Post by Lord Hastings on Feb 27, 2012 20:43:01 GMT -5
Sorry.
There you go, it's been said as an acknowledgement that no-one really wants a Robcap to open the show, I'm not naïve enough to think there are those of you out there excited at this prospect, none of you are doing celebratory dances on table tops, that's for sure.
But alas, this is how today's show is going to start and we should just make the most of it. The fans certainly are, they're always happy as the show kicks off in whatever form we choose, and that's because they are figments of our imagination and it would be really dumb to make them a bunch of moaning, cynical douches now wouldn't it?
It's a pretty packed show too, with some really interesting match ups and even a segment I wrote last week thrown in. Unfortunately though a couple of these exciting match ups are going to be belittled by my ramblings, but lets all just pretend they were epic encounters between glowing gladiator-esque figures of the industry none the less shall we?
So the first match up involves Enigma, who is making his way to the ring. As it's a Chaos Rules match we should apparently be calling him 'St. Jimmy', but that's longer, and we all know my thoughts on an alter-ego for a character named Enigma, so be aware I may well use his common name, rather than the fancy one.
Obviously at the moment Enigma is focused on getting a match with Kyle Tacker, an individual who hasn't been seen in UGWc for months. He is so focused on this he apparently isn't interested in his Chaos Title match at Rising Sun against a competitor who has made the Chaos Title her own in recent weeks, and would be a far more rewarding scalp to take than from an inactive competitor. But to mock him would just show us to be incomprehensibly idiotic ourselves, his name is Enigma for gods sake, his methods should make us scratch our heads in disbelief and confusion, thats the whole point of an enigma.
So there is obviously much more to his obsession with Kyle Tacker than just trying to line up an opponent that seems disinterested in returning for a match, and if did would probably be out of shape and an easy win. No, he is Enigma, he is a human being so complex and ever changing that whilst his methods may seem bizarre and illogical, there is more to them than the naked eye can comprehend. To even try and fathom how his mind works would be pure folly and would most likely drive you insane, much like those that try to map the inside of a black hole, he is Enigma.
So he enters the ring and looks rather unimpressed when the Chaos Champion is announced and makes her way onto the stage. Abigail Knight has made quite a mark in UGWC thus far in her career, some have compared her to the irrepressible Chassie Fear, but Miss Knight is a different cookie all together. For a start you'd probably rather 'eat' Chassie, I get the feeling Abi would have a metallic after taste.
Now you might be wondering why Abigail Knight is making her way to the ring next, surely the champion should be announced last, even in a non-title match? And you would be right, and she is entering last. This is because many would expect Alex Stein to have gotten an introduction, but unfortunatley reports suggest he was attacked by a stray Puerto Rican dog, who somehow boarded a boat and made it to our native shores using a fake passport cunningly disguised as a Celebrity parrot, and now Alex Stein is suffering from Mange. Don't worry we're all sure it should clear up, and lets be honest Robcaps are rarely 'canon' so we can just as easily explain his absence from this encounter by saying he was locked up after his attack on the big money executive a few weeks ago. I think being attacked by a mange ridden dog is more exciting, but it's not my character.
Instead of 'punishing' Alex for the unfortunate disease that is 'life' an understudy has been provided for this match, someone, somehow, kidnapped TyvoolZ from the Hastings residence and he is making his in ring début. Yup, I wonder who'll be taking the pin-fall too.
And the match itself pans out pretty much how you'd expect, Enigma and Abigail use a large array of different weapons to draw buckets of crimson from the body of TyvoolZ, who has clearly not been adequately prepared to face too such unhinged individuals.
But it doesn't take long for Enigma and Abigail to realise that they'll need to fight one another for the ability to pin the shuddering body of TyvoolZ. So they promptly turn on one another, Enigma slamming Abigail in the face with a chair, only for Abi to reply with a swift swipe from baseball bat to the back of his legs, at one point she attempts to choke him out with a length of barbed wire, only for him to escape and drive her face into the barbed wire with the help of the earlier used chair.
It's actually disappointing that this match only received a Robcap as it's pretty entertaining stuff, especially if you like your matches with extra weaponry. When Abigail finds a brick and drives it into Enigma's janglies many of you would have been on your feet, likewise when Enigma manages to introduce Abi's head to a sheet of sandpaper.
In fact the two of them lose so much blood in battling one another that the match actually comes to an end when both competitors collapse from loss of that very important liquid, fortuitously Enigma/Jimmy passes out onto TyvoolZ making an unconventional cover and picking up the pinfall before paramedics come and clear the ring and take these guys for some immediate hospital treatment.
Good thing this match was a Robcap, now I think of it, because in it's entirety this would have been one hell of a match to top at Rising Sun.
