Post by Travis Pierce on Aug 3, 2010 18:42:19 GMT -5
We see a darkened set, with silhouettes visible of a table with a couch alongside it. A voiceover is heard from Rob Cartwright.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair spins around to reveal Travis himself. Pierce looks directly at the camera.
Pierce: Well slap my-
Pierce pauses, and glares for a moment off-camera.
Pierce: What’s that doing on the teleprompter.
Cartwright: Sorry, forgot to switch it.
Pierce: Forget it, I’ll just wing it this week. Ahem. Welcome to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, as always your party host for the evening. In Your Hands has come and gone, and what a monumental show it was! In what is unquestionably the biggest news story of the evening, the evils of the Dragon have been vanquished, as Travis Pierce soundly trounced the villainous monster, Alex Kiseragi! I can’t imagine what could possibly top that, but let’s give it a shot with our top stories!
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A puzzling pattern in the cosmic rays bombarding Earth from space has been discovered by an experiment buried deep under the ice of Antarctica. No evidence has surfaced yet that this heralds the creation of a real life Fantastic Four, but we shouldn’t let this distract us from the achievements at In Your Hands of the combined fantastic four that is Travis Pierce’s left hand, Travis Pierce’s right hand, Travis Pierce’s left foot, and…Travis Pierce’s RIGHT foot, all of which combine for a truly fantastic force.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Drew Carey, who is still sadly the host of The Price is Right, citing that he was “tired of being fat,” has dropped seventy pounds, an amazing weight loss, but not nearly as impressive as the loss suffered by Alex Kiseragi at In Your Hands. [/I]
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: 43 year old Matt LeBlanc has admitted that he dyed his hair black during the entire run of the sitcom Friends, which is reason number seven hundred and twelve that the show sucked. It’s near nearly as shocking an admission as it would be if Alex Kiseragi now accepted and admitted that he is Travis Pierce’s inferior, because we all know “The Dragon” is a lying jerk anyway.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: So what is next for Travis Pierce, now the #1 Contender to the Cross-Hemisphere Title? Perhaps we can get some insight from our guest! Please welcome my guest for the evening, Phrixus Deimos!
The 8-bit synthesizer plays “Phucking Phreak” as Deimos comes out and takes a seat on the couch.
Pierce: Fear, old boy! How fare you? Welcome to the show!
Deimos: Let’s get this over with.
Pierce: Congratulations on your victory at In Your Hands, were you surprised that the fans selected you to face Hastings?
Deimos: Everyone is capable of making a good decision when they try. My reasons and justifactions were made clear in the videos I released to the world in the days prior. It pleases me that people listened.
Pierce: Speaking of videos…you made a particularly nasty one about yours truly about a month ago…
Deimos: I thought you’d take it as a compliment.
Pierce: I suppose imitation is the highest form of flattery. Thank you.[/color]
Deimos: I said I thought you’d take it that way, not that I meant it that way.
Pierce: Yes, well, this has run right off the tracks, hasn’t it. Let’s move on…you won the World Heavyweight Championship at In Your Hands, and we saw new Cooperative Champions as well. Any thoughts you’d like to share on the other new champion we are soon to see?
Deimos: My match with Jet Somers is non-title, but your point is valid. He has some cracks in his game, coupled with some irrational and erratic behavior as of late. I can see him being beaten.
Pierce: I was talking about the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.
Deimos: You know John Russo as well as I. I would be surprised if he fell to a person that sounds like he was named for a farm animal.
Pierce: I get a shot on Synergy too!
Deimos: You really insist on making it easy, don’t you, Pierce? Fine. Yes, I am aware of your scheduled title match, as well as your clear advantage. You have the talent. Amongst others, your original victory over the Big Time at Lockmania to win the title the first time last March has proven that. But you’re too much of a showman.
Pierce: This from the guy behind all that Se7en stuff a few years ago.
Deimos: Don’t confuse art for arrogance. Already I’m certain you are formulating an excuse for a possible loss you have yet to suffer. You’re constantly bitching and moaning about how the world has held you down. If you lose on Synergy, whether it be to Russo or Cockatoo, you will have nobody to blame but yourself.
Pierce: Yeah, well, I am rubber, you are glue.
Deimos stares at Pierce, unimpressed.
Pierce: Let’s be honest, you have the look of a man who takes himself too seriously. Piercing truth is, you need to…lighten up!
Pierce slams a button on the desk. After a few moments, some balloons rise up around the couch, tied to the posts. Nothing further happens.
Pierce: …not quite how I drew it up.
Deimos: Are we done?
Pierce: …yeah.
Deimos stands, snatching up his championship, and leaves the set.
Pierce: Well, that was a train wreck. We’ll try to do better next time, tune in next week for The Piercing Truth with the new Cross-Hemisphere Champion, and remember! It’s not my fault that the truth…hurts.
“You Know My Name” plays again as we fade out.
Cartwright: Ladies and gentlemen, the host of The Piercing Truth, you know his name, TRAVIS PIERCE!
