Post by UGWC Staff on Jun 17, 2024 22:11:05 GMT -5
Vinegar: Welcome to Battleground!
Covert Jay: Huttah!
Lieberjosch: We are short on matches tonight, but long on action, and you're not going to want to miss a second of it!
Vinegar: For the first time ever in our main event tonight, the World Heavyweight Title will be defended inside Battleground itself, with the winner not only securing the title, but also becoming the Keeper of the Battleground Key.
Lieberjosch: We'll also see the Hastingsphere in action when Donovan Hastings defends the Cross-Hemisphere Title against Sebastian Everett-Bryce in a Catch as Catch Can Match!
Covert Jay: But we begin tonight with triple threat action!
Vinegar: It’s time for our opener!
Lieberjosch: Do you know why these three are at the top of the show?
Covert Jay: To get the crowd hot early!
Lieberjosch: These three wouldn’t get the crowd hot if the wrestlers set their seats on fire.
Covert Jay: This is UGWC, Doc! Anything’s possible!
Lieberjosch: It’s not that kind of match.
Vinegar: They’re opening the show because Gideon and Tomasso have different ring styles that’ll produce a fun match, and we’ve added our new signing Riley Reverend Reed to test her abilities and allow her to put a showcase on for her new fans!
Lieberjosch: Sell it as charitably as you want to. We both know I’m right.
Vinegar: You’re wrong. Tomasso is popular and Gideon has a growing following. From the scouting report on “Triple R.” she should be extremely popular.
Lieberjosch: At least a quarter of our fanbase is pubescent boys. You do the math.
Covert Jay: Wrist exercises galore!
Lieberbjosch: Don’t be crass.
Vinegar: I’m sure this isn’t how Gideon envisioned himself being involved in the third biggest pay-per-view of the year.
Lieberjosch: Had he won a single one of his many opportunities at the Cross-Hemisphere Championship, maybe he’d be fighting fellow Englishman Sebastian Everett-Bryce, instead of jerking the curtain with the Super Mario Brothers' boring car-racing cousin, and this new chick.
Vinegar: You have a unique talent for finding the most offensive way to phrase nearly everything.
Lieberjosch: I could’ve been far more offensive.
Vinegar: That wasn’t an invitation to try.
Covert Jay: I don’t know, I’m sort of curious...
Vinegar: Don’t encourage him.
Covert Jay: He doesn’t need a lot...
Lieberjosch: For once the idiot raises a good point.
Covert Jay: Thanks!
Vinegar: He just insulted you, Jay.
Lieberjosch: Thus proving my point.
Covert Jay: But he said I made a good point!
Lieberjosch: It’s so easy sometimes.
Vinegar: Let’s go to Mitchell before I want to start drinking.
Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to BATTLEGROUND and our OPENING MATCH!! It is a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!! Introducing FIRST…
The arena dims into darkness as Two Steps From Hell's Black Blade starts to play, echoing through the venue. The crowd hushes in anticipation. Suddenly, the entrance ramp is bathed in a dim, regal purple light. Smoke billows, and from the mist emerges Gideon Percival Thornfield, wearing an elaborate, aristocratic robe adorned with intricate patterns. He walks with calculated confidence, every step echoing authority and poise. At his side is his confidant, Oliver Neville, dressed impeccably and carrying a polished cane.]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, hailing from the opulent Thornfield Manor, standing at 6'2" and weighing in at 205 pounds... Gideon Percival Thornfield!
Gideon stops at the top of the ramp, surveying the arena with a disdainful yet composed expression. He slowly removes his robe, revealing his wrestling attire, while Oliver Neville stands by his side, ever watchful. Gideon descends the stairs with purpose, his eyes fixed on the ring. As he enters the ring, Gideon elegantly steps through the ropes, never breaking his gaze from his opponents.
Vinegar: Tomasso and Miss Reed will have to be aware of where Neville is at all times or he’ll do what he does best.
Lieberjosch: Stand outside the ring and model expensive suits?
Vinegar: Help Gideon win.
Lieberjosch: Oh, I must’ve been at the snack bar when that happened.
Vinegar: Slow down, Hans. We’re only on the opener.
Covert Jay: The Doc is in rare form tonight.
Vinegar: I know. Let’s go back to Mitchell.
Dennis: Introducing next...
Riley Reverend Reed enters the ring to a sea of colorful streamers and confetti, wearing a bright smile and a sparkling white and rainbow-colored costume. She high-fives fans and hands out signs that read "Love is the Answer" and "Be the Change", which fans can hold up during her matches.
Lieberjosch: Put your tongue back in your mouth, Jay.
Vinegar: Debuting at Battleground is an introduction that can really launch a career into stardom!
Lieberjosch: She’s not exactly debuting against a pair of legends, although I’ll admit that debuting on one of our biggest shows of the year is always a hell of an introduction to the masses.
Covert Jay: She’s adorable!
