Sentinel 29/03/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Boss P is backstage of a cell in a real flap. Haha the penguin is in a flap)

BOSS P: WHADDYA MEAN YA CAN’T BE FUCKED NIGGA!

…

BOSS P: LOOK NIGGA! I’M MOTHERFUCKIN’ GIVIN’ YA EVERYTHIN’ NIGGA! WHADEVER YA WANT! AND YA CAN’T BE FUCKED SHOWIN’UP TA WORK NIGGA! THAT’S MOTHERFUCKIN’ BULLSHIT NIGGA!

…

BOSS P: NIGGA! FUCK YOU!

…

BOSS P: YEH NIGGA! I SAID FUCK YOU! I EXPECT YA TO GET YA BIG DUMB ASS TO THA ARENA MOTHERFUCKIN’ NOW! THIS NIGGA DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF YA GOT grape A GRANNY AND STEAL HER MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE TICKET AND GET YA MOTHERFUCKIN’ ASS OUT OF TEXAS!

…

BOSS P: NIGGA WHAT YO MEAN?!

…

BOSS P: NIGGA GET YO FUCKIN’ ASS FROM THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BAR TO THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ RING! I AIN’T LOOKIN’ LIKE NO DUMB MOTHERFUCKER WHEN MY MUSCLE AIN’T HERE!

…

BOSS P: NIGGA! IF YA DON’T I’MA SHOVE MA TOMMY GUN UP YO MOTHERFUCKIN’ ASS AND PULL THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ TRIGGAH NIGGA!

…

BOSS P: DAMN RIGHT NIGGA!

Boss P closes his phone and waddles off in an angry manner....as we cut to the arena.

Vinegar: Welcome fans, back to the GIW Arena in the City of Angels for Sentinel. We’re one week on from Global Impact Wrestling’s debut trip to Washington D.C. for Affirmative Action and we’re back with another great show for you?

Hanson: Really?

Vinegar: Really what?

Hanson: You think it’s gonna be great?

Vinegar: Of course it will.

Hanson: Will it though?

Vinegar: Yeah.

Hanson: Oh will it though?

Vinegar: Yeah.

Hanson: Oh will-

Vinegar: Shut the hell up.

Hanson: Ok.

Vinegar: You should be happy, your boyfriends are teaming up to take on two men Gabrielle loves infinitely more then you, which could actually be any two people in the world but hey.

Hanson: Yeah! Blessed Immortality!

Vinegar: Exactly.

Hanson: Who’s first though?

Wonder What’s Next starts to play and crowd cheer loudly in expectation of the Red Bull Icon.

Hanson: Oh god not Boolz already. I thought he was dead.

Tobias Erndhart walks out to the top of the ramp, stopping to take in the scene, seemingly taken aback by it all.
Hanson: Who the hell is that guy?

Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a triple threat match. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Randy Boolzian, from Medford, Oregon, weighing in at 293lbs, Tobias Erndhaaaaaaart!!

Hanson: I repeat my previous question.

Vinegar: You really don’t pay attention to the world around you do you.

Hanson: Rarely.

Randy Boolzian walks out a few steps behind Tobias, hands in his pockets of his black dickies pants, shoulders slumped inside an athletic grey hoody. Tobias slides into the ring while BoolZ leans back against the crowd barriers to the delight of the front row fans.

The music changes to Beginning of the End and the crowd goes quiet. Tim Kingsley appears at the top of the ramp and the crowd largely remain unmoved. The Space Cadet makes his way down the ramp, firing off his laser gun though still without the pyros he seems to be hoping for.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Space, apparently, weighing in at 221lbs, Space Cadet Tim Kinsleeeey!!!

Hanson: You see what I’m saying. How can a show that starts like this be great?

Vinegar: It’s really too early to judge.

the arena looses all light apart from one single spotlight fixed on the entrance way. Phantom of the Opera hits the PA system as Jane appears out of the back to where the spotlight is fixed. as the first female vocals hit , Janet starts to sing the lyrics to the song. she finnishes her part when she gets inside the ring, and after 2 secconds; a seccond spotlight hits the arena, this time to a single platform of catwalk up in the rafters where Phantom is seen standing in his attire to sing the male vocals of his entrance theme. as he starts to sing, the platform begins to decend into the ring. the platform hits the center of the ring for both to sing the duet as the phantom steps off the platform and faces the right hand side of the crowd and taunts, he then does the same on the left hand side. after this Phantom walks to the corner as Janet leaves the ring to await his opponent

Dennis: I can’t even be bothered.

Hanson: Who’s he waiting for? His opponents are already there.

Ding! Ding!
Vinegar: Guess he was too busy singing to realise what was going on. Tobias charges at him and knocks him to the ground with a clothesline to the back of the head.

Hanson: Hey maybe this guys not so bad.

Vinegar: Why? Because he cheap shot a guy?

Hanson: Because he’s willing to do whatever it takes to win.

Vinegar: Oh of course. Kingsley taking it to Erndhart with the right hands, driving him back to the ropes. Irish whip and Tobias levels him with a shoulder block.

Hanson: Yeah!

Vinegar: You know you’re cheering someone affiliated with the Red Bull Icon right?

Hanson: Boo!

Vinegar: Thought so. The Phantom back to his feet and just gets put back down with a scoop slam. Kingsley back up though and knocks Erndhart down with a chop block. Phantom and Kingsley both putting the boot to the newcomer who rolls himself out of the ring.

Tobias goes over to where BoolZ is chilling out and seems to ask him something. BoolZ merely shrugs, to Tobias’s annoyance.

Vinegar: With the rookie taken care of these two are trading blows in the middle of the ring. The Phantom getting the upper hand though and hit’s a falling neck breaker.

Hanson: So do you mind if we talk about random other stuff during this match?

Vinegar: I think we should stick to calling the match in hand.

Hanson: Good because this main event should pretty good don’t you think?

Vinegar: I said we should call the-

Hanson: I mean, The Blessed One and the True Chief Nigga side by side. It’s the stuff of dreams.

Vinegar: Phantom sweeps The Space Cadet up and positions him in the corner. Blatant choke hold with the boot across the windpipe.

Hanson: And they’re taking on the Crimson Ghost and Jack Severino!

Vinegar: Erndhart sliding back into the ring and I don’t think Phantom’s noticed him. Hazel East forced to apply the five count to make him break the hold.

Hanson: The only thing bad thing is the chance of it being a brutal squash match.

Vinegar: Phantom turns away and straight into a side belly to belly suplex from Tobias Erndhart. There’s one for The Space Cadet as he falls out of the corner too. This kid sure seems proud of himself for that.

Hanson: But I’m sure Blessed Immortality would find a way to make it a truly entertaining match up even so. Are you listening to me?

Vinegar: Travis and Hastings good. Ghost and Severino bad. Squash match, still entertaining.

Hanson: Good.

Vinegar: Both men back up while the young Tobias is celebrating and I think they just shared a look. Tobias turns around into a pair of knees to the gut and a double overhead suplex by his opponents.

Hanson: You know Blessed Immortality could really go far. Maybe they should go after the tag titles. I could see the Blessed One with two belts. I think it’d suit him.

Vinegar: The Phantom going for the pin but it’s instantly broken up by Kingsley. The Phantom doesn’t seem happy but the Space Cadet doesn’t care. He just dropped him to a knee with a low dropkick. Sets off running to the ropes and takes him over with the Headscissor. Pin attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, kick out by the Phantom. Tobias is back up and takes Tim Kingsley down with a running back elbow.

Hanson: Maybe the Lord Chief could go for the .Com title too, since he was robbed of it with his last shot.

Vinegar: The Phantom back up and charges at the back of Erndhart. The youngster turns just in time though and tosses him out to the arena floor.

Hanson: Then they could have all the belts between them. They’d be magnificent.

Vinegar: Kingsley attempts a clothesline to Tobias but the young man ducks it, kick to the gut…DDT! Wait, was that the Discomboolzilator?

