Post by Travis Pierce on Mar 9, 2024 19:41:38 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with someone sitting behind it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I’m your host, Travis Pierce, inviting you to come on a journey as we conquer the top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships offers new insights into how beliefs about social hierarchy and gender norms may influence interest in relationships with robots. The findings indicate that men who endorse negative and antagonistic attitudes towards women demonstrate a significantly greater interest in robosexuality, or engaging in sexual relationships with robots. No research yet exists to explain what could interest anybody in having a sexual relationship with Konrad Raab.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Organized crime in Cyprus is responsible for the deaths of over 400,000 songbirds, and no, that’s not a euphemism, we’re talking about actual birds. It’s part of a stunning rise in wildlife crime, and prompted renowned investigator Forewell Boding to remind anybody who would listen that finches get stitches.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: The 10th annual Memphremagog Winter Swimming Festival kicked off Friday in a Vermont lake near the Canadian border with the 200-meter freestyle race in a narrow pool cut from the ice. The water temperature is 30.5 degrees Fahrenheit, meaning people who swam in it got bluer balls then Dave Rydell fans waiting for him to finally win the big one.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: An Oklahoma high school is reportedly under investigation after students were filmed licking peanut butter off of people’s toes as part of a fundraising event inspired by black market videos from the Sloane Taylor collection.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A girl walking to school on Thursday morning on Long Island found a severed arm on the side of the road. Police searching the area then discovered another arm and a disembodied leg nearby, ultimately determined to be the remaining pieces of Jaclyn Pierrot after the Global Challenge.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Wendy's is pushing back on reports that the restaurant chain will increase menu prices, issuing a statement that it’s high-tech digital menu boards with the capability to update prices in real time would not in fact be used to raise prices during peak times. It’s the fastest anyone has backtracked since the last time Gideon Thornfield claimed that his next match will be the one to turn things around for him.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Speaking of turning things around, let’s talk about some of the recent developments in UGWC. Matt Knox won the Global Challenge, Sebastian Everett-Bryce had to be prevented from totally inappropriately putting his hands on himself in the ring, and then there was a return at Infinity that certainly felt a bit…Beta.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: That’s right, the Deadliner himself, Travis Roberts, returned to action at Infinity after however long it’s been. Your last run was largely forgettable, and that’s despite my best interests to make you as interesting as I could. Blessed Vanity in a winnebago, wasn’t it? Good times. Ratings disappointment, and hardly the first time you disappointed me. It was about seven years ago when you walked out of UGWC rather than face me. You’ve always been a beta.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: But you know what’s timely about this? Having the Beta Travis around is going to remind everyone why I’m the Alpha. I’m going to Synergy and I’m putting things right with Larry Tact. It wasn’t long ago that Larry Tact earned a shot at the World Title on the merits of beating me. Now, in a narrative irony that I very much appreciate, I’m going to earn a shot at the World Title by beating him. Well, him and then five others. Maybe you can be among them, if you ever win a match.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Larry Tact has had his chances, two of them in fact. Do we really think he’d have a chance against Alan Wallace when twice in a row he couldn’t beat Sebastian Everett-Bryce? This is not a match that you can win, Larry. It’s not an opportunity that you deserve. The last thing that the UGWC audience needs is to get their hopes up for you again. No, they deserve a campaigning Conquest Champion that has a real chance of paying that anticipation and build off.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Of course, that’s me. What’s more, it’s the match-up that everyone wants to see. Vain came back to UGWC in pursuit of yours truly, and when he realized that all that was going to happen was that it would end the same way it always has, with Travis Pierce getting the better of him yet again as I’ve done time and time before, then he ran away. We know that Vain indulges his petty squabbles over the World Title, we saw that years ago when he gave up a shot to main event Horizons in favor of facing Killian King. This time he claimed I was the sole reason for his return, and he backed away. He ran, like the Beta Travis did all those years ago. It must be why Blessed Vanity is such a well-fitting pair. People talked about Alan Wallace versus Donovan Hastings like it was the biggest match out there for Vain. I know better. You know better. We need Alan Wallace versus Travis Pierce for the World Heavyweight Title. Larry Tact is standing in the way of history, but that comes to an end on Synergy. Just remember, it’s not my fault, that the truth…hurts.
Travis winks to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, he is the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, the Icon of Entertainment, the King of Charisma, he is...TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair slowly turns around, revealing Travis Pierce.
