Sentinel 15/03/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The Show opens with a view of the front of the GIW Arena in LA, fans have already taken their seats and the show is moments away from starting, so the outside is a fairly empty panoramic. A few merchandise vendors mill about, speaking with one another about their pre-show takings. And a group of photographers gather around the backstage entrance.

A car pulls up, and from the back seat steps Yasutoki Kiseragi, and directly behind him walks former Unified Global Champion, Alex Kiseragi. He stands without aid, and poses for the photographers, whose flash bulbs cascade upon him. He and his father exchange a few words, and Alex laughs at a comment his father makes, and they both walk inside as we cut to ringside, and the faces of Daniel Hanson and Nicholas Vinegar.

Vinegar: Welcome viewers, to another exciting edition of GIW Sentinel. It’s only one week until the stars of Global Impact Wrestling grace this nations Capital for our second Pay Per View of the year, Affirmative Action.

Hanson: What’s with the name, really? Does it mean we have to start giving Big B Brown more air time?

Vinegar: I think they were just stuck for something Governmenty that worked as a Pay Per View name.

Hanson: Governmenty?

Vinegar: You know what I mean. I don’t care if it’s a word or not. But I will say Alex Kiseragi is looking like the picture of health merely a week after falling three stories, that’s gotta cause ‘The Blessed One’ a bit of nervousness...

Hanson: Why? The dude through himself out of a window last week? He displayed the kind of crippling stupidity ‘The Headliner’ exposes in his opponents on a weekly basis, the dude has beat himself two weeks before he steps in the ring with our Unified Global Champion...

Vinegar: Whatever you say Dan, whatever you say. Regardless the guy looks in fantastic condition, and that’s a testament to the health professionals of LA...but it’s time for the first match of the night...

Hanson: Oh well, I guess this is the part where you get over excited about a likely terrible opening match.

Vinegar: And how! We’re going to see Jack Severino and The Cyclone JK take on Raenius and Aragato!

Hanson: *yawns*

Warmaggedon starts to play signalling Raenius as the first to enter. The arena fills with purple light.

Dennis: This is your opening contest of the night, and is a tag team match-up, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Northern Ireland, weighing in at 252lbs. Raenius!!!

Raenius jumps onto the apron knee first then climbs through the ropes. His music soon fades out as The Great Muta concerto takes over. Aragato stalks out to the top of the ramp, hunched low, strapped with kendo sticks, looking out into the crowd manically. Instead of making his way down he steps over to the edge of the stage and crouches down.

Dennis: And the tag team partner, stalking suspiciously at the top of the ramp, from Kyoto Japan and weighing in at 210lbs. Aragatoooooooo!!!

Hanson; What on Earth is he doing?

Vinegar: I don’t know, but I’m sure we’ll find out soon.

Aragato’s music fades out. Moments later a man with a suit walks out onto the ramp.

Suited Man: Cyclones are a natural part of the world. and altho---Ah my face!!!

Hanson: Rofl

Vinegar: Aragato just leapt out and scourged JK’s intro man.

Hanson: Guess he annoyed him as much as the rest of us.

The suited man is left writhing on the floor clutching his face as Aragato finally makes his way towards the ring. From the way Raenius’s shoulders bounce it seems he’s amused by the turn of events too. Aragato slides into the ring as JK, bemused, makes his way towards the ring.

Dennis: Uh, oh yeah, um, from Australia, somewhere, weighing, I forget. It’s JK!

JK gets down to the ring and tries to salvage his entrance by climbing up onto the turnbuckle to make his signature pose. Before he’s stepped back down to the ring Diamond in the Rough starts to play. The lights dim and several gold spotlights converge on the ramp. Away from his usually dynamic entrance, Jack Severino starts to apathetically make his way towards the ring.

Dennis: And his tag team partner, from Christchruch, New Zealand. Weighing in at 270lbs, the limpest man in sports entertainment, Jack Severiiiiiiiiino!!!

Jack breaks into a run towards the ring and Mitchell Dennis quickly retreats to the outside. Jack stares him out from the ropes before climbing the turnbuckle and saying something towards the announcer that we can’t make out.

Vinegar: Well that was all certainly different.

Hanson: You’d almost think entrances in their natural state get boring after a while.

Vinegar: So who do you think is going to start us off?

Hanson: Probably Raenius and Limpman.

Vinegar: Well it looks like it’s going to be Aragato and JK.

Hanson: You asked who was going outside first right?

Vinegar: Sure I did. JK and Aragato circling the ring. JK going for a lock up but takes an elbow to the side of the head for his trouble. The kid seems to have kept his composer though. Shoot for a single leg take down but gets a stiff kick to the head instead.

Hanson: Well this is going to be a one sided affair throughout. Even with the crazy Japanese guy dragging them down, they should still be able to beat a child and the limpest man in sports entertainment.

Vinegar: You’re really going to latch onto that one aren’t you.

Hanson: I think Mitchell’s got it down.

Vinegar: DJS asking for the tag but JK refuses. Shoulder tackles Aragato this time, forcing him back into the corner and taking the clubbing blows to the back he’s taking from Mr. Deathmatch.

Hanson: Shouldn’t have forced him back into is own corner though. Sloppy error.

Vinegar: Raenius indeed taking the opportunity to blind tag himself in. JK doesn’t see it and pays the price, the Resident Evil climbing into the ring and hits a back belly suplex.

Hanson: Strong impact by the only decent person in this match.

Vinegar: Raenius taking control back with that hit and putting the boot to JK in the middle of the ring. The Cyclone manages to roll himself away and out to the arena floor, still clutching the back of his head.

Hanson: Severino tries to get into the ring but Hazel East insists he’s still not the legal man. Raenius seems happy to wait for JK to recompose himself though.

Vinegar: The Cyclone climbs back up onto the apron. He seems wary of the Resident Evil who backs off, inviting him to come in.

Hanson: It’s a trap, he’s got to know it’s a trap.

Vinegar: JK climbs between the ropes and gets swiftly knocked down with a clothesline. Raenius drags him up and sends him running with the Irish Whip. Big sidewalk slam on the return. Cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by JK. Raenius dragging JK up again and taking him over to their corner. Tag in to Aragato again. Raenius holds him open as Aragato puts the boot into his abdomen.

Hanson: These two are working pretty well considering.

Vinegar: Considering what?
Hanson: That they’re both bat-shit insane.

Vinegar: Yeah that is pretty surprising. Aragato keeping JK in the corner. Lights him up with the knife edge chops across the chest. Irish whip across the ring. Aragato charges in but JK gets a boot up into the face. Counters with a bulldog and both men-

Hanson: Man and boy.

Vinegar: Yes, the man and the boy are both down. JK recovering first though, getting to his feet, though he still looks a little shaky. Aragato getting back up but takes a dropkick back down to the mat.

Hanson: I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I think a tag to Jack Severino could be wise.

Vinegar: That was very big of you. Not happening just yet though. JK trying to follow up on this offence. Drops the elbow across Aragato’s chest. Now going for the tag. Jack Severino in.

Hanson: I have nothing to say on this man.

Vinegar: Cool. Jack grabs Aragato as he heads for his corner and drags him to his feet. Big side belly to belly suplex. Pin attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by Aragato. Severino pulls him back up and knocks him down with a short arm lariat. Going to pick Aragato back up. Hurricanrana counter and Aragato makes the tag.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: You literally have nothing to say about Jack Severino.

Hanson: Nothing.

Vinegar: Nothing?

Hanson: I’ve said it all before.

Vinegar: Not even about him being hoisted up and nailed with a Death Valley Driver by Raenius in the middle of the ring?

Hanson: Ok maybe something. That was sweeeet.

Vinegar: It’s worrying how little of the roster you’re still willing to say even a single decent word about.

Hanson: What do you mean? I like Gabrielle, and Chinatsu, and Chassie Fear and--

Vinegar: I said you, not your penis.

Hanson: What’s the difference?

Vinegar: Probably about 5ft 11 inches.

Hanson: I’m 6ft and--hey!

Vinegar: Raenius locks in a grounded headlock. DJS having none of it though. Pushes them both back up, sends Raenius off towards the ropes. Shoulder block by Raenius but neither man budges.

Hanson: Oh here we go.

Vinegar: Raenius off the ropes again. Shoulder block and both men still standing. Severino this time off the ropes, shoulder block and both men still on their feet. Severino goes off running again but this time takes a back elbow that knocks him down.

Hanson: Phew, that was getting real old real fast.

