Sentinel 08/03/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The Camera opens up backstage and we are greeted by the view of Chassie Fear. She walks down the hallway, her eyes passing faces and people she could care less about. She pulls her hair back into a loose ponytail, preparing herself for the match she knows she’s about to walk into, and quite frankly she’s unsure that she will walk out of. She’ll survive, but fact is fact, and those two brutes are going to hurt her. She sighs, the sound is more beautiful than an angel’s beating wings. She speaks, and how men must long to be the words on her lips.

Chassie: Your wrong, Dredd. It’s not about the glory, I’ve had glory before and the taste has been sour in my mouth. Glory and fame are for the young and the washed up has beens. Glory is for those who crave it, who are to scared of having anything else for themselves, too scared to live with a purpose. I’ve already told you I don’t care to know anything else about you other than the “Dredd smash” motto you seem to carry like some sort of banner, waving around for all to see.

She keeps walking, getting to her changing room. It’s private. Not because she’s better than everyone, but because no one wants to share a dressing room with someone who travels the road she’s walking. She locks the door behind her and shuts the world away. For a moment, she can just breathe.

Chassie: You think the way you do because your blind Dredd. Blind to the truth that you’re about to witness first hand. You think, no…you pretend to know what goals I have or what things I desire? Why couldn’t you make the smart move and just fight? You have to try and think you know me better than I know me, you have to think that you are the end all be all of this story. You’re not. You Dredd, you are a bit part of a story that you will never fully understand. Now leave me in peace until I’m forced to see you in the ring. Win or lose, it’s not about the glory, it’s about sending a message. Stay out of Raenius’ way if you want to live, time’ll come when he won’t be able to control the demon, or far worse I fear, he won’t want to. Try not to be in the way when that day comes if you want to remain breathing.

She sighs, starting her warm up exercises as the scene ends.

Tate: Wassup, bitches? GIW Sentinel, get on it!

Pull back, Tate is sitting at the announce table.

Hanson: That was good, good work.

Vinegar: Um, yeah. Thanks, Tate.

Tate: Yeah boy! Tate Levene in the house! I'll see you bitches later!

He skates his fat ass back up the ramp.

Vinegar: Like Tate said, this is GIW Sentinel!

Hanson: Such a shame.

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Cut down in the prime of his life.

Vinegar: I don't know what you're talking about.

Hanson: Fatboy, he's got cancer, right?

Vinegar: No.

Hanson: AIDS?

Vinegar: Don't think so.

Hanson: Lupus?

Vinegar: Nope.

Hanson: Then why the hell did we just let him announce the beginning of Sentinel?

Vinegar: Travis Roberts wanted him to.

Hanson: Then it was a brilliant idea.

Vinegar: We have a stacked card tonight, folks! One title match, two matches that will determine the layout of our next pay per view, and the Unified Champion will be in action.

Soulfly blares over the loudspeakers, Raenius and Chassie Fear appear at the top of the ramp.

Mitchell: The following contest is a tag match, scheduled for one fall. Making their way to the ring, RAENIIIIUS and CHASSIIIIIIIIE FEAR! The COVENANT!

Vinegar: Now Daniel, will you be able to contain yourself this week?

Hanson: Nicholas, just because I appreciate the athleticism and beauty of our Global Girls, that does not make me a...

Vinegar: Creep, Dan. People are calling you a creep.

Hanson: No they're not.

Vinegar: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's instant message poll, is Daniel Hanson a creep? Standard messaging fees apply.

Hanson: I just want to watch my Chassiebear in peace.

Vinegar: The Covenant of course still have the tag team champions in their sights, although it appears that the belts are not their ultimate goal. Time will tell what other developments they have in store for Ezekial Pax and his partner.

Hanson: Tell you what, if Chass wants to abduct me, I wouldn't mind.

Vinegar: Me neither.

Mitchell: And their opponents, introducing first, from Deep Ellum Texas, weighing in at 385 pounds, The MONSTER, DREEEEED!

Hanson: OH SHIT!! Dredd has just flown out back first from the curtains. Komsube is following him out. Dredd charges at Komo, but the Monster from Japan flattens with an elbow using all Dredd’s momentum against him.

Vinegar: Dredd is down on the steel rampway. Komo launches a big kick into Dredd’s ribs and it lifts him off the ramp. Komo slams the heel of his foot down into Dredd’s skull slamming Dredd’s face against the steel.

Hanson: Komosube kicks Dredd and he rolls down the ramp, and gets to his knees. Komosube has a head of steam up… he’s like a freight train. OH MY!! Komosube just ran into Dredd with a vertical splash at full speed. Dredd is crumpled against the side of the ring and Komosube is standing over him looking down on the damage he has done.

Vinegar: Now this could be interesting, Daniel. Dredd is not known for playing well with others, and after that brutal beating by Komosube Dredd might not capable of fighting on his own.

Hanson: Nick, that may be an understatement.

Vinegar: And he's had a few slobberknockers with Raenius, we'll see how the tag team format changes that dynamic, and that beating changes things.

Mitchell: And his tag team partner, from Melbourne Australia, the Wrestling Ghost, the Dark Presence, THE PHAAAANTOOOOM!

Janet sings her part of Phantom of the Opera, calling forth The Phantom from the rafters. He descends.

Hanson: I don't trust this guy.

Vinegar: You don't trust anyone. Hazel East is ordering Komosube to the back. The Beast from Japan is walking backwards up the ramp staring at Dredd, as the Monster from Texas climbs to his feet.

Hanson: He lives in the arena, Nick. He doesn't just climb up there and then swing down for his match. He LIVES UP THERE. Wrestling Ghost? I say Wrestling Hobo!

Vinegar: Either way, The Phantom has proven himself as a valuable ally to his fellow Aussie, JK, so there must be some sort of morality guiding the man. You could say that for The Covenant as well, twisted as their morals may be.

Hanson: While Dredd he just likes to punch people.

Vinegar: Even despite the beating Dredd suffered at the hands of Komosube. He is still refusing to let The Phantom start the match. Dredd shoves The Phantom out of the ring as Hazel East calls for the bell.

Hanson: Circling each other, Dredd keeps telling Raenius to come at him. And the Resident Evil obliges! He charges in and they trade wild blows!

Vinegar: Dredd gains the advantage and puts Raenius against the ropes, raining big right hands down on his head until East seperates them. Dredd grinning as he steps back.

Hanson: What did I just say, he likes punching. It makes him happy. Ish.

Vinegar: Now a lock up, and Dredd drives a knee to the gut followed by an elbow to the neck! Raenius back to his feet, just to catch a clothesline!

Hanson: This might be a good time for The Dark One to call up that split personality of his.

Vinegar: Raenius ducks under another clothesline, and retaliates with a kick to the chin! The Monster's staggered against the ropes.

Hanson: Now an irish whip to the other side, and Raenius ducks down for the back drop. Dredd lifts the knee and knocks The Evil One on to his ass!

Vinegar: Raenius up and charging, Dredd catches him, Samoan Drop! Now picks him up and carries him towards the corner. Snake Eyes!

Hanson: Look at that! The Phantom just slapped him on the back! That counts as a tag, Hazel East tells Dredd to leave the ring, and he glares at the Phantom but follows her instruction.

Vinegar: The Phantom puts Raenius back on to the mat with a spinning neckbreaker! Now dropping a fist.

Hanson: Think we can make this mask vs mask, lucha-style?

Vinegar: Now some vicious kicks to the ribs of the Resident Evil! Each shot is taking the man off of the mat!

Hanson: He's rolled over by the ropes, and a low dropkick sends him shuttling to the floor! Phantom leans over the rope to taunt him, but he should be paying attention to the corner.

Vinegar: That's true, because Chassie...

Hanson: MY Chassie.

Vinegar: Has jumped up on the post and comes out with a missile dropkick!

Hanson: She hits him in the back of the head, we call that a Ghetto Blaster on the streets! And now the Phantom is on the floor!

Vinegar: The Dark Rose follows him out, and slams his head against the barricade! And Dredd just watches from his corner.

Hanson: Hey, the Phantom tagged himself in, he asked for this.

Vinegar: Hazel East starts the count while Fear lays into The Wrestling Ghost with some chops.

Hanson: Now Dredd coming over to break it up, I guess he just realized that the Phantom getting counted out would be a bad thing. He shoves the Lovely Rose back towards her corner and rolls Phantom into the ring.

Vinegar: Raenius stands up and Dredd starts towards him. The Resident Evil holds him at bay with a kick.

Hanson: In the nards!

Vinegar: Yes. Thank you. Now Raenius back into the ring to stomp The Phantom. Now the Aussie Rebel tries to get to his feet, but Raenius grabs him for the DDT!

Hanson: Not so much fun when you're the one on the floor, huh?

Vinegar: Now Raenius tags in The Dark Rose, she climbs back up to the top rope. He drops the Phantom in a backbreaker, now Fear leaps off to deliver the leg drop! A classic double team from the 80s!

Hanson: Now my Chassie with the pin, 1 2, kick out!

Vinegar: She grabs him now, setting up for the Angels Wings! He powers out with a back drop!

