Sentinel 19/04/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: I’s Sentinel time Nigga’s!

Vinegar: That was the great introduction you’ve been working on all week?

Hanson: Yeah.

Vinegar: That’s what you called me up at 2am to tell me about.

Hanson: Yeah.

Vinegar: ….

Hanson: What? You didn’t like it?

Vinegar: As my colleague mentioned with his usual level of class and sophistication it’s time for another night of great wrestling action here at the GIW arena. We’ve got a great card for you including comebacks by Sean Jensen…

Hanson: Cyanide.

Vinegar: No-one cares. And former tag team champion Ezekiel.

Hanson: Pax.

Vinegar: No! Keep up fool, it’s just Ezekiel now. If that wasn’t enough we’re going to see Gabrielle and Dredd team up against unofficial tag team of the moment, Blessed Immortality.

Hanson: Unofficial? How dare you, what makes you think you can say such a thing?

Vinegar: That they enter separately to different music and outside of the random matches they’re scheduled onto they have no personal interaction with one another.

Hanson: Damn, good point.

Vinegar: But first though…

Teahouse starts to play-

Hanson: Aw crap, already?

-and Katie walks out to the top of the ramp. She’s dressed in blue jeans with black kneepads over the top, a white t-shirt showing similar black elbow pads and sneakers. She waves to the fans in her usual overwhelmed fashion as she walks down the ramp.

Hanson: Is it me or has everyone stopped caring about Kiseragi so much that he’s actually turned invisible?

Vinegar: This isn’t Kiseragi’s match. We’re about to witness the in-ring debut of The Dragon’s valet Katie Piper.

Dennis: This is your opening contest of the night and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, Katie Piper!

Katie climbs the steps and enters through the middle and bottom ropes, waiting in the middle of the ring for her opponent to arrive. Warrior’s Code starts to play to a large pop from the crowd as they see Chinatsu Chen walk out, one of the GIW Tag Team title belts around her waist. She throws up her usual V signs as she walks towards the ring.

Dennis: And the opponent, from Kyoto, Japan. She is one half of the GIW Tag Team Champions, Chinatsuuuuuu Cheeeeeeen!!!

Vinegar: Well Katie may have a good half a foot of height advantage here but she’s certainly the underdog against a consistently proven Chinatsu Chen.

Hanson: Half a foot. She knocked out a guy two feet taller and 200 pounds heavier with over 20 years experience. This is going to be a cakewalk.

Vinegar: I actually find it hard to disagree with you. We’re about to find out for sure though.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: There’s the bell. Katie going for the early lock up but Chen sweeps her legs with that Judo style takedown and puts in the headlock.

Hanson: I’m almost expecting this to be the end of it.

Vinegar: I think we should give this plucky young lady more credit than that. There’s the head scissors, Chen quickly powers out though. Katie getting back up but Chen’s on her with a Magistral Cradle.

1!

2!

Vinegar: I don’t think she was expecting a pin like that, we could have had a very quick victory right there.
Hanson: Do you ever find you’re running out of ways to suitably convey your utter indifference?

Vinegar: No, I actually care about more than four members of the roster. Besides, it’s Chen.

Hanson: Yeah, but there’s no excitement when her victory is so entirely guaranteed.

Vinegar: But aren’t Travis’s victories always guaranteed?

Hanson: Well yeah but-

Vinegar: Except last week.

Hanson: We shall not speak of Black Sunday. Continue your usual ramblings.

Vinegar: Well Katie’s just managed to take Chinatsu over with a tidy arm drag. Chinatsu is up though and responds with one of her own and holds it for the armbar.

Hanson: You know when it gets boring and we talk about other matches?

Vinegar: Yeah? Katie manages to turn herself around, another neat counter and a low fireman’s carry.

Hanson: Can we do that now?

Vinegar: No. Piper this time with the hold and puts in a rear chin lock.

Hanson: Why not?

Vinegar: Because if I let you start now I’ll hear nothing but Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings for the next two hours.

Hanson: You say it like it’s a bad thing.

Vinegar: Some of us don’t have your man crushes. Chen pries the arm from around her neck and twists it into a hammerlock, getting back to her feet. Piper counters into a rear waist lock.

Hanson: This stuff really turns you on doesn’t it.

Vinegar: If you mean a great display of technical wrestling, kinda. Piper goes for the back suplex, Chen hooks the leg though and blocks it. Snapmare brings Katie down to the mat.

Hanson: Pervert.

Vinegar: Like you’re not nursing a boner over Chen.

Hanson: Well uh…

Vinegar: No need to answer, we don’t want to think about it. Chinatsu cartwheel’s to the front and puts a kick across Katie’s chest. Pin attempt.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No, another kick out. Chinatsu not following up, she’s backing off and letting Katie get back to her feet. They lock up, collar and elbow, Katie quickly switches back to that rear waist lock and drops with a double leg takedown.

Hanson: I hope they realise they’re going to have to do more than headlock each other to death or we’ll be here all day.

Vinegar: I have a feeling things are going to kick off any time now. Katie floats over but Chen’s quicker and slides back, Katie overshoots and Chen flips over her, snapping that neck over.

Hanson: So Travis and Dono-

Vinegar: Not now. Chen waiting for Katie to get back to her feet again. Irish whip and a calf kick on the rebound.

Hanson: Oh, reality check for the Fag Hag. I think she just discovered what a boot to the chin feels like.

Vinegar: And I think Chinatsu is checking to make sure her opponent is ok. Seems Katie wants to carry on though and Chen is letting her up again.

Hanson: This is no way to win a match.

Vinegar: They don’t care, this is turning out to be a very sporting contest and I for one am glad to see it. Chinatsu charges in for a clothesline but Katie ducks it and turns with a kick to the mid section.

Hanson: That doesn’t look like it hurt Nick.

Vinegar: Katie trying to take a page out of the Dragon’s book with little success. Another shot but Chen shakes it off again. A third attempt and this time Katie gets taken over with a Dragon Screw.

Hanson: Do you get the feeling the great Oriental Firecracker is just toying with her?

Vinegar: I doubt it’s her intention. Chen looks like she’s going for a single legged Boston crab but Katie kicks her off and scrambles back to her feet. Chinatsu runs back in and gets taken over with a hip toss, followed up with a low dropkick to the back of the head.

Hanson: Well that was unexpected.

Vinegar: Seems the young lady knows at least a little bit of what she’s doing out there. Pin attempt.

1!

Hanson: Going to take a lot more than that to take down my little Chinatsu.

Vinegar: Katie this time backing off and letting Chinatsu get up. Doesn’t give her long though as she comes back in. Chen’s ready for her and spins behind, releasing German Suplex and oh shi-

Hanson: *gasps*

Vinegar: Chinatsu just tossed Katie over head and the young lady landed right on the top of her head. Chinatsu’s checking on her.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: She just told Hazel East to ring the bell, this ones over right here.

Hanson: Damn Nick, I think we need the EMT’s out here.

Vinegar: Hazel East seems to agree. Katie Piper hasn’t moved since the impact. This match has been ruled a no contest. The medical team are down here with a stretcher.

We watch on, the crowd in silence as the medics, Hazel East and Chinatsu Chen tend to the unconscious and unmoving Piper.

Vinegar: The Dragon just charged out here and slid into the ring. He certainly doesn’t look happy.

Alex goes to check on her. As Chinatsu tries to ask how she is Alex barks something at her and she backs off. The EMT’s put a neck brace on Katie and put her onto a stretcher. Alex goes to follow and Chen puts her hand on his shoulder. Alex turns around and shoves her, knocking her down.

Hanson: Hey leave her alone!

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi certainly upset at the turn of events and understandably so. Seems he’s decided who’s to blame.

Hanson: It was an accident!

Vinegar: Try telling him that.

The EMT’s carry Katie to the back, closely followed by the Dragon. Chinatsu Chen sits in the ring for a moment, seemingly stunned by Alex’s behaviour before making her own way back up the ramp.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Do you think we could just get Chinatsu back out here?

Vinegar: No I don’t think so Dan.

Hanson: She doesn’t have to compete…she can replace you its only fair after I’ve been replaced by your twin so often.

Vinegar: That’s because at those times you couldn’t possibly keep up, especially with you being the colour man, a match between JK and Cyanide I’m sure you could handle.

