do other things better too. At the Piercing Media Network, we believe most vehemently that children like Shawn Young should never have to grow up and rely on people like Konrad Raab. The children are our future, let's make sure we give them all the support that we can. Now our top donor of the day gets seven minutes in a closet with Captain 80's, so don't hesitate a second more. The falcor you ride could be his own.
Travis steps off the table and leaves the booth in the capable hands of Scapadopolous and Pepper Phoenix.
Post by Roxy Cotton on Jul 20, 2021 10:54:02 GMT -5
Roxy Cotton lays down a yoga mat in the Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan Memorial Meditation Gardens and greets the day by doing extensive advanced poses. The sun salutation is there, of course, but she's nailing the Kala Bhairavasana, Devaduuta Panna Asana, Pungu Mayurasana, and Eka Hasta Vrksasanav with ease.
After taking a break and settling into a comfortable lotus pose, Roxy smiles at some passerby and presses her palms together, giving a small nod.
"Namaste! Welcome to WrestleStock, please take a moment to remember my bestie Sarah as well as like buying lots of merch. In her honor."
She looks over toward Pierce's district, which is uncomfortably close.
"Don't worry about Travis. He's kind of a creep but I have an army of legal folks to keep an eye out for any contraband videos showing up online without my consent. It is kind of annoying that his cameras keep pointing over here when I'm doing adho mukha svanasana, though."
She sneers, her upper lip curling in anger as a camera from the PMN swings in her direction.
"I SAID CEASE AND DESIST, TRAVIS!!!"
Last Edit: Jul 20, 2021 11:40:42 GMT -5 by Roxy Cotton
Post by montaguecervantes on Jul 20, 2021 11:29:59 GMT -5
A massive crowd has gathered outside the Wrestlestock's Got Talent district as aides work frantically to filter through them.
Little by little, hopeful contestants are either admitted or turned away as their proposed talent is quickly reviewed for appropriateness. Luckily, far more are being let in, so the mood is positive.
Contestants who are admitted are given a large tag with a number and told when to return for their first audition.
Post by anthonyksavage on Jul 20, 2021 12:36:49 GMT -5
"Well, that was an interesting side quest."
Tony Savage was dressed in plate mail and covered in black ichor, as attendants from the Oasis hose him off. He was kicking it over at Cynric's when his phone alerted him of a message.
"Didn't expect to get into the Oasis this year, but wouldn't ya know it? A shoggoth escaped from the Palaver and started wrecking up the tea room. Nasty shit! So, I get a DM over at Cynric's Nerd Nirvana saying they needed help. Besides Rogan, I'm the only ...oh, shit, not in the face while I...ack!"
Tony gets splashed with ice cold water, then his rinse down is completed with them misting him with lavender after shower spray.
"Oh, that is lovely! Long story short; shoggoth dead, upper crust back to sneering as usual, and I get a free batch of towels and 45 minutes a day at the steam bath. Not quite full membership, but hey; only a few weeks on the payroll, foot's in the door."
There's a thunderous roar from Wrestlestock's Got Talent, followed by the flapping of Dragon wings.
"Shit!" Tony mutters, grabbing his Zwiehander sword! "I see how this day's gonna go."
He grabs his free towels, and off to save the day again. Hopefullyquick; full plate mail in Arizona is Hella toasty to wear.
Last Edit: Jul 20, 2021 12:38:31 GMT -5 by anthonyksavage
Post by anthonyksavage on Jul 20, 2021 12:54:55 GMT -5
"False alarm! Dragon wasn't there to pillage and murder. He was just there to apply for a color commentator gig! I'ma take this dumpster suit off and go hit water slide with my family. Anymore monsters show up, call security for the next hour. Thank you."
In the Astro Creeps' Escape Rooms and Creep Factor district, Daedalus stands at the entrance with a smirk. Behind him, faint screaming can be heard from the fans participating in their ominous escape rooms.
"Scary movies have lost their fear factor," he says. "That's not a knock on modern horror, but the jump scares and the creep factors aren't what they used to be. Video games and 'haunted houses' have taken the place of scary movies as really scaring the pants off of their customers. Well, now you can step into one of your favorite, or not so favorite, horror movie scenes. It's simple. You come to the district, find me, and tell me what horror scene you want to be part of. I look through my directory, and then your guide takes you to the appropriate escape room."