Lieberjosch: Settle down, Jay. Let her make it to the ring before you drown her in your undignified river of drool.
Vinegar: She prefers to answer to “R-Trinity” or “Triple R,” and her style blends a strong combination of technical prowess and high flying.
Covert Jay: And cuteness!
Lieberjosch: Do try and focus on your job.
Vinegar: Let’s go back to Mitchell, and just in time to keep Jay from getting us sued!
Dennis: And the FINAL contestant...
“Jerry Was a Racecar Driver” by Primus plays over the sound system as Juliano stands in the middle of the ramp and holds his fake car trophy in the air with a bag of banger car design pillows.
Mitchell Dennis: “From Florence, Italy, now residing in Yarmouth, England, Tommaso Ferrari!”
Tommaso throws banger car pillows to the crowd before he high-fives the fans, letting them touch his fake trophy before he slides into the ring and does a hold-up on the turnbuckle and he skips and dances as he watches his opponents.
Vinegar: Tomasso looks
Lieberjosch: Like Tomasso.
Vinegar: Well, yes.
Lieberjosch: That wasn’t a compliment.
Vinegar: Stop being an ass, Hans. He’s becoming very popular with the fans despite your dislike for him.
Lieberjosch: Is that supposed to change my mind?
Vinegar: It’s food for thought.
Covert Jay: Mmmmm...food.
Lieberjosch: Go back to sleep, Jay.
Vinegar: There’s the bell. Sam Green is the referee for our opening match!
Lieberjosch: I wonder what Sam did to draw the short straw.
Covert Jay: I don’t! I want to see the cute check wrestle lots!
Lieberjosch: “Lots?” As in out in the parking lot?
Covert Jay: No, as in “a lot.”
Lieberjosch: You should’ve just said that.
Covert Jay: I did!
Lieberjosch: I hate you.
Vinegar: Thornfield tries to manipulate Tomasso by telling him they should be wrestling in a singles match, or the Cross-Hemisphere Championship match.
Lieberjosch: I think he said something about “carrying this waif.”
Covert Jay: Wafer? Where?
Lieberjosch: “Waif,” you dimwit.
Vinegar: Tomasso doesn’t seem to be buying it.
Lieberjosch: We should give him credit for trying. They should be offended by being forced to wrestle this interloper in the opener.
Covert Jay: That rhymes!
Lieberjosch: No it doesn’t.
Vinegar: Gideon appears to be growing annoyed by Tomasso’s good-guy behavior.
Lieberjosch: He should be. He’s offering the race car tool an easy one-on-one by taking her out and he’s being boring and stupid by refusing.
Vinegar: Gideon lurches at Triple R and attempts to shove her!
Covert Jay: Arm drag!
Lieberjosch: Gideon looks like he’s seen a ghost.
Covert Jay: Or had a surprise in the south, if you catch my meaning!
Lieberjosch: Trafe.
Vinegar: Gideon leaps back to his feet and launches himself at Riley, but she sidesteps and takes him down with a drop toe hold! Tomasso looks impressed and offers his hand!
Lieberjosch: Throw the idiot!
Covert Jay: They’re shaking hands! How nice!
Vinegar: They turn and dropkick Gideon in unison, knocking him back to the mat! He rolls out to the floor to where Orville stands and the two converse.
LIeberjosch: I am certain that they’re talking strategy. There’s no way they anticipated these two cheating by teaming up!
Vinegar: Shouldn’t they have considered this already? If they haven’t, they’re not very good strategists.
Covert Jay: Whoa!
Vinegar: Tomasso and Reed take them down with matching planchas over the top rope! The two pop up and roll Gideon into the ring together.
Covert Jay: Maybe a future CoOp team here?
Vinegar: Maybe. It depends on what their goals are. We know that Tomasso wants the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.
Covert Jay: No, he wants the Cross-HEART Championship!
Lieberjosch: Don’t say that too loudly, or Zane might run down here and wrap a chair around your head. I would applaud him if he did. Just imagine the wonderful silence from your chair…
Vinegar: They slide back in and dropkick Gideon as he gets to his feet. He stumbles back into the corner and bounces out. Reed charges into it, runs up the ropes, and leaps off!
Covert Jay: Tornado DDT!
Vinegar: Frogsplash from Tomasso!
Covert Jay: Rolling senton from Triple R!
Vinegar: Swanton bomb by Tomasso!
Lieberjosch: Get control of this, Glenn! This is a Triple Threat match, NOT a handicap match!
Vinegar: They’re allowed to team up. They both know that only one person can win!
Covert Jay: Neville is up on the apron!
Vinegar: Tomasso and Reed charge at him!
Lieberjosch: He’s not on the apron anymore. I bet he wishes he still was.
Vinegar: Neville flies off, crashes into the ringside barrier, then crumples to the floor. Tomasso springs off of the middle rope and soars at Gideon!
