No Holds Barred Results - May 3rd, 2010

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Ladies and Gentlemen....WELCOME TO NO HOLDS BARRED!!!

Covert Jay: Huttah!

Lieberjosch: I forgot to ask, do we get paid more for sitting through a longer show?

Vinegar: Are you serious, millions of people would give almost anything to be here tonight for the very first UGWC Pay-Per-View.

Lieberjosch: Your point? Millions of people around the world believe in magic.

Covert Jay: No such thing, the closest thing to Magic is a Master of Ninja Skills who is is beyond classification.

Lieberjosch: I think we agree on at least one point. Let it never happen again.

Vinegar: What a show we have for you tonight, we will finally crown the first UGWC Champions tonight, when the current GIW and LWF Champions defend their titles in numerous unification matches.

Lieberjosch: And there is more right? It couldn't just be that simple.

Vinegar: That's right, we've got two, that's right TWO, count them, UGWC World Heavyweight Championship Number One Contender Matches, as well as a lucrative Hard Ten match, which will be opening tonight's show, but before we get to that, let's send it to Jason Reeves backstage.

The cuts to Jason Reeves standing in front of the mens room door.

Reeves: Thank you Nicholas. Folks Jason Reeves here about to go where no man, Coppi you coward, is willing. And now woman, whore Roxy, is allowed. Jason Reeves here about to get to the scoop on who will be locked up for the Prison Break match!

The camera follows Reeves as he pushes up the door, wretches, the goes black. After a few seconds the camera feed reconnects and Jason Reeves is seen standing outside the bathroom door again. The door opens and out steps Tyvola.

Reeves: Ah, Mr. Tyvola! I'd like to get a few words about your Prison Break match. Everyone wants to know who will be in the cages.

...

Reeves question is largely, seemingly, ignored but Tyvola has stopped. His face becomes light, a hint of smile peaking through his tangled beard. Then as if possessed he shakes whatever thought was rattling in his head and begins scowling into the camera. Jason looks at the Bearded Bastard then back to the camera before again to the Mountain Madman.

Reeves: Ah, okay. So who will be locked away?

Tyvola: Weren't you listening!?!

There is another silence while it appears Tyvola is waiting for Reeves to answer. No sooner than his mouth opens to respond Tyvola begins again.

Tyvola: No he wasn't listening. You cannot ask the volcano to erupt again. You cannot ask the moon to set one more time. You do not ask the Thoctar to devour another Blademaster. It will happen when it happens. I will say this however. That masked serpent of the devils pinky knows what he did, but not what he has done. I will show him tonight!

And before Reeves can retort the Hardcore Hobo lumbers off. The camera follows as he passes by Grey Coppi and Roxy Malone who are both seen giggling.

Coppi: Tremendous.

Malone: Jason you're such a perv. Waiting outside the bathroom.

Reeves: Hey, I didn't see either of you trying to get the scoop.

Coppi: Only because there isn't much I wont do, but a commode side ambush is beneath even me.

Malone: Please. Grey you'd be right there if Jason didn't beat you to it. Probably how you ended up here in the first place.

Reeves: Yeah, what about you Roxy? Here for the interview or just looking for some random...

Malone: Funny! Fact is Roxy Malone doesn't need to stalk her interviews. I could get the rest of those names from Tyvola without lifting a finger.

Reeves: Letting your mouth do all the work now a days?

Coppi: Yeah, Roxy. Well not so crass, but why don't you put your money where your mouth is. 50 bucks says I get the story.

Reeves: Yeah, I'm in.

Malone: Jason you already failed. Grey, you're on.

The camera cuts back to Vinegar, Jay, and Lieberjosch at ringside.

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: After that interesting segue, it is time for the Hard Ten Match!

Lieberjosch: Interesting concept, I looked into this, it's basically a hardcore match, where rather than scoring a pinfall or submission you are awarded points, one for every successful use of a weapon, and two each time you put an opponent through a table. First competitor to ten wins. If they could work the concept into something that wasn't merely a back yarders wet dream it might be worthwhile.

“Bullet With Butterfly Wings”

Dennis: The next match is a Hard Ten Match. Introducing first, from Texas....ANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDY SAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNAAAA!!!

Vinegar: Andy Savana wasn't a stranger to Pay-Per-Views in his time in GIW, in fact he headlined the very first GIW Pay-Per-View Horizons in 2007, losing to Declan Prescott.

Lieberjosch: He does a lot of losing, no?

Cover Jay: It seems that's the way he likes it.

A quick blackout, a hushed tone, and a gravel-like voice comments over the PA:

"The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. ”

“Free Your Hate”

Dennis: From Manchester, UK....MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRKKKKK MAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEWWWWSSS!!!

The lights come up, and Joker makes his way from behind the curtain, out to the ring. Jerry follows behind, adamantly waving to the crowd as if he were the celebrity. Joker, on the other hand, remains stoic, scowling and unimpressed.

Upon reaching the ring, Joker vaults up, climbing the nearest turnbuckle, and pounded his chest once, twice, three times, before climbing down. Jerry takes his position at ringside to watch over the events in the ring.

Vinegar: 'Joker' Mark Matthews was in neither GIW or LWF, but has settled well in the midst o the merge, and has had some very promising outings.

Lieberjosch: I'd say he stands a good chance, if this wasn't a garbage hardcore match up, so worthless that they defy any laws of logic so it's fruitless to attempt to predict them.

Covert Jay: Hardcore is just about the greatest gift to Professional Wrestling in the last twenty years.

Lieberjosch: Funny that's almost exactly the opposite statement to the title of Article 193.

“Shout 2000”

Dennis: From his Roster Page...JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHNNNNN RRRRUUUUUSSSSSOOOOO!!!!

"Shout 2000" hits over the PA system as John Russo appears from behind the curtain, smiling as he poses for the crowd on top of the stage. He walks at a moderate pace down the ramp, pumping his arms into the air and telling the crowd to, Shout!" When he reaches ringside, he slides underneath the bottom ring rope and quickly stands up in the center of the ring. He poses for the crowd once more, telling the crowd to, "Come on! Keep on shouting!"

Vinegar: A former Cross-Hemisphere Champion, the 2008 LWF Lord of the Ring and a two time LWF Tag Team Champion, Russo has a lot of history behind him.

Lieberjosch: Any relation to Vince?

Vinegar: I don't think so.

Lieberjosch: Shame, he was a good man.

“I've got it all”

Dennis: From Tampa....ERRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCC GOOOOOOOOOLLLLLDDDD!!!!

The lights dim to black. Suddenly, two giant golden spotlights appear shooting upwards. They aim towards each other, then around the arena before ending at the entrance to the stage. "I've Got It All" hits the arena to a sound of resounding boos, as Eric Gold walks out, arms wide open as in he is just taking the heat without a care in the world. He widens his legs, before sitting into them. He leans forward before sliding both hands through his hair. At the same time he slightly leans backwards and as soon as he is upright again, Gold shoots up in the air, bringing his arms in. At the landing, he extends both arms sharply, as a giant pyro behind him explodes leaving an Golden like waterfall. Gold walks forward and slides into the ring.

Vinegar: Eric Gold is another new name to UGWC fans, having only competed in a few matches so far, whilst he will be disappointed thus far, it's been a steady start for this man full of self confidence

Lieberjosch: He's yet to show his confidence is well placed. Unfortunately for him hardcore matches prove little about ability. In many cases it just proves who can sustain the most blood loss, which is really quite a heathen concept.

Vinegar: There are two referee's in the ring to make sure things don't get out of hand, and to relay the scores to Mitchell Dennis.

Lieberjosch: What do you think they can do? They'll just stand by, slack jawed like the rest, it's a wonder they're not wearing wife beaters.

Covert Jay: This is going to be an amazing start to the show, I can't wait to see the Dragon's Cave...I BET he'll breath fire tonight.

Lieberjosch: I would put my doctorate on the line that he won't.

Covert Jay: I've been warned abut your little problem, and my contract forbids me from entering into any such conversations or agreements with you.

Lieberjosch: Coward.

Vinegar: All the competitors are in their positions, both referee's signal for the bell, and it's official, No Holds Barred: Adapt or Die, UGWC's First Ever PPV, is under way.

Lieberjosch: And every competitor swiftly exits the ring, if only they had all come to their senses and decided to do a group boycott against trash wrestling like this. Alas, I know this is about as likely as Alex Kiseragi actually breathing fire tonight.

Covert Jay: That's just stupid. Dragon's breath fire all the time, so that pretty likely! These guys want to win, so them all walking off is pretty unlikely!

Vinegar: Joker has set about dragging tables out from underneath the ring, a smart strategy, remember if you put an opponent through a table it's worth 2 points, whilst a weapon shot is only worth one.

Lieberjosch: For the many mathematically challenged out there, a table is worth DOUBLE the amount of points in this match.

Covert Jay: And remember points mean prizes.

Vinegar: Savana is the first back in the ring, dragging a shovel behind him, but he is swiftly followed in by John Russo, who merely grabbed a wrench, he leaps over the ropes, ducks Savana's laboured swing, and hit's him square in the forehead with the wrench.

John Russo: 1 Point

Lieberjosch: Eric Gold slides in with the good old fashioned chair, as he gets to his feet he swings instinctively at Russo, but John manages to roll out of the way, in a smart technical display which I fear we will see little of tonight.

Vinegar: Russo slides out of the ring as Mark Matthews finishes setting up a fourth table, there is one parallel to each side of the ring, and Joker has in his hand a chair also, Gold turns just as Joker swings the chair, but Eric blocks, and for a few moments both men duel with the chairs but neither man manages to connect....

Lieberjosch: Roll up?

Vinegar: Savana breaks up the dueling chair shots by rolling up Gold for a pin, despite pin falls not counting. Matthews breaks this ill-judged hold by slamming his chair into Savana's back...

Mark Matthews: 1 Point

Lieberjosch: Eric Gold slides out of the ring, in an attempt to dodge a second swing by Matthew's, but turns instead directly into John Russo's wrench.

John Russo: 2 Points.

Vinegar: joker grabs Savana and drags him to his feet, before throwing him over the top rope and he crashes through a waiting table.

Mark Matthews: 3 Points.

Lieberjosch: He then runs the ropes and leaps over the rope...HURICNANRANA THROUGH THE TABLE TO RUSSO!

Mark Matthews: 5 Points

Vinegar: A spectacular move, but it has taken some of the wind from Matthews, and Eric Gold scrambles to his feet, grabs one of the shattered legs from the table and slams it across the backs of both the opponents.

Eric Gold: 2 Points.

Lieberjosch: But John Russo eventually grabs his leg, and spins him to the floor, before getting to his feet and sliding into the ring, and picking upo a chair, before rushing at Andy Savana who has clambered into the ring and slamming it into his face, and sending Savana over the top rope once more.

John Russo: 3 Points

Vinegar: Matthews is back on his feet now, and he grabs Russo's discarded wrench and waits for Eric Gold to climb to his feet, before slamming it into his forehead once more and laughing as Gold once again falls to the floor.

Mark Matthews: 6 points.

Lieberjosch: He slides into the ring, and dodges a swing from Russo, and brings the wrench up into his opponents ribs...

Mark Matthews: 7 Points.

Vinegar: Joker getting a bit of daylight from his opponents here, points wise. But russo manages to kick the wrench from Matthews' hand, and connects with a swing of the chair.

John Russo: 4 Points.

Lieberjosch: Savana getting to his feet, looks up and see's Russo, leaping over the ropes and slamming the chair into his face.]

John Russo: 5 Points.

Vinegar: Russo picking up some momentum here, discards the chair, and grabs the shovel, before heading towards Eric Gold and swinging it...

Lieberjosch: Gold dodges out of the way and manages to slam Russo into the ring post causing him to drop the shovel, as Mark Matthews gets to his feet, and grabs hold of the wrench once more, and slips out of the ring, before driving it into the ribs of Andy Savana.

Mark Matthews: 8 points.

Vinegar: Russo won't know that Joker is on the brink of a victory, and he reverses Eric Golds attempt to whip him into the guard rail, and then leans down and grabs the table leg, before driving it across the throat of Eric Gold.

John Russo:6 Points.

Lieberjosch: It may be worth nothing though, Matthews has dragged Andy Savana over to one of the two remaining tables, and he has climbed up with him, placing his head between his legs. When he puts him through this match is over...he heaves him up...POWERBOMB!

Vinegar: NO! John Russo was in the ring, climbed the turnbuckle and as Joker lifted Savana he leapt and speared Matthews legs out from underneath him...and BOTH Savana and Joker go through table...according to Hazel East and Owen Peterson, that counts as four points...

John Russo: 10 Points.

Dennis: Here is you're winner....JOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHNNNNNNN RUUUUUSSSSSSOOOOOO!!!

Lieberjosch: I'll admit that was a smart move, though I'm not sure about the referee's judgement there.

Vinegar: Well at least Mark Matthews is laughing as he surveys the damage.



John Russo: 6

'Joker' Mark Matthews: 5

Eric Gold: 1

Andy Savana: 0

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: And I'm being told we have Grey Coppi standing by with Tyvola for the rest of Tyvola's picks.

Lieberjosch: Fans remember from the 'interview' by Reeves we've deduced it will be Raenius and Tyvola starting for their respective teams.

Jay: Sneaky like a ninja.

The camera cuts to Grey Coppi approaching the catering table where Tyvola has skipped the plate and simply opted to eat the roast beef by the handful.

Coppi: Tyvola, I'm Grey Coppi. I'd like to get a few words with you.

Tyvola: No more cupcakes. They gave me the squirts.

Coppi: Alright then. Now you won the right to decide who starts for each of the teams in tonight's Prison Break match for the UGWC Cooperative Titles. We have concluded from your interview with Jason Reeves earlier in broadcast that Raenius will be starting for the Covenant, and yourself for the team of you and the 'Headliner'. Who will be the other two ...?

Tyvola: I don't know who he is, but why would he poison the beef?

A nervous smile is all Coppi can muster.

...

Tyvola: No, it tastes good. I don't think it's poisoned. Beside it will take more than an assassins plot to down me. The Great Sphinx has deemed me worthy to fight in his stead.

...

Tyvola: No that homunculus will not be seen tonight. The pawns of the damned and the puppets of Shaman have no business in battle with me.

The smile washes from Coppi's face as he watches Tyvola's heavy feet carry him away.

Coppi: What does that mean?

?: Perhaps the Headliner can enlighten you.

Travis Roberts strolls into frame looking lovingly at his pre-roll as Coppi turns around.

Roberts: The Blessed One loves that guy by the way.

Coppi: Folks, I'm joined now by Travis Roberts. We failed to get to Tyvola's thought process...

