Survival of the Fittest 2023

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Welcome, one and all, to Ottawa, and the first ever Survival of the Fittest event!

Covert Jay: HUTTAH!!!

Vinegar: The Survival of the Fittest tournament featured sixteen entrants and a lot of competitive action, but we are down to four.

Lieberjosch: Dave Rydell, Matt Knox, 'The Bogeyman' JC, and Tony Savage. One of them will become the first ever Keeper of the Survivor Key.

Covert Jay: But that's not all! We've got six matches in total here tonight, and two big title matches on the card!

Lieberjosch: The historic Chaos Championship reign of Sebastian Everett-Bryce faces one of its most dangerous defenses yet, as he faces off against Konrad Raab inside the Towering Inferno.

Vinegar: And in the main event, conflicts from the past several months come to a head, as Ken Davison defends the World Heavyweight Championship against both Lucy Wylde and Montague Cervantes!

Covert Jay: Let's get the action underway!

[UGWC Staff]

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!



Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!!!!


Mitchell Dennis: And it is for nothing, nothing at all!


Crowd: NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!







The Time is Now hit's to play as he walks out on stage. He talks to the camera man and bounces a little. He holds up his “Never Give Up” logo flag and tosses it to the fans. He salutes and runs straight down towards the ring. He bounces off the ropes side to side and he holds up his “Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect” shirt. He takes off his hat and tosses his shirt to the fans and hands his Chain to the ref to begin to fight.



Mitchell Dennis: Introducing first, weighing in at 260 lbs. He is the self proclaimed Surgeon of Thuganomix… John BBBLLLAAAAAADDDDEEEEE!!!


Vinegar: Here is John Blade, who has had a rough start to his career here in UGWC. He’s looking to change things up a bit tonight, against Travis Pierce.

Covert Jay: He is a doctor. He will be surgical!

Leiberjosch: As much as I can’t stand the majority of the roster, I think his plate is way too full right now.






Pyros explode on the opening rifts of the song, and as the music softens Travis Pierce comes out from backstage and walks to the ring.



Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent. From Los Angeles, California. Weighing in at 220 lbs. The Icon of Entertainment… Travisssss PPPPIIIIEEEERRRRCCCCEEEEE!!!!!


Covert Jay: THE ICONNNNN!!!!!!!

Vinegar: That’s Mitchell’s job.

Leiebrjosch: How many more years until I can retire?




DING DING DING



Vinegar: Both men locking up in the middle of the ring. Travis getting his opponent in a headlock.



Covert Jay: John Blade sending him into the ropes.



Leiberjosch: Shoulder block from Pierce!


Vinegar: Travis hitting the ropes. Blade flips to his belly. Travis jumps over and hits the other ropes.


Covert Jay: Travis on the rebound… Blade is up! Powerslam!


Leiberjosch: John with the cover!















1!!!!!














Kick out!















Vinegar: Not even close. Not even close at all.


Covert Jay: John picks up Travis. Travis hits a jawbreaker. John Blade is staggered!


Leiberjosch: Travis rushes at him, clotheslining him over the top rope!


Covert Jay: MASSIVE MELEE STYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Vinegar: Travis rolls out of the ring and grabs a rising John Blade, whipping him right into the steel steps.


Covert Jay: Meanwhile, Sam Green has started the count and is up to 3.


Leiberjosch: Travis picks up Blade and whips him into the barricade. John, leaning against it, holds an arm up asking Travis to back off.


Vinegar: Travis, just smirking. So smug!


Covert Jay: What’s he doing now? Is he going back in?



Leiberjosch: Travis walking up the steps… He just jumped off!


Vinegar: JOHN DROPPED AND ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!


Covert Jay: Travis just crashed chest first into the top of the barricade!


Leiberjosch: John rolls back into the ring as Sam has reached 7 on his count! Travis better hurry up!



Vinegar: Travis, clutching his chest, staggers back from the wall and hears Sam yell 9 and he perks up!


Covert Jay: Travis slides right back into the ring before 10. What a moment that would’ve been for John Blade!


Leiberjosch: Travis is getting up but John tackles him right back down! They’re tangled in the ropes so Sam gets in to break it up.


Vinegar: John walks around the ring for a minute, amped up as the possibility here. As he circles back around, he’s met with a clothesline from Travis!


Covert Jay: Ohhhh, Travis looks heated right now. This isn’t good for his opponent!


Leiberjosch: Travis sends John off the ropes. He comes back. Right into a back body drop!


Vinegar: John pops right back up! He ducks another clothesline from Travis. Travis turns and gets a kick to the gut!


Covert Jay: Is this it?! Is he about to enter surgery?!


Leiberjosch: John lifts Travis on his shoulders but wait! Travis floats right off and spins him around.


Vinegar: SIGNING OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Covert Jay: Travis drops down to the cover.















1!!!!!















2!!!!!











Vinegar: TRAVIS JUST PULLED BLADE’S SHOULDER OFF THE MAT!



Leiberjosch: What a cocky prick!


Vinegar: Travis grabs John and starts smack talking him. He sends John off the ropes again and catches him for a belly to belly but John elbows Travis in the head! He broke it up!


Covert Jay: Shouldn’t of let him up!!!!


Leiberjosch: John grabs Travis. He sends Pierce into the ropes! On the rebound John jumps for the Lou Thesz but Travis evades it!


Covert Jay: John just crashed to the mat, hard!


Vinegar: He’s getting up though. Travis is running…


Covert Jay: THE TRUTH HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Leiberjosch: Travis drops into the cover!!!!

















1!!!!!!!!!!!
















2!!!!!!!!!!!













3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!











DING DING DING




Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner…. The Icon of Entertainment…. TTRRRRRAAAAAVVVIIIIISSSSSS PPPPIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRCCCCCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Regardless of what you think of the opener

Lieberjosch: I have no idea why we pay one of the competitors.

Covert Jay: We know you hate Pierce.

Lieberjosch: I hate him, but I understand why we employ him.

Covert Jay: You don’t like a good rap?

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: Well, if you don’t like “The Surgeon of Thuganomics” it must be because you prefer good rap.

Lieberjosch: I loathe all rap. He doesn’t even do bad wrap…he babbles. A lot. Now we get Holden Orson, who doesn’t make sense even when he uses normal English.

Vinegar: Why? You don’t like his niche references? Or is it that you don’t get them and it makes you angry?

Lieberjosch: I’m a genius. I know all of his references. But he’s weird. Who the hell uses a chandelier as a weapon?

Vinegar: He does. It makes him unique.

Lieberjosch: He’s a freak.

Vinegar: We both know how much Orson went through under his previous identity when he was Martin Graber.

Lieberjosch: You mean his actual identity?

Covert Jay: Is he really? He’s been Holden for so long, is it really fair to call him by his old name?

Lieberjosch: I have no idea to suffer the delusions of a fool who’s so deep in denial.

Vinegar: He’s a person who dealt with an emotionally shattering event in the only way he could. It doesn’t matter that you don’t get it. It’s who he is.

Lieberjosch: Maybe Larry Tact will ring his bell back into reality.

Covert Jay: I don’t see a bell anywhere.

Lieberjosch: You’re impossibly idiotic.

Vinegar: Holden has said many times that he’s always fighting with himself. Now he faces Larry Tact, who’s going through family issues right now and maybe can relate to Holden a bit.

Lieberjosch: Tact is happily married.

Vinegar: Married? Yes. “Happily?” I’m not sure that’s true.

Lieberjosch: They have struggles like all marriages do.

Covert Jay: Well now he can get his frustration out on Holden!

Lieberjosch: That might be the closest to an intelligent thing you’ve ever said.

Covert Jay: Thanks!

Lieberjosch: Don’t mention it.

Vinegar: Whatever motivations you want to give to either guy

Lieberjosch: Holden is slumming in Gnaw Bone. That tells me a lot, and it’s not good.

Vinegar: Would you stop interrupting me?

Lieberjosch: Sorry.

Vinegar: Thanks. Now, there does seem to be something developing between Holden and Montague, but no one has any idea what it is.

Lieberjosch: Holden is slumming.

Covert Jay: Maybe Montague is helping Holden.

Lieberjosch: No. I’m not even going to entertain that.

Vinegar: Let’s go to Mitchell before this gets any worse.

Lieberjosch: Good idea.

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen this match is for ONE FALL with the WINNER facing Conquest Champion TONY SAVAGE on the next episode of SYNERGY. Introducing first…



“In the Face of Evil” by Magic Sword over the arena speakers as the lights cut out. Red and white lights scan the crowd before all the lights cut out. A single crimson spotlight shines down on Larry Tact at the top of the entrance stage. He opens his arms and puffs out his chest, soaking in the crowd’s reaction before bellowing and making his way down the ramp, the spotlight following him. As he walks, Larry critiques some fans at ringside with petty insults before arriving to the ring. He pulls himself up using the ropes and walks slowly along the apron before wiping his boots and entering the ring as the house light come back on. He stretches using the ropes, smoothes back his hair and bounces from side-to-side, zeroed in on the battle ahead.

