Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 21:15:08 GMT -5
(The camera zooms in on Brandon Brown staring at a photograph.)
I loved her. She held me together through some tough times. Her face was beautiful. The way she glowed when I looked into her eyes. I had never seen beauty like that before. It makes me happy just thinking about the times I had with her.
I remember the first time I saw her. She was sitting down. I gave her a little wink and I could see she liked me. A lot of guys where after this girl. We all knew she was the best catch out there. I can’t even describe how beautiful she is. I wasn’t good enough for her though. She left with some other guy. I was so disappointed that I didn’t get her. I thought she was mine for the taking. I thought I had her. I didn’t get her though. She went out with this other guy instead.
She and this other guy didn’t last long though. They had a rough relationship and he dropped the ball. This was my opportunity to hook up with the girl. I had some competition from another guy but she knew who was right for her in the end. After showing off my skills, she came home with me. We were a perfect match for each other. I went everywhere with this girl. Nothing could try and tear us apart.
I was wrong. Somebody did try to tear us apart. It was her old boyfriend. The guy who dropped the ball. We fought over this girl like crazy. I think she was torn between who she wanted to be with. We were the thorns between her rose. We knew that only one person could take this beautiful girl home. She had been with both of us so she knew what we were like. In the end though, she chose me. I haven’t seen the other guy since.
She was an awesome person to be with. I would take her to the movies and people would say how cool it was that we were together. The people thought we were a great couple. We were on magazines and we were all over the internet. Everybody thought we were the greatest thing on Earth.
Another guy entered our life though. As much as I love this girl, she has a wandering eye for men. This guy was a mystery man. She liked mysterious kind of people. When he looked into her eyes, I could see him imagining himself with her. I wasn’t too happy about my girl possibly leaving me for him. I had to settle this dispute. Something went wrong though. This guy had plenty of friends that wanted to help him take my girl. That man and his friends beat me down and stole her. They kidnapped my girl. As I stare into this picture of me and my girl, I think of all the good times we had together.
I’m sure many of you want to know what this girl looks like. Many of you already know. In case you don’t, here is the picture. (Brandon reveals the picture and the picture shows him with the GIW Championship belt.) I just told you a history lesson of my experience with the GIW title. I loved being champion. That belt was kidnapped from me, just like Global Domination kidnapped me a few weeks ago. That belt was like a girlfriend to me, but we didn’t have sex.
When Global Domination kidnapped me, I felt scared. I didn’t think I was going to get out of there. I thought I was done for. I was freed though, which was the wrong thing for them to do. I don’t know who freed me, but they should have left me for dead. I am more motivated know than I ever was before. I don’t think Global Domination saw that coming. They thought I wouldn’t have a will to fight anymore. They were wrong. I will take back my title. (A knock is heard on the door.) Who could that be?
(Brandon opens the door and sees Mr. McFeely from Mister Rogers Neighborhood.)
McFeely: Hey, Mr. Brown! Speedy Delivery!
Brandon: I forgot I had asked you to come over. Do you have the tapes I want?
McFeely: You asked for wrestling tapes and porn, is that right?
Brandon: Right on the money, Mr. McFeely. By the way, don’t tell anybody I ordered porn.
McFeely: Why do you keep things like that a secret? You don’t like telling friends you watch porn.
Brandon: It’s not like that. All my friends would come over and ask if they could watch my porn.
McFeely: Okay, I see where you are coming from. Now, if you would sign here, then this stuff is yours.
Brandon: Okay. (Signs paper.) Do you want to watch some of these videos with me?
McFeely: I thought you didn’t like others watching porn with you. It just doesn’t seem right.
Brandon: No, not the porn. I meant the wrestling tapes.
McFeely: I’m not really into wrestling, but I’ll watch these tapes with you. Do you have a picture wall like Mister Rogers?
Brandon: No, but I have a TV and a DVD player.
