Infinity 2022

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Welcome to the first UGWC Pay-Per-View of 2022, it is time for Infinity!

Covert Jay: Huttah!

Vinegar: The Global Challenge has been ongoing for weeks, but the round robin round is complete, and the tournament comes to a close tonight, with Lucy Wylde facing Montague Cervantes in the finals, with the Global Challenge Key and a future World Title match on the line!

Lieberjosch: We'll also see Baltimore Elite challenge Incendium for the Cooperative Championship, and Hide Yamazaki and Ragdoll will battle for the vacant Cross-Hemisphere Title!

Vinegar: Seven matches in total on the card tonight, three championships on the line, and it all leads to the main event, as Donovan Hastings receives a rematch for the World Title against the man that took it from him, Centurion, and under the watchful eye of special guest referee Dave Rydell, that match will end via submission only.

Covert Jay: So let's get the action underway!



The lights plunge the arena into darkness as “Die Eier von Satan” blares through the arena. Strobes flash in time with the weird and creepy video. A few seconds in he comes leaping out onto the stage, nearly trips over his own feet and comes dangerously close to falling off of the stage. He walks to the top of the ramp and looks out over the crowd. He tries to look scary and menacing, but fails because he seems to forget that he’s wearing a mask. He barely manages to walk down the ramp without hurting himself, almost falls off of the ring steps and then trips over the middle rope as he tries to get into the ring. He tries to climb the ropes, but isn’t strong enough to pull himself up and eventually settles for posing in the middle of the ring.

Cold as Ice by M.O.P plays over the sound system as Konrad comes out through the curtain, wearing his blue and black facepaint with his black and blue gear along with his wrestling trousers with his nickname The Iceman on the back of them with Pit Bull Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands with a side cross necklace on his neck with the blue and black yin-yang tattoo on his right shoulder and Iceman from X-Men tattoo on his back, ice wolf tattoo on his left chest, ice bear tattoo on his right chest and flame cage tattoo on his left shoulder. Also has a penguin, walrus and a polar bear stitching on the left-hand side of his chest, stating Stop Climate Change.

Mitchell Dennis: “From Cologne, Germany, he is The Iceman, Konrad Raab!”

He then high fives the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and does a holdup on each turnbuckle and everyone cheers him with as he gets down from the turnbuckle. Konrad does a few boxing punches to the cameras before he looks at his opponent waiting for the match to start.

Vinegar: The opening bell sounds and Dark Destroyer lunges for Konrad but Konrad is able to step to the side and Destroyer falls flat on his face.

Covert Jay: Konrad goes to pull him up, however, Dark Destroyer pushes him away.

Leiberjosch: In the process he falls back down to the mat after stepping on his cape.

Vinegar: Konrad waits for Destroyer to rise on his own. He does, using the ropes to pull himself up.

Leiberjosch: Destroyer sees Konrad, and charges. He lunges for the Spear of Destruction but bounces to the mat and it hardly had any effect on Konrad.

Covert Jay: Oof, that’s gonna hurt!

Vinegar: After realizing that this is how the match is going to go, Konrad heads over to pick up Dark Destroyer. But he gets inside cradled!

Leiberjosch: Dark Destroyer can’t hold him and Konrad is out at 1.

Vinegar: Konrad is up and pulls up Dark Destroyer. Overhead belly to belly suplex!

Covert Jay: He could easily put him away now. Heck, I could!

Leiberjosch: Well this isn’t about you, is it?

Covert Jay: No, I’m just saying.

Vinegar: Knock it off. Konrad with a hard clothesline sending Dark Destroyer end over end.

Leiberjosch: Great, now he’s tangled in his cape again.

Covert Jay: The cape lets us know how super he is! And he’s doing a super job.

Vinegar: Konrad with a German Suplex, with a bridge! 1…2.. but Dark Destroyers foot tapped the rope!

Leiberjosch: Now that’s what I call lucky.

Covert Jay: Lucky or not, he’s super duper!

Leiberjosch: You’re not going to get back on this banter are you? And start talking about dragons, right?

Covert Jay: Why? Did you see one? o_0

Vinegar: That’s enough. Please.

Leiberjosch: Konrad is putting the boots to Dark Destroyer here.

Vinegar: He whips Destroyer off the ropes. One the rebound he goes for a clothesline but Dark Destroyer tumbles down.

Covert Jay: Konrad stumbles as he put a lot of force behind it with nowhere to hit!

Vinegar: Destroyer is up! He’s going for a superkick!

Leiberjosch: He’s caught! T-bone suplex from Konrad!

Covert Jay: HOW DID HE ROLL THROUGH THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!

Vinegar: Your guess is as good as mine. What a move!

Leiberjosch: PURE. ACCIDENT.

Covert Jay: He’s showing us how super duper he is!

Leiberjosch: Could you imagine if Dark Destroyer earned a title shot...of any kind, right here tonight?

Vinegar: Kick to Konrad’s midsection. THE DARK ABYSS OF FATHOMLESS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leiberjosch: COUNTER!

Covert Jay: PILES OF ICE!!!!!!

Vinegar: Konrad covers, 1……2……3!!!!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner.........Konrad Raab!!!!

Leiberjosch: And it looks like that title opportunity is going to Konrad Raab. I knew Dark Destroyer couldn't do it.

Covert Jay: Mark my words, one day he will. We have no idea how high he can fly.

[UGWC Staff]

“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell plays as the pyros explode. Travis Pierce, the Icon of Entertainment, makes his way out from backstage. He saunters down the ramp, taunting the crowd before rolling into the ring.

Vinegar: Travis Pierce is the 2nd UGWC Grand Slam Champion. He has such a storied career. There is so much riding on this match.

Leiberjosch: A title shot, that’s for sure.

Covert Jay: Oh but wait, there’s more!

Leiberjosch: What?

Vinegar: Pride. He and his opponent have had quite a few run ins in the past. And their storied history is one for the books.

Just then, the lights black out and Velvet Acid Christ’s “Phucking Phreak” begins to blare. Phrixus Diemos appears on stage and slowly makes his way down the ramp. He enters the ring and the lights come up in the arena.

Vinegar: No gimmicks. No nonsense. That is what Phrixus is all about.

Leiberjosch: He’s also been about losing lately. And not making good on his word.

Covert Jay: He really is a spooky individual.

Vinegar: The opening bell sounds and we are off!

Leiberjosch: Phrixus and Travis lock up. Hammer lock to Travis!

Covert Jay: Travis breaks out of it and puts Phrixus in one of his own!

Vinegar: Arm drag from Phrixus!

Leiberjosch: The embodiment of fear holds on and hits another arm drag!

Covert Jay: Travis turns the tables and gets Phrixus in a reverse waist lock.

Vinegar: Phrixus runs forward and then somersaults, forcing Travis to go forward and over him!

Covert Jay: What a move!

Leiberjosch: Travis comes off the ropes with all that momentum, right into a belly to belly suplex!

Vinegar: COUNTER! Travis is elbowing out of it!

Leiberjosch: Clothesline to Phrixus but he ducks under!

Covert Jay: Reverse neck drop! Cover from Phrixus, 1….2…kick out!

Vinegar: Phrixus should know by now it’ll take more than that to put him away.

Leiberjosch: And we will see that here tonight. But I honestly don’t see him coming away with the victory.

Covert Jay: Did he just pull Travis off the mat into a monkey flip in one move?!

Vinegar: Wow! What a toss!

Leiberjosch: Travis rolls through and comes back with all of his momentum taking Phrixus clean off his feet.

Vinegar: Travis is stomping on Phrixus. One after another.

Covert Jay: A snap elbow drop, and another, and another, and another!

Vinegar: Travis picking up Phrixus here. Whipping him into the corner.

Leiberjosch: Body splash from Pierce!

Vinegar: Phrixus staggers out of the corner but gets flipped end over end with a dragon suplex!

Covert Jay: Right into the turnbuckles. OUCHIES!

Leiberjosch: Ouchies? How old are you?

Covert Jay: Mind your business.

Vinegar: That’s enough. Travis has Phrixus up and is going for the double underhook backbreaker but Phrixus won’t let him!

Leiberjosch: Back body drop! Both men are down!

Covert Jay: This match is so fast paced. And we’ve seen it all!

Vinegar: Not yet we haven’t.

Leiberjosch: The count is at 4 and Phrixus is starting to stir. He’s up and pulls Travis up.

Vinegar: NUMBING!

Covert Jay: COUNTER! THE BREAKDOWN!

Leiberjosch: Phrixus using the ring to his advantage and rolls right out of it.

Vinegar: The crowd sure didn’t like that.

Leiberjosch: Can you blame them? They came to see a fight. Not someone run away from one.

Covert Jay: Even Dark Destroyer stayed and fought.

Leiberjosch: And he lost. Horribly.

Covert Jay: Fought til the bitter end. What a hero.

Leiberjosch: Unbelievable.

Vinegar: Travis is outside the ring and right behind Phrixus. He spins him around. SIGNING OFF!!!

Leiberjosch: Phrixus floats out of it and shoves him face first into the ring post!

Covert Jay: Travis bounces off of it and falls to the floor.

Vinegar: Phrixus rolls in and back out of the ring to restart the count. He grabs Travis and whips him into the barricade.

Leiberjosch: REVERSE!

Covert Jay: REVERSE REVERSE!

Leiberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: Cha cha real smooth.

Vinegar: Phrixus crashed hard and is holding his midsection.

Leiberjosch: Travis grabs Phrixus and whips him into the ring post shoulder first.

Vinegar: And now he’s rolling Phrixus back into the ring. Travis is back in now too.

Covert Jay: Travis goes to pick up Phrixus. SMALL PACKAGE!!!!

Leiberjosch: Phrixus reversed into a pin, 1…..2….KICK OUT!

Vinegar: Holy hell! That was close.

Covert Jay: Travis pops up quickly, stunned at the move.

Vinegar: Phrixus is now up with a devilish grin.

Leiberjosch: Some choice words from Travis to Phrixus.

Covert Jay: Travis is charging him! SUPER KICK!

Vinegar: Phrixus picks Travis up to go for Numbing…COUNTER!

Leiberjosch: SIGNING OFF!

Covert Jay: Phrixus floats out again!

Vinegar: He’s trying to lock Travis in Millenial Decay!

Leiberjosch: Travis shoves him away!

Vinegar: Phrixus turns.

Covert Jay: THE TRUTH HURTS!!!!! HOLY SHIT!

Vinegar: What a desperation move and both men are down!!!!

1….

2…..

3…..

4…..

5…..

Vinegar: I cannot believe he pulled that off. He just needs to capitalize on it!

Leiberjosch: He can’t. Neither of them can!

6….

Covert Jay: Travis beginning to stir.

7…..

Vinegar: Travis is up and sees Phrixus still down. He’s looking up top!

Leiberjosch: Oh here we go! He’s in position!

Covert Jay: THE PIERCING BLOW!!!

