Post by EZRA on Mar 16, 2024 11:25:23 GMT -5
MARCH 11th
As Ezra Wolf walks through the curtain after his match with Travis Roberts, the camera follows him. He goes through the gorilla position and into one of the backstage corridors. As he turns, the camera turns with him, and we see Roxy Malone in the background. She notices Ezra and walks after him in a quick pace.
“Ezra! Can I get a quick word with you?” she says after catching up with him.
“What’s up, Roxy?” he says, turning to face her with a smile.
“I’m surprised to see you in such a positive mood after TWO tough losses in a row. I wanted to ask how you were feeling after losing to Trent and Travis two weeks in a row, but I think the smile on your face answers that question.”
“Tough? What exactly was tough about those losses?”
“Well, you don’t think it stalled the momentum you had after winning at Infinity? A big win to finish in the top three of the Global Challenge, only to lose your next two matches.”
Ezra shrugs slightly.
“I mean, nobody ever wants to lose. It happens though. Nobody wins every match they’re in. I’d say they were more disappointing losses than tough ones. Nobody except probably Trent Steel thought he was winning that Chaos Rules Match. My back is still bugging me from that turnbuckle powerbomb. It wasn’t a tough loss though. I won our first encounter and now we each have a win against the other. It’s just like I told him going into Infinity. If I lost that match, I wasn’t going to circle back and study tape and try to get a win from him. It doesn’t matter to me at all, dude. Plus, he’s more focused on what Larry and Knox are doing.”
“As for losing to Travis Roberts tonight, that’s not a tough loss either. Travis is the bee’s knees and goddamn legend in this business. It’s not like there was anything on the line other than a notch in the win column. I got to share the ring, albeit briefly, with one of the coolest dudes on the planet. I wouldn’t mind circling back for a rematch with Travis though because he’s not a ginormous douchebag.”
“Lastly, it’s not like losing either match has an effect on my Chaos Title Match at Alchemy. To answer your question, no. No, it won’t mess up my momentum. I started this year off hot, and that shit is going to continue. The path to the top is never an easy one. But I’d be a jackass to let a couple of potholes throw me off the road.”
“Speaking of Alchemy, is there anything you’d like to say to The Avenger after hearing from him earlier this evening?”
“Yes, actually. I do. I previously said that this wasn’t a personal choice. And that’s partially true. I didn’t decide to go for the Chaos Championship because of who the current champion is. But saying it isn’t personal is kind of a shitty thing to do. Because I want to take something that The Avenger has. And that definitely makes it personal for him. Vengy, my dude. I’m looking forward to Alchemy and putting on a banger against you. May the best dude win.”
“Alright. Well, thank you for your time, Ezra.”
With that, Ezra disappears from the frame and the screen fades to black.
MARCH 12
Things at Synergy hadn’t been going his way recently, but things in life had been going rather well. Ezra Wolf was optimistic about this week though. Grounded, yes, but still optimistic. He had been wanting to team with Zane Scott for a while now. There was that 8-person tag back at Melee. He didn’t want to count that one though. Anyways, now he had his opportunity. And they were going against the CURRENT CO-OP CHAMPS. The scene opens up to Ezra sitting in his living room back in California under a heavy cloud of smoke. He was watching something on a big ass TV until the screen on his phone lights up with the word ‘ZANIAC’. As he answers, the camera feed splits in two and we see the visage of Zane Scott.
“Bro!” he exclaims into the phone, causing Zane to pull it slightly away from his ear. “What’s up, my dude?”
“You tell me, Ezra. You’re the one who called… a lot.”
“Correctamundo!” Ezra replies excitedly followed by silence as Zane lets out a short sigh.
“Great. I’m glad we’ve established that I wasn’t terminally confused or suffering early onset senility. I’ve taken a lot of chair shots to the head, after all. What’s up?”
“We’re teaming up next week, bro. We should strategize and stuff.”
“It’s Tuesday.” Zane replies.
“Ha. Good one. I love that movie. Raul Julia as M. Bison is its only redeeming quality though.”
“What? Raul Julia? Wasn’t that…” Zane pauses, shaking his head to clear it. “You know what, Ezra, nevermind that. Look at a calendar. It’s the 12th. We have time to talk and ‘stuff’. No need to call me like a stalker.”
Ezra looks up at the UGWC 2024 calendar on his wall and squints.
“Oh… I get what you mean now. Good point, bro. Well, I had an idea to run by you and since I already got you on the phone…”
Ezra pauses, waiting for a response from Zane.
“What do you have in mind?” Zane asks after another sigh, this time with a small grin.
“Okay. Hear me out. You know how sometimes in this industry; people will dress up as their opponents to parody them? You could be Lucy, bro. For obvious reasons. And I’d be Sebby.”
Zane immediately pulls the phone from his ear and gives it a death glare.
