Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Jul 22, 2009 19:07:17 GMT -5
That’s right, your eyes don’t deceive you, you are not merely dreaming that this moment came, the Global Impact Playa is indeed back on your screens, and he’s more than ready to give you an insight into this industry like only he can.
Now that the shock of the Playa’s return has had time to sink in, your favourite GIW columnist knows the burning question that is at the forefront of your minds...’Where has the Playa been?’I’m well aware that my absence may have been seen unfavourably by many of you, leaving you with no choice but to seek alternatives out for your inside scoop on the Industry. Due to this many of you will have been scarred by the overwhelming flood of below par imitators that have taken to filling the Playa’s boots with inferior views and analysis, and for that The Playa is truly sorry.
Never fear though, The Playa has returned to save you from the clueless smarks that clamour for your attention, with his first analytical work since prior to Guerrilla Warfare. This shall not be a regular event though, as in October of last year The Playa was appointed to a different role and due to this does not have the time to regularly enlighten you all with his views. But do not fear, unbeknownst to all, the fans of GIW have been privy to The Playa’s unrivalled skills on a weekly basis.
Since October of 2008 GIW’s favourite and original columnist has been working hard to entertain each and every one of you as Boss Penguins Head Speechwriter. That’s right, whenever GIW’s Enforcer has something to say to the world, he comes to yours truly to construct oratory that could move the most sceptical to tears. Of course Boss Penguin being the unpredictable force that he is, is prone to improvisation, so much of what you hear is altered from its original form.
Infinity was a resounding success for GIW, and Boss Penguin decided he wanted a review of the event from someone with weight and gravitas. He was acutely aware that in this age of high speed internet literally anyone can get an audience for their misjudged and irrelevant views, and these very people are often confused as ‘experts’ by the general public. To ensure that Infinity was given the post show analysis it deserved he ordered the Global Impact Playa to share his thoughts on GIW’s first Pay Per View of 2009 with the world.
So without further adieu, sit back, relax and enjoy.
’The Cyclone’ JK, The Phantom, and Jasmine Alexandra Kanelis vs Adolphus Davian Doom & BeeB ‘The Great’
The Playa can’t pretend he was looking forward to this match, on the face of it it was a handicap match, but the Playa was pretty certain the fifteen year old rookie and his friends were going to be decimated at the hands of man with the mental capacity of an eldery goat. To be honest with you the Playa didn’t even factor BeeB into the equation, so certain he was of the power and brutality of Doom overcoming the Aussie Rebels.
It’s not often the Playa gets it wrong, but when he does he’s the first to accept it. JK and his crew displayed fight and nerve that belies the young Australians years to overcome the true odds of this match-up and leave Infinity as the victors. This match, in many ways set the tone for the evening ahead, anything was possible at Infinity.
But Post-Horizons what do the competitors have in store for them? As of this moment Doom and BeeB have not arrived back in Los Angeles, and it’s unknown whether they’ll ever be seen inside a GIW ring again. As for JK and The Phantom, despite the horrific attack on Jasmine after the match, these guys have some exciting times ahead of them in GIW. Their victory seemingly earning the Aussie Rebels a shot at War and Peaces Tag team titles this week on Sentinel. Despite his age JK has shown he can deliver in the ring, and alongside the unpredictable Phantom this young man seems to have the potential for a bright career in the industry.
Global Challenge 2009, Quest for the Chief Nigga, First Round
The crowd had been nicely warmed up for the next match, and The Playa was already starting to wonder if Infinity was going to be as straightforward as first thought. This wasn’t the first time in the year the Playa had to reconsider his predictions. Just weeks before Infinity, the frontrunner for the Tournament, Declan Prescott, vanished into thin air. Now this Playa sees this as nothing more than another mind game from GIW’s Significant Player, and though we will not comprehend the true magnitude of his actions until far into the future, the immediate repercussions were obvious to all.