Lieberjosh: THAT’S what a future champion looks like!

Covert Jay: An asshole?

Lieberjosch: A man who’s confident in who he is.

Covert Jay: What if the champion is a woman?

Lieberjosch: What? I… what does that have to do with anything?

Covert Jay: Why does it have to be a man? I’m confused.

Lieberjosch: Your normal condition.

Vinegar: Larry Tact has a resume that most wrestlers would dream of having. He’s a multi-time World Champion in multiple companies, along with a list of prestigious rivals.

Lieberjosch: Or a prodigious list of rivals.

Vinegar: That too.

Covert Jay: You’re using too many big words.

Vinegar: Don’t worry about it, Jay. Mitchell is about to introduce Holden.

Lieberjosch: Yippie.

Vinegar: Shut it.

Dennis: And introducing his opponent...



'Clint Eastwood' by Gorillaz plays over the PA. After about 20 seconds, the lyrics start and Holden Orson strolls from backstage onto the main ramp, escorted by his Manager Waldo. The music plays and highlights clips from his previous feuds and random Jan Wnęk sculptures appear on the screen.

Lieberjosch: It’s such a bizarre entrance. The guy’s a weirdo.

Covert Jay: I love that song.

Vinegar: We’re ready to go as Alice Nasmith calls for the bell!

Lieberjosch: This should be a good match. Tact should have no trouble with Orson.

Vinegar: We’ll see. Both are world-class athletes.

Covert Jay: There’s the bell!

Vinegar: Tact has a definite size and weight advantage.

Lieberjosch: I’m sure he’s dealt with guys like Orson before.

Vinegar: We’ll see. Right now they’re circling each other.

Lieberjosch: Tact is sizing him up. I’m sure he has a plan, but he’s waiting for an opening from Orson.

Covert Jay: He could just rush him. He’s a lot bigger.

Lieberjosch: Tact is an artist. He doesn’t “rush.”

Vinegar: Tact has three inches and thirty pounds on Orson and he knows the value of that.

Lieberjosch: Tact should get this over with, so we can move on to what’s sure to be a festival of violence.

Covert Jay: Why won’t they lock up?

Lieberjosch: Because Orson is a goofball.

Vinegar: He’s not a goofball, he’s using Lobokkatao training and it looks like Larry is at least a bit thrown off by it.

Lieberjosch: Tact should punch him in the face. He’ll stop.

Covert Jay: He just threw a wild kick at Holden.

Lieberjosch: He’s testing him and how he moves.

Covert Jay: It looks to me like he’s missing kicks.

Lieberjosch: You’re stupid. You wouldn’t know strategy if it sat on your face.

Vinegar: Tact’s thrown a few kick’s and Holden’s easily evaded them. None of them had much behind them. They were definitely probing more than actual attacks.

Covert Jay: You said “probing.”

Lieberjosch: What the hell’s so funny?

Vinegar: Let it go, Hans.

Lieberjosch: God I hate him…

Vinegar: Tact smiles and watches Holden move around him. He’s clearly entertained by it.

Covert Jay: Holden looks like he’s dancing.

Lieberjosch: I wish he looked like he was fighting.

Covert Jay: Surprise!

Lieberjosch: That was a sucker punch!

Vinegar: Really, Hans? A “sucker punch?” This is a wrestling match.

Lieberjosch: It was a dirty hit.

Covert Jay: It looked pretty clean to me. Holden just gave him a good pop on the chin.

Lieberjosch: “Pop on the chin?” What’re you, ten?

Vinegar: He’s right, Larry threw another one of his probing kicks and Holden ducked inside of it and delivered a sharp palm strike to the chin.

Lieberjosch: It barely did anything.

Covert Jay: It staggered Larry a bit.

Vinegar: It got his attention.

Covert Jay: He’s not smiling now.

Lieberjosch: Of course not, it was a cheap shot.

Vinegar: Holden darts in, barely avoiding an attempted punch from Tact, and delivers another palm strike, this time to the side of his face. Tact wheels on him, swinging with another attempted punch, but Holden sidesteps it and delivers a kick that catches Tact on the bottom of his knee, dropping him to a knee. Orson spins and drives a powerful kick into Tact’s chest that sends him to the mat.

Lieberjosch: He’s already back up. It couldn’t have been that powerful.

Vinegar: Stop. You know it doesn’t work that way.

Covert Jay: I think I forgot my nachos...

Lieberjosch: Insightful commentary, as always.

Vinegar: Tact goes to lock up and Holden leaps to the side, driving the ball of his foot into Tact’s side. He follows it with a set a palm strikes to Tact’s sides, then evades a backfist, drives a knee into Tact’s back, then a palm to the back of his head, before he delivers a sharp kick to the back of his knee.

Covert Jay: He’s down to one knee!

Lieberjosch: Luck.

Vinegar: It didn’t look like luck.

Covert Jay: It looked like a clothesline to the back of his head.

Lieberjosch: Another cheap shot.

Vinegar: Get over it. It was completely legal.

Lieberjosch: You’d think that Tact would be mad, but like the ring general he is, he clearly appreciates the challenge he’s up against.

Vinegar: A few minutes ago you said Holden wouldn’t be a challenge. Now he is. How convenient.

Lieberjosch: Well, not a serious challenge, but enough to make Tact get a good workout in.

Vinegar: You’re a clown sometimes.

Covert Jay: Honk honk!

Lieberjosch: You’re not funny.

Vinegar: Holden goes to pull Tact up.

Covert Jay: Swinging neckbreakah!!!

Lieberjosch: A truly great counter Tact. A veteran move. I told you he’d have no trouble with Orson.

Vinegar: It was a great counter by Tact, who holds on, pulls Orson up, and rolls him into a second swinging neck breaker.

Covert Jay: He hasn’t let go!

Lieberjosch: Chaining moves. It’s what a smart wrestler does.

Vinegar: He pulls Orson up into a vertical suplex…

Lieberjosch: Great form.

Vinegar: Are you his agent?

Lieberjosch: Are you disagreeing with me?

Vinegar: No, but you’ve been acting like his hype man.

Lieberjosch: I appreciate great work.

Covert Jay: Brainbustahhhhhhh!!!

Lieberjosch: You just had to ruin the moment…

Vinegar: It was a flawless brainbuster. He spiked Orson hard on his head, and now floats over into a pin.

Covert Jay: Why? There’s no way he’s pinning Orson after three moves.

Lieberjosch: It makes him expend energy. It’ll matter later.

Vinegar: Here’s Alice Nasmith with the count!

Covert Jay: ONE!



Lieberjosch: TWO!!


Vinegar: Orson kicks out after two and Tact immediately pulls him up, locks his hands behind Orson’s head and heaves him into a massive full nelson slam!

Covert Jay: It shook the ring!

Lieberjosch: He’s showing impressive power so far! Orson’s not a small guy!

Vinegar: He drops into another pin attempt!

Covert Jay: ONE!


Vinegar: TWO!!


Lieberjosch: Damn it. The weirdo kicked out!

Vinegar: With authority! I think Tact was a little surprised by it!

Lieberjosch: Not that surprised, he’s already trapped Orson in a Jigoku Jime.

Vinegar: He has, and Orson isn’t that close to the ropes.

Covert Jay: Maybe if he taps out, he can buy me lunch.

Lieberjosch: That makes no sense, even for you.

Vinegar: Orson’s struggling against it.

Lieberjosch: He doesn’t have a chance.

Vinegar: You don’t want him to, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t.

Lieberjosch: So far I’m not impressed.

Vinegar: I’m sure he’d be heartbroken to know that.

Lieberjosch: As he should be.

Covert Jay: He seems to managing.

Lieberjosch: If the flailing arms are any indication, he’s not managing well.

Vinegar: He’s also rolling back and forth.

Lieberjosch: So he’ll tire himself out faster.

Covert Jay: He doesn’t look tired.

Lieberjosch: You’re an imbecile. Would you know the difference if he was?

Covert Jay: I know what a tired person looks like.

Lieberjosch: I might have to concede that to you. You look at me every week, you should know what an exhausted person looks like by now.

Vinegar: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but what Holden’s doing is more than pointless thrashing.

Lieberjosch: No, I’m too busy being exhausted by Boffo the Wonder Putz.

Covert Jay: Who the what?

Vinegar: Nevermind, Jay. Hans is showing his age.

Lieberjosch: HEY! I’m not that much older than you!

Vinegar: Yet still older.

Lieberjosch: That’s hurtful, Nick.

Vinegar: You’ll manage. Now do your job, look back in the ring, and tell me what you’re seeing.

Liberjosch: The weirdo is thrashing a lot.

Vinegar: Look closer.

Lieberjosch: He’s rolling a lot, so what?

Vinegar: And…

Covert Jay: He’s rolled himself really close to the ropes!

Vinegar: Bingo.