Hanson: You’re not paying attention to me at all are you?

Vinegar: Cover attempt.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner! Tobias Erndhart!

Vinegar: An impressive debut showing by this young man. His coaching by the Red Bull Icon must be a great help.

Hanson: Bah, if you need to learn to live a trailer park and make bad life decisions watch Jerry Springer.

Tobias rolls out of the ring, hands held high. BoolZ wanders off with him, facing away from the crowd as Tobias basks in the cheers that are still largely aimed towards his so called mentor.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: The following Divas contest is scheduled for one fall!

Hanson: OOH! A divas match! Is my Gabby in it Nick?

Vinegar: No.

Hanson: What about Chinatsu, is she in this one??

Vinegar: No Dan.

Hanson: Then how is it a divas match??

Vinegar: Two women of this company are competing.

Hanson: Well call me when Chinatsu or Gabby are on, I’m going to sleep under the table now.

Vinegar: Who’s going to help me do the commentating then?

Ace: F*** YEAH, VICK MOTHA F***IN ACE BACK AT THE DAMN ANNOUNCE TABLE!

Hanson: Whoa, hold up; I don’t feel tired anymore, and this match doesn’t seem boring.

Vinegar: Thank god Dan.

Hanson: Who’s in it again?

Vinegar: Chassie Fear and Ms. Harding.

Hanson: Eh, beats watching a Marlo match.

“Step into my office baby” by Belle & Sebastian hits the arena as Ms Harding makes her way to the ring.

Hanson: Hold on, let me get my camera

Vinegar: Why?

Hanson: when she takes off her coat, she might not have anything under there this time

Ms. Harding pops open her coat to reveal her wrestling spandex.

Hanson: Damn.

Vinegar: Maybe next time Dan.

Ms. Harding confidently struts down to the ring, before climbing up onto the ring apron before leaning on the ropes seductively, and unfortunately in front of the announce table.

*CLICK!*

Hanson: Got it!

Vinegar: Your Finger got in the way of that shot.

Hanson: What??? ARGH! Get her to do it again!

Vinegar: No can do partner, she’s just flipped into the ring, and she looks ready for a fight!

Hanson: Well Chassie is a tough competitor so she better be.

Dennis: In the ring, weighing in at 125lbs, from the city of angels, Los Angeles CA,
GRACE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now introducing her opponent.

“Cyanide sweet tooth suicide” by Shinedown hits the arena as the lights flicker to a black, red, and white strobe keeping in time with the beat of the music. Chassie enters and stands up on the entrance way looking at the seas of GIW fans. As the lyrics hit full swing, Chassie jogs down the Aisle before sliding into the ring.

Dennis: From....I have no clue, weighing in at 120lbs, CHAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSIE FEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Vinegar: Chassie Fear and Grace Harding are now both in the ring.

Hanson: Gee, thank-you Captain obvious, as if we didn’t know that already!

Vinegar: I was just making an observation Dan. Referee Owen Peterson officiating this match.

Hanson: Yeah another great observation. What are you going to say next, the one who doesn’t lose will be the winner?

Vinegar: I am just going to ignore that because Owen has called for the bell and it looks like Chassie is asking Grace to take the first shot.

Hanson: It’s a trick....

Vinegar: Grace going for the punch, but Chassie reversing it into an Arm bar, applying some pressure to the shoulder area.

Hanson: Looks like she’s trying to dislocate her arm there.

Vinegar: But Grace is able to flip the dark rose over, and hits a beautiful low dropkick onto the back of Chassie.

Hanson: That had to leave a mark.

Vinegar: Harding, Picking Chassie up, lifts her high above her head for a suplex, but Fear with the wherewithal to counter into a quick pin.

Peterson: ONE!

Hanson: Kick out, going to have to wear her down a bit more before a pin.

Vinegar: Now Chassie picking Harding up, and hitting a beautiful standing Hurricanarana.

Hanson: *while fidgeting for something* Nick, have you seen my Game boy?

Vinegar: I hid it.

Hanson: Why???

Vinegar: Keep you concentrated on the match.

Hanson: Damn. Why do you do this to me?

Vinegar: Because I care Dan, because I care. Chassie remains in control, Throwing Grace hard into the steel ring post!

Hanson: Yo momma likes it hard....

Vinegar: My mom’s dead!

Hanson: So that’s why she didn’t say good morning.

Vinegar: You are sick! Chassie now pulling Harding out quickly

Hanson: Something yo dada forgot to do about 100 years back.

Vinegar: Dan, you are an Idiot. Fear measuring Harding up. PEL...NO!!! Grace grabbing Chassie in mid kick, and hits a power slam! That’s something that you don’t often see Ms. Harding do.

Hanson: That’s how you survive Nick, by not sticking to the same routine.

Vinegar: Now Grace taking this time to fix her hair up and you have to wonder why she doesn’t go for the pin.

Hanson: Looking good is a full time job Nick; it’s alright to take the chance to keep looking good in any sports match. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

Vinegar: Maybe that? Chassie just recovered from her momentary immobilisation, and just hit a rolling Neck breaker on Grace.

Hanson: Ouch!

Vinegar: And now Chassie just laying in the boots to Harding. She picks Harding up, runs, attempts the clothesline, but Grace ducks and kicks Chassie in the face in one fluent motion, and the dark rose is back down!

Hanson: Gracie climbing the turnbuckle now, and attempting what may be a 450 splash!

Vinegar: Hanson, that’s my job to say things like that. You just sit there and make comments on why you think these girls are hot, or why T-Rob is the best.

Hanson: First off Nick, it is universally known that T-Rob is the best. Second off.......

Vinegar: Grace going for the splash, dives, BUT CHASSIE GETS HER KNEES UP!

Hanson: That’s not the only thing she can get up. Morning Hanson Jr.

Vinegar: I’m going to not think about that. Chassie again measuring Grace up; AND THIS TIME HITS THE PELE! Here’s the pin...

Peterson: ONE!

Peterson: TWO!!

Vinegar: Grace rolls through with her own cover!

Peterson: ONE!

Peterson: T...

Hanson: Now it’s Chassie’s turn to kick out.

Vinegar: And it looks like Chassie thinks that Peterson’s decision to start the count for Grace’s rollup.

Hanson: Now that I think of it, she was holding the tights wasn’t she?

Vinegar: Well that’s what Chassie thinks, now as Fear turns around, Grace has jumped up on the second rope, she springs towards the surprised Fear AND HITS THE TWIST ENDING!

Hanson: That’s it, Game over man, Game over!

Vinegar: Here’s the cover!

Peterson: ONE!

Peterson: TWO!!

Peterson: THR.......

Vinegar: NO!!!!!!! KICKOUT AT THREE AND 11 12ths!

Hanson: Now Gracie’s getting annoyed at Peterson’s slow count. Hastings is right, Peterson SUCKS!

Vinegar: Grace picking Chassie up, WHO INSTANTLY HITS THE TWILIGHT! And again the pin!

Peterson: ONE!

Peterson: TWO!!

Peterson: THREE!!!

Hanson: The Fear gets the win!

Vinegar: That’s right partner, a.......The Fear?

Hanson: Yeah, I have a cousin in England, this chick called Lily Allen is real big there, she sent over a CD of her, and her best song is called The Fear. So thought that could be a new Nickname for her.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the match, Hanson’s “The Fear” by the way, nicknaming from a song? Kind of lame Dan. Anyway, the winner.....CHASSIE FEAR!!!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“I Turn My Camera On” by Spoon fills the arena to a pop. Moss Edwards, title over his dapperly suited shoulder, walks out onto the stage and breathes in deeply before strolling back down the ramp.

Vinegar: The GIW.Com champion is a little bit more somber than usual.

Hanson: Is that who that is? I didn’t recognize him without a cheesy, real estate-agenty grin.

