Post by Declan Prescott on Aug 21, 2009 5:42:05 GMT -5
“D!”
Andy Savana bursts into the room, holding a dead ape by the rung of its neck.
Declan: Dammit Andy, I’m taking a shit here!
Andy: We’re in the kitchen…
Declan: Bathroom's in use.
Cut
Beauty: FUCK ME HARDER! I LOVE IT! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!
Manatee Carcass: …
Cut
Andy: Declan, you ever feel that we’re wasting our lives?
Declan: What you mean, bro?
Andy: Well, just take a look around…
Andy and Declan survey the room. Nigga General has a chainsaw and is chasing some small Asian children around the living room, Ted is licking pot crumbs out of the carpet and The Landlord is staring into the bathroom and whacking off at whatever is going on inside. Declan turns back to Andy.
Declan: Nah man, I’m good.
Andy: Yeah, me too. I just wanted to make sure. Now lets hit some bitches up!
Cut
Declan: This isn’t what I had in mind when you said we’d be getting bitches.
Declan turns to the track, watching the dogs sprint like a mo fo after the little rabbit thing.
Andy: Well, that’s what a bitch is. I need to get a dictionary?
Declan: You can read?
Andy: I could find someone that can read.
Declan: Nice, man. Real nice.
Andy: Actually it’s pretty fucked up. Makes me wanna slit my wrists.
Declan: Yeah, true, I was just giving you blind reassurance. That’s what tag team partners are for, you know?
Andy: Partner? Try CHAMPIONS nigga!
Andy holds up his Tag Team Title belt.
Andy: We had to work hard for these. But in the end, we managed to do it. We can now claim we’re the greatest tag team in the history of the extremely limited number of tag teams to compete in GIW.
Declan now raises his belt up too.
Declan: Yeah, man. It’s awesome. All our struggles, they finally paid off. I couldn’t have done it with anyone else, man. We’re like family now.
With a tear in his eye, Andy hugs Declan. Then he suddenly collapses and is bleeding from the doodle. Declan is holding a shiv.
Declan: Didn’t say you could touch me, nigga.
Random Dude: Man, those are some nice WWE replica belts. Where did you get them?
Declan: Walmart.
Random Dude: I should get some for my kids. I think they prefer GIW, though. Don’t know why. You seen the talent that place is promoting lately? Some pipe loving hippy and a couple retarded drunks.
Cut
Dennis: And here is your winner... BRANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!
Cut
Dennis: HERE IS YOUR WINNEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, representing the gay community, ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX KISERAAAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Cut
Declan: Totally, niglet.
Declan then stabs the guy with his shiv. The bitches detect the smell of blood and instantly veer off the course and towards the scent.
Declan: Fark…
Cut
Andy and Declan are in the hospital. Andy is getting stitches in his doodle, while Declan is having his ass shaved by a 400 pound nurse named Butcher.
Andy: You sure you didn’t mean prison, instead of hospital?
Declan: Overcrowded, bad living conditions, what’s the difference?
Butcher: ZING!
“It’s… it’s you…”
Declan turns to the doorway, to see the lovely blonde, soft skinned, adorable figure staring back at him.
Declan: I missed you…
“I missed you…”
Her face then turns red with anger and she pulls out a shiv and stabs him in the ass.
Bianca: So I could do that, you bastard! You didn’t visit me once!
Declan: I was busy, babe!
Cut
Andy and Declan are sitting on their couch, both naked and scratching their (own) crotches, while they watch Seinfeld reruns.
Andy: You gonna visit Bianca?
Declan: Nah.
Cut
Bianca: Well how are you going to make it up to me, huh?
Declan: I’mma bang you eight ways from Sunday! YEAH!
Butcher: Couldn’t have said it better myself…
Butcher now sticks his spare hand down his nurse dress thing.
Andy: I CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT NO MORE! WE NEED NIGGA GENERAL TO KILL THIS FAT DUDE!!!
