Sentinel 26/04/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

The show opens up and we are treated to a demented, insane clip of Japanese Heavy metallers Maximum The Hormone performing their theme tune to ‘No Holds Barred : Rising Sun’ “Whats Up people” at a frenetic pace. After around a minute of Japanese screaming and riffing, we are greeted by the face of one Nicholas Vinegar, looking slightly perplexed.

Vinegar: Welcome to Sentinel Ladies and Gentlemen, and we are just two weeks away from GIW being Big in Japan! And that was Maximum The Hormone performing the official No Holds Barred theme tune, check it out in all available record stores...

Hanson: It’s a shame it sucks...

Vinegar: And on what do you base that judgement on?

Hanson: the fact that it sucks! They’re not even singing in English, that’s not music it’s noise. Why should they have the privilege of having the official song when they can’t even be bothered to speak our language? It’s just laziness and we’re condoning it!

Vinegar: I think it’s quite an apt choice for GIW’s first Japanese adventure. It’s a familiar style, but highlights the differences in our cultures...

Hanson: Crap! Those guys just want to be a Japanese version of System of a Down, not an original bone in their body, and that iosn’t what GIW is all about, we are a hotbed of creativity and uniqueness..

Vinegar: And that’s a good thing...think about it, Aesc the Dark, Andy Savana, Killswitch, Marlo the Uber Jobber...are these things really something to be proud off...

Hanson: For every Aesc there is a Chief Nigga...

Vinegar: If only that were true...but anyway, the song has been chosen and there is no going back, what do you propose we do...

Hanson: Well seeing as you ask, now may be the right time to introduce a new segment I just thought up...

Vinegar: And that would be?

Hanson: The D-Mans Unofficial PPV Song of the Month!

Vinegar: You do know we don’t hold PPV’s monthly anymore...

Hanson: Shut Up! What I do know is the fans are going to want to see my unofficial choice for the No Holds Barred theme...

Vinegar: So basically we are delving into the sick depths of Daniel Hanson’s mind...

Hanson: Not quite...the depths of my laptop, the tech guys hooked me up, so now I can show the world the pure fried gold I was sent by a Japanese fan of GIW...

Vinegar: I dread to think...

Hanson: His name is Ken Kunihiro, and you best remember that name, because the man is an undiscovered musical genius, and I, Daniel Hanson, am going to be the man to discover him for millions of people...AND he bothered to try and learn English...

Vinegar: I think we’re going to regret this.

Hanson: Yo Momma regrets birthing you! Mr Kunihiro devoted his vast genius into recording a specially made theme tune for No Holds Barred, not just let us use some random track off his latest album, no, no, unlike Marlo the Hardcore or whatever their names were, Ken Kunihiro wrote ’Inverti In Darkness’ especially for GIW’s trip to Japan...and now it’s time for the TV World Premiere...trust me, you won’t regret it...



As the video begins to play we get split screen vision and see Daniel hanson and Nicholas Vinegar’s reactions. Vinegar’s jaw has dropped a few inches and he stares at the GlobatTron with a mixed look of horror and confusion.

Daniel Hanson, on the other hand, is loving every minute of it. Dancing with his hands, each index finger pointing upwards as he shakes them and wags them in rhythm to the music, and sings along...

Hanson: TOO MUCH BWUD! TOO MUCH BWUD! TOO MUCH BWUD!

Vinegar: Oh Dear lord....

The video continues to play, and Vinegar’s head slowly falls into his hands, and Daniel Hanson’s smile grows increasingly larger...

Hanson: I WASHY MY HANDS, OBER AND OBER! OBER AND OBER! I WASHY MY HANDS!

Vinegar’s hands give up supporting his head and his skull thuds into the commentary booth desk. At this point Daniel hanson rises from his chair, throwing the horns in both hands and getting really into the music.

Hanson: PWISON AIN’T SHIT! PWISON AIN’T SHIT! SHE SAID THE MOMENT SHE WAS BORN, ALWAYS, PWISON AIN’T SHIT! PWISON AIN’T SHIT!

As the song nears its climax, and Hanson continues to rock out like a motherfunker, Vinegar raises his ehad from the desk, removes his glasses and rubs his eyes before opening them wide and looking up at his Commentary partner...

Hanson: TOO MUCH BWUD, TOOOO MUCH BWUUUUUD! IN MY BATHAWOOOOOOM! TOO MUCH BWUUD! TOOOO MUCH BWUUUUUUUD!! AAAARWEEEEURGHHH!!!

As the song closes to the end Daniel is doubled over, screaming along in a look of pain and discomfort, whilst rocking backwards and forwards. The very moment it stops Daniel calmly sits down, smoothes his hair back and looks at the face of Nicholas Vinegar which is frozen in horror.

Hanson: And to top it all off, he’s clearly trying to tell a story...

Vinegar: I honestly have no idea what to say to that...

Hanson: I know, I was speechless the first time I saw and heard it, but that’s the effect genius has on us mere mortals...

Vinegar: ...

Hanson: See?

‘NIGGA HOL’ DAT!’

Hanson: Oh god what does he want, if that Oily overgrown Duck isn’t coming out here to announce Ken Kunihiro’s ‘Inverti in Darkness’ as the new No Holds Barred theme tune, I don’t care.

Boss P arrives on stage with a waddle, cigar placed firmly in his beak, and fires his Tommy Gun into the air...

Boss P: DAT’S RIGHT YO BITCHES GET DA PLEASURE OF SOME BOSS P TIME, YO IS ALL LUCKY NIGLETS HUH? FIRSTLY WHAT DA FUCK WAS ‘DAT SHIT I WAS HEARING ON MY WAY DOWN HERE, SOUNDED LIKE SOME FUCKED UP SHIT, WAS DAT AUSSIE’S UNDERAGE NIGLET GIRL SINGING AGAIN? SHIAT, WE AIN’T ABOUT BUILDING CAREERS FOR SKANKS WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE NO RUBBER...

BUT I IS OUT HERE TO PROCLAIM SOME MUCH BIGGER SHIT DAN ANYTHING TO DO WITH ‘DOSE NIGGA’S FROM DOWN UNDER, WHERE WOMEN GLOW AND MEN PLUNDER, WHERE DA BEER FLOWS AND DA MEN CHUNDER! SEEING AS WE ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM GIW’S BIGGEST PPV OF 2009 TO DATE, I THOUGHT YO BITCHES DESERVED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT DA MATCHES YO WILL ALL BE SEEING.

NOW DIS CIGAR SMOKING, TOMMY GUN WIELDING, BADASS SON OF A NIGGA AIN’T GOT TIME TO RUN THROUGH DA WHOLE CARD FOR ALL YO NEEDY BITCHES, SO YO JUST GONNA HAVE TO CHECK DA WEBSITE FOR UPDATES ON ALL DA MATCHES, BUT I AM GONNA TELL YOU HOW DAT LANKY STONER HIPPY NIGGA IS GONNA LOSE DAT TITLE OF HIS.