Vinegar: The Auteur triumphed in a fatal four way last week at Affirmative Action.

Hanson: You mean he pinned an unconscious Savana after The Covenant decided to leave the ring.

Vinegar: Don’t you usually stress that a win is a win?

Hanson: Only for people I like. Speaking of which, why do they keep putting Ms Harding in matches? Her presence in the ring was about the only thing getting me through these segments.

Moss: Target demographic, I went to Washington as your Global InterWeb champion, and I have returned from Washington, the same. Keith, roll that beautiful bean footage.

The highlight reel plays through, with accompanying numerals. Hastings 1, Kingsley 2, Chassie Fear 3 (helpfully cropped so that we don’t see Moss’s feet on the ropes), Andy Savana 4.

Moss: Four successful if slightly tarnished defenses. And I will add a fifth tonight, hear you me. But right now, I have a special guest to welcome…to Moss Edwards’ HEAD SHOTS!

Hanson: Is it Savana again? He’s very “special.”

Moss: My guest tonight is a very busy man…er, bird. Please show some appreciation for the Enforcer of GIW, Boss P!

‘NIGGA HOL’ DAT’
From beneath the GlobaTron, Boss Penguin emerges, Tommy Gun in one flipper, cigar in the other, and makes his way to the ring.

Hanson: Alright, at the very least we may get to see Boss P pop a cap in that fool’s ass.

Vinegar: Looks like Moss is unsure of how to properly mic our flightless commissioner.

Boss P: NIGGA, I DON’T NEED NO GODDAMN MICROPHONE, QUIT WASTING MY MUTHAFUCKIN TIME!

Moss: Right, we’ll dub in the dialogue during post. You know, when they did Howard the Duck, there was a midget inside the costume. My how far we’ve come.

Boss P: BITCH I CAME HERE FOR AN INTERVIEW, NOT TO HAVE YOU GAWK AT ME! MAKE WITH THE QUESTIONS OR THIS GAT’S GOING UP YO BALD ASS!

Moss: Haha, the gun up the ass, that provides good segue opportunities, as you have been criticized as of late for the increasing violence in the GIW product. Just to name a few examples, there was the smashing of Travis Robins’s arm, there was the torture and crucifixion of Professor Xavier Bryant, the public and televised execution of a known Canadian, and let’s not forget the tumble taken by Randolph Boolshen and Alexander Kiseragi, of which I have prepared the following dramatic reenactment. Keith?

A short clip plays on the GlobalTron of a Bruce Lee action figure and Nelson from the Simpsons being tossed out of the side of a cardboard skyscraper. A muffled voice off camera cries, “Ahhhh! Holy crap! Oh no my car!”

Moss: So people are wondering what you have to say about the increased violence in Global Impact.

Boss P: BITCH I DON’T EVEN KNOW HALF THE NIGGA’S YO JUST SPAT. BUT I WILL SAY ‘DIS, SINCE DA’ BOSS TOOK DA’ REIGNS OF DIS PLACE, D’ARE AIN’T BEEN NUTTING BUT GOLDEN TIMES. ARE YO TRYIN’ TO TELL ME DA FANS DON’T LIKE INCREASED VIOLENCE? WHAT DA’ FUCK DO YO’ THINK THEY ‘DEY PAY ‘DERE MONEY FO’? DESE BITCHES LIKE TO SEE NIGGA’S LIKE YO BALDING ASS BEAT SEVEN SHADES OF SHIAT OUT OF ONE ANOTHA! ALL DA’ BOSS HAS TO SAY ABOUT INCREASED VIOLENCE IS ‘DAT MEANS INCREASED BUY RATES...

Moss: The word around the front office is that on the next pay per view, you are actually encouraging MORE violence. What is going on in that fowl little brain of yours?

Boss P: YO BETTER WATCH YO’ MOUTH YO’ FOLLICLEY CHALLENGED NIGLET, YO’ BEST REMEMBER YO, AND EVERY OTHER NIGGA IN ‘DIS HOUSE, ARE MA’ BITCHES! YO DON’T MAKE COMMENTS ON DA’ BOSSES BRAIN POWER...YA HEAR?
AS FO’ DA NEXT PAY-PER-VIEW, DA’ SHIT IS GONNA BE OFF DA’ HOOK YA HEAR? ON MAY 3RD GIW WILL BE TAKING THINGS TO DA NEXT LEVEL, EACH AND EVERY NIGGA ‘DAT GETS A PLACE ON ‘DAT CARD IS GONNA HAVE ONE HELLUVA NIGHT, CAUSE SHIT IS GONNA BE ‘NO HOLDS BARRED’! AIN’T GONNA BE NO RULES, AINT GONNA BE NO HEALTH AND SAFETY NIGGA’S ON SIGHT, AND DARE AIN’T GONNA BE NO BORING, LAME ASS, SINGLES MATCHES...AT ‘NO HOLDS BARRED’ SHIAT IS GONNA BE BRUTAL!

Vinegar: Listen to the fans, they are going crazy, No Holds Barred has been announced, and they know it’s gonna be huge. It was at that very PPV that Declan Prescott was put out of action for quite some time by Brandon brown in there Last Man Standing Match...

Hanson: Don’t remind me

Moss: That certainly is an exciting plan, but there is no way you can expect to get away with that, with all the scrutiny that our company in under right now. At this rate, we may end up with the U.S. Congress on our asses.

Boss P: FUCK ‘DEM WASHINGTON NIGLETS, ‘DEY AIN’T GOT NO SAY IN DA MATTER. ‘DIS PPV IS GONNA BE GIW’S CRAZIEST, BRUTALIST MOST NIGGARIFFIC SHOW TO DATE, AND ‘DERE AIN’T A DAMN THING ‘DOSE POLITICAL BITCHES CAN DO ABOUT IT, CAUSE ‘DA BOSS HAS ARRANGED FOR ‘DA SHOW TO TAKE PLACE AT DA MOTHERFUCKIN’ TOKYO BOWL IN JAPAN!!! ‘DATS RIGHT DIS YEAR IT’S GONNA BE, NO HOLDS BARRED: RISING SUN, AND YA CAN THANK DA’ BOSS FO’ DAT SHIAT!

Vinegar: That is a huge announcement from Boss P! The most brutal GIW card ever, live from the birthplace of the deathmatch!

Hanson: We goin’ to Tokyo. Harashuku Girls watch out, the Hanson train is comin’!

‘Bummer’ hits the PA, and after a few seconds delay, the GIW Unified Global Champion, Travis Roberts steps out onto the stage, taking a moment to allow the camera’s that instantly start to flash to get a good view, turning left and right so that everyone can get a good shot. He stands with the Unified Title draped over his right shoulder, and a microphone in his left hand which he raises to his mouth...

Travis: Woah, Woah, Woah! Did ‘The Headliner’ miss something; did ‘The Blessed One’ smoke some contaminated shit, or did Travis Roberts really just hear your Oily Ass take credit for GIW going to Japan? ‘Cause if that’s what just happened, your aqua lovin’ behind has some explaining to do!

Boss P: NIGGA SAY WHAT? WHO DA’ FUCK DO YO’ THINK YO’ ARE? SHIAT BOY, YA BEAT DAT FAT MODEL NIGGA TO KEEP DAT BELT, AND YO’ THINK YO’ A BIG FISH? BOSS PENGUIN DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN NUTTING TO YO! DIS NIGGA IS DA HERO OF DA’ HOUR, YO JUS’ SOME GANGLY MOFO WHO THINKS HE’S DA’ SECOND COMING OF DECLA...

Travis: Maybe you should keep that beak of yours shut more often, because it’s clear to every man, woman and child in the GIW Arena that you’ve been well out of your depth ever since you usurped ‘The Significant Player’ from his rightful position.

‘The Headliner’ has sat back, and concentrated on his own business, the business of Champion ever since you took the reins, and ‘The Blessed One’ has watched as you have systematically taken GIW backwards in every department, destroying the foundations that ‘The Revolution’ worked so hard to establish, the very foundations that helped GIW sustain incredible growth in 2008.