Hanson: Awwwww c’mon you can’t tell me this match wouldn’t be improved by the presence of the Oriental Firecracker.

Vinegar: Doesn’t she hate that name?

Hanson: Only when you call her that.

‘Rock You Like A Hurricane’ begins playing as the arenas lighting flickers between green and gold, Daniel Hanson shockingly seems somewhat…pleased to see JK or at least Paul Cockatoo who comes out with him pulling a pair of drumsticks out from underneath the announce desk.

Hanson: Paul’s helping me win over Gabrielle ya know!

Nickolas Vinegar just shakes his head as Jasmine then walks out standing beside ‘the cyclone’ as he takes her hand in his, kneeling down and pressing his free hand to her stomach with a smile before getting back to his feet as fireworks shoot up all over the arena. Daniel Hanson meanwhile bangs his drumsticks on the announce desk twice ‘bang, bang’ before using Vinegars head as the snare ‘thock’, ‘bang, bang, thock’.

Dennis: Introducing first from Townsville Australia accompanied by Paul Cockatoo and Jasmine Kanelis-Cyclone he is the Aussie Superstar himself; JJJJJJJJJJJJJIKKKKKKKKKKKK!!

Hanson: He’s got Paul Cockatoo and Jasmine at ringside Nick we might need some help covering all these people.

Vinegar: Chinatsu’s not coming out…

Vinegar quickly grabs one of Hanson’s drum stick’s and tosses it into the audience.

Vinegar:…and neither is Gabrielle.

Hanson: I was going to serenade her when she does come out.

Vinegar: Thank god I threw it away then.

Meanwhile JK has led Jasmine up onto the ring apron assisting her into the ring before entering alongside Paul. The trio stand in the middle of the ring as Hanson gets to his feet waving at Paul who briefly nods back before sharing a quick laugh with JK.

Vinegar: Will you sit down?

Hanson: I need to show Paul how good I’ve gotten.

Bang, bang, thock.

Hanson: Hey!!

Vinegar: There now you’ve lost both drumsticks.

With ‘The Aussie Rebels’ standing in the ring awaiting him, Sean Cyanides entrance pyro goes off followed by Into My Coven by Merciful Fate as he walks out atop the entranceway, book of Cyanide in hand.

Dennis: And his opponent from Sacramento California and weighing 223 pounds; SEAAAAAAAAN CYAAAAAAAAANIDDDDDDDDDDEEEEE!!

Cyanide makes his way down to the ring his focus upon the pregnant newlywed Jasmine as he slides into the ring. Where he stands before JK his arms outstretched either side of himself.

Cyanide: Why didn’t you get married under the banner of your true god?

Before JK can answer Cyanide lunges at Jasmine.

Vinegar: Sean going for Jasmine but Paul Cockatoo shoving him aside before quickly escorting Jasmine from the ring, JK scoops Sean up onto his shoulders going for the Cyclone early. Cyanide wriggles free picks up that book of his and cracks it over the head of JK.

Hanson: Finally a good use for a book.

Vinegar: Referee Owen Peterson demanding Cyanide toss the book aside.

Peterson: J-izzle yo wanna keep dis ere match poppin?

Everyone; the fans, JK and his entourage, Cyanide, Hanson, Vinegar, Ace, Hermit, Dennis all seemingly pause for a moment staring at the referee.

Peterson: I mean JK you good to continue?

JK stares at Owen before he looks out at his wife before getting back to his feet.

Peterson: Start dis match!

Hanson: The Lord Chief is rubbing off on Owen.

Vinegar: Forget that JK has just shot under Sean and taken him down with a double leg, pounding away at him. Cyanide might regret going after Jasmine earlier.

Hanson: The fury of a 15 year old!

Vinegar: Cyanide struggling back up to his feet shoving JK away before taking him down with a clothesline, JK though quickly back up and shoots in going for the Cyclone again, Sean rakes the eyes and plants him with a swinging neckbreaker.

Hanson: And now just stomping away at JK…see I can cover a match.

Vinegar: When there’s nothing funny for you to say.

Hanson: Nothing funny about that knee drop right across JK’s forehead as Sean shoots another look out at Jasmine.

Vinegar: Seems to have incensed JK though as he gets to his feet tackling Cyanide down only to get pushed aside as both competitors get back to their feet, JK charging in again but Cyanide avoids the contact and tosses JK through the ropes.

Hanson: He’s on the ring apron still and comes back with a springboard dropkick, followed up by another dropkick then a standing moonsault into the cover.

Peterson: 1……

2………..

…………

Vinegar: Cyanide just manages to kick out as JKs coming back at him with those stomps, before building up a head of steam and baseball sliding him out of the ring.

Hanson: He’s on the move again…suicide splash on Cyanide

Peterson: 1……2…..3…..

Vinegar: JK getting back to his feet, having knocked the wind out of himself and picking Cyanide up.

Peterson: 4…..5…..6…..

Vinegar: Both men back in the ring, Cyanide with an eye gouge though before thrust kicking JK into the ropes.

Hanson: Cyanide now coming at JK who avoids the clothesline, then turns and cactus clotheslines Cyanide back out of the ring.

Vinegar: Sean Cyanide though it seems came out on top there literally, he rolled midair and came down on top of JK…Cyanide stirring and he’s locked in the Sin Extraction.

Peterson: 1…..2……3……4……5…..

Vinegar: Cyanide really has that submission cinched in on the outside, Jasmine showing some concern from the other side of the ring.

Peterson: 6….7…..8…..

Vinegar: Cyanide breaks the hold and slides back into the ring, then right back out, yanking Jk to his feet and sliding himinto the ring.

Hanson: Cyanide climbing the turnbuckle…comes off with a crossbody…

Vinegar: BIG COUNTER THOUGH, JK LEAPT UP AND MET HIM WITH A DROPKICK MIDAIR!

Hanson: Both men back down.

Peterson: 1….2….3…..

Vinegar: JK stirring, and dropping an elbow on Cyanide, before vaulting off the ropes with a senton.

Peterson: 1……

2…….

…………

Vinegar: Cyanide shoots his shoulder up and clutches at JK’s head, rolling hi mover into a grounded headlock, JK fights out though with a headscissors, both men back up but Cyanide with a vicious STO taking them back down. Now mounting JK and pounding away with those fists.

Hanson: Lucky you said fists!

Vinegar: JK though going fro an armbar counter trying to lock up the arm of Sean from the bottom. The mad hatter though quick to land a clubbing forearm before getting to his feet and dragging JK up with him. Cyanide going for the Shot Of Cyanide, JK breaks free though and…

Hanson: PELE, PELE!!

Vinegar:…yeah a Pele kick. Look at this though one of your drumsticks Dan have just found their way being passed to Jasmine and the other to Paul who then slides his into the ring before jumping up on the ring apron, Owen trying to get hi m back down.

Owen: Niglet git yo ass down!

Vinegar: Jasmine slides the other drumstick into JK who’s got both in his hands, stalking Cyanide and just cracked him over the head with both of them.

Hanson: Hey he broke my drumsticks!

Vinegar: He may have broken more than that partner, Paul back down off the apron as JK scoops Cyanide up onto his shoulders and there it is the Cyclone drilling Cyanide into the canvas.

Hanson: Going for the cover.

Vinegar: Or not…Jasmine pointing to the turnbuckle as JK nods his head and climbs to the top rope.

Hanson: Cane Toad Splash coming up!

Vinegar: JK comes off the top rope but Cyanide got his knees up and JK impacts into them hard, Sean quickly back up going for the Shot Of Cyanide once again. JK though with an arm wringer breaks free, small package!

Peterson: 1…….

2………

3!

JK back to his feet as Jasmine and Paul cheer him on and slide into the ring as Sean Cyanide ducks out the other side, clutching his version of the bible to his chest.

Dennis: Here is your Winner: The Cyclone JJJJJJJJJKKKKKKKKKK!!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome back to Sentinel, folks, where we still have plenty of show up ahead!

Hanson: What does that even mean?

Vinegar: It means we still have the return of Ezekial Pax and another appearance by Blessed Inevitability.

"I Turn My Camera On" streams over the loudspeakers. Moss and Grace step out onto the entrance, and Moss holds up the GIW.Com Belt to a large pop.

Vinegar: Not to mention a tag team match featuring this man, The Auteur Moss Edwards!

