Post by Red Bull Icon on Jul 25, 2009 23:30:35 GMT -5
{{The air is muggy and still, the morning sun fails to break through the drawn curtains but our closed eyelids halt any progress it had gained, and the smell of damp possibly moldy cotton saturates our every fiber. We can hear the doorbell ringing, constantly. When the annoying ‘Ding Dong’ ends the solid panicked ‘Knock’ of a fist banging into the solid oak door downstairs begins.}}
We can’t help it as the thoughts of ‘peacefully alone’ invade our head. The knocking will end soon we know, but Christ then there’ll be the shouting… there it is. Why doesn’t he just skip to the end and use the fucking key?
Guest- “Ran! Wake up man it’s 3 in the afternoon! We’re gonna be late, bro!”
Fuck, one day, that’s all I ask. Fucking Ash and his perfection. Shit better get at it before he does actually use his fucking key.
{{The sun now blinds as our eyelids pull back. The dusty brownish hue of the room does little to help our eyes adjust, and slowly the blurry becomes clear’ish. The smell of moldy cotton is actually probably a moldy t-shirt hanging from the door knob that’s dead bolted shut. It could also be one of the dozens of other sweat stained shirts dominating the floor or any other open space. Posters, most torn or at least crumpled, litter and cover the walls. Posters of women in various stages of undress the overwhelming majority only giving way to a few promotional posters from Tri-City Wrestling advertising past events with ‘Ash’ and ‘Ran’ in small print towards the bottoms.
Following the marching sound from the stairwell down the hall the dead bolt clicks open as Ash enters the room. Just as remembered his hair clean, high, and tight. His gym shorts and sweat shirt pressed, or at least dryer fresh. As always he keeps his car keys twirling around his index finger.}}
Damnit, too late. I should have just stayed in bed.
Ash- “Ran, what the hell man? We gotta… holy hell what is that smell dude? How can you stand this?”
Ran- “Ash, it’s just some stupid ass rehearsal. When’d you get all artsy and thespian anyway? Besides it keeps my mom and Tina from snooping through my crap.”
Bathroom, that’ll be it. He won’t follow me into the bathroom.
Ash- “Like they’d find anything. What are you worried about? I mean how you gonna bring a girl up here?”
Damnit, gotta change the subject. Sex always derails his train of thought.
Ran- “A girl, you know I nailed Tina up here yesterday, right? But don’t change the subject. When’d you get all lesbian and fartsy with the school plays?”
Ash- “Bullshit you nailed Tina. She’s like your step mom or dad. Aunt maybe?”
Ran- “She’s my Mom’s girlfriend leave it at that. And yeah I took her straight up from behind.”
Ash- “I don’t believe you. You’re lying.”
Ran- “You wanna smell my finger, virgin? But getting back to your sudden drama aspirations? Seriously, what the hell?”
Fuck it all, he’s following me to the bathroom.
Ash- “Dude, I don’t think it’s that sudden. I mean really what is pro-wrestling but a live action play without memorizing lines? ”
Ran- “Combat? Wrestling is war and the ‘arts’ is entertainment. You wanna be an entertainer or soldier?”
Ash- “Both. If you want to be more than a soldier in that ring you gotta be an entertainer out of it. Just look at Travis Roberts. I want to be The Headliner.”
Ran- “Again with this Travis Roberts crush. I’d rather look at Mary-Jo. March all up in that ass. Wait that’s it. Who?”
Fucker followed me all the way to the bathroom door! Fuck, dude, just give me 10 minutes.
Ash- “Who what?”
Ran- “Who is she? Who you trying to get to MJ your Roberts?”
Yup there it is. Little cock sucking bastard. Think you can hide anything from me, than you better work on that nostril flare.
Ran- “Who?”
Ash- “All right, but you can’t tell anyone. OK?”
Ran- “Who’m I gonna tell?”
Ash- “Promise?”
Ran- “Promise.”
Ash- “Madeline.”
Ran- “Who?”
Ash- “Dude, she’s that real quiet girl from my algebra class. You know kinda shy, real dark hair, glasses, always wears that Power Rangers hoodie. Eats lunch at the wall.”
Who?
Ran- “Wait how can a real quiet shy girl be in a school play? Ah fuck it, it doesn’t matter. Sorry I overslept. Give me 10 minutes, let grab a quick shower and we’ll go.”
Ash- “10 minutes, you better hurry up.”
Finally!
{{Just about the time our head starts pounding our eyes give up and shift out of focus. No matter, we can do this blindfolded as long as we beat the nausea. A quick pull of the shower curtain, twist of the knob, and it sounds like we’re in the shower as steam begins to fill the room. Now under the toilet tank cover, just need to focus long enough to see.}}
Where’s my lighter? Shit turn on the faucet or he’ll hear.
