Post by T-Robosaurus Rex on Aug 21, 2009 9:06:45 GMT -5
[As the scene opens we are greeted by the familiar sight of the GIW Unified Global Champion, Travis Roberts, sitting, as ever upon his luxury leather sofa. Upon his lap rests a small board covered in small rolling papers and a greenish herb substance. ‘The Blessed Ones’ fingers crumble the greenery and place it into a paper, then both hands grip either end and begin to roll, until suddenly ‘The Headliner’ shakes violently and the contents of the paper spill across the board. ‘The Blessed One’ shakes his head, and once again attempts to create a pre-rolled delicacy, and once again as he gets to the most crucial point his body spasms out of control and he lets go.
After this happens for a frustrating third time Travis’ head snaps towards his left, and he looks over his trademark Aviator glasses. The scene pans out somewhat and we can now see that the Chubby Little Funster himself, Tate Levene, is sitting on the sofa next to the Unified Global Champion, with a laptop perched upon his lap, shaking uncontrollably as he tries to hold some laughter in. Each suppressed laugh causes Triple McF’s body to shakes violently, in turn causing the sofa itself to shake due to the teenager’s vast frame. Eventually the worlds most unlikely sports agent notices his client is staring at him.]
Tate – ‘Wha?’
Travis – ‘Do you mind, ‘The Blessed One’ is conducting an intricate task...’
Tate – ‘Oh, Sorry man, I was just watching this funny video on the internet, you really should see it...’
Travis – ‘It’s unlikely, the internet is merely filled with misinformation and pathetic individuals pretending to be more important to society than they actually are...’
Tate – ‘Oh man, you can’t hate the internet, it has enriched the world since it arrived in 2001...’
[Travis sighs at the obvious stupidity displayed by Tate, shakes his head, and rather than correct him just continues along his own train of thought]
Travis – ‘If by enriched you mean has given every obnoxious, talentless and opinionated wastes of oxygen around this world an outlet for their views and ‘philosophies’, despite the fact the large majority of them are devoid of anything that closely resembles original thought, or you happen to be as raging paedophile, then sure, the internet has enriched society...’
Tate – ‘That’s not fair, there is more to the internet than kiddy porn and useless people...’
Travis – ‘Like?’
Tate – ‘Well, there’s online shopping for a start, you can order Pizza’s online who’d have thought it! Then there’s those nifty roleplaying sites...’
Travis – ‘’The Blessed One’ can’t believe he forgot about them, how better to enrich society than locking yourself up in a room pretending to be successful...’
Tate – ‘Hey, be fair, some of them pretend to be Dylan James and Sean Jensen...’
Travis – ‘Because one of each of them was never enough?’
Tate – ‘I’m just saying, some people go to darker places, it’s not all about pretending to be important, some people just like the feeling of being useless I guess...but honestly man, you should really see this...it’s about you...ish...’
Travis – ‘So, do you really think ‘The Headliner’ is so self involved he’ll watch some awful fan tribute video...’
Tate – ‘Nah, that’s not it, it’s some dude reviewing the build up to Battleground, although he got confused and called it ‘Battle Fest’ at the beginning...but it’s got you as a South Park Character...it’s freakin’ awesome...’
Travis – ‘Oh that, seen it...’
Tate – ‘But I thought you didn’t take any notice of the internet...’
Travis – ‘Travis Roberts always keeps abreast of the happenings on GIW.com, and that very video is featured on there, god knows why as it highlights the utter uselessness of the Internet. There is a reason guys like this don’t get real jobs in the entertainment industry and have to resort to a free and unrestricted medium to have their views aired...because seriously, no self respecting broadcaster is gonna put that in a position of importance...’
Tate – ‘I thought it was pretty funny...’
Travis – ‘Sure if the mentally deficient embarrassing themselves on camera floats your boat...’
Tate – ‘Awww, c’mon man, that’s harsh. This dudes obviously a fan of GIW, and he spent his free time making this, which is kinda a tribute to this company...’
Travis – ‘You might have a valid point if this guy had any idea what he was talking about, but it was plain to ‘The Blessed One’ this guys powers of observation were almost none existent...’
Tate – ‘How’d you come to that conclusion?’
Travis – ‘Well his thoughts on the GIW Unified Global Championship match were a good indicator, Tate. He happens to think the match will be a good one. Seriously only the mentally deficient with the observational powers of Mr Magoo could deduce that Moss Edwards taking on ‘The Highest Standard in GIW’ would be anything more than a one sided annihaltion...’
tate – ‘Don’t underestimate Moss dude, he’s got some skills...’