But a few weeks prior to Affirmative Action, ‘The Headliner’ realised being the ‘Highest Standard’ in a company quickly becoming a joke was unacceptable, and ‘The Blessed One’ would have to put to work some of his exceptional skills into clearing up your mess...

Boss P: HOW DID ‘DAT HOT NIGGERINA PUT UP WITH YO’ YAPPIN’, PEOPLE TOLD ME YO’ WAS DELUSIONAL...

Travis: Delusional, Travis Roberts hears that a lot, generally from the window licking masses who struggle to understand more than two syllables. But ‘The Headliner’ has a match later on tonight and as much as ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’ would like to spend the next fifteen minutes highlighting to the world your many deficiencies he simply doesn’t have the time, so Travis Roberts suggests Moss Edwards asks the one question, of us both, that will shed some light on who is responsible for GIW’s trip to Japan.

Travis stops speaking and crosses his arms, Moss who has been looking unusually uncomfortable during the exchange, looks at Travis, and presumably is on the same wavelength as ‘The Headliner’ as he barely hesitates before speaking.

Moss: So Boss, how did you get the idea to go to Japan...

Boss P’s eyes widen, he looks from Moss to Travis, and back again. His beak opens and closes repeatedly, before he finally blurts out.

Boss P: BIATCH I JUST LOVE SUSHI!

Moss: And Mr Rogers, how did you come up with the idea?

Travis: Does ‘The Headliner’ really need to give an answer? Seriously, Sushi? Travis Roberts doesn’t even need to explain, as everyone knows who the real brains behind this was. But to satisfy the mindless out there, ‘The Blessed One’ will enlighten you.

Over the past few weeks ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’, as GIW’s most marketable representative, has been asked many questions regarding the violence in GIW. It became clear that although the fans love it, it plays right into the hands of our detractors. As everyone knows Travis Roberts has close contacts in Japan, namely a certain Craig Futile. It became clear in conversation with Craig that due to the presence of the likes of Travis Roberts and others in GIW, the brand had gained a lot of interest and credibility in the Far East.

Then it struck ‘The Blessed One’...GIW is big in Japan...Japan, the innovators of some of the most violent match concepts in Professional Wrestling...it was obvious, GIW should not back down, GIW should not play into the hands of those that do not understand the abilities and skills of the guys that risk their bodies int he name of entertainment every week. Instead of scaling down the violence, GIW needed to take it to the next level, and where better...than the land of the Rising Sun!

Now as much as ‘The Headliner’ would love to go into the details of the many hours of calls to Japanese businessmen and sponsors, and the many meetings Craig Futile represented GIW at, ‘The Blessed One’ is confident he has made his point...No Holds Barred: Rising Sun...was quite clearly...a ‘TWiSTeD Production’...now play ‘The TWiSTeD Guerrilla’s’ music...this segment....is OVER!

Bummer fills the arena, as the crowd erupt into a chant of ‘G...I...DUB!....G....I...DUB!’ and the scene fades out...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: Coming to the ring, from Townsville Australia, sometimes known as Larry but going tonight by JK IT IS THE CYCLONE!!

“Through Fire and Flame” by Dragonforce kicks up on the GIW Arena PA System and JK bursts through the curtain accompanied by Jazz. JK runs the rampway high fiving fans along the way. He rolls under the bottom rope and holds the second and third ropes open for his girlfriend, Jazz to enter the ring. He bounces energetically while waiting for Dredd.

Dennis: And his opponent, coming to the ring from Deep Ellum Texas, THE MONSTER DREDD!!

“Divine” by Korn his PA and the Arena drop out, a single spotlight shines on the entranceway

Dredd doesn’t appear on the stage.

Dennis: And his opponent, coming to the ring from Deep Ellum Texas, THE MONSTER DREDD!!

“Divine” by Korn his PA and the Arena drop out, a single spotlight shines on the entranceway

Once again Dredd doesn’t appear on stage instead we are greeted by the appearance of the Tommy gun toting penguin.

BOSS P: JK YA LITTLE NIGGA! APPARENTLY YA MOTHERFUCKIN’ OPPONENT DREDD DON’T THINK YA WORTH FIGHTIN’ SO IMA GIVYA A WIN BY FORFEIT NIGGA!

JK looks up at Boss P but a little confused as the penguin makes his way to the ring.

BOSS P: GO ON LITTLE NIGGA AND NIGLET SCAT!

JK and Jazz pass by Boss P as he waddles his way to the ring. He walks up the ring steps and into the ring.

BOSS P: NIGGAS AND NIGGERINAS LAST MOTHERFUCKIN’ WEEK BOSS MOTHERFUCKIN’ P WAS TALKIN’ ‘BOUT GETTIN’ SOME MUSCLE! WELL I GOT ME SOME MOTHERFUCKIN’ MUSCLE BUT THAT MOTHERFUCKIN’ NIGGA DECIDED IT AIN’T WORTH SHOWIN’ UP TA’NIGHT BUT YO MOTHERFUCKIN’ NIGGA BETTAH KNOW THAT FROM NOW ON YO NIGGA’S WANNA MESS WIT BOSS P DA MONSTER GONNA FUCK YO UP!

Hanson: He’s hired a guy who’s literally falling apart, as muscle...dumb bird...

Vinegar: Didn't you see him beat Komosube last week, he's certainly more intimidating than McZygmunt.

Hanson: yeah well, I've had enough of that damn bird for one night, anyone would think this was his show...

"Immortal" hits, and Donovan Hastings walks out to the stage with a microphone in his hand.

Hanson: We may not have got a match, but we get the Lord Chief before the main event...WOOOOO!

Vinegar: Sit down Dan, you're embarrassing me.

The Lord looks around at the crowd, and then looks backstage and snaps his fingers. Two large burly men carry out a throne and place it on the stage. Donovan sits down on it.

Hastings: Good evening. It pleases your Lord-Chief to see you all. Tonight is a historic occasion. If you will bear with me a few moments, I have prepared a speech for the occasion.

Donovan pulls a paper out of his pocket and clears his throat before reading.

Hastings: The Lord-Chief, last Sunday he done beat dat beeotch six ways from someplace. That dum beeotch Gabrielle, she done quit. She uh false idol, beeotch got what she deserved. The Lord-Chief, he took great pleasure in making da imposter pay fo' her transgressions against all muh ma fuckin niggas. What the fuck sup now?

Donovan squints.

Hastings: Sorry, I got some honey mustard on this down at the bottom. Gonna have to skip a bit, excuse me.

Donovan tosses the first sheet over his shoulder, and has a second.

Hastings: We need ta jive now about da Lord-Chief getting what he truly deserve. First ta world da issue iz nig awakens da afta o' pulp and shit.

He squints again.

Hastings: You know what, I wrote this second part in the shower, and I can't read a fucking thing. The hell with this.

He crumples and tosses the second sheet.

Hastings: The bottom line is, when Gabrielle quit last Sunday at Affirmative Action, she didn't just lose a match. She vacated her falsified claims to her undeserved position, and there can no longer be any doubt that I, the Immortal Lord of Pain and true Chief Nigga of Global Impact Wrestling, I am the One True Chief Nigga, and there are things which are now due to me. Now, later tonight you'll see the unstoppable team of Blessed Immortality in action, against whatever two fools they found to face us. I didn't read that far down the card. In any case, after last Sunday, it should be set in stone that you'll be seeing even more of Blessed Immortality in action in the future, in somewhat of a different sense. You should see us in action against each other, for the Undisputed Global Heavyweight Championship. I'm the undisputed Chief Nigga, and soon I'll be the undisputed Global Champion. No one deserves to be the number one contender more than I do. In fact, you should all have to pay for it. At Inevitable, it'll be the Lord Donovan Hastings, ascending to his new position as the new Global Champion? Why am I calling our next Pay-Per-View by that name? Because that's what this is. Inevitable.