McFeely: That works too. I’ll just insert this video.
(Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” starts playing on the TV.)
Brandon: Did I just get Rick rolled by Mr. McFeely? McFeely, you are a genius.
McFeely: I do this to everyone who asks me to put in something to watch.
Brandon: You sneaky old bastard.
McFeely: Okay, here is the real tape.
(Tape starts playing and it is Toxic Intent 2008.)
Brandon: McFeely, fast forward through this crap. I don’t want to watch a Sean Jensen match. I want to see my match.
McFeely: Sorry. (Fast forwards to the start of Brandon’s match.) Is this good?
Brandon: Go past this part. Find the part where I hit a flying superkick.
McFeely: Is this it?
Brandon: Yeah, hit play. (McFeely hits play.) Did you see that kick? That was sweet. I make the cover. That bastard Savage takes out the ref.
McFeely: Can he do that? Did he hit the ref? That is cheating.
Brandon: Now, I get hit with the Tiger V. I’m down for the count. Those White Brothers come out. You can fast forward a little bit.
McFeely: Okay.
Brandon: I get hit with a Graveyard Effect. Deathman pins me and I lose the match. I also lose my title.
McFeely: You were clearly cheated though. Where I come from, cheating doesn’t prosper.
Brandon: I’m sure in the Neighborhood of Make Believe nobody ever cheats, but when the owner of the company is helping your opponent. You are in trouble.
McFeely: That is unfortunate. I dislike cheaters. Now, if you will excuse me. I will be leaving. I almost forgot. You haven’t paid me.
Brandon: I was hoping you would forget. How much do I owe you?
McFeely: Forty dollars.
Brandon: Here you go.
McFeely: Remember this, Brandon. Wear a sweater to commemorate the life of Mister Rogers.
Brandon: I’ll do that. I’ll wear a sweater during my match at Guerilla Warfare.
McFeely: Thank you and Speedy Delivery!!!
(McFeely leaves.)
Brandon: It’s good that old guy still tries to spread the word of Mister Rogers. (Another knock on the door.) Did he forget some of my porn?
(Brandon opens the door and sees Big B standing outside.)
Brandon: What do you want? Do you want me to thank you for helping me this past week on Sentinel?
Big B: I’m not here because of that.
Brandon: Why are you here then?
Big B: I’m here to tell you that I was wrong. I was wrong to turn my back on you when you won the title. I was jealous of you when you won that title. I wanted a title for myself. I also wanted to see you lose your title. I was wrong. When you lost the title, I was happy. I saw you though and my happiness went away. You were sad. I couldn’t be happy when a guy who was like a brother to me was sad.
Brandon: You think of me like a brother.
Big B: Yes, I think of you like a brother. We’ve had a lot of fun over the years. Who would have thought, the thing we both love would tear us apart.
Brandon: I don’t know what to say. I know I have been a bit of an asshole the last few months. That’s what having the title does to you. It makes you feel invincible. That title made me feel on top of the world and I didn’t need anybody to help me. I was also wrong. You are my brother.
Big B: You’re my brother. How about the Browns get back together? We can still raise a little hell.
Brandon: Hell yeah, we can.
Big B: I’m going to have your back at Guerilla Warfare and I’m bringing some help. (Pulls out a whistle and blows it.) Guys, get in here.
Brandon: What the hell is this?
Big B: I’m getting the family together. Introducing first, he is a three time NFL MVP. He is Jim Brown. Next we have the head coach of The Cleveland Bobcats. He is Larry Brown. We also have World Series winner, Kevin Brown. We have R&B singer, Bobby Brown. Finally, we have a guy dressed as Charlie Brown.
Charlie: Good grief.
Brandon: How the hell did you get all of these guys to come over?
Big B: We are Browns. Browns stick together. All of us Browns will help you at Guerilla Warfare.
Brandon: Didn’t Cara say that nobody could help me.
