Post by Red Bull Icon on Jul 25, 2009 21:54:37 GMT -5
(Our scene opens on a hot summer’s night, or maybe it’s very early morning. We observe our surroundings and instantly recognize the inside passenger compartment of Randy BoolZians ‘U Suck’ mobile. The stereo blasting Kittie, the air conditioner on full, the driver’s side window down, and the vehicle stuck in traffic. BoolZ sits at the wheel, cigarette in his hand hanging out the window, and a twelve ounce can of Red Bull in the cup holder. The dog, the same dog being paid no attention, BoolZ acquired last week lies in the passenger seat, grunting, waging his tail, and gnawing on the GIW Hardcore Championship belt.)
BoolZ; “Damnit, someone better be dead to be causing this much traffic at 2:30 in the morning.”
(After a few more minutes, after a few more tracks of the CD, after another cigarette, after a new can of Red Bull the traffic finally starts moving. Slowly, almost crawling along the blistering pavement. BoolZ looks down at the dog after taking a drag of his cigarette.)
BoolZ; “About time, huh? Hey, what the hell?!?”
(Placing the cigarette in his lips, holding the wheel with his left hand, and engaging in a tug of war with his right hand he struggles to recover the title belt from the American Pit Bull’s jaws. Thinking it’s a game the puppy stands in the seat, crouches down, and pulls back with everything he’s got.)
BoolZ; “Give it up, give me the friggin’ belt mutt. Don’t you know that at one point this was the most important thing in Chris Austin’s life? Don’t you know that means it’s probably got some of that ‘special sauce’ on it? Or worse. Bottom line I haven’t had a chance to have it detailed, and I refuse to have a rabid canine riding with me.”
(The dog, seemingly convinced with RBI’s words, let’s loose his grip and BoolZ recoils in victory. BoolZ tosses the belt behind the passenger’s seat, rubs whatever might be on his hand on his jeans, takes a puff and a swig, and continues after giving a tennis ball to the dog. The dog happily chews and listens.)
BoolZ; “Stupid hunk of tin. I mean can you believe that’s what he prided himself on. That’s what the most important thing in his life was? I mean not family, not friendship, not building a home, not securing a future, no big cause, not being the best person he could be, hell not even just proving he’s simply the best at what he does. That last one I could almost get behind, but being so obsessed over some leather and gold plates that only really give you a weak claim at being second best is just ridiculous.”
(The traffic seems to slow down again, this time not so bad. To the left clear of all four lanes is a brand new looking Ford Mustang turned upside down. A fleet of paramedics feverishly work on a young man lying in the shoulder. The police officers on scene try their best to keep traffic moving, and fail miserably. Once past the accident scene traffic again picks up.)
BoolZ; “Well no sheets so he ain’t dead yet.”
(As the ‘U Suk’ Mobile picks up speed the wind in the cab becomes too much, and BoolZ rolls up the driver’s side window after flicking the used cigarette butt to the passing pavement. As he takes another drink BoolZ looks down at his companion to find that he somehow got a hold of the Hardcore title, and is again chewing relentlessly. Tug of war round two begins.)
BoolZ; “Oh, son of a bitch! What did I just get done tellin’ ya. This damn thing was so important to Austin that after losing it he had to throw a temper tantrum, stomp his feet, push out his chest, and sneak around to cheap shot me with that tackle of his. I mean sure, I guess I should have expected it since he’s hardcore and all. At least he loves telling people he’s hardcore. He loves pointing out he’s been stabbed with a screwdriver, that he went 11 straight matches without a single lose, and that he can nail anyone’s girl. Yeah I guess that, a collection of homemade amateur porn, and cheap shots made him hardcore.”
(The struggle continues until finally, again, BoolZ wrestles the belt from the animal. BoolZ this time puts the belt behind his seat, and takes the next off ramp as the dog looks eagerly on waiting for another chance at the title belt. We pull into a rest stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere in southern California. The rows of parking stalls mostly bare save for a few RVs, a dozen or more semi trucks, and but a handful of cars parked closest to the restrooms. BoolZ pulls in, and parks towards the front.