Lieberjosch: It’s your fault I didn’t notice that, idiot.

Vinegar: Feel better now?

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: You just called me an idiot. Do you feel better now?

Lieberjosch: That wasn’t directed at you.

Vinegar: It was directed at “Boffo.”

Lieberjosch: Why do I feel like that inopportune joke is going to follow me for a while?

Vinegar: Because it will.

Covert Jay: HA!

Lieberjosch: I hate you.

Vinegar: Tact notices what Holden’s been doing a second too late, just before his foot hits the bottom rope and Nasmith calls for the rope break.

Covert Jay: He’s not breaking the hold!

Vinegar: Alice Nasmith is starting the five count!

Covert Jay: Tact is making the most of it!

Lieberjosch: As a smart man does!

Vinegar: Nasmith reaches four!

Lieberjosch: Tact got the most out of the hold, doing as much damage as he could.

Vinegar: You mean that he got the most out of the count.

Lieberjosch: Same difference. In either case, he did more damage because he wisely took advantage of the five count.

Covert Jay: Do you think he wanted to let Holden roll out of the ring?

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: Holden’s rolled out of the ring.

Lieberjosch: Oh. Shit. Well, that’s because he’s a coward.

Vinegar: Or because he’s as much of a ring general as Tact is, and knows that rolling out of the ring forces Tact to come and get him.

Lieberjosch: Or he’s scared.

Vinegar: Leave it up to you to distill it to the solution that makes the guy you don’t like look like a coward.

Lieberjosch: I calls em as I sees em.

Covert Jay: Maybe you need glasses.

Lieberjosch: You shut up.

Vinegar: In this case, I agree with him.

Lieberjosch: Tact has followed Orson from the ring. He’s going to finish this now.

Vinegar: He has to find Orson first.

Lieberjosch: What?

Vinegar: Look around the ring.

Lieberjosch: Where the hell’d the freak go?

Vinegar: That’s Tact’s job to find out.

Lieberjosch: I hate riddles.

Covert Jay: You’re no fun.

Vinegar: Tact is looking around the ring, but Holden is nowhere to be found.

Covert Jay: He’s channeling his inner ninja.

Lieberjosch: He’s hiding.

Vinegar: Tact is looking under the ring, but Orson doesn’t appear to be there.

Lieberjosch: Unbelievable.

Covert Jay: I see him!

Lieberjosch: Where?

Vinegar: Well...

Lieberjsoch: Why can’t you just say?

Vinegar: Why can’t you just look?

Lieberjosch: I don’t...oh for heaven's sake.

Vinegar: It’s a little cartoonish, I grant you.

Covert Jay: Now this is funny.

Vinegar: I don’t believe I’m seeing this.

Lieberjosch: I do...although it’s not funny. He’s following Tact around the ring, and every time Tact turns, Holden turns the other way.

Covert Jay: It looks like Bugs Bunny!

Lieberjosch: That’s a dated reference.

Vinegar: It’s exactly what Orson’s doing.

Lieberjosch: How embarrassing for us.

Covert Jay: I think it’s funny.

Lieberjosch: You don’t think.

Vinegar: Tact doesn’t think it’s funny either. He’s looking more and more irritated by not finding Orson, who continues to follow behind him and duck the other way every time Tact turns.

Covert Jay: Tacturn.

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: Tacturn.

Lieberjosch: I’m not even going to ask. Turn around Tact! Throw an elbow! Do something!

Vinegar: He is doing something.

Covert Jay: Yeah, rolling into the ring with Orson behind him.

Vinegar: They both popped up at the same time, with Orson behind Tact again.

Lieberjosch: HA!

Covert Jay: Orson ducked!

Vinegar: He pops back up right in front of Tact!

Covert Jay: “Three Stooges” poke!

Lieberjosch: Warn him, you idiot referee!

Vinegar: Settle down. She did.

Covert Jay: A wild swing from Tact!

Vinegar: Orson ducks under it and pops up behind him.

Covert Jay: That was one hell of an uppercut to the back of Tact’s head!

Vinegar: Orson springs forward and drives a leaping knee into the back of Tact’s had, sending him to the mat. Orson rolls over Tact, comes up in front of him, pulls him up by his arms, and delivers another devastating knee strike, this time to his chin.

Lieberjosch: He only has the advantage because he cheated.

Vinegar: I’ll grant that the “Three Stooges” impression wasn’t legal, but the rest has been.

Covert Jay: That was funny.

Lieberjosch: Philistine.

Vinegar: Orson presses his advantage, as he delivers a furious rush of kicks to Tact as he tries to get up. Tact manages to swat one away, only for Orson to leap behind him and wrap his arms around Tact’s waist!

Covert Jay: What a deadlift suplex!

Lieberjosch: Luck.

Vinegar: Orson adjusts his hands and pulls Tact back up.

Covert Jay: Another suplex!

Lieberjosch: Specifically a head and arm suplex. I don’t like the weirdo, but his suplexes are flawless.

Vinegar: Speaking of which, he just heaved Larry across the ring with one.

Covert Jay: That landing looked…uncomfortable. Not at all Ninja-like.

Lieberjosch: There’s a comfortable way to be dumped onto your head?

Covert Jay: Sure! My brothers did it to me all of the time.

Lieberjosch: That explains oh so much.

Vinegar: Orson leaps onto Tact’s back and starts raining down elbows and forearm crossfaces. He latches a chickenwing in and drops to the mat.

Lieberjosch: I see a little tit-for-tat about to happen.

Vinegar: What do you?

Covert Jay: Finger food!

Vinegar: Now who’s taking a shortcut?

Lieberjosch: Fair’s fair!

Vinegar: You would look at it that way.

Lieberjosch: Of course.

Vinegar: Orson breaks the hold and rolls off as Nasmith as she admonishes Tact. He laughs and leaps to his feet as Orson gets to his. Tact charges at him!
Covert Jay: Black!

Vinegar: Tact ran into it! Orson drops on top of him for the pin!

Covert Jay: One!


Lieberjosch: Two!!


Vinegar: Thre… TACT KICKS OUT!!

Lieberjosch: I knew he would!

Vinegar: Orson pulls Tact up!

Covert Jay: WHOA!

Lieberjosch: HA!

Covert Jay: Didn’t you already say that?

Lieberjosch: There’s to limit.

Vinegar: Tact catches Orson off guard with a snap powerbomb, violently driving him into the canvas. He pulls Orson up and slams him with a short arm clothesline, followed by a yanking him up and slamming him back down with a spinebuster.

Lieberjosch: Brilliant. Look how he retains control of Orson throughout his assault.

Covert Jay: We can all see it, Doc.

Lieberjosch: Yet you don’t know what you’re looking at because you’re stupid.

Vinegar: Tact pulls Orson up with a gut wrench as if he’s going for another powerbomb!

Covert Jay: Orson wiggles out!

Vinegar: The Facade!!

Lieberjosch: How the hell did he do that?

Vinegar: Skill.

Lieberjosch: Hardly. Now they’re both down, and Orson’s in no position to attempt a pinfall!

Vinegar: Nasmith has started the ten count.

Lieberjosch: If Tact can recover first, I think he wins this.

Vinegar: He might, but that “Facade” definitely caught him off guard. Orson has just as much chance of winning this.

Lieberjosch: Nah. He got lucky. That’s all.

Covert Jay: It didn’t look “lucky.”

Lieberjosch: You have no idea what you’re looking at.

Vinegar: Tact is stirring!

Covert Jay: So’s Orson!

Vinegar: Tact gets back to his feet first, and Orsons still looks a little dazed.

Lieberjosch: Perfect!

Vinegar: Tact locks in a full nelson, whips Orson back and forth with it, and then heaves Orson up over his head.

Covert Jay: Ouch! That was vicious!

Lieberjosch: That was effective.

Vinegar: He follows it with a spinning neckbreaker and a kickswing DDT. He hauls Orson up…

Covert Jay: Orange Crush!

Lieberjosch: Effective.

Vinegar: He signals to the crowd, pulling Orson up!

Lieberjosch: The end is neigh!

Covert Jay: That was dramatic!

Vinegar: “The Humbling!”

Lieberjosch: He’s not done!

Covert Jay: He has Orson back up!

Vinegar: “Tactilizer!”

Lieberjosch: Pin him! Now!

Covert Jay: He doesn’t appear to have heard you.

Vinegar: He positions Orson for another powerbomb and hefts him up!

Lieberjosch: “Starbreaker!”

Vinegar: He drops into the cover! Here’s Nasmith for the count!

Covert Jay: ONE!




Vinegar: TWO!!



Lieberjosch: THREE!! He’s done it !!

Vinegar: He rolls off onto his back and raises both hands in victory as Alice Nasmith calls for the bell!

Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and NEW contender for the Conquest Championship… LAAAAAAAARYYYYYY TAAAAAAAAACT!!!!