Big B: Let me quote her. “Naturally your little boy scouts BoolZ and Austin here, and the White brothers for that matter, will all be banned from ringside!” She didn’t say anything about Browns helping you.
Brandon: I forgot she said that. Does that mean that you will be able to help me?
Big B: I hope so. I would be disappointed to know that I called all of these Browns for them to do nothing.
Brandon: I don’t think these other Browns have much fight in them. Larry is almost seventy. Jim is over seventy. The others are all around forty.
Big B: I guess I didn’t think about that. It looks like we will have to do everything. All you other Browns can go home.
(They leave.)
Brandon: You didn’t have to pay them to come, did you?
Big B: No, they volunteered. Browns will do anything for other Browns. We are a clan that can’t be separated.
Brandon: That’s right. We Browns are a team. We can’t be beat. At Guerilla Warfare, this team will take over GIW. The Browns will reign supreme.
Big B: That’s the attitude we need, if we are going to win. I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.
Brandon: Okay.
(They start walking and Brandon gets clubbed in the leg out of nowhere.)
Brandon: FUCK!!! Who did that?
(Hardcore Jolly appears.)
Jolly: I did.
Big B: Who the fuck is this guy? I’m going to kill you.
Brandon: No need to kill him. He just likes to randomly attack me. I trained with him to learn how to hardcore wrestle.
Jolly: That is what I want to talk to you about. I told you that you have one more test before you are officially hardcore. I will now tell you what the final test is.
Brandon: Bring it on. I want to know. I need to be hardcore.
Jolly: The final test is to beat Deathman in the stretcher match at Guerilla Warfare. If you beat him, then you are officially hardcore.
Brandon: I will beat him. I’m going to put him on that stretcher and push him across the line. By defeating Deathman, I will become hardcore. More importantly, I will become Global Heavyweight Champion once again. I’m hungry, let’s go Big B. See you later, Jolly.
(Brandon and Big B head off to get some food. They don’t know what the future holds for them. They do know that they will be sticking together as a family.)
Fade to brown
I loved her. She held me together through some tough times. Her face was beautiful. The way she glowed when I looked into her eyes. I had never seen beauty like that before. It makes me happy just thinking about the times I had with her.
I remember the first time I saw her. She was sitting down. I gave her a little wink and I could see she liked me. A lot of guys where after this girl. We all knew she was the best catch out there. I can’t even describe how beautiful she is. I wasn’t good enough for her though. She left with some other guy. I was so disappointed that I didn’t get her. I thought she was mine for the taking. I thought I had her. I didn’t get her though. She went out with this other guy instead.
She and this other guy didn’t last long though. They had a rough relationship and he dropped the ball. This was my opportunity to hook up with the girl. I had some competition from another guy but she knew who was right for her in the end. After showing off my skills, she came home with me. We were a perfect match for each other. I went everywhere with this girl. Nothing could try and tear us apart.
I was wrong. Somebody did try to tear us apart. It was her old boyfriend. The guy who dropped the ball. We fought over this girl like crazy. I think she was torn between who she wanted to be with. We were the thorns between her rose. We knew that only one person could take this beautiful girl home. She had been with both of us so she knew what we were like. In the end though, she chose me. I haven’t seen the other guy since.
She was an awesome person to be with. I would take her to the movies and people would say how cool it was that we were together. The people thought we were a great couple. We were on magazines and we were all over the internet. Everybody thought we were the greatest thing on Earth.
Another guy entered our life though. As much as I love this girl, she has a wandering eye for men. This guy was a mystery man. She liked mysterious kind of people. When he looked into her eyes, I could see him imagining himself with her. I wasn’t too happy about my girl possibly leaving me for him. I had to settle this dispute. Something went wrong though. This guy had plenty of friends that wanted to help him take my girl. That man and his friends beat me down and stole her. They kidnapped my girl. As I stare into this picture of me and my girl, I think of all the good times we had together.