SINCE DAT FINE ASS HO BITCH SAID SHE WANTED DA DIAMOND NIGGA’S SHOT, DIS BADASS BIRD HAS BEEN WODNERING HOW TO EVEN DA FIELD. IT’S NOT RIGHT SOME BITCH FIGHTING A FULL GROWN MAN, SHIT GONNA GET NASTY, AND BOSS P GONNA GET ‘DA BLAME. SO I THOUGHT WHAT BETTER WAY TO EVEN THE FIELD THAN MAKE SURE BOTH DA NIGGA’S ARE ALMOST DEAD WITHIN MINUTES OF DA BELL, THEN IT JUST BE ABOUT WHO BLEED’S OUT QUICKEST...AND AS FAR AS I KNOW NEITHER GENDER HOLDS DA ADVANTAGE .

SO AT DA TOKYO DOME, ON MAY 10TH, DA UNIFIED GLOBAL CHAMPIONSHIP WILL BE CONTESTED BETWEEN HIPPY NIGGA AND HORNY RUG MUNCHING NIGGERINA IN A;

BARBED WIRE ROPE, EXPLODING C4 TURNBUCKLES, LIGHTTUBE, THUMB TACK, VARIOUS BLUNT OBJECTS, TIME BOMB DEATHMATCH OF DOOM!

AND DAT’S DA BOSS’ WORD! NOW GET ON WID DA SHOW BITCHES, I GOTTA WATCH ‘NIGGA SAY WHO?’!

And with that Boss P fires off another round of ammunition into the rafters and turns and leaves the stage.

Hanson: How does he shout so much with a cigar in his beak?

Vinegar: That’s[/b] what you’re focused on? Did you not here No Holds Barred’s main event, it’s some vile concoction, and it’ll probably kill your buddy Travis...

Hanson: it’ll be fine, T-Rob can handle it...

Vinegar: I heard the words C4 in there...they’re gonna use explosives!

Hanson: Stop your stressing...wait a minute...

Vinegar: Here it comes...

Hanson: No Holds Barred is when Gabby is fighting Travis right?

Vinegar: It is indeed, and both of them will be lucky to come out with just minor disfiguration...

Hanson: Shit! Some Nigga is gonna die! And I can’t choose which one I’d rather it would be...

Vinegar: Well you have two weeks to weigh up your options...

Hanson: Well, I guess if Gabby does perish it leaves the road open for Chinatsu to become my bride...plus a dead Gabby might not put up as much resista...

Vinegar: Stop right there! Are you trying to get us thrown of the airwaves, and anyway, we have a match to recap, you can spout as much obscene, disgusting, worrying filth as you like then, as few people will hear it.

Hanson: in which case I’d...

[At this point the commentary team fades away, and the recap begins. Osiris is the first to emerge from backstage with Mitchell Dennis elongating as many letters as he possibly can. Osiris looks confident after his debut victory over former two time Global Champion Alex Kiseragi last month. When he enters the ring, his opponents music begins to play.

And GIW’s second superstar named after an Egyptian god, Serapis emerges from under the GlobaTron for the first time in his career. The fans give both men mixed reactions, despite Dennis’ valiant attempts to get them worked up, but GIW fans are notorious for taking their time in making their minds up.

When both men are in the ring and the match gets underway Osiris takes the upper hand, taking the fight to Serapis with a Big Boot, a running Thrust kick and finally a falcon arrow before attempting an early pin, which the newcomer kicks out of just after the two count. Osiris attempts to drag him to his feet only for Serapis to take him by surprise with a drop toe hold that shifts to momentum in the debutants favour.

Serapis controls the match with some technically sound manoeuvres including some float overs, various leg and arm locks, and finally builds up to some more impact moves hitting Osiris with a Tiger Driver before going for the pin, which Osiris kicks out of on two. Serapis does not lose the momentum though, and manages to hit a Jumping Somersault Senton on Osiris after taking him to the ground once more with a Enziguri.

After another kickout on two, Osiris manages to turn the match in his favour when Serapis attempts a Huricanrana, which Osiris reverses into a Crucifix Powerbomb, for his own two count. Osiris then goes on a somewhat of a brutal rampage culimating in a reverse death valley driver, and yet another pin, and yet another two count.

Osiris seems to be slightly perturbed by Serapis’ resilience and he whips him into the turnbuckle, and then charges at him full throttle, only for Serapis to leap up onto the top rope, and extend both legs into OPsiris’ face, sending him down to the canvas, Serapis then turns round and executes a remarkably fluent Shooting Star Press...and makes the cover, and finally getting a three count.]

Dennis: And here is your winner, SEEEERAAAAAAAAPIIIIIIIS!!!

[BBoth men rise to their feet after the hard fought battle, and just stand dead centre in the ring, staring into one another’s eyes, neither blinking, neither backing down, as we hear the dulcet sounds of Daniel Hanson fade back into consciousness just before we break to commercial]

Hanson:...and then I’d remove the gerbil covered in peanut butter, lick the Monopoly Peaces clean and cover her back up.

Vinegar: *Vomits*

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

“I Turn My Camera On” plays over the arena, and eyes turn towards the entry way expectantly. After a brief wait, Moss Edwards steps out on to the ramp, followed by Grace Harding.

Hanson: Hey, Egghead forgot to put his belt on this morning!

Vinegar: True, we don’t usually see The Auteur in the arena without the GIW.Com Belt. He’s very proud of it.

Hanson: You mean he’s an egomaniac desperately grasping at the one thing that makes him memorable.

Vinegar: Speaking of which, are you wearing a TRLAOCIAFSOS t-shirt? I didn’t think we sold those.

Hanson: WE don’t….hansontrain.com

Moss: Target demographic, I have a GIW.Com Title Match later this evening, but tonight is not about the belt. Tonight is about No Holds Barred: Rising Sun. A brutal, disgusting display of violence on the other side of the world. That night won’t be about the title either. It won’t even be about revenge. That night will be about justice. And standing up to the Covenant.

But I am not the only person who will be targeted by the Dope Show. Two more people get a chance to take those inglorious bastards down a peg in Tokyo, and they are my guests here tonight, on Head Shots!

A brand new Head Shots title video plays on the Globaltron.

Moss: So now, please help me welcome the Covenant’s opponents at NHB:RS, and more importantly the Global Tag Team Champions, HIROSHIMA!

("We're gonna fight" by 7 Seconds hits the PA, and there are the tag champions, Chinatsu with her belt slung over her shoulder and highfiving fans whom she can reach. Aragato, grim-faced, adorned in his harness of kendo sticks and dragging that title along the ground. From behind them comes Crimson Ghost, hands in his pockets, trying to, not soak in any applause. Of course, until Chinatsu points at him in a big showy fashion and pretty much causes the audience to explode into applause for GiW's lovable nutjob. They enter the ring without incident, and Chinatsu shakes hands with Moss, bowing her head as she does so. Moss grins and half-bows himself, Grace...not. Moss turns and shakes hands with Crimson Ghost, before turning and extending a hand to Aragato. After 5 minutes of wathing Aragato pacing around and ignoring him as the music fades, Moss simply shrugs and brings the mic to his lips...)

