Post by brandonbrown on Jul 25, 2009 21:22:25 GMT -5
(The scene opens with Brandon entering a limo and Big B talking to him.)
Big B: Brandon, where are you going?
Brandon: I’m going back home. Cornelius was right. I need to visit my friends and family.
Big B: Brandon. Wait, when did you get a limo?
Brandon: I got it last week. It’s nice, isn’t it?
Big B: Yeah, it is pretty nice. Anyways, are you going to leave me here all alone?
Brandon: Yeah. I’m sure you can go hang out with your friends.
Big B: Yeah, about that.
Brandon: I don’t have time, Big B. I need to go now.
Big B: Will you be back in time for my match?
Brandon: Probably.
(Brandon gets in and the limo leaves.)
Big B: Now, what am I going to do? I don’t think I have any other friends. All of my friends are back in Harlem. I guess I’ll have to find some new friends. I know what I’ll do. I’ll go see the Dark Knight again.
(Big B is now in the theater watching the Dark Knight.)
Big B: I love this part. The Joker is going to show him a magic trick. (Throws a handful of popcorn in his mouth.) Ha, he made it disappear.
Guy Sitting in front of Big B: Dude, shut up. You are supposed to be quiet in a movie theater. Also, some of us haven’t seen it yet. Please, be quiet. You’re also making a mess. Look at all the popcorn you got on the floor.
Big B: Sorry.
(A few minutes later.)
Big B: Wow, did you see Batman take out all those Chinese guys?
Movie Theater Guy: Sir, we are going to have to ask you to leave.
Big B: What for?
Movie Theater Guy: You are causing a huge disturbance. There is popcorn all over the floor. Nobody is even sitting in the same row as you. People just want to watch the Dark Knight without some five hundred pound black guy bothering them.
Big B: That’s what this is really all about. You just want me out of here because I’m black. Are you a racist? Is this a black free zone?
Movie Theater Guy: No, you are just causing a disturbance and you have to leave.
Big B: Do I get my money back?
Movie Theater Guy: No, there are no refunds.
Big B: That’s bullshit. I paid my hard earned cash to see the Dark Knight.
Movie Theater Guy: You have already seen it though. We had this same conversation last week. Luckily for you, your cousin was here to shut you up. Now, get out before I call security.
Big B: No.
Movie Theater Guy: You leave me no other choice. SECURITY!!!
(About five security guards come in and tackle Big B to the ground.)
Big B: Did you really need five of them?
Movie Theater Guy: You are five hundred pounds. I couldn’t take any chances.
Big B: Is that a fat joke My lawyers are going to hear about this one.
(Security throws Big B out of the theater.)
Big B: Well, I don’t think I made any friends. Wait, I know what I will do. I will get a Myspace account. You have to get friends on there.
(Big B is now on his computer)
Big B: All I have to hit is one more button and I have a Myspace account. (Hits enter.) Yes, I can’t wait to see how many friends I’m going to get. (Scrolls down to friends section.) Wait a minute. Something is wrong. Tom is supposed to start as my friend. Why isn’t Tom my friend? I’ll just have to send him a message. (Big B sends the message and he gets a quick answer. Big B reads it.) Tom is currently not accepting five hundred pound black guys as friends. That fucker is a racist against fat black guys. Fuck Myspace. (Big B throws his computer across the room.) Luckily, I have the money to fix that. I’ll just have to ask everybody to be my friend.
(Big B is now walking around asking people to be his friend.)
Big B: Will you be my friend?
Girl: No, you are a fat slob.
Big B: Will you be my friend?
Man: No, you might have a gun.
Big B: Will you be my friend?
Santa Claus: NO! NO! NO! Merry Christmas!
Big B: Fucking Santa Claus. Doesn’t he know it’s July.
Black Guy: Hey, I see you are looking for some friends.
Big B: Yes, I am looking for friends.
Black Guy: Join me and you will have plenty of friends. My name is Dwayne by the way.
Big B: All I have to do is be friends with you and I’ll make more friends.
Dwayne: That’s right.
Big B: Cool.
(Dwayne takes Big B to an underground place where there are a lot of people.)
Dwayne: Look at all these friends you could have.
Big B: They are all pointing a gun at me.
Dwayne: That’s because they don’t know you yet. Put your guns down. This guy is with us now.
Big B: What is this place?
Dwayne: This is where our gang hangs out.
Big B: This is a gang. Wow, it doesn’t get cooler than this. What is this gang called?
Dwayne: The Best Gang in the World.
Big B: I know that but what is the gang called.
Dwayne: I just told you. We are the Best Gang in the World. That’s what we call ourselves.
Big B: That’s genius. What do you guys do?
Dwayne: We rob places. Make money. Raise a little hell. We might even shoot some people.