I’m sure many of you want to know what this girl looks like. Many of you already know. In case you don’t, here is the picture. (Brandon reveals the picture and the picture shows him with the GIW Championship belt.) I just told you a history lesson of my experience with the GIW title. I loved being champion. That belt was kidnapped from me, just like Global Domination kidnapped me a few weeks ago. That belt was like a girlfriend to me, but we didn’t have sex.
When Global Domination kidnapped me, I felt scared. I didn’t think I was going to get out of there. I thought I was done for. I was freed though, which was the wrong thing for them to do. I don’t know who freed me, but they should have left me for dead. I am more motivated know than I ever was before. I don’t think Global Domination saw that coming. They thought I wouldn’t have a will to fight anymore. They were wrong. I will take back my title. (A knock is heard on the door.) Who could that be?
(Brandon opens the door and sees Mr. McFeely from Mister Rogers Neighborhood.)
McFeely: Hey, Mr. Brown! Speedy Delivery!
Brandon: I forgot I had asked you to come over. Do you have the tapes I want?
McFeely: You asked for wrestling tapes and porn, is that right?
Brandon: Right on the money, Mr. McFeely. By the way, don’t tell anybody I ordered porn.
McFeely: Why do you keep things like that a secret? You don’t like telling friends you watch porn.
Brandon: It’s not like that. All my friends would come over and ask if they could watch my porn.
McFeely: Okay, I see where you are coming from. Now, if you would sign here, then this stuff is yours.
Brandon: Okay. (Signs paper.) Do you want to watch some of these videos with me?
McFeely: I thought you didn’t like others watching porn with you. It just doesn’t seem right.
Brandon: No, not the porn. I meant the wrestling tapes.
McFeely: I’m not really into wrestling, but I’ll watch these tapes with you. Do you have a picture wall like Mister Rogers?
Brandon: No, but I have a TV and a DVD player.
McFeely: That works too. I’ll just insert this video.
(Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” starts playing on the TV.)
Brandon: Did I just get Rick rolled by Mr. McFeely? McFeely, you are a genius.
McFeely: I do this to everyone who asks me to put in something to watch.
Brandon: You sneaky old bastard.
McFeely: Okay, here is the real tape.
(Tape starts playing and it is Toxic Intent 2008.)
Brandon: McFeely, fast forward through this crap. I don’t want to watch a Sean Jensen match. I want to see my match.
McFeely: Sorry. (Fast forwards to the start of Brandon’s match.) Is this good?
Brandon: Go past this part. Find the part where I hit a flying superkick.
McFeely: Is this it?
Brandon: Yeah, hit play. (McFeely hits play.) Did you see that kick? That was sweet. I make the cover. That bastard Savage takes out the ref.
McFeely: Can he do that? Did he hit the ref? That is cheating.
Brandon: Now, I get hit with the Tiger V. I’m down for the count. Those White Brothers come out. You can fast forward a little bit.
McFeely: Okay.
Brandon: I get hit with a Graveyard Effect. Deathman pins me and I lose the match. I also lose my title.
McFeely: You were clearly cheated though. Where I come from, cheating doesn’t prosper.
Brandon: I’m sure in the Neighborhood of Make Believe nobody ever cheats, but when the owner of the company is helping your opponent. You are in trouble.
McFeely: That is unfortunate. I dislike cheaters. Now, if you will excuse me. I will be leaving. I almost forgot. You haven’t paid me.
Brandon: I was hoping you would forget. How much do I owe you?
McFeely: Forty dollars.
Brandon: Here you go.
McFeely: Remember this, Brandon. Wear a sweater to commemorate the life of Mister Rogers.
Brandon: I’ll do that. I’ll wear a sweater during my match at Guerilla Warfare.
McFeely: Thank you and Speedy Delivery!!!
(McFeely leaves.)
Brandon: It’s good that old guy still tries to spread the word of Mister Rogers. (Another knock on the door.) Did he forget some of my porn?
