Post by "Burned in Blood" Konrad Raab on Feb 17, 2024 20:12:51 GMT -5
Being honest with myself, blog.
"Being honest with myself is something I've never done my entire life, but I will because I need to be. Before I do, I congratulate Ezra for the win, and I'll leave it as that because that's the best thing to do when you are a man in the process of discovering what makes him happy. I don't honestly know if I hate people, as I say half the time. I'm my worst enemy, and my social skills are the worst of any wrestler in UGWC because I don't know how to socialise with you all. But I discovered one thing I like doing during the week I did dirt racing in December, fishing. It's a thing I enjoy doing, and it relaxes me as well.
I can't remember the last I spoke on camera without writing words down because I lost the ability to talk. Right now, I'm afraid of writing things that won't offend people since I have offended everyone on the roster, and now, believing I can never change. I know I've said that too many times, but each time I tried, I've failed. I'm in the process of fixing myself as we speak.
As for Ragdoll, I won't blast her or anything like others. Because the truth is, I have no actual opinion on Ragdoll besides wrestling achievements in UGWC and everything I've not done besides the Cross-Hemisphere title. If she trashes me, I get and accept her comments, even if they are mean and vile; after what I've said to her, I deserve them. But truthfully, I have no opinion about her as a person. All I can say is positive, and I stated that she's accomplished more than most wrestlers have in UGWC.
She's lost all her matches in the tournament, but so have I. There's no point talking about that because if I mock that, I'd be mocking myself and making myself a total fool like I've done here with the toxicity I caused to everyone and my reputation is already damaged. But the difference is I put my heart into my wrestling matches throughout this entire tournament, so I guess that's a positive. Edward said I was trained to wrestle, not to quit or give up my goals. He's right; I'm geared that way, and if I take more losses because I want to win the Chaos title so bad, so be it because that will always be the case. Edward said everything that I couldn't say why I want the Chaos title so badly. Never giving up and never saying die is a positive I have as well.
I know there's the Cross-Hemisphere title, but I've already been champion there and have no interest in holding that title again. I have plans in the future for the cooperative division, but if I went for it at the next PPV, my plans wouldn't be ready. I'd select a random partner from another company since I don't see anyone who would team with me here, so for now, that title is out of the question.
When it comes to Conquest, that's the belt I most likely go for if the Chaos title is taken, but the problem isn't the desire to win the Conquest title; the problem is what happens after defending the title five times because of one reason that will shock you all, despite how many UGWC wrestlers and staff have asked me about why I've not chased this particular title. I will use a swear word here, despite trying to reduce my swearing. This is as honest and authentic as I can be about this.
Because preparing and going for the UGWC World Title scares the living shit out of me because, mentally, I've never been ready for that challenge, I can't even bring the words to say to the champion I'm challenging them for that UGWC World Title, let alone say I want to be world champion because I don't know if I can ever be truly honest with myself saying it, let alone doing so with actions. If I lose a world title match, I'm not sure if I will get another shot and regret the loss for the rest of my life for blowing a big opportunity because, mentally, there's no way I can come back from that loss. Because of that and my current mentality, I'd rather continue my reign as the Conquest champion for the next fifty reigns than chase a World Title. That's the god's honest truth: Konrad Raab is officially scared to death of chasing, preparing, challenging and going for the World Title.
I don't know what I would've done if I was facing Tact in a world title contenders match because even thinking about that scares the shit out of me. But that's not the fault of you wrestlers or the staff themselves; that's a me issue, and I'm seeing a special sports psychologist who's trained in this field to help me tackle that demon out of me that's been preventing me from chasing that goal for many years next week onwards.
Ragdoll, I won't say anything that will offend you or other people because I want to kill and bury that Konrad to the ground; heck, I'd want to make this match a buried alive match because I'd let you win, honestly, so you can have the honours of burying this shameful pathetic man who's living with anger every day he wants to get rid of. A few days or months later, he is reborn into a new Konrad that will be calmer and nicer again with a hint of anger but will only use it if it's constructive. If not, then I bury myself in the deep hole instead.
I know if I win, I get a title shot, but if I'm not getting a Chaos title, I go for the Conquest; after five reigns with the belt, I'd either continue to be a Conquest champion or drop it without ever going for the World Title. Good luck, Ragdoll, because you will need it, and I have to win because it's part of wrestling after all, and instead of the whole, go out for drinks thing since I'm banned from drinking alcohol at the moment, we go and do some fishing and no worries if you don't have a rod and bait, I got a spare rod and lots of bait for you to use, although I'd understand you don't want to because of my disgusting actions, the offer is there if you want to go fishing with me and anyone else can come along too. That's all I have to say."