Not only did Prescott’s decision force a new competitor into the mix, the Playa’s initial predictions were also thwarted by the announcement that Gabrielle would be taking ‘Diamond’ Jack Severino’s place in the Search for GIW’s Most Valuable Asset. Given these unforeseen events that dominated the run up to the big night in Chicago, the world should have been prepared for the unpredictability of the event itself.
No-one was genuinely surprised at the elimination of Andy Savana or Chassie Fear. In GIW’s Resident Schizophrenics case it was more of a surprise that he managed to turn up at the arena given his absence from GIW screen’s for such a long time. And with all due respect to Chassie, nobody really gave either of the girls much chance of progressing, and on the night she gave her all, but was unable to show the special ingredient needed for a tournament of this kind, resiliency.
That brings us on to the Playa’s biggest talking point of the first round, the elimination of Two-Time Global Heavyweight Champion, Global Impact Wrestling’s Mr PPV, Brandon Brown. Brown had earlier in the week broken the hearts of many a GIW loyalist when he announced that after Infinity he would be taking a break from Global Impact Wrestling for an unspecified amount of time. The message boards at GIW.com were flooded with, fans pleading with Brown to change his mind and many others wishing him the best luck. The general feeling though was that he was going to go out with a bang.
Indeed even those that didn’t believe Brandon Brown would go the whole way felt he would be a major force in the competition and at least reach the finals. The Playa himself wasn’t so sure, knowing that a tournament of this kind can throw form and reputation out of the window, yours truly felt one of a number could be successful, but was reasonably assured GIW’s Most Resilient Athlete would make it as least as far as the semi-finals. It was close, but ultimately the Playaa was wrong, and Brandon brown became the last man eliminated.
The Playa will even admit that his dark horse for the tournament was GIW newcomer Moss Edwards. The Auteur had made a huge impression during his debut month for GIW and The Playa wasn’t alone in thinking despite his rookie status with the company he was a man very adept at anticipating his opponents, and might well raise a few eyebrows.
Instead the surprises for The Playa were the advancing of both the Crimson Ghost and Gabrielle. The Playa respects both’s talents, but felt they wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to compete. The Ghost for instance had never truly been tested in a GIW ring, many of his matches had been largely remembered for the Ghosts comedy antics, sure he was a talented athlete, but The Playa felt his overriding urge to fight for the spectacle rather than the win would hold him back. And The Playa was definitely wrong about hat.
Gabby on the other hand was just coming through her break up from Jack Severino, and this was her chance to truly prove she could mix with the big boys in GIW. The Playa just felt the pressure and the calibre of her opponents would overcome the Diamond Princess, not necessarily because she was not their equal, but because this night had come too soon for her. How wrong could one man be?
So what of those eliminated, what next for them? Andy Savana apparently left the arena directly after his defeat, muttering to himself excitedly, and has not been seen since. The Playa expects we will see him again, no matter how briefly. Chassie Fear has been under a great deal of stress since coming back in contact with the Covenant, and the Playa hears things have taken a turn in a horrific direction for her, and she’ll have an announcement to make this coming Sentinel.
Moss Edwards will undoubtedly learn from the experience of his first GIW PPV, and despite not getting the victory, The Playa is sure he took a lot away from Chicago. And finally Brandon brown, as we all know is taking a break, The Playa must say the guy deserves it having been risking his body for GIW fans for well over a year with no respite, but hopes he will come back as soon as he’s ready, because GIW and GIW.com just wouldn’t be the same without him.
Chinatsu Chen vs ‘The Monster’ Dredd
On paper this was another upset win for the underdog, when the smale and agile Chinatsu overcame the towering, but old, Dredd many were shocked and surprised. Although The Playa won’t pretend this was the result he expected, he wasn’t nearly as surprised as Boss Penguin when he found out. The Playa was always confident this match would be close, but expected Dredd to overcome Chinatsu in the end.
Little Chen has proven her ability in the past, she took Randy Boolzian to the limit in their Hardcore Championship encounter at Distant Whispers, the fact she lost out, especially the way she lost that night, did not diminish her accomplishment. I didn’t think she’d get the win, but she proved The Playa wrong and came away with a victory she’ll be delighted with, and one that will probably send Dredd further into his drunken stupor.