(Brandon opens the door and sees Big B standing outside.)
Brandon: What do you want? Do you want me to thank you for helping me this past week on Sentinel?
Big B: I’m not here because of that.
Brandon: Why are you here then?
Big B: I’m here to tell you that I was wrong. I was wrong to turn my back on you when you won the title. I was jealous of you when you won that title. I wanted a title for myself. I also wanted to see you lose your title. I was wrong. When you lost the title, I was happy. I saw you though and my happiness went away. You were sad. I couldn’t be happy when a guy who was like a brother to me was sad.
Brandon: You think of me like a brother.
Big B: Yes, I think of you like a brother. We’ve had a lot of fun over the years. Who would have thought, the thing we both love would tear us apart.
Brandon: I don’t know what to say. I know I have been a bit of an asshole the last few months. That’s what having the title does to you. It makes you feel invincible. That title made me feel on top of the world and I didn’t need anybody to help me. I was also wrong. You are my brother.
Big B: You’re my brother. How about the Browns get back together? We can still raise a little hell.
Brandon: Hell yeah, we can.
Big B: I’m going to have your back at Guerilla Warfare and I’m bringing some help. (Pulls out a whistle and blows it.) Guys, get in here.
Brandon: What the hell is this?
Big B: I’m getting the family together. Introducing first, he is a three time NFL MVP. He is Jim Brown. Next we have the head coach of The Cleveland Bobcats. He is Larry Brown. We also have World Series winner, Kevin Brown. We have R&B singer, Bobby Brown. Finally, we have a guy dressed as Charlie Brown.
Charlie: Good grief.
Brandon: How the hell did you get all of these guys to come over?
Big B: We are Browns. Browns stick together. All of us Browns will help you at Guerilla Warfare.
Brandon: Didn’t Cara say that nobody could help me.
Big B: Let me quote her. “Naturally your little boy scouts BoolZ and Austin here, and the White brothers for that matter, will all be banned from ringside!” She didn’t say anything about Browns helping you.
Brandon: I forgot she said that. Does that mean that you will be able to help me?
Big B: I hope so. I would be disappointed to know that I called all of these Browns for them to do nothing.
Brandon: I don’t think these other Browns have much fight in them. Larry is almost seventy. Jim is over seventy. The others are all around forty.
Big B: I guess I didn’t think about that. It looks like we will have to do everything. All you other Browns can go home.
(They leave.)
Brandon: You didn’t have to pay them to come, did you?
Big B: No, they volunteered. Browns will do anything for other Browns. We are a clan that can’t be separated.
Brandon: That’s right. We Browns are a team. We can’t be beat. At Guerilla Warfare, this team will take over GIW. The Browns will reign supreme.
Big B: That’s the attitude we need, if we are going to win. I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.
Brandon: Okay.
(They start walking and Brandon gets clubbed in the leg out of nowhere.)
Brandon: FUCK!!! Who did that?
(Hardcore Jolly appears.)
Jolly: I did.
Big B: Who the fuck is this guy? I’m going to kill you.
Brandon: No need to kill him. He just likes to randomly attack me. I trained with him to learn how to hardcore wrestle.
Jolly: That is what I want to talk to you about. I told you that you have one more test before you are officially hardcore. I will now tell you what the final test is.
Brandon: Bring it on. I want to know. I need to be hardcore.
Jolly: The final test is to beat Deathman in the stretcher match at Guerilla Warfare. If you beat him, then you are officially hardcore.
Brandon: I will beat him. I’m going to put him on that stretcher and push him across the line. By defeating Deathman, I will become hardcore. More importantly, I will become Global Heavyweight Champion once again. I’m hungry, let’s go Big B. See you later, Jolly.
(Brandon and Big B head off to get some food. They don’t know what the future holds for them. They do know that they will be sticking together as a family.)
Fade to brown