Vinegar: PHRIXUS MOVED! PHRIXUS MOVED!!!

Leiberjosch: Travis Pierce just crashed into the mat so hard, you could tell how much hate was behind that elbow drop!

Vinegar: Phrixus is up. He grabs Pierce!

Leiberjosch: NUMBING! HE NAILED IT!

Covert Jay: Phrixus up top!

Vinegar: METEOR PRESS!!!!! COVER!

1….

2…

3!!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner….Phrixus Diemos!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Phrixus Deimos - 6.92

Travis Pierce - 6.81

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: This is going to be a wild one!

Lieberjosch: There’s no love lost between the Cooperative Champions and Baltimore Elite.

The lights go out as the heavy guitar riffs of "Violent Fetish" by Disturbed fill the arena. As the lyrics kick in, an orange spotlight hits the entrance where Ken Davison is standing, slightly hunched over with a sadistic smile on his face.

Bring The Violence

It's Significant

To The Life

If You've Ever Known Anyone

Bring The Violence

It's Significant

To The Life

Can You Feel It?

OW! OW! OW!!!

Davison steps to the side, motioning towards the entrance way as Disturbed fades out and gives way to "Mz Hyde" by Halestorm begins wailing over the PA system as the 'Jawdropper' steps out from behind the curtain, clad in her trademarked orange cropped tank top, baggy grey sweatpants and skater shoes. She's got a playful grin on her lips as she stops at the top of the ramp and motions out to the cheering crowd as Ken nods at her. Easily noticed is the full bottle of Jack Daniels she's holding in her right hand as she begins down the ramp, slapping the fans hands with her free hand along the way.

I can be the bitch,

I can play the whore,

Or your fairytale princess who could ask for more

A touch of wicked,

A pinch of risque,

Good girl gone bad, my poison is your remedy

Vinegar: Baltimore Elite joined UGWC shortly after Carnage Wrestling closed their doors, and they’ve had this opportunity in their crosshairs ever since.

Lieberjosch: It hasn’t been the easiest of paths, but they’ve managed to earn this opportunity tonight.

As the lyrics continue, Johnson slides into the ring under the bottom rope and rises to her feet, moving into the nearest corner and jumping up onto the second turnbuckle. Ken stands protectively in front of her while she motions to the crowd once more as she pops open the whiskey bottle, toasting the crowd before taking a swig! The crowd continues cheering as she jumps down and seals the bottle, dropping it in that very same corner before she begins circling the ring, awaiting the match to begin. Ken, meanwhile, stands stoically, waiting for the match to begin.

The lights in the arena flicker and pulse to the rhythm of the song, the video package announcing Gabriel Baal first, showing highlights of his career in the ring as well as clips from outside the ring.

Insane

Inside

The danger gets me high

Can't help myself

Got secrets I can't tell

I love the smell of gasoline

I light the match to taste the heat

I've always liked to play with fire

The arena drops to darkness as a match flicks to life on the GlobalTron before burning out and the full force of the song hits. The lights return with it to reveal Gabriel Baal stood on the stage, smirking out at the crowd while gripping his cane. He slowly makes his way down the ramp to the ring as a mixture of boos and cheers echo around him, swinging the cane idly as he goes.

I ride the edge

My speed goes in the red

Hot blood, these veins

My pleasure is their pain

I love to watch the castles burn

These golden ashes turn to dirt

I've always liked to play with fire

He enters the ring as the music continues, basking in the crowd's reaction before looking back up the ramp and holding a hand out, waiting for his partner to join him.

Watching as the flames get higher

I've always liked to play with--

The male voice in the song cuts out along with the lights, the red changing to an icy blue as Eden Morgan is revealed on the stage. The video package changes to one of her highlights in and out of the ring as she makes her way down the ramp.

Right of passage

Classic maverick

Match in the gas tank, oooh, that's wretched

Unstoppable legendary animals

Digital justice

Now you're gonna know us

Hail to the King and Queen of the Ruckus

Yacht money wired

No denying

I've always liked to play with fire

Lieberjosch: Incendium is about to take Baltimore Elite to school.

Vinegar: There is a complicating factor, and we don’t know whether it will play into this match tonight.

Lieberjosch: The fact that Incedium is the greatest cooperative team in UGWC history?

Vinegar: Well, that’s debatable, but I’m talking about the close ties both of these teams have with Lucy Wylde.

Lieberjosch: Oh yeah, the drama. Meh.

She ignores the crowd around her for the most part, their reaction to this duo electric whether it's in the positive or the negative, her attention on the man standing in the ring. Eden climbs the steps and takes Gabriel's hand, thanking him as he holds the ropes open for her before finally turning to the crowd as if to address them. Flames take over the GlobalTron screen a mixture of red and blue.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is for one fall and for the UGWC Cooperative Championships! Introducing first, the team of “Godly” Ken Davison and “The Jawdropper” Kyra Johnson, weighing in at 351 pounds, the challengers, BALTIMORE ELITEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: Excellent response from the crowd tonight for Ken and Kyra.

Lieberjosch: They’ve managed to get here past teams like Numinous Fate and The AstroCreeps, they’ve earned their shot.

Vinegar: I feel good about their chances.

Lieberjosch: They still have Incendium to get past. I think the ride lets them off here.

Dennis: And their opponents, the champions, the team of Gabriel “The Chimera” Morgan-Baal and Eden “The Black Widow” Baal-Morgan, your THREE TIME UGWC Cooperative Champions, INCCCCCCCENDIUM!!!

Lieberjosch: What more can be said about the premier power couple of UGWC?

Vinegar: How about that they’re rapidly climbing the charts as one of the most prolific Cooperative teams in UGWC history, or that taken individually they account for ten Cooperative reigns?

Lieberjosch: They know how to work effectively as part of a team. They’re experts at it. They’ve successfully worked in tandem with some of the most impactful legends in the company. I don’t like BE’s chances tonight.

Vinegar: They might just surprise you! Eden and Ken are going to start us off here, and GKD immediately lays in with some forearm strikes.

Lieberjosch: Backing The Ice Queen into a neutral corner he switches to knife edge chops.

Vinegar: Pendulum backbreaker!

Lieberjosch: Eden scoots away, wincing, but suddenly hits a Pele kick!

Vinegar: Ken’s momentum is broken for the moment, and Eden swings the match in her favor with a scissored facebuster.

Lieberjosch: Spinning DDT from the Black Widow, followed by a whip that sends him back into the corner.

Covert Jay: Double flying knees to the corner!

Vinegar: Ken stumbles forward, gets hit with a Bow Down!

Covert Jay:: Eden’s about to cover when Kyra grabs her by the ankle and yanks her bodily out of the ring to the floor!

Lieberjosch: Dirty tactics of the Baltimore Elite coming to bear tonight.

Vinegar: Really, Doc?

Lieberjosch: You think that was a respectable trick Miss Johnson played there?

Vinegar: It wasn’t illegal, if that’s what you’re implying, but I know for sure if Gabriel had dragged Ken out of the ring and away from a cover, you’d be praising his genius.

Lieberjosch: That’s because unlike Kyra Johnson, Dr. Gabriel Baal is, in fact, a genius.

Covert Jay: Double teaming on the outside!

Vinegar: Gabriel indeed rescued Eden from a Baltimore beatdown, and is setting up for the Belladonna!

Lieberjosch: Kyra manages to kick one of Baal’s legs out from the inside and escape before Eden can connect with the Widow’s Bite!

Vinegar: Davison reaches over the ropes and grabs Eden by the hair and drags her up onto the apron!

Lieberjosch: He gets her up into the air over the ropes and presses her overhead into the center of the ring!

Vinegar: Eden gets one good bounce in before Davison is on her.

Covert Jay: Kenadian Destroyer!!

Vinegar: Here’s the cover…

One!!!



Two!!!



Lieberjosch: Eden manages to just kick out!

Vinegar: She takes advantage of a surprised Ken to throw herself toward her corner and grab a tag from her husband!

Lieberjosch: The Chimera marching in to deal with Davison himself

Vinegar: Buzzsaw kick sends GKD sprawling!

Lieberjosch: Belly to belly suplex!

Covert Jay: Gutwrench suplex!

Vinegar: Half Nelson suplex!

Lieberjosch: Davison somehow has the wherewithal to land in a three point stance after that last one, and he dashes to tag in Kyra.

Vinegar: The Jawdropper wastes no time springboarding into a crucifix headscissor on Baal.

Lieberjosch: Gabriel pops back up to his feet, but Johnson is ready with a massive uppercut!

Vinegar: Kyra goes to work stomping away at Gabriel, keeping him stuck to the mat. He tries to roll away and get to his knees, but…

Covert Jay: Blackout!

Lieberjosch: Kyra rolls Gabriel up…

One!!!



Two!!!



Vinegar: Eden breaks it up with a somersault legdrop off the top turnbuckle!

Lieberjosch: Eden yanks Kyra to her feet and signals Gabriel…

Covert Jay: Deadly Strike!

Vinegar: Gabriel covers…

One!!!


Two!!!




Th–

Leiberjosch: Davison yanks Gabriel into the Hands of God!!

Vinegar: Eden is back in the mix to rescue Gabriel, but gets cut off when Davison sweeps her legs from under her!

Covert Jay: We’ve got a brawl!!

Lieberjosch: Gabriel throws his head back, bursting Ken’s nose as blood goes flying!

Vinegar: Kyra has Eden in the corner and is wailing on her with double-fisted overhead smashes!

Covert Jay: Freudian Slip takes Ken down!

Lieberjosch: Gabriel goes to pull Johnson off of Eden.

Vinegar: Over It from Kyra to Chimera!

Covert Jay: Fall of Eden!!

Lieberjosch: Mrs. Morgan-Baal is the only one currently standing in the ring, but Sam is reminding her that she’s not the legal competitor for her team.

Vinegar: She’s trying to get Gabriel up and moving to the corner to remedy that.

Covert Jay: Ken hits Eden with the Jawdropper!!

Lieberjosch: He scoops Kyra up and sets her up on the turnbuckle, giving her a little shake to bring her to.

Vinegar: Meanwhile, he returns to Gabriel and scoops him up for a powerbomb…

Covert Jay: Fall From Grace!!

Lieberjosch: Ken moves to intercept Eden who is recovering as Kyra goes for the cover…


One!!!




Two!!!






Three!!!!!!

Dennis: Your winners, AND NEW UGWC COOPERATIVE CHAMPIONS, Ken Davison and Kyra Johnson, BALTIMORE ELLLLLLLLITE!!!!!!!

Vinegar: They did it!

Covert Jay: Hard fought battle tonight capping off a hard fought journey to get here!!



Baltimore Elite - 7.25

Incendium - 7.21

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We continue here at Infinity with another match-up stemming from the Global Challenge, the two participants who finished third in their respective blocks.