Vinegar: Tag in to Aragato. Double team, both men with the Whip on The Blue Eyed Devil. Simultaneous big boot by Raenius and dropkick by Aragato. Mr Deathmatch taking over from here. Stiff roundhouse kicks to the chest as Severino gets back up.

Hanson: Kick his ass crazy bitch.

Vinegar: Wow, you even like Aragato better despite him scourging you before Infinity.

Hanson: Physical wounds heal.

Vinegar: Riiight. Aragato tags Raenius back in. Double whip again. DJS ducks a double super kick. Diving clotheslines drop both opponents. Great power counter by Diamond in the Rough.

Hanson: Wasn’t that great…*grumbles*

Vinegar: Aragato slides out of the ring as Jack makes the tag to JK who heads to the top rope. Double Axe handle attempt blocked by Raenius who’s got him by the throat. Chokeslam! Lateral press cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, Jack back in to break the count. Aragato seems to take exception to it running clothesline sends both men over the ropes to the outside. Both men-

Hanson: Man and Boy.

Vinegar: Yes, thank you. Both, whatever, up again, JK with a right hand. Blocked by Raenius, twisted up into the arm wrench. Rippersnapper!!! That came from nowhere. Pin, hooks the legs.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: It’s done.

Dennis: Here are your winners, Aragato and Raeniuuuuus!!!

Hanson: Told you.

Vinegar: Stock up of canned food and evacuate the major population centres, Daniel Hanson’s prediction came true.

Hanson: You say that like it’s uncommon.

Vinegar: Less common then you getting with a woman.

Hanson: Hey I got with one la---

Vinegar: A real one.

Hanson: Oh ok. Shouldn’t we say something witty before the next match?

Vinegar: I can’t think of anything.

Hanson: Me neither.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We return from commercials, and once again we are outside the GIW Arena, but this time in the car park itself, where we see Randy Boolzian’s U-suk Truck, less its front windscreen. The Red Bull icon is nowhere to be seen. The camera slowly walks around the front of the cab, and finds the Red Bull Icon sat on the floor, with his back against the tyre clutching a white grocery bag housing two cans of Red Bull. He takes a cigarette from his lips with his right hand still holding the cheap Bic lighter and the twelve cancer sticks left in the pack as he exhales a large plume of smoke, before reaching up and grabbing the die of the cab to drag himself to his feet.

He then starts to make his way, unsurely towards the arena, pausing every few steps to lean up against a car and regain his balance. His arms still covered in gashes from the previous week, and his staggered walking suggests RBI is in no fit state to be at the arena. He climbs the steps to the backstage entrance, shielding his face from the tidal wave of flashbulbs, opens the door and disappears inside.

Vinegar: That’s a contrasting state to that of ‘The Dragon earlier today, goes to show that it’s probably a good idea to do what your doctors tell you...

Hanson: Wow, that’s a shocker, BoolZ makes a bad decision! If you’re going to harp on about well established facts, why not go on about how much more blessed Travis Roberts is than the rest of us...

Vinegar: because then you wouldn’t have anything to say...anyway Mitchell Dennis is ready with the introductions...

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for once fall....

Vinegar: We’ve got a real David vs Goliath match up next, as the 24 year old Tim Kingsley, a man relatively new to GIW faces off against the 40 year old, seven foot ‘Monster, Dredd...

Hanson: Well it’s quite clear the lunatic, Kingsley, is going to be killed...

Vinegar: That’s exactly what they thought about David...

Hanson: A Biblical tale? Really?

Vinegar: What’s wrong with that?

Hanson: Nothing...nothing...I can just sense millions of remotes around the world switching over...

Vinegar: You don’t think the prospect of this match already had them do that?

“Beginning of the end” Blasts out across the arena, and contrary to his profile there is not a huge pop, as currently most GIW fans are ambivalent in their feelings towards GIW’s space cadet. He walks down to the ring firing his gun at the audience and the ring, without the pyro’s suggested within his profile, due to the fact he is a barely established star...

Dennis: And introducing first, from Houston, Texas, the Space Cadet, TIIIIIIIM KIIIIIIINGSLEEEEEEEEEY!

Hanson: I know we’ve touched on the subject a few times before, but seriously do we recruit from somewhere they put lead into the water? Why are one in every two members of this company absolutely, pig shit, crazy?

Vinegar: Well the likes of Kingsley certainly have their quirks...

Hanson: Quirks? What kind of circles do you run in? If you think Tim is merely quirky...

Vinegar: Yeah, like I’m going to tell you anything about my private life...

*Divine* blasts through the speakers and Dredd appears on the stage, and a few pyro’s go off as stated in his profile, as ‘The Monster’ is an established GIW name they have gone to the effort of giving him a few fireworks.

Dennis: And introducing his opponent, from Deep Ellum, Texas, he is ‘The Monster’ DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD!

Vinegar: 2009 has gone fairly well so far for Dredd, he has had mixed results, but he has had his most sustained spell of activity here in GIW, which suggests his body is holding out better than before...

Hanson: Or that he just doesn’t know when he should stop, I’m half expecting him to fall apart in the ring one night...you know, limbs just start dropping off...

Vinegar: Yeah because that’s highly likely...

Hanson: You think Kingsley is quirky, and not a raving lunatic, so I’m not really looking for the ok from yourself on my theories. It’s a bit like Stephen Hawkins asking the Count from Sesame Street to evaluate his most recent formula explaining Space Time travel...

Vinegar: Of course it is, Dredd has made his way into the ring now, and his eyes are focused on Kingsley as Owen Peterson pats the competitors down, and then signals for the bell to be rung, and this match is now underway.

Hanson: And Kingsley is quick off the mark and throws himself into a dropkick, but Dredd bats him away like a small insect, and looks down at the Space Cadet as he climbs to his feet, and runs the ropes...

Vinegar: And Kingsley throws and equally unsuccessful clothesline Dredd’s way, this time Dredd doesn’t even flinch as Kingsley bounces off ‘The Monsters’ frame and lands ass first on the canvas once more...but gets back up again, and throws a right fist, and then a left fist at Dredd, the Space Cadet is certainly resilient...

Hanson: Man, he’s obviously a lunatic, look at Dredd he’s not even moving as Tim attempts to reign down a torrent of fists upon ‘The Monster’...

Vinegar: I’ll concede the young man probably needs to adopt a different method of attack...

Hanson: That or throw the towel in before he gets dropped on his head from that turnbuckle...although he may not have a choice now as Dredd seems to have had enough of waiting for Kingsley to actually hurt him, and he grabs The Space Cadet and whips him to the rope...BIG BOOT!

Vinegar: ‘The Monster’ quickly pulls Kingsley to his feet...locks in an elevated full nelson...

Hanson: Into an overhead toss...he’s just throwing the space man round like a ragdoll...and he drags him to his feet, and whips him again this time into the corner...I think I know how this one is gonna go...

Vinegar: Dredd charges at Kingsley hitting him with an almighty Avalanche, and now he grabs the prone body of Kingsley...

Hanson: And places him on the top rope...climbs up...this one’s over folks, any second now....CONCRETE PILEDRIVER!!!

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, surprising absolutely no-one whatsoever, ‘The Monster’ DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDD!!!

Hanson: Some might suggest that was a complete waste of everyone’s time really. Kingsley obviously wasn’t ready for this test, and should have been allowed to skip this showing until he could at least give Dredd some semblance of competition...

Vinegar: Regardless, Dredd picks up another dominating win here in GIW, honestly I hope we’re all ready for the moment he and the mighty Komosube square off next Sunday in Washington, that’s going to be brutal to even watch...Next up Ms. Hardings In Ring Debut, against the Diamond Princess, Gabrielle...

Hanson: Aww man, ANOTHER waste of time...

“Through the fire and flames” by Dragon Force hits the P.A. system to half a crowd booing and the other half cheering as JK comes out in an AC/DC T-shirt, Grunge jacket, and denim Jeans facing out at the crowd.

Vinegar: Well, look here its JK. And maybe he is here to explain his actions last week.

Hanson: You know I have gained a little respect for this young Aussie...

Vinegar: But just last week you despised him, what gives?

Hanson: I realised how hard it must be to be the youngest kid in the crowd, and he is putting up with a hell of a lot to be here.

Vinegar: O.......k but JK has taken a Mic from Dennis....

Hanson cuts Vinegar over.

Hanson: And now he made it that that little nerd can’t talk! I think I found a new friend.

JK: Affirmative action.... no it’s not just something that Barak Obama said; it’s also a GIW PPV.

JK Pauses to think of a way to word his next sentence.

JK: Last week; the world watched as I interrupted Kingsley’s title match. And I have had people come up to me on the streets and ask, why JK why?

