Sentinel 03/05/09 Results

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

We open with a scene of a horizon, the sun slowly rising lighting the sky orange and the ground below seemingly black. The view shimmers with the heat being generated. The deep gruff voiceover of every action film in memory speaks over it as the Sun continues to rise.

Voiceover: For centuries armies of noble Samurai fought for the honour of their Masters.

The scene fades to someone in a kimono, silhouetted against the Sun as they perform a slow graceful kata with a katana.

Voiceover: They were scholars and philosophers who resigned themselves to death in their duties.

A brief shrill scream disturbs the peace accompanied by a second of film with someone being cracked with a steel chair before returning to the previous scene.

Voiceover: But on May 10th, there will be no honour.

Another scream and a shot of someone busted open, blood over their face and hand.

Voiceover: No mercy.

A second of film as someone is power bombed onto barbed wire.

Voiceover: And no…holds…barred!

The rest of the video package plays, going through brutal brawls from throughout the roster, finally ending with shots of Jack Severino being spread eagled against the barbed wire cage of the Battleground by Kiseragi and BoolZ, then Kiseragi Yari Kicking Travis off the top of the Cage at Distant Whispers, then Travis’s famous shooting star press to regain the title at Horizons. Finishing with the No Holds Barred: Rising Sun logo we fade into the arena.

Vinegar: Welcome Sports Entertainment fans to another exciting edition of GIW Sentinel. We’re just one week from Global Impact Wrestling’s most brutal and violent PPV in history.

Hanson: And this close to being rounded up and burnt for destroying the minds of the nations youth.

Vinegar: That too.

Hanson: I’ve got a plan though. We’ll tell them we were all playing Manhunt 2 and it made us act this way.

Vinegar: I don’t think that going to work.

Hanson: While listening to gangster rap and death metal?

Vinegar: Hey you may be onto- no, what am I saying?

Hanson: That the H-Train is on the right track.

Teahouse starts to play…

Vinegar: Oh thank God.

…to a mixed and unsure reaction, many fans still unsure what to make of the Dragon’s recent behaviour. He walks down towards the ring in his wrestling gear with one of his own t-shirts on. He slides into the ring and asks for a microphone as his music cuts out. Mitchell Dennis passes him one and he paces around the ring briefly before raising it to his mouth. There are some loud jeers from the crowd and Alex lowers the mic again, waiting for them to die down before beginning.

Vinegar: Not the usual kind of respect we expect the Dragon to be treated with here.

Hanson: That’s because once more he’s dropping his holier than though principles when it suits him and these people see through that.

Vinegar: Maybe so but these are hardly conventional circumstances and I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being.

Kiseragi: Two weeks ago, in this ring, a very close friend of mine was seriously hurt. She was hurt because someone was careless, irresponsible and thoughtless. That someone was Chinatsu Chen.

Cheers of support go up for the Oriental Firecracker and Alex hesitates again, waiting for quiet.

Kiseragi: Last week I taught Chinatsu Chen a lesson. Don’t mistake my actions for animalistic rage. I showed Chinatsu how it feels to be in the ring with someone who outclasses you and has no regard for your well being.

Hanson: Outclassed my ass.

Vinegar: In all fairness, it was a pretty comfortable win.

Hanson: Are you siding with this guy?

Vinegar: No, just being objective.

Hanson: Well stop it.

Kiseragi: That was the single task I set out to achieve. I was going to leave things right there. But when the Crimson Ghost charged down to attack me with that chain he reminded me of a few things. He reminded me that the apple never falls far from the tree. He reminded me that just like I learnt the virtues of honour and justice from my Father, Chinatsu Chen’s attitude stems from him.

Hanson: Oh this is ridiculous. It was an accident for gods sake.
Kiseragi: Which reminded me that over two months ago at Infinity the Crimson Ghost screwed me out of my chance to walk away GIW’s most Valuable Asset. So I started thinking, we’re only a week away from heading back to my spiritual home for the most violent PPV in GIW’s history and I still don’t have a match.

Hanson: Yeah, because everyone’s bored of watching you kick stuff.

Kiseragi: That’s why I’m challenging you Crimson Ghost to settle the scores at No Holds Barred: Rising Sun, you and me in a Dragon’s Cave match!

Vinegar: In a what now?

There’s a great pop from the crowd who most likely don’t know what they’re cheering about but are excited none the less.

Kiseragi: The Dragon’s Cave match up has three elements.

Alex holds up three fingers, then takes down two.

Kiseragi: First, it is a Taipei Deathmatch. Both of us will wrap our hands, cover them in glue and coat them in broken glass.

Vinegar: Just for starters? I don’t like where this is going.

Kiseragi: Now you see I could have just stopped there. But I realised someone like you would most likely run away, that’s why I need to make sure doing so doesn’t feel so appealing. Secondly, like any great Dragon’s Cave, the flames will lick at your skin as they burn around the ring.

Alex slowly turns, pointing along each edge of the ring in turn.

Kiseragi: But just in case you chance the flames, third, the ground itself will turn against you. All around the ring we’re going to pour out hot coals!

Vinegar: Hot coals!?

Kiseragi: So you see there is going to be no escape for you. We’re going to settle this, justice is going to be done and I’m going to show these people who you really are. I may even tear that stupid mask off your god damn face. If you don’t believe me, wait about an hour and I’ll give you a little preview.

Vinegar: Tonight Alex Kiseragi teams up with Ezekiel to take on the Crimson Ghost and Tobias Erndhart. I have a feeling it’s going to get brutal.

Hanson: Oh whatever. Don’t we have a match to be getting on with?

Vinegar: You’re right, up first we have the first of our two No Holds Barred preview matches as JK, Tim Kinglsey and Sean Cyanide battle it out.

Hanson: On second thoughts, never mind.

Teahouse starts to play again as Alex drops the mic onto the mat. He swiftly drops out to arena floor and disappears to the back once again.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: Well Sean Cyanide and Tim Kingsley are in the ring.

Vinegar: Just waiting for JK to arrive now.

Hanson: That's what happens when you don't show up early enough for a show... you have to enter the ring during the commerical break.

Vinegar: WHOA! JK has just entered through the crowd.

Hanson: Guess he didn't want an entrance either.

Vinegar: The Space Cadet and JK exchanging punches. JK takes control.

Hanson: JK kicks The Space Cadet in the gut, doubling him over. He lifts him up...

Vinegar: CYCLONE!!! TK goes down.

Hanson: Cyanide turns JK around. KICK TO THE GUT!!

Vinegar: CYCLONE!!!

Hanson: Look at Tim Kingsley crawl out of the ring. That Cyclone destroyed him.