Hanson: What’s Mr. Skullhead doing here?

Vinegar: The Crimson Ghost is supporting his young charge, Chinatsu Chen, and don’t forget he partnered up with Moss against the Covenant himself just one week ago.

Moss: Welcome, welcome. I’m guessing that you two will be doing most of the talking this evening?

Crimson Ghost: Does a bear sh-

Chinatsu: AHHHH, remember we're live, Ghost...err, Crimson Ghost, sorry.

CG: It's cool.

Chinatsu: But anyway, Mr. Edwards, yes, we will be handling most of the questions. Aragato as an athlete is beyond superb, but he's decidedly not interview-friendly. So, yeah, we should be able to handle anything you throw.

Moss: Very well. I’m sure you must be sick of this question, but how has it felt being thrust into your new position as a tag team competitor?

Chen: I'm not at all sick of this question, Mr. Edwards...if I got sick of placating the curiousity of the people who make GiW possible, this would not be the ideal line of work for me. But, to answer the question, at times it's a little nerve-wracking, but I'm not exactly a stranger to gold. While comparing the prestige of the Women's Title to that of the Tag Titles is akin to comparing "apples to oranges", the pressure to compete and win is the same, and I can promise it won't perfect my performance come No Holds Barred.

(Chen nods matter of factly. Moss smirks and thinks a moment, before turning to the skeletal Luchadore.)

Moss: And you, sir, you must of course be very proud of all that your charge has accomplished.

CG: Yepperino! It wasn't that long ago that she was scrapping over in Japan, for a cheap pop but not much prestige, and now look at her! One half of the world's finest Tag Team Champions!

Moss: But at No Holds Barred, you will be in a match with two truly twisted individuals. How do you go about preparing for such an event?

Chen: I can't reveal much on that one, Mr. Edwards, other then that we'll be training to give them hell, and we'll be preparing to win!

(The way she says this causes the audience to pop. Moss waits until it dies down, then turns to Ghost.)

Moss: And what do YOU have planned for the evening in question?

CG: Ahh, order some pizza, get some Canadian brew, and enjoy a little Lifetime after Dark, if ya know what I mean! Ehh? EHHH?!

(Moss begin smirking and maybe blushing a little, Chinatsu rolls her eyes but grins, Grace remains as expressive as ever.)

Moss: Ahh, moving on!...One last question, now this may be shocking to hear, but I have never actually been to Tokyo. What can you guys tell me about wrestling in the land of the Deathmatch?

CG: Ohh, man oh man, it is superb! Crazy, weird looking turnpads as opposed to buckles, and just a totally different atmosphere...like, I've never jumped the gun and moved to brawling over there, and I've never been in or seen anything less then a superb matchup while over there. It's definitely in a leage of it's own!

Chinatsu: It's where I got my start, Mr. Edwards, it's where some of my most important matches, learning-wise, took place, and every time I go back there's just a real sense of competition-

The GlobalTron starts to flicker with images of the Covenant. Dirge, Raenius, and Chassie step out onto the entryway and stare daggers at their future opponents inside the ring.

Vinegar: The Covenant has their eyes on three title belts in Tokyo, but those are the people they’ll have to go through to get them!

Hanson: You make it sound like that will be a huge challenge. Have you seen these guys, they are, like, uber hardcore. I love Chen, and have grudging admiration for Moss’s secret plan of ruining all his own matches, but they are going to be red smears on the mat.

Vinegar: Don’t go anywhere folks, we’ll be right back for more Sentinel right after this.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

[The camera cuts back to the arena without making a break, and we see Sean Cyanide is already in the ring and Mitchell Dennis is announcing the arrival of his tag team partner for tonight, ‘The Cyclone’ JK?]

Hanson: Another recap...

Vinegar: Yeah, seems someone may have got the result to DJS a little late as it’s 30 minutes before show time and there’s still no sign of the match...

Hanson: Well that means I can continue with the second act of my tale from earlier...

Vinegar: It’s ok really...

Hanson: No I insist...

[The commentary fades once more as we see Dirge and Raenius appear on stage together, as the fans roundly boo them both. Neither man seems to care, tho’ thats always difficult to tell beneath Raenius’ mask. They both climb into the ring and face down Sean Cyanide and ‘The Cyclone’. It’d decided JK and Dirge will start this one off, but whilst climbing out of the ring Cyanide takes a nasty tumble through the ropes and knocks himself unconscious on the ring steps. JK looks over at his fallen partner and rolls his eyes before being struck by a vicious clothesline that almost rips his head off from Dirge.

The larger of the two then begins to pound away with various high impact moves, before JK summons the strength to reverse a power bomb attempt into a swinging DDT, that connects with full force. JK attempts to crawl to his corner but then realises his partner is still out cold on the canvas, threatening to choke on his own drool more than make a tag. Raenius on the other hand is facing no such troubles and tags Dirge out and makes his way into the ring.

JK channels the spirit of the underdog and makes a tremendous fightback, taking Raenius down with a drop toe hold, a favourite of these recaps, and continually hitting him with high speed offence including cartwheel dropkicks, a few suplexes and nearly gets a shock win when he hits a Senton Bomb on Raenius, but the man in the mask manages to kick out at two, and then turns the momentum back in the direction ofThe Covenant when he whips JK into the ropes, and then Dirge and Raenius start to double team JK.

Out of nowhere JK pulls off a double clothesline giving himself the chance to lunge at his corner, where shockingly Sean Cyanide has finally made it to his feet and is able to grasp the concepts of a tag. Cyanide then gets into the ring, only to be felled by the charging Raenius, who then proceeds to manhandle the so called ‘Mad Hatter of UltraViolence’. After a few minutes of this ‘The Cyclone’ has cleared his mind enough to realise this match is just a fiasco to him, and he owes Sean Cyanide absolutely nothing, so he raises his hands, and makes his way to the back, leaving Cyanide to the mercy of Dirge and Raenius.

And these two guys have a complete party at Cyanides expense, hitting him with including, but not limited to; a brainbuster, a chokelsam, a Torture Rack into a Sit out over the shoulder Backbreaker, a Cradle Pile Driver, a Rippersnapper, a Side walk slam, and finally a combination Powerbomb top rope legdrop. Taht secures the three count for The Covenant and a week off the card for Sean Cyanide, a man in serious risk of losing his place at No Holds Barred]

Dennis: Here are your winners, THE COOOOOOOVENAAAAAAANT!

