Post by Sebastian Everett-Bryce on Sept 25, 2021 19:48:41 GMT -5
7pm, Saturday, 25th July 2021
Chicago, Illinois
Chicago, Illinois
Silence was the order of the day. Utter and absolute silence. It was a thirty minute car ride from Chicago O’Hare airport to Bridgeview, Illinois and much like the nine hour plane ride that had preceded it, not a word had passed between the former Chaos and former Conquest Champions - “The Chelsea Crippler” Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third and “The Icon of Entertainment” Travis Pierce.
“You know, the hour it took to get to Heathrow, fine. Even the first six hours of the flight felt like something of a blessing, but I’ll be honest Seb - the silent treatment is starting to get old.” Travis said as he looked out of the window. “You could at least tell me what I did wrong so I could pretend to look interested.”
Seb completely ignored Travis, instead focusing on his phone, which was at that exact moment getting no response from Sloane - why did she always want to talk at three am, but when he wanted to have a legitimate reason to ignore Travis she was nowhere to be seen?
“You know what, fine - keep ignoring me. But if we lose this Monday because we haven’t even discussed the match in two days, I’m blaming you entirely for further ruining my week.” Travis said.
“Your week?!” Seb said, with wide eyes finally breaking his silence. “What do you mean YOUR week?!”
“I lost the Conquest Championship, Seb.” Travis said, indignantly. “You’re supposed to be my partner and you didn’t even know…”
“Of course I knew! I was there! At ringside! Trying to fight off the goon squads!” Seb yelled. “Unlike YOU who left me to the mercy of David Whopperfield and his band of face paint fuckwits.”
“I sent you my best man…” Travis said quietly.
“It was Captain 80’s! He’s about as useful as a chocolate condom!” Seb exclaimed.
“And where exactly were you when my head was being used for target practice, hmm? I had assumed if anyone knew where every camera was at all times it would be you.” Said Pierce.
“I was dealing with mass hysteria!” Seb said. “OHMYGODICANNOTBELIEVEHOWUNGRATEFULYOUARE!”
“Could you please stop acting like a drama queen.” Travis added, rolling his eyes. Seb began to visibly swell with indignation.
“A DRAMA QUEEN... ME?! How DARE you suggest such a thing!” Seb added, his hand pressed against his chest. “You know how hard this week has been for me, and then you go and… And…”
“And what, Sebastian?” Travis said, slowly turning in his seat. “Personally pay for flights across Europe? Allow you to have an all-expenses paid trip to visit your home? Provide you with a vehicle to use that roguish charm that everyone seems to love? Arrange for meetings with fascinating people for you to speak with?”
“Yes… Yes, let’s discuss that shall we?” Seb said, tilting his head sarcastically. “Shall we begin with the fact that not a single one of the people we met HAD the same name as anyone on the roster?”
“Well that’s not entirely true…” Travis said, holding up a hand.
“Oh yes, of course, my mistake. That last one? Well that was just a perfect match now, wasn’t it…” Seb said, his eyes shining with fire.
“Exactly - that name was identical…” Travis added.
“Of course it was.” Said Seb before raising his voice. “IT WAS MY FATHER!”
Travis paused before answering.
“It was a simple mistake to make…” Travis said.
“How was that a simple mistake, Travis?” Seb asked, trying to maintain some kind of composure. “I have a three after my name - that very much suggests that two other Sebastian Everett-Bryce’s exist, and one of them is in a retirement village in Chicago. So when your research team suggested that we should meet another Sebastian Everett-Bryce in London, did you not stop for one second and put two and two together?”
Travis paused again; he opened his mouth to speak
“It’s been a difficult week, Seb.” Travis said, quietly.
“It’s just one thing after another! First the Research Department ignored my calls, meaning I’m still no closer to finding my key than I was when I started. Then I call Cartwright to try and speak to Margaret… Or Julia… Or whatever, and he just laughed at me and hung up. I swear Travis, I feel like this is just one huge prank and at some point you’re just going to burst out laughing and shout “Gotcha!” in my face. You’re not Noel Edmunds, Travis! NEVER BE NOEL EDMUNDS!” Seb added, getting increasingly frustrated until nothing but angry sounds just came out. Finally, he turned to the window and just stared out. Travis watched him for a moment.