Lieberjosch: They’ve cheated to keep him down!
Covert Jay: Oh snap!
Vinegar: Gideon leaps up and surprises Tomasso with a leaping implant DDT! Triple R sees it and charges at him, but Gideon avoids her attempted clothesline and takes her down with a neckbreaker! He holds onto her and pulls her up!
Covert Jay: Falcon Arrow!
Vinegar: Gideon has completely killed their momentum and taken this match over!
Lieberjosch: Brilliant!
Vinegar: He hooks her leg!
Lieberjosch: One!
Covert Jay: Two!!
Vinegar: Thre... Tomasso breaks it up at the last second! He spins Gideon around!
Covert Jay: Stunnah!!!
Vinegar: Leaping neckbreaker by Triple R! Gideon has been laid out again! She leaps to her feet just in time to see Tomasso drop for the pin!
Covert Jay: One!
Lieberjosch: That loser is finally doing something smart!
Vinegar: Two!!
Lieberjosch: Triple R breaks it up!
Covert Jay: Nice elbow drop!
Vinegar: Tomasso looks shocked, almost betrayed!
Lieberjosch: Then he’s even stupider than I thought. Why wouldn’t she break it up? She wants to win!
Vinegar: Tomasso gets up, staring at Triple R.
Lieberjosch: Did he seriously just ask her why she broke the pin-up?
Vinegar: I have no idea.
Covert Jay: Ninja!!!
Vinegar: Gideon grabs Tomasso with the surprise roll-up! ONE!
Covert Jay: Two!!
Lieberjosch: Th... Tomasso kicks out. Damn.
Vinegar: That sounded pretty...depressed.
Lieberjosch: What’d you expect? He kicked out.
Vinegar: You’re such a drama queen sometimes.
Covert Jay: Reed’s suddenly swung around!
Vinegar: Mindbreaker!
Lieberjosch: Thornfield throws her from the ring and turns to the banger bozo!
Vinegar: Tomasso throws a wild punch at him. Gideon ducks it, catching Tomasso with a jawbreaker, then throws him into the ropes and sends him back to the mat with a hip toss. Tomasso rolls through it and leaps to his feet, only to be booted in the face and knocked back to the mat. Gideon leaps up and drops an elbow into his throat, then turns him over and drives a knee into his back, grabs his chin, and wrenches back as hard as he can.
Lieberjosch: Glenn is asking the Italian Pony if he wants to submit. Unfortunately, he keeps saying “no.”
Vinegar: He wants to win. He’s not going to give up.
Lieberjosch: That’s a shame. This could be over and we could move on to a real match.
Vinegar: Would you shut up with that, Hans?
Covert Jay: Hottie alert!
Vinegar: She flies off of the top rope, driving a knee into Gideon’s head, then turns and
Lieberjosch: Boots Tomato square in the face. I like the direct approach.
Vinegar: It’s Tomasso.
Lieberjosch: I don’t care if it’s Mussolini, I’m not taking him seriously.
Vinegar: You’re genuinely offensive.
Covert Jay: Gideon’s back to his feet.
Lieberjosch: And now he’s back off of his feet.
Vinegar: Nice head scissor takedown.
Covert Jay: It almost launched Gideon back out of the ring.
Vinegar: Triple R darts at Gideon and leaps for the middle rope!
Covert Jay: That fink!
Lieberjosch: Did you just say fink?
Vinegar: Neville pulls the middle rope and she leaps right through it and out to the floor. Neville quickly springs away, incredibly lucky that his interference wasn’t seen!
Lieberjosch: Whatever works.
Vinegar: It’s still dirty.
Lieberjosch: He never claimed to be a saint.
Vinegar: Gideon waits for Tomasso to get up!
Covert Jay: Come on!
Lieberjosch: Brilliant!
Vinegar: Gideon connects with a chop block! Tomasso goes down clutching at his leg. Gideon immediately grabs it, pulls it up, and slams it back into the mat knee first.
Lieberjosch: See, that’s strategy.
Vinegar: It looks like a shortcut to me.
Lieberjosch: That’s because your eyes aren’t as well trained as mine.
Covert Jay: Nick’s also not an obnoxious blowhard.
Lieberjosch: What?
Covet Jay: I didn’t say anything.
Lieberjosch: Don’t be coy with me.
Covert Jay: What toy?
Lieberjosch: I said “coy” and you damned well know it.
Covert Jay: Did you? I could’ve sworn I heard “toy.”
Lieberjosch: You really make me want to strangle you sometimes.
Vinegar: In the meantime, Glenn has separated Tomasso and Gideon so that he can check to see if Tomasso is injured, which has left Neville completely out of sight on the outside.
Lieberjosch: He just capitalized on it!
Covert Jay: What a douche!
Vinegar: My thoughts exactly, Jay! He pulled Triple R up and dropped her stomach-first across the safety barrier before strolling away innocently.