Covert Jay: The winner of this match receives first choice of opportunities, they can either challenge for the Chaos Title, that will be the winner of Savage and Rydell in two weeks, or they can challenge for the Cross-Hemisphere Title, that will be the winner of Hide and Ragdoll later tonight.

Lieberjosch: They could also pick a partner and challenge the new Cooperative Champions, Baltimore Elite, or could elect to be in the match to determine the new Conquest Champion, which was a very fortuitous endeavor for some people as we’ve seen, namely Gabriel Baal and Centurion.

As the lights of the arena fade and acoustic instruments resonate throughout, the flashes of the cameras are the only illumination in the dark. Then a red spotlight shines on the stage and Nathaniel Dixon has made his presence known. He smiles when the lead vocals of Michael Barnes set the mood with “Breathe Into Me (Remix Acústica)” by Red.

“And this is how it feels when I...

Ignore the words you spoke to me...

And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you!”

His fan reception is that of mixed reactions, although some of the fans take special exception to him in deep admiration. Knowing this, he chuckles softly and saunters down the ramp.

“And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore

And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me…”

The Intellectual Evolution extends his right hand to a lady in the audience who accepts it and, like a gentleman, he kisses her hand. While she fangirls, he makes his way around the ring, the red spotlight following him with every step. His earth-colored eyes are focused on the ring itself. Nathaniel ascends the steel steps, enters the ring between the ropes, and he gauges the fans. A sadistic smile forms across his face before the spotlight goes out, leaving everyone in the dark.

“Breathe your life into me, I can't feel you

I'm falling... falling faster...

Breathe your life into me, I still need you

I'm falling… falling, breathe into me! Breathe into me!

(BREATHE!)”

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, representing New Frontier Wrestling, the Intellectual Evolution, NATHANNNIELLLLL DIXXXXXONNNNNNN!!!

Vinegar: I’ve been very impressed with the efforts of Nathaniel Dixon throughout the round robin qualifiers, I’d love to see what he could accomplish in an extended run here.

Lieberjosch: You could find out very soon if he is victorious tonight, he could be on the cusp of UGWC gold!

The lights in the arena dip to black in time with the sirens and beat to the opening of Sweatpants (BattleTapes Remix) by Childish Gambino, the lights then beginning to flash, alternating left and right onto the ramp. In time, the letters "S", "E", "B", and then "Empire" flash one at a time on the big screen until the lights stop flashing as the lyrics hit.

"She askin' “Why you say that?!”

The beat drops and the lights flash on the rampway again. As they do, the screen illuminates with "SEB" and then "EMPIRE" flashing on the sceen.

"Rich kid asshole, paint me as a villain"

Sebastian Everett-Bryce flings his arms wide, staring up with his head covered by the hood of his jacket. He stands in the middle of the ramp, the lights beating down on him, before looking out at the crowd. He wears a long jacket with the hood pulled up over his head, zipped to the waist. The jacket, which is cut away at the bottom and only runs down the back of his legs, is patterned with an elongated Union Flag, but it’s in black and white and appears to be cracked and broken. His tights are short, with the initials SEB emblazoned upon the front.

The lights lift, and SEB makes his way to the ring, stretching his neck from side to side as he walks, his eyes focused on the ring. He climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes before standing in the middle of the ring.

"I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain"

He extends his arms once more before pulling back his hood and removing his jacket to reveal the back of his tights which read “S.E.B”

"Don't be mad cause I'm doing me better than you doing you
Better than you doing you, fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)"

He flashes his arms out to a side, a satisfied and somewhat sneery grin upon his face, he holds the position for a moment, to allow the crowd to take pictures, before moving towards his corner and unzipping his jacket.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent, the Mauler of Markham Square, SEBASTIAN EVERETT BRYCE THE THIRRRRRRDDDDDDD!!!

Vinegar: The former World Champion who joined the tournament as a substitute more than halfway through, Seb was able to salvage a third place finish, very nearly finished even higher.

Lieberjosch: One of the most talented Entertainment Professionals on the roster today, and now that he is represented by Chris Page, there’s no telling what he still has to come.

DING DING!!

Vinegar: Dixon aggressive out the gate, grabs Seb and shoves him into the corner, but Seb knocks him down with a right hand, then forces him into the corner and tears into Dixon with stiff chops.

Lieberjosch: Dixon reverses their positions and rips into Seb with a knife edge chop, but Seb counters with one of his own and knocks Dixon down.

Vinegar: Seb whips Dixon across the ring, and as Dixon staggers out of the opposite corner Seb sends him into the air with a back body drop.

Covert Jay: Dixon starts to get up and Seb shoves him into the corner, then again rips Dixon with a series of chops, and he whips Dixon across the ring and charges, but Dixon meets him in the corner with a reverse elbow.

Vinegar: Dixon goes to the top rope, but Seb meets him there and pulls him back to the mat with an arm drag. Dixon rolls to the outside, and Seb goes out after him, and Dixon greets him with a knee to the chest.

Lieberjosch: Dixon tries to pull Seb into the ring post, but Seb blocks it, and slams Dixon head first into the post.

Vinegar: Seb rolls Dixon back into the ring, then slides in himself. He whips Dixon off the ropes, but Dixon comes back and knocks him down with a shoulder tackle.

Lieberjosch: Dixon off the ropes now with a running start, but Seb goes for a hip toss, and Dixon reverses it and goes for one of his own, but Seb blocks it and clotheslines him down.

Vinegar: Seb covers!





ONE!!!





Vinegar: Dixon kicking out before the two!

Lieberjosch: Seb pulls Dixon up and goes for a reverse thrust kick, but Dixon ducks it and staggers away.

Vinegar: Seb goes after him, but Dixon backdrops him over the ropes, and Seb lands on the apron.

Covert Jay: Seb turns and swings and Dixon, but Dixon ducks it, then grabs Seb by the head and slams him into the top turnbuckle, and Seb falls to ringside.

Vinegar: Dixon gets back to his feet in the ring and steps out to ringside, then grabs Seb and slams him head first into the steel steps.

Lieberjosch: Hazel East forces Dixon back into the ring as Seb staggers up at ringside, and Seb rolls into the ring, but Dixon is waiting and begins stomping away on him.

Vinegar: Dixon goes to the outside, then pulls Seb part way out of the ring and drills an elbow into his chest.

Covert Jay: Dixon rolls back in and waits for Seb to start to get up to one knee, then drills him with the Blood in the Darkness!

Vinegar: He’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Seb kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Dixon wasting no time, pulls Seb up and goes to slam him into the turnbuckle, but Seb elbows him in the chest, then slams him into the turnbuckle.

Covert Jay: Dixon staggers along the ropes, and Seb hits several right hands, then goes to whip him across the ring, but Dixon reverses it, and pulls Seb back into an STO!

Vinegar: Dixon covers with a lateral press!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Another kickout by Seb, as Nathaniel Dixon continues to be aggressive in this match.

Lieberjosch: Dixon gets up and pulls Seb up, then whips him into the corner and charges in with a hard clothesline.

Covert Jay: Dixon pulls Seb up and goes for a vertical suplex, but Seb floats off and hits an inverted DDT, and both men are down.

Lieberjosch: The first man to get to his feet will have a clear advantage here!

Vinegar: You like saying that. It’s the most obvious statement ever.

Lieberjosch: I learned from you.

Vinegar: In any case, both men slowly get up, and they brawl in the center of the ring.

Lieberjosch: Seb overpowers Dixon and forces him into the ropes, then whips him across the ring off the ropes into a spinning heel kick.

Vinegar: Both men to their feet as Dixon attempts a kick, but Seb traps it, transitions into the Standford Bride, holding the pin!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Dixon kicks out!

Covert Jay: Seb starts to bring Dixon back up, but Dixon slips behind him and locks in a sleeper hold, only for Seb to quickly run them to the corner and ram Dixon’s head into the turnbuckle.

Vinegar: Dixon staggers as Seb executes a German suplex, and rolls through into a second released German that hurls him into the corner!

Lieberjosch: Standing moonsault kick by Seb, who sprints back and sets up, here it comes!

Covert Jay: EMPIRE KICK!!!

Vinegar: Seb’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, SEBASTIAN EVERETT BRYCE THE THIRRRRDDDDD!!!

Vinegar: Seb gets the victory, but let me say this, quite an effort by Nathaniel Dixon, I hope we see him again.

Lieberjosch: Only time will tell, but in the meantime the Chelsea Crippler is on a path back to gold, which championship will he target?

Covert Jay: We’ll find out soon enough, in the meantime the match for the vacant Cross-Hemisphere Championship…is NEXT.




Sebastian Everett-Bryce III - 7.30

Nathaniel Dixon - 7.18

[UGWC Staff]

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!

Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!!!!!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: And it is for the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Championship!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lights out.

The first chords of 'Kill of the Night' rip access the arena.  After the second screech, Jaclyn Pierrot strt from backstage, so smug, smile plastered across her face.  She pauses at the top of the ramp, surveying her terrain. Trevor and Tank walk out just behind her, arms folding across their chests.

'My cold desire
To hear the boom, boom, boom of your heart'

She mimes firing a gun with the lyrics (aimed at her opponent if they are in the ring). Jacky has an almost bouncing motion to her movements as she prowls towards the ring.  Fans reach for her and yell at her, but she will mock them along the way. Anyone who gets too closes is immediately
removed by her escort. When the music picks up, she slides in and will then proceed to pull herself into a turnbuckle in celebration of herself. Her bodyguards scan the crowd for any would be attackers.

'I'm gonna catch ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya'

She makes her way to the center ring where the lights will all fade to one downlight.

'You're my kill of the night.'

Mitchell Dennis: In the ring, weighing in at 165 lbs……. RAGGGGGDDDDOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

Vinegar: Ragdoll has been doing really well in the Global Challenge. She was even really close to earning a spot in the match for the shot at the World Title!

Leiberjosch: She’s not ready for that. Not by a long shot.

Covert Jay: Who are you to say that?

Leiberjosch: A realist.

Covert Jay: You’re an idiot.

The first few seconds of "The Mob Rules" by Black Sabbath begins to play, and once “Whoooooahh, come onnn!” is heard, Hide Yamazaki bursts through the curtains, swinging his chains and forcing out a sadistic-sounding laugh.

Mitchell Dennis: Led to the ring by his manager, 'The #1 Hit-Maker' Johnny Bonecrusher... from the Kabukicho District in Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan... weighing in at 253 pounds... 'Deathwish' Hide Yamazaki!

Soon after, "The #1 Hit-Maker" Johnny Bonecrusher emerges as well, keeping a good distance away from the wild man. He slaps his hands together and clasps them together sinisterly as he basks in the chaotic energies of his client. The swinging of the chains continues as Yamazaki makes his way down the aisle. Johnny then speeds on past, ducking under the chain "propellers" and stopping once he's at the top of the ring steps. Yamazaki throws his chains into the ring with reckless abandon, inciting the referee to shout at him, which accomplishes nothing. Johnny just smirks and shrugs coyly at the referee. He pries the ropes apart, and Yamazaki darts in between them, entering the ring in a wild staggering way fashion. Johnny then casually descends the steps and begins circling the ring.