“I apologise, Seb.” Travis said quietly. Seb slowly turned his head to face Travis who wasn’t looking at him. “You’re right - I should have spotted the error with the name, and I should have known who it was. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” Said Seb, clearing his throat. “Well… Thank you, Travis.”
“Just with the week I’ve been having…” Travis added.
“Oh for goodness sake!” Seb said, throwing his hands up into the air. He started to admonish Travis again, but before he could the car pulled to a stop.
“We’re here.” Said the driver.
“Thank you.” Said Seb.
“Right. Thank you.” Said Travis as the two of them pulled open the door and stepped outside. They both looked up at the arena.
“Hello, excuse me, hello?” Came a voice from in front of them. A member of UGWC staff was half walking half jogging towards them.
“Hello there!” Said Seb smiling. “We’re here for the Melee panel?”
“Yes, yes of course.” He said, the headphones around his neck bouncing up and down. “I’m sorry, sirs, but it’s been delayed.”
“Delayed?” Said Travis. “What do you mean it’s been delayed?”
“The panel has been delayed by thirty six hours - Monday morning.” The staffer added.
“What? Why?” Asked Seb.
“Vetting of the questions - we’re just trying to finalise them before the event. Apologies for the delay.”
“And that takes thirty six hours, does it?” Travis asked, looking irritated.
“That’s just what the organisers asked me to tell you, sorry.” Said the organiser. He turned on his heels and scuttled off in the opposite direction.
“Well…” Said Seb taking a deep breath. “Guess we’ve got some down time.”
“Yeah…” Said Travis slowly. “Drink?”
“... Seriously?” Seb said, taken aback.
“Why not. Nothing else to do…” Travis says, before pulling open the door to the car.
“Wow. Thanks.” Said Seb, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “Hey, Travis…?”
“Yes, Sebastian?” Travis asked in the manner of an exhausted parent waiting for their toddler to ask ANOTHER question.
“Why did Vain attack you on Synergy?” Seb asked, curiously.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Said Pierce before their car pulled off into the distance.
9am, Monday, 27th July 2021
The Massive Melee Panel
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
The Massive Melee Panel
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third and Travis Pierce were no strangers to these kinds of panel events - over the years they’d each done multiple versions, however this was the first time that they had been required to attend as a pair. They’d both entered together to Travis’ “You Know My Name” entrance theme. The panel itself had started off a touch awkwardly with each of them trying to answer questions and occasionally talking over one another, but in the end they’d fallen into a healthy rhythm. The questions had started off innocuous enough - ‘What’s your greatest achievement? Who has been your toughest opponent? What’s it like trying to balance a successful media career with being a professional wrestler?’ - all questions that would be fully expected.
Both Travis and Seb were comfortable now, and their rapport was building nicely. A little back and forth here and there to keep the crowd entertained. The questions got a little deeper - ‘What brought you together as a team? How does one another compare to previous cooperative partners? If you could change one thing about your partner, what would it be?’ - and even through these questions, Seb and Travis managed to maintain a fun conversation with fans.
Seb sat back in his seat, pleased with his morning’s work and more pleased that the panel was drawing to an end - tonight was a big night for both of them.
Travis ran his hand through his hair to mask a glance at his watch - he too was looking forward to preparing for the evening's festivities. He looked across to the side of the stage where one of the staff signaled that there were three questions left. Travis rolled his eyes. He turned to Seb who glanced at him, and Travis held out three fingers on his thigh. Seb nodded.
“Our next question comes from Anna-leigh, she’s from Lincoln, Nebraska.” Said one of the staff members before handing the microphone to a giggling girl who had stepped out into the aisle.
“Hi! My name is Anna-Leigh… Oh crap… She said that already.” She giggled again and cleared her throat. “I just wanted to ask… Oh my god you guys this is so stupid!”
She looked to her friends and giggled again. They seemed to will her on.
“Okay, okay.” She said turning back to the front, going more red by the second. “I wanted to ask who would win between the two of you if you took part in a dance-off?”
Seb’s eyes widened. He turned to look at Travis who looked back at him and rubbed the back of his head and shifted uncomfortably.
“Erm…” Said Seb.