Lieberjosch: It worked. She’s down and Gideon can now focus on Chef Boy R Geek.
Vinegar: That was bad, Hans. Not creative bad, just… bad.
Covert Jay: That’s a lazy insult, Doc.
Lieberjosch: You wouldn’t know comedic brilliance if it whispered in your ear.
Vinegar: You wouldn’t know if it shouted into yours with a bullhorn. That point notwithstanding, Tomasso tells Sam that he can continue. Sam backs away and Gideon charges in, blasting Tomasso in the face with his knee! He drags Tomasso out by his neck and whips him into the mat with a spinning facebuster. Gideon stands up and taunts Tomasso, then the fans.
Lieberjosch: I’m sure those boos sound like a fine symphony to him.
Covert Jay: I’ve never heard a classical tune that sounds like that.
Lieberjosch: “Tune?”
Covert Jay: Sure. A nice diddy.
Lieberjosch: Good God, you are such a Philistine.
Covert Jay: That’s who plays concerts!
Lieberjosch: You have no idea how much I want you to die...
Vinegar: Gideon pulls Tomasso up and turns him around for a falling neckbreaker.
Covert Jay: Wow!
Lieberjosch: Impressive!
Vinegar: Gideon turns and eats feet as Triple R gives him some sole with a beautiful springboard dropkick! It sends him sprawling into the ropes! Triple R lands on her feet and leaps forward, connecting with a leaping shoulder block that sends Gideon up and over the top rope to the floor!
Lieberjosch: That was an impressive display of athleticism.
Covert Jay: Plus she’s cute!
Lieberjosch: You have a one-track mind and it leads to a cliff.
Covert Jay: Cliff diving is fun!
Lieberjosch: Why do I bother...
Vinegar: It only makes your hair whiter.
Lieberjosch: Thanks for that reminder.
Vinegar: You’re welcome.
Lieberjosch: Sigh...
Vinegar: Riley Reed is spun around!
Covert Jay: Stunner!
Vinegar: Reed is still up, but wobbling on her feet!
Covert Jay: DDT!!
Vinegar: Tomasso pulls Reed up and sets her up for “Bangers and Smash!”
Lieberjosch: Such a terrible name for a finisher...
Vinegar: Stuff it, Hans.
Covert Jay: Ohhhhhhhh snap! He told you!!!
Lieberjosch: Who the hell says “oh snap?” That’s a nineties thing!
Vinegar: He hoists her up for the mat slam!
Covert Jay: Big boot!
Lieberjosch: Gideon went walking on the tooth!
Covert Jay: Eh… that was a little better. Three outta ten.
Lieberjosch: You’re despicable.
Covert Jay: Ok, Daffy Doc.
Vinegar: Now THAT is funny!
Covert Jay: Thanks, Nick!
Lieberjosch: I feel betrayed.
Vinegar: You’ll manage.
Covert Jay: Tomasso isn’t managing!
Lieberjosch: He’d be awful at that, too.
Covert Jay: That’s not what I meant!
Lieberjosch: No, it’s what I meant.
Vinegar: Gideon hauls Tomasso up!
Covert Jay: Percival’s Gambit!
Vinegar: He drops on top of Tomasso!
Covert Jay: ONE!
Lieberjosch: Two
Vinegar: Stop pouting.
Covert Jay: Thre…NO!!!
Vinegar: The Benediction!!!
Covert Jay: Reed rolls Gideon off of Tomasso and goes back up!
Lieberjosch: It seems the young lady might be ending this absurdity.
Vinegar: Elbow drop!
Covert Jay: She leaps back up!
Lieberjosch: Finish him off!
Covert Jay: She catches mad air!
Vinegar: A second “Benediction,” this one to Tomasso! She drops for the pin!
Covert Jay: One!
Lieberjosch: TWO!!
Vinegar: THREE!!! Riley Reverend Reed wins her debut match here at “Battleground!”
Lieberjosch: Once again the Go Kart Driver gets to drive to the loser's circle!
Vinegar: You really are a prick sometimes! Instead of celebrating Reed’s career-catapulting victory at one of our biggest shows of the year, you have to take a cheap shot!
Lieberjosch: Listen, I’m happy for the chick, but let’s look at the competition!
Vinegar: It’s still a huge way for her to kick off her UGWC career! She has so much potential based on what we’ve seen tonight.
Lieberjosch: Yes, but now the real challenge begins!
Vinegar: I agree! Let’s go to Mitchell for the announcement!
Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, your WINNER by PINFALL, RIIIIIIIIIIILEYYYYYY REVVVVERRRREND REEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!!
Vinegar: Riley Reverent Reed celebrates her victory as Neville helps Gideon to the back and Tomasso rolls out to the floor.
Lieberjosch: The Cross-Hemisphere Championship match is next as challenge Sebastian Everett-Bryce faces champion Donovan Hastings in our first-ever “Catch as Catch Can” match!
