Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Jul 22, 2009 18:30:23 GMT -5
[The scene opens right in the middle of the hustle and bustle of Heathrow Airports newly constructed Terminal Five’s baggage collection area. As far as the eye can see baggage carousels surrounded by holiday makers, impatiently awaiting their luggage, and jockeying with one another for prime spots closer to the conveyer belt. Many of the faces are twisted in anxiety, obviously these individuals are aware of the trend for luggage to be sent halfway across the world to a different airport, others look tired and worn out, presumably having returning from some relaxing vacation and dreading the inevitable return of monotony into their lives.
All of a sudden excitement starts to sweep through this vast space, and the sound of travellers shouting, cheering and whistling can be heard coming from the other end of the room, and it quickly becomes apparent that someone important has just disembarked their flight and are making their way to collect their luggage. A brief scan around the area identifies three carousels that currently have no passengers crowded around them; Quantas Air Flight A457 from Brisbane, Australia, Emirates Flight E292 from Abu Dhabi, and finally British Airways Flight BA420 from San Diego, California.
The excitement flows along the hall, until it is obvious the trigger for the madness is moments away from making its presence known from our viewpoint. As the crowd immediately in front of our line of site become excited a group of Suited Bodyguards appear, and after a few more moments we see whom they are protecting. Directly behind the well dressed muscle seems to be the entire roster of Global Impact Wrestling, as well as referee’s and staff members, all flanked by rows of bodyguards to the left and to the right of them. At the front of the group walk Travis Roberts, eD cASe, Declan Prescott and Cara Costello. ‘The Headliner’ has his Global Heavyweight Title belt draped across his right shoulder and is in deep discussion with Declan Prescott, whilst eD cASe hovers around the feet of Cara Costello, who shifts uneasily to keep the little yellow dude from getting too close, whilst staring holes into the side of ‘The Significant Players’ head.
As the crowds in the terminal forget about claiming their luggage, and surround the GIW Superstars, our viewpoint gets jostled and bumped backwards until we can no longer view the stars of Sentinel, and the upcoming Distant Whispers Pay Per View. At this point, the wily cameraman decides to make his way to customs, knowing full well it will be cleared out to allow the stars of Global Impact Wrestling to pass through without interruption]
[As the scene reopens, we are indeed in an eerily quiet Customs and Excise Walk through, and our view is set up opposite the ‘Nothing to Declare’ desk, where two customs officials converse whilst they wait for the influx of stars]
Customs Officer 1 – “So who’s all this special treatment for? Is there a movie star coming through again. It was great meeting Nic Cage yesterday, it’s a shame you weren’t on shift, he had some interesting stuff in his luggage, mainly maps, but also a large picture of some guy in his underwear with dart holes in the head…”
Customs Officer 2 – “That was probably Brandon Brown, he’s one of the reasons for the special treatment, he’s a wrestler with Global impact Wrestling, and they’re doing a show at the O2 on Saturday, they all landed about 20 minutes ago…”
Customs Officer 1 – “Wrestling?[/i] You mean where guys get greased up in lycra and pretend to hit each other?”
Customs Officer 2 – “GIW’s not like that, when they hit each other they do it for real. These guys aren’t just acting out their parts they live them. It’s real dangerous stuff, people can get seriously injured, and even die…unless they are Sean Jensen, then there’s apparently a resurrection ritual.”
Customs Officer 1 – “You’re not telling me you actually watch that crap? Hell even my 8 year old son has grown out of that!”
Customs Officer 2 – “Do I question your taste in entertainment? Christ, you’re a fan of Adam Sandler, Uwe Boll and The Wayans Brothers for god’s sake! I’m not gonna take the opinions of a guy who thinks White Chicks, Little Man, Norbit and Don’t Mess with the Zohan are the greatest comedy films of the past few years!”
Customs Officer 1 – “Are you gay or something?”
Customs Officer 2 – “Yeah that’s real original, I like Professional Wrestling so I must be gay. If you’re so disinterested I’ll go through Gabrielle Montgomery’s luggage if you don’t mind…”
Customs Officer 1 – “Knock yourself out faggot…I bet it’s been your wet dream to rummage around in the luggage of some burly lycra wearing guy. You wanna sniff their underpants? Get close to their ‘packages’?”
Customs Officer 2 – “Gabrielle is a female name, she is a woman…with powers of deduction like that how the hell do you cross the road every day without getting hit?”
Customs Officer 1 – “Gay!”
[Just as the first custom officer delivers his stinging rebuttal to his GIW following co-worker. A man in a black suit and pale blue tie emerges from behind the two men, startling them both, and prompting them to stand up straight. He then shows a badge and some credentials, and speaks to both men]
Man – “Gentlemen, I’m Malcolm Fairclough, I’m with the Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre (JTAC), I have a list of names, and photo’s here of a few guys we’d like to discreetly pull aside and show them back to the interrogation suites, if you could try and get this done with minimal fuss it would be much appreciated. We have a very delicate situation on our hands, and you are on the frontline of defending this Fair Isle. Can you be trusted with this task?”
Customs Officer 1 - “Yes Sir! What the hell are these faggots planning anyway? I bet they’re gonna try and turn our Wonderful Prince William into some kind of rent boy, and then blow up the houses of Parliament with a lycra bomb! They’ll probably try stealing jobs from us hardworking Brit’s to fund their heinous deeds!”
[Fairclough looks over at the other customs officer, who rolls his eyes and gives the Agent a reassuring look. The man from JTAC nods towards the clearly saner of the two officers and then makes his way to the back just as the first of GIW’s passengers come through the doors into customs.
The first person to come through the doors is Travis Roberts, minus Declan, Cara and eD. He has his bag slung across his left shoulder, his title slung across the right, and he walks casually past the security desk. The bigoted customs officer looks down at the list of names and pictures and immediately springs into action….]
Customs Officer 1 – “Excuse me sir, would you mind stepping over this way, and showing us the contents of your baggage…”
[‘The Blessed One’ looks around and realises he is the only person this comment could have been aimed at is himself, and he slowly turns and walks over to the desk. When he arrives he stands for a moment looking through the customs officer, as if in another time or place, until the officer interrupts…]
Customs Officer 1 – “Sir… would you mind actually opening your bag?”
Travis – “Sorry…sure thing…*opens bag*….was miles away…long flight, you know?”
[The officers rummage through Travis’ luggage, finding very little of interest.]
Customs Officer 1 – “That’s all fine Mr Roberts, if you wouldn’t mind going through the door behind me…*raises part of the desk and opens a small gate for Travis to pass by*….we just need you to answer a few questions…”
Travis – “What the hell for, Travis Roberts’ time is precious, you better not give ‘The Headliner’ the same treatment you gave Diana Ross, ain’t no-one molesting ‘The Headliner’ today.”
