Post by Mr.Ego on Mar 30, 2024 17:10:08 GMT -5
Wednesday, March 28, 2024 - Miami, Florida: Wallace/Worth Estate (aka Vain Manor)
Simon's glasses had immediately fogged up as the door had shut behind him. The air was thick, the steam almost choking him as he took a deep breath. He barely would have been able to see his hand in front of his face without the glasses. Having left them on, however, he was damn-near blind. He clears his throat to announce his presence, as if the sound of the door shutting behind him hadn't already done so.
Simon: Alan?
A few seconds of silence pass, before the voice of a living angel is heard.
Alan: Simon! Good of you to make it. Over here.
Simon takes note of the direction that Alan's voice came from, but he still can't see anything. Deciding that it’s best to go without his glasses, he takes them off, before then cautiously attempting to make his way towards where Alan is apparently seated. He only makes it a few steps, however, before the sound of Alan's voice stops him in his tracks.
Alan: Stop where you are, Simon. Your last name isn't 'Bing', and I am not in need of a horridly awkward lap dance. Take four steps to your right, and then take a seat.
Simon: How do you even know that, Alan? You can't actually see through all this, can you?
Alan: It's my personal sauna, Simon. Obviously, I know every square-inch of this place. I provided the specs when we had it put in.
Relieved, Simon turns and begins walking in the direction that Alan told him to. Three steps in, his knee crashes into the bench that is bolted to the wall, and he grimaces in pain.
Simon: Damn it!
A chuckle is heard across from where he now stands, holding his suddenly throbbing knee.
Alan: I guess it was three steps, eh Simon?
Simon begins mumbling under his breath as he fumbles about ensuring that he can feel the seat before taking it. Finally, though, he sits.
Simon: Why are we meeting here, Alan? Wouldn't the pool area have been sufficient?
Alan: There are two very simple reasons why we are meeting here, Simon. For starters, this is my steam time. Just because you ran late this morning doesn't mean that I am going to change my schedule to accommodate your tardiness.
Simon sighs.
Simon: It isn't as if I planned to have a water leak that required the services of a plumber, Alan. Things do happen.
Alan: Yes, things do happen, Simon. Your kitchen sprung a leak; my schedule required a good steaming. And here we are.
Simon: And the second reason?
Alan: Quite simple. Celeste won't come in here. And the baby has been crying non-stop for two days.
Simon: Babies cry, Alan. It's one of the main things they do.
Alan: Thank you Captain Obvious.
Simon: Better than Captain 80's, so I suppose it could be worse.
Alan: Would you have preferred Captain Planet?
Simon: Well he was our hero, Alan. And from what I always heard; he was going to take pollution down to zero.
Alan: Well he failed in that endeavor. No wonder they yanked it off the air.
Simon: To be perfectly honest Alan, I'm surprised you even know the show.
Alan: My family employed poor people, Simon. Their brats would watch it, and I was unfortunate enough to hear them discussing it.
Simon: Why am I not surprised…
The two men sit in silence for a few moments, the steam beginning to thin, allowing Simon to at least make out some of his surroundings, as well as seeing the outline of Vain across from him.
Simon: So, about Monday.
Alan: What about it, Simon?
Simon: Well, I know the match didn't go the way that you would have liked.
Alan laughs heartily.
Alan: Simon, I know it's been a while since I have reiterated this point… but it was only Synergy.
Simon: While it may have only been Synergy, it's never good to suffer defeat in the go-home show before a big event.
Alan: Suffer defeat? That's what you took from that match?
Simon: Well… yes?
Alan: Simon, Simon, Simon… while I may not have emerged victorious in the triple threat match against Mr. Scott and Mr. Steel, I most assuredly wasn't defeated.
Simon is taken aback by the response but says nothing.
Alan: It was a great victory for Mr. Scott, and I commend him on it. However, it was a victory for me as well.
Simon: How is that, Alan?
Alan: Well, I came out of the match without suffering any sort of injury, and I am as healthy as possible for my upcoming championship defense against Mr. Knox. And, more importantly, I wasn't the one who had my shoulders pinned to the mat for a three-count. That honor goes to the psychopath with the bad attitude and the ball fetish.
Simon: And you think it will play no part in your preparation for your match against Matt at Alchemy?
Alan: It's as if you don't even know me, Simon.
Simon leans forward, squinting as he looks across at his friend and client. And the only thing he sees is a large smile.
====================
The time has finally come.
There are many who thought this match would never come to fruition. Two men who have strived to be the absolute best during their respective careers. Two men who have stopped at nothing to prove their merits against any and all comers. Two men who, if the situation ever called for it, would do whatever it took to prove to their friends… their peers… their companies… hell, the entire wrestling industry, that they were the single greatest talents to ever step inside of a ring. Two men who, for most of their illustrious careers, were akin to two ships passing in the night.
The stars had just never aligned so that these two talents… two stalwarts of this business named Matthew 'The Raven' Knox and 'The Vain One' Alan Wallace… would find themselves going one-on-one against each other, with the biggest prize in the industry on the line. It would be a match of the year candidate on paper and would be a match for the ages if it were to ever come to fruition. And yet, wrestling fans around the world suffered because it wasn't meant to be.
And then, one of those men felt the need to come out of a much-deserved retirement. And the rest, as they say, is history.
You're welcome, by the way.
====================
“For too many years I have laid dormant, content to enjoy the fruits of my labor.”
She stands out on a quaint looking porch, her fiery red hair blowing ever so gently in the light breeze, as she gazes out at the wonders of the early morning scene.
“But no more.”
She quickly turns, opening the door and walking inside. With much determination, she makes her way down the hall, turning and heading into the living room, her eyes settling on the television screen. A screen paused at just the right moment, highlighting the elation in the eyes of ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace, as he celebrates his most recent World Heavyweight Championship defense. His victory over Donovan Hastings at Infinity.
“While things may not have ended the way that I had wanted them to, thanks to this man, I was content in knowing that he had finally faded into the sunset, never to hurt another entertainment professional for the rest of his days.”
With a scowl upon her face, she picks up the television remote and presses the ‘TV’ button, the television turning off.
“Many have tried to end the blight to wrestling known as Alan Wallace, and while many have come close, all have ultimately failed. Myself included. Now, though? Now I know what I must do.”
She walks over to a small table, lightly running her fingertips over a small, beautifully ornamented wooden box. Lifting the lid, she exposes five exceedingly beautiful rings.
“Alan Wallace is the ultimate purveyor of pollution. In all forms. From polluting the air with the emissions from his private jet, to polluting the airwaves with the nonsensical drivel that spews from his stupid suck-hole. He must be eradicated from Planet UGWC. By any means necessary.”
She reaches into the box and grabs the pillow that all five rings rest upon, a genuine smile of glee forming on her face.