Vinegar: JK on the top rope...

Hanson: CANE TOAD SPLASH!! CANE TOAD SPLASH!! CANE TOAD SPLASH!!

Vinegar: Cyanide is out of it!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

THREE!!

Dennis: Your winner, JAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYKAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!

Vinegar: Well that was quick.

Hanson: Does that mean we're going back to commercials again.

Vinegar: Looks like it.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Mitchell: The following is a tag match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Taipei now residing in Los Angeles, weighing in at 235 pounds, SEEERAAPIIIS!

The song with the really long title plays over the GlobalTron footage. The young man steps onto the stage, and poses before charging down the ramp.

Vinegar: We’re just getting to know the man known as Serapis, mostly from his war of words with his own partner this evening. They are both highly opinionated it seems.

Hanson: This is a wrestling match, not debate club. The Covenant can talk up a storm about all that Liberal Arts fodder too, tonight is all about who can get it done in the ring.

Boysetsfire announces the arrival of Osiris onto the stage.
Mitchell: And his tag team partner, from Hilo Hawaii now residing in Barrow Alaska, weighing in at 252 pounds, OSIIIIIRIS!

Hanson: These two were at each other’s throats last week, it will be interesting to see how they coexist.

Vinegar: That stare doesn’t exactly bode well for teamwork.
Mitchell: And their opponents, representing The Covenant, weighing a combined 597 pounds, DIRGE and RAENIIIIUS!

“Warmeggedon” brings out both competitors, they laugh with each other conspiratorially as they stalk down the ramp.

Vinegar: While these two are definitely on the same page, whatever page that may be.

Hanson: Hazel East may have her hands full tonight, Nick. The Goth Kids versus The Egyptians, this is pretty much a gang fight.

Vinegar: There’s the bell and it looks like we’re starting off this tag bout with Osiris and Raenius. Both men are pretty evenly matched, in terms of size and strength anyway.

Hanson: And they both look like math rock drummers. Speaking of drums…

Vinegar: Oh no.

BOOMBOOM CHICK! BOOMBOOM CHICK!

Vinegar: Raenius looks to be going in for the tie up, but Osiris has other plans, landing a right to the face. A series of jabs keeps the Resident Evil on the defense, and now that left arm lariat knocks him to the mat!

Hanson: Rah nay us is on-the-mat! Now O sigh rus stomps-at-him!

Vinegar: Daniel, can you just call a match without some sort of weird gimmick or running gag? I mean, you’ll drop it by the next commercial break, so what’s the point?

Hanson: I like to make-my own-fun. Don’t get on my back-Nick.

Vinegar: Osiris drops the elbow, but there is no one home. And now it’s Raenius with the clothesline!

Hanson: Lar ee at or clothesline? Five bucks what’s the diff’rence?

Vinegar: A clothesline uses a stiff arm, the lariat is a striking attack. Pay up.

Hanson: I was be-ing sar-castic. I don’t have any mon-ey.

Vinegar: Osiris rising to his feet, takes a boot to the midsection and the DDT!

Hanson: Jake the Snake in vent-ed-it.

Vinegar: Raenius looking for an early pinfall, only a one count. Raenius and Dirge have one tag team victory to their name already here in GIW, and who knows how many others during their long history together. So they have to be feeling confident going into No Holds Barred next week against a team like Hiroshima, who still aren’t always entirely on the same wavelength it seems.

Hanson: Chi nat su is a firecracker. She won’t back down from these-guys.

Vinegar: Neither is Osiris, who elbows his way out of a suplex attempt, and now the Irish whip into a neutral corner! Osiris charging forward, Big Boot into the corner!

Hanson: No thing beats a boottothehead!

Vinegar: Now whip to the other side, followed up by a charging clothesline, see because he’s keeping the arm straight, but the Resident Evil easily dodges and capitalizes with the Tarantula!

Hanson: That move has to stop-by-five! Or else it will be-a-DQ!

Vinegar: Right you are, and Raenius did indeed release it before the five count. Osiris slumps to the mat, absolutely drained by that hold. Now Raenius looking down the apron and seems to be chatting with his tag partner. He walks over and pats him on the back, sending The Momentum Killer, Dirge, into the ring.

Hanson: That guy’s pre-tty damn big. I wouldn’t make him an-gry.

Vinegar: Dirge of course has several successful ventures outside of the ring, which I would say makes him an extremely dangerous individual. Can you tell the folks why, Daniel?

Hanson: He doesn’t have to be here. He just likes to hit folks.

Vinegar: And he’s getting right to work doing that, throwing stiff knees into Osiris’s face there in the corner! Hazel East telling him to get out of there, Dirge obliges by tossing Osiris into the middle of the ring!

Hanson: Like a sack of tay-tos!

Vinegar: Osiris trying to fight his way up to his feet, throwing punches at the midsection of The Momentum Killer. And following up with a chin breaker, nice desperation move there, it’s staggered Dirge at the very least, giving Osiris a chance to make for his corner. Serapis reaching for the tag.

Hanson: What’s that lock on Dirge’s face? His smile’s freak-in creepy!

Vinegar: I think he’s noticed that Osiris is in position for one of his signature moves. Spinebreaker! Big spear to the back, Osiris sent flying up and over! And now Dirge slaps that hand away. Pin attempt by Dirge. Kick out by two.

Hanson: Now here comes a powerbomb! Nope, Os-i-ris backdrops!

Vinegar: Indeed, and now he has the chance to make that tag to Serapis! Now we’ve only seen a little bit of this young man but he’s definitely a man of peculiarities.

Hanson: Lit-tle guy is bug-gy!

Vinegar: Serapis leaps into the ring and nails a swinging neckbreaker on the Momentum Killer! Now mounted punches, Serapis gives up over half a foot to Dirge but he is refusing to show any trace of intimidation with this barrage of fists. Now throwing in a few elbow strikes.

Hanson: Re-minds me of strong style. Kid thinks he’s a ninja.

Vinegar: Hazel telling him to break, he adds in a last knee to the face for good measure before getting up. Now both men to their feet, Dirge with a kick to the midsection, Serapis catches his foot. Dragon screw takes the big man down!

Hanson: Nin-ja bug climbs the cor-ner!

Vinegar: Serapis leaps off the top turnbuckle, The Momentum Killer catches him with that big hand by the throat! Another show of strength, holding Serapis aloft with one hand.

Hanson: Choke slam to Ace Crush-er! The Move You Love To Hate!

Vinegar: Cover on Serapis, it’s broken up by Osiris. Raenius now charging into the ring, but Osiris is ready for him! Lifts him up onto his back, set up for a Death Valley Driver! But Dirge is quick to pull his partner back down.