Customs Officer 2 – “It’s standard policy for anyone who has had their luggage searched to just go over a few routine questions to ensure we have been doing our jobs correctly, and have not insulted you in anyway. It will only take a few moments sir”
[Travis shrugs his shoulders , believing this lie due to Britain’s famous history of bureaucracy, grabs his bag off the desk and then passes behind and through the door]
[As the scene reopens we are greeted by not the site of ‘The Blessed One’, but of ‘The Red Bull Icon’, sitting behind a desk in a small, windowless room. The Red Bull icon sits playing with a business card in one hand, and staring into the middle distance smiling. After a few moments Malcolm Fairclough enters through a door opposite to Randy. He is carrying a folder full of paperwork, and as he sits he opens it and spreads some of his notes out. After studying them for a few moments he turns to GIW’s Hardcore Champion]
Fairclough – “Sorry to have kept you waiting Mr Boolzian…”
Randy – “Sure…whatever, what’s all this about…”
Fairclough – “All in good time Mr Boolzian, you were very hard to track down, whilst the other members of your company all flew in together, you took a different flight…even though you were booked on the same flight? Why was that? Seems a little suspicious don’t you think?”
Randy – “I don’t get on with many of my colleagues…what’s suspicious about that?”
Fairclough – “Paying for another ticket, when you’ve already got a complimentary one…seems a little excessive…”
Randy – “You haven’t seen my paycheque…”
Fairclough – “Actually I have, and your sponsorship contracts, as well as your merchandising figures. There is very little I don’t know about you Mr Boolzian…”
Randy – “Fine, then you’ll know my penchant for a certain refreshment…”
Fairclough – “Ah yes, you only drink Red Bull…”
Randy – “Exactly. And I’d heard rumours that Declan Prescott had managed to get British Airways to remove all the cans from the flight”
Fairclough – “So you spent nearly $10,000 dollars on a replacement, first class ticket. That’s an expensive round of drinks…”
Randy – “Firstly, first class were the only tickets available at such short notice. Secondly, you would not want to be in such a confined space with me if I’d been on a 9 hour flight with no Red Bull. And finally, given the fact you airport Nazi’s won’t allow us to bring on any liquids in our carry-on, I had no other option…”
Fairclough – “The current restriction s are for your own safety sir. But are you sure it wasn’t something to do with a conversation you overheard whilst waiting in the departures lounge before you left the states?”
Randy – “That’s where I heard the rumour, and it’s better to be safe than sorry. But there was nothing more to it than that, can I leave now?”
Fairclough – “I’m afraid not, I have a few more questions for you Mr Boolzian. Could you tell me a little more about what happened when you arrived at the airport this morning?”
Randy – “I’m really not sure where you’re going with this. I haven’t seen or heard anything suspicious besides the Prescott Red Bull Conspiracy…”
Fairclough – “Humour me, just walk me through what happened in the departure lounge today before you changed your flight…”
Randy – “I guess I have no choice. GIW had arranged for us all to travel here together, they figured having us all in the same place for our first International show would decrease the chances of any…unfortunate incidents.”
Fairclough – “Such as?”
Randy – “Look, we’re all professional wrestlers’ right? A lot of these guys are…well unhinged…all it takes is someone looking at them the wrong way, and they snap. If you ask me it was one of Declan Prescott’s smarter moves, you don’t wanna let the likes of Andy Savana and Sean Jensen out of your site for a minute, especially when they are representing you’re company.”
Fairclough – “Yet you managed to get a different flight? Seems a bit strange they would authorize that…”
Randy – “We’re not criminals on some kind of day trip, we have free will. A few guys decided to make separate travel arrangements, I decided to do the same thing at the last minute…”
Fairclough – “So what went on in this departure lounge?”
Randy – “Nothing I would imagine would interest you, but for the sake of getting out of here I’ll expand. I arrived first, as usual, and just took a seat. The flight wasn’t for a few hours, I thought I’d take a few hours to relax, which I quickly realised wouldn’t happen on the damn uncomfortable sofa they supplied, and was kinda hoping I’d see my friend Chris Austin. Unfortunately the first person to arrive was Marlo the Beautiful, we don’t really associate so we didn’t exchange pleasantries, although Marlo was staring at me for a good minute after arriving. I was about to question these actions, when the stare was broken by the entrance of that two faced, cowardly excuse of a Champion, Travis Roberts…”
Fairclough – “Alone?”
Randy – “No…he was with his agent, eD cASe, and they were arguing about something inane as usual…”
Fairclough – “That’s good, now what was it they were arguing about?”
Randy – “You are asking the wrong person. Every word out of Travis Roberts mouth is poison, it’s safer to just ignore him than actually listen in, even if he is just berating his only, true, friend.”
Fairclough – “So mr CASe and Roberts are close?”
Randy – “I wouldn’t say that, it’s true eD cASe holds that lying charlatan in high esteem, but the relationship doesn’t seem to be neutral, to be honest I don’t even know why eD puts up with the crap that slimy weasel dishes out to him on a regular basis.”
Fairclough – “Hmmm, hostilities between the two…that’s interesting….did you happen to hear anything, anything at all, whilst you were in there with the two?”
Randy – “Not a lot, just the usual garbage, Travis Roberts repeating his name about a gazillion times, made some smart ass comments regarding my drinking habits, he was the one that suggested the Red Bull had been removed from the flight. To be honest, I really zoned out, if you want my improvised interpretation of what went down I can give it to you, but I’m pretty sure it won’t be accurate, unless Travis Roberts really did confess to giving Declan Prescott sensual, all over body massages with warm oil before and after shows.”
Fairclough – “Are you sure you didn’t hear anything about…Boss P?”
Randy – “No.”
Fairclough – “No threats from eD towards his employer?”
Randy – “Where’d you get that from? eD hasn’t got the balls to challenge Travis, the poor guy has been worn down by that egotistical jackass over the years, I doubt he could stand up to a field mouse, let alone that two faced SOB. Anyway, I didn’t stay long after he made the Red Bull comment, decided to book myself another flight and go and sit at the bar”
Fairclough – “OK, well that seems to cover everything…just one thing, where was the GIW Janitor, Bones, during all this. He was seen entering the room before you…”
Randy – “That’s gotta be a mistake, there was no-one else in the lounge when I arrived…I doubt Bones is even making the trip, why would we need the Janitor in London?”
Fairclough – “I couldn’t speculate, but he is here, he’s actually in the interview room just opposite, and I can assure you he was in that lounge with you….mayeb the little people just don’t enter your vision”
Randy – “Hey man! I’m not the kinda guy that ignores the hardworking, non-wrestling staff of GIW, and besides Bones is one creepy guy, if I was alone in a room with him, I would have been well aware. So can I leave now?”
Fairclough – “Not just yet, no. I have to speak with some of your colleagues, I may have more questions for you…I’ll try to speed things up”
[Fairclough rises from his chair, and exits the room, and we follow. In the corridor outside heknocks on the door next to the one he came from, and another well dressed mans steps out. We can see just over his shoulder that he has ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts inside the room, and has obviously been questioning him]
Fairclough – “Sorry to interrupt you Fieldman, I just finished with Boolzian, you got anything from Roberts yet?”
Fieldman – “Apart from the fact that his favourite subject is himself? No, he won’t stop talking, but it’s nothing useful. Did Boolzian give you anything I can use?”