Ash- “You got seven minutes Randy! Then I’m leaving without you.”
Yell at me through the door. Mother fucker I’ll impregnate your sister.
{{The smallest pinch between our toes, and slowly it all stops mattering. Finally our blood starts pumping through our veins again. Finally air fills our lungs with each breath. Finally the world makes sense.}}
?Ъµ«Â
Ash- “Three,,, two,, one, that’s it choder, I’m out, get your own ride.”
º¡¢£—oyƒ
{{Peace. We look at our right foot poised on the counter. Our chin rests on our knee. The needle, like Excalibur in the stone, in our skin. The dreadful thoughts of forgotten ambition slowly creep into our muddled brain.}}
Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.
{{We pull the needle from our flesh, carefully repackage everything into our little baggy, and re-tape it under the toilet tank cover. We watch as our hand shuts off the now ice cold shower. The squeak is just simply funny… squeak. We stand upright, and bring our middle finger to our nose, sniff, and then nod before looking into the mirror and seeing ourselves as a teenage Randy Boolzian.}}
Voice; “Three minutes Mr. Boolzian. We’re live in three minutes.”
(The female voice from behind the other side of the door startles him. We watch as The Red Bull Icon watches himself jump in the mirror at her call. Gone is his bathroom at his mother’s house. Instead we watch as the young man still showing the aftermath on his face from Horizons stands in the sanitized restroom as Fox11 news. We watch as BoolZ looks down at his nervously shaking hand. We watch as he takes a swig from his Red Bull and tries to reassure himself.)
BoolZ; “Gotta be both. Just pretend the camera isn’t there. It’s just like talking at an AA meeting.”
Female Voice; “Two minutes Mr. Boolzian.”
(RBI takes a deep long breath before cursing the politicians and their no smoking laws in public buildings before turning to the door with his can, and heading for the set.)
*****
Male Voice; “Aw, shoot the damn ball!”
Second Voice; “BRICK!!”
(The scene fades in to an outdoor basketball court with four men badly playing. The only man we know by name is Jeremy, Maddy’s new boyfriend of almost two months. All four are sweating, all four have stopped playing as one man holds the ball, and all four look at each other as if waiting for an explanation.)
Jeremy; “ Jeff, what the hell, that ball got sentimental value or what?”
Jeff; “Or what? Yeah where was a foul? You can’t be shoving me when I’m shooting Jeremy.”
Jeremy; “What? There was no fucking foul. You’re foul.”
Jeff; “Dave, tell me you saw the foul.”
(Clearly not wanting into this particular conversation between Jeff and Jeremy, who seems the oldest of the four, Dave rubs his peppered chin before replying.)
Dave; “Ah, no, I didn’t see a foul.”
Jeff; “Oh you gotta be kidding. Jeremy damn near checked me out of the court. This aint hockey. Tyler help me out here.”
Jeremy; “Fuck that shit! There was no foul, pussy. Either play or get out my court. This my house bitch!”
(The fourth man, the youngest man, in a pair of strap on sports glasses speaks up with a concerned look towards Jeff.)
Tyler; “No, I didn’t see a foul man. Let’s just drop it.”
Dave; “Yeah, these old bones had enough running around this morning anyway.”
(The look of utter shock on Jeff’s face is unmistakable.)
Jeremy; “There was no foul. No blood, no foul.”
Tyler; “Yeah, let’s just call it a game. Hell and speaking of game, what’s up with you Maddy, Jeremy?”
Dave; “Oh, I bet she taste real sweet!”
Jeremy; “Fuck if I know. I can’t get those goddamn panties to drop! Tried everything. I got you two to help me place the lost nice guy, I brought her roses, I listened to her bitching about her childhood, motherfucker I even bought her realty nice…”
(Shocked at the scene, and feeling the pain from Jeremy’s elbow, Jeff spikes the ball hard on the asphalt before storming off.)
Jeff; “Man, fuck this cheating ass motherfucker!”
Jeremy; “What, bitch!?! Yeah that’s right, keep walking!”
(Dave and Tyler immediately grab a hold of Jeremy to prevent his clear intentions of following Jeff. Once he’s out of sight Tyler and Dave both let their friend go.)
Dave; “Hey, man screw that little crybaby.”
Tyler; “Yeah, might as well cause I guess you aint screwing Madeline!”
Jeremy; “Man, fuck you too!”
Tyler; “What I’m just sayin’ I told you she was a carpet muncher.”
Jeremy; “She aint lesbo dude.”
Tyler; “So you fucked up, and found yourself in that friend zone.”
