The 2023 Massive Melee Pitch Thread

[UGWC Staff]

The Massive Melee Pitch Thread

ANYONE CAN PARTICIPATE - YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE ANNOUNCED

Participants will not write a full roleplay.

Instead, participants will write a short pitch for what their full roleplay would have been.

Roleplays should be posted in this thread. Be sure to include the character name at the beginning of the post.

Pitch can be a maximum of 250 words.

["Burned in Blood" Konrad Raab]

Konrad Raab

Konrad's psychologist sent Konrad to Camino Recovery in Spain straight after the Chaos title loss. He started the following Monday after his loss. While there, he's getting treatment for his anger, social anxiety, low self-esteem and how to talk to people. He's been working out in the gym a lot, along with going swimming. He's got to do yoga and meditation. He has Equine Assisted Psychotherapy and has to bond with a black horse named Maximillian, whom Konrad has to groom, feed, drink and lead the horse over obstacles. Also has to open up to the horse about the issues he currently faces in work and real life.

Through individual and group therapy, he discusses his anger, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and interaction issues. However, Konrad struggles with the horse and group therapy parts of opening up about his life. Konrad also does an education lecture which discusses controlling the anger and anxiety triggers on top of humanity as well. He gets a massage every night and has assignment work for his anger, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and humanity. Konrad feels it will make him a lot calmer, more confident, and hate himself less. But it also is a step he needs to take to make himself a better human being, showing respect to his fellow competitors and seeking happiness, to be the factor of winning the Massive Melee and go to contend for the Chaos title again, despite only being there a short amount of time.

[The Avenger]

After saving the Multiverse (again) and his friends, The Avenger realized that there were now four of him trapped on one Earth! There's Vengy, there's the formerly fat but now smart and handsome Avenger #536, there's Sam Action and now there's a skinny Avenger from Earth #2. He's seen some things since his time with Mothman Cervantes and he doesn't particularly want to talk about it. Also, he prefers you call him Venge. No one knows why.

The four had been living inside one motel room in Baltimore (as you would expect, it got really cramped) until one day, our hero said...

"Enough! I'm going to Massive Melee!"

Our pal Vengy left, but soon returned with an RV! What better way for four versions of the same guy to bond than on a cross-country road trip? It was here that Vengy planned to bond with his friends, especially that PTSD-sufferin' Venge, as they learned more about themselves and explored the weirder side of the continental 48 states.

It's possible they left weeks ago and got really lost. And did you know cryptids are real? Vengy sure didn't until they drove right into a cave containing a Bigfoot. As it turns out, sasquatches love the taste of coffee and the feel of a nice silk housecoat. Remember that kids, it may save your life one day.

Anyway, it was all fun and mayhem as our hero drove to Colorado to participate in the Melee!

[thedarkdestroyer]

The living embodiment of "Dare to be Stupid' continues his quest for The Holy Sandwich. He drags his sidekick and Dank Destroyer along with him.

It goes how you'd expect.

And he gets his head stuck in another bucket.

[Mr.Ego]

Vain

Due to a severe case of food poisoning, or maybe a case of his VEEN not being exactly forty-three degrees, Vain finds himself on his proverbial deathbed. Muttering over his failure to win the Conquest Title, he finally falls asleep, a horrid fever dream taking over his thoughts.

He dreams of a land far, far away – decades at least – and with what he sees, he knows that what has transpired is his penance for not winning the Melee. Lucy Wylde never became his best friend, as she only associates with champions; Travis Pierce is still being lauded for his record-breaking Vain biopic, starring none other than Kurt Brady in the titular role; the Multiverse has imploded, and The Avenger finds himself all alone in a Baltimore motel room; and across the pond, the great-great-great-grandson of Konrad Raab – Hans Raab – has taken his love of “mein fuhrer” to whole new levels, as he and his best friend – B.J. Allmendinger – have taken complete control of Germany in a horrific campaign entitled ‘Burned in Blood’. In their off time, BJ races tanks around, annihilating everything in his path.

When Vain finally awakens, fully fever free, he enjoys a pristinely chilled VEEN. As he harkens back on what has transpired in his subconscious, he can come to but one conclusion: Win the Massive Melee event for the first time ever, and in the process, save the entire world.

You’re welcome, Global Vaniacs.

[EZRA]

Ezra Wolf stands at a podium with a microphone aimed in his direction and a large screen behind him. The logo for the 2023 Massive Melee is emblazoned on the screen as ‘Change Things’ by RIVALS plays. He wears a hoodie that has its hood up and a pair of black sunglasses. He greets the camera in front of him as if it were the crowd.

He holds a button in his hand that controls the projector.

CLICK

A selfie of Ezra outside of a barbershop.

CLICK

A selfie of Ezra with his hood up outside of a tattoo shop.

