Massive Melee 2023

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We're live at ringside at Massive Melee 2023!!

Lieberjosch: Twenty competitors will enter the Melee structure, one will emerge as this year's final Keeper of the Key!

Covert Jay: That's a #TactFact!

Vinegar: Brilliant transition, Jay. Yes, Larry Tact challenges the newly crowned UGWC World Champion, Sebastian Everett-Bryce!

Lieberjosch: And nothing whatsoever before that.

Covert Jay: Lies!

Vinegar: First, we'll see what we hope is the conclusion of this month's ongoing Cooperative Championship debacle!

Lieberjosch: The -sigh- four-person Cooperative Champions, Tragedia del'Arte and The Suplex Cops, will defend against Alan Wallace, Zane Scott, Donovan Hastings, and Ezra Wolf!

Vinegar: Let's get right to it!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We’re kicking off Massive Melee with a Massive Cooperative Match!

Covert Jay: The team that wins tonight will be given the privilege of determining the future of the Cooperative Division!

Lieberjosch: If there is one after this…

The lights go out, and stay out for a few seconds, before a lone spotlight begins to shine down upon the stage. As the music first starts out, fireworks go off around the area that the spotlight showcases. Up through the flooring of the stage rises 'Vain' Alan Wallace - a buxom blonde standing to his left, and a gorgeous brunette standing to his right. As the lift that they are being raised by comes to a stop, the two women drop to their knees and turn towards him, running their hands down his chest and abs, before giving each other a kiss.

Covert Jay: We were absolutely electrified by Alan’s return a couple of months ago, and he’s been on fire ever since.

Vinegar: He seems to be having doubts, I think.

Covert Jay: Don’t disparage God’s Greatest Gift to GIFs!

Vain tosses the hood of his robe back, revealing that beautiful money maker of his, and then throws his arms up in the air as he begins walking towards the ring, and his two harlots make their way backstage. Upon entering the ring, he spins around in a circle with his arms raised high, basking in the reaction of the people. He then prepares for the task in front of him, as his music begins to fade out.

Ezra Wolf makes his way out of the curtain as ‘California Love’ by A Joker’s Rage comes blaring out of the speakers and pauses at the top of the ramp. He heads towards the ring, slapping hands and singing along to his entrance music. He walks up the stairs and hops onto the apron before stepping up onto the middle turnbuckle. He pauses to play the air guitar a bit before stepping on the top rope and jumping into the ring.

Lieberjosch: The Red-Eyed Warrior has been facing multiple setbacks in his wrestling inner circle the past couple months

Vinegar: Yes, but Ezra is proving to be a promising Conquest Champion so far, even against his partners tonight!

As he lands, he rolls forward and ends up on one knee in the center of the ring. Ezra throws his arms and head back, letting out a primal scream before tearing off his entrance gear. He hands it to the ring attendant then takes a knee in his corner as he waits for the match to begin.

Hastings wears a dark cloak to the ring. When he comes out he pauses on the stage and opens his arms to the adoring peasantry. He soaks the moment in and then proceeds to the ring.

Vinegar: The crusade launched by Hastings and Deimos earlier this year appears to have stalled.

Lieberjosch: Well, here’s his chance to put a stop to some of the worst nonsense plaguing UGWC today.

Vinegar: Here comes the Cross Hemisphere Champ!!

Covert Jay: Zane has been having his best year ever!

Lieberjosch: It is nice seeing him finally get the respect he earned long ago!

Vinegar: Hey, Jay, while Mitchell reads the stats of 8 different wrestlers, tell us about this match?

Covert Jay: Absolutely! It’s a one-fall, four on four Cooperative Championship match!

Lieberjosch: So, 75% of the competitors in the match won’t be involved in the decision…

As the funky baseline plays, Matt Knox, Montague Cervantes, Ragdoll, and JC all walk out as a team, each of them sporting a brand new UGWC Cooperative Championship belt.

Vinegar: The Cooperative Division has never seen a team like this one.

LIeberjosch: The Cooperative Division has never been a bigger joke.

Vinegar: Tonight may be the last time you have to deal with it.

The four champions make their way to the ring, Jacky beaming, Monty snickering, Matt cheesing, and JC rolling his eyes nonstop.

DING DING DING

Vinegar: Matt Knox and Ezra Wolf kick off the contest.

Lieberjosch: Knox grapples Ezra from behind and hits a back suplex and into a quick cover, that doesn’t even merit a 1 count.

Covert Jay: Knox pulls Ezra up and whips him towards an empty corner, following up with a jumping splash.

Vinegar: Ezra staggers right into a powerslam from Knox.

Lieberjosch: Knox hits a kick to the Conquest Champion to keep him down, but Ezra grabs the foot and twists it, hitting a modified dragon screw!

Vinegar: Ezra jumps on top of Knox and starts hitting some strikes, but they are being blocked by Knox.

Lieberjosch: Ezra gets up and sends Knox into the other empty corner, and follows up with a jumping knee strike!

Vinegar: Knox staggers out into a drop toe hold from Ezra.

Lieberjosch: Ezra rolls through grabbing the leg and getting in a single crab submission! Knox is able to avoid it and rolls over, breaking the hold.

Covert Jay: Knox ducks a clothesline from Ezra and jabs him from the side.

Vinegar: He gets Ezra in a side headlock and works over towards his team's corner, tagging in Ragdoll as Ezra breaks out of the headlock.

Covert Jay: Ragdoll rushes in and forearms Ezra.

Lieberjosch: She whips Ezra off the ropes; blind tag from Wallace; and hits a back body drop on Ezra on the rebound.

Vinegar: Knox quickly drops an elbow on the Conquest Champion as if he was waiting for that to happen, before being forced out of the ring.

Covert Jay: Ragdoll turns around right into a shoulder block from Wallace.

Lieberjosch: The Vain One picks Ragdoll up and sends her into an empty corner, following up with a clothesline.

Vinegar: But Ragdoll rolls out of the way and Vain stops himself before crashing into the turnbuckle.

Covert Jay: Vain turns around and narrowly misses a spinning heel kick from Ragdoll!

Lieberjosch: He grabs her from behind and hits a quick release German suplex, and drops into the cover.

Vinegar: After only receiving a one count, he grabs Ragdoll on the mat and locks in a reverse chin lock.

Lieberjosch: After a few moments of this, Ragdoll is able to get to her feet, but the move has changed to a side headlock.

Covert Jay: Ragdoll is able to shove Vain away and into the ropes.

Lieberjosch: As he hits, he comes back to clothesline Ragdoll.

Vinegar: She slides right between his legs, and he spins around and into a cross body from Ragdoll!

Covert Jay: She pulls Vain up and heads to her team's corner, tagging in Montague!

Lieberjosch: He comes in and the two both whip Wallace off the ropes.

Vinegar: As he rebounds, they hit a double back body drop on him.

Covert Jay: He crashes to the mat and Ragdoll exits the ring.

Lieberjosch: Just as Montague goes to pick up Wallace, JC open palm slaps his back to tag himself in.

Vinegar: Monty shoots JC a look of confusion and sinister tendencies as he slowly exits the ring.

Covert Jay: JC is in and grabs Wallace, but Wallace cradles him up!

One!!


T- No!

Lieberjosch: Wallace quickly pops up and goes after JC, who is shaking off the surprise roll up.

Vinegar: He grabs JC and sends him into his team's corner, tagging in Zane.

Lieberjosch: Alan holds JC’s arm up while Zane hits a hard jab to JC’s midsection.

Covert Jay: JC staggers out, into a powerslam from the Cross-Hemisphere Champion.

Vinegar: Zane picks up JC and sets him up quickly for In Cold Blood but JC is able to float off the shoulders of Zane and club him from behind.

Lieberjosch: Zane staggers forward, right into a blind tag from Donovan.

Vinegar: JC is able to escape and reach to tag Knox in, but Montague steals the tag away!

Covert Jay: Monty smirks at JC as he enters the ring and JC exits.

Lieberjosch: Monty and Donovan meet in the middle, brawling about!

Vinegar: Donovan, wasting no time, hitting as many punches and knees as he can to the creep.

Lieberjosch: Monty can be heard laughing, and almost absorbing all of the punishment being dished out to him.

Covert Jay: A cackle from the side is heard as Ragdoll is cackling with her fellow creep.

Vinegar: Donovan hits a quick DDT on Montague before dropping down and locking in The Hands of Fate!

Lieberjosch: While laughing and squirming, trying to escape, Montague is able to get a foot on the bottom rope nearby.