Vinegar: As Mitchell said, winning this match places Larry Tact in a position to challenge current Conquest Champion Tony Savage on the next Synergy.

Lieberjosch: His stated goal for some time now!

Vinegar: It should be an excellent match! Speaking of which, our next match should be a smash-mouth affair as Ezra Wolf challenges Zane Scott in a match that we’ve recently discovered has a ton of history, and now bad blood behind it!

Lieberjosch: Zane Scott crippled the kid. He has a right to be pissed off.

Vinegar: Will Ezra get the revenge he wants?

Covert Jay; We’re about to find out! Stick around!

[UGWC Staff]

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!


Crowd: ONE FALL!!!!!!


Mitchell Dennis: And it is a Cross-Hemisphere Divisional Match!











Ezra Wolf makes his way out of the curtain as ‘California Love’ by A Joker’s Rage comes blaring out of the speakers and pauses at the top of the ramp. He heads towards the ring, slapping hands and singing along to his entrance music closely flanked by Mr. Pax. He walks up the stairs and hops onto the apron before stepping up onto the middle turnbuckle. He pauses to play the air guitar a bit before stepping on the top rope and jumping into the ring. As he lands, he rolls forward and ends up on one knee in the center of the ring. Ezra throws him arms and head back, letting out a primal scream before tearing off his entrance gear. He hands it to Mr. Pax then takes a knee in his corner as he waits for the match to begin.




Mitchell Dennis: Introducing first. From Hollywood, California, he is one half of the UGWC Co-Operative Champions…. The Red Eyed Warrior…. Ezraaaaa WWWWOOOOOOLLLLFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!



Vinegar: Ezra Wolf. One half of the UGWC Co-Operative Champions. Former Cross-Hemisphere Champion. This young kid is doing some big things early on!

Covert Jay: He is a wolf!
Leiberjosch: His partner is Dave Rydell. We know he’s carrying the team.
Vinegar: Can you, for just one minute, assume Dave has skills? He’s in the tournament final tonight. And focus on this match.











"Break Those Bones Whose Sinews Gave It Motion" by Meshuggah plays over the PA. Zane Scott makes his way down to the ring, a bit slower than usual, but still as fierce looking as ever. He gets into the ring and keeps his eyes locked on Ezra Wolf.




Mitchell Dennis: And his opponent. From Poughkeepsie, New York. Weighing in at 265 lbs. He is the Professional. The Personification of Pain… Zane SSSSSCCCCCOOOOOTTTTTT!!!!!!


Vinegar: Zane has done just about everything there is to do in this company. He is one of the greats we’ve seen in our time.

Covert Jay: He’s been trying to get back to the top, but hasn’t been successful this time around.

Leiberjosch: That’s why he’s relegated to the next division down. He just lost a step, it seems.




DING DING DING



Vinegar: Both men meet in the middle of the ring. Ezra is standing there, looking as calm as he always does.


Covert Jay: Zane, not so much! He’s an angry fella.


Leiberjosch: Ezra with the sucker punch to Zane! Zane is staggered back!


Vinegar: But he’s back with a punch of his own and now we are in it!


Covert Jay: Lefts and rights from both of these men are really showing the hatred they truly have for one another.


Leiberjosch: Ezra said he didn’t hate anyone!


Vinegar: Well he’s telling a different story in that ring!


Covert Jay: Ezra with the block, and he’s continuing the assault! He’s got Zane staggered into the ropes!


Leiberjosch: Zane is not looking like his true self tonight.


Vinegar: Ezra whips Zane off the ropes but it’s countered. Ezra comes back and Zane stops him with a shoulder block.


Covert Jay: Not much power on that one.


Leiberjosch: Zane takes his time picking Ezra up and getting him in a side headlock.


Vinegar: Zane seems to be playing it a bit safe tonight. More conservative than usual.


Covert Jay: Zane wrenching in that headlock, but Ezra is repositioning. He gets behind Zane… back suplex!


Leiberjosch: Ezra gets up and loosens up his neck a bit before jumping right back into the attack on Zane! He starts hitting a flurry of mounted punches before letting up.


Vinegar: Ezra is fully amped up as he jumps right back down onto Zane, but Zane is able to counter and roll him over! He hits one good elbow shot before getting off of his opponent.


Covert Jay: Zane checks his face to make sure there is no bleeding and then grabs a rising Ezra by the back of the head.


Leiberjosch: He gets Ezra set up in an octopus stretch! Brain Chartreuse is right there to ask Ezra if he quits. Of course, Ezra says no.


Vinegar: Zane stretches the hold and hits a shot right to Ezra’s mid-section. Again, Ezra refuses to give up.


Covert Jay: While Zane has this locked in tight, Ezra is trying to reach for the ropes but isn’t able to get to them!


Leiberjosch: Zane continues the hold, and making sure his opponent doesn’t reach the ropes.

This goes on for like, a good chunk of time. Almost 2 whole minutes…

Vinegar: Zane goes for another shot to the ribs of Ezra, but he blocks it! How did he do that?!


Covert Jay: Ezra holds the hand of Zane while he tries to squirm out of the hold!


Leiberjosch: Zane swiftly pulls his hand out of Ezra’s grip and clubs him once more in the mid-section. He turns Ezra and BAM!!!!! Exiled and Erased!!!!!!!


Vinegar: Zane drops into the cover!














1!!!!!!














2!!!!!!










Kick out!!!!!!!




Covert Jay: Ezra got the shoulder up and Zane gets out of the cover. He takes a minute to assess the damage.


Leiberjosch: Zane picks up Ezra and walks him to the corner. Zane stepping back to get some space for a move. He rushes. EZRA GOT THE BOOT UP!


Vinegar: Zane staggers back! Ezra rushing out of the corner with Kickin’ It Old School!!!!!!!!!!!!


Covert Jay: Zane falls to the mat, as does Ezra!!!!


Leiberjosch: Ezra just turned the tables in one move! But now, they’re both down and out!


Vinegar: Brian begins his count!
















1…..




















2…..




















3…..




















4…..





















5…..




















6…..
















Covert Jay: Zane is starting to stir…
















7…..



















Leiberjosch: Ezra is now starting to stir as well…














8….









Vinegar: Both make it to their feet! Zane is facing the wrong way!

Covert Jay: He turns around… SUPERKICK TO THE KNEE!

Leiberjosch: LIGHTNING STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ezra tried to get the cover but Zane rolled out of the ring!!!!!

Vinegar: Ezra can’t believe it!

Covert Jay: Ezra taking a minute to get himself together before going right out of the ring to grab Zane. He’s got him and rolls him back in.

Leiberjosch: Ezra pulls Zane up and sends him into the corner. Zane bouncing out for a clothesline!

Vinegar: Ezra ducks! Ezra spins and starts striking Zane!

Covert Jay: Knee strike! Back fist! Uppercut! Multiple strikes from any extremity available to use!

Leiberjosch: Zane is staggered back! Ezra gets in close but Zane shoves him away!

Vinegar: Ezra is back up, and he goes for Kickin’ It Old School again but Zane ducks under. Ezra turns.

Covert Jay: Kick to the mid section!

Leiberjosch: Zane goes for Exiled and Erased!

Vinegar: Ezra floats out! Ezra kicks the back of Zane’s leg and drops the big man! Ezra running across the ring…

Covert Jay: BLINDSPOT!!!!!!

Leiberjosch: ZANE DUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!

Vinegar: Zane jumps up and grabs Ezra! THE PURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Covert Jay: Zane drops into the cover!














1!!!!!!!!!




















2!!!!!!!!!



















3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!










DING DING DING


Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner…. ZAAAANNNEEEEEE SSSCCCCOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We have an explosive match ahead of us as the Chaos Champion, Sebastian Everett-Bryce, takes on the challenger, Konrad Raab, for the title!

Lieberjosch: That's right, Nick! Sebastian may be the champ, but Konrad has proved himself as a fierce competitor. This match is going to be a fiery battle!

Vinegar: They’re both veterans of the Towering Inferno match, so this isn’t unfamiliar territory.

Covert Jay: And speaking of fire, check out all the weapons littered around the cages! We got flamethrowers, fire axes, and even a flaming steel chair! Ooh, this is going to be lit!

Lieberjosch: Flaming steel chair?

Vinegar: All the weapons that aren’t normally related to fire have been doused with flammable gel, so…

Lieberjosch: Ridiculous.

Feuer Frei by Rammstein plays over the sound system as Konrad comes out through the curtain with his flanged German mace with him, acting erratic with an angry look on his face, rising the flanged German mace in the air, wearing red and black face paint on the right side of his face with a red and black suit hoodie over his head he wears with pieces of flame blood designed all over them. He also has a penguin, walrus and a polar bear stitching on the left-hand side of his chest on his gear, stating Stop Climate Change. He also wears black boots along with Red and Black Gloves on his hands before he crouches down on the floor with the flanged German mace in front of him, looking at the ring with evil intentions.