Jeremy; “You know you’re about three seconds from getting your ass whooped. She aint no lesbian, and I aint no ‘friend’. She does other stuff, like a Hoover she does other stuff. She’s like one of them new type of virgin where it’s everything, but I can’t get her outta those fucking panties!”
Tyler; “Then fuck her through her panties!”
Dave; “No kid, listen this is what you do. There’s some fresh powder up in Big Bear, right. It doesn’t matter, natural or man made. Take up to the mountains one weekend. Surprise her. Hit the slopes, get her nice and cold, then back to the cabin. Start a nice quiet fire, let the wine start to flow, cuddle up for warmth, and those undies’ll melt right off.”
(Jeremy considers Dave’s suggest before replying.)
Jeremy; “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Plus if we’re out in the middle of nowhere, and she fights my urge, then no one’s there to stop me from raping the little tease.”
Tyler; “Well shit now we’re talking. If it’s going that route though you better give a brother a call, ‘cause I might want in on some of that.”
Jeremy; “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Yeah, yeah, no this is good.”
*****
Female Voice; “No, no, you were great. The camera loves you.”
(We’re back at the Fox 11 television studios. BoolZ, rubbing what’s left of his make up off, is seen walking with a young woman. Her voice is the same voice from earlier. Her hair the perfect shade of light brunette and her eyes tell the fairytale story of youthful innocence. Clearly still in college she has to be an intern.)
BoolZ; “Really? I get so nervous with this kind of thing.”
Intern; “Then why did you agree to be on?”
BoolZ; “Eh, you know make new fans, sell more shirts, and make more money.”
Intern; “Oh, so you were just prostituting yourself?”
BoolZ; “Oh now come on. We all whore ourselves out at some point. But I was ok?”
Intern; “You were great Mr. Boolzian. We had Will Smith on last year promoting ‘I Am Legend’ and he looked like hell. And talk about a dead interview. I have to ask though, how much of what you said out there was true?”
BoolZ; “All of it. What you didn’t believe me?”
Intern; “Well, my brother’s a really big fan so I have to watch sometimes. After all that happened at Horizons, then last week, you’re really not going to take the title match? You know you didn’t even mention Travis Roberts on the broadcast.”
(BoolZ simply smiles and shrugs his shoulders at the intern’s question.)
Intern; “Seriously!”
BoolZ; “Really I didn’t? Well you know, I mean, Travis is a dead horse. Plus facing Pax this week, teaming with Mickey Dragon you know kinda pointed out that I had been so wrapped up in beating the same people every week that I missed the debuts of all these new faces. It’s like beating someone for the third or fourth time just isn’t as intriguing as wrestling someone for the first time, you know?
It’s like this week I’m facing Ezekiel Pax, right? Peace of War and Peace. Hippy little cuss. T-Rob Light, if you will. You know he, and his little circus reject just kinda showed up one day, I didn’t think much of them cause I was a little pre-occupied, and boom their strutting around with title belts and looking for their manager slash brother slash sister or some weird combination of the three. I mean how’d that happen? Plus I owe him a kick in the head for getting in my business after Horizons.”
Intern; “Exactly! How do you go from chasing away all of Travis’ guests for his party to not caring about him?”
BoolZ; “What is this? Are you really Roxy Malone in disguise over here or something?”
Intern; “No, I’m just Angela, and I told you my brother was a huge fan. He’s got like a shine built to you in his room. Wall to wall posters, he’s got like every different limited edition can of BoolZ Red Bull, he even started wearing a Sean Jensen t-shirt every day because of you. It’s actually kind of weird watching your 14 year old brother have a crush on a man. So it’s either watch the GIW or let him surf the web on my laptop and I always end up with so much porn after he uses my computer.”
(What was a pleasant conversation turned horrific. The same hitch in his step BoolZ always gets when reminded of his past or forced to confront his present is clear. So is the pained look on his face.)
Angela; “Whoa, BoolZ! Mr. Boolzian, Randy, are you ok?”
BoolZ; “Yeah, Angela, I’m fine I think. I was just more than a little shocked that it seems you’re not really sure what’s worse. Watching Sentinel or whoring out your computer.”
Angela; “Funny, like your going rate’s any better?”
BoolZ; “Well, let me buy you a Red Bull and we’ll talk about it.”
*****
Feminine Voice; “Do you want to talk about it?”
(At first we’re taken back by the lovely red head with the huge blue eyes. They almost seem unnatural, and if they weren’t so inviting they’d be offsetting. Across from her the more familiar sight of Maddy sits at the table slowly twirling her bread stick in a bowl of Alfredo sauce.)
