Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 21:16:41 GMT -5
(The scene starts with Brandon Brown leaving the hospital.)
Brandon: Big B should have been here by now.
(A car comes to a screeching stop right in front of Brandon.)
Brandon: There he is. (Opens car door.) Where were you?
Big B: The left front tire blew, so I had to put on the spare. How are you feeling?
Brandon: I still have a lot of bruises, a big headache, and a lot of bad memories. I never want to have a stretcher match with Deathman again.
Big B: Your going to be sad to hear that they scheduled that match again for In Your Hands.
Brandon: Are you fucking serious.?
Big B: No, I just wanted to see how you would act. I know I’m an asshole.
Brandon: I’m glad you were joking. I was a little bit scared. Hey, where are we eating at?
Big B: Burger King.
Brandon: That will do. I like Burger King.
Big B: Yeah, it’s Burger King day in my cycle. Remember I go to every major fast food chain everyday. Yesterday was McDonalds and tomorrow will be KFC.
Brandon: I forgot you did that. Do you really think it is healthy to eat fast food everyday?
Big B: No, but you only live once.
Brandon: You won’t make it to thirty years old.
Big B: Do you think I should try and lose some weight?
Brandon: I think it would help out a lot. You should try NutriSystem. You could be on one of those commercials.
Big B: Yeah, I could. I’m Big B Brown and I lost one hundred pounds on NutriSystem. You get to eat all of your favorite foods like burgers, pizza, lasagna, and pot roast.
Brandon: That wasn’t half bad. You could make it in Hollywood. I have a feeling you aren’t going to do NutriSystem though?
Big B: You would be right. I love eating my fatty foods. There’s Burger King. Do you want to go in or go through the drive-thru?
Brandon: Big B, we are GIW superstars. People would be all over us asking for our autographs. I say we go through the drive-thru.
Big B: Okay. Not many people at Burger King right now.
BK: Welcome to Burger King, can I take your order please?
Big B: I’ll have a Triple Whopper, a Steakhouse Burger, a BK Stacker, a Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich, BK Big Fish, large fries, a coke, a Hershey’s Sundae Pie, and a Double Whopper with medium fries for my cousin.
BK: Is that all?
Big B: I’ll also have some chicken fries.
BK: That will be (Right when the guy says the price a loud plane flies by, luckily Big B heard the price.) at the first window.
Brandon: How much did you have to pay?
Big B: It doesn’t matter. We are rich. We can pay off anything.
(Pulls up to first window.)
BK: That will be.
Big B: (interrupting) I know how much it costs. Here you go and keep the change.
Brandon: Big B, how much does GIW pay you to wrestle once every four weeks?
Big B: You forget that I work for more than one wrestling company.
(Pulls up to second window.)
Brandon: No wonder you can afford all of that food. Do you actually eat all of that?
Big B: Of course I do. I save all the stuff I don’t finish for later.
Brandon: You are a fat bastard. I won’t be surprised when you reach the six hundred pound mark.
BK: Here is your food. (Big B grabs the food.) Thank you for coming to Burger King.
Big B: I don’t care if I reach six hundred pounds. I will be an unbeatable wrestler then. Nobody will be able to lift me.
Brandon: Yeah, but you will be worn out by the time you get to the ring. You won’t have any energy.
Big B: I never thought about that. You know you are a very smart guy.
Brandon: That is why I am the Global Heavyweight Champion. Where is my belt at by the way?
Big B: It’s at home. I still can’t believe you won that match. I don’t think I would have been able to. Actually, I might have won because there probably wasn’t a stretcher that could support my weight.
Brandon: Yeah, what happened at the end of that match? I remember going back into the ring and then I remember getting hit by something. Who the hell hit me?
Big B: Declan Prescott hit you with a sledgehammer. I guess he thought it would be cool to hit a guy after he had been through a stretcher match.
Brandon: That bastard really hit me with a sledgehammer after the match. I’ll kill him. The next time I see him, I’m going to kill him.
Big B: Calm down, dude. You aren’t going to kill Declan Prescott. You should just hurt him so bad that he is back in the hospital for another two months.