Donovan stands up as his music plays again, and he walks backstage as the burly men pick up the throne and follow him with it, but they are stopped halfway up the stage by the sound of a tommy gun opening fire, and the sight of Boss P standing proud on the rampway.

Hanson: For the love of god...

Boss P: YO CRAZY ASS NIGLET, STOP YO CHAIR RIGHT D’ARE...

DAMN BITCHES, YOU NIGGA’S HAVE HAD DA BOSS OUT OF HIS OFFICE TOO MUCH TONIGHT, FO SHO! AND DIS IS JUS’ ABOUT THE STUPIDIST REASON YET NIGGA. YO REALLY THINK YO’ GET TO DECIDE WHO DA’ NUMBER ONE CONTENDER IS? COMIN’ UP HERE IN BOSS P’S CRIB WITH DAT PHONEY ASS PETERSON HONKEY SPITTING SHIAT, LIKE YO’ DUDES GOT ANY SAY IN DA MATTER...

NAH BITCH, ‘DATS NOT HOW IT GOES, YA SEE NEXT WEEK Y’ALL GONNA SEE THE TRUE NUMBER 1 CONTENDER IN ACTION IN DA MAIN EVENT AGAINST OUR UNIFIED GLOBAL CHAMPION. ‘DATS RIGHT DA DRUNKEN TEXAN NIGLET IS GONNA FACE DAT GANGLY NIGGA IN A NON TITLE MATCH...SORRY TO RAIN ON YO PARADE NIGLET...!

Hanson: This is a disgrace, he can’t do that, it’s just not right...the Lord is the rightful number one contender!

Vinegar: You wanna see Hastings take on Roberts....I don’t think I can take another match of coin flipping shenanigans...

Hastings: That’s a good, good point, the alcoholic is a far better choice, it’s almost like Boss P actually likes ‘The Headliner’...let’s go to a break so I can collect my thoughts...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

A lone spotlight shines on the entranceway as the young man known simply as Newsies extra squats down amongst the shining light, clapboard in hand which he slams together before shouting out ‘ACTION’ as sparks shoot out along the entranceway

Hanson: Moss Edwards again, if it wasn’t for grace coming down with him every week I’d use this time to call my girlfriend.

Spoon’s ‘I turn my camera on’ begins playing to a loud ovation from the excited GIW fans as a camera crew rushes out followed by Moss Edwards who raises the GIW.com title over his head surveying the audience before him.

Vinegar: Who is it now? Or is still Chinatsu or Gabrielle?

Edwards then begins making his way down to the ring, stopping and ushering over his cameras as he stops to talk to an extremely obese woman.

Moss: Have you ever thought about a starring role in a documentary? I ask because I need a prop to play the role of a planet.

Before Moss can get slapped or whatever fatso tries to do to him Grace steps between the two ushering Moss down to the ring.

Hanson: Nick you idiot it’s all of these GIW girls.

Edwards slides into the ring, Grace following him in clipboard in hand as she rights down several unheard notes from Moss as he lifts the GIW.com title in the air once again.

Hanson: Just look at the way Grace is checking me out, these wrestling babes are all excited for me.

Warmageddon by Soulfly explodes into existence as the lights turn to deathly dark purple as Raenius stalks out atop the entranceway, quickly proceeding down the aisle, Moss camera crew quickly scurrying aside for him as he jumps up onto the ring apron setting himself on his knees before he slithers inside the ring, once more getting to his feet his eyes darting from Moss Edwards face to the Championship in his hands.

Vinegar: Despite my partners complaining and all the women in his life, this should be a great contest.

Hanson: Well I’ll have fun Nyx is under my side of the table.

Vinegar: So she’s not behind you then.

Hanson: No, no.

Vinegar: Okay. Sure she didn’t just walk by you, having come in from the crowd.

Hanson: No, no.

Vinegar: Just someone who looks like her standing at ringside then, shouting at Moss.

Hanson: Yeah a crazed look alike fan. I’ll show you!

Hanson slides back his chair, exposing a cardboard face of Nyx taped to a blow up doll underneath his desk.

Vinegar: Oh dear god -5445- get this match started.

Hanson: Well someone listened because Raenius just charged at Moss and took him down with a double leg, rolling through into a headlock.

Vinegar: Hey that’s my job.

Hanson: Sorry Nyx has me all flustered.

Vinegar: People often forget that Raenius is quite the technician as displayed there.

Hanson: What’s wrong don’t want to talk about me and Nyx?

Vinegar: Moss Edwards is no slouch either, he’s an incredibly unpredictable wrestler, corkscrewing out of that headlock into a leg sweep, now he’s got a headlock of his own locked in…no, now it’s a front facelock…back to a headlock, dragging Raenius up, a go behind, now a hammerlock then takes him down with a reverse DDT.

Hanson: He takes the long way to get anywhere doesn’t he…just like Nyx is taking the ‘long’ way down here.

Vinegar: Raenius though rolls to his stomach as Moss then drags him back to his feet, knee to the abdomen though by the resident evil then a hard clubbing blow followed by a thrust kick to a kneeling Edwards.

Hanson: Hey c’mon you can’t just keep ignoring me!

Vinegar: Raenius now dropping a series of elbows onto Moss, coming off the ropes for the fourth and final one.

Hazel: 1-2-

Vinegar: Edwards kicks out strongly though, getting to his feet at the same time as Raenius and taking him down with a hard lariat as he takes a moment to clutch at his chest.

Hanson: I might have to clutch something.

Vinegar: Moss now hitting that Dramatic effect to a downed Raenius, going for the cover.

Hanson: No fair, answer me.

Hazel: 1-2-

Hanson: Raenius kicks out.

Vinegar: Moss pulling him to his feet only to get snapmared down, back up quickly though right into a superkick.

Hanson: Now that were talking, you want Nyx over your side, Im almost done.

Vinegar: eugh…Nyx scares me Daniel and I really don’t want your sex doll.

Hanson: She scares you but you call her a sex doll!

Vinegar: Raenius stomping away at Moss now, yanking him to his feet and Irish whipping him into the corner charging in with a stinger splash then shoving Moss to the ground, laying in with several closed fists forcing Hazel to step in.

Hanson:

Vinegar: Moss fighting back though, getting to his feet he goes for a suplex…countered and Raenius snaps him over…Moss though lands on his feet shoving Raenius who charges in…

Hanson: Full Frontal!

Vinegar: Was that about the match or your friend? Regardless Moss avoided the attempt and Raenius goes crashing into the corner and now Moss shooting in BOX OFFICE POISEN

Hazel: 1-2-3

Mitchell: Here is your winner and still the GIW.com Champion MOSSSSSSSS EDDDDDDWARDSSSSSSS

Hanson: That was great!

Vinegar: I agree an impressive move for Edwards to finish the match.

Hanson: Edwards…match…Im talking about Nyx here.

Vinegar: Please can I get a replacement for Daniel.

Hanson: And some tissues.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Dennis: The next match is scheduled for one fall.

Vinegar: I have to say I’ve been looking forward to this one, who’d have thought neither of these guys had met the other one on one before tonight....

Hanson: Who’d care? Seriously what’s with all these lame stats, you might need them to make football seem exciting, but this is professional wrestling...we don’t need stupid gimmicks!

Vinegar: OK...So we’ve got two men of Japanese descent squaring up against one another on the night we find out, Randy BoolZian’s work this week withstanding, that GIW is going to the Land of the Rising Sun, great timing.

Hanson: Does anyone really want to see these two guys in the same ring, I mean really they’ve both been proven to be inferior to ‘The Blessed One’ in every way, what could possibly be the point.

Vinegar: That’s a strange logic, but if it were up to you I suspect we’d have two hours of Travis Roberts sleeping as Prime Time viewing.

Hanson: Damn right.

Vinegar: you are a strange, strange man indeed...