Hanson: But she's right back up and she launches at him to hit the Backstabber! And she follows it up with a graceful Lionsault!

Vinegar: Another pin attempt, 1, 2, NO! Another near fall!

Hanson: Don't get discouraged, baby.

Vinegar: Now Fear coming back to pick him up. Oh my! The Phantom does a handstand head scissors takeover! Now he's walking back over to tag his partner.

Hanson: Haha, Dredd reaches in and slaps Phantom upside the face to tag himself in!

Vinegar: The Dark Rose gets to her feet as The Monster Dredd enters in the ring, and she does not hesitate! She charges the big man!

Hanson: She's so fearless!

Vinegar: But that huge hand shoots out and stops her in her tracks..Chokeslam! Now the Monster picks the dazed Fear off the mat and drags her across the ring. He makes her tag in Raenius! He wants another chance to throw down with The Resident Evil!

Hanson: I should go check on her.

Vinegar: You leave your ass right where it's at, sir. Raenius throwing some hard right hands to the face of Dredd, Dredd catches the fist and flips him over!

Hanson: Now it looks like he's setting Captain Schizo up for a powerbomb, but he back drops his way out of it. That's quite the feat when you consider that Dredd is the second heaviest man on the roster right now.

Vinegar: Dredd up to his feet, and catches the FULL FRONTAL! For the pin, 1 2..Phantom grabs the referee's leg to break the count!

Hanson: Now he picks up Raenius and twists him around to slam his face to the ground! Did The Phantom just sit on his head?

Vinegar: That's an inverted underhook facebuster, Daniel. Hazel East sending the Wrestling Ghost out of the ring now, Fear comes charging out of the corner to hit the neckbreaker drop!

Hanson: Now some mounted punches. Some guys get all the luck.

Vinegar: Um...

Hanson: The mounting part, not so much the punches.

Vinegar: All four superstars are inside the ring now, let's see if Referee East can get things under control.

Hanson: Dredd and Raenius are up and trading blows in the corner. Well, I guess Dredd's getting what he wanted.

Vinegar: Very true. Now Chassie leaps onto Dredd's back, Raenius lifts his feet to kick Dredd in the chin and push him out of the corner, The Dark Rose follows him down to deliver a reverse DDT.

Hanson: The Phantom leaps over both of them to splash Raenius in the corner!

Vinegar: And charges over to hit Fear with the Curtain Call! But he's not the legal man.

Hanson: Looks like he has a solution to that, Nick, he's dragging the groggy Dredd over to their corner and slaps their hands together! And Hazel allows it!

Vinegar: Phantom pushes Chassie out under the ropes, but his back is turned to the other legal man and Raenius capitalizes on it!

Hanson: Rrrrrrrippper Snapper!

Vinegar: Now Chassie is back on the top rope, telling Raenius to do something, this should be interesting.

Hanson: Raenius has The Phantom up on his shoulders now, this never ends well.

Vinegar: The Dark Rose leaps off the post...OH MY LORD THAT WAS A HUGE HURRICANRANA!!!

Hanson: I love you Chassie! Let me do your laundry!

Vinegar: Again folks, that text poll is still open. Raenius with the pin, 1 2 3!

Mitchell: Your winners, Raenius and Chassie Fear! THEEEE COVENAAAANT!

Vinegar: That was quite the tag match, oh dear, looks like The Monster has recovered and he's come into the ring to stare down Raenius. They exchange words as the Covenant slide out under the ropes. These two men will undoubtedly meet again somewhere down the line.

Hanson: And now berating the still prone Phantom, giving him a rap on the mask.

Vinegar: Well, the newcomer may not have gained Dredd's respect tonight, but that was still a hell of a match.

We are greeted to a shot of the interior of the Unified Global Champions locker room, and Travis Roberts wearing his trademarked aviator glasses, but his head hung low. The reason is apparent as while rocking back and forth on his bowed skateboard is Tate Levene.

Tate: So I stole her notebook right. It was supposed to be badical and all, you know. She’d have to find me before sixth period, and I’d only give it back if she let me cop a feely on her speely right. But then she shoved me off my board, most uncool, and… AHHH!!!

The door behind Tate tried to open before running into his girth, then the force on the other side grew with a grunt and Tate clumsily toppled to the ground.

??: Still hasn’t got rid of those sinks…

Then the image of BoolZ stomping into the dressing room carrying the TWiSTeD Fight Club belt brings ‘The Headliners’ attention to the doorway. Momentarily before he again lets his head fall.

BoolZ: You know I go back and forth. Part of me thinks the world would be a better place if you simply died with the TFC or never woke up from your coma. Then I remember that you still have some use, and that’s letting me put you back into a coma. Plus this belt don’t mean shit, and means even less if I don’t beat you for it.

BoolZ tosses the TFC belt at Roberts’s feet.

BoolZ: So hold on to this for now. Take care of whatever you gotta take care of. Whether that’s making it past Kiseragi, losing to DJS after he finds his sack and cashes in that Money in the Bank, being the next poor schlub Dredd beats the hell out of, or just surviving Tubby McChubby here’s next feeding, but don’t think for a second that we’re anything but far from done.

The camera focuses on Travis as he stares at the TFC belt or ignores it all together. It’s hard to tell what he’s looking at behind those mirrored glasses.

Roberts: Poor, poor, Randy. You fought so hard for this trinket only to hand it back to ‘The Blessed On…’

Roberts slowly lifts his head while speaking only to find the door shut again, and BoolZ gone. Travis looks around slightly puzzled.

Tate: OH COOL RANCH DORITO UNDER THE COUCH! I CALL DIBS!

With a sigh Travis Roberts drops his head again, and slowly picks up the TFC belt.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The scene opens up backstage once again, and again we are confronted by Chassie Fear after her victory. She came back from the arena, still breathless but ever focused. She grabbed a towel and looked up for Raenius. He was gone. Shrugging it off she heads towards the locker room for a shower. One thing she learned was that if he needed to talk, he would find her. Her phone rings. She looks at it hesitantly. Hayleigh. She picks up.

Chassie: hey sweetie, how are you holding up?

Hayleigh: I’m good…tired still.

Chassie: I know baby, but the medicine is going to do that.

Hayleigh: Mom, good match. I saw it. You two looked amazing out there.

Chassie: Thank you. How’ve things been at the house? Driving Jarek crazy yet?

Hayleigh giggles a little, then gets quiet.

Hayleigh: Raenius…he was here. At the house.

Chassie: I know, Jarek called me, he was furious.

Hayleigh: He asked if I remembered him. He…tried to make me feel better.

Hayleigh’s voice mumbles

Chassie: Go rest sweetheart.

Hayleigh: He’s not a bad person mom…you make sure he knows that…he’s just troubled…tired of the bullshit he…sees.

Her voice struggles, trying to hold on

Hayleigh: Maybe one day I can help him like you d…

Her voice trails, and Chassie smiles

Chassie: Go to sleep baby, I’ll call you later. I love you so much.

The phone clicks. She heads for the shower, and then the road again, and we return to ringside.

“I Turn My Camera On” comes over the loudspeakers. Moss Edwards approaches the ring in a nice suit, followed closely by Grace who is holding the GIW.Com Belt.

Vinegar: Here comes our GIW.Com champion. The Auteur has a title defense against Tim Kingsley, here tonight.

Hanson: I think someone forgot to tell HIM that, Nick, he’s dressed for dinner!

Vinegar: Asking for a microphone, looks like we get a few minutes off, Daniel.

Hanson: Awesome, I’ll be in the can.

Moss: Target demographic, I am proud to say that as of last week, I have officially defended my shiny new GlobalInterWeb Title one time. Keith?

Footage rolls on the GlobalTron of Moss pinning Lord Hastings with the Cutting Room from the top rope. A giant numeral 1 sits in the top right-hand corner.

Moss: Yes, Mr Lord, you got the best of me two weeks ago. But this time, it was me hitting you from behind, F…T…W. Giving the boys and girls here in the Global Arena the gift of exciting wrestling. And tonight, I have another gift. Although this one may appeal more the men in the crowd.

Hanson: Wait, is Grace stripping?

Vinegar: Daniel, did you just turn on your mic in the bathroom?

Hanson: Maybe.

Moss: Because it is time for another exciting installment of, Moss Edwards’ Head Shots!

One small sparkle shoots off from the back corner of the ring.

Moss: Can we cut to camera three? I thought we discussed this already sir. I am going to come back there tonight, and I am going to fuck your shit up. You know who you are, and I know WHERE you are. Trust me, you are never going to work in this town again. Cut back to camera one. Now, target demo, I really do have a big name for tonight’s show. This superstar is on a hot streak as of late, and people have been erecting monuments to them left and right. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together and keep them where I can see them, as we welcome….Gabriel Montgomery!

Hanson: Gabriel? Who’s that guy?

Vinegar: Gabrielle, Dan.

Hanson: My Gabby is in the ring? Crap! I’ll be right there!

Vinegar: I hope he washes his hands first.

