Post by Declan Prescott on Aug 7, 2009 6:43:17 GMT -5
NG: Tell my bitches and hoes that I did this for dim.
NG then sprints down the hallway. He runs right past Declan Prescott, who is urinating on a piece of watermelon. Declan attempts to zip up his fly once he’s done, but soon realises he has no pants.
Declan: Fuck.
Andy: D!
Declan: Nigga, you seen my pants?
We cut to Cara Prescott, burying her face in some old jeans.
Cara: I can touch the stains!
Cut back to Niggaville.
Andy: I don’t know, D. Maybe some anorexic hooker stole them?
Declan: So you're saying yo momma stole them?
Andy: My momma's not anorexic.
An explosion then rings out from further down the hallway.
Andy: That must have been Nigga General. Should we go help?!
Declan: Nah, that last part of our lives was way too confusing for there to be any continuity. Even sober I wouldn’t know what the fuck was going on.
Andy: I think you’d know less if you were sober.
Declan: I’m not deranged!
Cut to the ghost of Douglas Maguire licking Selena Maguire’s headstone.
Maguire: I can taste the stains!
Cut back to Niggaville.
Brandon: It’s going to help me with not acting like Jean Claude Van Damme. All I have to do is watch his crappy monologue about not going home and I should be good.
Ted: This show fucking sucks!
The Landlord: The fuck?! Who said you could watch?!
Beauty: I don’t mind the audience!
Ted turns away from the 8-inch television to see Beauty and The Landlord behind him, though I shant describe the scene in any more detail, in case BoolZ’ illegitimate offspring has learned to read. Anyway, Ted instantly begins vomiting, until diarrhoea comes out his dick.
Declan: So it’s a puking game, huhn? I’mma bust dat shit out!
Andy: I think I shit myself…
Declan: I hate the bitter taste of defeat…
“Well, you better get used to it!”
Declan: GASP!
Andy: SHOCK!
Ted: SURPRISE!
Landlord: ARGH!
Beauty: HARDER!
Brandon Brown: Dat’s right niagetees, Da NG is in da house!
You: WTF?
The cardboard cut out of the Asian lover is thrown to the side, revealing a singed, soot covered Nigga General, grinning from ear-to-ear.
NG: ‘COZ WE ABOUT TO PLAY SOME NIGGA MONOP – SHIT THE FUCK?!?!
Andy has set fire to the Brandon cut-out.
Andy: Lets see how Moss Edwards defends his Unified Title when he’s on fire!!!
Declan: YEAH! Andy always punkin’ out da man!
Ted: …
NG: IT’S NOT RIGHT! NIGGA GENERAL WON’T STAND FOR THE INJUSTICE OF THIS EVIL! NIGGA GENERAL WON’T STAND BACK, WHILE THIS EARTH IS TURNED TO MADNESS!!! NIGGA GENERAL WILL FIGHT DA GOOD MUDDA FUNKIN' FIGHT!!!!!!
He begins blasting away with an AK-47 at the table The Landlord has Beauty sprawled over. The pair go tumbling to the floor, The Landlord shitting the carpet and Beauty not really noticing anything. NG, his eyes blazing with anger, marches across the room, toward the duo. His voice is nothing more than a dangerous whisper.
NG: If eider of yo two sons of bitches ever… EVER… try dat shit again, I’ll shove a grenade so far up each of yo asses YOU’LL BE SPRAYING TEETH AT DA GOD DAMN CORONER! YA HEAR ME?! YA HEAR ME?!?!?!?![/I]
The Landlord: YES! YES! I’M SORRY! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! I WON’T PAY ANDY’S WIFE A NICKEL FOR A SCREW ANYMORE, I SWEAR!!!
NG: Huhn? That skinny bitch is Andy’s wife? Andy has a wife? Declan isn’t a homo with Andy? Man, YOU TRIPPIN’ FAT MAN! I just didn’t want ya taking up da space where we play Nigga Monopoly.
Andy: I WANNA BE THE PIMP!
Declan: Dude, all the niglet tokens are pimps.
Andy: Nah, there’s a couple wife bashers as well.
Declan: Nigga General stole all of those ones. Said he needed to keep ‘em close at all times for inspiration.
Andy: Well then, lets show that niglet how we do things down town!
Declan: YEAH!
Andy and Declan release a thunderous war cry and then charge at the still moist coffee table.
48 seconds later…
NG: AND DAT MAKES DA NIGGA GENERAL DA WINNA!
Andy and Declan: Dammit…
Lawyer: Declan Prescott and Wally Iscariot, I’m afraid you’ve been found guilty of rehumour.
Andy: The fuck you say niglet?