Hanson: ...the raspberry preserve comes in handy for the acid burn...as long as you remember to apply it with three day old broccoli.

Vinegar: *vomits*

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: And we’re back! Just moments away from tonight’s GIW.com Title Match...

Hanson: That’s just awesome...

Vinegar: I’m glad you’re in such a positive mood for a change Daniel, seeing DJS and Moss Edwards lock up for the first time is something I am excited about too...

Hanson: What?...Oh god no! That’s not awesome...I just typed ‘Google Chuck Norris’ into Google and clicked the ‘Are you feeling lucky button’ and the results have possibly changed my life forever...

Vinegar: For god’s sake, can’t you focus on your job for any sustained amount of time, Dan?

Hanson: You won’t understand until you’ve done it....go on, borrow my lap top...

Vinegar: I certainly will not...for a start I’m not too sure what you get up to with it...

Hanson; Just do it for god’s sake...you won’t regret it....

Vinegar: If I do, will you stop going on about it?

Hanson: Possibly...

Vinegar: Fine! What is it I do again....

Hanson: Type ‘Google Chuck Norris’ into google...

Vinegar: Yeah...

Hanson: And press ‘I’m feeling lucky’...

Vinegar: OK...

Hanson: See?

Vinegar: Oh my god!I can’t believe I am about to say this, but you are right Dan....that IS awesome!

Hanson: I know, right?

Vinegar: But as awesome as it is I think out viewers would like us to carry on watching the show...

Hanson: I disagree, I think our viewers are all off googling Chuck Norris as we speak...

Vinegar: That’s a fairly good point, and we don’t want them to miss anything important....

Hanson: I suppose we could just get on with the entrances, does anyone really pay attention to them anymore?

Vinegar: I hope so, and we’ve got three for this match, with Chassie Fear Special Guest Refereeing...

Hanson: What are you talking about? She’s already in the ring, she came down during the break....even I noticed that and I was ‘Googling Chuck Norris’ at the time...

Vinegar: Indeed she is. During the break I was trying to organise notes for the rest of the show, in fact I was trying to have a conversation with yourself on how to best approach the rest of the show...but apparently you weren’t listening...

Hanson: I’m sure I’m not sensing an element of surprise in your voice...because that would just be dumb...

“Diamond in the Rough” starts to play across the arena.

Dennis: The next match is for the GIW.com Title, already in the ring is the Special Guest Referee for the match, Chassie Fear, and introducing first, the challenger, from New XZealand, he is....’DIAAAAAMOOOOND’ JAAAAACK SEVEEEERIIIINOOOOO!

Hanson: You know something I’m really disappointed about?

Vinegar: I’m not sure I really care, to be frankly honest with you Dan...

Hanson: Well I’mma tell you anyway, I’m disappointed ‘Diamond’ Jack doesn’t have a match as No Holds Barred.

Vinegar: Huh? You’re disappointed about a lack of Jack?

Hanson: Well yeah, No Holds Barred is gonna be brutal, if he was in a match there would be a good chance someone would eliminate him from Gabby’s life permanently....

Vinegar: Well maybe you should challenge him then? I’m pretty sure there are a lot of people who would want to see that...

Hanson: Yeah? And who’s gonna write that one d’ya think? We’ve already got more matches than writers for the PPV...

Vinegar: I’m sure someone could squeeze it into their hectic schedule...

Hanson: I couldn’t possibly impose myself on them the week of a PPV, no, it’s ok, I shall live without a match with Jack...

Vinegar: How thoughtful of you...

“I Turn My Camera On”

Dennis: And introducing his opponent, from Hollywood, California, he is the GIW.Com Champion, he is The Auteur, he is....MOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS EEEEEDWAAAARDSSSSSSS!!!

Vinegar: What do you think is going through Moss’ mind right now? Having Chassie across from him in that ring, but not as an opponent...

Hanson: He’s not worried about that, just about how he can cheat to another defence once again...

Vinegar: Oh come on! Recently that has all been the doing of Chassie...

Hanson: That’s just what he wants us to think, all happy coincidences that distract us from Moss’ true, cheating, personality....

Vinegar: You think Moss really wanted a tainted title reign?

Hanson: it’s a title reign isn’t it? It’s a lot more than most of the roster have had, and Moss will do anything he can to keep hold of that. Just look at his idea for the Rising Sun match...you have to be ruthless, and ever so slightly insane, to think up something like that...

Vinegar: Or you need to have been pushed into a corner by a group of deranged, psychotic individuals who have been focused on destroying your reputation and lifestyle...

Hanson: Exactly! And that hasn’t happened to Moss, so it must be the crazy, ruthless thing...

Vinegar: Next time you cross the street...don’t worry about looking both ways, just cross...I’m sure you’ll be fine...

Hanson: Huh?

Vinegar: Now both competitors are in the ring, and Chassie fear signals for the bell and this match is underway, DJS and the Auteur lock up, and Jack’s strength takes control as he forcefully pushes Moss backwards and onto his back.

Hanson: I’m sure Moss knows that trying to compete with ‘Diamond’ Jack on strength will not win him this match...cheating will...

Vinegar: Please...anyway Moss gets back to his feet and dodges a standing clothesline attempt from the ‘Diamond in the Rough’, ends up behind DJS, grabs his neck...Neckbreaker...

Hanson: moss springboards onto the middlerope...Lionsault...and the cover...

1..

Vinegar: Not a chance, Jack kicks out, and gets back to his feet at the same time Moss does, both men tie up again, Moss gaining the advantage now applying a wristlock to DJS, The Diamond one though does a forward roll and reverse the hold, and now it’s Moss who’s arm is being stretched...

Hanson: Diamond Jack pulls Moss into him...BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!

Vinegar: Moss flies across the ring, landing with a crash on the Canvas, as the Diamond One gets to his feet and walks over to Edwards, grabbing that shiny skull and pulling the Auteur to his feet...Powerslam, and Moss is back on the canvas, DJS drops a knee onto the face...

Hanson: But Moss manages to roll out from under The Diamond One at the last possible minute, causing DJS to connect with nothing but canvas...uh oh....he’;s down on one knee...Moss is running towards the ropes...who’s writing this match?

Vinegar: Who do you think?

Hanson: Here it comes...SHINING WIZ...Huh?

Vinegar: Moss does the unexpected and rather than produce the obvious, instead he uses DJS’ knee to leap over the Diamond One and continue running the ropes...

Hanson: jack looks confused but it has given him time to get to his feet...

Vinegar: As he turns Moss is already returning towards him...and slides under his legs, springing up behind Jack, who turns once more...

Hanson: And Moss leaps...HURRICANRANA!! Guess you shouldn’t hope for too much... And Moss holds the legs...

1...

2...

Vinegar: NO! DJS makes the kick out, and I must say Chassie fear has kept herself out of this match well so far tonight...

Hanson: Are you insinuating that a Mother would actually cheat? I’m sure she wouldn’t, what kind of example would that set to Hayleigh?