Vinegar: And it is go time. The opening bell sounds and these two lock up.

Leiberjosch: This is a very one sided contest.

Covert Jay: What makes you say that?

Leiberjosch: Well…their non comparative sizes, for one.

Covert Jay: And for two?

Vinegar: Is this all you two ever do? Can’t you just bicker outside of the booth?

Covert Jay takes off his headset.

Vinegar: Not now you idiot. AFTER the pay per view. Good lord, I’m surrounding by children.

Leiberjosch: He started it.

Vinegar: ENOUGH!

Leiberjosch: Hide shoves Ragdoll down and she is clear across the ring.

Covert Jay: Hide approaches but Ragdoll runs and slides to his left and gets behind him.

Vinegar: But Hide turns around in time to stop a spinning heel kick!

Leiberjosch: He launches her with a capture suplex!

Covert Jay: Hide goes to grab her but Ragdoll squirms away. Hide grabs her by the foot and drags her to the middle of the ring

Vinegar: Ragdoll is up on one foot now! Hide has the other!

Covert Jay: She bounces and kicks him right in the face!

Leiberjosch: Hide staggers back, holding his face.

Vinegar: Ragdoll charges at him and hits a quick standing dropkick sending Hide staggering in to the corner.

Leiberjosch: She follows up with another running dropkick!

Covert Jay: Now she’s climbing and starts punching him in the head!

Vinegar: Hide slides his arms under her legs and hooks them…FALLING POWERBOMB OUT OF THE CORNER!

Covert Jay: Ragdoll rolls away with the momentum to the ropes!

Leiberjosch: She’s holding on for dear life!

Covert Jay: Heck, I would too!

Vinegar: Hide is up and shakes the cobwebs off. He grabs Ragdoll by the feet and tries to pull her off the ropes but she has a hell of a hold on them.

Leiberjosch: Might need a pry bar to get her off the rope!

Covert Jay: She rolls out of the ring to safety.

Leiberjosch: What is it with people rolling out?

Vinegar: Strategy. Haven’t you watched this happen enough to know it’s about strategy?

Leiberjosch: Hide is outside the ring now and giving chase to Ragdoll!

Covert Jay: Ragdoll slides back in!

Vinegar: Hide is right behind her!

Leiberjosch: She just ran and hit a baseball slide to Hide’s face as he was entering the ring! Holy hell!

Vinegar: She’s trying to get Hide up but he’s not budging.

Leiberjosch: He just shoved her away and got up, albeit slow.

Covert Jay: Ragdoll rushes at him!

Vinegar: Floatover DDT from Hide!!!!!!

Leiberjosch: Hide covers!

1….

2….

Kick out!

Leiberjosch: Ragdoll just gave herself a bit more time to try and figure out how to win this one!

Covert Jay: Hide is looking at the downed Ragdoll.

Leiberjosch: What is the crowd doing? Who are they yelling at?

Vinegar: Oh come on, what is Travis Pierce doing here?

He’s mad he lost earlier and now he’s going to ruin the whole night.

Travis is up on the apron and he’s yelling something at Hide.

Hide is looking right at him and approaches him.

Brian Chartreuse is telling Travis to get out of here.

Hide face palms Travis and shoves him off the apron!

Hide points and is talking trash to Travis. Travis is coming back on the apron!

Hide turns around while Brian goes to yell at Travis to leave!

Ragdoll is back up and Hide sees her!

Leiberjosch: Wait a minute! DID SHE?!

Covert Jay: THE ‘OL DICK TWIST!

Vinegar: And the ref didn’t see because he was distracted getting Pierce out of here!

Leiberjosch: Kick to the midsection…. PUNCHLINE!!!!!

Vinegar: Travis is leaving and the ref is back focusing on the match!

Covert Jay: WE’VE GOT A COVER!

1……

2…..

3!!!!!!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner…..and the NNNNNEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW UGWC CROSS-HEMISPHERE CHAMPION………RAGGGGGGGGDDDDDOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

Vinegar: I don’t believe it!

Leiberjosch: Oh you better!

Covert Jay: Yeah! Because THAT. JUST. HAPPENED!



Ragdoll - 7.40

Hide Yamazaki - 7.26

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: What a fantastic night it has been here at Infinity, our first Pay-Per-View broadcast of 2022, and we have received word that the next time we come to you on Pay-Per-View, it will be at a brand new event entitled Ever Escalating Endangerment!

Covert Jay: From the mind of Creative Director Jet Somers, this new event will present some of the wildest matches you’ve ever seen, including Triple Table Turmoil, Ludicrous Ladder Lunacy, and the return of Maniacal Multiple Massacre!

Vinegar: That’s coming soon, but we still have plenty to go tonight, and now the stakes ramp up considerably, as it is time for the finals of this year’s Global Challenge!

Lieberjosch: These two earned their spots tonight by winning their respective blocks and employing impressive strategy to get here, can’t wait to see who comes out on top!

The sound of a winding filmstrip can be heard as the arena is bathed in dim sepia light. A trumpet sounds accompanied by a spotlight emanating from the curtain. It backlights a man in a top hat, with a cane slung over his left shoulder. As a tinny voice begins to sing, the silhouetted figure moves along with the directions of the lyrics.

As you can see

I go back and forth

That's right

Side to side

Back and forth

Back and forth

Back and side to side

The music picks up some energy right as the spotlight switches to shine from the rafters, illuminating the grinning face of Montague Cervantes dressed in an elaborate jacket and a jauntily-cocked top hat. When the auto-tuned verse begins, "Listen to me, Listen to me" he starts making his way toward the ring, turning, flourishing, bowing, and two stepping along with the music.

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest, set for one fall, is the final match of the 2022 Global Challenge Tournament! Introducing first, representing the Astro Creeps, the Doctor-Professor, MONNNTAGGUEEE CERRRRRRVANNNNTESSSSS!!!

Covert Jay: Dominant performance through the round robin round for the Showman, who actually employed a brilliant strategy that would make a ninja proud in last week’s match, when he twisted his own body into a pinning predicament to avoid tapping out to Hide Yamazaki!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes knew he only had to avoid tapping out to advance to the finals, willingly took a loss to play the long game.

The arena goes black. The opening chords of "Sober" by TOOL blares over the Arena PA system. One by one - Along with the beat, spotlights around the arena begin fading in and out, alternating between bright white and deep purple tones. Suddenly the spotlights all turn at once, illuminating the stage in a brilliant flash and a radiating glow. Lucy Wylde steps out from behind the curtain onto center stage just as the lyrics of the song begin, her eyes slowly glancing over the arena, a stoic expression on her face.

Why can't we not be sober?
Just want to start this over
And why can't we drink forever?
I just want to start this over

As the next verse begins, Lucy begins walking towards the ring, a slow, methodic stride. She gets to ringside and ascends the ring steps, climbing into the ring and ascending the far turnbuckle, pulling a pair of fingerless leather gloves from her back pocket and puts them on, one by one. Once both gloves are tight, she clenches both fists and jumps down from the turnbuckle, and kneels in the corner as "Sober" fades out.

Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent, representing Numinous Fate, LUUUUUCYYY WYYYYLLLLLLDDDEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: Lucy Wylde edged out her block thanks to a submission victory that she picked up in her final match, and for the former World Champion, this match represents a path back to the title, and of course the winner also receives the first of this year’s four coveted Keys!

Covert Jay: She’s the most recent Grand Slam Champion in UGWC history, up against one of the bright new stars in the industry today, I’ve been looking forward to this clash of ninjas all week!

DING DING!!

Vinegar: Both participants in no rush to come together, likely to see a bit of a feeling out process here.

Lieberjosch: The round robin matches all had a ten minute time limit and could end in a draw. There is no such limitation here tonight, and no pressure in that regard to end the match quickly.

Vinegar: Double elbow tie-up, both competitors grappling for position, and Cervantes takes control with a side headlock, begins chaining transitions together.

Covert Jay: Monty actually appears to put himself in hold and grapples before slipping out and transitioning to the next action, seems to have caught Lucy by surprise.

Vinegar: Cervantes ducks out of a side headlock that he actually put himself in, turns his back on Wylde and performs a mighty hand-flourish before taking a bow.

Lieberjosch: And he turns back around directly into a right hand from Lucy, who has had enough of his bullshit.

Covert Jay: By which you mean performance art, obviously. Not everyone can appreciate flair on the level of the Doctor-Professor.

Vinegar: Cervantes stands back up into a series of chops to the chest that back him into the ropes, Wylde whips him across the ring, but Cervantes runs up the far ropes and springboards back into the Lament for a Toy Factory!

Lieberjosch: He goes right into the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Wylde shoves Cervantes off, and she quickly rolls away under the bottom rope to the outside.

Lieberjosch: Cervantes pops to his feet, gets a running start and vaults over the ropes to ringside!

Covert Jay: But Lucy catches him in mid-air with a dropkick!

Vinegar: The veteran was prepared, Lucy Wylde suckered him in there, high risk as it was, and now she comes back into the ring and gets a head of steam of her own before corkscrewing over the ropes!

Covert Jay: The Meteor Strike!

Vinegar: And now it’s Wylde standing at ringside with a hand flourish and a bow, mocking the Showman.

Lieberjosch: Cervantes sent back into the ring, Lucy lines up and connects with the Fury Brand!

Vinegar: Shoots the half, directly into a cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Cervantes kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Wylde bringing Monty back up, but Monty goes on the attack with a chop to the chest.

Covert Jay: Lucy immediately responds with one of her own, a stiff knife-edge that staggers Monty as he screeches in pain.

Vinegar: Wylde winds up for another chop, but Cervantes bolts for the far corner of the ring. Wylde gives chase, but Cervantes swings out from one side of the turnbuckle, rebounds off the ring steps as he grabs the ropes on the opposite side of the turnbuckle and swings back in for a kick!

Lieberjosch: Carousel Kick!

Vinegar: Cervantes back out to the apron as Wylde staggers from the Carousel Kick, he slingshots into a forward flip, landing on her shoulders!

Lieberjosch: He’s gonna Stick the Landing!

Covert Jay: Wylde counters into a snake eyes, dropping him face first on the turnbuckle!

Vinegar: Cervantes slumps in the corner as Wylde is still shaking off the cobwebs, she charges back at him, but he moves out of the way and she crashes into the corner!

Lieberjosch: Monty rolls to his feet, spins around and charges back in for a high knee!

Covert Jay: He slips out to the apron, setting up for another attempt at the STL, but Lucy reaches through the ropes and shoves him off the apron back to ringside.

Vinegar: Wylde steps out to the apron as Cervantes tries to get back to his feet, but she backflips off the apron and catches him with a heel kick!

Covert Jay: Variation of Mindblow from Lucy Wylde, as this capacity crowd is on their feet!