Roberts lets out an amused sound at the mention of Tyvola having a thought process. It wasn't really a laugh but it was pleasant.

Coppi: So maybe you can decipher the Jackal of Jwar Isle's words.

Roberts: A brilliant bit of strategy is all it is. The Headliner is not surprised one such as yourself fails to realize it, but the TWiSTeD Icon is particularly amazed the Hardcore Hermit stumbled on this bit of genius. He is implying that Duncan Ryder will be placed in the cage. Truly an awe inspiring thought. It is doubtful that Johnny Blake would even bother unlocking his pet.

Coppi: And what of the word from earlier that Tyvola has decided it will be you in the cage?

Roberts: Another amazing surprise. Why would he want to the 'The Most Influential Icon in Sports Entertainment' to tire before carrying him to the Cooperative Championship. Let the Bearded Bastard destroy, and the Headliner will finish the job. But speaking of finishing.

Roberts glances down at his delicacy that is not being smoked at the moment, and then saunters off.

Coppi: I doubt Roxy will get any closer.

The camera cuts back to Nicolas, Hans, and Covert at ringside.

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: And moving right along. Folks it's time to unify the GIW Hardcore title and the LWF Havok championship!

Jay: YES!

Lieberjosch: If we must.

Vinegar: This match will be contested in a Three Floors of Hell match. Jay, being that you're from the LWF is there anything you can tell us about this match, or the three cages they're stacking over the ring?

Jay: Bananas, the match is pure bananas. One only a true ninja could excel at.

Lieberjosch: And that is the kind of answer one must expect when asking an imbecile. Vinegar had you bothered to do your homework, you would know about the Three Floors of Hell match. Might have even seen a few. I myself have seen them all.

Vinegar: Both?

Lieberjosch: All. The first being at the first Lockmania in March of '02 that say Psiko defeat Flame Demon. The other at Vengeance in September of '08 where Tacker defeated Psiko for the Havok title.

Vinegar: So both.

Jay: SOMEONE GONNA FALL!

Lieberjosch: All. Originally called the Three Levels of Hell the combatants enter into a normal cell. A hole in the roof leads to the second level, another hole in that roof grants access to the third and final floor where attached to the wall in this case will be the UGWC Chaos title. To win one must secure the Chaos title and make it to the floor.

Vinegar: Very informative.

Lieberjosch: Indeed, and if you have not figured it out, or read my article on the matter you would see that this will be the first of it's kind with more than two competitors. Not that subjecting the fans to watching two garbage wrestlers killing each other was bad enough. Tonight we have three.

Dennis: Yeah, so may I please get to the introductions?

Lieberjosch: Absurd. I lowly ring announcer interrupting this leading voice of Professional Wrestling.

Vinegar: Sports Entertainment.

Lieberjosch: Is disgusting.

Jay: A ninja knows to disguise...

Lieberjosch: The ninja died out in the...

Dennis: Screw it. Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest isn't scheduled for any falls! Tonight the UGWC Chaos Title will be won in a Three Floors of Hell match! Introducing first standing six foot ten inches, weighing in at 300 pounds, this is Jason 'Inferno' GRRAAAAAAAAAANNT!

"Screwed" by Dale Oliver hits as Inferno walks out to the silence of the crowd. He soaks up the heat in his mind and lifts two arms up at the same time like he is absorbing it all. He throws his two arms down as explosions boom from the stage behind him. He walks down to the ring, ignoring the fans questions of just who in the blue hell is he, climbs up the steel steps. Before he enters he points to the fans and taunts them before climbing into the ring. He stands in the middle of the ring, and shouts aloud, showing all the tense muscles in his body as he awaits his opponent.

Vinegar: A, ah, well a welcome for Inferno.

Lieberjosch: Jason Grant being the longest reigning Havok Champion deserves a spot in this match, and is also the only one of these three to compete let alone win a Three Floors of Hell match.

Jay: A brutal, ninja inspired, match at Vengeance.

Vinegar: The UGWC isn't about what you've done, it's about what you do. To say he was the longest reigning Havok champion, but hasn't been seen in two weeks, so he gets in the match is an abomination. Paul Cockatoo is more deserving of that spot.

Lieberjosch: I believe you're just upset because no one on the planet seems to know the location of the GIW's longest reigning Hardcore champion.

Vinegar: Everyone know that Travis Roberts is in the Prison Break match.

Lieberjosch: And everyone should know that Unified Global Championship was a sham for the simple reason that after Kiseragi won it, he effectively un-unified it handing the Hardcore title back to a Randy Boolzian before losing the TFC Title belt to the same midget Randy Boolzian a week later.

Vinegar: The official...

Lieberjosch: The official party line is what got you're GIW in so much trouble that it had to seek out the Consortium to save it's sorry self.

Jay: PWNED!

Lieberjosch: And don't even get me started on you're pathetic Lock Wrestling Federation, Jay. To think any wrestling, WRESTLING, federation would devise such a pathetic pan the masses match such as this is disgusting.

Dennis: Guy's I'm trying to work over here. And his opponent, standing... fuck. Alright. Standing bigger than a bread box, but shorter than the dildo Lieberjosch has shoved up his ass at this moment is the current Havok Champion, this is Kyle 'Rrriiiiiioooooooooooott' Taaackkkkker!

"Violence Fetish" hits over the PA system as Kyle Tacker steps out from the back, holding the LWF Havok championship in his right hand. He smiles as he walks down the ramp, flipping the fans off with his left hand as he goes. When he gets to ringside, he hurls the title over the top rope through the cell door with a grin on his face. He then climbs up the steel steps, and goes through the second rope to enter the ring. He picks up the title with his right hand, and holds it up to the crowd before placing his middle finger right in front of the center of the title.

Vinegar: Surly son of a gun isn't he?

Jay: Let's get hardcore like a ninja on a samurai's wife.

Vinegar: Did the samurai have wives?

Jay: How else would a samurai be born?

Lieberjosch: And people wonder what happened to the GIW and LWF to necessitate a merger.

Dennis: And their opponent. Standing five foot ten inches, weighting in at 185 pounds, he is the 'Wildcard', he is the GIW Hardcore Champion, this is Jjje-et Sssso-OOOMMERS!

A silhouette resembling Jet Somers appears in the distance of the hallway, walking toward the screen. A distorted and distant Mark Collie wails: 'In time, your time will be no more...,' and the vertical control suddenly flips out as Nonpoint's "Everybody Down" hits hard and Jet runs out from behind the curtain. He runs to the edge of the stage and pumps his fist in the air a few times. At 'And when I stomp you' Jet holds out his hand for Jenny to take as she follows him from the back. The two begin down the aisle way slapping hands in the crowd as they go. Upon reaching the cell Jenny lets go of Jet who running leaps onto the apron of the ring. He grabs the rope with one hand and pumps the other fist in the air on each 'Everybody Down!' chant of the chorus. Jet finally steps in, unstraps the Hardcore Championship and hands it to the official. He begins bouncing on the balls of his feet and throwing shadow punches to warm up.

Vinegar: Jet, perhaps the most unlikely Hardcore Champion. How much do you think his reluctance to use weapons will hamper his efforts in a match like this?

Jay: Hardcore is as hardcore does.

Lieberjosch: Weapons or not. Nothing is going to hinder Jet Somers more than his diminutive size. He's give up more than a hundred pounds to Grant, and only god knows how much to Tacker, but Tacker looks bigger than 185.

Vinegar: Really?

Lieberjosch: Who the hell can tell? Seems like a roster full of gimmick cock blockers.

Jay: Da bell, da bell boss, da bell!

Vinegar: And Owen Peterson has in fact called for the bell.

Lieberjosch: See an a match like this, to be successful you need to get right to the action. Not jaw jack like Jason Grant.

Jay: Red, yellow, white! Red Brass Knuckles!

Vinegar: Deliberately Kyle Tacker has slipped on two pairs of red brass knuckles while Grant insults Somers to his Jet's seemingly amusement.

Lieberjosch: Grant attempting to lay the bad mouth to Tacker, and eats one set of the brass knucks courtesy of a hard right cross!

Vinegar: Spins Grant around right into a Kao Loi from Somers!

Jay: The Inferno has been put out!

Lieberjosch: And no sooner than Somers land on his feet he needs to start fending off those armored fists of Tacker.

Vinegar: Somers covering up, but those brass knuckles have got to be taking their toll on the forearms and hands of Jet.

Jay: Brooklyn to Manhattan used to be a 3 cent toll, but not Jet gets a free pass.

Lieberjosch: Somers shoots in with a double leg take down, and immediately begins trying to disarm Tacker.

Vinegar: Kimura, to Keyhole, and finally a Triangle choke leaving Tacker's right arm exposed. Jet's trying to get those knucks off the fingers of Tacker.

Lieberjosch: Kyle Tacker rolls him over, and begins unloading left after left into Somer's kidney region. And the Wildcard has to let go!

Vinegar: Both men back to their feet...

Jay: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Lieberjosch: HA, yeah Nicolas. Silence.

Vinegar: Jay obviously alluding to Kyle Tacker's 'finisher'. A brass knuckled punch to the lower jaw. Jet Somers might be out cold!

Jay: And Tacker found a tacker!

Vinegar: John Tacker taking a hammer tacker off the cell wall, and plants stable after staple into Somer's forehead!

Lieberjosch: Garbage, complete garbage, but at least the pre-teen look a-like isn't coming out on top.

Vinegar: And it looks like Riot is ready to attempt making it to the second story. He's on the turn buckle, leaps for the hole, and pulls himself up as Jenny screams to Jet in an attempt to get Crazy Opie moving.

Jay: Be the Ninja, Somers! Ninja Summer! Summer Ninja! Spring Time Fresh!

Lieberjosch: And herein lies the problem with a match like this. Where is the incentive for Jet Somers to attempt to catch up with Tacker. Surely climbing through a hole with your opponent on the other side with god knows what weapon is absolutely stupid. Especially when you can wait by the gate, conserve your energy, let Tacker get the title, and bring it to you. If Jet waits long enough he can attempt to disable Tacker, take the title, and waltz through the cell door victorious.

Vinegar: That is not the fighting spirit the GIW Hardcore Champion is known for, and it is not the competitive nature he's showing now!

Jay: OHH go Jenny!

Vinegar: Apparently Jenny's words have gotten Jet to his feet, and he scrambles to catch up to Riot!

Lieberjosch: Imbecile!

Jay: Like a ninja. Or Parkour.

Vinegar: Jet is through to the second story as Tacker struggles to get through the hole to the third with those brass knuckles on without the benefit of a turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: And finally someone show's some brains. Grant is to his feet, he's picked up that hammer tacker, and looks like he's willing to wait for the belt to come to him.

Vinegar: Jet has a hold of Tacker’s legs, no, Suicide Pull!

Jay: And Ninja Jet crash!

Lieberjosch: Somers with a laying down sleeper hold.

Vinegar: Rear Naked Choke.

Lieberjosch: Maybe if every competitor looked the same save for bad haircuts and worse tattoos. Tonight it's a laying down sleeper hold.

Vinegar: Regardless, Jet transitions back to a Triangle Choke. Again attempting to disarm Kyle Tacker.

Lieberjosch: And again Tacker feeds him kidney shot after kidney shot with his free arm.

Jay: Ninjas don't give up. But we do retreat!

Vinegar: Somers releases the hold, both to their feet, Kyle launches at Jet as Jet shoots in and ties Riot up with a waist lock. Belly to belly take down, Somers passes what looks like full guard, half guard, and Somers in control with a series of Ground and Pound fists and elbows!

Jay: Ninja barrage!

Lieberjosch: Smash mouth aggression. Even I can appreciate this.

Vinegar: Tacker struggling to get free, and gives Somers his back. Jet transitions beautifully into that Kimura Armbar of his, and again goes after the brass knuckles on Tacker's hands. This time both arms of Kyle Tacker are locked up!

Lieberjosch: Persistent little, LITTLE, man isn't he.

Jay: Ninja's never give up. We're like the Iron Man 2 Burger King commercials. Relentless.

Vinegar: And he's got one! Jet tosses the knucles of Tackers left hand to the floor below. Can he get the right?

Lieberjosch: He's trying switch arms, but Tacker escapes. Riot to his feet first behind Somers, shoves him into the cell wall, Reverse STO...

Vinegar: JETSTREAMER! Somers off the cell wall with the Jetstreamer, and now it's Jet Somers attempting to climb to the third floor of hell!

Jay: Ninja agility. Like plugging the Avenger or at least Thor movie, I think, at the end of Iron Man 2. Ooh, SPOILERZ!

Lieberjosch: Somers to the third floor. Now can he get down though? Because if I was managering either Tacker or Grant I'd tell them to stay put. Make Jet fight through them both to escape.

Vinegar: Well you're not, and Tacker isn't going to wait. He tosses his own last pair of brass knuckles to free his grip, and he's giving chase to the third floor.

Jay: Use your ninja speed Jet!

Lieberjosch: This is actually very smart by Jet Somers, who has reached the UGWC Chaos title, and has secured it around his waist. Now if Tacker wants to win he's got to get the title from Jet, and then escape.

Vinegar: Not what he has Tacker has in mind though. He finally hits that Reverse STO sending Somers into the cell wall directly above us.

Lieberjosch: But he's not going for the belt.

Jay: Dastardly dastard!

Vinegar: Wait 'dastard' is a word?

Jay: I'm as surprised as you, but you get no red squiggly line under my words.

Lieberjosch: And back to the match, if you can call it that, going on in front of us. Tacker has taken a sledgehammer off the cell wall.

Vinegar: Jet to his feet, leaning against the cell, he turns, and avoids a vile shot from Tacker.

Ninja: Jay like reflexes!

Vinegar: Tacker swings, Jet evades, Tacker swings, Jet ducks, Tacker swings, and Jet weaves.

Lieberjosch: Who built this structure?

Vinegar: YO MOMMA!

Jay: ...

Lieberjosch: ...

Vinegar: Sorry. Flash back. Why do you ask Hans?

Lieberjosch: Firstly that's Dr. Lieberjosch to you. And I ask because it looks like part of that cell wall is coming undone.

Vinegar: Tacker sending shot after shot with that sledgehammer, but Jet has managed to avoid contact.

Jay: Ninja skillz boys, ah boyz.

Lieberjosch: Once to often did Jet not get hit. Tacker swung, let go of the hammer, and caught Jet has he ducked. Tacker has him up, turns around, and sends Somers into the cell wall with a Fallaway slam that he calls 'Fall In'!

Vinegar: And Somers collapses on that cell floor as Grant watches on impotently from the first floor.