“I think we could--” Ezra says before pausing slightly as a chill goes down his spine. “…that was weird. Anyways. I think we could–”
“What are these ‘obvious reasons’ for me to portray Lucy?” Zane interjects.
“Dude. It’s not nice to interrupt your partner while they’re talking.”
“Nope.” Zane replies, firmly.
“What do you mean ‘nope’, my dude?”
“Ezra, they’re the current Co-Operative Champions and both are former World Champions. I appreciate a good parody as much as the next guy, but knowing this place as I do, that’s not going to have the effect we want it to.”
“Okay. Fine. YOU can be SEB. I’m the prettier one out of us anyways. Not to be mean, but you got a face for radio, bro.”
“That…” Zane pauses briefly out of frustration. “That’s not my point. You need to take this seriously. Where’s the Ezra that took me to the limit last year in England?”
“And you need more humor in your life, dude.” Ezra retorts back, sounding just as frustrated. “Just because you have windows in your smile doesn’t mean you shouldn’t smile. And just because I want to have fun doesn’t mean I’m not taking this match seriously.”
“It doesn’t sound like you are. How many times have you gotten your ass kicked by Lucy? Now you have a chance to give a receipt and you’re choosing a tact that no one’s going to take seriously. Do you understand why I’m…objecting to this?”
“I don’t see how this idea takes away from how I’d compete in the match itself, bro. I don’t see the correlation.”
“I’m not sure how to explain it to you. Maybe it’ll come with time. Maybe it won’t. I’m not sure what this proves.”
“It proves that you’re a humorless grouch, my dude.”
“And now you’ve resorted to name calling. That’s a good sign. Look… I have some things to take care of. We can talk more later.”
Zane ends the call and his side of the camera goes black.
“Maybe we can parody Sesame Street characters instead.” Ezra says, putting the phone down next to him on the couch. “He’d definitely be Oscar…”
We open up to a soundstage that looks similar to a 90s talk show. There are two comfy looking chairs on the stage with a small table between them. Behind the chairs hangs a horizontal banner with the word ‘BORING!’ airbrushed onto it. Some stock intro music begins to play and Tate Levene walks into view wearing a baggy suit. He squints at some index cards he has in his chubby little hands.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very first edition of UGWC’s latest talk show; BORING! Make sure it’s in all caps… oh, I don’t think I’m supposed to read that part. Um. Here are your hosts, Lucy Wylde and Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third!”
Tate Levene exits the way he came as an 8-bit version of ‘Undead’ by Hollywood Undead begins to play. After a few moments, Zane Scott/‘Lucy Wylde’ and Ezra Wolf/‘Sebastian Everett-Bryce’ enter from the opposite side where Tate left. They wave to the imaginary audience, hug awkwardly and then take a seat in the comfy looking chairs. ‘Lucy’ is dressed in a garish hot pink crop top that pushes their chest inward. In fact, the image is a bit discomforting. He’s accentuated it with an uncomfortably, and possibly indecently short tight leather skirt. Meanwhile ‘SEB’ is dressed in a custom black suit with a red paisley vest & tie and white dress shirt.
“Oh my god, BFF, you look UH-MAZING!” ‘SEB’ says, reaching over and slapping ‘Lucy’ on the leg playfully. “Have you been working out?!”
“I have, BFF!” ‘Lucy’ replies in as high of a pitch as they can muster before returning to their normal voice for the next sentence. “And my mom says I’ve been going through some changes.”
“I can tell, BFF! We have to stay in tip-top shape to defend those Co-Op Titles!”
“Who do you think we’ll defend our titles against next, BFF?” ‘Lucy’ asks, returning to the high-pitched tone and flicking some of the hair of the platinum blonde wig he’s wearing behind his ear.
“I have not the slightest idea, BFF. Let’s take a look at the divisional rankings to possibly gather a guess.”
‘SEB’ snaps his fingers and Tate Levene returns and hands him a piece of paper before heading back out of sight.
“At the top of the rankings, we currently have the Suplex Cops, JC and Matt Knox.”
“BOR-ING!” ‘Lucy’ yells as confetti explodes from behind them. ‘SEB’ almost cracks a smile but struggles through and stays in character.
“JC and Matt Knox aren’t even friends anymore, let alone Co-Op partners. I don’t think we’ll be facing them any time soon. You have some history with Joseph Cool, don’t you BFF?” ‘SEB’ says, playfully nudging ‘Lucy’ with his elbow. ‘Lucy’ rolls their eyes and ignores the question.
“Next on the list is the Piercing Media Emp-”
“BOR-ING!!” ‘Lucy’ shouts again, triggering the confetti once more. “We already beat them, BFF. There’s no way THEY are getting another title shot.”
“I agree, BFF. Ranked 3rd currently are Tragedia del’Arte, Ragdoll and Montague Cervantes.” ‘SEB’ pauses, waiting for ‘Lucy’ to shout again but they’re too distracted by their uncomfortable skirt so ‘SEB’ continues. “The last time either one of them teamed, it was with different partners than each other. I don’t see them being a threat either.”