Brandon: It was a peaceful two months without him. Too bad his bitch of a girlfriend ran the show while he was gone. I hate Cara Costello. I’d fuck her, but I really don’t like her.
Big B: Do you think she would have sex with me first, or do you think she would have sex with you first?
Brandon: I would say you. Women can’t resist you for some reason.
Big B: I know. It must be my boyish good looks.
Brandon: So has Declan made any announcements regarding the next pay per view? I bet he has already put himself in the main event against me.
Big B: Actually, he hasn’t. This week on Sentinel there will be three matches that have to do with the main event for the next pay per view. The winners of the three matches will have to be voted into the main event at In Your Hands.
Brandon: Does Declan actually think people will vote for him? I don’t think anybody likes him. I wouldn’t vote for him. Who else do I have to choose from?
Big B: Andy Savana, Dylan James, Komosube, Travis Roberts, and Sean Jensen could all be possible choices along with Declan Prescott.
Brandon: I see that there isn’t much to choose from. Do the fans really like any of these guys? I don’t like any of them.
Big B: I’m surprised Deathman wasn’t put in there. I haven’t heard anything about Deathman since Guerrilla Warfare.
Brandon: Damn, he has a rematch clause too. I hope he doesn’t use it anytime soon. I’m fucking worn out.
Big B: Hold on, I have to stop at this store.
Brandon: Okay.
(Big B heads into the store.)
Brandon: We haven’t started on our food yet.
(Brandon has finished his food by the time Big B returns to the car.)
Brandon: What did you get?
Big B: Nothing.
Brandon: What do you mean nothing? What is in all of those boxes that you put in the back?
Big B: It’s nothing.
Brandon: Let me see what’s in there.
Big B: No, it’s not important.
(Brandon manages to get the box open before Big B could stop him.)
Brandon: Big B, why did you buy all of this Red Bull? Do I have a match with Boolz this week?
Big B: You don’t have a match this week. I do.
Brandon: So you have to fight Boolz this week?
Big B: Yeah.
Brandon: Are you going to give him all of this Red Bull so you won’t have to fight him?
Big B: I didn’t think about that. I was actually going to drink all of this Red Bull myself so that I would have the energy to beat Boolz.
Brandon: It seems like a good strategy but I don’t know if it will work or not. Boolz is the Hardcore Champion after all. You are going to have to do a lot more than drink Red Bull to beat him.
Big B: Yeah, you’re probably right. Chris Austin is supposed to do guest commentary for the match.
Brandon: Interesting. He might try to interfere. I think he will help you though since Boolz has his Hardcore title.
Big B: That would make things easy on me though, so I know he won’t help me. He seems kind of pissed off right now.
Brandon: Nobody is happy when they lose their title. I wasn’t too happy when I lost mine. I knew though that I would have to fight my hardest to get it back and I did. I know stand here as the two time Global Heavyweight Champion.
Big B: You really love to brag, don’ t you?
Brandon: It’s my passion.
Big B: Brandon, I have a question for you. Have you ever tried Red Bull?
Brandon: No, I haven’t. I wonder what it tastes like.
Big B: Maybe we should try it.
Brandon: When are you going to eat your food?
Big B: Later. We need to try this Red Bull though.
Brandon: Okay. Boolz likes it, so it must be good.
(Big B and Brandon start drinking Red Bull.)
Brandon: This is pretty good.
Big B: Yeah, I like this stuff.
(A couple minutes later Big B and Brandon are full of energy.)
Brandon: I’ve never had this much energy in my life.
Big B: We should do something. I got it. We must find Oprah.
Brandon: How the hell are we going to do that?
Big B: Doesn’t she live in Chicago?
Brandon: Yeah, I think she does.
Big B: We have to go to Chicago then.
Brandon: Yeah, that’s brilliant. Luckily we are in Indiana right now and not in California.
Big B: We’ll be in California later in the week.
Brandon: When we get to California, can we go find Will Smith?
Big B: Okay.
Brandon: I’m going to ask him why his movie Hancock is getting such lousy reviews.
(A few hours later Brandon and Big B are at Oprah’s house.)