Vinegar: Wylde a bit slow back to her feet, these two have been going full blast, she grabs Cervantes and sends him back into the ring, climbs up onto the apron and begins to step back through the ropes, but Cervantes springs to his feet and catches her with a spinning backfist!

Lieberjosch: Lucy stumbles back into the ropes, which push her back into Cervantes, who takes her down into a cradle!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Wylde kicks out, transitioning directly into body scissors, and she applies the Nightmare Sleeper!

Covert Jay: Monty flailing in the Nightmare Sleeper!

Vinegar: Wylde has it locked in, but Cervantes is able to reach out and grab hold of the bottom rope!

Lieberjosch: A narrow escape for the Doctor-Professor, not sure even he was going to able to get out of that one otherwise.

Vinegar: Wylde forced to release the hold, she rolls back to the center of the ring, both of these fierce competitors slow to rise.

Lieberjosch: The Global Challenge Key is on the line, World Title opportunity at next month’s newly announced Ever Escalating Endangerment, the lights are bright, who’s going to take advantage here?

Vinegar: Cervantes pulls himself up with the ropes, stumbles towards Wylde but walks right into a forearm shot, Cervantes responds with one of his own!

Covert Jay: They exchange volleys of forearms, Monty pivots for a spinning backfist, ducked under by Lucy who springboards off the ropes, WYLDE LIBERATION!!!

Lieberjosch: Ducked under by the Showman, who rolls back to his feet as she crashes on the mat, Cervantes rolls back towards her, looking for the Big Finish!

Vinegar: Wylde rolls out of the way, back to her feet and catches him with a spear!

Covert Jay: She lines up her target, here it comes, KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!!

Vinegar: Wylde connects with Keep Your Chin Up! She’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Cervantes has his foot on the bottom rope!

Lieberjosch: Another brilliant move by the escape artist!

Vinegar: Wylde in disbelief for a moment, she yanks the leg off the ropes, drags Cervantes back towards the center of the ring, but he pulls her into an inside cradle!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Wylde kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes rolls towards the corner, Wylde gets to her feet and pursues!

Covert Jay: Monty dips out to the apron, Lucy tries to slam on the brakes as he flips back into the ring, but not in time!

Lieberjosch: STL!!!!

Vinegar: The third attempt in this match by Cervantes to Stick the Landing, and this time he connects, and he’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the 2022 Global Challenge Keyholder, MONNTTAGGUEEE CERRRRRVVAANNNNTTEEESSSSS!!!

Vinegar: What a match! Montague Cervantes pulling out the victory!

Lieberjosch: He narrowly escaped defeat more than once, but in dramatic fashion, the Doctor-Professor becomes the first keyholder of 2022!

Covert Jay: Not only that, but he’ll challenge next month for the World Heavyweight Championship!

Vinegar: And we’ll find out who will be the defending champion that he faces…NEXT!



Montague Cervantes - 7.32

Lucy Wylde - 7.27

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: It’s time for our “Infinity 2022” Main Event!

Lieberjosch: And what a match we’re getting! We get the honor of seeing THE most legendary UGWC World Champion of all time facing off against the man who took the World Championship from him!

Covert Jay: Centurion seems really angry.

Lieberjosch: He’s not angry, he’s tired of being surrounded by stupid people who don’t appreciate thim.

Vinegar: Who doesn’t appreciate him?

Covert Jay: Donovan doesn’t.

Vinegar: Hastings doesn’t appreciate anyone who has the World Championship.

Lieberjosch: He appreciates one person who holds it.

Vinegar: I didn’t think that required clarification.

Lieberjosch: Fair.

Vinegar: Thank you.

Covert Jay: You’re welcome.

Lieberjosch: You didn’t say “thank you”. I did. Why would you say “you’re welcome”?

Covert Jay: Someone had to. It’s the polite thing to respond with and we know that you’re not normally polite.

Vinegar: Sorry, Hans. But he’s got you there.

Lieberjosch: Nicky! I’m hurt! And after I complimented you!

Vinegar: You’ll be fine.

Lieberjosch: The indignity...

Vinegar: Do you need a hug?

Lieberjosch: No, of course not!

Covert Jay: Damn it.

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: I wanted to give you a hug.

Lieberjosch: Try it and I’ll hurt you.

Vinegar: Alright, settle down.

Lieberjosch: He threatened to HUG me!

Vinegar: It wasn’t a threat, and it won’t kill you. Now, could you concentrate on the job at hand?

Lieberjosch: Very well, but only you asked politely and I’m a professional.

Vinegar: Whatever you have to tell yourself, Hans.

Covert Jay: I think Mitchell is ready with the ring introductions.

Vinegar: It looks that way.

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen it’s now time for your MAIN EVENT! It is for the UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP and it is a SUBMISSION MATCH!!

Vinegar: Winning this will confer major bragging rights to Centurion if he can make Hastings tap.

Lieberjosch: He won’t, but you can keep telling yourself that he might.

Vinegar: I see no reason why he can’t. “The Fall of Rome” is a devastating submission move.

Lieberjosch: Yes, but it requires a predictable offense to implement effectively. Hastings knows that.

Vinegar: Centurion knows how to counter that.

Lieberjosch: That remains to be seen.

Vinegar: Keep telling yourself that.

Lieberjosch: Let’s go back to Mitchell…

Dennis: Introducing FIRST, the SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE!!

Lieberjosch: This HAS to chap Hastings’ ass.

Covert Jay: There’s always chapstick!

Lieberjosch: What? No. I…nevermind.

Vinegar: Wise decision, Hans.

Lieberjosch: Thanks.



The opening drum beats and guitar riffs to “My Will Be A Dead Man” by Project 86 blare. The lights flicker and as the song picks up, Dave Rydell saunters out onto the stage. He is cloaked in the black, leather, hooded trench coat, as well as the mask. He leans over and adjusts the blousing off his multicam pants over his combat boots before walking down the ramp to the ring. As the lights around the arena glow an orange/red glow, he walks up the steps and climbs through the ropes. He pauses for a moment, facing one side of the arena. He pulls his hood back and flares out into the crowd as he removes his mask. He removes his trench coat and tosses both items to ringside, and does a quick arm and back stretch before the match.

Dennis: Standing in at five-feet, ten inches tall, and weighing two-hundred and eleven pounds, he hails from Fredericksburg, Virginia. He is a six-time Cross Hemisphere Champion…ladies and gentlemen, I give you DAAAAAAVE RYYYYYYDELLLLLLL!!!!!

Vinegar: Rydell gets a loud, respectful cheer from our fans.

Lieberjosch: I can’t imagine why.

Vinegar: Knock it off. You may not respect him, but he’s put together a hell of a great career here.

Lieberjosch: For a guy who’s never won the World Championship in spite of several attempts.

Vinegar: That may change soon.

Lieberjosch: I’ll believe it when I see it.

Covert Jay: I hope he does. You may hate him, Doc, but he’s been unwaveringly loyal to our company and even you have to admit how much respect he treats the World and Cross Hemisphere Championships with.

Lieberjosch: Stop trying to be a legitimate commentator. You’re here for bad comic relief.

Vinegar: And yet he’s right. The question tonight remains whether or not Hastings can put his loathing of Rydell aside and concentrate on Centurion.

Lieberjosch: The same could be said of Centurion.

Vinegar: Not so much. Centurion may not like Rydell, but there’s not the long and antagonistic history between them that Hastings and Rydell have.

Lieberjosch: With any luck, someone will “accidentally” knock Rydell out and we can have a real referee.

Covert Jay: As long as he crashes into you on the way down!

Lieberjosch: Stifle.

Vinegar: Let’s go back to Mitchell!

Lieberjosch: Yes. Let’s.

Dennis: Introducing, the CHALLENGER…

Vinegar: You know that Hastings hates hearing that word used in reference to him where the World Championship is involved.

Lieberjosch: Maybe not. It also means that he could be a seven-time World Champion in a little while. Talk about an unassailable standard for greatness!

Vinegar: That’s a good point.

Lieberjosch: Thank you. Of course, it’s a good point.



Hastings wears a dark cloak to the ring as he walks out onto the stage. He pauses on the stage and opens his arms to the adoring peasantry. He soaks the moment in and then proceeds to the ring.

Dennis: Standing here today at six feet, two inches tall and, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, he’s the ONLY SIX-TIME UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION in history!! Hailing from Stamford, Connecticut, he is “THE LORD OF PAIN”, DONNNNNNNOVAAAAAAANNNNN HAAAAAAASTINNNNNNNNGSSSSS!!!

Lieberjosch: “The Lord of Pain” always looks like a killer, but he looks especially dangerous when the World Championship is his for the taking.

Vinegar: Given his record of success with it, it’s hard to argue with that. It’s no doubt that Donovan Hastings is the gold standard for the World Championship. He has the record for the most reigns with it, with the six we just mentioned, which means that he’s held the World Championship for nearly five-hundred and thirty days over his career.

Lieberjosch: It’s truly impressive.

Vinegar: The nearest two to him are UGWC legends “Vain” Alan Wallace, who’s three reigns have totaled four-hundred and sixty-two days, and the iconic three- hundred and sixty-four day reign of Hastings’ former stablemate and best friend, Travis Roberts. After Wallace and Roberts, the next entertainment professional to come close is Angelica Vaughn, and her two reigns add up to two-hundred and eighty days.

Lieberjosch: It does put in the proper context how great he is.

Covert Jay: And Centurion took it away from him!

Lieberjosch: He did, and now we wait and see if it was a fluke or not.

Vinegar: I don’t think it was, but facing the man he took the World Championship from in his first defense is probably as tough of a break as he can get.

Lieberjosch: We’re about to find out if he’s ready.

Dennis: Introducing his OPPONENT...



"You're Gonna Go Far Kid" hits, immediately causing a pop from the crowd. Centurion steps out from the back and stands on top of the rampway, looking into the crowd and giving off one of his trademark smiles.

Dennis: From Atlantic City, New Jersey! Weighing in at 190 pounds...he is the UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! Ladies and gentlemen, he is…. CENNNNNNTUUUUUURIIIIOOOOONNNNN!

The crowd pops again as Centurion walks down the rampway, pointing to some fans in the aisle along the way. He steps up the ring steps and holds his arms out, turning toward the crowd one last time before wiping his feet off on the apron and stepping into the ring.

Vinegar: I know that Centurion doesn’t appeal to everyone personality-wise, but you can’t refute how much respect he treats the business and the World Championship with. There are rumors that this could be his last run in the business, although with the insanely busy schedule he keeps here and in the other companies he works for, I honestly doubt that he’s anywhere close to retiring. I also doubt that a man with his level of pride wants his reign to end in roughly a month.

Lieberjosch: No World Champion ever wants their reign to end quickly. Just ask Hastings, Eden Morgan, Zane Scott, Rogan MacLean, Killian King and anyone else whose reign lasted for under a hundred days.

Covert Jay: Poor Edie.