Fairclough – “Nothing, the guy hates Roberts’ guts, and has no respect for cASe, they wouldn’t share anything with him. I’m gonna keep him hanging around whilst I talk to some of the others, you know if they picked up cASe yet?”
Fieldman – “it looks like he’s given us the slip…”
Fairclough – “’Given us the slip’…’Given us the slip?’, who the hell dot hey have working in this place, the guy is like 3 foot tall and bright yellow, there is no way he should be able to get out of the UK’s biggest airport unnoticed, especially in this time of high security!”
Fieldman – “I guess they aren’t as strict when people have got off the plane.”
Fairclough – “It’s a shambles, and if eD cASe has got out, Roberts is our only lead, you have to press him. Remind him he has a title match in a few days, and he doesn’t wanna be cooped up here before hand…”
Fieldman – “I tried that, he didn’t seem bothered. Just told me his title match was a straightforward affair, he seemed more worried about not arranging his post match victory party.”
Fairclough – “Well you better find a way to get him to crack about this Boss P, we know it’s not Prescott, he’s clean. Just let Roberts know, that we know, that Boss P is in the country, and we know it has something to do with him and eD cASe. This is our chance Danny, this Boss P is an enigma, the entire international community only knows his name, he’s played it careful up until now, he should never have trusted that doped up hippy. He’ll lead us right to him, now you get back in there, I’ve got a transsexual to interview.”
[Danny Fieldman nods, turns and opens the door and returns to interrogate Travis Roberts some more. Fairclough, stares at the door for a moment afterwards and then turns to the door directly opposite and swiftly open it, to reveal Marlo The Beatiful, not sitting behind the desk, but standing behind it, glaring at the wall]
Fairclough – “Marlo?”
[Marlo and her 167 pound ass spin round with a look of defeat]
Marlo – “You shall not hold me within these walls, you may well have interrupted my escape attempt, but had you been a few moments longer I would have destroyed that very wall!”
Fairclough – “I don’t intend to hold you for long Marlo, I just need to ask you a few questions…”
Marlo – “Ha! You don’t fool me! You just want to stop the inevitable rise of Marlo the Beautiful, but you will fail. Mark my words, before this decade has set, you will bow down every day to the picture of Marlo the Beautiful that will adorn each residence across the world. You cannot hold back the tide sir. And I did not give you permission to address me as Marlo…you shall call me ‘Your Dark Master’”
[Fairclough, looks through his notes, comes across a page with Marlo’s face on it (The ass has a separate page), looks down then underlines the words ‘Delusional, Hell bent on World Domination’. He rolls his eyes, suppresses a chuckle, and decides to humour the psychotic Marlo]
Fairclough – “My apologies ‘Dark Master. I can assure you I am not here to stifle your plans, I need to speak to you on a separate matter, it is possible that only a person of your stature, brain capacity and reasoning skills can help Her Majesty’s fine country right now!”
Marlo – “And why, pray tell, would I want to help you, or your Majesty? Your rulers will soon perish at my hands…”
Fairclough – “I truly appreciate your position, but surely some friendly faces in high places could come in useful, Dark Master?”
Marlo – “I need no such help! But it may save me some work, and I can concentrate on refining my master plan…what do you need to know?”
Fairclough – “Before you departed San Diego, what did you see and hear when you entered the Departures lounge set aside for GIW employee’s”
Marlo – “Well, when I first entered I was alone with Randy Boolzian, who shrank into his seat in the presence of greatness, and couldn’t believe my luck. It was a golden chance, so I fixed him with my Ionised Brainwashing Stare, and kept my genetically enhanced eyeballs set on him. I had been looking for a chance to test out this new weapon, a weapon that will help me to total domination of the world! Unfortunately I am only in the early stages of development, and the process to turn one over to your will seems to take around five minutes, and I got interrupted by that Travis Roberts and his Agent eD…”
Fairclough – “Ah yes, they were arguing weren’t they…”
Marlo – “Arguing? Of course they weren’t, they were cowering in front of the most intimidating force they have ever been confronted with! They may have been speaking when they entered, but they know better than to talk without permission in the presence of their future subjugator!”
Fairclough – “Did you grant them permission to speak?”
Marlo – “Only once I had purged their minds of any disobedient thoughts with my Ionised Brain Stare. You see I may not be able to convert them to my will just yet, but I can suppress any rebellious urges, and see into their innermost thoughts…”
Fairclough – “Did you see anything interesting?”
Marlo – “Only something about Declan Prescott arranging for the Red Bull to be removed from our flight, and the fact The Crimson Ghost surprised eD cASe whilst he was in the bathroom.”
Fairclough – “OK…what did they say in your presence, after you read their minds?”
Marlo – “Purged their minds…Purged! You made the future Dictator of Planet Earth sound like some carnival kook! They spoke about many irrelevant things, something about a Triple Cage and how it would be a great setting for a straightforward victory, some penguin stalking them with a passion for violence…”
Fairclough – “This ‘Penguin’ you know anymore about him, apart from his nickname?”
Marlo – “I do not speak in nicknames and hearsay, this is no man we speak of, it’s an actual penguin…”
Fairclough – “I suppose that makes sense given the pairs drug habits…”
Marlo – “Drugs have nothing to do with it, Those two are weak, unlike myself, weak enough they are being terrorised by a petting zoo escapee. Anyway, eD then mentioned how heavy his bag felt at check in, and he was sure he didn’t pack so much, then he started freaking out, I wasn’t really listening. Obviously I knew he hadn’t overpacked, as I had earlier had one of my minions slip a robotic spider inside, which is currently burrowing its way into this very airports database, placing the seeds of my plans for my ultimate global takeover! Anyway, at this point I bored of their conversation and went outside to disable a few of the spies sent by my arch nemesis, The Man In The White Coat, with my super strength and remote mid ranged teleportation device!”
Fairclough – “Before you left, what were Bones and Randy Boolzian up to?”
Marlo – “Bones wasn’t there, that retched little man knows better than to be in the presence of my genius. And I had already influenced BoolZ to go an undermine a insurgence against my ranks on a separate flight”
Fairclough – “Well thanks for your help, Dark Master, you don’t mind if I don’t show you out just yet, I have to make it look like I may ask you more questions…but obviously you could always escape…”
[Before Marlo can respond Fairclough dodges out into the hallway, closes the door, and begins to laugh. It is not a laugh of humour, but one of frustration. He bangs his head back against the wall and takes a few deep breaths to compose himself, just as Danny Fieldman comes out of Travis’ room]
Fieldman – “How’d it go with the transsexual?”
Fairclough – “It was a complete waste of time, Marlo does not exist on the same planet as we do. How’s it going with Roberts?”
Fieldman – “Same as before, still turning every question into a reason to build himself up, the guy probably has some deeply buried security issues, but no matter what tack I try I can’t get to them. He was just talking about how humiliating it’ll be for his opponents knowing he spent hours being interrogated just days before their match, after a 9 hour flight, and still beat them with ease.”
Fairclough – “Keep trying, he’s our best hope, I’m gonna talk to the janitor, seems our intel may have been wrong about this guy being in the lounge no-one remembers him being there, so I’ll probably join you in a minute after I release the poor guy. Can you imagine having to clean up after this lot?”