“I, Jezaia - the spirit of Planet UGWC - hold the ultimate responsibility of seeing to it that this prostitute of perfection is stripped of whatever power he thinks he holds. And once the chosen five Globalteers have combined their powers to summon the ultimate UGWC hero, ‘His Vainness’ will have no choice but to return to the hole that he so unceremoniously climbed out of.”
====================
I would like to take a quick moment to humbly apologize to you, Mr. Knox. No, it isn't for what I am about to do to you at Alchemy, though that might have been something that the old Alan Wallace would have said. He would have worded it quite eloquently, as I am sure you already know, but I digress. No, I would like to take a moment to apologize because… frankly… I admittedly do not know as much about you as I should. The fact that you are in the position that you are, being the number-one contender to the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship? That fact, in and of itself, should dictate that I know any and every single thing there is to know about the man known as Matt 'The Raven' Knox. You've earned that much, right Mr. Knox?
Pity, that.
You see, while I have indeed heard your name over the course of the years, Mr. Knox, it's never been something that I have ever found myself overly concerned with. Because you were 'there', and I was 'here'. While you were content with doing everything in your power to prove yourself in one-hundred-forty characters or less, I was doing whatever it took in the center of that ring to prove that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was the greatest entertainment professional to ever grace this industry with his presence.
You talked the talk, while I walked the walk. That's where we have differed, Mr. Knox.
You see, for the entirety of my career, I have always done my due diligence when it comes to learning everything that I can about those whom I deem a threat. About those whom I fear could tarnish the legacy that 'Vain' Alan Wallace has built during the course of his storied career. And when it has come to names like Klaus von Knorre, Jezebel Saint, The Mainstreamer, Jet Somers, Dirge, Taurus Capone, Killian King, Phrixus Deimos, Eden Morgan, Zane Scott, and Donovan Hastings… I knew exactly what was in store for me during each of those matches. They were people whom I may have detested at one time or another, but each and every one of them had earned my respect. For the hell that they put me through, and the lengths that they all took to push me to the very end of my limits. And yet, no matter the hell I found myself in when battling each one of them, more times than not I found a way to come out victorious. It never mattered the odds, Mr. Knox, because at the end of the day, there was one simple truth. At the end of the day, I was 'Vain' Alan Wallace, and they weren't.
During the entirety of my career, outside of a tweet here and a twit there, the name 'Matt Knox' just never hit my radar.
I guess I was too far away.
====================
Having just finished reading the enclosed letter that was attached, he opens the package, eyeing the contents inquisitively, before breaking into a large smile that shows almost every square inch of his pearly whites.
“’Bout time.”
He pulls out a beautiful golden ring with a green inset, and immediately places it on his right forefinger.
“Who’d a thunk, after all ‘dis time, they’d need ol’ Gwame. I mean shiiiiiittttt, I knew ‘dat shit, it just took a little bit damn longer for errbody else to smarten ‘da fuck up.”
He walks into the small hut that he has called home for the last few years, a move that he made to get back to his roots, and to become one with the earth. A move that was much needed, though he would be reluctant to agree. As he begins to pack his belongings, he continues talking to himself.
“Missed hangin’ wit’ my homies all ‘dis time, ‘dat’s fo’ damn sho’. And though I ain’t never had much of a problem wit’ ‘dat vain-ass honkey, when Jezaia calls, you bet ‘cho ass ‘dat ‘da power of ‘da earf is gon’ answer.”
Having finished packing, he turns and heads towards the door.
“Gwame Muh’fuckin’ Jones is gon’ be back up in ‘dis shit, fo’ realz. Planet UGWC… errbody TOOK YO PANTIES OFF!”
~
She sits along the beach, occasionally moving her overgrown bangs out of her eyes as she continues reading the letter that she holds in her hands. The moonlight twinkles off the exquisite golden medallion that she wears around her neck.
“Interesting. Very interesting, indeed.”
Upon finishing the letter, she carefully folds it up before placing it inside her jacket pocket. Looking up, she eyes the waning gibbous that is seemingly staring back at her.
“I have thought neither of Planet UGWC, nor the villainous Alan Wallace, for far too long. And it has been time that I have much enjoyed. For when reflecting upon my time then, back before my death and resurrection, I am filled with much sorrow. And even more contempt.”
She slowly makes her way to her feet, looking down at the bracelet and wristwatch that adorns her left wrist.
“However, it seems that it is time. Time to make amends for all of my past transgressions. Time to do good, once more, by helping rid our planet of Alan Wallace.”
She kneels at the water line, smiling as a dolphin appears bearing a special gift - a gift of a golden ring, complete with a blue inset. Placing it upon her forefinger, she smiles.
“Having slept with the fishes, I now hold the power of water. For I am now called Ri, and I will do everything in my power to see to it that all of Alan Wallace’s sins will be swept away in a flood of his own undoing.”
~
She walks along the darkened streets, the sound of her heels clicking off the sidewalk echoing through the dark night.
“Who writes letters anymore, anyway? Jezaia and her hatred of technology.”
She rolls her eyes at the thought, and does her best to ignore the cretins that she passes, even those who cat-call her with crude comments and whistling.
“Trash.”
Deciding to cut through an alleyway, she notices a person of the criminal variety accosting a man who appears to be homeless.
“And here I thought Dirge had found his way out of the doldrums to which he had sunk. Such a shame.”
She makes quick work of the thug, sneering down at the homeless man as he offers her a smile and a nod as a ‘thank you.’
“Seems as if ‘The Fall of Eden’ is still just as devastating as ever. Because of course it is.”
Up ahead, an object begins to shine. First dull, but then growing ever so brighter as she nears it.
“Alan Wallace is the bane of all existence. He always has been. Yet like a cockroach, he is still always just… there. With his horribly fake smile, and his greater than shitty personality. We end him once and for all.”
The blowing object, shaped somewhat like an oil drum, suddenly explodes in a flash of bright light. She shields her eyes, and as the darkness begins to overtake the sudden explosion of light, she looks down to see a golden ring with a bright red inset. She smiles a devilish smile.
“Imagine that. Everything really does look good on me.”
She continues down the alley, turning right at the end and emerging back on the street that leads home.
“I started once before when I burned down your bedroom. Now granted with the power of fire… and much like most of my relationships in life... I will see to it that your new reign goes up in flames, Alan. For I am Eden Wheeler-Baal, and I’m simply your better, Alan Wallace.”
~
He climbs out from the car, having just posted the fastest lap in track history. Must be a new track.
“I used to respect you, Alan.”
He scowls as he removes his helmet, tossing it back into the car.
“But I don’t respect you anymore, Alan. Because in order to me to respect someone they have to act in a respectable way. And that is not you, Alan Wallace.”
He begins making his way along the edge of the track, his aging knees creaking with each step that he takes.
“Looking back, you have disrespected everyone that has ever crossed your path, even though they have always done everything in their power to show you the respect that you feel you deserve, yet you never respond in kind. And it is for those reasons that we must end your reign right here and now.”