Pierce: Welcome to the show! I’m your host, Travis Pierce, inviting you to come on a journey as we conquer the top stories!
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships offers new insights into how beliefs about social hierarchy and gender norms may influence interest in relationships with robots. The findings indicate that men who endorse negative and antagonistic attitudes towards women demonstrate a significantly greater interest in robosexuality, or engaging in sexual relationships with robots. No research yet exists to explain what could interest anybody in having a sexual relationship with Konrad Raab.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Organized crime in Cyprus is responsible for the deaths of over 400,000 songbirds, and no, that’s not a euphemism, we’re talking about actual birds. It’s part of a stunning rise in wildlife crime, and prompted renowned investigator Forewell Boding to remind anybody who would listen that finches get stitches.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: The 10th annual Memphremagog Winter Swimming Festival kicked off Friday in a Vermont lake near the Canadian border with the 200-meter freestyle race in a narrow pool cut from the ice. The water temperature is 30.5 degrees Fahrenheit, meaning people who swam in it got bluer balls then Dave Rydell fans waiting for him to finally win the big one.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: An Oklahoma high school is reportedly under investigation after students were filmed licking peanut butter off of people’s toes as part of a fundraising event inspired by black market videos from the Sloane Taylor collection.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: A girl walking to school on Thursday morning on Long Island found a severed arm on the side of the road. Police searching the area then discovered another arm and a disembodied leg nearby, ultimately determined to be the remaining pieces of Jaclyn Pierrot after the Global Challenge.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Wendy's is pushing back on reports that the restaurant chain will increase menu prices, issuing a statement that it’s high-tech digital menu boards with the capability to update prices in real time would not in fact be used to raise prices during peak times. It’s the fastest anyone has backtracked since the last time Gideon Thornfield claimed that his next match will be the one to turn things around for him.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Speaking of turning things around, let’s talk about some of the recent developments in UGWC. Matt Knox won the Global Challenge, Sebastian Everett-Bryce had to be prevented from totally inappropriately putting his hands on himself in the ring, and then there was a return at Infinity that certainly felt a bit…Beta.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: That’s right, the Deadliner himself, Travis Roberts, returned to action at Infinity after however long it’s been. Your last run was largely forgettable, and that’s despite my best interests to make you as interesting as I could. Blessed Vanity in a winnebago, wasn’t it? Good times. Ratings disappointment, and hardly the first time you disappointed me. It was about seven years ago when you walked out of UGWC rather than face me. You’ve always been a beta.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: But you know what’s timely about this? Having the Beta Travis around is going to remind everyone why I’m the Alpha. I’m going to Synergy and I’m putting things right with Larry Tact. It wasn’t long ago that Larry Tact earned a shot at the World Title on the merits of beating me. Now, in a narrative irony that I very much appreciate, I’m going to earn a shot at the World Title by beating him. Well, him and then five others. Maybe you can be among them, if you ever win a match.
Travis switches to Camera B.
Pierce: Larry Tact has had his chances, two of them in fact. Do we really think he’d have a chance against Alan Wallace when twice in a row he couldn’t beat Sebastian Everett-Bryce? This is not a match that you can win, Larry. It’s not an opportunity that you deserve. The last thing that the UGWC audience needs is to get their hopes up for you again. No, they deserve a campaigning Conquest Champion that has a real chance of paying that anticipation and build off.
Travis switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Of course, that’s me. What’s more, it’s the match-up that everyone wants to see. Vain came back to UGWC in pursuit of yours truly, and when he realized that all that was going to happen was that it would end the same way it always has, with Travis Pierce getting the better of him yet again as I’ve done time and time before, then he ran away. We know that Vain indulges his petty squabbles over the World Title, we saw that years ago when he gave up a shot to main event Horizons in favor of facing Killian King. This time he claimed I was the sole reason for his return, and he backed away. He ran, like the Beta Travis did all those years ago. It must be why Blessed Vanity is such a well-fitting pair. People talked about Alan Wallace versus Donovan Hastings like it was the biggest match out there for Vain. I know better. You know better. We need Alan Wallace versus Travis Pierce for the World Heavyweight Title. Larry Tact is standing in the way of history, but that comes to an end on Synergy. Just remember, it’s not my fault, that the truth…hurts.
Travis winks to the camera as “You Know My Name” plays again and we fade out.