Hanson: Oh god, another one of these HeadShots? Come on, I know for a fact that a certain somebody's computer has crashed.

Vinegar: Fourth wall notwithstanding, it does indeed seem like the champion has something on his mind. As a man so used to sweet-talking and making deals in Hollywood, Moss must be driven crazy by the relative silence of the Covenant as they've spent the last month pulling his strings.

Hanson: The Fear talks with her fists! And on one occasion a DDT.

Moss: Target demographic, it has been two long weeks since last I could post another pin on that GlobalTron. Granted, the physical object of the belt is more important than the fleetingness of numbers, but it's getting to be...what did I say it was?

Grace: Rigoddamndiculous.

Moss: Yes, indeed. So I took proaction, and did the footwork to prepare a special match for the upcoming pay-per-view. And what better place to make that match official than here, on HeadShots!

One lone firework shoots from the stage and explodes against the corner post.

Moss: Wow. That was a public safety hazard. Were you trying to hit me? Is somebody disgruntled back there, because I'd be more than happy to gruntle them back up. Although it is ironic that there was apparently an attempt on my life just now, because my guest tonight has made death threats and worse to what I'm estimating to be a multitude of others. And I could easily have used my status as champion to make the match backstage, but I would like to extend to my opponent the courtesy of receiving their challenge face to face. That’s why, tonight on HeadShots, I’d like to bring out one Chassie Fear.

*The lights cut to black and red and white strobe lights alternate in beat with the rapid music as “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” Starts to play. Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, stopping for a moment to stare at Moss, then she heads down the ramp and steps smoothly and sensously into the ring, staring at him with disinterest.*

Moss: Miss Fear, thank you for coming out to see me, I’m surprised to see you without a chair in your hand.

(From behind her back she pulls a baseball bat out, leaning it against her shoulder casually.)

Chassie: Is there a reason behind this little meeting?

Moss: We really have been seeing quite a bit of each other lately, haven’t we? I mean, first there was that time I defeated you, then there was that other time where I was beating you until you decided to waltz out of the ring with your masked compadre, and the last two weeks you seem to have invited yourself to ringside during my title matches. I’m flattered by all the attention, really I am.

Chassie: Don't be. None of this is done for your benefit.

Moss: You talk, Miss. You talk and talk and talk. Every week, I hear you talk. About your past, about the dark, about human nature, about plans and secrets and schemes. You talk, talk, talk, talking in a box, talking with a fox, talking with a bear, talking in mid-air, you have been talking and saying nothing. So, out of consideration, before I offer to you a chance at my title belt, I present to you the eyes and ears of the Head Shots viewers. We are your attentive audience. If ever you were going to explain yourself, this is the chance.

Chassie: I owe you no explanation. And even if i did, would it not be enough to simply understand that sometimes you are a pawn in a game that you don't even know you're playing and leave it at that. You don't need to know why or how I do what I do.

Moss: Can I ask you a personal question, Miss Fear?

Chassie: Does it matter if I say no?

Moss: Do you have plans on May 10? Because I’d like to invite you to meet me, and this Global InterWeb Belt, in Tokyo. As champion, Boss P has agreed to my conditions for the match, indeed a match of my own devising. So Miss Fear, at No Holds Barred, I want to see you in the Killer Kaiju Cage! No interference, no disqualification, no count outs, not even pinfall or submission. Inside the Killer Kaiju Cage, we beat the crap out of each other until only one of us is left standing.

Chassie: You sure you want to go down this road with me, boy?

Vinegar: Whoa! A Last Man Standing match inside a cage for the GIW.Com Title?

Hanson: What the hell is a Kaiju Cage?

Vinegar: Doesn’t look like Chassie Fear really cares, she’s ready for a brawl!

The two superstars stare each other down, until Chassie shoves Moss backwards, and the two begin trading blows in the middle of the ring.

Vinegar: And they’re having it now!

Bling’s posse charges down to the ring to pull the two apart as they yell at each other. Moss climbs up on one of the goon’s back and leaps off at Chassie. Security pulls them off again, and this time they manage to usher Chassie out of the ring.

Hanson: This is going to make that tag match real interesting later.

Vinegar: Definitely.

Hanson: Oh, I was being sarcastic, sorry let me try again. It’ll make that tag match REEEEAAAL interesting.

Vinegar: What will be interesting, we have a big debut tonight, as newcomer Osiris tries to make a big splash against former Unified Champion, Alex Kiseragi! That's coming up next!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

A black screen. The low rumble of taiko drums. A red sun rises slowly, casting a bloody hue over the landscape. Flash cuts of some of the most brutal moments in GIW history. The drumming grows in intensity until the screen flashes white and fades away to the No Holds Barred title screen.

Vinegar: That's right folks, Global Impact Wrestling is going to be hitting Japan on May 10th, be sure to check with your pay per view provider now so you don't miss out!

Hanson: See Nick pimp. Pimp, Nick, pimp.

Vinegar: At the current moment, neither of the two men in our next match has a place on that card, but you know how suddenly things can change in the GIW Universe!

The lights go out. "High Wire Escape Artist" by Boysetsfire announces the arrival of Osiris on the stage, and pyro cues the lights' return. He stalks down the aisle, peering intently over the crowd.

Vinegar: So now we get our first look at Osiris.

Hanson: There's something creepy about that guy. I mean, besides the black leather and red face paint.

Vinegar: Well, it does appear that Osiris isn't so much looking at the crowd as he is judging them.

Mitchell: The following is a one on one match, scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Barrow Alaska, and weighing in at 252 pounds, OSIIIIIIRIIIIIIIS!

Hanson: Alaska? So he's a what, Eskimo?

Vinegar: According to my notes, he was actually born in Hawaii.

Hanson: So he's a surfing Eskimo?

"Teahouse" by Juno Reactor encourages a loud pop as Alex Kiseragi steps out on to the stage and demonstrates a kata. He marches down to the ring intently.

Vinegar: In recent weeks, we've grown used to seeing young Ms Piper accompany Alex to the ring. But tonight she already came down when she met Chinatsu Chen in our opening bout!

Hanson: Yeah, that was a great match.

Vinegar: Can you tell me who won?

Hanson: My little Hanson won, Nick. My little Hanson won.

Mitchell: And coming to the ring, from San Francisco, and weighing it at 198 pounds, he is THE DRAGON! ALEEEEEX KISERAAAAAAGIIII!

Vinegar: Again, this is Osiris's first GIW match, and a victory over The Dragon would be a huge feather in his cap, although Alex has been on a bit of a roll lately.

Hanson: Yes.

Vinegar: Wait, aren't you going to say something slightly offensive? Call it a "rainbow feather" or something?

Hanson: No, Nicholas. For this week only, I am refraining from insinuating anything about Alexander's lifestyle. I am showing solidarity with the beleaguered homosexual minority this week.

Vinegar: Did somebody punch you?

Hanson: No.

Vinegar: Are you being sued?

Hanson: I don't have to answer that.

Vinegar: Senior official Glenn Burke calls for the bell, and this match is underway. Osiris makes the first move, going for a tie up, but Kiseragi with a quick armdrag sending him to the mat. And now a simple armbar applied.

Hanson: Osiris reaches up and grabs Kiseragi's hair! And he just condit...that's a roughneck move by Osiris.

Vinegar: And using that hair now to hit The Dragon with a knee lift to the face! Followed by a belly-to-back suplex. Osiris letting him get to his feet only to blast him with a big boot!

Hanson: Man, Alex hasn't taken a shot to the face since...his last match. In the ring, athletically.

Vinegar: Now Osiris picking him off the mat, Kiseragi rolls him up with the inside cradle! This scored a surprise win against Raenius last week! Only a 1 count. But it allowed The Dragon to catch his breath, and now he's introducing Osiris to those hard knife-edge chops! Kick to the back of the leg staggers the newcomer, followed by a brutal looking Pele! What a blow!

Hanson: Yes, The Dragon sure does give many blows...to his opponents. Athletically.

Vinegar: Another pin attempt, only a two count there. Now Kiseragi allowing Osiris up, or at least just enough to deliver that bulldog headlock. Now looking for a knee drop but there's nobody home!

Hanson: Both men get it up....get up, but Osiris with the shoulder block turns the match back in his direction. He has to use his strength advantage, to negate The Dragon's speed advantage.