…
…
…
…
…
The four are now standing awkwardly, as nothing happens.
Declan: Where is that white boy?
Cut
Nigga General stands in the heart of China Town, blowing every building in sight to rubble with a rocket launcher. Asians flee in every direction, screaming and crying in terror as their lives are destroyed around them. Nigga General is laughing with every shot.
NG: NIGGA GENERAL TAKING DA FIGHT TO DA ENEMY! HE TAKE CARE A BID’NESS!
A SWAT helicopter appears above him, with a sniper in place. Nigga General instantly blows it the fuck up, sending flaming bodies flying from the plummeting wreckage.
NG: AHAHAHAHA! CAN’T STOP DA… ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
We transition into a slow motion silent sequence, with ‘Only Time’ by Enya playing over the top of everything.
Nigga General is being riddled with bullets for minutes on end. The ground SWAT force unloading everything they have into him. He throws his hands into the air and lets out a cry of agony that we can’t hear, as tears roll down his cheeks. Eventually he falls to his knees, but still isn’t dieing. After even more high powered machine gun fire, he finally falls backwards. Staring up to the heavens, the life blood gushing from his body, he mouths only two words.
‘Nigga Monopoly’.
Cut
Andy: I dunno. Probably stealing a bike.
Declan: Fuck it. I want Bianca’s snatch. NOW!
Butcher: And I want…
DA! DA! DAA! DA! DA! DAA! DUM! DA! DUM! DA! DUM! DAA!
The rest of the world stopped moving. In that moment there was only him and his other half. Cara Prescott, in the corridor of the hospital, standing next to a doctor, ignoring every word he was saying. Her eyes were fixed only on his. It was like graph theory and they were the vertices. With degree ONE mother fucker!
Yeah, someone let me know if they got that.
Andy: I really gotta take a shit.
Butcher: Me too.
A live ape falls from Butcher’s nurse dress thing.
Ape: MOOOOOOOOOO!
Andy Savana bursts into the room, holding a dead ape by the rung of its neck.
Declan: Dammit Andy, I’m taking a shit here!
Andy: We’re in the kitchen…
Declan: Bathroom's in use.
Cut
Beauty: FUCK ME HARDER! I LOVE IT! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME!
Manatee Carcass: …
Cut
Andy: Declan, you ever feel that we’re wasting our lives?
Declan: What you mean, bro?
Andy: Well, just take a look around…
Andy and Declan survey the room. Nigga General has a chainsaw and is chasing some small Asian children around the living room, Ted is licking pot crumbs out of the carpet and The Landlord is staring into the bathroom and whacking off at whatever is going on inside. Declan turns back to Andy.
Declan: Nah man, I’m good.
Andy: Yeah, me too. I just wanted to make sure. Now lets hit some bitches up!
Cut
Declan: This isn’t what I had in mind when you said we’d be getting bitches.
Declan turns to the track, watching the dogs sprint like a mo fo after the little rabbit thing.
Andy: Well, that’s what a bitch is. I need to get a dictionary?
Declan: You can read?
Andy: I could find someone that can read.
Declan: Nice, man. Real nice.
Andy: Actually it’s pretty fucked up. Makes me wanna slit my wrists.
Declan: Yeah, true, I was just giving you blind reassurance. That’s what tag team partners are for, you know?
Andy: Partner? Try CHAMPIONS nigga!
Andy holds up his Tag Team Title belt.
Andy: We had to work hard for these. But in the end, we managed to do it. We can now claim we’re the greatest tag team in the history of the extremely limited number of tag teams to compete in GIW.
Declan now raises his belt up too.
Declan: Yeah, man. It’s awesome. All our struggles, they finally paid off. I couldn’t have done it with anyone else, man. We’re like family now.
With a tear in his eye, Andy hugs Declan. Then he suddenly collapses and is bleeding from the doodle. Declan is holding a shiv.