Envy by KHZ begins playing eliciting cheers of approval and catcalls from the audience as the lighting turns to gold and purple before Gabrielle clothed in a spectacular full length backless dark blue dress walks out atop the entranceway, she pauses and curtsy’s to the fans before making her way down to the ring, a broad smile upon her face as she approaches the ring steps, giving a quick twirl before walking up them and along the ring apron as Moss Edwards politely holds the ropes open for her, her entrance into the ring eliciting a roar of approval as gabby gets back to her feet blushing slightly as she shakes the hand of Moss Edwards who kisses her hand before she does another twirl in her dress before taking a mic from Grace.

Moss: Miss Montgomery, welcome to my ring. Does she or does she not look stunning? Thank you so much for coming here this evening, although this is not our first meeting is it? You may even say that I helped you get to where you’re at now.

Gab: Helped me to get here…Im interested in how so Moss?

Moss: You are obviously the Chief Niggrette of GIW.

Gab: Obviously.

Moss: To advance in that tournament, you had to pin someone in the battle royale, and who was that?

Gab: Well…I pinned you Moss to advance, you certainly have a unique way of helping.

Moss: And then, for the past two weeks, you’ve been down at ringside during my matches. Miss Montgomery, I am starting to believe that you like me.

Gab: Everyone believes that to be so Moss or wishes that to be so…a lucky few might be right. Besides I normally go for a bigger guy.

Moss: Madam, I assure you. As the Irish would say, I may not be big, but I’m wiry. Anyway, perhaps the tangled web of your relationships don’t need another thread.

Gab: Well that’s unfortunately the case, my personal life is a bit hectic right now but im not letting that distract me from what I want to do here in the GIW; shatter conceptions of a female wrestler. Unlike my personal life I have complete control over my career and I’m going to focus on that.

Moss: Actually, I heard reports that you had some extra activity outside of the ring. Ms Harding, how did I describe it?

Grace: Hot pictorial action, sir.

Gab: Yes I did another FHM photoshoot last week; I just couldn’t take their begging for me to do another any longer hehe. ‘Hot pictorial action’ like that is something I enjoy doing, getting all that attention and given free reign over so many wardrobes…its admittedly nice not to have someone who will remain nameless trying to pick out what clothes he likes best for me. Im sure most of the GIW roster and fans will be buying it as soon as it comes out which…Im keeping a secret but you’ll know when you see my face staring back at you on the cover.

Moss: I’m sure many men will be going out of their way to track down that issue, but I can think of one man who probably won’t, and that would be Lord Donovan Hastings, who is laying claim to the title of Chief Nigga. So I guess your match at Affirmative Action will be Nigga vs Nigga.

Gab: Hastings is different isn’t he? I fought long and hard to win that tournament, no one though I could actually win it but I did. Proving all the doubters wrong was a sweet feeling, but most of all the pride I feel for wining it is what I love the most. Proving to myself that I could win on a stage like that, compete against men, 6 other men and win. Hastings I am sorry to hear about you and Calypso being over as someone whose gone through relationships falling apart but you’re trying to undermine everything I accomplished at Infinity which is my proudest accomplishment to date.

Moss: But I know firsthand that Hastings will be a tough nut to crack, how are you going to prepare for the match?

Gab: I’ve proven week in and week out, whether it be dominating the woman’s division, becoming chief Negress, defeating a former GIW World Champion in Komosube that I can hang with anyone, that I can beat anyone. I’ve teamed with Hastings many times in the past I’ve seen how he operates in the ring as he’s seen me. This will just be another match to me, another chance to prove how good I am, because despite everything, despite being the only long serving member of the current GIW roster who has never been pinned or made submit there’s still plenty of people who doubt me because I have what can only be called spectacular breasts. I will though have to expect anything out of the ordinary from Hastings but I know someone whose got me used to the somewhat absurd.

Moss: Now, Hastings has a match tonight with your former flame, Diamond Jack, and that match will decide the stipulations for your pay per view fight. You have to wonder, does Jack have your best interests in mind?

Gab: Jack…I honestly don’t know anymore, one minute he’s swearing his eternal love for me, the next he’s distant not even bothering to embrace those feelings…but I’d like to think that he does still have my best interests in mind, he knows how important a win is to me tonight. So hopefully he’ll do everything he can to win for me.

Moss: One final question, Miss Montgomery. You’ve been a spectacular guest, but my only in-ring experience with you was in the middle of a battle royale, not the most suitable setting. And as the Tastemaker of GIW, I feel like I need that knowledge, so that I can then tailor the product to the needs of our lovely audience. And you need to keep yourself fresh for the pay per view. So I would like to extend to you an offer, to spar with my assistant, Ms Harding, here in this very ring next week. How does that sound?

Gab: With Ms. Harding here…sounds like fun is she as serious at sparring as she is at everything else….

“The Beginning of the End” comes over the loudspeakers.

Hanson: I’m back!
Vinegar: Well, you’re just in time, Daniel, it looks like Space Cadet Tim Kingsley has grown tired of waiting, he’s marching down to the ring for his match!

Hanson: But what about Gabby? If I knew she was done already, I’d have just stayed in the bathroom!

Vinegar: Do I want to know what you’d be doing in there?

Hanson: No sir, no you don’t.

Vinegar: Gabrielle walking up the ramp, Kingsley threatening her with his laser gun.

Hanson: He better not touch my Gabby.

Vinegar: I’ll be sure to pass that message along to him. Moss taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves, looks like we’re going to have our GIW.Com Championship Match right now!

Tim Kingsley continues walking down the aisle, saluting several random people in the crowd, before slapping one in sunglasses

Vinegar: What the....

Hanson: Hey! That’s Andrew Clash! Kingsley just slapped Clash!

Vinegar: Well partner, this is one thing that you like about this man I guess.

Hanson: What are you talking about? I hate Cla.......OH YOU MEAN KINGSLEY! Yeah but he’s still a space loon to me.

Kingsley has slid into the ring during this time and is now posing on one of the turnbuckles

Dennis: Introducing the challenger, weighing in at 220lbs, SPACE CADET, TIM KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

The bell rings to signal the beginning of the match, causing Hanson to scream and dive for cover under the announcers table.

Hanson: SAVE ME FROM THE STRIPPERS!

The entire arena is deadly silent as everyone’s attention, including the competitors is on Hanson.

Vinegar: Hanson, the Phantom did not send you to a room where Mae Young and Dick Johnson were stripping in front of you.

Hanson: I’m telling ya, he did! It’s as real as the ghosts of Sherlock and Watson!

Vinegar: I would love to tell you what an idiot you are, but our two competitors have unloaded on each other with punch after punch!

Hanson: So no strippers?

Vinegar: No strippers.

Hanson: Phew!

Hanson comes out from under the table and sits back down.

Vinegar: Both have gone running to the ropes and, OW! They have taken each other out with a clothesline!

Peterson: ONE!

TWO!

Hanson: HAHAHA! Wait, I need to grab my new....

THREE!

Vinegar: Ech-er-sketch; Hanson?

FOUR!

Hanson: No, my telestrator Nick….

FIVE!

SIX!

Two arrows are drawn above the fallen competitors with the word Losers written above it

SEVEN!

Vinegar: Real mature Hanson. Moss is first to recover and crawls into the pin.

Peterson: ONE!

TW....

Hanson: HAHAHA! Baldy can’t pin space goof!

Vinegar: And now Moss is picking Kingsley up, sets him up for a German suplex, but Kingsley counters into a hard whip to the turnbuckle. Kingsley runs towards him....

Hanson: He runs like a girl!

Vinegar: A BEAUTIFUL SPINNING HEEL KICK! Catching Edwards’s right in the face!

Hanson: Don’t worry, he’s from Hollywood, his plastic surgeon can fix that right up!

A bigger nose gets drawn on Moss’s face.

Vinegar: Give me that thing.

Vinegar takes the telestratoroff of Hanson.

Hanson: Oh c’mon be fair...

Vinegar: Kingsley ascending to the top rope, jumps off, and hits a DIVING CORKSCREW ON EDWARD’S HEAD!!!

Hanson: Aw did he break his Humpty Dumpty head?

Vinegar: Well Kingsley may just want to do that, he puts Moss on the top rope, and HITS THE LIFE ON MAR......NO! MOSS COUNTERS IT INTO A NECK BRAKER!

Hanson: Guess he didn’t break it..........damn!

Vinegar: and now it’s Moss on the offensive, but after that Corkscrew to the head, and if you have a look, he is favouring the back of his head a lot!

A crack appears on the back of Moss’s head

Vinegar: What the.... Hanson, do you have another one?

Hanson: I made a backup in case you took the other one...

Vinegar: Give it to me...

Hanson: That’s what yo momma sai....

Vinegar: Hand it over Hanson...

Hanson: Awwwwww.......

Vinegar: Kingsley finally up two his feet, attempts to throw Moss out of the ring, but Moss counters it into a quick cover

Peterson: ONE!!

TWO!!!

Vinegar: And a kick out at two.

Hanson: *yawns* this match is too boring, how long till Gabby’s match?

Vinegar: It’s not boring Hanson, it’s a great physical contest, and we still have one more match after this.

Hanson: Damn...

Vinegar: Kingsley grabbing the head of the Auteur, and repeatedly smashing it into the turnbuckle, over and over again.