[Both men laugh and head back into their respective rooms. Fairclough enters to see Bones sitting on his seat, timidly, hands between his legs, looking down at the floor. When Fairclough enters, he raises his head slowly and looks at Fairclough with a mixture of sorrow and fear.]
Fairclough – “Mr Bones, we have reports that your were in the departures lounge for GIW staff in San Diego. Could you confirm these reports…”
Bones – “I’m s-s-s-s-sorry…I wasn’t d-d-d-d-do-doing anything…I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed in there…I just thought I could g-g-g-g-get close to the s-s-s-s-stars…”
Fairclough – “Oh…so you were there? Where about did you sit?”
Bones *timidly* – “S-s-s-s-Sofa”
Fairclough – “But Mr Boolzian claims to have sat on the sofa and he didn’t see you at all?”
Bones – “N-n-n-n-No…in…the sofa…”
Fairclough: “What on earth were you doing in there man!?!”
Bones – “Trying to g-g-g-g-get close to my f-f-f-f-favourite stars…and w-w-w-w-writing about it in my journal…”
Fairclough – “Journal?”
Bones – “Sure….I…I…I… write down everything….that I s-s-s-s-see….and hear…f-f-f-ffrom these wonderful, pretty, men and women….”
[Fairclough gets visibly excited, his eyes pop out and he almost screams at Bones]
Fairclough – “Have you got it? Can I see it?”
[Bones nervously extracts a battered notepad from a satchel bag he has with him, and open’s it for Fairclough, and without a word points to where the relevant passage starts, and the Agent hungrily begins reading]
Dear Diary. I never imagined the cross stitch lessons I took four summers ago would come in so useful. You will never believe where I am writing to you from. I got to the departure lounge nice and early, before any of the glamorous and amazing stars of Global Impact Wrestling had arrived. You see I hardly got any sleep last night, I couldn’t believe Declan had been so kind as to let me pay for a ticket and actually travel with stars. I was gonna be in economy, only 70 rows behind the Global Heavyweight Champion, that’s enough to give anyone a sleepless night. I must remember to change the sheets when I get back.
Anyway I got their early and looked at the sofa in the lounge, and I realised that travis Roberts, or Brandon brown or Calypso Desmona might well sit on it later, I couldn’t waste the opportunity. I quickly tore apart the cushions and created myself a space. I was so excited and I made myself a small hole so I could stare at the door and see any stars that didn’t come and sit down.
But diary, I was so lucky, and I write this with tears in my eyes. You see, the first person who entered was none other than The Hardcore Champion, Randy Boolzian…and he SAT ON MY SOFA! As I write this to you he is wriggling about on top of my knee’s trying to get comfortable…only a thin strip of fabric keeps me from his touch…this must be the heaven people speak of….such a wave of euphoria has swept over me, and not even the appearance of that lunatic Marlo and her 167lb ass can ruin it. That strange human being is no superstar, they’re just a sad wannabe, thank god she didn’t sit on me, that would have ruined this experience…oh my god diary, I can hear Travis Roebrts and eD cASe…not only am I being sat on by BoolZ but I’m gonna be within 10 feet of ‘The Blessed One’, here’s what he’s saying, always gotta document the words of my heroe’s…
eD – “…is gonna piss him off. Shit…he’s right there…”
Travis – “Don’t fret little man, you may be monumentally backward, sometimes your big flapping mouth gets ‘The TWiSTeD Guerilla’ more attention than he needs, but it’s no secret that ‘The Blessed One’ and Declan Prescott have had all the Red Bull removed from our flight. We don’t want any junkie related freaks out’s at 30,000 feet. Randy Boolzian will just have to learn to live without it for a few hours, just like he’s gonna have to learn to live without the Hardcore Title when little Chen splits his forehead open on Saturday. He will thank ‘The Revolution’ on his flight back from London, ‘cause no amount of Red Bull will fill the void that will exist when his dignity leaves him.”
eD – “I know the feeling, that damn Crimson Ghost made me lose half my breakfast when he burst into the bathroom. I thought I’d be safe from him in an airport, but no, out of nowhere he sprang out of the ventilation unit, firing blow darts at me whilst clutching a net…it’s a good thing I’d assumed the position already, that crazy freak scared the shit out of me…literally. I suspect the guy is actually a ninja…and I’m beginning to think he’s trying to catch a glimpse of my doodle…”
Travis – “From your presence next to me I assume Ghost did what Ghost does best, falied?”
eD – “Luckily for my hairy little ass, Donovan Hastings was in the stall next door, and he wasn’t too happy with Ghost interrupting his latest call from destiny…”
Goddamn, BoolZ has left his perch above me, I can no longer feel his strong thigh’s against me. But at least I have the memory of his strong frame pressing down on me whilst I listened to the mellow words of Travis Roberts. So long fair Randy, I shall never forget our time together. At least I cans till listen to the soothing sound of Travis’ voice, it gives me goose bumps every time I hear it.
Travis – “Highly amusing, but Travis Roberts would rather talk about Distant Whispers, and the straightforward victory that awaits him”
eD – “Triple Cage matches are never straight forward, let alone when you have two opponents…”
Travis – “Kiseragi and Brown? Those guys barely count as one opponent! ‘The Highest Grade in GIW’ isn’t worried in the least. Brown seems to have finally realised how much ‘The Headliner’ has taken from him since Travis Roberts’ arrival, and now wants to cause me physical harm. ‘The Blessed One’ guesses this realisation has come better late than never, considering though that Travis Roberts first destroyed this guy’s world at In Your Hands, ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’ would have thought it would have dawned on Brandon sooner. Apparently ‘The Headliner’ over estimates Browns skills of observation.
Brown will more than likely lose all focus and come after ‘The Headliner’, and probably get in Kiseragi’s way, and as we know Alex seems to be a little bit tetchy when it comes to the former 2 time holder of my belt. And whilst Alex will be fuming that brown has once again kicked him in the face, ‘The Blessed One’ will just observe, and then pick one of their many weaknesses at the killer time. Whilst they bicker amongst themselves, trying to find away to achieve the impossible, ‘The Headliner’ will just highlight why he, and no-one else, deserves to stand at the top of the mountain looking down upon the rest!”
eD – “If you are not worried about them, maybe we can talk about that damn penguin, he’s stalking us…for all we know he could be here right now…”
Travis – “You’re being paranoid, he’s just a damn bird, and he can’t even fly! You make him out to be some Horror Movie psychopath…when he’s just a thief. He may be able to steal sinks, but he ain’t no gangland boss…he’s not ‘Boss’ Penguin…”
eD – “I’m not sure…in fact my bags were heavier than I remember them being when we put them in the car…what if he somehow put something in my luggage? Something suspect…WHAT IF HE PUT A GODDAMN BOMB IN IT!?!?”
Travis – “Will you calm the hell down? For the sake of TWiSTeD, we are in an airport, you do not scream that kinda crap about, what do you wanna do, get ‘The Blessed One’ locked up days before Distant Whispers and his triumphant first defence?”
