Post by Travis Pierce on Aug 14, 2021 16:08:23 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with someone sitting behind it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing a grinning Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! This is a very special edition of the show, as we head into what is sure to be a historic episode of Synergy with a legendary champion crowned. As you know, the dimension hopping Avenger lost the Conquest Championship last week, but tonight we honor the fallen champion and his legacy, as well as the very sweeping nature of the Conquest Title itself, by giving you a glimpse of The Piercing Truth around the globe! Come, as we explore global and interdimensional top stories
Travis now sits at his desk with a sombrero and a fake mustache.
Pierce: ¡Hola y bienvenido a La Penetrante Verdad! Mi nombre es Nacho Pierce, y estas son nuestras historias principales.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Mira aqui. ¡Sí! Este es una persona que es muy tonto. Tontisimo. Se nombre es Konrado Rabbo. ¡Sí! La verdad penetrante es que este señor me dio dinero para que no hablemos de lo tonto que es. ¡Sí! ¡Pero es muy tonto! ¡Sí!
Travis picks up some maracas and begins to shake them.
Pierce: ¡Arriba! ¡Sí!
Travis is now facing Camera A while wearing inflated muscles and looks overly serious.
Pierce: Ya, velcome to Ze Piercing Sprocket. I will be your host, Ernesto Pierce. You vill listen to the words that I say now, ya.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Listen to this story that I will be telling now for your puny amusements. There was once a man who when he was a boy was holding his breath underwater when he felt the strange, cold sensation of a large volume of ocean water shooting up into his rectum. When he understandably fled the water, he noticed the liquid leaking out. He discovered that he had been gifted this wonderful superpower where he could place his anus under the waters and suck the liquid into his arsehole. He could do this because he was not a little girly man like Shawn Young or Johnny Hitmaker. Now enough of this silliness, this is the part on Ze Piercing Sprocket where we do the dancing.
Travis stands, his face still fully serious, and begins to perform the Robot.
Travis is now facing Camera A again, and appears to have ridges on his forehead.
Pierce: ‘IwlIj jachjaj! The glory of the empire proudly welcomes you to The Piercing Bat’leth! I am your host, Travis, son of Trevor! Heed my words!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: There is a division within UGWC that has gone soft. While many have climbed the mountain, all lack the kajunpak't to maintain their status. In fact, consider this fact that our Research Warriors have extracted!
Despite being defended on every episode on Synergy, the Conquest Title has not been successfully defended since June 7th.
Pierce: And now a worthless hur’q possesses the title. Mark my words, this worthless petaQ who is without honor will sully this prize no longer! The blood will tell, and on Synergy there will be glorious battle, and the House of Pierce will hold championship gold once again. Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam. Today is a good day to die. Qapla!
Cut to a dimly lit image of someone seated on a rocking chair.
Cartwright: And now we return to your regularly scheduled The Piercing Truth broadcast, for A Quiet Moment With Travis.
The lights fade on, revealing that Travis is seating on the rocking chair with a blanket over his lap. Behind him is a full bookshelf, and he has a pipe in his mouth, which he removes as he begins to speak.
Pierce: I’ll be honest, I was disappointed when the Avenger lost last week. Now, some of you may be wondering about that, after all, he appeared to have my number on numerous occasions. That’s why I was looking forward to a return match, of course, another opportunity to right the ship. The piercing truth is that I turned a corner at WrestleStock, I more than proved that with my performance in the WrestleStock Open Tournament. Sure, the final outcome wasn’t what anyone would have hoped for, but my run throughout the festival demonstrated that there is plenty left in this tank. I think the Avenger would find that this particular variant of Travis Pierce is more than up to the task of challenging him.
Travis pauses, and blows some bubbles out of the pipe.
Pierce: But sadly, it is not to be. Tony Savage, hot off his impressive navigation of an obstacle course, bested the Avenger and captured the Conquest Title. That’s how Savage got his title shot, he ran on a glorified obstacle course. I suppose there are worse ways to earn a shot. Konrad Raab got one from hiding behind some charity work for a month. Then there’s the icon, Travis Pierce, who beat Sha’ta Thor, who put Shawn Young in his place, and who advanced further in the Open Tournament than Tony Savage. There are some people who will dig up bits of an old news cycle and tell you that Savage beat Travis Pierce on Synergy last month. Well, that’s just a reminder of why this match still works for me. I’ve got more than one score to settle around here, and the opportunity to beat Tony Savage for the Conquest Title on Monday just means that I get to set one of them right.
Travis blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: All around the world, the headline this week is that Travis Pierce is about to become the Conquest Champion. Your story has been nice, Tony, but it’s little more than a flavor of the month. This happens every year, there’s a breakout star at the WrestleStock Festival, and they hang around and make a splash in UGWC for a month or two, and they get washed out. This year it’s you. You’re just another temporary talent that’s got one asscheek in and the other is already hanging out, ready to piss off to OCW or Uprising or wherever once the wind starts blowing in a direction you don’t like. Let me remind you that Travis Pierce is a UGWC Original, been here since day one, and not going anywhere anytime soon.
Travis blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: The Conquest Championship has become the hot potato that nobody seems to want to hold on to. If it wasn’t for Gabriel Baal, one might be forgiven for thinking that making a run with it was impossible. It’s time to put this title back on track. We need stability and reliability, and nothing embodies those two words more than Travis Pierce. On Monday, I avenge my loss to Tony Savage, I capture the Conquest Championship, becoming only the second person ever to win every championship that UGWC has to offer, and I begin my march back to being the World Heavyweight Champion, so just remember that it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts. QAPLA!