Travis – ‘You’re as deluded as the dude on the video, Travis Roberts has never underestimated an opponent for the Unified Global Championship, why would it start now. The most outrageous thing about the suggestion on the video that this would be a good match is that the dude spent a fair amount of time describing why it wouldn’t be...’
Tate – ‘I think, maybe, you should watch the video again...’
Travis – ‘Or maybe you should, seriously my flabby employee, it was laughable to even suggest Moss Edwards could compete with ‘The Blessed One’, especially when the host of the video dedicated so much of it to highlighting Edwards’ frailties.’
Tate – ‘Seriously, are there two video’s?’
Travis – ‘No, ‘The Blessed One’ just has far greater powers of observation than yourself. Travis Roberts is still struggling to contemplate how anyone would think he is having a powerstruggle with your Grandmother...’
Tate – ‘Well you haven’t been too pleased with her actions since she took over as Senior Enforcer...’
Travis – ‘Your grandmothers ‘powers’ were granted to her by the benevolence of ‘The Headliner’, there is certainly no struggle, the Old Lady knows better than to cross ‘The Blessed One’ she’s seen first hand what happens when you do. As for her actions, what has she done of any note? Made the Unified Global Championship match at Battleground a Singles match, is that meant to be a detriment to ‘The TWiSTeD High Commander’? It just leaves less chance for Moss to grab some lucky win with the help of some ridiculous gimmick, it’s hardly a negative...’
Tate – ‘So I don’t have to worry about you and Gran getting in a fight? That’s a relief. But I still can’t see how that guy proved your match would be so easy, I really think you should give the video a second shot...’
Travis – ‘If ‘The Headliner’ had the time, or the inclination, to make you a better person, he’d tell you to watch the video again until you realised for yourself. But seeing as your family took no interest in your personal advancement or suitability to a life in a civilised society, why should ‘The Blessed One’? Instead, as ever, Travis Roberts will spell it out to you, denying you the path to self enlightenment...’
Tate – ‘I’m on the edge of my seat here...’
Travis – ‘Given your stature that’s a state the laws of physics would never allow you to be in, logic alone dictates you’d have toppled onto the floor if you were. The dude on that video though, doesn’t do logical thinking either. He seemed to be under the impression that Travis Roberts and Moss Edwards were focused on other things rather than their match at battleground. Now ‘The Headliner’ cannot speak on behalf of ‘The Auteur’, but thats just not the case. How can anyone with a singular brain cell fathom that ‘The Blessed One’ is focused on anything other than protecting this proud companies name by ensuring he remains its Highest Standard?
When has ‘The TWiSTeD Guerrilla’ ever gone into a Unified Global Championship match and not been determined to walk out the victor? Nothing else comes close to being important when compared with the almighty responsibility of ensuring the company has a suitably blessed individual at its peak. Whilst the host of that video blog seemed to think ‘The Blessed One’ was as distracted as Moss, he merely spent a large chunk of time explaining exactly why Moss Edwards will walk out of Battleground disappointed.’
Tate – ‘Why?’
Travis – ‘Randy Boolzian’
Tate – ‘Wait, so you think BoolZ is gonna interfere and cost Moss the match?’
Travis – ‘Don’t be so simplistic Tate, Randy doesn’t need to do anything Moss will have beaten himself without Randy Boolzian doing so much as slapping him around the face...’
Tate – ‘I don’t follow...’
Travis – ‘Despite the benefit of hindsight, Moss Edwards has neglected to take into account the cautionary tales of Global Impact Wrestling’s recent history. Moss Edwards has not been taught the lesson Alex Kiseragi so humbly gave to the world on the lead up to Affirmative Action, don’t be distracted by Randy Boolzian. It didn’t work out well for Alex, and it certainly won’t work out well for Moss...’
Tate – ‘It’s a little different, you yourself said BoolZ wouldn’t have to interfere, and on the lead up to Affirmative Action he knocked A-Kis off the ladder helping you regain the belt...’
Travis – ‘’The Dragon’ was already falling, that was just n optical illusion, ‘The Blessed One’ had that won already.’
Tate – ‘Even if that’s the case, I’m not convinced this is the same at all...’
Travis – ‘Seriously, how difficult is it for people to understand that if you want to be Unified Global Champion, if you want to be the very best in this industry, you cannot afford to be distracted by anything else. Not your partners jealousy at your rise to fame, not the crowds wish for you to entertain them on the mic, not even your own delusions of grandeur, and certainly not by a man who has tried, and failed, three times to best ‘The Blessed One’ in an encounter for this companies top prize.