Lieberjosch: And Tacker has him back up, could be another Fall In into that weakening cell wall.

Jay: Ninja reserve! Jet escapes like a slippery ninja fish!

Vinegar: Tacker turns Somers around to get his back, belly to back into the cell...

Lieberjosch: No, Jet's holding on to Tacker's head.

Vinegar: Somers moving his feet across the top of that cell, and sends... MY GOD!

Jay: Ninja suicide!

Lieberjosch: Jet Somers just used a Shiranui to send both men crashing through the cell wall, and down to the arena floor!

Vinegar: Wait, Somers has the belt, that means he wins! Where's the bell?

Jay: I think Tacker landed on Rhombus' bell.

Rhombus: Got Dang Right He Did! Screw These Guys! They Get No Bell!

Vinegar: Regardless, as Jason Grant looks on after doing absolutely nothing, Owen Peterson has declared Jet Somers the winner, and first ever UGWC Chaos Champion!

Dennis: Ladies and Gentlemen here is your winner, fuck it Vinegar stole my thunder. AGAIN!

Lieberjosch: One has to wonder how much shorter both of these men's careers are now after falling from the top floor of hell, through the timekeepers table, to the floor.

Vinegar: Jenny rushing over to Jet as he struggles back to his feet. One last look from Rhombus, and Jet flashes a sly boyish smile to the possessive time keeper. Folks let’s get some medics out here for Tacker, and let us congratulate both men for an amazing performance.

Somers – 9

Tacker – 5

Grant – 0

[Lord Hastings]

The Joker walks into the Covenant’s locker room and is paid little to no attention by Dirge as he and Chassie Fear leave him alone with Raenius, Syn and Lilith. He is, naturally, flanked by Jerry, who wears an expression of suspicion.

Joker: Well this is a bit of a letdown. Women... but no drink, so I assume this is business.

The Resident Evil sits back in his chair, slumping nonchalantly before his company.

Raenius: Keep seeing on the news year after year, albeit sporadically, about some teacher in some school somewhere getting taken to court for giving a wein a slap. People are too preoccupied with being hippies and fanny farts these days to see that the whole point is to learn discipline. Generation upon generation of those that came before us got the black beaten off them in school and, mostly, they’re a better breed. Tougher. Determined. Today? Today we have kids that are belligerent, obnoxious, ignorant, stupid and egotistical to a nauseating degree as a general rule. A total arse-about-face turn from fifty years ago.

Raenius stands up and approaches the Joker.

Raenius: People have lost their ways, Mark. Back in the day things were much better. More harsh, but more effective. Makes me think that, maybe, the old ways are best. You used to bleed Covenant. What’s say you do again?

Matthews laughs.

Joker: Blood for blood, huh? That's a game I can get behind. You run it down the right flank, cross it to me, tap it into the back of the net, and we all go home heroes and champions.

He raises an eyebrow at Raenius.

Joker: I'm not in the mood to play second-fiddle to mister dress-up right now though, so I'll come back when you've got a bit more to say.

Abruptly, the Joker leaves the room, with Syn’s eyebrow raised, Lilith frowning and Raenius’ Kabuki exterior untouched.

Lilith: Cheeky motherfucker! I hope you’re going to teach him a lesson for turning us down so brazenly.

Raenius: Don’t be a ditzy whore, dear.

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: After a thrilling Three Floors of Hell Match that crowned the first UGWC Chaos Champion, we continue on here at No Holds Barred!

Lieberjosch: This next match is one of two matches tonight that will earn the victor a future shot at the World Heavyweight Championship.

Vinegar: And it will be a Hall of Mirrors Match, Jay, perhaps you can tell us a bit about it.

Covert Jay: I surely can. Anybody knows that a Hall of Mirrors match takes place in a mirror maze that is position in the arena away from the ring. The two competitors must find their way to the center of the ring to retrieve an object and the first person to escape with it is the victor.

Vinegar: It seems LWF went to the well quite a bit with these object retrieval/escape matches.

Covert Jay: It is the way of the ninja.

The lights dim to a near blackout, as all you can see on the Titantron is the words: "He Is Here!" Suddenly, an explosion erupts from the stage as "Firefly" by Breaking Benjamin starts up. Medos appears just as the chorus starts. He walks to the front of the stage, looks around, raises one hand up slowly, then throws it down as yet another explosion appears from behind him. The screen is showing Medos wrestling with several other wrestlers from previous matches. Medos carries on walking down, he slaps hands with one fan, and walks past the others. He approaches the maze and stops in front of it. He points at the fans, raises his hand to his forehead, sticks his index and middle finger out, and salutes the fans.

Mitchell: The following contest is the Hall of Mirrors Match, and the winner will receive a future shot at the World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the English Engima, MEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: Medos and Demios will be entering the maze at different points, and they will have to find their way to the center, were waiting for them is a briefcase with which they must escape.

Lieberjosch: So it is theoretically possible that Medos and Deimos never come in physical contact with each other.

Vinegar: Theoretically, yeah.

Lieberjosch: That’s stupid.

“Phucking Phreak” hits, and Phrixus Deimos takes his time coming down the ramp, as Hazel East leads Medos to his entrance point.

Mitchell: And his opponent, the Embodiment of Fear, PHRIXUS DEIIIIIMOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Vinegar: Deimos is experienced in this match, having competed in three of them during his time in LWF.

Lieberjosch: By which you mean the only three Hall of Mirrors matches that have ever been held.

Covert Jay: And he has beaten some of the best in it, including Phoenix and “The Talk of the Town” Alan Fernandez.

Vinegar: Hazel East leading Deimos to his entrance, and that’s about all she’ll have to do in this match, until it comes time to signal for the end.

DING DING!

Vinegar: Both men entering the maze as this match is underway. Deimos walks cautiously, scanning the mirrors, and Medos charges into the maze and rounds a corner. Deimos walks around a corner, and a mirror swivels behind him, cutting him off from the way he came! That mirror just moved!

Covert Jay: Any ninja knows that twist of the Hall of Mirrors! The mirrors are rigged to rotate on a timer, and the path changes throughout the match!

Covert Jay: More importantly, Deimos, a three time veteran of this match, is familiar with this and likely prepared for it, whereas Medos is going to have to learn to adapt.

Vinegar: Medos speeding down a corridor, but a mirror swivels right into his way, and Medos smacks into it!

Lieberjosch: Ha! That’s great!

Vinegar: I’m sure Medos doesn’t think so, he hit that mirror hard enough that there are some cracks in it.

Lieberjosch: Deimos may never need to find Medos during this match, Medos might just take himself out!

Vinegar: Deimos walks around a corner and down a hall, right into a dead end. Looks like he’ll have to go back the other way, but the mirror at the end swivels open, revealing Medos getting up off the ground!

Lieberjosch: And Deimos doesn’t see him, he’s given up on the path!

Vinegar: Medos sees Deimos and charges at him, Deimos turning around…

Lieberjosch: But a mirror swivels between them, cutting them off from each other!

Vinegar: Medos manages to stop this time before he hits it, but he pounds his fist once on the mirror in frustration, cracking it slightly.

Covert Jay: He clearly isn’t concerned about seven years of bad luck.

Vinegar: I’m sure he is more focused on the here and now, as meanwhile on the other side, Deimos starts walking down the newly opened path.

Lieberjosch: You know, it really is possible that we could get through this match with no fighting at all between Deimos and Medos!

Vinegar: It is intelligence, not brawn, that will win this match.

Covert Jay: The way of the ninja.

Vinegar: Deimos continues to explore the maze, and Medos hurries away from the dead end he is in. He walks down a hall and freezes when he sees a reflection of Deimos, and he turns to face Deimos, only to run into another mirror, and Deimos reveals himself and clotheslines Medos down!

Lieberjosch: Finally!

Vinegar: Deimos goes to pull Medos up, but Medos elbows him in the chest and pulls him into a headlock. Medos looking around, but Deimos shoves him off and away, and a mirror swivels into position between them!

Lieberjosch: I’ve known women that weren’t this much of a tease.

Covert Jay: I’m sure you overpaid for them.

Lieberjosch: I would never pay for such things, you bottom-feeding fool.

Vinegar: They head off in opposite directions, and Medos rounds a corner and finds himself at the exit of the maze.

Lieberjosch: Look at this! Medos couldn’t possibly be further away from where he wants to be!

Vinegar: Medos has found the exit that Deimos first used to enter the maze, but without the briefcase, finding the exit doesn’t do Medos any good!

Covert Jay: It’s good to know it’s still there though.

Lieberjosch: Hold on, what is this fool doing?

Vinegar: Medos is leaving the maze entirely, jumping onto the ring apron.

Covert Jay: He’s following the path of the ninja!

Vinegar: Medos turning and he leaps towards the maze, grabbing the top and pulling himself on top of the mirrors! Medos is standing on top of the maze, and he starts walking along the tops of the mirrors towards the center of the maze!

Lieberjosch: But look back in the maze! Deimos has the briefcase!

Vinegar: Deimos taking the briefcase of a pedestal as one wall of the chamber closes and another open. Deimos glances over his shoulder at his reflection, then walks down the open corridor. Medos is running along the top of the mirrors…

Lieberjosch: But Deimos spins and throws the briefcase right through a mirror, shattering it underneath Medos!

Covert Jay: Bad luck for both of them!

Vinegar: What an amazing awareness of Phrixus Deimos to know to do that!

Lieberjosch: Don’t forget, he’s been through three of these. Deimos has seen and done it all in the Hall of Mirrors, you’re not going to be able to surprise him.

Vinegar: Deimos approaching Medos as he lies in the shattered glass, going to retrieve the briefcase…but Medos swings his legs around and drops Deimos face first into the briefcase!

Covert Jay: Bad luck!

Vinegar: Medos stumbling to his feet, he’s bleeding up and down his arms, but he’s not giving up.

Lieberjosch: Of course not! The match can’t end that way, if he just lays there Deimos will eventually get up and hit him with something.

Vinegar: Medos has the briefcase, and he hurries down a corridor, but a mirror swivels into his path.

Lieberjosch: This is the problem that faces Medos now, he has the briefcase, but it means nothing if he can’t escape with it!

Vinegar: Medos comes around a corner, and he sees an exit at the end of the corridor! Medos rushing down the hallway…

Lieberjosch: But another mirror opens and Deimos leaps through and spears Medos down!

Vinegar: Deimos with the briefcase now, he hurries towards the exit, but a mirror swings into the path!

Lieberjosch: And Deimos is clearly frustrated, and he can’t afford to lose his focus now.

Vinegar: Deimos turning back around…

Covert Jay: TRANSATLANTIC TROUBLE!!!

Vinegar: Medos drives Deimos straight through the mirror with that roundhouse kick, and the path is open!

Lieberjosch: Deimos is completely out of it!

Vinegar: Medos has the briefcase, he’s limping a bit, but it’s not going to stop him, as he crosses the threshold, and he’s out of the maze!

Mitchell: Here is your winner….MEEEEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Medos: 8

Phrixus Deimos: 6

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: And one more time folks. We send it to Roxy Malone, backstage with Tyvola's decision.

The camera shifts to Roxy Malone who is seen walking towards Tyvola who is seen glaring at eD cASe from across the loading bay.

Roxy: Thank you Vinegar. Roxy Malone here, with Tyvola. Tyvola, we know Travis Roberts, Chassie Fear, and Duncan Ryder will be locked behind bars to begin Prison Break but who from the Brick City Boyz will be joining them?

Tyvola continues to stare at eD cASe, how as of yet has not noticed Ty. Instead eD frustratingly waves his arms in exacerbation as it seems Forewell Boding is trying to explain another way the powers that be are poised to dominate the world.

Roxy: Tyvola? Hello?

...

Tyvola: Indeed. A travesty against the natural way. An amalgam of sin and black arts that can only be perpetrated by witchdoctors sorcery. A taint on all that is right.

Roxy places a hand on Tyvola's intimidating shoulder causing his gargantuan head to snap in her direction. Instantly his presence calms.

Roxy: Ah, hi. So Ty, I'm Roxy! Hey, who from the Brick City Boyz are you locking up?

She smiles, bats her eyes, pouts her lips, and tosses her hair as she waits for the answer. It doesn't come. Tyvola stands there, his eyes becoming more and more sinister with each passing thought.

...

Tyvola: Yeah. I think she does.

Roxy's demeanor changes now also. She takes a subconscious step back. She makes sure her blouse is fully buttoned. She holds the microphone out as a last line of defense.

Roxy: Will it be David 'Hitman' Lopes or 'Dynamite' Derick Felix?

Tyvola: ...Fe..lix..?

Roxy: Well then, thank you so much. Grey if you're watching, I got the last name, you own me 50 bucks, and now I'm getting the hell out of here.

Roxy wastes no time quickly fleeing the scene. As Tyvola watches.

...

Tyvola: Yeah, can I find out? I want to find out.

The camera again returns to ringside.

Lieberjosch: I could make so much money with that guy!

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: We’ve already crowned the first UGWC Chaos Champion as well as determined one of two new contenders for the World Heavyweight Championship, it’s time to crown another new set of champions!

Covert Jay: In Prison Break!

Lieberjosch: I found that show to be ridiculous in its concept. Didn’t it go on for years after they actually got out? Somebody should have planned better.

Vinegar: What we are about to see is of course a Prison Break Match, not a television show, and I understand that there were two of these before in LWF, is that right, Jay?

Covert Jay: You get a cookie! In fact, last December in Prison Break, John Russo and Kyle Tacker won the Tag Team Championship in Prison Break, and the defending champions were the Brick City Boyz!

Vinegar: Who are once again the LWF Tag Team Champions entering Prison Break tonight. A cell surrounds the ring, and on the roof of the cell are four chambers. One member of each team will be locked in a chamber, and in order to win this match, you must free your partner and both members of the team must make it back to the stage.

“Cochise” begins to play, and Travis Roberts comes through the curtain, his arms spread open wide. He walks down the ramp and climbs the wall of the cage surrounding the ring, and he reaches the roof and enters a chamber, pulling it shut as it locks automatically.

Mitchell: The following contest is the Prison Break Match for the Cooperative Championship! Introducing first, the Blessed One, TRAVIS ROBBBBBBBBERRRRRRRRRRTTTTTSSSSSS!!!!

Lieberjosch: How do you get your partner out of the locked chamber?

Vinegar: Says here that the partners are each given a key, and…Jay, why are you laughing?

Covert Jay: I’ve seen these matches before, and I know something that you don’t.

Lieberjosch: That’s not obnoxious or anything.