Red Head; “Maddy? Hello, Hun, what’s going on?”
Maddy; “Nothing Olivia, why?”
Olivia; “Darling, you’ve hardly said more than four words this afternoon. Is something wrong? How’s Jeremy?”
Maddy; “Jeremy is Jeremy. Things are good most of the time.”
Olivia; “Most of the time?”
Maddy; “Well, he’s all hands the rest of the time.”
Olivia; “That’s not really always a bad thing, Maddy.”
Maddy; “I know, and believe me, I’d rather that than distant. But I just wish he’d take the hint. I told him I wanted to take it slow, but he just gets so frustrated sometimes.”
Olivia; “I always thought he was a bit creepy to begin with. For the life of me I don’t know what you see in him.”
Maddy; “I don’t know. I guess he just reminds me of better times. Besides, Jeremy isn’t the problem. I don’t know, I guess I’m just in a funk today.”
(Olivia takes a long slow sip from her wine glass while eyeing Maddy who does the same.)
Maddy; “What?”
Olivia; “When was the last time you saw him?”
Maddy; “Yesterday. We’ve been going out for two months, I see Jeremy everyday.”
Olivia; “Maddy, you know I didn’t mean Jeremy… Him… Mr. Better Times.”
Maddy; “I don’t care if I never see Randy again.”
Olivia; “Who was talking about Randy? Maybe you just need to get laid. Get out of your funk.”
Maddy; “Slut.”
*****
(A cheap apartment door swings open as a young heavy set man in his early teens enters. He nonchalantly dumps his back pack on the floor, takes off his jacket to reveal a Sean Jensen t-shirt, and heads straight to the tiny kitchen. He opens the refrigerator, the all to wonderful sound of an ice cold can of Red Bull popping open is heard as is the gulping of its contents. The young man walks back into the living room, clicks on the television, then promptly mutes it as he brings up his DVR’ed Fox 11 morning news broadcast.
With a tilt of his head and a puzzled look he tosses the remote onto the futon, and heads for the back of the apartment.)
Boy; “Ang? You home?”
(As we follow the boy towards the rear we can now hear the muffled sounds of ecstasy and primal grunts coming from the far bedroom. Then it’s confirmed.)
Angela; “FUUCCCKKKK!!!”
BoolZ; “OH THERE IT IS!! We have chili!”
(The boy stands dumbstruck in the hall way for what seems like forever. After some time passes his mind starts to race as his eyes dart from the closed door to the open door across the small hallway and back. The excitement can be seen building and feeding to a fever pitch in his core until he can’t contain himself, and races into the open room.
The closed door slowly cracks open as RBI steps out holding a folded towel in one hand and a pair of black cotton panties in the other.)
BoolZ; “Angela, I’m taking these.”
Angela; “Huh? Yeah, OK? Call me?”
(BoolZ shuts the door, turns to exit, and is face to face with Angela’s brother who is holding a Japanese BoolZ action figure kept mint in package and a silver Sharpie.)
Angela’s Brother; “Oh my god you’re BoolZ! You’re in my house! Dude can I have an autograph? Make it out to John! Dude, did you just ‘chili dog’ my sister? I can’t believe it! This is incredible!”
(If one were to look close enough they’d be able to see the look of pending regret on BoolZ’s face. It doesn’t last long.)
BoolZ; “Oh, wow, so you’re John, huh? Yeah I saw that stupid ass shine. Fucking pathetic. Kid you need to grow up. If anyone in the GIW should have a shine in a virgins room it should be Gabby. Hell I’d even accept Chinatsu or Chassie, but holy hell kid I’m a little spooked with what you might have done with one of those Red Bull cans. You sure you’re my fan and not DJS or Bones’? Seriously look at you. You look like some emo douch that'd probably try to be me, jump off a ladder before your first match started, and knock yourself out. Fucking waste.”
(John stands mortified and frozen as his Red Bull Icon attempts to negotiate past his girth. BoolZ takes every opening to exaggerate the difficulty before finally passing the teary eyed fan, and tossing the clean up towel into Johns face.)
BoolZ; “And yeah, I did ‘chili dog’ your sister. She was alright. Why? You wish it was you? Now out of my way, grown folk got places to be.”
(Clear of obstruction BoolZ walks on wobbly legs out of the apartment not making it three steps before his cigarette is lit. We follow him down the stairs, and through a small hallway leading to the parking lot. Without hesitation he reaches the ‘U-Suk’ mobile, pulls open the door causing the recording of a packed house cheering his name, but has to look up to the window next to Angela’s.