Hanson: Boots to-the head in stereo!

Vinegar: Now Serapis has recovered, head scissor takedown on Dirge, Raenius dropkicked out of the ring! They may not be best of friends, but so far Serapis and Osiris are managing to watch each other’s backs quite well.

Hanson: Bug boy stand-ing moon-sault!

Vinegar: Not even a two count, see that force Dirge uses to kick out! Both men up, Serapis dodges a lariat.

Hanson: Arm moved, not a clothesline.

Vinegar: Correct. Now Serapis with a dropkick to the midsection, little bit unorthodox there, but it brings Dirge down closer to his level for that enziguri! Watch out, Raenius back into the ring now!

Hanson: Squashed by the FULL FRONT-AL!

Vinegar: The Resident Evil caught Serapis as soon as he landed back onto his feet, that’s the kind of surgical strike Hiroshima will want to avoid next week. Now the newcomer being tossed into the corner, where both members of the Covenant take turns pummeling him with hard fists and elbows! Serapis doing the best he can to block some of the blows, but Hazel East better get that broken up before there’s nothing left to throw punches at!

Hanson: They just pie-faced Hazel! Bug boy bet-ter rope-a-dope!

Vinegar: Osiris, cobwebs shaken off, charges in with an axe handle to the back of Dirge’s head, and a backdrop to follow! Now up and trading punches with Raenius, back and forth, no, a block and a big uppercut!

Hanson: Down goes, down goes Frazier!

Vinegar: Now Osiris putting his foot onto the apron so he can tag himself in, Hazel East allows it. Raenius props himself against the ropes, Serapis with a second wind charging off against the opposite side, Flying Lariet over the top rope!

Hanson: This match is lar-iet ci-ty!

Vinegar: Osiris goes to pick up Dirge, Dirge surprises him with a punch to the face, Hazel East could try and pester him about closed fists but I don’t think he cares. Going for an Irish Whip, no Osiris reverses, No, he pulls him back in and lifts him up! Osiris showing great strength here, Dirge is no lightweight. MISERY INDEX!

Hanson: Hazel counts 1 2 3! HEY!

Vinegar: Raenius just grabbed my partner’s drum…

Hanson: You threw it to him!

Vinegar: And broke it over the head of Serapis!

Hanson: You owe me a new drum head Nick.

Mitchell: Here are your winners, SERAPIS and OSIIIIIIRIIIS!

Vinegar: Serapis has shaken off that rim shot there, and while I don’t think we’re going to see a handshake and a hug, these two did manage to put aside their philosophical squabble for the night, and scored a huge upset over the Covenant.

Hanson: Yeah and they don’t seem happy about it. Raenius has just snatched a chair from ringside. He just cracked Osiris with it!

Vinegar: Oh great, he lost and now he’s going to have a tantrum. Laying that chair into Osiris. Dirge is slowly getting back up.

Hanson: Raenius just passed him the chair and is holding Osiris down. They’re going to own him gangsta style.

Vinegar: Oh god I think they’re going to try to break his neck.

The lights go out to gasps and a few startled screams from the crowd. When they come back up Ezekiel is in the ring.

Hanson: What the hell is he doing here?

Vinegar: Ezekiel may be embroiled in a bitter rivalry with Tobias Erndhart but I don’t think he wants The Covenant to think he’s forgotten about them. Fireball at Dirge!

Hanson: No, he got the chair up to block it.

Vinegar: He still seems to have had second thoughts about this continued abuse and drops out of the ring. Raenius sent after him with a dropkick from Ezekiel, sending him over the top rope.

Hanson: The Egyptians may have won but they sure don’t look like it right now.

The show cuts to commercials as Ezekiel helps Osiris and Serapis to their feet and the three of them leave ringside.

You have to think that Dirge and Raenius would much rather have had that momentum heading into Tokyo.

Mitchell: Tell you what, I’ll get me some momentum, then you can TOSS IT TO THEM!

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: You know, usually by now, we’d have a visit from EggHead and Ms Legs.

Vinegar: Well, Moss Edwards meets the maestro behind his recent woes later on tonight, so he must be preparing for the match instead of playing host. You can’t blame him.

Hanson: I didn’t want to blame him, I wanted to thank him. This night is just breezing by, you’d think we were trying to play it safe before the big show next week.

Suddenly the HeadShots intro video plays over the GlobalTron.

Hanson: Aw spit. There goes my early bedtime.

The GlobalTron now shows the face of Moss Edwards, crouched down in front of a stack of plastic crates. He speaks in hushed tones.

Moss: Good evening target demographic, I’m afraid I can’t be there in the ring at the present moment, for you see I am on location. We are going to see the Covenant in its natural habitat.

He cranes the camera around the stack and we can see Chassie Fear sitting at a makeshift poker table, taping her wrists. The mysterious Klaus VonKnorre finishes up dealing three hands of cards as Dirge and Raenius enter from the other hallway, discussing the match they just had. Moss brings the camera back to himself.

Moss: Now, simple math will tell us that 4 is a bigger number than 1. So if I, being 1 person, went to attack 4 people by myself, that would be something that we in the wrestling professional like to call “retarded.” And since my mom and dad were not cousins, I tend to try and avoid that. So I’ve recruited my own little clan to even things out.

The camera pans over to show Andrew Clash, Pat Redden, Chris Awesome, and Lobo. We smile at our recognition that this was obviously foreshadowed earlier in the week. The camera is set on top of the crates pointing towards the Covenant.

Moss: Go!

A blur of red as Pat charges in to clothesline KvK out of his chair. Chris Awesome follows closely behind and leaps onto the poker table, flipping the bird at the Resident Evil who shoots a quick glance to his partner Dirge.

Clash and Lobo both come in, just in time to have the table flipped over on top of them. Redden, emboldened by his victory over Klaus, rushes Dirge, throwing punches at the bemused Momentum Killer who responds with a vicious headbutt. Klaus gets up to his feet and grabs a chair which he starts to bring down repeatedly onto the Red One. Dirge and Raenius deliver twin Gores to Lobo and Awesome while Chassie starts to pick up Clash in DDT position.

Before she can deliver the move, Moss leaps onto his back and delivers a Shining Wizard to the Dark Rose. She scrambles out of the room.

Moss: Keep up the good work boys! Earn that paycheck!

The Auteur follows close behind Ms Fear as the other members of the Covenant exact horrible physical pain upon the four poor ham-n-eggers.

Vinegar: Well, it looks like Moss and Chassie are starting their match early tonight!