“Uhhh…” Said Travis…
“Ummmm…” They said together as both let out a small chuckle.
11pm, Saturday, 25th July 2021
Chicago, Illinois
Chicago, Illinois
Seb and Travis had gotten back to Chicago around 8pm, and rather than going straight into any one of the number of Chicago based bars, they had decided it would be a better idea to get something to eat first. Travis outright refused to try Nandos and if Seb was being brutally honest, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready to forgive his favourite poultry for its savage betrayal.
Instead, they’d settled on Oriole - a Michelin starred restaurant. However, upon their arrival, they found the restaurant to be fully booked. Travis went through his phone, looking for a contact that could arrange a table, but unfortunately everyone he tried was mysteriously unable to come to the phone.
In the end, they slipped out quietly with Travis lamenting how busy people are on a Saturday evening. Luckily, they found a rather nice steakhouse nearby. After what was a perfectly acceptable dinner, the drinking began. Long into the night they wandered from bar to bar, getting a little more drunk with every passing hour.
The conversation had loosened significantly, and rather than attempting to consistently one up each other, Seb and Travis had started to share stories. Seb regaled Travis with the story of his night out with the Coolkids and the ensuing panic. Travis began to tell of a story from the old PMN days in which he and Eden had been much, much closer. Seb stopped it right there on pain of vomit.
Finally they stepped into a bar that Seb seemed to recognise.
“Heyyyyyyy! It’s the Appletini place!” Seb said, excitedly.
“... The what?” Travis asked.
“The Appletini place - this is the place Angie and I gave the highest score to! Oh… My… God.” Seb rushed towards the bar and swiftly ordered two, one for each of them.
“I don’t want an Appletini.” Travis said. “They’re not my drink.”
“Fine. I’ll have two!” Seb said, looking even more excited.
“I’lll have a Boulevardier.” Said Travis before taking a seat at the bar. Seb took a large gulp of his first drink, taking in the entire contents in one heavy swallow. He picked up the second and began to slip it. He did so slowly and thoughtfully, before turning slightly to face Travis.
“So… What happened with you and Vain?” Seb asked.
“Oh… That… It’s nothing.” Said Travis, taking a sip of his own drink.
“Nonsense!” Said Seb.
“If you must know, I didn’t pay one of his parking tickets when he was working for me, and now he’s been banned from driving.” Travis said. “There, happy?”
“I am disinclined to believe you, Mr. Pierce.” Said Seb, but Travis gave no hint that he was going to answer any further. “Hey, Travis… I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, you're nosy. I get it...” Pierce replied..
“What? Oh. No, not that. I mean I’m sorry… I should have done more… To help. To make sure they couldn’t interfere… On Monday” Seb said.
“Stop.” Said Travis, taking a drink of his own. “You were there - you tried. That’s…”
“What?” Seb said.
“Eh… That’s more that can be said for me.” Travis said. “I should have been there… I could have done something. Anything… Instead it was Duncan Ryder coming out to help you.”
“Duncan and I have something of a mutual understanding these days.” Seb said. “But you sent the Cap. That was something.”
“Seb… I’ve… I’ve not been a good partner to you.” Travis said, slowly, his eyes rolling around slightly.
“Nonsense - you’ve given me opportunity.” Seb said.
“I’m not entirely sure a partnership should be predicated on offering opportunity. I’ve not been… Good… To you. I don’t want this to be an Angie and Roxy situation.” Travis said.
“Meaning?” Seb enquired while sipping on the luminous green drink.
“That entire dynamic is just toxic. Angie is who she is - she’s just a good person, and Roxy just takes everything. All she’s interested in is what she can grab hold of…”
“I have some stories about what Roxy’s grabbed hold of…” Said Seb, belching slightly at the thought.
“My point is…” Travis said, turning to face Seb now. “Look at the partnerships I’ve had in the past. Somers. Eden. I’ve gone from trusting people and it’s inevitably ended up with us at one another’s throats. And maybe, when I saw what you did to Hide last year…”
“Woah, woah, woah… Why does everyone always point that finger at me?! He struck the first blow… With that whole excuse me thing! And whilst I got a fantastic name for a devastating finishing manouver, I’ll also stand by the fact that Hide turned his back on me!” Seb said.