Vinegar: Very true, and it looks like he has that in mind. He's bearing down on Kiseragi's shoulder with some sort of claw hold. Using his strong grip to apply pressure to the nerve point and drive Alex down into the mat.

Hanson: Driving him hard...into the mat...a familiar experience for the Dragon. I mean, with Kiseragi's martial arts background, he may be familiar with techniques like this one.

Vinegar: Alex manages to reach up and hook the head, snap mare to escape the hold. And indeed it seems he is familiar with the technique as he sinches his own nerve hold onto Osiris! But a quick elbow to the midsection loosens his grip, and a European uppercut drives him back. Osiris staying on top of Kiseragi.

Hanson:....athletically.

Vinegar: Chasing him towards the corner with some hard punches and forearm shots. And a back elbow shoves The Dragon against the post. Irish whip from Osiris to the other side, certainly here in the early goings of the match it's been mostly back and forth action. What's your first impression of Osiris, Daniel?

Hanson: He certainly seems to have a lot of power in that frame. And here comes a charging clothesline to demonstrate!

Vinegar: The Dragon dodges out of the corner and quickly delivers a jump kick to the back of the head! Now he's climbing up on the turnbuckle, what do you think he has in mind?

Hanson: Well from here it looks like a tea-ba....tornado DDT, Nick.

Vinegar: Indeed, the Dragon pushes off to spin Osiris around, but Osiris using his strength to resist being pulled down! And he reverses it into a sidewalk slam! The Dragon left flat on his back.

Hanson: And we all know he prefers to be on his knees....you know, so that he can get to his feet more quickly. Now Osiris mounts him...for punches.

Vinegar: Some stiff shots there, Glenn Burke giving Osiris a count of five to get off, and he complies.

Hanson: You don't need to tell The Dragon when to get off...because he's such an honorable competitor.

Vinegar: Kiseragi to his feet, Osiris charging in for another boot, it's dodged. And now it's the Dragon charging in with a leg lariet! Looking to capitalize, he hops back up onto the turnbuckle, Moonsault! We have a cover, 1 2! Just barely made it out before the three. Both men to their feet, Kiseragi leaps up and wraps around Osiris, looking for a crucifix roll up, but again Osiris using that power to resist the move. And now he has Kiseragi up on his shoulders, bad place for The Dragon to be.

Hanson: A devastating Sleep With Men.....GO TO SLEEP, a devastating Go To Sleep! That should be it, 1 2! He got the shoulder up.

Vinegar: The Dragon's not finished yet!

Hanson: But that was a shoulder, not a kick out. Means he may be running on fumes right now after that move.

Vinegar: Don't tell him that! The Dragon throwing hard right hands to fight off Osiris, Osiris with a clothesline rebuttal, but Kiseragi with a back bending dodge and a handspring dropkick to the lower back!

Hanson: Flexible. I'll bet he's real popular. With the fans. For his wrestling prowess.

Vinegar: Quick to his feet, he follows it up with a springboard rana! Pin attempt, out at 2 again! Kiseragi now shoving Osiris's head between his legs.

Hanson: What, no foreplay...which is a wrestling term for....a set up move

Vinegar: Kiseragi appears to be trying to fight fire with fire, he wants to hit Osiris with his own high impact move, looks like a piledriver attempt. But Osiris yet again with that strength, he stands straight up hanging The Dragon behind him.

Hanson: Ass to mouth, that's another familiar....set up for a powerful move. Athletically.

Vinegar: THE MISERY INDEX! That's Osiris's finisher! 1 2 3!

Mitchell: Here is your winner, OOOOSIIIIIRIIIIIS!

Vinegar: And that is a successful debut for Osiris, a pretty surprising one at that.
Mitchell: And I think that without his little one girl glee club at ringside, Kiseragay just did not have the pep to find a way around Osiris' strength.

Vinegar: What did you say?

Mitchell: Gi! Kiseragi! That's what I said, come on Nick throw to commercial, I can't hold it in much longer.

Vinegar: Our main event tonight, Blessed Inevitability, Travis Roberts and Donovan Hastings, take on the two number one contenders for Roberts' Unified Belt, Boss P's handpicked contender Dredd, and Miss Money in the Bank, Gabrielle Montgomery! Plus the return of Ezekial Pax! But first, the Covenant in tag team action against The Auteur and The Crimson Ghost. And it's coming up next.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Raenius can be seen walking down the corridor for his upcoming match. Nyx turns to follow Raenius but makes it less than a step before she finds herself lifted off of the ground and pinned up against the wall by one of Dirge’s gigantic hands. He lifts the smaller woman up so that she can look him in the eyes, eyes that hold a cold and menacing light to them. This look is offset by the lack of expression and the conversational and almost flat tone that his voice takes when he finally speaks. Nyx just glares angrily at him.

Dirge: Glare at me all you want sweetheart…I couldn’t care less if you like me or not. The simple fact of things is that I know what you’re up to with Raenius. I don’t know why you’re doing it or who you’re doing it for…but I know a scheme at work when I see one and this reeks of one to me. I’m going to make something very clear to you since you seem like a fairly intuitive young woman, if not overly intelligent…

He lets the insult hang in the air and watches as the look in Nyx’ eyes changes from anger to outright hatred. The hatred seems to entertain him as his trademark obnoxious smirk curls up in one corner of his mouth. Nyx tries to squirm against his grip but meets with utter failure for the effort as Dirge just applies more pressure to pressing her into the wall.

Dirge: Please, do continue to struggle Nyx…you’re only amusing me and prolonging this for yourself.

Nyx’ face contorts into a defiant sneer before she takes a wild swing at him, connecting with his thigh. Dirge shrugs the attempt at an attack off by tightening his grip around her throat and pulling back his arm before forcefully slamming her back into the wall, this time hard enough to drive the air from her and leave her hanging like a limp doll.

Dirge: That was unwise and it would be in your best interest not to attempt that stupidity again. Don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t gladly incur the wrath of my Irish friend or this “Dhar” of his by snapping your neck like a dry twig. Make no mistake about it…I’d snuff you out with great pleasure and then go get a beer and a steak afterwards to put a good cap on the effort. Your life means less than nothing to me, so don’t think that I would hesitate for a second to cripple you.

As Dirge says this his voice is completely devoid of emotion. It’s stated as a fact, as calm as he’d be if he were speaking to someone about the best tourist spots in Tokyo or Chicago. Nyx obviously hears it, although she still has a somewhat glassy look in her eyes from the impact of the wall on the back of her head.

Dirge: I will say this one last time…so make sure you’re listening.

Nyx glares hatefully and tries to struggle again before being cut short by another increase in pressure on her neck. Dirge just shakes his head in amusement at her continued defiance.

Dirge: I’m watching you Nyx. I don’t know what you’re up to yet, but I will find out and make no mistake about it…as much as you try to unravel Raenius I’m going to be there to keep him together. I can think of what you want to gain from causing him to lose control of his mind to this “Dhar” and I won’t allow it. Whether this is of your own contrivance, which I highly doubt, or something more widespread know that your days are numbered. If you think you’re dangerous…you have no idea what dangerous is. Keep a wide birth of me woman…

Nyx sneers at Dirge before spitting in his eye. Dirge closes his eyes and calmly wipes the saliva from his eye before throwing it back into her face, where it splashes across it and onto the wall. Her eyes suddenly get wide and she exhales violently before Dirge just dismissively tosses her to the side like a bag of trash. She lands on the floor in a heap, with her arms wrapped around her body and shaking violently. Dirge gets down to one knee and hunches over her. His body blocks what happens out, but when he stands up again her eyes are wide as she just stares at him in pure terror. Dirge notes the reaction with a satisfied smile before walking off and disappearing from view.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Is that guy ever gonna get in the ring? He talks a lot, but isn’t he meant to be a wrestler...not a debater?

Vinegar: He says his first match will be No Holds Barred, the tag team title match...

Hanson: Woah? Hold on a second! A guy who hasn’t stepped foot in the ring, whom the only information we really know is that he’s friends with Raenius, gets a title match on his first match? Seriously, what do Blessed Immortality have to do to get a shot?

Vinegar: I’m pretty sure being Unified Global Champion disqualifies you from challenging...

Hanson: but being aligned with Raenius doesn’t? What kind of screwed up logic is that?

Vinegar: I’m not sure denying people title shots based on their friends is fair...