He feels something hit his head, reaching up and grabbing whatever it was as a flock of birds fly overhead. What he finds is a golden ring with a violet inset. He places it on his forefinger.
“I have aligned with like-minded individuals in this quest, Alan. And though I have been known to do little more than blow hot air during the course of my career, it has led me to being granted the power of the wind. My name is Rinka, and I will see to it that we blow away all your hopes and dreams, Alan. You’re welcome.”
~
“It’s a shame that it’s come to this, Al.”
He’s perched on a large limb, about a quarter of the way up an old oak tree. He looks up into the tree, craning his neck as he searches through the leaves.
“Get down here, cASei!”
Much grumbling is heard, containing a multitude of curse words, but finally a creature hops down onto the limb beside our hero. He looks exactly like he would have a best friend and roommate named Ernie, though he has an obvious fake tail duct taped to the bottom of his shirt.
“I guess I should have known this would ultimately come to pass, Al. From the first moment that I saw you on Planet UGWC. You were brash, you were overly confident, and you weren’t very well-liked by most of those you found yourself surrounded by.”
The two then begin making their way out of the tree, both landing with a thud once they reach the ground.
“It’s as if I was looking at a carbon copy of myself, Al. And I didn’t like what I was seeing.”
He adjusts his armband, which results in cASei insulted him for wearing said armband. He ignores it.
“I was the heart and soul of Planet UGWC, Al. Everyone knows it. And yet, you strode into the place as if you already owned it, and the rest of us were forced to play second fiddle.”
He looks down at the yellow ring that rests on his forefinger.
“I was shocked to hear from Jezaia after all this time, but I frankly wasn’t surprised. I had heard rumblings that Planet UGWC was once more inhabited by vanity itself, so I assumed this day would come. And the end result will be your undoing.”
cASei lights up a cigarette, taking a deep drag, before then exhaling the smoke out of his nose.
“I am known as Tra-Ro, and I am going to see to it that the next Blessed One Yahtzee Invitational is won by someone who is deserving of such a distinction. Sorry about it, Al.”
~
The five heroes all stand together, preparing to summon the greatest superhero known to this world. They all stand there excitedly, looking back and forth at one another. Finally, Gwame steps forward.
“Fo’ sho! Let’s take deez powers and combine ‘dem shits! EARF!”
Eden Wheeler-Baal steps forward, as seductively as possible.
“Here’s my FIRE, baby! Because I like it hot!”
Rinka is the next one to take a step forward.
“Here’s some more hot air for me to blow, as respectfully as possible! WIND!”
Ri is next up.
“Blessed by the dead! WATER”
Lastly, Tra-Ro steps forward, cASei at his side, puffing on a home-rolled joint.
“Because you’ve never really had one, Al! HEART!”
The power of the five rings converges, and in a flash of light, a blue-tinted figure appears. He soars through the air, almost like a bird. A raven if you will.
“I AM CAPTAIN UGWC!”
The five Globalteers all erupt in unison.
“GO UGWC!”
Somehow, horrid 80’s music begins to blare from out of nowhere. Maybe they inadvertently also summoned the other Captain. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Fortunately, they didn’t. Only one Captain flies through the sky; the other is somewhere on his Falcor, most likely.
Captain UGWC swoops down and lifts Rinka and Tra-Ro into his arms, flying away a bit before then dropping them off onto the ground. He then circles back and grabs the other three and flies them over to join the others. Looking up, they find themselves staring up at the entrance of ‘The Chase Center,’ in San Francisco, California.
“There it is, Globalteers! The site of the battle for Planet UGWC! The site where Captain UGWC will lay waste to that vile Alan Wallace, and bring stability back to the planet that we love so much!”
The five Globalteers all shouted in unison once again.
“GO CAPTAIN UGWC!”
“Tonight, we vanquish the villainous! Tonight, we defeat the despicable! Tonight, Captain UGWC brings the reign of the ghost known as Vain to a humbling end! For I am Raze…”
He flies into the air, still focused on the entrance to the stadium.
“I am Ruin…”
He looks down at the crowd of people who have begun forming, all who are looking up at him in admiration.
“I am The Raven…”
He then turns and looks down once more at the Globalteers.
“I AM CAPTAIN UGWC!”
He then soars towards the entrance, towards his destiny.
====================
I know hearing all of that must sting, Mr. Knox. I know you're thinking that here I am, on the verge of facing you with everything on the line, and I am seemingly overlooking you. Disrespecting you, even. And I can assure you, that is not the case. I would never purposely disrespect an opponent this close to squaring off against them in the center of that ring.
Being completely honest, I've barely even thought about you at all.
And again, I mean no disrespect when saying that. It's just the simple, unequivocal truth. Because at this point in my life? At this point in my life there are more important things than Matt Knox.
Besides, I'm sure that you are just like all the rest, Mr. Knox. Far too many times over the years I have gone into a match against an opponent, whether they are overly familiar with me or not, and I am forced to listen to the same old bullshit spew forth from their mouths. 'Vain isn't as good as he thinks he is.' 'Vain isn't as good as he used to be.' 'All Vain has is his arrogance.' 'Vain can't win without stacking the odds.' And any and everything in between. I've heard it all, Mr. Knox. And frankly, I'm unfazed by it all.
I'm sure you look at me… at what I have done since returning… and view it as some sort of fluke. As some sort of game that I have played to get to where I am. As if I haven't earned every single thing that I have attained in this soulless, godforsaken industry. As if I haven't sacrificed my blood, sweat, and even tears… all in an attempt to be the very best goddamn entertainment professional in the history of this business. And while others have attempted to sacrifice as I have, the stark difference is that those others have done so, not so for themselves, but for the adulation of the people. And between you and me, Mr. Knox?
Fuck the people.
====================
Captain UGWC flies dejectedly towards the Globalteers, having not only failed to eliminate the vile ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace from his planet, but also failing to attain that which ‘Vanity at its Finest’ holds most dear in his professional life: The UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.
“I have failed you, Globalteers. I have failed… Planet UGWC.”
Gwame steps forward, concern etched on his face.
“How ‘da fuck ‘dat shit even be happenin,’ Cap?”
“I… I have no idea. I’m The Raven. I am Ruin. I am Captain UGWC.”
Eden Wheeler-Morgan steps forward, the look on her face that of resignation.
“We’ve all been there, Captain Planet. You aren’t alone.”
The five Globalteers then turn and walk away, each one hanging their heads. Captain UGWC then flies high into the sky, a lone green tear slowly cascading down his cheek. The scene then morphs into that of the arena, a victorious ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace standing in the center of the ring, holding his World Championship high overhead.
And he laughs.
~
“Wait, wait, wait… most of that didn’t even makes any sense.”