On a final note, before The Playa moves on, a few people have raised eyebrows regarding the way this match ended. Finding the manner of the win bizarre, it is clear to your favourite columnist that these people have never dislocated their shoulders. It’s an extremely painful experience and with expertly applied pressure it can easily cause a grown man to fall unconscious.
Global Challenge 2009, Quest for the Chief Nigga, Semi Finals
By this point the Global Impact Playa had decided to throw everything he knew out of the window. The Playa’s brain was telling him there was no way Gabby could advance, that Hastings woule be too strong and too technical for her, but The Playa’s heart said she could do it, that she could shock the world and progress to the final. The Playa was so impressed with gabby in the first round, he just didn’t want to see her fall at this hurdle, he didn’t feel she could win the tournament, but making the final would truly make her a force to be taken notice of.
The match itself played out like the battle within The Playa’s body, heart vs mind, power vs elegance, and The Playa could not tear his eyes from the screen. When Donovan Hastings felt the reverse Double D DDT and Gabby covered him for the three count The Playa’s internals overloaded and I was highly confused as to what to feel or think.
In recent days it has become clear that Hastings may be more confused than The Playa was, as he is apparently calling himself the Chief Nigga despite his elimination, and due to this Boss P deemed his mental state too dangerous to book on this week’s card.
It took a little while for The Playa to come to his senses, seeing Gabrielle progress to the finals had taken me aback somewhat, so much so that I missed the first ten minutes of the second semi-final just staring into the middle distance. When The Playa came back to the present he was shocked to see Alex Kiseragi battling with a rejected extra from Pirates of The Caribbean : Fight of the Luchadores.
I quickly realised that I had missed yet another piece of Crimson Ghost theatricalities but was aware that I would live despite such disappointment. And watched eagerly as I was sure the winner of this match would be crowned Chief Nigga. The Playa realised there really was no sense in even trying to predict this one, given the events of the night so far the fact Alex Kiseragi was a former Global Heavyweight Champion would bear no relevance to this match. And for the first time in the night The Playa was proved right, but an earlier assumption had been proved wrong at the same time.
The Playa had earlier proclaimed that he felt The Ghosts overriding urge to fight for the spectacle rather than the win would hold him back, but when he hooked his feet around the ropes for a controversial win Crimson Ghost proved he had the urge to fight for the win. At this point The Playa couldn’t see past the Ghost as the inevitable winner of the Global Challenge 2009.
As for Alex Kiseragi, he had his own plans for what would come next for ‘The Dragon’
GIW Tag Team Championship Match: War & Peace vs Hiroshima vs The Covenant
The Playa had been looking forward to this match ever since the disappointing Horizons win for War & Peace. It looked like finally these two promising youngsters would finally come across some true competition in the form of Raenius and Mickey Dragon. Unfortunatley, despite Raenius’ best effort it seemed The Covenants more unpredictable member, felt this was the best moment to once again lose his mind.
For all of Raenius’ skills, the man in the mask trarely exists in the same plane of thought as the rest of GIW’s roster, it’s arguable he doesn’t even know what GIW is a lot off the time. Leaving this truly disturbed mind as the leading force of the Covenants charge at the Tag Titles, the result would be inevitable, Mickey Dragon may have been at ringside in body, but his mind was far far away, one man could not carry this team.
The drafting of Hiroshima into the equation made things much more unpredictable. War & Peace would have to adapt quickly to a new threat, a threat in the shape of a former GIW Global heavyweight Champion and his in ring partner of many years. If anyone could offer War & Peace a true challenge it was GIW’s most experienced tag team.
In the end that’s exactly how it played out, with War & Peace grabbing a confusing and controversial win. The Playa is confident neither Hiroshima or The Covenant have finished with War & Peace, but immediate attention for Pax and Daisuke must turn to the Aussie Renegades, as GIW’s Tag team division keeps moving forward on this week’s sentinel.