As he exits the driver’s side door the mp3 of thousands of fans cheering echoes under the warm hum of the diesel engines still running from the semi trucks. Quickly he shuts the door, walks over to the passenger door, and swings it open. The puppy, anxious for a chance to stretch his legs, attempts to jump from the seat. BoolZ swiftly catches the animal, and places him back in the seat much to his protest. BoolZ struggles to get the leash attached to the dog collar which only brings more protest from the dog. Once secured however BoolZ picks up his friend, shuts the passenger door, and lets the animal down as he continues to whine.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, I know it’s gotta suck being strapped to someone else. Gotta be a total lack of freedom. It’s gotta be hell knowing that there are just some things you won’t be able to do while tied up, huh?”
(On the ground the dog begins pulling, twisting, and shaking trying to get free from the collar.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, I guess it’s also bringing back some memories, huh? Like last time I’m sure it was just gonna be some little walk in the park, just you and a few friends, nothing major, then bam straight kick to ribs.”
(The dog in all his excitement and agitation and gyration begins chasing his tail quickly spinning the leash.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, glad you’re over being on a leash but you’ll never get it. Come on let’s go for a walk. There’s more to life than chasing tail.”
(BoolZ takes the first few steps, the dog continues his chase. BoolZ tugs on the leash gently causing the dog to lose his balance, tumble on the ground, then spring back to his paws, look around, and noticing his tail he returns to the pursuit.)
BoolZ; “Screw it, don’t let me make you something you’re not.”
(BoolZ stands watching the dog run in circles. He can’t help but chuckle at the sight as he pulls out a pack of cigarettes, lights one, and enjoys the nicotine and the show. Eventually the puppy begins to tire himself out, slows down, and begins to pant.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, are you done spinning your wheels?”
(The puppy looks up at BoolZ, and begins wagging his tail again. As the two begin to walk away they are approached by a young lady with a face full of distress.
She stands all of five feet nothing, her legs short and slender, her torso long and lean, her chest full and firm. It’s late, and dark, but her eyes are as bright as the first rays from a morning sun. She is wearing a pair of denim very short shorts, a red cotton tank top, and her curly brunette hair tied to a loose ponytail.)
Lady; “Oh what a cute puppy.”
(BoolZ and friend stop to turn to the young lady. BoolZ sniffles as he takes another drag. The animal stops panting, tries to sit, but his wagging tail gets in the way.)
BoolZ; “Thank you.”
Lady; “Can I pet him? He doesn’t bite does he? What’s his name?”
(BoolZ takes a second to look down at the dog, and decipher what she was asking in a very fast pitch voice.)
BoolZ; “Uhm, yeah if he doesn’t mind you can pet him. I don’t think he bites. Hasn’t bitten me anyway. And you know, I don’t think he has a name.”
(Keeping her knees together she squats down so her butt is almost on the ground, but her feet are still firmly planted. She begins to scratch the dog who quickly rolls over exposing his belly. Without hesitation she moves to his ribs causing the dog to yelp, and stand back up.)
BoolZ; “Oh, yeah, you gotta be careful. He’s still probably pretty sore from last week.”
Lady; “Oh, I didn’t know. What happened?”
BoolZ; “Oh it’s a long story, not really that important.”
(The puppy begins nudging her leg with his head begging for more attention. She squats down, and resumes petting the animal this time with a little more care.)
Lady; “OK. So what do you mean doesn’t have a name? All puppy’s need a name.”
BoolZ; “Why?”
Lady; “Why? Well do you have a name?”
BoolZ; “Yeah.”
Lady; “OK, well my name is Kim, what’s yours?”
BoolZ; “I’m Randy.”
Kim; “OK Randy, well I’m Kim, it’s nice to meet you. What’s your dogs name.”
BoolZ; “Yeah you know Kim, He still doesn’t have one. I’ve just been calling him dog or mutt or animal for the last week.”
Kim; “No, he needs a name. It’ll give him personality.”
BoolZ; “Personality? What so if I call him ‘killer’ he’s gonna start biting the heads off action figures? How about I call him ‘psycho’ then he can wear some face paint and boss around a retard.”