His grin widens.
"If you're not sure, or if you really want to test the limits of your sanity, you can step into this booth."
He points to a big red telephone booth.
"With the help of a certain Dark Man and robot-fused imbecile, we've got the technology in this booth to analyze your deepest, darkest fears. The booth then projects these fears and customizes your own, personal escape room."
He stops as a blood-curdling scream gets louder and louder, a young woman sprinting towards the entrance from the escape room area. Bawling, she tries to get past Daedalus, just as Koznar catches her, wrapping his humongous arms around her waist, and carries her back to the escape room that she escaped from. Without missing a beat, Daedalus chuckles.
"But remember, no backsies! It's important to us that you get your money's worth here at Wrestlestock. If we feel we haven't done that, then we insist that you stay with us, just a little longer."
2022
Former:
World Heavyweight Champion Chaos Champion (2x) Cross-Hemisphere Champion
Hide Yamazaki and Max Pellegrini are both spotted handing out flyers for the first 30SPWC show since ate 2019, but since the card is normally only two matches long and no one requested getting booked for it, it mainly looks like this:
The 30-Seconds of Promos Wrestling Cooperative Presents: "The Passive-Aggressive Event!" Tuesday, July 20, 2021 Live from the 30SPWC District in the Sonoran Desert Doors: 12pm, First Match: 1pm
Opening Bout: Maskophobia vrs. "Bootcamp" Antonio Edgelord
Main Event: #10 Contendership to the 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Championship Match "Cherubim" DuMorning vrs. "Just British" Rider Doogan
At the commentator's desk, we have both General Manager Doctor Numbers and an irritated #1 Owner Johnny Hitmaker.
"Ah, I-I suppose it's high time to, to welcome everyone to..." Numbers looks at the flyer and cocks his head ever so slightly. "I-i-it's really called the, ah, the Passive-Aggressive Event?"
Johnny yanks the flyer away from the good Doctor even though he had his own copy right in front of him. "Huh, looks like, doc, looks like. I WONDER why that would be!"
"Well, uh," Numbers began. Johnny groaned. "I-if I'm, ah, I'm not mi-mistaken, it was because no one wa-wanted to, uh, wanted to, ah, wanted to participate."
Johnny held up a finger, "Ah, ah, not true! We've got a card!"
"O-of those wrestlers you, ah, we, uh, we all saw back i-in Phoenix." Numbers replied. Johnny was getting irritated. "I, uh, I su-suppose out events carry a modicum o-of, you know, of a certain qua-quality that, ah, you know, is a quality that simply can't be, can't be, ah, can't-"
Johnny interrupted, "We had The Generic Heel or Tragik or whatEVER the hell he's going by these days! We had 'Big Beautiful' Bobbi London, 'Loverboy' Vinnie Lane, 'Showtime' J.T. Spencer, hell, even my own CROWN JEWEL Kenzi Grey-Lacklan didn't show up!"
Johnny banged his head on the table and seemed to do that pretend cry thing, but it could have easily been a real cry. Numbers consoled him with a half-hearted pat on the back. "She-she may have been, ah, you know, overwhelmed with, you know."
Johnny raises his head to give Numbers a confused look.
Numbers rolls his wrists at Johnny to get him to come to the conclusion himself without him having to actually say it. "Yuh-you knowww..."
Johnny imitates Numbers' gestures, "I knowwwwww... WHAT?"
"I-In regards to Ms. Lacklan..." Johnny just looks expectantly at his co-commentator. "...a-and her current st-state o-of, you, ah, you know..."
It finally clicked in. Johnny just shut his eyes and lowered his head back onto the table, releasing a lengthy sigh. "She's not dead, Numbers."
Numbers looked confused. "Well, o-of course she i-is: there's the, ah, The Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan Memorial Meditation Gardens a-after all!"
Johnny raised his head to just glare at a sincerely confused Numbers. "She's not REALLY dead, Numbers!"
