Post by UGWC Staff on Jul 14, 2023 23:25:39 GMT -5
UGWC District Conquest
In the Crusader's District, Cynric himself sits atop a mechanical horse. Across lists, Donovan Hastings sits atop another. They're outfitted with lances and shields, and as the music plays, they rush at each other.
Hearts pounding, breath held, the crowd watches as they collide.
Cynric's lance goes high, but Donovan's connects, unhorsing the Crusader!
Post by UGWC Staff on Jul 14, 2023 23:26:42 GMT -5
UGWC District Conquest
Lieberjosch: We're catching up with Knox in the Bronyland Ranch!
Vinegar: It's about 10 minutes to 5 pm, if Matt doesn't succeed here, he'll probably miss his chance at the main event!
Lieberjosch: He's met by an anthropomorphic version of a dark haired pony.
Covert Jay: That's Doom Pony! See the death cutie mark?
Lieberjosch: I have no idea what you just said. I know all the words and their meanings individually, but together, in the order you presented, it's nonsense.
Vinegar: Looks like the game is going to be lawn darts!
Covert Jay: Doom Pony stands next to Knox inside a corral, and the giant target is on the other side.
Lieberjosch: Doom Pony lets fly, and hits the ring outside the bull's-eye!
Vinegar: Gonna be tough to beat...
Lieberjosch: Knox's dart is up...
Covert Jay: Bull's-eye!
Vinegar: Knox is presented with both darts, and he's going to the main event!
Matt Knox: 2 | Weapons Collected: Chocolate Cake, Lawn Darts
Vinegar: We join our Main Event already in progress as Matt Knox, Donovan Hastings, and Angel Blake are currently slugging it out.
Lieberjosch: Who the hell chose these weapons?
Vinegar: Our Creative Director and a very creative writer whose name isn’t Ad.
Lieberjosch: What?
Vinegar: What?
Lieberjosch: What you said.
Vinegar: I said “the Creative Director.”
Lieberjosch: And…
Vinegar: “And” nothing. Daedalus came up with them.
Lieberjosch: I must be taking crazy pills.
Covert Jay: I haven’t seen you take anything.
Lieberjosch: Ugh!
Vinegar: Our three contestants continue to slug it out, none of them having used a weapon yet.
Lieberjosch: It’s an…eclectic mix, including a lance and two lawn darts.
Covert Jay: And a chocolate cake!
Lieberjosch: Sure, that too.
Vinegar: Angel Blake breaks away from the fracas and blindly reaches for one of the weapons.
Covert Jay: CAKE!
Lieberjosch: I don’t think he wanted that.
Vinegar: Blake wheels around and throws the cake, aiming for Knox as he turns around.
Covert Jay: He dodged it!
Lieberjosch: Oh no…
Covert Jay: That’s...bad. Really, really bad.
Vinegar: Blake just nailed our Creative Director straight in the face with a chocolate cake!
Covert Jay: I hope he doesn’t have allergies!
Lieberjosch: I think that’s the least of Blake’s problems!
Vinegar: Luckily for Daedalus his coachman was there to stop him from falling off. He’s standing on top of the coach now demanding to know who threw it. Both Knox and Donovan look befuddled, which should be all of the hint that Daedalus needs.
Lieberjosch: HA! Blake has snuck in behind Knox and is pointing at him!
Covert Jay: Daedalus believes him!
Vinegar: I don’t think he cares, it’s just a chance to make someone’s life miserable later. Unfortunately for Knox, that person will be him.
Lieberjosch: I look forward to what our Creative Director comes up with!
Covert Jay: Poor Knox!
Vinegar: Blake uses the distraction to roll Knox up! There’s the count!
Lieberjosch: Brilliant move by Blake!
Covert Jay: We have a two count!
Vinegar: Knox kicks out and leaps to his feet, swinging wildly!
Covert Jay: That wasn’t a cymbal of his affection!
Lieberjosch: Good grief...