Brandon: Maybe, we should give Oprah some Red Bull.
Big B: How much of that stuff do we have left? We’ve been drinking that stuff for hours.
Brandon: Just a few more cans are left. So, are we sure this is where Oprah lives?
Big B: I don’t know. You should knock on her door.
(Brandon knocks and they wait a few minutes.)
Brandon: I don’t think anybody is home.
Big B: She could be in the shower or she could be taking a nap.
Brandon: That is a good possibility. (Knocks again.) Oprah, come out of your fucking house. We are here to kill you.
Big B: What the hell? Don’t listen to him, Oprah. We aren’t going to kill you.
Brandon: Yes, we are.
Big B: No, we aren’t.
(The door opens and Oprah steps out.)
Brandon and Big B: OPRAH! We’re not worthy. We’re not worthy.
Oprah: You’re worthy. You’re worthy.
Big B: Oprah, I love you. You give hope to all black people like me.
Oprah I do love all young African Americans. What about you white boy?
Brandon: I wanted to tell you this for a very long time.
(Brandon Superkicks Oprah and knocks her out.)
Brandon: That’s for not writing me back when I wrote you a letter one time.
Big B: Brandon, what have you done. You superkicked Oprah. She could have a concussion.
Brandon: Yeah, we better get out of here. She could call the police.
(Brandon and Big B head back to Indiana.)
Brandon: I don’t think I can drink anymore of this Red Bull. It’s making me sick.
Big B: Yeah, I don’t think I can either. I can’t believe you kicked Oprah. She is an American hero.
Brandon: G.I. Joe is an American hero. Oprah is just some rich person who only cares about herself. She makes it seem like she cares for the poor, but she only does it to raise her fame.
Big B: You still shouldn’t have kicked her though.
Brandon: Yeah, I hope she doesn’t remember that. We could possibly be thrown in jail.
Big B: I hope her cameras weren’t working today.
Brandon: Those celebrities never keep their cameras on. They are only there to scare people.
Big B: Damn, you are fucking smart. Gee, Brandon. What are we going to do tonight?
Brandon: The same thing we do every night, Big B. Try to take over the world.
Brandon: Big B should have been here by now.
(A car comes to a screeching stop right in front of Brandon.)
Brandon: There he is. (Opens car door.) Where were you?
Big B: The left front tire blew, so I had to put on the spare. How are you feeling?
Brandon: I still have a lot of bruises, a big headache, and a lot of bad memories. I never want to have a stretcher match with Deathman again.
Big B: Your going to be sad to hear that they scheduled that match again for In Your Hands.
Brandon: Are you fucking serious.?
Big B: No, I just wanted to see how you would act. I know I’m an asshole.
Brandon: I’m glad you were joking. I was a little bit scared. Hey, where are we eating at?
Big B: Burger King.
Brandon: That will do. I like Burger King.
Big B: Yeah, it’s Burger King day in my cycle. Remember I go to every major fast food chain everyday. Yesterday was McDonalds and tomorrow will be KFC.
Brandon: I forgot you did that. Do you really think it is healthy to eat fast food everyday?
Big B: No, but you only live once.
Brandon: You won’t make it to thirty years old.
Big B: Do you think I should try and lose some weight?
Brandon: I think it would help out a lot. You should try NutriSystem. You could be on one of those commercials.
Big B: Yeah, I could. I’m Big B Brown and I lost one hundred pounds on NutriSystem. You get to eat all of your favorite foods like burgers, pizza, lasagna, and pot roast.
Brandon: That wasn’t half bad. You could make it in Hollywood. I have a feeling you aren’t going to do NutriSystem though?
Big B: You would be right. I love eating my fatty foods. There’s Burger King. Do you want to go in or go through the drive-thru?
Brandon: Big B, we are GIW superstars. People would be all over us asking for our autographs. I say we go through the drive-thru.
Big B: Okay. Not many people at Burger King right now.
BK: Welcome to Burger King, can I take your order please?
Big B: I’ll have a Triple Whopper, a Steakhouse Burger, a BK Stacker, a Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich, BK Big Fish, large fries, a coke, a Hershey’s Sundae Pie, and a Double Whopper with medium fries for my cousin.