Declan: Didn’t say you could touch me, nigga.
Random Dude: Man, those are some nice WWE replica belts. Where did you get them?
Declan: Walmart.
Random Dude: I should get some for my kids. I think they prefer GIW, though. Don’t know why. You seen the talent that place is promoting lately? Some pipe loving hippy and a couple retarded drunks.
Cut
Dennis: And here is your winner... BRANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!
Cut
Dennis: HERE IS YOUR WINNEEEEEEEEEEEEEER, representing the gay community, ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX KISERAAAAAAAAAAAAGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Cut
Declan: Totally, niglet.
Declan then stabs the guy with his shiv. The bitches detect the smell of blood and instantly veer off the course and towards the scent.
Declan: Fark…
Cut
Andy and Declan are in the hospital. Andy is getting stitches in his doodle, while Declan is having his ass shaved by a 400 pound nurse named Butcher.
Andy: You sure you didn’t mean prison, instead of hospital?
Declan: Overcrowded, bad living conditions, what’s the difference?
Butcher: ZING!
“It’s… it’s you…”
Declan turns to the doorway, to see the lovely blonde, soft skinned, adorable figure staring back at him.
Declan: I missed you…
“I missed you…”
Her face then turns red with anger and she pulls out a shiv and stabs him in the ass.
Bianca: So I could do that, you bastard! You didn’t visit me once!
Declan: I was busy, babe!
Cut
Andy and Declan are sitting on their couch, both naked and scratching their (own) crotches, while they watch Seinfeld reruns.
Andy: You gonna visit Bianca?
Declan: Nah.
Cut
Bianca: Well how are you going to make it up to me, huh?
Declan: I’mma bang you eight ways from Sunday! YEAH!
Butcher: Couldn’t have said it better myself…
Butcher now sticks his spare hand down his nurse dress thing.
Andy: I CAN’T TAKE THIS SHIT NO MORE! WE NEED NIGGA GENERAL TO KILL THIS FAT DUDE!!!
…
…
…
…
…
The four are now standing awkwardly, as nothing happens.
Declan: Where is that white boy?
Cut
Nigga General stands in the heart of China Town, blowing every building in sight to rubble with a rocket launcher. Asians flee in every direction, screaming and crying in terror as their lives are destroyed around them. Nigga General is laughing with every shot.
NG: NIGGA GENERAL TAKING DA FIGHT TO DA ENEMY! HE TAKE CARE A BID’NESS!
A SWAT helicopter appears above him, with a sniper in place. Nigga General instantly blows it the fuck up, sending flaming bodies flying from the plummeting wreckage.
NG: AHAHAHAHA! CAN’T STOP DA… ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
We transition into a slow motion silent sequence, with ‘Only Time’ by Enya playing over the top of everything.
Nigga General is being riddled with bullets for minutes on end. The ground SWAT force unloading everything they have into him. He throws his hands into the air and lets out a cry of agony that we can’t hear, as tears roll down his cheeks. Eventually he falls to his knees, but still isn’t dieing. After even more high powered machine gun fire, he finally falls backwards. Staring up to the heavens, the life blood gushing from his body, he mouths only two words.
‘Nigga Monopoly’.
Cut
Andy: I dunno. Probably stealing a bike.
Declan: Fuck it. I want Bianca’s snatch. NOW!
Butcher: And I want…
DA! DA! DAA! DA! DA! DAA! DUM! DA! DUM! DA! DUM! DAA!
The rest of the world stopped moving. In that moment there was only him and his other half. Cara Prescott, in the corridor of the hospital, standing next to a doctor, ignoring every word he was saying. Her eyes were fixed only on his. It was like graph theory and they were the vertices. With degree ONE mother fucker!
Yeah, someone let me know if they got that.
Andy: I really gotta take a shit.
Butcher: Me too.
A live ape falls from Butcher’s nurse dress thing.
Ape: MOOOOOOOOOO!