What can Moss hope to gain from his shenanigans with BoolZ? That he can come out on top against a man who is so riddled by bad decisions and failure that the only way he could beat you, is if he planned to lose? The most he can hope for is to be the second person in GIW to expose Randy Boolzian’s flaws. Why take such a meaningless, and pointless, feud and give it more importance than the Unified Global Championship shot he is about to receive?’
Tate – ‘Ummm, I don’t know...’
Travis – ‘Of course you don’t, because it’s so simple it’s almost genius, and it can eb answered with two simple words. Lower Expectations...’
Tate – ‘What do you mean?’
Travis – ‘It’s simple really, by engaging himself with Randy Boolzian, everyone will expect him to be defeated at Battleground, and when that inevitably happens it will not cause too much damage to his reputation. You see, this is where Moss has heeded the lessons of history. He’s seen Randy Boolzian try and fail three times to capture this companies top prize, and with each defeat his reputation has suffered, the BoolZ we see before us now is not as feared and respected as the undefeated Hardcore Champion that walked into Horizons last year as everyone’s pick for the first ever Unified Global Championship. Each defeat has chipped away at the myth that was the unstoppable RBI, to the point where he now has to content himself with being Travis Roberts number one rival, realistically the only position ever available to him, but not what he had hoped for walking into Battleground last year...’
Tate – ‘Surely you don’t really think it’ll be that easy, you haven’t bested Moss once this month so far...’
Travis – ‘Is any of that supposed to matter? ‘The Blessed One’ has proven time and time again, he gets the job done when it matters. Do you really think a defeat this weekend would bother me, that it would be any kind of indication to ‘The Blessed One’s talents? When Declan Prescott and Andy Savana regurgitate their liquid dinners across the floor and each other, and then proceed to rut and hump one another until one member of the other team decides to end the viewers misery early and pins them, do you think Travis Roberts will be distraught at the loss? Of course he won’t, the only match that matters will take place in San Antonio, Texas. And Moss Edwards has already started preparing himself and his reputation for the inevitable defeat in the desert, so ‘The Blessed One’ really does think it will be that easy...and so does ‘The Auteur’.’
[Tate stares at Travis with a mixture of adulation and disbelief, an expression truly difficult to describe especially on a face so round. Travis though, doesn’t take any notice, and having said what he wanted to say, turns back to the board across his lap, and finally manages to roll himself a delicacy, and lights it as the scene fades out.]
After this happens for a frustrating third time Travis’ head snaps towards his left, and he looks over his trademark Aviator glasses. The scene pans out somewhat and we can now see that the Chubby Little Funster himself, Tate Levene, is sitting on the sofa next to the Unified Global Champion, with a laptop perched upon his lap, shaking uncontrollably as he tries to hold some laughter in. Each suppressed laugh causes Triple McF’s body to shakes violently, in turn causing the sofa itself to shake due to the teenager’s vast frame. Eventually the worlds most unlikely sports agent notices his client is staring at him.]
Tate – ‘Wha?’
Travis – ‘Do you mind, ‘The Blessed One’ is conducting an intricate task...’
Tate – ‘Oh, Sorry man, I was just watching this funny video on the internet, you really should see it...’
Travis – ‘It’s unlikely, the internet is merely filled with misinformation and pathetic individuals pretending to be more important to society than they actually are...’
Tate – ‘Oh man, you can’t hate the internet, it has enriched the world since it arrived in 2001...’
[Travis sighs at the obvious stupidity displayed by Tate, shakes his head, and rather than correct him just continues along his own train of thought]
Travis – ‘If by enriched you mean has given every obnoxious, talentless and opinionated wastes of oxygen around this world an outlet for their views and ‘philosophies’, despite the fact the large majority of them are devoid of anything that closely resembles original thought, or you happen to be as raging paedophile, then sure, the internet has enriched society...’
Tate – ‘That’s not fair, there is more to the internet than kiddy porn and useless people...’
Travis – ‘Like?’
Tate – ‘Well, there’s online shopping for a start, you can order Pizza’s online who’d have thought it! Then there’s those nifty roleplaying sites...’
Travis – ‘’The Blessed One’ can’t believe he forgot about them, how better to enrich society than locking yourself up in a room pretending to be successful...’
Tate – ‘Hey, be fair, some of them pretend to be Dylan James and Sean Jensen...’