Vinegar: Hell yeah! We deserve an answer!

Hanson; Please don’t try to act like stone cold again...

JK: Well I guess one reason could be because I believe in the “eye for an eye” passage of the bible.

He again pauses to take in the crowd and think of a way to put it better.

JK: Two weeks ago, in this very ring, I was cheated out of a win against you Kingsley. You ducked the top rope, and in doing so; gave a Low blow that you yourself can’t get pinned for to get the win. And so I decided to exact my revenge, you cost me a match, therefore I cost you a match.

The crowd boos slightly at this notion.

JK; But I realise that there may be some.............bad blood between us now.

Vinegar: Well no duh... You hit him with a cricket bat.

Hanson: All’s fair in love and war Nick.

JK: We aren’t two year olds Tim, we can sort this out with words, and so I want you to come down to this ring right now so we can straighten this shit out.

Vinegar: seems fair I guess...

Hanson: Oh you can tell that he has a weapon with him...I can’t wait to see space poof hit with a bat again...but Space Man is back on his feet after that beating from Dredd...

JK: Look mate, I want to sort this out. I did some stuff that displeased you, you did some stuff that displeased me, let’s just let bygones be bygones?

JK offers his hand for Kingsley to shake, but Kingsley just raises his own Mic to his mouth.

SCTK: You caused the failure of my mission, according to Galaxy Fighter protocol, any third parties that indeed interfere with any mission, be it a success or not must be dealt with severely.

JK looks out to the crowd before looking back at Kingsley.

JK: Ok, how about next sentinel?

Kingsley shakes his head.

SCTK: I challenge you to Affirmative Action!

The crowd cheers in acceptance.

JK: Well the crowd wants it, why not. I accept!

The crowd is going nuts!

SCTK: At Affirmative Action JK, I shall see to it that you can never interfere in my matches, let alone walk again!

“Beginning of the end” Re-hits the P.A. system as Kingsley leaves the arena.

Vinegar: well Ladies and Gentlemen; “Space cadet” Tim Kingsley is to fight JK at Affirmative Action

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Folks, I’d like take this moment to do something we don’t always get around to in this business, and that’s thank you directly. Because without you, our little company wouldn’t be anything.

Hanson: Geez, Nick, laying it on a bit thick there. Oh my god, are you retiring?

Vinegar: No, I just thought it needed to be said.

Hanson: Well, since we’re using up broadcast space, I’d like to make some statements as well. First of all…

The funky bassline of “I Turn My Camera On” cuts his words short.

Hanson: Aw, man. I never get free airtime.

‘The Auteur’ struts to the ring, microphone in hand and GIW.Com Belt slung over his shoulder.

Hanson: And I don’t even get to look at Ms. Harding while Ed Wood runs his mouth.

Vinegar: Ms. Harding obviously wants to remain focused on her GIW in-ring debut against the former women’s champion, Gabrielle.

Hanson: Whatever. Those broads owe me a nipple slip for this.

Moss: Target demographic, you are looking at a man who has successfully defended the GIW.Com Title two times…in a row. Keith?

Footage rolls of Moss covering Hastings with a 1 in the corner, then hitting the Cutting Room on Kingsley with a 2 in the corner.

Moss: Thank you Keith. And hopefully after tonight, I’ll be able to add another clip. Miss Fear, I know that you won’t make it particularly easy on me. You walked away from a car crash, so you obviously are quite tough. But I intend on walking in AND out of Affirmative Action with this belt. But let’s not dwell on the future, because, dear target demographic, I have a surprise for you all right here in the present!

Hanson: Is it a pony?

Vinegar: What?

Moss: So welcome to a very special edition of Moss Edwards’ HEAD SHOTS!

This time sparks fly out of all four corners. Moss looks pleasantly surprised.

Moss: Now was that so hard? Anyway, for my guest tonight, is someone many of you may have thought, you’d never see. But I found him.

Hanson: Jesus?

Moss: So welcome back, ANDY SAVANA!

‘Butterfly with Bullet Wings’ blares over the loudspeaker and Andy Savana steps out onto the ramp to a big pop. He slaps hands as he makes his way to the ring.

Vinegar: We haven’t seen Andy for over a month, Daniel, and it looks like the crowd appreciates having him back in the arena.

Hanson: Eh, they’re all high.

Moss: Andrew, thank you for coming. The last time any of us saw you, you were getting into strange vehicles and wandering into Infinity just to get rolled up in record time. So let’s get the first question out of the way right now. How have you been?

Andy: Don't remember much past that 8 man battle royal I was eliminated quite early in.

Moss: Now, in your absence, a GIW.Com Forum Thread started up with theories about your disappearance. I’d like to run some of these by you, feel free to deny or confirm at your own leisure. PuddingPop16: Savana finally got caught by the police.

Andy: The police can never seem to work together with other cops in other cities to that isn't quite plausible.

Moss: Alright, GabbysBeard: Aliens. Little green men came down and took Andy to space for probing. This is also where that freak Kingsley came from.

Andy: We shared tea.

Moss: TheChmpIsHere5_4, I believe that was supposed to be champ, anyway: Teh invisible man and Andy migrated south for the winter and spent the last month doing belly button shooters.

Andy: I live in Houston for the most part so no need for migrating.

Moss: Yeah, that does sound like fun. One more. LordofPainXXXSuckIt13….does that mean there are 12 more before him? Well, Mr 13 says: “For all I care he could be hanging by his neck in his fucking closet.” Whoa, that’s harsh.

Andy: Hanging by the neck? Sounds like a cool new finishing move I have to show off.

Moss: So now that you’re back with the land of the living, what are your plans, Andrew?

Andy: I'll be making my return at Affirmitive Action and was wondering if me and you could probably do some tagging. I'm a bit lonely without my pretend friends.

Moss: You know, I’d love to, but right now my priority is being the BEST Global InterWeb Champion humanly possible.

Andy: Championship gold around your waist? Sounds like my intentions changed up just a bit.

Moss: Yes, Andrew, this belt. And I have to set an example, a precedence, that the GIW.Com Champion is, and forever shall be, a fighting champion. So I’m taking this strap to Affirmative Action.

Andy: Good, because I'll be at Affirmitive Action as well. Maybe you and that title will be a little closer to myself that originally planned. Just maybe though.

Savana rises to his feet and points to the title and smiles.

Andy: What better way to make a comeback than to challenge for that title, mate.

Savana winks and gives a wave to all the fans at ringside as his music comes on. He walks backwards up the ramp, eying the belt the entire way.

Vinegar: What do you suppose that means, Daniel?

Hanson: **zzzzz.** What?

Vinegar: Well, the newly returned Andy Savana leaves the ring, but it sounds like he’s going to insert himself into The Auteur’s PPV match-up. We’ll have to see what he has in store for Moss Edwards.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Alright, folks, we are about to see two of our Global Girls lock up in the ring, and I'm guessing that Daniel can hardly contain his excitement.

Hanson: Nick, I think we should make this next one interesting. I propose a game.

Vinegar: A game?

Hanson: Yes. Every time give us some boring informative tidbit, you get a point. Every time I make a sex joke, I get a point. And whoever loses buys the winner a beer.

Vinegar: Somehow I think this is one of those games where we all lose.

Hanson: Keith?

A 'ding' sound effect announces the popping-up of two small zeroes in either corner of the screen.

Vinegar: Well, tonight sees the in-ring debut of Grace Harding.

Hanson: And last night saw the in-your-mom debut of my penis.

Ding! [1] [0]

Vinegar: Yeah, this is a fun game.

'Envy' by KHZ erupts over the loudspeakers as the changing colors of the houselights draws attention to the entryway. Gabrielle enters the arena to a large pop and catcalls.

Mitchell: The following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Auckland, New Zealand, the Chief Nigga of GIW, GABRIEEEEEELLE MADISOOOOOOON MONTGOOOOMERYYYYYY!

Vinegar: Gabrielle can't feel entirely safe in this match. Lord Hastings still has her in his sights, and as we all heard, he's challenged her to an I Quit Match at Affirmative Action. That's a brutal stipulation, Dan. No pinfalls, no count-outs, no submissions, no DQs. The match will not stop until one wrestler literally can't go on anymore. [1] [1]

Mitchell: Then why didn't he call for a Last Man Standing Match? I mean, that's pretty much what last week was.

Vinegar: No, Dan, this is about embarassment. To stop the match, Gabrielle would literally have to announce to the world that she can no longer go on. [1] [2]

Mitchell: Wait, was that seriously worth another point?