‘Lucy’ looks up and realizes they missed their cue so they shrug and twirl their hair.
“Currently ranked 4th is the aforementioned team of Ragdoll and Matt Knox, Mockingbird.”
“BOR-ING!” ‘Lucy’ shouts excitedly as confetti showers the duo. “After the showing Ragdoll had at the Global Challenge and Matt Knox being the current #1 contender for the World Championship, I don’t see them getting a title shot either. Who’s currently ranked number 5, BFF?!”
“That would be the team of Larry Tact and The Avenger, BFF.” ‘SEB’ says.
“They don’t even have a team name? BORE-RING!” ‘Lucy’ shouts again, this time without confetti. It wasn't in the budget I guess.
“Well, not everyone can have a dope team name like Empire of Calamity, BFF. Whatever the fuck that means.”
“That’s a fact, BFF. We have the best team name ever!”
An awkward high five ensues then ‘SEB’ crinkles the paper into a ball and tosses it offscreen.
“We just named 5 teams yet none of them would even stand a chance against us. So who should we fight against next?” ‘Lucy’ asks. “We can’t just leave it up to The Consortium, BFF. They tried to get us to fight each other. And that’s just downright RUDE of them.”
“Well, Alan Wallace just whooped our asses in a handicap match, BFF. Maybe that earns him a shot?” ‘SEB’ suggests. “But who would ever team with that rapscallion?”
“I know a guy.” ‘Lucy’ says while looking at their nails. “But he’s so boring that I can’t care enough to yell it!”
‘SEB’ lets out a visible chuckle then straightens his tie.
“Let’s ask our loyal fans in attendance this evening!” he says, getting up from his seat.
The camera follows him and shows Tate and his grandma sitting in two chairs in the ‘audience’.
“If you had a choice, who would you want to see us face next, Gam-Gam?”
‘SEB’ holds a microphone up to Grandma Levene’s face.
“I need my infusion for the day, Tate.” she says, looking almost asleep.
“Good answer, Gam-Gam!” he says with an overexaggerated smile before holding the microphone up to Tate. “Same question, youngster. Who would you like to see the Co-Op Champs face next?!”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-”
‘SEB’ rolls his eyes and walks back towards his seat and we see ‘Lucy’ adjusting their wig.
“OH EM GEE, Ez- I mean, BFF!” ‘Lucy’ says through gritted teeth that quickly changes to a smile. “I think I’m getting a rash!”
“Almost done.” ‘SEB’ says as he takes his seat. “If I had my way, I’d choose Deimos and Hastings to get a title shot. But that’s just me.” He says that last line with a wink. “Alright, BFF. It’s time for the ‘BORING!’ bonus round. I’ll say a name and you say if they’re boring or not and why. Are you ready?!”
“I was born ready, BFF. Let’s do this!”
“New Age Sandwich!”
“BOR-ING! Carbs are gross.”
“Ragdoll!”
“BOR-ING! Because dolls are for children.”
“Matt Knox!”
“BOR-ING! Birds are annoying and dirty.”
“JC!”
“Not Boring. Next!”
“Zane Scott!”
“BOR-ING! He’s too successful and he doesn’t smile enough!”
“Travis Pierce!”
“BOR-ING! Because talk shows are dumb.”
“The Avenger!”
“BOR-ING! Capes are so nineteen ninety six!”
“Trent Steel!”
“Who?”
“Exactly!” ‘SEB’ shouts before getting to his feet. “And that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Join us next time as we try to call more stuff boring!”
The scene fades as they head offscreen.
The scene fades back in to Ezra Wolf and Zane Scott backstage shortly after the previous segment went dark.
“Ezra…” Zane says, pulling off the blonde wig. “Where the hell did you find a leather skirt this size?”
“It belongs to my aunt. So be careful. We have to give it back.” he replies, loosening his tie and removing his suit jacket.
Zane blinks, both confused and a bit horrified.
“Jesus. How big is your aunt,” he shudders. “You know what? Pretend I never asked. Because I don’t want to know, kid.”
“She’s big-boned, my dude. The better question is how much oil did you use to get that thing on. That’s an impressive feat.”
“I’m a veteran, Ezra. I haz skillz,” he pauses. “That and I promise that you don’t really want to know the answer because it would NOT be ‘boring’.”
“Yeah. That’s fair, bro. It sounded like two pigs fighting over chow in your dressing room.”
“Sometimes an artist has to suffer for their craft.”
Ezra puts his hands up in the universal symbol for ‘my bad’.
“Got it, bro. Have you ever considered growing your hair out? Long blonde locks ain’t a bad look on you, bro.”
Zane shoots another death glare at Ezra and a chill runs down his spine.
“So THAT’S what that was when we were talking on the phone!”
Zane taps his head then points at Ezra before he turns towards his dressing room as the scene fades out once again.