Hanson: Maybe they’ll crash out of a window and we can get MORE angry phone calls!

We cut back to a cameraman backstage in time to see Moss run straight into a chair shot from Chassie. She rears back for another shot but he raises a boot to the midsection and grabs the chair out of her hands, tossing it to the side. The two continue to trade blows and chase each other down the hallway.

Vinegar: Here they come!

Moss literally flies out from behind the curtain, landing hard on his side. Chassie follows out after him, laying the boot to him as he tries to scramble back up.

Hanson: Well this is far more interesting then normal entrances.

Moss rolls down the ramp and gets enough distance to get to his feet. As Chassie approaches he launches himself forward into a Lou Thez Press and starts to pummel her.

Hanson: I’d like to see Mitchell try to call this.

Vinegar: I don’t think he’s going to bother.

Dennis: Nope.

Vinegar: See.

Chassie rolls Moss over and lays into him with mounted closed fist shots. After a few The Auteur manages to get a leg free and kicks her off, sending her rolling backwards further down the ramp.

Hanson: Should we be calling this?

Vinegar: Probably. Guess it’s basically a match, even if the bell hasn’t gone yet.

Hanson: Get to it then play by play monkey boy.

Vinegar: Chassie back up and charges but she gets taken down with a drop toe hold and she crashes face first into the ramp. Moss looks like he’s lining up a shining wizard to follow up.

Hanson: I think the Dark Rose heard you.

Vinegar: I doubt that, but one way or another she ducked the running strike and caught the Auteur’s leg, dropping him head first onto the crowd barrier. She’s putting the boot to him, propped up against the barrier.

Hanson: I think all matches should start like this. It’s like a rolling start in Nascar.

Vinegar: I guess so. Chassie putting that knee it…No, Moss managed to duck away and Fear’s knee crashed into the barrier. That looked painful. Edwards capitalises with a dragon screw finally bringing these two down to ringside.
Hanson: I always thought that was funny. Dragon screw. What does it have to do with dragons? Or screws?

Vinegar: This coming from a guy who will accept Hastings so called Super Kick. Chassie propped up against the apron and the Auteur is stomping a mudhole in her. Then a blatant choke with that boot across the wind pipe.

Hanson: So what do you think of this match up baldy has come up with?

Vinegar: Chassie fights out and staggers towards the corner post. Moss with a clothesline slamming her into the metal ring post and slamming her head against the crowd barrier for good measure. Oh, you mean the Killer Kaiju Cage Match?

Hanson: Well obviously.

Vinegar: Sounds like an interesting concept that’s sure to make for an exciting match-up. Moss with a running back elbow but Fear ducks it and a pele kick hit’s the Auteur dead on the back of the head. She’s got him back up and just tossed him into the crowd.

Hanson: You don’t think he’s maybe compensating for something?

Vinegar: What? The Dark Rose taking a little too long to celebrate and Moss launches himself off the barrier. Hurricanrana!

Hanson: You know, compensating, down there.

Vinegar: I have no idea what you’re talking about. The Auteur dragging Fear back to her feet and going the drive her head first into the ring steps. She’s blocked it though and slammed Moss’s head instead.

Hanson: He’s got little man syndrome.

Vinegar: Like Napoleon?

Hanson: No. In his pants.

Vinegar: Oh for God’s sake. Scoop slam by Fear right in front of us here. Oh get off the table. She just hit an elbow drop from the edge of our announce table.

Hanson: No hear me out. Imagine that town, with all it’s big skyscrapers. And Moss in the middle, towering over them. All taking place within a domed cage. It’d got Freud written all over it.

Vinegar: Who taught you about Freud?

Hanson: I watch a lot of Frasier.

Vinegar: No you don’t.

Hanson: Ok I had to see a shrink when I was a teenager to help me through my Oedipus complex.

Vinegar: I’ll never look at you the same again and that’s saying something.

Hanson: …

Vinegar: Chassie trying to get Edwards back to his feet. He’s fighting back though with those left hand shots to the gut. Big northern lights suplex. Great counter! Moss Edwards going up onto the apron. Asai moonsault from the second rope connects.

Crowd: That was awesome! That was awesome!

Vinegar: That was awesome. He doesn’t look like he’s done yet though. He just grabbed a chair from someone in the first row.

Hanson: He can’t use that. This isn’t a no DQ match.

Vinegar: Well technically this match hasn’t started yet, so he can’t be disqualified.

Hanson: Damn loopholes.

Vinegar: Chass is pushing herself up. Dropkick hit’s the chair in Edwards’s face. Great desperation counter and both competitors are down.

Hanson: I guess that means we can’t count them both out either huh?

Vinegar: Nope.

Hanson: Dammit we could be here all day.

Vinegar: Don’t worry partner. The Dark Rose is getting back to her feet and stomping down on him for good measure. She’s up on the apron now and still climbing. She just got up on the top rope. What’s she got planned? Shooting star press!

Hanson: Eats nothing but floor. That had to hurt.

Vinegar: Moss rolled away at the last moment. He’s still clutching that chair. He’s set it up in front of us. Fear’s out of it though, that high risk manoeuvre certainly not paying off this time.

Hanson: Understatement of the show people.

Vinegar: Moss has picked her up and set her standing in front of that chair. She looks like she needs some scaffolding or something.

Hanson: Or at least a face lift.

Vinegar: I meant to stand up.

Hanson: Oh, of course.

Vinegar: Moss backing off. He’s lining up a shot. What on Earth? He’s in top of the crowd barrier.

As everyone looks on Moss runs across the corner of the crowd barrier, along the Spanish announce table and leaps off, hitting the Cutting Room, driving Chassie’s face into the chair.

Hanson: Oh snap!

Vinegar: A huge Cutting Room from the Auteur. Finally he’s picked her up and rolled her into the ring, sliding in after her.

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: Finally, there’s the official opening bell. Moss with a cover.

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Dennis: Here is your winner. Moss Edwaaaaaaaaards!

Vinegar: Well official stats may call that one of the fastest wins in GIW history but it’ll say nothing of the brutal brawl we just witnessed. The Auteur is going to go to Japan with the momentum after that though. Remember, just one of the great matches lined up, the Killer Kanju Cage match for the GIW.com title only a week away.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Vinegar: Next match is a bit of a strange bedfellows situation.

Hanson: I thought I was the one who made all the gay jokes at this table.

Mitchell: The following is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall.

The Misfits call forth The Crimson Ghost to a huge ovation. He slaps fives all the way down the ramp.

Mitchell: Introducing first, from Chatsworth CA, weighing in at 225 pounds, The CRIMSOOOOON GHOOOOST!