John is seen running into his room, sweeping the display of BoolZ memorabilia off the shelf, and then lunging onto the bed to rip down the RBI posters. A solemn faced BoolZ climbs into the truck, turns the key, and the engine roars to life as the custom Red Bull tale lights erupt with an explosion of color. BoolZ slams the door, and the scene ends as he wastes little time pulling away.)
We can’t help it as the thoughts of ‘peacefully alone’ invade our head. The knocking will end soon we know, but Christ then there’ll be the shouting… there it is. Why doesn’t he just skip to the end and use the fucking key?
Guest- “Ran! Wake up man it’s 3 in the afternoon! We’re gonna be late, bro!”
Fuck, one day, that’s all I ask. Fucking Ash and his perfection. Shit better get at it before he does actually use his fucking key.
{{The sun now blinds as our eyelids pull back. The dusty brownish hue of the room does little to help our eyes adjust, and slowly the blurry becomes clear’ish. The smell of moldy cotton is actually probably a moldy t-shirt hanging from the door knob that’s dead bolted shut. It could also be one of the dozens of other sweat stained shirts dominating the floor or any other open space. Posters, most torn or at least crumpled, litter and cover the walls. Posters of women in various stages of undress the overwhelming majority only giving way to a few promotional posters from Tri-City Wrestling advertising past events with ‘Ash’ and ‘Ran’ in small print towards the bottoms.
Following the marching sound from the stairwell down the hall the dead bolt clicks open as Ash enters the room. Just as remembered his hair clean, high, and tight. His gym shorts and sweat shirt pressed, or at least dryer fresh. As always he keeps his car keys twirling around his index finger.}}
Damnit, too late. I should have just stayed in bed.
Ash- “Ran, what the hell man? We gotta… holy hell what is that smell dude? How can you stand this?”
Ran- “Ash, it’s just some stupid ass rehearsal. When’d you get all artsy and thespian anyway? Besides it keeps my mom and Tina from snooping through my crap.”
Bathroom, that’ll be it. He won’t follow me into the bathroom.
Ash- “Like they’d find anything. What are you worried about? I mean how you gonna bring a girl up here?”
Damnit, gotta change the subject. Sex always derails his train of thought.
Ran- “A girl, you know I nailed Tina up here yesterday, right? But don’t change the subject. When’d you get all lesbian and fartsy with the school plays?”
Ash- “Bullshit you nailed Tina. She’s like your step mom or dad. Aunt maybe?”
Ran- “She’s my Mom’s girlfriend leave it at that. And yeah I took her straight up from behind.”
Ash- “I don’t believe you. You’re lying.”
Ran- “You wanna smell my finger, virgin? But getting back to your sudden drama aspirations? Seriously, what the hell?”
Fuck it all, he’s following me to the bathroom.
Ash- “Dude, I don’t think it’s that sudden. I mean really what is pro-wrestling but a live action play without memorizing lines? ”
Ran- “Combat? Wrestling is war and the ‘arts’ is entertainment. You wanna be an entertainer or soldier?”
Ash- “Both. If you want to be more than a soldier in that ring you gotta be an entertainer out of it. Just look at Travis Roberts. I want to be The Headliner.”
Ran- “Again with this Travis Roberts crush. I’d rather look at Mary-Jo. March all up in that ass. Wait that’s it. Who?”
Fucker followed me all the way to the bathroom door! Fuck, dude, just give me 10 minutes.
Ash- “Who what?”
Ran- “Who is she? Who you trying to get to MJ your Roberts?”
Yup there it is. Little cock sucking bastard. Think you can hide anything from me, than you better work on that nostril flare.
Ran- “Who?”
Ash- “All right, but you can’t tell anyone. OK?”
Ran- “Who’m I gonna tell?”
Ash- “Promise?”
Ran- “Promise.”
Ash- “Madeline.”
Ran- “Who?”
Ash- “Dude, she’s that real quiet girl from my algebra class. You know kinda shy, real dark hair, glasses, always wears that Power Rangers hoodie. Eats lunch at the wall.”
Who?
Ran- “Wait how can a real quiet shy girl be in a school play? Ah fuck it, it doesn’t matter. Sorry I overslept. Give me 10 minutes, let grab a quick shower and we’ll go.”
Ash- “10 minutes, you better hurry up.”
Finally!
{{Just about the time our head starts pounding our eyes give up and shift out of focus. No matter, we can do this blindfolded as long as we beat the nausea. A quick pull of the shower curtain, twist of the knob, and it sounds like we’re in the shower as steam begins to fill the room. Now under the toilet tank cover, just need to focus long enough to see.}}
Where’s my lighter? Shit turn on the faucet or he’ll hear.
Ash- “You got seven minutes Randy! Then I’m leaving without you.”