Vinegar: She doesn’t appear to be suffering to me, Jay. It hasn’t hurt her career.

Lieberjosch: Neither have her other three World Championship reigns.

Vinegar: No. I’m sure they haven’t.

Lieberjosch: Hastings is glaring a hole through Rydell, which is pretty normal for the “Lord of Pain”.

Covert Jay: I don’t see any heat vision happening.

Lieberjosch: Heat vision?

Covert Jay: If he’s “staring a hole through him”, shouldn’t there be signs of heat vision?

Lieberjosch: I can’t believe that I have to tolerate this for my employment.

Vinegar: Suck it up, sunshine. Think of the paycheck.

Lieberjosch: That helps. Thank you.

Vinegar: Don’t mention it.

Covert Jay: But…

Lieberjosch: Don’t. Just...don’t.

Vinegar: Rydell holds the World Champion up overhead, then walks to ringside and hands it to Claude de Rhombus. He turns and asks both men if they’re ready.

Covert Jay: Rude!

Lieberjosch: It’s safe to say that Hastings is ready.

Vinegar: Yup. Rydell shakes his head and calls for the bell.

Lieberjosch: I expect nothing short of a trainwreck here.

Vinegar: You’d say that even if Glenn or any of our regular refereeing corps was in charge.

Lieberjosch: Probably, but even their normal incompetence would be better than this.

Vinegar: You’re jumping to conclusions because you hate Rydell.

Lieberjosch: I’m relying on history to form an educated opinion.

Covert Jay: You’re relying on being an asshole because it’s what you are.

Lieberjosch: JAY!

Vinegar: Ouch.

Lieberjosch: Rude!

Covert Jay: Yet true.

Vinegar: Centurion and Hastings circle each other, each looking for an opening on the other.

Lieberjosch: The mental chess game has begun.

Vinegar: They’re both masters at it.

Lieberjosch: The questions tonight will be how well Centurion can anticipate and mitigate “The Lord’s” special tactics, and how or if our stand in “Referee” will be able to avoid being the incompetent and biased mess we think he’ll be.

Vinegar: Firstly, it’s not “we,” think he’ll be, it’s how “you,” think he’ll be, and you’re hopelessly biased against Rydell. Second, by “special tactics”, you mean cheating.

Lieberjosch: “Special tactics”.

Vinegar: I expect that a man with as much experience as Centurion has is ready for it. Keep in mind that he beat Hastings for the Championship AND he has as much experience as Hastings does and has held multiple championships throughput his career.

Lieberjosch: We’ll see if last time was a fluke or not.

Covert Jay: You keep saying that.

Lieberjosch: It’s a legitimate question.

Covert Jay: Sure, but you’re asking it because you’re biased.

Vinegar: He has a great point, Hans.

Lieberjosch: Centurion shoots in at Hastings! The “Lord Chief” steps out of the way!

Covert Jay: Nice dodge.

Vinegar: Centurion tests Hastings, who was prepared for it.

Lieberjosch: Of course he was. He’s a six-time World Champion. There isn’t anything he hasn’t seen.

Vinegar: They circle each other again, neither willing to commit recklessly. Who’s going to test who next?

Covert Jay: The tension is so high!

Vinegar: This time Hastings shoots in! Centurion sidesteps him and shoves him into the corner. Hastings pops out and gestures pulling on his hair as he points at Centurion.

Covert Jay: I think if we were in another state, we’d have heard that eye roll from Centurion.

Vinegar: Rydell’s may have been louder.

Lieberjosch: Way to be professional, Rydell.

Vinegar: Hastings’ claim was blatantly absurd and Rydell knows it.

Lieberjosch: I saw Centurion pull his hair!

Covert Jay: Sure, in the same way, Stevie Wonder sees sheet music.

Lieberjosch: That’s an inappropriate reference.

Vinegar: You’re only upset because you didn’t think of it first.

Lieberjosch: LIES!!

Covert Jay: How can it be “lies”? I only said one thing.

Vinegar: Back in the ring, Rydell tells Hastings to quit the histrionics and get back to wrestling. Hastings takes a step towards Rydell, apparently ready to give him an earful.

Lieberjosch: No! Swerve! HA!

Covert Jay: Did you shotgun an extra-large double espresso before this match? You’re really excitable right now.

Vinegar: Hastings stepped toward Rydell, then turned and slapped Centurion right across the face.

Covert Jay: I think he did more than that!

Lieberjosch: It appears that way. Hastings special tactics strike!

Vinegar: It wasn’t a “special tactic”. He thumbed Centurion in the eye.

Lieberjosch: You can’t prove it!

Vinegar: Just because Hastings made sure that Rydell didn’t see it, doesn’t mean that he didn’t DO it.

Lieberjosch: Innocent until proven guilty!

Vinegar: This isn’t a court of law, Hans. That doesn’t apply.

Lieberjosch: I think you’re mistaken.

Covert Jay: I think you’re lying.

Vinegar: I think Rydell knows that something is up, but he didn’t see it, so he can’t do much about it.

Covert Jay: It doesn’t help him that Hastings immediately went on the attack.

Vinegar: True. Hastings immediately drove Centurion back into the corner with a barrage of punches and a vicious-looking forearm shot to the face.

Covert Jay: Centurion is still clutching at his eye.

Lieberjosch: Whiner.

Vinegar: Rydell finally pushes Hastings away and tells him to stand back and wait. Hastings protests, but Rydell tells him to be quiet and wait. He turns back to Centurion.

Lieberjosch: I hope Centurio punches him.

Vinegar: It doesn’t look like you’re going to get your wish, Hans. Centurion is explaining what happened.

Lieberjosch: Tattle tale.

Covert Jay: Are you five?

Vinegar: Rydell turns from Centurion and tells Hastings to knock off the cheap shots. Hastings laughs in his face.

Covert Jay: Did I just hear something about “Red Fusion”?

Vinegar: It sounded like it.

Lieberjosch: He’s playing mind games with that simpleton! Brilliant!

Vinegar: Rydell replied with an appropriate eye roll.

Lieberjosch: How unprofessional.

Vinegar: How often are we going to hear you say that during this match?

Lieberjosch: That depends on how unprofessional Rydell is.

Covert Jay: If your bar is any indication, we’re going to want earplugs, Nick.

Lieberjosch: You be quiet.

Vinegar: Rydell asks Centurion if he’s good to continue and Centurion tells him that he is. Rydell warns Hastings to knock off the shenanigans.

Covert Jay: Shenanigans!

Lieberjosch: I really detest you.

Vinegar: Centurion and Hastings circle again. They finally lock up and push each other back and forth across the ring before Hastings surprises Centurion with a hip toss.

Lieberjosch: The “Lord of Pain” always bows with such grace.

Covert Jay: Kip up from Centurion!

Vinegar: Hastings advances on Centurion. The two tie up again.

Covert Jay: Nice!

Lieberjosch: That was bad sportsmanship.

Vinegar: Centurion just did the same thing to Hastings that Hastings had just done to him. I fail to see the problem.

Lieberjosch: It was grandstanding.

Vinegar: But it was OK when Hastings did it?

Lieberjosch: Yes.

Vinegar: Why?

Lieberjosch: Because Hastings did it.

Vinegar: But it’s bad sportsmanship because Centurion did it…

Lieberjosch: Yes.

Vinegar: But it was OK when Hastings did it because Hastings did it.

Lieberjosch: Yes.

Vinegar: Good. I’m glad that we’ve straightened your objectivity issues out.

Lieberjosch: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Covert Jay: He’s established that you’re a hack, Hans.

Lieberjosch: How DARE you!

Vinegar: Regardless of how he dares or doesn’t, Centurion’s action catches Hastings by surprise. He pops back up and accuses Centurion of pulling his hair again. Rydell waives it off and tells him to get back to the match.

Lieberjosch: This is such biased officiating.

Vinegar: Stop whining. We both know that Centurion didn’t pull Hastings’ hair and he’s just mad because he had what he did to Centurion turned back around on him.

Covert Jay: Which is a normal Hastings tactic. That would be a lot harder to do to him if he kept his crown on.

Lieberjosch: He doesn’t wear a crown, dumbass.

Covert Jay: He’s a “Lord”. He should wear a crown.

Lieberjosch: He wears a cape.

Covert Jay: Which was recently stuck in a drawer.

Lieberjosch: That didn’t really happen. “The Lord” was being creative, something you know nothing about.

Vinegar: I bet he wishes he could use it now.

Covert Jay: He could choke Centurion into submission.

Lieberjosch: He can do that anyway. It’s not like “The Lord of Pain” got his name because he doesn’t know how to submit an opponent. “The Hands of Fate” is devastating.

Vinegar: I’m not arguing that, but I think that focusing too heavily on that is underestimating how knowledgeable and dangerous Centurion is. He has one of the best armbars in the business, and his “Fall of Rome” submission is one of the most feared in the business.

Lieberjosch: He’s going to have to take a few shortcuts to beat Hastings.

Covert Jay: He DID say he’s here for ALL of the beatings it’d take even if it means he has to be here for twenty of them.

Lieberjosch: What if it takes twenty-one?

Covert Jay: I don’t know! He might think that’s one too many!

Vinegar: I doubt that’ll dissuade him. I also refute that Centurion is going to have to cheat to beat Hastings. As we just saw, he’s capable of going “tit for tat” with the six-time World Champion.

Lieberjosch: A six-time World Champion he currently has in an illegal hold.

Vinegar: It’s an abdominal stretch.

Lieberjosch: He’s digging his fingernails into Hastings’ arm.

Vinegar: You’re seeing things.

Covert Jay: I didn’t know that you did side work as a manicurist, Doc.

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: How else would you have noticed that, if not for a normal focus on fingernails?

Lieberjosch: I don’t even know where to begin to deconstruct that mess.

Vinegar: Hastings manages to squirm his way to the ropes and grabs the top rope, forcing a break. Centurion immediately let's go.

Lieberjosch: Sucker.

Covert Jay: And promptly eats an elbow for it.

Vinegar: Centurion staggers back and Hastings casts a quick look at Rydell before he pulls Centurion into a belly-to-belly hold and slams him down with a suplex.

Lieberjosch: Hands of Fate!! He’s going to tap Centurion out already!!

Vinegar: I don’t think that’s what he’s doing, because while he has it locked in, it doesn’t look quite as tight as it usually is. I think this is a psychological display.

Lieberjosch: It could be, but why would he not want to tap the Champion out in less than five minutes and start his seventh reign with such an emphatic statement?

Covert Jay: Because he just released it.

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: He just released the hold.

Lieberjosch: I get how important psychology is, but he could have held that for as long as he wanted to and as long as Centurion didn’t reach the ropes, there would’ve been nothing Centurion could’ve done about it.

Vinegar: It’ll be interesting to see if Donovan rues that decision later.

Lieberjosch: He might. In the short term, he just reminded Centurion how dangerous he is, and softened him up a bit.

Covert Jay: Rydell just told him to back off.