(Clearly a bit puzzled.)
Kim; “What? I think both of those names are horrible, and this cute little puppy doesn’t fit either of those. How about ‘cutie’, cause he’s adorable.”
BoolZ; “’Cutie’? No that ain’t gonna work. And I still don’t see the point in a name. I mean who said it. A rose by any other name.”
Kim; “Yeah, but he’s not a rose. Unless you call him ‘rose’, how about ‘rosey’?”
(Obviously slightly amused.)
BoolZ; “Naw, how about ‘captain bastard’? I can put him in little capes, and he can fly around looking for his father.”
Kim; “NO! It can’t be a mean name. Hey he’s got a white patch on his tummy, how about ‘stripe’?”
BoolZ; “Hmm, maybe if it was on his back. On the tummy though I’m thinking ‘treasure trail’, like hey do you want to pet my…”
Kim; “Stop, please stop, oh god please stop. Horrible name. Uhm, how did you get the dog, maybe that’ll help?”
BoolZ; “Well I was leaving a taco shop, and this kid was kicking him, so I stopped the kid, he told his dad at least I think it was his dad, and then the dad gave him to me.”
(Still petting the nameless dog, and looking up at the Red Bull Icon with her big brown eyes.)
Kim; “That’s horrible. So then you didn’t even want him? But you still have him, so you’re going to keep him right? You’re not just going to let him loose near a freeway, or a park, or in fact why are you here at three in the morning anyway? Oh my god you are, you’re just going to let him go, so he’ll starve to death, or get run over, or eaten by coyotes, or…”
(Smiling BoolZ extends a hand to stop her.)
BoolZ; “Whoa, slow down. No nothing like that. We’re just stretching our legs, but you bring up some good points. What are you doing out here this time of morning? Are you some kinda serial killer, you have a clown fetish, like to hang up your prey with some four inch nails, get’em all stuck, mount them, ride’em till you’re done, and then leave them at a seedy rest area where no one will find them for a month letting their bodies and whatever evidence you left behind waste away. Huh, huh, huh, are ya?”
(Kim stands up almost insulted, but more amused and playful. She puts her hands on her hips, tilts her head, and huffs.)
Kim; “No, nothing like that. If you must know me a friend were driving to the mountains to her parents cabin, we stopped off here to eat the dinner we packed, and now our car won’t start. We’re just waiting on the tow truck.”
BoolZ; “You’re car won’t start? Yeah I’m sure you used that line on victims three and four. Let me ask what’s it do when you turn the key?”
Kim; “I will have you know victim four didn’t fall for it, but this time it really won’t start. We turn the key and it nothing happens.”
BoolZ; “Nothing? You weren’t listening to the CD player the whole time you were eating were you?”
Kim; “No, it stopped just before we finished and tried to leave.”
(BoolZ looks down at the puppy, then back to the Kim.)
BoolZ; “You probably just killed the battery. If you’d like I can give you a jumpstart, or you can wait for a tow truck but there’s a pretty bad wreck just up the I15. It might be awhile. Jumpstart should take care of it. Just don’t stop anywhere for awhile. Let the battery charge.”
Kim; “Oh that would be great, yeah we’re the Mustang over there. Oh thank you, uhm I’ll meet you over there.”
BoolZ; “Yeah, not a problem”
(Kim happily exits back towards her car as BoolZ and the dog do the same. Once back at the ‘U Suk’ Mobile, BoolZ opens the driver’s side door, helps the puppy in, and looks back towards Kim.)
BoolZ; “Unbelievable. Now you’re helping me score. Did you see her nipples sticking out? This is going to easy, and I think I’ll call you Consequences. Yeah, Conni for short.”
(BoolZ gets in the truck, starts it up, and heads to the dead Ford. As he nears we see Kim leaning against the hood with an innocent looking blonde. As RBI parks close enough for a set of jumper cables to reach their engine both ladies are seen giggling to each other, he exits the vehicle puppy in tow, and the blonde lunges forward to hug tonight’s knight . BoolZ inhales deeply, clearly in pain.)