Vinegar: As opposed to socialising with masked alcoholics and schizophrenics?

Hanson: You see the worst in everyone don’t you Nick? Could you for once see the good in the right people, rather than defending the conniving deviants, like Moss, that crawl our halls?

Vinegar: Right now it doesn’t look like Moss needs much in the way of defence, as he’s piling on the offence to Diamond Jack, both men on their feet, but Jack stumbling backwards under a barrage of kicks and forearms from Moss Edwards, eventually jack reaches the ropes and has nowhere further to go...

Hanson: Out of nowhere the Diamond One dodges a forearms, ducks down and flips Moss over the top rope to the floor outside...

Vinegar: DJS turns as Moss gets to his feet...pulls on the ropes...and launches himself over...CROSSBODY TO THE OUTSIDE...THE AUTEUR CRUSHED UNDER DIAMOND JACKS VAST FRAME!

Hanson: I know how that feel’s...oh god...I’m having a flashback!!

Vinegar: Whilst my colleague starts to shiver like a Vietnam Veteran, Diamond Jack pulls himself to his feet, he seems to have taken a fair bit out of himself with that manoeuvre...aware of Chassie fear’s count, and the fact you can’t win a title by count out, he pulls Moss up and rolls him back in the ring and follows...

Hanson: His armpit covered my face....I can only thank god wrestlers wax...

Vinegar: Back in the ring, DJS climbs over Moss, only to receive a kick to his janglies for his efforts, knocking enough wind out of him for Moss to climb to his feet...and he’s framing Diamond Jack with his hands...we know what’s coming next...NO! Jack throws out his arm, and clutches Moss around the throat...RISE OF BRUTALITY!!! And the pin!



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Vinegar: It was only a matter of time, Moss gets his shoulder up after an incredibly slow count from Chassie Fear....and ‘Diamond’ Jack is incredulous....he cannot believe it, and now he’s pulled his attention from Moss, and is berating Chassie Fear, slapping his hands together to display the proper speed of count...

Hanson: Didn’t seem anything wrong with it to me, that seemed like the standard count length...

Vinegar: What would you know, you were fantasising about having Jack’s heaving body on top of you...

Hanson: Don’t you mock me! I went through a truly harrowing experience, and this company never gave me the psychological support in recovering from such a massive trauma...

Vinegar: Will you shut up! Jack Severino has every right to be livid at this turn of events, although I’m not so sure he should be so surprised, weren’t we all expecting this?

Hanson: I wasn’t.

Vinegar: Those of us living in the real world were, ‘Diamond’ Jack is refraining from laying a hand on Chassie, despite the fact it seem’s like she is challenging him to do so, I bet she’d love to DQ him...he steps right up in Chassie’s face as Moss finally gets to his feet...KICK TO THE MIDSECTION FROM CHASSIE...

Hanson: Where I didn’t see that, Jack’s just got stomach ache...

Vinegar: Moss sees jack doubled over...CUTTING ROOM!

1..
2..
3!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner, and STILL GIW.COM CHAMPIOOOON! MOOOOOOOOSS EEEEEDWARDS!

Vinegar: And the Dark Rose strikes again, I’m 100% positive Moss would have lost his title had The Dark Rose not been referee...actually I’m not, she’d have found a way of involving herself either way...

Hanson: I’m not sure what you’re talking about, there was nothing dubious about that match at all...

Vinegar: We have to go to a break, whilst I demand an inquest into this result stay tuned, as it’s The Dragon, Alex Kiseragi up against Chinatsu Chen...that one could get emotional...

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: There’s Osiris. What’s he doing?

Vinegar: Whatever he wants, it seems. I wouldn’t mess with him.

Hanson: What a creepy looking dude he is.

Vinegar: Like we don’t have a few of those already in GIW?

Hanson: I know, I sit next to one each week.

Vinegar: You son of a --

Raenius: You ever hear “It’s Hip To Be Square” by Huey Lewis and the News? Cause you look like the type of guy that really digs that shit.

Osiris turns to GIW’s Resident Evil.

Osiris: Raenius, right? What the fuck do you want?

Raenius: Hmm… y’know… I’m not sure anymore? A beer would be nice. A couple of scantily clad slags grindin’ their junk against my shaft. To see Klaus fall down and hit his head. That’s always a good one.

Osiris: …How poetic. If you don’t mind, freak, I’m busy. Got contracts to sign and --

Raenius: Yes, yes, I’m sure we’re all very busy and important people. I love how newbies waltz in and pretend to own a place…

Vinegar: Uh oh… this could get ugly.

Hanson: Saying that these two are ugly is like saying that shit smells bad. Understatement of the year, my friend.

Osiris: Ya know something, you filthy drunkard you, I’ve seen how you treat people. I’ve seen how you treat your wife, your snot-nosed kid. If you think for one second I’m going to simply bow down in front of the almighty Raenius like your puppet Chassie Fear does, you’re sadly mistaken. I’ve got my own agenda here and it has very little to do with YOU.

Vinegar: Strong words from Osiris but…

Hanson: He’s not done.

Osiris: But if you feel froggy, boy-o, talk to that bum-hug boss we’ve got and put us together for my next match. I’ll have no problem putting your own foot in your mouth.

Raenius: Heh, always so easy. Just once I’d like to be surprised by one of you pigfuckers. But I suppose that’s like trying to hit the moon with a snowball.

Vinegar: Will Boss P make that match next week?

Hanson: Will that matter to anyone?

As Raenius walks away, he begins to sing to himself.

Raenius: “mmm-bop, a dippy-da-ba-doo-wa…”

Hanson: That son of a –

Vinegar: Folks I’d like to switch gears here for a minute.

Hanson: I thought you only had one gear… slow.

Vinegar: Well you’re wrong. Folks Alex Kiseragi is seldom outgoing or jovial, but this week in particular he has seemed more withdrawn and solemn.

Hanson: Oh, crap how did I know this ‘switching gears’ was going to include you coming out of the closet.

Vinegar: Really? I would have thought you of all people would have a uniquely, for you, sensitivity for the matter.

Hanson: You know what. You’re right, maybe I do have a unique perspective. After all Dredd’s got a well documented laundry list of injuries from the ring. Boolzian and Kiseragi both took a three story plunge on live television. BoolZ hasn’t wrestled since. Travis Roberts had his arm broken, and still defended his title. And me. I had my fucking neck broken by a god damned retard who couldn’t figure out how to perform at simple drop kick. How many people have you ever heard willingly, lovingly, cravingly step in that ring only to get hurt, and then bitch or whine about it?

Vinegar: Well…

Hanson: No. ‘Well’ nothing. None, that’s your answer. Listen the GIW’s been in hot water over what we do, it’s a shame that pretty little thing got hurt, but that’s life. Every single person who’s ever sought out a life in that ring either knew, or should have known, what they were getting themselves into. If poor little Katie Piper thought it’d be all fun and games, she’d prance around with her boyfriend, sign some autographs, and become a millionaire than she’s dumber than I thought. And Alex Kiseragi is solely responsible for what happened.