"Bu-but, ah-"
"She's not really DEAD, Numbers!" Johnny barked, "It's just some big ATTENTION thing, Numbers! How come you don't GET it, Numbers?"
Numbers just shrugs in defeat, "Ho-how about we just take it over to Gary Gab?"
Johnny nodded, "Smartest thing you've said all day! Gary, take it away!"
Gary Gab is inside the ring. He's normally the sole commentator of these events, but he's been relegated to ring announcer. Ambushin' Andy, normally the interviewer, is relegated to bell-tender. Senior Referee Toots "Down The Middle" Dempsey's job is unaffected.
"LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, welcome to WrestleStock, Day Two!" Gary Gab emotes in a low-budget Michael Buffer way. The small crowd pops. "And this... iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis 30 Seconds of Promos Wrestling Cooperative!"
The fans pop, albeit unenthusiastically. "I can't believe we're doing a show in 2021, but we are, LIVE from the Sonoran Desert!"
The fans pop more for the desert than the show itself. Johnny is glaring into the crowd.
"Now.... let's get riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight into the action!"
"Introducing first... FROM PARTS UNKNOWN... he is MASKOPHOBIA!!"
And sure enough, someone who looks like a skinny Phrixus Deimos, no other way to look at it, really, comes on out, trying to look menacing and mysterious, but he's just too skinny. He gets into the ring and tries to take his duster off and throw it outside the ring in one fluid motion, but he doesn't.
"I think Fear should sue this guy!" Johnny says.
"He-he's certainly trying very hard." Numbers added. "Th-they do say i-imitation is, ah, the, ah, the sincerest form o-of flattery."
"He should have probably tried harder at hitting the gym!" Johnny exclaimed as he laughed. Numbers opted to bite his tongue to avoid getting yelled at by Johnny. Let's just say this: let's hope Johnny actually did train some more for his match on Thursday.
"And his opponent... from a secret military installation on the outskirts of Phoenix, Arizona... please welcome: 'Bootcamp' Antonio Edgelord!"
Johnny begins booing, and the fans think that's their cue to also boo, so they do! Antonio looks confused as he's a face at the Phoenix Grappling Association.
Toots pats both men down. Maskophobia is fine, but Toots finds a knife in Antonio's boot! Toots barks at Antonio and Antonio argues with Toots, but a knife is a knife, so it gets taken away from him. When things calm down again, Gary gathers both men. "Now, listen up, guys-"
But before he can finish, Andy leaves the time-keeper's area and storms the ring, "No! No no no! This looks like it's going to be an interview, and if so, that's my department! You announced these guys, so back off!"
Gary, unaware of all this pent-up animosity inside Andy, hands him the mic and backs off and leaves the ring. "Okay, now, listen up, guys: before the bout, we're gonna need to get some words from the both of you. I've got a timer here, so, whenever you're ready, gentlemen, I'll hand it over to you."
Antonio snatches the mic from Andy's hands, "I'M A SIMPLE MAN, FOLKS! I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING, I FUCK MY HOT WIFE, I START BAR FIGHTS WITH 50 MARINES - AND WIN, BY THE WAY, I EAT PACKS OF BACON - RAW LIKE A MAN SHOULD, AND I KEEP A KNIFE IN MY BOOT! ......usually... ANYWAY, THIS MASKED DUFUS DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST THE LIKES OF ME, AND IF HE THINKS HE CAN SURVIVE MY SECTION 8, WELL, BUDDY, HE'S GOT ANOTHER THING COMIN' TO HIM, AND THAT'S ANOTHER SECTION 8!!"
"Time!" Andy shouts. Antonio slams the mic into Maskophobia's chest like a tough guy would so. Maskophobia gets the wind knocked out of him, but once he regains his composure, it's all business for the mysterious masked man.
"Dear diary, today I have to take the life of yet another poor soul who thinks I'll be a pushover for him. This happens so often to me, and I don't know why. They never learn. They just never learn, but it's okay. I learn. I learn. I grow. Guys like Antonio Edgelord are compensating for something, and I'll get to the bottom of it, once I lock in my Algophobia for the win. Then we'll see who's tough."