And now they’ve gone, not even Marlo has hung around, only thing left to do is wait and see if anyone else shows up…
[Fairclough closes the book, looks at Bones, almost astonished, but also puzzled, and then softly speaks one word…]
Fairclough – “Penguin?”
All of a sudden excitement starts to sweep through this vast space, and the sound of travellers shouting, cheering and whistling can be heard coming from the other end of the room, and it quickly becomes apparent that someone important has just disembarked their flight and are making their way to collect their luggage. A brief scan around the area identifies three carousels that currently have no passengers crowded around them; Quantas Air Flight A457 from Brisbane, Australia, Emirates Flight E292 from Abu Dhabi, and finally British Airways Flight BA420 from San Diego, California.
The excitement flows along the hall, until it is obvious the trigger for the madness is moments away from making its presence known from our viewpoint. As the crowd immediately in front of our line of site become excited a group of Suited Bodyguards appear, and after a few more moments we see whom they are protecting. Directly behind the well dressed muscle seems to be the entire roster of Global Impact Wrestling, as well as referee’s and staff members, all flanked by rows of bodyguards to the left and to the right of them. At the front of the group walk Travis Roberts, eD cASe, Declan Prescott and Cara Costello. ‘The Headliner’ has his Global Heavyweight Title belt draped across his right shoulder and is in deep discussion with Declan Prescott, whilst eD cASe hovers around the feet of Cara Costello, who shifts uneasily to keep the little yellow dude from getting too close, whilst staring holes into the side of ‘The Significant Players’ head.
As the crowds in the terminal forget about claiming their luggage, and surround the GIW Superstars, our viewpoint gets jostled and bumped backwards until we can no longer view the stars of Sentinel, and the upcoming Distant Whispers Pay Per View. At this point, the wily cameraman decides to make his way to customs, knowing full well it will be cleared out to allow the stars of Global Impact Wrestling to pass through without interruption]
[As the scene reopens, we are indeed in an eerily quiet Customs and Excise Walk through, and our view is set up opposite the ‘Nothing to Declare’ desk, where two customs officials converse whilst they wait for the influx of stars]
Customs Officer 1 – “So who’s all this special treatment for? Is there a movie star coming through again. It was great meeting Nic Cage yesterday, it’s a shame you weren’t on shift, he had some interesting stuff in his luggage, mainly maps, but also a large picture of some guy in his underwear with dart holes in the head…”
Customs Officer 2 – “That was probably Brandon Brown, he’s one of the reasons for the special treatment, he’s a wrestler with Global impact Wrestling, and they’re doing a show at the O2 on Saturday, they all landed about 20 minutes ago…”
Customs Officer 1 – “Wrestling?[/i] You mean where guys get greased up in lycra and pretend to hit each other?”
Customs Officer 2 – “GIW’s not like that, when they hit each other they do it for real. These guys aren’t just acting out their parts they live them. It’s real dangerous stuff, people can get seriously injured, and even die…unless they are Sean Jensen, then there’s apparently a resurrection ritual.”
Customs Officer 1 – “You’re not telling me you actually watch that crap? Hell even my 8 year old son has grown out of that!”
Customs Officer 2 – “Do I question your taste in entertainment? Christ, you’re a fan of Adam Sandler, Uwe Boll and The Wayans Brothers for god’s sake! I’m not gonna take the opinions of a guy who thinks White Chicks, Little Man, Norbit and Don’t Mess with the Zohan are the greatest comedy films of the past few years!”
Customs Officer 1 – “Are you gay or something?”
Customs Officer 2 – “Yeah that’s real original, I like Professional Wrestling so I must be gay. If you’re so disinterested I’ll go through Gabrielle Montgomery’s luggage if you don’t mind…”
Customs Officer 1 – “Knock yourself out faggot…I bet it’s been your wet dream to rummage around in the luggage of some burly lycra wearing guy. You wanna sniff their underpants? Get close to their ‘packages’?”
Customs Officer 2 – “Gabrielle is a female name, she is a woman…with powers of deduction like that how the hell do you cross the road every day without getting hit?”
Customs Officer 1 – “Gay!”
[Just as the first custom officer delivers his stinging rebuttal to his GIW following co-worker. A man in a black suit and pale blue tie emerges from behind the two men, startling them both, and prompting them to stand up straight. He then shows a badge and some credentials, and speaks to both men]
Man – “Gentlemen, I’m Malcolm Fairclough, I’m with the Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre (JTAC), I have a list of names, and photo’s here of a few guys we’d like to discreetly pull aside and show them back to the interrogation suites, if you could try and get this done with minimal fuss it would be much appreciated. We have a very delicate situation on our hands, and you are on the frontline of defending this Fair Isle. Can you be trusted with this task?”
Customs Officer 1 - “Yes Sir! What the hell are these faggots planning anyway? I bet they’re gonna try and turn our Wonderful Prince William into some kind of rent boy, and then blow up the houses of Parliament with a lycra bomb! They’ll probably try stealing jobs from us hardworking Brit’s to fund their heinous deeds!”
[Fairclough looks over at the other customs officer, who rolls his eyes and gives the Agent a reassuring look. The man from JTAC nods towards the clearly saner of the two officers and then makes his way to the back just as the first of GIW’s passengers come through the doors into customs.
The first person to come through the doors is Travis Roberts, minus Declan, Cara and eD. He has his bag slung across his left shoulder, his title slung across the right, and he walks casually past the security desk. The bigoted customs officer looks down at the list of names and pictures and immediately springs into action….]
Customs Officer 1 – “Excuse me sir, would you mind stepping over this way, and showing us the contents of your baggage…”
[‘The Blessed One’ looks around and realises he is the only person this comment could have been aimed at is himself, and he slowly turns and walks over to the desk. When he arrives he stands for a moment looking through the customs officer, as if in another time or place, until the officer interrupts…]
Customs Officer 1 – “Sir… would you mind actually opening your bag?”
Travis – “Sorry…sure thing…*opens bag*….was miles away…long flight, you know?”
[The officers rummage through Travis’ luggage, finding very little of interest.]
Customs Officer 1 – “That’s all fine Mr Roberts, if you wouldn’t mind going through the door behind me…*raises part of the desk and opens a small gate for Travis to pass by*….we just need you to answer a few questions…”
Travis – “What the hell for, Travis Roberts’ time is precious, you better not give ‘The Headliner’ the same treatment you gave Diana Ross, ain’t no-one molesting ‘The Headliner’ today.”
Customs Officer 2 – “It’s standard policy for anyone who has had their luggage searched to just go over a few routine questions to ensure we have been doing our jobs correctly, and have not insulted you in anyway. It will only take a few moments sir”
[Travis shrugs his shoulders , believing this lie due to Britain’s famous history of bureaucracy, grabs his bag off the desk and then passes behind and through the door]
[As the scene reopens we are greeted by not the site of ‘The Blessed One’, but of ‘The Red Bull Icon’, sitting behind a desk in a small, windowless room. The Red Bull icon sits playing with a business card in one hand, and staring into the middle distance smiling. After a few moments Malcolm Fairclough enters through a door opposite to Randy. He is carrying a folder full of paperwork, and as he sits he opens it and spreads some of his notes out. After studying them for a few moments he turns to GIW’s Hardcore Champion]
Fairclough – “Sorry to have kept you waiting Mr Boolzian…”
Randy – “Sure…whatever, what’s all this about…”
Fairclough – “All in good time Mr Boolzian, you were very hard to track down, whilst the other members of your company all flew in together, you took a different flight…even though you were booked on the same flight? Why was that? Seems a little suspicious don’t you think?”