Vinegar: Knox clocks Blake on the side of the head with one of the cymbals, just enough to stun him. He picks up the other one and holds his arms wide!
Lieberjosch: Oh my…
Covert Jay: That’ll leave him something to remember us by.
Lieberjosch: A reverberating headache?
Covert Jay: Whatever works!
Vinegar: Knox brings the cymbals together with Blake’s head in the middle!
Covert Jay: That was some clang!
Vinegar: He does it again!
Covert Jay: And a third time!
Lieberjosch: Meanwhile “The Lord of Pain” just sits back and watches with a smirk.
Vinegar: Blake staggers backward, nearly falling down. Knox leaps forward and slams one of them into his face!
Covert Jay: He’s down!
Vinegar: Knox grabs the lawn darts and drives them into the ground through the loose fabric on Blake’s ring attire, pinning him to the ground! He drops for the pin!
Covert Jay: Here’s the count!
Lieberjosch: There’s the one!
Covert Jay: Two!!
Vinegar: Three!! Matt Knox has eliminated Angel Blake!
Lieberjosch: NO! Hastings breaks it up at the last second, shattering Bones’ lucky mop over Knox’ back and throws him away! He drops for the pin!
Covert Jay: He’s going to steal it!
Vinegar: One!
Lieberjosch: Two!
Covert Jay: The...no! Blake frees his arm from the ground! He has one of the lawn darts!
Lieberjosch: Oh my fucking GOD!!
Covert Jay: GodDAMN!!
Vinegar: Blake plunges the lawn dart into Hastings’ shoulder! Hastings howls in pain and rolls off, reaching for it to pull it out! Blake gets back to his feet! He sees the case of Chadwisers!
Covert Jay: He opens one and shotguns it down!
Lieberjosch: Hastings is back to his feet and has managed to remove the dart from his back!
Covert Jay: Blake swings!
Vinegar: He shatters the bottle over Hastings’ head, sending glass everywhere!
Covert Jay: He pulls Hastings up!
Vinegar: Urinage!
Covert Jay: Onto the pack of Chadwisers!
Vinegar: He lifts him up again!
Covert Jay: In the Name of the Lord!
Lieberjosch: That’s an ironic move to use on “The Lord Chief.”
Vinegar: He hauls Hastings back up, spins him around over the broken glass!
Lieberjosch: This isn’t good for Hastings!
Covert Jay: He has him up!
Vinegar: LAST GASP HEAD FIRST ONTO THE BROKEN GLASS!!
Lieberjosch: Pin him, you idiot!
Vinegar: He’s drops for the pin!
Lieberjosch: One!
Covert Jay: Two!
Vinegar: The...no! Hastings transitions it into a rollup!
Lieberjosch: Blake immediately kicks out!
Vinegar: Hastings hauls him up, backing them into the corner!
Lieberjosch: If he does this, Blake is done!
Vinegar: He hauls Blake up!
Covert Jay: I almost forgot we were in a ring!
Lieberjosch: The Lord Chief is about to take out another peasant!
Vinegar: Inevitability into the broken glass!
Lieberjosch: Hastings isn’t done!
Covert Jay: Look at his face!
Lieberjosch: He actually looks angry under all of that blood!
Vinegar: He gets Blake back up…
Covert Jay: DESTINY’S CALL INTO THE BROKEN GLASS!
Lieberjosh: He grabs the cymbals!
Covert Jay: Cymbal crash!
Vinegar: He smashes Blake’s head between the cymbals for a second time in this match!
Lieberjosch: It might be the third! In all of this chaos, I’ve lost track!
Vinegar: He throws them away and drops onto Blake!
Covert Jay: ONE!
Lieberjosch: TWO!!!
Vinegar: Knox breaks it up!
Covert Jay: Blake kicked out too!
Lieberjosch: I think that’s only because Hastings’ weight was off of him.
Vinegar: Knox pulls Hastings up for “Into the Void!”