"Time!" Andy shouts again. "All right, well, we've heard all we need to hear! Go at it, guys!"
Andy then departs the ring and returns to his time-keeper position. He glares at Gary. Then he rings the bell.
Collar-and-elbow tie-up to start things off, but then MaskophobiakicksAntonio in the gut several times. Barreled over, he goes for a suplex, but it's blocked and he gets front-suplexed for his troubles. Antonio returns to a vertical base, stomping at Maskophobia's prone body. Each stomp is like crushing a pop can. He pulls Maskophobia up, Irish whips him, and goes for a clothesline... only Maskophobia ducks, bounces off the ropes, and flies at Antonio with a flying-body press. Toots goes for the pin... 1... no! Antonio gets a shoulder up right away. Maskophobia gets mad and shouts at Toots. Antonio turns him around and chops at his bird chest. Maskophobia looks like he's going to die. Antonio Irish whips Maskophobia into the corner turnbuckle, then calls for the Face Haze, which I guess is a facewash kick... only Maskophobia ducks out of the way just in time! With Antonio's leg stuck in the ropes, Maskophobia can freely administer an Incognito Driver, which is basically a Scorpion Deathdrop! The fans cheer! Maskophobia lays on Antonio and hooks the leg! Toots calls out 1... 2... no! Antonio kicks out, much to Maskophobia's chagrin. Maskophobia wastes no time to drag Antonio by the legs to the centre of the ring, calling for Algophobia. He starts to twist Antonio's legs as if to lock him in a figure-four leglock, but Antonio turns and rolls, getting Maskophobia into a rollup pin for the 1... 2... 2.5... no!!! Maskophobia kicks out at the last half-second! He scrambles to his feet, bounces off the ropes, and gets caught in the Section 8, a Black Hole Slam! Antonio drops on top of a probably now dead Maskophobia, hooks both legs, and Toots goes for the pin... 1... 2... 3!! Andy rings the bell, and Gary gets on the mic once more!
"Here is your winner... 'Bootcamp' Antonio Edgelord!" he announces as Johnny and the fans boo. Johnny stands up, demanding Antonio is ejected from the ring and the district as a whole... without his knife! Oh, and paramedics check on Maskophobia, but he'll probably be all right!
"Well... this has, ah, has certainly been, been an interesting show so, so far!" Numbers said to be nice.
Johnny looked at Numbers like he was insane. "If you say so, Numbers, if you say so. But luckily we only have one more match left and then we can, uhhh..."
While Johnny thinks about what will happen with his district moving forward at WrestleStock, Gary has returned to the ring!
"LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, it's now time for our Main Event!"
The fans cheer in relief.
"And it is for the #10 Contendership to the 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Championship! The winner of this match will eventually get a shot at our prestigious title... once nine other people have had their shot at it!"
Never mind the fact that there's only five wrestlers who've been part of 30SPWC shows in one way or another.
"Introducing first... from the City of Angels, Los Angeles, California, 'Cherubim' DuMorning!"
A blonde woman dressed as an angel makes her way to the ring, tagging hands with fans.
"Th-the fans seem to have, ah, have taken a, a liking to DuMorning right away." Numbers comments.
"Those nerdy teens that came in as a group are now suddenly interested." Johnny added. "They've got their phones out and everything."
DuMorning blesses Numbers, Johnny, Andy, Toots, and finally Gary, before she removes her robes, revealing ring attire that has caused those same boys to automatically void themselves and I don't mean pee or poo.
"And her opponent... from England... this is 'Just British' Rider Doogan!"
Rider bursts out from the gorilla position or whatever it is - probably just a kayfabe-breaking tent where everyone else entered from too. He's waving the British flag, inciting a short-lived USA! USA! USA! chant before everyone realized it's 2021 and felt stupid. He props up the flag on one of the corner turnbuckles. Toots goes to pat both wrestlers down, but is hesitant to pat down DuMorning for obvious reasons. Rider is a bit pissed, but shakes hands with DuMorning anyway since they're both faces and each won a shot here this afternoon after beating Mineral Durkovitzch and "Jesus-Like" Chandler Henderson respectively at Phoenix Phight Phest. Andy runs into the ring and takes the mic from Gary.