Randy – “I don’t get on with many of my colleagues…what’s suspicious about that?”
Fairclough – “Paying for another ticket, when you’ve already got a complimentary one…seems a little excessive…”
Randy – “You haven’t seen my paycheque…”
Fairclough – “Actually I have, and your sponsorship contracts, as well as your merchandising figures. There is very little I don’t know about you Mr Boolzian…”
Randy – “Fine, then you’ll know my penchant for a certain refreshment…”
Fairclough – “Ah yes, you only drink Red Bull…”
Randy – “Exactly. And I’d heard rumours that Declan Prescott had managed to get British Airways to remove all the cans from the flight”
Fairclough – “So you spent nearly $10,000 dollars on a replacement, first class ticket. That’s an expensive round of drinks…”
Randy – “Firstly, first class were the only tickets available at such short notice. Secondly, you would not want to be in such a confined space with me if I’d been on a 9 hour flight with no Red Bull. And finally, given the fact you airport Nazi’s won’t allow us to bring on any liquids in our carry-on, I had no other option…”
Fairclough – “The current restriction s are for your own safety sir. But are you sure it wasn’t something to do with a conversation you overheard whilst waiting in the departures lounge before you left the states?”
Randy – “That’s where I heard the rumour, and it’s better to be safe than sorry. But there was nothing more to it than that, can I leave now?”
Fairclough – “I’m afraid not, I have a few more questions for you Mr Boolzian. Could you tell me a little more about what happened when you arrived at the airport this morning?”
Randy – “I’m really not sure where you’re going with this. I haven’t seen or heard anything suspicious besides the Prescott Red Bull Conspiracy…”
Fairclough – “Humour me, just walk me through what happened in the departure lounge today before you changed your flight…”
Randy – “I guess I have no choice. GIW had arranged for us all to travel here together, they figured having us all in the same place for our first International show would decrease the chances of any…unfortunate incidents.”
Fairclough – “Such as?”
Randy – “Look, we’re all professional wrestlers’ right? A lot of these guys are…well unhinged…all it takes is someone looking at them the wrong way, and they snap. If you ask me it was one of Declan Prescott’s smarter moves, you don’t wanna let the likes of Andy Savana and Sean Jensen out of your site for a minute, especially when they are representing you’re company.”
Fairclough – “Yet you managed to get a different flight? Seems a bit strange they would authorize that…”
Randy – “We’re not criminals on some kind of day trip, we have free will. A few guys decided to make separate travel arrangements, I decided to do the same thing at the last minute…”
Fairclough – “So what went on in this departure lounge?”
Randy – “Nothing I would imagine would interest you, but for the sake of getting out of here I’ll expand. I arrived first, as usual, and just took a seat. The flight wasn’t for a few hours, I thought I’d take a few hours to relax, which I quickly realised wouldn’t happen on the damn uncomfortable sofa they supplied, and was kinda hoping I’d see my friend Chris Austin. Unfortunately the first person to arrive was Marlo the Beautiful, we don’t really associate so we didn’t exchange pleasantries, although Marlo was staring at me for a good minute after arriving. I was about to question these actions, when the stare was broken by the entrance of that two faced, cowardly excuse of a Champion, Travis Roberts…”
Fairclough – “Alone?”
Randy – “No…he was with his agent, eD cASe, and they were arguing about something inane as usual…”
Fairclough – “That’s good, now what was it they were arguing about?”
Randy – “You are asking the wrong person. Every word out of Travis Roberts mouth is poison, it’s safer to just ignore him than actually listen in, even if he is just berating his only, true, friend.”
Fairclough – “So mr CASe and Roberts are close?”
Randy – “I wouldn’t say that, it’s true eD cASe holds that lying charlatan in high esteem, but the relationship doesn’t seem to be neutral, to be honest I don’t even know why eD puts up with the crap that slimy weasel dishes out to him on a regular basis.”
Fairclough – “Hmmm, hostilities between the two…that’s interesting….did you happen to hear anything, anything at all, whilst you were in there with the two?”
Randy – “Not a lot, just the usual garbage, Travis Roberts repeating his name about a gazillion times, made some smart ass comments regarding my drinking habits, he was the one that suggested the Red Bull had been removed from the flight. To be honest, I really zoned out, if you want my improvised interpretation of what went down I can give it to you, but I’m pretty sure it won’t be accurate, unless Travis Roberts really did confess to giving Declan Prescott sensual, all over body massages with warm oil before and after shows.”
Fairclough – “Are you sure you didn’t hear anything about…Boss P?”
Randy – “No.”
Fairclough – “No threats from eD towards his employer?”
Randy – “Where’d you get that from? eD hasn’t got the balls to challenge Travis, the poor guy has been worn down by that egotistical jackass over the years, I doubt he could stand up to a field mouse, let alone that two faced SOB. Anyway, I didn’t stay long after he made the Red Bull comment, decided to book myself another flight and go and sit at the bar”
Fairclough – “OK, well that seems to cover everything…just one thing, where was the GIW Janitor, Bones, during all this. He was seen entering the room before you…”
Randy – “That’s gotta be a mistake, there was no-one else in the lounge when I arrived…I doubt Bones is even making the trip, why would we need the Janitor in London?”
Fairclough – “I couldn’t speculate, but he is here, he’s actually in the interview room just opposite, and I can assure you he was in that lounge with you….mayeb the little people just don’t enter your vision”
Randy – “Hey man! I’m not the kinda guy that ignores the hardworking, non-wrestling staff of GIW, and besides Bones is one creepy guy, if I was alone in a room with him, I would have been well aware. So can I leave now?”
Fairclough – “Not just yet, no. I have to speak with some of your colleagues, I may have more questions for you…I’ll try to speed things up”
[Fairclough rises from his chair, and exits the room, and we follow. In the corridor outside heknocks on the door next to the one he came from, and another well dressed mans steps out. We can see just over his shoulder that he has ‘The Blessed One’ Travis Roberts inside the room, and has obviously been questioning him]
Fairclough – “Sorry to interrupt you Fieldman, I just finished with Boolzian, you got anything from Roberts yet?”
Fieldman – “Apart from the fact that his favourite subject is himself? No, he won’t stop talking, but it’s nothing useful. Did Boolzian give you anything I can use?”
Fairclough – “Nothing, the guy hates Roberts’ guts, and has no respect for cASe, they wouldn’t share anything with him. I’m gonna keep him hanging around whilst I talk to some of the others, you know if they picked up cASe yet?”