Vinegar: What?

Hanson: Listen he had two choices when Katie told him she wanted in the ring. Kick her ass right there and then for making the worse decision of her life, or help her prepare to accept what her opponents were going to do to her. Could you imagine if her first opponent would have been Dredd or Aragato or Komosube or Hastings?

Vinegar: I can’t believe you.

Hanson: Believe it!

Vinegar: Well, uh, well…

Hanson: Send it to Mitchell.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first standing five foot even, weighting in at 123 pounds, she is the Oriental Firecracker, this is Chinatsu Chen!

‘Warrior’s Code’ by Dropkick Murphys begins and as the bagpipes fill the arena the fans immediately stand to cheer Chen. Chinatsu bops out from behind the curtain with an ear to ear smile and holding up the ‘V’ sign as she makes her way to the ring before sliding in under the bottom rope.

Hanson: That’s my girl!

Vinegar: And apparently these fans have…

Hanson: Don’t even say it you gooey pig fucker!

Vinegar: What would you have me do, Daniel? Just ignore what…

Hanson: I would have you do your job and call the match. That’s it.

Dennis: And her opponent standing six foot one inch, weighting in at 198 pounds, he is the Dragon, this is Alex Kiseragi!

‘Juno Reactor’ by Teahouse begins as the fans stay on their feet to cheer Kiseragi as he walks out from the back. He stands on the entrance ramp staring at the woman in the ring as his series of pyro begins to go off behind him. He makes a simply, deliberate, path to the ring. Tonight he climbs the ring steps, steps through the ropes, and peers at Chinatsu from the corner.

Vinegar: Like I said folks, seldom outgoing, but even more solemn.

Hanson: Yeah, probably lost knowing now the only female willing to be seen with him…

Vinegar: Oh, show some respect!

Hanson: What I was gonna say is on the shelf. Get your mind out of the gutter huh.

Vinegar: Owen Peterson calls for the bell and we’re underway.

Hanson: And Chinatsu being the honorable good natured woman she is give a very respectful bow to the Rainbow Dragon.

Vinegar: A notion I don’t think Kiseragi shares at this moment. Chinatsu looking for a tie up against the much larger AKis.

Hanson: Oh come on! Cheap shot by Kiseragi.

Vinegar: And we’re way underway as Kiseragi lets loose with a vicious series of kicks to the mid section and upper thighs of Chen. Chinatsu backs into the corner, Kiseragi follows keeping the pressure on, and unrelenting with those feet and now elbows with Chinatsu in the corner.

Hanson: C’mon Owen get him out of the corner!

Vinegar: Kiseragi has to the count of four, and it looks like he’s taking every bit of it.

Hanson: Finally Peterson steps between KisKis and Chen and backs Kiseragi away.

Vinegar: Chen though not hesitating comes out of that corner firing back with a series of strikes of her own.

Hanson: Damn right! That’s how you do it.

Vinegar: Alex trying to fend off Chinatsu’s come back barrage.

Hanson: It’s like a Bruce Lee movie in there. How am I supposed to call this action?

Vinegar: When do you ever call action?

Hanson: Good point. How are you supposed to call this exchange.

Vinegar: Never mind, I think we rambled long enough. Alex Kiseragi ends the back and forth with a low stiff kick to the inside of Chinatsu’s left knee, and then sweeps her right leg out from under her.

Hanson: Jezz, he just tried to stomp a whole through little Chinatsu!

Vinegar: Chen avoided contact, but she looks more than a little concerned as she gets back to her feet. I don’t think she expected a tactic like that from Kiseragi.

Hanson: Yeah, maybe Alex should have taken the week off if he intended to come out here, and throw his little temper tantrum.

Vinegar: Wait, I thought you said…

Hanson: Completely different. It’s one thing to know what could happen, it’s quite another to know what you’re opponent seemingly wants to happen. I mean c’mon so far in this wrestling match it’s been nothing but Alex trying to kick Chinatsu’s head off her shoulders.

Vinegar: Well it looks like they’re about ready to start back up, Alex with a round house kick, Chen rolls under his leg, up, hard kick to the back of Kiseragi’s planted leg.

Hanson: ‘Cunning like a Fox’, that’s my girl, stay in it!

Vinegar: Chen to the ropes, shining wizard!

Hanson: Yeah!

Vinegar: Alex back up, Chen blocks off a series of strikes, and lands her own judo flip!

Hanson: Oh, ‘Confused Us’ say rainbow no work when cry.

Vinegar: Kiseragi back up, and down with that inverted hurricanrana from Chen!

Hanson: See, you gotta keep a level head in that ring.

Vinegar: Alex fighting back to his feet, ducks under a jumping calf kick from Chinatsu, arm wringer by the Dragon, OH and a thunderous straight kick into her rib cage sends Chen to a knee!

Hanson: Yeah, hard task I’m sure. He’s only a foot taller and 75 pounds heavier and kinda fighting dirty.

Vinegar: I don’t think he’s necessarily fighting dirty?

Hanson: I don’t give a rats ass what you think. Listen to these fans.

Vinegar: You care about what they think?

Hanson: Only when they agree with me.

Vinegar: And Kiseragi continues his assault while keeping Chen tied up with that arm wringer. Her side has got to be killing her after those three or four tremendous kicks. Alex putting everything he’s got into that force!

Hanson: You’d think a man that used to preach so much about honor might, you know, let that poor little girl stand up and wrestle a clean match.

Vinegar: Oh, and he ends it with a brutal round house kick to Chen’s face!

Hanson: I’m just saying principals are real easy to have if you only listen to that voice when convenient.

Vinegar: Kiseragi pulling Chen back to her feet, irish whip to the corner…

Hanson: Reversed!

Vinegar: Chen following Kiseragi into the corner, Alex leap frogs up and over Chinatsu, Alex behind Chen…

Hanson: He’s got the hair!

Vinegar: And pulls Chinatsu backwards to the mat.

Hanson: Did you see her head bounce off that mat! This match needs to end.

Vinegar: And Alex now taking the opportunity to drop a heavy knee to Chinatsu’s face!

Hanson: Chen rolling to the outside as finally Peterson does his job and admonishes KisKis for his conduct.

Vinegar: Kiseragi ignoring Peterson, and follows Chen to the outside.

Hanson: Chinatsu not wasting time, because she can’t, sweeps the legs as Alex was landing on the mat.

Vinegar: Kiseragi back up, lets loose with another hard kick…

Hanson: Chen hits the dirt, drop toe hold, and KiserWomenBeater hits the ring steps!

Vinegar: And hit hard! I think he’s been busted open!