CLICK

Ezra and Nora shuffling through a playlist of songs.

CLICK

A list of songs including Sunshine! by Beartooth, Happy Song by Bring Me The Horizon, and Kill the Noise by Papa Roach.

CLICK

Nora sitting behind a sewing machine, working with some dark fabric.

CLICK

Ezra sketching something on a notepad.

CLICK

The sketch takes more shape, and it looks to be wrestling gear with various shades of black and gray.

CLICK

The final picture shows Ezra in street clothes standing on the stage for Massive Melee 2023. The arena is empty although the production side of things is complete as they test everything out before the big event. Ezra stands with a smile on his face as he readies himself for the first big event without Ezekiel Pax by his side.

[Lucy Wylde]

Lucy Wylde

There are a few super important questions that need to be asked.

1) What would the world be like IF Lucy and Alan were ACTUALLY best friends?

And 2) Do you truly trust Chad to tell this scenario with the utmost competence & accuracy?!

If your answer to #2 is 'yes', then you're obviously on the 'Chad should have never been fired' Bandwagon and I'm gonna need you to stop reading this pitch. If your answer to #2 is 'no' (As it should be), then you're in the right place and I respect you as a person!  
  
So let us follow along with Lucy, our LATEST and most UNDESERVING Chaos Champ as she and her hot af boyfriend, Rogan set out to decorate the ‘Waystation’.  Seems pretty boring…

A typical Barbie Roleplay, am I right?

HAH! Jokes on you because Rogan magic'd up those white tents when Lucy wasn’t looking and our girl ended up inside one of em! Beam her ass up, Scotty!

SURPRISE!

And now Lucy’s found herself in a reality where the worst possible scenario has happened.  She and Vain are BESTIES.

Not to mention, she and Seb are bitter enemies!  The hell?!  How does Lucy find her way out of this completely unrealistic and quite frankly insulting reality?  

It's totally not through completely predictable and overused means.  Nope.  I mean, who's to say she ever escaped?  Maybe THIS IS THAT REALITY and Chad was right all along.  

...

...

...

...

LMAO, you wish, Chad

[Dave Rydell]

Dave Rydell

As Dave travels from his house in South Carolina, he embarks on a trip to Denver. He thinks back over the last several months. The falling out with Ezra. Battleground. Vain. Lucy. All of it.

2023: a record year for Dave.

Not a single title earned and one was lost. Yet, it was familiar. Left with nothing to lose and everything to gain. Another key. Another item off of his list of “never have I ever.”

The Massive Melee.

He still had not made any moves towards seeing Vanessa. However, she did live rent free in his mind when he wasn’t working. And as he is on his way to work, the mood shifts.

Flip to a long dialogue about how 2023 is still his year. It isn’t over yet. He has plenty left to do. And a few more people to beat. He’s been surprising everyone all year, whether they want to admit it or not. And he will do that, yet again. Winning the Melee has been on his horizon for years. I don’t mean a few years. Since 2002. It’s time.

And while most think that Dave would win the Melee ONLY in an alternate timeline, this isn’t an alternate timeline. This is reality. And Dave will win it. Just like he did at Battleground.

Fast forward to the day of the Melee. He enters the locker room. And there is Ezra. To be continued at the event…

End.

[montaguecervantes]

In Montague’s quarters in the farmhouse, his tramp clown pitches ideas to him for his Massive Melee promo.

Tramp Clown: “Picture this: a thrilling adventure with you, Ragdoll, JC, and Matt Knox. Together, you embark on a daring expedition to acquire the ultimate dark memorabilia for your chilling collection. Our first target, Montague, the cursed goblet of Vlad the Impaler, hidden deep within the Romanian mountains…

Montague: No.


Tramp Clown: “Imagine the spectacle we could create with Tragedia del'Arte and The Suplex Cops organizing a twisted circus extravaganza in the week leading up to Massive Melee…

Montague: Pass.

Tramp Clown: “How about we host a grand masquerade ball with Tragedia del'Arte, The Suplex Cops, and the enigmatic team of Alan Wallace, Donovan Hastings, Ezra Wolf, and Zane Scott?

Montague: We’re doing something else for the Cooperative match.

Tramp Clown: “I've got it! The four of you put on an unorthodox wrestling lesson for young recruits, blending wrestling, juggling, high-flying acrobatics, violence, illusions… The students will be astounded as they witness the unprecedented spectacle their careers could become. Our rivals will be left bewildered and questioning their own abilities before Massive Melee!"

Montague Cervantes: "Ah, an unorthodox wrestling clinic…. The perfect way to confound and vex our opponents… and partners! You’ve done it again!"