“Quick Death” begins to play, and Duncan Ryder walks out, dressed in his bright new Union Jack trunks and red military jacket, the flag, now attached to the pole being dangled over his shoulder, and he casually strolls down to the ring, his arms open to soak in the adulation he expects to receive and show off his muscled torso. He climbs the cell wall and enters a chamber after leaning the flag against the chamber.

Mitchell: Introducing next, representing the Thames Valley Hit Squad, DUNCAN RYYYYYYYYYYDDDEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Vinegar: The Hit Squad hasn’t exactly been on the same page lately, you have to wonder how they will be able to coexist here tonight.

Lieberjosch: Well, watch and find out, you impatient fool.

The lights cut to black and red and white strobe lights alternate in beat with the rapid music as “Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide” Starts to play. Chassie walks swiftly onto the stage, looking at the people for a moment, then as the lyrics hit she descends the ramp, breaking into a run about halfway down. She climbs the cage wall and throws up the horns just before she reaches the top, and then climbs onto the roof and enters a chamber, which locks behind her.

Mitchell: Introducing next, representing the Covenant, she is one half of the GIW Tag Team Champions, CHASSSIEEEEEEEE FEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

Vinegar: The GIW Tag Team Championship of course one of two championships represented coming into this match, both of which will cease to be after tonight, giving birth to the new UGWC Cooperative Championship.

Covert Jay: The champions of the Co-Op!

Sonny Sandoval is heard over the P.A. saying "Lights out...." as the arena then goes dark. "...Word on the streets is the boys is back". The intro of "Lights Out" starts as the arena is flashing white lights and the entrance if filled with smoke. As the lyrics starts, "Dynamite" emerges from the smoke looking down then turns a full circle then looks out into the crowd then walks forward. He begins to shake his wrists then throws the east coast sign in the air, as pyro goes off to his sides, pointing at the crowd. He proceeds to go down the rampway high-fiving fans on each side he pause at about 5ft away from the ring, staring up at the chambers, and he climbs to the top and enters the remaining empty chamber, and it closes and seals shut.

Mitchell: And representing the Brick City Boyz, one half of the LWF Tag Team Champions, DERICK FEEEEEEELLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!

Vinegar: So we have half of each team in a chamber, what happens next?

Covert Jay: Wait for it.

Vinegar: Wait for what?

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: A buzzer just sounded in the arena…and all four partners just emerged from backstage, and they are racing to the ring!

Covert Jay: That.

Vinegar: Yes, I see that. Raenius, Tyvola, Blake, Lopes, all charging down the ramp, Lopes and Raenius there first, trying to climb the cage wall, but Tyvola is right behind them, and he yanks Raenius right off the wall!

Lieberjosch: There is certainly going to be a strategy to this, your opponents can’t win without their partner, you keep people off the rooftop, you don’t give them a chance to win!

Vinegar: Tyvola pulling Lopes down as well, he turns his attention back to Raenius, as Blake goes after Lopes.

Lieberjosch: All four men are wearing the key to their partner’s chamber on a chain around their necks, and…okay, that’s really annoying, all that giggling.

Covert Jay: Sorry.

Vinegar: Blake throws Lopes into the cage wall, and now he goes after Tyvola, but the Bearded Bastard sidesteps him and throws him over the barricade into the crowd!

Lieberjosch: And now apparently he’s going to take a time out to steal some popcorn from a kid in the front row.

Vinegar: It gives Raenius time to recover, and HE SLAMS INTO LOPES WITH THE FULL FRONTAL!!! David Lopes just got driven right into the cage wall with the Full Frontal!

Lieberjosch: And look now, some brilliant strategy by the Resident Evil!

Vinegar: Raenius just ripped the chain from around the neck of Lopes, and now he’s throwing the key into the crowd!

Covert Jay: W00t! This is awesome!

Vinegar: Raenius climbing the cage wall, Tyvola noticing, climbing up as well.

Lieberjosch: Again, an absolutely ingenious strategy by Raenius, the Brick City Boyz are experienced and therefore by far the most dangerous entity in this match, and he just effectively took them out of it!

Vinegar: Raenius and Tyvola brawling on the top of the cage, Blake back over the barricade, he’s climbing up as well, with Lopes stirring.

Lieberjosch: Good luck finding that key, “Hitman!”

Vinegar: Tyvola flooring Raenius with a clothesline, turns around into Blake, and some hard knife edge chops, meanwhile Lopes is…climbing the cage?

Lieberjosch: Raenius must have hit him even harder than we thought.

Vinegar: Blake knocking Tyvola down with a right hand, but Lopes is on the roof, Blake turns right into the Assassination Combination!

Lieberjosch: But Raenius clocks him with the flag!

Vinegar: Raenius picked up Union Jack flag pole that was left by Duncan Ryder outside his chamber, and he just cracked Lopes in the back of the head with it!

Lieberjosch: And now body blows to the fallen Tyvola and Johnny Blake!

Vinegar: Raenius stands alone, and he drops the pole, headed straight for the chamber with Chassie Fear!

Lieberjosch: And the Covenant’s plans are coming together, with their opponents all down, Raenius can free Chassie Fear, and escape to the stage!

Vinegar: Raenius unlocking the chamber now…seems to be having some trouble…

Lieberjosch: Chassie is ready, waiting for that door to open!

Vinegar: And Raenius…still fumbling with that lock…

Covert Jay: And you don’t have to be a ninja to know that underneath that mask is an extremely confused looking face.

Lieberjosch: What are you talking about?

Vinegar: And he’s taken too long, and Tyvola boots him down!

Lieberjosch: Not being able to work a lock is one of the stupidest reasons to not win a match, as I of course discussed in Article 214.

Vinegar: Of course you did. Blake back up, Tyvola busy beating on Raenius, the Hit Squad is about to take the advantage!

Covert Jay: OR SO IT WOULD SEEM!

Lieberjosch: That is REALLY annoying.

Vinegar: It really is, meanwhile, Blake using his key to release Duncan Ryder, and he…seems to be having some trouble as well…

Lieberjosch: Ryder doesn’t exactly look patient about it either, banging on the chamber window, looks like he is yelling at Blake to move faster.

Vinegar: Blake apparently having the same problem Raenius did a moment ago, unable to get the chamber unlocked, and Lopes knocks him down with a roundhouse kick! For the second time in as many minutes, a participant in this match has been unable to unlock a chamber in time to free their partner, and now Lopes is taking Blake’s key!

Lieberjosch: He’s doing to Blake what Raenius did to him! He’s stealing the Covenant’s strategy!

Vinegar: Lopes ducks a clothesline from Tyvola…

Covert Jay: PRECISION KICK!

Vinegar: And now he takes Blake’s key, and he…is going to his partner’s chamber?

Lieberjosch: He must have REALLY hit his head hard from that Full Frontal earlier.

Vinegar: Lopes trying to use Blake’s key in the chamber, of course this…

Lieberjosch: What!?!?

Vinegar: The chamber unlocks! Derick Felix is out!

Lieberjosch: But…

Vinegar: David Lopes used Johnny Blake’s key to unlock his partner’s cell!

Covert Jay: Of course he did! This is PRISON BREAK!

Vinegar: That’s it! None of them have the right key!

Covert Jay: There you go!

Lieberjosch: Of…of course! That was obvious from the start.

Vinegar: Sure it was, and now we understand why Lopes was unfazed by Raenius throwing the key into the crowd, he’s been in this match before, and he knew he didn’t need it!

Covert Jay: Exactly!

Vinegar: The Brick City Boyz now just have to escape to the stage, but before they do, they’re waiting for Blake to get back to his feet, BRICK CITY DEATH DROP!

Lieberjosch: But Tyvola has a hold of David Lopes, AND HE THROWS HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE CELL!!!!

Vinegar: Lopes just was thrown off the roof of the cell, and he went crashing through the Spanish Announce Table! Our Spanish announcers, Patxi Cortez and Aitor Rodriguez, are both down!

Covert Jay: Caramba!

Vinegar: Raenius has Tyvola…

Lieberjosch: RIPPERSNAPPER!!!

Vinegar: Raenius pulling off Tyvola’s chain and key, he saw what Lopes just did, going back to the chamber to try to let Chassie out, as Derick Felix is coming down the cell on our side, coming to check on his partner.

Lieberjosch: Well he needs his partner, they can only win the match together!

Vinegar: Back up top, Raenius fumbling with the key, and it looks like this one is no good either.

Covert Jay: Which means it doesn’t take a ninja to figure out that the key he needs is the one that Lopes had to start the match.

Lieberjosch: Which he…threw into the crowd…

Covert Jay: It was a great strategy.

Vinegar: Raenius keeping the key this time adding it to theone already on the chain around his neck, headed to the side of the cell, but as he starts to climb down Tyvola has him by the arm, he grabs the chain and pulls it off, he’s got both keys! AND HE DROPS RAENIUS!

Lieberjosch: But Raenius manages to grab hold of the cage wall, a close call there!

Vinegar: And it looks like Raenius is going to keep heading down, he is going to have to go find the key in the crowd.

Covert Jay: It really was a GREAT strategy.

Lieberjosch: Shut your mouth, it was at the time.

Vinegar: Tyvola turns around on the roof, right into a spinebuster from Blake! Blake grabs one of the keys, taking it back to his chamber...and he gets the chamber to unlock! The Thames Valley Hit Squad is free!

Lieberjosch: And if they can get to the stage, they can win!

Vinegar: Ryder seems to be telling Blake as much, and they rush to the side of the cell, climbing down it. Tyvola back to his feet, using the key that he has, the key that MUST open his team’s chamber, it unlocks, and Tyvola looking a bit stunned as Travis Roberts pushes past him in pursuit of the Hit Squad!

Lieberjosch: He didn’t recognize his own partner?

Covert Jay: It’s quite complicated, but my Ninja Hyperawareness ™ is able to explain to our casual viewers that Tyvola thinks that Travis Roberts is eD cASe, and eD cASe is a talking monkey.

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: And who is Travis Roberts?

Covert Jay: The guy climbing down the cell wall. I thought you watched him in GIW?

Vinegar: No, I meant…nevermind, none of what you just said makes sense anyway. Roberts in pursuit of the Hit Squad, but they might have too much of a lead on him, BUT FELIX INTERCEPTS RYDER WITH THE FADE 2 BLACK!!!

Lieberjosch: He abandoned his broken partner!

Vinegar: Felix saw the Hit Squad coming down the cell and moved to intercept them, Blake turns back, but Roberts is to the floor now and takes him down with a shining wizard, as Felix rushing back to his partner, David Lopes, lying in the broken shards of the Spanish announce table.

Lieberjosch: Raenius is shoving his way through the crowd, with the other three teams free, he needs to hurry up and find the key.

Covert Jay: That he threw out there to begin with.

Lieberjosch: You’re not helping!

Vinegar: Roberts yelling up the cell for Tyvola to come down, Tyvola still looking a bit confused, but he’s coming down the wall now…

Lieberjosch: BUT RAENIUS IS ON THE BARRICADE AND HE LEAPS AT ROBERTS WITH A FLYING LARIAT!

Vinegar: Roberts knocked down, he tries to get right back up, but Raenius has him-

Covert Jay: GOOZLE!

Vinegar: And Raenius lifts him into a chokeslam! He runs around the side of the cell, looking to avoid Tyvola, and he climbs back up, looks like he’s got the key in his hand.

Lieberjosch: What is Felix doing?

Vinegar: Lopes is still out of it, but Felix has helped him to his feet, he’s got his arm around him, Felix is helping Lopes along, they just have to make it to the stage! Tyvola is pounding on Blake, Ryder back up…Ryder taking the long way around the cell towards us, not sure why…

Lieberjosch: He just yanked timekeeper Claude de Rhombus right off his chair!

Vinegar: Between this and the actions of Jet Somers earlier, Claude not exactly having a good night, meanwhile Ryder has the chair, he’s behind Felix and Lopes, no, he’s not going to do this…

Lieberjosch: RYDER SMACKS FELIX IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!!

Vinegar: Duncan Ryder using that steel chair as a weapon, I know he was disgruntled but I still wouldn’t have thought he would do that, he’s rounding the cell now…

Lieberjosch: AND HE CRACKS TYVOLA!

Covert Jay: That really puts a dent in the Blessed Beards chances of winning.

Vinegar: The who?

Covert Jay: Roberts and Tyvola: The Blessed Beards.

Lieberjosch: That’s a horrible name.

Covert Jay: Bet you it sticks.

Vinegar: Ryder has completely snapped, the chair in his hand, BUT CHASSIE FEAR DROPS ONTO HIM WITH A PHOENIX DRAGONRAMA!!!! Where did she come from!?!?

Lieberjosch: Raenius released Chassie while you all were watching Ryder with the chair, and now everybody is out of their chambers, it’s anybody’s match!

Vinegar: With the Cooperative Championship on the line, as Raenius drops down next to Chassie, and the Covenant is headed up the ramp…but Roberts grabs Chassie by the leg and trips her up!

Lieberjosch: Raenius and Roberts brawling their way up the ramp, Blake chasing after them, Chassie in pursuit as well!

Vinegar: And Lopes! As unlikely as it seemed, David Lopes has made it back to his feet, and he chases after the pack! Ryder too!

Covert Jay: They just need to brawl a few moments longer so the others can get there too.

Vinegar: And that’s exactly what happens, as Derick Felix, and now Tyvola all join the melee on the ramp! All eight participants fighting on the ramp!

Lieberjosch: TWILIGHT TO BLAKE!

Covert Jay: MAGUS TO RAENIUS!

Lieberjosch: DASHING DRIVER TO LOPES!

Covert Jay: FADE 2 BLACK TO TYVOLA!

Vinegar: WHITE OUT TO CHASSIE!

Lieberjosch: DASHING DRIVER TO FELIX!

Vinegar: WHITE OUT TO RYDER!!!!

Lieberjosch: Travis Roberts stands alone!

Vinegar: Roberts looks back over his shoulder, the edge of the stage is just a few feet away, but his partner is down!

Covert Jay: And he’s not going to let it stop him!

Vinegar: Roberts grabs Tyvola by the leg, and he’s pulling him…and he pulls him over the line and onto the stage! Sam Green has been watching on the stage, and he calls for the bell!

Mitchell: Here are your winners, and the first ever UGWC Cooperative Champions…TYVOLA AND TRRRRRAVVIISSSSSS ROBBBBBBBBERRRRRRRRRRRTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Covert Jay: The Blessed Beards!


Blessed Beards – 5

Brick City Boyz – 2

Thames Valley Hit Squad – 2

Covenant – 1

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: Amazing night so far, and we head into the second half of the UGWC's first ever Pay Per View!