Lawyer: Reusing the same joke two weeks in a row, when it wasn’t even that funny the first time around. You’re both in serious trouble.
Declan: Umm…
Andy: Urgh…
Declan: …
Andy: …
Warren: JUMP AROUND!
Cut to Alex Kiseragi.
Alex: So I –
Cut to the alley behind the street corner, where Beauty works. Boss P is sitting, holding a pistol, wiping a snot rag up and down his beak.
Bianca: Sir, if you’ll please stop crying –
Boss P: I AIN’T CRYIN’ NIGGAREENA!
Bianca: Okay… if you’ll please stop wiping your beak with that snot rag, then…
Boss P: HOW WOULD YO LIKE IT?! IF EVERYTHING YO WHITE ASS WORKED SO HARD TO STEAL WAS TAKEN AWAY BY SOME OLD LADY AND TRIPLE H WID A WEED ADDICTION?!
Bianca: Couldn’t think of a slang word for ‘addiction’ huh?
Boss P: Nah… nah, I couldn’t…
Boss P removes his mask, to reveal Midget Austin.
MA: Dunno how much further I can go on…
Bianca: Please, sir. Don’t give up so easily. There’s still hope. We can take GIW ba –
MA: FUCK GIW! And fuck yo momma too! It don’t matter. Only one thing still matters.
Bianca: Sir?
He raises his pistol to the sun, blessing himself in the metallic shadow. He then removes his mask, to reveal Boss Penguin.
Boss P: WE GOTTA TAKE PRESCOTT OUT! BURYING HIM IN A SHITTY TAG TEAM AIN’T ENOUGH NO MORE!!! DAT NIGGA HAS GOTTA DISAPPEAR… PERMANENTLY!
Bianca: Sir, that… that won’t get your company back…
Boss P: It ain’t about dat, toots… it’s more dan dat. I thought taking him out at his own game would destroy him. But now dat ain’t an option for me. It’s Jamal. He was ma… ma homeboy. And dat white bread iced his ass! HE GOTTA PAY! AND YOU GONNA HELP ME MAKE SURE HE DOES! ODDAWISE IT’S YO ASS DAT’LL BE SLEEPING WID DA PENGUINS!!! YA HEAR?!?!
Bianca: What choice do I have?
She looks up to the sun, sighing the name of Declan Prescott, bitter remorse in her voice. Then the light magnifies in the lenses of her glasses and she goes blind. Damn.
NG then sprints down the hallway. He runs right past Declan Prescott, who is urinating on a piece of watermelon. Declan attempts to zip up his fly once he’s done, but soon realises he has no pants.
Declan: Fuck.
Andy: D!
Declan: Nigga, you seen my pants?
We cut to Cara Prescott, burying her face in some old jeans.
Cara: I can touch the stains!
Cut back to Niggaville.
Andy: I don’t know, D. Maybe some anorexic hooker stole them?
Declan: So you're saying yo momma stole them?
Andy: My momma's not anorexic.
An explosion then rings out from further down the hallway.
Andy: That must have been Nigga General. Should we go help?!
Declan: Nah, that last part of our lives was way too confusing for there to be any continuity. Even sober I wouldn’t know what the fuck was going on.
Andy: I think you’d know less if you were sober.
Declan: I’m not deranged!
Cut to the ghost of Douglas Maguire licking Selena Maguire’s headstone.
Maguire: I can taste the stains!
Cut back to Niggaville.
Brandon: It’s going to help me with not acting like Jean Claude Van Damme. All I have to do is watch his crappy monologue about not going home and I should be good.
Ted: This show fucking sucks!
The Landlord: The fuck?! Who said you could watch?!
Beauty: I don’t mind the audience!
Ted turns away from the 8-inch television to see Beauty and The Landlord behind him, though I shant describe the scene in any more detail, in case BoolZ’ illegitimate offspring has learned to read. Anyway, Ted instantly begins vomiting, until diarrhoea comes out his dick.
Declan: So it’s a puking game, huhn? I’mma bust dat shit out!
Andy: I think I shit myself…
Declan: I hate the bitter taste of defeat…
“Well, you better get used to it!”
Declan: GASP!
Andy: SHOCK!
Ted: SURPRISE!
Landlord: ARGH!
Beauty: HARDER!
Brandon Brown: Dat’s right niagetees, Da NG is in da house!
You: WTF?
The cardboard cut out of the Asian lover is thrown to the side, revealing a singed, soot covered Nigga General, grinning from ear-to-ear.
NG: ‘COZ WE ABOUT TO PLAY SOME NIGGA MONOP – SHIT THE FUCK?!?!
Andy has set fire to the Brandon cut-out.