Covert Jay: Donovan, as you’d think, doesn’t release the hold.

Lieberjosch: This prompts Ragdoll and Matt Knox to rush into the ring to break it.

Covert Jay: They are cut off by Ezra, Zane, and Alan Wallace!

Vinegar: JC has now entered the ring. All eight competitors are mucking about in the middle of the ring!

Lieberjosch: JC and Zane are throwing every fist they can at one another, eventually spilling to ringside.

Covert Jay: Ezra and Matt Knox are going hand to hand, and knee to knee for that matter, right into a corner!

Vinegar: They continue to trade blows and keep exchanging things evenly against the turnbuckle.

Lieberjosch: Ragdoll, however, slipped behind Wallace, and was able to trip him up and shove him through the ropes.

Covert Jay: Monty has gotten away from Donovan, for a moment.

Vinegar: He sneaks behind Donovan while he is yelling at Ragdoll, spins him around and goozles him!

Lieberjosch: He tries to lift Donovan up for a chokeslam, but he can’t! He motions Ragdoll over and she joins in!

Covert Jay: And with one quick lift, Donovan is up and crashing back to the mat!

Vinegar: Ragdoll’s feet even left the mat as well!

Covert Jay: They just took Donovan down with the Cosmic Chokeslam!

Lieberjosch: Montague searches for Glenn Burke so he can make the cover, but he is on the outside trying to separate Zane and JC!

Vinegar: They are now brawling brutally at ringside. Wallace is now back up and in the ring. Donovan is down and Monty is on the hunt for Burke.

Lieberjosch: Ragdoll is traipsing around in the ring, unknowingly being stalked by Alan.

Vinegar: As she realizes she’s being watched, she stops and turns.

Covert Jay: Curtain Call to Ragdoll!

Lieberjosch: She slings back and almost folds up as she hits the mat.

Vinegar: She rolls right under the bottom rope and to the floor at ringside.

Lieberjosch: Wallace turns around to see Donovan and goes to try to help him up.

Vinegar: Knox clocks Ezra one good time and heads over to stop Vain.

Lieberjosch: Before he reaches him, Ezra runs behind him and hits a chop block, bringing Knox to a knee.

Vinegar: Ezra quickly gets a few steps distance and charges, hitting Matt Knox with The Blindspot!

Lieberjosch: Knox falls like a sack of potatoes and rolls to the outside.

Covert Jay: As Ezra turns around, Montague is already mid air! Lament of a Toy Factory!!!!

Lieberjosch: Ezra is now flat on the mat and Montague sticks the landing.

Covert Jay: No, not that move. He turns, right into The Cherry Popper from Alan but he counters!

Vinegar: Monty hurls Wallace over the ropes to the floor below.

Covert Jay: As Monty turns around once more, Zane has made it back into the ring and pulls him up for Exiled and Erased!

Lieberjosch: Monty is able to float out of it over the back.

Vinegar: He shoves Zane forward but Zane hits the brakes.

Lieberjosch: As Zane turns and charges, Monty pulls down the top rope, making Zane spill to ringside!

Vinegar: Montague turns around right into a rising Donovan Hastings!

Covert Jay: Kick to the gut. Destiny’s Call!!!!!!!!

Lieberjosch: Donovan falls into the cover and Glenn Burke finally makes his way back into the ring to count.

One!!





Two!!




Kickout!

Vinegar: Donovan, looking extra furious, gets up and tags in Ezra, who is barely sturdy on the apron at this point.

Lieberjosch: Ezra staggers his way into the match and grabs Montague.

Covert Jay: He goes for a belly to belly suplex, only to miss a step and not get his hands locked.

Lieberjosch: Montague slips out and off to the side and both men crash to the mat.

Vinegar: Zane is making his way back up onto the apron, as is Wallace.

Lieberjosch: Across the ring, Knox and JC are back up, while Ragdoll is sliding in to drag Montague over to their corner!

Vinegar: She does it as Ezra realizes what’s happening.

Covert Jay: Knox tags in and comes in to pulverize Ezra!

Lieberjosch: Zane barely makes a tag to Ezra’s flailing hand before Knox can get there.

Vinegar: Knox pulls Ezra up and goes for a brainbuster but Zane is in the ring and hits a knee strike to the midsection!

Lieberjosch: Knox drops Ezra, who luckily, lands on a knee and gets back out of the way.

Covert Jay: Zane grabs Knox and sets him up for Exiled and Erased but Ragdoll won’t allow it.

Vinegar: She zooms into the ring and crossbodies Zane, forcing him to drop Knox to the side.

Lieberjosch: Glenn Burke gets between Ragdoll and Zane, forcing Ragdoll out of the ring.

Vinegar: JC, looking on at the unspoken communication between his friend and his friend’s new friend.

Lieberjosch: As Ragdoll gets back on the apron, JC just shoots her a look of ill intent but then focuses back on his friend, Matt Knox, shouting motivations toward him.

Vinegar: Knox pulls himself up and sees Zane turning around.

Lieberjosch: He ducks a clothesline from Zane and hits the Cross-Hemisphere Champion with a back elbow.

Vinegar: Zane is staggered and Matt Knox leaps, tagging in JC!

Lieberjosch: JC rushes back into the ring and grabs Zane before he can tag out.

Vinegar: He whips him into an empty corner and gets quite a few body shots in before pulling him out and hitting a suplex in the middle of the ring.

Lieberjosch: Zane starts to stir while JC stalks him.

Covert Jay: As Zane is up, JC comes off the ropes with Dance Macabre!!! JC covers Zane

One!!!






Two!!!

Vinegar: It’s broken up by Alan Wallace!

Lieberjosch: JC pops up and yells something at Vain, who smirks and waves him off.

JC, naturally doesn’t like this, and charges at Vain but Glenn Burke cuts him off.

Covert Jay: While Glenn is stopping JC, Zane creeps up and school boy’s JC!

One!!







Two!!


Kickout!

Lieberjosch: In the midst of the turmoil, Ragdoll regains her composure on the apron, her eyes fixed on the action.

Covert Jay: She can see that JC is in trouble after that near-pin by Zane.

Vinegar: Ragdoll tags herself in, springing into the ring and catching Zane by surprise with a shotgun dropkick.

Lieberjosch: He stumbles, and eats a spinning back kick.

Vinegar: Ragdoll whips Zane toward the ropes, but as Zane rebounds, Donovan strikes like a shadow, blind tagging himself in.

Lieberjosch: Ragdoll notices the switch and springs into action.

Covert Jay: She ducks under Donovan's clothesline attempt, and with incredible agility, hops up for the Murder She Wrote.

Vinegar: Ragdoll covers…



One!!







Two!!





Three!!

Dennis: Your winners, and STILL UGWC Cooperative Champions, TRAGEDIA DEL’ARTE and THE SUPLEX COPS!!

Lieberjosch: Oh no…

Covert Jay: OHYEAH

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: It’s time for our World Heavyweight Championship match! This is new World Champion Sebastian Everett-Bryce’s first defense after winning it off of former champion Lucy Wydle in an absolutely hellish fight at “Chaos in Chelsea.”

Lieberjosch: It cemented him as very likely the greatest champion in the modern age of UGWC after his historic run as Chaos Champion.

Vinegar: True, and now he gets to face a truly legendary challenge in Larry Tact. Sebastian has his work cut out for him.

Lieberjosch: Let’s go to the ring!

Mitchell Dennis: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, this match is for ONE FALL and is for the UGWC WOOOOORRRRLD CHAMPIONSHIP. Introducing FIRST!!!



“In the Face of Evil” by Magic Sword over the arena speakers as the lights cut out. Red and white lights scan the crowd before all the lights cut out. A single crimson spotlight shines down on Larry Tact at the top of the entrance stage. He opens his arms and puffs out his chest, soaking in the crowd’s reaction before bellowing and making his way down the ramp, the spotlight following him. As he walks, Larry critiques some fans at ringside with petty insults before arriving to the ring. He pulls himself up using the ropes and walks slowly along the apron before wiping his boots and entering the ring as the house light come back on. He stretches using the ropes, smoothes back his hair, and bounces from side-to-side, zeroed in on the battle ahead.

Dennis: Introducing first the CHALLENGER!! Standing in tonight at six feet, six inches tall and weighing two hundred and sixty pounds, LAAAARRRRYYYYYY TAAAAACT!!!

Vinegar: Tact has been chomping at the bit for this opportunity, and while he had strong words for Sebastian, he did also show his friend and occasional rival an incredible amount of respect.