Global Challenge 2009, Quest for the Chief Nigga, Final
In announcing that the Global Challenge 2009 would take place over the course of one night, Boss penguin made it clear he was pulling out all the stops to ensure his first Pay-Per-View was a spectacle to remember. Having worked closely with our flippered booker I know first hand just how much he wanted the Quest for the Chief Nigga to be a success. The Playa can say Boss P never imagined in his wildest dreams the event would be received with such overwhelming positives.
And a large part of that was down to the competitors who took part and made the night waht it was, but special recognition must go to the two who made it all the way to the final. Despite The Playa not giving either much chance at the start of the night, both Gabrielle and Crimson Ghost made it to the last match, and gave us a match to remember. Close calls, emotional involvements, and another controversial finish. At time of writing this piece it’s still unknown whether Gabrielle has become aware of ‘Diamond’ Jacks interference in the final moments, but regardless of that moment Gabrielle Maddison Montgomery proved to everyone she is one of GIW’s finest sthletes, of any gender.
We mustn’t forget the awesome accomplishment of the Crimson Ghost though, despite being given just over a week to prepare for possibly the longest night of his life, regardless of the fact he only made it to the arena minutes before his match after being abducted alongside eD cASe, the Ghost overcame the hurdles set before him to make the final. The Playa will go on record as saying this was the night the Crimson Ghost arrived in Global Impact Wrestling, if he keeps his focus who knows how far he will go. We will have some indication tyhis Sunday when he faces Randy Boolzian at Sentinel.
As for Gabby this is the start of an exciting new chapter in her career, no-longer will she be seen as just an exceptional female athlete, she has proven she deserves to be ranked alongside the very best male athletes in Global Impact Wrestling. And her first test, none other than the Japanese Powerhouse himself, former GIW Heavyweight Champion Aito Chen, AKA Komosube.
As Gabrielle was announced as GIW’s first ever Chief Nigga, the crowd knew they had witnessed a truly historic moment in our industry, a moment none will ever forget. And Boss Penguin was able to look upon a job very well done.
GIW Unified Heavyweight Championship Match : Travis Roberts vs Randy Boolzian
Whilst most of the matches on the Infinity card displayed the technical abilities of GIW’s roster, the main event, as many have pointed out, was just a straight out fight. But let’s not take that kind of comment out of context, this was a fight between two of Global Impact Wrestling’s most talented superstars, and therefore still had many a moment of breathtaking ability and endurance.
The addition of Mary-Joanna has been questioned in some circles, but her presence helped remind us all of the compelling feud these two men had been undertaking over the past few months. It would be fair to say neither competitor saw eye to eye from the moment they debuted together mid way through last year, but in recent months the level of rivalry had built to dangerous levels. Both men couldn’t be left alone in the vicinity of the other for weeks leading up to the show for fear of catastrophe.
Whilst outwardly Travis Roberts tried to keep a calm outlook on Randy Boolzians consistent and unrelenting attacks upon his character and his lifestyle, it became clear in this match just how much the young BoolZ had got under The Headliners skin. The Red Bull Icon had made no secret of his hatred for The Blessed One, and his display in Chicago merely highlighted just how much he despised Travis Roberts.
Fans had been waiting since their first encounter with one another at Toxic Intent for the two to finally go up against one another, one on one, and the match didn’t disappoint. Despite Randy Boolzians impeccable record in GIW since his arrival, The Playa always felt Travis Roberts would walk out of the All State arena as Unified Global Champion, but even the Playa was surprised by the brutality of it all. The finishing manoeuvre truly took your favourite columnists breath away, and may well be his enduring memory of the entire night.
When Travis Roberts lofted the Unified Global Championship above his head, for the first time in the night someone’s prediction had come true, Randy Boolzian had made the wrong decision and ended up leaving Chicago bereft of his unpinned record and the Unified Global Championship.