“Teahouse” filters across the arena, and the fans rise to their feet as Alex Kiseragi appears on the stage, with his young valet Katie a few steps behind, Alex goes through his usual kick and flip routine, as Katie, as ever, gleefully watches in awe.

Dennis: Introducing first, from San Francisco, ALEEEEX KIIIIIIISEERAAAAAGIIIII!!!!

Hanson: Do you think she even knows?

Vinegar: Knows what?

Hanson: You know...his...habits...

Vinegar: I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.

Hanson: Oh come on...y’know...he hangs around public restrooms....men’s restrooms.

Vinegar: Oh god, are we still doing this?

Hanson: Hey man, don’t hate me, I wouldn’t be the Hanson Train without a reference to Alex Kiseragi’s sexual orientation. It’s the young girl I’m worried about, Catherine is it?

Vinegar: Katie...and I bet you worry about her.

Hanson: What are you insinuating? That’s deformation of character!

Vinegar: That’s rich...

“Endless Song” hits, and the Japanese Powerhouse appears on the stage, to a mixed reaction from the crowd. He throws his hands in the air and screams the usual ‘ALL HAIL HIROSHIMA’, and then starts making his way to the ring.

Dennis: And his opponent, from Kyoto, Japan....KOOOOOOOMOSUUUUUUUUUUBE!!!

Vinegar: Both these competitors came out of Affirmative Action suffering defeats that must have been hard to swallow, but both guys are looking in top condition this week.

Hanson: Top condition? Komo? Yeah and Tate’s the next Mr Universe!

Vinegar: You are on top form tonight aren’t you?

Hanson; Damn right, just one more match until we get to see ‘Blessed Immortality’...aren’t you excited?

Vinegar: I can’t express my joy with words.

Hanson: Don’t get sarcastic. Easily GIW’s two most talented individuals teaming up in the main event, what is there not to be excited about?

Vinegar: I’d rather concentrate on the exciting clash of styles we have coming up any moment...

Hanson: Komo will sit on Alex, Alex will smile...Alex will remember where he is and kick Komo a few times....then Komo will sit on him again...it’s hardly a riveting experience...unless you happen to be ‘The Dragon’.

Vinegar: Oh thank god, Owen Peterson is calling for the bell to start this match, maybe we can talk about this match from now on...

Hanson: I doubt it.

Vinegar: Well the bell has rung, and Komosube charges straight for Alex, trying to get the first blow in, but A-Kis quickly dodges and unleashes a quick kick to Komo’s thigh.

Hanson: Doesn’t even rock the big guy, Komo’s felt more power than that emptying his bowels in the morning...

Vinegar: Charming thought, but Komo swings a powerful right at A-Kis, but ‘The Dragon’forward roils under it, and strikes another kick to the thigh...

Hanson: Komo smashes his elbow backwards towards A-Kis’ face...

Vinegar: Again Alex manages to dodge by dropping into the splits, Komo now turning as Alex springs up and hits a dropkick...this time Komo stumbles backwards...great show of agility from ‘The Dragon’...

Hanson: now hitting the Japanese Powerhouse with a few rights and lefts in quick succession, before running to the ropes...

Vinegar: Seems A-Kis’ strategy here is to just keep moving...

Hanson: But that’s backfired as ‘The Dragon’ goes for a cross body, Komo easily catches him in midair, and now the Obese Oriental is walking round the ring holding A-Kis like a toy and laughing heartily...

Vinegar: Komosube fall’s backwards and hurls A-kis across the distance of the ring with raw power....

Hanson: ‘The Dragon’ came down hard there, and Komo drags his large frame back up and descends on A-Kis...

Vinegar: Who isn’t quick enough getting to his feet, and Komo slams a forearm across ‘The Dragons’ back...

Hanson: The Dragon gets to his feet, but is obviously in some pain; Komo seizes the opportunity to whip Kiseragi into the ropes...and hits him with a huge belly-to-belly suplex...and goes for the pin...

1...

2...

Vinegar: Alex gets his shoulder up, and Komo pounds the canvas in frustration.

Hanson: He and I both wanted it over right there, then we’d have all got what we wanted....’Blessed Immortality’...

Vinegar: Komosube now challenging Alex to get to his feet, and Alex duly obliges, Komo goes to tie up...

Hanson: But ‘The Dragon’ dodges, almost instinctively, springboards onto the middle rope, and fies back at Komosube with a heel kick to the face, which sends Komo staggering backwards...

Vinegar: ‘The Dragon’ now runs the ropes behind the Japanese Powerhouse, leaps as Komo turns, head scissors, takes the big man down, and Alex floats over to make the pin...

1...

2...

Hanson: Komosube throws Alex Kiseragi off, and scrambles to his feet, only to see ‘The Dragon’ launch himself for a Hurricanra...

Vinegar: Komosube catches Kiseragi on his shoulders...and slams him to the ground with a powerbomb...Komo bending over to drag A-Kis up...

Hanson: And gets a face full of foot for his efforts, A-Kis rolls and gets to his feet, as Komo clutches at his face...A-Kis launches himself...

Vinegar: We know what’s coming, it’s the Yari Kick...

Hanson: So does Komo, who starts to swing his leg...

Vinegar: But Katie grabs hold of it...

Hanson: And A-Kis immediately pulls up short of Komo...

Vinegar: Who looks stunned, as A-Kis ignores him and leans over the ropes to berate Katie...

Hanson: Komo is stunned no longer and he grabs both of Alex’s shoulders...a delivers an almighty headbutt...sending A-Kis down...directly in front of the ropes...

Vinegar: Komo climbs onto the second rope...BANZAISAUL...

Hanson: NO! KISERAGI MOVES!

Vinegar: Komosube crashes into the canvas, that’s a high risk move and it didn’t pay off for Komo...but he’s getting back to his feet slowly...

Hanson: But so is Alex...and Alex leaps...

Vinegar: DRAGON TAIL!

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, via a pinfall, ‘The Dragon’...ALEEEEEEX KIIIIIISERAAAAGI!!!

Vinegar: Komosube powers out a moment too late, and Alex Kiseragi snatches a big victory here tonight. An impressive performance by the former Unified Global Champion...just what he needed.

Hanson: WOOOO! ‘Blessed Immortality’ is next...

Vinegar: Oh Joy!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: And once again ladies and gentlemen it’s time for our…

Hanson: It’s time for Travis Roberts! Otherwise known as the main event!

Vinegar: Indeed it is the main event, but I think the other three participants in this match might…

Hanson: Oh no one cares about them. Plus with all the history between ‘The Headliners’ opponents tonight, this is going to be a walk in the park.

Vinegar: How do you figure?

Hanson: Oh come on, I thought you were the voice and knew everything about the GIW. C’mon Diamond Jack Severednuts cost Crimson Ghost the Chief Nigga tournament. Not that I disagree with it because that led to Chief Carmel Skinned Sexpot, but I’m more than a little surprised that masked loon hasn’t been a little more outspoken about it. And speaking of women I’d like to give pink eye to, let us not forget the rumor from a couple of weeks ago.

Vinegar: The one about you and rhino porn?

Hanson: Shut up. Sometimes you just need to get a little kinky. Hey wait a minute, we’re not talking about YO MOMMA! No I’m referring to the rumor about that skeleton getting his ‘bone’ a little familiar with my Gabby. Now believe me you hell aint froze over so it’s false, but still if DJS has any sack left which I doubt he does, but if he does he’d have to take offense to that lying costumed clown!

Vinegar: For once I think you’re actually making sense.

Hanson: If it don’t make dollars than it’s YO MOMMA!

Vinegar: Let’s send it to Mitchell Dennis for the introductions, sense apparently some people just can’t register that my momma is dead.

Hanson: I thought that bitch was putting up less of a fight than normal. She normally never lets me stick it up her bu...