Fieldman – “it looks like he’s given us the slip…”
Fairclough – “’Given us the slip’…’Given us the slip?’, who the hell dot hey have working in this place, the guy is like 3 foot tall and bright yellow, there is no way he should be able to get out of the UK’s biggest airport unnoticed, especially in this time of high security!”
Fieldman – “I guess they aren’t as strict when people have got off the plane.”
Fairclough – “It’s a shambles, and if eD cASe has got out, Roberts is our only lead, you have to press him. Remind him he has a title match in a few days, and he doesn’t wanna be cooped up here before hand…”
Fieldman – “I tried that, he didn’t seem bothered. Just told me his title match was a straightforward affair, he seemed more worried about not arranging his post match victory party.”
Fairclough – “Well you better find a way to get him to crack about this Boss P, we know it’s not Prescott, he’s clean. Just let Roberts know, that we know, that Boss P is in the country, and we know it has something to do with him and eD cASe. This is our chance Danny, this Boss P is an enigma, the entire international community only knows his name, he’s played it careful up until now, he should never have trusted that doped up hippy. He’ll lead us right to him, now you get back in there, I’ve got a transsexual to interview.”
[Danny Fieldman nods, turns and opens the door and returns to interrogate Travis Roberts some more. Fairclough, stares at the door for a moment afterwards and then turns to the door directly opposite and swiftly open it, to reveal Marlo The Beatiful, not sitting behind the desk, but standing behind it, glaring at the wall]
Fairclough – “Marlo?”
[Marlo and her 167 pound ass spin round with a look of defeat]
Marlo – “You shall not hold me within these walls, you may well have interrupted my escape attempt, but had you been a few moments longer I would have destroyed that very wall!”
Fairclough – “I don’t intend to hold you for long Marlo, I just need to ask you a few questions…”
Marlo – “Ha! You don’t fool me! You just want to stop the inevitable rise of Marlo the Beautiful, but you will fail. Mark my words, before this decade has set, you will bow down every day to the picture of Marlo the Beautiful that will adorn each residence across the world. You cannot hold back the tide sir. And I did not give you permission to address me as Marlo…you shall call me ‘Your Dark Master’”
[Fairclough, looks through his notes, comes across a page with Marlo’s face on it (The ass has a separate page), looks down then underlines the words ‘Delusional, Hell bent on World Domination’. He rolls his eyes, suppresses a chuckle, and decides to humour the psychotic Marlo]
Fairclough – “My apologies ‘Dark Master. I can assure you I am not here to stifle your plans, I need to speak to you on a separate matter, it is possible that only a person of your stature, brain capacity and reasoning skills can help Her Majesty’s fine country right now!”
Marlo – “And why, pray tell, would I want to help you, or your Majesty? Your rulers will soon perish at my hands…”
Fairclough – “I truly appreciate your position, but surely some friendly faces in high places could come in useful, Dark Master?”
Marlo – “I need no such help! But it may save me some work, and I can concentrate on refining my master plan…what do you need to know?”
Fairclough – “Before you departed San Diego, what did you see and hear when you entered the Departures lounge set aside for GIW employee’s”
Marlo – “Well, when I first entered I was alone with Randy Boolzian, who shrank into his seat in the presence of greatness, and couldn’t believe my luck. It was a golden chance, so I fixed him with my Ionised Brainwashing Stare, and kept my genetically enhanced eyeballs set on him. I had been looking for a chance to test out this new weapon, a weapon that will help me to total domination of the world! Unfortunately I am only in the early stages of development, and the process to turn one over to your will seems to take around five minutes, and I got interrupted by that Travis Roberts and his Agent eD…”
Fairclough – “Ah yes, they were arguing weren’t they…”
Marlo – “Arguing? Of course they weren’t, they were cowering in front of the most intimidating force they have ever been confronted with! They may have been speaking when they entered, but they know better than to talk without permission in the presence of their future subjugator!”
Fairclough – “Did you grant them permission to speak?”
Marlo – “Only once I had purged their minds of any disobedient thoughts with my Ionised Brain Stare. You see I may not be able to convert them to my will just yet, but I can suppress any rebellious urges, and see into their innermost thoughts…”
Fairclough – “Did you see anything interesting?”
Marlo – “Only something about Declan Prescott arranging for the Red Bull to be removed from our flight, and the fact The Crimson Ghost surprised eD cASe whilst he was in the bathroom.”
Fairclough – “OK…what did they say in your presence, after you read their minds?”
Marlo – “Purged their minds…Purged! You made the future Dictator of Planet Earth sound like some carnival kook! They spoke about many irrelevant things, something about a Triple Cage and how it would be a great setting for a straightforward victory, some penguin stalking them with a passion for violence…”
Fairclough – “This ‘Penguin’ you know anymore about him, apart from his nickname?”
Marlo – “I do not speak in nicknames and hearsay, this is no man we speak of, it’s an actual penguin…”
Fairclough – “I suppose that makes sense given the pairs drug habits…”
Marlo – “Drugs have nothing to do with it, Those two are weak, unlike myself, weak enough they are being terrorised by a petting zoo escapee. Anyway, eD then mentioned how heavy his bag felt at check in, and he was sure he didn’t pack so much, then he started freaking out, I wasn’t really listening. Obviously I knew he hadn’t overpacked, as I had earlier had one of my minions slip a robotic spider inside, which is currently burrowing its way into this very airports database, placing the seeds of my plans for my ultimate global takeover! Anyway, at this point I bored of their conversation and went outside to disable a few of the spies sent by my arch nemesis, The Man In The White Coat, with my super strength and remote mid ranged teleportation device!”
Fairclough – “Before you left, what were Bones and Randy Boolzian up to?”
Marlo – “Bones wasn’t there, that retched little man knows better than to be in the presence of my genius. And I had already influenced BoolZ to go an undermine a insurgence against my ranks on a separate flight”
Fairclough – “Well thanks for your help, Dark Master, you don’t mind if I don’t show you out just yet, I have to make it look like I may ask you more questions…but obviously you could always escape…”
[Before Marlo can respond Fairclough dodges out into the hallway, closes the door, and begins to laugh. It is not a laugh of humour, but one of frustration. He bangs his head back against the wall and takes a few deep breaths to compose himself, just as Danny Fieldman comes out of Travis’ room]
Fieldman – “How’d it go with the transsexual?”
Fairclough – “It was a complete waste of time, Marlo does not exist on the same planet as we do. How’s it going with Roberts?”
Fieldman – “Same as before, still turning every question into a reason to build himself up, the guy probably has some deeply buried security issues, but no matter what tack I try I can’t get to them. He was just talking about how humiliating it’ll be for his opponents knowing he spent hours being interrogated just days before their match, after a 9 hour flight, and still beat them with ease.”
Fairclough – “Keep trying, he’s our best hope, I’m gonna talk to the janitor, seems our intel may have been wrong about this guy being in the lounge no-one remembers him being there, so I’ll probably join you in a minute after I release the poor guy. Can you imagine having to clean up after this lot?”
[Both men laugh and head back into their respective rooms. Fairclough enters to see Bones sitting on his seat, timidly, hands between his legs, looking down at the floor. When Fairclough enters, he raises his head slowly and looks at Fairclough with a mixture of sorrow and fear.]