Yell at me through the door. Mother fucker I’ll impregnate your sister.
{{The smallest pinch between our toes, and slowly it all stops mattering. Finally our blood starts pumping through our veins again. Finally air fills our lungs with each breath. Finally the world makes sense.}}
?Ъµ«Â
Ash- “Three,,, two,, one, that’s it choder, I’m out, get your own ride.”
º¡¢£—oyƒ
{{Peace. We look at our right foot poised on the counter. Our chin rests on our knee. The needle, like Excalibur in the stone, in our skin. The dreadful thoughts of forgotten ambition slowly creep into our muddled brain.}}
Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.
{{We pull the needle from our flesh, carefully repackage everything into our little baggy, and re-tape it under the toilet tank cover. We watch as our hand shuts off the now ice cold shower. The squeak is just simply funny… squeak. We stand upright, and bring our middle finger to our nose, sniff, and then nod before looking into the mirror and seeing ourselves as a teenage Randy Boolzian.}}
Voice; “Three minutes Mr. Boolzian. We’re live in three minutes.”
(The female voice from behind the other side of the door startles him. We watch as The Red Bull Icon watches himself jump in the mirror at her call. Gone is his bathroom at his mother’s house. Instead we watch as the young man still showing the aftermath on his face from Horizons stands in the sanitized restroom as Fox11 news. We watch as BoolZ looks down at his nervously shaking hand. We watch as he takes a swig from his Red Bull and tries to reassure himself.)
BoolZ; “Gotta be both. Just pretend the camera isn’t there. It’s just like talking at an AA meeting.”
Female Voice; “Two minutes Mr. Boolzian.”
(RBI takes a deep long breath before cursing the politicians and their no smoking laws in public buildings before turning to the door with his can, and heading for the set.)
*****
Male Voice; “Aw, shoot the damn ball!”
Second Voice; “BRICK!!”
(The scene fades in to an outdoor basketball court with four men badly playing. The only man we know by name is Jeremy, Maddy’s new boyfriend of almost two months. All four are sweating, all four have stopped playing as one man holds the ball, and all four look at each other as if waiting for an explanation.)
Jeremy; “ Jeff, what the hell, that ball got sentimental value or what?”
Jeff; “Or what? Yeah where was a foul? You can’t be shoving me when I’m shooting Jeremy.”
Jeremy; “What? There was no fucking foul. You’re foul.”
Jeff; “Dave, tell me you saw the foul.”
(Clearly not wanting into this particular conversation between Jeff and Jeremy, who seems the oldest of the four, Dave rubs his peppered chin before replying.)
Dave; “Ah, no, I didn’t see a foul.”
Jeff; “Oh you gotta be kidding. Jeremy damn near checked me out of the court. This aint hockey. Tyler help me out here.”
Jeremy; “Fuck that shit! There was no foul, pussy. Either play or get out my court. This my house bitch!”
(The fourth man, the youngest man, in a pair of strap on sports glasses speaks up with a concerned look towards Jeff.)
Tyler; “No, I didn’t see a foul man. Let’s just drop it.”
Dave; “Yeah, these old bones had enough running around this morning anyway.”
(The look of utter shock on Jeff’s face is unmistakable.)
Jeremy; “There was no foul. No blood, no foul.”
Tyler; “Yeah, let’s just call it a game. Hell and speaking of game, what’s up with you Maddy, Jeremy?”
Dave; “Oh, I bet she taste real sweet!”
Jeremy; “Fuck if I know. I can’t get those goddamn panties to drop! Tried everything. I got you two to help me place the lost nice guy, I brought her roses, I listened to her bitching about her childhood, motherfucker I even bought her realty nice…”
(Shocked at the scene, and feeling the pain from Jeremy’s elbow, Jeff spikes the ball hard on the asphalt before storming off.)
Jeff; “Man, fuck this cheating ass motherfucker!”
Jeremy; “What, bitch!?! Yeah that’s right, keep walking!”
(Dave and Tyler immediately grab a hold of Jeremy to prevent his clear intentions of following Jeff. Once he’s out of sight Tyler and Dave both let their friend go.)
Dave; “Hey, man screw that little crybaby.”
Tyler; “Yeah, might as well cause I guess you aint screwing Madeline!”
Jeremy; “Man, fuck you too!”
Tyler; “What I’m just sayin’ I told you she was a carpet muncher.”
Jeremy; “She aint lesbo dude.”
Tyler; “So you fucked up, and found yourself in that friend zone.”
Jeremy; “You know you’re about three seconds from getting your ass whooped. She aint no lesbian, and I aint no ‘friend’. She does other stuff, like a Hoover she does other stuff. She’s like one of them new type of virgin where it’s everything, but I can’t get her outta those fucking panties!”
