Post by Lord Hastings on Jul 7, 2024 21:28:57 GMT -5
Epcot, but we do it with style!
That’s how Donovan had pitched the district, and it gave Owen reason for concern from the moment of inception. Owen could think of thirty ways that this could go bad without a modicum of effort, and this was going to be an event that had to last an entire week without causing a lawsuit.
It gave Owen a twinge of relief that most of the inevitable problems would most likely end up on Ooley’s desk rather than his own.
Now Owen finds himself within the bustling Hastingsphere district of Wrestlestockopolis as final preparations are underway for the launch of the festival. Workers are busy putting final touches in place, and the Cross-Hemisphere Champion himself stands in the center, tapping away on the screen of the phone in his hand as Owen approaches.
Peterson: Do I dare ask about the Singapore canes?
Hastings: We’re trying to create an authentic experience here.
Peterson: And the lobsters?
Hastings: Authenticity for the game show.
Peterson: Right.
Hastings: There’s a lot to be done here, not a lot of time to do it.
Peterson: Right, of course. You know I can probably take care of most of this if want to go be doing anything else.
Hastings: Like what?
Peterson: Like anything that lets me set this up instead of you.
Hastings: Why?
Peterson: Civility. Possible litigation.
Hastings: Authenticity, Owen. We want to make sure our patrons have a true Hastings experience.
Peterson: That’s the part that worries me.
Hastings: You think they won’t?
Peterson: I think the biggest defense of your title reign is just a few days away, against two people that deserve your full attention.
Hastings: Yes, about that.
Donovan looks up from the phone.
Hastings: We’re going all out on this.
Peterson: Obviously.
Hastings: I mean it. I had a monumental title victory and multiple key defenses, but it’s not having the impact it should. My victories over both Zane and Seb are tainted. People say the table match was a fluke. People nitpick the manner that I beat Seb, despite it being the correct application of the rules. When I retain the title this week, it has to put all that controversy to rest.
Peterson: So you have a plan?
Hastings: We will unleash the full might of the Hastingsphere upon them both!
Peterson: Right, I’m sure that’ll do it.
The loud clearing of throats distracts Owen for a moment, as Donovan turns his attention back to the phone.
Peterson: What’s going on over there?
Hastings: The burly men are practicing their ambiguously asian accents.
Peterson: Why?
Hastings: Because they’re going to be working in the Hibachi restaurant.
Peterson: But why do they need accents?
Hastings: You’ve been to a Hibachi restaurant where the person cooking your food doesn’t have a thick accent?
Peterson: They can cook?
Hastings: I don’t think that matters.
Peterson: Where’s the food going to come from?
Donovan holds up a cell phone.
Hastings: I’m having it Doordashed.
Peterson: All of it?
Hastings: Of course.
Peterson: Now?
Hastings: I’m not going to have time for this later.
Peterson: The festival doesn’t even start until tomorrow. It won’t still be good.
Hastings: Nobody is telling you to eat it. I’m certainly not going to.
Peterson: But you’re going to serve it to people.
Hastings: I’m not. That’s the burly men’s job.
Peterson: It’s going to be served to people!
Hastings: That’s what restaurants do. They serve food.
Peterson: You’re not worried that people are going to get food poisoning?
Hastings: Why would that worry me?
Peterson: That people get food poisoning in the Hastingsphere?!
Hastings: Not people, wrestling fanatics. I’m not sure how you’d differentiate anyone with food poisoning from the annual drunken mess that normally goes on at this festival.
Owen sighs.
Peterson: You know, I didn’t realize you have Doordash.
Hastings: I don’t.
Peterson: That’s my phone, isn’t it?
Hastings: Yep.
It’s not personal.
At least, not when it comes to the both of you. It’s new ground for me, so you’ll have to bear with me. Normally at this point I’m supposed to be raving and obsessive with my opponent, and hold them accountable for a variety of slights. Not this time.
I suppose I should start with you, Zane. That feels professional. I know you want this title back. I don’t blame you. Any championship held by the iconic Lord of Pain is always in high demand. The way I’ve elevated this championship, I’d want it too. Good thing I already have it.