There you go, it's been said as an acknowledgement that no-one really wants a Robcap to open the show, I'm not naïve enough to think there are those of you out there excited at this prospect, none of you are doing celebratory dances on table tops, that's for sure.
But alas, this is how today's show is going to start and we should just make the most of it. The fans certainly are, they're always happy as the show kicks off in whatever form we choose, and that's because they are figments of our imagination and it would be really dumb to make them a bunch of moaning, cynical douches now wouldn't it?
It's a pretty packed show too, with some really interesting match ups and even a segment I wrote last week thrown in. Unfortunately though a couple of these exciting match ups are going to be belittled by my ramblings, but lets all just pretend they were epic encounters between glowing gladiator-esque figures of the industry none the less shall we?
So the first match up involves Enigma, who is making his way to the ring. As it's a Chaos Rules match we should apparently be calling him 'St. Jimmy', but that's longer, and we all know my thoughts on an alter-ego for a character named Enigma, so be aware I may well use his common name, rather than the fancy one.
Obviously at the moment Enigma is focused on getting a match with Kyle Tacker, an individual who hasn't been seen in UGWc for months. He is so focused on this he apparently isn't interested in his Chaos Title match at Rising Sun against a competitor who has made the Chaos Title her own in recent weeks, and would be a far more rewarding scalp to take than from an inactive competitor. But to mock him would just show us to be incomprehensibly idiotic ourselves, his name is Enigma for gods sake, his methods should make us scratch our heads in disbelief and confusion, thats the whole point of an enigma.
So there is obviously much more to his obsession with Kyle Tacker than just trying to line up an opponent that seems disinterested in returning for a match, and if did would probably be out of shape and an easy win. No, he is Enigma, he is a human being so complex and ever changing that whilst his methods may seem bizarre and illogical, there is more to them than the naked eye can comprehend. To even try and fathom how his mind works would be pure folly and would most likely drive you insane, much like those that try to map the inside of a black hole, he is Enigma.
So he enters the ring and looks rather unimpressed when the Chaos Champion is announced and makes her way onto the stage. Abigail Knight has made quite a mark in UGWC thus far in her career, some have compared her to the irrepressible Chassie Fear, but Miss Knight is a different cookie all together. For a start you'd probably rather 'eat' Chassie, I get the feeling Abi would have a metallic after taste.
Now you might be wondering why Abigail Knight is making her way to the ring next, surely the champion should be announced last, even in a non-title match? And you would be right, and she is entering last. This is because many would expect Alex Stein to have gotten an introduction, but unfortunatley reports suggest he was attacked by a stray Puerto Rican dog, who somehow boarded a boat and made it to our native shores using a fake passport cunningly disguised as a Celebrity parrot, and now Alex Stein is suffering from Mange. Don't worry we're all sure it should clear up, and lets be honest Robcaps are rarely 'canon' so we can just as easily explain his absence from this encounter by saying he was locked up after his attack on the big money executive a few weeks ago. I think being attacked by a mange ridden dog is more exciting, but it's not my character.
Instead of 'punishing' Alex for the unfortunate disease that is 'life' an understudy has been provided for this match, someone, somehow, kidnapped TyvoolZ from the Hastings residence and he is making his in ring début. Yup, I wonder who'll be taking the pin-fall too.
And the match itself pans out pretty much how you'd expect, Enigma and Abigail use a large array of different weapons to draw buckets of crimson from the body of TyvoolZ, who has clearly not been adequately prepared to face too such unhinged individuals.
But it doesn't take long for Enigma and Abigail to realise that they'll need to fight one another for the ability to pin the shuddering body of TyvoolZ. So they promptly turn on one another, Enigma slamming Abigail in the face with a chair, only for Abi to reply with a swift swipe from baseball bat to the back of his legs, at one point she attempts to choke him out with a length of barbed wire, only for him to escape and drive her face into the barbed wire with the help of the earlier used chair.
It's actually disappointing that this match only received a Robcap as it's pretty entertaining stuff, especially if you like your matches with extra weaponry. When Abigail finds a brick and drives it into Enigma's janglies many of you would have been on your feet, likewise when Enigma manages to introduce Abi's head to a sheet of sandpaper.
In fact the two of them lose so much blood in battling one another that the match actually comes to an end when both competitors collapse from loss of that very important liquid, fortuitously Enigma/Jimmy passes out onto TyvoolZ making an unconventional cover and picking up the pinfall before paramedics come and clear the ring and take these guys for some immediate hospital treatment.
Good thing this match was a Robcap, now I think of it, because in it's entirety this would have been one hell of a match to top at Rising Sun.