Vinegar: Ghost of course has trained Chinatsu Chen, and has a bit of a bone to pick with Alex Kiseragi.

Hanson: Speaking of picking bones, what is up with Jack Severino? I think HE may have a bigger crush on Ghosty than Gabrielle did.

Vinegar: Did you just acknowledge the existence of other men in Gabrielle’s life?

Hanson: Only that they seem to be into each other, so she might as well come back onboard the H Train.

Shinedown announces the entrance of Tobias Ernhardt, and a huge pop occurs for a brief Randy Boolzian cameo as they talk on the entrance ramp. Then BoolZ waves to the crowd and disappears backstage. Tobias marches down the ramp to crowd silence.

Vinegar: And Ernhardt has had a bit of trouble lately with Ezekiel, nee Pax.

Hanson: Bit of trouble? He’s been trying to set the big ape on fire. Tobias is here for revenge, but I don’t think he’s really a tag team player.

Vinegar: Well, Ghost and Tobias seem to be conferencing in the middle of the ring. Does Ghost have a small chalkboard?

Hanson: It does appear that he is discussing some sort of strategy with Tomorrow’s Main Event.

Mitchell: And their opponents, introducing first, from San Francisco, he is the Dragon, ALEEEEX KISERAAAAGII!

“Teahouse” plays to a less pronounced pop than usual. A small but mighty strand of smarks tries to start a “You killed Chinatsu” chant.

Vinegar: Alex Kiseragi used to be able to depend on quite a bit of crowd support, but his emotions got the best of him after Chen hospitalized his protégé Katie Piper.

Hanson: Accidentally, that’s a very important word you seem to be forgetting to add to that sentence. Meanwhile, Drag Queen’s attack on Chen was entirely…non-accidental. It was in fact abundantly premeditated.

Vinegar: So this match is all about the thesaurus, eh?

Hanson: Well, someone broke my drum. It was destroyed, nay it was blighted!

Vinegar: Kiseragi reaching the bottom of the ramp. Tobias Ernhardt standing by the ropes, Crimson Ghost comes running off the other side, and Tobias gives him a boost over the top rope! Plancha onto the Dragon! Crimson Ghost not wanting to wait for a bell, he’s getting back at the Kiseragi for what happened to Chen.

Hanson: That was manifestly evident, Nicholas. Alex needs to receive chastisement for the twinge he caused Ghost’s charge and my former paramour.

Vinegar: The Crimson One seems to have that in mind as he bounces Alex’s head off of the barricade repeatedly.

The sound collage marking Ezekial’s arrival draws Tobias’s attention towards the ramp. As the strains of “Hero” are finally heard, Ezek13l suddenly appears in the ring behind Tobias.

Vinegar: Old-school Ezekial Pax here, appearing through the crowd! He dropkicks The Path from behind and knocks him through the ring ropes!

Hanson: That was a waylay, pure and simple. Now Ezekonethreel balancing up on the ropes, hurdling off onto his shoulders!

Vinegar: Could be going for a hurracarana, but Tobias reversing into a powerbomb onto the concrete!

Hanson: That could have caused calamitous disrepair to his spinal column!

Vinegar: Now Tobias picks up Ezekiel and whips him into the barricade. Meanwhile, Kiseragi has turned the tables on Crimson Ghost and just slammed his head against the ring apron. And some educated feet chase the Ghost further down the way.

Hanson: Those feet were positively erudite.

Vinegar: Now the Dragon running up the steps and along the apron, to deliver that missile dropkick!

Hanson: Tobias is endeavoring to suplex Iron Man onto the floor, but the Scarlet Eyed Marvel floats over. That’s what he’ll have to do in Japan, exploit his suppleness.

Vinegar: And while he’s back there, he executes a sleeper hold drop, sending the back of Tobias’s head down to the floor.

Hanson: This hasn’t been much of a tag bout hitherto, has it?

Vinegar: No this is an old-school brawl, pure and simple. Over on the other side of the floor, The Ghost and The Dragon are trading chops back and forth.

Hanson: Malevolent lancet-perimeter chops!

Vinegar: Ghost gaining the upper hand, and a palm thrust sends the Dragon into the corner of the barricade. Now barreling in for the butt thump!

Hanson: Airborne gluteals!

Vinegar: Tobias dodging Ezekiel’s legdrop from the apron, and delivering a charging knee to the face!

Hanson: Now he elevates him off the base level, forces him back-first into the dowel. Zeke is left feeble in this arrangement, he is at Tobias’s bidding.

Vinegar: Tobias carries Zeke around the corner to catch a glimpse of Kiseragi giving Ghost the drop toe hold into the barricade! The Path charges forward and tosses Ezekiel into The Dragon! They both tumble into the crowd!

Hanson: Tomorrow’s Foremost Event gives chase, hounding after Ezekiel with stiff forearm shots to the head and neck. But The Mottled Dragon lets him know this isn’t just a one on one contest, revolving Ernhardt around to land some combination kicks, and a roundhouse! Oriental punting, Kiseragay’s forte.

Vinegar: All three men are heading into the hallway under the stairs now, and the Ghost is right behind to bulldog Kiseragi onto the floor!

Hanson: The throng parts to let them through, get security down there at this instant!

Vinegar: The High Flyer hits the High Beam on Crimson Ghost! The action has spilt out of the hallway near the merchandise tables!

Hanson: Bulwark the wholesalers!

Vinegar: Zeke turns back to charge Tobias, but receives a big boot for the effort! Now Tobias taking Alex and tosses him into the DVD table! Clean up on aisle seven.

Hanson: That advertence was banal. Ignominy on you, Nicholas.

Vinegar: Now the Ghost is up, mounted punches on Ezekiel while The Path executes a fireman’s carry on Kiseragi. Ghost with a front facelock on Ezekiel now, Ernhardt with Kiseragi in a similar position. They make eye contact…and switch, pushing their respective foes towards each other and locking them back in front facelocks.

Hanson: They saw a need to toggle dance partners there.

Vinegar: Now both Iron Man and the Dragon going up for suplexes, they both float over! Boots to the midsections, and they run towards each other. Dragon Tail on Tobias, Fame-Asser on Crimson Ghost!

Hanson: That was quite the athletic contrivance.

Vinegar: Now Ezekiel stomping away at Tobias while Kiseragi picks up Ghost and whips him into a trash can. Ghost falls to his knees, and Kiseragi capitalizes with a buzz saw kick! Zeke slamming Tobias head first into the wall! This is getting out of hand, Daniel!

Hanson: And this is only a foretaste of how ferocious the mêlées at No Holds Barred will be! Ernhardt fighting back with elbows, and now it’s Iron Chap taking a wall to the countenance!