Lieberjosch: Hastings slips off!
Covert Jay: LOW BLOW ON KNOX!
Lieberjosch: I have no idea how, but our Referee didn’t see it!
Vinegar: Knox collapses to the ground! Blake grabs Hastings and gives him the Ranger’s Way right onto Knox!
Covert Jay: Vicious!
Vinegar: Blake gets Hastings up!
Covert Jay: Deadlights! He hit “The Deadlights” on Hastings!
Vinegar: He drops for the pin! ONE!
Covert Jay: TWO!!
Lieberjosch: THREE!!
Mitchell Dennis: DONOVAN HASTINGS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!
Vinegar: Donovan Hastings is eliminated after a nasty sequence! He’ll get medical attention as soon as he gets to the back, especially for that stab wound!
Covert Jay: Blake turns, looking for Knox!
Vinegar: He eats a discus elbow from Knox that takes him to one knee! Knox pulls him up and spins him around!
Covert Jay: Another one!
Lieberjosch: This one to the back of his head! Excellent strategy by Knox to take advantage of the at least slightly drunk, and possibly mildly concussed Blake!
Vinegar: He spins Blake around again!
Covert Jay: European uppercut!
Lieberjosch: Another spin!
Covert Jay: Another discus elbow to the back of his head!
Vinegar: Knock keeps spinning Blake around, alternating between discus elbows to the back of his head and nasty European uppercuts that are catching Blake squarely in the chin!
Lieberjosch: Blake’s legs are looking…wobbly.
Covert Jay: Blake goes down!
Vinegar: Knox finally takes Blake down with a discus elbow to the back of his head.
Lieberjosch: It has to be the eighth or ninth.
Vinegar: He steps away and grabs one fo the lances!
Covert Jay: Holy chuckle fuck of doom!
Lieberjosch: What the hell does that even MEAN??
Vinegar: He just broke it over Blakes head! Blake crumples in a heap!
Lieberjosch: I’m not sure how the hell he got back to his feet after that sequence of uppercuts and elbows! The man’s incredible!
Vinegar: He takes the second lance and sets it up across a corner, then pulls Blake up onto his shoulders!
Covert Jay: Jesus! Release overhead suplex through the LANCE!!!
Vinegar: He pulls Blake back up!
Covert Jay: Into the Void!!!
Vinegar: Knox grabs both broken ends of the lance and drives them through Blake’s ring attire, and somehow through the canvas to pin Blake to the mat! He collapses on top of Blake!
Lieberjosch: Here’s the ref for the count!
Covert Jay: ONE!
Lieberjosch: TWO!!
Vinegar: THREE!!! MATT KNOX WINS THE TWO THOUSAND AND TWENTY THREE DISTRICT CONQUEST!!
Covert Jay: Why’s Daedalus pointing at the curtain?
Lieberjosch: It’s the Doctor-Professor!
Vinegar: Knox pulls himself to his feet and stares at the curtain as Conquest Champion Montague Cervantes walks through, his music blaring, and holds the Conquest Championship up overhead for all to see. Knox staggers up to the rope and points at Montague, who smiles and bows to Knox.
Lieberjosch: It’s safe to say that he’s happy to welcome Knox as his Number One Contender!
Vinegar: It is! That’s it for tonight, fans! Join us tomorrow for the IWF Invictus Championship Match between, of all people, Angel Blake and Matt Knox…
Lieberjosch: I have no idea how after this!
Vinegar: We’ll see, but if this is any indication, it’s going to be a wild one! After that is our MAIN EVENT of the day as Zane Scott challenges current Cross-Hemisphere Champion JC for JC’s Cross-Hemisphere Championship! Will Zane become a three-time holder of a championship that he’s repeatedly declared his reverence for, or will JC retain? And will this end their rivalry? Tune in tomorrow, fans!!
Last Edit: Jul 15, 2023 12:31:41 GMT -5 by UGWC Staff