Vinegar: We’ll be back soon!
Covert Jay: Huttah!
Lieberjosch: We are short on matches tonight, but long on action, and you're not going to want to miss a second of it!
Vinegar: For the first time ever in our main event tonight, the World Heavyweight Title will be defended inside Battleground itself, with the winner not only securing the title, but also becoming the Keeper of the Battleground Key.
Lieberjosch: We'll also see the Hastingsphere in action when Donovan Hastings defends the Cross-Hemisphere Title against Sebastian Everett-Bryce in a Catch as Catch Can Match!
Covert Jay: But we begin tonight with triple threat action!
Vinegar: It’s time for our opener!
Lieberjosch: Do you know why these three are at the top of the show?
Covert Jay: To get the crowd hot early!
Lieberjosch: These three wouldn’t get the crowd hot if the wrestlers set their seats on fire.
Covert Jay: This is UGWC, Doc! Anything’s possible!
Lieberjosch: It’s not that kind of match.
Vinegar: They’re opening the show because Gideon and Tomasso have different ring styles that’ll produce a fun match, and we’ve added our new signing Riley Reverend Reed to test her abilities and allow her to put a showcase on for her new fans!
Lieberjosch: Sell it as charitably as you want to. We both know I’m right.
Vinegar: You’re wrong. Tomasso is popular and Gideon has a growing following. From the scouting report on “Triple R.” she should be extremely popular.
Lieberjosch: At least a quarter of our fanbase is pubescent boys. You do the math.
Covert Jay: Wrist exercises galore!
Lieberbjosch: Don’t be crass.
Vinegar: I’m sure this isn’t how Gideon envisioned himself being involved in the third biggest pay-per-view of the year.
Lieberjosch: Had he won a single one of his many opportunities at the Cross-Hemisphere Championship, maybe he’d be fighting fellow Englishman Sebastian Everett-Bryce, instead of jerking the curtain with the Super Mario Brothers' boring car-racing cousin, and this new chick.
Vinegar: You have a unique talent for finding the most offensive way to phrase nearly everything.
Lieberjosch: I could’ve been far more offensive.
Vinegar: That wasn’t an invitation to try.
Covert Jay: I don’t know, I’m sort of curious...
Vinegar: Don’t encourage him.
Covert Jay: He doesn’t need a lot...
Lieberjosch: For once the idiot raises a good point.
Covert Jay: Thanks!
Vinegar: He just insulted you, Jay.
Lieberjosch: Thus proving my point.
Covert Jay: But he said I made a good point!
Lieberjosch: It’s so easy sometimes.
Vinegar: Let’s go to Mitchell before I want to start drinking.
Mitchell Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to BATTLEGROUND and our OPENING MATCH!! It is a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!! Introducing FIRST…
The arena dims into darkness as Two Steps From Hell's Black Blade starts to play, echoing through the venue. The crowd hushes in anticipation. Suddenly, the entrance ramp is bathed in a dim, regal purple light. Smoke billows, and from the mist emerges Gideon Percival Thornfield, wearing an elaborate, aristocratic robe adorned with intricate patterns. He walks with calculated confidence, every step echoing authority and poise. At his side is his confidant, Oliver Neville, dressed impeccably and carrying a polished cane.]
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, hailing from the opulent Thornfield Manor, standing at 6'2" and weighing in at 205 pounds... Gideon Percival Thornfield!
Gideon stops at the top of the ramp, surveying the arena with a disdainful yet composed expression. He slowly removes his robe, revealing his wrestling attire, while Oliver Neville stands by his side, ever watchful. Gideon descends the stairs with purpose, his eyes fixed on the ring. As he enters the ring, Gideon elegantly steps through the ropes, never breaking his gaze from his opponents.
Vinegar: Tomasso and Miss Reed will have to be aware of where Neville is at all times or he’ll do what he does best.
Lieberjosch: Stand outside the ring and model expensive suits?
Vinegar: Help Gideon win.
Lieberjosch: Oh, I must’ve been at the snack bar when that happened.
Vinegar: Slow down, Hans. We’re only on the opener.
Covert Jay: The Doc is in rare form tonight.
Vinegar: I know. Let’s go back to Mitchell.
Dennis: Introducing next...
Riley Reverend Reed enters the ring to a sea of colorful streamers and confetti, wearing a bright smile and a sparkling white and rainbow-colored costume. She high-fives fans and hands out signs that read "Love is the Answer" and "Be the Change", which fans can hold up during her matches.
Lieberjosch: Put your tongue back in your mouth, Jay.
Vinegar: Debuting at Battleground is an introduction that can really launch a career into stardom!
Lieberjosch: She’s not exactly debuting against a pair of legends, although I’ll admit that debuting on one of our biggest shows of the year is always a hell of an introduction to the masses.
Covert Jay: She’s adorable!
Lieberjosch: Settle down, Jay. Let her make it to the ring before you drown her in your undignified river of drool.