Mitchell Dennis: “Standing at 6’4”, and weighing 201 pounds, he is Burned in Blood, KKKKKKKKKONRADDDDD RAAAAAAAAAAAAAB!!

After the announcement, Konrad picks up his flanged German mace and slowly walks to the ring with a massive amount of boos before Konrad runs up the steps and goes underneath the ropes. As he's in the ring, Konrad without showing any sign of acknowledgement from the fans, lays the flanged German mace on the turnbuckle, then sits in the corner of the ring with the crowd booing him, having a nasty look in his eyes, flicking his fists as if he's already ready to fight, with ring staff taking Konrad's flanged German mace away, waiting for the match to start as he takes his hoodie off from his head.

The lights in the arena dip to black in time with the sirens and beat to the opening of Sweatpants (BattleTapes Remix) by Childish Gambino, the lights then beginning to flash, alternating left and right onto the ramp. In time, the letters "S", "E", "B", and then "Empire" flash one at a time on the big screen until the lights stop flashing as the lyrics hit.

"She askin' “Why you say that?!”

The beat drops and the lights flash on the rampway again. As they do, the screen illuminates with "SEB" and then "EMPIRE" flashing on the sceen.

"Rich kid asshole, paint me as a villain"

Sebastian Everett-Bryce flings his arms wide, staring up with his head covered by the hood of his jacket. He stands in the middle of the ramp, the lights beating down on him, before looking out at the crowd. He wears a long jacket with the hood pulled up over his head, zipped to the waist. The jacket, which is cut away at the bottom and only runs down the back of his legs, is patterned with an elongated Union Flag, but it’s in black and white and appears to be cracked and broken. His tights are short, with the initials SEB emblazoned upon the front.

Mitchell Dennis: “Standing at 6’2” and weighing 238lbs, he is the longest reigning champion of all time, your UGWC Chaos Champion, SEBASSSSSSSTIAN EVERETTTTTTT-BBBBBBBBBBRYCE!”

The lights lift, and SEB makes his way to the ring, stretching his neck from side to side as he walks, his eyes focused on the ring. He climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes before standing in the middle of the ring.

"I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)

Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain"

He extends his arms once more before pulling back his hood and removing his jacket to reveal the back of his tights which read “S.E.B”

"Don't be mad cause I'm doing me better than you doing you

Better than you doing you, fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)"

He flashes his arms out to a side, a satisfied and somewhat sneery grin upon his face, he holds the position for a moment, to allow the crowd to take pictures, before moving towards his corner

Vinegar: Claude rings the bell, and the match is underway! Sebastian and Konrad waste no time exiting the ring and making their way up to the stage, where the cage structure stands.

Covert Jay: They head straight to the center cage on the first level. They exchange a series of blows and grapples, each trying to gain an advantage.

Lieberjosch: Konrad goes for a Lou Thesz press, but Sebastian counters with a belly-to-belly suplex that throws Konrad back into the first cage!

Covert Jay: Did you know that Konrad once tried to cook a hot dog over a Bunsen burner and ended up burning down his entire backyard? Talk about getting burned in blood!

Lieberjosch: You’re making that up.

Vinegar: Sebastian grabs a fire ax and takes a swing at Konrad, but Konrad dodges and delivers a spinebuster!

Lieberjosch: Konrad is now going for a crossface chickenwing, but Sebastian quickly rolls out of it and kicks Konrad in the gut!

Covert Jay: Sebastian is not letting up!

Vinegar: With a click, the first cell is now engulfed in flames! Sebastian and Konrad quickly dive to the next cell, but they both suffer some minor burns from the heat. This match is not for the faint of heart!

Lieberjosch: Konrad grabs a steel chair and holds it in the flames, then takes a swing at Sebastian.

Vinegar: But Sebastian ducks and delivers a Markham Missile! Konrad is down!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian moves to the safety of the third cage.

Covert Jay: And speaking of missiles, did you know that if you light a fart on fire, it's called a "fire missile"?

Lieberjosch: No, it isn’t.

Vinegar: Sebastian now grabs a flamethrower and sprays Konrad with flames! Konrad is on fire!

Lieberjosch: Konrad fights through the pain, rolling into the third cell and rocking around to put himself out.

Vinegar: He recovers and hits Sebastian with a spear, and goes for a sharpshooter.

Lieberjosch: Sebastian counters with a submission hold of his own, the Emperor Lock! Konrad is struggling!

Covert Jay: And speaking of struggling, did you know that I once tried to light a candle with a blowtorch and ended up setting my curtains on fire?

Lieberjosch: That one I believe.

Vinegar: Konrad is about to tap when a familiar clicking alerts them both, causing Seb to release the hold and scramble up the side of the cage to the second level.

Lieberjosch: Unable to get to his feet fully, Konrad rolls back to the second cage as the third one fills with fire.

Vinegar: Smart, but once the third cell goes back out, he’s going to have to make tracks to get up to the second level, because the entire first floor is now going to be washed in flames for the remainder of the match.

Lieberjosch: And as the flames stop, he does just that, scooping up the flamethrower as he leaps onto the cage wall.

Vinegar: Konrad is out for blood, he wants to prove that he's a real Chaos Champion!

Covert Jay: Did you know that the first fire-related weapon was invented by cavemen? They discovered that hitting two rocks together could create a spark, which could then ignite dry grass and leaves.

Lieberjosch: When did you become the Knowledge Llama?

Covert Jay: Spit.

Vinegar: Both fighters are now in the first cell of the second floor, and they're immediately going at it.

Covert Jay: Sebastian with a thrust kick to Konrad's gut makes him drop the flamethrower, but Konrad retaliates by unleashing several boxing strikes!

Lieberjosch: Konrad is really bringing the heat with those European uppercuts!

Covert Jay: Sebastian is trying to counter but Konrad pulls him into an armbar!

Vinegar: The flames are starting to rise in the all three bottom cells!

Lieberjosch: Both fighters know they need to make their move quickly if they want to avoid getting burned!

Vinegar: Konrad is pushing with his feet, trying to pull Seb into the second cage without letting go of that armbar!

Covert Jay: Click!

Lieberjosch: To his surprise, it’s the second cage that lights up!

Vinegar: With that shock, he lets go of Seb to avoid continuing into the jets.

Lieberjosch: Sebastian wastes no time getting up, but when Konrad rises, he hits him with a roundhouse kick!

Vinegar: Konrad staggers back, and Sebastian follows up with a belly to belly suplex!

Lieberjosch: But Konrad is quick to recover!

Vinegar: He grabs Sebastian and hits him with a release Everest German suplex into the flames!

Lieberjosch: Luckily for Seb, those flames were nearly finished, so by the time he lands, they’re out.

Vinegar: Getting suplexed through the flames still had to hurt.

Lieberjosch: Konrad rushes in when the flames dies, and now he's got him in a half nelson!

Covert Jay: You know what they say, where there's smoke, there's fire! And where there's fire, there's probably a fire extinguisher nearby. Safety first, folks!

Lieberjosch: You’re just saying things, Jay.

Vinegar: The flames are erupting into the third cell!

Lieberjosch: That means they have some time, as the only remaining cell on this level is the first one.

Vinegar: But don’t forget, after that, the entire second level is going to join the first as an inferno!

Covert Jay: The Champ breaks free!

Vinegar: Konrad hits The Burninator!!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian is down, and Konrad is climbing up the cage to the top level!

Vinegar: But Sebastian is not out yet! He reaches up and grabs Konrad by the ankle, and he's pulling him down!

Lieberjosch: Konrad lands, then hits him with a jawbreaker, and now he's got him in a chokehold! Sebastian is struggling to break free!

Covert Jay: Did you know that the Greeks believed that fire was created by the god Prometheus, who stole it from the gods and gave it to humans?

Lieberjosch: Eyeroll.

Vinegar: The first cell on level 2 is getting hot!

Liberjosch: Konrad hits Sebastian with a belly to back suplex!

Vinegar: He's going for the climb again, but Sebastian is right behind him!

Lieberjosch: And now Konrad pulls Sebastian the rest of the way up, and slaps him into the Cologne Cloverleaf!

Vinegar: Sebastian is in anguish!

Lieberjosch: He's trying to reach for a nearby red package, but Konrad is not letting him go!

Vinegar: The entire second row explodes, adding to the blaze below.

Lieberjosch: Seb’s got the package, and he lowers his hand into the cell below, screaming in pain.

Vinegar: He suddenly scoops his arm back and shoves the package into Burned in Blood’s face!

Lieberjosch: It’s firecrackers! They crackle against Raab’s face, popping and tearing his face up.

Vinegar: Hard to tell against his facepaint, but I believe Konrad is bleeding!

Covert Jay: The ancient Chinese used gunpowder to create fireworks as early as the 7th century? They used it to scare off evil spirits and to celebrate special occasions.

Lieberjosch: Shut. Up.

Vinegar: Both competitors have been badly burned by the flames in the first two levels.