Hanson: Oh come on, what happened last time Raenius and one of the thousand interchangeable members of the Covenant challenged for the Tag Titles?

Vinegar: Mickey Dragon disappeared and they had to add a third team to make the match competitive...

Hanson: So you see why I’m sceptical...

Vinegar: Regardless, I doubt with two Sentinels left before the PPV, not counting this one, that Dirge will not got a match in that time....

“NEVER GONNA CATCH ME NEVER GONNA CATCH ME NEVER GONNA CATCH ME I'M THE CRIMSON GHOOOST!!!”

Hanson: How I would love this man to just disappear though, maybe he could get friendly with Raenius...

Vinegar: Now that is a promo I would pay good money to see.

Hanson: I didn’t realise you were into Snuff Movies Nick...

Vinegar: Huh?

Dennis: The Next Match is scheduled for one fall, and is a Tag team Matchup, introducing first, coming from the Locker Room, he is The CRIIIIIIMSOOON GHOOOOOOST!!!

Hanson: I’m surprised he isn’t already here disguised as Hazel East’s shirt.

Vinegar: It’s only Sentinel Dan, Ghost saves the special entrances for Pay-Per-Views...

Hanson: Every day is perversion day for Ghost, he’s forever trying to sneak a glimpse of Gabby, I found him masquerading as a laundry basket in her shower room the other day...

Vinegar: And how did you find him...

Hanson: No matter what he says I wasn’t trying to hide inside him, I was checking Gabby’s room for intruders...

Vinegar: With her permission...

Hanson: I don’t need permission, she’s my fiancée...

Vinegar: She said yes?

Hanson: She hasn’t said no yet.

Vinegar: You sure?

“I Turn My Camera One”

Dennis: And introducing his partner, from Hollywood, he is the GIW.Com Champion, MOOSSSSS EEEEEDWAAAARDS!

Hanson: At least he doesn’t have to rely on cheating to keep the belt this week, someone decided to give him the week off defending it, probably the same guy that gave Dirge a title match as his first match.

Vinegar: Firstly, one of his opponents tonight has been directly responsible for Moss’ less than spotless record of recent...

Hanson: If it hadn’t been for Chassie, Moss would have lost the title weeks ago, hell it was probably her plan for Moss and herself to leave the title match at AA! The Auteur is living on borrowed time, when Chassie decides it’s time to relinquish him of the title, time will be up. My money’s on No Holds Barred.

Vinegar: Even in a Kaiju Cage match...

Hanson: The fuck you say?

Vinegar: It’s the match they’ll be having...do you pay attention to anything.

Hanson: Honestly, I couldn’t tell you.

Vinegar: That doesn’t make sense.

Hanson: What ya gonna do?

“Warmageddon” sneaks into existence, as both Raenisu and Chassie Fear appear on stage.

Hanson: Both together?

Vinegar: I think the intro’s are running a bit long.

Hanson: How do they decide who’s music to use?

Vinegar: It’s probably a really complicated and sophisticated method...

Hanson: Like rock, paper, scissors?

Vinegar: Yeah, just like that.

Dennis: And introducing their opponents, RAEEEENIUS AND CHAAAASSIIIIE FEEEAR....THE COOOOOOVENANT!

Hanson: How do we know Raenius is the same guy every week?

Vinegar: Huh?

Hanson: The mask. He could be anyone, Nic Cage, Chuck Norris, god forbid Savage!

Vinegar: I think we can safely say no-one is quite as sadistic and....unique as Raenius. And is that really all you can think of commenting on regarding Raenius, his mask? There is a lot more to the man, he’s a deep guy with a brutal and cunning ruing sense.

Hanson: I’m a simple man, of simple pleasures. The mask intrigues me.

Vinegar: How this one goes down intrigues me more now that all four competitors have made it to the ring.

Hanson: Rough segue way there Nick. Not the smoothest transition in topics....

Vinegar: You don’t make it easy. Anyway, looks like Raenius and Ghost are going to start this one, but Ghost points at Chassie Fear,I have a feeling he wants a rematch from the other week...

Hanson: thank god we got a tag match then, who on earth thinks having the same matches is even remotely an interesting idea...

Vinegar: Crimson Ghost apparently...

Hanson: That guys idea of entertainment is imitating household objects.

Vinegar: Chassie has taken up his challenge, and Raenius tags straight out.

Hanson: Has the match started?

Vinegar: Yeah, didn’t you hear the bell?

Hanson: No, of course not, I rely on you to inform me of these things...

Vinegar: Chassie wastes no time before charging at the Crimson Ghost, who sidesteps and whips her to the ropes, as she returns he swings for a clothesline, but The Dark Rose ducks an continues running, on her return Ghost drops to the floor and Fear goes over him, and comes back once more, this time though she leaps, catches Ghost by surprise and rolls him into a crucifix pin....

1...

2...

Vinegar: Ghost kicks out, but this oen was nearly over before it even started?

Hanson: What do you mean, feels like it’s already been going on forever.

Vinegar: Both back on their feet, and now they lock up, with Ghost gaining the advantage applying a wristlock, and then leaping onto The Dark Roses shoulders and executing a Huricanrana...

Hanson: Chassie looks over at Raenius, how does she know if he’s looking at her...

Vinegar: He has eyeholes! Anyway, she manages to roll out from underneath a leg drop from The Crimson ghost, and manages to roll to the Resident Evil and tag him in....

Hanson: Mask vs Mask...though I hear from reputable sources, that neither of these guys would have the balls to get involved in such a match.

Vinegar: Shame. Anyway Raenius charges at Crimson Ghost and sends him down with a shoulder barge, and just stands over him...

Hanson: I never noticed what an intimidating force Raenius is, probably a side effect to losing so often. But next to Dirge, those guys are gonna be a force...if Raenius stops losing...

Vinegar: Ghost springs back to his feet, as Raenius just stands tall and then delivers a vicious right hand to Ghosts skull, sending the Crimson One, stumbling backwards, Raenius moves forward and steps through Ghost with a huge Big Boot knocking CG straight to the floor.

Hanson: Looks like Raenius is fired up for this...

Vinegar: You can’t really tell with The Resident Evil, that mask obscures all his features, which makes it hard to decipher what kind of mood he is in. Though I would hazard to guess it’s not a very pleasant one as he hoists Ghost up from the floor, whips him to the ropes, grabs CG, and puts him back down on the ground with a Fall Away Slam...

Hanson: I’m beginning to run out of clichéd things to say...

Vinegar: You’ll live...Raenius now hoisting the Ghost up again, places his head between his legs...POWERBO...

Hanson: Oooh Flippy Flippy!

Vinegar: Crimson ghost manages to reverse with a Huricanrana, his second of the night, and manages to scramble across to Moss Edwards and makes the tag to the GIW.com Champion...

Hanson: Who’s used to claiming victory from someone else’s actions...I wonder if he’ll just go for the pin, his legs could probably reach the ropes...

Vinegar: Raenius is already getting to his feet, so we’ll never know, but Moss thinking quickly plants a dropkick directly into Raenius’ mask...

Hanson: I imagine that hurts more than even a regular kick to the face....

Vinegar: Well it’s certainly sent Raenius reeling backwards...Moss quickly launches onto the second rope....CUTTING ROOM! OUT OF NOWHERE....

1...

2...

Hanson: Moss ain’t used to that! Chassie fear prevents the GIW.com Champion from picking up the win....

Vinegar: And Moss turns his attentions from Raenius to engage in a brawl with The Dark Rose, seems there is a fair amount of animosity between these two...but we have to ask why is Chassie tormenting Moss so?

Hanson: because it’s fun?

Vinegar: Crimson Ghost has joined the party, delivering an Enzirugi to Raenius as he gets to his feet, sending his masked face into the ground once more....Whilst East has finally got between Chassie and Moss, and is ordering Chassie back to her corner...

Hanson: But her back is turned from the real action...

Vinegar: Raenius back on his feet, only to see Ghost charging at him one more time, but Raenius dodges....RIPPERSNAPPER TO GHOST...

Hanson: But Moss is the legal man...

Vinegar: And grabs The Resident Evil and sends him flying into the turnbuckle...then charges in...but Raenius moves, and Moss’ knee gets nothing but turnbuckle...as Raenius scrambles across the ring and tags in Chassie...

Hanson: Now we get the preview for NHB...