Hanson: Good maybe that’ll knock some sense into him. I mean look even with her opponent clearly trying to hurt her the Oriental Firecracker listens to her own ethical voice and rolls back into the ring.

Vinegar: Alex kicking the steps after standing up, yup he’s busted open just over that left eye and bad, follows her into the ring.

Hanson: Muay Thia clench, and now Chen is unloading with those knees.

Vinegar: Desperation maybe, but the Dragon somehow pushes her back creating space, hard left hand to the mid section…

Hanson: I’d call it a Falcon Punch, but don’t want to support that butt pirate.

Vinegar: DRAGON TAIL!

Hanson: And Peterson down for the count.

Vinegar: Wait, Kiseragi’s not going for the cover!

Hanson: See, this is exactly what I’m talking about! He could have the match won, but instead I think he’s trying to hurt her rather than beat her!

Vinegar: Owen back up, and is asking what Alex is doing. Kiseragi paying him no attention, Chen struggling to her feet YARI KICK!

Hanson: And my Chinatsu just crumpled into that corner. Now, make the cover you son of a bitch.

Vinegar: NO, he’s back up! Kiseragi pulling a limp Chinatsu to her feet, and propping her up in the corner. What the hell?

Hanson: That bastard’s going for another Yari Kick.

Vinegar: And these fans explode as Crimson Ghost comes sprinting out from the back!

Hanson: About damn time! What is that a chain?

Vinegar: And a second Yari Kick! Kiseragi sees Crimson Ghost, and finally goes for the cover.

Peterson: ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!

Hanson: Ha after all that, he still needs a PSFC!

Vinegar: Ghost in the ring, and takes a swing with that massive chain as Alex slides to the outside and escapes up the ramp.

Hanson: Coward.

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen your winner Alex Kiseragi.

Hanson: I think I’m going to go check on Chinatsu too.

Vinegar: Wait, what’s a PSFC?

Hanson: Peterson Sucks Fast Count.

Vinegar: Folks my broadcast partner has just entered the ring and he and Crimson Ghost are checking on Chinatsu Chen. I don’t know what to say about what we just saw. That certainly wasn’t the Alex Kiseragi we’ve seen capture the Global title on two occasions or fight for the honor of his father. I can only hope that Alex’s actions tonight are the result of a grief ridden heart, and not some sadistic revenge motivated darkened soul.

And listen to these fans as the Crimson Ghost and Daniel Hanson help Chinatsu Chen walk from the ring!

Folks the main event is next, and hopefully my partner will make it back in time.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Well it’s time for tonight’s main event action, a 6 man…

Hanson: Person.

Vinegar: Thank you. A 6 person tag match which will see the competitors from our biggest matches at No Holds Barred: Rising Sun battle it out.

Hanson: Hey, practically everyone’s already out here.

Vinegar: Yeah, they came out while you were in the bathroom during the commercials.

Hanson: Don’t the people at home usually like to see those bits?

Vinegar: I doubt anyone’s all that bothered. If anything they’d have gotten bored by the sixth one.

Hanson: True, and if they didn’t who cares, we’re running this joint.

Vinegar: Not really but what the hey.

Hanson: I’m only counting five though.

Vinegar: Unsurprisingly our Unified Global Champion is holding up proceedings by refusing to enter without the knowledge he is being seen by millions of people doing so.

Hanson: That’s our champ.

Bummer starts to play to a chorus of boo’s which, strangely, seem to have an effect on the Champion, albeit a minor one. He starts to make his way down to the ring in a more subdued manner then usual.

Dennis: And finally, from Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 220lbs. He is the GIW Unified Global Champioooooon! Travis Robeeeeeeeerts!!!

Travis climbs into the ring, takes off his jacket and passes the belt to Old Man Hermit before climbing out onto the apron where he is soon joined by Donovan Hastings and Ezekiel. In the opposite corner Gabrielle, Dredd and Tobias also form up.

Vinegar: Well it seems we’re ready to go and we’re going to be starting this one off with Gabrielle and Ezekiel.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: There’s the bell and Ezekiel launches into action with a lighting fast running elbow that’s knocked Gabrielle down.

Hanson: No not in the face.

Vinegar: That attack seemed to catch the number 1 contender off guard and Ezekiel taking advantage. Dragon Screw to Gabrielle as she gets to her feet followed up by an elbow to the inside of the leg.

Hanson: Oh yeah, because he’s not even slightly trying to rub himself on Gabby’s thigh.

Vinegar: Some people do things for reasons that aren’t creepy and borderline illegal Dan, I wouldn’t expect you to understand though. Ezekiel dragging Gabrielle back up and hits her with a shin breaker. Seemingly going straight for the legs.

Hanson: Well yeah, by hurting Gabrielle’s legs Ezekiel is neutralising the only person who could possibly match his speed.

Vinegar: Will you shut up about- hey, wait, that was right. It freaks me out when you do that.

Hanson: Just like you Momma freaks out when I do her, oooh yeah!

Vinegar: Dammit. Ezekiel’s got Gabrielle by the foot and hoists her leg up, driving that knee into the mat.

Hanson: I should probably go kiss that better.

Vinegar: I wouldn’t advise it right now. That looks like Jack Severino headed down to ringside as Ezekiel makes the tag to Donovan Hastings.

Hanson: Maybe I’ll stay here.

Vinegar: Good call. Hastings with an Irish whip and a textbook hip toss. He just took Dredd off the apron with a back elbow smash and the Monster doesn’t look happy about it.

Hanson: Who would be exactly?

Vinegar: That’s not the point. Dredd trying to retaliate but Glenn Burke forcing him back to his corner allowing Travis to grab Gabrielle and Hastings opening up with those knife edge chops across the chest.

Hanson: Hey is Jack heading this way?

Vinegar: Travis lets go as the referee turns around and seemingly saves himself from being attacked by the Diamond in the Rough who instead seems to be headed towards us at the announce table.

Hanson: Oh this won’t end well.

Vinegar: The Lord of Pain dragging Gabrielle back the middle of the ring. Scoop slam attempt is countered and Gabrielle nails an Enziguri.

Severino: Mind if I take a seat?

Hanson: Actually we do don’t we Nick.

Vinegar: Not at all, pull up a seat.

Hanson: I’d be fine with it but Nick doesn’t like people encroaching on his job.

Vinegar: I’m ok with it.

Hanson: So you should probably go back to the back.

Vinegar: Here, have a headset.

Severino: Thanks.

Diamond Jack puts on the headset and sits down between the regular announcers, much to Hanson’s annoyance.

Vinegar: Gabrielle’s made the tag to Dredd who’s been landing clubbing blows to the back of Donovan Hastings. Now a great gorilla press by the Monster.

Severino: That’s an impressive display of strength for sure, Hastings isn’t a little guy.

Vinegar: He’s certainly not. The Immortal manages to scramble down though and shoulder tackles Dredd back into his own corner. Tobias blind tags himself in, Hastings hasn’t noticed and finds himself back belly suplex out of the corner.