Lieberjosch: Konrad is nursing his injured face in Cell 2 of the top floor, while Everett-Bryce is limping out of the first cell.

Vinegar: That's right, Hans, and it looks like Seb is already reaching for one of the weapons in Cell 2. What's he got there?

Covert Jay: After dipping it down through the links to level 2, hat is a flaming kendo stick!

Vinegar: Seb is swinging it against Konrad’s body like he's trying to put out a campfire!

Lieberjosch: Konrad is trying to use the cell wall to pull himself to his feet.

Vinegar: Somehow, he's got a metal trash can lid in his hand now, and he's using it to fend off Seb's attacks!

Lieberjosch: But Seb is quick on his feet, and he's using some fancy footwork to get in close.

Vinegar: Now he's delivering a series of kicks to Konrad's midsection, deftly avoiding the now-flaming lid!

Covert Jay: Those kicks are hot like a habanero pepper, Vinegar! And speaking of hot, it looks like Cell 3 is about to turn into an inferno!

Lieberjosch: The flames shoot up from the floor of the cell, and that’s the first of three!

Vinegar: They’re pouring sweet, and I swear I can smell their boots melting from the conflagration below.

Vinegar: But Seb and Konrad are too busy trading blows to notice.

Lieberjosch: Now Konrad's got a can of lighter fluid, and he's dousing Seb’s gear!

Vinegar: Seb superkicks Konrad suddenly, then scurries to the third cell, which is no longer burning.

Lieberjosch: He throws himself against the cage wall to get out of the cell, but the flames in Cell 1 are growing!

Vinegar: This is madness! The flames are too intense, and Seb is going to be burned alive from behind or below!

Covert Jay: Wait a minute, guys! Look at the roof of the cell! There's a fire extinguisher in there!

Lieberjosch: Seb is pulling himself up to the top, he’s going to win!

Vinegar: But Konrad is already climbing up behind him.

Lieberjosch: He's got a pair of flaming nunchucks and he's swinging them like a madman!

Vinegar: Seb grabs the fire extinguisher and unleashes a cloud at Raab, putting out the nunchucks!

Lieberjosch: Konrad drops the nunchucks, then powers himself up even with Seb.

Covert Jay: Cell 2 is burning!

Vinegar: Flaming Driver to Seb, driving him back down to the second floor!

Lieberjosch: Neither of them is moving as the second cell stops.

Vinegar: Not good, the next burst will engulf the remaining cells totally!

Lieberjosch: Konrad manages to gain his feet, and slowly starts to climb.

Vinegar: Seb is stirring!

Covert Jay: The four nations lived in harmony, but everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

Lieberjosch: …

Vinegar: Sebastian is up!

Lieberjosch: Konrad has a hand on the edge of the top of the cell!

Vinegar: He flings the nunchucks up and beans Konrad in the head, causing him to fall!

Covert Jay: Clock is ticking…

Lieberjosch: Everett-Bryce is setting up The Conquest!

Vinegar: Just as he completes it, the entire top row goes up in flames!

Covert Jay: They’re dead! They’re dead!

Lieberjosch: An explosion of white, that fire extinguisher still had some juice!

Vinegar: It’s Sebastian, clearing a path for himself!

Lieberjosch: He climbs up, and hefts himself onto the top!

Vinegar: He did it!

Dennis: Your winner, and STILL UGWC Chaos Champion, SEBBBBBASTIAN EVERETTTTTT-BRYCCCCCCCEEEE!!!

Vinegar: The flames die down as an army of EMTs rush the cage, spraying fire extinguishers and hurrying to get to the combatants.

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Great night of action we’ve had so far here in Ottawa, with our two big main events still to go, and up next, the fatal fourway elimination final of the Survival of the Fittest Tournament!

Covert Jay: The winner of this match receives the championship match of their choosing next month at Battleground, but that’s not all! They’ll also become the Keeper of the Survival Key, securing their spot in the Keys to the Kingdom Match later this year!

Lieberjosch: The keys have reshaped UGWC over the last several years, the winner of this match is cemented as a major player in the months ahead!

The opening drum beats and guitar riffs to “My Will Be A Dead Man” by Project 86 blare. The lights flicker and as the song picks up, Dave Rydell saunters out onto the stage. He is cloaked in the black, leather, hooded trench coat, as well as the mask. He leans over and adjusts the blousing off his multicam pants over his combat boots before walking down the ramp to the ring. As the lights around the arena glow an orange/red glow, he walks up the steps and climbs through the ropes. He pauses for a moment, facing one side of the arena. He pulls his hood back and flares out into the Knoxd as he removes his mask. He removes his trench coat and tosses both items to ringside, and does a quick arm and back stretch before his match.

Mitchell Dennis: The following is the final match of the Survival of the Fittest tournament, and will be an ELIMINATION MATCH! Introducing first, he is one half of the Cooperative Champions, DAAAVEEEE RYYYYYDELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

Vinegar: Dave Rydell defeated the Dark Destroyer and Donovan Hastings to advance to the finals, and if you’re someone who turns his nose up about the first half of that, it might be worth remember that the Dark Destroyer actually has something of a respectable record in recent months.

Covert Jay: On both ends of the spectrum, no less. Sure, he’s got a couple wins over John Blade, but he’s also got a couple over Hastings himself. I mean, given that last part, you could make a compelling case that Rydell’s first round victory is actually the more impressive of the two!

Lieberjosch: I detest you both sometimes.

The houselights cut out, a single Raven cries out soon joined by another, then another until the cries of an entire unkindness fill the house sound system, soon broken by "Hell Broke Luce" by Tom Waits cutting through, the house lights coming up to a dull blue as a single white strobe light pulses in time to the song's percussion. Standing in the middle of that pulsing light, back to the ring, stands Matthew Knox adorned in his ring gear and a sleeveless hoodie. Arms outstretched like a bird in flight he pivots on a heel and begins making his way to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and picking a corner to charge and leap upon to scream the audience into a frenzy. He takes a lap around the ring, before kneeling in a corner and patiently waiting for the ring bell to sound.

Mitchell Dennis: Now entering the ring, MAATTTTT KNOOOXXXXXXXX!!!!

Vinegar: Matt Knox has certainly been impressive so far, with victories over Larry Tact and the former UGWC World Champion, Centurion.

Lieberjosch: Certainly not who I originally expected to come out of that portion of the bracket, but Matt Knox has very efficiently changed his narrative here in UGWC, and how much would it shake the foundation of UGWC to see Matt Knox capture the Survival Key?

"Off Deez" by J.I.D. hits the P.A. system. Tony's standing at the entrance ramp, bobbing his head to the beat. Soon as the chorus finishes, the pyro goes off, and Tony's marching down the ramp to the ring. He stops ringside, starts counting a stack of cash then...

He just smirks, shrugs, and tosses the dough in the air like Lebron with the baby powder to fans ringside. He gives his warm-up jacket to a young fan, then hops in the ring and and throws some shadow punches.

Mitchell Dennis: He is the reigning Conquest Champion, TONNNYYY SAAVVVAAGGGEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: Tony Savage has already made a significant impact since his return only weeks ago to UGWC, capturing the Conquest Championship, and we learned earlier tonight that his next defense of that title in two weeks will see him face off once again with Larry Tact, but he’s got an even greater prize on his mind tonight.

Lieberjosch: Last year Savage won the Outlast Tournament and became a Keyholder, this tournament replaced that event in this year’s schedule, can Savage do it again?

Covert Jay: He’s already beaten Konrad Raab and Holden Orson on his way to this match, and he’s looked great doing it!

The lights suddenly drop, and in the silence, Ghost's "Hunter's Moon" to play with its haunting melody.

The music builds and lights flash, leading up to the chorus, signaling an arrival.

Though my memories have faded

They come back to haunt me once again

And though my mind is somewhat jaded now

It's time for me to strike again tonight

It's a hunter's moon

'The Bogeyman' JC steps out onto the stage, staring out at the audience and wearing a Michael Myers mask over his had, having embraced his new ghoulish persona. He watches the Knoxd react to him and then begins walking steadily to the ring. He enters the ring and climbs up to the middle rope, before ripping the mask off of his head and staring out at the audience. He then returns to the ring and prepares for his match.

Mitchell Dennis: And finally, he is the Cross-Hemisphere Champion, The Bogeyman, JAAAAYYYYYYYY CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: JC just successfully defended that championship last week against the former champion, Ezra Wolf, but it looks like Zane Scott is fast on the rise in the Cross-Hemisphere division.

Covert Jay: If JC is victorious tonight, he’ll have his choSavage of next challenger!

Lieberjosch: The Bogeyman has been an unstoppable force as of late, he had to beat a kangaroo to get here, as well as the Keeper of the Global Challenge Key, Zane Scott.

DING DING!!!

Vinegar: Match officially underway, each competitor standing near a corner, staring down the other three!

Lieberjosch: Tony Savage points to each of the other three in turn and waves at all three to come at him, he’s ready to take them all on!