Travis – ‘Because one of each of them was never enough?’
Tate – ‘I’m just saying, some people go to darker places, it’s not all about pretending to be important, some people just like the feeling of being useless I guess...but honestly man, you should really see this...it’s about you...ish...’
Travis – ‘So, do you really think ‘The Headliner’ is so self involved he’ll watch some awful fan tribute video...’
Tate – ‘Nah, that’s not it, it’s some dude reviewing the build up to Battleground, although he got confused and called it ‘Battle Fest’ at the beginning...but it’s got you as a South Park Character...it’s freakin’ awesome...’
Travis – ‘Oh that, seen it...’
Tate – ‘But I thought you didn’t take any notice of the internet...’
Travis – ‘Travis Roberts always keeps abreast of the happenings on GIW.com, and that very video is featured on there, god knows why as it highlights the utter uselessness of the Internet. There is a reason guys like this don’t get real jobs in the entertainment industry and have to resort to a free and unrestricted medium to have their views aired...because seriously, no self respecting broadcaster is gonna put that in a position of importance...’
Tate – ‘I thought it was pretty funny...’
Travis – ‘Sure if the mentally deficient embarrassing themselves on camera floats your boat...’
Tate – ‘Awww, c’mon man, that’s harsh. This dudes obviously a fan of GIW, and he spent his free time making this, which is kinda a tribute to this company...’
Travis – ‘You might have a valid point if this guy had any idea what he was talking about, but it was plain to ‘The Blessed One’ this guys powers of observation were almost none existent...’
Tate – ‘How’d you come to that conclusion?’
Travis – ‘Well his thoughts on the GIW Unified Global Championship match were a good indicator, Tate. He happens to think the match will be a good one. Seriously only the mentally deficient with the observational powers of Mr Magoo could deduce that Moss Edwards taking on ‘The Highest Standard in GIW’ would be anything more than a one sided annihaltion...’
tate – ‘Don’t underestimate Moss dude, he’s got some skills...’
Travis – ‘You’re as deluded as the dude on the video, Travis Roberts has never underestimated an opponent for the Unified Global Championship, why would it start now. The most outrageous thing about the suggestion on the video that this would be a good match is that the dude spent a fair amount of time describing why it wouldn’t be...’
Tate – ‘I think, maybe, you should watch the video again...’
Travis – ‘Or maybe you should, seriously my flabby employee, it was laughable to even suggest Moss Edwards could compete with ‘The Blessed One’, especially when the host of the video dedicated so much of it to highlighting Edwards’ frailties.’
Tate – ‘Seriously, are there two video’s?’
Travis – ‘No, ‘The Blessed One’ just has far greater powers of observation than yourself. Travis Roberts is still struggling to contemplate how anyone would think he is having a powerstruggle with your Grandmother...’
Tate – ‘Well you haven’t been too pleased with her actions since she took over as Senior Enforcer...’
Travis – ‘Your grandmothers ‘powers’ were granted to her by the benevolence of ‘The Headliner’, there is certainly no struggle, the Old Lady knows better than to cross ‘The Blessed One’ she’s seen first hand what happens when you do. As for her actions, what has she done of any note? Made the Unified Global Championship match at Battleground a Singles match, is that meant to be a detriment to ‘The TWiSTeD High Commander’? It just leaves less chance for Moss to grab some lucky win with the help of some ridiculous gimmick, it’s hardly a negative...’
Tate – ‘So I don’t have to worry about you and Gran getting in a fight? That’s a relief. But I still can’t see how that guy proved your match would be so easy, I really think you should give the video a second shot...’
Travis – ‘If ‘The Headliner’ had the time, or the inclination, to make you a better person, he’d tell you to watch the video again until you realised for yourself. But seeing as your family took no interest in your personal advancement or suitability to a life in a civilised society, why should ‘The Blessed One’? Instead, as ever, Travis Roberts will spell it out to you, denying you the path to self enlightenment...’
Tate – ‘I’m on the edge of my seat here...’
Travis – ‘Given your stature that’s a state the laws of physics would never allow you to be in, logic alone dictates you’d have toppled onto the floor if you were. The dude on that video though, doesn’t do logical thinking either. He seemed to be under the impression that Travis Roberts and Moss Edwards were focused on other things rather than their match at battleground. Now ‘The Headliner’ cannot speak on behalf of ‘The Auteur’, but thats just not the case. How can anyone with a singular brain cell fathom that ‘The Blessed One’ is focused on anything other than protecting this proud companies name by ensuring he remains its Highest Standard?