Where The Red Bull Icon will go from here is anybody’s guess. His entire being has been consumed by his relentless pursuit of Travis Robert’s, it’s unlikely he’ll be getting another shot at The Blessed One again anytime soon, Boss Penguin would like to keep his top stars fit and healthy if possible. So it will certainly be interesting to see where Randy turns his sights next.
As for Travis Roberts, his night wasn’t quite over.
Impromptu Unified Global Championship Match : Travis Roberts vs Alex Kiseragi
One Yari Kick, 3 slaps of Glenn Burkes hand, and millions of people around the globe shocked and surprised, as if the night that had gone before had not taught us to expect the unexpected. Travis Roberts relinquished his grip on the Unified Global Title within mere seconds of his first successful defence.
Despite The Playa’s initial shock, he was more taken aback by Alex Kiseragi, a man who for so long has been held back by a misplaced sense of honour and integrity, taught both Randy Boolzian and Travis Roberts a lesson in decision making. Whilst they focused all their energy on one another, they decided to ignore the future threat that the Dragon posed them both, whilst they concentrated on each other, Alex Kiseragi went about devising a plan that would bring him glory once more.
The end of Infinity saw Alex Kiseragi take a play right out of the Travis Roberts book of deceit and cunning to end The Headliners title reign. Those of us wondering how he will respond were immediately rewarded with the news that we would not have to wait for long, as at the GIW Arena on Sunday Night, GIW Unified Global Champion will make his first defence, against The Headliner himself in a ladder match.
The Playa is not going to make any predictions on the result of this match, as if Infinity taught me anything, it was GIW at its core, is an unpredictable beast, and it might be time we all got used to that.
BACKSTAGE RUMOURS
‘The Cyclone’ JK has been so put out by recent comments on the internet regarding his size and age, he was considering juicing up to stand out more. But upon advice from GIW doctors he is considering begging Sean Jensen to return to the GIW roster, calculating such a move will make him look like a comparable giant.
Yasutoki Kiseragi has been using his visits to his son as a cover for a sordid affair he has been conducting behind the back of his son and Mrs Kiseragi. Rumours suggest the mystery woman may well be GIW’s very own ditzy interviewer, Roxy Malone.
Mary-Joanna Roberts is carrying Randy Boolzians first descendents. Sources suggest that a recent sonogram shows evidence of triplets in the early embryonic stages.
Having failed in his initial bids to be a credible member of the GIW Roster, Joka has decided to turn his sights elsewhere. The paedophile housemate of Travis Roberts is apparently considering taking refereeing classes in a bid to join GIW’s black and white striped ranks.
Pictures of ‘The Monster’ Dredd and Raenius have been sent to bar owners in Los Angeles to warn them not to accept their custom. Apparently many local drinking establishments have seen business drop off since GIW’s resident drinkers started competing regularly. Further sources suggest that both men have been so shocked by these moves that they are considering setting up their own GIW chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Declan Prescott and Cara Prescott are the reason behind Brandon Brown and Big B’s break from GIW. The Brown Cousins have apparently been recruited by the US Government to attempt to find GIW’s missing owner and wife, as they apparently are very important to the current administrations goals. Rumours suggest the cousins met with Brendan Fraiser, Harrison Ford, Angelina Jolie and Tom Hanks to form a team the FBI have codenamed ‘The Adventurers Club’.
Moss Edwards is currently in discussions to film a documentary following the Crimson Ghost through his everyday life, outside of the ring. When asked if this was a little mundane by Moss’ standards he reportedly replied ‘Mundane? Man we’re gonna have ninja’s, mercenaries and cookie monsters, and that’s just lunch time!’
After the events of the final moments of the Infinity Pay-Per-View, Travis ROberts is pushing for a suspension of GIW head Referee Glenn Burke, citing unreasonable and unprofessional behaviour. Roberts is reportedly fuming at Burke's involvement in Alex Kiseragi's plan to relieve him of the GIW Unified Global Championship. Some suggest this could escalate to a feud to compare with Donovan Hastings and Owen Peterson.
