For Tyvola (Copied and pasted from Pepper Phoenix's Facebook):
Day of Reckoning is in the books, and as we've been shown, the time has come for a new era, a new means of entertainment.
It is in that spirit that I bring you the first ever collection of rumours flying about message boards, locker rooms, wrestling forums, UGWC video comments sections, and so on and so forth.
In the fallout of the big show, let's combine a recap with a preview of the first Synergy back from the trip to Chicago!
The night of April 4th will kick off with a showcase of new talents Chris Peterson and The Natural Born Killer. Overheard at the Dragon's Cave Academy is that nbk is a rumour himself, and that one intrepid cameraman is trying to sell a documentary about his career with some knockoff. This, at least, is one piece of gossip which will be proven or disproved right off the bat! As far as Chris Peterson goes, the natural hearsay is that he is of no relation to Owen Peterson, of course, and that it's simply a gimmick to get his foot in the door. The niglet was unavailable for comment, or at least that's what Donovan Hastings announced when I called. Medos plays host to the debut of these Entertainment Professionals, and no one seems to care. Amassing the amount of discussion over this match, I've found three votes for Chris Peterson, and none of the other two mooks.
JK has earned a new -est nickname on the wrestling forums around the net, having been dubbed "The Nicest Bad Guy" surreptitiously by his fans. His friends certainly don't seem to mind his current state of mind, despite all having received a bit of the ire, except maybe his opponent this week in Enigma. Frankly, that match up has gotten less interesting than Ezekiel vs Medos. This is cooperative action, however, and we see Kyle "Phrixus Deimos, Jr." Tacker pairing with the less vocal of the Revolutionaries, and Sex Pistols lead singer wannabe Johnny Blake pairing with JK. Most commentary gives the win to JK, so he may continue his kitten-like rampage.
None other than the Lord Chief himself will introduce the next newest members of the Dragon's Cave Army, a facility which apparently will train and send to UGWC anyone who isn't JK. Most 'experts' are calling Hastings to dominate this one in typical fashion.
While Ezekiel Pax may have gotten his special effects budget cut this week, most expect him to win out over Tyvola. Scouring blogs and a quick trip to WebMD have given this reporter the diagnosis for Tyvola's insanity; it has been piped down the wire lately that his until-recent conquest of the female members of the animal kingdom may have resulted in his acquiring some exotic virus. If I were any species sharing a bed with The Jackal of STD Isle, I might get myself checked out.
Speaking of Tyvola doing damage to the unmentionable areas of a woman's anatomy, the moment everyone has been waiting for their whole lives without knowing it, the shaving of Tits Magoo's beard! Let's look at this from a totally different perspective. Wrestling forums, sports forums, porn forums, hell, forums about Ugandan hunger drives have all speculated on the possible sexual conquests of Gabrielle Montgomery. One far-fetched report that I nonetheless see popping up all over is that the proven submissive got turned on by the beatdown she received from Jet Somers a couple of Synergy's ago, and that she's been out to find a way to bag the boy scout ever since. Think about it, she lies down for Tyvirus, giving up the shot at the World Championship... the obvious step down is to face the former champion in a race back to the top! There's no convincing me that Gabrielle could walk away satisfied from Day of Reckoning as the only member of the Human Resources Department empty handed. And with Robert Ooley in her--uh--pocket?--she had to have had a hand in setting up that main event! What's better than a quick spanking from a mixed martial artist? How about a "tag team" from warring foes? And when you're Gabrielle Montgomery, you have to constantly quest for newer and stranger sexual experiences: have you ever made it with a cross-dresser? After Synergy, Gabrielle can say she has!
That led us nicely into the main event, World Champion Travis Pierce teams with Gabrielle Montgomery to face Jet "Cross-Dresser" Somers and Phrixus "Kyle Tacker, Sr." Deimos. The buzz even on the UGWC site is can entertainment put down traditional skill for good? As the entertainment values go higher and higher, and as UGWC constantly changes the landscape of sports entertainment, the nearly unanimous voice of the mass is that YES, it can. Definitively.
In the weeks leading up to No Holds Barred, we wait with eager eyes and high speed connections to see what Travis Pierce and the Human Resources Department will bring us next with all the balls in their court!
Post by pepperphoenix on Apr 11, 2011 3:02:19 GMT -5
For Tyvola:
One week closer on the road to No Hold's Barred brings us another live edition of Synergy, streaming from UGWC.com, and that means another episode of UGWC News and Rumours!!