Lieberjosch: He’d be a fool not to, and we all know that Larry Tact has one of the greatest minds in the business.

Covert Jay: Maybe he can help me balance my checkbook.

Lieberjosch: I assure you that he has better things to do with his time.

Vinegar: Larry Tact is definitely one of the greatest talents in the history of the business, but he’s up for quite possibly the biggest fight of his career.

Lieberjosch: Undoubtedly.

Vinegar: Here comes the Champion.

Dennis: Introducing the CHAMPION!!!



The lights in the arena dip to black in time with the sirens and beat to the opening of Sweatpants (BattleTapes Remix) by Childish Gambino, the lights then beginning to flash, alternating left and right onto the ramp. In time, the letters "S", "E", "B", and then "Empire" flash one at a time on the big screen until the lights stop flashing as the lyrics hit.

"She askin' “Why you say that?!”

The beat drops and the lights flash on the rampway again. As they do, the screen illuminates with "SEB" and then "EMPIRE" flashing on the sceen.

"Rich kid asshole, paint me as a villain"

Sebastian Everett-Bryce flings his arms wide, staring up with his head covered by the hood of his jacket. He stands in the middle of the ramp, the lights beating down on him, before looking out at the crowd. He wears a long jacket with the hood pulled up over his head, zipped to the waist. The jacket, which is cut away at the bottom and only runs down the back of his legs, is patterned with an elongated Union Flag, but it’s in black and white and appears to be cracked and broken. His tights are short, with the initials SEB emblazoned upon the front.

The lights lift, and SEB makes his way to the ring, stretching his neck from side to side as he walks, his eyes focused on the ring. He climbs up the steps and steps through the ropes before standing in the middle of the ring.

"I'm winnin', yeah, yeah, I'm winnin' (What?)
Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain"

He extends his arms once more before pulling back his hood and removing his jacket to reveal the back of his tights which read “S.E.B”

"Don't be mad cause I'm doing me better than you doing you
Better than you doing you, fuck it, what you gon' do? (What?!)"

He flashes his arms out to a side, a satisfied and somewhat sneery grin upon his face, he holds the position for a moment, to allow the crowd to take pictures, before moving towards his corner.

Dennis: Hailing from New York City, New York by way of Chelsea, England…he is the “Mauler of Markham Square,” the REIGNING and DEFENDING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… SEBASTIAN EVERETT-BRYYYYYYYYYCE!!!!

Covert Jay: Sebastian looks relaxed, yet intense.

Lieberjosch: He knows what’s ahead of him.

Vinegar: Glen Burke calls for the bell! Sebastian and Larry circle each other, neither willing to charge into this fight.

Lieberjosch: They know each other well and likely what to expect from each other. This match is going to be as mental as it is physical. Both are incredibly intelligent wrestlers.

Vinegar: I agree. This is a case of size and experience versus momentum.

Lieberjosch: Normally I’d slightly argue with you about the momentum aspect, but Sebastian has been a champion of one type or another for well over a year now, almost two, and he beat one of our greatest modern World Champions to claim the World Championship. Tact has an uphill climb ahead of him, and I’m certain that he knows that.

Covert Jay: If Larry wins, I see an Amaretto Sour in his future.

Lieberjosch: At least one. At least.

Covert Jay: He did say something about a “bangout.” Sounds kinky.

Lieberjosch: That’s not what he meant.

Vinegar: He meant “fight,” Jay.

Covert Jay: Oh. Well, that’s not as much fun.

Lieberjosch: Says you. The one you thought it was would probably happen too.

Vinegar: This might be the fastest that we’ve devolved into an obtuse conversation about sex.

Lieberjosch: It’s pertinent.

Vinegar: Focus on the match. What they do afterward

Covert Jay: Or who!

Vinegar: Right… anyway, the match is our focus.

Covert Jay: Right now they’re just circling.

Lieberjosch: It’s called “strategizig.”

Covert Jay: They always strategize in a circle.

Lieberjosch: As opposed to what, an equilateral triangle? A trapezoid? A rhombus?

Covert Jay: Yes. The roombus!

Lieberjosch: “Rhombus,” you imbecile.

Vinegar: Sebastian and Larry finally lock up, and after a few seconds of scuffling, Larry shoves Sebastian away, highlighting his greater power. They nod at each other then lock up again. Seb gets Larry into a standing waistlock, then transitions it into a side headlock and tries to force Larry to the mat. Larry grabs Seb around the waist and lifts him straight up, but Sebastian shifts his weight and tumbles off of Larry’s shoulder, landing feet down on the map. He leaps at Larry, trying to take him down from behind with a tackle, but Larry sidesteps it and uses Sebastian’s own momentum to throw him into the ropes.

Lieberjosch: This is what we should expect to see a lot of, chain wrestling, punctuated by explosive moves.

Covert Jay: Alley-oop!

Vinegar: Tact throws Sebastica overhead, attempting an overhead throw, but Sebastian once again lands on his feet. He explodes forward for a clothesline, but Larry ducks under it and drops Sebastian with a falling neckbreaker. Sebastian rolls from the ring and comes up on his feet on the outside rubbing the back of his neck as he stares at Tact.

Lieberjosch: A good opening sequence for Sebastian.

Covert Jay: Tact should go ninja and fly!

Lieberjosch: There’s absolutely no reason for him to take that kind of a risk this early.

Vinegar: Tact steps back and bids Sebastian to return to the ring. Sebastian looks at him suspiciously for a moment before he slides back in.

Lieberjosch: Tact should’ve ambushed him there.

Vinegar: He’s trying to do things differently and be a better person.

Lieberjosch: That’s the quickest way to lose.

Vinegar: He disagrees.

Lieberjosch: Then he’s a fool, in spite of his experience.

Covert Jay: They both told Burke that they’re ready.

Vinegar: They lock up again. Tact gets Sebastian into a side headlock and throws him towards the ropes. Sebastian bounces off, ducks under Tact, grabs his arm and throws him at the ropes. Larry bounces back.

Lieberjosch: Nice arm drag by Sebastian.

Vinegar: Larry pops back up and is taken back down by a running shoulder block from Sebastian. Sebastian bends down to pull Larry up by his head.

Covert Jay: Owie!

Lieberjosch: That’s one word for being kicked in the forehead.

Vinegar: Sebastian stumbles back and Tacts kips up and charges at him.

Covert Jay: Nice counter!

Lieberjosch: It was beautifully done.

Vinegar: Sebastian sidestepped Tact and knocked him to the mat with a beautiful standing dropkick. Tact gets back to his feet and locks Sebastian in a collar and elbow tie-up and manhandles him into the corner with brute strength. He leans back and brings his palm down square into Sebastian’s chest.

Covert Jay: Damn! That was a hell of a loud crack!

Lieberjosch: It was quite impressive.

Vinegar: Sebastian doubles over, but Tact pulls him back up and does it again! He grabs Sebastian in another headlock and maneuvers him down into a pair of lifting knee strikes that catch Sebastian on the bottom of his chin. He follows it with a headlock takeover and kicks Sebastian between the shoulders, then runs back off of the ropes for momentum.

Covert Jay: Oh SNAP!

Lieberjosch: Quite literally.

Vinegar: A rolling necksnap sends Sebastian over onto his back and Tact drops an elbow onto the downed World Champion.

Lieberjosch: Tact has largely wrestled a very methodical match so far.

Vinegar: Tact pulls Sebastian up...

Covert Jay: Ninja!!!

Lieberjosch: The most devastating move in wrestling!! ONE!



Covert Jay: TWO!!



Vinegar: Kickout by Tact, who leaps up and kicks Sebastian in between the shoulders, then leaps over and executes a second neck snap! He pulls Sebastian up and lifts him up into a brainbuster.

Covert Jay: Sebastian with a knee to the top of Tact’s head!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian connects with a second, and then a third knee. Tact wobbles and loses his grip, allowing Sebastian to break loose!

Covert Jay: How’d he do that?!

Lieberjosch: That was impressive!

Vinegar: Sebastian somehow twisted in mid-air and transitioned into an inverted DDT!

Covert Jay: He dropped Larry right on the back of his head!

Lieberjosch: “Drove” is a better word than “dropped” in this case, but you’re not necessarily wrong.

Vinegar: Sebastian leaps over into a pin!

Lieberjosch: ONE!



Vinegar: TWO!!


Covert Jay: Tact kicks out!

Vinegar: Sebastian immediately pulls him up and drives him down with a second inverted DDT, then switches his hands and pulls Tact into a standing vertical suplex!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian is smart to keep focusing on Tact’s head.