They begin to brainstorm the lesson titles, such as Circus Arts Integration, Clowning for Mind Games, Acrobatics, Juggling for Precision, Oration and Charisma, Singing your Own Theme Music, Choreography, and Shenanigans.

[capt80s]

YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[Jet Somers]

Sept 30, 2023 13:55:06 GMT -5 capt80s said:

YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Mark Reznik

This, but emo.

[Travis Pierce]

Travis Pierce

As part of his blitzkrieg media campaign against Sebastian Everett-Bryce, Travis plans a blistering expose revealing the hidden and scandalous piercing truth behind the relationship between Seb and Sloane Taylor, however due to a clerical error he has to use repurposed archive footage of Gabriel Baal and Eden Morgan with badly acted voice-overs.

In light of the shocking revelations of the expose, Travis resolves to win the Massive Melee and become a keyholder, pledging to win the Keys to the Kingdom Match so that he can dethrone Seb in the main event of Horizons, restoring dignity to the World Heavyweight Championship.

[Sebastian Everett-Bryce]

The SEBEmpire Presents... This Isn't The Greatest Pitch Ever Written, It's a Pitch For A Tribute 

Having learned of Travis Pierce's nefarious plan to conquer all at the Massive Melee, then go on to Keeper of the Keys where he would become victorious before challenging Sebastian at Horizons in the biggest match of his career, our hero made a difficult decision.

He would become the first reigning World Champion to enter the Massive Melee.

Now, having been victorious in the event before, Sebastian was well placed to be victorious again. And despite news of his best friend being missing in an alternative reality where she was BFFs with Vain (WTF LUCY?!), news of a rampaging anger-fuelled quintagenarian running wild on the streets of España, the appearance of a mystery RV that had Matt Knox glancing at JC with suspicion on a regular basis, almost tripping over a bucket that smelled faintly of luncheon meat, a Vain shaped sweat-patch upon some boxes that somehow still smelled like perfumed roses, the chilling yells of an Emo and a Pirate yelling at one another, finding a broken Selfie-stick with "Property of E. Wolf, do not touch, or else Mr. Pax will have something to say about it" written on the side, Dave Rydell doing whatever it is that Dave Rydell does these days and a group of young rapscallions running roughshod backstage all wearing top hats that smell like mothballs, Sebastian found himself with the perfect plan to be successful.

It was fool-proof. Utterly perfect. Unmatched in every manner and without comparison.

But you see, I can't tell you what the idea is. Because this ISN'T the greatest pitch ever written. It's just a pitch for a tribute.

That one pitch though? Oof. You'd all wish you thought of it.

[EmbodimentOfFear]

Phrixus Deimos

In the heart of chaos, Phrixus Deimos stands as the embodiment of calculated brutality. The Massive Melee, a battleground of pandemonium, is his canvas, where he paints his dominance with strategic precision and unyielding resolve. As competitors clash and alliances shatter, Phrixus navigates the tumultuous waves, employing his tactical brilliance to outmaneuver foes and exploit weaknesses.

Amidst the frenzy, Phrixus unleashes a dark, enigmatic aura, captivating the audience as he strategically eliminates opponents. Each move is a piece of a larger scheme, a testament to his mastery over chaos. With every elimination, he inches closer to the coveted Massive Melee Key, a ticket to the ultimate battleground—the Keys to the Kingdom Match.

The Massive Melee Key is not merely an entry pass; it's a symbol of power and opportunity. Phrixus, driven by a thirst for redemption and a hunger for greatness, seizes it as a means to an end—the main event at Horizons, the grand stage where legends are made.

As the shadows lengthen and the melee intensifies, Phrixus Deimos emerges as the enigmatic force to be reckoned with. His journey through the Massive Melee is not just a battle; it's a strategic masterpiece, a saga of dominance, redemption, and the pursuit of glory. Brace yourselves as Phrixus Deimos unravels his story, one calculated move at a time, in the heart of the Massive Melee.

[Zane]

In this alternate reality, Zane has switched lives with his innocent yet slightly doofy (yet loveable) sidekick, Larry. He's the same size as his actual self, but he has Larry's personality and drives around in a neon pink Cooper Mini, with his Shish Tsu Donovan, his Chihuahua Eden, and his mangy and cantankerous cat, Alan. (Alan is partly cantankerous because Zane makes him wear a tiny pink ballerina outfit with a tiara).

In this world The Dark Destroyer is the most successful Creative Director in UGWC history, Ol' Bob and Dexter Vines have switched identities, Seb is the husband of Old Lady Levine, Lucy and Tate are happily married, with twins named Joe and Matt. Dave Rydell is a two-time World Champion and is about to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Ezra is straightedge, and Montague is the greatest Chaos Champion of all-time at a record 2,666 days. Konrad is a happy pacifist, and Chadwick is UGWC's favorite brand ambassador.