Big B: When are we going to do that?
Dwayne: Right now. Come on everybody. We have a bank to rob.
(The Best Gang in the World is now at the Bank.)
Dwayne: Everybody on the ground. This is a robbery.
Big B: Yeah.
Dwayne: Big B, your gun is upside down.
Big B: My mistake.
(Big B and Dwayne are now in the money vault.)
Big B: That didn’t take long to open.
Dwayne: I’m an expert at this stuff. It just opens automatically for me. Now grab some money.
Big B: This reminds me of when the Joker is robbing the bank in the Dark Knight. Except he kills everybody who helps him. You aren’t going to kill me, are you?
Dwayne: I haven’t seen the Dark Knight yet. I’m not going to kill you either.
Police: Freeze, this is the police.
Dwayne: Damn, somebody must have tipped them off.
Police: Your fat buddy did. The security at the movie theater wired him. We knew that you would try to be friends with him because you wanted a big guy in your gang. Luckily, we made it so Tom couldn’t be Big B’s friend on Myspace. That way he would have to walk around the streets looking for friends.
Dwayne: How did you know that I wanted a big guy in my gang?
Police: Your flyer saying we want a big guy in our gang didn’t really help you.
Dwayne: I told those idiots not to hang up flyers.
Police: Come on, you guys are all going to jail.
(The police are now seen putting a lot of the gang into cop cars.)
Big B: Dwayne, are we still friends?
Dwayne: Fuck you.
Police: Sorry, but we don’t have a cop car big enough for Big B right now. You are free to go.
Big B: Yeah, being fat paid off for once.
Dwayne: What about me?
Police: We have plenty of room for you. Big B, how would you like to become an honorary police officer? All you have to do is promise that you won’t get into anymore trouble.
Big B: Will I have friends?
Police: Yes, you will have friends.
Big B: It will be an honor. Hey, is that a news team? I want an interview.
News: What do you think about this robbery?
Big B: I can’t believe they would drag a poor innocent man like me into this. It’s just wrong. All I wanted was some friends. You know who I don’t want as a friend.
News: No, please tell us.
Big B: His name is Komosube and he works for Global Impact Wrestling. I have match against him this week. I will avenge my cousin’s title loss to him. That fat guy is going down. I will prove why I’m the five hundred pound wrecking machine.
(The scene changes to Brandon watching all of this on CNN on the airplane back to his home.)
Brandon: Good grief.
(The Peanuts music plays as the airplane heads off to Indiana.)
Big B: Brandon, where are you going?
Brandon: I’m going back home. Cornelius was right. I need to visit my friends and family.
Big B: Brandon. Wait, when did you get a limo?
Brandon: I got it last week. It’s nice, isn’t it?
Big B: Yeah, it is pretty nice. Anyways, are you going to leave me here all alone?
Brandon: Yeah. I’m sure you can go hang out with your friends.
Big B: Yeah, about that.
Brandon: I don’t have time, Big B. I need to go now.
Big B: Will you be back in time for my match?
Brandon: Probably.
(Brandon gets in and the limo leaves.)
Big B: Now, what am I going to do? I don’t think I have any other friends. All of my friends are back in Harlem. I guess I’ll have to find some new friends. I know what I’ll do. I’ll go see the Dark Knight again.
(Big B is now in the theater watching the Dark Knight.)
Big B: I love this part. The Joker is going to show him a magic trick. (Throws a handful of popcorn in his mouth.) Ha, he made it disappear.
Guy Sitting in front of Big B: Dude, shut up. You are supposed to be quiet in a movie theater. Also, some of us haven’t seen it yet. Please, be quiet. You’re also making a mess. Look at all the popcorn you got on the floor.
Big B: Sorry.
(A few minutes later.)
Big B: Wow, did you see Batman take out all those Chinese guys?
Movie Theater Guy: Sir, we are going to have to ask you to leave.
Big B: What for?
Movie Theater Guy: You are causing a huge disturbance. There is popcorn all over the floor. Nobody is even sitting in the same row as you. People just want to watch the Dark Knight without some five hundred pound black guy bothering them.
Big B: That’s what this is really all about. You just want me out of here because I’m black. Are you a racist? Is this a black free zone?
Movie Theater Guy: No, you are just causing a disturbance and you have to leave.
Big B: Do I get my money back?
Movie Theater Guy: No, there are no refunds.
Big B: That’s bullshit. I paid my hard earned cash to see the Dark Knight.
Movie Theater Guy: You have already seen it though. We had this same conversation last week. Luckily for you, your cousin was here to shut you up. Now, get out before I call security.
Big B: No.
Movie Theater Guy: You leave me no other choice. SECURITY!!!
(About five security guards come in and tackle Big B to the ground.)
Big B: Did you really need five of them?