Vinegar: Chassie charges forward, and takes Moss down with a swinging neckbreaker...now she drags him to his feet...she signals for Twilight...slams Moss Neck into her arms...

Hanson: She should have been more aware of her surroundings...

Vinegar: Ghost just reached across the ropers and yanked Chassie’s hair, causing her to release the hold, and instinctively turn to glare at CG...

Hanson: Bad move...

Vinegar: Moss senses the opportunity...SUNSET FLIP...

1...

2...

3!!!

Dennis: here are your winners, via pinfall, CRIMSOOOOOON GHOOOST AND MOOOOOOSSSS EEEDWAAAAARDS!

Hanson: See, the dude can’t win a match without somebody else...

Vinegar: That’s sort of the point of a tag team match.

Hanson: You know exactly what I mean.

Vinegar: I’m afraid I don’t, but let’s contemplate that whilst waiting for the next matchup between Tobias Erndhart and the returning Ezekiel.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Welcome back to Sentinel, where Ezekial Pax is set to make his return after short hiatus.

Hanson: Proof that the wellness policy works!

Vinegar: Then what is Travis Roberts?

Hanson: Proof that gold beats piss!

Shinedown starts to play over the speakers, eliciting confusion from the crowd. Tobias Ernhardt steps onto the stage expectantly. After it becomes clear that no crowd reaction is forthcoming, he scowls and stomps down the ramp. Soon after, the crowd erupts as Randy Boolzian nonchalantly strolls out of the back and down the ramp. After he finishes lighting his cigarette, he waves to the crowd, receiving another huge pop.

Hanson: Speaking of drugs, you ever wonder how BoolZ gets around the clean air laws?

Vinegar: We have a character in our universe that is a talking penguin with an uzi. And you can't suspend disbelief about a cigarette?

Mitchell: Introducing first, from Medford Oregon, TOBIAAAAAS ERNHAAARDT!

A confusing muddle of sound effects and song segments bombard the crowd. We catch bits of Hollywood Undead and Korn, but finally settle on 'Hero' by Pop Evil, and the masked visage of Ezekial Pax appears on the stage. The crowd starts to cheer, and a 'Welcome Back!' chant begins. He charges down the ramp and leaps up onto the turnbuckle, staring at Tobias.

Mitchell: And his opponent, from Pittsburg PA, he is the RED EEEEEYE WONDER, EZEEEEEEKIAAAAL!

Vinegar: What do you make of this new mask that Ezekial is sporting? Quite a dramatic change from what we're used to.

Hanson: The little monkey was already pretty much a luchadore, so it makes sense to me.

Vinegar: I don't think this has to do with lucha libre style, Dan. This was brought about by the mind games of Raenius, who apparently got hold of some information about a tragedy in Iron Man's past.

Hanson: The biggest tragedy in Ezekial's life is when the 7-11 runs out of nachos.

Vinegar: Remember that before his short sabbatical, Ezekial was undefeated in singles competition.

Hanson: Hey, Moose is undefeated here too. And he has a huge size advantage.

Vinegar: That has never stopped Ezekial Pax before, he is going to come out with everything he's got. And these two are going to tussle, next.

Hanson: Wait, we just came back from commercial? How many advertisers do we have tonight?

Vinegar: Actually, it's a clever ploy for a certain somebody to skip writing the first half of the match since he just now put his kids to sleep and has about an hour until his eyes quit working. And then they have to go see Monsters vs Aliens tomorrow before he drops them back off at their mom's house.

Hanson: I love when we're unprofessional! Go fuck yourself San Diego!

-Commercial break runs-

Vinegar: Folks, I apologize for my broadcast partner's language before the break, and we're right back in the thick of things here.

Hanson: Yep, none of that awkward collar and elbow junk, Tobias has been shutting down all of Ezekial's attempts to mount an offense. Just shrugging him off like a bug.

Vinegar: And now Tobias has things well in hand, a side headlock applied the returning High Flyer. Ezekial fighting his way out now with elbows, he's loose!

Hanson: Uh oh, Nick. I feel something coming.

Vinegar: A big move from Pax?

Hanson: Nope. A block of recap!

Pax comes shooting off the ropes, and ducks under a Tobias boot. When Tobias turns around, he's laid out by a flying forearm shot. The momentum suddenly turned, Ezek13l keeps him grounded with a series of low dropkicks. The Path tries a clothesline in return but Pax easily ducks and use the opportunity to leap into a tornado DDT. A knee drop and front elbow drop follow. Zeke hops up onto the turnbuckle and Tobias follows him up to attempt a superplex, Pax fights him off and hits a High Beam from the top rope. Pin attempted, only a 2 count.

Vinegar: That speed of Pax, it appears he hasn't lost a step during his time away.

Hanson: Maybe he's on crack now. They do claim that marijuana is a gateway drug after all.

Vinegar: And that springboard manuever was a gateway to the Decapitation, that vicious dropkick manuever.

It's still not enough to put away Tobias, who ducks a FORE-N Object and tosses Zeke with a belly to belly overhead suplex. Zeke manages to land on his feet, and leaps up to hit The Sequel on Tobias, followed by a springboard moonsault. Another kickout. Zeke tries to hit a charging Ole Kick against Tobias, who catches him and plants him with a capture suplex. He drags Pax over and slams his head against the turnbuckle, then gives him a reverse vertical suplex out of the corner. Tobias tries to play to the crowd, but gets nothing in return, so he starts to viciously stomp at Iron Man. Pax manages to catch his foot, and sweeps the leg. Pax ranas out of the Path to Ruin, and lands the FORE against Tobias as he tries to get back up. Tobias kicks out of another pin attempt, but every time he tries to hit Pax, the faster man dodges and retaliates until an enziguri knocks Tobias over the ropes. BoolZ has since wandered over towards the announcer's table.

Vinegar: Ernhardt's had the strength and presence of mind to continually kick out, but this onslaught has to be wearing him down.

Hanson: What's he doing here?

BoolZ: Can I have one of those?

Hanson: No, that's my only spare headset. And I don't know where you've been.

BoolZ: Some days, neither do I.

Vinegar: How do you feel about your ward's performance tonight?

BoolZ: He wasn't ready. I gave him as much advice as I could, but there was just no way to prepare for how fast Ezekial Pax can actually move.

Vinegar: Tobias standing now, Ezekial is charging towards the rope, formerly the Crowd Surfing, now called the Suicide!

Hanson: Ole! Tobias just sidestepped, and The Red Eyed Wonder just crashes headfirst into the barricade!

Vinegar: He didn't just sidestep, it appeared that Ernhardt gave him a bit of an extra push at the same time.

Hanson: I think he would have hit plenty hard enough without anyone's help, Nick. Pax is crumpled on the ground, and all that's left for Tobias to do is roll him into the ring. Looks like your boy's about to get a pinfall.

Vinegar: On a man who just crashed his own skull into a wall. What's this, Tobias trying to lift him up, but he is dazed, momentarily limp.

Hanson: Sandbagger!

Vinegar: Tobias manages to get him up in the air though, a perfectly vertical suplex, NO! He drops down into a neckbreaker!

BoolZ: Oh yeah, that's called, wait a minute, Cannabalism? No, no Cataclysm! Yeah that's it.

Vinegar: 1 2 3, I suppose Tobias can claim to score the win with his new finisher the Cataclysm, but that Suicide tope turned out to be exactly that for Ezek13l tonight.

Hanson: He looks happy for himself, and Boolzian seems to be offering him a victory cigarette, which Tomorrow's Main Event refuses. Kids, Just Say No!

Vinegar: JESUS!!!

Hanson: That's a hell of a way for Zeke to offer Randy a light...

Vinegar: Ezekiel has just blown an enormous fireball into Toby's midsection...looks like BoolZ did get a light of it as well...

Hanson: Of course he did, he grew up on a trailer park....anything for free...

Vinegar: Will someone get some medics out here...I can tell this is gonna be a story in the papers tomorrow...will someone please cut to a damn commercial...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentleman I can announce that Tobias Erndhart is in good condition and is currently in transit to a local hospital to be observed for some light burns...

Hanson: HHRRRARGGGHHHHH!!!

Vinegar: Oh what the hell!?!

Hanson: Sorry.

Vinegar: Folks who might have missed that my broadcast partner Daniel Hanson just blew chunks all over the announce table... what is that, a Peep?