Vinegar: She prefers to answer to “R-Trinity” or “Triple R,” and her style blends a strong combination of technical prowess and high flying.
Covert Jay: And cuteness!
Lieberjosch: Do try and focus on your job.
Vinegar: Let’s go back to Mitchell, and just in time to keep Jay from getting us sued!
Dennis: And the FINAL contestant...
“Jerry Was a Racecar Driver” by Primus plays over the sound system as Juliano stands in the middle of the ramp and holds his fake car trophy in the air with a bag of banger car design pillows.
Mitchell Dennis: “From Florence, Italy, now residing in Yarmouth, England, Tommaso Ferrari!”
Tommaso throws banger car pillows to the crowd before he high-fives the fans, letting them touch his fake trophy before he slides into the ring and does a hold-up on the turnbuckle and he skips and dances as he watches his opponents.
Vinegar: Tomasso looks
Lieberjosch: Like Tomasso.
Vinegar: Well, yes.
Lieberjosch: That wasn’t a compliment.
Vinegar: Stop being an ass, Hans. He’s becoming very popular with the fans despite your dislike for him.
Lieberjosch: Is that supposed to change my mind?
Vinegar: It’s food for thought.
Covert Jay: Mmmmm...food.
Lieberjosch: Go back to sleep, Jay.
Vinegar: There’s the bell. Sam Green is the referee for our opening match!
Lieberjosch: I wonder what Sam did to draw the short straw.
Covert Jay: I don’t! I want to see the cute check wrestle lots!
Lieberjosch: “Lots?” As in out in the parking lot?
Covert Jay: No, as in “a lot.”
Lieberjosch: You should’ve just said that.
Covert Jay: I did!
Lieberjosch: I hate you.
Vinegar: Thornfield tries to manipulate Tomasso by telling him they should be wrestling in a singles match, or the Cross-Hemisphere Championship match.
Lieberjosch: I think he said something about “carrying this waif.”
Covert Jay: Wafer? Where?
Lieberjosch: “Waif,” you dimwit.
Vinegar: Tomasso doesn’t seem to be buying it.
Lieberjosch: We should give him credit for trying. They should be offended by being forced to wrestle this interloper in the opener.
Covert Jay: That rhymes!
Lieberjosch: No it doesn’t.
Vinegar: Gideon appears to be growing annoyed by Tomasso’s good-guy behavior.
Lieberjosch: He should be. He’s offering the race car tool an easy one-on-one by taking her out and he’s being boring and stupid by refusing.
Vinegar: Gideon lurches at Triple R and attempts to shove her!
Covert Jay: Arm drag!
Lieberjosch: Gideon looks like he’s seen a ghost.
Covert Jay: Or had a surprise in the south, if you catch my meaning!
Lieberjosch: Trafe.
Vinegar: Gideon leaps back to his feet and launches himself at Riley, but she sidesteps and takes him down with a drop toe hold! Tomasso looks impressed and offers his hand!
Lieberjosch: Throw the idiot!
Covert Jay: They’re shaking hands! How nice!
Vinegar: They turn and dropkick Gideon in unison, knocking him back to the mat! He rolls out to the floor to where Orville stands and the two converse.
LIeberjosch: I am certain that they’re talking strategy. There’s no way they anticipated these two cheating by teaming up!
Vinegar: Shouldn’t they have considered this already? If they haven’t, they’re not very good strategists.
Covert Jay: Whoa!
Vinegar: Tomasso and Reed take them down with matching planchas over the top rope! The two pop up and roll Gideon into the ring together.
Covert Jay: Maybe a future CoOp team here?
Vinegar: Maybe. It depends on what their goals are. We know that Tomasso wants the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.
Covert Jay: No, he wants the Cross-HEART Championship!
Lieberjosch: Don’t say that too loudly, or Zane might run down here and wrap a chair around your head. I would applaud him if he did. Just imagine the wonderful silence from your chair…
Vinegar: They slide back in and dropkick Gideon as he gets to his feet. He stumbles back into the corner and bounces out. Reed charges into it, runs up the ropes, and leaps off!
Covert Jay: Tornado DDT!
Vinegar: Frogsplash from Tomasso!
Covert Jay: Rolling senton from Triple R!
Vinegar: Swanton bomb by Tomasso!
Lieberjosch: Get control of this, Glenn! This is a Triple Threat match, NOT a handicap match!
Vinegar: They’re allowed to team up. They both know that only one person can win!
Covert Jay: Neville is up on the apron!
Vinegar: Tomasso and Reed charge at him!
Lieberjosch: He’s not on the apron anymore. I bet he wishes he still was.
Vinegar: Neville flies off, crashes into the ringside barrier, then crumples to the floor. Tomasso springs off of the middle rope and soars at Gideon!
Lieberjosch: They’ve cheated to keep him down!
Covert Jay: Oh snap!