Hanson: C’mon somebody just finish the match already...

Vinegar: And Kingsley setting Moss up on the top rope again, and attempts the Life On Mars, and THIS TIME HE HITS IT! ITS OVER! ITS OVER!

Peterson: ONE!

TWO!!

THR......

Hanson: Baldy got his foot on the bottom rope; he should have dragged him to the centre.

Vinegar: And Kingsley is just getting frustrated that he can’t put Moss away as the Auteur rolls outside to catch a breather. Kingsley sees him, runs to the ropes, gets to the outside of the ring apron, and springs off for a moonsault, BUT MOSS MOVES OUT OF THE WAY AND SPACE CADET HITS THE GUARD RAIL!

Hanson: HAHAHA! I love it when crazy guys get hurt!

Vinegar: And now Moss Edwards capitalising on that mistake, and THROWS KINGSLEY INTO THE STEEL RINGPOST!

Hanson: Good! Maybe this’ll end the match!

Vinegar: Edwards on the same thought path as you partner, rolling Kingsley in and here’s the pin!

Peterson: ONE!

TWO!!

Hanson: DAMMIT! Space loon kicks out, and now humpty dumpty is mad!

Vinegar: Moss Edwards is taking Kingsley up to the top rope, not a place you want to take him.

Hanson: Why not? What can he do?

Vinegar: Well he could do that, he just gave a discreet low blow to Edwards, gone up to the top rope, and HITS THE JUMP TO HYPERSPEED!

Hanson: Oh good, a finisher, *looks up while saying this* oh please let this be the end!

Peterson: ONE!

TWO!!

Vinegar: And another kick out!

Hanson: Damn...

Vinegar: Edwards getting picked up and put back on his feet by Kingsley, and an Irish whip by moss, SENDING KINGSLEY INTO PETERSON! AND OUR OFFICIAL IS KNOCKED OUT!!

Hanson: Great......now we have to watch this match go longer!

Vinegar: I think Moss Edwards has realised this, because he is rolling out to grab a chair!

Hanson: Yeah that’s it, GIVE ‘IM THE CHAIR!

Vinegar: I do not know why you endorse this kind of behaviour....

Hanson: Well, it’s not cheating if the ref aint watching.

Vinegar: Moss swinging for the fences, but Kingsley grabs that chair off of him, and he’s throwing it to the outside!

Hanson: Why’d he do that?!?

Vinegar: I think he wants to end this match fairly, what the....

“Through the fire and flames” by Dragon force hits the P.A. system as JK appears at the top of the entrance way with his trademark barbed wire cricket bat.

Hanson: What’s he doing out here??

Vinegar: I’m as confused as you are partner, but it looks like he’s out here to deal out a little pain to one of the parties in this matchup.

JK runs down the aisle and slides into the ring staring down both Moss Edwards and Tim Kingsley

Hanson: But what does that Aussie kid have against any of these guys?

Vinegar: I don’t know, but he’s taking a swing at Edwards, NO! HE’S GOING AFTER KINGSLEY!

Hanson: Wow, I didn’t know that down under boy had it in him, Cricket bat to the stomach and the back of his head!

Vinegar: And now JK, getting out of the ring as Peterson comes to.

Hanson: Baldy realising that the opportunity is now! Edwards is setting up for the Cutting Room. He’s waiting for Ziggy to get to his feet…

VINEGAR: CUTTING ROOM!! CUTTING ROOM!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

Dennis: Your winner, and still GIW.com Champion, The Auteur, Moss Edwards!!!

Vinegar: A competitive match there, Daniel, possibly ruined by JK's interference, I'm sure we'll find out next week why he decided to get himself involved...

Hanson: Would have been better if Gabby had stayed at ringside.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: You’re going to enjoy this one I’m sure partner.

Hanson: Who is it again?

Vinegar: Your favourites.

Hanson: Gabby?

Vinegar: Nope.

Hanson: Chinatsu?

Vinegar: No.

Hanson: The Lord Chief?

Vinegar: Nope. Ezekiel Pax and Aragato!

Hanson: …

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: I hate you.

The Great Muta Concerto starts playing and Aragato stalks his way out onto the ramp. The front row of the crowd along the entryway recoil and shield their eyes as he passes them.

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, where the winner shall chose the match stipulation for the Tag Team Title match at Affirmative Action. Now in the ring, from Kyoto, Japan, weighing in at 210lbs. Representing Hiroshima, Aragatoooooooooooo!!!

Aragato removes the harness of Kendo sticks that have been wrapped around him and drops them to the floor outside the ring as Ezekiel Pax’s Iron Man music starts to play. There’s a good pop from the crowd as the lights dim and the spotlights scan the crowd, eventually converging on Pax as he makes his way towards the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Los Angeles California, weighing in at 170lbs. He is representing the team of War and Peace, Ezekieeeeeeeeel Paaaaaax!!!

Pax sprints down the last steps and hurdles the crowd barrier before leaping into the ring. He poses on the turnbuckle with the Tag Team title belt wrapped around his waist. He looks over his shoulder at Aragato and points to the belt, slowly shaking his head. He takes the belt off and puts it down in the corner, then takes his shirt off and throws it into the crowd.

Vinegar: I don’t think Aragato liked whatever Ezekiel Pax was just suggesting about that belt because he’s jumped him from the get go, stiff forearm to the back of the head forces him straight into the corner.

Hanson; That’s the kind of start I like to see, not even waiting for the bell.

Vinegar: Aragato following up with a couple more right hands, then switches to the knife edge chops, lighting up Ezekiel’s chest.

Hanson: Doesn’t anyone else think Hiroshima have had their shot at the tag titles? Shouldn’t somebody else be getting a shot?

Vinegar: Irish whip across the ring by Aragato. Charges in for a clothesline, Ezekiel dodges it. Aragato manages to catch himself though. Spinning roundhouse, Pax dodges it and hit’s a dropkick into the corner. Like who Dan?

Hanson: The Lord Chief?

Vinegar: He doesn’t have a partner. Ezekiel following up with the elbows. Monkey flip by the Iron Man. No, Aragato lands on his feet, Pax getting back up but dropped by that unorthodox inverted dropkick.

Hanson: Well he could get one.

Vinegar: Aragato dragging his opponent slumped into the corner and lays in with the boot. Blatant choke with the foot across Ezekiel’s wind pipe, making full use of Glenn Burke’s count. Ok, then name someone Hastings hasn’t alienated.

Hanson: Uh…Tim Kingsley.

Vinegar: Someone he actually knows exists.

Hanson: Um…

Vinegar: Yeah, you have a think about that. Glenn Burke dragging Aragato off Ezekiel and warning him about the choke.

Hanson: Why? He can’t understand anything he’s saying.

Vinegar: Keep thinking. Aragato goes back to the corner, spear! Ezekiel launches out of the corner and tackles him into the mat. Pin attempt.
1!

Vinegar: Quick kick out by Aragato but Ezekiel taking control back in this one. Climbs out onto the apron. Slingshot elbow drop into the ring.

Hanson: Me!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: I could be Lord Hastings tag team partner.

Vinegar: Ok, now someone who won’t die if they try to wrestle a match.

Hanson; Ah crap…

Vinegar: Peace taking some time to play to the crowd. I’m sure Marek Daisuke won’t be happy if he’s watching that. Aragato’s getting to his feet but Ezekiel’s on him. Snap overhead suplex.

Hanson: I can’t think of anyone.

Vinegar: Didn’t think so. Now maybe you can focus on the match at hand.

Hanson: I don’t see that happening. Do you?

Vinegar: Guess not. Aragato pushing himself back up. Dropped with the Fore-nado, that big discus elbow.

Hanson: Discus elbow. Nice how you described that Nick, it’s like, even if I didn’t just see what happened I’d know what move he used.

Vinegar: It’s a tried and tested system partner. Followed up by the FORE! Another pin attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Only a two count. Ezekiel Pax clearly frustrated but still in firm control of this one in the early stages. Drags Aragato back to his feet and sends him off running, back elbow on the rebound. Ezekiel running, snap elbow drop.

Hanson: Is that four elbow strikes in a row?

Vinegar: What if it is? The Red Eyed Wonder headed to the top rope, could be looking to finish this here.

Hanson: $10 says it’s an elbow drop.

Vinegar: Aragato has leapt back to his feet as Ezekiel is trying to steady himself on the ropes. Launched himself up, holy crap he just tackled him from the top rope. Both of them just crashed into the barriers, what a brutal fall.

Hanson: I’ve seen worse.

Vinegar: Well of course, it’s only Sentinel. Geez. Both men trying to recover outside here, Aragato doing so first. Vicious kick across the chest of Ezekiel, backed up on the barriers. Those have got to be forcing the air out of his lungs.

Hanson: Tough shots by the insane babbling freak.

Vinegar: Wait until they get over here then say that again, I dare you.

Hanson: Ok.

Vinegar: Aragato slamming Pax’s head into the apron, then into those steel ring steps. He’s headed this way partner.

Hanson: Yeah I see him.

Vinegar: Ezekiel trying to fight back with those shots to the gut but Aragato doubles him over with a hard knee shot. Just threw him into our table, now Dan.