Andy: Lets see how Moss Edwards defends his Unified Title when he’s on fire!!!
Declan: YEAH! Andy always punkin’ out da man!
Ted: …
NG: IT’S NOT RIGHT! NIGGA GENERAL WON’T STAND FOR THE INJUSTICE OF THIS EVIL! NIGGA GENERAL WON’T STAND BACK, WHILE THIS EARTH IS TURNED TO MADNESS!!! NIGGA GENERAL WILL FIGHT DA GOOD MUDDA FUNKIN' FIGHT!!!!!!
He begins blasting away with an AK-47 at the table The Landlord has Beauty sprawled over. The pair go tumbling to the floor, The Landlord shitting the carpet and Beauty not really noticing anything. NG, his eyes blazing with anger, marches across the room, toward the duo. His voice is nothing more than a dangerous whisper.
NG: If eider of yo two sons of bitches ever… EVER… try dat shit again, I’ll shove a grenade so far up each of yo asses YOU’LL BE SPRAYING TEETH AT DA GOD DAMN CORONER! YA HEAR ME?! YA HEAR ME?!?!?!?![/I]
The Landlord: YES! YES! I’M SORRY! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! I WON’T PAY ANDY’S WIFE A NICKEL FOR A SCREW ANYMORE, I SWEAR!!!
NG: Huhn? That skinny bitch is Andy’s wife? Andy has a wife? Declan isn’t a homo with Andy? Man, YOU TRIPPIN’ FAT MAN! I just didn’t want ya taking up da space where we play Nigga Monopoly.
Andy: I WANNA BE THE PIMP!
Declan: Dude, all the niglet tokens are pimps.
Andy: Nah, there’s a couple wife bashers as well.
Declan: Nigga General stole all of those ones. Said he needed to keep ‘em close at all times for inspiration.
Andy: Well then, lets show that niglet how we do things down town!
Declan: YEAH!
Andy and Declan release a thunderous war cry and then charge at the still moist coffee table.
48 seconds later…
NG: AND DAT MAKES DA NIGGA GENERAL DA WINNA!
Andy and Declan: Dammit…
Lawyer: Declan Prescott and Wally Iscariot, I’m afraid you’ve been found guilty of rehumour.
Andy: The fuck you say niglet?
Lawyer: Reusing the same joke two weeks in a row, when it wasn’t even that funny the first time around. You’re both in serious trouble.
Declan: Umm…
Andy: Urgh…
Declan: …
Andy: …
Warren: JUMP AROUND!
Cut to Alex Kiseragi.
Alex: So I –
Cut to the alley behind the street corner, where Beauty works. Boss P is sitting, holding a pistol, wiping a snot rag up and down his beak.
Bianca: Sir, if you’ll please stop crying –
Boss P: I AIN’T CRYIN’ NIGGAREENA!
Bianca: Okay… if you’ll please stop wiping your beak with that snot rag, then…
Boss P: HOW WOULD YO LIKE IT?! IF EVERYTHING YO WHITE ASS WORKED SO HARD TO STEAL WAS TAKEN AWAY BY SOME OLD LADY AND TRIPLE H WID A WEED ADDICTION?!
Bianca: Couldn’t think of a slang word for ‘addiction’ huh?
Boss P: Nah… nah, I couldn’t…
Boss P removes his mask, to reveal Midget Austin.
MA: Dunno how much further I can go on…
Bianca: Please, sir. Don’t give up so easily. There’s still hope. We can take GIW ba –
MA: FUCK GIW! And fuck yo momma too! It don’t matter. Only one thing still matters.
Bianca: Sir?
He raises his pistol to the sun, blessing himself in the metallic shadow. He then removes his mask, to reveal Boss Penguin.
Boss P: WE GOTTA TAKE PRESCOTT OUT! BURYING HIM IN A SHITTY TAG TEAM AIN’T ENOUGH NO MORE!!! DAT NIGGA HAS GOTTA DISAPPEAR… PERMANENTLY!
Bianca: Sir, that… that won’t get your company back…
Boss P: It ain’t about dat, toots… it’s more dan dat. I thought taking him out at his own game would destroy him. But now dat ain’t an option for me. It’s Jamal. He was ma… ma homeboy. And dat white bread iced his ass! HE GOTTA PAY! AND YOU GONNA HELP ME MAKE SURE HE DOES! ODDAWISE IT’S YO ASS DAT’LL BE SLEEPING WID DA PENGUINS!!! YA HEAR?!?!
Bianca: What choice do I have?
She looks up to the sun, sighing the name of Declan Prescott, bitter remorse in her voice. Then the light magnifies in the lenses of her glasses and she goes blind. Damn.
x2