Tyler; “Then fuck her through her panties!”
Dave; “No kid, listen this is what you do. There’s some fresh powder up in Big Bear, right. It doesn’t matter, natural or man made. Take up to the mountains one weekend. Surprise her. Hit the slopes, get her nice and cold, then back to the cabin. Start a nice quiet fire, let the wine start to flow, cuddle up for warmth, and those undies’ll melt right off.”
(Jeremy considers Dave’s suggest before replying.)
Jeremy; “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Plus if we’re out in the middle of nowhere, and she fights my urge, then no one’s there to stop me from raping the little tease.”
Tyler; “Well shit now we’re talking. If it’s going that route though you better give a brother a call, ‘cause I might want in on some of that.”
Jeremy; “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Yeah, yeah, no this is good.”
*****
Female Voice; “No, no, you were great. The camera loves you.”
(We’re back at the Fox 11 television studios. BoolZ, rubbing what’s left of his make up off, is seen walking with a young woman. Her voice is the same voice from earlier. Her hair the perfect shade of light brunette and her eyes tell the fairytale story of youthful innocence. Clearly still in college she has to be an intern.)
BoolZ; “Really? I get so nervous with this kind of thing.”
Intern; “Then why did you agree to be on?”
BoolZ; “Eh, you know make new fans, sell more shirts, and make more money.”
Intern; “Oh, so you were just prostituting yourself?”
BoolZ; “Oh now come on. We all whore ourselves out at some point. But I was ok?”
Intern; “You were great Mr. Boolzian. We had Will Smith on last year promoting ‘I Am Legend’ and he looked like hell. And talk about a dead interview. I have to ask though, how much of what you said out there was true?”
BoolZ; “All of it. What you didn’t believe me?”
Intern; “Well, my brother’s a really big fan so I have to watch sometimes. After all that happened at Horizons, then last week, you’re really not going to take the title match? You know you didn’t even mention Travis Roberts on the broadcast.”
(BoolZ simply smiles and shrugs his shoulders at the intern’s question.)
Intern; “Seriously!”
BoolZ; “Really I didn’t? Well you know, I mean, Travis is a dead horse. Plus facing Pax this week, teaming with Mickey Dragon you know kinda pointed out that I had been so wrapped up in beating the same people every week that I missed the debuts of all these new faces. It’s like beating someone for the third or fourth time just isn’t as intriguing as wrestling someone for the first time, you know?
It’s like this week I’m facing Ezekiel Pax, right? Peace of War and Peace. Hippy little cuss. T-Rob Light, if you will. You know he, and his little circus reject just kinda showed up one day, I didn’t think much of them cause I was a little pre-occupied, and boom their strutting around with title belts and looking for their manager slash brother slash sister or some weird combination of the three. I mean how’d that happen? Plus I owe him a kick in the head for getting in my business after Horizons.”
Intern; “Exactly! How do you go from chasing away all of Travis’ guests for his party to not caring about him?”
BoolZ; “What is this? Are you really Roxy Malone in disguise over here or something?”
Intern; “No, I’m just Angela, and I told you my brother was a huge fan. He’s got like a shine built to you in his room. Wall to wall posters, he’s got like every different limited edition can of BoolZ Red Bull, he even started wearing a Sean Jensen t-shirt every day because of you. It’s actually kind of weird watching your 14 year old brother have a crush on a man. So it’s either watch the GIW or let him surf the web on my laptop and I always end up with so much porn after he uses my computer.”
(What was a pleasant conversation turned horrific. The same hitch in his step BoolZ always gets when reminded of his past or forced to confront his present is clear. So is the pained look on his face.)
Angela; “Whoa, BoolZ! Mr. Boolzian, Randy, are you ok?”
BoolZ; “Yeah, Angela, I’m fine I think. I was just more than a little shocked that it seems you’re not really sure what’s worse. Watching Sentinel or whoring out your computer.”
Angela; “Funny, like your going rate’s any better?”
BoolZ; “Well, let me buy you a Red Bull and we’ll talk about it.”
*****
Feminine Voice; “Do you want to talk about it?”
(At first we’re taken back by the lovely red head with the huge blue eyes. They almost seem unnatural, and if they weren’t so inviting they’d be offsetting. Across from her the more familiar sight of Maddy sits at the table slowly twirling her bread stick in a bowl of Alfredo sauce.)
Red Head; “Maddy? Hello, Hun, what’s going on?”
Maddy; “Nothing Olivia, why?”
Olivia; “Darling, you’ve hardly said more than four words this afternoon. Is something wrong? How’s Jeremy?”