Covert Jay: Just seeing it makes my brain hurt.

Lieberjosch: What brain?

Vinegar: Sebastian tips over backward and Tact comes crashing to the canvas. Sebastian leaps up and connects with a standing dropkick as soon as Tact sits back up. He rolls through and pulls Tact up to his feet, wrapping his arms around the larger man.

Covert Jay: Alley-oop!

Lieberjosch: The Sebastian Show is about to start!

Vinegar: Overhead release belly-to-belly suplex! Tact crashes to the mat and Sebastian stays on him, pulling him up and dropping him with a snap suplex. He keeps his arm around Tact’s neck and pulls him back up into a swinging side slam!

Covert Jay: That shook the ring!

Lieberjosch: He wisely drops into the pin.

Covert Jay: One!


Vinegar: Two!!


Lieberjosch: Sebastian kicks out!

Covert Jay: He knew that wouldn’t be enough to win!

Lieberjosch: Of course he did, but every time he forces Tact to kick out, he expends a bit of energy. It’s a smart tactic by Sebastian. He’s not the man around here by accident!

Vinegar: Sebastian pulls Tact up, plants him with a quick DDT, and rolls him into another pin.

Lieberjosch: He’s really smart to keep doing this.

Covert Jay: One!

Vinegar: Kick out by Tact!

Lieberosch: More energy expended that he might need later.

Vinegar: Sebastian grabs him…belly to belly suplex! He rolls Tact over and takes a pair of steps back!

Covert Jay: Superkick! What a sound!!

Lieberjosch: He’s wisely keeping the focus on Tact’s head.

Vinegar: Sebastian keeps Tact from falling, wrapping his arm around Tact’s head and lifting him up.

Covert Jay: Rolling release suplex! That looked cool as f

Lieberjosch: Spare us.

Vinegar: That was a rough landing for Tact.

Lieberjosch: Getting flung up and dropped onto your back never feels good, moron.

Vinegar: Sebastian drops for another pin!

Covert Jay: One!


Lieberjosch: Two!!


Vinegar: Tact kicks out again! Sebastian shakes his head and smiles, then turns and leaps up onto the turnbuckle!

Lieberhjosch: This is unusual for him.

Covert Jay: He does have a beautiful moonsault!

Vinegar: Sebastian leaps for a moonsault!

Covert Jay: Holy shit! How the hell did he do that?!

Lieberjosch: Impressive. Most impressive.

Vinegar: Thank you, Darth Lieberjosch.

Lieberjosch: What? Nevermind!

Covert Jay: Goddamn!

Vinegar: Tact popped up while Sebastian was in mid-air and caught him!!

Covert Jay: The ring shook from the impact!

Lieberjosch: That was an incredible catch. I know that Tact is a big and powerful man, but Sebastian has been wearing him out for the last ten minutes!

Vinegar: I have no idea how he not only caught Sebastian but somehow swung him around into that incredible snap powerbomb!

Covert Jay: He falls on top of Sebastian!

Lieberjosch: One!


Covert Jay: Two!!


Vinegar: Kick out by Sebastian! Does Tact have the energy to press his advantage?

Lieberjosch: Glenn is starting the ten count as both men remain on the mat!

Covert Jay: One!



Lieberjosch: Two!



Vinegar: Three! Neither man has budged! That powerbomb must’ve really knocked the wind out of Sebastian.

Lieberjosch: He landed quite hard. Larry not only used Sebastian’s own inertia against him but put a lot of stink on it himself!

Vinegar: Did you just say “Put a lot of stink on it?”

Lieberjosch: I did.

Vinegar: That has to be a first for a UGWC broadcast.

Covert Jay: Eight! Tact is starting to move!

Lieberjosch: Nine! Sebastian leaps to his feet and charges at Tact!

Vinegar: Tact leaps forward and flattens Sebastian with a massive clothesline! He pulls Sebastian back up and drives a thunderous short-armed clothesline into Sebastian, sending him back down. He keeps his grip on Sebastian and pulls him back up.

Covert Jay: Swinging neckbreaker!

Lieberjosch: Tact has himself back in this match.

Vinegar: Tact wraps his arms around Sebastian’s waist and deadlifts him from the mat!

Lieberjosch: Beautiful gutwrench suplex!

Covert Jay: He got a lotta stink on that one!

Lieberjosch: Droll.

Vinegar: Tact under hooks Sebastian and pulls him up…

Lieberjosch: Maybe it’s just me, but that piledriver looked a bit stiff.

Vinegar: You said yourself that he’s expended a lot of energy so far. He’s undoubtedly tired.

Lieberjosch: I suppose that could be it. Or he could be trying to injure the World Champion so he can win.

Vinegar: I honestly doubt that.

Lieberjosch: What? I think that’s a perfectly viable strategy. I’m not saying that he do anything that endangers Sebastian’s career, that would be a terrible waste of an incredible talent, but he only has to ring the World Champion’s bell long enough to get a three count.

Vinegar: That’s an absolutely great point. Your last one, that is. I’m absolutely opposed to any wrestler injuring another just to win.

Covert Jay: Larry whips Sebastian into the corner.

Vinegar: He follows it up with a running European uppercut! Sebastian falls out of the corner into a kick swing DDT. He pulls Sebastian up and whips him across the ring. He crouches as Sebastian gets near him…

Lieberjosch: It might be hard for Sebastian to eat later on thanks to that.

Covert Jay: Sloane isn’t going to like that rope burn.

Vinegar: She knows it’s possible. Unfortunately for Larry, the spring back of the top rope sent Sebastian out to the floor. Tact slides out after him and hauls him back up.

Covert Jay: Ow! That’ll loosen your lunch!

Lieberjosch: “Loosen your lunch?” Where the hell did you hear that?

Covert Jay: Ninja school.

Lieberjosch: Like hell.

Vinegar: Tact with a spinebuster onto the floor! He wraps an arm around Sebastian’s head…

Covert Jay: Suplex onto the floor!

Lieberjosch: Glenn tells Tact to take it back into the ring and he promptly does, sliding in after Sebastian.

Vinegar: Sebastian shoots in, taking Tact to the mat! He delivers two hard forearms to Tact’s face and gains back dominance!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian just showed one of the many reasons he’s been on such a historic roll. He can literally get you from anywhere.

Covert Jay: Submission hold!

Vinegar: Sebastian locks in the S4S, and Tact is suddenly in extreme danger!

Lieberjosch: Tact looked like he had all of the momentum going his way and the World Champion just snatched it away like he was playing possum the entire time.

Covert Jay: Tact is struggling like a grounded trout.

Lieberjosch: That’s an unexpectedly intelligent comparison.

Covert Jay: Thank you!

Lieberjosch: Don’t get used to it.

Vinegar: Tact is trying to roll from side to side to get some kind of leverage to get out of the hold.

Covert Jay: It looks weird.

Lieberjosch: Says the guy wearing the Halloween ninja mask.

Covert Jay: I earned this in Ninja School.

Lieberjosch: Refer to my previous response to that stupid claim.

Vinegar: Tact is putting his weight advantage and his powerful legs to his advantage as he slowly rolls and pushes himself toward the ropes.

Covert Jay: He has a long way to go!

Vinegar: The question is whether or not he can make it before he passes out.

Lieberjosch: That, my friend, might be all of the difference between being the World Champion…and being the guy who lost.

Vinegar: Very true, Hans. Tact is definitely making progress, but each move looks a little more labored and challenging.

Lieberjosch: He’d better figure something out soon, or his night is going to end.

Vinegar: Sebastian should find a way to bring this to a conclusion if he’s going to have any hope of winning the Melee later.

Lieberjosch: An excellent point, Nicholas. If he expends all of his energy now, he’ll have a fast melee later.

Covert Jay: Tact is sooooo close!

Lieberjosch: Yes, but how much of his remaining energy has it sapped him of?

Vinegar: We’re about to find out! He’s just reached and grabbed the bottom rope! Glenn orders Seb to break the hold!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian has to believe that he was seconds away from winning.

Vinegar: Sebastian shoots up from the mat, pulling Tact up with him.

Covert Jay: “The Humbling” to Sebastian!!

Lieberjosch: But is that Tact’s last gasp?!

Vinegar: Both men are down now, although Tact looks a lot worse for wear.

Covert Jay: Tact just yelled like an angry beast!

Lieberjosch: He’s firing himself up.

Vinegar: It appears to be working! Tact pulls himself up with the aid of the ropes and lets out another thunderous bellow. He pulls Sebastian up!