BK: Is that all?
Big B: I’ll also have some chicken fries.
BK: That will be (Right when the guy says the price a loud plane flies by, luckily Big B heard the price.) at the first window.
Brandon: How much did you have to pay?
Big B: It doesn’t matter. We are rich. We can pay off anything.
(Pulls up to first window.)
BK: That will be.
Big B: (interrupting) I know how much it costs. Here you go and keep the change.
Brandon: Big B, how much does GIW pay you to wrestle once every four weeks?
Big B: You forget that I work for more than one wrestling company.
(Pulls up to second window.)
Brandon: No wonder you can afford all of that food. Do you actually eat all of that?
Big B: Of course I do. I save all the stuff I don’t finish for later.
Brandon: You are a fat bastard. I won’t be surprised when you reach the six hundred pound mark.
BK: Here is your food. (Big B grabs the food.) Thank you for coming to Burger King.
Big B: I don’t care if I reach six hundred pounds. I will be an unbeatable wrestler then. Nobody will be able to lift me.
Brandon: Yeah, but you will be worn out by the time you get to the ring. You won’t have any energy.
Big B: I never thought about that. You know you are a very smart guy.
Brandon: That is why I am the Global Heavyweight Champion. Where is my belt at by the way?
Big B: It’s at home. I still can’t believe you won that match. I don’t think I would have been able to. Actually, I might have won because there probably wasn’t a stretcher that could support my weight.
Brandon: Yeah, what happened at the end of that match? I remember going back into the ring and then I remember getting hit by something. Who the hell hit me?
Big B: Declan Prescott hit you with a sledgehammer. I guess he thought it would be cool to hit a guy after he had been through a stretcher match.
Brandon: That bastard really hit me with a sledgehammer after the match. I’ll kill him. The next time I see him, I’m going to kill him.
Big B: Calm down, dude. You aren’t going to kill Declan Prescott. You should just hurt him so bad that he is back in the hospital for another two months.
Brandon: It was a peaceful two months without him. Too bad his bitch of a girlfriend ran the show while he was gone. I hate Cara Costello. I’d fuck her, but I really don’t like her.
Big B: Do you think she would have sex with me first, or do you think she would have sex with you first?
Brandon: I would say you. Women can’t resist you for some reason.
Big B: I know. It must be my boyish good looks.
Brandon: So has Declan made any announcements regarding the next pay per view? I bet he has already put himself in the main event against me.
Big B: Actually, he hasn’t. This week on Sentinel there will be three matches that have to do with the main event for the next pay per view. The winners of the three matches will have to be voted into the main event at In Your Hands.
Brandon: Does Declan actually think people will vote for him? I don’t think anybody likes him. I wouldn’t vote for him. Who else do I have to choose from?
Big B: Andy Savana, Dylan James, Komosube, Travis Roberts, and Sean Jensen could all be possible choices along with Declan Prescott.
Brandon: I see that there isn’t much to choose from. Do the fans really like any of these guys? I don’t like any of them.
Big B: I’m surprised Deathman wasn’t put in there. I haven’t heard anything about Deathman since Guerrilla Warfare.
Brandon: Damn, he has a rematch clause too. I hope he doesn’t use it anytime soon. I’m fucking worn out.
Big B: Hold on, I have to stop at this store.
Brandon: Okay.
(Big B heads into the store.)
Brandon: We haven’t started on our food yet.
(Brandon has finished his food by the time Big B returns to the car.)
Brandon: What did you get?
Big B: Nothing.
Brandon: What do you mean nothing? What is in all of those boxes that you put in the back?
Big B: It’s nothing.
Brandon: Let me see what’s in there.
Big B: No, it’s not important.
(Brandon manages to get the box open before Big B could stop him.)
Brandon: Big B, why did you buy all of this Red Bull? Do I have a match with Boolz this week?
Big B: You don’t have a match this week. I do.
Brandon: So you have to fight Boolz this week?
Big B: Yeah.
Brandon: Are you going to give him all of this Red Bull so you won’t have to fight him?