Vinegar: Kiseragi is too busy kicking Crimson Ghost across the foyer to come to his partner’s aid. He is not allowing the man to his feet.

Hanson: This is a Dragon who has finally ceased caring about honor and all that supplementary crap. I may finally be able to deride him faintly less often. Perchance.

Vinegar: Kiseragi rearing back for another big kick, he connects with a…novelty, oversized drinking stein?

Hanson: Naught novelty about it, Nicholas. That’s the size BONA FIDE men drink out of…that’s a solidly constructed piece of functional art. That the Ghost just pulled out of his chinos.

Vinegar: And it has temporarily hobbled the Dragon, Crimson Ghost now with a European Uppercut.

Ghost: Oooooohhhh, Wilkommen, wilkommen, wilkommen Sonnenschein

Vinegar: Now the Crimson Ghost is tossing The Dragon around while serenading him with an old Bavarian drinking song? They disappear down another hallway.

Hanson: In the interim, do not disregard Tobias, who just gave Ezekiel the Oklahoma Stampede against the wall! And follows it up with a gutbuster before undulating him down the hall.

Vinegar: That one was disturbing. Ezekiel quick to recover with a drop toe hold, and now pops up onto his feet and charges in with the FOOOORE!

Hanson: Again, that is what Mr 13 will have to do to perpetuate the advantage in Tokyo. Use his alacrity.

Vinegar: Whatever that means, Ezekiel does indeed have the advantage again, and he is leading Tobias back down towards the ring, stopping to let crowd members harass and throw concessions at him.

Hanson: Observe the tech area near the access incline. Crimson Ghost and The Drag-On just knocked over one of our monitors. Good work guys.

Vinegar: Meanwhile, Ezekiel sends Tobias back over the barricade with the Decapitation! Now he climbs up onto it.
Hanson: The Poltergeist has turned the tables on the Wyvern, now he is the one sending Kiseragi reeling with every blow. The Hunter hath become the Hunted!

Vinegar: Tobias takes out Ezekiel’s legs, his tailbone hits the barricade hard! Now a Death Valley Driver onto the concrete!

Hanson: Kiseragi has been pursued down to ringside, Tobias spies him coming around the crook!

Vinegar: Ernhardt charging for the lariat, Alex ducks and Tobias ends up laying out the hot-on-his-heels Crimson Ghost!

Hanson: You do not wish to rotate yourself, sir! Don’t do it!

Vinegar: He didn’t hear you, Dan, and Tobias turns around to take the Yari Kick! He’s been blasted through the ring steps!

Hanson: Crimson Ghost has rolled into the ring, and Owen Peterson gets to call for the tocsin! This match never authoritatively began until right now!

Vinegar: Kiseragi rolls in after him, but the Ghost is ready with a kick to the midsection! Now off the ropes, here comes the Bloody Hell!

Hanson: Wader to the…air!

Vinegar: Kiseragi leans back, avoiding the blow! Now synced up behind him, Dragon Suplex! Peterson makes the count. 1 2! Almost a three, but Ghost managed to roll to his side. But Alex kept the arms butterflied! He pulls the Crimson Ghost up and plants him with a double arm DDT! Another pin attempt, another near fall!

Hanson: Alex was too weary, he couldn’t hook the leg.

Vinegar: All four men just spent the better part of 15 minutes beating the hell out of each other, they are all exhausted. Ezekiel and Tobias are barely moving on the floor, Ghost and Alex trying to pull themselves back up to finish this match that technically just started! Ghost pulls Kiseragi in for the Seeing Red, but Kiseragi shifts himself around on Ghost’s shoulders!

Hanson: Electric cathedra position, very precarious.

Vinegar: Kiseragi with a forward rolling clutch! 1 2…3!

Mitchell: Here are your winners, EZEKIAL and ALEEEX KISERAAAAAGIIII!

Vinegar: None of these men look particularly victorious right now, and like you already mentioned Dan, this was only a taste of the carnage we can expect at NO HOLDS BARRED!

Hanson: Oh great, now here comes Boolzian.

Vinegar: Lay off. He’s just here to help his quote unquote student get to the back.

Hanson: Yeah well if I were him I’d be staying as far away from monkey boy as I could. He looks absolutely livid that Ghost cost them the match.

Vinegar: He can hardly complain, that was a pretty stiff lariat he gave his partner.

Hanson: Hey where’d dope boy go?

Vinegar: He was right th- I don’t know.

BoolZ helps Tobias back to his feet. As the two of them get up Ezekiel suddenly reappears from under the ring.

Hanson: How’d he get under there?

Vinegar: I have no idea.

Ezekiel climbs into the ring, runs it’s length and launches himself springboard off the top rope, high beaming both men on the ramp.

Vinegar: Holy crap! I never thought I’d see a man cover that much ground. What a vicious strike.

Hanson: Then surprise surprise, he’s making a swift getaway up the ramp.

Vinegar: I don’t think the chaos is over yet. The Crimson Ghost is distracted by the battle on the ramp and hasn’t seen Kiseragi drop out to the floor. He’s looking under the ring.

Hanson: What’s that?

Vinegar: It’s a kendo stick! Wait, now what’s he doing with it?

Hanson: Is that a match?

Vinegar: It is! The Dragon just lit a match and set fire to the fibre of that weapon. It just lit right up.

Hanson: Has this guy completely lost it?

Vinegar: Well he promised to give The Crimson Ghost a taste of what was to come at No Holds Barred.

Hanson: Was that match not enough?

Vinegar: Apparently not. He’s back up in the ring, don’t turn around Ghost.

Hanson: Don’t bother, they can’t hear you.

Vinegar: Oh snap, he just cracked that blazing sword over his head! The Crimson Ghost is on fire!

Hanson: Ya know, that’s actually pretty awesome.

Vinegar: And Kiseragi rolling out of the ring, look at him, he's absolutely possessed! He's already issued one hell of a challenge tonight, and now this.

Hanson: Damn, The Crimson Ghost managed to put himself out.

Vinegar: He can't even stand and he's calling for the mic...look at him clutching those ropes...

Ghost: ALEX! ALEX, YOU LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW, DANGNABBIT!

Vinegar: Alex, indeed, indulging the Luchadore's wishes...Daniel, something seems different about that man in that ring...

Hanson: Really? I didn't notice...

Ghost: Alright, pal, I've been trying to be a good sport about this, I've been trying to shrug it off, let the baby have his bottle, but god dammit you are really, REALLY beginning to tickle that funny little anger button in me obdula oblangata, you feeling me so far?!