When has ‘The TWiSTeD Guerrilla’ ever gone into a Unified Global Championship match and not been determined to walk out the victor? Nothing else comes close to being important when compared with the almighty responsibility of ensuring the company has a suitably blessed individual at its peak. Whilst the host of that video blog seemed to think ‘The Blessed One’ was as distracted as Moss, he merely spent a large chunk of time explaining exactly why Moss Edwards will walk out of Battleground disappointed.’
Tate – ‘Why?’
Travis – ‘Randy Boolzian’
Tate – ‘Wait, so you think BoolZ is gonna interfere and cost Moss the match?’
Travis – ‘Don’t be so simplistic Tate, Randy doesn’t need to do anything Moss will have beaten himself without Randy Boolzian doing so much as slapping him around the face...’
Tate – ‘I don’t follow...’
Travis – ‘Despite the benefit of hindsight, Moss Edwards has neglected to take into account the cautionary tales of Global Impact Wrestling’s recent history. Moss Edwards has not been taught the lesson Alex Kiseragi so humbly gave to the world on the lead up to Affirmative Action, don’t be distracted by Randy Boolzian. It didn’t work out well for Alex, and it certainly won’t work out well for Moss...’
Tate – ‘It’s a little different, you yourself said BoolZ wouldn’t have to interfere, and on the lead up to Affirmative Action he knocked A-Kis off the ladder helping you regain the belt...’
Travis – ‘’The Dragon’ was already falling, that was just n optical illusion, ‘The Blessed One’ had that won already.’
Tate – ‘Even if that’s the case, I’m not convinced this is the same at all...’
Travis – ‘Seriously, how difficult is it for people to understand that if you want to be Unified Global Champion, if you want to be the very best in this industry, you cannot afford to be distracted by anything else. Not your partners jealousy at your rise to fame, not the crowds wish for you to entertain them on the mic, not even your own delusions of grandeur, and certainly not by a man who has tried, and failed, three times to best ‘The Blessed One’ in an encounter for this companies top prize.
What can Moss hope to gain from his shenanigans with BoolZ? That he can come out on top against a man who is so riddled by bad decisions and failure that the only way he could beat you, is if he planned to lose? The most he can hope for is to be the second person in GIW to expose Randy Boolzian’s flaws. Why take such a meaningless, and pointless, feud and give it more importance than the Unified Global Championship shot he is about to receive?’
Tate – ‘Ummm, I don’t know...’
Travis – ‘Of course you don’t, because it’s so simple it’s almost genius, and it can eb answered with two simple words. Lower Expectations...’
Tate – ‘What do you mean?’
Travis – ‘It’s simple really, by engaging himself with Randy Boolzian, everyone will expect him to be defeated at Battleground, and when that inevitably happens it will not cause too much damage to his reputation. You see, this is where Moss has heeded the lessons of history. He’s seen Randy Boolzian try and fail three times to capture this companies top prize, and with each defeat his reputation has suffered, the BoolZ we see before us now is not as feared and respected as the undefeated Hardcore Champion that walked into Horizons last year as everyone’s pick for the first ever Unified Global Championship. Each defeat has chipped away at the myth that was the unstoppable RBI, to the point where he now has to content himself with being Travis Roberts number one rival, realistically the only position ever available to him, but not what he had hoped for walking into Battleground last year...’
Tate – ‘Surely you don’t really think it’ll be that easy, you haven’t bested Moss once this month so far...’
Travis – ‘Is any of that supposed to matter? ‘The Blessed One’ has proven time and time again, he gets the job done when it matters. Do you really think a defeat this weekend would bother me, that it would be any kind of indication to ‘The Blessed One’s talents? When Declan Prescott and Andy Savana regurgitate their liquid dinners across the floor and each other, and then proceed to rut and hump one another until one member of the other team decides to end the viewers misery early and pins them, do you think Travis Roberts will be distraught at the loss? Of course he won’t, the only match that matters will take place in San Antonio, Texas. And Moss Edwards has already started preparing himself and his reputation for the inevitable defeat in the desert, so ‘The Blessed One’ really does think it will be that easy...and so does ‘The Auteur’.’
[Tate stares at Travis with a mixture of adulation and disbelief, an expression truly difficult to describe especially on a face so round. Travis though, doesn’t take any notice, and having said what he wanted to say, turns back to the board across his lap, and finally manages to roll himself a delicacy, and lights it as the scene fades out.]
x2