The brass horns of 'Step Into My Office' announce the arrival of Grace Harding. She stands at the entry way in a pantsuit and breathes in deliberately before opening her blazer.

Vinegar: And Miss Harding has apparently been out of the ring for over two years. Her independent solos career was cut short by a back injury. [1] [3]

Hanson: No fair, you didn't tell me you did research! Umm, I know a way we can re-injure that back. [2] [3]

Vinegar: And now flipping into the ring, this should be a nice reminder of the days when Gabrielle was our Women's Champion.

Hanson: I'll say. I've been missing the girl on girl action.

Vinegar: Senior Official Glenn Burke calling for the bell.

Hanson: Wait, how was that not worth a point?

Vinegar: And the two women lock up, collar and elbow style. And Grace wastes no time in placing the former champion in a hammer lock. This is a standard wrestling hold that places pressure on Gabrielle's shoulder, and is also a common technique in law enforcement. [2][4]

Hanson: I hammered your mom's lock. [3] [4] Yeah! Hanson's back in the game!

Vinegar: Now the Diamond Princess with a textbook reversal into her own hammerlock. Miss Harding now having her own shoulder worked on.

Hanson: I'll work on your mom's shoulder...yeah, that was nothing.

Vinegar: Grace slips around and synches an hammerlock onto the other arm now. It may not be high-flying excitement here in the opening minute, but both women are taking the measure of each other.

Hanson: I'd like to know their measurements too. Come on, that plus the girl action thing should be at least worth a point together.

Vinegar: Now it's Gabrielle reversing the hold again. It may look easy to hold onto an arm, but making the hold hurt takes technique, as does finding a way out of it. [3][5]

Hanson: You suck Keith. [2] [5] Oh come on!

Vinegar: Now Miss Harding's turn to...that works too! Grace just swung herself up to deliver double knees to the side of Gabby's head!

Hanson: I love a girl that's on the flexible side. [3] [5]

Vinegar: Both women fall to the mat and The Caramel Skinned Sexpot has a slightly shocked look on her face. But it turns into a sly smile as she nods at Miss Harding.

Hanson: Hooking up again.

Vinegar: Yes, and Gabrielle drives a knee to the midsection of Miss Harding, then flips her over with the snapmare. Harding to her feet and The Chief Negress spins her around with a hard forearm shot.

Hanson: And now the facebuster for the advantage! I'd like to bust on her face. [4] [5]

Vinegar: That was disgusting. And now Gabrielle off the ropes, she leaps for the knee drop, but nobody's home! And Grace doesn't wait for the standing back up part, she launches off the mat for a low-altitude lariat takedown! [4] [6]

Hanson: You get points for calling clotheslines lariats? I am THIS close to calling shenanigans.

Vinegar: Now Grace off the ropes...

Hanson: She goes for the Shining Wizard! Ha, beat you to it.

Vinegar: Technically, Daniel, that was the Shining Apprentice! The Wizard uses the opponent's knee for leverage, while the Apprentice does not. The original version of the Wizard was of course innovated by The Great Muta. [4] [7]

Hanson: Either way, it laid Gabrielle on her back. Oh the things I would do to her from there.

Vinegar: That wasn't a sex joke so much as just plain creepy. Now Grace rebounds off the ropes for the lionsault. Or as it's known in Mexico, La Quebrada. [4] [8]

Hanson: More like...la queer..brada. Wait no, I can do it, wait. More like..feel HER bra da. [5] [8] Thanks Keith.

Vinegar: Kick out at one inside the ring. Back to their feet, now Grace whips Gabrielle into the ropes. Now leaping up to deliver a huracarrana, but the Envied Princess rolls under, and she crashes to the mat.

Hanson: I don't suppose you're going to tell me who invented the Hurricanrana now.

Vinegar: No, Daniel, I'm going to tell you who invented the HURACARRANA, before we bastardized the language. And that was Huracan Ramirez. Although, technically, it's only a huracarrana if it ends in a pinning position. Otherwise, it's a Frankensteiner, named of course for...

Hanson: I KNOW WHO THE FRANKENSTEINER IS NAMED FOR, NICHOLAS.

....

[5] [9]

Vinegar: Now Gabrielle with a front headlock, holding Grace steady while she regains her composure. And from there she swings around to hit the neckbreaker! Both women climbing to their feet, Gabrielle up first and she goes for a standing dropkick.

Hanson: Picking Grace up. Come on, girls, do something I can turn into a mom joke!

Vinegar: GaBuster! Grace comes down hard onto Gabby's knees.

Hanson: Wait, more like Grace goes down...hard..on a hard...knee? [6] [9] Alright, pity points!

Vinegar: Now grabbing Miss Harding from behind for a sleeper hold. Then she drops it down, falling sleeper neck breaker!

Hanson: That sure was a mouthful, Nick.

Vinegar: It sure was.

Hanson:......that's what she said. [7] [9]

Vinegar: Pin attempt, one two, out at two. Now Miss Harding is up and charging forward, but The Caramel Skinned Sexpot catches her in an inverted atomic drop.

Hanson: Slightly less effective on a woman, I would think.

Vinegar: It's still gravity pulling you down onto somebody's knee. It's still going to hurt.

Hanson: I'll rub it better. No, nothing?

Vinegar: And now the Enzuigiri! An attack whose name is translated as 'chop to the medulla oblongata.' [7] [10]

Hanson: I chopped your mom's oblongata.

Vinegar: Another 2 count fall, now Gabby with a forearm shot to the head and another 1 count fall.

Hanson: Did she expect that forearm to knock her out? Does she have Lex Luger arms?

Vinegar: It's ring psychology, Daniel. Making your opponent focus on kicking out, put them on the defensive, wear them down mentally while you're still working on them physically. [7] [11]

Hanson: I know that! I've been on the inside, man!

Vinegar: Could have fooled me most days. Now Gabrielle going to whip Grace into the corner, it's reversed. Now Grace charging into the corner, Cartwheel to a Back Elbow! Now the Princess out of the corner, Samoan Drop.

Hanson: They're starting to slow down a bit.

Vinegar: Well, they've been firing on all cylinders, so to speak. You can't expect them to keep that up forever.

Hanson: That's what she said. [8] [11]

Vinegar: Both women up to their feet, Gabrielle ducks under a high kick, and goes for the Complete Shot! Maybe a small nod to Jack Severino there, and his Calculated Shot variation. Cover, kick out at 2 again. Gabrielle turning to climb the post, but Miss Harding is up to her feet in a burst of energy and charges The Goddess of Elegance from behind!

Hanson: That's how I charged your mom. [9] [11]

Vinegar: Driving Gabrielle's face into the top pad while she locks in a sort of chickenwing hold, and now she pushes off the corner to send them both down to the mat and she locks her legs around Gabrielle's waist! This is the Black List! It's similar to the Tazzmission perfected of course by ECW original Tazz, and based on the judo technique of kata ha jime. She's placing pressure on the carotid arteries, and holding that arm up in a stressed position. [9] [12]

Hanson: Do you have all this written down somewhere? Let me see your palms!

Vinegar: Burke checks on her, but she is not ready to tap out. In the back of her mind, she has to be thinking that she could find herself in a similar situation at Affirmative Action! But with her armed locked in place, she can't reach for the ropes! She's going to have to summon up all her strength somehow. She's managed to roll over, but all that seems to have accomplished is putting Miss Harding over top of her!

Hanson: They've formed the Beast With The Two Backs! [10] [12]

Vinegar: Struggling up to her knees, with Grace's long legs still wrapped around her! Miss Harding is only slightly lighter than Gabrielle, and a good few inches taller, so this can't be the most comfortable piggyback ride she's ever given. The Diamond Princess charges backwards and splashes into the post! The hold still isn't broken, another splash! And one more to finally earn Gabrielle her freedom!

Hanson: That's right, Nick, Gabrielle just proved that she is NOT into bondage! [11] [12] Oh, I'm right on your tail, barbeque boy!

Vinegar: The former Women's Champion showing great ring presence and resilience there. And now a monkey flip out of the corner. Gabrielle again climbing up top.

Hanson: I love a woman on top. [12] [12]

Vinegar: Moonsault press! Burke right there for the count, One! Two! Th-- kick out at the last minute. Gabrielle slumped against the corner now, Miss Harding up to her knees, they're obviously exhausted, but it almost looks like they're laughing. Forcing themselves back up to their feet, and locking up again. This time, Gabrielle takes the advantage with an armbar. This is a joint lock, hyperextending the arm in an awkward position to cause pain. [12] [13]

Hanson: Crap, um, I'll put your mom in an awkward position. [12] [13] What?