The scene opens inside of the Roebbelen Center at The Grounds, in Roseville, California. Home to this year’s SacAnime Roseville 2024 Convention, it has been a literal ‘Who’s Who’ of stars for the litany of fandom to fawn over.
Lauren Landa, best known for her roles as Kasumi in ‘Dead or Alive 5’ and Yan Leixia in ‘Soul Calibur V’, is at the table to the left, signing autographs and taking pictures with the throngs of fans that are here to see her.
The table to the right has been reserved for Vincent Martella, who has made himself a remarkably successful career, most notably as the voice of Phineas in ‘Phineas and Ferb.’ Having just arrived, he is working on setting up a stack of headshots, as well as quite a few collectibles from the aforementioned ‘Phineas and Ferb,’ as well as “Everybody Hates Chris.’
The table that the camera settles on, however, only has one fan standing in front of it. He is a tall man, sporting a blue and white plaid shirt, overalls, and a red and white hat. Holding the straps of his overalls, he looks up at the man before him. A man that most people know exceedingly well.
Alan Wallace stands before him, having just regaled him with his self-anointed ‘tale of the ages.’ Seated to Alan’s right is his friend and advocate, Simon Wellington.
Alan: How, pray tell, did it make no sense to you, my friend?
“Well for starters, everyone knows who you are. Yous is Alan Wallace, and you wrestles for that U-Gs-W-Cs.”
Alan meekly looks around to ensure nobody else has heard this blasphemy.
Alan: I’m not sure that of which you speak, my good man.
The man takes a step forward, still holding onto the straps of his overalls.
“I sees that the sign above your tables says something about the loots and the plunders, but you are no Lootens Plunders.”
Alan’s eyes narrow, and his head tilts slightly to the side.
Alan: What is your name, my good man?
“The names Brandon. Squirrelly Bran to my friends.”
Alan: Are you sure that’s what your friends call you?
Squirrelly Bran: “Allegedlys.”
Alan begins to chuckle.
Alan: Well… Squirrelly Bran… if you keep speaking at the level that you are, I’m afraid that Sargos Bleakington here may have to take action. And you won’t like the end result.
Squirrelly Bran: “That’s Simon Wellington, your manager or somethings, and a man who hasn’t been activelys involved in the wrestlings due to injury in years.”
Alan: You’re some sort of smartass, aren’t you Squirrelly Bran?
Squirrelly Bran: “Nots at all, Alans. I just knows a good story when I hears it. And what you just tolds was nots a good story.”
Alan pulls out a chair and takes a seat.
Alan: Well then, Squirrelly Bran, how could I have made it better?
Squirrelly Bran: “Wells for starters, your castings choices was alls wrongs. Devoted fans knows that Ma-Ti is a child; yous casted hims as ones of the oldest wrestlers there is.”
Alan: Hey now, Konrad was Rinka…
Squirrelly Dan: “Another horribles choice. And don’ts get me starteds on Kwame. You took a gentlemens from Africas and turned him into a caricature froms the ghettos.”
Alan: Well, yes, but I really wanted to say ‘TAKE YO PANTIES OFF’.
Squirrelly Dan: “Mosts importantlys, Captain Planet doesn’t lose. What type of example would that sets for the kids?”
Alan: Well a loyal fan would know that there was one instance where Captain Planet and those moronic Puppeteers did lose.
Alan smiles a large, toothy grin. Squirrelly Bran is unimpressed.
Squirrelly Bran: “And likes I saids, you are no Lootens Plunders.”
Alan glares down at him for a moment, before a proverbial lightbulb goes off.
Alan: Let’s take about twenty-five to thirty-five percent off down there, Squirrelly Bran. Or I’m gonna come down there and talk to ya.”
Squirrelly Bran nervously begins looking down at the floor, suddenly turning and hurrying away.
Squirrelly Bran: “Oh looks, a runaways penny.”
Simon rises to his feet and walks over to where Alan stands. Clasping him on his shoulder, he speaks.
Simon: You’ve had your fun now, Alan. Don’t you feel it’s time to begin focusing on what is important?
Alan begins to nod as he turns and looks at Simon.
Alan: You’re absolutely right, Simon. There is far too much stupidity surrounding me going into this event. And it starts and stops with Mr. Knox believing that he belongs in the same ring as me. I put a stop to it on Monday.
The two men then turn and make their way down the hallway, Alan heading towards another monumental event that will be the topic of discussion for a generation to come.
====================
I do this for me, Mr. Knox. Nobody else. I will do whatever it takes to accomplish the things that I yearn to accomplish in this profession, and I will do so with a smile on my face. If that means using people, so be it. If it means befriending them as a means to gain an advantage, before ultimately betraying them, well it isn't like I haven't made a habit of that over the years. I'll stop at nothing to continue my ascent in this industry, no matter who it is that finds themselves standing across from me in that ring.
Including you, Mr. Knox.
We have both come across some of the same names over the years, Matthew. Names like Sebastian Everett-Bryce… Eden Morgan… Larry Tact… Trent Steel… Gabriel Baal. To think that up until recently, the two of us had merely just orbited around each other in a similar space is mindboggling to think about.
Then again, maybe it means nothing at all.
The fact is, you have faced the absolute best that UGWC has had to offer during your time here, and though things might not have gone how you would have expected at the beginning, you now find yourself with the opportunity of a lifetime. To take down one of the true legends of this company. Of this industry. And while you may think that facing the likes of an Everett-Bryce or a Hastings means that you are ready to square off against 'Vain' Alan Wallace, I hope that you remember one very key point.
I am something completely different.
Hundreds have felt they knew what it would take to humble me over the course of my career. And hundreds have failed. Hundreds have thought they knew exactly what made Alan Wallace tick, and how they could best get under my skin to gain some sort of advantage. And hundreds have been left disappointed. Because when the lights are at their brightest, and the stakes are at their highest? That is when Alan Wallace excels, Mr. Knox. I've made it somewhat of a habit over the years.
Just ask Klaus von Knorre…
Phrixus Deimos…
The Mainstreamer…
'The Drunken Buzzsaw' Chaos…
Zane Scott…
Eden Morgan…
Killian King…
Lucy Wylde…
Magdalena Lockheart…
Kem Dynamo…
Sarah Lacklan…
Sebastian Everett-Bryce…
Or Donovan Hastings.
All were poised with the opportunity of rising up and vanquishing 'Arrogance Personified', and all of them failed spectacularly. Just as I said they would before each one of those matches. Just as I am telling you that you will now.
I fully expect to get the best that you have to offer, Mr. Knox. I fully expect you to come in firing on all cylinders, to utilize all the momentum that you have gained over recent months. I fully expect you to beat the ever-loving shit out of me. And I fully expect you to come as close as humanly possible to defeating me on Monday and taking what's mine.
And I fully expect you to fail, Mr. Knox. Just like all the others.
For I am Arrogance…
I am Vanity…
I am Perfection...
I am, and will continue to be, your World Heavyweight Champion.