Kim; “Oh way to go Lauren! Are you ok?”
Lauren; “I’m so sorry. What happened?”
BoolZ; “Oh yeah, don’t worry about. It’s a long story. Not really that important.”
(Our scene ends as the BoolZ pops the hood, and takes a look at their engine.)
BoolZ; “Damnit, someone better be dead to be causing this much traffic at 2:30 in the morning.”
(After a few more minutes, after a few more tracks of the CD, after another cigarette, after a new can of Red Bull the traffic finally starts moving. Slowly, almost crawling along the blistering pavement. BoolZ looks down at the dog after taking a drag of his cigarette.)
BoolZ; “About time, huh? Hey, what the hell?!?”
(Placing the cigarette in his lips, holding the wheel with his left hand, and engaging in a tug of war with his right hand he struggles to recover the title belt from the American Pit Bull’s jaws. Thinking it’s a game the puppy stands in the seat, crouches down, and pulls back with everything he’s got.)
BoolZ; “Give it up, give me the friggin’ belt mutt. Don’t you know that at one point this was the most important thing in Chris Austin’s life? Don’t you know that means it’s probably got some of that ‘special sauce’ on it? Or worse. Bottom line I haven’t had a chance to have it detailed, and I refuse to have a rabid canine riding with me.”
(The dog, seemingly convinced with RBI’s words, let’s loose his grip and BoolZ recoils in victory. BoolZ tosses the belt behind the passenger’s seat, rubs whatever might be on his hand on his jeans, takes a puff and a swig, and continues after giving a tennis ball to the dog. The dog happily chews and listens.)
BoolZ; “Stupid hunk of tin. I mean can you believe that’s what he prided himself on. That’s what the most important thing in his life was? I mean not family, not friendship, not building a home, not securing a future, no big cause, not being the best person he could be, hell not even just proving he’s simply the best at what he does. That last one I could almost get behind, but being so obsessed over some leather and gold plates that only really give you a weak claim at being second best is just ridiculous.”
(The traffic seems to slow down again, this time not so bad. To the left clear of all four lanes is a brand new looking Ford Mustang turned upside down. A fleet of paramedics feverishly work on a young man lying in the shoulder. The police officers on scene try their best to keep traffic moving, and fail miserably. Once past the accident scene traffic again picks up.)
BoolZ; “Well no sheets so he ain’t dead yet.”
(As the ‘U Suk’ Mobile picks up speed the wind in the cab becomes too much, and BoolZ rolls up the driver’s side window after flicking the used cigarette butt to the passing pavement. As he takes another drink BoolZ looks down at his companion to find that he somehow got a hold of the Hardcore title, and is again chewing relentlessly. Tug of war round two begins.)
BoolZ; “Oh, son of a bitch! What did I just get done tellin’ ya. This damn thing was so important to Austin that after losing it he had to throw a temper tantrum, stomp his feet, push out his chest, and sneak around to cheap shot me with that tackle of his. I mean sure, I guess I should have expected it since he’s hardcore and all. At least he loves telling people he’s hardcore. He loves pointing out he’s been stabbed with a screwdriver, that he went 11 straight matches without a single lose, and that he can nail anyone’s girl. Yeah I guess that, a collection of homemade amateur porn, and cheap shots made him hardcore.”
(The struggle continues until finally, again, BoolZ wrestles the belt from the animal. BoolZ this time puts the belt behind his seat, and takes the next off ramp as the dog looks eagerly on waiting for another chance at the title belt. We pull into a rest stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere in southern California. The rows of parking stalls mostly bare save for a few RVs, a dozen or more semi trucks, and but a handful of cars parked closest to the restrooms. BoolZ pulls in, and parks towards the front.