Lieberjosch: This is an impressive display of power given how much punishment he’s taken!

Vinegar: “Tactilizer!”

Covert Jay: Unbelievable!

Lieberjosch: I must agree with you, Jay, as much as I hate to!

Vinegar: He staggered a little before he landed it, but the impact was still incredible!

Covert Jay: He’s pulling Sebastian back up!

Lieberjosch: His movement is a little slower and more ginger.

Covert Jay: He’s not a redhead.

Lieberjosch: Sigh.

Vinegar: I agree, Hans. He definitely looks like he might be about spent after how long he was in that submission hold for. The urinage came as a sudden burst, almost an explosion of energy, and while he landed that “Tactilizer,” he looked a bit unsteady on his feet for a second.

Covet Jay: He has Sebastian back up again!

Lieberjosch: Tact wobbles a little on his feet as Sebastian delivers a pair of rapid punches when he’s at the apex of the lift!

Covert Jay: STARBREAKAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Lieberjosch: Why did you pronounce that like a mobster from New Jersey?

Vinegar: Tact watches as Sebastian bounces off of the canvas and lands in a heap, then staggers over and collapses on top of him.

Lieberjosch: There’s Burke with the cover!

Covet Jay: ONE!

Lieberjosch: TWO!!



Vinegar: THRE...NO!!! SEBASTIAN GETS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!

Lieberjosch: Tact just rolled off and let out one of the loudest sighs of exhaustion I’ve ever heard.

Covert Jay: Yeah, but he’s already getting back to his feet!

Vinegar: He’s pulling Sebastian up for a second “Starbreaker!” If this connects, he could win!

Lieberjosch: He has Sebastian up in a truly impressive display of power and sheer determination!

Covert Jay: No! He stumbles and drops Sebastian, who lands on his feet and immediately latches onto Tact from behind!

Vinegar: Nightfall! He has the sleeper locked in!

Lieberjosch: Tact is fading!

Covert Jay: He looks like he’s staggering to me.

Lieberjosch: Yes, that’s definitely happening.

Covert Jay: He could dump Sebastian over onto the floor again!

Lieberjosch: If he does, he’ll go over with him and land on him.

Vinegar: That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for him at this point.

Lieberjosch: That’s true.

Covert Jay: He’s almost there!

Vinegar: Sebastian hits the ropes and

Covert Jay: Rolls over them like a ninja!

Lieberjosch: Something like that.

Vinegar: He lands on his feet on the apron as Tact tries to clear his head! Sebastian leaps up onto the ropes!

Covert Jay: Springboard!

Lieberjosch: Yes Jay, that’s what that’s called.

Covert Jay: He slipped! Oh NO!

Vinegar: He catches himself and springs off of the top rope!

Lieberjosch: Springboard Empire Kick! Incredible!!

Covert Jay: He got ALL of it!

Lieberjosch: No, he got most of it. Losing his footing on the rope cost him momentum!

Vinegar: Tact crumples to the mat and Sebastian falls on top of him!

Covert Jay: ONE!


Vinegar: TWO!!




Lieberjosch: THR…NO!!! HOW THE HELL DID TACT KICK OUT???!!!

Covert Jay: Sebastian is stunned!

Lieberjosch: “Dumbfounded” is a better word. He’s starting at Tact in disbelief!

Vinegar: He just asked Burke if he was sure it was a two, and Burke very emphatically said “yes.”

Covert Jay: Sebastian just pounded the mat with both hands.

Lieberjosch: He doesn’t have time for that. He has to put Tact away now. He still hasn’t moved since kicking out of that Empire kick. He might be completely spent.

Vinegar: Sebastian looks down at Tact, almost regretfully, then pulls him up by his chin and steps back…

Covert Jay: SUPERKICK!!!

Lieberjosch: Holy shit!

Covert Jay: It looks like it woke Tact up! He looks positively enraged by it!

Vinegar: One last gasp?

Lieberjosch: Sebastian knees Tact in the head, but he roars again and gets to one knee!

Covert Jay: Sebastian runs back into the ropes!

Vinegar: Empire Kick!!

Covert Jay: He falls on top for the pin!

Lieberjosch: ONE!


Vinegar: TWO!!


Covert Jay: THRE...WHAT??!!!

Lieberjosch: Holy shit! He kicked out AGAIN!

Vinegar: Sebastian leaps to his feet, charges back, and blitzes forward like a man possessed!

Lieberjosch: Sebastian catches Tact squarely in the face and literally collapses on top of him.

Vinegar: ONE!


Covert Jay: TWO!!


Lieberjosch: THREE!!! Sebastian has retained after a grueling war with Larry Tact!

Covert Jay: If his first challenge as World Champion was THAT tough, imagine what he has ahead of him!

Vinegar: Sebastian went through a grueling battle to win the World Championship, and now this. Tact may not have won this time, but my god did he come close! He’s definitely cemented himself as a legitimate World Champion contender!

Lieberjosch: I can’t help but agree, Nicholas! He may not have won this time, but it practically shooting a rhino with a howitzer to do it!

Covert Jay: I don’t see a Rhino anywhere…

Lieberjosch: Christ almighty…

Vinegar: This was an incredible fight for both men, and Sebastian is in the Massive Melee which is NEXT! One has to wonder how much he’s going to have left for it!

Lieberjosch: We’ll find out!

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, your WINNER and STILL World Heavyweight Champion…. SEBASTIAN EVERETT-BRYYYYYYCEEE

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: What a fantastic evening we’ve already had, but it is time now for the headlining event of the evening, the annual Massive Melee Match!

Lieberjosch: And awaiting the winner, the Massive Melee Key and a spot in next month’s Keys to the Kingdom Match!

Vinegar: Jay, if you could please remind everyone of the rules of this match.

Covert Jay: The Massive Melee this year features twenty entrants, beginning with two followed by an additional entrant every two minutes, with the order of entrance being randomly determined. Elimination comes by being thrown over the top rope with both feet touching the floor, with the final person remaining claiming the Key!

Lieberjosch: But don’t forget, that steel cage that hangs ominously up above the ring will lower at some point, complicating matters!

Vinegar: Let’s get right to it and find out who was the unlucky participant that drew number one!

SPOILER: Click to show

Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the individual that drew number one in tonight’s Massive Melee, the Embodiment of Fear, PHRIXXUSSS DEEEIIIMOOOOSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: Phrixus Deimos begins the Massive Melee!

Lieberjosch: This is a difficult spot to be in, but if anybody is prepared for it, it’s Deimos, who has more experience in this match than anyone, and once won the match from the third position.

Covert Jay: Second position.

Lieberjosch: Whatever, anything before ten sucks.

Mitchell Dennis: And now, the participant that drew number two…

Lieberjosch: Who is it?

Mitchell Dennis: The Lord of Pain, DONOVANNN HASSSSTTINNNNGGGGSSSS!!!!

Vinegar: A daunting task for Hastings, seeking a way back to the World Heavyweight Title after losing the Conquest Title two weeks ago, and his path just got significantly more difficult, entering the Melee at number two!

Lieberjosch: But given the history between these two, as well as their recent alliance of sorts, will they actually come to blows here, or do they have a plan?

DING DING!!

Vinegar: The 2023 Massive Melee is officially underway, and there’s your answer!

Lieberjosch: Hastings going right after Deimos, backing him into the ropes, and he clotheslines him over!

Covert Jay: Fear holds on to the top rope, manages to avoid elimination and roll back into the ring!

Vinegar: Hastings has his back turned, staring at the stage and waving to send someone else out, and Deimos grabs him from behind, slams him down to the ground!

Lieberjosch: That was a conscious decision not to attempt to go for the elimination.

Vinegar: I’m inclined to agree, as Deimos gets down on one knee next to Hastings as the Lord of Pain rolls onto his back.

Covert Jay: Fear has been preaching for months about his intention to restore what he feels were the glory days of UGWC, and has made no secret of his desire for Hastings to aid him in his quest.

Vinegar: Deimos seems to be reminding Hastings that they should be working together, tries to help Hastings up, but Hastings pushes him away.

Lieberjosch: Hastings gets back to his feet by himself, Deimos still trying to make his case, looks like Hastings doesn’t want to hear it as he shoves Deimos to the mat!

Vinegar: Hastings pointing out to ringside, shouting at Deimos, sounds like he’s telling him that he intends to throw everybody out.

Lieberjosch: Not that the Lord has anything to prove, but perhaps he feels that way after how the cooperative match earlier in the evening ended.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Lieberjosch: Here comes entrant number three!