Hanson: After Easter sale at Wal-Mart. And this isn’t fair. That friggin’ bird has to stop booking the only three people in this company that I can stand to face each other. Look at what it’s doing to me!

Vinegar: Yeah, poor Dan. And speaking of the main event is Dredd going to get one of your overly complicated acronyms tonight? He’s the only one in this match that doesn’t have one.

Hanson: Oh screw Dredd. If he wants an acronym he’s gonna have to do something other than beating his opponent into pulp. How about a little style to go with the substance, huh?

Vinegar: Well speaking of Dredd beating people into bloody disfigured messes it’s Dredd in action with Gabrielle, Lord-Chief Hastings, and the ‘Headliner’ next!

Hanson: HHRRRARGGGHHHHH!!! Jesus, just send it to Mitchell!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen this is your Sentinel main event! Introducing first standing seven feet two inches, weighting in at 385 pounds, he is the ‘Monster’, this is Dredd!

The lights go, ‘Divine’ by Korn starts playing over the PA, as a single spotlight focuses on the entrance, and Dredd appears from backstage. Pyro goes over in a row from the top of the ramp to the ring. Lights slowly rise as Dredd walks to the ring ignoring the crowds’ less than favorable reception, but huge reaction.

Hanson: It’s alright, at he’s teaming with my Gabby so at least she’s safe.

Vinegar: Yeah, she is. Not like Travis Roberts or Donovan Hastings need to worry either. In fact I would be that they’re both gonna take turns trying to break that poor little girl in half.

Hanson: You’re not funny, and just because half the starting line for the ’72 Dolphins took turns with YO MOMMA doesn’t give you the right to torment me with your lazy southern draw.

Vinegar: Even at your lowest, Dan, you never cease to amaze me.

Hanson: Shut up, the good entrances are coming up.

Dennis: And his tag team partner, the Chief Niggerette, standing five foot six inches, weighting in at 130 pounds, she is the Diamond Princess, this is Gabrielle Madison Montgomery!

‘Envy’ by KHZ begins to play out as the arena lights begin dimming save for a few solitary gold spotlights Jack Severino and Gabrielle walk out to the top of the entranceway hand in hand, her showing off whatever elegant robe she has on with a quick twirl in his arms before they share a loving kiss, then proceeding to walk down to the ring, Jack bragging to the fans about his "girl" the whole way before the climb atop the ring apron, Jack taking her in his arms as he straddles the middle rope, resting her in his lap as he swings her into the ring before joining her where Gabrielle climbs a turnbuckle, standing on the bottom rope resting her hands on the post as Jack stands on the second rope behind her as she tussles her hair over her shoulders before Jack jumps down taking her hand in his once again as he helps her down, the couple take the center of the ring again with Gabrielle stretching in front of him, occasionally placing a leg up on his shoulder to "stretch" as the couple share another kiss.

Vinegar: I don’t know, Dan. I think Dredd is already beginning to annoy at this sight.

Hanson: Well finally we have something in common. I really wish Jack would get his hands off my Gabby. I would hate to think what I might have to do.

Vinegar: Yeah, but I’d love to watch you try it.

Hanson: Really enjoy kicking a man while he’s down don’t you?

Vinegar: No, I just enjoy kicking you while I can.

Hanson: Shut up.

Dennis: And there opponents introducing first standing six feet…

Vinegar: Oh jeez and Owen Peterson is on the ramp with a mic.

Hanson: Shut up, Nick!

Peterson: Mitch, Mitchell, c’mon. You know…

Dennis: No! Damnit Owen this is what I do. You want my job so much you get down here and do the whole thing.

Peterson: Mitchell…

Dennis: No, no, fuck it. Here you go, here’s you chance, and maybe next week I’ll officiate your keepers match, huh? How’s that sound?

Vinegar: And it looks like Owen Peterson is heading back to the curtain.

Dennis: There. Now introducing their opponents…

Hanson: Yeah right. Here comes Owen back out and Donovan Hastings shouting instructions at him from the curtain.

Peterson: Mitchell, I’m sorry, but…

Hastings(very faintly): Proper niglette!

Peterson: YO, bitch ass punk mothafucka! Yo best get ta steppin’ ‘fo I’s gots ta…

Dennis: … What the. FINE! Owen take it. I’m fucking outta here.

Hanson: At least some good can come from this travesty of a match.

Vinegar: Yeah, I’m betting I can see you throw up again and generally hate life for a few minutes.

Hanson: You’re not funny.

Vinegar: Neither’s my mother.

Hanson: No, but she is pretty damn sad. Give back to Peterson!

Peterson: Aight so bitches and bitch ass punk motha fuckas. Give it up fo’ one half ob da best tag team eva. He be yo true an’ official Lord-Chief Nigga, dis be D to da Hastizzle!

Vinegar: Hastizzle?

Immortal by Adema begins to play as Hastings wearing a dark cloak proceeds to the ring. When he comes out he pauses on the stage and performs his taunt. He has an almost regal aura to him.

Hanson: YO, YO, Bitches and Bitch ass punk motha fuckas! I love it!

Vinegar: You would.

Peterson: And his tag team partner, uh, standing really tall, but not as tall as…

Hastings: PROPER!

Peterson: ARG. Uh, aight so da offa half of da greatest tag team in da world, Blessed Immortality, gib it up fo Blessed Immortality y’all, he be da Unified Glob’l Champizzle, dis be da ‘Headlina’, Ice T-Robby Rob!

Vinegar: HA HA HA!

Hanson: What you be laffin’ at bitch? Dat dare be a great intro-duc-tion!

Vinegar: HA HA HA!

Hanson: What eva.

‘Bummer’ by Monster Magnet hits the speakers, but is quickly silenced as Dredd hits Hastings.

Vinegar: And I guess Dredd has had enough! We’re underway!

Hanson: Underway? Travis isn’t even out here yet. This is s travesty!

Vinegar: Well tell that to Dredd. In fact I think you should. In between those massive right hands he’s laying into Hastings I think you should get in the ring and admonish the ‘Monster’.

Hanson: Bitch.

Vinegar: Gabrielle, I guess it’s been decided, steps to the outside allowing Dredd and Hastings to start us off as senior official Glenn Burke begins telling Dredd to open those hands.

Hanson: And here comes the Champion. I bet you thought those crowd reactions were for Dredd’s bestial ways.

Vinegar: No I figured it was because Gabrielle was bending over to get out of the ring, but Dredd’s vicious ham sized fists would have been a good guess.

Hanson: Yeah well Hastings blocks one of those pig hoofs, sends a kick to the right patella, and then hits a ddt on the quote unquote monster!

Vinegar: Hastings keeping on him begins dropping elbows to the Dredd’s back. He’s going to have to try to keep the ‘Monster’ on the mat. Dredd has a full foot on him and over a 150 pounds worth of advantage.

Hanson: Yeah, but Hastings has the smarts YO! Look at him now targeting that knee of that old broke down broken down old man.

Vinegar: What? Still feeling the effects of year old Peeps?

Hanson: So what if I am? Hastings tags in the champ, and now Dredd’s gonna get it. No one ruins the champs entrance. You remember what Boss P said.

Vinegar: I remember Dredd is Boss P’s muscle.

Hanson: Damn right, uh, wait, damnit!

Vinegar: Roberts in and meets Dredd as he gets to his feet with a series of knife edge chops which brings the crowd to their feet!

Hanson: Damn right! Damn right!

Vinegar: Dredd fires back though with a huge standing clothesline, and almost takes Roberts head off!

Hanson: Damnit, damnit, all to hell!

Vinegar: Dredd pulling Roberts back to his feet, and locks in that full nelson.

Hanson: Yeah, right, Roberts doesn’t know how to submit! I give him four seconds and he’ll reverse. He’s just trying to make Dredd feel like he’s accomplishing something. And his four seconds are up!

Vinegar: He must have heard you because he just pulled Roberts up and over with that overhead toss, and Roberts lands hard!

Hanson: I’m not worried though, and you know why?

Vinegar: I swear to god if this is some dumb ass acronym I’m going to be sick.

Hanson: No, no, it’s way to early for that. I’m not worried because Travis is blessed.

Vinegar: What like Solomon?

Hanson: No, blessed by god.