Hanson: Oh enough of this, tag Gabby back in so we can see some more or her-

Severino: More of her what?

Hanson: Uh, technical wrestling ability.

Vinegar: Smooth cover. Tobias follows up with a big elbow drop across the Immortal’s sternum, and a second.
Hanson: At least he didn’t drag junky Boolzian down here this week.

Vinegar: Hastings scrambles away as Tobias puts the boots in.

Hanson: DHLAOCIFSOS.

Vinegar: What? Don’t you mean TRLAOCIFSOS?

Hanson: Why would I mean that when it’s The Lord Chief?

Vinegar: I thought your second man crush had a different acronym for when he’s losing.

Hanson: I forgot it.

Vinegar: Idiot. Tobias beckoning Hastings to get back into the ring, the Lord of Pain eventually does so but walks straight into a clothesline from Erndhart. The youngster drags Hastings back up into the corner and climbs up to the second rope. Raining down closed fist shots to the forehead.

Hanson: Hey that reminds me of when I gave My Ga-

Severino: The end of that word better not be bby.

Hanson: Gandalf figurine a polishing.

Vinegar: You have a Gandalf figurine you polish?

Hanson: Uh, sure, of course I do. Heh.

Vinegar: Donovan with a rake to the eyes and an STO to the blinded Erndhart. Both men are down. They’re each heading back to their corners.

Hanson: Tobias tags in Gabrielle. The Lord Chief tags in The Blessed One.

Vinegar: Here we go. Gabrielle and Travis storming in, exchanging blows in the centre of the ring.

Hanson: I’d exchange a blow from-

Severino: *cough*

Hanson: Dammit I keep forgetting you’re here.

Vinegar: While we’ve got you here Jack, I have to ask what you’re views are on that ridiculous Deathmatch Boss P announced Gabrielle will be in at No Holds Barred.
Severino: It may sound bad but the stipulation really doesn’t matter. Gabrielle’s proven time and again that she’s a contender and whatever happens she’s going to walk away our new Unified Champion.

Vinegar: Confident words but right now Travis Roberts is getting the better of her, driving her back to the ropes. Irish whip and big boot on the rebound. First cover of the match.

1!

Hanson: Easy kick out by Gabby.

Vinegar: Travis picking Gabrielle back up and dropping her with a backbreaker across the knee. Now this we don’t see often, Travis heading to the top rope.

Hanson: Don’t sound surprised. The Blessed One can hit you with anything from anywhere, you should know that by now.

Vinegar: Diving elbow drop gets nothing but canvas as Gabrielle rolls away. Both back to their feet and the Diamond Princess hit’s the GaBuster.

Severino: That’s my girl.

Hanson: *grumble*

Vinegar: Dredd with the blind tag as Gabrielle gets in reach and the Monster takes over. I think Gabrielle says she wanted to stay in this one but Burke’s telling her a tag is a tag.

Severino & Hanson: Bullshit.

Vinegar: Dredd with a big shoulder block as The Headliner tries to get to his feet. Followed up in the mat with those mounted punches.

Hanson: Closed fist! What’s wrong with Burke today?

Vinegar: Nothing, he’s telling Dredd to step back and open up the hand. I doubt Dredd’s going to listen to him though.

Hanson: Ha, that’s all the Blessed One needed, drop toe hold, float over and the Twisted Tourniquet locked in on that notoriously bad arm of Dredd’s.

Vinegar: This one could be over right here. No Tobias in to break up the hold. Woah, Ezekiel just came off the top rope and knocked The Path down with a High Beam.

Hanson: Gabrielle’s up on the top rope too. Diving hurricanrana to the Headliner what, a-uh-

Severino: What the?

Vinegar: He’s conflicted again. It’s been happening a lot recently. That move sent Travis spilling out to the arena floor though. Dredd’s rolled out of the ring after him and the two of them brawling on the outside. All order has broken down here.

Severino: Gotta go.

Jack takes off the headset and prowls around ringside, watching Gabrielle’s back but trying not to get her disqualified.

Hanson: Well thank God he’s gone.

Vinegar: I dunno, I enjoyed the look on your face the whole time you though he was going to crush your skull.

Hanson: I could take him.

Vinegar: Sure you could, just like last time.

Hanson: He caught me by surprise!

Vinegar: Donovan Hastings is back in this one and clotheslines Gabrielle over the top rope to the floor.

Hanson: Zeke boy’s following up with some elbow strikes to MJ’s project. I think he just spotted the situation forming at ringside though. That oaf is touching my Gabby.

Vinegar: Ezekiel off running from the ropes. Suicide to the outside! Takes down Dredd, Gabrielle and Jack Severino.

Hanson: Oh if things couldn’t get worse, The STIcon is making his way down here too.

Vinegar: Randy Boolzian, conspicuous by his absence beside his, unorthodox protégé until now is heading into this maelstrom.

Hanson: The Lord Chief just hit Tobias with a Super Kick!

Vinegar: Are we still doing this? Yes, he stuck his thumb in his eye and follows it up with a DDT.

Hanson: Travis taking it to Dredd on the outside, throwing him shoulder first into the crowd barriers.
Vinegar: In the ring Hastings setting up Erndhart on the top rope. Could be Inevitability here.

Hanson: What? Get that freak off the apron!

Vinegar: Boolz distracting the Lord of Pain as he tries to set up his finisher. Donovan going to strike the Red Bull Icon who drops out of the way.

Hanson: Travis with a pulling piledriver in the outside! Dredd is out!

Vinegar: Boolz’s distraction seems to have been enough for Tobias. Hastings turns into a hard boot to the gut! He’s got him up! Cataclysm! Cover, hooks the leg.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here are your winners, Tobias Erndhart, Gabrielle and The Monster Dredd!

Hanson: They sure don’t look like winners.

Vinegar: The ringside area is littered with bodies. Only Tobias and Travis are still standing. Boolz is making his way back up the ramp.

Hanson: Come on Travis! Kick his ass he just cost you the match!

Vinegar: I don’t think the Headliner’s too worried right now. But Tobias is soaking this one up.

Hanson: Not that anyone here seems to care.

Vinegar: Maybe not but he’s still got to be feeling good about that clean pin fall.

Hanson: That he only got with RBI’s distraction.

Vinegar: Oh this is really not worth the effort right now. That’s it for another week of GIW action. Tune in next week for the final stepping stone on the path to Japan!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 26/04/09 Credits

Hanson’s Unofficial Theme Tune / Boss P’s PPV Main Event Announcement / Osiris vs Serapis Recap
T-Rob

Headshots
Moss & Hiro

Tag Match Recap
T-Rob

GIW.com Title Match
T-Rob

Osiris/Raenius backstage
Osiris

A-Kis vs Chinatsu
BoolZ

Main Event
A-Kis

Editor
T-Rob