You're welcome.
FIN
Simon's glasses had immediately fogged up as the door had shut behind him. The air was thick, the steam almost choking him as he took a deep breath. He barely would have been able to see his hand in front of his face without the glasses. Having left them on, however, he was damn-near blind. He clears his throat to announce his presence, as if the sound of the door shutting behind him hadn't already done so.
Simon: Alan?
A few seconds of silence pass, before the voice of a living angel is heard.
Alan: Simon! Good of you to make it. Over here.
Simon takes note of the direction that Alan's voice came from, but he still can't see anything. Deciding that it’s best to go without his glasses, he takes them off, before then cautiously attempting to make his way towards where Alan is apparently seated. He only makes it a few steps, however, before the sound of Alan's voice stops him in his tracks.
Alan: Stop where you are, Simon. Your last name isn't 'Bing', and I am not in need of a horridly awkward lap dance. Take four steps to your right, and then take a seat.
Simon: How do you even know that, Alan? You can't actually see through all this, can you?
Alan: It's my personal sauna, Simon. Obviously, I know every square-inch of this place. I provided the specs when we had it put in.
Relieved, Simon turns and begins walking in the direction that Alan told him to. Three steps in, his knee crashes into the bench that is bolted to the wall, and he grimaces in pain.
Simon: Damn it!
A chuckle is heard across from where he now stands, holding his suddenly throbbing knee.
Alan: I guess it was three steps, eh Simon?
Simon begins mumbling under his breath as he fumbles about ensuring that he can feel the seat before taking it. Finally, though, he sits.
Simon: Why are we meeting here, Alan? Wouldn't the pool area have been sufficient?
Alan: There are two very simple reasons why we are meeting here, Simon. For starters, this is my steam time. Just because you ran late this morning doesn't mean that I am going to change my schedule to accommodate your tardiness.
Simon sighs.
Simon: It isn't as if I planned to have a water leak that required the services of a plumber, Alan. Things do happen.
Alan: Yes, things do happen, Simon. Your kitchen sprung a leak; my schedule required a good steaming. And here we are.
Simon: And the second reason?
Alan: Quite simple. Celeste won't come in here. And the baby has been crying non-stop for two days.
Simon: Babies cry, Alan. It's one of the main things they do.
Alan: Thank you Captain Obvious.
Simon: Better than Captain 80's, so I suppose it could be worse.
Alan: Would you have preferred Captain Planet?
Simon: Well he was our hero, Alan. And from what I always heard; he was going to take pollution down to zero.
Alan: Well he failed in that endeavor. No wonder they yanked it off the air.
Simon: To be perfectly honest Alan, I'm surprised you even know the show.
Alan: My family employed poor people, Simon. Their brats would watch it, and I was unfortunate enough to hear them discussing it.
Simon: Why am I not surprised…
The two men sit in silence for a few moments, the steam beginning to thin, allowing Simon to at least make out some of his surroundings, as well as seeing the outline of Vain across from him.
Simon: So, about Monday.
Alan: What about it, Simon?
Simon: Well, I know the match didn't go the way that you would have liked.
Alan laughs heartily.
Alan: Simon, I know it's been a while since I have reiterated this point… but it was only Synergy.
Simon: While it may have only been Synergy, it's never good to suffer defeat in the go-home show before a big event.
Alan: Suffer defeat? That's what you took from that match?
Simon: Well… yes?
Alan: Simon, Simon, Simon… while I may not have emerged victorious in the triple threat match against Mr. Scott and Mr. Steel, I most assuredly wasn't defeated.
Simon is taken aback by the response but says nothing.
Alan: It was a great victory for Mr. Scott, and I commend him on it. However, it was a victory for me as well.
Simon: How is that, Alan?
Alan: Well, I came out of the match without suffering any sort of injury, and I am as healthy as possible for my upcoming championship defense against Mr. Knox. And, more importantly, I wasn't the one who had my shoulders pinned to the mat for a three-count. That honor goes to the psychopath with the bad attitude and the ball fetish.
Simon: And you think it will play no part in your preparation for your match against Matt at Alchemy?
Alan: It's as if you don't even know me, Simon.
Simon leans forward, squinting as he looks across at his friend and client. And the only thing he sees is a large smile.
====================
The time has finally come.
There are many who thought this match would never come to fruition. Two men who have strived to be the absolute best during their respective careers. Two men who have stopped at nothing to prove their merits against any and all comers. Two men who, if the situation ever called for it, would do whatever it took to prove to their friends… their peers… their companies… hell, the entire wrestling industry, that they were the single greatest talents to ever step inside of a ring. Two men who, for most of their illustrious careers, were akin to two ships passing in the night.
The stars had just never aligned so that these two talents… two stalwarts of this business named Matthew 'The Raven' Knox and 'The Vain One' Alan Wallace… would find themselves going one-on-one against each other, with the biggest prize in the industry on the line. It would be a match of the year candidate on paper and would be a match for the ages if it were to ever come to fruition. And yet, wrestling fans around the world suffered because it wasn't meant to be.
And then, one of those men felt the need to come out of a much-deserved retirement. And the rest, as they say, is history.
You're welcome, by the way.
====================
“For too many years I have laid dormant, content to enjoy the fruits of my labor.”
She stands out on a quaint looking porch, her fiery red hair blowing ever so gently in the light breeze, as she gazes out at the wonders of the early morning scene.
“But no more.”
She quickly turns, opening the door and walking inside. With much determination, she makes her way down the hall, turning and heading into the living room, her eyes settling on the television screen. A screen paused at just the right moment, highlighting the elation in the eyes of ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace, as he celebrates his most recent World Heavyweight Championship defense. His victory over Donovan Hastings at Infinity.
“While things may not have ended the way that I had wanted them to, thanks to this man, I was content in knowing that he had finally faded into the sunset, never to hurt another entertainment professional for the rest of his days.”
With a scowl upon her face, she picks up the television remote and presses the ‘TV’ button, the television turning off.
“Many have tried to end the blight to wrestling known as Alan Wallace, and while many have come close, all have ultimately failed. Myself included. Now, though? Now I know what I must do.”
She walks over to a small table, lightly running her fingertips over a small, beautifully ornamented wooden box. Lifting the lid, she exposes five exceedingly beautiful rings.
“Alan Wallace is the ultimate purveyor of pollution. In all forms. From polluting the air with the emissions from his private jet, to polluting the airwaves with the nonsensical drivel that spews from his stupid suck-hole. He must be eradicated from Planet UGWC. By any means necessary.”
She reaches into the box and grabs the pillow that all five rings rest upon, a genuine smile of glee forming on her face.
“I, Jezaia - the spirit of Planet UGWC - hold the ultimate responsibility of seeing to it that this prostitute of perfection is stripped of whatever power he thinks he holds. And once the chosen five Globalteers have combined their powers to summon the ultimate UGWC hero, ‘His Vainness’ will have no choice but to return to the hole that he so unceremoniously climbed out of.”