Hanson: *coughs*

Vinegar: Go on, he’s right there.

Hanson: *breaks into a painful coughing fit.*

Vinegar: Aragato scoops Ezekiel back up and rolls him into the ring. That was unfortunate timing hey?

Hanson: Very.

Vinegar: Aragato going to the top rope now. Seems to be waiting for Ezekiel to get back to his feet. Missile dropkick and Aragato goes for the pin.

1!

2!
Vinegar: No, kick out by Peace. Aragato quickly dragging up back up and over to the corner. Slams his head on the turnbuckle. Couple of knife edge chops and he’s setting Ezekiel up on the top rope.

Hanson: Frankensteiner from the top. He just dropped him on his head.

Vinegar: What have we said about you doing play by play?

Hanson: Sorry.

Vinegar: Aragato headed back to the top rope again. Looks like he’s going for a moonsault. No! Ezekiel rolls away and Aragato gets nothing but mat.

Hanson: What’ll happen if this ends with them both being counted out?

Vinegar: Don’t know. Never come up. Both men down now, retreating to opposite corners to regroup.

Hanson; Has Zeke got his hands in his pants? Dude, not a good time.

Vinegar: I think he’s retrieving, yes, he just pulled out a pair of safety goggles from his trunks.

Hanson: Is he going to put those on his face?

Vinegar: Looks like it, Ezekiel straps the goggles on as him and Aragato turn back to the middle of the ring. Obsidian Scourge! He just covered Ezekiel’s face with that black, whatever it is. Ezekiel’s torn the goggles off though and he can see fine. Superkick! He just kicked it old school.

Hanson: Don’t say that. You’re far too old.

Vinegar: Whatever. Ezekiel headed to the top rope.

Hanson: Oh, remember, $10 on an elbow drop.

Vinegar: Frog splash!

Hanson: Dammit.

Vinegar: Hits it, here’s the cover.

1!

2!
3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner, Ezekieeeel Paaaax!

Vinegar: A well scouted move and a questionable hygiene decision give The Red Eyed Wonder the victory here and War and peace will get their choice of stipulations at Affirmative Action.

Hanson: He’d better ask for a blindfold match because Zeke’s gonna be blind any time now.

Vinegar: Undefeated streak in singles competition continues. Gotta think the Tag Team Champions are going to have the momentum going into their defence. Next up though we’re going to see Jack Severino go up against Donovan Hastings.

Hanson: Yeah! The Lord Chief is going to be here! I can’t wait! Don’t go anywhere!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The scene opens up backstage with Raenius, KvK, and Mickey Dragon playing their usual game of pokerfish.

Mickey: Go Fish.

Raenius: For the last damn time, we are playing poker.

KvK: Poker?

Raenius: Fuck off.

KvK: You know, your mom and I play poker sometimes....of course, the rules are different when it's the two of us in a bathroom stall.

Suddenly, Ezekiel bursts into the screen. He dives over the table sideways, kicking Mickey in the face and tackling Raenius. He unloads with several punches to the upper body of Raenius. He grabs Raenius by the sides of his head and pounds the back of his skull into the cement floor.

Ezekiel: Fuck you, you piece of garbage. How'd you know?

Ezekiel continues to unload as Klaus watches with a smile on his face.

Ezekiel: Answer me, mother fucker!!

He gets to his feet and pulls out an extendable nightstick. In two swift motions he extends it then begins to bring it down towards the head of Raenius. Similar to last week, right at the last second Ezekiel is stopped. This time by KvK.

KvK: Can't let you do that, buddy.

KvK takes away the nightstick and shoves Ezekiel backwards.

KvK: Tell you what, why don't you make yourself useful and go pick us up a case of beer?

Ezekiel smiles and slowly steps backward. He looks over his shoulder at Mickey then turns and boots him right in the face.

Ezekiel: To be continued mother fuckers.

Ezekiel strolls out of view of the camera, slightly laughing to himself.

KvK: Sweet! my nightstick now...

KvK turns to the prone bodies of Raenius and Mickey and shrugs his shoulders.

KvK: Of course, I don't think there's going to be any beer...

The scene fades as KvK admires his new nightstick. And we join Vinegar and Hanson back at ringside.

Vinegar: I can only imagine that things are gonna end badly for either Zeke or Raenius if this feud continues.

Hanson: It’s quite obvious it’kll end badly for the masked freak, I mean what has he ever done apart from get his ass kicked by War and Peace every now and again.

Vinegar: he’s had a successful and varied career outside of GIW...

Hanson: So does Paris Hilton, doesn’t mean I’d pick her over Pax in a fight...

Vinegar: Engaging you in conversation is always a mistake isn’t it? Now, this next match will guide our road to Affirmative Action.

Hanson: That’s almost poetic, Nick.

Vinegar: And it’s true. Whoever wins this match will get to decide the stipulation for Gabrielle’s match at the pay per view. Either her opponent, Lord Hastings, or her former love, Jack Severino!

Hanson: The Diamond Princess must be watching this match very intently. Maybe with a single drip of sweat slowly making its way down her supple skin.

Vinegar: Which reminds me, the results are in from our poll of the evening. 85% say yes, Daniel is in fact a creep. The other 15% are probably paedophiles, so they don’t have quite the same perspective.

Hanson: Just for that, I’m going to donkey punch your mom tonight.

Mitchell: The following match is scheduled for one fall, and will decide a pay per view stipulation.

“Diamond in the Rough” by Airbourne signals the entrance of Diamond Jack Severino. He foregoes the usual crucifix pose and approaches the ring solemnly.

Hanson: See, that’s the face of a man who misses his princess.

Vinegar: Oh, yes, I thought I recognized it. Does that mean next comes the blow-up dolls and ghosts?

Hanson: Yep. What a loser. Wait a second....

Mitchell: Coming to the ring, from Nelson, New Zealand, weighing in at 270 pounds, DIAMOND JACK SEEEEVERIIIIIIINOOOOO!

Hanson: You know, Baldrick brought up a good point earlier. Do you think Jack would punish Gabrielle with his choice in match?

Vinegar: You can never be sure, Dan.

“Immortal” by Adema on the speaker, but Hastings does not enter.

Mitchell: And his opponent, from….HEY!

Vinegar: Referee Owen Peterson taking the microphone.

Peterson: (sigh) Ladies and gentlemen, niglets of all ages, you are about to witness greatness. Please stand at full height and applaud wildly for your Lord, the True Chief Nigga, Donovan Hastings.

Hanson: Is Peterson throwing rose petals now?

Vinegar: It sure looks that way.

Hanson: Now comes our Lordship, after being properly introduced. How regal. How awe-inspiring.

Vinegar: Into the ring, and now Peterson removes Hastings’ robe. Hastings instructing him on how to properly fold and care for it.

Hanson: Peterson is so lucky Nick. He gets to be taken into the inner sanctum of our Chief Lordship. So lucky.

Vinegar: Yes, he certainly looks thrilled. And there’s the bell!

Hanson: Lock up to start things off, Jack breaks it and fires off a sharp chop to the chest! That took the Lord by surprise.

Vinegar: As did that punch, it knocked Hastings to the mat!

Hanson: Come on, Peterson, the Lord has told you about closed fists!

Vinegar: Now a side headlock applied, Severino wrenching on Hastings’ neck. Hastings breaks it, pushing Severino into the ropes and sending him across the ring. The Immortal One hits the ground, Severino jumps over and comes back to receive a dropkick!

Hanson: Such athleticism! Now applying a surfboard to keep The Blue Eyed Devil on the defense.

Vinegar: Peterson checking on Jack, Hastings yelling at him to call a submission. I really don’t think Perfection’s Reflection can be put away that quickly.

Hanson: But you’ve never seen a surfboard applied with such force.

Vinegar: Severino gains his footing now. He rolls forward, dragging the Lord to the mat with him! Nice counter there.

Hanson: Meh, it was alright.

Vinegar: Both men getting to their feet, Jack clinches him from behind.

Hanson: The Lord doth not swing that way!

Vinegar: And there’s a belly to back suplex! Hastings scrambles back up and takes a roundhouse kick to the face! Daniel?

Hanson: That does not deserve a boot moment. Just a roundhouse kick, what’s the big deal. OOF!

Vinegar: Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck Norris just descended from nowhere to kick my broadcast partner!

Norris: My eyes are upon you. Bitch.

Vinegar: And just as mysteriously, he leaves. Meanwhile back in the ring, the Diamond in the Rough has lifted Hastings into the air. Jackhammer Suplex! Huge impact there. How you holding up, Dan?

Hanson: Hello little birdies, cheep cheep cheep!

Vinegar: That answers that question. Now Severino yelling at Hastings to get up, seems to be working through quite a bit of anger in the ring tonight, Hastings up and Jack lunges at him, ONE CALCULATED SHOT! Pin attempt, 1 2, shoulder up before the three!

Hanson: Our Lord will not go down without a fight.

Vinegar: Welcome back to the land of the living, Daniel. The Blue Eyed Devil is a little flustered now, but he grabs Hastings’ legs, look’s like he’s going for the Jack Lock!