“I know… I know…” Travis said slowly. As he did, there was a tap on his shoulder. “I’m talking.”
“Uh… Travis…” Seb said.
“Let me finish Seb.” Travis added. “My point is, that I’m going to try and do better… I said I’m talking!”
Travis snapped as he was tapped on the shoulder again. He turned around to see two, large muscled gentlemen sneering at him.
“What could you possibly want?” Travis asked.
“In our seats.” The first man sneered.
“There’s plenty of seats - go pick another one.” Said Travis.
“We want our seats.” Said the first man.
“Yeah? And I’d like not to have to smell your breath, but apparently life just isn’t fair sometimes.” Travis said. It was a bad decision, as large man numero uno reached out and grabbed Travis by the collar. “Gentlemen… I’d like to take a moment to apologise…”
But apparently, the apology was too little too late as Travis was hoisted out of his seat. It all looked as if the night was bout to end terribly when…
“I love this song!” Shouted Seb as 80’s classic Simply the Best chimed in over the speakers. Seb leaped to his feet and slid to a stop in the vacant space just to the side of what was about to become a physical confrontation. And then, Seb began to… Dance. Outrageously. So much so, the large individual slowly let Travis go.
“Hey, Travis… Don’t you love this song too?!” Seb asked, his eyes wide.
“What? Of course I dohhhhhoooooo!” Travis said, finally understanding. And, a little more awkwardly, he joined Seb in his dance.
Slowly the two of them began to gyrate and twist as their feet moved them slowly away from the altercation. The two men who had accosted them at the bar, looked on, dumbstruck.
Unfortunately for Seb and Travis, neither of them noticed that they were dancing towards the dancefloor. With neither man taking their eyes off their potential assailants, it was all too late when they were stood in the middle of a large group of drunk revellers who had started to slowly move into a circle around them. Eventually, Seb’s eyes drifted around the edge the circle and he stopped.
A moment later, Travis followed suit.
The music stopped, and everything became very tense, before at the top of his lungs, one of the drunk dancers screamed “Dance Off!”.
Seb looked at Travis, Travis looked at Seb… And as Gimme Gimme Gimme by Abba burst through the speakers, so begun one of the most epic dance offs in the history of dance offs.
You’ll just have to take our word for it.
9.10am, Monday, 27th July 2021
The Massive Melee Panel
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
The Massive Melee Panel
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
Back at the panel, Seb and Travis looked at one another. Seb cleared his throat and Travis shuffled in his chair.
“It’d be a tie...” Seb began.
“Yeah. A tie.” Said Travis, shrugging.
“A tie.” They both said together.
The crowd let out a collective chuckle as Seb and Travis exchanged a knowing look. The staffer took the microphone from Anna-Leigh and thanked her for her question before moving on.
“Alright, up next we have Gavin, and he’s from Passadena, California - here you go.” Said the staffer before handing the microphone to the man.
“Uh, yeah, like, so… Yeah. You guys are, you know, on TV a lot, not just, you know, with wrestling stuff, but you know, like the media stuff too? So, I guess, you know, what I wanted to ask was, uh… Yeah, which one of you, you know, like, takes longer in the, uh, like, you know, in the make up room?” Gavin asked with a big nervous grin on his face. The crowd began to laugh, partly at his delivery, but mostly because of the question.
Seb smiled, looked to Travis, and chuckled.
Travis looked back at Seb and rolled his eyes in jest.
“Well... “ Said Seb… “I mean… I guess…”
“I suppose… If we thought about it…” Travis added…
“Kind of depends…” They said together.
“On, like, you know, uh… What?” Asked Gavin.
Seb and Travis exchanged a look.
7am, Monday, 27th July 2021
The Make-Up room
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
The Make-Up room
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
It was early. Very early. And Travis was just sitting down in his seat backstage in preparation for their panel when Seb slipped through the door and pulled the sunglasses off his face.
“Sorry I’m late.” Seb said.
“I fully expected it, which is why I told you to arrive thirty minutes earlier than we were supposed to.” Travis said as he leaned back in his seat.