Movie Theater Guy: You are five hundred pounds. I couldn’t take any chances.
Big B: Is that a fat joke My lawyers are going to hear about this one.
(Security throws Big B out of the theater.)
Big B: Well, I don’t think I made any friends. Wait, I know what I will do. I will get a Myspace account. You have to get friends on there.
(Big B is now on his computer)
Big B: All I have to hit is one more button and I have a Myspace account. (Hits enter.) Yes, I can’t wait to see how many friends I’m going to get. (Scrolls down to friends section.) Wait a minute. Something is wrong. Tom is supposed to start as my friend. Why isn’t Tom my friend? I’ll just have to send him a message. (Big B sends the message and he gets a quick answer. Big B reads it.) Tom is currently not accepting five hundred pound black guys as friends. That fucker is a racist against fat black guys. Fuck Myspace. (Big B throws his computer across the room.) Luckily, I have the money to fix that. I’ll just have to ask everybody to be my friend.
(Big B is now walking around asking people to be his friend.)
Big B: Will you be my friend?
Girl: No, you are a fat slob.
Big B: Will you be my friend?
Man: No, you might have a gun.
Big B: Will you be my friend?
Santa Claus: NO! NO! NO! Merry Christmas!
Big B: Fucking Santa Claus. Doesn’t he know it’s July.
Black Guy: Hey, I see you are looking for some friends.
Big B: Yes, I am looking for friends.
Black Guy: Join me and you will have plenty of friends. My name is Dwayne by the way.
Big B: All I have to do is be friends with you and I’ll make more friends.
Dwayne: That’s right.
Big B: Cool.
(Dwayne takes Big B to an underground place where there are a lot of people.)
Dwayne: Look at all these friends you could have.
Big B: They are all pointing a gun at me.
Dwayne: That’s because they don’t know you yet. Put your guns down. This guy is with us now.
Big B: What is this place?
Dwayne: This is where our gang hangs out.
Big B: This is a gang. Wow, it doesn’t get cooler than this. What is this gang called?
Dwayne: The Best Gang in the World.
Big B: I know that but what is the gang called.
Dwayne: I just told you. We are the Best Gang in the World. That’s what we call ourselves.
Big B: That’s genius. What do you guys do?
Dwayne: We rob places. Make money. Raise a little hell. We might even shoot some people.
Big B: When are we going to do that?
Dwayne: Right now. Come on everybody. We have a bank to rob.
(The Best Gang in the World is now at the Bank.)
Dwayne: Everybody on the ground. This is a robbery.
Big B: Yeah.
Dwayne: Big B, your gun is upside down.
Big B: My mistake.
(Big B and Dwayne are now in the money vault.)
Big B: That didn’t take long to open.
Dwayne: I’m an expert at this stuff. It just opens automatically for me. Now grab some money.
Big B: This reminds me of when the Joker is robbing the bank in the Dark Knight. Except he kills everybody who helps him. You aren’t going to kill me, are you?
Dwayne: I haven’t seen the Dark Knight yet. I’m not going to kill you either.
Police: Freeze, this is the police.
Dwayne: Damn, somebody must have tipped them off.
Police: Your fat buddy did. The security at the movie theater wired him. We knew that you would try to be friends with him because you wanted a big guy in your gang. Luckily, we made it so Tom couldn’t be Big B’s friend on Myspace. That way he would have to walk around the streets looking for friends.
Dwayne: How did you know that I wanted a big guy in my gang?
Police: Your flyer saying we want a big guy in our gang didn’t really help you.
Dwayne: I told those idiots not to hang up flyers.
Police: Come on, you guys are all going to jail.
(The police are now seen putting a lot of the gang into cop cars.)
Big B: Dwayne, are we still friends?
Dwayne: Fuck you.
Police: Sorry, but we don’t have a cop car big enough for Big B right now. You are free to go.
Big B: Yeah, being fat paid off for once.
Dwayne: What about me?
Police: We have plenty of room for you. Big B, how would you like to become an honorary police officer? All you have to do is promise that you won’t get into anymore trouble.
Big B: Will I have friends?
Police: Yes, you will have friends.
Big B: It will be an honor. Hey, is that a news team? I want an interview.
News: What do you think about this robbery?
Big B: I can’t believe they would drag a poor innocent man like me into this. It’s just wrong. All I wanted was some friends. You know who I don’t want as a friend.
News: No, please tell us.
Big B: His name is Komosube and he works for Global Impact Wrestling. I have match against him this week. I will avenge my cousin’s title loss to him. That fat guy is going down. I will prove why I’m the five hundred pound wrecking machine.
(The scene changes to Brandon watching all of this on CNN on the airplane back to his home.)
Brandon: Good grief.
(The Peanuts music plays as the airplane heads off to Indiana.)