Lieberjosch: There he goes, showing favoritism again.

Vinegar: Stop. He’s being a conscientious Referee.

Covert Jay: Oh!!

Lieberjosch: HA!

Vinegar: Come on!

Lieberjosch: Rydell is giving him an earful, but we all know what that smile says!

Vinegar: Yeah, he’s proud of that cheap shot!

Lieberjosch: It has Centurion down.

Vinegar: A boot to the face will do that!

Lieberjosch: Indeed it will!

Vinegar: Hastings shoves Rydell out of the way and drives another boot into Centurion’s face. He follows it up with violent stomps onto Centurion’s shoulder, then grabs him and yanks his arm into a standing arm wringer.

Covert Jay: Shouldn’t he be going after Centurion’s neck?

Lieberjosch: He’ll do that later.

Covert Jay: Why isn’t he doing that now?

Lieberjosch: Because if he weakens Centurion’s arm and renders it useless, he won’t be able to lock him into the “Fall of Rome”, or lift him into any of his high impact moves. It’s strategy.

Covert Jay: I don’t get it.

Lieberjosch: Of course you don’t.

Vinegar: Hastings pulls Centurion up and whips him chest first into the corner. Centurion slams into it hard and staggers backwards towards the center of the ring. Donovan runs, grabs his arms and heads for the ropes.

Lieberjosch: “The Lord of Pain” is showing his viciousness early.

Covert Jay: Fly, Hastings, fly!

Vinegar: Hastings clears the top rope and comes down onto the floor, viciously snapping Centurion's arm down over it.

Covert Jay: Jesus!

Lieberjosch: Centurion may not be able to use his arm!

Vinegar: Chop block! Centurion is back down! Hastings leaps up and immediately yanks the wounded arm back up, then proceeds to drive repeated kicks into his shoulder!

Lieberjosch: Centurion hasn’t been able to get a single attack off. Hastings has completely neutralized him.

Vinegar: He gained his present advantage by taking a cheap shot!

Lieberjosch: It worked.

Vinegar: He pulls Centurion up and charges at the corner!

Covert Jay: He’s going to throw Centurion shoulder first into the corner!

Lieberjosch: Very good, Jay! Did you figure that out all by yourself?

Covert Jay: I did!

Lieberjosch: Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic with me.

Covert Jay: Keep wondering, Doc. Keep wondering.

Lieberjosch: I really despise you.

Vinegar: What a counter!

Lieberjosch: What the hell just happened?

Covert Jay: Hastings didn’t throw Centurion into the corner!

Lieberjosch: Duh! I can SEE that!

Covert Jay: Then why did you ask?

Lieberjosch: Goddammit…

Vinegar: The momentum has swung as Centurion used Hastings’ momentum against him to hip throw him back first into the corner and lock him into an armbar!

Covert Jay: Isn’t it “hip toss”?

Vinegar: Yes, but that was far more of a throw than it was a “toss”.

Covert Jay: Hip “yeet”?

Lieberjosch: No.

Vinegar: Whatever you want to call it, Hastings is now the one flat on his back trying to fight his way out of a submission hold!

Covert Jay: Hastings is almost to the ropes!

Lieberjosch: His foot is on it! Tell Centurion to break the hold, now!

Vinegar: Rydell just did and Centurion immediately broke it. Hastings is keeping his foot on the bottom rope as he smirks at both Centurion and Rydell. The two shake their heads at him and Rydell tells him to get up. Hastings refuses, telling him that he doesn’t have to until he’s ready to.

Covert Jay: Charge!

Lieberjosch: What a dirty play!

Vinegar: It got Hastings’ leg off of the bottom rope!

Lieberjosch: It was dirty. Hastings didn’t have to move!

Covert Jay: He did if he didn’t want Centurion to come crashing down on it!

Vinegar: “Fall of Rome”!

Covert Jay: What a transition!

Lieberjosch: I have to give him credit for how flawlessly he turned that landing into his finishing hold.

Vinegar: Hastings is in the middle of the ring! He has nowhere to go!

Lieberjosch: Rydell had better start the count!

Vinegar: I thought you said that Hastings could leave his submission hold on for as long as he wanted to.

Lieberjosch: I did.

Vinegar: Do you see where I’m going with this?

Lieberjosch: Yes, but I refuse to play your game. Rydell has to count the hold to a break!

Vinegar: He really doesn’t.

Covert Jay: Centurion is really sinching back on it!

Vinegar: Yes, but his arm is clearly bothering him.

Covert Jay: What the hell is Hastings doing?

Vinegar: For the love of God, he’s got Rydell by the leg!

Lieberjosch: Brilliant! It keeps him from tapping, and it distracts Rydell!

Vinegar: Rydell tells him to let go and tries to shake him loose.

Covert Jay: Hastings has a death grip on him!

Lieberjosch: I didn’t expect to see this today. This is true entertainment as our great former Champion makes an even bigger ass out of a man who is an expert at doing so to himself!

Vinegar: Rydell bends over and tries to pull Hastings off.

Covert Jay: Yoink!

Vinegar: What the hell is Hastings doing?

Covert Jay: He grabbed Rydell by the collar for some reason.

Lieberjosch: I’m sure Nick can SEE that!

Covert Jay: Then why did he ask?

Lieberjosch: For the love of God…

Vinegar: Hastings yanks backward and sends Rydell tumbling into Centurion’s back! The force knocks Centurion over and forces him to break the hold! He lands in a tangled heap with Rydell as Hastings rolls from the ring to the floor!

Covert Jay: Where’s Hastings going?

Lieberjosch: Under the ring by the look of it.

Vinegar: Centurion and Rydell finally get untangled from each other and Centurion looks a little annoyed at Rydell. Rydell explains what happened, but Centurion looks suspicious.

Lieberjosch: Why shouldn’t he? We all know that Rydell would rather take the World Championship from Hastings than from Centurion!

Vinegar: No, “we” don’t know that. You assume it!

Lieberjosch: With their history, it makes a lot of sense.

Vinegar: At least that was an attempt at a logical argument.

Lieberjosch: Thank you!

Vinegar: Don’t pat yourself on the back too hard!

Lieberjosch: I can dance if I want to!

Covert Jay: You can’t leave your friends behind!

Lieberjosch: Why not?

Covert Jay: Because you don’t HAVE any!

Lieberjosch: Damn you.

Vinegar: Centurion and Rydell notice that Hastings isn’t in the ring and look around. They finally both stop and Centurion points at the mat. The two nod and Rydell walks over to the ropes where Hastings had rolled out.

Lieberjosch: Lucky guess!

Covert Jay: Where’s Centurion going?

Vinegar: He’s going the other way!

Lieberjosch: Why the hell for? That’s not where Hastings is!

Vinegar: We’ll find out soon enough.

Covert Jay: Hastings just ducked his head from under the ring right as Rydell steps to them.

Lieberjosch: I don’t think he saw him.

Vinegar: Rydell drops to the floor and flips the ring skirt up. He looks under the ring and frowns.

Lieberjosch: Not for long!

Covert Jay: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

Lieberjosch: I loathe you, but that was a perfect use of that reference.

Vinegar: Hastings poked Rydell in the eyes! Rydell springs back and slams into the ringside barrier, clutching at his eyes! Hastings slides out from under the ring with an enormous smile on his face. He stands up and does his pose, then starts to laugh. He looks down with an ear-to-ear smile on his face.

Covert Jay: It faltered for a second when he realized it was Rydell!

Lieberjosch: Maybe for a half-second, but it didn’t bother him for long.

Covert Jay: Does he even notice Centurion?

Vinegar: I’m going to go with “no”.

Covert Jay: I think it just occurred to him.

Vinegar: Hastings lowers his arms and turns around slowly. He finally notices Centurion standing on the ring steps. His smile evaporates when Centurion waves a mocking wave at him.

Covert Jay: Centurion leaps onto the apron!

Vinegar: He’s caught Hastings completely by surprise!

Covert Jay: What a kick!

Vinegar: Hastings goes sprawling backward and slams back first into the ring steps with a thunderous clatter, knocking them over!

Covert Jay: He went ass over end over them and onto the floor!

Lieberjosch: That was not a good impact or a good landing. It looks like the corner of the steps caught him in the back of the knee!

Vinegar: It does, and the momentum sent him backward over the steps onto the floor.

Lieberjosch: He might have landed on the back of his head! He could be injured! Do your job, Rydell!

Vinegar: He can’t SEE you insufferable ass! Hastings poked him in the eyes less than two minutes ago!

Lieberjosch: Excuses, excuses! A true Referee would have recovered so that he, or she, could do their job!

Vinegar: You’re impossible!

Lieberjosch: I’m right!

Covert Jay: You’re full of crap, Doc!

Vinegar: Centurion charges across the apron and leaps off of the apron, crushing the downed Hastings into the floor with a splash!

Lieberjosch: Hastings is clutching at his knee! He could be injured! Where’s that idiot referee!

Vinegar: Blind. Because of Hastings. We covered this.

Covert Jay: Yeah! Try to keep up!

Lieberjosch: Shut up, imbecile!

Covert Jay: At least I’m not confused by what’s right in front of me!

Vinegar: Centurion picks Hastings up and drops him knee-first across the ring apron!

Covert Jay: That was a very discomforting “thud”.

Vinegar: Hastings bounces off and falls back to the floor, clutching at his knee as Centurion appears to try and shake a bit of numbness, or at least discomfort, out of his arm.

Lieberjosch: That idiot Rydell has finally gotten his vision cleared. It’s about damned time! I’m not convinced that he wasn’t hamming it up so that Centurion could do whatever he wanted for a couple of minutes. I bet they’re in cahoots!

Covert Jay: Tee hee.

Lieberjosch: What the hell is wrong with you?

Covert Jay: You said a funny word.

Lieberjosch: No I didn’t.

Covert Jay: You said “cahoots”. It’s a funny word.

Lieberjosch: Oh, for the love of...

Vinegar: You “Oliver Stonesque” conspiracy theory aside, Rydell quickly goes over and tells Centurion to get back into the ring so that he can check on Hastings. Centurion does as he’s instructed and slides back into the ring under the bottom rope.

Covert Jay: Hastings doesn’t seem to want anything to do with Rydell.

Vinegar: If I’m hearing him clearly, and I’m sure I am because they’re right in front of us and he’s yelling, he’s telling Rydell that this is all Rydell’s fault and that his knee could be blown out.

Covert Jay: Rydell just shrugs and goes like he’s going to gesture for the bell, but Hastings yells at him to stop.

Lieberjosch: He doesn’t want to LOSE, especially not because this incompetent idiot jumped the gun on calling for the bell!

Vinegar: Hastings appears to be in a world of pain right now. Rydell would be well within his rights to call for the bell if he thinks that Hastings can’t continue.

Lieberjosch: There’s two problems with that statement.

Vinegar: They are?

Lieberjosch: First of all, Rydell doesn’t “think”. He reacts. If he did more thinking and less reacting, he’d have been World Champion by now.