“Oh. Smart thinking. Sloane does that too - says I take too much time getting ready in the morning. It’s why I like these kinds of events. Someone does it for me, that way I don’t have to think about it - I’m still late though.” Seb added with a chuckle.
“Could you just… Not… Talk? It’s very early…” Travis said, leaning back in his chair.
“Oh. Right. Yeah. Sure.” Seb said, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable all of a sudden. “Oh, I love that spray mist they’re using. What kind is it?”
“I have no idea. But I guess it’s fine.” Travis said, his eyes closed.
“What is your skincare routine? You should probably start thinking of using some advanced night repair or something - and definitely something for those crows feet…” Seb added.
“What part of don’t talk do you not get?” Travis asked. Seb held up his hands in protest, but rather than lying straight back, Travis looked at himself in the mirror. “What do you mean crows feet?”
“The lines by the side of your eyes…” Seb said.
“I know what crows feet are, I’m asking what you mean by crows feet in relation to me - I don’t have crows feet.” Travis said.
“Oh okay!” Seb chuckled, before pausing. “Oh, you’re serious…”
“Yes, I’m serious!” Travis added.
“Well I’m just pointing out that you could probably use a better regimen for your skin… You’re not getting any younger…” Seb added.
“I’m in my mid thirties.” Travis said.
“And as hard as that is to believe, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have to look after your skin.” Seb said. “I mean there are only two manmade objects that can be seen from space, the Great Wall of China and your pores.”
“Alright, that’s it, can you take him somewhere else to have his make up done?” Travis asked.
“Oh there’s nowhere else available - I asked if we could be moved because for some reason we weren’t given a window and they didn’t add the artificial grass that I asked for. I like to walk barefoot you see…” Seb added.
“Is that why your rider is so expensive? You’re supposed to ask for all yellow M&M’s or something, not artificial grass.” Travis snapped.
By this time, Seb is in his chair with an artist working on him.
“You know, you can say what you want about me, but for someone who is so confident in how good they look, you’re certainly accepting a lot of make-up… Sebastian…” Travis snipped. Seb inhaled sharply.
“I’ll have you know that a good base foundation hides a multitude of sins, and SOMEONE had me out drinking until god knows what time on Saturday night, pouring his heart out.” Seb added.
“That didn’t happen.” Travis said.
“Yes it did. You said you were sorry and you were going to be a better partner…” Seb said, smugly.
“That really didn’t happen.” Travis said again.
“It most certainly di…” Seb started.
“No. It. Didn’t.” Said Travis, looking stern. Once more, Seb held his hands up in faux fear before they both leaned back.
“You’re just mad that no matter what you have done, I’ll always look better than you.” Seb said.
“That’s it… I swear to god…” Travis sits up and looks into the eyes of his make-up artist. “If you make sure that all eyes are on me today, I’ll give you a five thousand dollar tip.”
The make-up artist let out a squeal and reached down into her bag and pulled out a large roll up bag. WIth a flick of her wrist, all manner of brushes were displayed like surgical tools. Seb’s eyes widened and he gripped his make up artist by the shoulders.
“Alright, this is no joke… This is WAR. There is NO WAY he can get a better reception than me, do you hear me?” Seb said.
“Sure… Same tip?” She asked.
“Fine.” Seb said, before mouthing ‘I’ll charge it to him.’ and winking. Back and forth Seb and Travis went in their attempts to one up one another.
“Hey, Seb, what’s it like never getting past a single title defence?” Asked Travis.
“Hey, Travis, what’s it like getting your head caved in by Alan Wallace?” Asked Seb. Travis opened his mouth to speak, but clearly couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Seriously. What’s that all about? With Vain?”
“Not letting that go, are you?” Travis asked.
“Nope.” Said Seb. “May as well tell me…”
“Alright, alright.” Said Travis. “I borrowed a pair of his birkenstocks and got paint on them. The man loves his birkenstocks.”
“I wish I could hit you with a birkenstock.” Seb added. Each time one of the artists offered a product, both Seb and Travis were quick to accept, willing to go above and beyond the other.
“You’re so done, Everett-Bryce.” Travis said.
“The Third... “ Said Seb. “Do you think any other teams are doing anything like this before the match tonight?”
“Doubt it.” Said Travis. “Lucy Wylde has been in need of a makeover for years. Even being friends with Eden hasn’t helped that.”