Lieberjosch: Already we've crowned a Chaos Champion and seen a team earn the Cooperative Championships, but up next, we'll determine yet another contender for the as-yet-undecided UGWC World Heavyweight Championship!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen the follow contest is schedule as a Towering Inferno match! The format: to the right of the entrance ramp is a three story steel structure nine feet deep and 27 feet long. On one end of the first floor is a door. On the other a ladder leading to the second story. From there a ladder to the third story awaits our competitors at the far end. Then one more floor with another ladder leading to the roof. Each floor is divided into three sections, and starting at the door on the first floor every 90 seconds one section will become engulfed in fire. You win by pin, submission, or incapacitating your opponent so they cannot answer the referees ten count.

Jay: It's like a Hollywood Squares in Hell!

The lights flicker to green and gold as the opening guitar riff for 'It's my life' kicks in.

Vinegar: The fans are going insane for "The Aussie Rebel" as he approaches perhaps his most important opportunity to date!

JK walks through the curtain and out onto the entrance way. JK looks up at the fans as he holds up an open hand, queing fireworks to go off in set locations around the arena. JK continues down to the tower, highfiving the fans outside before making his way into the first chamber.

Dennis: Introducing first, hailing from Townville, North Queensland, and weighing in at 229 pounds, he's the former GIW.com Champion, The Cyclone, JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Lieberjosch: If you ask me, if he thinks he's going to survive Towering Inferno against The Towering Monster Dirge, he's as insane as Covert Jay.

Jay: Hey, anyone with a JJJJJJJJJ in their name has the potential to be a Ninja!

JK climbs the side of the cage and doing a signature five finger pose, before giving one last searching look throughout the crowd, showing almost no emotion.

Almost as if on cue “The One You Love to Hate” begins to blare through the arena as the lights drop and “MOMENTUM KILLER” flashes across the tron in huge gold letters. A few moments later the bass drum and drum beat starts and a video plays of Dirge driving an opponent head first into the canvas with the “Death In Vegas” before standing up and raising his hands. After a few moments the lyrics start.

“You may not like the future and we’re not here to please you...we’ll take you to the killing floor.”

“You think you want to know me. You think you want to own me, but I have nothing you can buy.”

“I can break you.”

As the lyrics say “break you” it shows Dirge demolishing JK with the “Respect is Earned”, leaving him in a heap.

Lieberjosch: Telling clip there.

“I can raise you.”

The video shows Dirge holding a Championship Belt over his head as a huge grin sits on his face.

“Bring you to your knees...”

The video shows Dirge flattening Carnival.

“Because I’m the one you love to hate !”

The video package shows Dirge standing with the RAWF World Heavyweight Championship held overhead as a furious audience is shown booing hatefully at him. His face is covered by a satisfied, ear to ear smile.

After this plays strobe lights flash for a few moments before suddenly going out as two spotlights shine onto the stage. They stay settled on that spot for a few moments before Dirge comes walking out to the stage with a gigantic and utterly obnoxious smirk of unshakable confidence on his face.

Dennis: And his opponent, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 326 pounds, one half of the former GIW Tag Team Champions, The Momentum Killer, DIIIIIIRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGE!

The RAWF World Heavyweight and ICW Television Championship each adorn a shoulder. Behind him Erik Drugonov and David Damarest walk out and stand a few steps away, Erik with his arms folded across his chest and Damarest with his hands behind his back and an evil smirk on his face. Dirge stands and soaks in the raw hatred of the crowd before arrogantly adjusting the collar of his leather coat and slowly sauntering down to the tower entrance, with Erik and David a few steps behind him.

Vinegar: This current feud can be traced back a few months to the twilight of GIW, when the Covenant held the entire promotion in a stranglehold, and despite being on the Covenant's hitlist, JK refused to choose a side.

Jay: JK has come a long way since then, showing the UGWC a raw edge and a lack of fear which may prove to net him the victory tonight!

Once he gets there he waits for Erik to walk up to his right side and Damarest to his left and hands each one of them one of the two Championships before he grabs the top rope and steps up onto the apron. He saunters to the center of the first chamber and stands there silently with his arms folded across his chest as Erik and Damarest walk around the tower. The fans boo the Momentum Killer, which only draws a smile from him. He smirks and laughs at JK as he indicates his multiple former championships with an obnoxious grin. Damarest takes these when Dirge offers them, and Dirge then removes his leather coat and his shirt and hands them to Erik, and both men promptly exit the Tower.

Vinegar: Rhombus has called for the bell, and we are underway!

Lieberjosch: And ninety seconds from now, the area where these men stand will be engulfed in fire! I wrote in article 212 about the extensive use of fire as a predominant element in wrestling gimmick matches, along with footnotes regarding the rare usage of other elements, such as ice, earth--

Jay: Dirge literally kicks things off as he nearly kicks JK's head off, flooring the youngest champion of all time!

Lieberjosch: You know, I've done the math, and if the biography is correct, JK has been wrestling professionally since he was eight years old?

Jay: Maybe all those midgets you see aren't all midgets...?

Lieberjosch: Midgets in the world of wrestling are covered in Article 1.7 Paragraph 12 of--

Vinegar: JK recovering quickly as he dives for the legs of Dirge, trying to knock the big man down.

Jay: He's able to stagger The Nevada Nightmare, but Dirge throws his weight forward to drive a knee into the back of The Cyclone!

Lieberjosch: Both men separate, then come together again in a clash, as JK leaps up high for a standing hurricanrana.

Vinegar: Dirge rolls into the steel structure hard, but recovers quickly enough to dodge the flying kick JK had aimed for him, and JK catches nothing but steel!

Lieberjosch: Dirge capitalizing here, grabbing his opponent bodily and slamming him against the wall of the Tower, before suplexing him over his head! Did you know there are over six million ways to execute a suplex?

Jay: Did you know there are over forty five trillion ways to throw a ninja death star to the nuts?

Vinegar: Did you know Dirge has Asserted his Dominance and is now going for a pin?

1...

2...

Jay: The Aussie Superstar escapes!

Vinegar: There's a click, and Dirge instinctively rolls into the next section of the Tower before pyro canisters shoot jets of fire straight down from the ceiling of the first section.

Lieberjosch: Luckily for JK, the jets only cover the walls, but he and Dirge are now separated by a wall of fire!

Vinegar: Dirge weighs his options and decides he can't win without being in the same room as JK, and decides to brave the jets. But as he's bracing himself, JK handsprings through and takes Dirge down with a headscissors!

Jay: What a Ninerjetic move!

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: JK on the offensive now, and he's kicking viciously at the head of Dirge.

Lieberjosch: And we're seeing all the rage of JK's recent tragedy as he slowly falls apart in the Tower.

Jay: Falling apart? Looks to me like he's kicking Dirge to pieces!

Vinegar: JK is climbing the side of the structure, and it looks like he's going to go for the Cane Toad Splash!

Lieberjosch: Dirge realizes what's happening and rolls away, but JK catches himself before he leaps, and drops from the side of the Tower. He runs across the ring, but Dirge is quick to his feet, and hits a drop toe hold right against the wall!

Jay: JK is staggered, and he stumbles right into a Soul Auctioneer!

Vinegar: Dirge hooks the leg from the sitting position.

1...

Jay: JK's agility and flexibility win out, and he's able to roll out of the pinning predicament!

Vinegar: And it's obvious JK is here to win, that's a hell of a move to escape!

Lieberjosch: He's going to pay for it now, Dirge has him by the hair, and lifts him by it, slinging him to the side of the chamber!

Vinegar: But JK runs up the side of the chamber and moonsaults right onto the standing Dirge!

Jay: Dirge and JK both hit the mat hard, and it's a moment before either of them stirs.

Vinegar: The Consortium has forgone any kind of visible timer, so we don't have the traditional fan participation countdown, but you can feel time running out!

Lieberjosch: JK is the first to stir, and he shakes out the cobwebs as he heads for the wall again, going for the Cane Toad Splash again.

Vinegar: He leaps... click!... the jets come to life!

Jay: No!

Lieberjosch: The fans scream in horror as JK is caught in the crossfire!

Vinegar: This time the jets are crisscrossing the walls, and the only thing that saves JK from becoming another shrimp on the barbie is that he was in stride to leap, and gravity drags him down before his clothes can catch fire!

Jay: Wait, shrimp on the barbie? You managed to insult his size, his nationality, and his bad timing all in one stereotypical phrase.

Vinegar: Yeah?

Jay: Well done.

Lieberjosch: Scathing epiteths aside, JK is down, and Dirge is a caged predator! He's back on his feet, and he grabs the scorched Aussie by the back of his clothes, and uses him as a shield as he runs through the jets into the next chamber!

Vinegar: That was despicable.

Lieberjosch: Very resourceful I'd say.

Vinegar: Last chamber before the second level of the Towering Inferno, and it's been back and forth so far!

Jay: It's been intense so far, and we've only made it a third of the way through the Tower.

Lieberjosch: Only a quarter of the way if you count the fact that the last chamber has a ladder to the outside.

Vinegar: Dirge doesn't stop, but goes full force, splashing himself and JK against the far wall.

Lieberjosch: Listen, how is it we are able to employ JK? Seriously, is this not considered assaulting a minor?

Vinegar: GIW was able to secure all the proper release forms and legalia, I'm sure the Consortium was resourceful enough to acquire those documents.

Jay: Ninjas are ageless.

Lieberjosch: Dirge toying with the injured child now, stomping him before stalking around and stomping again. He steps away and waits as JK slowly tries to gain his feet. Laughing, he lets the time wear down as the battered Cyclone uses the cage to struggle up. When he's just high enough, Dirge hits the Cravate!

Jay: He's going to kill him!

Lieberjosch: JK bought and paid for this battle, now he's going to lie in his grave.

Vinegar: Don't count JK out too soon, Dirge has a tendency to draw out the torture as long as possible, and it's backfired more than once.

Lieberjosch: Dirge lifting JK into a Torture Rack, and he holds him as he walks to the ladder, screaming "Come On!" with a sadistic smile on his face.

Vinegar: He wouldn't...

Jay: Ninety seconds have expired, and the jets come to life, this time shooting up from the floor! Dirge and JK are engulfed in flames! Circle gets the square!

Lieberjosch: Dirge steps onto the ladder and tosses JK bodily up to the next level!

Vinegar: No regard for his own safety as Dirge does what he promised he'd do, and destroys JK 'his way!'

Jay: Dirge shoots quickly up the ladder to escape the flames.

Lieberjosch: Smoke now coming off each man as we go to the second level of the Tower!

Vinegar: This may be it for JK, he hasn't moved in over two minutes.

Lieberjosch: Looks like Dirge is done playing, as he lifts JK up by the throat again.

Jay: Setting up for The Move You Love To Hate, he tosses JK in the air, turns, and--

Vinegar: JK twists in midair and comes down with a diamond cutter!

Jay: He's not dead yet!

Lieberjosch: That little move took all the reserve strength he had, I think, and his possum playing won't pay off for long.

Vinegar: I doubt it was playing possum, that was a desperation move if I've ever seen one.

Jay: JK is moving stealthily, crawling like a ninja into the next chamber.

Lieberjosch: Less stealth, and more exhaustion, I think.

Vinegar: Either way, he doesn't want to chance those flames a fourth time, and he's taking this opportunity for a breather as Dirge begins to stir. JK pulls himsef to his feet and braces. Dirge shakes off the counterattack, spots JK in the other chamber, and charges like a raging bull.

Jay: JK leapfrogs the Covenant Colossus, who turns and receives a cactus clothesline! Dirge stumbles back, and JK leaps up for an evenflow DDT.

Lieberjosch: And the jets in the last chamber activate, spraying the walls with flame in various directions.

Jay: That would have been a tough one to escape, some ninja-like precognition from JK.

Lieberjosch: More like dumb luck.

Vinegar: JK is actually trying to get Dirge up for the Cyclone!

Lieberjosch: Dirge overpowers The Aussie Rebel, plants his feet, shoves him off into the steel structure. As he hits, Dirge impacts with a hellacious Spinebreaker!!

Vinegar: That move lifted JK off his feet and sent him right into the structure! Dirge broke him in half!

Jay: Dirge peeling The Shrimp on the Barbie off the wall, and applies his rare submission, the Kati-Hajime!

Lieberjosch: The superior strength and power of Dirge is too much for JK, and the former .Com champ collapses. Dirge leaves JK lying in the center cell and moves on to the next one as time runs out.

Vinegar: Bad luck for Dirge, this time the jets are criss crossing across the ring, and they go off around JK's limp body, but not harming him!

Lieberjosch: Glenn Burke getting involved in the match for the first time to see if JK is ok to continue, as Dirge pounds the wall of his cell in frustration.

Jay: Um, just wondering, but, how in the world did Burke get in there?

Vinegar: Quiet. JK is beginning to stir, but Dirge isn't wasting any time waiting for him. He stalks back into the active cell, dodging around the flames to get at JK, but JK has gotten back up and dives through the flames to hit a surprise spear on the big man!

Jay: While Dirge is momentarily down, JK rips off his shirt, and several of the women in the audience have started wolf-whistling.

Lieberjosch: OK that's just wrong...

Jay: Hey, ladies in the UK have been lusting after Daniel Radcliffe since he was fourteen.

Lieberjosch: So having wet dreams for Harry Potter makes it ok?

Vinegar: JK is holding the shirt in the flames, and as soon as Dirge gets up, he leaps over to slam the burning shirt into Dirge's smirking visage!

Lieberjosch: Seeing a more twisted side of JK than we're used to seeing here.

Jay: JK unfurls the shirt and tosses it over Dirge's head, blinding him before Mafia kicking him back into the next cell!

Lieberjosch: Turning Dirge's own move against him, and we have no way to know how much time they wasted in the other cell!

Vinegar: JK back in control, and he hits a Pele kick, then starts lifting Dirge up.

Jay: He's actually going to go for The Eye of the Storm!

Vinegar: Nails it! JK has floored The Momentum Killer!

Lieberjosch: Going for a cover

1..

2..

Lieberjosch: Dirge lifts JK off him, and stands up without letting go!

Jay: From this position, Dirge could easily hit Respect is Earned!

Lieberjosch: He's going for it!

Vinegar: Dirge throws JK across the cell, but JK grabs the wall, hops around, springs off!

Jay: Cane Toad Splash!!

Vinegar: JK finally hits his finisher! Going for the pin again!

Lieberjosch: He stops! Why did JK stop?

Jay: Running up the ladder, and he displays those Ninerjetic instincts yet again as the jets come to life around Dirge!

Vinegar: The Greater Evil's burns are getting greater as all the jets on the ceiling of the cell are turned right to the center of the cell!

Lieberjosch: He rolls away from the streams of napalm as he yells in rage and pain. Climbing to his feet, he's still trying to wipe the ashes out of his eyes.

