Post by PKA on Apr 11, 2015 14:02:14 GMT -5
Fade in to a gym locker room, with white walls, and blue lockers spread across the area. It's pretty empty in there right now with just one man standing - PKA - as he wears a black tank top and who knows what else, because the camera is only shooting him from the abdomen up. He stares into the camera and points.
"You think you know me, but you don't. So that's why I remind you of these things every now and then... I'll tell you once or I will tell you a thousand times or maybe I will tell you a million more... nobody does it like P..K..A. There's nobody out there with the mind that I have for this business. There's nobody out there who can pull off a well-devised plan like I can. "Grade A" isn't just something I came up with after looking at a carton of eggs; it's what I am."
PKA pauses and thinks for a moment, his finger on his lips, tap tap tap, and he continues.
"When I showed up at Horizons and shocked the world by handing Vain the actual Headstrong Wrestling World Championship, that was so fucking badass. You see I and I alone stopped The Mainstreamer from realizing his dream of being the champion of a defunct promotion. These guys, they're fighting over a dead title, ghosts and shit, non-existant. But its a blood feud. Mainstreamer took the ghost pepper challenge and he lost. He shat fire for weeks. "Who the hell is PKA and what is WARPED Wrestling" they asked.. but I think my actions in the future showed them exactly who PKA was. Good job."
PKA rocks side to side and runs his hands through his long, black hair.
"Infinity, again I make my presence felt, whether I was even actually at the building or not. Ooh, building a mystery are we? Holding on and holding in, choosing so carefully where I'll strike next. Nobody knows. But the biggest mystery of all is why I did what I did next... See, after all of that secretive shit, I just sign a damn contract and start competing. Ohhh yeah, nobody does it better! Good job!"
PKA rolls his eyes and paces back and forth.
"Er um."
He pauses and looks at the palm of his hand.
"Seito Risa.. we went out there and what a slobberknocker it truly was. You're welcome. Good job to me for making you look so damn amazing out there. Nobody can lose a match like me! And when I teamed with Ichabod on Synergy to face Mainstreamer and Rydell, boy was that awesome! I got punched and kicked and I even kicked and punched a bit myself, but when I walked out of that building with my head held low, I thought to myself 'good job' as I walked out a loser."
PKA gives a half smile and a thumbs up to the camera.
"But wait, there's more. Zane Scott, that ninja was on a 'Streeeeeeeeak of Success' ooh fancy.. and who was just the man to stop him on that streak? HA HA HA!"
PKA slaps the wall with the palm of his hand.
"NOT ME!"
PKA's slap and voice bounces and echoes throughout the room.
"But.. but.. heyyy.. guess who landed on his feet in this next story? Yeah, this guy right here. I showed up in this Massive Melee at number sixteeeeeeeen! Yeah, baby! And I lasted all of one second as Travis Roberts threw me over the top rope. But that effort was unparalleled, man. I landed on my feet on the outside and skipped to the nearest pub. Yeah, I said pub, cause sometimes I like to SOUND smart.. and cause pints are the shit."
PKA grits his teeth and continues pacing. He sighs deeply.
"That's okay. I talk about being hardcore all of the time, so let's put me in this Chaos Division match with Harley Addams. Okay, sweet. This bitch is feeling my wrath and then she blinds me and I lose the match. Great story. Tells a lot about this Ultraviolent Perfectionist, doesn't it? She's just too hardcore for me, broseph. But that's okay. She's beautiful and brave. I'm a beautiful fucked-up man. That's all. Good job to me, though.."
He clears his throat and twists his head left and right, popping it.
"I could stand here and give you all a tantrum, but instead, I'd rather give you this know-it-all grin of mine."
PKA cracks that sly grin of his.
"See, I made every single one of those appearances on UGWC count the MOST! Every night after the show I made sure I found myself in the front of the bar with the coolest bartender around who wasn't afraid to accept tips for an extended stay and a little counseling. And that night I slipped and fell on a banana? Oh man, let me tell ya, what a hoot that was. The bartender may had slipped me a couple extra shots for the back pain, or was it the pain in the ass? Probably both.."
He shrugs.
"Dave Rydell and Cazador. These are the next two UGWC superstars that I get to go out and do a GOOD JOB with this week, April 13th.. So all of these fans can see me out there once again busting my ass, breaking my bones, and scarring up my pretty face.."
PKA rubs his nose from the Harley Addams battle..
"But its all a part of the game, isn't it? This is what its all about, huh? HUH???.."
He pauses so he doesn't lose his cool. PKA clears his throat and scratches the back of his head.
"There's plenty of people here that don't know me and who are not my friends. Same with the fans, the hangers-on of the world.. I know none of you care or give a damn about me.. why have I pretended this was going to be a cake walk, when all I've done night in and night out was go out there and get cake thrown in my face?"
He groans and scratches the back of his head again.
"Because I..."
He puts his index finger to his lips.
"I'm doin' this for me. I don't give a damn what you think."
He shrugs.
"I'm going to go out there on Monday night and do what I always intend to do. I'll scratch, claw, spit, cuss, yell, scream, jump up and down, risk my body and cause total chaos, all while making it look easy and continuing to be Good Job PKA. But its a mystery. Will I win? Will I lose? Will I sin? Will I drink booze? I think we know the answer to those last two questions. But Rydell and Caz, we open the show and we're going to open it up hot. Please know that you're facing a very motivated Patrick Kay Anthony on Monday night."
He clears his throat.
"You people... UGWC, all of ya, fans, wrestlers.. nobody's figured it out yet. You have no idea who or what you're working with. But you will.."
He takes a deep breath, sighs, and speaks in a whisper..
"You .. will."
He stomps out of camera view. Fade.
2013, '18, '23 
2013 