SPOILER: Click to show

Covert Jay: It’s Holden Orson!

Vinegar: Orson taking his time coming down the ramp to the ring, perhaps considering whether the spat in the ring is something he wants to get in the middle of.

Covert Jay: More likely he feels running to the ring in the Melee is too mainstream.

Vinegar: Orson slides into the ring, ducks under a clothesline from Hastings, but runs right into a spear from Deimos!

Lieberjosch: Deimos goes to pull Holden back up, but gets knocked back by an uppercut!

Vinegar: Hastings right behind Orson however, lifts him right into a full nelson slam.

Lieberjosch: And now Hastings seems to be taking a moment to consider things, watching Deimos carefully, before yanking Holden off the mat and hurling him over the ropes!

Elimination: Holden Orson by Donovan Hastings

Vinegar: Holden Orson is the first person eliminated from the 2023 Massive Melee!

Lieberjosch: And this is exactly the point that Deimos has been trying to make, that he and Hastings could run through the rest of the field if they work together.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Here comes entrant number four!

SPOILER: Click to show

Covert Jay: It’s Zane Scott!

Vinegar: The Cross-Hemisphere Champion making his way down the ramp, and you know that the Professional absolutely understands what is waiting for him in the ring.

Lieberjosch: Zane entering the ring, Hastings and Deimos both waiting for him, Zane eyeing them cautiously.

Vinegar: Scott into the ring, Hastings standing between him and Deimos, Hastings looks back and forth between them, and he puts both hands up and backs away.

Lieberjosch: Hastings might have this tenuous alliance with Deimos, but we’ve also seen Pain and Paradox reunited as of late, Hastings not about to pick a side here.

Covert Jay: I think Hastings just in general does whatever he can to stay away from Zane’s bad side.

Lieberjosch: That’s all his sides.

Vinegar: Scott swings both hands for a two-handed sledge strike towards Deimos, evaded by the Embodiment of Fear.

Lieberjosch: Deimos backs Zane into the ropes with a series of chops, then whips him across the ring and catches him on the return with a high knee.

Vinegar: Deimos tries to bring Scott to the ropes, but Scott blocks him and backs him off with an elbow before sending him to the mat with an inverted gutwrench suplex slam.

Covert Jay: Zane glaring at Fear before pivoting and catching Hastings by surprise with a two-handed sledge strike to the face!

Vinegar: Zane Scott doesn’t care about anybody’s side, this is the Massive Melee!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Lieberjosch: It’s time for the fifth entrant!

SPOILER: Click to show

Vinegar: It’s the reigning Chaos Champion, Lucy Wylde!

Lieberjosch: Lucy rushes down the ramp and slides into the ring, and she ducks under a clothesline from Zane before handspringing off the ropes and connecting with Mindblow!

Covert Jay: Fear stirring, but Lucy lines up and keeps him down with the Fury Brand!

Vinegar: Wylde back to her feet, turns around to see that Hastings is up as well, checking his mouth for blood after the blow he took a minute ago.

Lieberjosch: Hastings locks eyes with Lucy, and he motions for her to get rid of Zane while he deals with Deimos.

Covert Jay: Lucy rolls her eyes, knows better than to trust Hastings here, and she charges right at him and knocks him down with a spinning heel kick.

Vinegar: Wylde goes to follow up with a springboard leg lariat, evaded by Hastings, who grabs Wylde and tries to force her out.

Lieberjosch: Hastings trying to push her over, Lucy holding onto the ropes, resisting as best she can.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Moving right along, here comes number six!

SPOILER: Click to show

Covert Jay: It’s Dave Rydell!

Vinegar: Rydell rushes down the ramp and slides into the ring, he’s headed right for Hastings!

Lieberjosch: Hastings sees him coming and disengages from Lucy, but not fast enough as Rydell drops him with the Tip of the Spear!

Vinegar: Rydell roars at the fallen Hastings, then turns his attention to the others in the ring.

Lieberjosch: Snap suplex delivered to Deimos, before Rydell sprints at Zane and drills him with another Tip of the Spear!

Covert Jay: Lucy is back on her feet in the corner, and Rydell charges, but she sidesteps and he slams shoulder first into the turnbuckle!

Vinegar: Wylde steadies herself before going back to pull Rydell out of the corner, but he grabs her suddenly and drops her with the Virus of Life!

Covert Jay: And another Virus of Life for Hastings!

Lieberjosch: Dave Rydell is already the Keeper of the Battleground Key, he’s playing with house money here in the Melee!

Vinegar: It’s the same situation that Zane Scott is in, as Keeper of the Global Challenge Key.

Lieberjosch: But if one of them can claim a second key, that’s a huge advantage, not the least of which is that you’ve guaranteed yourself one less opponent standing in your path on the way to Horizons!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZ!!!!!

Vinegar: Who has drawn lucky number seven?

SPOILER: Click to show

Lieberjosch: Here comes Ezra Wolf!

Vinegar: The Conquest Champion rushing down the ramp and sliding into the ring, and now he’s face to face with the man with whom he co-held the Cooperative Title earlier this year, Dave Rydell.

Covert Jay: Rydell taps himself in the chest, tells Ezra he intends to win the match, and Ezra smiles and nods, here we go!

Vinegar: Wolf goes right for Kickin’ It Old School, sidestepped by Rydell.

Lieberjosch: Rydell grabs Ezra from behind and runs him towards the ropes, but Ezra grabs the top rope and slams on the breaks, throws back an elbow and catches Rydell with the Point Break!

Vinegar: Rydell stumbles back, right into Deimos, who lifts him into the Numbing!

Lieberjosch: Ezra delivers a superkick to the knee of Deimos, completes the Lightning Strike!

Covert Jay: Zane drills Ezra with Leveling the Cypress!

Vinegar: Zane Scott grabs the limp body of Lucy Wylde and starts to bring her up off the mat, but she springs to life and drops him with Wylde Liberation!

Lieberjosch: Everybody is down in the ring! There’s bodies everywhere!

Vinegar: Which means it’s a good time for the next entrant!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: The ring is filling up, let’s see who is number eight!

SPOILER: Click to show

Lieberjosch: Oh, not this guy again.

Vinegar: It’s Mark Reznik!

Covert Jay: The Star of a Tomorrow That Never Came, Except In His Own Mind.

Lieberjosch: Something like that, sure. Seriously, was Kurt Brady unavailable?

Vinegar: Reznik not yet on the stage, I’m sure he’ll be along in a moment, as several in the ring are beginning to stir, and-

Covert Jay: There he is!

Lieberjosch: Where?

Covert Jay: Up there!

Lieberjosch: Stop it.

Vinegar: Folks, Mark Reznik is in the rafters above the ring, guitar in hand, and…well there’s certainly no way this will go bad, he’s now being lowered from the rafters, playing his song.

Lieberjosch: Hastings is back up, he’s got Rydell, lifting him up and he plants him with Destiny’s Call!

Vinegar: Deimos is on the turnbuckle!

Covert Jay: METEOR PRESS TO RYDELL!!!

Vinegar: But Zane Scott immediately grabs Deimos, and he hurls him over the ropes to ringside!

Elimination: Phrixus Deimos by Zane Scott

Vinegar: Hastings is back to trying to force Wylde out, I think he may have been in position to prevent Deimos from being eliminated and chose not to.

Lieberjosch: Stop trying to cause trouble.

Vinegar: Scott now grappling with Wolf near the ropes, meanwhile what is taking Reznik so long?

Covert Jay: His harness cord got caught in the steel cage and now he’s just stuck dangling up there.

Lieberjosch: Of course he is.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Vinegar: Hopefully that gets sorted out, meanwhile here comes the ninth entrant!

SPOILER: Click to show

Covert Jay: It’s the Doctor-Professor!

Vinegar: Montague Cervantes, earlier tonight part of the team that successfully retained the Cooperative Championship, now making his way to the ring to enter the Massive Melee!

Lieberjosch: Rydell getting back to his feet as Cervantes slides in, Cervantes charges right at him, but Rydell sidesteps him and tosses him over the ropes!

Covert Jay: Monty holds the top rope and ninjas himself onto the apron with a flourish, before leaping back onto the top rope and springboarding into the air to connect on Rydell with a modified Lament for a Toy Factory!

Lieberjosch: Zane stomps Ezra down in the corner, turns his attention to Cervantes as the Showman takes a step back and turns away from him.