“I’ve considered suggesting that Rogan has a spray tan. I’m mostly concerned one of us will be blinded when he takes his shirt off and the lights bounce off his pale skin.” Seb added.
“They’re perfect for one another - not only are their promos perfectly macabre for this time of year, neither one has to dress up to look as though they’re undead.” Travis said.
“They do give off a very corpse bride feel.” Seb said, thoughtfully. “I have no idea how two people who are so clearly infatuated with each other can somehow make people want to self harm in their presence.”
“Ah, you weren’t around in the early Morgan-Baal days, clearly.” Travis added.
“Alright… We’re done…” Said Seb’s artist. “1… 2… 3!”
Seb and Travis were spun around in their seats.
“Oh... Oh my god…” Said Seb, as he stared at himself, the image of a very, very good drag queen.
“What the hell?!” Said Travis staring at his own reflection. A fully fledged, 80’s hair metal rocker. He turned to face Seb. “Oh my god… You look like Eden!”
“You look like Vinnie Lane!” Seb said, before turning back to look at himself in the mirror… “This is…”
“Terrible…” Travis began.
“Spectacular!” Seb proclaimed.
“What? No…” Said Travis. “We can’t go on stage looking like this, Seb, no-one will know who we are!”
“They’ll introduce us…” Seb added. “Come on Travis, please?!”
“No!” Said Pierce finally. “Alright, double or nothing if you can make us look like Seb and Travis again before this thing starts.”
“You sure?” Asked the artist. Seb’s lip curled into a pout.
“Fine.” He said. “But I need your number, you know… For the future.”
The artist chuckled as they spun Seb and Travis back around and began the process of reversing their work.
“This is all your fault.” Travis said.
“I am not sorry.” Said Seb, having quickly taken a selfie and saved it on his phone.
9.20am, Monday, 27th July 2021
The Massive Melee Panel
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
The Massive Melee Panel
SeatGeek Stadium, Bridgeview, Illinois
Returning to the panel, Seb puffed out his cheeks while Travis looked around awkwardly before leaning forward towards the mic.
“I’d say about the same?” Travis said, half looking towards Seb.
“Yep… That’s… That’s about right. The same.” Seb added.
“The same.” They both said together, both with a grin. The crowd began to laugh as the staffer took the mic from Gavin
“Alright, this is the final question.” Said the moderator on stage. “And this one has been emailed in so I have the honours.”
“It’s not from Alan Wallace is it?” Asked Travis with a chuckle.
“Oh! Right! That! What happened there? Why did he target you?” Asked the moderator. There was an eerie silence that fell over the auditorium. Even Seb was interested. Travis looked around at everyone and rolled his eyes.
“Alright, alright fine.” Said Travis. “But I need you all to know, this isn’t easy to talk about. Alan Wallace is angry with me because…”
Travis paused, took a deep breath.
“He’s angry with me because I stole his grandmother's Christmas Pudding recipe…” Travis said with a completely straight face, before his voice lowered seriously. “And he wants it back… At all costs…”
“Wow.” Said Seb. “That’s the best one yet…”
“Yeah?” Asked Travis. “I thought so…”
“So that’s not true?” Asked the moderator.
“I highly doubt it.” Said Seb. “Travis has a fear of raisins.”
“How did you…” Travis began. “You know what, nevermind - I assume you had another question?”
“Oh, yeah.” Said the moderator looking down at his card. “The question is this - if you could remove one team from your Cooperative Championship match this Monday, who would it be?”
“Oh that’s easy.” Said Seb.
“Absolutely, no doubt in my mind.” Said Travis.
“Then who would it be?” Asked the moderator.
“Us.” Seb and Travis answered together at the same time.
“You… You would take yourselves out of the Cooperative Championship match this Monday?” Asked the moderator.
“Correct.” Said Seb, before getting to his feet with the microphone in his hand. “Let me be clear, this isn’t to say we don’t want the Cooperative Championships.”
“Exactly.” Said Travis, joining Seb by getting to his feet as well. “It’s just that we know this is already foregone conclusion, so in reality, it would be much easier to let those two teams fight it out between themselves for second place while Seb and I relax as unquestionable Cooperative Champions.”