Vinegar: Miss Harding leaps up onto the second turnbuckle, then hops back off to deliver a chop to the neck, breaking the hold!

Hanson: I chopped your mom's neck with my penis? [12] [13] Come on, Dan, get your head in game.

Vinegar: Now reaching up to grab Gabrielle by the neck, could be going for the Twist Ending, but Gabrielle powers out and shoves Miss Harding head first into the ring post!

Hanson: I shoved your mom head first into my post. [12] [13] Dammit!

Vinegar: Now climbing onto the turnbuckle, what does The Caramel Skinned Sexpot have in mind? TORNADO DOUBLE D DDT!

Hanson: I'm so torn, Nick! I of course have the utmost respect for our Lord Chief, but Gabrielle is in the mindset to win! Who do I support?

Vinegar: I guess you'll have to work that out next week, Dan. Gabby for the pin, 1 2, Only 2 and a half! I don't know how Grace kicked out after that DDT. To their feet, now Grace leaps up for a Hurracarana, but the Diamond Princess has it scouted and drops Grace to the mat. Powerbomb pin!

Hanson: She's put her feet on the turnbuckle! That's classic strategy for you!

Vinegar: That's classic cheating, you mean, but Senior Official Glenn Burke doesn't see it! 1 2 3!

Hanson: It's the do whatever takes attitude that Gabrielle needs to have to score a victory over Lord Hastings.

Mitchell: Your winner, GABRIELLE MADISON MONTGOOOOOMERY!

Vinegar: But that was still a definite slobberknocker.

Hanson: Wait! I'll slobber on her knockers! Yes!

Mitchell: Sorry, Dan, that was after the buzzer. The winner of the commentary contest, with a score of 13 to 12, NICHOLAAAAS VIIINEGAR!

Hanson: What?!

Vinegar: Better luck next time Dan. By the way...

Hanson: Ow!

Vinegar: Don't talk about my mama.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: welcome back guys, we were going to take you straight to the Crimson Ghost vs Donovan Hastings...

Hanson: The Lord-Chief!

Vinegar: Whatever...ignore Daniel folks, but over the course of the rbeak some events occurred that have changed the complexion of tonights show, lets run that footage.

The camera cuts to a backstage scene, with the words ‘During the Break’ superimposed across the bottom. We see Randy Boolzian walking uneasily towards the door of the Unified Global Champion and his tag partner for tonight, Travis Roberts, BoolZ raps loudly on the door, and after a few moments it swings open to reveal ‘The Blessed One’ himself...

BoolZ: Opening your own door? Always figured you had people for that...

Travis: Knocking? ‘The Headliner’ always assumed you barged into whatever room you wished to enter...and generally exit through the window...

BoolZ: Funny. Bet your wodnerign what I’m doing here, well for a change I’m not gonna tell you about how we are not done...

Travis: That’s a relief, although ‘The Headliner’ is still unclear on the matter...

BoolZ: We’re not done...

Travis: Glad we cleared that up, is there anything else or can ‘The Headliner’ get back to his pre-match ritual, you know ‘The Blessed One’ has gotta carry some nearly guy in the main event , and that takes a lot of preparation.

BoolZ: I just came to say, despite our differences you got nothing to worry about tonight, The RBI has got your ba...

The Red Bull Icon is cut off Mid-Section as out of nowhere a rabid Marek Daisuke charges him to the floor and begins to lay right and left ahdns after one another onto Randy. BoolZ does his best to block the attack, but Marek uses his immense speed to dodge each of BoolZ’s attempts at blocking, and continues to shower right and left after right and left onto the prone body of the RBI.

Whilst this is going on ‘The Headliner’ stands in the doorway, just oserving the action as it unfolds, as Marek, pulls BoolZ to his feet, Travis reaches into his top pocket for a pre-rolled and lights it, and leans against the door frame as he inhales, and continues to watch, as Marek whips BoolZ into the opposite wall, and then charges at him as he staggers forward. Marek grabs his neck and then hits The Marek-Ill...

As he gets to his feet Blings security posse rush into the scene and restrain the angry oriental, as BoolZ rolls onto his front, we can see blood seeping through his shirt where Marek has obviously reopened wounds from last weeks incident. Then a familiar voice hollers from off screen....

Boss P – AH MAN, GET THAT SILLY FLIPPY NIGGA OUT OF HERE! HE DONE RUINED DA MAIN EVENT TONIGHT, I DON’T WANNA SEE HIS VERBALLY CHALLENGED ASS IN MA’ HOUSE UNTIL AFTER AFFIRMATIVE ACTION...YA HERE ME? AND YOU, GANGLY NIGGA, YOU BEST FIND YOSELF A NEW PARTNER, AND DAT GOES FOR DAY KIcKY DRAGON NIGGA TOO...UNLESS YA DON’T WANT A MATCH TONIGHT? CAUSE THIS PENGUIN AIN’T GIVIN’ AWAY THE PPV MAIN EVENT FFO FREE DIS WEEK, YA HEAR...

Travis shrugs his shoulders, takes one last look at the prone body of Randy Boolzian, who is quite obviously unconscious on the floor, and closes the door behind him, as the scene returns to the interior of the arena and the present time.

Vinegar: Well guys, you better stay tuned to see what is gonna happen with the main event, but we’ve got plenty more action before that...
 
Hanson: Are we going to exchange banter again?

Vinegar: We usually do before the entrances, but I tell you what, Dan, my throat is getting a little parched. If only I had a beer.

Hanson:...I hate you, Vinegar.

Mitchell: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 224 pounds, the Clown Prince of GIW, CRIMSOOOOON GHOOOOSSSSSSST!

The punk energy of The Misfits infects the crowd, who pogo in anticipation of the entrance of The Crimson Ghost. A few can even be seen skanking, to the hazard of those around them. The Crimson Ghost charges down the aisle, high fives all around.

Vinegar: The Ghost is likely to be see himself as fighting for the honor of his friend Gabrielle in this match.

Hanson: I would fight for her too, if it weren't for my condition.

Vinegar: Your neck injury?

Hanson: My cowardice.

Mitchell: And his opponent, weighing in at 230 pounds, The Lord of Pain, DONOVAAAAAAN HAAAASTINGS!

Lord Hastings appears in his robe as Adema announces his arrival.

Vinegar: Well, Hazel East is the official for tonight's match, but Owen Peterson is accompanying his, um, what exactly is Hastings to Peterson now anyway?

Hanson: Bitch. He is the Lord's bitch.

Vinegar: Hastings has Peterson remove his robe, Hazel East and Dennis Mitchell are sharing a little laugh at his misfortune.

Hanson: Those two make me sick. All coupley.

Vinegar: Now Lord Hastings holding his hands up towards Ghost, asking for the test of strength, but Ghost is shaking his head, and whispering something to Mitchell and East.

Mitchell: Ladies and Gentlemen, the Crimson Ghost has announced that he has chosen his own stipulation for this match!

Vinegar: A little dig at Lord Hastings there, I have to think.

Mitchell: So, the following will now be a two out of three contest, with the first fall being decided by a bake off!

Vinegar: A bake off?

Hanson: I call taste-tester!

Vinegar: Ghost pulls out a small box from, somewhere.

Hanson: His ass?

Vinegar: Sets it on the ground and gives it a kick, it bursts open and out comes a table with full dinner settings and tableclothe, and a tarped object on top.

Hanson: What do you think it is?

Vinegar: He removes the tarp, is that?

Hanson: Yes Nick, that is the Easy Bake Oven. Highly desirable toy for many a small girl, and more than a few sensitive young boys.

Vinegar: Are you tearing up?

Hanson: No...you're tearing up.

Vinegar: Ghost wastes no time mixing up something, and Hastings snaps his fingers, sending Owen Peterson to work at the oven. This is like our own little Hell's Kitchen in the GIW ring. And now the bakers are done, that was an interesting time lapse. Daniel, do us the honors.

Hanson: The Ghost's cookies are pretty good, but Owen, your brownies are off the chain. First fall goes to the Lord Chief!

Vinegar: Ghost appears to be disappointed, though the mask makes that a little hard to tell for certain. Now he's reaching under the table for something.

Mitchell: The second fall will be decided with a dance off!

Vinegar: And he pulls out a plasma screen TV that he adheres to the corner post, and looks like he's plugging in a dance mat?

Hanson: It's Dance Dance Revolution time Nick! Look at the Ghost's feet, he is all over that mat.

Vinegar: Hastings just shaking his head.