Right off the bat this week we have Donovan Hastings taking on yet another member of the Dragon's Cave Army in Nick Thomas. Sources tell me Donovan Hastings may have gotten in good with the Consortium, and is having these easy one off matches set up intentionally to build his purse so he may challenge for the UGWC Championship somewhere down the road. At this rate, he may have enough amassed to purchase a shot against Owen Peterson's great grandson! There's no doubt anywhere on the net that this match will go in favor of The Lord of Pain.
Despite the low quality of names in the match, I'm giving the next battle match of the week as six Entertainment Professionals square off for a shot at the Chaos Championship. This, of course, is only because seeing the same names struggle to take away Ezekiel Pax's strap week in and week out over the last three months has gotten to be entertaining simply by it's hilarious redundancy! Oh, that, and the rumours I've received in my inbox surrounding these competitors are quite juicy! First, Enigma and Paul Cockatoo may have enough to worry about, since JK is supposedly in talks with The Consortium to book next week's Synergy, which could have far reaching results in both of those men's careers. How will JK's twisted mind effect both his former friend turned sworn enemy as well as his ignorant Aboriginal buddy? Next, it has been rumoured that NBK has been pegged to play Jackie Earle Haley in an upcoming Lifetime biography. Finally, Chris Peterson joined his trainer Nick Thomas in asking none other than Jet Somers for advice on the upcoming show, which will amount to them wearing matching nighties to the show! As much drama as there is involved in this match, most forum-goers give the win to the simplistic yet effective approach of Kyle Tacker as he begins a trek back toward the limelight he hasn't been able to enjoy since exactly one year ago.
Not surprisingly, no one cared enough to start or submit any rumours about Medos.
JoJI will get some well-deserved revenge against the Thames Valley Hit Squad in a handicapped match. Many support the notion that Ooley and Pierce set up this match as an effective mirror to the tactic used against Jet Somers last month, an attempt to soften up the number one contender, and I say that's brains working in your favor! But the big buzz around Tyvola is that he and Gabrielle Montgomery managed to single-handedly bring censors down on the UGWC website for the first time in history after the shaving incident last week! Sources confirmed that in order to continue airing their promos and live spots, UGWC would have to be classified an adult site, as well as charge membership for even the most casual viewers. UGWC, rather than limit their ratings and exposure, have allowed for an investigation, and censors have been meticulously picking apart, and at times, even editing the promos of nearly every superstar on the roster, an obvious blow for the Human Resources Department, not only because UGWC professionals enjoyed censor-free expression at one time, but because the more entertaining bits scheduled for Gabrielle Montgomery may now have to be cancelled. Interesting development, considering the event that was expected to draw the highest percentage of viewers in sports entertainment history may have been a detriment to the ratings after all.
In a triple threat bout, former and current Chaos Champions Ezekiel Pax and Jet Somers will square off, and netizens are pretty much deadlocked on the outcome, but the disappearance of Gabrielle has put her participation in the match into question. Oddly silent, Gabrielle must be dealing with the degrading lows she was promised she would be freed from. One must wonder what the sequence of recent events, which have raised The Human Resources Department up on pedestals, has done for her image and future in UGWC. The Human Resources Department guaranteed that when your resources are human, you use them the best you can. Does this mean Pierce and Ooley believe the best uses for TVHS are as thugs, and the best use for Gabrielle Montgomery is for filling the spank banks of UGWC fans? Despite how they managed to sucker those three into the group, you can't deny that their formula works, this is the era of ENTERTAINMENT! and they certainly fit that bill better!
Speaking of entertainment vs classic talent, Pierce will once again face Phrixus Deimos in the main event. Deimos, with Somers running interference to all the malarkey going on outside the ring, proved definitively last week that talent trumps entertainment in the ring, but Pierce's plans were cut short twice last week. Don't expect The Department to stay silent on that account, but to make up for it in spades this week against the unimaginative and ultimately dull Deimos. Expect an explosively short but incredibly entertaining Main Event with unexpected twists that spur Travis Pierce on toward No Holds Barred and his first successful defense!
Join me next week for a No Holds Barred dream match preview!
Post by pepperphoenix on Apr 18, 2011 2:23:20 GMT -5
Copy Pasta!
Let's jump right into it!