Big B: I didn’t think about that. I was actually going to drink all of this Red Bull myself so that I would have the energy to beat Boolz.
Brandon: It seems like a good strategy but I don’t know if it will work or not. Boolz is the Hardcore Champion after all. You are going to have to do a lot more than drink Red Bull to beat him.
Big B: Yeah, you’re probably right. Chris Austin is supposed to do guest commentary for the match.
Brandon: Interesting. He might try to interfere. I think he will help you though since Boolz has his Hardcore title.
Big B: That would make things easy on me though, so I know he won’t help me. He seems kind of pissed off right now.
Brandon: Nobody is happy when they lose their title. I wasn’t too happy when I lost mine. I knew though that I would have to fight my hardest to get it back and I did. I know stand here as the two time Global Heavyweight Champion.
Big B: You really love to brag, don’ t you?
Brandon: It’s my passion.
Big B: Brandon, I have a question for you. Have you ever tried Red Bull?
Brandon: No, I haven’t. I wonder what it tastes like.
Big B: Maybe we should try it.
Brandon: When are you going to eat your food?
Big B: Later. We need to try this Red Bull though.
Brandon: Okay. Boolz likes it, so it must be good.
(Big B and Brandon start drinking Red Bull.)
Brandon: This is pretty good.
Big B: Yeah, I like this stuff.
(A couple minutes later Big B and Brandon are full of energy.)
Brandon: I’ve never had this much energy in my life.
Big B: We should do something. I got it. We must find Oprah.
Brandon: How the hell are we going to do that?
Big B: Doesn’t she live in Chicago?
Brandon: Yeah, I think she does.
Big B: We have to go to Chicago then.
Brandon: Yeah, that’s brilliant. Luckily we are in Indiana right now and not in California.
Big B: We’ll be in California later in the week.
Brandon: When we get to California, can we go find Will Smith?
Big B: Okay.
Brandon: I’m going to ask him why his movie Hancock is getting such lousy reviews.
(A few hours later Brandon and Big B are at Oprah’s house.)
Brandon: Maybe, we should give Oprah some Red Bull.
Big B: How much of that stuff do we have left? We’ve been drinking that stuff for hours.
Brandon: Just a few more cans are left. So, are we sure this is where Oprah lives?
Big B: I don’t know. You should knock on her door.
(Brandon knocks and they wait a few minutes.)
Brandon: I don’t think anybody is home.
Big B: She could be in the shower or she could be taking a nap.
Brandon: That is a good possibility. (Knocks again.) Oprah, come out of your fucking house. We are here to kill you.
Big B: What the hell? Don’t listen to him, Oprah. We aren’t going to kill you.
Brandon: Yes, we are.
Big B: No, we aren’t.
(The door opens and Oprah steps out.)
Brandon and Big B: OPRAH! We’re not worthy. We’re not worthy.
Oprah: You’re worthy. You’re worthy.
Big B: Oprah, I love you. You give hope to all black people like me.
Oprah I do love all young African Americans. What about you white boy?
Brandon: I wanted to tell you this for a very long time.
(Brandon Superkicks Oprah and knocks her out.)
Brandon: That’s for not writing me back when I wrote you a letter one time.
Big B: Brandon, what have you done. You superkicked Oprah. She could have a concussion.
Brandon: Yeah, we better get out of here. She could call the police.
(Brandon and Big B head back to Indiana.)
Brandon: I don’t think I can drink anymore of this Red Bull. It’s making me sick.
Big B: Yeah, I don’t think I can either. I can’t believe you kicked Oprah. She is an American hero.
Brandon: G.I. Joe is an American hero. Oprah is just some rich person who only cares about herself. She makes it seem like she cares for the poor, but she only does it to raise her fame.
Big B: You still shouldn’t have kicked her though.
Brandon: Yeah, I hope she doesn’t remember that. We could possibly be thrown in jail.
Big B: I hope her cameras weren’t working today.
Brandon: Those celebrities never keep their cameras on. They are only there to scare people.
Big B: Damn, you are fucking smart. Gee, Brandon. What are we going to do tonight?
Brandon: The same thing we do every night, Big B. Try to take over the world.