Fairclough – “Mr Bones, we have reports that your were in the departures lounge for GIW staff in San Diego. Could you confirm these reports…”
Bones – “I’m s-s-s-s-sorry…I wasn’t d-d-d-d-do-doing anything…I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed in there…I just thought I could g-g-g-g-get close to the s-s-s-s-stars…”
Fairclough – “Oh…so you were there? Where about did you sit?”
Bones *timidly* – “S-s-s-s-Sofa”
Fairclough – “But Mr Boolzian claims to have sat on the sofa and he didn’t see you at all?”
Bones – “N-n-n-n-No…in…the sofa…”
Fairclough: “What on earth were you doing in there man!?!”
Bones – “Trying to g-g-g-g-get close to my f-f-f-f-favourite stars…and w-w-w-w-writing about it in my journal…”
Fairclough – “Journal?”
Bones – “Sure….I…I…I… write down everything….that I s-s-s-s-see….and hear…f-f-f-ffrom these wonderful, pretty, men and women….”
[Fairclough gets visibly excited, his eyes pop out and he almost screams at Bones]
Fairclough – “Have you got it? Can I see it?”
[Bones nervously extracts a battered notepad from a satchel bag he has with him, and open’s it for Fairclough, and without a word points to where the relevant passage starts, and the Agent hungrily begins reading]
Dear Diary. I never imagined the cross stitch lessons I took four summers ago would come in so useful. You will never believe where I am writing to you from. I got to the departure lounge nice and early, before any of the glamorous and amazing stars of Global Impact Wrestling had arrived. You see I hardly got any sleep last night, I couldn’t believe Declan had been so kind as to let me pay for a ticket and actually travel with stars. I was gonna be in economy, only 70 rows behind the Global Heavyweight Champion, that’s enough to give anyone a sleepless night. I must remember to change the sheets when I get back.
Anyway I got their early and looked at the sofa in the lounge, and I realised that travis Roberts, or Brandon brown or Calypso Desmona might well sit on it later, I couldn’t waste the opportunity. I quickly tore apart the cushions and created myself a space. I was so excited and I made myself a small hole so I could stare at the door and see any stars that didn’t come and sit down.
But diary, I was so lucky, and I write this with tears in my eyes. You see, the first person who entered was none other than The Hardcore Champion, Randy Boolzian…and he SAT ON MY SOFA! As I write this to you he is wriggling about on top of my knee’s trying to get comfortable…only a thin strip of fabric keeps me from his touch…this must be the heaven people speak of….such a wave of euphoria has swept over me, and not even the appearance of that lunatic Marlo and her 167lb ass can ruin it. That strange human being is no superstar, they’re just a sad wannabe, thank god she didn’t sit on me, that would have ruined this experience…oh my god diary, I can hear Travis Roebrts and eD cASe…not only am I being sat on by BoolZ but I’m gonna be within 10 feet of ‘The Blessed One’, here’s what he’s saying, always gotta document the words of my heroe’s…
eD – “…is gonna piss him off. Shit…he’s right there…”
Travis – “Don’t fret little man, you may be monumentally backward, sometimes your big flapping mouth gets ‘The TWiSTeD Guerilla’ more attention than he needs, but it’s no secret that ‘The Blessed One’ and Declan Prescott have had all the Red Bull removed from our flight. We don’t want any junkie related freaks out’s at 30,000 feet. Randy Boolzian will just have to learn to live without it for a few hours, just like he’s gonna have to learn to live without the Hardcore Title when little Chen splits his forehead open on Saturday. He will thank ‘The Revolution’ on his flight back from London, ‘cause no amount of Red Bull will fill the void that will exist when his dignity leaves him.”
eD – “I know the feeling, that damn Crimson Ghost made me lose half my breakfast when he burst into the bathroom. I thought I’d be safe from him in an airport, but no, out of nowhere he sprang out of the ventilation unit, firing blow darts at me whilst clutching a net…it’s a good thing I’d assumed the position already, that crazy freak scared the shit out of me…literally. I suspect the guy is actually a ninja…and I’m beginning to think he’s trying to catch a glimpse of my doodle…”
Travis – “From your presence next to me I assume Ghost did what Ghost does best, falied?”
eD – “Luckily for my hairy little ass, Donovan Hastings was in the stall next door, and he wasn’t too happy with Ghost interrupting his latest call from destiny…”
Goddamn, BoolZ has left his perch above me, I can no longer feel his strong thigh’s against me. But at least I have the memory of his strong frame pressing down on me whilst I listened to the mellow words of Travis Roberts. So long fair Randy, I shall never forget our time together. At least I cans till listen to the soothing sound of Travis’ voice, it gives me goose bumps every time I hear it.
Travis – “Highly amusing, but Travis Roberts would rather talk about Distant Whispers, and the straightforward victory that awaits him”
eD – “Triple Cage matches are never straight forward, let alone when you have two opponents…”
Travis – “Kiseragi and Brown? Those guys barely count as one opponent! ‘The Highest Grade in GIW’ isn’t worried in the least. Brown seems to have finally realised how much ‘The Headliner’ has taken from him since Travis Roberts’ arrival, and now wants to cause me physical harm. ‘The Blessed One’ guesses this realisation has come better late than never, considering though that Travis Roberts first destroyed this guy’s world at In Your Hands, ‘The TWiSTeD Icon’ would have thought it would have dawned on Brandon sooner. Apparently ‘The Headliner’ over estimates Browns skills of observation.
Brown will more than likely lose all focus and come after ‘The Headliner’, and probably get in Kiseragi’s way, and as we know Alex seems to be a little bit tetchy when it comes to the former 2 time holder of my belt. And whilst Alex will be fuming that brown has once again kicked him in the face, ‘The Blessed One’ will just observe, and then pick one of their many weaknesses at the killer time. Whilst they bicker amongst themselves, trying to find away to achieve the impossible, ‘The Headliner’ will just highlight why he, and no-one else, deserves to stand at the top of the mountain looking down upon the rest!”
eD – “If you are not worried about them, maybe we can talk about that damn penguin, he’s stalking us…for all we know he could be here right now…”
Travis – “You’re being paranoid, he’s just a damn bird, and he can’t even fly! You make him out to be some Horror Movie psychopath…when he’s just a thief. He may be able to steal sinks, but he ain’t no gangland boss…he’s not ‘Boss’ Penguin…”
eD – “I’m not sure…in fact my bags were heavier than I remember them being when we put them in the car…what if he somehow put something in my luggage? Something suspect…WHAT IF HE PUT A GODDAMN BOMB IN IT!?!?”
Travis – “Will you calm the hell down? For the sake of TWiSTeD, we are in an airport, you do not scream that kinda crap about, what do you wanna do, get ‘The Blessed One’ locked up days before Distant Whispers and his triumphant first defence?”
And now they’ve gone, not even Marlo has hung around, only thing left to do is wait and see if anyone else shows up…
[Fairclough closes the book, looks at Bones, almost astonished, but also puzzled, and then softly speaks one word…]
Fairclough – “Penguin?”