Look at what you did with this title, Zane. You held it for almost ten months before I claimed it. What did you really do with it during that time? Let’s be honest. I don’t remember any big landmark victory, a signature moment. You were a guy with a title, and it could have been any title. It wasn’t special. Heck, it took me a bit to even remember that it wasn’t even the first time you’ve held it. You had a quickie back in 2017, and then your original reign was over a decade ago, lasted eight months, and you only defended it twice. One of them was against Mark Reznik. Yeeesh. Definitely not something you want to hang your hat on.
What I’m doing? This is special. I’m making moments, building history. My championship reign will go down in the history books as the reign that made the Cross-Hemisphere Championship the achievement that it should have always been. It took twenty years for this title to finally come into its own. I’m not about to let you stop that now.
Then there’s Sebastian Everett-Bryce. I think I can understand your confusion, Seb. Zane and his actions relegated this title to the status of Generic Championship B. Maybe that’s why you view it that way. I told you last month you were nothing more than a belt collector. Nothing has happened to change that view. If you get your hands on this title again, it stops being special. It stops being unique. It just becomes the title that Seb is holding this season. I can’t stand for that, not after what I’ve started to accomplish here.
You got a built-in excuse at Battleground. I’ve heard people say I retained through a loop-hole in the rules. It’s not my fault that I understood them better than you did, that I was cleverer than you are. There won’t be any excuses after WrestleStock, not when I unleash the full force of the Hastingsphere upon you.
It strikes me that my championship reign has encompassed everything that it needed to and more. I’m well on my way to becoming the defining champion of the title’s history, all while remaining true to myself. Look at what I’ve done. Zane Scott, Travis Pierce, and Sebastian Everett-Bryce all defeated in one-on-one championship matches. The List of Hastings continues to grow. The three people that evaded me, finally put in their rightful place.
At WrestleStock, my legacy grows. This championship reign continues to evolve. My representation of an entire hemisphere continues.
All while being authentically me.
Welcome to the Hastingsphere.
That’s how Donovan had pitched the district, and it gave Owen reason for concern from the moment of inception. Owen could think of thirty ways that this could go bad without a modicum of effort, and this was going to be an event that had to last an entire week without causing a lawsuit.
It gave Owen a twinge of relief that most of the inevitable problems would most likely end up on Ooley’s desk rather than his own.
Now Owen finds himself within the bustling Hastingsphere district of Wrestlestockopolis as final preparations are underway for the launch of the festival. Workers are busy putting final touches in place, and the Cross-Hemisphere Champion himself stands in the center, tapping away on the screen of the phone in his hand as Owen approaches.
Peterson: Do I dare ask about the Singapore canes?
Hastings: We’re trying to create an authentic experience here.
Peterson: And the lobsters?
Hastings: Authenticity for the game show.
Peterson: Right.
Hastings: There’s a lot to be done here, not a lot of time to do it.
Peterson: Right, of course. You know I can probably take care of most of this if want to go be doing anything else.
Hastings: Like what?
Peterson: Like anything that lets me set this up instead of you.
Hastings: Why?
Peterson: Civility. Possible litigation.
Hastings: Authenticity, Owen. We want to make sure our patrons have a true Hastings experience.
Peterson: That’s the part that worries me.
Hastings: You think they won’t?
Peterson: I think the biggest defense of your title reign is just a few days away, against two people that deserve your full attention.
Hastings: Yes, about that.
Donovan looks up from the phone.
Hastings: We’re going all out on this.
Peterson: Obviously.
Hastings: I mean it. I had a monumental title victory and multiple key defenses, but it’s not having the impact it should. My victories over both Zane and Seb are tainted. People say the table match was a fluke. People nitpick the manner that I beat Seb, despite it being the correct application of the rules. When I retain the title this week, it has to put all that controversy to rest.
Peterson: So you have a plan?
Hastings: We will unleash the full might of the Hastingsphere upon them both!
Peterson: Right, I’m sure that’ll do it.