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen this is your Sentinel main event! Scheduled for one fall and contested under tag team rules. Introducing first standing six foot five inches and weighting in at 270 pounds, this is Diamond Jack Severino!

‘Diamond In The Rough’ by Airbourne hits the PA system as the arena lights dim to darkness before a few solitary gold spotlights flicker on lighting up the entranceway where Jack Severino stands with his back to the crowd and arms out stretched to his sides before turning and making his way to the ring.

Vinegar: One has to wonder how that arm of Severino is doing after that vicious attack by Donovan Hastings at Affirmative Action.

Hanson: No, I don’t. But some might wonder how bad the one true Lord Chief Niggadon fucked up the arm of the luckiest or lamest man in wrestling today.

Vinegar: Never learn.

Dennis: And his tag team partner standing six foot four inches weighting in at 224 pounds this is the, excuse me, THE Crimson Ghost!

The arena lights shut off to pitch blackness as red strobe lights begin to flash at roughly 4 beats a second and the chorus of ‘Crimson Ghost’ by the Misfits slam into the air waves. Without warning Crimson Ghost burst through the curtains and sprints to the ring.

Hanson: To think he thinks anyone would by him and MY Gabby.

Vinegar: Hold on, if memory serves didn’t the rumor say Gabrielle was the one that…

Hanson: You shut your fucking lying cock sucking mouth before I shut it for you!

Vinegar: Uh, huh, wow. Where’d that come from?

Hanson: I happen to live a very sheltered and fragile existence. I really just can’t have you propagating those kinda thoughts.

Dennis: And their opponents. Introducing first—

Vinegar: I think Dennis’ mic just cut out.

Hanson: NO doubt do to Boss P’s continual running us into the ground.

Vinegar: ?

Hanson: Oh god, what’d I just say.

Peterson: YO YO YO, bitches and hoes!

Owen Peterson walks out onto the entrance ramp wearing an L.A. Lakers jersey, blue jeans, and Timberland boots. All three sizes to big, and the shirt and pants on backwards in a Kris Kross fashion.

Peterson: Uh, yeah, Niggas and Niggettes on yo feetz right up right naw! It be da one tru one real Lord Chief Nigga comin’ straight out yo mommas asses! Dis be right nhear, Donovan Hastings!

‘Immortal’ by Adema plays out over the crowd as Hastings emerges from the entrance ramp draped in a dark royal blue cloak. He takes a moment to survey his kingdom before proceeding to the ring.

Vinegar: Well now we know what happened to Mitchell’s microphone.

Hanson: Just shut up the more words you ramble on about just means the longer it takes to get to the Blessed Ones entrance!

Vinegar: Fine.

Dennis: And his partner standing six foot six inches and weighting in at 220 pounds. He is the GIW Unified Global Champion, despite the GIW now again having a second singles title, this is Travis Roberts!

Bummer’ hits the PA, and after a few seconds delay, the GIW Unified Global Champion, Travis Roberts steps out onto the stage, taking a moment to allow the camera’s that instantly start to flash to get a good view, turning left and right so that everyone can get a good shot. He stands with the Unified Title draped over his right shoulder and a smug air of confidence in his expression.

Hanson: Glorious isn’t it. Simply glorious, and it’s the second time I’ve seen it tonight which just makes it twice as…

Vinegar: And Diamond Jack isn’t willing to wait! DJS on the outside and he’s just mowed down Hastings with that Bicycle kick!

Hanson: Huh? Damnit! Dumb dumb just ruined Roberts’ entrance!

Vinegar: Well The Crimson Ghost now stepping to the outside as Severino rolls Hastings into the ring, and Burke is calling for the bell! We’re underway folks!

Hanson: Yeah, well now he’s in for it! Hasting to his feet, and meets PMS coming in with a brutal kick to the temple, and now hammering away with those rights!

Vinegar: Severino answering back now with his own shots to Hastings. The two exchanging fists, Severino gains the upper hand, arm wringer, short armed clothesline, and right into a modified reverse curb stomp!

Hanson: Great just great. So this man who quite literally has the TRLAOCIAFSOS named after him just to ambush Lord Chief, and Burke doesn’t do a damned thing about it!

Vinegar: Severino now laying in those boots, and Hastings is in a world of hurt! Look at him clinging to Jacks’ leg now.

Hanson: Well yeah, of course, that’s one less leg Jack has to cheat with now!

Vinegar: Severino almost looks pleased, almost smiling, as he looks out over the crowd while Hastings begs for mercy.

Hanson: HA! Begs for mercy my ass. That there was the LCNFFWFLBFTW!

Vinegar: Son of a bitch, the what?

Hanson: Lord Chief Niggadon’s Fight Fire With Fire Low Blow For The Win!

Vinegar: Do you just sit around and think of this stuff in your spare time.

Hanson: Well it aint YO MOMMA getting me ready for that messy sloppy lovin!

Vinegar: She’s dead! And Severino is doubled over while Burke tries to admonish Hastings. Donovan pushes Glenn aside, and now a straight kick to the janglies!

Hanson: Facebreaker DDT! And I didn’t, and neither did Burke see any jangly kick you lying son of a…

Vinegar: SHE’S DEAD! And here’s the tag to Roberts, the champ in the ring, and stomping away at the hand Hastings injured with that pipe. Now dropping those elbows on the downed Blue Eyed Devil.

Hanson: Oh yeah, now he’s gonna get what’s coming to him! Break that damn arm, do to him what… I’m not even gonna say his name, because I’ll never have to say it again!

Vinegar: Roberts pulling Severino to his feet, Jack with a wild left hand, favoring clearly that right hand, Roberts ducks, belly to back suplex!

Hanson: HA HA, is there anything better than watching the champion take care of business inside that ring? Hell outside even! Tokyo, we’re going to Tokyo!

Vinegar: Roberts again picking Diamond Jack up, Irish whip to the corner, here’s the charge, and Severino meets him halfway with a huge round house kick staggering the champion!

Hanson: Mercy, that was just the champion trying not to embarrass Shiterino too much.

Vinegar: Yeah, I’m sure. Kick to the gut, Severino tying up ‘The Headliner’, Diamond Edge! Brutal straight jacket sit down razors edge type maneuver!

Hanson: Manure’s more like it, cause this is bullshit!

Vinegar: Jack to his feet, and now he’s circling Travis Roberts, picking his shot.

Hanson: He wishes! Blind tag, and now that masked weirdo is in the ring, and there’s the disgruntled dejected EDS we’re all used to seeing!

Vinegar: The Crimson Ghost with a drop kick sends Roberts back to the mat, Travis back up, hip toss, standing senton splash.

Hanson: I mean how do we even know that’s the real Crimson Ghost? For all we know that’s Chuck Norris in drag.

Vinegar: Drag?

Hanson: What kinda real man hides behind a full body Halloween costume?

Vinegar: Both men back up, Ghost with a… a… did he just slap Roberts in the testicles?

Hanson: Bloody hell, I think he did.

Vinegar: NO BLOODY HELL, and he did!

Hanson: NO BIG BOOT ON THE REBOUND IS WHAT HE GETS FOR FEELING UP WHAT A REAL MAN SHOULD BE, AND DON’T YELL IN MY DAMN EAR!

Vinegar: Ghost went for that Bloody Hell, and ate a big boot for his trouble. Roberts now pulling up CG, Michinoku Driver, here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: See I knew the rumor couldn’t be true.

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: Or maybe that’s why he turned her down?

Burke: TH…

Vinegar: Kick out at two.

Hanson: He let him up.

Vinegar: Well both men up now, Roberts pulls in the Crimson Ghost, Powerslam, and holds for the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: See how nice the ‘TWiSTeD Savior’ is. He let the Ghost up again.

Vinegar: In other words, kick out, only a one count. What is Hastings doing? Is he digging around for something under the ring?

Hanson: Never mind. Surely it’s something nigga-rific!

Vinegar: Ghost back to his feet, full nelson slam by Roberts!