As he exits the driver’s side door the mp3 of thousands of fans cheering echoes under the warm hum of the diesel engines still running from the semi trucks. Quickly he shuts the door, walks over to the passenger door, and swings it open. The puppy, anxious for a chance to stretch his legs, attempts to jump from the seat. BoolZ swiftly catches the animal, and places him back in the seat much to his protest. BoolZ struggles to get the leash attached to the dog collar which only brings more protest from the dog. Once secured however BoolZ picks up his friend, shuts the passenger door, and lets the animal down as he continues to whine.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, I know it’s gotta suck being strapped to someone else. Gotta be a total lack of freedom. It’s gotta be hell knowing that there are just some things you won’t be able to do while tied up, huh?”
(On the ground the dog begins pulling, twisting, and shaking trying to get free from the collar.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, I guess it’s also bringing back some memories, huh? Like last time I’m sure it was just gonna be some little walk in the park, just you and a few friends, nothing major, then bam straight kick to ribs.”
(The dog in all his excitement and agitation and gyration begins chasing his tail quickly spinning the leash.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, glad you’re over being on a leash but you’ll never get it. Come on let’s go for a walk. There’s more to life than chasing tail.”
(BoolZ takes the first few steps, the dog continues his chase. BoolZ tugs on the leash gently causing the dog to lose his balance, tumble on the ground, then spring back to his paws, look around, and noticing his tail he returns to the pursuit.)
BoolZ; “Screw it, don’t let me make you something you’re not.”
(BoolZ stands watching the dog run in circles. He can’t help but chuckle at the sight as he pulls out a pack of cigarettes, lights one, and enjoys the nicotine and the show. Eventually the puppy begins to tire himself out, slows down, and begins to pant.)
BoolZ; “Yeah, are you done spinning your wheels?”
(The puppy looks up at BoolZ, and begins wagging his tail again. As the two begin to walk away they are approached by a young lady with a face full of distress.
She stands all of five feet nothing, her legs short and slender, her torso long and lean, her chest full and firm. It’s late, and dark, but her eyes are as bright as the first rays from a morning sun. She is wearing a pair of denim very short shorts, a red cotton tank top, and her curly brunette hair tied to a loose ponytail.)
Lady; “Oh what a cute puppy.”
(BoolZ and friend stop to turn to the young lady. BoolZ sniffles as he takes another drag. The animal stops panting, tries to sit, but his wagging tail gets in the way.)
BoolZ; “Thank you.”
Lady; “Can I pet him? He doesn’t bite does he? What’s his name?”
(BoolZ takes a second to look down at the dog, and decipher what she was asking in a very fast pitch voice.)
BoolZ; “Uhm, yeah if he doesn’t mind you can pet him. I don’t think he bites. Hasn’t bitten me anyway. And you know, I don’t think he has a name.”
(Keeping her knees together she squats down so her butt is almost on the ground, but her feet are still firmly planted. She begins to scratch the dog who quickly rolls over exposing his belly. Without hesitation she moves to his ribs causing the dog to yelp, and stand back up.)
BoolZ; “Oh, yeah, you gotta be careful. He’s still probably pretty sore from last week.”
Lady; “Oh, I didn’t know. What happened?”
BoolZ; “Oh it’s a long story, not really that important.”
(The puppy begins nudging her leg with his head begging for more attention. She squats down, and resumes petting the animal this time with a little more care.)
Lady; “OK. So what do you mean doesn’t have a name? All puppy’s need a name.”
BoolZ; “Why?”
Lady; “Why? Well do you have a name?”
BoolZ; “Yeah.”
Lady; “OK, well my name is Kim, what’s yours?”
BoolZ; “I’m Randy.”
Kim; “OK Randy, well I’m Kim, it’s nice to meet you. What’s your dogs name.”
BoolZ; “Yeah you know Kim, He still doesn’t have one. I’ve just been calling him dog or mutt or animal for the last week.”
Kim; “No, he needs a name. It’ll give him personality.”
BoolZ; “Personality? What so if I call him ‘killer’ he’s gonna start biting the heads off action figures? How about I call him ‘psycho’ then he can wear some face paint and boss around a retard.”
(Clearly a bit puzzled.)
Kim; “What? I think both of those names are horrible, and this cute little puppy doesn’t fit either of those. How about ‘cutie’, cause he’s adorable.”