Jay: What the hell is JK doing?

Vinegar: JK is poised over the hole above the ladder, and he is ready to dive, Dirge moves under the ladder and JK lets go!

Lieberjosch: Dirge catches the kid, and without a pause, hits Goodbye, Old Bag!

Jay: Heh, I-RO-NY!

Lieberjosch: Dirge isn't playing this time, and he grabs JK by the hair, dragging him absently behind as he ascends the ladder.

Vinegar: He's not slowing down, and he skips the first cell of the third floor altogether.

Jay: On through the second cell... to the ladder in the third.

Vinegar: JK is starting to stir, but Dirge pauses only long enough to slam JK into the rungs of the ladder, knocking back into a stupor. The climb continues.

Lieberjosch: Out on the top of the tower now, and two of three levels are blazing now!

Vinegar: Third level is just beginning as the first cell on the top begins shooting flames all from every wall to the inside, so far the most dangerous cell we've seen.

Jay: Lucky Dirge skipped that one... maybe he's a ninja too?

Lieberjosch: Dirge now standing over the center cell, and he's got JK around the throat with both hands, holding him out over the edge, and JK is struggling as the fans are cheering desperately for JK to come to.

Vinegar: If he fights too much, Dirge is going to drop him thirty feet to the arena floor!

Jay: From the camera view up there, JK's eyes are open, and he's prying at Dirge's hands.

Vinegar: Bizarrely, there is no fear in his eyes, only burning hate, as the jets below them in the center cell come to life.

Lieberjosch: This set are swivelling around, and every few seconds, one passes through the top of the cells and licks at the boots of Dirge. The soles begin to melt and smoke as he snarls at JK, gripping tighter and tighter as JK's eyes bulge.

Vinegar: JK can't take it anymore, and he lifts a knee to Dirge's groin, and Dirge drops him as screams echo across the arena!

Jay: Quick as a ninja, JK grabs the outside of the Tower, and starts to climb back up, his face a mask of determination!

Lieberjosch: Lucky for him, the majority of the flame jets are inside the structure, so he doesn't risk a burn unless he climbs past that middle cell.

Vinegar: Dirge can't believe it, and he's pacing around up there trying to decide what to do about the resilient opponent, when the third cell comes to life, and this one is shooting jets of fire in every direction at sudden intervals, inside and outside the cell!

Lieberjosch: Dirge ducks a jet of pyro as JK changes direction and heads toward a safer third floor cell. Dirge makes up his mind and runs over to the third cell, dodging flames as he goes, and drops feet first into the hole above the ladder. He runs through the chambers to reach JK, and begins kicking and clawing through the bars of the structure, trying to knock JK from his perch and dodge the jets at the same time.

Vinegar: JK reaches through and grabs Dirge with a claw to the face, and pulls back, slamming Dirge facefirst into the wall.

Lieberjosch: That move not enough to take Dirge down, but it is enough to distract him while a swivelling jet of flame sweeps across his back!

Jay: Dirge groaning in pain as searing blisters rise on his back. JK takes the opportunity and climbs the rest of the way up.

Lieberjosch: Dirge is in pain, but he's far from done, and he stalks back through the cells to climb up and meet JK as he crests the top of the Towering Inferno!

Vinegar: Both men, battered and burned, now trading blows. JK's are glancing, and Dirge's are staggering, but neither can get the other one down.

Lieberjosch: Dirge catches JK's right fist, then his left! He's bending JK's wrists back, and JK goes down to a knee as the powerful man tortures him with this simple mercy hold.

Vinegar: In his current weakened state, it's all he can do to keep from collapsing from pain!

Lieberjosch: Dirge suddenly drags JK back to his feet, then releases his fists, sweeps him around, and applies an inverted standing facelock.

Vinegar: Oh no...

Jay: The fans are chanting, JK! JK! JK!

Lieberjosch: No good, Dirge lifts JK up, DEATH IN VEGAS!

Vinegar: Here's the cover...

1...

2...

3...!!!

Lieberjosch: The Momentum Killer has put an end to JK's raging rampage, and now he's one of the #1 contenders for the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship!!!


Dirge – 8

JK – 6

[Lord Hastings]

The view is of the bustling arena, and the fans are getting excitable. This is because the workers have finally finished surrounding the entire ring with red hot coals. There is a makeshift bridge reaching from the ring to the entrance way. In each corner of the ring sits two buckets.

Vinegar: Welcome...to the Dragons Cave.

Lieberjosch: And if I need to take a lavatory break, what am I supposed to do now?

Covert Jay: What do you mean?

Lieberjosch: We're surrounded by hot coals.

Covert Jay: Oh yeah, forgot you are not a Ninja. The hair is a major give away. What's in the buckets.

Vinegar: Glue and Glass.

Covert Jay: What's that got to do with Dragons? Shouldn't there be a mound of gold and jewels? And a few suits of armour with skeletons in?

Lieberjosch: Glass, Glue and Hot coals? Barbaric.

Covert Jay: I'm not suggesting it won't be an awesome match, just I was expecting something more dragon-y...

Vinegar: Did anyone just look at last years NHB broadcast. It's hardly rocket science. This is possibly one of the most brutal matches in the history of GIW, and something I'd hoped I wouldn't have to sit through again.

Covert Jay: At least it's not another Valhalla Burial match...

Vinegar: You watched that?

Covert Jay: No, just it's awfulness permeates into the space time continuum, which we Ninja's are very attuned to.

Vinegar: Given it's limitations it wasn't that bad...

Lieberjosch: Just the very idea of it was horrendous.

“Teahouse”

Covert Jay: DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGOOOOON!!!!

Dennis: The next match is for the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Championship, introducing first, the GIW.com Champion, ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXX KKKKKKIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSEEEEERRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGIIIIII!!!!

Vinegar: Kiseragi walking slowly down the ramp, his eyes focused on the coals, and as he climbs the bridge, at it's peak he looks across at the coals, and then the buckets. There seems to be a hint of regret, Alex Kiseragi is the architect of this match, hence the name. It doesn't look like he's too proud about it.

Lieberjosch: It's the height of insanity, to voluntarily put yourself in such a stupid circumstance.

“You Know My Name”

Dennis: His opponent, The LWF Cross-Hemisphere Champion, TTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIISSSSS PPPPPIIIIIEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: These two men have certainly exchanged some blows since the merge, but it's been in the spirirt of sporting competitiveness, the Dragons Cave is a whole other level. Having said that, the Lwf Cross-Hemisphere Championship has one hell of a history, and maybe it merging with the GIW.com Championship deserves a special match.

Lieberjosch: That could literally end up with the champion scarred for life.

Vinegar: Isn't that always a risk?

Lieberjosch: Most risks are reasonable, and with athletic training and a strong, pro-biotic diet most can be almost entirely avoided.

Covert Jay: And you forget, Dragon's have skin thicker than leather, takes a lot to scar them.

Vinegar: Travis Pierce cautiously climbs over the bridge with a look of pure shock on his face, I can't believe this guy didn't even watch a match to prepare for what was coming.

Lieberjosch: He did ask Travis Roberts.

Vinegar: I'm sure that was helpful. He gets into the ring, and almost leaps out when he sees them withdraw the bridge and leave him alone in the island that is the ring. There is no way out, unless they cross the coals now, until we have a winner.

Lieberjosch: At least both men's palms and forearms are taped up at least theres a slender showing of common sense.

Vinegar: Tape will hardly protect against the problems this match throws at you. And now Chartreuse lifts the buckets in A-Kis' corner up, and gestures for him to dip his hands in...bu tA-Kis declines!

Lieberjosch: I'd like to applaud that, but he's going to get cut up by Pierce...

Vinegar: But Pierce also declines, and the buckets are put back in their corners. Neither man seems to have the urge to take this match to that level, this could be somewhat anti-climatic.

Covert Jay: Pierce shouldn't have done that, he's not a Dragon.

Vinegar: Either way both men are shunning the glass and glue, and instead turn to each other and lock up the old fashioned way Travis Pierce gaining the initial advantage and he scoops up The Dragon and slams him across his knee with a powerful backbreaker, lets him roll off his knee, and then goes to work stomping on his back.

Lieberjosch: Kiseragi arching his back in pain eventually manages to roll away and get back onto his feet, as he does so Pierce dives at him with a dropkick, but The Dragon manages to dodge the blow, and then instinctively drops a leg across the downed Pierce's neck.

Vinegar: He then grabs his head and locks in a Dragon Sleeper, leaning backwards and applies a great deal f pressure to Pierce's neck and spine as well as depriving him of oxygen.

Lieberjosch: Pierce though has obviously been reading article 201 '101 ways to escape from a submission position' and he manages to spread out and hook both legs around the bottom ropes.

Vinegar: Chartreuse does his job and breaks the hold, and A-Kis jumps to his feet, hopping from one foot to the other as Travis clambers up onto his.

Lieberjosch: The Dragon aiming a roundhouse kick, but Pierce ducks and then moves forward, using the momentum to grab Kiseragi's standing leg, lift The Dragon and slam him onto the canvas.

Vinegar:A-Kis gets to his feet, and is greeted by Travis applying a quick headlock, and then tightening the hold.

Lieberjosch: Kiseragi though struggling, and manages to counter the move into an atomic drop, which leaves Pierce hopping around the ring, and a prime target for a....SUPERKICK!

Vinegar: Kiseragi makes the cover...


1...

2...

Vinegar: Travis kicks out just after the two count, pushing The Dragon from on top of him and then rolling onto his knee's as Kiseragi climbs to his clearly sensing the momentum is behind him now, and when Pierce gets to his feet, he connects with a roundhouse kick which sends Pierce into the ropes.

Lieberjosch: Kiseragi for a moment seems to consider sending the unstable Pierce over the ropes and into the coals, but opts instead to whip him into the opposite ropes, and then hits a flying arm bar take down as Pierce rebounds.

Vinegar: The Dragon holds onto the arm and applies pressure to the shoulder of Travis Pierce, who rolls out, and ends up behind A-Kis in a hammerlock, only for A-Kis to swing his elbow back, but Travis ducks, spins A-Kis and turns the match with a instinctive belly-to-belly suplex.

Lieberjosch: pierce gets straight to his feet, looking to take advantage of the momentum shift and he jumps to the top rope....THE PIERCING BLOW

1...

2...

Vinegar: it's the Dragon's turn to kick out, but Pierce is harnessing the power of this current rush of adrenalin, and he drags A-Kis to his feet, and whips him into the corner with all his might...

Lieberjosch: The Dragon though stumbles before reaching the ring post, and falls forward, instinctively putting out one of his hands to break his fall, and it lands directly in the bucket full of glass shards...

Vinegar: The expression on Kiseragi's face tells the whole story, he lifts his hand out and it looks as though he wears a crimson glove, decorated with glass. Chartreuse walks over and places a hand on the Dragons back and leans in to check on him, only for A-Kis to instinctively lash out, the referee manages to get out of the way in time, but a shard of glass does tear across his cheek.

Lieberjosch: The Dragon is apologising, but Chartreuse just tells him to get on with the match, just as Travis Pierce comes up from behind and hits a russian leg sweep. Chartreuse proves to be better prepared than a boyscout as he takes out a small bottle of some type of alcohol and disinfects the wound on his face, before placing the bottle to the side on the canvas.

Vinegar: Pierce has dragged Kiseragi over to the ropes and is chocking him on them with his knee, before letting go and allowing the Dragon to roll limply to the floor.

Lieberjosch: Pierce leans over Kiseragi, only for The Dragon to quickly extend his glass punctured hand into Pierce's face.

Vinegar: Remember, Kiseragi still has some glass embedded in that hand, and Travis now has a number of small cuts bleeding across his face as he stumbles backwards. He narrows his eyes, and then heads straight for the buckets, ramming both hands into the glue, and then the glass...

Lieberjosch: And now the match descends.

Covert Jay: Finally!

Vinegar: As A-Kis gets to his feet, Pierce comes striding over and slams a left hook across Kiseragi's jaw, leaving a numerous cuts across the side of The Dragons face. Kiseragi falls down again, and starts crawling towards his own buckets, but Travis slams his right hand directly into the back of Kiseragi's thigh, stopping him in his tracks and possibly tearing up some muscles.

Lieberjosch: Pierce now dragging Kiseragi back to his feet, to deliver a series of blows to the abdomen of The Dragon, kncoking him backwards towards the ropes, he then winds up for a huge haymaker...

Vinegar: But The Dragon ducks, spins Travis to face away from him, and using all his strength executes a German Suplex sending Pierce Over the top rope....

Covert Jay: BURN!

Vinegar: Pierce crashes into the coals, and instantly tries to get ton his feet, screaming in pain, sections of his shirt erupt in flames, and he rushes into the ring and rolls on the canvas to put himself out...

Lieberjosch: Kiseragi on the other hand is leaning against the turnbuckle, looking at the buckets below, and for some unfathomable reason he decides not to level the playing field. He just looks at his hand, bleeding and covered in glass and shakes his head....

Vinegar: Pierce now climbing to his feet and looking across his body, where various parts of his clothing are scorched, and no doubt much of his skin. He and Kiseragi both lock eyes, and both men try to stand a little straighter and walk towards one another in the centre of the ring.

Lieberjosch: Travis again swings, but A-Kis leans backwards avoiding the shards by less than an inch, before aiming another roundhouse at Travis, but Pierce manages to duck, and rises with an uppercut, only for The Dragon to jump backwards out of the way at the very last moment.

Vinegar:Both men becoming sluggish, and it's making it easier for the other to dodge if they can summon up the energy...

Lieberjosch: Pierce realises this and just dives at Kiseragi, taking him to ground with a Spear...before climbing on top, raising the Dragons head up, and fiercely planting a glass covered fist into his forehead twice, before letting A-Kis' head fall limply to the floor...

1...





2...










Vinegar: NO! Alex gets a shoulder up...

Covert Jay: he's probably spreading his wings, Pierce has made him angry.

Vinegar: Pierce looks like the angry one right now, A-Kis looks likes he using every ounce of energy just to stay in the match, I'm not sure there is anything left for emotions. Pierce chastises Chartreuse for what he deems to be a slow count, as A-Kis rolls onto his knee's, bloods pouring from his forehead. He moves over to the ropes and drags himself up...

Lieberjosch: Pierce is ready, and he launches...THE TRUTH HURTS!

Vinegar: No, A-Kis moves, and dodges at the very last second, and Pierce goes flying into the corner, one knee plunging into the bucket of glass. Another scream almost silences the arena as he pulls out his leg, and sees blood pouring through the knee to his pants.