"Okay, so, just like earlier, you're gonna give us 30 seconds of your very best. Ms. DuMorning, ladies first!" Andy says as he hands over the mic to her.
"Well, gosh, I sure hope I come out on top today! I've been busy doing squats preparing for this moment. I even see those same kids out in the audience who were also at the same gym I was working out at! We love a dedicated fan. Anyway, I really really hope I get to lie on top of Mr. Doogan; I feel it'd be a win-win situation for us, me especially. Don't worry: my Lock Tease won't hurt... that much!"
"Time!" Andy exclaims, his voice cracking. DuMorning hands the mic over to Rider.
"Izzit hot in here or izzit jost meh?" Rider asked. Tough to say, Rider; we are in a desert, but you are also sharing the ring with someone who he wants desperately to have lucid, consensual sexual intercourse with. "Anyway, right, well, dat's gonna be one tough order, miss, seein' as I've 'ad me eyes on dat 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Championship belt for several days now! I'm aimin' ta make GREAT BRITAIN PROUD today, by 'avin' a chance at a chance ta win the bloody thing, and alls I can say is, I won't hit ya in the face, love, with me Union Backbreaker!"
"WELL NO SHIT!!" Johnny stands up to shout.
"Time!" Andy states. "That's all, folks! Now let's get it on!"
There's a pause.
"I mean, let's, I mean, you both, just wrestle, for god's sake!" he blurts out before exiting the ring again.
DuMorning gets the early advantage by leaping right into Rider's arms, pummelinghis face as her legs are wrapped around his waist. He allows this for some time before remembering that hey, punches hurt, so he delivers a sit-out powerbomb, aka the Queen Elizabomb! He then gets on top of her and Toots slaps his hand down only once before Rider jumps to his feet, scared he'd get an erection if he stayed on top of her any longer. DuMorning recovers and gets back to her feet. Rider charges at her, but she ducks and hoists him up and out of the ring. She climbs up to the top rope and waits for Rider to almost make it to a vertical base before she leaps off with a moonsault, aka the Holy Diver. sending both competitors crashing to the ground. Toots begins the 10-count. At 7, DuMorning gets to her feet and gets back into the ring. At 9, Rider does the same! She grabs a hold of him, dips him down a bit as if she was going to give him a big dramatic romantic kiss, but obviously she just gives him an STO instead! She goes for the pin... 1... 2... no! Rider gets up and scrambles to his feet, checking if the status of his crotch remained the same. It did. Anyway, he only has a second to react as DuMorning charges at him, which he does react to by ducking down and hitting her with a Samoan drop! Instead of going for the pin, he climbs up the second turnbuckle and leaps off with a knee drop, forgetting he said he wouldn't hit her in the face... but it's okay because he missed anyway. Favouring his knee that mere moments prior was driven right into the mat, he's powerless to escape the Lock Tease, a high-angle Boston Crab, her face mere inches from Rider's crotch. He taps out to avoid an embarrassing situation. Toots calls for the bell, and Andy gets back on the mic.
"Your winner by submission... and NEW #10 Contender to the 30SPWC Undisputed Heavyweight Championship... 'Cherubim' DuMorning!!" the fans, especially the teen boys, cheer wildly at the announcement. Rider no-sells the finish by getting up to ask if their date later on tonight was still on. It looks like a yes from our vantage point, folks!
"Oh, good, it's over!" Johnny said with much relief.
"Tha-that was it?" Numbers asked with some apparent disappointment in his voice.
"What ELSE do you want, DOC?" Johnny replied. "The entire POINT of this event was to mock everyone who didn't wanna show up at it!"
Numbers thought about it for a moment, then snapped his fingers. "Ah. Hence why, why it's, ah, the event was called The Passive-Aggressive Event!"
Johnny just stared at Numbers for uncomfortably too long before giving up and sighing, "Let's just go vandalize the Piercing Media District!"