This week's Synergy is brought to you by JK, in which he proves his darker nature by signing a whole bunch of matches that make zero sense!
Once again we start with JK giving Hastings exactly what he wants as Rico Rodriguez is forced to face Donovan Hastings against his will, which begs the question; if these guys don't want to wrestle here, why are they? Is The Dragon's Cave Army funded partially by UGWC profits? I though Alex Kiseragi paid for that by suing a gay basher? What the hell is going on here? Surprisingly, Rico is pegged to win this one by a very slim margin, making Rico the fan favorite of the Dragon's Cave employees.
Chaos action next as-- wait, Ezekiel vs Medos again? I don't care what the forum goers think, please God let Kyle Tacker win this so we can end this rerun! Fans have been wondering if Kyle Tacker couldn't get a bit of anger management from John Russo's stalker, ifyaknowhatimean, and solve both their problems at once. Something tells me Tacker might be a bit of a wifebeater, though, and I don't mean the tank tops Alan Fernandez wears.
Next up, a match that pretty much tops the card in making little sense. Not because Chris Peterson and Jet Somers are Co-Opping, that actually makes sense. Not because Fernandez hasn't been on a card in ages. Not because Deimos and Somers basically settled their differences back at Infinity. No, the fault lies in the appearance of Rick Harding as the third man in Freak Show Central. What the hell is going on here? Wait... let me look over the card again. Enigma. JK. Paul. Jasmine. Ethan King. Sheena Ramone. FRANK BICCARDO?! Ok. Real subtle, JK. That'll show the Rebels and Revolutionaries not to doubt your cleansing, making sure even the dark match members of your former stable get their fifteen minutes. Nicest Bad Guy Ever. Polls around the web are giving this one to the Dragon's Cave representatives, but expect JK to show up and make it a little harder on them.
I want to give the women's match to Gabrielle, but the overwhelming response from the internet is that having no less than four members of the Aussie R&R in the ring isn't going to leave much space for the HRD's Face to get an edge, even with her puppy-dog-eyed cohort at ringside. Expect the Lord Chief himself to help Desmona steal the win in a moment of utter confusion.
The insanity continues! We have a triple threat featuring the weirdo newbie, the darkest of the dark matchers in Aussie R&R, and THE UGWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. If anyone but Travis Pierce pulls this victory, or the match goes for more than three minutes, I'm putting my pen down. I think JK needs a new cleansing. In a rehab center. Ready for a Shyamalan worthy twist? Speculators think the cameraman IS NBK. WOAH!
That brings us to the main event, in a match that might actually turn out to be a bit of a shocking entertainer, flying Enigma takes on the bearded giant Tyvirus. St. Jimmy is definitely going to have to make an appearance is Enigma wants to get one over on the number one contender, but sources are actually deadlocked on the outcome!
Enough of this nonsense, let's take a look at a card that would make great sense. It's time for the No Hold's Barred Dream Matches!
Top to bottom:
Main Event
UGWC World Championship
TLC: Turntables, Lit Floors, and Colored Lights
Tyvola vs Travis Pierce(c)
The spreader of disease and illegitimate retarded children meets the master of entertainment in the most entertaining dance off in the history of professional sports!
Number One Contender Match
He She Match
Jet Somers and Gabrielle Montgomery
Competitors must pick each other's wardrobe before the match... from their own closets!
Cross Hemisphere Championship
Lumberjack Match
Enigma vs JK(c)
The Aussie R&R would be the lumberjacks... of course.
Cooperative Championship
Money in the Consortium's Office Match
Paul Cockatoo and vs Phrixus Deimos and vs The Thames Valley Hit Squad(c)
You know how a Money in the Bank match works. Same thing basically. The Office is guarded by Boss P, by the way. Oh, and THVS chooses Deimos' and Cockatoo's partners. Hilarity ensues.
Chaos Championship
Parking Lot Brawl
{Not Medos or Ezekiel} vs Kyle Tacker(c)
Anyone, I don't want to risk seeing that dead horse again. No offense to the current champion.
And everyone else in a survivor series four man team battle brawl for all. Random teams. Love it.
Post by pepperphoenix on Apr 18, 2011 2:24:27 GMT -5
Oh god, the emoticons insinuate that whoever gets picked as Deimos and Cockatoo's partners are going to be very unhappy and confused about it. Unintentional comedy gold!
Thanks.
vs Phrixus Deimos and 