Vinegar: JC doesn’t need a second invitation, charging straight at Savage, who side steps and delivers a punch to the gut. Savage shoves JC into the corner, begins working him over as Rydell brawls with Knox on the opposite side of the ring.

Covert Jay: Knox ducks under a clothesline, springboards into a kick that staggers Rydell, and Knox whips Rydell across the ring towards the other two!

Vinegar: Savage moves out of the way and Rydell collides with JC, and now Savage shoves Rydell against JC and delivers Ten Piece and a Biscuit!

Lieberjosch: Savage grabs Rydell and tosses him through the ropes to the outside, now goes to deliver the Ten Piece to JC, but Knox grabs him from behind and snaps him into a German suplex!

Vinegar: Savage sent sprawling, rolls out of the ring, and now Knox stares across the ring at JC!

Covert Jay: This is a face-off that people have been waiting to see, and JC nods as he comes out of the corner, here we go!

Vinegar: Double elbow tie-up, both men grappling for position, JC delivering a knee to the chest.

Lieberjosch: He goes for a clubbing blow to the back, but before he can deliver it, Knox quickly grabs him into an exploder suplex!

Vinegar: Knox brings JC back to his feet, goes to whip him across the ring, but JC reverses it, runs towards the perpendicular ropes!

Covert Jay: DANCE MACABRE!

Vinegar: Knox launched by the impact, he tumbles through the ropes to the outside!

Lieberjosch: Rydell comes into the ring and grabs JC, whipping him across the ring, and JC bounces off the ropes into a dropkick from Rydell. Rydell goes for the quick cover, but JC kicks right out.

Vinegar: Rydell rolls away and bounces off the ropes, but JC takes him down with an arm drag.

Covert Jay: Rydell tries to get right up, but loses his balance and staggers slightly, giving JC time to grab him in a belly to back suplex.

Vinegar: JC hits a fisherman’s suplex, holds it for a pin!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Rydell kicks out!

Lieberjosch: JC bounces off the ropes as Rydell is getting up and hits a swinging neckbreaker.

Vinegar: The Bogeyman picks up Rydell by the leg and goes to turn him over into a half crab, but Rydell pinches JC’s leg and takes him down, and JC rolls away. JC rolls towards the ropes, but Rydell grabs his leg and pulls him towards the center of the ring.

Covert Jay: JC balances himself on one leg and goes for an enziguri, but Rydell ducks it and ninjas JC into the Rydell Lock!

Lieberjosch: Rydell has JC trapped in the Rydell Lock, but Knox comes off the ropes with a Lionsault, crashing into both men and breaking the hold!

Vinegar: Knox to his feet, picks up Rydell into a fireman’s carry position, but Rydell floats off the back, delivers a dropkick to Knox!

Lieberjosch: JC is getting his wind back as Savage rolls in, and Rydell pulls himself up with the ropes, only to get clotheslined by Knox over the ropes, and both spill to the outside.

Vinegar: JC charges at Savage, who drops him with a double leg takedown, going into a top mount and delivering a series of blows!

Covert Jay: Savage covers, only for JC to shove him away, and Savage brings JC to his feet to set up a T-Bone, but JC elbows him away.

Lieberjosch: Stiff clothesline by JC, and both men are down!

Vinegar: Knox whips Rydell into the steel steps at ringside, then pulls him by the hair over to the Cajun announce table.

Covert Jay: Landry Boudreaux! Etienne LeBlanc! Watch out!

LeBlanc: Rester away!

Vinegar: Knox goes to slam Rydell’s head into the table, but Rydell blocks it, then elbows Knox in the chest and bounces his head off the table.

Lieberjosch: Rydell pulls Knox on top of the table, this doesn’t look good!

Boudreaux: Get off vous fools!

LeBlanc: Vas goin on bag daer!

Boudreaux: Go to bed!

Covert Jay: VIRUS OF LIFE THROUGH THE CAJUN ANNOUNCE TABLE!!!

LeBlanc: J’ai gros couer.

Vinegar: They’re both down, meanwhile in the ring Savage whips JC off the ropes and catches him on the return!

Covert Jay: Spinebuster to End ALL Spinebusters!

Vinegar: Savage has the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: JC kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Savage to his feet, he’s waving for JC to get up! JC stumbling up!

Covert Jay: One Shot, One Kill!

Lieberjosch: But JC gets his foot up and connects with the Big Boot of Death!

Vinegar: JC didn’t get all of it, didn’t have his usual momentum, but Savage is still staggered, JC lifts him into a fireman’s carry near the ropes!

Lieberjosch: Knox reaches under the ropes and trips him up, Savage dropped to the mat, and Knox pulls JC under the ropes to the outside.

Covert Jay: Fast recovery by Knox, but you have to understand that Ottawa is not a very French city, and as such is a bit resistant to Cajun, so the table has a reduced effect.

Lieberjosch: Why did we have a Cajun announce table to begin with?

Covert Jay: Landry and Etienne need the work.

Vinegar: Savage getting back to his feet in the ring, but Rydell is there!

Covert Jay: VIRUS OF LIFE!!!!

Vinegar: The cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Tony Savage has been eliminated!

Vinegar: One down, three remain, as Knox sends JC into the barricade, he comes back towards the ring, but Rydell baseball slides under the bottom rope and catches him in the face!

Lieberjosch: Rydell stands on the apron, Knox standing at ringside, and Rydell leaps off the apron and connects with the Tip of the Spear!

Covert Jay: Rydell sends Knox into the ring, climbs the turnbuckle, and he leaps and connects with the Rydell Bomb!

Vinegar: He’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Knox kicks out!

Covert Jay: Rydell backs away, he’s lining up and waiting for Knox to get into position, as Knox rolls over onto all fours, here it comes! Rydell Stomp!

Vinegar: Knox manages to pull his head out of the way, getting to his feet!

Covert Jay: Rydell adjusts quickly! VIRUS OF LIFE!!!!

Vinegar: Knox shoves him away!!

Lieberjosch: BIG BOOT OF DEATH!!!!!

Vinegar: JC was back in the ring, Rydell shoved right into the Big Boot of Death, and it knocks him back towards Knox, who catches Rydell and lifts him into position for-

Lieberjosch: INTO THE VOID!!!

Vinegar: Knox with the cover, JC just leans against the turnbuckle and watches!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Dave Rydell has been eliminated!

Vinegar: We are down to two!

Lieberjosch: Only Matt Knox and JC remain, and one of these two will claim the Survivor Key!

Vinegar: Knox and JC meeting in the center of the ring, words exchanged, and JC throws the first punch!

Covert Jay: Blows exchanged, each man repeatedly staggered by the other before returning fire, until JC shoots in and lifts Knox into a fireman’s carry!

Lieberjosch: Knox floats off, lifts JC into a fireman’s carry of his own!

Vinegar: Now JC floats off, whips Knox across the ring, sprints to different ropes!

Covert Jay: DANCE MACABRE!!!

Vinegar: Knox launched by the impact, but JC grabs his leg and drags him back towards the center of the ring before covering!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Knox kicks out!

Lieberjosch: JC bringing Knox back up, sends him into the corner, and JC charges after him!

Covert Jay: Knox moves out of the way, JC runs smack into the turnbuckle!

Lieberjosch: Lung blower by Knox, locks in The Mercy, The Murder!

Vinegar: Is JC going to submit right here? Will Knox force him to tap out!

Lieberjosch: JC struggling, he’s got his legs into the ropes, but that’s not going to help him, no rope breaks in this match!

Covert Jay: But they can break the hold, as JC uses his legs and the ropes to pull them both out underneath, and they crash to ringside!

Vinegar: Both men slow to move, the crowd is in a fever pitch, and JC stumbles back to his feet, grabs Knox and sends him back into the ring.

Lieberjosch: He’s still trying to get air back in his lungs, but JC knows he can’t let up now, slides into the ring, Knox rising!

Covert Jay: BIG BOOT OF DEATH!!!!

Vinegar: Sidestepped by Knox!

Lieberjosch: INTO THE VOID!!!!

Vinegar: Knox connects, and he collapses onto JC!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell: Here is your winner, and the Keeper of the Survivor Key, MAAATTTTTT KNNNOOOXXXXXXX!!!!

Vinegar: He did it!

Lieberjosch: Matt Knox has returned to UGWC, and he is now the first ever winner of the Survivor of the Fittest Tournament!

Vinegar: Knox has made his mark, he’s now guaranteed himself a spot in the Keys to the Kingdom match in November, and could end up in the main event of Horizons! What a moment!

Covert Jay: And we’ve still got tonight’s main event to go!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: Unbelievable action here tonight, congratulations to Matt Knox, who moments ago won the Survival of the Fittest tournament, big things still ahead for him here in UGWC, but it’s time now for tonight’s main event.

Lieberjosch: Certainly a lot of controversy in how we got here, but this is a main event I certainly have wanted to see, a triple threat for the World Heavyweight Championship between Ken Davison, Lucy Wylde, and Montague Cervantes.