Hanson: But the Chief Lord of Pain pushes him away with his awesome leg strength, and now catches the charging gorilla with a spine buster! And see what a nice guy he is, helping Diamond Jack to his feet?

Vinegar: Yeah, picking him up to set up the Destiny’s Call, real humanitarian work. But Jack levels a solid punch to the ribs to break the hold! And now whipping Hastings to the ropes.

Hanson: And our Lord takes advantage of the momentum to level the man with a running knee lift! And the Hands of Fate applied!

Vinegar: Another submission attempt by the Lord of Pain.

Hanson: What stipulation do you think Chief Lord will choose, Nick?

Vinegar: The match isn’t over until Jack submits.

Hanson: Nicholas, this is the Hands of Fate. Our Lord’s most perfect submission. The match is over. Do you think he’ll choose an I Quit match? Or maybe a TLC match? Blindfolded Bullrope Match? You know what stipulation I’d make? Gabrielle has to fight in a nightgown.

Vinegar: Jack is still fighting it, he has his feet planted, using that awesome leg strength again. Making a bridge to counteract Hastings’ leverage, the Lord of Pain wrenches even harder and shoves Jack back down to the mat.

Hanson: Just tap out, you’re only giving the Lord more chances to embarrass you with this escaping business.

Vinegar: Don’t think he heard you, Dan, because The Diamond in the Rough is pushing up again. That does not look like a comfortable position for either man.


Hanson: Where exactly is he planning to go from here?

Vinegar: There’s your answer! Jack twists his body over and slams Donovan’s head directly into the mat! The Blue Eyed Devil has escaped from the Hands of Fate to hit the Taste of Canvas!

Hanson: I think he’s worse off for it than Hastings, though. That maneuver took a lot out of him. Both man are flat on the ground, Peterson starts the count. Hey, has anyone ever lost that way, Nick?

Vinegar: I can’t remember any off the top of my head. Peterson up to three and neither man has stirred.

Hanson: Come on Lord! Make your niglets proud!

Vinegar: Both men are getting up around the 7 count, Jack with a right hand! Hastings returns his own! Jack with a right! Hastings with a right! These men are barely able to stand, but they continue to strike at each other!

Hanson: Yay! Booo! Yay! Booo!

Vinegar: Jack with a right, Hastings with..no, it's blocked and Jack staggers him with an extra shot. Hastings retaliates...another block, and another right from Jack knocks the Lord of Pain to his knees! Severino hits the ropes..sorry, Daniel, but it's coming...Boot To The Head!

Hanson: No, it was used for evil!

Vinegar: Now Diamond Jack is waiting for Hastings to stand back up, he grabs him by the throat! The Rise of Brutality is coming! OH! Hastings with a low kick! Come on, Peterson!

Hanson: Boot to the Jangles! Our Lord is truly resourceful!

Vinegar: Full nelson leg sweep driving Jack down. Slowly picking him back up, Double arm DDT! Picking him up again, this is just getting ridiculous, STO.

Hanson: The niglets demand to see more of their Lord's arsenal, Nicholas, he's communing with them.

Vinegar: The Destiny's Call. And finally reapplying the Hands of Fate to the unconscious Severino. Owen makes the usual three count, go ahead and signal it...Hastings stomps on his foot?

Hanson: He's telling Peterson that there was no tap out, he's trying to help Peterson improve as an official.

Vinegar: The man doesn't even have the energy to tap his hand, just let the ref call the match.

Hanson: This is a matter of principle, Nick.

Vinegar: I can't take this shit.

Hanson: Whoa! Nicholas is rolling into the ring! He walks over and grabs Jack's hand to slap it against the mat! That's a tap out! The bell rings and Hastings releases the hold! He's eyeing Nick as he rolls back out of the ring.

Vinegar: He should be happy, I let him live out his delusion for the evening.

Mitchell: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, THE LORD OF PAIN! DONOVAAAAAN HAAASTINGSSS!

Vinegar: Well, he sure looks happy for himself.

Hanson: Of course. He just earned the chance to tailor his pay per view match to his liking.

Vinegar: Well, what else is new? This is the mind behind the Peterson Sucks Match, I hope Gabrielle is ready for the most bizarre night of her life.

Hanson: Her best friend is The Crimson Ghost, Nick. I think she's ready for bizarre.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Well so far tonight we’ve seen Ezekiel Pax and Donovan Hastings win the chances to decide the match types for their respective matches at Affirmative Action, we’ve seen yet another escalation in tensions between ‘The Monster’ Dredd and former GIW Global Heavyweight Champion Komosube...

Hanson: Not to mention a stunning appearance from GIW’s Diamond Princess...

Vinegar: And another successful title defence for the GIW.com Champion Moss Edwards. And we still have more, the main event between Unified Global Champion; Travis Roberts and one half of the GIW Tag Team Champions; Marek Daisuke. But before that we have a hell of a match for you, ‘The Dragon’ Alex Kiseragi, continues his ongoing fued with Randy Boolzian, in a Falls Count Anywhere match up...

Hanson: Why’s the kid spending his time focusing on Randy Boolzian? He’s got a title shot at Affirmative Action, and people say Travis Roberts underestimates his opponents? In the mood Randy Boolzian had been in recently Alex Kiseragi cannot hope to gain anything positive out of this...

Vinegar: At least he’ll be on top of his game, I can’t think of a better guy to keep you on your toes than BoolZ...

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Fall’s Count Anywhere Contest...

‘Teahouse’ hits the PA.

Dennis: Introducing first, accompanied by Katie Piper, Alex KIIIIIISSSSSERAAAAAAGGIIIIIIIIII!

‘The Dragon’ appears on the stage, with Katie by his side, he tells her to step to the side and then proceeds to execute his trademark flips and kicks, all to the delight of Katie who claps her hands in encouragement.

Hanson: You know I’m starting to dislike that girl, something’s not quite right, she’s too innocent for a ring rat...

Vinegar: Don’t be so harsh, that’s a terribly derogatory term.

Hanson: What else would you call her? She hangs around at wrestling arena’s trying to get the attention of the stars? The only argument, considering it’s A-Kis, is that she is actually a fag hag...which might explain a few things.

Vinegar: You know I don’t think Alex likes you much anyway, he seems to enjoy replacing you in the matches he has influence over...

Hanson: I have noticed that...

Vinegar: Well insulting his girlfriend is not going to get you anywhere...

Hanson: Has he confirmed they are dating?

Vinegar: No.

Hanson: Then I reserve the right to speculate on her intentions...

Vinegar: I can tell there’s no point arguing with you...

Hanson: It’s been over a year, and you’ve only just worked that out! Nick man, you are dumb!

The sound of a Red Bull popping open, then a Zippo being struck is heard, then Wonder What’s Next by Chevelle blasts over the P.A. system.

Dennis: And his opponent, accompanied only by his shadow, Randy BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLZIAAAAAAAN!

BoolZ steps out from backstage, cigarette hanging from his lips, can of icy beverage in his hand, he looks out across the fans, who are mostly booing the Red Bull Icon nowadays.

Vinegar: The fans have certainly started to turn against Randy Boolzian in recent weeks...

Hanson: That’s because he’s been making good decisions, and they are too stupid to appreciate that.

Vinegar: Harassing A-Kis for no apparent reason is a good decision?

Hanson: He picked a battle he had a chance of winning, rather than continuing his futile attempts to outshine the Legend of The Headliner....

Vinegar: A legend that could be considerably dented by the fastest thing on TV since Speedy Gonzalez, The Human Missile, Marek Daisuke...

Hanson: I thought you were anti-drugs?

Vinegar: I am, but what has that got to do with anything?

Hanson: Well you must be on something if you think that fool has a chance against our Champion, that boy has been carried by Zeke in recent weeks...

Vinegar: That’s a highly contentious point...

Hanson: The facts speak for themselves, Zeke is STILL yet to be pinned or made to submit in singles competition.

Vinegar: Well I’m gonna divert your attention away from tonight’s main event and back to this match, Randy hgasn’t left the ramp, and has summounded a microphone from backstage...

BoolZ: Hey Alex, I don’t know about you but I’m getting bored of beating you inside the confines of that ring, seeing how this match is Falls Count Anywhere, what do you say you get your ass up here, and see if any other inanimate objects in the arena can display more charisma than the turnbuckles...

Hanson: Ha! I’m liking BoolZ’s new attitude...

Vinegar: it doesn’t look like Alex has any problems with that, but he does tell Katie to stand well back and remain at ringside, as he climbs out of the ring, and heads cautiously up the ramp, and Hazel East has no choice but to signal for the bell, and climb out of the ring herself...

Hanson: And BoolZ has finished his cigarette and stubs it out on the ramp underneath his heel, crushes the Red Bull Can and tosses it to the side, as Alex approaches...

Vinegar: Both men now nose to nose underneath the GlobaTron, both men have something to say to one another, but we can’t make it out...

Hanson: And Randy strikes first with a stiff right hand...

Vinegar: Alex right back with a right hand of his own, and now these guys are just brawling on the ramp, each exchanging punches...this doesn’t look like it’s gonna be pretty...