Liberjosch: A-Kis is now the one lying in wait, he sprints.....YARI KICK!

Vinegar: UNBELIEVABLE! Another dodge, but Pierce uses what strength he has left to hurl Kiseragi over the top rope. The Dragon flail's to avoid it, tearing off some of Pierces' shirt with his glass encrusted hand, but to no avail as he tumbles over the top...

Lieberjosch: Pierce staggers into the centre of the ring to regain some breath.

Vinegar: As he turns, he sees Kiseragi's healthy hand clutching the top rope....he managed to hold on...his injured hand dangling over the coals, the length of Pierce's shirt hanging from them has caught fire and is quickly burning closer to his hand...with an almighty effort A-Kis swings himself up and over, back into the ring...

Lieberjosch: He qucikly clutches, and grabs Chartreuse's bottle of alcohol, and as Pierce comes towards him he pours it into his mouth...throws up the still flaming cloth...

Covert Jay: AND BREATHES FIRE!!![/i]

Vinegar: A modest fireball stuns Travis Pierce, singing his eyebrows and hair, he doubles over, gripping his face...DRAGON KICK!


1.....




2...





3!!!!

Dennis: Here is your winner and first EVER, UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion...ALLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXX KKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEERRRRRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGIIIIII!!!

Vinegar: Both men lie on the floor staring at the arena lights after a gruelling battle, but it is The Dragon who emerges from his cave as the Unified Global Wrestling Coalition's first ever Cross-Hemisphere Champion.

Lieberjosch: I admit the match was better than I expected …

Covert Jay: AND HE BREATHED FIRE! Are you glad the company won't allow me to accept your wagers now?

Lieberjosch: It was hardly what you suggested...

Covert Jay: Flames from his face, breathing fire, EXACTLY as I predicted.

Vinegar: I don't think anyone could have predicted what would happen in this match, Alex Ksieragi has won by the finest of whiskers, but ultimately despite the wounds and the pain, he is the UGWC Cross-Hemisphere Champion. This isn't the end for Travis Pierce though, who showed he is more than capable of pushing the very best to their limits. Next up, we'll finally crown the UGWC World Heavyweight Champion!


Kiseragi – 8

Pierce – 6

[Lord Hastings]

Vinegar: UGWC’s first ever Pay Per View is almost at an end but don’t fear folks, because we have one match left.

Lieberjosch: We’ve seen four new Champions crowned tonight and-

Jay: Four?

Lieberjosch: Yes four. New Champions crowned tonight and-

Jay: I count three.

Lieberjosch: There are two Cooperative Champions idiot. Stop interrupting me.

Vinegar: We’ve crowned four new champions and it’s time to crown a fifth and final. This is the big one.

Lieberjosch: That was my bit.

Vinegar: My apologies. Now I know what everyone at home is thinking.

Lieberjosch: You do?

Jay: I been teaching Nick the Ninja mind skills.

Vinegar: He has but it’s more due to the fact it’s the same thing I’ve been thinking until I was handed this page here. If you will Jay.

Jay: What the heck is an Extra Grande Double Shot Match?

Vinegar: It’s surprisingly simple actually. Like all of tonight’ matches there are of course no holds barred. Anything goes and falls count anywhere.

Lieberjosch: There must be more to it then that.

Vinegar: I wasn’t finished. That may be Grande, but what’s Extra Grande is the array of pre-supplied weapons out here at ringside. We’re not just talking steel chairs and kendo sticks here. I see barbed wire, I see light tubes, I see-

Jay: A couch?

Vinegar: A stripped down couch. Looks heavy.

Lieberjosch: Anything else?

Vinegar: Yes, we’ve got Extra Grande but the Double Shot is this. To win this match you must score two falls-

Lieberjosch: It is a best of three falls match?

Vinegar: No. Two falls, in two minutes. It’s a double shot. Once you score a fall you have just two minutes to put them away and score a second or it’s reset.

Lieberjosch: Sounds interesting.

Vinegar: Finally, this match is brought to you by Starbucks.

Jay: Starbucks. Drink it ‘till you piss turns brown.

Vinegar: I don’t think that’s the slogan.

Jay: Isn’t it now? Isn’t it.

"War Machine" hits to a strong pop, and Red Fusion steps out onto the stage, amidst the flashing red and blue lights. He has the LWF Title over his right shoulder, as heads down the ramp, playing to the crowd, high fiving and shaking hands.

Dennis: The following contest is your No Holds Barred Main Event and is for the UGWC World Heavyweight Title. Introducing first, from Washington, D.C! Weighing in at 189lbs! The LWF World Champion! Red Fuuuuuuusioooooooon!!!

Vinegar: Fusion certainly not carrying a lot of momentum going into this match after being punked by Hastings, Kiseragi and Somers last week.

Lieberjosch: That was a cowardly move and all of them should be ashamed.

Jay: It was awesome misdirection, like that of the Ninja.

Vinegar: And it was pretty funny.

He climbs into the ring and hits the nearest turnbuckle and stretches his arms out, and then starts pounding his chest. He hops down and paces around the ring for a moment.

Immortal starts to play and Donovan Hastings makes his way out onto the stage in his trademark dark cloak. Owen Peterson is several steps behind carrying the Global Title Belt on his shoulder.

Dennis: And his opponent! Accompanied to the ring by Owen Peterson! From Hartford, Connecticut! Weighing in at 230lbs! The Immortal! The Lord of Pain! The GIW Global Heavyweight Champion! Donovaaaaaaan Haaaaaaaaastiiiiiiiings!!!

Vinegar: Unlike Fusion, Donovan Hastings is carrying a bucket load of momentum into this one. He’s had the best of his opponent for most of the month. The question is whether he can capitalise on it now when it matters the most.

Lieberjosch: I actually believe he may do. Hastings, for all his flaws is the model of the athletic wrestler.

Jay: Well I say Fusion’s gonna take him. The dudes a little Ninja and after last week, I bet he’s pissed off.

Donovan makes his way down to the ring, avoiding the assorted debris along the way. At the foot of the ramp he removes his cloak and gives it to Owen who in turn gives the belt to Glenn Burke.

Vinegar: Hastings just instructed Owen to head to the back and I think that’s the right thing to do. Things will get brutal out here and no-one wants to see anyone not in this match get hurt.

Glenn Burke stands in the centre of the ring and holds up the LWF and GIW titles to a large cheer. He lowers them and passes them out to the timekeeper who passes him back the new UGWC World Heavyweight title belt that Glenn presents to another great pop.

Vinegar: That’s the big prize right there. The UGWC World Heavyweight title that these men are fighting for.

[Lord Hastings]

Ding! Ding!

Vinegar: And they’re ready to go. Hastings ties it up and starts to force Fusion back into the corner.

Jay: Fusion pulls him into a small package!

1!

2!

3!

Jay: He did it!

Vinegar: Fusion caught Hastings by surprise with that move and scores a fall. Now he has two minutes to capitalise.

Jay: Oh yeah, that.

Lieberjosch: Idiot.

Vinegar: Both men up and Fusion eager to pull something off. He charges in but gets laid down by a shoulder block from Hastings. The Immortal to the ropes. Fusion dives at the feet and Hastings steps over, rebounds again and hit’s a dropkick as Fusion tries to stand, sending him into the ropes.

Lieberjosch: It’s unfortunate for Fusion. He won’t be able to catch Donovan Hastings by surprise twice. He maybe should have saved that for when he already had a fall.

Vinegar: That may have been wise but it’s too late now as Hastings just clotheslined Red Fusion over the top rope to the outside.

Jay: Yeah, now shits gon’ get real. Ninja real.

Vinegar: Hastings drops out to the floor to go after Fusion. Red Fusion’s just grabbed a two by four off the ground and swings around. He caught Hastings in the thigh. That must’ve hurt.

Lieberjosch: I doubt it was too bad. Hastings is still standing.

Vinegar: And put a boot into Fusion’s face.

Lieberjosch: It didn’t take long for Red Fusion to get forced onto the back foot and he will struggle greatly to change that.

Vinegar: At this point Hastings is in full control but it’s early days so far. Fusion trying to open himself out some space but The Lord of Pain is staying on him, putting those boots into the head and body of the LWF Champion. He’s got him backed up against the crowd barrier. Pulling him up onto his feet. Snake eyes over the rail!

Jay: There’s weapons everywhere! Why are you hitting him yourself?

Vinegar: He’s probably loosening up before he starts swinging for the fences. Fusion just tossed shoulder first into the side of the ring and Hastings follows up with a crushing hip strike.

Lieberjosch: He is simply throwing him around like a rag doll.

Vinegar: Hastings looking for a weapon now and he’s found a metal bar stool. Swings and-

Jay: Red Fusion able to roll away from it just in time.

Vinegar: For the first shot but Hastings raises it over his head and swings it down.

Jay: And Fusion rolls away again. He’s Ninja, I said that. Up to his feet too.

Lieberjosch: Futile efforts.

Vinegar: Hastings winds up for a third shot but Fusion counters by kicking the weapon away on the backswing and Hastings drops it. The Lord of Pain hit’s a back elbow though that sends Fusion staggering.

Lieberjosch: Watch him try to escape like a little girly girl.

Jay: Fusion ain’t no girl bitch. He’s a Ninja.

Lieberjosch: He’s a little weakling. That why Hastings just shoulder charged him into the barriers again. He’ll break his back.

Vinegar: Hastings slams him head first into the ring post now and Fusion goes down. Here’s a cover.

1!

2!

Jay: Fusion ninja kicks out.

Vinegar: He’s still unable to get any offense going and Hastings drags him back onto his feet at will. Fusion trying desperately to counter with some shots to the body but a clubbing blow from Hastings knocks him down to a knee. Hastings picks up a chair. Right over the head! Here’s a cover.

1!

2!

3!

Vinegar: Hastings scores a fall. Now to get the double shot. He’s covered him right away.

1!

2!

Jay: No! Fusion gets out that time.

Lieberjosch: A smart move by Hastings to go for the second pin right away.

Vinegar: It was and as the match goes on that could be the way it goes.

Lieberjosch: I agree.

Vinegar: But right now he needs to do more. Fusion’s first window obviously ran out and Hastings has the chance to capitalise. He’s going for the Triangle Choke.

Lieberjosch: I don’t agree with the use of MMA style holds in Pro-Wrestling. Article 54 lays out my reasons but here, it could be what Donovan needs to finish this.

Vinegar: We saw him choke Chassie Fear into unconsciousness with this very move back at Battleground. Could he do the same here now?

Lieberjosch: It’s locked in tight.

Jay: But Fusion slips out. He’s slippery like a fox.

Vinegar: Or…

Jay: A Ninja!

Vinegar: Naturally. That move has let Fusion keep his footing and Hastings is on his back. Fusion hit’s a big jumping elbow to Hastings sternum. That could drive the wind right out of you.

Lieberjosch: But it won’t. Fusion’s mass won’t generate great enough force to create significant respiratory trauma in a man Hastings size.

Vinegar: I don’t know, he looks winded and Fusion is doing his best to keep up the pressure. He’s picked up that trash can and slams it down onto the Lord Chief. No cover though.

Lieberjosch: A mistake.

Vinegar: He’s following up instead. He’s climbed up onto the apron.

Lieberjosch: I see an Article 3 moment coming.

Jay: I see an awesome Ninja moment coming.

Vinegar: Fusion with a running jump off the apron and hit’s a missile dropkick to Hastings as he gets to his feet.

Lieberjosch: And still no pin. How does he plan to win.

Jay: He’s making a plan. That’s how Ninja’s roll.

Vinegar: Fusion’s armed himself with a hockey stick. Hastings back onto his feet again and takes a running shot with that stick into the mid-section. Even you’ve got to admit that’d hurt hey Hans.

Lieberjosch: Maybe.

Vinegar: Fusion’s not done with it though. He swings that stick down a second time, and a third and a fourth.

Jay: He snapped it!

Lieberjosch: Even sports equipment can’t hold up against a powerful frame like Donovan Hastings.

Vinegar: Those body shots broke the weapon itself and now Fusion goes for the cover.

1!

2!

Lieberjosch: Not enough. The Lord of Pain can fight through that inflicted on him.

Vinegar: Fusion looks frustrated.

Jay: Nah that’s just his Ninja game face.

Vinegar: It looks like frustration to me.

Jay: You ever seen a Ninja on his game?

Vinegar: I guess not. Fusion pulls Hastings back up onto his feet and he’s dragging him towards the ramp. Some elbows to the back of the head for good measure. Scoop slam on the ramp and Fusion’s heading away.

Lieberjosch: This is a great opportunity for Hastings to recover.

Vinegar: He’ll have to. Red Fusion is removing a table from underneath the ring. He’s setting it up leaning against the ring. Hastings is up and closing the gab.

Jay: He can’t sneak up on Fusion.

Lieberjosch: Let me guess. Ninja’s have eyes in the back of their heads.

Jay: What? No, that’d be ridiculous. Even if we did, our hair and hoods would get in the way.

Lieberjosch: Oh…ok.

Jay: We can feel vibrations in the air though. It works just as well.

Vinegar: It didn’t for Red Fusion. Hastings grabs him and tries to throw him through that table.

Jay: Fusion jumps over it onto the apron instead with cat like skills.

Vinegar: And straight back off again with a twisting cross body that takes The Lord of Pain down and straight into a pinning predicament.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Hastings powers out and launches Fusion away up the ramp. Both men quick to get back to their feet and Fusion charges to follow up. Hastings grabs him though! Powersl- No, he hoists him up onto his shoulder. Okalahoma Slam running up the ramp.

Lieberjosch: That was a mighty counter. One that could be the beginning of the end of this match.

Vinegar: Hastings hops off the ramp and picks something up off the floor. What is that? It’s a- a- Starbucks Apron?

Jay: Starbucks: The cool kids are drinking it. Why aren’t you?

Vinegar: Hastings back on the ramp and using that apron rolled up to choke the life out of Red Fusion again.

Lieberjosch: There Donovan Hastings demonstrates the Whatever It Takes attitude needed to be successful in Pro-Wrestling as outlined in Article 10.

Vinegar: Fusion gasping for breath but able to twist out and kick Donovan away. Hastings comes back and gets taken down with a drop toe hold. He’s going for the Intense Agony.

Lieberjosch: What a horribly unimaginative name.

Jay: Who cares? That hold hurts like a donkey scratching a sideboard.

Vinegar: Which I assume is a lot. Hastings fights out of it before Fusion can lock it in and gets back up. Fusion tries to counter with a right hand but Hastings blocks it and strikes back. Barrage of right hands driving Red Fusion to the edge of the ramp.