The arena goes black. The opening chords of "Undead" by Hollywood Undead blare over the Arena PA system. One by one, spotlights around the arena begin fading in and out, alternating between a bright white and deep purple tones. As the bass line kicks into its highly recognized bone jarring chorus the spotlights sync their flashing with the rhythm. Suddenly the spotlights all turn at once, illuminating the stage in a brilliant flash and a radiating glow. Lucy Wylde steps out from behind the curtain onto center stage just as the crowd begins to cheer and sing along with the song...

UNDEAD!!!!!

UNDEAD!!!!!

UNDEAD!!!!!

UNDEAD!!!!!

As the verse begins, Lucy begins walking towards the ring, a big smile on her face as she moves from side to side along the aisle - slapping the hands of the fans as she goes. She gets to ringside and runs up the ring steps, climbing into the ring and ascending the far turnbuckle, raising her arms into the air. She pulls a pair of fingerless leather gloves from her back pocket and puts them on, one by one. Her music begins to fade into the background of the cheers of the fans. Once both gloves are tight, she clenches both fists and jumps down from the turnbuckle, awaiting the opening bell.

Mitchell Dennis: The following contest is a triple threat match scheduled for one fall, and is for the World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, LUUCCYYYYYY WYYYYLLLDDDDEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: Lucy Wylde is a 3-Time UGWC World Champion and one of the most decorated Entertainment Professionals in UGWC history, who was on one of the most dominant runs of her career before losing the title last month on Synergy, in very controversial fashion.

Lieberjosch: Impossible to know how that match would have ended were it not for the interference of Montague Cervantes. Would Davison have won the title anyway? Or would Lucy’s epic run have continued uninterrupted?

Covert Jay: Hopefully that match gets run back sometime in the future, but as for tonight, if Lucy wants to win the title back, she’ll have to go through both Davison and Cervantes, and that’s as dangerous a pair of opponents as you could have to face.

The sound of a winding filmstrip can be heard as the arena is bathed in dim sepia light. A trumpet sounds accompanied by a spotlight emanating from the curtain. It backlights a man in a top hat, with a cane slung over his left shoulder. As a tinny voice begins to sing, the silhouetted figure moves along with the directions of the lyrics.

Mitchell Dennis: And now entering the ring, the other challenger, the Doctor-Professor, MONNTAGGGUEEE CERRRRRVANNNNTTESSSSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: With the recent rivalry between Cervantes and Davison, a lot of people have been wondering why Cervantes would have intervened to help Davison in that aforementioned title match, but I think it’s because Cervantes believed his victory over Davison in the Circus Deathmatch would have positioned him as the top contender.

Lieberjosch: You’re overthinking it, Nicholas. Cervantes has a flair for the dramatic and is the ultimate showman. That’s all there is to it.

Ken Davison walks to the ring, all business, carrying the World Heavyweight Title.

Mitchell Dennis: And their opponent, he is the reigning AND defending World Heavyweight Champion, “Godly” KENNNNNN DAVVVVIISSSSONNNNNNN!!!!

Vinegar: It can’t be stressed enough what Davison went through to win the title to begin with. A successful Conquest Title run to earn the match, his body ravaged by the Circus Deathmatch, and Ken Davison with a performance for a lifetime even to compete against Lucy Wylde on Synergy #397. The ending may have been controversial, but a lot of people believe that Davison would have won that match anyway.

Lieberjosch: He was half-dead. If Monty hadn’t intervened they’d have been scraping Davison off the mat.

Covert Jay: Ah, but that half was getting better and had been about to go for a walk.

Lieberjosch: Go ahead and tighten that bath towel you keep around your head, your stupid is leaking out.

DING DING!!!

Vinegar: With a mighty flourish, Cervantes encourages Davison and Wylde to engage each other, but they’re not having it, and they grab him together and toss him from the ring.

Lieberjosch: Davison turns around into a right hand from Wylde, staggering him, and Lucy whips Davison off the ropes and into a spinning heel kick.

Covert Jay: Lucy connects with the Fury Brand on Davison, as Cervantes charges back into the ring.

Vinegar: Cervantes runs at Wylde, but she sidesteps and he charges into the corner, only to swing out and back in for a Carousel Kick!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes measures and springboards off the ropes, soaring towards the downed Lucy Wylde, but Davison steps in and catches him in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker!

Vinegar: Davison pulls Wylde into a headlock and holds it tight, but she counters out of it with a suplex! Wylde floats into the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Cervantes breaks up the cover!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes tosses Wylde out of the ring, and now he grabs Davison and whips him off the ropes, then hits an arm drag.

Covert Jay: Monty quickly covers, but Davison kicks out almost immediately.

Vinegar: Both men pop up and Cervantes goes for a springboard forearm, but Davison steps out of the way.

Covert Jay: Davison bounces off the ropes and charges, but Cervantes knocks him down with a reverse elbow.

Vinegar: Cervantes pulls Davison up and wrenches his arm, but Davison manages to reverse it, then pulls Cervantes into a fisherman’s suplex.

Covert Jay: Davison rolls into a second fisherman’s suplex, and then a third, pins with a bridge!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Wylde slides into the ring and kicks Davison in the chest, breaking up the cover!

Covert Jay: Lucy grabs Davison and tosses him from the ring.

Vinegar: Wylde stomps away on Cervantes, then pulls him up and lifts him for a vertical suplex, but Cervantes floats out and counters with a neckbreaker.

Covert Jay: Wylde staggers right back to her feet, and Cervantes runs towards the ropes and ascends them, springing back into Lament for a Toy Factory!

Vinegar: Cervantes with the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Wylde kicks out!

Lieberjosch: You’re constantly on the clock in a triple threat match, if you can isolate an opponent one on one you have to capitalize and get the pin before the third wheel can intervene again, Cervantes knows he missed an opportunity there.

Vinegar: Cervantes pulls Wylde up and whips her off the ropes again, but telegraphs a back body drop and Wylde counters with a face buster.

Covert Jay: Cervantes staggers, and Wylde handsprings into Mindblow!

Vinegar: Now she’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Cervantes kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Wylde pulls up Cervantes and whips him across the ring, but Cervantes comes back with a flying headscissor takedown, and they’re both down!

Vinegar: Davison is back in the ring, he’s got Wylde, and he connects with the Kenadian Destroyer! Here’s the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Cervantes breaks it up!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes grabs Davison and sends him sprawling, drops into a cover of his own!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Vinegar: Wylde kicks out!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes stands into a dropkick from Davison, and he rolls under the ropes to the apron, using the ropes to pull himself up.

Covert Jay: Lucy to her feet and charges at him, but Monty pulls down the top rope and she spills over it to ringside!

Vinegar: Cervantes holding onto the second rope, looking back on the sprawled Lucy Wylde, but Davison comes diving over him, grabs hold of Cervantes, JESUS CHRIST ON A POGO STICK!!!!

Lieberjosch: Davison just delivered the Fall of Grace on Cervantes, powerbombing him off the apron and onto Lucy Wylde!

Vinegar: This crowd can’t believe it, they’re in a fever pitch, and all three competitors down at ringside.

Lieberjosch: Ken Davison gets back to his feet, World Champion looking to defend his title here tonight, and he grabs Cervantes and sends him back into the ring.

Vinegar: Davison rolls in and charges, but Cervantes takes him down with a drop toe hold!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes slips out onto the apron, slingshots back in on top of Davison’s shoulders, but Davison reaches up and trips him up, catches him!

Covert Jay: JAWDROPPER!!!!

Vinegar: Davison has the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





Covert Jay: CALAMITY FROM THE SKIES!!!!!

Vinegar: Lucy Wylde breaks up the cover, landing on top of Davison with a double rotating moonsault! Davison rolls out of the ring!

Lieberjosch: Cervantes stirring, trying to get up!

Covert Jay: WYLDE LIBERATION!!!!!

Vinegar: She’s got the cover!





ONE!!!





TWO!!!!!





THREE!!!!!!!





Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the NEW UGWC World Champion…LUUCCYYYY WYYYLLLLLDDDEEEEEE!!!!!

Covert Jay: She did it!

Vinegar: Lucy Wylde is back on top! She came to Ottawa with a purpose, and now she joins Donovan Hastings, Eden Morgan, and Jet Somers as the only 4-Time UGWC World Champions in history!

Lieberjosch: And once again Montague Cervantes plays directly into the finish, Ken Davison loses the title without being pinned. I don’t know when it’s going to happen, but we need to see Davison and Wylde face off one more time, and we need that definitive finish!

Vinegar: That’s for another day, as for tonight, Lucy Wylde is once again the World Champion!

Covert Jay: We’ll see you in two weeks!

[UGWC Staff]

Credits

Opener
Dave

Orson vs Tact
Ad

Ezra vs Zane
Dave

Towering Inferno
Brandon

Tournament Final
Steve

Main Event
Steve