Covert Jay: Zane chases Monty across the ring, but Monty swings out near the turnbuckle, rebounding off the ring steps and swinging back in for the Carousel Kick, but Zane slams on the brakes and Monty whiffs on the kick.

Vinegar: Scott advances, but with his back to the corner Cervantes jumps and catches him in a headscissor, reaching back and holding onto the ropes with both arms, and Cervantes twists and pulls Scott face first into the turnbuckle!

Lieberjosch: Hastings has turned his attention to Rydell, now unsuccessfully trying to force him out, as Cervantes gets to his feet, trying to do the same with Zane.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Lieberjosch: Nearing the halfway point, with entrant number ten!

SPOILER: Click to show

Lieberjosch: It’s the Sophisticated Suplex Machine!

Vinegar: Sebastian Everett-Bryce already defended the World Heavyweight Title earlier tonight, now he’s in the Massive Melee!

Lieberjosch: Last year Tempest won the Keys to the Kingdom Match as the reigning World Heavyweight Champion, and earned the right to choose his challenger at Horizons! Seb looking to give himself a chance to do the same thing this year!

Vinegar: Clothesline attempt from Ezra Wolf blocked, Seb has the arm locked, snaps him into the Stamford Bridge!

Lieberjosch: Hastings charges right into a dropkick!

Vinegar: Seb immediately pulling him into a waistlock, right into a release German suplex!

Lieberjosch: He has a grueling match already under his belt tonight, but this is where adrenaline kicks in, Seb’s had some time to rest and reload, he’s ready to go!

Vinegar: Correct me if I’m wrong, but did either of you see the cage start to move a moment ago? I thought it was coming down. Did we have a false start?

Covert Jay: Reznik is still up there with his harness tangled up, it’s blocking the cage from being able to descend.

Lieberjosch: Of course it is.

Vinegar: Zane Scott has managed to fight his way back to the ground, pounding away on Cervantes with repeated clubbing blows, and now he reverses positions with him, trying to force Cervantes out.

Lieberjosch: Seb comes from behind, sends them both over!

Covert Jay: Monty managed to hold onto the top rope, but Zane is out!

Elimination: Zane Scott by Sebastian Everett-Bryce

Vinegar: Zane Scott has been eliminated, and what cannot go ignored is that the steel cage was supposed to be down and around the ring. Had that been the case, it would have been impossible to dump Scott out.

Lieberjosch: Mark Reznik ruins everything for everybody.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

[UGWC Staff]

Vinegar: We’re into the back half now, with entrant number eleven!

SPOILER: Click to show

Covert Jay: It’s the Bogeyman!

Vinegar: Seb is trying to eliminate Rydell, as JC rushes out from backstage and slides into the ring.

Lieberjosch: Ezra tries to intercept him with a clothesline, but JC ducks under it, changes direction and hits the ropes before slamming into Ezra with the Dance Macabre!

Vinegar: JC boots down Hastings before turning his attention back to Ezra, bringing him to the ropes and trying to force him out.

Covert Jay: Hastings gets back to his feet and charges at JC from behind, but Lucy intercepts him with a spear!

Vinegar: Hastings rolls to the side of the ring and uses the ropes to try to pull himself up, but Wylde follows him, connecting with a dropkick that sends him over the ropes to ringside!

Elimination: Donovan Hastings by Lucy Wylde

Vinegar: Nearly twenty minutes for Hastings, but he has been eliminated!

Lieberjosch: And once again, the cage is supposed to be down right now, so Mark Reznik is still ruining things for everyone.

Vinegar: Wylde turns her attention to Cervantes, who had been keeping a low profile in a corner, as Ezra Wolf continues to try to resist JC, and it appears that Rydell has reversed positions with Seb and is now trying to force the World Champion out.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Lieberjosch: Here comes number twelve!

SPOILER: Click to show

Covert Jay: It’s Matt Knox!

Vinegar: The Raven rushes down the ramp and slides into the ring. Rydell advances on him, but Knox catches him with a Muay Thai plum and knee combination, and transitions into a double arm DDT!

Lieberjosch: Ezra manages to kick JC away, safely back into the ring, but only for a moment as Knox hits him with a roundhouse kick that sends him over the ropes!

Covert Jay: But Ezra holds onto the top rope, ninjas back into the ring!

Vinegar: Knox struggles with Seb now, as there seems to be some commotion above us.

Covert Jay: Reznik’s harness has been dislodged from the cage apparatus, and the cage is now lowering!

Lieberjosch: Finally!

Vinegar: The cage is coming down, but Reznik has swung below it, this isn’t good!

Covert Jay: The steel cage lowers around the ring, with Mark Reznik pinned underneath it!

Lieberjosch: Good.

Vinegar: And with the steel cage lowered around the ring, it isn’t possible to throw anybody out!

Lieberjosch: But it’s absolutely possible to throw people into it, as Seb launches Knox into the cage with an exploder suplex!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Some consider it unlucky, but it might actually be a good time to be number thirteen!

SPOILER: Click to show

Lieberjosch: Well I can’t wait to see how this goes badly.

Vinegar: The Dark Destroyer rushing out from backstage, coming down the ramp!

Covert Jay: Remarkably competently.

Vinegar: And…he attempts to slide into the ring and dives head first into the cage.

Lieberjosch: There it is.

Vinegar: And falls directly on top of the trapped Mark Reznik, I think he landed elbow first on his head.

Lieberjosch: Good.

Vinegar: Meanwhile the battles continue inside the cage, Knox battling with Seb, Rydell using his shoulder to drive Wylde repeatedly against the wall, JC and Wolf both down.

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Lieberjosch: Who is number fourteen?

SPOILER: Click to show

Lieberjosch: Oh, you’re kidding me.

Vinegar: Jay? You’re in this?

Covert Jay: That I am!

Lieberjosch: Well, the cage is still down. Why don’t you go take a header into it like the Dark Destroyer did.

Covert Jay: I’ll do one better than that! HUTTAH!!!

Vinegar: *cough cough*

Lieberjosch: *cough cough*

Vinegar: *cough* Not sure why we needed a smoke capsule there.

Lieberjosch: *cough* How did he get in the cage?

Covert Jay: I am ninja!

Lieberjosch: And of course, we can still hear you. *cough*

Covert Jay: It is the ninja redtooth inside my ninja mask!

Lieberjosch: You walk around with a bath towel wrapped around your head.

Vinegar: And JC drills Covert Jay in the head with the Big Boot of Death!

Lieberjosch: INCREDIBLE!!!

Vinegar: He nearly took his head off there!

Lieberjosch: The towel fell off. Amazing.

Covert Jay: ...mattthk.

Lieberjosch: I hope you’re missing a tooth.

Vinegar: It looks like the cage is about to raise, as the mayhem continues with it.

Lieberjosch: This is my favorite Melee ever.

Covert Jay: buthzzz…

Vinegar: Into the final stretch, it’s time for entrant number fifteen!

SPOILER: Click to show

Vinegar: The Massive Melee is about to be Burned in Blood!

Lieberjosch: Konrad Raab emerging from backstage, and he’s got his flanged mace!

Vinegar: Raab storming down the ramp, as the cage is lifting up, finally releasing Mark Reznik.

Lieberjosch: Knox rolls out of the ring, and he shoves both Reznik and the Dark Destroyer into the ring before returning himself.

Vinegar: It looks like he’s going to throw them both back out, but Raab slides in and moves behind him, he’s wielding the mace!

Lieberjosch: JC rushes at Raab, but Raab turns and sees him coming, moving out of the way, and JC collides with Knox, knocking him over the ropes!

Elimination: Matt Knox by JC

Vinegar: JC looks mortified, you have to think that wasn’t intentional.

Lieberjosch: Nevermind that, Raab just yanked Jay up, and he tosses him over the ropes!

Elimination: Covert Jay by Konrad Raab

Lieberjosch: At least he got his towel back on before he got tossed.

Covert Jay: ...mattthk.

Vinegar: Knox gets back to his feet at ringside, turns with irritation and argues with JC, who pleads his case with his partner.

Lieberjosch: Raab blindsides Seb with the mace, and slams the weapon a second time on the fallen World Champion!

Vinegar: The argument continues between the Suplex Cops, but JC hesitates when he notices that the Dark Destroyer and Mark Reznik have stood up on either side of him!

Lieberjosch: And Dave Rydell grabs all three men from behind, shoving them all over the ropes!

Vinegar: JC manages to hold on to the top rope, but the Destroyer and Reznik tumble to ringside!