Vinegar: Moving on, Dredd stalking his opponent now as Roberts pulls himself back to his feet, Dredd takes a huge step forward and raises that boot, but Roberts drops down with a low dropkick to the knee.

Hanson: That’s right, it’s time to chop down that massive tree!

Vinegar: Roberts to his feet with a running chop block, but Dredd refuses to go down.

Hanson: Roberts with a kick to the back of the leg, then another, and another.

Vinegar: Dredd leaning against the ropes but he still on his feet, and that makes him still the most dangerous man in this match.

Hanson: That’s debatable. Ice-T-Robby-Rob continues the all out assault on Dredds legs with another chop block, and yes Dredd goes down!

Vinegar: Roberts wasting little time instantly goes for a figure four leg lock!

Hanson: Incredible strategy here. Dredd can’t fight if he’s not on his feet!

Vinegar: Well don’t forget the ‘Monster’ has two feet, and he uses the other foot to push Roberts off, and slamming into his corner.

Hanson: Luck.

Vinegar: Dredd back to his feet, I don’t think he saw the tag to Hastings, Roberts turns around, and is sandwiched with that avalanche!

Hanson: Yeah but that lets Hastings get behind the ‘Monster’ and continue the attack on those long old legs.

Vinegar: Well it’s hard to argue against a tried and true aged old strategy.

Hanson: Damn right, double leg takedown by the ‘Lord of Pain’, and now the Cloverleaf!

Vinegar: He has to step over first, and Dredd’s not just going to let him. Gabrielle and even Diamond Jack cheering on the ‘Monster’.

Hanson: If My Gabby is gonna cheer she needs to do more hopping.

Vinegar: Dredd pulls his legs up bringing Hastings close enough to his hands, and smashes Donovan right in the nose!

Hanson: Closed fist!

Vinegar: Donovan staggers back, and Dredd is back on his feet. Donovan regains his senses steps towards Dredd, who hoists him up, SIDEWALK SLAM!

Hanson: See that’s that biggest threat Dripp poses. That big dummy likes to fall on people!

Vinegar: I wonder if Boss P is watching? You know Dredd’s employer.

Hanson: I’m going to be sick.

Vinegar: Dredd back up, to the corner, he climbs to the second rope, LEG DROP!

Hanson: AH, he’s gonna fall on your Lord-Chief!

Vinegar: And Dredd gets all of it!

Hanson: At least Donovan got his painting done last week.

Vinegar: At least.

Hanson: That way he can get a before and after he finally has enough and beats the hell out of Dredd.

Vinegar: Really?

Hanson: It’s inevitable.

Vinegar: And resistance is futile. Dredd pulling Hastings back to his feet, irish whip to the far ropes, Hastings comes back, big boot…

Hanson: Running STO! See, inevitable!

Vinegar: Donovan back to his own corner, and tags in the ‘Headliner’.

Hanson: Dredd getting back to his feet, and meets one of the ‘TWiSTeD Icons’ big boots!

Vinegar: Roberts capitalizing, hits the ropes, sliding dropkick to Dredd!

Hanson: See, this is a tag match, and Dredd should have tagged in Gabby instead of being all old and grumpy. Hey have you ever seen Soylent Green?

Vinegar: Roberts climbing to the top rope, could be that big flying elbow, Gabrielle runs across the apron though and trips up the ‘Headliner’!

Hanson: Oh, my Gabby, what are you doing?!?! HHRRRARGGGHHHHH!!!

Vinegar: You’re going to need a new bucket aren’t you?

Hanson: Yeah, YO MOMMA available?

Vinegar: Dredd back to his feet, and looks at Gabby who’s back in her corner, and begging for the tag.

Hanson: No, c’mon Dredd be the big dummy and go at it like a handicap match.

Vinegar: I think he’s taking your advice. He’s just turned his back to Gabby instead of making the tag.

Hanson: HA HA, finally I catch a break!

Vinegar: Hold on, Gabby still yelling at Dredd who turns back to face her, and eats an open handed slap from the ‘Goddess of Elegance’!

Hanson: Damn right, you don’t turn your back to my Gabby!

Vinegar: And Burke is counting that as a tag!

Hanson: What NO!

Vinegar: And Roberts is just watching the scene play out as Gabby gets in the ring, has a few more words for the GIW’s Enforcers Enforcer, and Dredd just pie faced the number one contender before climbing to the apron!

Hanson: See, that’s just not cool!

Vinegar: Roberts not wasting time hits a side Russian leg sweep as Gabby gets back up.

Hanson: I’m not sure I can do this for the pay-per-view.

Vinegar: Gabrielle back up, full nelson slam, and she’s back down!

Hanson: Oh wait, something I can’t be upset over! Diamond Jack has pulled Dredd down to the floor, and the two of them are having a shouting match about Dredd’s treatment of my Gabby!

Vinegar: Back in the ring, Roberts helping GMM to her feet, steps behind…

Hanson: Lucky bastard!

Vinegar: Over head belly to back suplex, Gabrielle lands on her feet, Roberts back up, and right into a GaBuster!

Hanson: WHOA Dredd’s had enough of Severino and the two are fighting exchanging vicious right and left hands at ring side!

Vinegar: Gabby and Roberts back up, step up enziguri by the ‘Caramel Princess’, both back up, standing head scissors take down, and both back down. Gabrielle quickening the pace here folks!

Hanson: This is great! Dredd and Severino are gonna kill each other out there! Dredd walking Jack to the other ring post, and right into the other ring post!

Vinegar: Roberts back to his feet, Gabby with a head of steam, running hurricanrana! Here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: Kick out at one!

Vinegar: Gabrielle back up, Roberts to a knee, shining wizard!

Hanson: She she’s hot and all, and I dream about her every night, but she’s not blessed! She just knocked Roberts closer to his corner, and he makes the tag.

Vinegar: Hastings in, Gabrielle shoots in and behinds the ‘Lord of Pain’, Hastings turns, and eats a savant kick!

Hanson: Dredd irish whips DJS into the railing, countered, arm wringer, pulls him in, Bicycle Kick!

Vinegar: And now Burke see’s what’s going on out side the ring, and he’s yelling at both to regain some sort of self control!

Hanson: Back in the ring, My Gabby with a head of steam, Hastings with a spine buster, pulls her back up, face breaker ddt!

Vinegar: Outside DJS is paying no attention to Burke, Broken Sphere by Dredd on the outside!

Hanson: Speaking of outside, Hastings rolls to the floor, he’s got a chair! Just not in that pretty pretty face!

Vinegar: Dredd back up, and now he’s going after Travis Roberts!

Hanson: Does Dredd even know there’s a match going on!?! This is more that just a fight!

Vinegar: I don’t know about that. Boss P has been vocal about a woman challenging for the highest prize in the company, he’s been less than thrilled about Hastings antics as Chief Nigga, and he’s never liked Travis Roberts. I think if all three were to get into a fight and somehow hurt and missed No Holds Barred – Rising Sun, then the penguin would probably be happy.

Hanson: Dude, try to keep it at one line a time huh?

Vinegar: I’m just say… Significant Impact! Roberts has joined the fight on the outside!

Hanson: Hastings with that chair in the ring, he takes a swing…

Vinegar: Gabrielle down with the splits avoided contact, she’s up, 34 Double D DDT!

Hanson: What, I missed it! I was watching… ah damnit!

Vinegar: Gabby’s getting Burke, here’s the cover!

Burke: ONE!

Hanson: C’mon Travis!

Burke: TWO!!

Vinegar: With Burke counting he can’t keep an eye on DJS. He has Roberts boot!

Burke: THREE!!!

Hanson: That’s it! Glenn Burke’s calling for the bell!

Vinegar: Yeah, that’s it! Do your new job Peterson!

Peterson: Ah, hell. Aight yo’s and ho’s here be ya cheatin’ as trifling bitch ass winna’s Gabrielle Madison Montgomery, an’ dat big foo’ da ‘Monsta’ Dreddlocks!

Vinegar: There it is folks. And we’re out of time. Join us next week for more Sentinel!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 19/04/09 Credits

Katie vs Chen

A-Kis

JK vs Sean Cyanide
DJS

Headshots
Moss

A-Kis vs Osiris
Moss

Dirge and Nyx
Dirge

Moss & Ghost vs The Covenant
T-Rob

Tobias vs Ezekiel
Moss

Main Event
BoolZ

Editor
T-Rob[/center]