Post by Lord Hastings on Jul 30, 2009 20:26:37 GMT -5
Donovan stands behind a table, facing the camera.
Hastings: Hello! Welcome to GIWshopzone.com. We've got some great sales this week, I'm your host, the Undisputed Immortal Lord-Chief Nigga of Pain, Donovan Hastings! We've got some great sales for you this week! Let's see what we've got!
Donovan lays his Baghdad cloak on the table.
Hastings: An authentic cloak worn by the Lord-Chief himself, live on Sentinel from Baghdad! This has an actual bullet hole in it, oooooh the danger! I get goosebumps. This can be yours for the low, low price of just seventeen easy payments of $39.99!!!!
Donovan clicks off a handheld cassette player.
Hastings: Thank you, disembodied voice! It IS a great deal. Next up, is Alex Kiseragi's pants, stolen right out of his locker room by-
A door is heard slamming.
Voice: What the...what are you doing?
Owen Peterson walks on-screen.
Hastings: Excellent! Ladies and gentlemen, for the next ten minutes, if you order now, we'll throw in a free Niglet!
Peterson stares at the camera.
Peterson: Seriously, what is going on.
Hastings: We're live-streaming GIWshopzone.com, on GIW.com!!!
Donovan clicks the player off.
Peterson: I thought you made that up.
Hastings: But people are stupid, and I can get them to send me money.
Peterson: Streaming live.
Hastings: Yeah.
Peterson: So they all just heard you call them stupid, and explain your scheme.
Hastings: Fuck them, there's a sucker born every minute, and people are signing on all the time, they just see from that point forward, starting...NOW!
Donovan faces the camera.
Hastings: Selling, right now, the tank that Danny DiVito was riding around in on Sentinel...miniturized!!!
Donovan holds up a small plastic tank.
Peterson: That reminds me, are you actually going to throw your lot in with Boss P?
Hastings: You'll have to tune in next week to find out!
]
Donovan clicks the player off.
Peterson: That's getting really annoying.
Hastings: That's half the fun.
Peterson: Are those Kiseragi's pants?
Hastings: Maybe.
Peterson: Where'd you get those?
Hastings: Don't worry about it.
Peterson: Isn't he going to be pissed about that when you face him next week?
Hastings: You're the one that has to officiate that. I trust you'll keep him in line.
Donovan looks at the camera again.
Hastings: Act now, and when you place your order be sure to enter the keyword "MYLORD" to get 20% off.
Donovan clicks the player off.
Peterson: How is it that it's always cued in the right place.
Hastings: Don't ruin it for me.
Peterson: Seriously though, what is it Boss P offered you?
Hastings: Hold on a second.
Donovan pulls out a pair of boxers.
Hastings: The pair of boxers that the Lord-Chief wore while he performed the best officiating that GIW has seen since Glenn Burke!
Peterson: Hey!
Hastings: Unwashed, and yours today, if you order now!
Donovan looks back at Owen.
Hastings: You really think I'm not going to listen to somebody driving around in a fucking tank?
Peterson: I would, but we're talking about you.
Hastings: The midget knows who the true brains and brawn of Blessed Immortality he is, he knows who carries that team, and he knows that the Lord-Chief alone deserves to wear the Undisputed Global Championship. I told him after Affirmative Action, I told everyone. It's just now that everyone else is catching up with me. About damn time, too. So all I'll say is this, everything is in place for me to finally answer destiny's call. I will face Travis Roberts, title on the line, and I will take what's mine.
Donovan presses the button on the cassette player, and walks off screen. Owen follows.
Hastings: Hello! Welcome to GIWshopzone.com. We've got some great sales this week, I'm your host, the Undisputed Immortal Lord-Chief Nigga of Pain, Donovan Hastings! We've got some great sales for you this week! Let's see what we've got!
Donovan lays his Baghdad cloak on the table.
Hastings: An authentic cloak worn by the Lord-Chief himself, live on Sentinel from Baghdad! This has an actual bullet hole in it, oooooh the danger! I get goosebumps. This can be yours for the low, low price of just seventeen easy payments of $39.99!!!!
Donovan clicks off a handheld cassette player.
Hastings: Thank you, disembodied voice! It IS a great deal. Next up, is Alex Kiseragi's pants, stolen right out of his locker room by-
A door is heard slamming.
Voice: What the...what are you doing?
Owen Peterson walks on-screen.
Hastings: Excellent! Ladies and gentlemen, for the next ten minutes, if you order now, we'll throw in a free Niglet!
Peterson stares at the camera.
Peterson: Seriously, what is going on.
Hastings: We're live-streaming GIWshopzone.com, on GIW.com!!!
Donovan clicks the player off.
Peterson: I thought you made that up.
Hastings: But people are stupid, and I can get them to send me money.
Peterson: Streaming live.
Hastings: Yeah.
Peterson: So they all just heard you call them stupid, and explain your scheme.
Hastings: Fuck them, there's a sucker born every minute, and people are signing on all the time, they just see from that point forward, starting...NOW!
Donovan faces the camera.
Hastings: Selling, right now, the tank that Danny DiVito was riding around in on Sentinel...miniturized!!!
Donovan holds up a small plastic tank.
Peterson: That reminds me, are you actually going to throw your lot in with Boss P?
Hastings: You'll have to tune in next week to find out!
]
Donovan clicks the player off.
Peterson: That's getting really annoying.
Hastings: That's half the fun.
Peterson: Are those Kiseragi's pants?
Hastings: Maybe.
Peterson: Where'd you get those?
Hastings: Don't worry about it.
Peterson: Isn't he going to be pissed about that when you face him next week?
Hastings: You're the one that has to officiate that. I trust you'll keep him in line.
Donovan looks at the camera again.
Hastings: Act now, and when you place your order be sure to enter the keyword "MYLORD" to get 20% off.
Donovan clicks the player off.
Peterson: How is it that it's always cued in the right place.
Hastings: Don't ruin it for me.
Peterson: Seriously though, what is it Boss P offered you?
Hastings: Hold on a second.
Donovan pulls out a pair of boxers.
Hastings: The pair of boxers that the Lord-Chief wore while he performed the best officiating that GIW has seen since Glenn Burke!
Peterson: Hey!
Hastings: Unwashed, and yours today, if you order now!
Donovan looks back at Owen.
Hastings: You really think I'm not going to listen to somebody driving around in a fucking tank?
Peterson: I would, but we're talking about you.
Hastings: The midget knows who the true brains and brawn of Blessed Immortality he is, he knows who carries that team, and he knows that the Lord-Chief alone deserves to wear the Undisputed Global Championship. I told him after Affirmative Action, I told everyone. It's just now that everyone else is catching up with me. About damn time, too. So all I'll say is this, everything is in place for me to finally answer destiny's call. I will face Travis Roberts, title on the line, and I will take what's mine.
Donovan presses the button on the cassette player, and walks off screen. Owen follows.