Roxy Cotton lays down a yoga mat in the Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan Memorial Meditation Gardens and greets the day by doing extensive advanced poses. The sun salutation is there, of course, but she's nailing the Kala Bhairavasana, Devaduuta Panna Asana, Pungu Mayurasana, and Eka Hasta Vrksasanav with ease.
After taking a break and settling into a comfortable lotus pose, Roxy smiles at some passerby and presses her palms together, giving a small nod.
"Namaste! Welcome to WrestleStock, please take a moment to remember my bestie Sarah as well as like buying lots of merch. In her honor."
She looks over toward Pierce's district, which is uncomfortably close.
"Don't worry about Travis. He's kind of a creep but I have an army of legal folks to keep an eye out for any contraband videos showing up online without my consent. It is kind of annoying that his cameras keep pointing over here when I'm doing adho mukha svanasana, though."
She sneers, her upper lip curling in anger as a camera from the PMN swings in her direction.
"I SAID CEASE AND DESIST, TRAVIS!!!"
Johnny and Hide walk on by, "It's not a real charity, Hide, that's what I've been trying to tell you-"
Johnny sees Roxy sitting in the lotus position and shakes his head in disgust. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen."
He then tisks several times, "Doing your webcam stuff here in public. Sickening."
"False alarm! Dragon wasn't there to pillage and murder. He was just there to apply for a color commentator gig! I'ma take this dumpster suit off and go hit water slide with my family. Anymore monsters show up, call security for the next hour. Thank you."
Tony
Tony turns around, only to become face to face with Johnny and Hide. Johnny is holding onto a bag and grins. "Well well well, LOOK who we've GOT here, Hide! It's none other than Tony Savage!"
"It is Mr. Savage indeed." Hide casually responded.
Johnny pointed at his client, "Hope you know Japanese well enough to know how desperately he wants to beat you within an inch of your life! But you know something? I told Hide here just a second ago - didn't I tell you? Remember when we were talking about Tony just five minutes ago? Well, anyway, I was saying that we never really got to reintroduce ourselves to you, and seeing as we consider ourselves the welcoming committee in The Coalition, what better way to just bury the hatchet by welcoming you here. Here, as in WrestleStock, here as in the UGWC as a whole! So as a token of our boundless esteem for a legend such as yourself, here:"
Johnny pulls a box out of the bag and tries to hand it over to Tony. It's buzzing from inside.
A massive crowd has gathered outside the Wrestlestock's Got Talent district as aides work frantically to filter through them.
Little by little, hopeful contestants are either admitted or turned away as their proposed talent is quickly reviewed for appropriateness. Luckily, far more are being let in, so the mood is positive.
Contestants who are admitted are given a large tag with a number and told when to return for their first audition.
Will you sign up?
Johnny and Hide continue their attempt to break the record of Most Districts Visited By A Manager and His Client by popping by the WrestleStock's Got Talent area.
"Hmm, well, it'd be unfair if I participated, seeing as I've got an unfair advantage of two brains packed to the BRIM with skills and talents the likes mankind merely DREAM of, but what about you? Maybe you could perform some feats of strength? Consume the unconsumable? Wrestle a bear?"
Hide thought about the possibilities for a short while, before responding with, "Maybe I could sing?"
The nameless translator appeared out of nowhere (she got a ride into the desert with the 30SPWC crew, no thanks to Johnny forgetting her back at home).
"Sing. You could sing." Johnny said, in shock at the announcement. "Out of all the things you could do - EVEN BITING THROUGH THAT CHAIN OF YOURS AND SPITTING OUT THE BITS AS BULLETS AT EDEN'S FACE - and you chose singing. Typical."
The nameless translator's face lights up. "Oh! I can sing too! We could perform a duet!"
Johnny looks at her incredulously. Things, as far as he's concerned, are getting out of control. "Oh. You can sing too. Huh. Well. I guess you guys do whatever you want!"
Johnny travels further into the district. He turns around to address Hide and the nameless translator. "Well, what're you both waiting for? We're doing this now! This is in FACT what we're- YOU'RE doing now!"
Hide and the nameless translator followed soon after.
In the Astro Creeps' Escape Rooms and Creep Factor district, Daedalus stands at the entrance with a smirk. Behind him, faint screaming can be heard from the fans participating in their ominous escape rooms.