BoolZ; “’Cutie’? No that ain’t gonna work. And I still don’t see the point in a name. I mean who said it. A rose by any other name.”
Kim; “Yeah, but he’s not a rose. Unless you call him ‘rose’, how about ‘rosey’?”
(Obviously slightly amused.)
BoolZ; “Naw, how about ‘captain bastard’? I can put him in little capes, and he can fly around looking for his father.”
Kim; “NO! It can’t be a mean name. Hey he’s got a white patch on his tummy, how about ‘stripe’?”
BoolZ; “Hmm, maybe if it was on his back. On the tummy though I’m thinking ‘treasure trail’, like hey do you want to pet my…”
Kim; “Stop, please stop, oh god please stop. Horrible name. Uhm, how did you get the dog, maybe that’ll help?”
BoolZ; “Well I was leaving a taco shop, and this kid was kicking him, so I stopped the kid, he told his dad at least I think it was his dad, and then the dad gave him to me.”
(Still petting the nameless dog, and looking up at the Red Bull Icon with her big brown eyes.)
Kim; “That’s horrible. So then you didn’t even want him? But you still have him, so you’re going to keep him right? You’re not just going to let him loose near a freeway, or a park, or in fact why are you here at three in the morning anyway? Oh my god you are, you’re just going to let him go, so he’ll starve to death, or get run over, or eaten by coyotes, or…”
(Smiling BoolZ extends a hand to stop her.)
BoolZ; “Whoa, slow down. No nothing like that. We’re just stretching our legs, but you bring up some good points. What are you doing out here this time of morning? Are you some kinda serial killer, you have a clown fetish, like to hang up your prey with some four inch nails, get’em all stuck, mount them, ride’em till you’re done, and then leave them at a seedy rest area where no one will find them for a month letting their bodies and whatever evidence you left behind waste away. Huh, huh, huh, are ya?”
(Kim stands up almost insulted, but more amused and playful. She puts her hands on her hips, tilts her head, and huffs.)
Kim; “No, nothing like that. If you must know me a friend were driving to the mountains to her parents cabin, we stopped off here to eat the dinner we packed, and now our car won’t start. We’re just waiting on the tow truck.”
BoolZ; “You’re car won’t start? Yeah I’m sure you used that line on victims three and four. Let me ask what’s it do when you turn the key?”
Kim; “I will have you know victim four didn’t fall for it, but this time it really won’t start. We turn the key and it nothing happens.”
BoolZ; “Nothing? You weren’t listening to the CD player the whole time you were eating were you?”
Kim; “No, it stopped just before we finished and tried to leave.”
(BoolZ looks down at the puppy, then back to the Kim.)
BoolZ; “You probably just killed the battery. If you’d like I can give you a jumpstart, or you can wait for a tow truck but there’s a pretty bad wreck just up the I15. It might be awhile. Jumpstart should take care of it. Just don’t stop anywhere for awhile. Let the battery charge.”
Kim; “Oh that would be great, yeah we’re the Mustang over there. Oh thank you, uhm I’ll meet you over there.”
BoolZ; “Yeah, not a problem”
(Kim happily exits back towards her car as BoolZ and the dog do the same. Once back at the ‘U Suk’ Mobile, BoolZ opens the driver’s side door, helps the puppy in, and looks back towards Kim.)
BoolZ; “Unbelievable. Now you’re helping me score. Did you see her nipples sticking out? This is going to easy, and I think I’ll call you Consequences. Yeah, Conni for short.”
(BoolZ gets in the truck, starts it up, and heads to the dead Ford. As he nears we see Kim leaning against the hood with an innocent looking blonde. As RBI parks close enough for a set of jumper cables to reach their engine both ladies are seen giggling to each other, he exits the vehicle puppy in tow, and the blonde lunges forward to hug tonight’s knight . BoolZ inhales deeply, clearly in pain.)
Kim; “Oh way to go Lauren! Are you ok?”
Lauren; “I’m so sorry. What happened?”
BoolZ; “Oh yeah, don’t worry about. It’s a long story. Not really that important.”
(Our scene ends as the BoolZ pops the hood, and takes a look at their engine.)