====================
I would like to take a quick moment to humbly apologize to you, Mr. Knox. No, it isn't for what I am about to do to you at Alchemy, though that might have been something that the old Alan Wallace would have said. He would have worded it quite eloquently, as I am sure you already know, but I digress. No, I would like to take a moment to apologize because… frankly… I admittedly do not know as much about you as I should. The fact that you are in the position that you are, being the number-one contender to the UGWC World Heavyweight Championship? That fact, in and of itself, should dictate that I know any and every single thing there is to know about the man known as Matt 'The Raven' Knox. You've earned that much, right Mr. Knox?
Pity, that.
You see, while I have indeed heard your name over the course of the years, Mr. Knox, it's never been something that I have ever found myself overly concerned with. Because you were 'there', and I was 'here'. While you were content with doing everything in your power to prove yourself in one-hundred-forty characters or less, I was doing whatever it took in the center of that ring to prove that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was the greatest entertainment professional to ever grace this industry with his presence.
You talked the talk, while I walked the walk. That's where we have differed, Mr. Knox.
You see, for the entirety of my career, I have always done my due diligence when it comes to learning everything that I can about those whom I deem a threat. About those whom I fear could tarnish the legacy that 'Vain' Alan Wallace has built during the course of his storied career. And when it has come to names like Klaus von Knorre, Jezebel Saint, The Mainstreamer, Jet Somers, Dirge, Taurus Capone, Killian King, Phrixus Deimos, Eden Morgan, Zane Scott, and Donovan Hastings… I knew exactly what was in store for me during each of those matches. They were people whom I may have detested at one time or another, but each and every one of them had earned my respect. For the hell that they put me through, and the lengths that they all took to push me to the very end of my limits. And yet, no matter the hell I found myself in when battling each one of them, more times than not I found a way to come out victorious. It never mattered the odds, Mr. Knox, because at the end of the day, there was one simple truth. At the end of the day, I was 'Vain' Alan Wallace, and they weren't.
During the entirety of my career, outside of a tweet here and a twit there, the name 'Matt Knox' just never hit my radar.
I guess I was too far away.
====================
Having just finished reading the enclosed letter that was attached, he opens the package, eyeing the contents inquisitively, before breaking into a large smile that shows almost every square inch of his pearly whites.
“’Bout time.”
He pulls out a beautiful golden ring with a green inset, and immediately places it on his right forefinger.
“Who’d a thunk, after all ‘dis time, they’d need ol’ Gwame. I mean shiiiiiittttt, I knew ‘dat shit, it just took a little bit damn longer for errbody else to smarten ‘da fuck up.”
He walks into the small hut that he has called home for the last few years, a move that he made to get back to his roots, and to become one with the earth. A move that was much needed, though he would be reluctant to agree. As he begins to pack his belongings, he continues talking to himself.
“Missed hangin’ wit’ my homies all ‘dis time, ‘dat’s fo’ damn sho’. And though I ain’t never had much of a problem wit’ ‘dat vain-ass honkey, when Jezaia calls, you bet ‘cho ass ‘dat ‘da power of ‘da earf is gon’ answer.”
Having finished packing, he turns and heads towards the door.
“Gwame Muh’fuckin’ Jones is gon’ be back up in ‘dis shit, fo’ realz. Planet UGWC… errbody TOOK YO PANTIES OFF!”
~
She sits along the beach, occasionally moving her overgrown bangs out of her eyes as she continues reading the letter that she holds in her hands. The moonlight twinkles off the exquisite golden medallion that she wears around her neck.
“Interesting. Very interesting, indeed.”
Upon finishing the letter, she carefully folds it up before placing it inside her jacket pocket. Looking up, she eyes the waning gibbous that is seemingly staring back at her.
“I have thought neither of Planet UGWC, nor the villainous Alan Wallace, for far too long. And it has been time that I have much enjoyed. For when reflecting upon my time then, back before my death and resurrection, I am filled with much sorrow. And even more contempt.”
She slowly makes her way to her feet, looking down at the bracelet and wristwatch that adorns her left wrist.
“However, it seems that it is time. Time to make amends for all of my past transgressions. Time to do good, once more, by helping rid our planet of Alan Wallace.”
She kneels at the water line, smiling as a dolphin appears bearing a special gift - a gift of a golden ring, complete with a blue inset. Placing it upon her forefinger, she smiles.
“Having slept with the fishes, I now hold the power of water. For I am now called Ri, and I will do everything in my power to see to it that all of Alan Wallace’s sins will be swept away in a flood of his own undoing.”
~
She walks along the darkened streets, the sound of her heels clicking off the sidewalk echoing through the dark night.
“Who writes letters anymore, anyway? Jezaia and her hatred of technology.”
She rolls her eyes at the thought, and does her best to ignore the cretins that she passes, even those who cat-call her with crude comments and whistling.
“Trash.”
Deciding to cut through an alleyway, she notices a person of the criminal variety accosting a man who appears to be homeless.
“And here I thought Dirge had found his way out of the doldrums to which he had sunk. Such a shame.”
She makes quick work of the thug, sneering down at the homeless man as he offers her a smile and a nod as a ‘thank you.’
“Seems as if ‘The Fall of Eden’ is still just as devastating as ever. Because of course it is.”
Up ahead, an object begins to shine. First dull, but then growing ever so brighter as she nears it.
“Alan Wallace is the bane of all existence. He always has been. Yet like a cockroach, he is still always just… there. With his horribly fake smile, and his greater than shitty personality. We end him once and for all.”
The blowing object, shaped somewhat like an oil drum, suddenly explodes in a flash of bright light. She shields her eyes, and as the darkness begins to overtake the sudden explosion of light, she looks down to see a golden ring with a bright red inset. She smiles a devilish smile.
“Imagine that. Everything really does look good on me.”
She continues down the alley, turning right at the end and emerging back on the street that leads home.
“I started once before when I burned down your bedroom. Now granted with the power of fire… and much like most of my relationships in life... I will see to it that your new reign goes up in flames, Alan. For I am Eden Wheeler-Baal, and I’m simply your better, Alan Wallace.”
~
He climbs out from the car, having just posted the fastest lap in track history. Must be a new track.
“I used to respect you, Alan.”
He scowls as he removes his helmet, tossing it back into the car.
“But I don’t respect you anymore, Alan. Because in order to me to respect someone they have to act in a respectable way. And that is not you, Alan Wallace.”
He begins making his way along the edge of the track, his aging knees creaking with each step that he takes.
“Looking back, you have disrespected everyone that has ever crossed your path, even though they have always done everything in their power to show you the respect that you feel you deserve, yet you never respond in kind. And it is for those reasons that we must end your reign right here and now.”