Hanson: Damn right!

Vinegar: Ghost wasting no time though, and back to his f,eeee,ttt?

Hanson: Knee’s are more like it. I mean yeah, yeah, beg for your life peasant!

Vinegar: He, he looks like he’s pointing at Roberts.

Hanson: Oh, don’t do it Blessed One! Don’t pull the finger!

Vinegar: I’m not sure Travis knows how to take this. Is the Crimson Ghost asking Travis Roberts to pull his finger?

Hanson: Why do they keep putting this guy in the…

Vinegar: Hard right hand by the Ghost rocks Travis Roberts! I guess that was just the pause Crimson Ghost needed!

Hanson: Disgusting! Who uses butt gas as a distraction besides YO MOMMA!?!

Vinegar: Another hard right hand, Ghost swings Roberts around, chickenwing backdrop, and Ghost springs right back to his feet…

Hanson: IN COMING!

Vinegar: What the hell was that? Did Hastings just throw an…

Hanson: Easy back over at the Crimson Ghost! You’re damn right he did, and that’s some hardcore shiat right there bitches!

Vinegar: Well Ghost caught it, Burke turns to examine what else Hastings might have, and Ghost just laid out Roberts with that pink plastic oven!

Hanson: Cheater! Disqualify that cheating hoodlum!

Vinegar: Ghost not going for the cover though, tags in Severino, and charges, suicide plancha to the outside and laying out Hastings!

Hanson: Big mistake! Now Crimson Rag and YOUR Lord Chief are brawling on the outside.

Vinegar: DJS now climbing back into the ring, not wanting to be left out, and he’s got Roberts!

Hanson: Another cheater! How is TRob supposed to compete under these conditions?

Vinegar: Severino hoisting Roberts to his shoulders, Glass Jaw coming up,

Hanson: Reversed!

Vinegar: Roberts wiggling free, and falling to the canvas with that injured right hand of DJS.

Hanson: TWiSTeD Tourniquet! That’s it!

Vinegar: Burke turns to the sounds of Severino slapping the canvas! There’s the bell?

Hanson: Severino tapped! Travis wins! Blessed Immortality wins!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen here are your winners Donovan Hastings and Travis Roberts!

Hanson: Ha, maybe cubic zirconium steverino should have let Gabby have this match!

Vinegar: Maybe, or maybe had Hastings not assaulted him with that pipe last week he breaks that Glass Jaw of Roberts, and we…

Hanson: Shut your god damned cock sucking mouth! How many times tonight do I have to tell you to shut up? Not speak ill of my hero again.

Vinegar: As long as my checks clear, that’s all I got to say. Folks that’s it, we’re out of time. Join us next week, for more GIW action, Headshots, we’ll see BoolZ’s student, and Dan will probably claim to snork my dead momma again!

‘Envy’ by KHZ begins playing over the loudspeakers leading the GIW fans into a series of catcalls and cheers as soon enough The Caramel Princess Gabrielle walks out atop the entranceway. She’s dressed in a full length, backless, halter topped silver dress, that hugs to her every caramel curve as a tiara rests amongst her flowing dark brunette hair, several papers in her right hand as she waves towards Diamond Jack with her free hand.

Hanson: You see that she waved at me!

Vinegar: …

Hanson: And thank god I thought we were going to go the whole night without seeing my future wife. She hasn't said yes to my proposal yet but...

Vinegar: …

Hanson: Yes I know she’s stunning.

Vinegar: Dan seriously!

Hanson: You’re right seriously stunning.

NicholasVinegar just shakes his head at Hanson as Gabrielle saunters down to the ring, Jack Severino smirking somewhat as he rolls out of the ring looking at the papers in her hand as she climbs up onto the ring apron Glenn Burke eagerly approaches her offering to hold the ropes open for her as she enters the ring.

That made my night!

Seriously partner you need more than these fantasies.

Jack Severino then jumps up onto the ring apron behind her, but Gabrielle turns back to face him, squeezing his hand reassuringly as she taps the papers in her hands to his forearm.

Gabrielle: I have to do this myself Jack.

Travis Roberts stands in the middle of the ring, the Unified Global Championship over his shoulder as he runs a hand through his long hippie hair, Donovan Hastings wrapping an arm around his ‘Blessed Immortality’ partners shoulder.

Hastings: Ahh the fake Nigga.

Gabrielle grits her teeth as she smiles at Donovan before waving the papers in Roberts face as she’s handed a microphone.

Gabrielle: Travis if nothing else that Championship belt hanging about your body is something to be proud of…a beautiful thing it truly is. Championship gold of the highest calibre, something I know of extremely well when it comes to my own sex.

Hanson: hehe.

Vinegar: Oh grow up.

Hanson: I am…if you know what I mean.

Gabrielle: I was the women’s division of this company for so long, I was that good that I was in fact ‘untouchable’…none of the other women as good as they all are could beat me…every single one of them may have taken me to my limit but I was never bested in this ring by any of my competition for the GIW Womens Championship. I was undefeated, never pinned, never submitted from day one in this company…to beyond the end of the Womens Championship. I gave up one of the greatest accolades of my career to achieve things that no one thought I could, to win entire tournaments in one night, rather than win a single match.

Gabrielle glares at Donovan Hastings, her beautiful blue eyes flickering with disdain.

Gabrielle: I gave that Championship up to prove that women can compete with men, to show that I can’t be pigeon holed just because I have spectacular breasts.

Hanson: She’s so down to earth.

Gabrielle: I gave that Championship up for moments like thi……

Travis Roberts steps up to Gabrielle, brushing Hastings arm away from himself as he yanks her microphone up to his own mouth.

Roberts: Travis Roberts wonders why you’re out here bragging about killing a division! The Blessed One is truly perplexed by it in fact, what he’s saying is you my dear need to get to the point.

Gabrielle: I guess my point is Travis, that everything I’ve accomplished here to this point, everything that I’ve given up to stand here before you now…as your next challenger for that Championship…has been worth it Travis.

Travis Roberts steps back from Gabrielle, a perplexed look upon his face as he sizes Gabrielle up.

Gabrielle: I guess you could say that I’m Money In The Bank…anytime…anywhere...

Travis: …any position. You propositioning Travis Roberts for sex?

Gabrielle: Please Travis…Mary-Joanna’s told me all about you…the last thing I’d proposition you for is sex…Mr. 30 seconds.

The Caramel Skinned Sexpot hands the papers in her hands over to Travis, as he flicks through them a sly grin crossing his lips.

Travis: You…you a woman to challenge me?

Gabrielle: Please Travis keep thinking of me as just a woman…I’d love to see the look upon your face when a ‘woman’ takes that Championship away from you.

Hanson: Aww crap at Affirmative Action it was Hastings and Gabrielle…now its Travis and Gabrielle…I only like a couple of people in this company, why can’t they get along? WHY!?!?

Travis: I suppose either way it was going to be a woman to challenge me if it wasn’t you then it would have been that neutered ex-boyfriend of yours.

Severino slides back into the ring, clutching at his injured arm as his eyes meet Hastings for a second before panning over to Travis Roberts. Gabrielle however turns to face Jack placing a hand on his waist as she looks him in the eyes, stopping Jack in his tracks as he nods his head. Gabrielle then turns back to face Travis stepping right up in his face as Roberts does the same.

Roberts: After a kiss?

Gabrielle smiles once again at Roberts briefly before her expression changes to a scowl right as Sentinel ends for another week.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 29/03/09 Credits

Boss P Cold Open
Dredd

Tobias vs Phantom vs Kinglsey
A-Kis

Ms. Harding vs Chassie Fear
JK

Headshots
Moss and T-Rob

Dredd No Show
Dredd

The Lord’s Declaration
Hastings

Boss P’s Rebuttal to Hastings
T-Rob

GIW.com Title Match
DJS

Main Event
BoolZ

Gabby’s BPOAP MITB
DJS

Editor
T-Rob