Hanson: Did you ever expect it to be a match of overwhelming technical prowess?

Vinegar: I had my hopes...but thus far these guys have been punching each other from either side of the stage, but thewy are now back directly in the middle, underneath the Globatron...

Hanson: Looks like they’re taking this brawl backstage...wait...

Vinegar: A-Kis slips behind BoolZ directly in front of the curtains...GERMAN SUPLEX! And Kiseragi releases BoolZ at the last moment, and Randy crashes into the metal supports that the GlobaTron sits on top of! BoolZ crumples to the floor, but A-Kis isn’t going to let him rest and drags him to his feet and drags him through the curtains...

Hanson: The guys are backstage now, and A-Kis with a kick to BoolZ’s stomach...DDT!

Vinegar: NO! BoolZ wraps his leg around ‘Teh Dragons’ blocking the move...FISHERMANS SUPLEX! BoolZ hits the move out of nowhere and slams A-Kis into the concrete floor...

Hanson: BoolZ gets to his feet and clutches his back, as they fight around the sound decks and other multimedia equipment...

Vinegar: All of which is essential to the smooth running of the show, and Hazel East is pleading that they take this back to the ring, and away from the equipment, one stray move and these guys could take us off air...

Hanson: BoolZ has no intention of taking this back to the ring, but he is willing to compromise, and drags A-Kis away from the technical area and towards the locker rooms...and whips him directly into a wall, A-Kis smashes against it and turns groggily stumbling back towards BoolZ, who throws a clothesline...

Vinegar: But A-Kis reacts and ducks, BoolZ spins quickly, but A-Kis grabs hold of his head...runs to the opposite wall, up the opposite wall, and then flips backwards, taking Randy’s necks and head with him, causing the Red Bull Icon to crash down to the floor...

Hanson: The Dragon spots a vending machine and quickly climbs on top....MOONSAULT!!!

Vending Machine: Glad I could be of service, Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!

Hanson & Vinegar: Eh?

Vinegar: A-Kis now making the cover....1....2....NO! BoolZ Kicks out, and A-Kis gets back to his feet, brings BoolZ back to his simultaneously...and BoolZ responds with another fist tot he face...

Hanson: And The Dragon does likewise, and now these guys are back to brawling, moving down the corridor past the various locker rooms...and then they burst through the double doors leading into the GIW Cafeteria....

Vinegar: And it’s not empty, seems Bones, Dr Professor and Obese Tony are watching the action on a small monitor in the corner, and they turn in surprise as the action bursts through the doors behind them...

Hanson: A-Kis now breaks the onslaught of punches by dodging one, and using BoolZ’s momentum against him to throw him towards the serving area, and BoolZ crashes face first into the counter...Randy turns, leaning against the counter as The Dragon comes charging at him, but the RBI manages to get his foot up, and plants his sole into Alex’s face...

Vinegar: The Dragon staggers backwards, towards an unoocupied table....BoolZ leaps onto the counter....and jumps at Alex...wraps his legs round his neck...SPINNING HURICANRANA!!!

Hanson: THROUGH THE CAFETERIA TABLE!!!!

Bones: S-s-see, y-y-y-you g-g-guys, I s-s-said B-b-b-boolZ c-c-could w-w-w-win....

Doctor Professor: It’s far from over yet...

Vinegar: BoolZ doesn’t go for the cover, he pulls A-Kis to his feet, and whips him head first into a drinks cooler....A-Kis skull and upper body smash through the glass...

Hanson: BoolZ showing no signs of mercy grabs A-Kis again...and Suplexes him onto the floor...now he walks over to the condiments...

Vinegar: What’s he doing?

Hanson: He’s grabbed a salt shaker, and he’s pouring it over Kiseragi...

Vinegar: He’s literally pouring salt on ‘The Dragons’ wounds...

Hanson: And now BoolZ drags Alex to his feet again, and takes him back out of the canteen, and now back in the corridor he whips him towards the elevator door...

Vinegar: We have an elevator backstage?

Hanson: We do now...but the doors open before Kiseragi crashes into them, and briefly we see Tate Leven standing in the doorway, until ‘The Dragon’ flies into him...at least A-Kis had a Softer landing than Randy anticipated...Randy now follows him into the lift, and Hazel East goes too...but the doors shut before the camera follows...

Vinegar: So now we are watching footage of a cameraman sprinting up a flight of stairs...and through the doors on the first floor...but no-one can eb seen, so he turns and sprints up another flight of stairs, and again opens the door...

Hanson: To see Randy Boolzian sitting down back against a wall, as Alex Kiseragi tosses the barrel off the top of a water cooler directly at RBI’s skull, and it crashes into BoolZ with a sickening thud, and water gushing everywhere...we obviously missed something during the camera mans trek up the stairs

Vinegar: Alex looks enraged as he drags BoolZ to his feet, grabs him by the back of the head and the top of his trunks...and charges at a closed door...

Hanson: OH MY GOD!

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi just used his own body as well as Randy Boolzian’s to demolish the door, wood splinters fly everywhere as the two competitors crash through the door into the office beyond.

Hanson: Hazel East and our camera guy climbs through the wreckage, as Alex Kiseragi drives Randy Boolzinas head into a desk...

Vinegar: But Randy grabs the edge of the desk, and stops his head from crashing down, and instead jerks it back, the rear of his skull clashing with A-Kis’ face. A-Kis goes stumbling backwards, as BoolZ slumps over the desk...

Hanson: Kiseragi not giving up though and he comes back towards BoolZ...

Vinegar: Who grabs the Computer Monitor...AND TOSSES IT INTO A-KIS’ FACE!!!

Hanson: Look’s like BoolZ is on a mission to end A-Kis’ modelling career....luckily for the Flippy Ninja kid he managed to gets his hands up to protect his face, but he still tumbles through a glass coffee table...whilst BoolZ regains his composure, I have to say before these guys entered this was a nice office...look at the corner windows, floor to ceiling, it’s really impressive, you know who’s it is?

Vinegar: no, what do I look like the GIW directory services?

Hanson: BoolZ stands over A-Kis, looking to drag him to his feet once more...

Vinegar: But A-Kis grabs out to his side, and clasps hold of a heavy glass ashtray...SLAMMING IT INTO THE SIDE OF BOOLZ’S FACE!!!

Hanson: BoolZ rocks backwards, and falls against the window...

Vinegar: A-Kis on his feet...OH GOD NO...YARI KICK!!!!

Hanson:HOLY MOTHER OF JOSEPH!!! THE WINDOW BROKE! THE WINDOW BROKE!!!’

Vinegar: What the hell just happened, the Camera dashes out...OH MY GOD! RANDY AND A-KIS HAVE FALLEN 3 STORIES, AND BOTH LANDED THROUGH THE WINDSCREEN OF RANDY BOOLZIAN’S U-SUK TRUCK!!

Hanson: HAZEL EAST IS CALLING A NO CONTEST

Vinegar: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT ALEX KISERAGI IS STILL CONSCIOUS AND HE ROLLS OVER TO MAKE THE COVER...

Hanson: IT’S TOO LATE EAST IS ALREADY HEADING BACK TO RINGSIDE AND CALLING FOR EMERGENCY SUPPORT!

Vinegar: My god folks, we have to go to a break, we’ll keep you updated when we get back, my god!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: I don’t know what to say. Folks both Kiseragi and BoolZ have been taken to the hospital, and we’re hoping to get an update on the condition of Alex Kiseragi and Randy Boolzian before the night is done.

Hanson: Yeah I don’t know how I feel about that. It’s like on one hand I hate them both… pretty sure. But I don’t know if it’s the habit BoolZ seemed to pick up about hitting AKis in the head with blunt objects or what, but I think I’m starting to appreciate the mans abilities. I think I like him… NO HOMO!

Vinegar: Well either way, folks it’s time for the main event!

Hanson: SHHH!!

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: I said shut up. Our idol is up next, and I want to savior the moment.

Vinegar: Jeez. I wonder how many times Marek is going to kick your idol in the head this time.

Hanson: Blasphemy!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen this is your Sentinel Main Event! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Xavier Bryan, standing five feet nine inches, weighting in at 159 pounds, he is one half of your tag team champions, this is Marek, “The Human Missile” Diasuke!!

'Honor' by Atreyu hits the PA system as the fans begin cheering the young high flyer, and the lights darken leaving only a solid red spotlight on the ramp. As the ‘Rising Sun’ emerges from the light Marek springs from under the entrance ramp into a front flip. He lands in a dramatic pose before marching to the ring as Xavier Bryan makes his way from behind the curtain.

Vinegar: Xavier seems a little late this week.

Hanson: Are you kidding. He probably just could face his student knowing how badly Marek is about to get his ass beat.

Vinegar: Maybe we need to show the clip from their first match. You know the one where the referee saw Ezekiel Pax chasing after BoolZ, and disqualified Marek before he could win.

Hanson: You shut your lying little heathen mouth. Never happened, but even if it did it was probably just Travis winning by smarts instead of physical superiority.

Vinegar: Wh… hu… what the hell? You can’t be that blind!

Hanson: Don’t you tell the ‘Apex of Announcers’ what he can or can’t be!