Vinegar: I disagree, but for the sake of brevity, what’s your second alleged “problem”?

Lieberjosch: “The Lord of Pain” may be playing it up in order to lull Centurion into a false sense of security.

Vinegar: That’s certainly possible. Hastings is a master strategist. That said, he went over the steps pretty violently, and to follow that by having Centurion crash into him couldn’t have made it better.

Covert Jay: Guys...

Lieberjosch: Not now, Jay.

Covert Jay: Guys...

Lieberjosch: Not...NOW.

Covert Jay: Hastings is back to his feet.

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: Hastings used the wall to pull himself up while you were talking.

Lieberjosch: You interrupted us for THAT?

Covert Jay: No.

Lieberjosch: Then WHAT did you interrupt us for?!

Covert Jay: Well, Hastings has stumbled over towards our table and…

Lieberjosch: And?!

Vinegar: MOVE!!

Lieberjosch: Mo…oh SHIT!!

(Many calamitous sounds later).

Vinegar: Well, we have no more broadcast table…

Covert Jay: And no more Doc.

Vinegar: Or that.

Covert Jay: Both Centurion and Hastings are wiped out now!

Vinegar: It’s hard to say which one got the worst of that.

Covert Jay: Hastings. He was on the bottom.

Vinegar: Techically Hans was on the bottom.

Covert Jay: Then both Hastings and Centurion got the worst of it.

Vinegar: Fair.

Covert Jay: Thank you.

Lieberjosch: THPBLT!!

Covert Jay: Was that a sentence?

Vinegar: I think it was a "raspberry".

Covert Jay: Oh...weird.

Vinegar: All of that, and our destroyed table aside, Hastings managed to get himself to our table when Centurion came crashing down from above on him.

Covert Jay: Now they’re both down!

Vinegar: Rydell barely managed to avoid that wreck, but now has the unenvious job of checking on both competitors.

Covert Jay: I have no idea how, but Centurion is moving…

Vinegar: He had a body between himself and the table. That said, it did look like his already wounded arm took the brunt of that impact. It may not be usable for the rest of the match. We’ll have to see.

Covert Jay: This has been a weird submission match.

Vinegar: Well, it was sort of normal until the “Three Stooges” moment a little while ago.

Covert Jay: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

Vinegar: Right. That.

Lieberjosch: Yuck, yuck, yuck…

Covert Jay: Close, Doc. So close.

Vinegar: Centurion is back to his knees and insisting that he can still go, although his arm is hanging limply at his side.

Covert Jay: Hastings is stirring.

Lieberjosch: Stir in one-quarter cup of strawberries, two cups of soy sauce…

Vinegar: What?

Covert Jay: That’s gross!

Vinegar: If he wasn’t still loopy from taking the brunt of that impact, that would really concern me.

Covert Jay: What about now?

Vinegar: Right now it’s blackmail material for the next Holiday party.

Covert Jay: Go you!

Vinegar: Hastings pulls himself up with the wall, takes a step and falls back down after his leg gives way. Rydell walks up to him and asks him if he continues, but Hastings shoves him away and tells him to get back in the ring where he belongs if he’s going to keep pretending to be a Referee.

Covert Jay: Rydell looks a bit…peeved right now.

Vinegar: I’m sure the blatant disrespect is about as much as he’s willing to take from Hastings.

Covert Jay: Don’t do it, Dave!

Lieberjosch: The Dave the Earth stood still…

Covert Jay: Um...sure. Whatever you say, Doc.

Vinegar: Rydell suppresses his anger and returns to the ring right as Centurion rolls back in. Hastings continues to limp his way back.

Covert Jay: Rydell isn’t even counting.

Vinegar: I think he just wants to see this match end however it’s going to end. He doesn’t want to be the reason it ends.

Covert Jay: I guess that makes sense.

Vinegar: Hastings slowly hobbles up the ring steps.

Covert Jay: He slipped!

Vinegar: No, his knee buckled again! He appears to be ok though.

Lieberjosch: Ok, mom. I’ll be there in a minute.

Vinegar: Would someone get Hans medical attention?

Liberjosch: But Dad, I don’t want to go to the doctor! It’s just a runny nose!

Covert Jay: Ohhh boy…

Vinegar: Centurion and Hastings approach each other wearily, glaring at each other. Hastings is definitely slowed by his injured knee and Centurion’s right arm is limp at his side. Hastings leads with a forearm to Centurion’s face and Centurion comes right back with a vicious kick to Hastings’ knee. Hastings drops to the ground with a howl of pain. Centurion leaps on him and grabs his leg. Hastings struggles against it but can’t stop him.

Covert Jay: He might need to be stretchered out…

Vinegar: It’s possible.

Covert Jay: It’s amazing he can stand on it.

Vinegar: It is. Centurion is repeatedly slamming it into the mat. I’m not sure how Hastings gets himself out of this.

Lieberjosch: I wasn’t out! I beat the tag!

Vinegar: Can someone help him, please?

Covert Jay: Centurion is beating Hastings' knee like a drum.

Vinegar: He really is. I doubt Hastings will be able to put any weight on it.

Covert Jay: He’s trying to get over onto his back.

Vinegar: Centurion is doing his best to fight it, but Hastings outweighs him by forty pounds. Centurion can fight many things Hastings can do, but he might not be able to fight physics.

Lieberjosch: I got a B in physics, Dad. I don’t know why you’re upset!

Covert Jay: Seriously, someone come down here and help him. Get Hans out of here.

Vinegar: Hastings finally manages to roll himself over onto his back and drills Centurion in the chin with a vicious kick. Centurion recoils back, but doesn’t lose his grip. He bends forward again and tries to turn Hastings back over, but Hastings drives his foot into Centurion’s back arm, drawing a howl of pain from him.

Lieberjosch: Someone let the dog in so it stops howling…

Vinegar: Right...

Covert Jay: Yeah…=...

Vinegar: Hastings kicks Centurion in the shoulder again and this time it forces Centurion to loosen his hold. He steps backwards angrily shaking out his arm. Hastings struggles to his feet, but his leg looks wobbly under him. He tells Centurion to come to him. Centurion snarls at him and charges!

Covert Jay: Yoink!

Vinegar: Hastings surprises Centurion with a drop toe hold that sends him stumbling forward!

Covert Jay: OW!

Vinegar: Centurion's head bounces off of the top of the turnbuckle and he stumbles backward, right into a chop block from Hastings which sends him over onto his back!

Covert Jay: Hands of Fate!!!

Vinegar: Hastings has Centurion in his submission finisher! Centurion is yelling like a caged animal, but refuses to submit when Rydell asks him! Hastings has his injured arm wrenched behind him and is putting so much pressure on his wrist!

Covert Jay: Centurion won’t submit! He’s fighting back!

Vinegar: He’s hitting Hastings in the side of his head with repeated forearm and elbow shots as Hastings laughs mockingly at him!

Covert Jay: He’s kneeing Hastings in the back of the head!

Vinegar: I can’t tell if it’s working or not!

Covert Jay: Hastings’ head keeps whipping forward. It has to be making him dizzy!

(Weird silence).

Covert Jay: Nothing?

Vinegar: He’s still in la-la land.

Covert Jay: Just checking.

Vinegar: Centurion continues to alternate between the elbow and knee strikes to Hastings' head, but the pain is clearly starting to get to him as they have progressively less snap behind them.
Covert Jay: He keeps refusing to submit when Rydell asks him!

Vinegar: It’s a truly incredible display of toughness and will!

Covert Jay: It’s impressive!

Vinegar: Centurion finally delivers an elbow and a knee at the same time!

Covert Jay: It looks like he might have caught Hastings in the eye!

Vinegar: Hastings releases the hold and rolls away, pointing at his eye and demanding that Rydell disqualify Centurion!

Covert Jay: I think Rydell just laughed at him.

Vinegar: I don’t know if it was a laugh exactly, but it wasn’t what Hastings was hoping for!

Covert Jay: I don’t know how, but Hastings is back to his feet and in Rydell’s face!

Vinegar: He’s furious that Rydell didn’t call for the tap out, and even more furious that Rydell appeared to laugh at him!

Covert Jay: He’s poking Rydell in the chest!

Vinegar: As he berates him!

Covert Jay: Hastings has lost it!

Vinegar: Wait!

Covert Jay: What the?!

Vinegar: Thousand Mile Slam!

Covert Jay: He barely got Hastings over because of his arm!

Vinegar: I don’t know if he got all of it, but he got enough and has Hastings trapped in the “Fall of Rome”!!

Covert Jay: Hastings has nowhere to go!

Vinegar: Centurion is putting a lot of pressure on Hastings’ weakened knee!

Covert Jay: Rydell just asked Hastings if he wanted to submit and I’m not sure I heard it right, but it sounded like Hastings yelled “Fuck You” in his face!

Vinegar: A rare dose of profanity from the “Lord of Pain”!

Covert Jay: Hastings is almost to the ropes!

Vinegar: If he reaches them, Centurion has to break the hold!

Covert Jay: His finger brushed the bottom rope!

Vinegar: It looks like he’s lost his momentum!

Covert Jay: He’s clawing wildly at the bottom rope!

Vinegar: Rydell asks him again and he snarls at him again!

Covert Jay: OH MY GOD!!!

Vinegar: Hastings tapped! He tapped! Hastings was mere centimeters from grabbing the bottom rope and he tapped out!!

Covert Jay: Centurion retains!

Vinegar: Hastings slumps to the mat as Rydell tells Centurion that he’s won!

Covert Jay: I don’t think Centurion hears him! He’s keeping the lock on and yelling like a wild animal!

Vinegar: Rydell keeps slapping him on the shoulder and pointing behind him at Hastings, who appears to be out on the mat!

Covert Jay: He slaps Centurion across the face!

Vinegar: He’s threatening to disqualify him!

Covert Jay: Centurion throws Hastings' legs down and his arms up as Rydell reaches for his wrist!

Vinegar: Centurion retains in a match that I’m not really certain resolved anything between these two.

Covert Jay: We’ll find out!

Vinegar: We will! Hopefully, neither man has any lingering injuries from this brutal fight.

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen, your WINNER via a SUBMISSION, and STILL UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION….CENNNNNTUUUUUUURIIIIIIIIONNNNNN!!!!!

Vinegar: Centurion retains to close out a fantastic “Infinity”! Join us in two weeks to see what kind of fallout we see from tonight’s events! Have a great night, everyone!

Covert Jay: Good night, folks!

Lieberjosch: Mom, can you tuck me in?

Vinegar: Good grief...


Centurion - 7.38

Donovan Hastings - 7.36

[UGWC Staff]

Credits

GFX
Mike

Dark Destroyer vs Raab
Dave

Pierce vs Deimos
Dave

Cooperative Championship
Brandon

SEB vs Dixon
Steve

Cross-Hemisphere Championship
Dave

Global Challenge Final
Steve

World Championship
Ad