Hanson: Even when he's going on a tirade he's got to goof it-

Ghost: SHADDUP, WHIPLASH! AND YOU TOO, DOUGHBOY! Now, back to you, Mr. Chip-On-Shoulder, you wanna push me around, you wanna chump me with those oh-so impressive kicks of yours? Fine! I'll have you know, that there is no way I'm going to let myself give you the satisfaction...I know for a FACT I wouldn't be able to beat the amount of sense into you that you surely need.

(misunderstanding hits Kiseragi's face as he shouts angrily and takes a step forward.)

Ghost: Just a minute, Liberagi, you are definitely gonna get your match at Rising Sun, 'cause I'm making sure you get a capable, qualified opponent...I followed this man during his tours in Japan and Korea...I was THERE when he warred for 92 minutes straight against the Desert Storm, I was THERE when he was thrown through that barbed wire cage in Holland and kept going like the evillist sumbitch there ever was! Kiseragi, you aren't getting me, you are getting a man much more depraved then me, a man so single-minded in his sadistic one-man war against the world that I absolutely begged him not to show up here, on the Japanese shores, tried to explain to him that you were just angry, that you needed to vent and read some Cosmo, but he didn't listen! And now, dear god I'm sorry my friend, but HE'S HERE TONIGHT!

Hanson: Holy sh(bleep). This guy sounds serious.

Vinegar: Wait a minute, Daniel, do you realize who he's talking about-AND NOW CRIMSON GHOST IS STANDING UP! HE IS BEGINNING TO UNDO HIS MASK!

Ghost: That's right, Mr. Dragon, I've seen your weak, womanly tirade and your foolishness, and I have had enough! At this Rising Sun, you shall not face that ever-loving simpleton Crimson Ghost! No, no, when you step into that ring, it shall be against I, EL DIABLICO....MAGNIFICO!!!

Vinegar: AND HE'S REMOVED HIS MASK, TO REVEAL ANOTHER MASK! BUT THAT ONE'S LARGER, WITH HORNS! HOW DOES HE DO IT, GHOST?!

Hanson: WHAT IS GOING ON?! I DON'T GET ANY OF THIS!

Vinegar: AND NOW GHOST FLYING OUT THAT RING AFTER KISERAGI! KISERAGI GOES FOR A ROUNDHOUSE KICK, BUT GH-DIABLICO DUCKS IT, SPINS KISERAGI AROUND, AND NOW A CHOKESLAM!!! DIABLICO IS DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND THE DRAGON HAS JUST KISSED THAT RAMP, HARD!

Hanson: THAT WAS PRETTY COOL, BUT I'M STILL F(bleep)ING LOST!

Vinegar: DIABLICO COMING BACK TO CLIMB THAT TURNBUCKLE, BUT KISERAGI CRAWLING TO HIS FEET, STAGGERING AWAY...THAT MAN DOES NOT LOOK HAPPY! Folks...we need to go to commercial, we'll return after this!

Hanson: See, this is why I didn't want Crimson Ghost here.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Hanson: WHOOO! Three quarters of a fantastic, dream match, up next!

Vinegar: Three quarters?

Hanson: Lord Chief Nigga pillaging dat booty! MY, MY, MINE, MY Sweet Gabby’s booty! And everyone’s hero and quite possibly the only man worthy enough to keep us afloat in these troubled Declan-less times, Travis Roberts! If we don’t hit a five rating with seven million share with this match than I’m placing all the blame on that big dumb oaf who kinda does, but not really it seems, work for that oily I wish endangered flightless bird.

Vinegar: You just said what about Boss P?

Hanson: Oh you heard me. The nerve of making me call a match between the love of my life and Gabrielle is just stupid.

Vinegar: The love of your life AND Gabrielle.

Hanson: Yeah Travis Roberts and the love of my life Gabrielle. What?

Vinegar: That’s not what you said.

Hanson: Shut up, I know what I said.

Vinegar: I know what I heard. You said love of your life and, AND, Gabrielle. So Travis Roberts is the love of your life?

Hanson: You know what. Just shut the fuck up. I know what I said. It might not of been what you heard, but I know what I said.

Vinegar: If you say so. Mitchell Dennis is all yours.

Hanson: Oi, four intros. Wake me when they’re over

The scene goes somewhat blurry as a light white mist fills in from the edges signaling a dream sequence. Daniel Hanson is magically shown standing in front of a bathroom mirror. He adjusts the Unified Global Title on his shoulder as he puts his mirrored aviator glasses back on before lighting his pre-rolled. Faintly, angelically Gabrielle’s sweet lovingly voice rings out. Without hesitation Hanson smirks, blows a kiss to the mirror, and walks into a massive and plush bedroom. The walls adorned with framed pictures of Hanson pinning Komosube, Alex Kiseragi, BoolZ, with one empty spot. On the red heart shaped rotating bed sits Gabby wearing a light pink sheer teddy and pouting at Hanson.

Gabby: Oh, ‘Danliner’ I’ve waited ever so long. When will I receive my blessing?

The TWiSTeD Hanson: Soon, but first DHan requires you to tell him again just how ready, and how much of the Hanson Train Guerilla’s arsenal you believe capable of taking.

As soon as the white mist had flooded in from the sides it recoils revealing Vinegar sitting next to a snoring, mumbling, and drooling Daniel Hanson.

Hanson: Gigitty.

Vinegar: Oh, god. Folks he’s Travis Roberts again. DAN!

Hanson: Huh, uh, what. DAMNIT what did I tell you about that! Just let me enjoy.

Vinegar: Well I figured Dredd, Donovan Hastings, Gabrielle, and Travis Roberts are all in the ring. Glenn Burke has called for the bell, and you might want to… I don’t know, do your job!

Hanson: I’d rather go back to… wait. Never mind.

Vinegar: There’s the bell and we’re underway.

Hanson: Are you sure?

Vinegar: It seems the four competitors are sizing each other up. A match like this can get real ugly real fast with just the slightest mistake.

Hanson: Liar! Never use the word ‘ugly’ when my Gabby is anywhere near associated with whatever you’re failing to properly describe.

Vinegar: Sure, and now we’re underway! Dredd saw his opening and just leveled the champion with that massive straight right hand!

Hanson: Go Gabby go!

Vinegar: My co-worker would be alluding to the opportunity for Gabrielle to catch a charging Hastings in that huricanrana take down, she holds it, here’s the count…

Hanson: Kick out by the one true immortal Lord Chief….

Vinegar: And Roberts back up firing back at Dredd with his own right fist, and the Headliner and the Monster now slugging it…

Hanson: Hastings back up, my Gabby shooting for a standing enziguri, Hastings ducks, Gabby on her sexy as all hell belly, and the Lord of Pain stomping on the kidneys now!