“I mean, how could anyone doubt this duo?” Seb asked, turning to face Travis and offering an overly accentuated wink. “I, Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third, have already held these championships twice with two different partners in the two short years I’ve been here.”
“And let’s not forget, that I am already one half of the most decorated Cooperative Teams in the history of UGWC.” Travis added.
“As for our opponents, well…” Seb said, with a smirk. “Even if Rogan wasn’t distracted by his UGWC World Heavyweight Championship match opening the show tonight, we all know Lucy won’t be able to focus on us whilst she’s trying to ignore the outline of little MacLean in Rogan’s tight, tight trunks.”
“Don’t get us wrong - we know how good Lucy and Rogan are. I mean, if we ignore the fact that Seb has beaten Lucy every time they’ve faced one another in the past few months.” Travis added.
“And we just forget about the fact that MacLean and Jerk were beaten by the two of us just weeks before they conquered the CoolKids at ‘And Then The Dragons Came’,” Followed Seb.
“And speaking of the Coolkids, once upon a time it was just Seb who had Angie’s number, but after her display against me for the Conquest Championship a couple of weeks ago I think it’s safe to say she has no excitement about facing either of us… Well… Other than having another chance to tangle with Sebastian here…” Travis said with a smirk.
“Nothing happened!” Seb said in immediate protest. “Let us not forget that Miss Roxy hasn’t quite been the same since she returned to UGWC, almost entirely hiding behind the skirts of Ms. Vaughn herself. It can be argued that their defeat of the third longest reigning Cooperative Champions of all time was indeed impressive, their subsequent decline in facing a team including a retired wrestler before capitulating at the hands of team that spends 90% of their time fantasizing about club necking hardly puts them in legendary company.”
“Indeed, while we know that both The Cool Kids and Numinous Fate…” Travis began.
“Wait, who?” Seb asked.
“Numinous Fate…” Said Travis.
“Who in god's name is ‘Numinous Fate’?” Seb asked.
“Rogan and Lucy…” Travis added.
“Rogan and Lucy have called themselves Numinous Fate?” Seb asked.
“Yes!” Said Travis.
“They didn’t think something like Interstellar Rave Walkers or Moonlight Fiasco was more subtle?” Seb asked, much to the amusement of the crowd.
“I have no idea, Seb… That’s just what the Research Department was able to determine” Travis added.
“And it’s not a joke someone’s playing on them?” Seb asked.
“No. At least I don’t think it is…” Travis added.
“Was Lush and Letch taken? Drunk and Forgotten? Bleached Ani?” Seb asked again.
“Can we just…” Travis asked, holding out his hand.
“Right… Yes… Go right ahead.” Seb added.
“Thank you.” Travis said. “While we know that both The Cool Kids and Numinous Fate…”
“Lol.” Interjected Seb.
“... Are talented individuals, as a team they just don’t create something that is greater than the sum of their parts. This is a match made up entirely of Grand Slam winners…”
“And Rogan MacLean.” Added Seb.
“And in our opponents, we see duos that are more daunting one on one than they are as a unit. Whether it’s tossing one another star-crossed looks between moves or just the unyielding feeling that Roxy would rather be anywhere than standing by Angelica, the fact remains that Sebastian and I are not just greater than the sum of our parts, we’re just… Great.” Travis continued.
“Which means that the obvious choice to remove is us - we’re the odd ones out. Because when this match is over, and our hands are raised, every single one of you watching that match will ask yourselves why there was ever a need to compete in the first place.” Seb said, grinning.
“So all of you - please, make sure you get nice and comfortable tonight during our TLC match - because we would very much like the opportunity to prove our point.” Travis added.
“That’s right - tonight, we usher in the beginning of a new Empire. Our Empire. Whether The Cool Kids or… Or… I’m sorry, I can’t say it… Lugan McWylde… like it or not.” Seb said as Pierce shook his head slowly.
“Because it’s not our fault… That the truth hurts.” Travis added in an attempt to end the session.
“Yeah! What he said!” Seb jumped in to add, much to Travis’ chagrin. They both offered respectful bows to the crowd as Sweatpants - The Battletapes Remix by Childish Gambino kicks in, bring the panel to a close.
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