He feels something hit his head, reaching up and grabbing whatever it was as a flock of birds fly overhead. What he finds is a golden ring with a violet inset. He places it on his forefinger.
“I have aligned with like-minded individuals in this quest, Alan. And though I have been known to do little more than blow hot air during the course of my career, it has led me to being granted the power of the wind. My name is Rinka, and I will see to it that we blow away all your hopes and dreams, Alan. You’re welcome.”
~
“It’s a shame that it’s come to this, Al.”
He’s perched on a large limb, about a quarter of the way up an old oak tree. He looks up into the tree, craning his neck as he searches through the leaves.
“Get down here, cASei!”
Much grumbling is heard, containing a multitude of curse words, but finally a creature hops down onto the limb beside our hero. He looks exactly like he would have a best friend and roommate named Ernie, though he has an obvious fake tail duct taped to the bottom of his shirt.
“I guess I should have known this would ultimately come to pass, Al. From the first moment that I saw you on Planet UGWC. You were brash, you were overly confident, and you weren’t very well-liked by most of those you found yourself surrounded by.”
The two then begin making their way out of the tree, both landing with a thud once they reach the ground.
“It’s as if I was looking at a carbon copy of myself, Al. And I didn’t like what I was seeing.”
He adjusts his armband, which results in cASei insulted him for wearing said armband. He ignores it.
“I was the heart and soul of Planet UGWC, Al. Everyone knows it. And yet, you strode into the place as if you already owned it, and the rest of us were forced to play second fiddle.”
He looks down at the yellow ring that rests on his forefinger.
“I was shocked to hear from Jezaia after all this time, but I frankly wasn’t surprised. I had heard rumblings that Planet UGWC was once more inhabited by vanity itself, so I assumed this day would come. And the end result will be your undoing.”
cASei lights up a cigarette, taking a deep drag, before then exhaling the smoke out of his nose.
“I am known as Tra-Ro, and I am going to see to it that the next Blessed One Yahtzee Invitational is won by someone who is deserving of such a distinction. Sorry about it, Al.”
~
The five heroes all stand together, preparing to summon the greatest superhero known to this world. They all stand there excitedly, looking back and forth at one another. Finally, Gwame steps forward.
“Fo’ sho! Let’s take deez powers and combine ‘dem shits! EARF!”
Eden Wheeler-Baal steps forward, as seductively as possible.
“Here’s my FIRE, baby! Because I like it hot!”
Rinka is the next one to take a step forward.
“Here’s some more hot air for me to blow, as respectfully as possible! WIND!”
Ri is next up.
“Blessed by the dead! WATER”
Lastly, Tra-Ro steps forward, cASei at his side, puffing on a home-rolled joint.
“Because you’ve never really had one, Al! HEART!”
The power of the five rings converges, and in a flash of light, a blue-tinted figure appears. He soars through the air, almost like a bird. A raven if you will.
“I AM CAPTAIN UGWC!”
The five Globalteers all erupt in unison.
“GO UGWC!”
Somehow, horrid 80’s music begins to blare from out of nowhere. Maybe they inadvertently also summoned the other Captain. YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Fortunately, they didn’t. Only one Captain flies through the sky; the other is somewhere on his Falcor, most likely.
Captain UGWC swoops down and lifts Rinka and Tra-Ro into his arms, flying away a bit before then dropping them off onto the ground. He then circles back and grabs the other three and flies them over to join the others. Looking up, they find themselves staring up at the entrance of ‘The Chase Center,’ in San Francisco, California.
“There it is, Globalteers! The site of the battle for Planet UGWC! The site where Captain UGWC will lay waste to that vile Alan Wallace, and bring stability back to the planet that we love so much!”
The five Globalteers all shouted in unison once again.
“GO CAPTAIN UGWC!”
“Tonight, we vanquish the villainous! Tonight, we defeat the despicable! Tonight, Captain UGWC brings the reign of the ghost known as Vain to a humbling end! For I am Raze…”
He flies into the air, still focused on the entrance to the stadium.
“I am Ruin…”
He looks down at the crowd of people who have begun forming, all who are looking up at him in admiration.
“I am The Raven…”
He then turns and looks down once more at the Globalteers.
“I AM CAPTAIN UGWC!”
He then soars towards the entrance, towards his destiny.
====================
I know hearing all of that must sting, Mr. Knox. I know you're thinking that here I am, on the verge of facing you with everything on the line, and I am seemingly overlooking you. Disrespecting you, even. And I can assure you, that is not the case. I would never purposely disrespect an opponent this close to squaring off against them in the center of that ring.
Being completely honest, I've barely even thought about you at all.
And again, I mean no disrespect when saying that. It's just the simple, unequivocal truth. Because at this point in my life? At this point in my life there are more important things than Matt Knox.
Besides, I'm sure that you are just like all the rest, Mr. Knox. Far too many times over the years I have gone into a match against an opponent, whether they are overly familiar with me or not, and I am forced to listen to the same old bullshit spew forth from their mouths. 'Vain isn't as good as he thinks he is.' 'Vain isn't as good as he used to be.' 'All Vain has is his arrogance.' 'Vain can't win without stacking the odds.' And any and everything in between. I've heard it all, Mr. Knox. And frankly, I'm unfazed by it all.
I'm sure you look at me… at what I have done since returning… and view it as some sort of fluke. As some sort of game that I have played to get to where I am. As if I haven't earned every single thing that I have attained in this soulless, godforsaken industry. As if I haven't sacrificed my blood, sweat, and even tears… all in an attempt to be the very best goddamn entertainment professional in the history of this business. And while others have attempted to sacrifice as I have, the stark difference is that those others have done so, not so for themselves, but for the adulation of the people. And between you and me, Mr. Knox?
Fuck the people.
====================
Captain UGWC flies dejectedly towards the Globalteers, having not only failed to eliminate the vile ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace from his planet, but also failing to attain that which ‘Vanity at its Finest’ holds most dear in his professional life: The UGWC World Heavyweight Championship.
“I have failed you, Globalteers. I have failed… Planet UGWC.”
Gwame steps forward, concern etched on his face.
“How ‘da fuck ‘dat shit even be happenin,’ Cap?”
“I… I have no idea. I’m The Raven. I am Ruin. I am Captain UGWC.”
Eden Wheeler-Morgan steps forward, the look on her face that of resignation.
“We’ve all been there, Captain Planet. You aren’t alone.”
The five Globalteers then turn and walk away, each one hanging their heads. Captain UGWC then flies high into the sky, a lone green tear slowly cascading down his cheek. The scene then morphs into that of the arena, a victorious ‘Vain’ Alan Wallace standing in the center of the ring, holding his World Championship high overhead.
And he laughs.
~
“Wait, wait, wait… most of that didn’t even makes any sense.”
The scene opens inside of the Roebbelen Center at The Grounds, in Roseville, California. Home to this year’s SacAnime Roseville 2024 Convention, it has been a literal ‘Who’s Who’ of stars for the litany of fandom to fawn over.