Hanson: The Chief Nigga does not dance for anybody!

Vinegar: Well, then second fall goes to the Ghost by default. Now the Crimson Ghost takes a step onto the right arrow, and lifts his other foot directly into Hastings' midsection!

Mitchell: And the third fall will be decided in a hardcore rules match!

Vinegar: The Ghost comes barrelling towards Lord Hastings, but he ducks the clothesline to deliver an STO!

Hanson: The Clown Prince is back to his feet but takes an Easy Bake Oven to the noggin! Now another small child will have to go without that magical device.

Vinegar: No, don't do it! Hastings is grabbing that TV now! He tosses it off of the corner to the mat! Ghost rolls away just in the nick of time. Now he charges again.

Hanson: Our Lord catches him and hangs him on the top rope! Now taking him over to ram his head against the turnbuckle.

Vinegar: He's lifting him up on the buckle, no, he's going for the Inevitability!

Hanson: This is another message to Gabby, Hastings is not messing around, he's not wasting time. He is focused!

Vinegar: And that top rope powerbomb sends the Ghost crashing through the table! Now the Hands of Fate, just for good measure, Hazel East calling for the bell.

Mitchell: Your winner, LORD HASTINGS!

Vinegar: That was a quick, quirky, brutal event. You'd almost think we were rushing through it.

Hanson: We got the important bits, get off my back Nick!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We find Chassie alone, very calmly lacing up her boots. Her brilliant blue eyes glance up, looking at the camera that has entered her domain. She speaks softly, her voice calm, soft, and deadly.

Chassie: Moss...So sweet of you to actually show up tonight. I can't say whether or not you'll be leaving however.

She smiles, and for a moment has the look of a mastermind plotting the perfect crime passes her eyes.

Chassie: Have you not noticed, Moss? Everything we've done has been for purpose and reason. This match could be the prelude to some very bad things for you. You even said it yourself, the people i've aligned myself with are into kidnapping and torture. And the scary thing is I CHOOSE this life willingly.

She shrugs

Chassie: But don't worry, this is just another match, right? You saw what we did to dredd, to the phantom. but you still don't know exactly how far past too far I'll go just to prove a point. I'll do things when others will not. I can take your speed and slow you down. I can use your strength against you. If your larger than I am I can outmanuver you. My experience, my time has taught me how to hurt. How to maime.

She cuts her eyes down, finishing with the other shoe

Chassie: But it's okay right? It's just a match. You and I. For the gold you wear around your waist. Right? Just a match. Certainly there are no other plans for you, nothing else that could possibly be the reason why you have to face me. So you just go out there and tell yourself that it's just a match. And tell yourself that you'll be okay.

She stands, walking calmly to the door.

Chassie: Because you will be....


Right?

Black as the door closes. And we return to the arena...

Vinegar: Folks it time for the GIW dot com title match.

Hanson: Hey, I wonder is Grace will be coming out too!

Vinegar: I’m sure you hope so.

Hanson: I’m sure YOU hope so.

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Let’s send it to Dennis!

Vinegar: I thought I usually say that…

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the GIW.com Championship! Introducing first standing five foot four inches and weighting in at 120 pounds, this is the Dark Rose, this is Chassie Lynn Fear!

‘Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide’ by Shinedown breaks into the speaker systems as the lights cut to alternating with the beat black, red, and white strobe lights. Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, looks over the sea of fans, and as the lyrics hit she descends the ramp breaking into a full run about halfway down. When she reaches the ring she jumps into the air using the top rope to spring herself up and flips over into the ring. She runs to a random corner and planting her feet on the second turnbuckle throws up the horns banging her head briefly. As the music dies down she hops to the mat and begins to stretch while waiting for her opponent as the fans continue to cheer.

Vinegar: Really?

Hanson: What I guess Trevor just isn’t feeling creative tonight. Hey if Chris can do it?

Vinegar: Yeah, but tonight’s writer isn’t named Trevor.

Hanson: YO MOMMA aint named Trevor and every night is two in the pink one in the stink. You don’t need to be named Trevor to not be feeling the ideas coming!

Vinegar; Who the hell is Trevor?

Hanson: Fine, Carl aint feeling it tonight! Happy?

Dennis: And her opponent who I don’t think is being accompanied by Grace Harding tonight…

There is an audible groan of displeasure from the male portion of tonight’s target demographic.

Hanson: OHHH, fine.

Dennis: Standing six foot nothing and weighting in at 180 pounds, he is the… I’m not saying that… yeah that’s better. He is the Auteur, he is the GIW.com Champion, this is Moss Edwards!

‘I Turn My Camera On’ by Spoon as the arena goes dark and silent momentarily, then a solitary spotlight shines near the entrance. A young man who looks like a Newsies extra squats in front of the entryway in the spotlight, holding a clapboard. He shouts action, claps it down, and the slam is punctuated by the entryway exploding in sparks and the first staccato chords of the entrance music. Moss steps through the sparks, followed by his small crew of assistants and his boom mic operator. He wears a Kangol, glasses, and GIW.com Title belt. He stands for a moment, surveys the crowd through “shot framing hands” then barks orders at his crew. They move down the walkway, one assistant taking notes on her clipboard, another assistant handing The Auteur a bottle of water (which he'll throw into the crowd after taking a sip) or his camera. The Auteur's camera links to the live feed, so when he shoots footage it can be shown on the screen. He treats the crowd like a documentary subject, asking them questions or putting himself in the shot and talking about how sad their lives are. When they get to the ring, he puts his camera in the corner and has his assistants remove his hat, glasses, and vest from ringside. The crew leaves, and Moss hops up on the corner post to play to the crowd.

Hanson: Wow, Carl must be off tonight.

Vinegar: His name’s not Carl either!

Hanson: Bob? Smiling Bob? Bob Terwilliger!

Vinegar: Bob on thi…

Hanson: Whoa Chassie kicking things off fast and furious, and almost kicking Edwards head off with a running enziguri!

Vinegar: Apparently Chassie seeing fit to help mercifully end ‘shimas contagiousness, and has had enough of waiting.

Hanson: Damn right, and I bet Phil is relieved to be getting to the action as Chassie has Moss trapped in the corner and firing away with those hard forearm shivers.

Vinegar: You’re doing play by play now?

Hanson: I told you Lonnie was off tonight, besides it’s kinda fun calling beautiful dragon screws like that, and Moss is in a world of hurt!

Vinegar: Well maybe I’ll just sit back and waste time like you do most weeks then.

Hanson: Chassie with full advantage now, and keeping up the pressure with those hateful stomps to the prone Tastemaker!

Vinegar: Do you think they call him the Tastemaker because he makes YO MOMMA taste…

Hanson: NO I don’t, and frankly I wish Tim would focus on the match at hand!

Tom; “Fine Dan, Chassie continues the ground and pound with a series of knee drops, then a swift soccer like kick to Edwards head. She pauses just long enough to encourage the crowd before hitting the near ropes, rebounding into a sliding drop kick, scrambles back to her feet, back to the ropes, but this time Edwards from one knee catches her with a powerslam. Happy now? That was a hell of a lot easier than writing for you two jackasses!”

Vinegar: Incredible powerslam by Moss who’s now trying to shake the cobwebs on the outside, but who the hell was that?”

Hanson: Fuck if I know, but Leroy has gone to far this time, and he took my turn to spell!

Vinegar: So am I back on play by play?

Hanson: Like we care. Just call that suicide dive by the Dark Rose if you are. Now where’s my etcher sketcher?

Vinegar: Graceful suicide dive by the Dark Rose sends Moss into the guard rail. He’s going to have to realize he can’t give Ms. Fear any breathing room here!

Hanson: That’s right, choke a bitch!

Vinegar: Fear now driving Edwards head into the railing as Owen Peterson starts his ten count.

Peterson: ONE! TWO!!

Hanson: Two, three, four more times the Dark Rose sends the Auteur into the railing and now the fans are counting along with Owen and the bruises forming on Edwards bald head!

FANS: FIVE, 6, SE7EN, EI8HT!!

Vinegar: And Fear rolling into the ring just long enough to break the count, back on the outside…

Hanson: Huge DRAMITIC EFFECT from Edwards catches Chassie as soon as her feet hit the floor!

Vinegar: That back flip mule kick sent Fear slamming into the ring apron back first, Moss to his feet, and a hard straight right hand to the young ladies mouth!

Hanson: Chassie staggering now, and two big handfuls of her long hair sends Chassie skull first to the concrete!

Vinegar: Moss on the apron, Asai Moonsault, and Chassie now visiting that world of hurt!