"Scary movies have lost their fear factor," he says. "That's not a knock on modern horror, but the jump scares and the creep factors aren't what they used to be. Video games and 'haunted houses' have taken the place of scary movies as really scaring the pants off of their customers. Well, now you can step into one of your favorite, or not so favorite, horror movie scenes. It's simple. You come to the district, find me, and tell me what horror scene you want to be part of. I look through my directory, and then your guide takes you to the appropriate escape room."
His grin widens.
"If you're not sure, or if you really want to test the limits of your sanity, you can step into this booth."
He points to a big red telephone booth.
"With the help of a certain Dark Man and robot-fused imbecile, we've got the technology in this booth to analyze your deepest, darkest fears. The booth then projects these fears and customizes your own, personal escape room."
He stops as a blood-curdling scream gets louder and louder, a young woman sprinting towards the entrance from the escape room area. Bawling, she tries to get past Daedalus, just as Koznar catches her, wrapping his humongous arms around her waist, and carries her back to the escape room that she escaped from. Without missing a beat, Daedalus chuckles.
"But remember, no backsies! It's important to us that you get your money's worth here at Wrestlestock. If we feel we haven't done that, then we insist that you stay with us, just a little longer."
Johnny and Hide (and the nameless translator is around somewhere too) walk past this particular district, but Hide stops him. "What's this about?"
Johnny points at the booth and The Astro Creeps, "Nothing good, Hide, let's go."
Hide stops Johnny again, "But why are people paying to get scared? Is this like a haunted house?"
Johnny shrugged, "Who knows? No? Maybe? I doubt it. These guys are more nuanced than that."
"Then why don't we investigate further and find out for sure?" Hide asked, much to the not delight of his manager.
"You know what? You want to get chopped up, fall into another dimension, become lobotomized, or worse, find yourself working in the PMN office, you go right ahead!"
Hide shook his head. "I think it's your turn to have some fun. I've felt bad that we've been enjoying ourselves thus far and you've just been sitting around."
"Ah, no no, noooooooo, no thanks. I'm simply having fun seeing YOU guys having fun!" Johnny says as Hide is ushering him forward. Max and Numbers happen to pass by too. Johnny spots them and turns out of Hide's grasp. "Maxine! Good Doctor! Hello! You having a good time here so far?"
Max has a candy apple in one hand and a peach Bellini in the other. Numbers totes a very large bag of popcorn.
"Pretty cool so far!" Max replied cheerfully.
"And I, ah, I'm having the time of my life a-as well!" Numbers added, "I asked the, the guy who sold me this po-popcorn if it was topped with, ah, with, you know, margarine o-or real, uh, real butter, and he, he couldn't say! I've never felt so, so free!"
"Well, why not live life MORE on the edge by checking out the Astro Creeps' Escape Rooms and Creep Factor district? Should be a helluva time!"
Numbers looked at Max, and Max looked at Numbers. They both then looked at Johnny. Max just laughed and walked away, meanwhile Numbers stated, "Ah, well, I've got, ah, I've got all this popcorn to get through, so... so..."
Then he just ran off to catch up with Max. Johnny shook his head in disgust. "Cowards."
"So you'll try that booth out after all?" those words echoed through Johnny's minds. He turned around to glare at his client, then exhaled deeply through his nose, as he walked up to Daedalus.
"All right, so, uh, what's the gimmick here? What's the trick?"
"False alarm! Dragon wasn't there to pillage and murder. He was just there to apply for a color commentator gig! I'ma take this dumpster suit off and go hit water slide with my family. Anymore monsters show up, call security for the next hour. Thank you."
Tony
Tony turns around, only to become face to face with Johnny and Hide. Johnny is holding onto a bag and grins. "Well well well, LOOK who we've GOT here, Hide! It's none other than Tony Savage!"
"It is Mr. Savage indeed." Hide casually responded.