Vinegar: Roberts gaining the upper hand by going low to avoid another devastating right first from the Monster, grabs him by the belt, and pulls him over face first into the turnbuckle!

Hanson: And now the Blessed One taking over with an absolute barrage of rights and lefts in the corner!

Vinegar: Gabrielle with a leg trip buys her the time to get to her feet. Hastings back up trying to continue the assault, Gabrielle ducks a clothesline, Hastings turns, GaBuster!

Hanson: It’s going to take more than that though.

Vinegar: Rooting for Hastings tonight?

Hanson: What? It’s a fact, she’s going to have to do more than that to get the win.

Vinegar: Well I guess she agrees with you, and is pulling Hastings back to his feet…

Hanson: And that cheating bird lover fights his way out of the corner, but the Headliner slams him back into the turnbuckles, Roberts steps in, and Dredd back body drops him out over the top rope.

Vinegar: Kick to the gut, 34 Double D DDT, Hastings reverses, Gabby lands on her feet behind Donovan, he turns, he’s got her by the top, and jerks her towards that corner with Dredd!

Hanson: NO, damnit right into a huge probably dog crap covered boot!

Vinegar: Wait Donovan still has her top…

Hanson: BOOBY! I SEE BOO /___________

Sentinel takes a commercial break advertising Red Bull, Trojan Condoms, and Wolverine X-Men Origins. Then a pair of video packages hyping No Holds Barred: Rising Sun live on Pay-Per-View, and ‘The Best of the Worse Volume One: Why did the GIW even let them in the first time’ DVD.

Vinegar: Did we just go to commercial break?

Hanson: Boobies!

Vinegar: Folks, if you missed it Hastings used Gabrielle’s top to choke Dredd, and try to send him crashing to the floor as Diamond Jack helped the now topless Gabrielle to the back but Dredd reversed, and tossed Hastings into Severino. And now we have DJS and Hastings battling on the outside…

Hanson: And Travis and Dredd on the inside. Oh, damnit, now this is why I love my job! At least now it’ll make it easier on me as now I know who to cheer for.

Vinegar: Why don’t you try not cheering and simply call the action.

Hanson: Because I’m the color guy, dummy!

Vinegar: Fine, call DJS/Hastings on the outside, I’ll focus on your man crush.

Hanson: You’ll focus on my man crush?

Vinegar: You know what I ment.

Hanson: Not really, but that was enough for me to drop it all together. Just like that big dumb probably Vaseline junky kicked Lord Chief right in the teeth with that Bicycle kick!

Vinegar: Roberts and Dredd right back at it exchanging rights and lefts, Dredd gets the upper hand, irish whip, Roberts ducks a boot, and fires back with a flying clothesline!

Hanson: OH that’s right bitch! That’s why you don’t go fucking wit dat Lord Chief Nigga! Hastings musta found dat dare chair under the ring, an’ used’t it to level GPS!

Vinegar: Roberts now stomping on that notoriously bad shoulder of Dredd, could be looking for the TWiSTeD Tourniquet here shortly.

Hanson: Oh, motherfucker, here be commin’ Mary-Ho’s Pet down here, now. What da fuck dat bitch ass want!
Vinegar: Hammerlock applied by the champion, and Dredd fighting back to his feet.

Hanson: And dat suppa virgin ass Tobias jus’ done whipped Hastings ‘round, and ate dat same vare’ chair! HA, teach yo punk ass.

Vinegar: Dredd back up, and backs into the corner pinning Roberts. Referee Glenn Burke actually still trying to manage some kind of control starts a five count. Roberts is going to have to let go of the hold so Dredd can let him out of the corner.

Hanson: Hastings takin’ turns! One for DJS, one for MJ’sBitch. Two for DJS, AND NOW EZEKIEL IS OUT HERE! HIGH BEAMS LEVELLED’T TOBITCHUS!

Vinegar: Roberts lets go of the hold, Dredd snaps around, and whips Roberts to the far corner, and follows up with an avalanche!

Hanson: Da one true Lord Pirate Chief turning back all his attentions to Cubic Zirconium Josh SeveredOhOh, while dat new masked freak looks likes he’s waiting fo’ po lil’ Toby ta get back up….

Vinegar: Dredd fighting to get Roberts up, could be the Concrete Piledriver…

Hanson: And FIRE! Ezekiel with a fireball, but Tobias moved…

Vinegar: What, I think he got a fan! I think Pax just burnt that poor little boy in the first ro… ? _ _ _ _ _

The image goes dark for a second before catching a very professional business man type off guard as he takes a seat at the Networks news anchor desk. The older man clears his throat before speaking.

Executive: What, we’re live. WE’RE ON!

The Executive takes another moment to compose himself before finally looking dead into the camera and speaks.

Executive: Ladies and gentlemen we at the network do apologize for interrupting GIW Sentinel. However we feel that we have been more than forgiving and clear with our expectations. In the past we have aired live footage of female competitors being ejaculated on during ‘matches’, the live nothing short of murder to close one episode, immeasurable uses of fowl language, and tonight’s broadcast displayed a woman’s naked breasts, and both an on air personality and fan being burned. The network was willing to put up with a lot giving that the general carnage the GIW environment fostered was solely directed and contained to the roster of misfits and hoodlums which it employees do to the extremely high ratings it had garnered in the past. However we cannot, will not, allow ourselves to be associated with any entity which harms its very viewers.

After numerous phone calls, memorandums, and meetings the GIW has clearly chosen to ignore our pleas to control its members, and in fact have begun advertising for an event which they promise will set new levels of barbaric low brow entertainment. Therefore we, the network, have no other option than to pull GIW Sentinel from our Sunday line up. Please stay tuned for tonight’s news at eleven. Thank you.

The screen goes black before the opening montage of Action News at 11 begins to play.

[T-Robosaurus Rex]

Sentinel 03/05/09 Credits

Introduction/Kiseragi Match Announcement
A-Kis

Triple Threat Match
Dredd

Osiris & Serapis vs Raenius & Dirge
Moss

Ezekiel Appears
A-Kis (Outline by Bryan)

Headshots
Moss

Moss Edwards vs Chassie Fear
A-Kis

Kiseragi & Ezekiel vs Crimson Ghost & Tobias Erndhart
Moss

Ezekiel Attacks Tobias/Kiseragi Attacks Crimson Ghost
A-Kis

El Diablico Magnifico Appears
Hiro

Main Event/Network Announcement
BoolZ

Editor
A-Kis