Vinegar: Gideon leaps up and surprises Tomasso with a leaping implant DDT! Triple R sees it and charges at him, but Gideon avoids her attempted clothesline and takes her down with a neckbreaker! He holds onto her and pulls her up!
Covert Jay: Falcon Arrow!
Vinegar: Gideon has completely killed their momentum and taken this match over!
Lieberjosch: Brilliant!
Vinegar: He hooks her leg!
Lieberjosch: One!
Covert Jay: Two!!
Vinegar: Thre... Tomasso breaks it up at the last second! He spins Gideon around!
Covert Jay: Stunnah!!!
Vinegar: Leaping neckbreaker by Triple R! Gideon has been laid out again! She leaps to her feet just in time to see Tomasso drop for the pin!
Covert Jay: One!
Lieberjosch: That loser is finally doing something smart!
Vinegar: Two!!
Lieberjosch: Triple R breaks it up!
Covert Jay: Nice elbow drop!
Vinegar: Tomasso looks shocked, almost betrayed!
Lieberjosch: Then he’s even stupider than I thought. Why wouldn’t she break it up? She wants to win!
Vinegar: Tomasso gets up, staring at Triple R.
Lieberjosch: Did he seriously just ask her why she broke the pin-up?
Vinegar: I have no idea.
Covert Jay: Ninja!!!
Vinegar: Gideon grabs Tomasso with the surprise roll-up! ONE!
Covert Jay: Two!!
Lieberjosch: Th... Tomasso kicks out. Damn.
Vinegar: That sounded pretty...depressed.
Lieberjosch: What’d you expect? He kicked out.
Vinegar: You’re such a drama queen sometimes.
Covert Jay: Reed’s suddenly swung around!
Vinegar: Mindbreaker!
Lieberjosch: Thornfield throws her from the ring and turns to the banger bozo!
Vinegar: Tomasso throws a wild punch at him. Gideon ducks it, catching Tomasso with a jawbreaker, then throws him into the ropes and sends him back to the mat with a hip toss. Tomasso rolls through it and leaps to his feet, only to be booted in the face and knocked back to the mat. Gideon leaps up and drops an elbow into his throat, then turns him over and drives a knee into his back, grabs his chin, and wrenches back as hard as he can.
Lieberjosch: Glenn is asking the Italian Pony if he wants to submit. Unfortunately, he keeps saying “no.”
Vinegar: He wants to win. He’s not going to give up.
Lieberjosch: That’s a shame. This could be over and we could move on to a real match.
Vinegar: Would you shut up with that, Hans?
Covert Jay: Hottie alert!
Vinegar: She flies off of the top rope, driving a knee into Gideon’s head, then turns and
Lieberjosch: Boots Tomato square in the face. I like the direct approach.
Vinegar: It’s Tomasso.
Lieberjosch: I don’t care if it’s Mussolini, I’m not taking him seriously.
Vinegar: You’re genuinely offensive.
Covert Jay: Gideon’s back to his feet.
Lieberjosch: And now he’s back off of his feet.
Vinegar: Nice head scissor takedown.
Covert Jay: It almost launched Gideon back out of the ring.
Vinegar: Triple R darts at Gideon and leaps for the middle rope!
Covert Jay: That fink!
Lieberjosch: Did you just say fink?
Vinegar: Neville pulls the middle rope and she leaps right through it and out to the floor. Neville quickly springs away, incredibly lucky that his interference wasn’t seen!
Lieberjosch: Whatever works.
Vinegar: It’s still dirty.
Lieberjosch: He never claimed to be a saint.
Vinegar: Gideon waits for Tomasso to get up!
Covert Jay: Come on!
Lieberjosch: Brilliant!
Vinegar: Gideon connects with a chop block! Tomasso goes down clutching at his leg. Gideon immediately grabs it, pulls it up, and slams it back into the mat knee first.
Lieberjosch: See, that’s strategy.
Vinegar: It looks like a shortcut to me.
Lieberjosch: That’s because your eyes aren’t as well trained as mine.
Covert Jay: Nick’s also not an obnoxious blowhard.
Lieberjosch: What?
Covet Jay: I didn’t say anything.
Lieberjosch: Don’t be coy with me.
Covert Jay: What toy?
Lieberjosch: I said “coy” and you damned well know it.
Covert Jay: Did you? I could’ve sworn I heard “toy.”
Lieberjosch: You really make me want to strangle you sometimes.
Vinegar: In the meantime, Glenn has separated Tomasso and Gideon so that he can check to see if Tomasso is injured, which has left Neville completely out of sight on the outside.
Lieberjosch: He just capitalized on it!
Covert Jay: What a douche!
Vinegar: My thoughts exactly, Jay! He pulled Triple R up and dropped her stomach-first across the safety barrier before strolling away innocently.
Lieberjosch: It worked. She’s down and Gideon can now focus on Chef Boy R Geek.