Eliminations: The Dark Destroyer and Mark Reznik by Dave Rydell

Lieberjosch: JC is holding onto the top rope, trying not to fall off the apron, by Ezra Wolf connects with Kickin’ It Old School, knocking him to ringside!

Elimination: JC by Ezra Wolf

Vinegar: Rydell grabs Wolf, trying to force him out, as meanwhile Raab continues the assault on Seb.

Lieberjosch: But Lucy spins Raab around, drops him with Wylde Liberation!

Covert Jay: buthzzz…

Vinegar: Things are really heating up as it’s time for entrant number sixteen!

SPOILER: Click to show

Vinegar: It’s the Avenger!

Lieberjosch: The caped Savior of the Multiverse rushes to the ring and goes right to the top rope, and he leaps and connects on the fallen Konrad Raab with the Superhero Landing!

Vinegar: The Avenger springs back to his feet, and he goozles Lucy Wylde!

Lieberjosch: But she counters and drops him with Wylde Liberation!

Vinegar: Rydell is stomping Wolf down in a corner, when suddenly Cervantes leaps onto him with a flying headscissor, his momentum taking him over the ropes, he holds onto the top rope and pulls Rydell over, sending him sprawling to ringside!

Lieberjosch: Monty spinning back into the ring with a flourish, picking his spot after playing possum much of the past several minutes, and you know Nicholas, our broadcast partner would call that a ninjagasm or something, if he wasn’t laid out in front of our table. How you doing down there?

Covert Jay: Dall by charigdar ib dribink owd by node.

Lieberjosch: That’s a shame.

Covert Jay: buthzzz…

Lieberjosch: Who is entrant number seventeen?

SPOILER: Click to show

Vinegar: It’s Captain 80’s!

Lieberjosch: The Captain metaphorically rides the falcor to the ring, where he slides in and is immediately dropkicked back out by Lucy Wylde!

Elimination: Captain 80’s by Lucy Wylde

Lieberjosch: Well that didn’t take long at all.

Vinegar: Wylde grappling with Ezra Wolf now, and the WAIT A MINUTE!!!

Lieberjosch: Where did he come from?

Vinegar: Larry Tact is in the ring, and he’s got Seb!

Lieberjosch: STARBREAKER!!!

Vinegar: Seb retained the World Title against Larry Tact earlier tonight, and Tact just laid him out with the Starbreaker! Tact leaves the ring, and Cervantes is gonna pick the scraps, he grabs Seb and sends him over the ropes!

Elimination: Sebastian Everett-Bryce by Montague Cervantes

Lieberjosch: Shocking moment there, and things may not be over between Seb and Tact!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

Lieberjosch: When did you get back in your seat?

Covert Jay: I’m good now.

Vinegar: Only three entrants remain, as eighteen makes his entrance!

SPOILER: Click to show

Vinegar: What a spot for ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace!

Lieberjosch: Vain into the ring, Cervantes runs right into a Curtain Call!

Vinegar: Raab to his feet, but Wallace plants him immediately with the Cherry Popper!

Lieberjosch: The Avenger rushing at Vain, Vain sends him into the air with a back body drop, but the Avenger grabs the top rope as he soars over it, saving himself from elimination.

Vinegar: Wolf knocks Wylde away, she stumbles back right into a German suplex from Wallace, who springs back to his feet and clotheslines Wolf to the outside!

Elimination: Ezra Wolf by Alan Wallace

Covert Jay: Vain notices the Avenger is still in, grabs him and tries to force him out, and I have to say that Vain has exploded into this match like a ninja.

Lieberjosch: Which hasn’t at all resembled how you came into it.

Covert Jay: You know what?

Lieberjosch: What?

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: These are prime slots, this is number nineteen!

SPOILER: Click to show

Vinegar: The Icon of Entertainment, Travis Pierce!

Covert Jay: Vain immediately snapped to attention at the music, abandoning his attempt to eliminate the Avenger, staring at Pierce as he comes down the ramp!

Vinegar: Pierce feints coming into the ring, with Wallace lunging in his direction as Pierce takes a step back, amused.

Lieberjosch: Raab blindsides Vain, and he brings him to the side of the ring, trying to eliminate him.

Vinegar: Pierce enters the ring, watching Wallace, and Cervantes leaps at him!

Covert Jay: Pierce sees it at the last moment and drops down, pulling down the top rope and causing Monty to go over!

Elimination: Montague Cervantes by Travis Pierce

Lieberjosch: The Showman was attempting the same maneuver that eliminated Dave Rydell earlier in the match, Pierce just barely countered in time.

Vinegar: Pierce grabs Wylde, trying to eliminate her, as things are coming down to the wire!

Covert Jay: BUZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Vinegar: Who is the final entrant of the 2023 Massive Melee?

SPOILER: Click to show

Lieberjosch: Well, that’s disappointing.

Vinegar: It’s John Blade!

Covert Jay: Blade rushes down the ramp and slides into the ring, but the Avenger is waiting and goozles him!

Lieberjosch: Oh, please do it.

Covert Jay: The Avenger backs Blade into the ropes, and he lifts him up and chokeslams him over the ropes!!!!

Elimination: John Blade by The Avenger

Vinegar: Raab gives up on Wallace, clubs the Avenger in the back, and now he tries to push him over the ropes.

Lieberjosch: Pierce still working on Lucy, as Vain gets back to his feet, and he rushes to them and shoves them both over!

Covert Jay: Pierce holds on, but Lucy crashes to ringside!

Elimination: Lucy Wylde by Alan Wallace

Vinegar: Over a half hour for Lucy Wylde, but it ends now at the hands of Alan Wallace!

Lieberjosch: And she wasn’t even his target!

Vinegar: Pierce rolls back in, but rolls out under the bottom rope just as Wallace notices.

Lieberjosch: Vain wants him back in the ring, but Raab grabs Vain from behind and snaps him into a German suplex!

Vinegar: These are your final four, Pierce, Wallace, Raab, and the Avenger, and we might be down to three in a moment, as Raab brings Wallace to the ropes, trying to force him out!

Covert Jay: Vain fighting back with elbows, knocks him away!

Vinegar: Raab charges back with a clothesline, ducked under by Wallace!

Covert Jay: And the Avenger ninjas past Vain with a leaping crossbody tackle, crashing into Raab and sending both over the ropes!

Lieberjosch: Raab tumbles to ringside, but the Avenger holds onto the top rope and skins the cat back into the ring!

Elimination: Konrad Raab by the Avenger

Vinegar: But Wallace immediately grabs him and sends him soaring out!

Elimination: The Avenger by Alan Wallace

Vinegar: We’re down to two, as Wallace looks around for Pierce, who was somewhere at ringside, I’ve lost sight of him.

Lieberjosch: So has Vain.

Covert Jay: Pierce rolls out from under the apron, he’s in the ring behind Vain!

Vinegar: But Wallace turns around as Pierce approaches, and Pierce stops in his tracks, holding up his hands and backing away!

Lieberjosch: Vain charges, but Pierce ducks under a clothesline and chops Vain in the chest, before lifting him into a fireman’s carry position!

Vinegar: Pierce trying to dump Wallace out, Wallace grabbing the top rope and blocking it, and he knees Pierce in the head, drops off and lands on his feet.

Lieberjosch: Vain springboards!

Covert Jay: THE MONEY MAKER!!!

Vinegar: Wallace gets to his feet as this crowd is in a fever pitch, pulls Pierce up, and goes to toss him out!

Lieberjosch: Pierce reverses positions and sends Vain soaring over the ropes!

Covert Jay: But Vain grabs the ropes and holds on, just barely avoiding elimination, he rolls back in!

Vinegar: Wallace has Pierce from behind, and he grabs him and throws him out!

Mitchell Dennis: Here is your winner, and the Keeper of the Massive Melee Key, VAIN ALLLLANNNN WALLLLLLAAAACCCCCEEEEEE!!!!

Vinegar: What a comeback it has been for Alan Wallace, as he has just secured himself the Massive Melee Key, and could be on a path to Horizons!

Covert Jay: And that means that the Keys to the Kingdom Match is set!

Vinegar: That’s right! It’ll be ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace facing off against Dave Rydell, Matt Knox, and Zane Scott, and one of those four men will control their destiny at Horizons!

Lieberjosch: And what is next for Sebastian Everett-Bryce, as while he eeked out a successful defense against Larry Tact, it appears that things may not be finished between them!

Covert Jay: We’ll see you in two weeks!

[UGWC Staff]

Credits

Cooperative Championship
Dave & B

World Championship
Ad

Massive Melee
Steve