Lauren Landa, best known for her roles as Kasumi in ‘Dead or Alive 5’ and Yan Leixia in ‘Soul Calibur V’, is at the table to the left, signing autographs and taking pictures with the throngs of fans that are here to see her.
The table to the right has been reserved for Vincent Martella, who has made himself a remarkably successful career, most notably as the voice of Phineas in ‘Phineas and Ferb.’ Having just arrived, he is working on setting up a stack of headshots, as well as quite a few collectibles from the aforementioned ‘Phineas and Ferb,’ as well as “Everybody Hates Chris.’
The table that the camera settles on, however, only has one fan standing in front of it. He is a tall man, sporting a blue and white plaid shirt, overalls, and a red and white hat. Holding the straps of his overalls, he looks up at the man before him. A man that most people know exceedingly well.
Alan Wallace stands before him, having just regaled him with his self-anointed ‘tale of the ages.’ Seated to Alan’s right is his friend and advocate, Simon Wellington.
Alan: How, pray tell, did it make no sense to you, my friend?
“Well for starters, everyone knows who you are. Yous is Alan Wallace, and you wrestles for that U-Gs-W-Cs.”
Alan meekly looks around to ensure nobody else has heard this blasphemy.
Alan: I’m not sure that of which you speak, my good man.
The man takes a step forward, still holding onto the straps of his overalls.
“I sees that the sign above your tables says something about the loots and the plunders, but you are no Lootens Plunders.”
Alan’s eyes narrow, and his head tilts slightly to the side.
Alan: What is your name, my good man?
“The names Brandon. Squirrelly Bran to my friends.”
Alan: Are you sure that’s what your friends call you?
Squirrelly Bran: “Allegedlys.”
Alan begins to chuckle.
Alan: Well… Squirrelly Bran… if you keep speaking at the level that you are, I’m afraid that Sargos Bleakington here may have to take action. And you won’t like the end result.
Squirrelly Bran: “That’s Simon Wellington, your manager or somethings, and a man who hasn’t been activelys involved in the wrestlings due to injury in years.”
Alan: You’re some sort of smartass, aren’t you Squirrelly Bran?
Squirrelly Bran: “Nots at all, Alans. I just knows a good story when I hears it. And what you just tolds was nots a good story.”
Alan pulls out a chair and takes a seat.
Alan: Well then, Squirrelly Bran, how could I have made it better?
Squirrelly Bran: “Wells for starters, your castings choices was alls wrongs. Devoted fans knows that Ma-Ti is a child; yous casted hims as ones of the oldest wrestlers there is.”
Alan: Hey now, Konrad was Rinka…
Squirrelly Dan: “Another horribles choice. And don’ts get me starteds on Kwame. You took a gentlemens from Africas and turned him into a caricature froms the ghettos.”
Alan: Well, yes, but I really wanted to say ‘TAKE YO PANTIES OFF’.
Squirrelly Dan: “Mosts importantlys, Captain Planet doesn’t lose. What type of example would that sets for the kids?”
Alan: Well a loyal fan would know that there was one instance where Captain Planet and those moronic Puppeteers did lose.
Alan smiles a large, toothy grin. Squirrelly Bran is unimpressed.
Squirrelly Bran: “And likes I saids, you are no Lootens Plunders.”
Alan glares down at him for a moment, before a proverbial lightbulb goes off.
Alan: Let’s take about twenty-five to thirty-five percent off down there, Squirrelly Bran. Or I’m gonna come down there and talk to ya.”
Squirrelly Bran nervously begins looking down at the floor, suddenly turning and hurrying away.
Squirrelly Bran: “Oh looks, a runaways penny.”
Simon rises to his feet and walks over to where Alan stands. Clasping him on his shoulder, he speaks.
Simon: You’ve had your fun now, Alan. Don’t you feel it’s time to begin focusing on what is important?
Alan begins to nod as he turns and looks at Simon.
Alan: You’re absolutely right, Simon. There is far too much stupidity surrounding me going into this event. And it starts and stops with Mr. Knox believing that he belongs in the same ring as me. I put a stop to it on Monday.
The two men then turn and make their way down the hallway, Alan heading towards another monumental event that will be the topic of discussion for a generation to come.
====================
I do this for me, Mr. Knox. Nobody else. I will do whatever it takes to accomplish the things that I yearn to accomplish in this profession, and I will do so with a smile on my face. If that means using people, so be it. If it means befriending them as a means to gain an advantage, before ultimately betraying them, well it isn't like I haven't made a habit of that over the years. I'll stop at nothing to continue my ascent in this industry, no matter who it is that finds themselves standing across from me in that ring.
Including you, Mr. Knox.
We have both come across some of the same names over the years, Matthew. Names like Sebastian Everett-Bryce… Eden Morgan… Larry Tact… Trent Steel… Gabriel Baal. To think that up until recently, the two of us had merely just orbited around each other in a similar space is mindboggling to think about.
Then again, maybe it means nothing at all.
The fact is, you have faced the absolute best that UGWC has had to offer during your time here, and though things might not have gone how you would have expected at the beginning, you now find yourself with the opportunity of a lifetime. To take down one of the true legends of this company. Of this industry. And while you may think that facing the likes of an Everett-Bryce or a Hastings means that you are ready to square off against 'Vain' Alan Wallace, I hope that you remember one very key point.
I am something completely different.
Hundreds have felt they knew what it would take to humble me over the course of my career. And hundreds have failed. Hundreds have thought they knew exactly what made Alan Wallace tick, and how they could best get under my skin to gain some sort of advantage. And hundreds have been left disappointed. Because when the lights are at their brightest, and the stakes are at their highest? That is when Alan Wallace excels, Mr. Knox. I've made it somewhat of a habit over the years.
Just ask Klaus von Knorre…
Phrixus Deimos…
The Mainstreamer…
'The Drunken Buzzsaw' Chaos…
Zane Scott…
Eden Morgan…
Killian King…
Lucy Wylde…
Magdalena Lockheart…
Kem Dynamo…
Sarah Lacklan…
Sebastian Everett-Bryce…
Or Donovan Hastings.
All were poised with the opportunity of rising up and vanquishing 'Arrogance Personified', and all of them failed spectacularly. Just as I said they would before each one of those matches. Just as I am telling you that you will now.
I fully expect to get the best that you have to offer, Mr. Knox. I fully expect you to come in firing on all cylinders, to utilize all the momentum that you have gained over recent months. I fully expect you to beat the ever-loving shit out of me. And I fully expect you to come as close as humanly possible to defeating me on Monday and taking what's mine.
And I fully expect you to fail, Mr. Knox. Just like all the others.
For I am Arrogance…
I am Vanity…
I am Perfection...
I am, and will continue to be, your World Heavyweight Champion.
You're welcome.
FIN
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