Vinegar: Why me?

Hanson: Cause you have impure thoughts when you visit the petting zoo.

Dennis: And his opponent standing six foot six inches, weighting in at 220 pounds, he is your Unified Champion, he is ‘The Blessed One’, he is Travis Roberts!

‘Bummer’ by Monster Magnet hits and plays while the fans still mixed but more cheer than boo. Slowly Travis Roberts steps from behind the curtain wearing the Unified Global Title around his waist with his arms outstretched basking in the reaction from the fans. Confidently ‘The Headliner’ strolls to the ring smirking at some fans, dismissing others, and ignoring most.

Hanson: Look at that. You’re forcing me to bring to light your obsession with chinchillas almost made me miss the best part of every Sentinel not involving Gabrielle.

Vinegar: Well I apologize sincerely, and will try to refrain from being the butt of your lame jokes in the future.

Hanson: DO.

Vinegar: And Referee Glenn Burke calls for the bell, we’re underway folks!

Hanson: You don’t think they heard the bell ringing?

Vinegar: Looks like a collar and elbow tie up to start things off.

Hanson: Look at that. Roberts already won. He’s like a foot taller and 75 pounds heavier. Digipoopy shouldn’t be getting anywhere near a strength contest here.

Vinegar: For once I agree. Marek should be creating distance, and utilizing his speed, and that’s why. Front headlock by the champion, and a headlock takedown.

Hanson: It’s hard to fly from your back. Unless it’s YO MOMMA, and she’s hosting the 82nd Airborne!

Vinegar: Great flexibility by Marek synching in those head scissors.

Hanson: Yeah, ‘The Headliner’ counters out, and is first to his feet! HA!

Vinegar: And maybe another misstep by Marek as it looks like he’s calling for another collar and elbow tie up.

Hanson: No, definitely another colossal screw up by the young punk!

Vinegar: And collar and, no, low dropkick by the ‘Human Kamikaze’, and Travis hits the mat!

Hanson: And he Marek running away!

Vinegar: Running to the ropes, springboard twisting senton, Marek back to his feet, standing moonsault, and he is all over the champion!

Hanson: YO MOMMA WAS ALL OVER ME!

Vinegar: Ishikawa Enclosure!!!

Hanson: HA, little does he know that arm is all healed up, buddy!

Vinegar: Well I think this is a great way to re-injure that arm.

Hanson: And that was great way to break the hold. Use that height and extra muscle, get to your feet, and drop that undersized punk on his head! That’s why Travis Roberts is ‘The TWiSTeD Idol’!

Vinegar: Roberts back to his feet, but just before Marek, and

Hanson: And absolutely turned Diasuke inside out with that big boot! Oh and an elbow for good measure!

Vinegar: And where Marek should be creating space, Roberts is keeping him close to neutralize his opponents speed.

Hanson: Brilliant strategy by the smartest man I’ve ever met!

Vinegar: Travis going back after those legs.

Hanson: We’ll see how fast Marek is on his horse, if his horse aint got no legs.

Vinegar: Roberts now smashing Marek’s right knee into the canvas repeatedly, violently, brutally!

Hanson: Damn straight, and now he’s just stomping on that knee! Absolutely genius! He can’t fly, and now he probably can’t throw those flying super mumbo magic like muay-thai knees either!

Vinegar: And again using his strength advantage now just jerking at that leg and damn near swinging Marek across the ring!

Hanson: Well at least those front row fans are getting their moneys worth. A few women at least getting some personal attention from ‘The Headliner’. What a nice guy taking time out of humiliating Marek to make sure our hard working fans enjoy the show.

Vinegar: Could prove a mistake as Marek using the ropes to pulling himself up to his feet.

Hanson: Foot! Singular, and when you’re as good at Travis you can take little breathers like that. Look he’s going right back to the attack.

Vinegar: Never underestimate your opponent, and one legged Marek jumps and connects with that left legged crescent kick flooring Roberts!

Hanson: That sneaking little dirty bastard!

Vinegar: Marek with a springboard War-Knee! But I think that took as much out of the young man as it did Travis!

Hanson: See, when you properly prepare for your opponent, and you’re blessed, you can even turn their strengths into their weaknesses!

Vinegar: Roberts slowly pulling himself back to his feet, but Marek forces himself up, Propulsion Kick!

Hanson: And Travis backed hard into the corner! He must have been up all last night with 2 or 3… I mean 20 or 30 of the most beautiful women on the planet!

Vinegar: Yeah. Anyway. Folks I’m getting word now, that Alex Kiseragi and BoolZ are now both at the hospital, and thankfully neither mans injuries are as severe as initially feared. The adrenaline now flowing through Marek, and he kips up to his feet, and goes strait to the outside. Travis pulling himself back to his feet, Marek springboard, and runs across the top rope, Circus Trick!

Hanson: HA, it was the TRLA… well you know what it was, and you just saw him side step and pull those feet over the top rope letting Marek hang himself, fall back, and land on his head! Now screw those two not Travis Roberts doofs at the hospital. We gotta main event here!

Vinegar: Roberts pulling Diasuke to his feet, Full Nelson slam!

Hanson: Now you’ll see how a man really flies!

Vinegar: Travis climbing to the top, and hits a huge flying elbow! Here’s the cover.

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: It’s over, that first match was just a fluke.

Vinegar: And a kick out by Marek.

Hanson: He should have spared himself the pain! Yeah the pain of that belly to back suplex! He just got folded up like an accordion.

Vinegar: Roberts hooks a leg, here’s the cover.

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: Maybe now he’s learned.

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: Kick out and I think it’s going to take more than that to pin Marek Diasuke! This kid’s got heart!

Hanson: Kicks gonna get two broken legs he keeps this up.

Vinegar: Roberts pulling Diasuke up, and down with a hard DDT!

Hanson: Here’s the cover!

Vinegar: And the kick out before Burke could get to the mat.

Hanson: Fat stupid Burke!

Vinegar: Roberts grabbing Marek up,

Hanson: HA, so that’s how he got the nickname of ‘Human Missile’

Vinegar: Roberts just threw the young warrior headfirst into the top turnbuckle!

Hanson: It all makes sense now.

Vinegar: Roberts positioning Marek on the top rope, Superplex could be coming up.

Hanson: Oh it’s coming, and it’s going to be magnificent!

Vinegar: Marek fighting though, hard rights to the rib cage of the Unified Champion…

Hanson: How the hell?

Vinegar: Marek somewhere found a foot hold, stood, and smashed a tremendous knee into the face of Roberts and Travis is wobbly!

Hanson: Marek-Ill off the top rope!

Vinegar: I’m not sure if that out of desperation or not, that was a hell of a move, but Marek is struggling to capitalize!

Hanson: Yeah and while he does, the experience of ‘The Blessed One’ shines through. Using all Travis has to turn over to his stomach.

Vinegar: Marek pulling Roberts over, here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: NO, NO, THIS CAN’T BE! LOOK I DON’T EVEN THINK XAVIER IS TO HAPPY ABOUT IT!

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: Happy or not, it’s happing!

Burke: THRe…

Hanson: KICK OUT! OH THANK GOD KICK OUT!

Vinegar: Kick out at what was that? Two and nine tenths?

Hanson: What? Are you kidding? What, I forgot who I was talking to. You tell women you have a five inch penis, so we all know how much you exaggerate. I only counted 1.

Vinegar: Yeah, and Gabrielle only shot you down once. Marek now picking his shot, he’s waiting for Roberts to get to his feet.

Hanson: Picking his shot? He’s in shock of how well Travis is letting him do tonight. Marek’s momma must be in the crowd.

Vinegar: I, I, I’m not even going to dignify that comment. Roberts up, Marek with a running start, climbs Roberts like a ladder, up, over with the ISHIKAWA EXECUTION!

Hanson: NO, Travis grabs that right foot, and pulls it straight down to the canvas!

Vinegar: He could have jammed up that knee pretty bad folks…

Hanson: WHITEOUT!

Vinegar: Roberts hooks everything that can be hooked!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: Oh god, please, please…

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: Marek starting to stir, KICKOU…

Burke: THREE!!!

Hanson: OH THANK THE LORD ABOVE!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner, Travis RRRROBERRRTTTTTSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: Folks we’re out of time. Join us next week, when we’ll have an update on Kiseragi and BoolZ, hopefully another episode of Headshots, as well as the hardest hitting action on the planet!

Hanson: Nick, just look at Travis with that Unified Title. Isn’t it a thing of glory?

Vinegar: See you next week folks!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Credits

Chassie Fear Segments
Who do you think?

Dredd & Phantom vs The Covenent
Moss Edwards (With some adjustments from Dredd)

BoolZ in T-Robs Locker Room
BoolZ

Headshots
Moss Edwards & DJS

GIW.com Title Match
JK (Thanks to Dredd though for stepping up and writing another version in case JK didn’t get it to me)

Zeke vs Aragato
A-Kis

Raenius & Zeke Backstage
Bryan & R!

Hastings vs DJS
Moss Edwards

Falls Count Anywhere Match
T-Rob

Main Event
BoolZ

Editor
T-Rob