Johnny pointed at his client, "Hope you know Japanese well enough to know how desperately he wants to beat you within an inch of your life! But you know something? I told Hide here just a second ago - didn't I tell you? Remember when we were talking about Tony just five minutes ago? Well, anyway, I was saying that we never really got to reintroduce ourselves to you, and seeing as we consider ourselves the welcoming committee in The Coalition, what better way to just bury the hatchet by welcoming you here. Here, as in WrestleStock, here as in the UGWC as a whole! So as a token of our boundless esteem for a legend such as yourself, here:"
Johnny pulls a box out of the bag and tries to hand it over to Tony. It's buzzing from inside.
"Bees, Johnny? Dude, you gotta stop snitching on yourself on Twitter."
Tony can't help but smirk. Bless Johnny and his plate of stale poutine for a brain. Tony looks over at Hide, and speaks to him in Japanese.
()=subtitles.
Tony:(And how is Hide today?) Hide:*surprised, then grinning* (Too damned hot. Arizona is wretched this time of year.) Johnny:No fair! You and your college education are CHEATING!
Tony:(I did not mean to come across as uncaring about the remains of your loved ones..) Hide:(They were insensitive, but your points were valid. We must be wary of threats all around us.) Tony:(They are always. Say, instead of wasting the day trying to kill each other in this damned sun, let's wait until the Districts. Until then, steak, cold drinks, and bare knuckle boxing on me. After all, this is a festival. Let's have some fun before the bombs fall.)
Hide thinks about it, then... (You do realize I have to babysit this one, right?*points at John*)
Tony: Yeah...(fuck it! He can come, too.)
"Hey, John, put the murder hornets away. Hide and I are getting our steak and shrimp on in my district. Get rid of those things until the District Conquest, free food on me."
Tony turns around, only to become face to face with Johnny and Hide. Johnny is holding onto a bag and grins. "Well well well, LOOK who we've GOT here, Hide! It's none other than Tony Savage!"
"It is Mr. Savage indeed." Hide casually responded.
Johnny pointed at his client, "Hope you know Japanese well enough to know how desperately he wants to beat you within an inch of your life! But you know something? I told Hide here just a second ago - didn't I tell you? Remember when we were talking about Tony just five minutes ago? Well, anyway, I was saying that we never really got to reintroduce ourselves to you, and seeing as we consider ourselves the welcoming committee in The Coalition, what better way to just bury the hatchet by welcoming you here. Here, as in WrestleStock, here as in the UGWC as a whole! So as a token of our boundless esteem for a legend such as yourself, here:"
Johnny pulls a box out of the bag and tries to hand it over to Tony. It's buzzing from inside.
"Bees, Johnny? Dude, you gotta stop snitching on yourself on Twitter."
Tony can't help but smirk. Bless Johnny and his plate of stale poutine for a brain. Tony looks over at Hide, and speaks to him in Japanese.
()=subtitles.
Tony:(And how is Hide today?) Hide:*surprised, then grinning* (Too damned hot. Arizona is wretched this time of year.) Johnny:No fair! You and your college education are CHEATING!
Tony:(I did not mean to come across as uncaring about the remains of your loved ones..) Hide:(They were insensitive, but your points were valid. We must be wary of threats all around us.) Tony:(They are always. Say, instead of wasting the day trying to kill each other in this damned sun, let's wait until the Districts. Until then, steak, cold drinks, and bare knuckle boxing on me. After all, this is a festival. Let's have some fun before the bombs fall.)
Hide thinks about it, then... (You do realize I have to babysit this one, right?*points at John*)
Tony: Yeah...(fuck it! He can come, too.)
"Hey, John, put the murder hornets away. Hide and I are getting our steak and shrimp on in my district. Get rid of those things until the District Conquest, free food on me."
"Murder hornets?!" Johnny exclaimed, offended at the accusation. "They're Africanized bees!"
Hide tapped Johnny on the shoulder, shaking his head. Johnny looked confused.
"I took the liberty to set the bees free." Hide said, mostly to Tony.
Even more confused, Johnny carefully opened the box. He winced, still expecting death with wings. When death did not come, he peeked into the box with one eye open. Inside were those cool bug robots you can pit against each other like in Battle Bots. Johnny sucked his teeth in disappointment.
"For the kids." Hide explained.
Johnny let out an extended irritated sigh, "All right, let's go then."