Vinegar: That was bad, Hans. Not creative bad, just… bad.
Covert Jay: That’s a lazy insult, Doc.
Lieberjosch: You wouldn’t know comedic brilliance if it whispered in your ear.
Vinegar: You wouldn’t know if it shouted into yours with a bullhorn. That point notwithstanding, Tomasso tells Sam that he can continue. Sam backs away and Gideon charges in, blasting Tomasso in the face with his knee! He drags Tomasso out by his neck and whips him into the mat with a spinning facebuster. Gideon stands up and taunts Tomasso, then the fans.
Lieberjosch: I’m sure those boos sound like a fine symphony to him.
Covert Jay: I’ve never heard a classical tune that sounds like that.
Lieberjosch: “Tune?”
Covert Jay: Sure. A nice diddy.
Lieberjosch: Good God, you are such a Philistine.
Covert Jay: That’s who plays concerts!
Lieberjosch: You have no idea how much I want you to die...
Vinegar: Gideon pulls Tomasso up and turns him around for a falling neckbreaker.
Covert Jay: Wow!
Lieberjosch: Impressive!
Vinegar: Gideon turns and eats feet as Triple R gives him some sole with a beautiful springboard dropkick! It sends him sprawling into the ropes! Triple R lands on her feet and leaps forward, connecting with a leaping shoulder block that sends Gideon up and over the top rope to the floor!
Lieberjosch: That was an impressive display of athleticism.
Covert Jay: Plus she’s cute!
Lieberjosch: You have a one-track mind and it leads to a cliff.
Covert Jay: Cliff diving is fun!
Lieberjosch: Why do I bother...
Vinegar: It only makes your hair whiter.
Lieberjosch: Thanks for that reminder.
Vinegar: You’re welcome.
Lieberjosch: Sigh...
Vinegar: Riley Reed is spun around!
Covert Jay: Stunner!
Vinegar: Reed is still up, but wobbling on her feet!
Covert Jay: DDT!!
Vinegar: Tomasso pulls Reed up and sets her up for “Bangers and Smash!”
Lieberjosch: Such a terrible name for a finisher...
Vinegar: Stuff it, Hans.
Covert Jay: Ohhhhhhhh snap! He told you!!!
Lieberjosch: Who the hell says “oh snap?” That’s a nineties thing!
Vinegar: He hoists her up for the mat slam!
Covert Jay: Big boot!
Lieberjosch: Gideon went walking on the tooth!
Covert Jay: Eh… that was a little better. Three outta ten.
Lieberjosch: You’re despicable.
Covert Jay: Ok, Daffy Doc.
Vinegar: Now THAT is funny!
Covert Jay: Thanks, Nick!
Lieberjosch: I feel betrayed.
Vinegar: You’ll manage.
Covert Jay: Tomasso isn’t managing!
Lieberjosch: He’d be awful at that, too.
Covert Jay: That’s not what I meant!
Lieberjosch: No, it’s what I meant.
Vinegar: Gideon hauls Tomasso up!
Covert Jay: Percival’s Gambit!
Vinegar: He drops on top of Tomasso!
Covert Jay: ONE!
Lieberjosch: Two
Vinegar: Stop pouting.
Covert Jay: Thre…NO!!!
Vinegar: The Benediction!!!
Covert Jay: Reed rolls Gideon off of Tomasso and goes back up!
Lieberjosch: It seems the young lady might be ending this absurdity.
Vinegar: Elbow drop!
Covert Jay: She leaps back up!
Lieberjosch: Finish him off!
Covert Jay: She catches mad air!
Vinegar: A second “Benediction,” this one to Tomasso! She drops for the pin!
Covert Jay: One!
Lieberjosch: TWO!!
Vinegar: THREE!!! Riley Reverend Reed wins her debut match here at “Battleground!”
Lieberjosch: Once again the Go Kart Driver gets to drive to the loser's circle!
Vinegar: You really are a prick sometimes! Instead of celebrating Reed’s career-catapulting victory at one of our biggest shows of the year, you have to take a cheap shot!
Lieberjosch: Listen, I’m happy for the chick, but let’s look at the competition!
Vinegar: It’s still a huge way for her to kick off her UGWC career! She has so much potential based on what we’ve seen tonight.
Lieberjosch: Yes, but now the real challenge begins!
Vinegar: I agree! Let’s go to Mitchell for the announcement!
Dennis: Ladies and gentlemen, your WINNER by PINFALL, RIIIIIIIIIIILEYYYYYY REVVVVERRRREND REEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!!
Vinegar: Riley Reverent Reed celebrates her victory as Neville helps Gideon to the back and Tomasso rolls out to the floor.
Lieberjosch: The Cross-Hemisphere Championship match is next as challenge Sebastian Everett-Bryce faces champion Donovan Hastings in our first-ever “Catch as Catch Can” match!
Vinegar: We’ll be back soon!