Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Feb 18, 2024 17:34:01 GMT -5
II feel like I keep saying the following things:
I really enjoyed this.
And I am looking forward to getting to read more of Larry.
But they're true so I said them again.
You've got a really easy to read style, and I really appreciate the uniqueness of the story you are laying out with Lazarus. You've also made it very easy in this post, and the others this month, for me to get a good crash course introduction into your character, and I do think that's important in this game because none of us can rely on people being familiar with everything we have written before that make our characters who they are.
The ending shoot made it clear you respect and follow your opponents work, and bore great insight into Larry's feelings on this match. As stated elsewhere I appreciate this greatly.
If I were to add one bit of constructive criticism, I do think there was space to mix a bit more of your thoughts on the upcoming match and opponent into the earlier scenes. I say this because you have a great skill at crafting dialogue and due tot hat there is a lot of opportunity there to weave some of your 'shoot' into those exchanges that I am sure would be very enjoyable and offer avenues to explore those ideas.
But do not take that to mean I didn't think this was an excellent piece, because that's precisely what it was.
Hanson: "May Roberts' soul go to a better place, free of chunky Asians, who do flips."
Post by Gideon Thornfield on Feb 18, 2024 19:24:57 GMT -5
The dialogue feels natural and engaging, effectively conveying the characters' emotions, intentions, and relationships. The exchanges between Larry and Lazarus, as well as Larry's inner monologue, are dynamic and compelling.
You have a compelling plot with multiple layers of intrigue, including Larry's internal struggle, his reunion with Lazarus, and the buildup to his wrestling match with Matthew Knox.