"Being honest with myself is something I've never done my entire life, but I will because I need to be. Before I do, I congratulate Ezra for the win, and I'll leave it as that because that's the best thing to do when you are a man in the process of discovering what makes him happy. I don't honestly know if I hate people, as I say half the time. I'm my worst enemy, and my social skills are the worst of any wrestler in UGWC because I don't know how to socialise with you all. But I discovered one thing I like doing during the week I did dirt racing in December, fishing. It's a thing I enjoy doing, and it relaxes me as well.
I can't remember the last I spoke on camera without writing words down because I lost the ability to talk. Right now, I'm afraid of writing things that won't offend people since I have offended everyone on the roster, and now, believing I can never change. I know I've said that too many times, but each time I tried, I've failed. I'm in the process of fixing myself as we speak.
As for Ragdoll, I won't blast her or anything like others. Because the truth is, I have no actual opinion on Ragdoll besides wrestling achievements in UGWC and everything I've not done besides the Cross-Hemisphere title. If she trashes me, I get and accept her comments, even if they are mean and vile; after what I've said to her, I deserve them. But truthfully, I have no opinion about her as a person. All I can say is positive, and I stated that she's accomplished more than most wrestlers have in UGWC.
She's lost all her matches in the tournament, but so have I. There's no point talking about that because if I mock that, I'd be mocking myself and making myself a total fool like I've done here with the toxicity I caused to everyone and my reputation is already damaged. But the difference is I put my heart into my wrestling matches throughout this entire tournament, so I guess that's a positive. Edward said I was trained to wrestle, not to quit or give up my goals. He's right; I'm geared that way, and if I take more losses because I want to win the Chaos title so bad, so be it because that will always be the case. Edward said everything that I couldn't say why I want the Chaos title so badly. Never giving up and never saying die is a positive I have as well.
I know there's the Cross-Hemisphere title, but I've already been champion there and have no interest in holding that title again. I have plans in the future for the cooperative division, but if I went for it at the next PPV, my plans wouldn't be ready. I'd select a random partner from another company since I don't see anyone who would team with me here, so for now, that title is out of the question.
When it comes to Conquest, that's the belt I most likely go for if the Chaos title is taken, but the problem isn't the desire to win the Conquest title; the problem is what happens after defending the title five times because of one reason that will shock you all, despite how many UGWC wrestlers and staff have asked me about why I've not chased this particular title. I will use a swear word here, despite trying to reduce my swearing. This is as honest and authentic as I can be about this.
Because preparing and going for the UGWC World Title scares the living shit out of me because, mentally, I've never been ready for that challenge, I can't even bring the words to say to the champion I'm challenging them for that UGWC World Title, let alone say I want to be world champion because I don't know if I can ever be truly honest with myself saying it, let alone doing so with actions. If I lose a world title match, I'm not sure if I will get another shot and regret the loss for the rest of my life for blowing a big opportunity because, mentally, there's no way I can come back from that loss. Because of that and my current mentality, I'd rather continue my reign as the Conquest champion for the next fifty reigns than chase a World Title. That's the god's honest truth: Konrad Raab is officially scared to death of chasing, preparing, challenging and going for the World Title.
I don't know what I would've done if I was facing Tact in a world title contenders match because even thinking about that scares the shit out of me. But that's not the fault of you wrestlers or the staff themselves; that's a me issue, and I'm seeing a special sports psychologist who's trained in this field to help me tackle that demon out of me that's been preventing me from chasing that goal for many years next week onwards.
Ragdoll, I won't say anything that will offend you or other people because I want to kill and bury that Konrad to the ground; heck, I'd want to make this match a buried alive match because I'd let you win, honestly, so you can have the honours of burying this shameful pathetic man who's living with anger every day he wants to get rid of. A few days or months later, he is reborn into a new Konrad that will be calmer and nicer again with a hint of anger but will only use it if it's constructive. If not, then I bury myself in the deep hole instead.
I know if I win, I get a title shot, but if I'm not getting a Chaos title, I go for the Conquest; after five reigns with the belt, I'd either continue to be a Conquest champion or drop it without ever going for the World Title. Good luck, Ragdoll, because you will need it, and I have to win because it's part of wrestling after all, and instead of the whole, go out for drinks thing since I'm banned from drinking alcohol at the moment, we go and do some fishing and no worries if you don't have a rod and bait, I got a spare rod and lots of bait for you to use, although I'd understand you don't want to because of my disgusting actions, the offer is there if you want to go fishing with me and anyone else can come along too. That's all I have to say."
2020