Hanson: You know vacation time with women is like triple time.

Vinegar: Peterson starting his count, but Moss rolls Chassie into the ring, springboard twisting senton splash!

Hanson: Moss with the cover…

Peterson: ON…

Vinegar: Chassie kicks out! This young ladies still got plenty in the tank!

Hanson: Moss pulling Fear to her feet, Chassie shoves Moss back, Spinning Savant Kick!

Vinegar: Moss still on his feet though, PELE!! PELE!!

Hanson: Fear to the ropes, spring board Lion Sault!

Vinegar: Here’s the cover!

Peterson: ONE!

Hanson: Nothing but fight in this woman!

Peterson: TWO!!

Vinegar: And this time it’s Edwards kicking out.

Hanson: Seriously I’d love to draw stars around Moss’s head, but I can’t find my damn etch-a-sketch-a.

Vinegar: I don’t think you’d have time anyway. Fear to the top rope, she’s perched, and I think waiting for Moss to get to his feet. She’s measuring, she flys…

Hanson: Dave, you wanna help us out?

Dave; “Since I don’t know how to have you two explain it sure. Chassie goes for the Phoenix Dragonrana.”

Vinegar: Moss with a big step forward avoids contact…

Hanson: Chassie lands on her feet turns…

Vinegar: Moss turns, big step forwards, the FLOP…

Hanson: NO CHASSIE ROLLS THROUGH…

Vinegar: Moss to his feet, CODEBREAKER!

Hanson: Moss staggered, barely able to stay on his feet, don’t turn your back…

Vinegar: Fear with a running start, jumps, ONE LEGGED BACKSTABBER and Moss is flopping around that ring like a fish out of water!

Hanson: Fear pulling Moss to his feet, could be the Twilight!

Vinegar: NO MOSS PLANTS HIS FEET, HOISTS HER UP, TO THE CORNER, BOX OFFICE POISON!

Hanson: See right now I could be writing dummy over his head for not going for the cover!

Vinegar: I think he sees Chassie clearly with to much fight in her, and I don’t think he got all of that move.

Hanson: Either way he should be doing something other than, uh, what the hell is he doing?

Vinegar: He’s looking for the ‘best angle’, and if you ever read anyone’s bio you’d know that.

Hanson: Tyrone reads the bios, so I know everything you know Nicolas.

Vinegar: Damn that Chris, Fear to her feet, Moss to the ropes, spring board, CUTTING ROOM…

Hanson: NO CHASSIE HIT THE DECK!

Vinegar: MOSS MISSED! Edwards to his feet, Chassie with a SHELLSHOCK…

Hanson: COUNTERED!

Vinegar: ROLL UP BY EDWARDS!

Peterson: ONE!

Hanson: Taste that!

Peterson: TWO!!

Vinegar: HE HAS THE ROPES! HE”S HOLDING ONTO THE ROPES!!

Peterson: THREE!!!

Hanson: All by himself this week, baby!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner and STILL GIW.COM CHAMPION MOSS EDWARDS!!

Vinegar: How does the shellshock get countered into a roll up anyway?

Hanson: Creative editing?

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Well I hear both Travis Roberts and Alex Kiseragi have found themselves partners for this main event, and we’re gonna get straight into it now, mainly because half of this match is being written 5 minutes before the show gets posted..

Hanson: Ahhh, that explains it, I was wondering why this show was being posted in the way the PPV’s are posted...

Vinegar: yeah it seems someone wasn’t wuite so prepared to have a heavy night’s drinking and smoking the night before a show...hell, who knows if it’ll even all go out on time at this rate, especially if you keep sidetracking me...

Hanson: I can’t help it, it’s what I do.

Vinegar: Let’s get to Dennis.

Dennis: Yes, let’s. Anyway, the next match is a Tag team Match...

‘Teahouse’ hits.

Dennis: Introducing first, Alex and Yasutoki KIIIIIIISSSSEEEERAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIII!!!

Hanson: The only guy he could find to back him up backstage...was his dad? Boy, that’s gotta be a real harsh wake up call for A-Kis, he really isn’t very popular is he? I guess the lack of charisma doesn’t help...

Vinegar: I doubt he could have found anyone else who could watch his back as well as his father...

‘Bummer’ hits.

Dennis: And introducing their opponents, the Unified Global Champion, Travis ROOOOOOOOBEEEEERTS, and making his GIW debut, Craig FUUUUUUUUUTIIIIIIIIIILE!!!

Vinegar: The only guy Travis could get to partner him was the CEO of a Multinational company...yeah that’s much better than Yasutoki...

Hanson: Of course it is, Futile was a TFC Legend, hell T-Rob has really fallen on his feet tonight, BoolZ has improved his decision making to a small extent over the last few weeks, but Futile is a far better choice. And now all four men are in the rin, and the bell is about to be sounded.

Vinegar: Well I think this just shows the difference in these two men. Alex Kiseragi insisting on starting this one off while Travis Roberts seems to think Futile should do.

Hanson: Yeah shows one is smart, one is dumb. Why should Travis do any more work than is necessary, a week before a title defence he can justify taking things easy. Whereas Alex is not content with throwing himself out of windows two weeks beforehand, now he feels the need to protect his dearest daddy, hell boy if the old guy wants to fight...let him, I’m game for a laugh.

Vinegar: They’re underway though. Futile locking Kiseragi Junior up and into an arm wringer. Alex with a deft handspring out sweeps the legs out from under him and drops a fist on him.

Hanson: Luck...although he did make a meal out of it, who needs all the flippy stuff, when a simple move can do the job just as well...

Vinegar: Alex takes the time to back flip in the ring. Yasutoki doesn’t seem to be impressed and tells his Son to get back to it. Alex drags Futile up knife edge chops him back into the corner.

Hanson: yeah listen to your father, there is a good chance he’s more intelligent than you...to be fair there is a good chance the average motor home is more intelligent than ‘The Dragon’
Vinegar: Roundhouse kicks across the chest against the turnbuckle, must be driving the air out of his lungs. Irish whip across the ring. Kiseragi looking for a clothesline but Futile dodges it.

Hanson: Now we’re gonna see an ass kicking, Corporate Style!

Vinegar: Working over the Dragon’s body with those boxing style hooks. Alex pushes him down though. Futile tries to get back into it but needs a raised foot to the jaw. Kiseragi out of the corner with a springboard bulldog and goes for the cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kickout by Futile. Kiseragi in control. Yasutoki seems to want a tag but Alex doesn’t seem convinced. Drags Craig Futile up, Irish whip and snaps off the calf kick on the return. The Dragon shows us a few of his moves and gets another scolding from his Father. Futile almost to his feet as Alex gets back to it. Roundhouse style kicks to Futile’s legs, drops him to a knee.

Hanson: C’mon Craig, don’t let this upstart show you up...

Vinegar: Futile just leapt up and drove a knee into Kiseragi’s gut. Just the chance he needed and he tags in Travis Roberts. Here we go. The Headliner storms in with a clothesline. Alex tries to get to his feet and gets put down again.

Hanson: he’ll go looking for his daddy any moment now, just watch, now ‘The lessed One’ is in the rin, ‘The Dragon’ is gonna run like a girl back to his daddy’s arms...

Vinegar: Travis pulling him up by the hair. Irish whip, big boot on the return and putting the stomps down to him. Glenn Burke steps in to separate them to Travis’s dismay.

Hanson: Dammit Glenn, what the hell are you doing, you don’t stop ‘The Dragon’ boring us to death with somersaults and flips, why stop some genuine actuion?

Vinegar: Alex back up to his knees as The Headliner is allowed back into the fray. Vertical suplex, Travis just holding him upside down, letting all the blood rush to his head before he drops him onto his back. Floats over into the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Kick out by Kiseragi. Travis tags Futile back in though. Futile almost dancing around the Dragon as he hits those boxing jabs to the face. Irish whip by Futile, back body drop! Great elevation and Kiseragi crashes back down to Earth.

Hanson: notice how Travis came in, beat on Alex for a bit, and got back out without as much as a strand of Alex’s hair making an offensive move? That’s smart!

Vinegar: Futile puts a knee into the back and locks in the surfboard stretch. The longer this is held in the worse it gets. Those arms start going numb and it gets real hard to get out of.

Hanson: Kiseragi is used to feeling numb, his brain is permanently in such a state...

Vinegar: Kiseragi turning himself around and gets up to his feet. He broke the hold! But gets a knee into the gut for his trouble and Futile tags The Blessed One back in.

Hanson: In think it’s time ‘The Headliner’ put Alex out of his misery, then they can both get ready for Alex’s inevitable defeat at AA...