Maddy; “Jeremy is Jeremy. Things are good most of the time.”
Olivia; “Most of the time?”
Maddy; “Well, he’s all hands the rest of the time.”
Olivia; “That’s not really always a bad thing, Maddy.”
Maddy; “I know, and believe me, I’d rather that than distant. But I just wish he’d take the hint. I told him I wanted to take it slow, but he just gets so frustrated sometimes.”
Olivia; “I always thought he was a bit creepy to begin with. For the life of me I don’t know what you see in him.”
Maddy; “I don’t know. I guess he just reminds me of better times. Besides, Jeremy isn’t the problem. I don’t know, I guess I’m just in a funk today.”
(Olivia takes a long slow sip from her wine glass while eyeing Maddy who does the same.)
Maddy; “What?”
Olivia; “When was the last time you saw him?”
Maddy; “Yesterday. We’ve been going out for two months, I see Jeremy everyday.”
Olivia; “Maddy, you know I didn’t mean Jeremy… Him… Mr. Better Times.”
Maddy; “I don’t care if I never see Randy again.”
Olivia; “Who was talking about Randy? Maybe you just need to get laid. Get out of your funk.”
Maddy; “Slut.”
*****
(A cheap apartment door swings open as a young heavy set man in his early teens enters. He nonchalantly dumps his back pack on the floor, takes off his jacket to reveal a Sean Jensen t-shirt, and heads straight to the tiny kitchen. He opens the refrigerator, the all to wonderful sound of an ice cold can of Red Bull popping open is heard as is the gulping of its contents. The young man walks back into the living room, clicks on the television, then promptly mutes it as he brings up his DVR’ed Fox 11 morning news broadcast.
With a tilt of his head and a puzzled look he tosses the remote onto the futon, and heads for the back of the apartment.)
Boy; “Ang? You home?”
(As we follow the boy towards the rear we can now hear the muffled sounds of ecstasy and primal grunts coming from the far bedroom. Then it’s confirmed.)
Angela; “FUUCCCKKKK!!!”
BoolZ; “OH THERE IT IS!! We have chili!”
(The boy stands dumbstruck in the hall way for what seems like forever. After some time passes his mind starts to race as his eyes dart from the closed door to the open door across the small hallway and back. The excitement can be seen building and feeding to a fever pitch in his core until he can’t contain himself, and races into the open room.
The closed door slowly cracks open as RBI steps out holding a folded towel in one hand and a pair of black cotton panties in the other.)
BoolZ; “Angela, I’m taking these.”
Angela; “Huh? Yeah, OK? Call me?”
(BoolZ shuts the door, turns to exit, and is face to face with Angela’s brother who is holding a Japanese BoolZ action figure kept mint in package and a silver Sharpie.)
Angela’s Brother; “Oh my god you’re BoolZ! You’re in my house! Dude can I have an autograph? Make it out to John! Dude, did you just ‘chili dog’ my sister? I can’t believe it! This is incredible!”
(If one were to look close enough they’d be able to see the look of pending regret on BoolZ’s face. It doesn’t last long.)
BoolZ; “Oh, wow, so you’re John, huh? Yeah I saw that stupid ass shine. Fucking pathetic. Kid you need to grow up. If anyone in the GIW should have a shine in a virgins room it should be Gabby. Hell I’d even accept Chinatsu or Chassie, but holy hell kid I’m a little spooked with what you might have done with one of those Red Bull cans. You sure you’re my fan and not DJS or Bones’? Seriously look at you. You look like some emo douch that'd probably try to be me, jump off a ladder before your first match started, and knock yourself out. Fucking waste.”
(John stands mortified and frozen as his Red Bull Icon attempts to negotiate past his girth. BoolZ takes every opening to exaggerate the difficulty before finally passing the teary eyed fan, and tossing the clean up towel into Johns face.)
BoolZ; “And yeah, I did ‘chili dog’ your sister. She was alright. Why? You wish it was you? Now out of my way, grown folk got places to be.”
(Clear of obstruction BoolZ walks on wobbly legs out of the apartment not making it three steps before his cigarette is lit. We follow him down the stairs, and through a small hallway leading to the parking lot. Without hesitation he reaches the ‘U-Suk’ mobile, pulls open the door causing the recording of a packed house cheering his name, but has to look up to the window next to Angela’s.
John is seen running into his room, sweeping the display of BoolZ memorabilia off the shelf, and then lunging onto the bed to rip down the RBI posters. A solemn faced BoolZ climbs into the truck, turns the key, and the engine roars to life as the custom Red Bull tale lights erupt with an explosion of color. BoolZ slams the door, and the scene ends as he wastes little time pulling away.)