“You Know My Name” by Chris Cornell begins to play, and the lights come on to show a chair sitting backwards behind the desk. A monitor behind the chair shows the logo for The Piercing Truth. The chair spins around to reveal Travis himself. Pierce looks directly at the camera.
Pierce: Well slap my-
Pierce pauses, and glares for a moment off-camera.
Pierce: What’s that doing on the teleprompter.
Cartwright: Sorry, forgot to switch it.
Pierce: Forget it, I’ll just wing it this week. Ahem. Welcome to The Piercing Truth! My name is Travis Pierce, as always your party host for the evening. In Your Hands has come and gone, and what a monumental show it was! In what is unquestionably the biggest news story of the evening, the evils of the Dragon have been vanquished, as Travis Pierce soundly trounced the villainous monster, Alex Kiseragi! I can’t imagine what could possibly top that, but let’s give it a shot with our top stories!
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: A puzzling pattern in the cosmic rays bombarding Earth from space has been discovered by an experiment buried deep under the ice of Antarctica. No evidence has surfaced yet that this heralds the creation of a real life Fantastic Four, but we shouldn’t let this distract us from the achievements at In Your Hands of the combined fantastic four that is Travis Pierce’s left hand, Travis Pierce’s right hand, Travis Pierce’s left foot, and…Travis Pierce’s RIGHT foot, all of which combine for a truly fantastic force.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: Drew Carey, who is still sadly the host of The Price is Right, citing that he was “tired of being fat,” has dropped seventy pounds, an amazing weight loss, but not nearly as impressive as the loss suffered by Alex Kiseragi at In Your Hands. [/I]
Pierce switches to Camera B.
Pierce: 43 year old Matt LeBlanc has admitted that he dyed his hair black during the entire run of the sitcom Friends, which is reason number seven hundred and twelve that the show sucked. It’s near nearly as shocking an admission as it would be if Alex Kiseragi now accepted and admitted that he is Travis Pierce’s inferior, because we all know “The Dragon” is a lying jerk anyway.
Pierce switches to Camera A.
Pierce: So what is next for Travis Pierce, now the #1 Contender to the Cross-Hemisphere Title? Perhaps we can get some insight from our guest! Please welcome my guest for the evening, Phrixus Deimos!
The 8-bit synthesizer plays “Phucking Phreak” as Deimos comes out and takes a seat on the couch.
Pierce: Fear, old boy! How fare you? Welcome to the show!
Deimos: Let’s get this over with.
Pierce: Congratulations on your victory at In Your Hands, were you surprised that the fans selected you to face Hastings?
Deimos: Everyone is capable of making a good decision when they try. My reasons and justifactions were made clear in the videos I released to the world in the days prior. It pleases me that people listened.
Pierce: Speaking of videos…you made a particularly nasty one about yours truly about a month ago…
Deimos: I thought you’d take it as a compliment.
Pierce: I suppose imitation is the highest form of flattery. Thank you.[/color]
Deimos: I said I thought you’d take it that way, not that I meant it that way.
Pierce: Yes, well, this has run right off the tracks, hasn’t it. Let’s move on…you won the World Heavyweight Championship at In Your Hands, and we saw new Cooperative Champions as well. Any thoughts you’d like to share on the other new champion we are soon to see?
Deimos: My match with Jet Somers is non-title, but your point is valid. He has some cracks in his game, coupled with some irrational and erratic behavior as of late. I can see him being beaten.
Pierce: I was talking about the Cross-Hemisphere Championship.
Deimos: You know John Russo as well as I. I would be surprised if he fell to a person that sounds like he was named for a farm animal.
Pierce: I get a shot on Synergy too!
Deimos: You really insist on making it easy, don’t you, Pierce? Fine. Yes, I am aware of your scheduled title match, as well as your clear advantage. You have the talent. Amongst others, your original victory over the Big Time at Lockmania to win the title the first time last March has proven that. But you’re too much of a showman.
Pierce: This from the guy behind all that Se7en stuff a few years ago.
Deimos: Don’t confuse art for arrogance. Already I’m certain you are formulating an excuse for a possible loss you have yet to suffer. You’re constantly bitching and moaning about how the world has held you down. If you lose on Synergy, whether it be to Russo or Cockatoo, you will have nobody to blame but yourself.
Pierce: Yeah, well, I am rubber, you are glue.
Deimos stares at Pierce, unimpressed.
Pierce: Let’s be honest, you have the look of a man who takes himself too seriously. Piercing truth is, you need to…lighten up!
Pierce slams a button on the desk. After a few moments, some balloons rise up around the couch, tied to the posts. Nothing further happens.
Pierce: …not quite how I drew it up.
Deimos: Are we done?
Pierce: …yeah.
Deimos stands, snatching up his championship, and leaves the set.
Pierce: Well, that was a train wreck. We’ll try to do better next time, tune in next week for The Piercing Truth with the new Cross-Hemisphere Champion, and remember! It’s not my fault that the truth…hurts.
“You Know My Name” plays again as we fade out.
x2