Travis winks to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing a grinning Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! This is a very special edition of the show, as we head into what is sure to be a historic episode of Synergy with a legendary champion crowned. As you know, the dimension hopping Avenger lost the Conquest Championship last week, but tonight we honor the fallen champion and his legacy, as well as the very sweeping nature of the Conquest Title itself, by giving you a glimpse of The Piercing Truth around the globe! Come, as we explore global and interdimensional top stories
Travis now sits at his desk with a sombrero and a fake mustache.
Pierce: ¡Hola y bienvenido a La Penetrante Verdad! Mi nombre es Nacho Pierce, y estas son nuestras historias principales.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Mira aqui. ¡Sí! Este es una persona que es muy tonto. Tontisimo. Se nombre es Konrado Rabbo. ¡Sí! La verdad penetrante es que este señor me dio dinero para que no hablemos de lo tonto que es. ¡Sí! ¡Pero es muy tonto! ¡Sí!
Travis picks up some maracas and begins to shake them.
Pierce: ¡Arriba! ¡Sí!
Travis is now facing Camera A while wearing inflated muscles and looks overly serious.
Pierce: Ya, velcome to Ze Piercing Sprocket. I will be your host, Ernesto Pierce. You vill listen to the words that I say now, ya.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Listen to this story that I will be telling now for your puny amusements. There was once a man who when he was a boy was holding his breath underwater when he felt the strange, cold sensation of a large volume of ocean water shooting up into his rectum. When he understandably fled the water, he noticed the liquid leaking out. He discovered that he had been gifted this wonderful superpower where he could place his anus under the waters and suck the liquid into his arsehole. He could do this because he was not a little girly man like Shawn Young or Johnny Hitmaker. Now enough of this silliness, this is the part on Ze Piercing Sprocket where we do the dancing.
Travis stands, his face still fully serious, and begins to perform the Robot.
Travis is now facing Camera A again, and appears to have ridges on his forehead.
Pierce: ‘IwlIj jachjaj! The glory of the empire proudly welcomes you to The Piercing Bat’leth! I am your host, Travis, son of Trevor! Heed my words!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: There is a division within UGWC that has gone soft. While many have climbed the mountain, all lack the kajunpak't to maintain their status. In fact, consider this fact that our Research Warriors have extracted!
DID YOU KNOW?
Despite being defended on every episode on Synergy, the Conquest Title has not been successfully defended since June 7th.
Pierce: And now a worthless hur’q possesses the title. Mark my words, this worthless petaQ who is without honor will sully this prize no longer! The blood will tell, and on Synergy there will be glorious battle, and the House of Pierce will hold championship gold once again. Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam. Today is a good day to die. Qapla!
Cut to a dimly lit image of someone seated on a rocking chair.
Cartwright: And now we return to your regularly scheduled The Piercing Truth broadcast, for A Quiet Moment With Travis.
The lights fade on, revealing that Travis is seating on the rocking chair with a blanket over his lap. Behind him is a full bookshelf, and he has a pipe in his mouth, which he removes as he begins to speak.
Pierce: I’ll be honest, I was disappointed when the Avenger lost last week. Now, some of you may be wondering about that, after all, he appeared to have my number on numerous occasions. That’s why I was looking forward to a return match, of course, another opportunity to right the ship. The piercing truth is that I turned a corner at WrestleStock, I more than proved that with my performance in the WrestleStock Open Tournament. Sure, the final outcome wasn’t what anyone would have hoped for, but my run throughout the festival demonstrated that there is plenty left in this tank. I think the Avenger would find that this particular variant of Travis Pierce is more than up to the task of challenging him.
Travis pauses, and blows some bubbles out of the pipe.
Pierce: But sadly, it is not to be. Tony Savage, hot off his impressive navigation of an obstacle course, bested the Avenger and captured the Conquest Title. That’s how Savage got his title shot, he ran on a glorified obstacle course. I suppose there are worse ways to earn a shot. Konrad Raab got one from hiding behind some charity work for a month. Then there’s the icon, Travis Pierce, who beat Sha’ta Thor, who put Shawn Young in his place, and who advanced further in the Open Tournament than Tony Savage. There are some people who will dig up bits of an old news cycle and tell you that Savage beat Travis Pierce on Synergy last month. Well, that’s just a reminder of why this match still works for me. I’ve got more than one score to settle around here, and the opportunity to beat Tony Savage for the Conquest Title on Monday just means that I get to set one of them right.
Travis blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: All around the world, the headline this week is that Travis Pierce is about to become the Conquest Champion. Your story has been nice, Tony, but it’s little more than a flavor of the month. This happens every year, there’s a breakout star at the WrestleStock Festival, and they hang around and make a splash in UGWC for a month or two, and they get washed out. This year it’s you. You’re just another temporary talent that’s got one asscheek in and the other is already hanging out, ready to piss off to OCW or Uprising or wherever once the wind starts blowing in a direction you don’t like. Let me remind you that Travis Pierce is a UGWC Original, been here since day one, and not going anywhere anytime soon.
Travis blows some more bubbles.
Pierce: The Conquest Championship has become the hot potato that nobody seems to want to hold on to. If it wasn’t for Gabriel Baal, one might be forgiven for thinking that making a run with it was impossible. It’s time to put this title back on track. We need stability and reliability, and nothing embodies those two words more than Travis Pierce. On Monday, I avenge my loss to Tony Savage, I capture the Conquest Championship, becoming only the second person ever to win every championship that UGWC has to offer, and I begin my march back to being the World Heavyweight Champion, so just remember that it’s not my fault that the truth...hurts. QAPLA!
Travis winks to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