Jay: Fusion ducks a punch though and gets behind Hastings. Right hands of his own and Hastings is teetering on the edge.

Vinegar: Fusion going for the last knockout blow- NO! HASTINGS SWEEPS HIM UP WITH A SPINEBUSTER OFF THE EDGE OF THE RAMP!!!

Lieberjosch: This match has to be over here!

Vinegar: Hastings with the cover.

1!

2!

3!

Lieberjosch: There’s one.

Vinegar: Straight into the pin again.

1!

2!

Vinegar: No! Red Fusion kicks out at the last possible moment. Hastings isn’t going to leave it there though. He’s locking in the Hands of Fate. Hastings has the Hands of Fate! That’s the hold he used to defeat Dirge at Dark Days!

Lieberjosch: That is a proper and powerful wrestling hold. A beat up man like Red Fusion has little chance of resisting it.

Vinegar: It’s locked in tight. Donovan Hastings wrenching back on the arm, neck and back.

Jay: You guys are forgetting that Red Fusion has used the same hold for years. He calls it the Damage Plan and he knows it inside out.

Lieberjosch: But he’ll never be able to-

Vinegar: He’s got a hand free. Red Fusion breaking the hold like he’s untying a knot. One bit at a time aaaaaaand he’s free! He pulls Hastings head down into the ground. That’s stunned him. Fusion with a Magistral Cradle.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Not enough. Fusion tries to follow up again and walks straight into a sidewalk slam from The Immortal. That could be the move that gives Donovan Hastings full control again. He’s pulling Fusion to his feet and my timer is saying his window just closed. Hastings leading Red Fusion through to the back.

[Lord Hastings]

Lieberjosch: I can’t see. Can someone with a camera get into a good position?

Jay: Covert Jay is on the case.

Vinegar: Folks, Covert Jay just disappeared from the commentary table. We’ve lost the picture for a second as we get a camera back on the scene.

Lieberjosch: This is infuriating!

Vinegar: Calm down Hans. It’ll be sorted in a second.

Jay: Covert Jay is on the scene. I got the Ninja’s in my sights. Hastings just lifted Fusion into a vertical suplex, hit him on the wall and dropped him into the floor. Now he’s looking for- He just broke out a fire axe! Oh thank shit he took the end off. No! He’s keeping it. Fusion tried to get back up and Hastings cracked him in the back of the head with an axe handle. An actual axe handle. Now he’s using the head and gauging it into Fusion’s forehead. This is brutal.

Vinegar: Thanks Jay, we’ve got a camera in there now.

The camera goes into the hallway to show Fusion now bleeding from the forehead. We can see Jay crouching on a bin on the edge of the shot.

Vinegar: Hastings taking a moment to relish his current dominance.

Lieberjosch: Usually I wouldn’t recommend that but I think he’s earned it and as for current dominance. I think that will remain.

Jay: Fusion’s getting some distance. He’s just took that extinguisher off the wall.

Vinegar: Hastings didn’t notice as he turns back. He gets a face full of pressurised CO2. That’ll blind anyone and Fusion follows up with a shot from the extinguisher itself. Here’s a cover!

1!

2!

Lieberjosch: You don’t need to see to kick out and that shot will have lost some impact due to Fusions general weakness.

Vinegar: It was a desperation shot and both men are down.

Jay: It’s hard to see through the cloud. I’m moving in.

We can see Jay hop off the bin and crouch run into the cloud kicked up by the fire extinguisher.

Jay: I can’t see shit. No wait, Fusion is moving. Shit I better get out of the way. That’s better, Fusion’s pulling Hastings up to his feet and leading him down the hall. He’s got a headlock in and he’s running. He just hit an Acid Drop off a coffee machine!

Vinegar: This match brought to you by Starbucks.

Jay: Starbucks: Coming to every fucking street you’ve ever seen, soon.

Vinegar: We can see again, thanks Jay. Red Fusion climbing to the top of that machine now.

Lieberjosch: Article 3 disaster in 3, 2, 1...

Jay: Leap of Faith!

Vinegar: Hastings rolls away and Fusion gets nothing but concrete.

Lieberjosch: Zero.

Vinegar: Hastings quick to make a cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Not enough just yet. Hastings taking back control but he looks unsteady. Both men have taken a beating here so far today and I don’t see an end coming soon.

Lieberjosch: And in the long run it’ll only swing more and more in Hastings favour. He has the resilience and as Fusion loses blood he’ll lose strength and speed.

Vinegar: These two heading further down that hallway. Hastings using some knee shots to keep Fusion subdued. Oh I don’t like the look of this.

Jay: Ooo, coffee.

Vinegar: I wouldn’t touch that Jay. Hastings is heading that way. There’s a table covered in hot cups of coffee right there.

Jay: Starbucks: Making you do stupid things, faster and with more energy!

Vinegar: And Hastings whips Fusion into the table!!! NO! Fusion able to stop himself just in time. He’s grabbed a cup! Throws it at Hastings!

Lieberjosch: Hastings dodges it.

Vinegar: We’ve seen plenty of fire so far tonight but I’d hate to see anyone get scolded out here. Fusion charges away from the table- Into an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex!!! Right into the wall!! He fell hard down onto his neck. Hastings makes the cover!

1!

2!

3!

Lieberjosch: One fall!

Vinegar: Hastings now putting in a Koji Clutch. That’s another tight hold that’s going to work that now very sore neck.

Jay: I got a bad feeling. I’ll be right back.

Vinegar: Hold locked in tight but Fusion’s holding on. Every second he can endure the pain is a second closer to Hastings window of opportunity closing.

Lieberjosch: He can’t hold on for two whole minutes though.

Vinegar: He doesn’t have to. Hastings breaks the hold and pulls Red Fusion onto his feet. Hastings looking for another Irish Whip- Pulls him into a Pancake! RIGHT ONTO THE TABLE!!! HE WENT INTO THE TABLE OF HOT COFFEE!!!

As the hot liquid spills flows onto Red Fusion, Covert Jay appears with a bucket of water and throws it on him.

Vinegar: Well thank you Jay for that intervention but I think the damage has been done. Red Fusion is writhing in pain. That liquid scolded his body and even Donovan Hastings has had to pause.

Jay: No shit.

Vinegar: He’s trying to make a cover now but Red Fusion is thrashing too much for him to get his shoulders down. Hastings instead trying to drag him onto his feet. He’s got him up- DESTINY’S CALL!!! RIGHT ON THE CONCRETE!!! HERE’S A PIN!!!

!

2!

3!

Lieberjosch: He did it! That’s the match!

Vinegar: He- wait! No! Glenn Burke’s saying Hastings window just closed. He must have got the pin at two minutes and one second. So close!

Lieberjosch: Argh!

Vinegar: This is still going. Hastings tries for a cover again.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Not enough. Magnificent willpower from Red Fusion to kick out of that. This is truly remarkable. Hastings picking him up again and leading him off and that ramp looks like-

A big cheer goes up in the arena as Hastings and Red Fusion reappear at the top of the entrance ramp.

Vinegar: They’re back in view and Donovan Hastings is leading Red Fusion back down towards the ring. Fusion actually able to put the breaks on though. He’s got other ideas and breaks free of the Immortal’s grip.

Jay appears a few moments later at the top of the ramp too.

[Lord Hastings]

Jay: Woah, what’d I miss? Hastings going for something but Fusion hit’s the AFTER SHOCK!!!

Vinegar: He can’t cover though. He’s too weak.

Lieberjosch: Glad you agree.

Vinegar: Not like that, but he’s taken a beating. Neither of them able to really respond but they’re moving, slowly. I think Hastings is heading for that baseball bat on the ground by the side of the ramp.

Lieberjosch: While Red Fusion crawls aimlessly. He probably doesn’t even know where he is now.

Jay: No, he’s heading for a kid in the crowd who’s passing him a baseball. This isn’t the time for an autograph kid.

Vinegar: Both men slowly to their feet now. FUSION TURNS AND HURLS THAT BALL!!! NO! HASTINGS TURNS AND STRIKES IT WITH THE BAT!!!

Jay: IT JUST HIT FUSION IN THE MINI-NINJAS!!!

Vinegar: Oh what’re the chances!? That must’ve hurt and Fusion goes down hard.

Lieberjosch: Not anymore, heh.

Jay: Did you just make a sex joke.

Lieberjosch: *cough* No.

Vinegar: Hastings going to make the cover.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Fusion just able to wriggle a shoulder up. Hastings looking frustrated now as he picks Fusion back up and carries on leading him down towards the ring. Red Fusion trying to fight back but there’s not a lot of power behind those body shots and Donovan Hastings shrugs them off.

Lieberjosch: As I said, this swings more and more in Hastings favour with every passing moment.

Vinegar: Hastings looks set at the foot of the ramp there. Going for a DDT it seems. No, Fusion, remarkably able to block it. These two jostling for position. Hastings trying to get that DDT but Fusion blocking it and gets his head free. Superkick! Superkick by Fusion.

Lieberjosch: See, he doesn’t even knock Donovan Hastings down.

Jay: But he staggered him right back. Ninja SPEAR!!!

Vinegar: Right into that table set up early in the match! A spear right through the table!!! Fusion makes the cover!

1!

2!

3!

Jay: Ninjaaaaaaaaaaaa! One fall!

Vinegar: I don’t think Fusion is so much going straight for a second fall as he doesn’t have the energy to get up.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Hastings with a shoulder up at the last moment. Red Fusion is a crimson mask. You can see the desperation on his face. He wants this over with. He’s peeled himself off the ground and up onto the apron. No, up to the top turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: Article 3.

Jay: Ninja in motion.

Vinegar: Hastings is stirring and pulling himself out of the splintered table wreckage. Fusion struggling to get set on the turnbuckle. Hastings has managed to get. He’s got a light tube.

Jay: FUSION BOOOOMB!!!

Vinegar: HASTINGS CRACKS HIM WITH THE LIGHT TUBE!!! Upside down, Hastings shattered that tube on him and Fusion crumbles into the ground. Hastings falls down too. These two leaving everything out here for the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.

Lieberjosch: But one man has much more to leave. Hastings picking himself up and gathering more light tubes, rolling them into the ring. He’s planning something.

Jay: Red Fusion’s using some Ninja gathering skills too. He’s found a bundle of barbed wire out there and rolls that into the ring.

Vinegar: Hastings tosses another chair over the ropes now but Fusion’s had enough and makes his way around the ring after him again. They come face to face. Their bodies will be screaming stop but their hearts say go. Fusion’s grabbed a light tube and swings at Hastings.

Lieberjosch: The Lord of Pain punches the tube and shatters it before it can hit him. Counters with a DDT!

Vinegar: He’s not done. That couch is right there.

Lieberjosch: Why is there a couch here anyway.

Vinegar: I think it came from an old Starbucks.

Jay: Starbucks: If you had any friends you’d meet there.

Vinegar: Hastings hauling up one end of that thing and dragging it to Fusions body. He pushes it up and lets it fall. That could have crushed him! Now he’s got to move it to make the pin.

1!

2!

Vinegar: Fusion kicks out. Hastings pulls him up and rolls him into the ring. The heavy lifting is taking it out of him and he takes a breather.

Jay: Fusion’s using Ninja healing and pushing himself up.

Vinegar: He looks really shaky now. Hastings slides into the ring and Red Fusion is desperation drops down and starts trying to flat out pound on him. Throwing straight up haymakers.

Lieberjosch: ARMBAR! HASTINGS LOCKS IN AN ARMBAR!

Jay: FUSION TRYING TO PULL HIS ARM OUT! HE’S BACK TO STANDING…NINJA!

Vinegar: Hastings still has that hold locked in but Fusions positioned him on his shoulders.

1!

2!

3!

Vinegar: Fusion scores a pin!

Lieberjosch: FUSION TAPS!!!

Vinegar: Both men score a fall! The two minute window is open! Fusion with a Crucifix Pin!

1!

2!

Lieberjosch: See, he tried that already. It won’t work again.

Vinegar: Hastings straight back up and whips Fusion into the corner. Followed up with a big running clothesline.

Lieberjosch: That almost took his head off.

Vinegar: Hastings grabs the chair and the barbed wire. HE’S PUTTING THE WIRE ROUND THE CHAIR!

Lieberjosch: And lining up light tubes at the same time. Multi-tasking at it’s finest.

Jay: Fusion charges out!

Lieberjosch: HASTINGS SWINGS WITH THE CHAIR!

Vinegar: FUSION DUCKS! Boot to the gut!

Jay: VIRUS OF LIFE!

Lieberjosch: NO! Hastings pushes him to the ropes!

Vinegar: LOW BLOW! HASTINGS WITH A LOW BLOW!

Lieberjosch: DESTINY’S CALL! INTO THE LIGHT TUBES!!!

Vinegar: He’s not covering. He’s picking Red Fusion up again!

Lieberjosch: DESTINY’S CALL INTO THE CHAIR!!! TWO DESTINY’S CALLS!!! COVER! HOOKS THE LEG!

1!

2!

3!

Ding! Ding!

Lieberjosch: Yes!

Dennis: Here is your winner and NEEEEEEW UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! THE IMMORTAL LORD CHIEF NIGGA OF PAIN!!! DONOVAAAAAAAN HAAAAAAAAASTINGS!!!

Vinegar: We have a champion! We have UGWC’s first ever World Heavyweight Champion and it’s Donovan Hastings.

Glenn Burke takes the new UGWC title belt from the timekeeper as Hastings gets to his feet, arms raised high in victory while Fusion lays in a bloody unconscious mess on the floor. Burke holds Hastings hand up and tries to put the belt on him but Hastings recoils and as far as we can tell, instructs him not to let the belt touch him before gesturing to the back.

Jay: That shit was crazy.

Vinegar: How’d you get back?

Jay: Ninja’d.

Vinegar: Of course.

Owen Peterson and Calypso Desmona walk out from the back, followed by a pair of EMT’s. The four of them climb into the ring. Calypso hugs Donovan while Owen is given the belt which he throws over his shoulder. Red Fusion is taken out of the ring and is last seen being assisted out of the arena by the EMT’s. Gold and white confetti falls from the ceiling, shrouding the people in the ring.

Vinegar: That’s it from us. This has been UGWC No Holds Barred 2010. Tune in next week for Synergy to see all the fallout and all of our new Champions in action again. Good night.

Hastings - 12

Fusion - 0

[Lord Hastings]

Credits

Hard Ten Match
T-Rob

Tyvola Segments
Tyvola

Three Floors of Hell
Tyvola

Raenius and Joker
R!

Hall of Mirrors
Hastings

Prison Break
Hastings

Towering Inferno
Ichabod

Dragon’s Cave
T-Rob

Main Event
A-Kis