Vinegar: Travis locks in the Full Nelson and Futile works over the abdomen of the Dragon some more. Winding up for a knockout blow. No! Alex managed to drop down and Futile clobbered his partner. Alex rolls across the ring and makes the tag. We’re going to see Yasutoki Kiseragi in action.

Hanson: yeah, that’s main event material right there, a fifty year old chinaman

Vinegar: He’s Japanese...

Hanson: You say tomato...

Vinegar: A punch to Futile. A punch for Travis. Another punch for Futile. Another Punch for Travis. Yasutoki standing back and letting Travis Roberts get back to his feet.

Hanson: Not the smartest of moves, if you have Travis Roberts down, you keep him there...or at least attempt to...

Vinegar: I don’t think he wants to hit him while he’s down. The Headliner back to his feet and Yasutoki…punches him again.

Hanson: What’s with this dude and his fists? Has he had any in-ring training, or did he just think he could get away with it...

Vinegar: Pulling Travis back up this time. Wow, an Irish whip by the Elder Dragon and a nasty front snap kick into Travis’s gut doubles him over. Yasutoki looking for an axe kick. Travis stands back up though and counters with a scoop slam.

Hanson: Now I see, if he isn’t punching, he’s getting his ass handed to him...

Vinegar: Travis going down and laying those close fists into Kiseragi Senior’s forehead. Blatant chokehold on the ground and the referee forced to utilise his count.

Hanson: Yet the various closed fists from Yasu were fine? Man the officiating in this place has gone downhill since that Penguin took the reigns...

Vinegar: Travis drags him across the mat to the middle of the ring. He’s locked in the reverse figure four.

Hanson: Man the dude should just tap, I’m sure this could invalidate his Health Insurance...

Vinegar: Alex quickly in to break up the hold. Glenn Burke sending him back to his corner and Futile jumps into the ring. Both men stomping down on Yasutoki.

Hanson: Another display of the Kiseragi intellect, he’s just handed his father an unwarranted beating...man can you imagine having a son so dumb? Honestly, I’d probably just throw him in a deep lake....

Vinegar: Burke’s finally noticed and sent Futile back but the damage has been done. Travis has got him up, whip and a power slam. Cover.
1!

2!

Vinegar: Yasutoki kicks out. Travis tags in his partner. Double overhead suplex and Travis leaves the ring. Futile follows up with a leg drop. Drags Kiseragi Senior up to his feet and chops him across the chest. Kiseragi strikes back with an overhand chop of his own. These two exchanging chops. Futile goes in with a knee and gets a Dragon Screw for the effort. Yasutoki makes the tag.

Hanson: Bad move, I’m starting to think Kiseragi Elder is the strong link of this team...maybe HE should challenge Travis at Affirmative Action? The result would be a little less obvious...

Vinegar: Alex charges in and makes a beeline for Roberts. The Dragon just launched over the top rope, back kicking Roberts off the apron. He holds himself on though and springboards back in, delivering a dropkick to Futile. Standing moonsault. You were saying?

Hanson: That proves nothing...

1!

2!

Vinegar: No Futile kicks out. Alex off the ropes. No, Travis grabbed his ankle from the outside and drops him in his face. Futile up, baseball slide to the Dragon’s face. Travis drags him out to the floor.

Hanson: As I was saying, Kiseragi Junior is the weak link...

Vinegar: All hell’s breaking loose. Yasutoki into the ring now. I think he just shouted for Futile to turn around so he could put that side kick into his gut. There’s the axe kick, slams Futile into the mat. Yasutoki goes for the cover but the referee has to tell him he’s not the legal man.

Hanson: I said he was the strongest link in THIS Tag team, just because he’s better than Alex doesn’t make him a genius...

Vinegar: On the outside, Travis just Russian Legswept Kiseragi into the crowd barrier. Yasutoki slides out to help. Stiff punch to the Headliner, and he gets one in return. These two exchanging blows on the outside, Yasutoki looks like he’s getting the upper hand.

Hanson: I have one word for you, TRLAOCIAFSOS...

Vinegar: No, The Blessed One gauges the eyes then sends the Elder Dragon into the ring steps. He rolls Kiseragi Junior into the ring where Futile can pick him up. Spikes him on his head with a DDT. Pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Another kick out. Futile tags Travis back in. They’ve got him against the ropes, whip. Big pancake, they just threw Alex Kiseragi in the air and he must have free fallen 7 feet onto his chest.

Hanson: A head bump could have entirely wiped out he guys IQ, so I’d say they were fairly merciful there...

Vinegar: Travis getting him back up. Setting up for the White Out! No, Alex breaks free. Enziguri! Both men down. Alex the first back to his feet, makes the tag. The Kiseragi’s turn for the double team. Travis to his feet. Double low kick knocks him to his knees. Oh! Sandwiched by those kicks to the sides of the head. Yasutoki going for the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Futile in to break it up. Alex wants to follow up the double team but Yasutoki sends his Son back out onto the apron as he picks Travis back up. The Elder Dragon drives him back into the corner with a vicious flurry of strikes. Backing up for something.

Hanson: He’s giving ‘The Headliner’ too much time, he may be smarter than his son, he may be gutsier...but he’s not quicker...

Vinegar: It looked like Yasutoki may have been going for a Yari kick into the corner but the Blessed One dodged it and left him practically crotched over the top rope. Roberts brings him back into the ring with a German Suplex.

Hanson: Do you think predictability is a big Kiseragi family trait?

Vinegar: Travis headed to the top rope. Diving elbow…Gets nothing but mat! Travis didn’t predict that! Yasutoki quickly up. I think he just punched a hole in Travis’s chest. Quick tag to his Son and Alex is back in this one.

Hanson: I honestly prefer his father...

Vinegar: Alex drags Travis up, Irish whip into the corner. Runs in, front dropsault off the chest, lands on his feet. Spinning wheel kick! Onto the top rope, Superstar Press, hooks the leg.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Travis gets his foot up onto the rope. Alex drags him over to their corner and makes the tag to his Father. Yasutoki goes for the whip, reversed by the Headliner though and the Elder Dragon sent running. Travis scoops him up, Michinoku Driver! Goes for the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Alex in just in time to break that one up. Travis tags in Futile. Futile looking for that Rear Naked Choke hold. He’s got it locked in, this could be over.

Hanson: Hopefully...

Vinegar: Yasutoki fighting against it. He’s back up to his feet and walks over to their corner. Alex just kicked Futile in the back of the head from the apron and broke the hold. Yasutoki clotheslines him out to the floor.

Hanson: Seriously, give this guy the shot!

Vinegar: Travis in too now. Yasutoki drops a shoulder and elevates him up, over and out to the floor. Alex springboards off the top rope. Asai Moonsault onto them both!

Crowd: G I Dub! G I Dub!

Vinegar: The Dragon’s look pumped. Alex rolling Futile back into the ring. Low blow by Travis Roberts on Kiseragi. Yasutoki is stalking Futile in the ring. Buzzsaw kick!

Hanson: White Out by Travis onto the concrete outside!

Vinegar: Yasutoki with the cover.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here are your winners. The Kiseragiiiiiiiiiii!!

Vinegar: They did it, The Kiseragi are successful!

Hanson: Try telling that to Travis Roberts who is standing over the unconscious body of Alex Kiseragi with a wry smile across his face, as Kiseragi Elder gets to his feet in the ring and looks across to see that despite his own valiant and honourable actions, his son has once again poured humiliation upon the family name...and next Sunday he’s gonna do it in front of an incredibly large worldwide audience...

Vinegar: I very much doubt that is what’s going through his mind right now, the result says it all, The Kiseragi got the win, I’d love to argue with you about this all night, but we are out of time, make sure you’ve purchased Affirmative Action...it promises to be one hell of a show, goodnight everybody!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 15/03/09 Credits

A-Kis entering Arena
T-Rob

Opening Match
A-Kis

BoolZ entering Arena
T-Rob (Influenced by BoolZ’s unused Promo ending)

Dredd vs Kingsley
T-Rob

JK's Callout
JK

Headshots
Moss & Andy Savana

Ms Harding vs Gabrielle
Moss

BoolZ & T-Rob backstage
T-Rob

Hastings vs Ghost
Moss

Chassie Backstage
Chassie

GIW.com Title Match
BoolZ

Main Event
Mainly A-Kis, Hanson comments contributed by T-Rob.
(Again thanks for Dredd for writing yet another unused match, but I hadn’t updated him on the changes so was unable to use)

Editor
T-Rob