The loud clearing of throats distracts Owen for a moment, as Donovan turns his attention back to the phone.
Peterson: What’s going on over there?
Hastings: The burly men are practicing their ambiguously asian accents.
Peterson: Why?
Hastings: Because they’re going to be working in the Hibachi restaurant.
Peterson: But why do they need accents?
Hastings: You’ve been to a Hibachi restaurant where the person cooking your food doesn’t have a thick accent?
Peterson: They can cook?
Hastings: I don’t think that matters.
Peterson: Where’s the food going to come from?
Donovan holds up a cell phone.
Hastings: I’m having it Doordashed.
Peterson: All of it?
Hastings: Of course.
Peterson: Now?
Hastings: I’m not going to have time for this later.
Peterson: The festival doesn’t even start until tomorrow. It won’t still be good.
Hastings: Nobody is telling you to eat it. I’m certainly not going to.
Peterson: But you’re going to serve it to people.
Hastings: I’m not. That’s the burly men’s job.
Peterson: It’s going to be served to people!
Hastings: That’s what restaurants do. They serve food.
Peterson: You’re not worried that people are going to get food poisoning?
Hastings: Why would that worry me?
Peterson: That people get food poisoning in the Hastingsphere?!
Hastings: Not people, wrestling fanatics. I’m not sure how you’d differentiate anyone with food poisoning from the annual drunken mess that normally goes on at this festival.
Owen sighs.
Peterson: You know, I didn’t realize you have Doordash.
Hastings: I don’t.
Peterson: That’s my phone, isn’t it?
Hastings: Yep.
It’s not personal.
At least, not when it comes to the both of you. It’s new ground for me, so you’ll have to bear with me. Normally at this point I’m supposed to be raving and obsessive with my opponent, and hold them accountable for a variety of slights. Not this time.
I suppose I should start with you, Zane. That feels professional. I know you want this title back. I don’t blame you. Any championship held by the iconic Lord of Pain is always in high demand. The way I’ve elevated this championship, I’d want it too. Good thing I already have it.
Look at what you did with this title, Zane. You held it for almost ten months before I claimed it. What did you really do with it during that time? Let’s be honest. I don’t remember any big landmark victory, a signature moment. You were a guy with a title, and it could have been any title. It wasn’t special. Heck, it took me a bit to even remember that it wasn’t even the first time you’ve held it. You had a quickie back in 2017, and then your original reign was over a decade ago, lasted eight months, and you only defended it twice. One of them was against Mark Reznik. Yeeesh. Definitely not something you want to hang your hat on.
What I’m doing? This is special. I’m making moments, building history. My championship reign will go down in the history books as the reign that made the Cross-Hemisphere Championship the achievement that it should have always been. It took twenty years for this title to finally come into its own. I’m not about to let you stop that now.
Then there’s Sebastian Everett-Bryce. I think I can understand your confusion, Seb. Zane and his actions relegated this title to the status of Generic Championship B. Maybe that’s why you view it that way. I told you last month you were nothing more than a belt collector. Nothing has happened to change that view. If you get your hands on this title again, it stops being special. It stops being unique. It just becomes the title that Seb is holding this season. I can’t stand for that, not after what I’ve started to accomplish here.
You got a built-in excuse at Battleground. I’ve heard people say I retained through a loop-hole in the rules. It’s not my fault that I understood them better than you did, that I was cleverer than you are. There won’t be any excuses after WrestleStock, not when I unleash the full force of the Hastingsphere upon you.
It strikes me that my championship reign has encompassed everything that it needed to and more. I’m well on my way to becoming the defining champion of the title’s history, all while remaining true to myself. Look at what I’ve done. Zane Scott, Travis Pierce, and Sebastian Everett-Bryce all defeated in one-on-one championship matches. The List of Hastings continues to grow. The three people that evaded me, finally put in their rightful place.
At WrestleStock, my legacy grows. This championship reign continues to evolve. My representation of an entire hemisphere continues.
All while being authentically me.
Welcome to the Hastingsphere.